#3180 RHOBH S15E06 Part One: Comparative Literature 101

0:21Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about i'm ben mandelker and joining me today the one and only ronnie caram hi ronnie how's it going ben what's going on with you today honey pie um so much so much is going on because my head is full of beverly hills which we're about to talk about the traders which we're going to talk about on patreon today shore valley persian style we'll throw that in there too it's taking up some headspace i mean everything's in my head at the moment so i'm like I'm bursting at the seams we are closing in on our date for the golden crappies that's about a month away and change so come join us there our tickets are on sale at watchrecrappins.com it's going to be a blast it's going to be wonderful it's going to be great times keep an eye out for the ballots that will start coming out round one will be general voting round two will be the official ballot and you know we'll have crappins on demand on our Patreon also ad free.

1:24If you are a Patreon supporter, you get ad free Watch for Crappens as well. Patreon.com slash Watch for Crappens for all that good stuff. And by the way, hey, I feel like we haven't really mentioned this that much, but a week before the Crappies, we're going to be in Miami and we're performing at the South Beach Food and Wine Festival, which is really, really cool. I think we're on the same lineup as Carla Hall and some other really cool food people Elvis ran morning show. So that's just to be fun. That's just we're just we're just doing that for fun over there. So catch us in Miami if you're down there and let's all let's all party.

2:03So that is all a new feature coming this weekend to Patreon. And this is actually free on Patreon. So you can just go be a member of Patreon and not pay us anything. That's fine. But it's a newsletter and it's kind of a diary of what went on during the week and the week in Bravo in general. It's kind of going back to our old blogging days. So check that out. That'll be out either late night or tomorrow over on El Petri Home. So check that out. That's free. Yeah, free. That's free. That's free. That's not like you can just get it and be free. You can just read it. Get it in your inbox. Just get it in your inbox.

2:41We're just trying to centralize everything over there because it's easier for you guys to have one central place to find everything than be going to a million different blah, blah, blah everywhere. Yes, absolutely. Today is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, season 15, episode 6, Star Signs and Bad Times. Yes, I felt like this was the first good episode of the season, right? I mean, the episodes have been fine. This is the first one where I was like, wow. This is the first one where I was like, I think I was invested the way I felt like I should be for a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills episode.

3:20What about you, Ronnie? Yeah, Ben texted me last night during the episode and said, this episode is actually really good. Signs of life. Yeah, for sure. I think like we've been watching, we've been watering the Amanda plant and the first sprouts are coming up. And meaning in the sense that like the women have been slowly getting annoyed by her. And now it's starting to bubble out. And that's what I've been waiting for all season is the conflict to brew. So that made me really happy. Of course, there was a mix of tragedy in there as well. Just kidding. We're like, wow, Amanda really did great last night.

4:04It's like trauma. It's like all trauma. We're all trauma bonded after the episode. We're like, what a great episode. It's like the most depressing thing ever that happened. So there was like a lot of horrible stuff that happened too. But I mean, the funny, the funny comes out and Dorit just being so completely tone deaf and unable to read a room. Especially after what Dorit went through and how angry she was at Sutton for being equally tone deaf in that moment. So it's good to see what goes around comes around. But we begin in Beverly Hills. Look at all these brands. Louis Vuitton, Balenciaga.

4:42Kyle by Aileen Shadows of a past time So it's the typical Stuff with like violins Kyle by Aileen nevermore We see Kyle's driveway and Their driveway Is just like full of black cars It's like It looks like this is where the motorcade parks You know when a president's in town They park in Kyle's driveway until the President's house have enough money for all those Birkins so she's starting her own Uber fleet over there. Just lots of giant black cars. She can't find her car. She has all the same color car. I mean, it's kind of like she's going to rob a bank or something and it's like, ooh, which one is the get-to-way car?

5:26And she also winds up having a lot of trouble getting out of her driveway and I'll tell you why. Because she's got too many tall hedges around that driveway. That's why you don't have tall hedges around your driveway because inevitably you're going to need to do some K turns and those hedges get in the way. You need to give yourself a little bit of space because you know, your tire can stay in the driveway, but your car butt can poke out into where the hedges are. And now you've lost that space. So fuck you, Kyle.

5:54Then we go to Sutton. She's opened packages and she's got a little fly mask and hip covers for her horse. She's like, wow, I'm a horse girl. I love horses. It's my horse. That horse really hurt my feelings. Fuck you, Horace. Then we go to Erica. Fuck you, Horace. Fuck you, Horace. Oh, I talked to my mama. Everything's better now. She keeps relying on this like, wow, I went to my therapist, Reba. Sutton, you're basically illustrating your problem. Your therapist is Reba. You need to go to real therapy, okay? No one should be calling your mother. No one should be calling their mother for therapy in general anyway.

6:30But particularly your mother. Dang. Your mother's horrifying. What are we going to get next? Muzzy for, you know, like good after lunch hugs? No. Nobody needs that. Nobody needs Reba. Well, we go to Erica's house where we get our traditional top of the episode. Erica does some things around her house. She's just like us. And so she's doing some things. And Erica's like, look, everybody understands my homemaking skills. and she basically like, she basically dusts a chair outside. Look at me. I'm just like every other American out there, dusting off a chair. I'm just like you, just dressed a lot more stupidly.

7:15Thanks, America. Then we go to Rodeo Drive and there's a song, I guess they go to a store called What Goes Around Comes Around. Oh, really? With Justin Timberlake memorabilia. What goes around, what goes around,

7:34Rachel comes in. She's like, I just wanted to know if you had a new jacket from the brand. This is going to ruin the tour.

7:43Oh my God, my bag. I want this right away. Oh my God, Chanel Black Caviar Supermottle XL, $11 ,500. Oh my God, it's mine. It's mine. Like I literally, I die. I die. And the vendor's like, oh my God, this is literally your closet, Rachel. It's like my closet. Like I feel like I'm in my closet and like outside there's like Kai Kai and he's like knocking on the door be like mom can I get a Capri Sun I'm like Kaya so you can get whatever you want because you're so moisturized you're a great son oh my god I die it's like literally a disease how I shop like I literally cannot stop shopping it's like a drug I'm dead slow motion Rachel I'm dead there's a certain kind of a gay that is bred only to please real housewives I feel like maybe like an NPC character following the housewife along her journey, just there to be like, make a left up there, make a right up there.

8:35You're doing great. And this gay is one of those. And he was cracking me up this whole time. He's just like, wow, Rachel, this is basically your closet. Am I right? Do a twirl on that. Get that watch. You better get that watch, Rachel. Yes. You're going to buy that. It's going to complete you. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. He's just really just there to give like affirmations to a lady who's shopping. He's so good at it. He made me feel good. I wasn't even shopping. She's like taking a little treat out of her purse. Open up, gay. Here you go. You did great. You did great. But it's nice because he gets so excited to see her excited.

9:13And when I am in that role, I'm like, that's nice. But I'm like bored, you know? And so I think it's really cool that this is able to access a pleasure zone for him in a way that it can't for me. Because like I try, I try to sometimes be a fashion gay. And, you know, I pay attention more to fashion now, but more like men's fashion for myself. But like I struggle to really connect with women's fashion and with the same sort of attention that that these other gays do. And so it's cool. It's cool. But like, I it's sweet. I'm not built for it. I'm not built. Yeah, it's sweet. It's like his calling.

9:50You know, he's just to do it. And that's what he feels. That's what he and it could be. It doesn't even have to be fashion. He could be working at a cookie store, but if a housewife comes in there, he's going to be like, Oh my God. Yes. This is your cookie. Yes. Snickerdoodle. You better snicker that doodle. Yes. You're killing. It's like just, just pleasing his master, his natural master in the, in the food chain, the real housewife sidekick in the side cook world. Well, I would become that like in a cookbook store. I will be honest. Or like a kitchen, like a restaurant supply store. I'd be like, Oh my God, bitch, get a sheet pan yes oh I love this for you do you have cast iron skillet oh yeah get a 10 incher if you like it move up to 12 inch after that oh yeah she is beautiful I mean I will I will access it there but I will not access it at what goes around comes around you never know they could come out with cookware it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial

10:56so um rachel is you know now trying on a five thousand dollar jacket and then bose comes and bose is like oh my god a rolex i have to have this rolex and he's like oh my god two housewives one time hold on let me grow another head so i can talk to you about yeah it's like another little gay head pops up he's like yeah let's get the rolex yeah let's get the rolex is you that jacket is your soul dad dad double-headed dad do you have like a head i'm glad there's two Who of you here to watch me die? I'm going to name left head Bam and right head Nanas. So Boz is like, well, I might have to get it.

11:33I really can't be trying out the things, though, because TMI, I'm bloated. But not because of anything I ate, girl. It's because of medication. And Rachel's like, oh, yeah, I was praying for you. Like, how did it go? The medication and the things you were doing. I was praying for the things, et cetera. So good. in two days I'm going back to Vegas and Keely and I will come with me and I'll get my eggs retrieved and the doctors say there's a 40 % chance that it'll just be some poker chips but who knows what goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas what is it with Real Housewives refusing to do egg retrieval in their cities I mean you've got Quad who's like I'm going to Ghana I'm going to Ghana for my eggs and then you've got this one who's going to Vegas I mean Vegas is a lot closer than Ghana but Well, I mean, I understand.

12:21Is there just no good egg stuff in like where you live? I mean, Atlanta has a pretty big, huge, great medical community. And I'm sure Beverly Hills does. I mean, at the very least in Beverly Hills, you can get your eggs and they'll already have their cheeks done right there in the little Petri dish. Yeah. Well, I understand with Quad, there's like a spiritual connection to the land, it seems like. and then with maybe Bo's going to Vegas it's like knowing that you can get egg retrievals and then actually a side of eggs and bacon for$2 you know as part of the Vegas special Vegas doesn't charge you by the egg they charge you by the experience I got 37 eggs I went to a buffet of eggs well the truth is this I know I can retrieve my eggs here in Beverly Hills but if you do it in Vegas Chrissy angel performs it for you and it's just fascinating.

13:17I want my baby to be there while Adele has a residency. It's like the guy who has the dragon. He's like, time to get your eggs.

13:31Carrot Top's pulling your egg out of a chest.

13:37So she talks about her ultrasound. She's like, oh, six egg houses. They were all modern farmhouse. So I know this baby will fit in in Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. They can retrieve the eggs. I'm ecstatic about the eggs because the more eggs I have, the more hot sauce I'll have in my refrigerator. Kyle is already jealous because she heard that Boaz is getting up to three more houses. What? She's getting three houses?

14:09That's like 15 more cars for me. I'm going to have to buy 15 three more houses. It's going to be 15 more cars to park out front. Oh my God. I can't believe she's doing that. So now we're back from Bo's talking about that. And she's like, well, Rachel, I know you're having a party on Friday. She's like, no, you have to come. It's going to be so fun. I die. But I understand. I understand. Like, I got it. Oh my God. Sunglasses. Okay. Whatever you're talking about. That was cool. But like, look, sunglasses. Oh my God. Price tags. It's so chic. Love it. By the way, can I point something out about the trip?

14:46Like I'm not even kidding. Okay. I am like, I'm a wing it person. As you know, like I just roll into my life. Whatever the fuck happens happens. As long as I'm in some kind of a caftan. Yeah. But I'm such a wing it girl that I like totally FedEx my wardrobe ahead of time. So that way it'd be ready for me when I got there. I just wing it, wing it. And I think for Amanda, everything has to be laid out like I think she's like very systematic and by systematic I mean she pervades all of our culture she's a dumb whore like the unspoken of what I'm saying it's systematic Amandaism so systematic it's systemic you know what Amanda's systemic

15:36so then we see flashbacks of Amanda in the kitchen being like, oh, so like, when are we having dinner? Because like, I don't understand the timing. Like, am I, should I be here? Should I not be here? Like, when are we gonna eat? Which I think is, to her credit, a very fair question to ask if people are down there and they're cooking, but no one knows when actual dinner is. Yeah, this is when housewives start hinting around that they hate somebody and they're just trying to get, like put feelers out to see if you hate them too, you know? She's like, I don't want to just say, She's a dumb bitch who like wears labels incorrectly.

16:10So I'm just going to call her systematic. What do you think about that? Let's talk baby. Baby steps to bitch. Systematic. Go. She's systematic. Automatic. Crystatic and nomadic.

16:30Is that bad? Missy Elliot? I don't think those are the lyrics.

16:37Oh, my God. It sounds like Vegas. My eggs are ready.

16:45So, Amanda, now it's the next morning. Okay. And I'm sorry. No, it's not the next morning. No, she's still talking about Amanda being systematic and like how she has to do everything planned out. And then we see a clip of Amanda being like, I made my first list for my future ideal husband when I was 13. So, like, I made a list. Yeah, I've had a list for like 20 years. I'm systematic. She's like, see, systematic. It's even in the flashback. So systematic. So Bose is like, well, her dropping that information about her friend and Avi, that was not accidental. And Mitchell's like, I don't think anything she does is like accidental.

17:25And Bose is like, well, she wanted to drop it in there and perhaps gain some points. But the problem is that backfired. And then all of a sudden it's like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. And then we go over to Amanda's Newport beach rental home and it's all beachy and there's flags out there and all the kids are running around. And Amanda's like, Shoshana, Shoshana. Cause of course she has a kid named Shoshana. Shoshana. Would you mind rollerblading around the house at a slightly lower speed? Shoshana. Shashi. Shashi. She's just like a blur. Shosh. Shoshana is going in circles around the kitchen Island really fast.

18:01Like whatever mother. I know the rules. and Eddie's like bye Felicia because the kids go outside so they leave and Amanda tells us that they rented a place in Newport Beach and they just loved it so much that now like they're there every weekend and it's basically like raising her children in the 80s because they're like not on screens so yeah just an ideal place to live Newport Beach old fashioned Newport Beach just like just like raising your kids in the good simple day. Yeah. So Amanda and Eddie are sitting down in the living room and Amanda's like, oh, I wanted to tell you about the Sedona trip while the babies are napping and the big kids are out.

18:44And he's like, yeah. So you guys flew into the small Sedona airport? Yeah, it was the small one, not the big one for the people with money. P.S. I like Erica. Remember when I said that she was the one who said, boring when I ordered a mocktail? Remember that story I told? It was so funny. Okay. In recap, I ordered a mocktail and Erica went, boring. And I was like, I got you. I understand you. Anyway, I told you like a little bit about Sutton, right? Okay. Yeah. Well, I heard her old sister was like, you know, like saying to her like, oh, have Amanda call me and I'll give her like all the dirt.

19:14Right. Yeah. And then I like said that to Sutton like verbatim as I got, just as I got in the text. And then she like went cold. Like, I mean, like her eyes like looked mad. And I was like, what? I'm just like saying it verbatim from like a text. And she's like, what? And I'm like, what? And I'm like, I've got more money than you. So why are you looking at me? And she's like, what? And I was like, what? And we just like looked at each other. Yeah, well, she obviously doesn't know you because she only gets a few strikes before you cut a bitch down. And she goes, I mean, you're not wrong.

19:47I wonder what they're doing up in Beverly Hills at a boutique somewhere. Well, all I know is that she calls herself the money queen. And Rachel goes, the money queen? Seriously, what? She's like, yes, that's what she calls herself. Did you not know that? She goes, what the fuck does that even mean? the money queen like what is that seriously what yes that's what she calls herself it's a public thing i don't know which is like the money queen i'm still just like trying to figure out how these words go together i'm just gonna say it one more time the money queen i don't die i don't know why i keep repeating myself no hold on i'll repeat myself money queen seriously yes but you've never had a job before how are you telling people how to get money i mean if i could roll my eyes harder i would my bud that both was on to her already money queen what do you do i take people's money listen i think that that's valid i think that if you've got millions of dollars from you know scamming it off other people that's you still you still got it you still got the money yeah well we see we go back a few weeks when amanda was like yeah i've got like no formal business experience, but then I found I have a gift around the energetic part of money, which is still such a funny thing to say.

21:04So Bo's like, if somebody is going to teach somebody else about how to make money, I expect that they make a lot of money doing some kind of work before. That way, they can tell someone how to do the work so they can get the money that they're supposed to get after. But Bo's missing the point. She's not trying to tell people how to work to get the money. She's telling people how to dream to get the money. You know? How to pay to dream to get the money. invest your money now so you can learn how to know how to get it back and then some i don't even think it's investing it's just like investing in amanda oh yeah yeah invest your money pay your money now give your money to me and then one day maybe you'll be rich because you gave me a lot of money i mean yeah that's something it's for stupid people but still she's she's getting it you know what would we only take money from smart people so rachel's like i thought she does like affirmations.

21:54Like, am I okay? Am I okay? Could you check my pulse? Do I have one? Do I, do I have sudden onset coma coming on? Because I thought she only did affirmations. She's like the money queen. Like, hold on. I'm going towards the light. I'm going towards the light. I think I'm dead. Hold on. Going towards light. It's a watch queen. This is your watch. This is your watch match. Oh my God. I'm seeing two heads right now. Are there two gay people here? Or am I dead? Are you angels? Are you gangels? Are you gangels? I have like malaria from a money queen mosquito. I like can't. Producer asked Rachel, would you ever read Amanda's book, Rich as Fuck?

22:31And she's like, no, I would never read a book called Rich as Fuck. No, it's just like not my energy. I just don't even know what a book is. Like what's a book? Like I've been booked. So you're asking me like, would I be booked? Like, yeah, I'll be booked. Is this book, this book, tell me, is it written on a caftan? Okay, no, then no interest, no interest. Can Caius moisturize his face with this book? Then no. No. No. Will it keep Sky Sky from riding an e-bike? Okay, Sky Sky, I'll read that. Sky Sky, I'll read that. So the vendor is like, okay, your total comes to$10 ,500 worth every penny, my$10 ,500 queen.

23:12Yes, I can't. She's like, oh my God. Oh my God. Basta. I've lost my mind. I've lost my mind. Basta? No. I would never. I didn't like lose my fucking mind out of my ears. I would never say pasta. I'm kind of fucking monster, are you? Fire this gay. No, Rachel, please, please. Sorry, I had to banish the gay who suggested I have pasta in a store. It's over for him. Rachel leaves and a sad piano plays as the gay goes back to his little den in the back and hibernates until she comes back to the store. Well, he shrinks down, turns into smoke and goes into a little tiny jar kept inside the cash register.

23:50A straight guy comes out. He's like, all right, I'm here to sell. All right, bro. So Amanda, back to Amanda's place. Amanda's talking to Eddie and she's like, anyone cry about mama being gone? Like even not even at bedtime? He's like, no, bedtime is different. It's Kanan laid on top of me like he usually does. And Liam was beside me and I held Shosh's hand on the top bunk and I felt him the most I felt him in a really long time. And it turns out that what they're talking about is that they had lost a child three years ago, that they had, Amanda had given birth to twins. They were in the NICU and one of them didn't make it.

24:29And it was a very sad and scary. It's terrible. It's really, really, it's really bad. And we see cell phone footage of them cradling their child and crying, et cetera. It's very dramatic. It's very, you know. cell phone footage on the tv i don't know about a cell phone footage yeah i was yeah but it's one of those moments where you're like okay um but obviously that's like a huge loss i'm not gonna say you know i'm not gonna say anything but as a viewer i was like what the hell it was weird it was kind of it was weird to put that but you know i talk about that all the time of like people like posting pictures of themselves crying on instagram i just don't get that i'm from like i don't get it either i'm just from i'm just an older bitch you know where it's like cry at home and then pretend you're happy on the internet you know so i don't know which way is better really yeah but it was shocking to see on tv for sure and what a terrible only because it happened my god yeah i have to imagine maybe they were like we want to document these these moments that we do have with our child but it was uh yeah i don't know if i personally would have whipped out a phone that moment but sad.

25:42But it was so sad. So she's like, you know, and obviously the anniversary of him dying is on Friday. And last year that was a weird day for me. So I don't know how I'll be. And so then the music's like Beverly Hills, fucking Beverly Hills. So we see Dorit. Yes, Dorit's striding down the street and going into a restaurant called Oospi. And it sounds like a very Dorit restaurant. Did Dorit name that? Dorit! What? Where are we meeting? Dorit! Dorit! What? Dorit! Where? It's her trend. It's her trend of saying, don't speak. Dorit! Dorit! I know just what you're saying. Please don't... Dorit! So she meets with her new two-woman management team, Claudia and Emma.

26:36And Dorit's like, oh, hello. Oh, God, I think I'll go with the fish sandwich. You never see those today. Which I thought was such a funny thing. Chapter one. What happened to the fish sandwich? What's it done? Fish fill where? Fish fill where? Never seen a fish sandwich before. People are going to get to know me in this new book. For example, Dorit stands for the return of fish sandwiches. Write that down, ladies. So this lady Claudia is like, well, Dorit, I have something for you. Is it a fish sandwich? Because you never see those anymore. Did you notice that? No, it's not. Here you are in a copy of a rollercoaster magazine.

27:24Spelled R-O-L-L-A-C-O-A-S-T-E-R. Rollercoaster magazine. I'm looking it up right now. Rollercoaster magazine, Dorit. Dorit. Okay. Roller Coaster magazine. Dorit Kemsley. It covers Roller Coaster's SS25 issue. It's Dorit in like a little French coat. French coat. Trench coat. Maybe it's French. French trench coat. I'm going to go with that. And she is looking to the side in sunglasses, standing in front of a bunch of trees and reading a newspaper in a really awkward way. Like the newspaper is a little scrunched up and kind of closed. Like she doesn't quite know how to read a newspaper. She's never done it before.

28:08Yeah. And she's in front of a lot of ferns or palms or something like that. It's the Los Angeles Times Sunday edition. A deeper... Wait. The headline says, A deeper look at shootings of bystanders by the LA Times. It's like, look at me having a fashion moment, reading an article about how people are getting shot on the street. That's very Dorit. Like you see kind of a house between the trees. Like, who shot this? So, just scanning through random parts of the article, I found this. I wanted to be a lawyer from a very young age. But at five or six years old, I wanted to be a cowgirl. I was sure I wanted to be a cowgirl.

28:56I loved horses. They were my favorite animal. And I spoke to my father about it. and explained that it doesn't bring, he explained it doesn't bring in a great income. So after that, I said, okay, then I'm really not sure what to do. But you remember those shows like Divorce Court? I just loved that forum. And I was very drawn to being a lawyer, even to this day. I think I would have been a really great lawyer. But you know, that wasn't my destiny. And they're like, could you pull a Kim Kardashian? She goes, oh, someone said that to me the other day, actually. I'm sure Dorit, someone the other day said, you know what?

29:32You should pull a Kim Kardashian and become a lawyer, Dorit. No one said that to you, Dorit. Yeah. Master of rights. No one said that. It's actually quite a long interview. Like it's really, it goes for a while. I mean, no surprise, it's Dorit. So she has a lot to say about everything. I'm just going to scroll to another part because I love Dorit's stupidity. Do you think it's therapeutic or harmful to have those moments immortalized for others to consume? Somewhere in between. My children, footage of when they're young is nice to have. Life is a series of evolution. For example, I started out as a baby elephant.

30:11Just hideous. And then I found roller skates and became the beautiful penguin swan you see today. Thank you. Thank you, evolution. I'm going to be a penguin swan lawyer with curls and hair. That's it. Print it. Write it down for the book. People for generations will know. This, this is Dorit.

30:37Commercials. Here comes one right now.

30:42They say, what's the last thing that made you laugh hysterically? Gee, I need to do that more often. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. That was me laughing hysterically. That's probably the longest period of time where laughter is not as prevalent as it normally is in my life. But I'm thinking about that day on the beach at Garcelle's. Little jabs, little hilarious jabs. Kyle, Kyle and I were literally almost peeing our pants. We laughed so hard. I went, and we were on the ground nearly wetting ourselves. I think she actually did. You can print that. Kyle Richards pees her pants all the time. Liar, liar, pants not on fire because they're soaked in urine.

31:29so dorit is writing a book guys she's getting a book and um we find out that she had to get her rid of her manager because she separated from her husband and that was her

31:44um so um they're like so was uh pk a better manager or a better husband and she's like Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Chain both of my answers to a radiator and give them a very small national tour. Here's my answer. Karma chameleon. Guys, I need to work. I need to earn money. I don't want to have worries. I want to be able to buy whatever I want, be it a Bulgari watch or a fish sandwich. You know, you don't see those very much anymore. So I do whatever I want for the kids. I've got goals, guys, and I need to do those things. like well obviously you've got the book coming out one of the first things I said to you was how have you not written a book and then I talked to you and I realised I'm not sure this woman even knows how to hold a pen so it makes sense once I talked to you I thought have you not been hit over the head with the book I know but if I'm going to do my memoir I want to put my heart into it I want people to be able to pick up my book finish my book and say why did I read that book and that way they know me so much better

32:51dorit nobody wants a book from you okay i think this book came out already i think this book was written in like five minutes um by the way i think she just like picked up her phone and like voice to texted and sent it to these ladies they're like add some pictures with dorit with huge rollers in it and call it a day and she's like well i just signed a book deal writing a book is not only going to give me the opportunity to go through the journey of processing everything that I'm going through, but thinking about everything that's led me to where I am today. The good, the bad, the ugly. There's the title of the book.

33:28No, I don't like ugly people. I'll marry them, but I don't like them. All right, print that. That was a good one. Book done, book finished. Who's paying for this fish sandwich? By the way, what if I bought a Bulgari watch for the fish sandwich would that be a good chapter yes or no it's going to be a cathartic experience but pen to paper and i really feel like i'm moving into a new chapter of my life and that is a pun and you could put that in the book in the chapter that says three sandwiches am i right the other thing we need to consider is the cover that's the whole book that's it the cover yes i just want a book that's a picture of me standing there, looking out of a window about to say Mubilee!

34:16Mubilee! Mubilee! Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Mubilee! I love it. I love that they're going to shoot the cover before the book has even, not even finished. It hasn't even started, but they're gonna do the cover first. Yeah, I think Dorit's book came out. Wasn't that something we talked about earlier in the season? Dorit Kemsley book. I don't remember. Yeah, Dorit Kemsley book, Amazon book, so let me look. It's called Unburdened. Unburdened. That's right, Unburdened, yes. A memoir. Let's see what it says. Unburdened, a memoir, by Dorit Kemsley. I'm opening it now. The Real Housewives.

35:10God, it's the shortest description I've ever seen. It just says, picture, insert picture. That's all it says. Now it says, from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star, Dorit Kemsley comes a candid memoir, which she peels back the layers of her life and shares the unscripted moment that shaped whooshies. Hmm. Hmm. when she became unburdened by the fact that she finally found a place in Los Angeles that serves a fish sandwich. It's so hard to find. So now we go to a place called Elevate Infrared. And if you think that they are going to spell out the entire word elevate, you are mistaken because it's Elev number eight.

35:52And Sutton and Kyle go meet there and they get into an infrared sauna that's 159 degrees. And it is too hot for them. They're like, wait, we have to do an entire scene in this blazing heat. So then they try to turn the temperature down and Kyle makes it hotter. And then they just, they basically just turn it off. Like, we're not doing this. Okay. I got into makeup today. We'll just turn it off. And, you know, they're like, we're not, we don't want to, we don't want to be filmed in red light. So here you go. So. You're not paying me enough to die on camera. Oh, really? Because like I do that in like literally every scene.

36:32You wuss. By the way, I just wanted to add Dorit's book is on Amazon, but it's not available until April 21st, just in case people were scrambling over there. I'm like, hey, wait a minute. Why didn't Ronnie tell us when it's available? That's when it's available. Okay, yeah. So we're in the sauna. And Kyle also has like a metal water thing, which I feel like wouldn't end up well in the sauna. You just burned yourself. I know. That's going to conduct heat. So Kyle gets right to work. Did you end up talking to Jennifer? And Sutton's like, well, I mean, she and I were roommates. So we talked every day.

37:09What are you talking about? She's like, no, but like after you snapped at us that night, remember when you did that? Because you're cray cray. Did she say something? Yeah. So I just find it interesting that she would say something to you before saying something to me. So now you tell me this information and I'm going to go tell stuff to other people before I tell it to Jennifer. yeah and also she did say something to you and you snapped at her and shut her down in front of the entire group sudden so she did try to say something to you uh and so kyle's like well i mean like it was in the moment when you were like jennifer just stop remember that that was like so scary you were so scary i love it and then when she went to the bathroom i came out and she had tears in her eyes and she was like well sudden snapped at me and i was saying like it you know she was saying like it's always about you so awkward wow what a good friend kyle that's really sweet of you to chase somebody while they're upset just so you can get dirt to go cause problems in their friendship.

38:05There's Kyle. There's Kyle. Old reliable Kyle. Good old reliable Kyle. So Kyle goes, yeah, and then she said she understands why Garcella's not friends with you anymore, and I was really surprised by that, but anyway, I think she may have smiled when she did that and then rubbed her hands together, and then maybe she said, I think you're my new best friend, Kyle. I don't know. I don't want to get you upset or anything. So And then something's like... Also, she fucked Denise. She fucked Denise. Yeah, she fucked Denise one time with the breakers. So I'm sorry. I'm getting all my shit talking. I'm sorry.

38:35I have five cars. I've got a lot to think about. It's getting all this. And then I think she's... You stole her goddamn house. You stole her goddamn house. I think that Jennifer also said that she's going to go get her hair done by Joey Malouf or something like that. I don't know. Sorry, is that triggering for you? Okay, Kyle, just stop it. Adrian Malouf had a surrogate. it's happening to me it's too hot for Kyle Kyle also says that Kyle says that Jennifer said that Sutton can be problematic which I don't believe we saw Jennifer say so Sutton tells us that no and Kyle's purposely using that language because she brought up Garcelle and then called her problematic because she knows that Garcelle is very sensitive about being called a bigot on this show So Kyle is purposely stoking fires with words like that.

39:25That's typical Kyle. Not her best word, but Sutton's very easy. Yeah, she's like, I mean, Jennifer has seen how sad I've been over the past few months slash years slash entire life. And it's just, it's so mean. And I just, I want to go talk to Jennifer immediately. But first I'll talk to Erica about it and some other people and some other people after that. And then I'll talk to Jennifer and say how upset I was that she didn't come directly to me the way I came directly to her after several people. Yeah. I mean, that's really sucky. Come on. That's sucky to bring up Garcelle. I mean, people just bewilder me.

40:00They bewilder me. So now we go to Las Vegas, the Nevada Fertility Institute. And Boza's in a medical gown waiting with Keely. And they're going in for the procedure. And she's like, I'm ready for the eggs. I brought this bucket from a nickel machine. Just put them all in here. triple sevens triple sevens let's go let's go i'm feeling every emotion possible i've never had a smooth pregnancy before and if this doesn't work i worry about keely's overall satisfaction because i know he really wants a child so if he doesn't have that what does that mean so this has to work i'm like i i look in a relationship i think it's a beautiful thing when people make sacrifices and do things for the people that they love i think that is wonderful and great but i also get like really sick and tired of hearing about these guys who are like, well, I want a baby.

40:49And like women who've had like, like high risk pregnancies are like, well, I guess I'll have to do this again. Like Caroline Stanbury, now Bose is doing this. It's like, it's like, this is like, yeah, you may want, you may want to have a child. This lady has to do all the hard work though. And it's like dangerous. I'm just like, I'm just like, I just feel like it's unfair. And like every relationship is different and like if bose is fine with it then then it doesn't even matter what i say but i just think these guys are ridiculous and the fact that she's concerned that he's gonna leave because of it when she's the one that's like put her body through war i just don't think yeah that's what i was gonna say the the thing that bugs me is i don't like the term i worry about keely's overall satisfaction as if at the end of this experience there's going to be a pop-up like how On a scale of one to 10, how satisfied were you with Bo's service today?

41:42And it just kind of grosses me out with with Keeley. Although, you know, like I got it. They want to he wants to have a baby and stuff. But like you're dating someone who's almost 50 and you should have started sooner, sir. Like you wouldn't even move here in the first year. So I feel I just feel like it's a lot to ask and I don't like it. I'm team Bo's. Yeah, I mean, look, if they get a surrogate, that that obviously helps. But like we saw this on Dubai with Caroline Sanbury where like, like Sergio was like, I want to have another baby. I want that baby. I want that baby. And she was like, no, it's, I don't want to have another baby.

42:16It's really hard on me. And it's going to be like dangerous for my body. And the way these guys, like, I don't care. Like, I hate that. And again, you know, people make concessions for the people that they love. And if they are fine with it, it's what they want. Then like, it's like, it doesn't matter what I think. but these guys, you know, sort of forcing their ways. I just don't like it. I don't like that dynamic. Yeah. So then we go to Rachel's house and, um, guess what she's wearing? A full length gown. That's right. We're calling it that. Not a cafe. I'll tell you. So we see, um, senior brand producer, Mary Elizabeth and, um, private chef Leo.

42:54Yes. Mary Elizabeth, master Antonio and Leo. Yes. Fun fact. Former Bravo star Leo, was a contestant on chef Academy, a long forgotten Bravo show that was really, really good about people learning how to cook in Venice, California. Well, there you go. Apparently he learned because now he's cooking for someone who doesn't eat. So I'm sure his food is delicious. He's like my audition for the Rachel's. Oh, I just brought in a plate of popsicle sticks and got the job. Nailed it.

43:32so Rachel's like oh my god what's happening in it like why is this so dark in here it's like dark like I can't see like oh my god before I could see I can't see now oh my god am I alive did I die they always say go towards the light is there like no light in the light it's like there's actually like so much light I can't see how am I supposed to go towards the light if the lights are out like literally like I'm like dead like I'm literally just like dead forever I'm like come on and they're like um yeah so the power out on the entire block. Sorry, don't hit me. It's like, oh my God, I don't even understand why the fuck this happens.

44:01Like, I do something. Like, what are we supposed to just eat in the dark? It's like one of those restaurants you eat in the dark. Like, come on. Jesus, that's the only way Roger's going to get a date, by the way. I hope he finds one of those to take some child into today. Fucking moron. Date in the dark. I love that Rachel has no concept of rolling blackouts because it's the summer and in Los Angeles, what happens is or in California in general, because it gets so hot that they have to do rolling blackouts because the energy grid gets, you know, gets overwhelmed with all the air conditionings and everything.

44:31And Rachel has like no idea. She's like, oh my God, like the light, it just went out. Like, oh my, did the electricity find like an amazing vintage Chanel bag? Cause it seems like it's dead. It's dead. Oh my God. I'm dead. No lights. Rolling blackouts are not supposed to happen to rich people. They're supposed to roll around us. Roll around us. Roll away. roll roll out so chef leo's like it's okay i can like make it work look i can make i can cook with the lighter i can light the gas with the lights i don't understand what any of that means i don't even know what a stove is what's a stove is that like a new type of dress i love it but she's like okay well i'm gonna put on a spiky headband make myself look like a greek goddess and walk into this oh my god it's light outside guys did you see that it's like light outside but it's like dark inside this is crazy it's bananas you guys why does the sun have power but we don't like this is unfair this is my fucking life it's like not raining there's no storm kaios is moisturized and there's no reason not to have power right now like what the fuck like why does this happen like me why did electricity decide to target me today i'm like dead meanwhile at sutton's house kathy is on speakerphone and she's like i just don't know why we don't have power but oh you're gonna crack up i came up with this idea we're using a handheld fan because you're so hot well no to blow dry my hair with we're blow drying my hair with a fan i had the maids come in here and actually blow with their breath but they've been eating a lot of caviar and potatoes so it's a staff meal it wasn't very good so i got a little bit of egg in my hair so we changed to paper fans i gotta get the lady a toothbrush okay well do you need to come over here and use my electricity because blow dries are very important oh well i may have to and then You just hear Carol in the background going, blow harder, bitches.

46:25Blow harder. You're going to be out on the street.

46:31Jennifer has curlers in her hair and looking at shoes and dress from her sister deciding what she's going to wear. Yeah. So then Amanda is driving around in her red Porsche Convertee and Kyle's with her. And she's like, so what's tonight's occasion? Are we just getting together at Rachel's or? Amanda says, a psychic. And did you see the Evite? Because it's like a psychic summer something. So, yeah, I'm really excited to see a psychic. And Kyle's like, I love a psychic at dinner. Wink, wink. And then we see Alison Dubois, who, like, in retrospect, should have been made a housewife immediately. Yes.

47:12Smoking her little electronic cigarette going, he will never emotionally fulfill you. Know that. know that Kyle says um I'm hoping that the psychic tonight does not have an electronic cigarette and is a positive psychic so uh then we go back to Amanda's car and Amanda's like saying how this is an emotional week for her because Monday was her twin her child's birthday and so it's also the anniversary of uh but today is the anniversary of when the twin passed and so it just seems weird to be out, but she explains that her husband was like, you should be out with your friends tonight because it'll be a good distraction from the anniversary of Zion's passing.

47:54Then we see Sutton and Erica riding together and Kathy shows up at Sutton's house in Curler's to get her hair done. She's going to use Sutton's electricity while everyone else is heading to the party. And Sutton is driving with Erica. So it's going to be a psychic party. I have a few things I need to get off my chest, with Jennifer. So I hope I can see that. I hope she sees that. Oh, God, girl, I thought you were going to save me. At least you know something going on with me. You're going to really talk to Jennifer about this? That'll be good. That'll be good. By good, I mean exhausting. I've already dusted off a patio chair.

48:32What the fuck, boy, does this show want from me? I've got to drive a setting now? Come on. Have you ever heard of a thing called a sponge? Yellow on one side and green on the other and one side's rough, one side's soft. Just the way I can embed with Shrek. And Sutton's like, well, I'm going to ask her something. I'm going to ask her truly, Jennifer Tilly, why did you say that? Yeah. And I'll just say, it wasn't nice. It just wasn't nice. Yeah. And I'll say, can you explain yourself? Yeah. Are you thinking about me or the sponge again? So funny, Erica. Erica just giving nothing to Sutton. It's like, here's what I'm going to do.

49:09Yeah. Well, I'm going to go talk to Jennifer. Yeah. And then I'm going to tell her. Yeah. I'm going to tell her I didn't like it. Yeah. Yeah. She was really nice. Yeah. Erica was just like, let me out of this car. Why am I even on this show? Erica, I think if anyone, we joke about Rachel saying like, take a pulse. I think Erica, like, can we check Erica's blood pressure? Is she still living? Erica's just like, whatever. Roll me to a party. Sit me down. put a straw in my mouth and I'll just drink and have a good fucking time with these dumb bitches. Give me the fuck out of here. Yeah. Yeah. You have a personality?

49:50Yeah. Okay. Do you have like a favorite song? Yeah. What's it called? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. So then Erica Sorry, there's a long way to go to make an Usher joke. So Erica tells us Jennifer's saying that Sutton makes everything about her somewhat true, yes, but Sutton probably feels betrayed by Tiller. Like, you're my friend. I've already fallen out with Garcelle because I'm a stupid bitch. But why do I need to have a falling out with you? Am I right, everyone? High five, America. Okay, I'm going to go back to using this thing called counter spray. God, I love housemaker things. Well, she should have come to me first.

50:31Like, listen, you have no idea who you are dealing with. You have no idea. Yeah. So then we go to Rachel's and she's putting place cards out. Mary Elizabeth, put out the gift cards, put them out. Me, put them out. Are you going to put bags on chairs? Like, is that how we do things here? It's like, yes. Rachel Zoe slippers, Rachel Zoe pajamas, Rachel Zoe fragrance, Rachel Zoe sunglasses. Oh my God. It's like an orgy of Zoe. Love it. Dead died. But I'd love is that because Rachel Zoe deals with famous people and is famous herself, no one bats an eye at the fact that she puts out a swag bag of all her stuff but if it were like Dorit or anyone else that just gave everyone a whole bunch of Beverly Beach like oh my god is this like a commercial or something like that what's that what the hell or like when Jenna Lyons did it and Cy and Aaron complained about all the free shit that they got I just love how there's a total different standard for people who are famous on these shows like oh my god thank you so much for all your Rachel Zoe stuff.

51:29Yeah. So then we meet Angie, the tarot card reader. And I don't know that I trust Angie because she's got like a new version of tarot cards. They're like the artwork. I just don't like the artwork. I don't know what's going on with this tarot artwork, but it looks like girl power cards. You know, it's like, oh my God, it's Monday and I got this girl. It's definitely like, it feels like the New Yorker. It's like New Yorker tarot cards, right? Like I'm surprised that like the various cards were not like, I need to talk to my therapist. So Angie's like, well, everyone, I mean, she's like, you know, sometimes Rachel, it's okay that you lost power.

52:11There's gonna be some hiccups and like, you're just gonna keep adjusting and like, it's just gonna be more magical. That's the message I keep on getting from my cards. It'll be a magical, oh my God, really? I like that message. What else does it say? Okay, does your, do you feel anything about like what the new um valentino line is now that he's passed r.i.p no oh my god i'm sorry but like you've pulled a lot of really bright pink cards with girls with wonky facial features and blonde hair which i got you have not pulled one that says death so you're fired die die so um then in comes natalie rachel's friend we'd heard that would be on the show and i forgot about and she comes in in like a sheer outfit that has like, it's like bikini bottoms underneath it or whatever, it's like bodysuit, whatever.

53:03I don't know. It's like a little bit more risque than these women are at a dinner party usually. And there's a reason for that because Rachel tells us that she met Natalie through her soon-to-be ex-husband, Simon Fuller, who we know is the, among other things, I believe he created American Idol. I think maybe he runs Fremantle. I'm not sure about that. But he's like a big deal. And that's how, and she's been going through this divorce. And as a result, this is new Natalie because she used to be more, we see a picture of her before where she was just like, oh, you know, I'm just Natalie. Just sitting in the kitchen.

53:44Oh, look at me in my jogging pants. Jumpsuit. Okay. I'm in a jogging pants. We're in Oxford. And now I'm Natalie, ex-wife of Simon Fuller, bitches. I need inside a prenup, suckers. But this Natalie, I'm not really sure why she's wearing this, but girl, this is just like a dinner party with the girls. You look crazy. You look like literally crazy. I'm glad you feel freer, but you're also going to feel like in need of a blanket in a minute because it's going to be cold. It's going to be cold in five minutes. So she meets them, and Rachel's like, this is Natalie. She's getting divorced. you might have guessed that by her outfit that's a thong but yeah this is natalie and erica's like oh well you're clearly not boring look at you look at what you're wearing and she goes oh i love a hoe dress natalie is giving expensive hoe yeah and this is where we see the before and after pictures and natalie's like well when i was getting out of the car i was like i'm really sorry for whoever sees my vagina.

54:44Ah, ah, divorce. Why are you serious? Sorry. I think you should show your vagina as much as you want. At the bus. So then Jennifer enters and she's got like this beautiful black gown with this like a cape. Capes seems to be in. I feel like we're seeing capes all over Bravo right now. This cape that's like diamond studded. She's like, we are dressed like the cosmos tonight. Jesus Christ, Jennifer. I'm gonna like rip those diamonds off of you. Like, amazing. Oh, my God. Don't even sit. Like, just stand. Twirl. Amazing. I'm done. I'm tired now. You can go away. Thank you. That was enough. Jennifer Tilly is like a walking museum of fashion.

55:25People always ask me whose closet I would take over, and I say, what's her name again? Jennifer Tilly. I'll go with Jennifer Tilly. She's here right now. Maybe it's Jennifer Tilly. Like, never heard of her before, but, like, now I'm here. Now I like her. I gotta know. I die. Like I die. Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way.

56:08It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto Put your hands together for Carly Clapp Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela Etchles We never miss her call, it's Diane Call Sunday in the Park with Dylan Clark Big Yay, it's Emily Gauthier Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less Hava Nagila Weber You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Jamie, she has no less namey Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson.

56:49Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera, sera, whatever will be with Lauren Sillsby. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. Aren't you glad it's Marianne Arns? Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the berg. This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson. She sure is swell. It's Raquel. Yes, we canna. It's Sadana. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tippi. And our super premium sponsors. Make way for AJ Lopez. Happy are we, it's Allison with an I.

57:32She's VVIP, it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. win. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill. Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides. Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. She's a total knockout. It's Katie Manok. Let's get savage with Laura Wildman. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock.

58:13We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lola Alkalani. The incredible edible Matthews sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud. Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Talafson. Shannon out of a can in Anthony. Please don't stop. It's Soli and Pop. Let's take off with Tam Laplane. You'll always get the full story with Tori Parsons. She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys.