#3212 Vanderpump Rules S12E10: Kiss a Frog, Get a Hogwart

0:00Watch what crap happens, watch what crap is, who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is. Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hello, Ben. Hello, Ronnie. How are you? Welcome to your show. Doing great because we are just a couple of weeks away from the Golden Crappie Awards, which will be February 27th in Hollywood, California. Get your tickets over at WatchWhatCrappens.com. You can also find links to voting. We're in round one of voting right now. Your nominations are hilarious. So please go over there, give some votes, get some tickets. We're also going to be streaming through Kizwi, so you can get live stream tickets as well.

0:59They are now available at WatchWhatCrapHands.com. On Patreon is where you will get videos, and that's also where you get ad-free listening. It's where you get bonus episodes of Traders and newsletters, which we just started. So those are fun. Those are a fun read. So get over there and watch that. We had a rehearsal for the crappies last night. It was so much fun. We had a great time. And we're so excited to perform for you. I know. It's going to be great. I can't wait. I can't wait. It's always such a stressful time for us. There's just so much that has to be put together for it. But then once we actually do it, it's always so good.

1:40Because every time I'm at the point where when it's like crappy season, I'm like, are we going to do this? can we just go back to like having a table but then when we when we do it it's just such a rush and it's just great and everyone comes together it's just i don't know it's like it's really special to be in a room of people who all like know love and get bravo it really is whether it's the crappies whether it's bravo con whether it's just i don't know at a watch party it's just a great energy so i'm really looking forward to this one yeah it's going to be a good one we're also going to be doing the food festival, South Beach Food and Wine Festival in a couple weeks.

2:16That's going to be February 21st. Is it the 21st, man? God, what's wrong with me? We are performing. Our show's going to be on the 21st at 2.15pm on the stage there. Sorry about that. Yeah, it's like a slate of actually interesting podcasts. The Elvis Duran show's doing a show there, but then also Michael Simon and Carla Hall. I'm so excited. I hope we get to meet Carla Hall. We've been fans of hers for years and years and years. So I think they're on right before us, too. So maybe, fingers crossed. And we're fans of food. So cannot wait to just get our fingers in. Lots of food. But today, we're getting our fingers into Vanderpump Rules.

2:56Yeah. How sexy. How unique. How revolting. Welcome to Vanderpump Rules Season 12, Episode 10. Threesomes a crowd. This title promised me a lot. I was really hoping for some threesome. There was not a threesome. Yeah, this was bullshit. There was like a, there was some kissing and it wasn't even really a threesome. This was a, this was a stretch. Um, but, uh, yeah, I'm surprised they didn't work in something about Universal Studios since there basically was a commercial right in the middle of the show, which by the way, also I'm shocked that it took this many years before Bravo had a Universal Studios crossover.

3:35I'm surprised that like, there hasn't been some scene where Erica Jane is like, Well, I thought I'd take everyone to dinner at my favorite place, the Donut Shack by the Simpsons, right at Universal Studios. You know, it was also long. It was also very Bravo to do it right during their Gay Pride episode and feature the Harry Potter world as they were putting together a Gay Pride festival. It's just as tone deaf as you would expect from Ye Old Braves. So thanks for that one. Thanks for the Universal Studios is so rollicking. gay pride endorsement, you dicks. I know, right? When I was driving, I took a wrong turn last night, driving out of the valley because I was at Rami's house.

4:19And I thought I could get back on the freeway by going on that little bridge, that Ventura bridge. And I couldn't. So instead I had to like loop around. And it's just sort of funny. You just sort of get deposited, right? Universal Studios. It's like, we have a full big ass, it's not actually that big, but we have a full ass theme park in the middle of our city. Like right in the middle of the city, there is a theme park. That is such a funny concept. Could you imagine the like Disney world being like right in the middle of Manhattan? Like that's like, I just was thinking about that. Like how, how is this possible?

4:50I just saw this on Vanderpump rules. They just went to this theme park and cavorted and then broke up by the way, not a great advertisement for universal studios. It's where you go to break up with your boyfriend, but it's just right there. I don't know. I'm just marveling Ronnie. I like that you're still such a fan of LA, you know, you're like, we're here. I live here. I just saw it on TV. You could have gone the other way on Ventura and seen the bar that Schwartzy's always drunk in every day. And if you'd gone further, you could have seen the Jacks's, which is now closed. It's just back to being whatever it was before.

5:26But the Tony Rama, Tony Lama. What is it? Tony Romo's. No, no, no, Tony Romo. Tony Romo's. I would love it if it's called Romo's. No, just Tony Romo and be like, guys, let's come on in here. Oh my God, football. Wow.

5:43But either way, I am a fan of LA. I think the city is so bizarre and quirky. And it's just one of those funny things that we just have a full on nationally known theme park right in the middle of like you make a wrong turn driving home from Ronnie's house and you're at a theme park. Like that's bizarre. Well, you know. Good times. Let me just reflect. Good times. So we are back at the restaurant this week after three weeks of being on vacation in what they're now calling Paso. Paso. We're in Paso. Yes. After a successful catering job serving the ladies of we, women in wine, we are now back in for some hard-hitting waiting table scenes.

6:30But first, let's go to Natalie and Kim. They're working out at Rumble, a boxing gym. And Chris is making content in his kitchen. And it's hot guy content. It's like you make no effort but sit there and literally eat your dinner. He's like, I'm going to make an avocado, chop the knife in there, shuffle it up. Yeah, I'm making chicken because, listen, it's about the gains. All right? We want as much protein as we can get. My cousin's coming home, so I'll get a little extra for dessert. All right. Yeah, I'm going to just eat this. All right, let's pump it up. Okay, yeah. And not that it's not that good.

7:03Not really that good guys, but not every protein meal can be great. So, all right. Thanks for that. $50. You just came. Okay, great. Thanks for being here, buddy. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks, man. Over sir. Jason is continuing. Who's jerking off while they're watching some douchebag make chicken in their kitchen. Who? Is that what we've come to in this country? I really don't know. I really don't know. but uh jason is at the register at sir and he's still trying to figure things out today's challenge is the existential question what the fuck is a prosecco because that's what he's asking himself after someone has ordered it he's like yeah i'm back at third pump it up pump it up what the fuck is a prosecco just scrolling through the menu um and then we go back to the boxing gym You know, we're just seeing everybody do their thing.

7:56And then Kim's like, oh my God, I feel sticky and sexy. Yeah, well, I love a sweaty, sexy moment. Like, I haven't even unpacked my makeup from the trap. That's how sweaty and sexy I am. Kim's like, I still haven't unpacked at all. So I guess my unpacking is like a little bit more unpacking-ier than yours is. Natalie's like, I mean, looking back at the videos we all sent there in the shared album, that was like so humbling. Like, what a humbling amount of shared videos we have. Kim's like, yeah, we actually had like so much fun. remember when like I wasn't talking to you for the first half of it because remember you're like a total bitch remember that oh my god but now like we're able to be normal like that's so cool I know that's like so amazing like obviously I love you like emphasis on the word obviously because like obvious what what about the past seven episodes of the show would indicate that I felt anything other than love for you right and I wish that like everything that went down this past month this just didn't happen I'm like because you did it Kim you were the one who lost her mind and she's like yeah i just wish it didn't happen i don't like the way you're texting my boyfriend to me that is crossing a boundary so we see all the clips and that is like i mean maybe this is like a perfect example of like time heals maybe like time is healing it's the perfect example it's the perfect you know what i think about sometimes when i'm like when i tell someone guys i know this breakup is hard but don't worry about it time heals just remember natalie and kim the perfect example of time healing everything.

9:26Yeah, we'll see. We'll see. And Natalie's like, oh my God, I'm friends with Kim again. This is crazy. Like I knew it was going to happen because we're like best friends when we love each other. And then we get Kim's side and she's like, yeah, I mean, we're not back to like a hundred, but like maybe we'll get there. Oh my God. What are you, the prize? I know. I'm not going to harm you. Like I'm not going to hurt you. Like be a bitch. Okay, fine. It's fine. Kim's like, maybe we'll get there someday. so Kim asked like if they've talked to Angelica and now I was like no I've just seen her story update it's like amazing she got a boob job isn't that amazing her boobs are big now so exciting she went through her armpit I love that I love that they went through her armpit and Kim's like yeah I texted her earlier today and she was like I'm just gonna go out I feel nauseous hey let's FaceTime her and see if she's puking yet you wanna do that yeah let's do that so we do and she's like oh my god you guys Did my boobs look weird under my armpits?

10:24I don't know. Big step. Girl, you look great. And I swear, it's only gonna get easier every single day, okay? And so Angelica's like, well, why are you guys looking so sexy? Well, we went boxing. See? Isn't it so obvious that we love each other? Oh my God, yeah. Yeah. By the way, who have you heard from? Has anyone called you? And basically Demi checked in on her and not Shane. Shane only sent a little emoji. Yeah, he sent an applause emoji to her boob story post. Natalie's like, I hate men. I hate men. She's like, well, he's not getting any of these boobs, that's for sure.

11:05So Natalie's like, well, I think Angelica's ego is hurt. I mean, I get it. The guy just broke up with you. Like, my ego might be bruised as well. I mean, would I get armpits put in my, would I get boobs put in my armpit? Probably not. but you know we each deal with it how we can deal with it would I get armpits on my boobs maybe Natalie's like when are you going to be back so Angelica's going to be back basically in a week so we're not going to see her this episode and Natalie tells us it's just like super convenient for like Angelica because she was dropping bombs on Chris and Jason and Paso at Wii U and avoiding any accountability and now she just gets to disappear to Houston for like a week to get new boobs I'm assuming it's like it's a lot cheaper than in Beverly Hills Ha ha ha ha ha.

11:49That was a joke about the price disparity between Beverly Hills and Houston, everyone. Only on Bravo would somebody be like, that girl just went to Houston to get a boob job so no one will confront her at work.

12:04Yeah. So then we go to Villa Rosa. And Chris and Venus are arriving to this house for, I guess, the first time. and Chris is like, whoa, that is a big ass swan. You want to film some content? What do you think about protein? Get over here. Want to do some swan con? Yeah. Swan con. He's smacking pink. What are those swans? Hanky. He's whacking Hanky in the face with his wiener. He's like, get over here. Yeah, content. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. See, and I also just like one thing that I'm really loving about this season is our return to poor people because they come into the palace and they're like, wow.

12:52I mean, this is I feel I feel like I'm watching some old British movie where like the street urchins come into the country house, English country house. Like, oh, governor. OK, best man is what best man is what he had. The governor's house. You're looking good. It's like the chimney sweeps are like licking their hand and like wiping their, wiping their foreheads. Like, oh, we're here. We're here to meet the madam of the house. And so there's a real down scabby over there. So, yeah, they're like, wow, this place is amazing. Like, how do you even acquire a swan? Like, you got to be certified for that shit.

13:23Jeez. And we see Rocio, who that's my queen. I love me some Rocio. And Rocio a few years ago had to start wearing uniforms, which is crazy. because back in the day, Vanderpump was like, oh, you know, I met Rocio walking up a hill. And I said, get in the car, you're mine now. And then I've never been able to stop giving her Pandora's cast-off clothes. She loves it. And so I've always wanted to see Rocio just kind of bopping around the house and, you know, terrible floral pashmines and stuff. But alas, she's got a uniform now. Yeah, she looked great. I was also happy just to see her. I was afraid that she was gone.

14:04so they're walking around. Venus is like, I'm literally hyperventilating. This is insane right now. All this opulence, they just don't know what to do. So Rosio lets them in, and Marcus is like, I never felt so broke in my life. I mean, I still have a blanket over the windows, curtains. Damn, I'm poor. Amtrak. This is what we need. Yeah. Very Sonya Morgan. And of course, Jason's like, wow, look at that pool. That's like amazing OnlyFans content. So we see Jason basically making content. He's like, yep, so this is my pool. Okay, yeah, that's the infinity pool. Couple mil, probably not too much.

14:42You know, a 14-seater table made of artesian marble. It's pretty good. Otherwise known as Prosecco. So, yeah, pretty big dick energy going on over here. And Chris is like, oh, look, there's a pony. I mean, this is like, I wish my first kiss would have been with a pony. Jason's like, when I'm this rich, I'm going to buy a lion. Chris goes, yeah, Jason's dumb enough to buy a lion if he ever got rich enough. Then he'd probably just get fucking eaten by it. Am I right, guys? Am I right? So Lisa leans over the patio and she's like, hello, paws. Welcome. Welcome to Villa Rosa. I'm sure you've met Plunky and Schmunky down there, little mini horses.

15:24I thought you were going to do a photographic shoot. now which one of you lucky poor people get to come upstairs to a place that's slightly wealthier than what you're used to come on in boys so they're like wow so she calls up venus because venus is they're they're doing a photo shoot for the the pride flyer and so lisa calls up venus because venus is arranging it and venus is like oh my god like she's so intimidating she makes me so fucking nervous. Oh my God, what am I going to do? I don't even know. And Chris is like, yeah, she makes me horny. And Jason's like, I'm going to buy her a lion someday.

16:03And she'll always love me because of that. So, listen, I can only have one of you up here at a time. So please send me whoever's got the most trauma. Oh, I'm not sure who that is, but I'm send up the one with the traumatic hair. Come up here, split ends. Please just come up here, dead hair. Come up here. Whose hair is the most damaged? So, um, damaged hair shows damaged soul. Get up here, my broken little bird. So Venus sits down in a room that's all white. And Lisa's like, tell me everything. What are they doing exactly? They want to do the flyer for pride. Are they going to be shirtless? And how does this connect to your trauma?

16:46You're a broken bird, aren't you? Let me see it. Let me feel it. Let me heal you. Yeah, they're going to do a pool party thing. gay for, they're doing a pool party themed gay pride at SUR. So I need to make the most iconic gay pride flyer ever, Lisa. Most iconic ever. Yeah, the vision I have is shirtless men, giant rubber duckies, and I want people dancing, and I want people fucked up. Ooh, okay, great artistic vision. So Venus says that Chris and, he goes, Jason and Chris are like the two hottest men that I know, and then Marcus, um, they're so mean, because when he says Jason and Chris, they show footage of Jason and Chris, like photos of them looking like really hot.

17:26And then Marcus is like him with a goofy smile, fucked up. Like, um, I invited Marcus to be the photographer. Yeah.

17:37So yeah, I mean, I'm trying, I'm trying with him. I'm giving him the option of looking at hot people with me. So Chris down in the backyard is like, wow, my goal in life is to be with Lisa. I think at this point, I really want Lisa. So back upstairs, tell me, tell me about the trip. It's like, well, the trip was really fun because there's been like a lot of drama when it comes to Angelica and Jason because Angelica found his OnlyFans. She's like, oh, God, I don't need to know those kinds of details. Well, I did meet a guy when we were out at the bar and I was a little shy, so I wouldn't look at him.

18:09So I would turn away. Oh, and how's that going to work, you dum-dum? How are you going to bring in new blood to serve? You're just turning your cold shoulder to the man. And he goes, well, I know, but I just, I don't know how to talk to guys that I'm interested in because I just, I cut that whole area out of my life. And when I was younger, I always felt like I needed to run away. The lower lip comes out. That's when Lisa senses like a broken bird. The lower lip comes up. Were you scared when you ran away? Was it like that song by the guy who dated Winona Ryder? Run away, train never going back Oh, tell me everything Here, pull this little bit out of my sleeve, would you?

18:53It's like, pull, pull, keep pulling, keep pulling Oh my god, it's like a whole chain of tissues, darling Please, cry Share whatever trauma you've got Run away, run away, run away and save your life A song written by my dear friend The Real McCoy It's like I just don't You know I was scared Cause everyone I was scared of everyone Just because I was afraid of people Finding out That I was gay Oh I'm sorry Sorry I'm not supposed to laugh That never happens I never laugh at drama I'm sorry So you were saying People had trouble figuring out You were gay I'm assuming you weren't wearing pants Anywhere near what you're wearing right now He's wearing like bright pink metallic pink pants yeah yeah it was a different time it was we had denim back then denim okay now we're back on the road to trauma darling continue what happened what did they do to you via denim so venus tell says that when he came out the closet that everyone basically rejected him and um he wound up threatening to kill himself and was sent to a mental hospital which is very sad and then lisa shares that her brother died by suicide um and venus did not know that and lisa this is the i feel like this is like one of the few times lisa has spoken about it on on tv maybe she did back then but um she says that when she's like whenever i'm in this studio meaning where she does her talking heads it always takes her back and she was sitting there doing an interview for the housewives in a gold dress and her she said with my hair tied back and i got this call from my parents and then everything changed and she said you get used to it but you don't get over it and it does define me it was a really powerful little moment from her and so venus is apologetic because he he didn't know and he talks about how he's um related with suicidal ideations his entire life because growing up gay everyone torment him he just felt trapped you know he was in texas and wasn't accepting and and that's why pride matters to him because it's a representation of you know who you are and you're staying true to who you are who you are and you know and hopefully it'll bring you everything you ever hoped for in life which is very true and he's like this pride it's going to be a good experience to really feel how i've always wanted to feel boys rubber duckies half naked hot straight guys on rubber duckies it's like i love gay pride so much i brought the straight guys that i know to be on the flyer for it and She's like, oh, that's exactly how we celebrate it.

21:30This is the Venus that I wanted to know. The Venus who has a backstory. All right. Well, now pack up that little trauma. Do it the British way. Put it in a little box in the back of your head and go take photos with shirtless men. Do it. Oh, thank you for sharing that trauma with me now. Come together with me. We're going to do the most prideful thing we can. We're going to take your profit and we're going to turn it into profit for Ken. Bring me your drama. Bring me your drama. Guys, I had to come downstairs. Lisa's rolling around on the floor and eating something she calls my trauma. So Venus says, I feel like if the younger version of me knew that I was hosting Pride and West Hollywood in 2025, they'd be like, holy shit, I'm actually going to make it in this world.

22:15which is also my favorite thing when people on this show think that I'm doing events for Lisa is like, you've made it in Hollywood. But I understand the sentiment. He's come very far. And yeah, he sure does come far. Yes. We find out later he does come far. He's got, but anyway, quite a shooter. It's quite a shooter. This kid, but it is a nice moment. And I'm glad he, he, he stuck with it. So Venus or anyone out there who can relate. Just look at me. It does get better. Yeah. Flicks. So flicking his hair. He's truly ridiculous. He's a gift. So outside, Marcus is taking photos of Chris and Jason, and they're doing pool photos and hotness or whatever, and then they pull down their pants and show their butts, and Lisa pops out.

23:07She's like, is this totally necessary? It's gay pride, Lisa. oh, fuck me. But I know you guys won't be doing it. Gay pride. So now over at Runyon Canyon, Audrey and her gay, Parker, do the customary reality show hike up to that first bench that they shoot every single scene at at Runyon Canyon. And they sit down and Audrey's like, wow, we just got here and I'm already dying. And Parker's like, oh my God, is that a bug? Yeah, I hate bugs. Oh my God. We're like the best. Anyway, are they attracted to bright white because that's who I am. I'm so bright. No, they're attracted to sexy men. Huh? Huh?

23:49Okay. Let's talk. I missed you while I was gone. She's like, yeah, I miss you too, bitch. Did you have fun? Yeah, so they talk about the weekend and stuff and how the situation with Chris happened. She's like, I had to step back a little bit. And so we see that he got a call from the brother that said, we're going to fuck mad chicks in Bali. And she says, yeah, and I wanted to come to him And I was like, hey, this affected me. And he didn't gaslight me. And that was good. And, like, he said it was really fucked up. So that was great. But, like, it's been a week. And I've still been thinking about it.

24:23And it kind of took me down my, like, rose-colored glasses down. Like, I'm, like, looking at it totally different. You went and you looked at the OnlyFans. Because there's no way that that phone call made you this icked out. Like, she's grossed out now. She's clearly grossed out. Because he makes a pretty good case for himself later. I mean, he does a pretty good fake job for guys on the show. I'm calling it a fake job because it is Vanderpump Rules, people. I'm going to just remember what show we're watching. So when he's like, no, it's you. It's you. I'll only think of you. Normally that would totally work.

24:56But she's like, I saw your video. I saw it. You see it on her face. Yes, truly. It's just so different. It's just so different for gay guys because I look at those videos and I'm like, God, a hot guy with a job. sign me up. You want to do it on the piano? Just do it on the piano. I'll shoot them. So I was like, men ain't shit. Sometimes. And Parker's like, men ain't shit. And Audrey goes, and I don't want to get myself hurt by being stupid and not seeing the signs that they're there. I'm like, well, the first sign is that you're on Bender pump rules. So look no further really. And so she says, since Paso, I've had some like time to think about everything that happened between me and Chris.

25:40and I just feel like I can't ignore the red flags anymore. I mean, that phone call with Jason's brother in the bathroom, just like, what the fuck? He only comments about my physical body most of the time. And we see a flashback of him saying, damn, babe, that ass is looking nice. He's like, yeah, never about my personality, which is like amazing. You know what my personality is? I'm the girl that borrows Mary Faith's horse. Yeah, think about that for a second. Wow, babe, hot personality today. Yeah. can't wait to stick my dick in that ality of yours that's what we call personalities now so we do it we have yeah but there's here's also actually another piece of evidence that we i have forgotten about she says and also he said some things about other shows he's been on compared to this and so we see unseen footage that's like they were clearly mic'd up but the cameras weren't there so we see this weird shot from like outside the house and jace we hear jason saying when it comes down to like a real relationship and other dating shows that we do it's like it's like not truly us it's just like stuff for entertainment and chris is like yeah we just fuck around a lot we joke around yeah he's like yeah we're playful so i guess the implication is that they put on fake personas on other reality shows and and and so now she's like is this a fake persona as well yeah it sounded like he was saying i mean what is weird this is different because most dating shows are totally fake and this one it's like you're actually dating the people it's kind of what it sounded like he was saying but who knows and audrey's like i mean that's sending me into a spiral because like i mean i don't know that he is who he is like 100 of the time like i just don't know no he didn't even work there he was cast he lives in marina del rey first of all yeah and that means that he is not working at sir because he needs that money because nobody is driving from marina every day to work at sir i'm sorry she's just not doing it so yeah he's taking it for the show, but you know, who isn't?

27:35Yeah, seriously. Um, so Parker, I mean, I'll just like, yeah, there's two things that make me step back from relationship. And one is if your intention is like being with me, aren't pure. And two is if you're disrespecting me and Parker's like, and that feels very unsure. Uh, yeah, I don't know what you mean about that, but sure. Yeah, I'll agree with you. Yeah. Cause I can tell you feel like not super comfortable and I've never seen you not comfortable with a person that you're trying to entertain. She's like, yeah, And tomorrow we're going to Universal, which is, I think we all know, the greatest theme park in all of America.

28:08Sorry, I'm just contractually obligated to say that while I'm on NBCU. So now we go to Natalie and Demi, and they're working. And Kim comes up to the bar, and she's like, oh my God, did you see my tickets? I said extra sweet. Natalie's like, I did. We're like best friends now. I get you. She goes, yeah. Like they want like, I guess, like extra simple syrup to make it sweeter, which I guess is fine. Like, do we upcharge for that? That's what I meant by extra sweet. Yeah, yeah, I got it. I got it. Yeah, I know how to make it sweeter. Okay. Just make sure you use like simple syrup because that's what makes it sweet.

28:45Okay, Kim. I love that idea of like, they want extra simple syrup, which is fine. Like, thank you. Thank you for saying that that's fine. Natalie agrees. She's like, yeah, that's fine. That's allowed. Simple syrup is a lot. It's a lot. We can make it a little sweeter. Okay. Hi. So this just in from the kitchen. I'm really sorry. The kitchen says it's not fine. You can't use extra simple syrup. I'm so sorry. Marcus is like, wow, the girls back together again. Wow. It's just so sweet. Makes my heart grow. And the producer's like, you mean until you decide to fuck this up by stirring the pot between them again?

29:21He's like, oh, Adam's such a dirty boy. so then jason comes in hey what's up guys and mark's like yeah jason's gonna kill it tonight his first day off of training and demi's like jason has been training for a very long time like four times longer than normal people it's like probably because he's like making so much money on only fans and does like weird things with his cousins who doesn't know how to be a good waiter right like you know what they say incestuous people don't know how to hold trays so jason's like okay so what is it bolognese chicken scallopini pomodoro now it's like yes yes yes yes yes you've got this he's like okay i got it so demi's like okay jason should take lisa this should be funny so lisa comes in at least meanwhile marcus and uh kim are like getting touchy and she's like hey hey hey do not do that on the floor don't do it on the floor and if you're going to take advice from a married lady, don't do it unless it's his birthday.

30:22Am I right, ladies? I thought for some, I didn't know what was going on there. For some reason, I thought they were like rolling a joint or something. And I thought she was like, no, no joints on the floor. Cause he had something in his hand or something. But I wasn't, I wasn't sure. I just knew the least was like, oh, television. I'm going to be the boss right now. None of that. Okay. Cause it'll be in your teeth as well. Hello. So he's like, well, sorry, we didn't see you coming or we wouldn't have been doing it. Don't do it. Even if you don't see me coming, if you don't see me coming, don't ever do it on the floor.

30:55He's like, just kidding. So Jason goes over to tend to Lisa's table and Ken's just sitting there. He's been there probably like for five hours. They just like wheel him in at like eight in the morning and they're like, okay, you'll just be there for the next few hours. So Ken's like, you peed in my pool today, Jason. Jason's like, I'm sorry. Huh, it was a joke because you were swimming in the pool. Yeah, so you're in the pool. You were just taking photos in the pool. I'll knock your spark out if you be in my pool again. I'll knock your spark out. Your pool is gorgeous, by the way. So I think I'm going to take down the honors.

31:29I'm going to take the honors of serving you guys today. It's my first day. It's my first day. It's the server. He's like, why are you sure you're up to it? Are you sure you're up to it? It takes a lot to serve me. All right. I've got many restaurants across the country. I don't really understand

31:55Grab Rangoon Is that an option? Okay, did you get me my drink? Do you know what my drink is? Do you know what my drink is? Mountain Dew No Great way to start, Jason and congratulations. So at the bar, Natalie's like, oh my God, is Jason serving her? Oh my God, well, at least he has charm. Kim's like, not enough. Have you seen the man serve? All right, so I would like the eggplant. All right, no, that's not figurative. Get your hand off your zipper. Get it off your zipper. All right, now, what are the ingredients in the eggplant? And he goes, okay, eggplant. It comes with eggplant. okay, and what about the crab cake?

32:44It usually comes in cake form. It's like crab. It comes in cake form, and it has a little bit of cream on the side. It's really good. She goes, well, of course the crab cake comes in cake form. That's what's called a crab cake, you idiot. When you're a waiter, you have to learn the menu backwards and forwards, inside and out and upside down, and in you and out of you. That's right. I'm not sure what he does. All right, go back. You know what? Send somebody else. You know what you're going to do? You're going to be a host. He's a charismatic man. You know, he's the kind of face that you would like to meet as you walk into a restaurant, and that's where he'll stay.

33:18That's where he's going to live now, at the host's stand. You've been demoted. You're my new Lala. He's like, honestly, this is kind of promotion for me because now I can just chat it up with everybody at the door. I mean, hey, I'm a great host. Come to sir. Get the coach's balls. They're good. See? Also, did you notice that Jason has a new hairstyle in every single like scene this episode like sometimes it's like big bang sometimes it's up sometimes it's like swept to the side it's like i'm having some continuity errors here yeah i think that um he probably got some advice from uh hair flicker or whatever but yeah and he looks different with each hairstyle one of them and it wasn't the hair it's just the way it made his face looked he looked just like melania judice i was like oh my god as a little girl like he had as the little girl face of melania i was like oh this is so weird i find you so attractive but at the same time like you're a baby melania judice like i like sitting on sushi in the grocery store yeah yeah we uh he definitely has like different looks with different ones but i'm gonna have to read i'm gonna have to look back at that to see the melania connection because i feel like you'll see it next time i'm telling you once i've pointed it out you'll see because i kind of thought it last week and i didn't think much of it but then this week i saw it a couple of times i was like Oh my God, he's a Judas child.

34:35How did this happen? Well, Jersey, you know. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So, um, now we go to Universal Studios. The sights, the sounds, the smells, the sensations of Universal Studios. A dinosaur over there. A family from Iowa over here. Some gum on the pavement over there. All the exciting things. Howl at the moon. where you can go and listen to piano songs. Universal Studios. They are already in their Harry Potter garb. You know, they're walking around in their capes and now they're going into the wand shop and they have a VIP guy, which is so funny because that would only happen on this show.

35:19Where the waiters would go have the VIP people because I think that's really expensive. I know, that's so true. So they go and they've got their capes on and everything. They get their wands. and Chris is like, this is my favorite part of the movie. And I was just like, the wand? He's like, no, the part where, you know, they get naked in film content. Isn't that the same movie? Oh, no, no. I was thinking of a totally different, totally different franchise. Yeah, it's like, yeah, you know, like the part where they have to choose their wand. Of course, the OnlyFans guy's favorite part is the stick picking part.

35:54Of course it is. Getting matched with the right phallic symbol. So Greg's like, okay, we have specific character wands. over there and like any that have golds, you're going to be able to use that one as several locations to do some limited magic. So watch out. Limited magic. It's so funny that they say limited magic. Like the lawyers say we're not allowed to promise full magic because that may have, that may build in expectations and we don't want to be sued by people who bought this thinking they could do full magic. So unfortunately we can only offer limited magic. Thank you so much. A hole in the floor opens up and Lisa Vanderpump comes up.

36:31I've been doing limited magic for years. Sleep pump. Limited magic. That's what the LA Times described our food as.

36:45So Chris was like, I could be Dumbledore. Dumbledore. You are not a Dumbledore. What are you talking about? So Aubrey's like, I'm still on defense of what to do about Chris. But this is like universal today. It's like so amazing. Like, what do I do? What am I going to do about Chris? So they go and they have a magical, magical day at Universal. We see them do some magic. They pick their wands and they go in front of this window and they have to say a magic thing. And Chris can't do it. He keeps waving it in the shape he's supposed to. And then saying the magic thing and it won't work. And then she does it and it does work, but we don't see the magic, do we?

37:21I think it just plays music. I thought it was going to move and light up, but I thought this was like not a great advertisement for this. It wasn't. It's like, it didn't work. Cause they, they did it in front of the window. I thought like something was going to shine in the window, you know, like put a hologram or something, but they also have to like work on their limited magic, you know, technology, because the truth is there could be a lot of dumb dumbs. We're going to come up to that and like do their one thing. If they can't get it to work, they're going to lose faith. So like, you have to make that like really like you, You got to improve your wand technology.

37:56Yeah, make an effort. So Chris is like, well, never thought I would have enough. Like I would have a clock with a wand. He's like, I know how to work my magic. Trust me, I'm good with working magic. Did anybody see my protein content this week? It's pretty big. So then they leave the wizarding world of Harry Potter and they go over to a Jurassic Park ride where Audrey reveals a part of her personality that maybe Chris could have found out about if he'd asked her about it. And she says, I don't like dinosaurs. I don't really believe in them. I think someone made it up and was like, we make a lot of money off this dinosaur thing.

38:36I'm like, so you're a dinosaur conspiracy theorist? So he's like, yeah, but there's like archaeology shit. She's like a Bible literalist or whatever, where they're like, dinosaurs? Huh? What is them? Satanic. It's a bunch of hunky-dory made up So everybody believes in something called evolution. I just love like, I love when people pick and choose like what things they just choose to, just to believe in. I don't believe in castles. I think those are just houses that people are starting to say are castles. They can make money off them for TV shows and tours. But even if you are that stupid, like, and you really think dinosaurs are just made up, you're old enough to know how stupid that sounds.

39:16Like what's wrong with you? you're supposed to be kind of the guiding force on this show you're supposed to be like the normal one yeah this isn't good it's not good when chris is our voice of reason and i love that his voice of reason is yeah but there's like archaeology shit and fossils and stuff and she goes well i've never met an archaeologist oh so the new conspiracy theory is that that dinosaurs aren't real because honestly has anyone ever met an archaeologist is that even a real job are there real archaeologists Guys, follow the breadcrumbs. Follow the fossils.

39:52She's like big dinosaurs roaming around. They just all died by like a meteor. A meteor. A meteor. Please, like a meteor can destroy us either. Meteors don't even exist. I mean, come on. And we all know the universe. Those stars, that's just a blanket that someone puts on top of the trees, right? He doesn't seem to mind, though. He's like, well, this is probably one of the best days I've ever been on. Yeah, everything feels right. You know, I do kind of ask myself, am I ready to go all the way to like maybe ask her to be my girlfriend? Maybe. Maybe. So now they go to the Isla Boo Bar. Is that what it's really called?

40:31Because I know the island on Jurassic Park is called Isla New Bar, but they call it Boo Bar? I don't get it. So they order a Bahama Mama, which Audrey does believe in. By the way, it's so funny because she's like a manifester, which is like, I think, isn't that kind of like putting blind faith into things that you can't see or know, but like trusting that they're going to like turn out beautifully for you. But you're like, but I won't, but I draw the line of dinosaurs. Yeah. Is she, well, the manifestor is Venus, but he did, he did, he was teaching her manifesting or something. She's learning.

41:02Yeah. She's learning. She's a baby manifester. You, you manifested dinosaurs. There's one right behind you. So he's like, well, Bahama mama, you could be my Bahama mama she's like oh this guy's so gross i mean she's got a point i don't really believe him either believe in dinosaurs no i don't believe in dinos like dinosaurs are to audrey is how i think of decent men on vanderpump rules oh oh yeah yeah yeah i just don't believe them although i am rooting for the meteor i thought you said you know but audrey does have a point i don't believe in them either. And I was like, what? I don't believe him.

41:40I think he's full of shit as well. So they sit down with their Bahama mamas after, you know, which is the customary drink that you have after a dinosaur experience. And I was just like, so how are you feeling since the trip and everything? He's like, you mean the trip to Isla Newbar? That was very exciting. Those dinosaurs. You really should reconsider your stance on this. No, no. To Paso. Oh, uh, in regard to what? I all that us. How do you feel? Do you want to break up with me instead? Cause that'd make it a lot easier for me. Yeah. Cause she, here she is. She wants to have another relationship talk.

42:15He's like, hi, we've been dating for three days. So, but he doesn't, he's like, well, you know, like I'm not casually seeing anybody else. I've been kind of focused on this. So I'm pretty happy with where we're at. And there like comes a point where like, I need like, it's going to have to like jump to the next step, you know? So I've been thinking about that. And she's like, yeah, like we jump or we don't jump. That's the thing. And he's like, uh, yeah, usually this is the part where your panties are off. Like this, I've never gotten, I've never had to give this much of a speech. Like you see the shock in his face and she's like, yeah, well after the trip, like to Paso this past week, I was like to, you know, taking some time to kind of process stuff.

42:59And, you know, like I'm like in the same boat where I'm like, what's the next thing, you know, but does there need to be a next thing? Like, I don't know. Cause every time I talk about it, my heart palpitates. Like, you know, we did talk about that situation with what happened and we talked about that really well. So that was good. And we see the situation banging mad chicks in Bali. He's like, yeah, well my heart's palpitating also too, because I just heard that there's only one more trolley that we can get on. So we can go on our little tour of the studio. So let's get to that tram. Am I right?

43:33She's like, no, no, no. But before we do that, I think it was like really something that I kind of like swept under the rug a little bit because like I just wanted the rest of the trip to be like really fun and awesome. And I think the trip was like a little bit of a test. And like I would really love it if Chris like set up something super romantic and like the next level of romantic connection. And I don't know. That's just kind of what I was missing. You know, he's like, we're at Universal Studios. Like it doesn't get more romantic than this. We're drinking Bahamas mamas. I've never made this much effort.

44:02so I don't know what else you're expecting I just saved you from a robotic dinosaur and I kind of taught you magic so I mean when you're looking for romance I mean what else do I have to do we have to do I have to literally take you to Springfield do I have to take you into the magic kingdom right now I mean what's going on we just got magic dildos so and she's like yeah maybe I'm in a place where like I need to take a step back and he's like uh oh okay hey, getting dumped over a Bahama mama on the best day of my life. She's like, yeah, step back. So you're saying like, long story short, you're just like more friendly vibes.

44:43And she's like, well, more than, I mean, we're not friendly vibes, but like moving forward, I'd rather go in that direction. I'd like us to erode down into friendship. He's like, I don't even think I'm able to process my emotions right now. I'm just so confused. I mean, if I were to bet my life on it, I would have 100 % assumed that she wanted to be with me. Maybe I completely misjudged this whole situation. Yeah, so why don't I just take our drinks and head out and walk towards the front? He's like, so we're not going to do the Shrek 4D experience? No. All right. That was my romance. I'm getting dissed before I tried to put a spell on Super Mario.

45:28Okay. Well, kicking the balls while getting dumped at Universal Studios after a VIP tour over Bahama Mamas by a girl that doesn't believe in dinosaurs. I mean, yeah. I mean, at least at least go take the Kung Fu Panda ride first. But that's rough. By the way, I feel like I would do the dumping like at the in the in the garage. So that way you have an easy, like easy exit. because now you have to sort of like be with each other as you exit a theme park which is never as swift as you want it to be like even though universal studios hollywood is not that big you still have to like wade through crowds together and like probably go to the bathroom one more time maybe pick something up from a locker like i'm doing the dumping the moment like my foot steps into the jurassic parking which is the name of the do it while you watch him pay the 50 for parking on the way out yeah you know as you're going down that hill and then just jump out of the car and take the metro back home.

46:33Just don't do it at Bahama Mamas. Gosh. Okay. Well, if that wasn't sad enough, let's go to Kim's apartment. I don't even know what's going to happen. We know it's going to be sad because it's a Kim's place. Let's go over there. Have you ever noticed how chaotic that little studio is? It's not chaotic because it's little. I'm emphasizing the little part because the furniture is all at strange angles because I guess they're trying to like maximize the space to do some but it's a small space. So it's just like the sofas at one angle, but the desk is at another angle and everything is just like like wacky fun house in there if you really look at it.

47:10Yeah, angled furniture in a small space doesn't really work. You need to just hug walls. Okay, find a wall and hug it. Hug it, please. And it's all white. It's just and there's nothing on the walls. It's just like this strange and depressing in there. It feels like a padded cell. And this is when it goes to shit. And we see a perfect example of sometimes what straight ladies can do to gay pride. And this is why you should not have straight people planning gay pride. Okay. There are gay people at gay pride for a reason. Okay, Venus, you were put in charge of gay pride because you are the only gay.

47:44Okay. So you're supposed to do gay pride. Don't ask your straight friends to come in and do the music and do everything else. Okay. This is gay pride. So I'm saying this because he asked Marcus to DJ. So Marcus is going to DJ. So he's going over song lists. And Kim's like, I made a list. Gaga, Madonna, I don't know, YMCA. That's always a good one. Katy Perry, Pesha. She starts naming some. I like that you're like naming this list. And I'm like, oh my God, totally. She's totally ruining it. But like secretly I'm like. Well, no, she got it. She had it okay, but then she got to like YMCA. And I forget what the song was.

48:24It wasn't YMCA, but it's like, it's something like that. You know, it's like, oh, come on. No, this is like a straight person's idea of gay pride. Please. I know. And Marcus is like, what? That's crazy. Honestly, I personally was just very impressed that she knew who Madonna was. Anytime I see someone from Gen Z who knows Madonna, I'm always like, wow. Because someone on this show didn't, right? Who was it on this show that didn't know who Madonna was? Was that Jason? It was Jason. Yeah. But I guess that's not surprising. He's like, isn't she an actress? Like the fact that he, the fact that he like actress was the first like label that he attached to Madonna is the most hilarious thing still.

49:04But it's also the best compliment Madonna's ever gotten. So I know seriously. So they kiss and Marcus is like, how do you think every, how do you feel with what's been going on with us lately? Like we've been doing pretty good for the past two days. And she's like, yeah, we're great. like there's still circumstances where we have tips but i feel like we're going like at a good comfortable pace uh could you tilt the couch a little bit i'll be good i want to trip i want we walk into the room i want the couch to be at a similar angle to the desk but definitely not the same angle so it looks like they're sort of aligned but when you look farther at it deeper at it you realize they're not aligned okay babe i'll do that for you you want to live with me someday She's like, well, I just love having my own space with strange angles.

49:53Yeah, but I feel like you would only want to live with me if you were pregnant or if I was engaged to you. She's like, yeah, that's true. But like, I've been thinking about a lot though. And like, we make the same, we make some, we made some choices. And like, I mean, you went off of birth control and basically we found out that she went off birth control. What the fuck? Okay, so she doesn't want to move in with you unless she's pregnant. So you want to get her pregnant? What the fuck? You guys break up every two seconds. You are idiots. so she's gone off birth control this is crazy and she's like yeah it's not that didn't come from me wanting to have a child like it just came from me being really mad really bad at taking them so I wasn't like taking them anyways like I just stopped taking them so okay so you're great great you guys are in a dysfunctional toxic relationship and now you're gonna maybe like have a baby out of it so Marcus is like yeah um and then marcus is like says that she took her she went off of birth control without telling him oh god so you're trying to trick him him no what are you doing he's like he was like you fucking little shithead like you were totally trying to have sex with me all that time oh my god so kim's like well we talked about it so many times like kids like if if anything were to happen we're both fully on board and we want that for each other and he's like you still feel that way She's like, yeah, of course.

51:17I think you'll be a great dad. I'm like, based off of not anything we've seen on the show, right? Is there something that's on the editing room floor? I just want to know. Yeah. Where is this evidence? What are you two talking about? Yeah. You need, you should have, have to get a license to have children. This is crazy. The rest of us have to deal with those little fuckers running into the street when they're not being watched, you know, or like stealing our mail. Whatever those little rascals are doing. but like she doesn't want to have a baby right now which is funny yeah she does she stopped taking birth control pills and didn't tell him so come on but he actually really wants to have a kid he's he's like very excited i think he would have loved to have had a surprise kid um but she's like no not right now um and so they talk about their timeline and then she talks about wanting to get engaged in the next year then married in the next few years and then i'm gonna have to assume the divorce is about 18 months after that and then she goes i don't know and then we'll have a we'll have a child and he's like so basically they want to do it in the next two years it's happening yikes and she's like yeah because even if like we break up you'll still be a good dad he's like yeah so um yikes this this is just not good i mean i think this is we need to get involved somebody needs to do something i feel so helpless as a viewer you I need to do something.

52:40What can I do? What can I do? Put birth control in their water? How do I do that? Just abduct one of them and send them to a different continent. So then at the video shoot, which by the way, in this climate, I take that back. So now we go to a video shoot and we have Shane Davis. Ha ha ha ha ha. And he's now in front of the camera and he's doing a scene. He's like, the Black Diamond, where'd you get this? Oh, it's my husband's Black Diamond. Why do you ask me? I'll give you$200 ,000 for it. I was shot once. Yeah, so he tells us, I'm here doing what we call a vertical microdrama. They're an hour and a half long movies.

53:31It's very soapy, cut to two minute episodes. Have you ever watched a microdrama? No, I only recently heard about them. And I hear that they're like all the rage, but I don't know. How does, how do people even see them? They're crazy. They don't pop. I watched them with my friends. It's nuts. It's a whole thing. Like you pay for that. Like you have to pay for them that you watch the first, maybe two or three for free. And then they're like, okay, you want to watch the whole thing? It's$19.99 or$3 an episode for 50 episodes or something. It's crazy. And they're really silly soap operas. Basically, they'll be like, I love that.

54:05The one I watched was a girl in doctor class. No, a girl who went out and she got drugged by a guy. And then the guy tried to take advantage of her. But another guy saw that she was getting drugged at the bar and took her drink and drank it himself so she couldn't drink it. And then fought the guys that she drugged. And then that's the end of the first one. And then the second one, she saves him from the bar and he wakes up and they fall in love. But then she passes out because I guess she was drugged. then the next one she is in class the next day at doctor school or whatever and her teacher the new doctor in town that's going to teach him is the guy from the bar but he doesn't remember because he was drugged and then oh and then they also had sex in that car and this is only six minutes into it okay and then the next one she is like this big secret and he he feels love for her but he doesn't understand why and he can't because she's a student and then the next one she finds out she's pregnant but how did this happen i mean it's just the dumbest thing i was like this cost 50 to watch this oh my god let's make a micro drama i i i love this i've heard about these but i'm i'm like where where does one see them are they on instagram are they on their own platform uh he describes it they have their own the micro drama network platform things that you get them see and this is the thing this is why that sometimes the networks are so stupid because we want this shit.

55:31Okay. They don't help. They, they, they don't support their soap operas. The soap operas all go off the air. They all die, but we also want it. And so we find it and we find it. Life finds a way. Okay. Jurassic parking structure. Life finds a way. But so Shane describes it. Chaos theory. Yeah. I'm here shooting what we call a vertical micro drama. not talking about my dick ed their hour and a half long movies just like very showpy and he just cut them into two minute episodes i was like wow that is literally so genius and you only have to do like two minutes at a time uh the the the young ben young ben who came to hollywood to be a writer is like why did this not exist in 2001 oh my god right these two two little two minute movies oh my god well they are they're two minutes but they're 50 episodes right so you're still writing like a full-length thing but it's cut up into these two-minute little clips so it's just writing like cliffhanger cliffhanger cliffhanger cliffhanger it's writing 50 cliffhangers basically into a whole movie or whatever so um shane gets paid 10 choice commercials you know i'm down So it's 10 to 15 grand per thing.

56:52And he's done nine this year. He's like, yes, I made a lot of money this year.

56:59So then Jason comes to the set and Shane is like, Shane's just talking to this guy, Steve. And then, and the truck's like, God, so Jason, Shane meets up with Jason and Shane's like, ha, I brought Jason here to get his foot in the door, to be a working actor. Cause he just started out. I love that. Shane is like the big bro to these guys. He's like, guys, I'll show you how the industry works. I know someone who has a beard, which makes me pretty cool in film circles. So come on in, guys. Yeah, he's like the old man actor of the set. He's like, I've been doing it for ages, guys. I've done 10 micro dramas just this year.

57:35Come on in. Come on in. Any questions, please. Don't hesitate. Jason's like, wow. So what are you playing today? He's like, I'm a high-end pawn shop guy. Jason goes, I've done a few verticals myself. I mean, I'm actually shooting one next week. I've been acting since I was a little kid. The roles I've had, I've taken a bit more like bad boy or the boyfriend. I want to branch out. We see pictures flash up on the screen. It's like the bad boy. And it's just him like smiling with Justin Bieber hair. And he's like the boyfriend. That's him smiling with like slightly parted Justin Bieber hair. It's like, wow, what range.

58:13Yeah. Wow. Really doing it. It's like watching Beryl Streep. It's like, now I have Justin Bieber hair. Now I've got Ryan Cabrera hair. It's range. So Shane's like, I've seen him do some acting and I think he's got a lot of potential. So then we see them a flashback a month earlier and the two of them were doing a script rehearsal reading back and forth. So Shane's like, okay, all right. Three, two, one scene. Okay, I need you guys to try something. called a drive-by laugh and just like okay so he shows him how to do it and he's like I'm gonna walk past you and I'm gonna give you a drive-by laugh you ready okay okay

58:58so now notice how you got insecure about your haircut just then right okay it's cause of the drive-by laugh I made you feel that cause that's how I was really feeling about your hair on the inside it's called method drive-by laughing he's like wait it's my hair no bro I'm just trying to make you feel insecure about your stupid hair. Okay, may you try it? He's like, ha, ha, ha. Okay, well, I don't know if that really worked, but once your steam is lowered, that's a better place to work from, okay? So I made you feel insecure, and you became a slightly better actor. Okay, I'll be making fun of you a little bit, tiny penis, okay?

59:35Okay, for this next lesson, I'm going to shoot you 12 times, and you're going to see how it changes your life, okay? Okay, just stand there. Are you sure that we should be doing this Yeah it worked for me bro Come on just stand right there Okay alright you're in position Where do you want to be shot I got 12 bullets in this thing I'm going to introduce him to the producers and the director Because he's like this close to getting the drive by laugh You know it's going to change his life It's going to change his fucking life We've got another actor potentially on our hands Potentially I mean I say that he doesn't know what's an eggplant dip I asked him hey What's in the eggplant dip And he said what's eggplant I said, okay, maybe the memorization's a little bit off, but we'll work on it.

1:00:16Work on it. We'll work on it. Drive by now. So, Shane's like, so, you know, remember when we're actors, the question is not when we're, we're going to say when we're on set, not if we're on set, okay? Because right now, when we're on set together, we're going to kill it. He's like, yeah, definitely, bro, soon. By the way, that trip up to Paso, that was crazy. And he's like, yeah, I was stressed. I was like doing the drive-by stress to people. No one was picking up on it, but man, I was so stressed. I had a real talk with Angelica. I said, you know what? You're going through a breakup. I'm here for you, but this is too much, right?

1:00:54I mean, I'm still attracted to Angelica, but God, the dramatics, you know, it's confusing. I told her, your best bet now is for me to be your friend. Your friend, the famous micro drama actor. I don't know. She might look bad as fuck when she comes back with those new titties, brother. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. That was the park the car in front of you and laugh, okay? And Jason's like, well, a boob job can enhance your personality. That takes fucking therapy or a penis pump. But to this day, Angelica still has not given me a genuine apology. You know what we call that in Jersey? Fake as fuck.

1:01:35Like could you do it with better hair What are you doing with your hair right now Now his hair is like three triangles Sticking in different directions You look like an upset Flamingo Like what's happening An upset flamingo I don't like that you stood over here So Shane is like Okay bro On to more exciting news bro How's Natalie doing bro And Jason's like Well I know you guys didn't really get along I see why I probably wasn't working out I just don't really know your guys' situation that much She has a big heart And she just wants to be loved In a sense Because Natalie's so touchy and lovey Like that And I need that in a relationship And I just feel like she'd be an awesome girlfriend I also like that she didn't kiss Shane right away That's pretty cool Also she has a leather jacket Badass So they call Shane back to set And he's like yeah okay look I'm gonna end on this bro You think you're really fucking good for a dude And if y 'all's friendship becomes something more You got nothing but support from me bro That's right Actor to almost actor Drive by support Yeah Hey even if it's temporary I think he's a safe space for her And he's kind of just a safe space for women in general I mean do I think Natalie's hot still Yeah But would I want that But would I want that to be in the way of him pursuing her Nah man Ha ha ha Or as I like to say The people I want to make insecure Ha ha Drive by laugh Drive by laugh Love you bro Yeah I love you too dog You're right boy Right after Marcus You're my number two boy Alright bro Right after Marcus And if Marcus didn't exist You'd be my number one Okay if ever I need somebody To go stand in the middle of a road on And talk about doing meth with my dad It's gonna be you maybe one day Possibly number two I don't know we'll see why does it feel like shane is recruiting or like grooming uh jason to be his drug meal right now like why does it feel like they're at least about to do some sort of crime like hey man just got this call and uh basically what I heard is if you want to be an actor you got to help me out with this thing we just got to transport something from vegas down to uh down to oaxaca and I just need your help with it can you get a private plane that can fly with no questions asked okay bro almost an actor you just have to do that now let's go hang out with the young gays at Tom Tom so we get our first friendship scene with all the gays hanging out and Ryan is the server and he's like oh my god thank god you guys are here Aperol Spritz am I right I'll be right back Parker's like can I just get a glass of Rosé instead that's my gay bucket I fall into Ryan's like hi Rosé love that okay I'll be right back even though I already said I'll be right back but I came back and I'm going back I'll be back again.

1:04:33And Venus is like, I've had a busy ass week. Like I had to make a flyer. I'd like still have to go print the flyers of the photo shoot we did at Lisa's home. It's been like crazy busy. I took pictures and didn't really do anything with them. So it's been like nuts. I've got to go to the printer still. It's like crazy. Yeah. Venus is like, yeah, we did a shoot. And Parker goes, for, for gay pride, stupid bitch. You not even listen to me. Sorry, bitch. I was shopping and I was going to text you and be like, what are you wearing? And Venus is like, oh, I was thinking just my dick out in the crown.

1:05:04Wouldn't that be hilarious? Huh? You know, it's crazy. Like, I love getting to hang out with gay people. Because, like, straight guys just don't like talking about dick. So Ryan goes, um, did you guys want to put in any food? Put in this spicy tuna so I could eat it too. Oh, my God. I'll be right back. So Venus is like, okay. Well, the spicy tuna, we'll have that. Yeah, I love balls. Oh, my God. Balls in my mouth. Oh, my God. So true. Oh, my God. Don't you love when the gays are just with the gays? Yeah. You know, straight guys, they just don't want to talk about dick. You know, that's super annoying, you know?

1:05:37So Parker's like, okay, I need to hear it from your own words. What's your type? Because people have been telling me, but I never asked you. He's like, oh my God, people have been telling you? What have people told you? He's like, um, you look like a burly man, like burly. And I'm trying not to say fat anymore. Burly. By the way, I love the slow revelation, if you read between the lines, that Parker is totally self, not self-interested, but he's like totally self-absorbed. He knows nothing about Venus's life. He doesn't even know that Venus is even doing anything for gay pride. He's like, so what's your type?

1:06:08Even though we're friends, I've never asked you what your type is. I know nothing about you. So Venus is like - Well, I think they're like, okay, we've got three gay guys on the show. So maybe the gay guys should be friends instead of just accessories to everybody else. So they're like, okay, let's have a shot of, let's make a shot of those three gay guys being friends, but yeah, they don't really know each other. So Venus says, I'm so attracted to a big back man, a big back man. I just love a man that hunches over the table and just can eat. So he's like, I've been with anybody since I'm 20 years old, okay?

1:06:46But I need to make a correction when it comes to my sex life, okay? Because I got my dick sucked one day in the parking lot in West Hollywood, and it was like two years ago, sir, and you know what? I was like, I'm sir now. I've made it. I'm in West Hollywood. I need to fuck somebody in the VIP bathroom. So I found this guy and we went to the bathroom, but then like took him out to my car. And then it was like the worst blowjob I ever got. But then I shot my car all the way up to my ceiling. And it was like all over him. And we left and I was like, holy shit. And Parker was like, girl, that's eight years of pent up something.

1:07:21He's like, yeah, I know. I've had so much pent up inside me right now. Like if I went to a shooting range, I could hit a fucking dartboard in the middle with my semen. And Ryan like comes back. He's like, oh my God, what did I just walk into? I'll be right back. Oh gosh. So Parker's like, we were actually just talking about his cum hitting the top of the car. And he goes, oh yeah, we always talk about that. He goes, oh, okay. Well, I guess you know him. He's got his thing. You didn't know that. Okay. So you're hosting WeHo Pride. How do you feel about that? Oh my God. I've been waiting for this moment my whole life.

1:07:54I'm like always just trying to escape Texas to be here. West Hollywood has like been my safe space for the last five years. Parker's like, what's coming out hard? Like, was it, what, what was it? Was it just not good? And Venus like, yeah, well, my mom and dad, they like just weren't, we weren't seeing eye to eye. And I'm like, look, I'm gay. And they're like, we don't get this. Cause like, I've always thrown them the straight side. I always be like, take me to Hooters, bitch. And I'd be like, you don't have to add the bitch part to it. We could just say, take me to Hooters. And you know. I used to do this thing when they came and they said like, can we take your order?

1:08:24I'd be like, boobies. I'm ordering boobies. Love your boobies. My parents were always confused that when we'd go to Hooters, I'd be like, you are iconic to every girl. But I just told them that was a very straight thing to say. My mom was like, why do you call all the waitresses mother?

1:08:43I mean, my parents should have known I was gay. I mean, when I'm running around in fifth grade with a binder of Joe Jonas in the front picture, okay? They should have known I wasn't going to marry a fucking woman. so he talks about moving in with his meemaw and uh not seeing his sister or brother for a couple years and ryan's like oh my god i'm so sorry like you make me feel so grateful to be from new york god every time i meet someone from somewhere like you i just think god thank god i'm not from there you know i mean no offense i mean i love you what a tough journey you must have had god i'm so glad Dad, I didn't have to do the same thing.

1:09:19Stupid, stupid over there. He's like, seriously, you guys are like strong from wherever it is that you came from. Like, wow, dead ass. He goes, yeah, dead ass. And I think me and my family are like in the best position we've ever been because like I talk to my mom every single day and then my dad watched all of Vanderpump Rules because he knew I was working at Star. So that's like his way of trying to bond with me, you know? He's like, Katie Maloney's your real asshole, right? And I'm like, yeah, dad, love you, love you. I mean, that's like basically my dad having a dick in his mouth. So we're pretty close now.

1:09:51Yeah, my dad didn't like that I was gay. But like now that he knows I'm going to be gay and famous, he's like, okay, I guess I'll watch the show. That was actually the sweetest story I've ever heard. Like my dad who didn't accept me watched all of Vanderpump Rules to try and understand me. That's a lot. That's a tall order, sir. Yeah, and good for him and welcome. so um uh ryan's like oh my god and now you have the support system we will never let that happen again okay we will never i mean it's not an issue for me i'm from new york right but for you for you we will never let you be unsupported oh i can't wait till these queens hate each other they probably already do i love the scene of them being like oh my god gay positivity yes let's talk about coming out that's beautiful in three weeks they're gonna be like that bitch betrayed me I know, seriously.

1:10:41You know, the moment Venus leaves, Parker's going to be like, ugh, that was painful. Like, I literally cannot listen to him prattle on about himself. Like, congratulations, you came out of the closet. Whatever. He likes fat guys. Can you imagine? Ew. And he's from Texas. So glad I'm from New York. So Venus is like, yeah, it took a lot of hardships and perseverance and self-development to get to this point as a waiter in West Hollywood. but I did it. And I'm just in this position of being like the type of person I was wanted to be like, I have a hair crimper now. So in the car, Marcus is wondering who's going to be a sir.

1:11:21And Kim's like, um, uh, because they're going to the beach. So he's wondering who's gonna actually be working at the restaurant because it's McKenna's birthday beach birthday party, everyone. And Venus is in the backseat and he just has a rotisserie chicken in a bag and some ranch in a bottle. He's just, he's just going to town back there. he's like, I can't wait to get to the beach and just fuck this up. Now I know why Kitty Maloney hates him. He stole her gig. Ranch is my thing. So, um, uh, Mark's like, wow, he's like a goddamn werewolf back there eating a whole chicken, a jar of ranch in a bag of chicken back there.

1:12:00Um, who does? I've never heard of anybody bringing a rotisserie chicken to the beach. Like that family feud. blooper that goes around every few years about the guy who answered turkey to everything. You ever see that as the bonus round? They're like, name something you'd bring to the beach. He goes, turkey.

1:12:22He literally answered turkey to everything. That's funny. So now they're at the beach and everybody's meeting up. It's McKenna's birthday. Who's McKenna? McKenna. Which one's McKenna? She's like a DJ. Oh, she's a DJ. She's like the one who's teaching Marcus how to DJ. you might notice her she's over there in the corner uh djing on a silver dollar but um so chris is there and he's like oh my god he's apprehensive because it's like audrey and he's telling people he tells demi that like he and audrey have you know taken it down a notch yeah he's like oh my god i'm confused you know like i understood but like thinking back it threw me into a bit of a loop because we were universal or like we're calling it now versal and like I feel like there's a lot of things I didn't say and I didn't get it off my chest because like I couldn't process it in the moment but everything was so fucking good and then just out of nowhere she cuts things off and saying we should be friends and she doesn't believe in dinosaurs and like the math isn't really math thing do you do you believe in math I'm bored I'm Demi I don't want to hear about anymore so then um Audrey and Parker arrive and Audrey's like yeah it really sucks breaking up with someone that you still like and I think I'm just like trying to realize what I deserve and put myself first.

1:13:35I hope he doesn't hate me. So they all come up and it's like saying hi and everything, but there's like awkwardness. And meanwhile, Marcus pulls Kim to the side. He's like, hey, babe, let's go stand over here on the beach together. And he's like, everyone's going to think I'm proposing to you. And so he pretends to get down on a knee and everything. And he and Kim laugh. And literally no one cares about this little antic. Like no one's even paying attention. Yeah. So then Venus gives him some love and stuff. And Chris is like, whoa, Venus, you look so bleh. So then Chris tries with Audrey, who's just like in a mood.

1:14:10And so he's like, hey, Audrey. It's like, hey. It's like having fun. She's like, yeah. Okay, me too. Yeah, blast. Yeah. She goes, yeah. He's like, okay, well, I guess we should have a chat eventually. But like, I guess we just need to have some time. Yeah. Unless you think otherwise. Nah. Okay. Hey, well, great. Great talking. It's just so awkward. Making an effort here. I just, I feel really awkward. I feel weird. I feel like Chris was really trying to push a dinosaur agenda with me. Like, archaeologists, are those even real people? I don't think so. I mean, he's my friend. I, like, talk to him every single day.

1:14:47But, like, I don't know. How do we have such a different worldview? So then now they're going to play some volleyball. And they play volleyball. It's really fun. And then they're finished. So now it's time to pack up and go. and they're going to go to a bar called Tower 12. So they get there and Jason's like doing content. He like pulls out his phone. He's like, hey, everyone, this is what a California bar looks like. Cali.

1:15:15Crazy different, isn't it? Cali bars. So Venus is flashing the video and then Audrey is sitting on Parker and pretending to lick his feet and stuff. And Jason goes up to hug Natalie And he's like, what's up bean? She's like, bean? Why are you calling me bean? He's like, little bean, you know, like a lima bean or something. She's like, um, yeah. Okay. Well, I need to fix my lips. Cause it's been like hours since I fixed my lips. Like what kind of fucking monster am I? A bean monster? Like what kind of bean? Monster bean? Lima bean? I'm like, like really like upset that he called me a lima bean.

1:15:54Like that's so wrong. And so then, uh, she pulls out, uh, she's pulling stuff out of her purse. and then underwear flops out by accident. And it's like, oh my God, hilarious. Oh my God. Yeah, I gotta fix my lips because we're about to be making out with people. Yeah, because I love making out with people. You know what? He's like, are you? He's like, yeah, who are you gonna make out with? He's like, nobody. Oh, really? Because I don't know what it says about me, but I just think there's something so chic about people having a couple of drinks. Just like making out with people. Isn't that wild?

1:16:24It's like, Allison's here. Allison said I can make out with her. and Allison's this pretty girl who's hanging out with them and he's like oh my god I'm so jealous you're gonna make out with Allison she's like yeah and Allison goes yeah you're hot and she's a hottie Jason sorry don't be jealous and I was like oh my god you're hot yeah Jason don't be jealous don't want to make out with Natalie just to make Jason jealous hey Natalie you want to make out yeah you want to make out yeah let's make out don't make Jason jealous they make out right in front of Jason to make him jealous and he's like wow I'm like so jealous maybe we should all kiss but then they just keep kissing and she's like licking her face her make out is so like oh the way natalie makes out she really does make out like looks the whole face of the person like a mama cat she really goes in and kim's like we're we're not at a frat house like we're literally at an open bar like i can't imagine why jason would think that they're about to have like a threesome because look how excited he is like gross so it's good to see that kim is still uh the ray of sunshine on this group of people so the producer asks if kim and marcus would have a threesome and she's like no and marcus goes yeah maybe she'd be down to like for a murder threesome we're like we have a threesome and then she kills us both that's her type of threesome i thought that was kind of chris so chris goes up to audrey and chris is like so there's like a lot i want to say like we had a really good conversation but after that conversation i was kind of like i wish i'd said something instead i went back to that window and tried to make it work with them.

1:17:54I want still didn't work. I don't know what's wrong with me anyway. I didn't really know. I didn't really want to like get into how I was feeling because I wanted to give you your space. Cause like you were really upfront about everything. She goes, yeah, yeah. Okay. Can you say more than yeah. And that's me today. I'm just, okay, whatever. I mean, I just, I don't want to hook up with someone and just have fun. Like I'm 31 now and I'm over that. I want something real. I want something genuine. I want something that's going to last. I'm not fucking good at this, at this kind of shit. Cause I've, I've been focused on myself and everything like that.

1:18:22And like literally two days ago, I was going to like call Parker. I'm like, I just love you. It was you. It was always you. I'm just a boy staying in front of girl asking her to love me. Here's a boom box over my head. What else do I have to do to you? Yeah. You know, I was going to call Parker and I was going to be like, yo, I want to like cook her some food and like do something different. Like, I don't know, chicken with balsamic on it or something. Cause it's all about the protein. You know what I'm saying? And I'm really trying to put myself out there. So Audrey knows exactly how I feel. Like I don't want to lose her.

1:18:52I don't want to lose her for my life. Like she's so amazing. She made magic happen at Universal Studios. One day she got the window to work. She's like, yeah, I mean, look, we had this conversation yesterday and like, I don't want to be the reason that you're saying these things now. It's like, no, no. The thing is with me, like when I'm with you, I feel really free. And with you, everything's just so natural you literally could do limited magic and i could be who i am and you bring that out of me in a weird way and i feel like i noticed that pretty recently well i wouldn't say recently but like two weeks ago and that's when i was like i don't know that's when i started to really think about possibly having a future with you a future where i go to bally and i don't know bang chicks and i come back and like i don't know i just want to see where things go and it's like Audrey I want you I want us I fucking like you a lot and she's just like uh oh I know she goes I know oh I know but I want to prove it she's like oh yeah and so she's like I'm feeling like a million different emotions right now like I guess like I'm really happy he's telling me those things but like why didn't he tell me earlier I mean it seems genuine but like maybe if he told me before I said the other stuff?

1:20:10Because what if I said the other stuff and then it made him tell me this stuff? You know what I mean? Whoa. I don't know what you're thinking right now in your confessional, but I just got a vibe that's really confusing me. I don't know if there's questions about that. I don't know what the doubts are, but if there's, let me know. Please let me know. She's like, well, I was liking the pace we were going at, and I still do. I just need to readjust. He's like, yeah, that makes sense. So it seems like they're back together well she says i hope he's worth a second chance

1:20:47yeah your instincts i think are correct natalie i think you should just say no i mean he's he's he seems nice and everything and i'm not saying you should just dump the dude because he hasn't only fans like who doesn't but um yeah i think her instincts are probably right he seems just It's kind of like a show type thing. It's trying to get a storyline going. Come from a place of and, not from a place of me to or get it. Yeah. Although, I mean, I don't know. Why am I thinking so much about this relationship? I've already thought way too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know who I'd like to see hook up?

1:21:30it. I'd like to see Demi hook up and I'd like to see the old guy come back and be part of the cast. I'd like to see them have the 50-year-old guy hanging out with everybody because he's the one who got in a motorcycle accident. Not Guillermo. What's the guy's name who got in a motorcycle accident that was dating Demi and Natalie and that's why they were fighting. They were fighting over the old guy. I would like him because I think he's okay now. So I think he should come back and bring some 50-year-old energy into it. Yeah. There you go. That's how you do it. go to Pontacana. That's how you do it.

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