#3209 Below Deck Down Under S04E02 Part 1: Muffin Compares To You

0:21Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crap Inns, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about i'm ben mandelker joining me today the one and only ronnie carham hi ronnie how are you hello bananas good what's going on with you baby oh you know we had i'm feeling very refreshed we basically had a long weekend because there was nothing new on bravo sunday night so the only thing new on bravo was uh the entire community coming together to say fuck jill's errand am i right what a isn't that fun it's not fun when we can all come together and do that like what a joy it's an american tradition it's so nice you know people are like wherever the traditions in america gone they're here they're still alive and well when we can all band together to cancel jill god even jill's iron fabrics was like fuck jill they put out fabrics put out um a post today with jill's iron's face with a big x through it and it was like we jill has not been part of this company for years we hate the bitch so i was like yeah good good You could tell they've been waiting to have an excuse to just separate themselves from Jill.

1:28And they're like, it has finally happened. We know we are going to push her out of our brand. And that was fabulous. It was probably Brad who did it too, her gay husband. So that was an interesting thing that happened. She's like, my gay husband, Brad. uh well i was reading in a comment that it was um that the company was taken over by bobby's children he left the company to his children so i love that it was bobby's kids like oh piss off lady yeah even ally jill's daughter was like i love the halftime show um also by the way let's give some side some side hate to taylor armstrong too you know she she got in the mix there oh bethany frankel did too did you see hers oh my gosh bethany frankel posted one and then deleted it and pretended that she never made it and instead was like oh my god bad bad bad bunny fan huge huge love him love puerto rico no one's done more for puerto rico than me she said that no one's done more for puerto rico than me okay love bad bunny i should have been in it why wasn't i in it here's my complaint i wasn't in the halftime show i could have been there you saw all those puerto rican people i could have been throwing cash cards at their heads cash cards at the heads it's a crisis okay it's a crisis but the halftime has been nothing nothing but field goals it's a crisis but he can't cancel me for giving giving some needy people some bounty sorry okay yeah she uh her first video was her saying i'm just curious like where's the line where's the line like you know you go on to regis and kelly and you can't even say anything and now kelly and mark whatever it's called you can't even say anything but then on super bowl you can't like what's the line that's just someone wondering what's the line like how about what is the line between you not pressing record every time a thought pops into your head how about that really seriously i mean and honestly i didn't i didn't watch her second video but the fact that so much of what she talked about in her later seasons of veroni was about puerto rico and she's launched an entire an entire charity based off of inspired by what happened in puerto rico and then this is her reaction is to question this tremendous ode to puerto rico and so much more oh my god terrible but jill's aaron really takes the cake on that one so congratulations for probably getting yourself fired off of your second chance at reality TV.

3:40That was really well done, Jill. In the meantime, though. Well, have they already shot that show? That new show with all the old housewives? Maybe we'll do some investigating, Ronnie, when we go to Florida next week. Because that's what we're doing. We're going to the South Beach Wine and Food Festival. So everyone come join us for that. And then the week after that, so we're basically two and a half weeks away, which makes my heart. Race is the crappies. The crappies are on February 27th. Not a lot of tickets left. I think it's less than 50 tickets are left to come see us at the Fonda here in Hollywood.

4:20You can also join us virtually that Friday night. For some reason, I think I may have been saying Saturday night. It's a Friday night with Kiswi. So tickets for that, tickets for in-person or virtual, watchforcrappens.com, or we have links up on our Instagram, Instagram. Let's watch our crappins up there. Also join us on Patreon, patreon.com slash watch our crappins, where you can access a brand new newsletter, Ronnie wrote, and also add free and crappins on demand, all sorts of great stuff. We also, of course, have our bonus episode. We did the latest traders. So all sorts of great things for you to click on and enjoy or do none of it.

4:58And that's fine too. But that's basically the news and the new ballot for the crappies, The final ballot will be up next week, but there's still time to vote for them at the moment. So all that out of the way, let's talk about let's go back to the Caribbean. Since we're already talking about Puerto Rico, let's go to Cano One for Below Deck Down Under, as in Down Under Florida, which is in its second episode of its great Salt Lake City crossover. Yes. How did you feel there, buddy? great i mean i it's kind of funny because the salt lake city-ness of it is is fun but um i'm just i find that the kitchen stuff is more compelling however i feel like this little lunch situation that heather has like what a fucking asshole this lunch thing that happens sort of like in the middle of the episode that throws everything off you know it's just so annoying and i think that she knows exactly what she's doing she's been on below deck before she She knows how it goes.

5:59So for her to decide to move it indoors and then to reduce the number of people. And then some people are not even going to come. I don't know. I was like, you're just, you're just trying to make people. Primary. I hate when people do that. They're like, I'm the, you are not paying for this. Why are you acting like you are paying for this, planning this or doing anything for this and excluding people you don't like after you're the one who starts the fight. Yeah. You know, I have to let go of the Salt Lake City anger. And I have pretty much. But, you know, watching this because this I felt like I've already seen all this and I'm, you know, whatever.

6:31I've already been pissed about it. I don't need to relitigate every little thing. But this was all new stuff. This is new content. And this, by the way, because go ahead. This is, by the way, earned below deck charter guests rage. It was. It was. It wasn't crossover for us. It wasn't like crossover anger. It was earned new range. And I really like it because, you know, Heather, people were getting mad at me for being too hard on Heather this season. And they're like, oh, you're just mad because she, you know, got mad at you about the crap. No, it's nothing to do with that. She's annoying on the show.

7:02She's annoying and she won't shut up. She's fucking obnoxious. So I'm really glad that she is showing her ass so much on Below Deck. You know, we get used to a certain level of behavior on Housewives. But when we see it like on Below Deck, it's worse. Because I remember telling you, remember when Heather was on Below Deck years ago with Angie K, who was horrid, but not really on Below Deck, but on her show. Angie H. Angie H. and the h you're right angie h and we saw that and heather was acting like she was like railed out the whole time she was like she was doing the thing she's doing here which is screaming every little thing i'm like trying to make like a big joke out of every little thing to get camera time and she's doing it here again and i didn't notice how bad it was until i was watching this yeah yeah i think like we're just reacting to what heather gay is putting out there on camera It has nothing to do with any of the stupid stuff about like the crappies and like, you know, yeah, it's totally over.

7:57I had, I had like actually the nicest time with Heather at Bravo con in the airport. Like we had the nicest little conversation. We walked together through the terminal. Like there's no issue. There's no bad blood. We're just reacting to the fact that like on screen, like what's coming back to us has not been the best. And in this case, Heather was being a total asshole with that meal. I'm sorry it was you saw the way people were running around it was crazy and I know it's a yacht you should be able to make a simple request she wasn't being an asshole to them when she made the request you know be and you should be able to say you know what we'd like to eat indoors but I also there's part of me that says like she knows the chaos that she is causing as she is making all these changes and how odd that everyone else was like fine being cut out of lunch like that was strange to me if I if we're supposed to have a group lunch and then it's like by the way only four of us are going to sit at the table and you guys have to eat in your rooms.

8:50I feel like I would be like, well, that makes me happy because I didn't want to do a group scene. But also like, why can't I be at the table and you go into your rooms? You know, if anything, it should be the people who decide they don't want to eat with everyone else who have to eat in their rooms and everyone else gets to have the privilege of sitting at a table because I can't stand eating food, not at a table, to be honest. Yeah. If a kid is having a fit at the table and being a little asshole, you don't just give the kid the table. if the kid needs to be alone you send the kid to the room with the with the nanny okay yeah because heather wasn't heather like i don't think i don't have a nanny well that's your fault why would you have a child without a nanny i didn't make you do that it's a horrible way to live yeah why also did they not have like an indoor table and an outdoor table so they could have like separated they did have an outdoor table heather made them move the lunch member she made them move it from the outside to the inside and then she did the well only half of us are good It was a multiple, you know, fuck the crew situation.

9:45Well, I'm really, I'm excited to revisit that because one thing that's really nice about having note takers is sometimes I watch things and I'm like, well, wait, I'm confused. Like what really happened there? And so I'm excited for when we get to that part where we can really see the ins and outs of the decisions that were made because I thought that whole thing was a bit puzzling personally. You did? Well, we'll get to it. Yeah, I did. I did. I did. And I did find it puzzling because I thought it was strange when Heather was like, I don't know if I'm up for having a big group lunch today. I was like, okay, that makes sense.

10:20And then all of a sudden she's like, it's just going to be four of us at the table and everyone else will eat in their rooms. In my mind, I was like, did I miss something? Did she tell everyone you're not allowed to eat at the table? Did people voluntarily say that? I just felt like I missed a step in this process and I'm hoping that I can get some illumination. Yeah, no, no, they just didn't show it. They never explained it. Yeah, well, especially when you've got Salt Lake City and then you've got this one. They've shown us two versions and they still don't tell us what happened, which is super weird.

10:48It just seems strange. They fight about every little thing on the show. Every little thing comes down to like riot or die, I should say, on Salt Lake City. And so the fact that they are going to have a group dinner, a group lunch, and then Heather says, I don't want to have lunch with everyone. And then suddenly it's just four people and everyone's just in their rooms eating. And like there's not a peep from it. No one says, this is strange. Why aren't we allowed to eat with the rest of the group? but I feel like we're being pushed out. Like it was weird that like my brain, my brain has a continuity issue on this, on this point.

11:16Who should I be offended for? I don't even know. It's very, it's like an insecurity on housewives. If you don't know who you're upset about, you know, it's like, well, I need to know why I'm upset right now. You need to tell me who am I going to, how am I going to fight this on Reddit? If you don't tell me who I'm supposed to be mad at. This really bothers me. And I, again, I also feel like the person who doesn't want to eat with everyone, who's like sick of everyone it's on them to eat in their room and everyone else gets to be waited on i just i don't know i think that's something is like i mean probably the producer said okay for this for lunch we're gonna have we're gonna split you guys up and half you guys are gonna eat in your rooms that's probably all it was but i am obviously having a meltdown over this so we should probably start the recap it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial

12:09and that's how we open they are fighting um and it's 8 43 p.m they're trying to have dinner and the crew is trying to serve them food and they can't because the ladies won't shut up and meredith is like she should stay away from me permanently britney's like there's glass on the floor i'm not gonna step in glass so i have to stay at the table and um alicia's like oh my god can we get a time because it's terrifying down here with ben please get me a time that We can serve these dishes, please. And Brittany up there is like, you don't need to say that. It's through the pod. So it's like cross-cutting everything.

12:45And the issue is that the galley needs to know when to set up the next course. So Daisy's like, this is insane. Trying to do this, this denizens. And communicate with Ben right now is annoying as fuck. We're having to interrupt World War III being like, excuse me, can I take your plate? I'm like, that's never stopped Daisy before because she normally comes in like World War III. It's time for dessert, so you gotta get done with your food yet Yeah She's like, they still have food on their plate But it looks like they're kinda stopping So maybe we can take their plate They're housewives' plates, they're never eaten They're not eating anything Maybe two of those plates are being eaten But these are housewives, they ain't gonna eat on camera Well, this cast actually kinda does But they don't eat the whole plate Not that much We see the plates that get taken down and how much food is still left on them I feel like my mother judging how much food is left on everybody's plate because that is one thing I notice on Housewives, but mostly just because I want to eat the food.

13:40So I'm like, oh, and I used to be a waiter. I'm like, that one wasn't even touched. Just slide it over here. Slide it over here. I'll put it into the Tupperware. I bring in my backpack. Well, this food also looks delicious. I mean, Ben really is talented, and this is just really excellent looking food. So it just seems like a shame to see it only partially eaten. And quite frankly, I went to the supermarket today, and I bought like five things. I bought coffee beans. I bought some special K. I bought two poblano peppers. I bought some garbage bags and some cumin seeds and some dates. And it costs$71.

14:17Like it's crazy. It's so expensive. And then you watch people just like nibbling on this gorgeous food and watching it go into the trash. And it's like, I'm not, you know, like, look, no one's under any obligation to finish every single thing that's in front of them. but you do start to think like wow finish your plates well you do get that mom that mom thing in your head that's like there are starving podcasters in los angeles that are dying for this food i'm just you know the thing is groceries are so outrageously expensive right now like beyond expensive never seen them this expensive before like a little box of i think i've told you a little box of like little atkins treats where there's like six little caramel clusters cost like $18 in the store, which is insane.

15:06It's insane right now, Madison. So I just am like, you better finish all that food. You better finish it. I mean, the main point of really this, Salt Lake City and Below Deck, the economy, am I right? I know, right? That's what it comes down to. I know, I'm watching people on a yacht and this is where I'm drawing the line with excess. You gotta draw the line. Where's the line? Where's the line with excess? No, it's true though. oh, you know what we didn't do is get a fish video. We need to get back in the swing of things and get these fish videos. What's wrong with that? It's the second week in a row.

15:43But, well, the first, look, honestly, I'm okay with like ramping up because we're doing a lot right now. Okay, the crappies are taking up on space. You're like, groceries are expensive. No, you know what? It's usually a thing that I do. Like I just usually, I'm in the thing. i wait i'm in the mood i wake up i get the video downloaded i do not have it so audience i'm very sorry i'm writing down fish video okay you know what maybe we'll even do it and we'll put it later this week on instagram this week there there i'm promising it right now i'm gonna put it up because there were some really good fish there was one that's like um it's like if you wore the same wallpaper if you wore the same pattern on your clothes as the wallpaper behind you and just i yes and just the eyes poking out you know and i was like oh that's a tricky that's a vixen so there's something we have to talk about so i'm gonna get i'll make us a video and we'll do it for later this week on the on the ground well also i just want to point out this is a very strong episode for shark footage in fact our whole episode began with like a low angle of a shark which i'm sure the sharks did not appreciate the shark was like could you not get my double jaw seriously have you heard of a space selfie could you maybe not be under me high angle did you see it there was like that long shot it was like right it was literally the first thing that we saw was the shark and it was right under it and it's just sort of drifting over and you know the shark was like hey suzanne suzanne um do you know if if joni will be joining us oh god damn it there's a camera down there you know they had no idea they were on camera it's also um weird to look at a shark from that angle because those sharks really their mouths are not built to be shot from below i mean they really look ridiculous from it's like why are you so sad you are the biggest predator in the ocean you can eat whatever you want you eat people you eat whales you eat whatever the hell you want why are you frowning all the time like can i get a little smile ben ben just paid 75 for dates and he's smiling yeah i mean well i listen they're because they're so fearsome they're so dangerous They're so scary.

17:51Everyone's, everyone's afraid of, of sharks. And yet they're floating around there with mouths that look like beaker. I mean, that's kind of embarrassing. Like I'm, I'm fearful.

18:03That's why they don't talk because like you see movies like shark tales and they talk, but then you see sharks in the ocean and they don't talk. And I think they don't talk because their real voice is like, they're just, they're still emasculated. They're like movie stars. They, they just have not been able to transition to the talkies there was a period where there were so many fish in the ocean because no one was terrified of sharks anymore because they heard them talking sharks just used to walk around like you better watch out you better watch out you school of food we are not listening to you here i come i'm I'm swimming up to you Watch out Okay We are not scared That is too many octaves above The original key Nobody is scared of you Jaws We need to take a vow of silence Otherwise we'll never be taken seriously All in favor say murmur And all who are against say murmur Can you hear the murmurs?

19:04The murmurs have it By the way in case anyone's wondering The piano is being tuned it's like this shark shark it's like

19:16beautiful oh beautiful beautiful beautiful um okay so anyway sharks back to the housewives fighting so they're fighting the other people are trying to deliver the get the uh the gifts the plates and then we cut to angie and mary and they're just in their room you know angie's barfing and mary's eating and days then we hear daisy she's like i'm gonna clear the start in two minutes. What do I do? It's time to clear the store. Get some chill, Daisy. Geez. Never let him see you sweat. That's right. So Ben's like, finally. All right. Just put them all up the same way. Put them there. Okay, honey buns.

19:52Tootsie face. Can you rotate the broccolini so that way it's all oriented the right way? Thank you very much, sugar tits. You're doing a great job. Listen to our teddy teeth. I need you to concentrate a little bit better on this broccolini. This is not facing the wrong way, Petunia puss.

20:13So then Eddie is trying to clear the table and not... He's like, excuse me, are you guys finished? Any chance you guys have finished? I have massive body dysmorphia. Please let me get in here. I have tried. She has done some really despicable things, so stay away from me. I think that's the spigable seizures. Oh, my God. All right, galley, we've cleared. Go down to the galley and wait for the main corset, eh? And don't spray your hairspray. He's like, oh, man. So he goes down, and then they're trying to clean the table around these ladies yelling at each other. And Bronwyn's like, well, I said that you should not say that about Meredith.

20:55And I said that that was disgusting. Bronwyn, you started this whole fight. Yep. Yep. She's really dead. And then she acts like, why are you guys going that far? So, what? Nothing. What'd you say, sugar tips? I'm sorry. Did you hear, or were you hearing, dong, dong. Piano score. I like it. It makes it dramatic. It's perfect as we talk about silent movie stars. It's like we're in a silent movie right now. So, Meredith's like, well, I will be happy to disengage from you forever, Brittany. Bye. So Daisy's like, oh, they're fucking unhinged. Oh, so un-fucking-hinged. So they're all, everyone's like, you know.

21:42Ben loves it. Ben's like, yeah, bring it. Bring the axes. Bring them the axes. Have them go at it. Okay, we've cleaned the table. She's like, but it's still kicking off up there. I'm like, well, you know, you got to deliver the food. So let's deliver the food. So Daisy is going to, Daisy sends off Mary's food. And then Ben goes, all right, this is Pankow Wahoo. All right, not to be confused, but not to be confused with Wahoo, Wahoo Willies, which is what I call Alicia sometimes. All right, let's take down the Pankowahoo. Do you got that? Pankowahoo with saffron potato broccolini. And Daisy's like, all right, let's go.

22:19And Mike's like, Pankowahoo, Pankowahoo, Pankowahoo. Welcome to a Wahoo, Pankowahoo. Damn it. Pankowahu is like Wankopahu this is some Wankopahu coded OnlyFans enjoy it hope you enjoy it Pankowanko that's a move I've done I've done that move Wankopanko Pankowanko Wankowanko Waka Waka Waka Waka I've moved on I've moved on you said the magic word which is Pankowanko I've moved on sisters sisters please listen Daisy has brought us food Daisy, tell us what we're eating. Daisy's like, well, what you're eating our panko encrusted wahoo? But then downstairs we have Mike who's still like, waka, waka, waka, waka, waka.

23:08And he's like, oh my goodness. Thank you. You're so sweet. Mahali, that is thank you in Greek. International. He calls it wahoo crusted panko. He's like, it's a fish dish. You all right? And Andy's like, you are so sweet. so um he's like i am mr international and mary's like you bring the greek you bring the greek out her you really do uh so he's like well um i do feel like i'm very pretty the cougars love it i feel like i'm that little toy boy and they just want to pick me up and take me back home no they don't they want to comb your hair like any mother who sees you they want to wipe the smudge off your face which is makeup i don't know what's on your face they want to help you with your eyebrows and comb your hair yeah that's all we want we just want to fix that hair just a little bit so andy's like mahali you have such great energy and i love your hair that is a joke that's greek for no i don't and so mike's like do you like it he's like amira's like yes we do we really like it okay you can leave us now um by the way mary does he does kind of he does kind of linger there it's like okay they were complimenting you that does not mean you need to take off your shirt do a lap dance go okay you're not getting any extra tokens for this go ahead wink out crested pink cow fuck out of here i'm sure if mary knew that he had an only fans where he does like hardcore stuff she'd be like i can't eat this it's touched it i don't want him getting those stds on my food you know that like that's what she would be thinking but instead she doesn't know that so she's like thank you so much this is beautiful so over at the table uh the women are still fighting and lisa's like but listen listen she could have just said i'm sorry she doubled down she doubled down and heather's like oh this food is delicious this panko crusted wahoo it's wonderful and so ben's asking for a ramekin of butter and alicia's like wasn't he in wasn't he in movies in the 90s not erode ramas ramekins please please knee knockers please she's like okay okay sure sure he's like hurry hurry all right thank you i was getting a spoon didn't ask for a spoon did i love thank you did i ask i didn't ask just fucking with you listen we have to put out cheesecake now now now you're doing a great job all right i'm really proud of you you're doing such a good job aren't you come over here so i can pat you on the head now want to pat you on the head with the spoon donk donk donk that's right all right move along you're doing wonderful you know when i fuck with you it's actually a sign of endearment all right honey hips so she's like oh i know i guess like it's better than me yelling at you i promise that right so uh now they daisy call summons mike to help out with more dishes and everything all this is very chaotic because there's the fighting upstairs and they're like trying to arrange stuff and plates have to go to the bedrooms and so this is all in a swirl of madness so we go back up to the table and there's the fighting is continuing with heather screeching heather got really mad when meredith said that she screeches but you just have to listen this episode with her voice she is screeching her voice is crackly and she's like screaming and that is i think definition of screeching and she's like you have to be playful with britney and then you have to assassinate her at the dinner party.

26:39I can't even do her voice because it's so screechy. Yeah, I won't even try. I'll just hurt everybody's ears. And Lisa's like, I'm not assassinating her. I don't even know what you're talking about. I'm not assassinating her. Ladies, you all finished up with your food. You are the source of all the dirt on everyone, Lisa. So we know this. We know this, Lisa. You got it pretty well. You got this. You got this out. You got this. I know it. it's like i'm not the source i have people tell me stuff okay like i'm so sorry people tell me exactly lisa people tell you she's like throwing her arms out screaming across the table uh-huh well it sounds like you're saying that she's the source of all the information like she's the one who did this uh-huh no i didn't do this to anybody i can't fucking take this anymore you guys shut the fuck up about me i don't do anything to you daisy just goes down the stairs oh this is gonna be a long six weeks like well luckily you know daisy that they're not staying with you the whole six weeks right yeah but if this is how it starts she's like oh jesus christ i escaped gary for this bring back gary bring back gary so uh and the what were you gonna say do you think that they would ever do a blow deck where there is like a long-term charter where it's like it truly is like upstairs downstairs and it's like this that's my idea that I'm pitching to Bravo.

28:02Don't steal it because you know they're going to steal my idea. That's what they do. They steal things. We came up with Love Hotel two weeks before it aired. And I know you shot that whole season in that two weeks before we came up with that idea. Do you remember? Not two weeks before it aired, but we pitched that idea and then it came out like a second later. So I don't think they really stole it. But my idea is to do below deck family style where it's the actual people who have yachts for the summer and they they have you know you just follow their life mixed with the the chefs i mean you know what i mean the staff right because like this isn't really like everything we've learned about yachting that below deck is not the standard of how yachting really works you don't just come on for like two days and leave i mean maybe that happens but it seems like when you're on for a charter season you're usually on with the same people and the same guests for like an extended stay and there could be something really interesting i guess it's sort of scary because it could also be a flop but you could wind up having drama with the same guests upstairs and then maybe there's intermingling maybe you could just be like Downton Abbey, maybe there could be a romance yeah, like a rich family follow them around on their boat for a summer and just change the families up every year there you go, if you guys see that I expect some money some money so Daisy is upset and Captain Jason's checking on food and he's like, oh it looks good so then Jenna is now with Angie and Mary And she's like, okay, can I clear your plate?

29:31And Angie's like, part of me wants to go upstairs. But I know the minute I do, I will just be Greek. And Jenna's like, well, at the moment, it's a bit heated upstairs. I don't know if I would do that. Meanwhile, Lisa's like, do not come near me. Don't you fucking come near me, Whitney. And she's like, I'm coming near you. I'm coming near you. She's pointing at her face, standing up like, hey, I'm coming. What are you going to do about it? I feel like we don't give Whitney's finger enough credit. She really likes to point that thing around. I mean, nothing will ever be better when she did the double point, which I think was last season.

30:05But she loves to do that. I'm pointing at you, so I'm going to go to there. So Angie's like, what is going on? Follow the finger. She really is like a mouse click. She's like, I follow my mouse.

30:23So Angie is like, what is going on? What is the topic? If it's not about Elektra in the Olympics, I really don't care. And Jenna's like, I have no clue. I had seizure. And Angie goes, oh, Lord. This is not, you know what? This isn't worth an outfit change. This isn't worth an outfit change. Why did I even do this? Why did I even change my outfit?

30:47And then the kitchen, Alicia is like, you might need nine. I think we need another plate because Jason's going to be eating dessert with him. And he's like, well, then why are there not nine plates out then? If there's nine plates, there's not nine plates here. What the fuck is this supposed to do? I've got to put two more circles on another goddamn plate. You got to keep up with the numbers, chubby cheeks. She's like, oh, I just remembered. That's all. All right. All right. It's fine. It's fine. It's all right. I need a fork, please. Darling, please get me a fork. Come on, forky face. Get me a fork.

31:22All right. You're good. You're doing a good job. Am I doing a good job? A terrible job? You can't even, that's not a fork. It's a rolling pin. How are you supposed to eat with a rolling pin? Come on, a fork. It's got the prings, the little things, the little tines on it. No, that's a pan. Literally the opposite of it. That's just a light bulb. That's not even belonging in the kitchen. Okay. Okay. Sugar tits. You're doing great. You're doing wonderful. By the way, have I told you you're doing a wonderful job today? All right. All right. You're doing great. Creamy cartilage. All right. Everything's going great.

31:57Lisa's like okay thanks it's like alright it's a deconstructed cheesecake oh for Christ's sake look good I mean I'm not gonna lie but I don't know why it needed to be deconstructed it doesn't really add anything it's just like the crust is basically a disc and it's just off to the side and the chocolate sauce is on the side which is where chocolate sauce might wind up being anyway so it was just if it was truly a deconstructed cheesecake it would be like here's some eggs on the left and here's a bar in Philadelphia on the right exactly deconstructed cheesecake. I did like that he did them in medallions, though, just to fuck with Alicia.

32:30I know. So back at the table, Heather's like, fuck you, Lisa. I've been a fucking good friend to you, which I'm being right now as I accuse you of spreading everything to blogs and betraying everybody at this table. No! You thought she was saying a fucking thing. Where am I wrong? Where am I wrong? Listen to me! Where am I wrong look at me why are you looking at meredith lisa barlow look at me i've been a fucking good friend to you i've been a good friend to you and brown was just because captain jason comes out with a dessert because he's supposed to join them and brown was like i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i did start this but i'm so sorry he's like i don't care now i have an excuse not to join everyone good night everyone so he basically leaves just fucking own it lisa barlow own that you are the source of all the fucking dirt.

33:25Joao's trying to put out the cheesecake. He's like, here, this cheesecake has just flown in from Zim. Here you go. Please enjoy. Okay, I will get out of the way of the fighting. You're the source of all the fucking dirt. No, I'm a changed man. Not you, Joao. Lisa Barlow. Um, so Heather's yelling at Lisa. Fuck you. Get off the yacht then. And then the room Jenna and Mike are still talking about this cucumber that they found. And she's like, do you want the cucumber? Don't pick it up without gloves. He's like, I'm me. I touch myself without gloves. Don't worry about it. The cucumber should be worried.

34:05Put a glove on the cucumber. By the way, that cucumber is not even the right cucumber for. Is it a watermelon cucumber? What the hell kind of cucumber is that anyway? Is that like a GMO cucumber? I've never seen a cucumber like that. That was a girthy, girthy cucumber. It was. It was the girth brooks of cucumbers. It was real. It was like a, it was like a, like a giant, it was like one of those, like, you know, when you go to the deli, deli counter at the supermarket and they've got that like salami and that big old, that big old salami. That's what it looked like. It's not going up anything. I'm sorry.

34:45um so in the kitchen ben's like do they like it were they like it's like cheesecake why doesn't it look like cheesecake it's art am i eating art right now did fucking picasso put this on a plate what is this and i was like oh i don't think they really understand what's going on with the food right now they're in a full-blown argument and he's like um do you think that we'll get less of a tit because they're arguing. Ben just goes, no. All right, let's see if they're enjoying dinner.

35:21So Lisa's like, I'm not gonna own that. I'm not the source of any fucking dirt. Don't you fucking put that on me ever again. Hello, hello, everyone. Hello, hello. Hang on. You all good. How was dinner? I'm your chef. Well, I'm just gonna say what I think. I'm gonna say it to your face. And if I can't be my friend, if you can't be my friend because of them, fuck you get off the fucking yard if you can't hear what i have to say and brahman's like hi um everyone the chef is here can we take a break we take a break real quickly the fact that you accused me of something i would never do i would never do and ben's like all right well i had absolutely no feedback as to whether they enjoy dinner do they love me do they hate me doesn't matter i don't think because it looks like they're not eating any of the food anyway so i'm just gonna go downstairs and torture perky pancreas down there until a new charter guest come on board.

36:09How would you feel if I'm like, you're the source. You're the one that did it. You did it. Admit it, Heather. Just admit it. She's like, sit down, Lisa Barlow. Ben's like, fuck this. I'm going back inside. No one appreciates that. And then Lisa's like, now she's on the she's crying and this is when she's like on the phone with John. John, I'm like so sad. I'm on the edge of the naughty boy. Oh my God, that shark looks like it has a funny voice down there. Stupid funny boy. I can't even speak right now, John. I'm so just upset. I can't even diss the shark. Wait a minute. I think I'm being flashed by a starfish.

36:52Why is that starfish showing me his cornhole? Could somebody fix that? Eddie and Batool. You guys can go down and you guys can both wake up at six. That, of course, is six kind of on time, not zim time. And then the ladies are still fighting. Now we have Heather chasing Lisa around doing this whole thing. You're just going to walk downstairs and fucking leave me? You're just going to fucking leave me? I mean, it's just wild that Heather says these things. You're going to leave me. She just told her to get off the fucking boat. So Lisa walks away crying and now Heather's chasing her and screaming at her down the stairs.

37:30And Lisa's like, I've never done anything to them. I don't even know what's going on, John. Daisy's saying, oh my God, they're like so mean to each other. And then they're like crying. I can't take it. And then Lisa's on the edge of the naughty boy. Like, John. John. John. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

37:57So then we see Eddie walking around downstairs and he doesn't have a shirt on. So Alicia sees him and she's like, he's got a great body. And he's like, she looked at me. Oh my God, she looked at me. Maybe she really does like a short king. I can't believe she looked at an ex-short person. Oh. I wonder if it was hard on her neck when she had to look all the way down at me below her knees. Heather, I thought we were in a different place. I thought we were in a different place so meanwhile Captain Jason is just you know casually you know how he is he always looks lost he's like so Brittany you having a good night she's like um Ish it's been a rough night let me ask you do you actually like run the ship hmm do you actually drive the boat hmm he's like yeah and she's like I kind of want to see he's like well not now But why not?

38:59Well, tomorrow when we're running, it'll be a better time because then we're going to keep going. She's like, well, I just kind of want to get out of here. I was looking for an excuse. Brittany, you're in the middle of the ocean. There's nowhere to get out to. No, it's just where she's trying to bang Captain Jason instead. And he's like, oh, were you? Well, I'm going to bed. And he pats her on the shoulder and walks off. She's like, oh, my God. I just wanted to get out of here. He's like, well, I don't know if she's flirting or not. But Heather's the primary. And I'm not flirting with anyone but her.

39:26I was like, oh, God, don't say that. Please don't say that. He's only flirting with me on account of the fact that we fucked around as friends with benefits. Insurance benefits because we're employed. Employed in the act of sexing with each other. And Brom was like, well, she's attracted to somebody that I can understand for once. That's nice. Brittany's like, okay, well, good night. Get some sleep. Can't wait for a date tomorrow. Hope we can fuck around like you and Heather. So they all go to bed. And he's like, sorry, Daisy. Oh, that's quite all right. You don't need to point to my face when you say that.

40:07But I am. Okay, you can stop following me now. But I am following you. You exploited my vagina. You exploited my panko-crusted wahoo. something something else they left out in this version is the captain jason coming out of somebody's room remember when britney was like oh well i know that captain jason was coming out of your room that's what i know remember that whole thing well maybe that's still to come on the next episode because we still haven't even finished this charter we still have another episode of this salt lake city crossover next week right oh wow gosh okay there's still more wow um so everybody's put to bed.

40:51The people that are going to bed are going to bed and stuff. And Brom was like, I'm sleeping outside. So she decides that she's going to sleep on one of the lounger chairs outside. And Alicia is checking with Batool and saying how miserable her day was. And she's like, I don't know how to do 17 things at once. I mean, I don't even know how to do one thing at once.

41:12I can't even ski properly. That's why I wound up back on a boat. So everyone goes to bed And now it's 6.40 in the morning and Bronwyn is sleeping on that chair and everyone's cleaning around her. And like, she's got a little mask on and stuff. And now we're back in the galley and Ben and Alicia are discussing breakfast. Ben's like, all right, we're going to do a food plate. Okay, pineapple. Okay, you just grab the mop. That's not a pineapple. Can you just get me a single pineapple? It's got a little thing on the top, a little thing. All right, that's just a chair from the other room. That's not a pineapple, Alicia.

41:47I'm going to need you to keep up here. Brillo, but.

41:59All right, I'll show you. I'll show you how to do. I don't do any of this bullshit, all right? Taking the rind off and all of that. Just make it a bit thicker. Just go. She's like, bollocks. And he's like, God, have you already fucked up? She's like, I have figured out some inabilities with my sous chef. Let's just say that. And then we see yesterday when she's making cheesecake without sugar. And he says, I'm just trying to suss it out, you know, just trying to find the balance. She probably wants to learn. I want to teach her for us to be improving the whole time. You know, it's supposed to work, but not really sure it's going to go that way.

42:36So Joelle asked Daisy, so what's the plan with Michael? And Daisy's like, well, if I could have him now, that would be great. She's like, okay, yes, fine. Absolutely. new joel i'm i'm a friendly person so um so she has mike uh on the interiors for the moment and then uh eddie sneezes right by bromwin so that he does one of those things that like you do at a sleepover when you're the first kid awake and you're waiting for everyone else to wake up so you like sneeze like oh oh you're awake now great thanks so he does that to bromwin to get her basically out of there they're trying to clean lady and um so then captain jason is like oh uh Today is definitely going to be absolutely hectic for the deck team.

43:18God, we've got to go to the Tobago Keys, do this. Luxury, beaches, luxury. It's all luxury here in the not down under. Yeah. Nothing but luxury in a different geographical location. So Brown Lynn goes to her room and says, you know, Brittany is like, good morning. And people are sort of like walking around. And Captain Jason is giving some orders about cleaning the deck, etc. and now we have some anchor drama which we haven't had in a while so um joao gives some some instructions of the tool he's like long medium short that's the range of shirts that i can wear but also how i'd like you to pull up the anchor so she starts pulling it up and starts going like well actually i spoke too soon the drama didn't start just yet because we have to cut over to daisy saying good morning heather and whitney how are you today there's about to be some Where do we go for food?

44:13Breakfast is on the Sunday. I'm like, Whitney. Whitney has no idea. She's like, but wait, where are we going to eat? The same place you've eaten your last 10 meals, Brittany. I mean, Whitney, for fuck's sake. And Heather's like, okay, we're going to come. Do you think you're going to a McDonald's drive-thru? She would. She'd be like, wait a minute. Where am I supposed to get my food? Breakfast is up on the Sunday. There's a deck on the sun. That sounds dangerous.

44:47So she announces that breakfast. The guests are going to be ready for breakfast in 10 minutes. So everyone starts arriving. And Angie's there now. And Angie goes, lovely. Wow, we missed you. We need a full update on last night. What happened last night? Bromwood's, oh my, same shit with Brittany as always. But you started it. You started it. Started it. Bromwood just acting all innocent. And Jason's like, all right, anchor. Now let's go to some anchor drama, everybody. I know you've been waiting for it. Thank you. Now we shall resume my three-act play called Long, Medium, Short. And now, a tool on the anchor.

45:25The sizes of my penis, depending on the weather. Penises are very unpredictable. Zim.

45:33Zim. At a conclusion, Zim. so uh batul starts pulling up this anchor and it starts going she's like three shakas remaining and it's like so draw's like stop stop stop stop zim zim alert zim alert zim alert zim alert the anchor's piling piling up a little bit so go down go down and so we go through this this very tiring drama tiring not that i was bored but meaning like i was getting tired watching them do this for like 45 minutes to an hour of having to bring up the anchor then drop it and you've got to flake it just right. Flake that anchor. Or as we say in Zim, have sex with that anchor. Am I right, everyone?

46:12Old drow, just pop back. And Betul's like, the winch is clogged. The winch is clogged. Hey! I'm sorry, I wasn't talking to you. Okay. So Andy's like, I am confused. Like you just said, you bought a horse. I mean, horses are very expensive. I don't know that I believe that she bought a horse. That's an amazing quote out of context. Like there's this anchor drama going on. They're like, meanwhile, upstairs, you just bought a horse. So Joao's like, okay, raise it, raise it, lower it, lower it, lower it, raise it, raise it, lower, raise it, lower. Sorry, I'm talking to my penis.

46:53So Joao just goes up and starts kicking the chain. And meanwhile, Heather is telling Whitney, are you going to poo again? My God, you're a machine. so captain jason is wondering where they're at but the chain is still stuck you guys it's a huge thing but they figure it out yeah that's great it takes a while but they do it yeah and then meanwhile in the kitchen all right it's like four deck where are we at dwells like on my dick where else do you think it's on my peasimnes where else would it be not your foreskin the fore day

47:30sorry in we call it four dick copy

47:37alright alright ninny knees

47:46it's really hard it's really hard it's hard to come up with a body part and description really quickly an adjective Listen here, Stevie Lids I need you to get some beans out And then an onion, alright? Check These, those are apples, god damn it Please That's just a Piece of garbage you fished out of the water Isn't it? It is Is that the anchor? Is this why the anchor stuck? Did you actually somehow grab the anchor And bring it into the galley? I did So So they are, they're actually, the anchor is, the anchor thing goes on for a very long time. So they're cooking downstairs, anchors going up and down.

48:30They finally get it in, anchors in the pocket, high fives all around. And now we see that they are 52 minutes behind schedule of getting these women to the beach. So meanwhile, over at breakfast, Heather's like, how you doing babes with the sweat? You doing okay, Angie? And she's like, I am breathing deep. And Heather's like, well, do you have your nausea bands on? I have one on each arm as well as a piece of spanakopada. Delicious. We go back to the kitchen and Ben's like, those aren't onions, babe. They're shallots. I thought they cooked quicker though. It's like, please, please, onions, please.

49:07God, God damn it. How many fucking times do I have to ask you, moronic? You're doing wonderful, by the way. Everything's going great. This just means that I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of how you can't figure out the simplest things. That's all. I'm just fucking with you, which means I like you. But why the fuck did you get shallots? Shallots and onions are two different things. Just fucking with you. That's all I'm doing right now, love. But do you want white onions? I know you know that. I know you know that. Come on. But I thought shallots were onions. Honey bun, I need a lot of it, okay? I need a lot of them.

49:44It's going to take way much more time peeling a shallot. but i don't understand you know what his his when ben wants to play nice he's playing nice but the second things go wrong it's like back to the fucking like the second things go wrong it's like the moment you don't do the simple thing that he asked he said get an onion and you pulled a shallot those are not the same thing they're both alliums but they're not the same listen i don't love ben walking around with his honey buns and listen here sweetie i mean i could do without that but god alicia come on babe like seriously the second things go wrong it's every second it's every second of the minute she makes it sound like the second things go wrong like the guests change their minds and we have to pivot the entire menu or the boat crash it's like no the second that you fuck up because that's what's happening here yeah she's like his mood swings every fucking minute it's like which face is he gonna put on today okay this is my 10 minutes of happiness and then 10 minutes of madness and 10 minutes of crazy i've never met such a person in my life you're crazy making yeah sorry alicia i mean he's awful he's a dick we're not gonna deny that but you're but you're not you're like i don't know what's happening it's like watching like lucille ball doing the chocolates on the conveyor belt with you like it's just it's like watching motive cut shallots you know what i mean like you're in court and you're like but what was the motive it's right here you're watching it cut shallots this is why this is when it all went wrong.

51:27So now the crew are in their rooms and cleaning and stuff. And Daisy's like, ah, do you want me to take any of that? And Mike's like, hello? Yeah, it's no problem. I'm just going to clean your room. I can do it after. And Jenna's like, it's just me, you idiot. And they're like, ah! And Daisy's like, alright, ladies, this is the chef special. We have a Pecorino Romano omelette. And this time they've caught on because he made one omelette and put it down in front of them for them all to share. I was like, there you go. Now you are portioning correctly. They're all going to take a bite of omelet and that will be fine.

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