#3177 Vanderpump Rules S12E07: Eyebrows in the Attic

0:20Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about i'm ben mandelker joining me today is the hilarious and lovely ronnie karam hi ronnie how's it going hi how are you ben i am great we are here to talk some rules the very funny cliffhanger um uh an amazing cliffhanger i think something we've really not seen before but uh before we dive into that the crappies are coming up the end of next month February 27th, night of a thousand laughs and stars. We are giving out awards to the best and worst Bravo from the past year. And we can't wait to do it.

1:04And we want you to be part of it. There will be some voting that will be starting up very, very soon, early February. In the meantime, we're gathering information. So keep an eye and ear out for any time we're calling for memories of what happened, favorite moments, favorite quotes, things like that. And you can get tickets by going to watchwhatwhackpins.com. Ticket links there also on our social media at watch what crappens can also join us on Patreon just because you should join us on Patreon. We have crappens on demand where you can watch us and we also have weekly bonus episodes. We are covering the traders.

1:34I cannot wait tomorrow night. I am like counting down the seconds until the next episode. I'm fired up. I have a lot of things to say. So join us on Patreon, patreon.com slash watch what crappens. Also a new feature on Patreon is that you can listen to this podcast ad free. so if that is something that is interesting to you or appealing go check that out but that's really it for the big announcements and uh today we're getting into episode seven i can't believe we're already on the seventh episode of vanderpump rules uh it looks like we're here at the cast trip i think this is the main cast trip i'm sure they're only getting one trip because it's probably a tester season to see if this show will get to come back i hope it does i really like it but But what say you, Ronnie?

2:21How do you feel about this episode? Good. I think it's always so funny. I love this show. So let's get going on with it. We've got Venus walking his dogs in Winnetka. One's in a backpack because, you know, he's gay. You're not really gay in L.A., even in Winnetka, unless you've got a dog in a backpack. Yeah. At some point in your life. It's required. Then in another example of are these two just cousins or are they fucking each other? We go over to Jason and Chris at their apartment and Chris is like, hey, you want me to film you making a dirty little milkshake? He's like, yeah, film it. Yeah, let's make this milkshake.

2:57Yeah, I need my protein. Oh, yeah, get your protein. Oh, don't worry. It's going to make you shit your pants at the gym. I'm like, okay, you guys, just fuck on it. Just fuck. Just fuck. Just do it. Jason's like, welcome to the crib. Today, we're making a protein shake. Chris. so uh to all those people who are supporting their only fans get excited for that great content coming up later today should i do it in one gulp yeah you should and then uh jason's like yeah and this is how you will shit your pants at the gym don't squat too deep uh so then they laugh and we go over to natalie's apartment and she's moving her sectional around i i'm very impressed once i put a sectional together that thing i do not touch until I have to ever move.

3:43So she is taking it apart to vacuum under it. And she's like, oh my God, look at this. Like what's under here? What's under this fucking couch? Oh my God, it's a tea. Oh my God, it's a tea. It's a tea bag. I mean, finding a pen cap, finding coins, whatever dog hair. But how does a tea bag get under there? It's like a full unused tea bag. Oh my God, it's a tea. So that means like someone was drinking tea and was like, they did not know what happened to their tea bag. There's a story behind that. I think the teabag belongs in the previous scene. Like they're blending the characters too much. So then we go to Guillermo and he's cleaning the restaurant, which is hilarious because we've all been to the restaurant and we know it's not clean.

4:23And he's cleaning some glass and Lisa's there and she's like, oh, give it to me. If you want a job done properly, do it yourself. Look at this. I'm just doing this in the air. But look at Rocio's hand actually moving against the glass as I do it. This new trick I learned. Magic. controller. So a bunch of liquor boxes came in and she's like, okay, well, I'm not helping you with that. I'm going to put my back out if I touch these boxes. Oh, look, look at this bottle. Oh, this, I was thinking this sounds really good. Strawberry lemonade in a bottle, but then I see it's got vodka in it. I was going to have some, isn't that naughty vodka, strawberry lemonade, By the way, why do you have boxed or bottled vodka strawberry lemonade?

5:11I feel like that's like at a restaurant. I feel like you should have like your fresh lemonade and then your straw. Like you should be making all that and adding in the vodka. But she's just getting it in a bottle pre-made. I was like, oh, I'm impressed that she has anything that's not named Vanderpump in her restaurants. Because I went to Tom Tom and we were ordering some wine and they only have Vanderpump wine. Yeah, you can't you can't order anything else. So I was impressed. I was impressed that she opened up the floor. So she's like, all right, Guillermo, let's get down to brass taxes. That's where you pay taxes in brass.

5:43Go for it, big boy. It's like, I don't have any money. That's right, because you work for me. Let's talk about the 20th anniversary of Pump. I'm going to do a magic trick. I'm going to take off four years of the restaurant that you owned before I came in here and took it over and made it a decent place to get goochies and bananas at happy hour. It's a 20th anniversary now. years erased magic when we came to the united states to get our visas i'll never forget ken and i arriving in a wagon being pulled by a sad donkey i had a ball gown tied up in a bindle behind me and wearing a straw hat and just trying to make a dime here there and we pulled up our wagon to the abbey and we looked here we said please please will you give us gainful employment surely you have need for a magician smoke bomb flares and i emerged in that gown that was previously bindled and it turned out the wagon what was pulled by a donkey was merely a mercedes with pandy in the back seat and they said we will hire you except we're not hiring right now go down the road there's a restaurant called sir and that's where we went i love her well at first we looked at the Abbey.

6:56Well, okay. Well, there's your first business mistake because that place is making a zillion dollars a day still, probably. It's like, damn, Chaperone, you chose wrong! You chose wrong! So they got the little shithole named Sir, and she met... Do you think Sir still stood for sexy, unique restaurant, or do you think that was a Lisa thing? She's like, oh, Sir, we shall change the meaning instead of, so, you are Guillermo let's call it sexy unique restaurant. I feel like it was originally called sir because it was It probably was like the French word sir, which I believe means on if my French presidency does not betray me But I just feel like it was not sexy unique restaurant I feel like it was just French or whatever it was.

7:46It just was not what it was I think Lisa was like, ooh, we don't want to change the signage, but here's what we do We make it stand for something new Sexy unique restaurant. And we've just gotten so used to the fact that it's called sexy unique restaurant that I think we've forgotten how utterly batshit crazy it is to call a restaurant that an acronym of sexy. This restaurant is called sexy unique restaurant. Like that is one of the craziest things you could ever call a restaurant. And we're just so immune to it now. It's just so Lisa, you know, I remember when they had that behind the show thing about Beverly Hills, you know, the behind the scenes thing after about season one.

8:23and they were saying that Lisa was insisting that if she comes on the show, her name had to be Pinky. She didn't want to go by her real name. She had to be Pinky. And they're like, no, that's not going to work, lady. She's a kook. So he's like, oh, I'm so grateful, Lisa. So grateful that we could have this restaurant together. She's like, oh, grateful to you too, darling. It's a partnership. We couldn't have done it without each other. Now get back to moving all the boxes and cleaning everything. I don't really work here. No, right? um so by the way in this little sequence we do see some photos from like 1999 which was crazy like young guillermo young natalie sort of wild um so lisa's like well i would like to talk to you about one more thing well we so we've got to reschedule some of the staff a little bit because i'm taking crypto paso robles because they've got women in wine event and i want to pour some women into some wine.

9:15Oh, Dunk Tank, I love them so much. I just need to bring a bunch of men as well because unfortunately the women are trapped in wine bottles and we need big strong hands to get them out. Women in wine, or as they like to call it, Wee-oo. Wee-oo. Wee-oo is a very important organization. To be the women in wine of the Euros, is very exciting and i don't know sometimes when they line us all up it's we you are and we you are we you are and then someone starts singing in the jungle the mighty jungle and just goes from there it's so fun anyway i don't know why i feel such anxiety about it maybe because i'm bringing my stuff as we are it's very important that they represent me properly so uh then we see a flashback uh she's like i don't know i feel anxiety about bringing them and we see a flashback of now like you're bitching me all the time i was a bitch one night now you're busy all the time hey hold on one second i don't know what you're doing right now but stop it stop it don't act like this and otherwise Otherwise you'll be fired.

10:30And another clip of Angelica being like, he's got an only dance. He uses a penis pump. Do you even know what that is? She's like, oh, what? What will we think? So she's like, oh, they need to do a serve and pour. I mean, how difficult can it be? I don't know. You might want to look at your service ratings. I know. Seriously. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. so guillermo so she's gonna have guillermo sort out that wine and now we go to lake hollywood park and marcus and kim are working out god i love these lovebirds i love a forever couple doing forever couple things so uh they're working out at the at the at the hollywood park lake hollywood park which was you know fine and kim is like oh my god let's jump rope this is terrible oh my god and they're trying to work out and mark's like oh maybe the grass isn't the way to go and he's like oh man i feel the tito is dripping out of my forehead right now right huh huh so now they sit down to properly start their scene and he's like oh man i slept for like two seconds last night i'm surprised i even got up to come here are you pissed at me oh god so this scene is basically him going yeah i was yelling at you for no reason last night just starting shit to be give something to our relationship hope you're not mad and she's like oh my god i'm just like I just want to trust him, but then he just starts a fight again, and I just don't know what I'm going to do.

11:57He was upset, but now we're back together. And he says that subconsciously maybe he is pushing Kimberly away because he'd been drinking, and you know, he was a cousin, guys. And so he wanted a big reaction that night. You know why? Because he's toxic. And then he winks. He's like, know what I mean? Yeah, I love that toxicity. Yeah, and then Kim is telling us, I've done all the, or she tells him, I've done all the right things to make you feel like I'm your complete ride or die. So when things like that happen, it makes me feel like there's like nothing else I can do. I'm like, that's correct. And therefore you should leave him.

12:32End of story. But she tells us, you know, Marcus has been given like really shitty cards from the universe because like of everything. Like he lost his parents. He wound up dating me. I mean, really shitty cards. And I'm just like never going to like be there for you. Like I'm never not going to be there during the worst time of your life. I will be there for you. And then I'll also complain at the same time. there's never a time I'm not going to be there for you in the worst time of your life, except when you piss me off and I say things like, I'm not going to be there for his parents being dead.

12:59Like, I'm sick of it. He can go over there and he can worry about himself and see what it's like to have me. You know, I've seen all the great, amazing sides of him. And it's really hard when all the bad sides are just thrust on me. And of course, he has nothing but bad sides. But that's okay. That's okay. I'm never going to abandon him until, you know, later today. Yeah. And he's like, oh, God, sometimes I can be a little bitch, babe. She's like, I forgive you. Remember you were a bitch like when I ate your last goat cheese ball and you'll just like not talk to me for 20 minutes. OK, but that's valid.

13:30You know, the other thing that he started to fight over was not valid. That was stupid. But you take my last goat cheese ball, cheese balls. You're going to get a gift and it's going to be a bus ticket to somewhere far away. It's going to be one way because I will never speak to you again. Yeah. so then we go to the beach Perry's Beach Cafe specifically because now Shane Davis is meeting with Angela and he's like ha ha ha ha ha good to see you she's like oh my god like it's so good to see you like I'm gonna need you to like take charge and like order something for me because I'm a girl with a broken back which by the way did you not get any you got x-rays are we just not gonna find out what happened to your back hello I've been waiting all week yeah MRI mystery not solved.

14:14So he's like, yeah, you know what I like about Angelica? She's hitting the gym. You can see it. Yeah, that's what I like. I like that she works out. She's a quad mommy. She has a nice little waist looking bad as fuck. You know, beautiful skin. She's probably also smart. I don't fucking know, but maybe. They're like, yeah, she's probably really smart. I cut to her walking in the sand in her boots that she wore to the beach. So then she's like, ha, I was kind of hoping you'd be in a bikini for the beach for a second, but I guess not. She's like, sorry. She's like, yeah, but you got this cute-ass outfit on.

14:49I really like it a lot. Okay, let me ask you, how are you feeling about Wrath last night right now, okay? She talks about Audrey, and it didn't end the way she wanted it to. Honestly, I adore her. And he's like, yeah, you guys are going to be friends. This is all going to be fucking behind us. I mean, somebody's got to be the bigger person. Maybe may as well be you my rock God your ass Hey be the person with the better ass How come nobody ever says that How can I be the bigger person I'm only 5 '2 I'm petite with the broken backs And now I'm down to 5 '1 And he's like yeah but like I think you're that person I'm gonna be honest okay I mean her apology game needs like a little work But Angelica She's a musician and I'm just like damn I can see this kind of evolve a little bit.

15:44That was me laughing to music because she's a musician. So, she is going to try it. Okay, she's going to try and make up for everything with what's her face. So she's like, yeah, he's objectively my time, but I'm looking for the chase, you know? Something exciting that's going to be fun. Well, you need to run, though. That's how the chase works. You can't run if you've got a broken back. you want to run run girl if you want to chase run girl did you not notice that her torso is not even attached to her legs anymore it's horrifying what happened to her so uh she's moving herself on like a little cart with rollers so um she's like well i mean you like bring a new girl in every week so i was like okay and he goes uh nobody in my family is monogamous they're ethically non-monogamous though if that makes any sense we don't kill cows while we fuck other girls no yeah we don't eject any hormones while we are uh fucking lots of people yeah so she's so she's like so you're not monogamous he's like huh no i mean yeah i know i don't think so i mean i i haven't been in a relationship in five years you know ever since i was shot i haven't been in a relationship since about six years after that show i just don't do relationships she's like okay well i'm glad you're telling me those now he's like okay well watch on your list like number one number two number three priorities what it do what it do tell me about your priorities what it do she's like well monogamy he goes uh okay he goes well we're that up already she goes yeah i don't know if i have the ability to change his mind about monogamy but i'm willing to try sometimes all it takes is the right person like oh god no don't fall into the He'll change for me.

17:36No, he won't. Okay. He won't even make change for you. No. Imagine if he's just like talking about monograms. He got confused. Yeah. I don't like anything in my cuffs. No, I'm non-monogamous. That's just the way I roll. So she's like, I really want like intelligence and a good credit score. I'm like, okay. So none of that seems to be at this table between the two of you. So you're just not going to date anyone on this cast. What are you doing on this show? and he goes okay well what's four five six i mean somewhere i gotta be on this list somewhere and she goes okay uh do you know how to operate a laundry machine he goes oh got one in my house yes there we go there we go okay what i do laundry machine in the house guess what i got a ge my oh it's from the monogram collection that just worked out real well right there okay so you want them Not to be disgusting.

18:31Great. I got that one going. So I was just going to say, you know, there's no food in your teeth right now. She goes, thank you. So you want to kiss? Let's kiss. She goes, oh, my God. If you want to kiss, just kiss me. Okay. Consent is for contracts. Like, what do you... Sorry, that's the excuse. So they kiss, and it's really awkward. And then he's like leaning over the beach chair. So it's really awkward. and then he pulls out and he's like well pulls out of the kiss i should say and he goes that was fucking chic and he's like she's like you're like a five-year-old yeah but like i kind of want a little bit more though so they kiss again and they're just totally annoying so now we go to the sir 20th anniversary party i call it an anniversary because it's a lie it's a live anniversary anniversary.

19:28So, um, Demi's there. She's like, Oh, I need Marcos. I need Marcos right now. He's like, what do you need? She goes, I need more of a Sovlonk and more of this stuff. So grab it yourself. And, um, she's like, Oh yeah. Like all of a sudden, no, Angelica comes. It's just everybody coming to work, you know, talking about the weather and Angelica's like, Oh my God. Oh, listen, the weather acts right. And I have to work. Everyone, everyone will be ready for tonight. It's gonna be a who's who of who who and that's you're going to serve them all lots of these I'm a wee-hoo so be good. She says every time I say so has been open for 20 years I get a shiver down my spine and I realize it's just The flaps are there coming from Ken's wig blowing on my back 20 bloody years.

20:14It's time to toot our horn Let's have a bloody good party and so natalie's like um guillermo posted that sir was open like in 1998 which is like the year i was born so if this is the sir 20th anniversary like i'm 20 years old can somebody let me know it's like what turns out it's actually the 26th anniversary of sir but lisa at sir has only been 20 years guys it's been figured out oh my god um hey lisa's demi can i talk to you yes of course what's going on Um, well, we need to talk about something very important. Okay. Why do you look so perturbed? There's 60 people coming right now. No, yeah.

20:55Yeah. I'm resting perturbed face. I thought you knew that by now. Yeah. Well, I don't think like anything's fun right now. Is it? It's just no, it's not fun. Well, what's wrong? Are you going to get to it? My time is very, very expensive. I've got a bunch of people. No one's ever seen or heard from before coming to this restaurant any moment to get free goat cheese bowls. So go ahead. Okay, well, like I'm in work mode now. Talk. Okay, well, yeah, like it's a restaurant. Do you have something to say to me? Just say what you've got to say to me, woman. She's like, okay, well, like last night I was off, but my phone was blowing up because Jason didn't show up to his shift.

21:32He didn't show up. By the way, who is Jason? Well, he was scheduled and he didn't show up to a shift. Like I said, well, what I hate is when somebody doesn't show up they leave a short staff just because they're picking around and we're not going to have that whatsoever however jason is one of the best waiters in all of los angeles what am i to do i can't just fire him wait a minute jason's the little tiny one oh so you're saying we were short staffed by the short staff Get him over here. I want to talk to him. I'm going to tell him if you can't play by the rules, expect a spinoff and a raise, mister.

22:18If you can't play by the rules, then enjoy having an all-expense-paid vacation to Paso Robles, sir. For will. So Chris is talking to Audrey. He's like, oh, my God, you got so much sun. She's like, yeah. He's like, yeah, I'm going to be working in the back. She's like, yeah, I'll find you. He goes, yeah, you better because you didn't find me last time. So you know what? I'm going to be really upset if I don't see that face. Ding. So Audrey kisses Chris. And then Kim is like, oh, my God, your Scarlett Johansson here is like really Scarlett Johansson-ing today. Hold on. Can I talk to you here for a second?

22:54Stay the fuck away from my man, Scarlett Johansson, okay? He's not yours. Okay, I'm talking to you again. You look great. Fucking Kim. I like that Kim's a movie star mode today because she calls her Scarlett Johansson. And then earlier, she's like, do you like my sunglasses? They're totally giving J-Lo. Yeah. So Lisa's like, all right, everyone settle down. This is a big moment for us, everybody. And we're going to be co-hosting Wiwa, the women in wine event in Paso Roble. And I'm going to take some of you, the very, very lucky few. We're going to have fun. We're celebrating women trapped in wine bottles.

23:29Sort of depressing, sure. How do they get oxygen? Nobody knows. but it's a beguiling event full of mystery and magic come join so then lisa goes well and so chris laughs because because she says do you guys all understand me and everyone goes yes and chris laughs like i don't know he just laughs what it's not funny do i look like i'm laughing about little ladies trapped in glass bottles drowning in rosé it's a terrible thing terrible terrible and you I'm hearing I'm hearing think good things about you, but not so good things about your other half That was a pivot. I bet you thought that but I said I'm hearing good things that would be a compliment But instead it was a diss on the little one.

24:15Where is he bring him to me? I don't know. She's isn't he on shift? He's supposed to be on shift No, he's not here till 630. She's oh, all right about 630. Well, so Jason didn't show up is that what you're saying is that what you're saying is 6 30 right now oh well i'll deal with him when it's not 6 30 and you see his little face pop up behind he's like hey hi so it's where's jason he didn't come in yet what he's late no he's supposed to get in here at 6 30 oh okay but it's 6 30 now oh well then i'll talk to him later i'll talk to him it's actually hilarious seeing it back like when i watched i thought nothing of it but reading it back.

24:57That sequence is amazing. There you are. Nice of you to grace us with your presence. At least I think that's your presence. I only can see the tips of your little spiky head. Ooh, adorable. Anyway, what's your excuse? Let me guess. Make it out with your cousin again. That was a joke. We'll talk about it in a minute. A little bit later, but not soon. Anyway. I'd like an excuse for you being on time tonight, mister. Think it over. We'll talk a little bit after a few minutes, but before several minutes. Anywho, let's make sure everybody has a really good time. 20 years is something you should be proud of.

25:30Of course, that is also the time when you start getting old and decrepit. Anyway, good luck. All right, eyebrow ass, get over here. So he's like, yes, Lisa. What's going on with you, little one? Please move your eyebrows back so I can make sure you have, okay, you do have eyes. Okay, great. Now turn around, I'll just talk to your ass. He's like, okay, well, yesterday, Think very carefully before you speak because I am not happy. I'm holding a gold watch to put around your wrist right now, mister. Jason's like, so I texted. You don't have to literally think carefully. Just say the sentence. Oh, okay.

26:08I texted Demi yesterday and I just didn't know how the schedule system worked. And so I'm technically like not good with that stuff. Like I don't really understand computers. so like you know i was like pre-med in school but by pre-med it was like i was learning about the mediterranean but i was like hoping to be like it was before i learned about the mediterranean so i'm just like figuring out computers it's confusing pre-med so if jason wanted to be a doctor how would he have organized everything i mean was he the kind of doctor that didn't show where his patients were and didn't know what leg was supposed to be chopped off what if he chopped off the wrong leg the answer is actually yes to all those things he is exactly that would have been that doctor listen being pre-med is not the same thing as being med okay it's a path but it's a path he fell off of okay or was pushed off of or was fucked off of or fucked off he was probably fucked a lot on the path just he's not on the path anymore let's get over it you know when he signed up for that major he's like hey guys just signed up for premed like what premed and then get premed that's premed oh that's when i pre come all over your face on the internet oh yeah that's not what we do in this class not what premed is i feel like opening up a frog he's like do i fuck that no no no i feel like i'm about to cream all over it i'm premed i'm premed no do you okay that was a terrible story why did you tell that to me when i'm trying to teach you something do you want to keep working here jason yeah yeah i love it i love it here yeah absolutely though you're smiling because you're charming that's why oh i'm so defenseless to metal charm i can't help it well guess what i'm not smiling right now on the outside on the inside oh just a bit listen here buddy you can't draw me i'm sorry i'm sorry I don't know where that came from.

28:08You better get to work. What's happening to me? It's like so not charmed. She is very charmed. She's like, all right, mister. Next time we're doing this on my lap. Do you understand? So then they're getting ready for this party and Marcus is in the kitchen and he and Demi are going over some stuff and she asked him to do something and he's like, by the way, stupid question. Do you want me to go get the pink bar to get some water or whatever? She's like, yeah, yeah, do whatever you need. okay and she's like fill up these waters and the point is that after they have this discussion of like hey can you do this for me can you do that okay fill it up okay cool all right and then she leaves and he goes okay love you he says i love you to demi and she goes no and she goes i'm not saying it back marcus he's like no say it back say it back it's like funny banter but of course natalie there's like um okay so like kim doesn't get mad if you guys say i love you but like i literally say i love you and i'm like the worst person in the world who can sing really great Like that's so fucked up.

29:05It's like whatever he's shithead. She goes, yeah, I'm not a shithead. I'm just real. Yeah. So take that. You're a shithead. So he's like, whatever. So now Jason is. That's why we stopped to really like spell that out. Cause it like changes everything. Yeah. So Jason was talking to Venus and he's asking for help with the menu. And Venus goes, yeah, which menu? And he goes, the whole one. so he's like yeah i need to prove to people that i'm not just some only fans kid you know like they think i'm not a real worker just like i'm just a pretty face and stupid like no i'll actually look up to lisa and i care about what she thinks about me and i'm a pretty face and i'm stupid a lot of things can be true at one time i'm preemed listen jason we know that you look up to lisa we literally can see it it's right on our screen um get higher shoes what do you want for me so uh venus is uh he's like oh venus like okay well okay jason well we can talk about the menu so what would you recommend as an appetizer honestly cheese balls um goat cheese balls that's called goat cheese balls and why would you recommend them um because you can play baseball okay they're not real balls like that okay they're made of goat cheese oh okay yeah well they hold a lot of cum no they're goat cheese balls they hold a lot of goat cum no come on man you don't even have to know any you don't have to know nothing about goat cheese balls i mean people don't even work here to have to know that our goat cheese balls are like the most popular item on the menu i mean jason needs to be educated in american history and by the way venus is now in his testimonial wearing no shirt and a fur like a faux fur vest cat the fucking guy it's so funny Jason's like um well instead of Me explaining what I would say about the Cheese balls why don't you say What would you say about them and so Venus is like They're the most popular thing on the menu And everyone's obsessed with the goat cheese balls They're so good I could eat 40 of them Okay cool that's the kind of Shit I say they get to it So then we go By the way they're liars on this show They show goat cheese balls while they're talking About them they like show an order Of goat cheese balls and there's like six goat cheese balls.

31:26They look gorgeous. That's not how they are. They come with like three and they're like $19. Right. Come on. It was the past app version. It was the past app version and so it was a tray. It's the past app version. Show me a real version of what I get for $9 million. Okay. Fucking cheaters. And don't go for happy hour because they change it. So you can't get goat cheese balls at happy hour. They make them goat cheese empanadas. You have to come back for dinner to get the balls international. So Angelica is at the front and talking to Kim and she's like oh my god I like went on a date with Shane earlier and like I came in feeling like a Haley Bieber next to Justin Bieber just like completely dressed up and he came in in sweats like what part of Shane Davis said he was gonna come in and anything other than sweats you know so she's like I mean it was like really cute like we just like got to know each other and I just feel like every time I talked to him I just feel like I have so much to talk to but he has a washing machine.

32:20Did you know that? That's like so adult. And Audrey's standing there while she's talking to Kim and she's just like looking around, like giving face. She's like, I'd rather poke my eyes out with sporks than work with Angelica right now. And Kim's like, oh my God, that's exciting. These sunglasses are J-Lo, right? So do you think you're going to go out again? Sorry, I just have to say, I love that we've gotten back to like poor waiters on this show because like not even in their theoreticals can they afford proper silverware. I'm going to dodge my eyes out with sporks.

32:55She's like taking the free shit they give you at the Whole Foods. I'm going to dodge my eyes out with a soy sauce packet. How am I supposed to eat with this thing? They're like, here's a little wooden spork. Good luck. Good luck with that. She can't even dream of a possibility where she could hold just like actual real silverware to gouge your eyes out with. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

33:19so kim's like yeah j-lo sunglasses that's me j-lo gorga so audrey is like i think that like shane should actually run for the hills if he knew what was good for him um like based on his story about like getting into a model fight where he got shot five times i don't think he knows what's good for him but that's okay he doesn't know how to run and there's that too i was just like i know he's thinking with his little pecker right now but he could like woodpeck pack pack somewhere else right sporks they don't have a spork i really could use a free spork yeah um audrey will get better maybe so um she's like yeah um i don't have a lot of trust for angelica and angelica's like um am i invisible because like i'm like with i started like with 100 people like giving them my full trust oh no she's like yeah am i visible because i'm standing right here and audrey says i start at 100 with people and i give them my full trust but then when it's broken i distance myself that's it that's it so i'm distant now take it take it you know what take it while we're a foot away from each other having to work with each other at the hostess stand enjoy this close distance you're about to get from me and angelica tells us usually people like have the courtesy to shit talk you behind your back not when you're standing like right in front of them so audrey's like yeah yeah because audrey does this thing where she moves like right in front of angelica and she's like yeah i don't really trust angelica she's like um i'm still here so you didn't recognize you got broken back sorry so audrey tells us i like my friends like i like my prada unreachable oh i mean real yeah i was gonna say like my friends like i like my product non-existent something i've never had before i've never had friends you into borrowed friends what the hell stolen I steal all of my friends something I've seen on TV

35:21so there's jazz I just want to say for this party I love that there's no one from the original show at this party who ostensibly kept this restaurant in business and B I like that they were playing jazz this is a classy establishment we're invited to the Europeans Ian's Martin is here somewhere. Play the jazz. But it's jazz played by 12-year-olds. Like they show, and this was really funny too, they show like this little kid walking in with drums. He's like, where do I set up? He's like, who took you off the street? Call your mother. And they all look like they were stolen from Max's music school in Hollywood.

35:58They probably were. We're just like, hi, we're here to play some jazz. All right, darling. His third chair in his junior high, darling. Very, very good. Tamara's daughter's there. so just because she's like I wrote a song about eating people good how about you change the lyrics to be about goat cheese balls then the person was a goat cheese empanada you're hired I'm taking you to wee woo wee woo wee woo have you ever young lady young Tamra's daughter have you ever considered putting yourself into a wine bottle So I could save you. Hey, Kimberly, can I get a couple of drink menus? I'm going to take him to this little desk over there.

36:45So, you know, Marcus is just being nice to his girlfriend. So now you just said that nobody who made Sir was a success was here. And I'm here to prove you wrong because he is here and his name is Peter. Peter. And he looks like Meatloaf now. So Peter's here and he's like, hey. The singer or the cuisine or both. if meatloaf and meatloaf had a baby and got R.I.P. meatloaf and R.I.P. whatever meatloaf meatloaf meatloaf with and never R.I.P. to something that will never die meatloaf he'll do anything for love but he won't do that just want to just he has boundaries he has boundaries he will not conceive of Peter He's like, oh Lisa How you doing?

37:36She's like, oh 20 years Peter, I see it all over your face He's like, I've been here since 2008 Yes, I know I've been almost dragged to so many Film festivals where you played A scientific fiction character Didn't like that It's funny, you showed up When you were just in diapers And you also showed up when Ken was just starting with diapers Gold circles, am I right? i think i used to change your diapers and i would say someday you'll grow up and marry pandy oh anyway so ken and then ken's like oh you're planning to get rid of him babe no no no no no peter he's perfect he spotted the furniture the establishment which is so funny she's basically like no he's basically a chair and not one of the chairs that we that we burned down and got insurance chairs remember there was that thing where it's like we need to get new chairs because the other chairs were burned to the like some of the chairs were burned or they were stolen.

38:34Lisa Vanderpump has had like a hundred fires there's always a fire around Lisa Vanderpump somehow no one knows how it keeps happening but it does. She just had to bring in like a lady remember to like reupholster the chairs like oh the chairs are fixed now reupholster Peter he's basically a chair.

38:54Reupholster the chairs with the skin that Peter shed last week. So Marcus and Kim are talking and he's like, whoa, babe, a little snippiness just came my way because Demi was bitching and moaning about me putting waters out. So I was like, I love you. And she's like, I love you too. And then Natalie walks by and she goes, oh, so Kimberly's okay with you guys telling each other that you love each other? And Kim's like, oh my God, what is wrong with her? I mean, the truth is that like him, I mean, Natalie had a fair logical point on that one. Marcus is so ridiculous going over to Kim to immediately rat out Natalie and then to just inflame the two of them.

39:32This guy loves having the women fight over him. So he's like, well, you know, Kimberly is like a CIA agent, so if I come home and I hadn't told her something that happened, she'd smell it on me. I'm like, well, how about you date someone where you don't have such a relationship built on suspicion where you have to worry about these things? Yeah, maybe stop lying. Don't lie. So your girlfriend's not paranoid all the time. how about you guys just like both never talk to each other again but he just wants to get her mad and it works she falls for the bait she's like oh my god literally an obsession and i don't want to tell her i'm gonna tell her she needs to stop and you know what i'm gonna tell her right now and he's like now and she's like yeah he goes uh-oh so she marches up and and um what's her buns natalie's behind the bar and kim's like hi i know you're busy so i'm gonna tell you this now enough is enough whoa get the gifts ready enough is enough you just got j-lo'd i said two j-lo movies in one sentence i don't care about the floss that she got okay she's like what it's oral b so she's like enough is enough she's like what what it's like stop talking about me and marcus's relationship stop sending jabs why do you care so much like i literally don't care i'm like just like making observations it's like uh Marcus like what the fuck are you doing running to Kimberly setting off a bomb Like when honestly if you have a brain You should see that the whole situation that's been going on for like weeks and weeks You know hasn't recognized that you're like making it like so much worse Like what?

41:09Yeah because you come over here and I'm like working and I'm like Like you're upset for no reason She's like oh yeah well to tell you to shut the fuck up that's why I'm here So you look like an idiot and you look like you're obsessed with my relationship She's like oh okay that's your opinion whatever I'm like, yeah, that is my opinion. You dumb bitch. And then Lisa over here. So girls, girls, girls. We've got children on instruments. We're paying them 13 cents an hour. Please, please have some respect. Sir is 20 years old. Well, I asked her not to be in the bar. And can she like go back to like the host stand and like leave me alone?

41:43Because like I'm in the bar and like I'm about to sing a song. Do you want to hear it? It goes like this. It's like a really good song and she's like ruining it right now Get her to leave Yeah well then stop talking about everybody else And don't touch me and don't push me out She goes, you're in my section She goes, yeah well I'm not in your section Yes you are Lisa, Lisa, Lisa here, Lisa here Please, please, you're not doing this now Please, not on this very important day For the guy who twirls the subway sign down the street Just came in, he's a celebrity I have a man over there with the hair of Liza Minnelli holding a tiny dog.

42:19And we do not want to offend him. So please go back to your stations. And Kim goes, you know what? I'm going to be professional. I love that. I love Kim who marched over here to start shit and to complain is now going to be like, you know what? I'll be the professional, the two of us. You're the one who is being ridiculous. Oh, God. And you are accosting her at her station, which she can't leave because it's a little jail cell. It's a bar. It's like the little lemonade stand bar that they have in the middle of the restaurant. So Lisa's like, okay, I'll tell her. She's like, so Natalie's like, tell her.

42:52Tell her that people can hear her. I am telling you right now. And I'll tell her later. But why are you telling her that? Why are you telling her that if you're going to tell me? I'll tell her later. But I'm telling you now. No, because you're not telling her. You're telling me. This is a preview of what I'll tell her later. Because I'll tell her at 6.47. But I'm telling you now at 6.32. Good luck. whatever do not roll your eyes at me young lady she goes i didn't i swear she's listen stop doing this huge stephosa so now we cut to the boy you know the little the guys playing and a trays are being passed and jason has some goat cheese balls and he goes up to a guest and he's like goat cheese balls you're supposed to eat the bottom two it's like why please stop talking like you're about to take a load from anyone in the restaurant.

43:44Jason, this is not your OnlyFans, sir. This is his learning Alex moment for how to go on OnlyFans. So you're supposed to eat the bottom part too, which is something I learned. And so then the guy's like, oh, yeah. He's like, oh, you don't want the bottom part? He's like, it's not staking. He's like, oh, okay, just grab the whole thing. Just grab it and just rub it down and just put it in your mouth. You know, bro? Swallow it whole. That's what you're supposed to do. He's like, oh, why do I have a boner? I don't know. but it's going to cost you$11. Damn it. So Marcus is like, wow, duck and potato pistachio terrine, right?

44:19Let me know how it is. Natalie, you know you want some of this duck and pistachio terrine, eh, Natalie? And she's like, I can't believe him, Venus. I just came back, and then Marcus is like, Demi, I saw you say it back, and then Demi, I love you. And then I was like, so you can say I love you to Demi? And then I was like, oh, my God, it's so interesting. Kimberly doesn't care if I say I love you to Demi because I'm the worst person ever for just having a friendship with him. And then he went over to get him. and then announce like a big deal. Like, what am I supposed to do? Oh my God. Oh my God.

44:44Like Kim shouldn't have taken the bait in the first place, but I wish Natalie and Kim would just like stop fighting and realize that the problem is Marcus. Like it always is. And also split ends, but that's more my issue. So Natalie's like, Kimberly came back and she said I'm pathetic and stupid. And he's like, well, you know, broken clocks. She's like, I don't know what that means, but she's not letting it go. Marcus is like literally Regina George with a burn book and she's throwing papers in the school and like taking a step back and letting everyone else fight about it knowing that he was the ringleader the entire time like so venus is like um natalie this is like really cool but i've got a full section he's doing it to their face which isn't regina george was just the whole point of the burn book i mean i don't want to get too in the weeds with the plot but i mean come on so jason is offering more things he's like madam would you like an umpana namba what umpana namba what empanada empanada you idiot and canada no it's not a country god damn it oh sort him out chris will you i don't want to lose him but he just doesn't take it seriously i mean the man can't even pronounce empanada it's so important to know the menu to know what we're selling it's like trying to sell a car not knowing what the model is for goodness sake i think jason knows more about flashlights and penis pumps than he does my fucking menu he's like well we have penis pumps on the menu today see look at that empanada not a penis pump um the menu also i don't think has changed for 24 years It is the exact.

46:22Do you want grilled salmon? Go there. Do you want a goat cheese balls? Go there. That's it. Tuna tartare. You can also get that. So Natalie is, she's like, oh, please go get Lisa a drink. Natalie. And Natalie's like, I'm for who? She goes, the dog. Lisa wants it for the dog. For donut. And Natalie's like, donut the dog? Oh, my God. If I was a dog, which glass would I wear? Which glass would I want? I mean, I don't know. I'm not a dog. How would I know? I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. Look for the right glass. Marcus. You've never had to get Lisa a drink for her dog before? You people really don't work here, do you?

46:57Yeah. Marcus, like, what? Why? Why would you do that? He's like, I didn't do nothing. He's like, how did she know about the comment that I made? He's like, other people heard it. He's such a fucker. It's crazy how much of a fucker he is. So she's like, do you know the things that she just called me? She said, I'm obsessed with you, and I'm pathetic, and I'm stupid. He's like, sorry. he's like whatever you guys fight now all right time for lisa's speech um so everybody's cheering for her and then on the side of the room kim's like i'm babe you busy because yeah so busy can i tell you what just happened because natalie she's like how does she hear about that moment and i was like i don't know someone must have overheard it isn't that funny she goes no babe you need to tell her you're the one who said it to me he's like but why she's like because she feels like she can mention you and talk this way and it's exactly what bothers me about her that she thinks she has access to you and can be like come over here this is what kimberly did like we're cutting that off right now she no longer has access to you and marcus is like okay was it ugly for you she's like i don't want to even have like no access i don't want to have any type of conversation with you about me ever okay none of that and he's like well i don't think she thinks that she does think that because she wouldn't have come up and she wouldn't have said that to you if she didn't think that he's like oh sorry everyone i have a speech welcome to you sir 20 years ago we opened these doors and we said we come to this place for magic we come to sir to laugh to cry to care because we need that all of us that indescribable feeling that we get when the lights begin to dim and we go somewhere we've never been before not to be entertained but somehow reborn together.

48:43Welcome to Sir. And now, for the entertainment for the evening, no offense, children. I would like to show you here, Donut, the dog. Smoke bomb! It's Ken! It's Ken! It is Ken! Shut up, Ken, nobody asked you. All right, enjoy the goat cheese bowls, losers. I would like to thank everyone from the In-N-Out staff who came to celebrate today. We love you. And I would like to point everyone to the new vestibule we have over by that wall. It talks. It's just like Peter. Oh, it's Peter. Never mind. Never mind. It's like Yammer's like, everyone, a new chapter for us revealed the future of Sir. And he pulls a satin cloth off the wall.

49:29There's a photo of the new staff. This is a terrible photo. It was terribly done. Who did this photo? Was it for free? did they pay you to do the photo? It's a horrible photo, guys. Come on, you can take better pictures on your iPhone. The lighting, the posing. This is terrible. I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed for all of you. I was embarrassed for myself for supporting Sir. So Audrey's like, wow, look at you, Chris. And he goes, yeah, I'm right next to Lisa. You got some competition with Lisa, babe. So now after the party, Natalie is packing for Paso Robles and her gay Ryan is there. and she's like, what do you think about that?

50:09And he's like, it's giving bat mitzvah. She's like, that's so rude. Oh my God, I didn't think I looked as old as 13. That's so obnoxious. And he's like, so she's talking about how she's going to Paso Robles and she's going to Venus's and everyone's going to take a couple of cars. So he's like, do you want, she's like, do you want to come in the bag? He's like, oh my God, honestly. So now we go to Chris and Jason's and he's showing Cheech. He's like, hey, Cheech, to his cousin. He's like, hey, Cheech, remember this little costume I wore? And he shows up his phone, and it's a picture with a huge fake penis hanging from his pants.

50:49And Chris is like, yeah, rock out with a cock out. You still have that thing? God, I remember the best time we had that thing. He was in my mouth. Let's do it again. Do it again. Replay. Yeah. So basically he's gonna they're gonna bring it on the trip and Jason's like I think it'd be like fucking hilarious to like put it in Shane's bed Right, it's like dude. You gotta put it in Shane's bed. Yeah, let's put in Shane's bed And then he gets scared and like Shane, it's okay We can like hug him and then like I take our shirts off and they kind of like rub down and like be good content You know the DOF so then Kim is packing and Demi's there and they're talking about like what they're gonna wear and Kim's like, I literally ordered like$400 worth of things yesterday on Amazon.

51:33She's like, yeah, good. Cause you make like so much money as her. Like, how are you doing that? Were you getting$400? No, I didn't need$50 last night. I did the after pay thing where you can pay later. So I'll be, I'll be paid off by next June. I was like, can't wait for season two with Kim and she's in massive Amazon debt. Just trying to pay on Amazon to get clothes for your glamorous trip to WeWoo. fucking show and then he goes love that for you love that love your future dad love that so uh he's asking if she packed and dimmy's like no i haven't i haven't started anything like i came here to check on you because like so marcus broke up with you for the day like what's happening because like if you're gonna break up just do it on camera am i right she's like i don't know like i'm so angry right now the whole thing happened because you guys like left the other you guys were like fine like gross so she says if marcus and kim are still breaking up and like making up in the back alley at certain like 20 years i just hope i'm not around to see that because i can't deal cut to demi in 20 years with a ponytail and a mustache be like hey i'm i'm demi i'm here basically furniture at this point just morphs into like peter it's the curse so kim goes over this whole stupid story and she's like yeah and then if natalie tries to pull anything today i mean i'm not gonna engage with her and he better not either and then he did this whole thing again like what do you want me to say fuck you bitch and i'm like yeah okay yeah you know what so she's his perspective is maybe like you're looking too crazy by not allowing me to do this or maybe i'm gonna look like a bad guy by not talking to her but like guys america i'm just a girl i cry a lot i feel a lot i love the disney channel and he thinks he forgets that sometimes like you know a girl girls allowed to be emotionals so that's just who i am girl so then over at venus is um everyone's meeting up and jumping into the cars and stuff so they split into the cars and um it's gonna be five and five venus natalie audrey and chris and jason's like holy shit nat and that's like oh my god are you gonna be able to see from the back because I get the and Marcus is because Marcus and Natalie are in different cars and Marcus is like I'm like about to go on a trip with a bunch of psychos me and Kimberly are broken up right now and I have to ride three hours in a car with her like you got Natalie's crazy ass Venus's crazy ass I need Shane or I'm not going to be able to make it to Paso Robles which is their way of explaining why Shane Davis is on this trip since he doesn't work at Sir yeah so they split into two cars and both cars like the other guy's stupid that the car sucks that car's really cool um and jason is driving one of them and they're talking about how hungry they are and audrey's like on the way to paso there's just like hotel called the madonna inn it's like literally so cute it looks like a lisa vanderpump like wet dream from the 80s we've got to go there jason goes yeah jason goes that's supposed to be like the actor or the the singer madonna i was like, okay, this guy really, we thought he was dumb, but whoever refers to Madonna as an actor first, really has a few cells.

54:51Maybe he meant Jesus's mom. He was known to do a little community theater. Listen, I love me some Madonna. Love Madonna, but I'm not saying she's an actor first. I'm barely even saying she's a singer first, but like we're not leading with Madonna first. She's just Madonna first She's just personality first So They're like oh my god who's most likely To throw a drink on the trip And Shane's like nah for sure And back in the other car Audrey's saying yeah you know The good thing about the other car Shane will tell us everything they say Because he's a fucking goss Yeah like well I have By the way I have to open some ranch guys Hold on I'm opening some ranch And Chris is like oh is that Rob Brock though Oh yeah, what's wrong with some like Rob rock like whoa everything then audrey is everything's better raw and I was like, oh my god Because they both they had snacks.

55:45They finally had sex audrey and Chris And they broke a bed frame and this sounds like they had wild sex But we all know that was a badly put together right? That's all so they break very easily I can attest to that so Then they're talking they have to get out because they are at the Madonna in now and And Jason's like, yeah, I got to stretch my dick. So they get out. And it's crazy. This hotel is fucking crazy. It's a pink motel. Everything's pink in there. And it does look like Lisa Vanderpump. It's like Lisa Vanderpump's first apartment. I've actually really wanted to go there for several years.

56:23Because it's apparently like, it's such a thing. And sadly, I feel like the only way I'm going to get there is by watching this sad show. So they're like, welcome to Madonna. And yay. And they walk all around. and we see they go down to this bathroom uh that's like that's like stonework urinals that are wide and you pee together and they're all kind of like oh my god this is crazy there's like and venus is like i mean i feel like this urinal is like really great for male bonding i should just like get all the boys out here just line it up and see what's going on downtown there's like nothing blocking our dicks from making eye contact and i was like wow i really feel old because now we have a whole generation of men growing up who never knew what it was like to have a line of urinals together that didn't have the little dividers.

57:06You know, every time, women may not know this, but in the men's bathroom, if there's like a wall of urinals, there's like a little divider in between each of them. And it used to not be that way. And every time I see that little divider, I always say to myself, you know who did that? We did that, the gays. They're like, stop looking at my dick. I was like, that's us. That was our last thing. What? It's called sightseeing. I mean, geez. God, sorry. You say gays killed it. I say Republicans killed it. Well, of course it was Republicans. But I was like, hey, come on now. Yeah, I know those bastards.

57:44They totally robbed us. And Chris is like, oh, my God, this place is crazy. When I think of this song, Pink Pony Club, this is what I think of. You work next to the Abbey. You were literally just at the Abbey. Come on. Oh, God. Yeah, so they're just looking around and everything. And finally, they all sit down at a table. and Jason he sees a goblet I think he wants to say chalice but instead he goes wow look at this chisel he goes yeah look at this chalet you guys look at this chisel look at this chalet is that how you say it and they're like goblet he goes goblet so the waiter comes over and he's like hi welcome to the Madonna Inn may I get things started for you I was like Call the police now because I think we're going to need him.

58:32I know. Who the fuck is this guy? Jason's like, I know what I want. Steak and eggs. So they order stuff and everything. And Kim's like, if I got whipped cream, Marcus would throw me across the table. Which I don't understand the correlation. Maybe he's intolerant or something. I don't know the whipped cream trigger. Or maybe he doesn't let her eat whipped cream. I don't know. There's a lot of clues in this relationship. I don't like it. Something weird's happening. but Demi's like I can't picture Kim actually leaving Marcus for good I think it would like take her walking in on him like fucking a goat or something and then even then I think it would just be like a week that they'd be broken up yeah so Marcus makes a speech where he's like guys everyone's got their drink now so I just want to say like we all have different relationships right now but like going into this trip like it'd be awesome if we could just put the bullshit behind us you're the one starting the bullshit yes you start all of it all of it yeah well we're gonna be like a happy loving family and focus on friendship and then the love that we have for each other like new to me like that either even ever existed right guys so then Marcus is like yeah and if you guys are down let's just have like a good time let's just like start off on like a good foot yeah so they all cheers and then Demi of course starts talking which is gonna be the opposite of a good foot yeah Demi's like um guys but like everyone you guys should have fun but don't forget we're working tomorrow so let's be on our best behavior and do our jobs and like make lisa happy because like we can still have fun right and then chris is like yeah shane's living his dream on this vacay because he doesn't even have to work ha ha ha yeah it doesn't work i apologize ha ha ha ha ha so they talk about some video shoot marcus asks how the video shoot went and chris is like yeah we got really into it and andre goes yeah me and shane have like two We had two insanely talented friends that asked us to be in their music videos.

1:00:26So like, you know, like, you know, so many people got their start for music videos, like Jayla, Channing Tatum, like other people. Like I could be the star of the female Magic Mike and we could call it Magic Maria. Casting, hit me up. And so Audra's like, yeah, the video show was amazing. I was wet the whole day and everyone's like, oh, what? She's like, no, no, no, not that way. Like actually wet. Like I was like really wet. And like, because like the idea of the music video was that like i was coming out of the ocean so i was like wet and coming it was crazy and then we had a date at sir and i was just like coming to the date wet and then at the beach we had to get that's like audrey please please reconsider your words here because everyone's getting the wrong idea so she had to kiss she's like jason are you okay he's like i preamed so yeah I pre-amed.

1:01:19So we see clips of this video. We see clips of this video. And it's, first of all, she's coming out of the water. And, of course, she's wet because she's coming out of the water, which I love that she explained 10 times. So she's coming out, and she looks, like, so worried. She's like, oh, I don't know. I don't know if that was the look they were going for. But they're like, come out of the water looking extremely like you're crying. Come out of the water look like you're sobbing. And then Shane's there, and then they see each other, and then they make out. and they've got chemistry gotta say it they do and it's this is these it's this couple this is the couple guys i'm saying it right now i learned it from a music video we're probably gonna see on youtube yes because then they wind up going on a date it's sir and i'm like oh this is the this is the nightmare version of little mermaid where you give up your voice and crawl out of the water finally have legs only to have to go to sir it's like you gave up your voice for that so uh you Chris was there at the shoot, he needed to monitor.

1:02:16And she felt like Audrey felt really bad, you know, because like, he had to watch her kiss another guy. But then Angelica, however, Angelica did not know that Shane did this. And now she's like really upset. And now she's like, I wish we weren't even here. Like hearing about this, oh my God. Like, she's giving all these looks on the side. She's pissed. Girl, you still live with your boyfriend. Stop it. so angelica's like oh my god the faster we can get through this the faster we can go to work and not be here where i have to hear about people kissing that i don't like me with my broken back and um they're like why are you so excited go to work it's like anything but hearing this so she's like yeah i get the industry but like was there really not anyone else you could have chosen i've been like dated this person for two minutes he has like a washing machine and we like went to the beach together and now this like oh my god so they all like everyone sees that over in angelica's corner where she's like you know commiserating commiserating with natalie i'm not by the way you know we got that word wrong i know i was going to mention it on our next traders thing which is crazy well in my mind but i her i thought rob had said console not feel sorry for so therefore i was like he didn't even get it right and then everyone's like no he got it right and then he looked it up and he got it right and i'm like well i thought we're talking about the traders by the way if people don't know but when he said you're commiserating i thought commiserating meant like you're talking to people like you're oh you're discussing something with people i didn't know it means that you felt pity for people i thought it was kind of like someone was going through i'm gonna have to apologize twice this week there you go there's my kind of apology there's my admission my admission that i'm wrong i felt like it was like someone's like going through something and so you're sort of like going through it with them a bit you know but like i just didn't really like i never really thought of it as something like you feel sorry for someone like oh i'm commiserating with you but it's more like i think it's like a different way of saying you feel sorry like you are you are feeling something with them oh i didn't i thought it was like if you see a group of people talking you're like oh my god look at them over there commiserating about the the good old days well that could be a proper use of it it depends on the overall context i thought it was conversation so anyway we were wrong okay we were wrong so they noticed that Angelica's all mad and Natalie's like oh really like what the fuck like oh my god I'm so done trying to figure out what's even happening by the hour like she still lives with her ex-boyfriend like what so then so now it's like a thing cause it's like one half the table was like this and the other half was like that and Natalie's like that's so weird like were they not like silent at the table like something's wrong with Angelica like I don't even know and Chris is like yeah she's possessed fucking bitch and Natalie's like yeah she's like miserable like what the fuck is she upset about does she have like a broken back or something like it's chrysar so they finally get to paso robles and they start to go into their uh they go into their rooms and everything and they're calling out their rooms and they're all excited and chris is like whoa i knew lisa was gonna put in the work for us i mean this place is fucking beautiful because chris and audrey get the couple's room which does not go over so well for kim because yeah kim break up with your boyfriend at the right times.

1:05:25Cast trips are not the days to do it. But it was nice seeing a couple not get the cast room. I mean, a couple did get it, but you know, the couple that's like, we've been together in forever, so we automatically get the good room. Yeah, I hate that shit. Kim was so mad. So they all split up. The guys get the bunks, the bunk room, and they're like, yeah, fucking sick. Yeah. It's like the only Bravo show where people are excited to get that room. And so they split up, get rooms and all that good stuff. And then the girls are talking and Kim's like, yeah, I'm like so tired from the car. Like everybody's so high energy.

1:05:58Just shut up. I'm like over-Kimulated. That's the phrase for the trip. Over-Kimulated. Tell your friends. That's so J-Lo. Iconic. So then Audrey and Natalie are in the bathroom and I was like, did you notice how Marcus doesn't even really acknowledge me? And Audrey was like, yeah. Do you think it's because of Kim? Wasn't there something at Sir the other night where she like came up to you in the bar? Yeah. She came like into the garden bar and like started screaming at me and like that I'm pathetic. and like stupid and like obsessed with marcus and it's like whoa and audrey's like yeah that's just crazy because like right now they don't seem good yeah apparently they're broken up but like they sat next to each other at lunch but they're like not staying in the same room like make it make sense so kim's like i'm trying to be positive but it's really hard so then um natalie and audrey you're talking about, um, why are those three staying in the same room?

1:06:53And Natalie's like, um, I was thinking Angelica has a problem with you because of Chris and Jason and Kim is now loyal to Angelica. Like, it's all so crazy. Yeah, they're like attached to the hip, the three of them. Yeah, they were like having a conversation, like in private conversations at the table, which is like very rude. Like, let's all talk to each other, right? Yeah, so Audrey's like, I mean, yeah, I think that's totally fine, but like if it's people sitting two feet away from you, like that's rude Ben. Like it's a distance thing. Like if someone's wrong, then just say something's wrong.

1:07:23Like why do you have to do it? Like if you come to like one foot, you better say something's wrong. But if you're like five feet away, then that's cool. You don't have to talk about it. Three and a half maybe. How wide are tables? So Kim is like, you know what? I feel like Audrey and Chris, they just met each other and they have the couple suite. I'm just like, the couple suite should go for the couple that's like broken up and like dragging everyone down into their cesspool of a relationship. Like that's what the king size bed is for, you know? It sort of stings a little bit. So now the boys are playing cornhole.

1:07:57I mean, goddamn. Okay, fine. I'll go on the OnlyFans. I'll go on the OnlyFans. My God, I've never been pressured this hard. Mark is like, yeah, Indiana, I'm from the fucking corn state. You can't fuck with me, Jason. You got to put it in the fucking hole, dog. Put it in the hole. I mean, they really telegraph what's going on with them. So then Kim is like, guys, like, how do you feel about Jason being like right next door? And Angelica's like, I mean, at this point, I just want him to stay away from me. He's so gross. I don't want anything to do with him. Like, honestly, by the way, Israel and I, we met at a cafe and he showed me some things that completely grossed me out.

1:08:34And I was so proud of Israel, who's been in like, like in the background for a few seasons of the show. And he finally has a scene where he can be impactful. In a hat. In a hat. And that's what really matters because Israel loves his hat. So he's like, hey, guys, I did use the link that they posted on their story because they both posted the link on the story. And Angelica's like, oh, my God, you went to the OnlyFans? He goes, yep, I sure did. And she's like, oh, my God, is this like an OnlyFans that they have together or separate? And he goes, well, it's like them with two guys. OK. And then here's the headline.

1:09:10OK, this is the post. go to the boys back to got the boys back together oiled up more than ever every inch of our throbbing cocks oiled up rubbing each other down everywhere close-ups of our oiled up cocks and saggy balls all the way up to our ass and angelica's like ah saggy balls is that like is saggy like i understand saying like throbbing cocks but saggy balls i feel like that's what you say about old people right like it's like a like a ramp on the gym but like who says saggy balls is that like a kink can you run this through chat gpt just to clean it up a little bit geez like let's like let's make it sexier than yeah check out my saggy balls and my skin that looks like a melted cake so so then angelica's like she's like basically they're like lubing each other up naked and massaging each other and that's just like fucking weird to me like i'm gonna like look i'm gonna read you this caption so while they're still out playing cornhole she reads it again she goes let me read you this it is disgusting and it cuts to the guys going yeah get them all three in the same hole yeah okay all three of your favorite boys back together all three of our throbbing cox and spread open holes rubbing each other down all over oiled up saggy balls and stroking and the girls like saggy balls they're cracking up this is some nasty shit I didn't know it was this because i mentioned last week i went to jason's and paid 11 like an idiot and it was just him without his shirt i don't see any like the guys playing with each other's butt butts and jerking each other off i mean geez i want my 11 back yeah well they're like that's what i'm talking about and demi's like i don't want to see but i feel like i have to see and angelica's like it's linked in their bio like i've already blocked most of them and demi's like they link this in their bio?

1:11:03Oh my god. Does Audrey know? And they're like, we don't know. So over at the pool, Venus and Audrey are just enjoying the pool. They have no idea what's happening in the rooms. They're like, I like sun. I like sun too. And then it cuts back and Kim's like, oh my god, you should know before you get in a relationship or get interested in somebody what they're doing. I mean, you have every right to know that. Well, she does know that they're on the OnlyFans so all she has to do is pay her damn money to do the research. Yeah. Well, she's focusing on the sun right now instead of the places where the sun don't shine.

1:11:35So Audrey is like, I really love the direction everything was going in with me and Chris. Like, but how would you feel about the person you're seeing saying comments like, babe, your ass is looking so good right now. You know, like, I don't love that. Like, I don't want to put pressure on where we're at. Like, we're having so much fun and we're getting to know each other. But like, I'm also searching for more romantic comments. Like, did you see this guy? What about this guy says he's going to walk around saying anything other than, babe, your ass looks great right now. The most romantic thing he's going to say is, how are you?

1:12:06Oh, I'm good. I just swallowed my cousin's load this morning. How about you? What do you expect? He's a working man. And Kim's like, yeah, she's having fun. But the minute she's emotionally invested, then that's her man. So Angelica's like, I mean, if my man was naked looping up his cousin, I don't want anything to do with you. Sorry. I was like, that is a quote. That is a quote right there. So cut to Venus and Audrey, and they're talking about whether, you know, Chris could be more romantic and Audrey's, you know, saying all the TV things like, Oh my God, it's just like my walls are going up because I don't feel like she's trying to play this whole like reality TV thing.

1:12:46Meanwhile, the guy's like fucking his cousin on OnlyFans. I can't, I love this storyline. I love it. amazing i was like oh my god this is the first time that bravo has really teetered into incest although technically we had mary cosby and her grandfather husband but like this is more like i don't know this feels like this feels feels like a a destination for the show that we always know it's gonna come and here it is it's arrived it's definitely it's definitely at least hot incest i mean mary and her grandfather is disgusting this is hot yeah so audrey's talking about how she's put up her walls and she's just like you know she wants to like this is what she does and venus is like do you think that like maybe you're feeling this way because like you become intimate with him she was like yeah i felt weird i felt like when i was having sex with him i was sort of having sex with jason why did i get that sensation i don't know so she is saying that chris has a whole decade on me and he should have in those 10 years learned what the definition of romance is so now she wants this guy to be knight in shining armor it's like ma 'am just because he looks like the guy from tangled doesn't mean he is it's not a yeah um so yeah she's she's wanting a little too much too quick from this yeah out of nowhere um yeah she's wanting yeah something that she should know she's not going to get but all youth you know right so then kim is watching the video with demi on their phones in the room and uh demi starts freaking out like oh my god oh my god oh my god it's 13 minutes long i thought you meant 13 inches so demi's explaining it she's like okay there's four guys two are cousin jason who are cousins completely naked like not even socks like seriously and there's like a lot of massaging and a lot of butts and i've seen everyone's penis and um now they're massaging each other oh my god now it's even worse now they're in the shower together and she just throws her phone and angelica's like did they actually perform incest and demi's like there's definitely incest they were all touching each other and kim's like oh my god my heart my heart oh my god she's not okay oh my god oh my god oh my god jayla's about to die sorry that's me i'm about to die angelica's like oh my god audrey was like a very cool girl when it came to these two having an only fans but i'm like wondering like would you be the same cool girl if i came to incest which again is a real good existential question you guys just please put on my tombstone don't be mad at the rocks that i got and that brings us to the end of vanderpump rules thank you all for being here i'm into it how come people might be into this show there's a full-blown cousins fucking storyline come on yeah it's so funny and honestly like doing what recapping this on the heels of salt lake city like salt lake city kind of like drained a little bit of my the life out of me and then this is just so fun and funny the whole way through.

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