#3190 Vanderpump Rules S12E08: This Too Shall Paso Robles

0:21Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie. That is Benooney over there. Hello, Ben. What you doing? Hi. How's it going? What's going on? Good. Nothing. It is Vanderpump Rules Day. But before we get to that, we have the Golden Crappies coming up on February 27th in the glamorous Hollywood. So please come. It's going to be so much fun. Voting begins next week. We're getting the ballots together this weekend. You will see voting next week. Check our socials for that. You can also find it on watchupcrappins.com or on Patreon, of course. We have a new newsletter on Patreon that goes out every week.

0:59It's basically a blog of what happened during the week, so that's fun. Go check that out. That's also where you find ad-free listening bonus episodes on traders and all our Crappins On Demand videos, which we're recording right now, everybody. We also are going to have live streaming tickets for the crappies. Those will be announced. I mean, they're being announced now, but the ticket links will be available when the voting starts next week. Is it Monday? It's not Monday. It's the fourth. It's not going to be a Monday. So next week. I think it's February 4th. Just check next week. Yeah, I think it's the fourth.

1:32So thanks, everybody, for all the support with that. We are having so much fun. We're selling that theater. So get your tickets if you're going to come because it's going to be sold out. and um today we are talking of vanderpump roars a season something episode something i don't even have my notes open that's where i'm at today like what well while you get your notes ready i can say that ronnie and i had a brush with greatness last night because we went out and had drinks with dame brian moylan a vulture preeminent bravo recapper of the intranets and we were in weo so we decided hey let's uh let's go over to sir see if any of the uh any of the vanderpump rules kids were there and lo and behold everyone was there we walk right in and who's standing right there chris and jason the adorable only fans eyebrow twins and uh we we saw marcus we saw ha ha ha ha ha shane davis shane davis everybody yeah oh you guys are so funny oh my god what handsome guys oh my god i mean we see on the show that they're cute but geez in real life i was like smud love those are some cute boys i know and we did a group photo and i don't know like for some reason ronnie like you just for some reason you wait for me to walk away and then you take a picture that's what happens every time there's so many pictures of just people people without me there it's not our fault you have some weird thing some weird radar where i literally said guys let's take a group photo and we all start to get in a row and then all of a sudden you just bolted across the restaurant over the south that's not what happened 100 we were we're like let's go are you guys ready because we did not go on purpose together i was parked in front of the restaurant so we were like oh let's just stop in there and see what's going on before i get in my car so we walked in and it was a viewing party i guess they have viewing parties at the restaurant.

3:29We didn't know. And so there were all these people. So we knew people there, you know, because there's like, you know, Bravo commentators. And I saw Kate from Richio's Recaps, who's so cute and I like her stuff. And I, of course, know who she is. So I wanted, and we talked a bit. So I want, we were leaving. So I was like, well, I'm not going to leave without saying bye to that girl. So I'm going to go say bye to Richio Recaps. And you guys were like, okay. And then we go outside and you guys, oh, we took a picture and you weren't there. Oh, well, I'm sorry for having manners and saying goodbye to somebody.

3:59This is your interpretation of how it went. But for those of us who are there taking the picture, we were all starting to get into that row. And you went out and we were like, where's Ronnie going? And we started going, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie. And you just were like - It literally took two seconds anyway. So if that was the case, you guys should have waited for me. And guess what? I don't even care because I'm not a picture of row. I'm not a row picture kind of taker. Okay, I'll get my own pictures. I know. I didn't like my angle. I have, I have to like work on my angles again. I've got to like reset.

4:31I was trying to do like a thing with my legs, but it just sort of looks strange. But, uh, the most important part is that Guillermo took the photo for us. So this was a very special photo because there was a, there was a, a maestro of sorts behind the camera, not the maestro, but a maestro of sorts. So very special moment, but yeah, it was a super fun time and, um, Everyone was nice. And yeah, you know, love the show. Angelina wasn't there. I don't think Angelina was there because she was on Watcher Happens Live last night. Yeah, Angelica. And Angelica was on Watcher Happens Live. And someone asked a question to her and said, Audrey says the fame has gone to your head.

5:12And Angelica goes, hello, is fame in the room? None of us are famous. No one here is famous. no i'm still driving my toyota none of us have gained more than 10 000 followers i was like well good for her good for her good for her

5:35that's funny um yeah so fun times well we open up this episode in posa robles it's a wheel we're Going to Wii U, the Women in Wine Conference, which is, by conference, I mean the table of eight ladies frothing over OnlyFans men. Yes, and honoring me as the Wii U, Woman of the Year. Wii U, Wii U of the Year. Last week I just called her Wii U. Wii U, Wii U, Wii U. Wii U, Wii U. Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U. Woman in Wine, Woman of the Year. Wii U, Wii U, Wii U.

6:20last week we kept on calling it but that's actually not the acronym at all it was women in wine and then just an A we added I think I have a ghost in my house that keeps knocking my phone off the desk it's on the desk and then it keeps falling off the desk do not fall off the desk I'm watching you ghost Ew, well, guess what? Next year, we'll go to Paso Robles to honor you, ghosts and wine. So, for up there. It doesn't sell as well, because you can't see them trying to get out like you can the women. Moo! Why am I stuck in this wine? They gurgle. Oh, it's adorable. So much gurgling. So, the guys are still playing cornhole and saying, like, you got it in the hole, you got it in the hole.

7:10Meanwhile, Demi and Kim and Angelica are in the bedroom talking about the incestuous OnlyFans video. That they just watched. Demi's like, oh my God, I need to go to church. I only watched 45 seconds of it. I can't even imagine all 13 minutes of it. I mean, I can imagine it. And you know why I have to imagine it? Because I don't pay for the OnlyFans, okay? I wanted to see, and I did pay for the first guy, as I told you, little eyebrows. and then I went to look at big eyebrows and his is free but they're all just shirtless and it's like if you want to see more you can become a super VIP whatever I was like well I'm not going to be a super VIP and then I did click on one of the hidden videos and it was longer but it was like this is$57 or something I was like girl I'm not giving you$57 nuts yeah well they were fresh off of a shoot pun intended last night when we saw them they're like yeah man we just did an OnlyFans thing and now we're right here I know and I said so you basically rubbed one out live and then came to work and he's like he's shrugged I thought that wasn't happening anyway it just was on camera so we did the same thing you just got paid that's right I didn't rub one out who says that?

8:30disgusting I'm turning into a disgusting person because of this show disgusting this is too much I'm not going to have dinner I mean, how do I even look at Chris? How do I look at either one of them? Get it in the hole, bro. Stick it in the hole. Yeah, fuck. You got to aim and get your shit right in the hole. I want your saggy shit right in the hole, bro. Cut back. Every time I look at Chris and Jason, I'm just going to think, ew. Like they're literally related by blood. I mean, I do that anyway, but now I know that they're also like jerking off together. So it's like double ew. I'm already at a base level ew.

9:02But now I'm not like really ew. and angelica says i mean that's what i do i just don't look at them so um then we go to the bedroom and angelica's like yeah once you see oh yeah we're still in the bedroom and then angelica's like yeah once you see it you can't unsee it why are all these people so worried about only fans i'm surprised to see young people this upset over only fans because aren't i feel like so many people are on only fans now i'm surprised that they're so puritanical about it. I think it's just the cousin of it all. The cousin cousin-y like incest-y thing, you know. I mean, I knew...

9:41I'm Lebanese, you know. We have a lot of first cousins married in our family tree and that's just the way it is because, you know, I come from a family of immigrants and that's how it happened. They just... One of our family reunions, the cousins actually made t-shirts that said incest fest because there are so many married first cousins. So, you know what? If you can marry your first cousin and have children that go on to own real estate companies, then you can certainly make$57 a load on OnlyFans with your cousin. Why should it be any different for the straights and the gays? That's right. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

10:16Okay. You know, the incest thing definitely weakens once you get into cousin territory, but it's still a little weird. But actually a little weird. It's weird. It's fairly weird. It's fairly weird. I would say a very fairly weird thing. Maybe we've become a little immune to it, having watched so much Game of Thrones and Game of Thrones spinoffs. But yeah, it's a little strange. Listen, I'm not telling everyone they should go fuck their sister. I think it's different possibly too when you're actually having babies. But if you're just dropping loads into each other for some OnlyFans content, come on.

10:50Waste not, want not. Stop judging. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

11:01so now they go in the kitchen to start making dinner and um demi is uh she's gonna start making some mushrooms which i really like this moment for her because she really when she's making mushrooms she does not want to be bothered and she's very upset when anyone comes by her so she's gonna start she's well mushrooms are mushrooms take forever which people don't realize mushrooms are more annoying to make than people realize they take more work well they also um um they have such strange behaviors right and then even outlines it because she's at one point she's like well they're gonna release they're only liquid and then that's when you season them but you don't see them before because you don't want to season them early right you're supposed to season them after they release their juices but you know you never know when they're gonna release their juices and then they absorb the oil but then they release the oil and you're like can you just make up your mind i just want to cook you you know yeah mushrooms are confusing but this was funny because chris comes up and he's one of the incest twins so she's grossed out right when she sees him because she's just seen him god knows what he was doing to his cousin in that shower so he comes in he's like oh shit chef dem is in the building and angelica's like um are those mushrooms you brought from home they're trying to ignore him but he won't leave he's just like staying by her and it's bothering her making the mushrooms and then venus comes in in a pink robe with pool floaties uh within like one's an eggplant floaty or whatever and he's like um i bought this for Chris and Jason because they're always talking about their dick.

12:24Little does he know. Little does he know. And then they take a picture and everything. And then Marcus is slurring his way through the kitchen. He's like, it's obvious. It's obvious. I'm like, oh, my God. And then Chris is like, they're all sort of in the kitchen, like doing fun things. And Jason's trying to be nice to Demi and being like, wow, look at you. You're cooking. That's so cool. And she's like, get away from me. Please just leave me alone. He's like, but I'm just like, well, sorry. I'm just trying to support the chef. She's like, no, get away. Because like, you can't, don't you need oil?

12:56She's like, no, because there's like liquid in the mushrooms. And then the mushrooms release the liquid. And then you season the liquid. And then that's how much, did you just fucking go away? God, sorry. Sorry for trying to support. Now I'm mad. Now I'm mad. You're too close to the mushrooms. Okay. I can't go. Just go. I don't want to think about you and oil. Just don't even mention oil. I was like, I mean, maybe should I jerk off in mushrooms? No, I don't want to think about mushroom heads or oil or you. Get the hell out of here. I don't want to think about things releasing liquid while you and your cousin are in the room.

13:25Okay? Empty your balls somewhere else. He has no idea. Because he just comes around like, oh, can I help with the mushrooms? And she's like, please get as far away from me. I don't want you to get incest on these mushrooms. Yeah, exactly. So Marcus is shit-faced. He's like, hey. They're like, oh, damn, he's lit. And he's like, well, it's obvious all of a sudden. Is it obvious or is it obvious that I've got Ray-Bans? Because I've got Ray-Bans, guys. I'm a DJ now. Ray-Ban DJs. And Chris is like looking at Demi's face because she's scowling because she's now mad about the whole mushroom situation.

14:06He's like, what's up with her face? She's always miserable. If Demi's here, who's scaring the crows away from our crops? Jason just goes, enjoy your mushrooms. Fine I was going to help with the mushrooms But now I'm not going to anymore So Shane walks in I heard there's some mushrooms in here Ha ha ha ha ha

14:32I'm sorry I'm lost in the notes Okay here there enjoy your mushrooms Okay yeah so he's like Are you feeling okay and do you have a good It's like yeah I'm your good Yeah well you're a little more like reserved than usual So why do you say reserved She goes, I don't know. I'll try and come out of my shell once I get out of my back brace. I know. We still have no answers on that. Okay. We got to hit the hot tub, bro. So they go out to the hot tub together. And meanwhile, Natalie's putting drink ingredients into the blender. And she's like, guys, are we ready? Because if this is broken, I really can't.

15:09I cannot with the broken machine. This better fucking work. I'm fucking. It works. It works. It works, everybody. Calm down. Calm down, everybody. God. They are so chaotic in this kitchen. I mean, this really speaks to the fact that they all just have, like, bunts and burners that they're heating their macaroni on. Because they're like, oh, my God, it's a blender. What do we do? What do we do? Oh, my God, you have a pan. You're cooking the mushrooms. Oh, my God. Everyone relax. Everyone relax. They're, like, not used to a full kitchen. So, outside in the hot tub, Angela goes, how are you? He's like, I'm good.

15:39Just coming out of my, you know. I don't really know. anyway um so i'm in my shell my social batteries out like i'm just gonna like pretty gross out around the cousins and i like i haven't exactly warmed up to audrey completely yeah so it's just like a lot for me right now but i'm gonna try i'm gonna try and like warm up to them i just like can't hide it like i'm physically like i'm all like i'm ill around them and he's like uh what's making you ill like i don't get it like what's making you so ill man are you shot man are you He's like, um, I saw some pretty alarming things on the internet. Like Jason and Chris naked, oiling each other up, spreading their butts open.

16:23Stop, there's no way. I'm not joking. He's like, that is not real. Come on. There's no way that that really happened. It's just not real. No, it is real. Just like my back is broken up. It's so real that someone named Israel literally showed it to us. Angelica's making it sound like these two dudes You're spitting on each other Like splitting each other open I just don't believe that bro But either way once I found out how much money these guys were making I was like You can do whatever the hell you want Ingest is best bro Make your money I'm gonna tell you a story And it may make you disgusted with me She's like oh god why Are you stressed about it Okay, so when I was a teenager, my cousin brought his girlfriend over.

17:19Your cousin? Yeah. And he brought his girlfriend into the room to teach me how to make women squeal. Yeah, Shane Davis. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? Oh, my God. Did I really just dodge one incestuous man to lean into the arms of another? I mean, finally, I found someone over six feet, attractive, actual depth to him, and then it's going to tell me this. Remind me about the actual depth part again, Angelica. Can we circle back to that? The depth part? You just stop at six feet. I got a washing machine in my house. I love doing laundry.

18:03Oh, my God. That's like number seven of my priorities. His washing machine is so deep. You could put an entire load in there. Is it front loading? High efficiency, baby. Oh, my God. Okay, what I'm saying is this wasn't incest. There was nothing incestuous between me and my cousin. We just did the Eiffel Tower together. That's it. Oh, my God. I love that you're international. You weren't lubing him up and spreading his ass. I mean, that's like really like fucked up. Come on. There's no way they did that. I got them. I'm going to love my boys no matter what. Like, look, they go down each other. They Houdini, whatever it is.

18:49I don't care. Dirty Sanchez. I love my boys. Do what you got to do. Am I right? Just don't tell anybody about this. She's like, I'm totally going to. I'm Angelica. It's like literally what she does. And he's like yeah I don't think she understands Consequences of spreading rumors And you know it's gonna like backfire on her Cause they're all pretty cool with everybody It's like you're just gonna make enemies You know like you can't go against people Spreading their butt cheeks against each other When everybody loves those butt cheeks You know what I'm saying? It's like what one of my mentors Once said to me Spread butt cheeks don't spread rumors Ha ha ha ha ha ha Well as long as you know why I feel uncomfortable I mean we can just move past it I'm here for you.

19:36And if you need anything, I'm right here, okay? Right here. I know you're rattled by the incest on OnlyFans, but if there's anything you need, I'm right here for you. I can come for you during this incest. He's what a great guy. Thanks. Thanks for hugging me. That incest really scared me. You're going to need therapy just getting to know me, baby. And she's like, but I don't even have a health insurance. Like, this is horrible. how do you still not have health insurance first of all it's so expensive not to have it they charge you so much money i know it's really expensive but like girl you just broke your back yeah the ironies ah so deep she's so deep i love her so much so then inside mark is like we love each other remember and that was like i love all of you like whether you love me back or not like whatever i love all of you guys back i love you guys so much yeah we love you natalie and that's how we do it so they're wondering where shane is and they're in the hot tub but angelica is getting out to go change so they're like let's go hang out with him so they uh go get in the hot chris and jason get in the hot tub with shane and he's just heard this rumor about them.

20:56And Jason's like, this is simmering my nuts. It's hot. Well, yeah, I feel the jet right up against my hole. Oh, bro, get it. Get it. Get it. You have your phone. Get it right now. Spread it, bro. Spread it, bro. Spread it. I'm going to put this so far up my ass. Water's going to come out my ears. Get it on tape. Get it on tape. Hey, guys. Hey, guys, I'm getting in the hot tub also. It's so hot in here, but it feels really good. Are you guys doing incest? Can I be part of that? This is so fun. And Chris is like, yeah, the view's amazing, right, guys? And Jason goes, yeah, it looks like Italy. Tuscany.

21:34Anytime you see a hill, it's Italy. It's basically Italy. So Shane is like, I'm so glad. I was worried it was going to turn into like fucking World War III in here, bro. We've already had World War III, man. Come on. Yeah, well, I was going to say like Natalie, this is Chris talking. I feel like with you and the whole situation with the girls, I feel like it's not like that hard to smooth it out, right? She goes, no, but they like don't want to, you guys. They don't even want to smooth it out with me. So how am I supposed to smooth it out if they don't want to? I can smooth it all I want to, but if they don't want to, it's going to be wrinkled.

22:07It's a wrinkled relationship. Yeah, but like you guys are civil though, right? Like it's a civil war, not a world war. So then inside Demi is like, um, Demi who is fully scowling and still standing over her mushrooms, looks at the rest of the kitchen, goes, I'm having a really good time. Like I'm having a really good time. So in the hot tub, Natalie's like, yeah, I mean, they're the ones that said they don't want to move on. So what am I supposed to do? But honestly, like, can I say something? I got to, like, I'm just being like empathetic. That's like when you feel something, like you feel somebody else's emotions, right?

22:39Is that empathetic? Okay, thanks guys. Is that like when someone's emotions, like open up your butt cheeks and do stuff in there? Because that's what I'm feeling right now. I think that's the jet stream. Oh yeah. Well, from how upset you were now, I feel like you're focusing on yourself brought like a better energy to you I can be the energy so you're doing good job Natalie

23:02you assholes got it the goddamn well me hey you naked these are pink shorts so they look like I'm naked

23:15do you guys understand like I'm putting on a brave face like look at my face it's brave and I really didn't do anything to betray them I'm like, they both screamed at me, you guys. Like, their excuse is that I screamed at them. Like, what kind of excuse is that? Marcus is like, not me. I just screamed at you. She's like, Marcus, we're not even allowed to speak. Like, you haven't screamed at me, but, like, you and I are not allowed to talk. Don't talk to me. I know I have a brave face, and it's very brave, and you want to talk to someone who's brave, and I accept your salute, but don't talk to me.

23:43They're just screaming at me, Marcus. I just want to get past this dumb bullshit because there's so much bullshit about it. And to me, he's like, somebody's screaming outside. Guess who else is screaming? These fucking mushrooms. Do you hear it? It's like glorious. It's like they're all dying on the battlefield together. Listen to it. It's like we're finally getting a good sizzle. Guys. That's another thing with mushrooms. They do kind of scream. You hear them. They're like, just shut up. You're a mushroom. Just stop. I guess that's why Toad sounds like that.

24:15So Natalie's like, guys, why aren't you telling the people that don't want to be friends with me that I'm like, I'm a very brave face. I'm like a soldier. Tell people that. Mark's like, you want me? You got my head taken off, girl? I'm not gonna have my head taken off. You got your head taken off. I'm not gonna have my head taken off. But like, that's on you, buddy. Like, that's why I don't care anymore. Like, I care so little that I came to this hot tub just to tell everyone about how those bitches are to me. And like, I don't care. Guys, why are we yelling in a hot tub of all places? I mean, you got Jason here with one jet going up his asshole and the other one going down his throat.

24:48He's basically being spit-roasted Can we just enjoy the free live?

24:55Guys, free shit Come on, enjoy this People pay good money for this That's real, bro I honestly think Natalie is so good At actually moving forward You're doing great, Natalie You're a good brain face

25:14We can talk about you guys Why don't we talk about me and Venus though guys because me and Venus could sit here for an hour and play with each other but that was my best friend and that's what hurts me like this motherfucker I just wish Venus were alive to see my remorse Venus is just like sitting there in the hot tub watching this saying nothing like this guy he's like I just fucking put my hair up he's like I put my hair up and that's my power so he knows he's getting me when my power is in a bun no so then jason puts his arm around marcus he's like dude i know he's your boy have you thought about spreading his cheeks it's pretty cool when it happens dude he's fucked up dude he actually does care about you look he's there in the corner of the hot tub just looking at you staring at you wondering if you'll crimp his hair i love that venus didn't fall for this and immediately get up and go hug him and he just watches him with his lips he's like my lips are watching chill and he's like when I'm like not on good when I'm not on good terms with Marcus it's like it eats him alive and like I do love this man and like I do care about this man but I'm playing it safe and I'm observing his actions to rebuild our friendship and if there's any hope for us moving forward I'm just gonna need him to see how he behaves on this trip and that's it so then Nata's like guys why are we all upset with each other because we're all hurt by each other.

26:43So like, why can't we just like drop it and start fresh? Like, why can't we do that? Me too. But they're not the mushroom bitches inside are not they're ruining everything. It reminds me of that time we went to dinner with Venus and we shared mushrooms that time. So they go inside to have dinner and Demi's like, guys there's garlic bread, I guess. and that's baked ziti i love that she's a waiter so that's a big ziti i guess and venus goes okay i want some and jason goes why is it called baked ziti jason you're italian jason why do we have to explain these things and jason get out of my dreams and into my car okay i know venus goes um Because she baked it and it's a ziti noodle.

27:38So it's called baked ziti. Still not sure if I follow. It's like, what? Jason, I just want to thank you for what weapon? He's just getting more philosophical. But what is a ziti? Like, okay. What is ziti anyway? I'm going to fuck this ziti. I'm going to fuck it. Jason, I just want to thank you for standing up for me. And he's like, you're welcome. Yeah, because it's a big deal for me. I'll never forget that. You guys, he stood up for me. Baked ziti. He stood up for me. Guys, I just realized ZD is just the fleshlight of the pasta world.

28:15Aside from Venus, I'm like everyone's personal punching bag. And like that gets really lonely and really depressing. So thank God for Jason. Like he finally sees me and he understands me and he validates me. Like it couldn't be better. Oh, love is love is in the air again, or at least in the ZD. By the way, every time I say ZD, my phone lights up because it thinks that I'm talking to her. When I when I said that ZD was the fleshlight of the pasta world my phone goes mmm. I didn't get that

28:44Please don't shame my joke if you have to explain your joke, it's a bad joke. Thanks for shaming me phone So Demi is like you got Marcus you're not drinking

28:58It's like okay, can we stop now and kids like yeah, babe save it for mimosas before the event tomorrow bad girl kim is here um we are not drinking before the event tomorrow it's work okay and andre's like yeah we have the we will conference tomorrow and like a lot of different winery owners are going to be there and they're like all gonna have lunch it's like incredible we cannot be on mimosa yeah we're gonna pour the wine and we're gonna set up the food and guess what we're gonna serve the food hot girl summer so venus is like yeah lisa wants us us on time and not fucking off so we're gonna bring it for you so um marcus marcus is like okay let's hear the summer yay impression okay and jason goes um marcus go so Marcus is like, I got a midpoint count.

29:56Your age is 1995. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Not the silence. Not the silence. Ha, ha, ha. Spin your glass. And he starts beating the wine in the glass really hard. I'm a small dog. I'm a small dog. He's in the party zone over there. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm sorry I choked on my laugh. All right, guys, let's go skinny dipping. So it's like a skinny dipping time. And Shane's like, guys, you can't even see my wiener. It's not big right now, dog. Like I got a helicopter to shit or something. Anybody bring the pump? Where's the pump, dog? I've been shot. My nipples are extremely hard. And they do like backflips.

30:48They're all jumping in the pool. They're having fun time. It's just great moment. But guess what? but it's now time for weeeew. It's 8.28 in the morning and everyone has to wake up because it's time to serve Lisa Vanderpump. So now they're making some eggs and toast and stuff and breakfast time's around and Jason's like, hell yeah, pasta was fire last night. But the only thing is I'm bloated because I didn't realize ZD is actually pasta. Did you know that? So confused with the whole process. Yeah, I barely ate the pasta, but I did eat a little salad. who made the salad. It was fucking sick. I made the salad.

31:26I made it. Oh my God, I did. It was so good. The best thing is the lettuce. Fucking love lettuce. It feels so good to be appreciated for taking that lettuce out of the bag. Like, finally, someone appreciates me around here. By the way, you smell banging. What is that? Thank you. What's that banging smell? I rubbed it on my face. That perfume? Yeah, it's just iceberg. It's iceberg. Yeah. Iceberg by Foxy. It's like a great lettuce scent. So good. You know, like, Like I smell stuff because like I tend to pick up on vibes. And you know, it's like chemistry because like guys smell stuff and I smelled you.

31:59Like when I kiss a girl, I know right away if sex is going to be good. Cause it's like the fucking smell, bro. Wow. Yeah. Well, guess what? Iceberg tread ahead. It's on my neck. Love it. Love that you could pick up on these details. You're so great. So attentive. So Marcus comes in And Shane's like Whoa your hair's looking good Marcus You've got a little Superman Right now dude You're not up for that Superman role are you Because then we're not going to be able to be bros anymore I'm going to get it bro I'm going to get that role bro Commercials Here comes one right now

32:43So outside on some chairs, Angelica and Audrey are talking, having the talk. And Angelica's like, I didn't feel like I could talk too much yesterday. And she's like, yeah, because like last time we spoke, I feel like we were like on very separate pages. Because like you were offensive to me because like I was more upset that you took information and used it. Because I was saying it to my girl. And then like that's why for me it kind of broke my trust. She's like, I would never share your secret. But it was like a guy's secret. so it's different yeah i'm like when i do like jason and chris under the bus i didn't realize you were like so attached to it so if you also received a broken back from the bus i'm so sorry from one broken back person to another so angelica's like okay it's just time to move on you know and she's like you know when it comes to chris and jason audrey's like protective about them so i feel like now may not be the right time to bring up the whole cousins touching each other situation so she's gonna hold on to this information but we need this information out they're gonna tease it tease it out so i just so angelica's like sorry for hurting you she's like i appreciate that and i think like we are both like a little still confused about the situation even though it's like pretty clear you were a bitch and i wasn't but that's fine yeah i think it's like not worth holding on to right she's like yeah i know it's like not worth holding on to Oh, yeah, all right.

34:07So inside, they're talking about work, and Shane doesn't get to go because he doesn't work there. So he's like, well, I'm going to do my shit. You know, I got to go for a run. I'm going to hit up a 12-step meeting. Yeah, can't wait to meet some Pats of Robles AA bitches, baby. And then I'm going to do a little, I had a little nightmare last night. I took alcohol from Marcus. I said, you've had enough. And then I hit the corner and started fucking chugging it. What I'm trying to say is I'm kind of spiraling over here.

34:38so then audrey is like by the way um oh sorry audrey's like hey so um how was your date with shane angelica oh my god the day was like really nice he's like so honest like he has like a washing machine like that's like so raw of him to say that like i really feel like we connected audrey's like yeah he's really real real people have washing machines in their own homes So in Shane's room Chris is like Hey so how are you In your little situation Did she sleep in the bed Last night He's like No no no no No no no no Bro Like she may She may let me go that route But like I kind of feel like She kind of needs A little bit more security And I just kind of like Told her I'm like Not really boyfriend material You get it bro Are you sure about that bro He's like Oh yeah Straight up about it But I do want to do that You know finger in the hole, finger in the...

35:32It's like tremendous, bro, but like I badly want to do it. But this is where the ethics become difficult because I know she wants somebody to rely on emotionally and I know that I don't have those tools, but I want to sleep with her still. So it's just like there's two worlds at war. Vaginas, emotions. Murder! Murder! I love how he uses therapy talk to like justify being a fuckboy. I was like, yeah, I just, you know, I can't be monogamous with her because I just don't have the tools to do it. So I'm just going to be up front with her and just like want to make her feel safe and secure and bang her and move on.

36:09You know what I'm saying?

36:13So Chris is like, you know, it doesn't even seem like you guys, even in the jacuzzi last night, you guys look like you're having a deep conversation about something. You guys look like really two very deep people. Wow. I'm so impressed. Yeah, but you know, like things are mellowing at. I've noticed her and Audrey are cool. they seem to be getting along so it's pretty cool you know and so we cut to Angelica and she's like yeah I'm like also like I felt like in a way but it's like this all brought us like closer together right and Audrey's like me and you she goes yeah Audrey's like yeah I like still hate you literally drove us apart she's like listen I don't trust the girl but I don't want to be a dick about it anymore like white flag it's almost like it's a truce I love you yeah I love you too it's like I love this conversation bitch and I mean bitch in the worst way sometimes it's just better to get your sickness out.

36:59You know, nobody wants to be a dick. Yeah, so now everybody is getting ready. And of course, Venus, we get a shot of Venus. He's like, I only use Gucci bronzer. We know that's a Gnaroochee bronzer, not Gucci bronzer. And yes, it's probably like some chemical they use to set up the fireworks. Some Gucci bronzer. Get out of here. So now Chris gets a phone call and Venus is like, oh my God, I need another spray tan and I need more Botox. and I think my mission right now is finding a man. Yeah, I'd rather find it here than in garbage options I got in West Hollywood. I don't get hit on by men. In West Hollywood, there's only one standard of gay.

37:38It's big and muscular. And if you're not that, then you're just on the low end of the dating pool. And in Texas, everyone's looking for love. In West Hollywood, you greet someone by eating their ass. Sorry. So then - Can I just say we were in West Hollywood last night and that's not true. I mean, I know that that's a stereotype of West Hollywood. We didn't see one of those last night. Maybe you just have to go out on the weekdays. Because I think the weekdays is when the rest of us go out. West Hollywood was looking a lot like Lisa described it, the being the season with the tumbleweeds. Like, no one was out there.

38:09It was just, like, the three of us. Yeah, but, I mean, it was a Tuesday fairly early. But still, like, that's when to go if you want to meet guys that aren't, like, muscular. There were, like, normal guys out there, I would say. Like, normal gays. Yeah, they were normal. Normal size and shaped gays. There was a lot of Pucci bronzer. Yeah. Um, so Venus is saying, yeah, I've never run across a man that I felt deserved my time and energy or my body. There are whores out here in West Hollywood. Whores! So then drama. You mentioned earlier that Chris received a phone call, but little did we realize, and yes, it is true, but little did we realize that that phone call was about to set off a series of unfortunate events for Christopher.

38:47Ooh, lemony Snicket get to work. Nicolaney Snicket. So Chris is telling Marcus He's like yeah so Jason's brother calls me And I have him on speaker and we're talking about going to Bali And he's like yeah bro we're gonna Fuck some mad bitches and then Audrey's like Right there oh my god now she's Mad cause like we're gonna fuck mad bitches Like what am I supposed to fuck happy bitches only Marcus like Oh fuck no she's a little pissed A little pissed I mean she definitely heard it So I don't know I kind of just like laughed it off And I was like fuck she definitely heard that and Audrey's like it's making me question everything how does he feel about me?

39:28does he think about me romantically? is he just trying to get in my pants? maybe Chris just acts the way he would do that to be in a relationship with you but is he really a fuckboy? I'm like well let's see he's a muscle clad bartender in West Hollywood I think all signs point to fuckboy yes fuckboy that is the correct answer done reality dating shows before has a rubber ass and a dick pump in the shower and yeah. Just joined the show to be on TV. To network. And he's an actor. So we're going to say the correct answer is fuckboy. The important thing to know is when you meet a fuckboy just know they're a fuckboy and fuck them.

40:09And just call a day. Don't be mad at a Snickers for being a Snickers. Eat the Snickers. Snickers satisfies you. What I would do for Snickers right now I've got to say. I want a Snickers. I also want a Kit Kat because you mentioned Kit Kat a few times during our Salt Lake City recap and don't think it was an - I'm sorry, Lisa Barlow mentioned Kit Kat. It's not me. There were like a million Kit Kat commercials on during football on Sunday. So I'm just, yeah, because I'm a bro, guys. Yeah, Ben watches football, you guys. Another football. I watch football. Football Ben. Yeah. And they had Kit Kat commercials on like every single commercial break.

40:45Anyway, it's time to leave. Time to go to Wii. So they're all getting into different cars. and Jason's driving and they pack up the women and Mark's like, all right guys, let's go fuck up some women and wines. And Chris is observing the landscape. He's like, the hills do actually make it look pretty cool out here. So you heard it here first. The hills and Paso Robles, A plus. And Venus goes, yeah, the grapes, like they're actually going to like taste different up as you go. Like I learned that. I learned that all in my sommelier class. Chris goes, did you say Somalians? What'd you say? And he's like, I said a sommelier.

41:30And Audrey's like, it's sommelier.

41:37Sommelier class. You never went to sommelier class? I love that he went to sommelier class, but they never said sommelier the whole time. Did you go to a small class? A class that was smaller than other ones? A smaller class? Yeah, no, no, smallie class, smallier. So now they got to work. And we meet Lauren, founder of Rava Wines. She's like, we're serving all roses, so we'll have the Vanderbilt wines and our wines. And first we have to pull out some linens and we need to go get the winens chilled out with a nice bucket. Also, we need someone to tell Pandora it's okay to come out from the house.

42:12She's inside cowering in her pashmina. Can someone bring her out? And Venus goes, whoa, this is some fancy shit I've never experienced before. So he's like, yeah, obviously I love working for Lisa Vanderpump because she's like the queen, the icon, absolute national icon of the United States of America. And I want to prove to her that I can move up it, sir. And I'm that bitch. But like at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. And that's all you can say for the crimp of the crimp. And if somebody who owns this estate Wants to come swoop me off my feet And make me never have to work another day in my life Then I would be totally fine with that You want to meet me?

42:49Eat my ass That's what we say in West Hollywood Hi, sorry to interrupt your internal monologue This is Lauren, founder of Rafa Wines We really do need you to move that ice chest Shut up, bitch, I'm doing a monologue Do your own fucking ice chest Well, I'm sorry that my husband Is a muscle clad, perhaps gay guy But whatever, he's still sleeping with me Get to it, bitch how's everything going Lauren she's like everything's going great the staff has been hard at work one of them's over there picking mud off the bottom of his shoes and the other one is crimping his hair with drinking little stir straws talking about eating ass and possibly getting a job from someone here I think he just tried to text my husband I did it to myself though I did it to myself I volunteered to be a beard.

43:40I thought it'd be fun. It's a very lonely position to be in these. Oh, stop talking to me, non-famous person. Now let's get to work. So now they're all setting things up. And Marcus is saying, I have a hangover today. And the last thing I want to do right now is serve all these housewives rosé. I mean, I'd much rather be drinking the rosé by myself. Okay, I want to watch Maury. Oh, wow, that showed my age a little bit. also showed that you don't seem to realize there's so much more to watch in the afternoons. Yeah, really. I love that you're leading yourself into something. That's what you chose?

44:21Yeah. There's so much. There's so much. So Lisa's like, well, when we say everybody's tasting the wine, that is everybody, but you staff, wacky children. But you. Lauren, don't try to hop onto my joke. You're just a big player. This is called women in wine, not Lauren in wine.

44:48Now the women in wine event. Oh, go ahead, darling. No, I was just going to say Lauren may be a beard. Doesn't mean you have to actually have a beard, Lauren. Get her a razor, someone.

45:01Please, someone grab Santa Claus and tell her it's not her season, eh? Now, the Women in Wine Wii U event is an honor to be a part of. It's great for business, as anyone who's been to Sur in the past year would know. Really working. Now, these women are here today are the creme de la creme, that's French, of the wine world. And to be successful in business can be challenging, especially a male-dominated business. Like wine. Are they serving creamy wine? No, creme de la creme of wine is a No, just get back to work, you Sweet, handsome, little eyebrow Okay, let's get This wheel going Woo So, uh, Avaz falls off The bar and breaks I didn't do that, like, why is everyone yelling at me?

45:50Like, everyone's literally yelling at me, like, Lauren's Yelling at me, like, shut up, whisk your face I don't need it

45:59Um, so Lisa's like, now listen I know how hard this business is, ladies. And let's raise our glasses to see successful female entrepreneurs, even the bearded lady over there. It's something after my own heart. So I'd like to thank you for all coming to the wheel. Chris is like, hello, ladies. So we're going to start off with our Vanderpump Brute Rosé. It's a... Chris, I'm in the middle of a speech to the wheel. All right, darling. Well, you all look wonderful, by the way. Enjoy, ladies. and don't forget to look around and enjoy those hills. Real A plus hills around here. Oh, I'm trying to make a speech.

46:38But now at this point, ladies are like, oh, hi, Chris. Oh, my God. Are you guys even 21? Oh, my God. Women and wine. We want to be women and Chris, right? Oh, my God. Your name is Jason. They're twins. Look at these two. Aren't you two cute? Lady, would you like me to open this bottle of wine or my zipper? Oh, my God. They are so ridiculous. So, so good. over here. You guys look like the Franco brothers. This is verging on the edge of inappropriateness. But then again, we are naughty, sexy, young, young brand, and I've got my very handsome group of men. Ooh, it's also nice for the ladies. I mean, to a certain extent, isn't it?

47:22Unfortunately for them, those men are about to disappear. Smoke bomb! They're gone and turned into doves. Are they serving themselves up? Oh, the wine. Hmm.

47:38So Natalie is like, Audrey, is something wrong? Why are you yelling at me? She goes, I'll tell you later. Is it between our van or is it the other van? It's Chris. Oh my gosh, I'm shocked. I'm like literally shocked. I can't believe that there'd be an issue with Chris. Like what? This is crazy. Stop yelling at me. Everyone's yelling at me. Yeah, it's dead with Chris. Like I was trying not to bring it up before work because I didn't want to make it weird at the wheel. But, you know, it's really hard to keep it in. She's like, oh my God, do you need to sleep in my bed tonight? Because we can go to bunk beds.

48:07There's one more bunk bed. You'll be my friend, right? And Jason overhears this. He's like, wow, this is a lot to take in on the heels of learning about Big ZD. So Natalie's like, I'm surprised that Chris and Audrey are having issues right now at all. I mean, because they've actually seemed so adorable this whole trip. They're cuddling in the car. They're sharing the primary. I can't believe that their five-day-old relationship is already showing Crocs. so now um the food is being served and uh the guys are talking and jason's like hey bro is your like girl mad at you or something he's like i don't know yeah because she said she might sleep in the bunk bed i heard it i heard it yeah because i was like maybe she didn't want to sleep next to you and um like i swear dude i heard like i was like chris is on the shit list it's like I feel like there's like a pun here to be made.

48:57Like I heard it through the, the something, through the something, but the wood post, I heard it through the wood post. I heard it through the wood post. So Jason's like, I swear, Chris is on the shit list. He's like, yeah, it's because your, your fucking brother just called and said some crazy shit. I had him on speaker talking about our trip to Bali. And he just like, out of nowhere, dude, yeah, we'll probably fuck some mad bitches. And it's like, yeah, of course we will. But you don't have to say that out loud. Like what's wrong with that? Are we supposed to only fuck like happy bitches? That's what I said.

49:31Bitches be here and things. Okay, Marcus is drunk again. Okay. I mean, he's single. He's a horny guy right now. That's just my brother. He's allowed to be. Yeah, I know, but that's what I'm saying. But like, she doesn't know that. Like, she doesn't know. Makes me look bad, bro. Yeah. And Jason's like, whoa, what'd you say to that? What was your response? Did you say fuck yeah or something? He's like, no. I said, shut the fuck up. yeah, like, Audrey's being cold with me. Like, you know, put some perspective, like, how much I do care about this woman. Like, I really, really care. Yeah, man. This woman sees your penis pump.

50:06Hard to ever go back. So he's like, yeah, she's definitely upset. So Demi's like, um, can we finish clearing that table? And then there's nothing else to do, okay? So just, like, finish up, you guys. Seriously, we're done here. They're not even serving mushrooms at this stupid event. Like, why are we even here? So Chris is like, Chris is still worrying about all this stuff. And he's like, you know, we're going to have hiccups. But like, why is she not talking to me about this? What's wrong? So this is becoming a big crisis for their relationship. Venus says, Shane's probably like bored out of his fucking mind.

50:42And so we cut to Shane. And Shane's like, whoa, yeah, I needed a moment to myself. I'm so grateful. I got some time to kick it solo Yeah Get some sunlight I got to do my breath work Yeah I got to do some Wim home Yeah I have to protect My peace especially with this kind of Drama that's going on around me And then I realized We see him taking out trash just looking around He's like yeah I got kind of bored I got bored I missed my friend So Venus is He's like I'm just going to watch Lisa, like, look, she's so fucking iconic over there. Queen! Queen, we are! Queen, we are! Oh, stop that! Oh, goodness, that my young, saucy brand of waiters, they sometimes act up.

51:31You must forgive them, fellow wears. Alright, now listen, I'm leaving for Wudu, that women and dogs and wine conference. we've figured out a way to trap tiny dogs in wine bottles it's gonna be a huge event only female dogs which is why it's women dogs in wine anyway i've gotta go unfortunately unfortunately i now must attend my next charity function which is we we we didn't peewee which of course stands for women in not near poor women so I will be going back down to Beverly Hills and enjoy yourself I'm sorry I've got to go to my my next event which is the why were women in wine conference where we gather around as winemakers and try to save the women who were trapped in wine bottles I'm going to speak and testify against China for putting women in wine bottles it has to stop so she leaves to go to another Women are making sandwiches out of China.

52:43Someone needs to do something. I'll be back. So she leaves for World Dog Day.

52:52And it's also the sound that my car makes when I leave. Now turn on that car, Pandy. Harder, Pandy. Yes.

53:02So now we go back to the ranch and everybody's making burgers. and Natalie wants hot sausage. So Venus goes to the pool. I don't know. They're just all relaxing. Yeah, they're hanging around. Yeah, they're having good times. And Chris sees Audrey and he's like, so how you doing? She's like, okay. He's like, good. You were a little shy today. What happened? She's like, yeah, I was off. He goes, were you upset that you heard my cousin say we were going to fuck mad bitches in Bali? You can go ahead and talk to me, baby. Talk to me. Yeah, I just kind of like threw me off a little bit. But like, I just like, cause I just told you my biggest fear in this world is that someone I would fall for would then go to Bali and encounter some women who were like really upset and then have sex with them.

53:45Like my, literally my biggest and most specific fear in the world. And it just like sort of came true in that moment. It's like, right, right, right. And like in that moment, my brain was like, okay, well I know what I'm feeling is real and I'm letting my walls down and like trying. And it just definitely made me like take a little step back and kind of like evaluate it if you were like in the same headspace. And now I think like, my question is like, how do you feel towards me? Like I already introduced you to Mary Faith and our horse. Like that's a big deal. And I'm just going to like throw it out the window.

54:11Obviously I fucking like you. I mean, I don't just break anybody's bed for free. So like, other than that, like, has there ever been a moment where you thought like I wasn't into you? Like other than that, just like, no, no. I mean, I don't have only fans. So like, I was just confused. Cause like, that was the first thing where I was like, wait, this is going to, is this going to be great? Like, Oh my God, what's happening. So she tells us that she self sabotages, but you know, It's also kind of paying attention to what's going on around you. It's not really self-sabotage. Those are warning bells.

54:40I think self-sabotage is when you ignore the warning bells. That's how people, you know, that's when their house is burned down. They don't hear the beeps. That's right. Well, it also cracks me up. Like, hey, other than you hearing my cousin confirming our previous plan to go to Bali and fuck bitches, have I given you any indication that I'm not into you? Like, just take that out of the equation. I think everything sounds great, right? It's like, uh. I like when people do that. Like, aside from this, like, thing, this giant red flag that you just saw, everything else is fine, right? Yeah. And so Chris says to us, he's like, Justin was saying on the phone that, like, when we go to Bali, we're going to be fucking mad bitches.

55:24Like, I will not be doing that. I mean, I'm going to be talking to bitches. But, like, I'm not going to be fucking them. on all of them. I mean, come on. That's not the point of the trip. The point of the trip is to have stimulating conversation with mad bitches. That's it. That's why you go to Bali is just to have very good conversation with Australian bitches. But just that he worded it like, I will not be fucking all of them. Okay. Well, that's a promise. That sounds like a promise. So we go back to the pool and Venus wants to play a game. Housewives fan alert. But this one is called Squirt.

56:00And you get a squirt gun and he asks a question and if you pull the card whoever answers whoever the answer is we all have to squirt them ha ha ha funny story my cousin brought over a girl when i was 17 to teach me how to play this game squirt stop it oh my god jean so um jason's like i won marcus is like why'd you just squirt on my face bro the game hasn't even started he's like did you get it did anybody record that? Okay, everyone. First question. Okay. The first one says, okay, squirt the bitch who can't handle their alcohol. So then they all, Kim squirts Marcus and he's like, Kimberly, it's not your choice.

56:40It's the person who's reading the card. But then they all shoot him because he's drunk and has been drunk this entire time. Okay. Squirt, who you think has the most secrets and who gets it? Marcus shoots Demi. And I want to know her secrets. What are they? Where are your Demi secrets? I hate mushrooms. There, I said it. That's why I cook them. I like to hear them screaming. I'm the only one that has... She's like, I'm the one that has the most secrets? Chris and Jason are sitting on the mother of all secrets. The cousin of all secrets. Oh my god, squirt who you think is the funniest and the hottest in the group.

57:20Guys, don't squirt me. It's too soon. So, she shoots Shane. And so Angelica's like, yeah, I'm feeling Shane and I are actually growing something like more than just rotation. Like I feel it in my ovaries. Beep, beep. They're like monogamy kids. Yay. Oh, my God. Is no one paying attention to these men? He literally spelled it out for you. He literally said, I don't do monogamy. He's an actor, actor, model in Hollywood. would. Nothing about those words ever equates to monogamy in kids. Yeah. Kids that are taken care of. I was going to say, kids, sure. Child support. Kids that are acknowledged. Yeah.

58:06So everyone goes inside to get ready for the night, and they're going to all relive their glory college, their college glory days. So they want to go out and get shit-faceded. Shit-faceded? What's wrong with me? They're going to hop in San Luis Obispo downtown. yeah this farmer's market and Marcus explains his emotional journey with this plan he's like I mean Thursday night they've got a farmer's market when all the girls were like getting super excited to go I was like I don't want to look at fruits and vegetables I had no idea it was a street party great insight into what a surprise he must have felt when he showed up and it was more than fruits and vegetables wow man this worked out so we go to the festival and everybody couples off and we find out that the couple is back together.

58:57Marcus and what's your buns, Kim. Back together. And everyone's like, shocker. Wow, the world's shortest breakup has come to an end, I guess. Yeah. And Shane and Angelica are standing in line to get some food and they're flirting and everything. And Shane's like, it feels really good to play house with Angelica. It just feels like I've got a mini girlfriend for vacation, you know? And like, even though I told her I don't want to do something serious, It's really hard to say, hey, pump the brakes. Because we haven't had sex yet. So once we do that, then I can pump the brakes and be like, you're crazy.

59:33Hard to pump the brakes when the stick hasn't even been shifted yet, right? So now he's wanting some pulled pork. And that's exciting. So then he's offering some to Angelica and she doesn't want me. but she goes over to me and she's like um i'm trying to get close to shane but he's like sure he's sharing a sandwich with natalie and i'm like uh like why is he sharing a sandwich with natalie why are people watching this show this is this it's so stupid it's it's like literally so stupid we are dumber for having watched this show but god damn it i love every episode of it i know i mean it's just so refreshing when you come off of like salt lake city and it's like our marriage is falling apart and we're fighting for it i don't know if i can last when i'm feeling all these things and it's like he literally offered his pulled pork sandwich to natalie and like not to me i'm just like like where do i stand with him i mean shankin shares pulled pork sandwich with whoever he wants to but like why does that have to be the one girl that like he took on my day and then he's like so he offered his sandwich to everybody he's like i don't offer my sandwich everybody if i buy a pulled pork sandwich i only share with the person that i love who i'm gonna have children with okay but he's offering it to everyone so like don't don't it's like don't worry about it oh i think but it is also a good metaphor because he is going to share his sandwich with everybody forever that's until he turns like ugly and or older he's just going to be sharing that sandwich listen the man has pulled pork he's going to be spreading it around let's be honest the sandwich has probably already been shared by everyone.

1:01:15Yes. God, I want a sandwich. So we flashback to yesterday and we see Jason saying like, so how was it? We see when she got jealous, basically, that he did a video shoot and kissed Audrey in the video shoot. And now she's getting jealous again. And Jimmy's like, yeah, I think she's a little obsessive there. Jason may have been onto something. So Audrey is licking Chris's ear and he's like, you can't do that, babe. What if the mad bitches find out? And then, um, Shane and Angelica are holding hands, playing house. And Venus is like, um, I didn't realize I was being invited to a couple's retreat.

1:01:51I guess the only person I have left is Demi. Demi's like, it could be a couple. Sorry, HR. She's like, yeah, at least Demi has a fat ass. Sort of iconic for the gays, you know? Um, so basically Demi and, and Venus are stuck amongst all these couples. We're being super, super annoying. And then Demi's like, um, are you and Jason like a thing, Natalie? and she's like no like what like we're not a couple but if we were we'd be so cute like so but it's like so friends right jason like so such friends and to me it's like i do not want to be around for that so like give me a warning because like i cannot take it and jason's like yeah natalie's a fucking badass like she wears a leather jacket and she has like cool long ass hair so like she just throws it back like she doesn't do her hair sometimes like the girl doesn't give I'm like, what give a fuck?

1:02:43Hmm, marry her. Hey, Natalie, you're like so cool. Like you have like dark energy, but you're also like a fairy. And I'm definitely like bonding with you, like you're cool as shit. And I'm thinking, damn, that was real shit that you said, like that we said that, like that's for real. Like that's for, that's like some dark energy fairy shit. Like I love that for us. You're like a dark fucking energy fairy and you've got a leather jacket. Do you want to get married? Are you saying fairy or fairy? Cause I really don't want to be a boat. Fairy, man. Okay, cool. Yeah, I feel like if we were out and just somebody was talking shit, she would just beat him up for me or something.

1:03:20And I'd be like, you're cool. That's a badass. Leather jacket. Leather jacket. He really likes a dominant lady. Remember, he was upset that Angelica didn't fight off another girl for him. Yeah. He wanted to start a fight in the Barney's Bean range. He didn't fall for it. No, no, I know. Okay, so they arrive at a place called the OB. that's how you know that there will be children on the way because they're going to a place called the OB

1:03:46and they sit down to get drinks and everything they're going to have some mezcal drinks and Jason's going to get Natalie like a mezcal margarita I think you might like it it's smoky and this really hot guy who's attracted to the camera I mean Venus comes over and he's like so how are the drinks here wow is that a smoking honey oh god Yeah, can I taste yours before I order it? Oh, God damn it. Where are you from? He feels up his arm and everything. And Venus is like, hi. He's not talking. And the guy's like, I'm Kevin. And Audrey's like, Kevin, I'm Audrey. Nice to meet you. This is Venus. Venus.

1:04:24And Venus is like, hey. I would say I'm a pillow princess in the flirting game. He's like my type. But I'm intimidated by men like him. And what if he isn't gay? I'm like, he's grabbing her arm right now. when he's flirting with you. So he's either gay or he's gay for TV. And either way, take it. Go for it. Either way, you can fuck him. You know? Go for it. So Venus is like, I have like the worst gaydar. Like I didn't even know I was gay until I was in the ninth grade. It took me forever to come out of the closet. Like ninth grade. Jesus Christ. It's like a lifetime. When I quit the soccer team because they wouldn't allow me to bring my crimper on the bus, I started to think maybe I'm gay.

1:05:05team got so upset because like we couldn't win because the ball was crimped like sorry it's physics i thought like pretty good um so they're like oh my god what is wrong with you like you like him go get him i'm gonna go get him for you i mean you got to make a move i mean come on it's your time audrey's really talking him up and trying to get him to go bone that guy and so now all the whole the whole gang is like we're gonna get him laid so Marcus goes in and finds him and he's like yeah he's with a girl I was like well you guys aren't on a date are you and the girl's like no so got him got him for you go get him you know me and Venus had a falling out mainly because I sent him a really nasty text and he responded and then I aired out all the shit in front of the restaurant but at the end of the day you got nothing for crimping but he didn't screw me over in a major way that's just totally I'm also drunk and anyway Venus he seemed a little nervous I told him to join us we'll see what happens yeah so Audrey slaps Venus and she's like get out of it and he's like slap me harder bitch she goes yeah get over it you go get that guy so now they go to a different bar and they're sitting out in the back having drinks and stuff and talking about how he needs to get laid and And Demi's like, guys, let's be classy today.

1:06:28We're representing a sexy, unique restaurant. So before we get our drink, let's all breathalyze. I was like, what? And she pulls out this little keychain breathalyzer. And they all breathe. They breathe into it. Or as I like to say, share all their germs with each other. And they're all drunk. Isn't it like the pandemic never happens sometimes? It's like whenever people come out and like blow candles out on a birthday cake. Like, what did we just all go through? Like, why are we pretending like that never happened? Right. Like, it's just okay now. Let's just all blow all over each other and suck on each other's breathalyzers and shit.

1:07:07What are we doing? Yeah. I mean, like, I understand if people, like, share drinks or whatever, like, taste this, taste this. Oh, my God, this tastes so good. But there's some, like, weird sense that, like, you're putting your lips on different parts of the cup or, like, the alcohol is going to kill the germs. But when everyone's just, like, literally blowing onto the same nozzle, it just feels like here let me leave this here for you and now you can have it in your mouth yeah let me deposit this bacteria on this and now let it hop on board it's the bacteria has gotten a transfer from one subway car to another yeah i guess we're just so resilient i feel like i'm the only person still traumatized but whatever so everybody goes um they're all taking the breathalyzer and so we see their scores and the winner the one who's had the most is demi yes she's almost to the breaking point of the breathalyzer um so then having fun and jason asks venus so when's the last time you kissed somebody bro he's like when i was 20 they're like oh man and chris is like well rome wasn't built in seven years we're gonna get a fucking laid so now they're so now they're gonna do some role play by the way i actually thought this was so sweet i mean look how far we've come in many ways we haven't come far at all but i think the fact that you have this entire, like all these guys who are like, we're going to get our gay friend laid.

1:08:24I think that's actually like really, really lovely. So Chris is like, okay, we're going to role play. Hey, yo, what's going on? Yeah, I guess let's role play. Let's pretend I'm the guy. Okay, you cannot do that to a gay. I'm sorry, but like I'm in love. I was just watching this. I was like, okay, I love you. I will marry you. I know it really, it is hard for us when straight guys do that kind of thing. Oh my God. And Chris is like, I mean, he's a good looking dude. He's like tall, his amazing jawline. I mean, that fucking mane. I mean, it looks like fucking spirit, the horse. Yeah. He's hot. So Chris, he puts a chair in his mouth.

1:09:08Jason goes, I'm hard. Let's get out of here and shoot some content.

1:09:16So they're all laughing. And Angelica's like, oh my God, He's eating the cherry. And Chris asks if he's a top or a bottom. And Venus is like, well, lately I've been more into thinking about being fucked than actually doing the fucking. Like, oh, yes, Venus, yeah. I just feel so sex deprived that I could rip a kitchen counter off the wall. So Jason goes, kiss, kiss, kiss. Venus is like, oh, my God, no, I mean me. Come on, bro, get over here. Chris is like, I love Venus. I'll give him a hug. And they're like, oh. And so Mark's like, oh, I'll kiss him. So he goes over and kisses Venus. And everyone's like Shane's like why am I aroused Why am I aroused right now So then Everybody starts making out Venus kisses Audrey And then Venus kisses Natalie And um Shane's like Oh my god like he's made out With more people in the last five minutes And I haven't like a week Yeah bro So then uh Chris is like Oh if this was All some OnlyFans content We'd be fucking rich right now, man.

1:10:18Oh, my God. What if, like, you throw Dummy down and kiss her? Jason, kiss Dummy right now. He's like, I want to kiss you. I know.

1:10:29And, yeah, and Natalie's like, oh, my God. I wish Lisa was here to see us all actually getting along. Like, maybe not the making out part, but, like, still. And to me, it's like, yeah, I want more nights like this. We've, like, had a great night. Like, I'm so happy. Look at me. Guys. I'm actually having an incredible time just look, see the way my lips almost touch my lower jaw that's how I smile I'm having the best time so now they go dancing and they're getting all sexy with each other and of course the boys are like giving lap, the OnlyFans boys are like shirtless and lap dancing people and stuff and Chris and Audrey are making out and Venus is like oh my god there's gonna be like an orgy like everybody's like so fucking horny and um Yeah, that's it.

1:11:15Pretty much, right? Oh, no. So then we see 17 hours later. And Audrey's going, what the fuck was in the video? What was it? I saw ass. I saw dicks. It was incestuous. That comment is like character assassinating. To be continued. So now the big fight happens next episode. I love it. That's character assassinating. I mean, they're fucking on this what it's called. and we need a new word for it. You're on Vanderpump Rules. Just being on the show is character assassinating. Yeah. You're doing it to yourselves by being here. But fun show. Thanks so much for being here, everybody. Go grab tickets for the Golden Crappies on February 27th over at WatchWhatCrappies.com and join us next week for voting beginning of February 4th.

1:12:07That's also when you will grab your tickets for live streaming. Go grab Tater... Taters. Oh, God, I wish we were recapping taters. That would be fun. This potato I ate today, man, what a bitch. Traders recaps, ad-free listening, videos, all that stuff over at Patreon. And thanks so much for being here. We'll talk to you guys next time. Bye.

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