#3224 Vanderpump Rules S12E11: Boobs, Hiss!

0:21Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today with new breasts, Ronnie Karam. How are you? Yes. I got my moves. I've got a double D now people. Yes. Me too. Based off of all the butter I've had this week, my moves are coming in nicely. Today we're talking about Vanderpump rules. Before we get into that next week, we got the golden crappies. Come join us virtually with Kizwi. We are going to be live streaming the show. And if you can't even make it for that, then don't worry. The replay will be available for two weeks after the golden crappies.

1:01Golden crappies are on February 27th. Many guests, many people. If you are a Patreon member, there will be a pre-party. More details about that are coming soon. Keep an eye out on Patreon. We'll be quipping about that. Also, in addition to that, Patreon is where we have bonus episodes. So we are doing Traders Recaps. We got two more episodes of the Traders coming up before the season is over. So keep an eye over there for that. Also, Patreon is where our newsletter lives. This is a free thing. You don't even have to be a Patreon member. It's just where you find it. So that is a weekly newsletter that Ronnie has been churning out, doing wonderful work there.

1:39We have an ad free feed. If you want to listen to the podcast without ads on Patreon, we have video on Patreon. And you know what we also have on Patreon? A lot of love. So go check out patreon.com slash watch what crappens. and then lastly two things go vote for the crappies forgot to mention that's at watchcrappies.com so that's where you can vote it's also where you can find the Kisui links etc so go vote because the categories are really fun I can't wait to see who the winners are and lastly this weekend we're going to the Miami the South Beach Wine and Food Festival where we're going to be performing on Saturday as part of a whole podcast lineup so come see us, come see the other podcasts We're going to have a great time.

2:21We'll be doing a crappy hour live from the festival. That is it. And today we are here with the penultimate episode of the season of Vanderpump Rules. What say you, Ronnie? Penultimate. I can't believe it. Well, I was proud of these kids because, you know, finally, Audrey is kind of coming out with a villainous personality, which I liked. I mean, damn. I wasn't really expecting it from Audrey, but yeah, they need one. They need one. They need a strong villain. I don't know that I'm going to give her a Stassi crown or anything like that, but they needed a villain on this show. And I think that she's, you know, pretty promising so far.

3:06Hard to say. I mean, Vanipa Bruels famously is the lazy Susan of awfulness. And so Audrey somehow had not gotten on to the spinny circle. And finally, she's here. she arrived so she had an awful moment but you're right there actually really is no like arch arch villain on this show there are just people who act badly who you get annoyed at but then it sort of moves on to someone else i don't think any of them are villains is that an age thing that i'm like they're all cute sweet kids like i don't really have a problem with anybody i think they're all nice every time i think that there's a villain it winds up being someone else i thought marcus was gonna be a villain i thought maybe kim was gonna be a villain i thought Angelica was looking like she was turning into the villain and no one's Venus maybe was a villain at one point no one's really been like the villain and you would think that that would mean the show sucks but it doesn't I'm enjoying it so we go to we start with Angelica and the camera of course starts on her rack because she's got new boobs and she went big she's like woohoo my boob job was a success I went from an A cup to a double D I told my doctor I wanted to stay at like a C, but then I was on the surgical table and I was like, go big or go home.

4:19So I did it. I did it. I'm looking forward to these things like bouncing. People, the best part about this was the larger context of watching this on TV because we go from Summer House, which ends with Kyle and Amanda in bed and coming. I have such anxiety. I just feel like I just like, I feel like I'm losing you. It's like, but I just want you to stop drinking and I'll sleep on it. Like a marriage falling apart under the weight of expectations and burgeoning alcoholism. And it's like very serious. And then we literally within 30 seconds here, my boob job was a success. It was just such a pivot.

4:55It was amazing. Really just expanding under the weight of her new burden, you know, just loving it. So it was nice. Yeah. So she calls Kim, which we all do when we get back in town. Because who doesn't want to hear this right when you come? Like, hi, back in town. Hey. That bundle of energy. Yeah, real sunshine over there. So Angelica's like, I know, I got my boobs. Anyway, I can't wait to move. My place looks like an absolute disaster. My ex didn't leave it in the best way. And basically, he's moved out. And she says that he moved all his stuff out while she was away in Houston. And Angelica says, so much has changed.

5:38My ex moved out. I found a new place and I mean hello boobs I'm a new person boobs Now you're a person with bigger boobs So she's gonna move in Four days and is asking what she missed And Kim's like I mean Natalie and Jason Are making out again so I guess There's that one and then we see a flashback To Natalie and Jason making out In the bar and her friend just behind Them being like

6:05Yeah Angelica's like she's probably like ovulating. I mean, honestly, I want to hump everything when I'm ovulating. How's Audrey? Kim's like, I kind of was hearing that her and Chris may have ended things. Let's go flashback to Paso. Where Audrey's like, I told you my biggest fear in this would be like if it wasn't genuine from you. And he's like, but yeah, but like, I'm like, I want us. I want us. And then we see flashback of Audrey. Can I have a consult with Parker? Who's like, do you even want to be with him? Gross. And then they have their drinks at Universal and break up. Really a true love story.

6:46Brings a tear to the eye. So Angelica says, you know, the whole miscommunication stuff that we had in the beginning, I really thought we were just going to be like enemies or something. And then we see the flashback to them fighting and Angelica being like, you're not a girl's girl, though. And every time there's a dick in the room, you immediately need that validation. That's what it feels like. So now Angelica says You know what? If Audrey and Chris are like Not on great terms, I feel like she's like really Going to need her girlfriends That's me. Kim's like, well Everybody's going to be so excited to see your boobies Shane's really going to be excited to see them Huh?

7:19Yes And We see flashbacks of Shane And talking about the boobs and everything And so Angelica says, I've been gone for like A while. I wonder if anyone missed me In my new boobs I've got new boobs, guys. Oh, my God. So now Natalie is parking her car next to Jason. And he's like, well, here comes the love of my life. Like, what's up, sugar mama? I'm in love with her now. We're in a relationship. She's like, I'm asleep and, like, I've been working. So we see him, like, being totally into her and her not really getting it. There's so many flashbacks. I never really realized how many flashbacks they throw at us on this show until I'm seeing how many flashbacks are.

8:03Yeah. When we go back through it. So we are there. They go into this place that's like an art studio. It's like this really fun art studio called like a shot of art. And Jason's like, you smell banging, by the way. I smell God. Yeah. Like, what is that? That's Gucci. Wow. That's cool. So they come to this place and the instructor is like, here, you know, you're going to like put on these suits and you're going to make art and everything. and Jason tells us, this is my first date gone wrong with Angelica. I'm like really cautious on where I take girls. Hey, remember that time when we went and did like martial arts?

8:35Let's have another flashback of that. Okay, we're back. So now we're going to do our...

8:42And then there's just silence. Oh, I thought you said, now we're going to do our... I thought you paused. I actually came back to the screen to see if you were on pause. Like I said, now we're going to do our dot, dot, dot. I was like, I wonder where Ben's going with this. No, but that silence probably really reflected what was going on in their heads. Because I don't associate art with Vanderpump Rules. If anything, this is sort of like the origin story for that awful Bubba art that Plague does for so many years in Katie and Tom's apartment. Yeah, well, they're going to do art, you guys. They're going to do pouring art, which is where you put a bunch of paint in a cup and you pour it.

9:20That's the art that I do. It's the kind of art that I love. Done a lot of it. It's harder than it looks, okay? So they just pour paint. And then the instructor's like, wow, I really like what you're doing, guys. Like, it's a free-for-all. And I like how, like, you're so delicate and detailed, but then you're so crazy. And Natalie's like, oh, my God, that describes us, like, perfectly, right? He's like, yeah, that is so us. Like, he already knows us as a couple. That's crazy. I wonder what our kids are going to pour like. Wow, your colors are tasty. Oh, my God. I hope paint's not bad for skin Boop I got some on your nose He puts so much blue paint On the tip of her nose I would hate that So Natalie is like okay that's enough This looks like really pretty I think we did a good job Yeah it looks good Okay so what did you think about that beach party That we went to remember Hey you know what we need another flashback Okay we're back And Natalie is like yeah I just love that we can just Like do that like we can just like make out And the next day we're not like, what was that?

10:20Right. And he's like, yeah, it wasn't weird or anything. By the way, what was that? No. Yeah. It was just like, that was like hilarious. Wasn't that so funny? Yeah. That was sick. Yeah. You know, having friendships with straight men, it's like not always easy because there's always that moment where the guy develops feelings and then the friendship becomes complicated. But then like with Jason, he's been like the sweetest guy. And I just feel like I could have asked, like, he's like the sweetest guy I could have ever asked for coming out of a breakup. It's just like been so fun and lighthearted.

10:47but the funny part is did I even break up with anyone? Have I been in a relationship all this time? What was that breakup? What is she talking about? He's the sweetest guy to come out of a breakup. Who did she break up with? She had just broken up with the guy when the show started. The older guy? Yeah. I remember she broke up with, I think she broke up with the older guy and then that's why the other chick was mad at her because she was also dating the older guy. Okay. Yeah. I feel like that was so long ago that it just feels like this far into the season for her to be like, he's the sweetest guy to come out of a breakup with.

11:18It just feels like a weird thread to pick back up when we haven't talked about that guy since the first episode. I feel like we should have had more of that. We should have seen him, by the way. Well, he was in a motorcycle accident. I know. So he's been off recovering someplace, you know, being 50. But this show is shameless. This show is shameless. They'll take a camera anywhere. Yeah, I know. I can't believe Vanderpump wasn't like, get out here. Get out here in your body cast and fuck somebody. Listen, it's the first time a 50-year-old will be able to stay hard on this show. All right? Bring it on.

11:49I really like that he's the one who's like, oh, yeah, but, like, I think we're together. And he's like, so should we talk about the other night? She's like, that was sick, wasn't it? Like, we just, like, made out and we don't even have to talk about it. He's like, uh, I thought we were talking. I know. He's, like, trying to be, like, flowy. Thank God. It's a guy I don't have to talk to about anything. And he's like, yeah, I think that we're basically together now. So then the instructor's like, okay, now you guys are going to throw paint at each other. And so then they start spinning and throwing paint and stuff.

12:18And he's like, what is this? Are we dating now? So she's like, that was insane. Oh, my God. Like, they are? He's like, yeah, there's a very potential spark here. And I'm down for this to be a more regular thing. Yeah. So then they're still spinning and painting. Oh, my God. I love this. This is, like, so fun. I love being on this platonic afternoon experience with you. Oh my God, so fun. Yeah, we're like in love. He's like, I just wanted to show you how serious I am about this relationship by like wearing a burnt hair in my confessional. Yeah. Notice how my hair is up when we talk, but like it's like down in my confessional.

12:56Because like that's what life is, going up and down, right? It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. Now we go over to Audrey and Venus hanging out. and she is making tea and she spills a teabag and she goes, Oh my God, I spilled the teabag all over the place. Like it ripped in half. And just as you knew he would just as ever. It's like, what do you think Venus is going to say to that? And of course, right on schedule, he's like, Oh my God, I just taught Natalie what teabagging was. And then that was the moment that I patted myself on the back for being a great uncle because I was watching this episode with my niece.

13:35And so I was like, Did you have to have the teabagging conversation? No, she really wasn't paying attention. She was reading manga or something like that. So Audrey was like, what? Oh, my God. She didn't know what that meant. He's like, yeah, she said that a guy hit her in the face with his nuts. And I was like, that's teabagging. She said, oh, I didn't know what that was. And Audrey was like, that's something I feel like Natalie would know. Am I right? That's going to go in the act. It's going in the act. All right. Let's sit down over here. Let's sit down over here, which is also the only place we can sit down.

14:10It's the only seating in the entire place. He's like, oh, my God, I love a tea sesh. I love tea sesh. Yeah. So do you want to see, like, more of the ideas I have for gay pride? Because I'm decorating it. And she's like, oh, my God, yes. Yeah, well, I was definitely thinking we could get these big-ass blow-up rubber duckies and we put, like, gay pride shit on them. I'm just going to be fucking fierce. He's really leaning into the rubber ducky motif he was talking about last week. He's like, Lisa gave me a bunch of 500 bucks. I was just like, oh my God, you can do like so much with that. It's like period.

14:40My pride budget is$500, but I spent$250 on my own, you know, because I bought like a big blow up unicorn for the pool floaty and like water grounds for the toys and like tons of streamers. So I've been like$750 on pride and it's like a little bit of like my dignity. Like, so I just have to make sure this money really, really goes far as possible. I'm like, well, you can go to the supermarket and you can buy a head of lettuce and some cookies and that'll probably take up$236. No shit, man. I was craving caramel the other day for some reason. And so I got lint chocolate balls, like caramel balls or whatever.

15:13They were$12. Crazy. I know. So I got them and I was thinking, oh, that's nice. I mean, I guess it's fancy. Treat yourself. It was that kind of thing. So I got home. There were like 10 balls in there. I was like, these were more than a dollar per piece of candy. Come on. It's insane. Come on. And so anyway, Audrey is like, speaking of dignity, I'm getting an opportunity to do stand up comedy next week. I'm so excited because a friend of mine was like, I know you talked about comedy before and I have an opening. You want to do it? And I was like, yeah. So she tells us that she came to be an actress.

15:48But, you know, like comedy just popped out of nowhere. And like that takes no effort. So I'm going to do that. I know. Right. That's just what you want to hear. She's like, I think like putting myself on as many stages as possible and just like going and making like more making me more of like a diverse talent, you know, because like if you can stand up on like a stage in front of people and be like dance monkey, I think you could like do anything. Honestly, like maybe I don't know. But this was good because I think we did in this area here get to see footage of her as like a teenager or like a tween doing like dances on the stage.

16:27Yeah you know what I'm going to do I'm going to use stand up to bring up everyone's bullshit I'm going to call him out in a funny light hearted way It's going to be so good He's like well if it comes to Angelica We need to talk about her brain versus her education Yeah Because have you ever met someone Who has a neuroscience degree But is actually stupid That's going in the act Put it in I kind of like that She's like, I got an opportunity to stand up. So I'm just going to be an asshole to everybody. Yeah. So she's like, yeah, like in Paso, I was comforting her on the bus. And I actually saw like a soft side of her.

17:03And, you know, I thought she was showing reaction, like remorse for her actions towards the boys. But no. And then the next day, I never saw that remorse again. It's like the robot short circuited for a second. And then the TV came back on, like the AI rebooted. so I was just like oh by the way I have to bring up the penis pump and it's like yes wait are you gonna do some like teabag content about how like you spill the tea across the counter no okay just like just a pitch feel free to feel free to say like teabagging because like that was a good one yeah I was just like you know like I told you about Chris right and Venus is like so do you think that he still wants to be with you he's like well based on the conversation in the bar like yeah he was like i want to do these romantic things for you i do have strong feelings for you can you show me how to do limited magic at universal and i was like i don't know like that's like too much like some people are born with it okay and like afterwards like me him and parker went back to like jason's place and like i really enjoyed that and i ended up staying there because i like i drank but like nothing happened it was like very pg you know venus is like i'm bored can you wrap this up i just want to know are you gonna are you gonna stick with him or not Venus is the audience So Audrey's like Yeah he didn't push any boundaries He's very mature So now Venus comes to Sir Basically in the shorts I mean you want to talk about someone who's AI I think Venus would qualify It's like uh oh someone broke a teabag Yeah teabagging just talked about teabagging Like you know someone says Like what are you going to wear to work the next day Short shorts that say trade on the back In big silver letters Oh my god so he walks in he's like hot and dangerous and um Angelica is walking up to sir with her new boobs I mean it's like hello yeah I'm already at sir what are you doing and Angelica's I'm literally coming around the corner right now get off the phone with me so uh he walks in he's like holy guacamole the boobies just oh my god you're making me nervous now stop no they look like great you know like sorry I can't stop making eye contact with them yeah no actually like look at them like I spent so much on them like too much on them like sorry but my boobs are down here see what I did I inverted that's the normal saying where I'm like my eyes are up here it's like I'm saying with the boobs see what I'm doing right there it's like a neuroscience thing so did we know that she's a swimsuit designer yes yes I forgot that it was also back in like the early episode like when her first episode just was they just have not talked she's like I'm really into neuroscience and designing string bikinis I love that for her.

19:41So she's brought swimsuits for the girls to wear as their uniforms. And wow. Wow. These are, I would quit, obviously. Well, everybody would quit if they had to see me walk out in one of those. Does she know the number of gay men that will be trickling through this restaurant? Like, is this really going to be the most effective uniform for the day? Well, have you been down? You've been down. We were down there recently. So, yeah, no, this is not for gay people. This is for, like, straight girls who are like, oh, my God, we love making out with gay people once a year. Let's go to the Abbey. Yeah, exactly.

20:18So Venus says that as the host of Pride, he has plans for everyone. Angelica's going to be providing her swimsuit line for everyone, and Marcus is going to DJ. His storyline continues. And guess what? We have a flashback of Marcus wanting to be a DJ, and we're back. Venus says that Chris, Shane, and Jason are going to be the strippers. So then we see that, like, Venus had proposed that idea to them. He's like, yeah, you'll have your muscles out. You'll bring all the gays in. Straight guys, as usual. Straight guys. It's fitting, actually. So then we go, Venus is like, I don't know what I'm going to wear.

20:55I've already wasted my trade shorts today. What else do I have? Angelica's like, I'll put an order right now for a Speedo. Like, we can have a couple. I want to see Shane in a Speedo. Does he wear a small? And he's like, um, that man is Belle. He's huge. Um, don't be saying all that. So Demi, Natalie, and Audrey walk in, and Demi's like, okay, I'm here to see the twins. Oh, my God. Whoa, wowie, wow. What did you do? Oh, my goodness. It's like two bald-headed guys are stuffed into your front. And Tyler's like, oh, my God, yeah, they're, like, really stiff. Can you massage them, please, for me? Oh, my God.

21:33She's like, her boobs enter the room before she does. I mean, they look insane, like in the best way possible. Very big. They're really, really big. It doesn't hurt though. So they start, Natalie starts like pushing them in. They're like feeling them really hard. They're like, yeah, they are hard. Oh my God. These are like really, really hard. Jesus Christ. What are these like buoys? These cement buoys? What did you get put in there? Well, something I did not realize is that when you get boobs, you have to massage them. You have to break them in. And so you have to like, that's why she's like, oh, I have to massage them.

22:03I have to squeeze them to like make them whatever they need to be more natural feeling or whatever, or sort of assimilate. Well, welcome to having a wainer. Audrey goes, um, I love your new boobs, but like, you're not a new person just because you have new boobs. They just make you hotter going in the act, put that in the act. So, uh, Angelica says, guys, I got swimsuits for you guys. Okay. So they're like, they all change in the swimsuits. Come out. they basically it looks like they're wearing like two checkers on their boobs and like like a little cocktail napkin over their vajayjay yeah these are these are crazy so they do like a little fashion show and do cartwheels and stuff and Angelica's like oh my god is that Audrey like if I had that dream body it would look just like Audrey's and Audrey's like I'm gonna eviscerate her later I know And Venus is of course like Oh my god I can't breathe I think I'm straight now Demi tells us I don't know how we're going to work in these We're going to be serving people food Not vagina You can have that one Audrey Spoken like someone who's only been working At Vanderpump Rules in The recent times because they used to come To work dressed like They did serve vagina Why did I say it like that Who says it like that on this show vagina vagina vagina but yeah um now they're all like in black now they dress like stage managers but back in the day remember they'd be like um do i have to wear this to work yes darling nothing is more vulnerable than a freezing poor person now put on your panties and go serve some goat cheese balls yeah they were um they were definitely wearing oversized handkerchiefs so Angelica is like very happy and Venus is like put some bronzers on those legs girl and then we go to Kim's apartment where she's working out and the dog comes over to sniff her and then we go to Jason and Chris and they go to Vibe Dance Studio where they're going to meet up with Natalie because Natalie is going to be singing her song Passengers for Pride and in case you don't know that's the song that goes like this

24:21yeah I like that

24:28When Venus asked me to sing my song Passenger at Pride, the answer was an automatic I was like envision myself as a sexy pop star. Like what better way to have two cute backup dancers with me? I mean, like as long as they stand behind me and do everything I've seen them do like on our night out, we're good. So this girl Rihanna comes in and she's like the choreographer and she's like asking them about like dancing and Chris is like, I mean, I could do a little two-step and he starts like, he starts showing up basically his stripper moves and he's like, I could do this. He's like doing all these, like doing that, like pushup thing that strippers do with this for like grind on the floor and then rise up like a snake or whatever.

25:05And Rihanna's like, no, that's, that's pretty amazing though, what they can do. It's funny that they can't dance at all except to do like stripper moves and their stripper moves are all those like slow motion, like handstand, then like lowering yourself down into the worm. I mean, it's pretty amazing physically what they can do. But then when it comes to like doing like a touch step, touch step, they're like, what? No, I don't understand that. They're like, rhythm. They're like, no. And Rihanna does not care. She's like, yeah, that was terrible. No, I hate that. She's like, no, no. That's terrible.

25:37No, no, no. You just ask Chris if he's ever dropped a girl as a stripper. And he's like, yeah, well, there was this one bachelor who was on my motorcycle, a.k.a. the hot seat, a.k.a. my dick. And I obviously had to pick her up off the motorcycle. And that's why I do a little bit of my moves. And then I throw just all hips into her. And then I almost dropped her. But I got away with it. And I did one of these and then I let her sit down. It was pretty cool. So yeah, I've dropped someone, but then I fucked her kind of. I air fucked her after. So it was okay. So now Natalie's like, I'm just going to use a hair clip as a mic.

26:16I mean, the audience thanks you. so Rihanna's like okay one two three nope hate it hate it terrible hate it hate it you guys you guys are really really bad at this yeah they just keep on messing up and so ultimately Chris and Jason leave and Chris is like yeah okay well we really killed that you know like we just have to practice a little bit more but like we're gonna be really good I just have like a problem with the uh uh uh uh but he's like the hardest part for him is like when he has to move his head like three inches at a time And he's like, why do I do that? So then they get into the car and have like a super serious conversation, guys.

26:53So Jason's like, anyway, dude, after that, I'm really feeling Natalie's energy. Like she's got a big heart. And if she feels loved and she feels safe around you, she's going to open up. So like I'm waiting. Like I'm like here for the open up moment. He's like, oh, yeah, I love that. Not going to lie. Like I'm really liking her because she's fun. She's affectionate. She goes with the flow. I'm really attracted to that. Jason goes so how are you feeling about Audrey he's like uh yeah I mean we're kind of back to where we were both before because like we hashed out at the bar and like I needed to prove to her that like you know I do this and I you know and like we're like really locked in or just where our heads are at but like we seem to be on the same page now but like I was just thinking about like how us traveling so much this summer and like being like not being with each other is gonna affect things so basically he's saying yeah that whole like romantic monologue I gave at Universal Studios.

27:42I think I want to walk that back a little bit because it did occur to me I am going to be traveling and I am going to be going to Bali and I am going to be fucking wild bitches. So yeah, maybe I'm not all in. Yeah, but he's also like Audrey's not really that into him and told him flat out. So they're both kind of sitting there in the car. It's like two dumb two dumb hookers telling each other exactly, you know, they're like, yeah, she's into me. Yeah, she is into you, bro. I think this girl might be too into me. Yeah, she is too into you bro it's like the girls aren't really into you guys i'm sorry and i know it's hard to understand because you really are fine so i i don't know what it is but it's cute watching them like be sensitive with each other and um the little one jason like even does his eyebrows he does like a days of our lives eyebrow where one goes down and one goes up and he's like i really feel for you bro he's like yeah thanks bro you want me to suck your dick right now should i suck your dick right now there was that moment kind of at the end of the scene i was like i need to see that head of Bob and Bob.

28:43Yeah. I also like how, again, just like so blatantly obvious that they're not actual bartenders at Sir because once the show is done shooting, he's going to go gallivant around Europe and Bali for like a few months, which is not what one does when you have a full-time job. So, yeah, man, I feel for you. Chris is like, yeah, I mean, I don't, I don't, a lot of people always say the phrase like, you can't have your cake and eat it too. But like, why the fuck not? I think we all deserve cake. Like, why can't we eat our own fucking cake? I mean, why the fuck do you even have a cake if you're not going to eat the cake?

29:16I don't eat cake, but, you know, still. Yeah, I love Chris grappling with this metaphor. Just grappling with a very common phrase. Just watching his head get twisted up over it. What? Why are we so upset about cake? Why can't I have my cake? I can't If I eat it, haven't I just had it? You don't have your cake. Once you eat it, you no longer have cake on your plate. You've eaten it all. I know it took me a long time to understand that phrase too. I think it's like a young thing. When you're young, you're like, this is such a stupid phrase. Am I right? Because we all interpret it as having is the same as eating.

29:58And then you realize that it's something deeper, profound. What's about physical possession? commercials here comes one right now anywho um now we go to a place called la rochelle restaurant where audrey goes to meet sarah colonna comedian so audrey is like i'm so excited i've wanted to do stand-up for so long for at least like three weeks and it's just like it's so freaking terrifying i just want to like push myself and just like do it and sarah's like blink twice if you need help how much did they pay you to do this sarah girl sarah's just like oh god just a little look on her face she's like oh god okay yeah um it's good to know that it's terrified going in okay that's good to know she's honest about that what the fuck am i doing here am i working for a free fucking sandwich is that where i have fallen to get me the fuck out of here so she tells us uh performing live is like not a first for me i did a little bit of theater growing up and here's where you see the footage of me like dancing in like a seventh grade production of anything goes and like i just feel lucky that i don't have stage fright but like i i'm still like nervous that like i'm being myself and like you're taking risk and like is the audience gonna like you i hope they do that's how i'm gonna make sure mary faith is there i'm telling her mary faith you have to laugh at me you have to so she's like okay and she goes yeah do you have any specific pointers you want your 22 year old self getting into stand up?

31:25Like, what do you want to tell? Okay. Well, look, just if it doesn't go the way that you expect it to, it's not the end of the world. You're just a terrible comedian because you've made no effort until now. Okay. It doesn't mean you'll always be a terrible comedian, even though you will be. Are you following me so far? Do you want to write any of this down? Okay. So just have fun. Tell things that are, you know, funny. Cause that would be good. Maybe be original just from the look of you. That's going to be difficult, but you can try. Okay. Now there's so many people doing comedy and the best way to be original is to, I don't know, be yourself.

32:00Unless of course you're you. So if you're a Xerox copy, I don't know, maybe make some Xerox jokes. What do you want from me? How long is this thing going to be? This is painful. Oh my God. I have so many crazy stories. Yeah. But like, they're not stories about like how your friend like slept with someone and then things like that. Right. Like it's like more interesting than that. No. Yeah. It's like not about like your friend's penis pumps. Like it's got to be elevated stuff. Right. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. A lot of good stories. Like my Laura goes back centuries. Like there was the time that like Mary Faith gave me a brush for the horse.

32:38And I was like, no, Mary Faith. Like that's pretty. That's funny. Right. That's that funny. That's funny. I love my Laura goes back centuries. Sarah's just looking at her like So okay My mortification goes back longer than that Right now This feels like it's been centuries So go ahead and give me some of these jokes She goes okay well I definitely want to include Stories about my personal life Also I have a lot of friends that are going to be there Like you know like especially coworkers Like I want to take my opportunity to roast them Because you know people love like waiters With inside jokes Oh yeah totally this is that's a that's a great idea is my is my time up do i have i put in is it okay can i i can go now right no i still have another 10 minutes with this girl okay okay tell me more give me more of your content yeah for an example like one of the girls in the audience is my co-worker and we had this argument one time and like i want to dig at that somehow you know like either doing some kind of crowd work or maybe i'm like hey you like my tattoos you like my hair my friend's a slut you know something like that do you think that could work you know because like she needs male validation so much.

33:43You know, something like that. Meeting male validations is one of the classic punchlines in comedy. Lean into that. Lean into that. That's great. I love that for you. Well, you're going to do great in comedy because 90 % of it is denigrating women. So, you're already five steps ahead. Yeah, seriously. Sarah just looks miserable. And Audra's like, yeah, I hope they just take it well. I just think it's really funny. I don't know. Like some of them are crazy, like, but maybe they'll like, they'll walk out. Like, I don't know. Like hopefully not. And Sarah's like, uh-huh. Yeah. Um, you don't seem like someone who's trying to be mean.

34:20I don't know. I'm just trying to say something to move the scene along. I really, I've got no stakes in the game. Okay.

34:27Could you maybe explain to the audience what your roots are doing? I'm just confused. What show am I shooting right now anyway? Um, where's Jax?

34:42So Audrey's like Yeah hopefully they take it well because some of them are crazy But some of them will walk out I mean I don't know Hopefully the sled doesn't walk out she probably won't because there will be A lot of men in the club She needs male validation We call that a callback Yeah no I know what a callback is Now we go to Angelica and Natalie And they're walking and Natalie's like Oh my god I wish there's someone out It's like yeah I know it's been like cloudy But tomorrow's gonna be really hot I love talking about the weather with you So they go to something about her. Little restaurant, West Hollywood.

35:14Yes. So they, Angelica orders the Kate. And Natalie's like, I love a BLT. Can I do mine without avocado, though? Oh, my God. This is, like, crazy. Okay. Okay. I got it. I got it. Okay. So tell me, what's going on, Angelica? She's like, I probably have been, like, a little too active since surgery. Like, I moved the last couple of days. Like the day I was like moving yesterday, like, oh, my God, my ex stopped by the house. And I was like, oh, my God, my ex is here. And he's been like actively checking on me and being like, what are you doing? And I was like, well, we were on the strip. Like, did anything happen?

35:49You know, like all these like really fun updates for everyone to hear about. Watching these girls eat those sandwiches was hilarious. Because usually on this show, you don't see anybody eating. But these sandwiches are humongous. They're huge. They're bigger than their heads, which I don't remember. Yes. Were they really that big? I mean, they're humongous. Angelica's not touching hers. And Natalie's like loving it. You know, she's actually eating it. Natalie is all in like Teddy Mellencamp. She is stuffing her face. And like no matter how many bites she takes, there's still so much sandwich left.

36:21And you can also see the fillings coming out the sides. It's like definitely one of those sandwiches where the more you eat it, the more it comes out the back. So eventually you have to like rotate it around and take some bites out of the back. Otherwise, it's going to fall off. And then you have to rotate it all the way back around. And now you have a weird sandwich where there's like most majority of your bites in the front. But then there's like a weird shark bite at the back of your sandwich. And she's totally going through that Yeah so she's like yeah Well you can't stay friends with your exes Like I mean duh She's like oh my god you're so right like I was so DeLulu So now they're talking about How Angelica's already seeing A new guy and she's like yeah and it's becoming Like really serious like I'm Literally picking him up from LAX tomorrow And he's gonna spend the night Um I don't want to be Heartless but that's the craziest thing I've ever heard okay cause you know that saying that healing is not a straight line.

37:09It's like a wobbly line. It's like crazy. She's just looking for love anywhere she can find it. I mean, picking a guy up from LAX, that's cry cry. Yeah, but he travels for work and he's just so excited to pick up the bill. I'm not used to that because I always pick up the bill. Oh. Poor Angelica. You're way too hot to be always picking up the bill. What is going on? How does anybody stay in this town? What are we even doing here? I'm leaving again. When I was in my last relationship, I had like met the man of my dreams and I was thinking like, how is it that a guy like this is single? Like, why is he like, why is he single when like I'm single?

37:46So then like after Shane broke up with me, he was like the first person I messaged like, hello, do you remember me? New boobs. So Natalie's like, yeah, but by the way, what's going on with Shane, by the way? I don't know. It's like so weird now because he like went from like wanting to like be romantic and then like cutting that off the moment that I had any emotions. I'm like, it wasn't that you had any emotions. It's that you were being totally, you know, gossipy and full of drama with the whole incest thing, which is a funny thing to say. But, yeah. She's like, I had emotions. You dummy. What?

38:19Yeah, well, he was, like, even coming on to me the other day. She goes, wait a minute. Shane was coming on to you again. Like, do I need to, like, stab you? I'm kidding. I'm not kidding. Neuroscience joke. Look, seriously, like you're going to trail backwards just because I wasn't there for a week? Like me leaving and going to Houston was supposed to make you miss me and not Natalie. She's like, well, I went to this party and Audrey was there and Chris and Jason and me and Shane. And then I was just like catching up with him. And he was like, I feel like, you know, I'm talking to the Nat that I used to FaceTime phone call with and like stuff like that.

38:49And then we see photos of him like kissing her cheek. And Angelica just says, ew. Yeah, I asked Jason for permission to revisit this. And first of all, why would you have to like He said that I asked Jason for permission And I was like, ew, like why would you have to ask Jason for permission, because like me and Jason aren't Even anything, like And Angelica's like, wait, you guys seem Like a thing for like that, like I thought you guys were A thing, he's like, no, it's like not a thing though Like, it's just like, it's just like a thing Like we kissed and then did art, like that's it though, like Yeah, I'll kiss like anyone When I'm drunk, I mean he wasn't matching my energy And I was like, woohoo, Jason, Jason, you know I mean, that's it, it was just that day So I don't know I just do what I want to Yeah but Shane told me pretty horrible Things I'm sure yeah cause he was like I feel like I never have anything to say to Nat Cause she doesn't like intellectually Stimulate me okay damn Burn Yeah so Nat is like um to me That's like an inside thought but if she Wants to tell me that it's like not really gonna hurt my Feelings because I'm really busy eating this sandwich It like will not go down like it's just Like a lot of sandwich but like I know Like she liked him for like five days like Yeah, so Angelica says she doesn't want to be bothered But they had a great connection And he stopped it for no reason And it hurt And now we get Lisa Coming in her shifted She's like, oh, hello Anything happening?

40:11I should know Audrey, nothing Alright, well, that's good, I guess Just lean on the heat lamp Oh, did you burn yourself? It's a heat lamp, you goddamn idiot Alright, where's a broken mail For me to discuss things with? Oh, Venus, I need to talk to you quickly. All right. No, quickly. You're supposed to speak quickly so I can move on to someone else. Oh, okay. Are you prepared for pride? I'm fully prepared. I just washed my trade shorts, so I'll be able to use them again. I'm doing amazing. Good. This event has to be amazing. Not you, darling. Have you put out all the flyers? Where did the rubber duckies go?

40:50Also, I'd appreciate it if you didn't wear shorts that say trade to the restaurant. We don't like to be that obvious here. Subtle, subtle human trafficking. It's all right, my darling. All right. Now tell me about flyers, the magical way to get people into the restaurant. Flyers. He's like, well, I think me and all the girls are going to go out Friday night. We're going to pass them around to people like West Hollywood. Friday night. How will anyone make plans? It's a bit late, isn't it? Now question, did you put out an advertisement in the personal ads? Ooh, that's the real way to reach people.

41:28Flyers and personal ads vary 2026. AM radio, ever heard of it? What about a telegraph? So then we go to people working and Jason is like, hey, you guys got a new host today. It's me. And I was like, yeah, I got you. I'm going to train you. I'm going to train you. And then Shane walks, hey, guys. And Angelica's like, hey, Shane, I heard some stuff about you that made me kind of sad. And it wasn't just me who was sad. It was all three of us. New boobs. What'd you hear about me? So she takes him outside to have yet another discussion with someone she's not dating. He's like, well, I got to say, those boobs look incredible, baby.

42:13I'm sorry I can't keep my eyes on. Hold on, hold on. Let me put my arms up here so I can't see them. Let me just, wow, it's cool. Okay, what were you talking about again now? Wow. Um, you should be used to looking at me through my eyes. I mean, not that there was, like, anything that was going on between us. And Shane's like, you do have beautiful eyes. And she goes, thank you. I appreciate it. Wow. She might even surpass me as the hottest person at Sir. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. The producer says you don't even work it sir He's like that doesn't matter I hang out there So I'm still the hottest one Well what happened in the last week While I was away like you want to have something With Natalie now what the heck He's like um what happened well we all went out We ended up being a little friendly We didn't do anything we didn't make out I mean what's the big deal I mean Yeah but like okay let's Come on let's go outside Before this place gets really busy He's like, whoa, we didn't make out.

43:18Yeah, now they go to the back alley because actually we forgot that this started at the host stand, then went to a little bit away from the host stand, and now is in the back alley. God, they're such amateurs. Don't you know go directly to the back alley? Smoking alley every time. That's what it's there for. Yeah, so they go to the back, and in the meantime, at the host stand, Jason's like, hey, Audrey, I'm really chatty. Yeah, you can't do that here. You can't talk. I mean you could talk to people as they walk in but you can't like you just can't like just talk in general he's like really? yeah cause like one person has to be here at all times this is like the most important post in all of Hollywood okay and if you're talking then you're not cleaning and if you're not cleaning then you're not dreaming if you're not dreaming you're not making a comedy you hear what I'm saying?

44:00so back to Angelica I thought you didn't even like Natalie well I think I was maybe kind of were you lonely or something cause I wasn't here he's like oh you know it sounds so bitch ass That's when you say it that way, like you're at a party, you're kind of alone, and we were just kind of linked up, and I don't know, I guess I feel like a dickhead about it. You mean like a tool? He's like, yeah. So then Audrey's like, hey, hi, Jason, how are you and Natalie? Didn't you guys have a date? And he's like, we did. It was fun as hell. We were flirty and stuff, made art, put blue paint on her nose. She got lead poisoning afterwards.

44:33It was great. And Audrey's like, yeah, well, Angelica talked to me today. Yeah, here's another, here comes our 500th flashback of the episode. flashback to the talk and we're back and she said that shane talked to you because he was going to ask you for your blessing to reopen things with natalie oh god he's like what the fuck not even a single week ago shane told me you have my blessing go after natalie so if he told me hey bro i still have feelings for her i wouldn't have done that it feels very two-faced and now i've wasted a painting date i know so then in the alley shane's like yeah um show i also i am interested in you.

45:07Now that you've brought the brush to my attention, I'm realizing I do still have some interest in you, Angelica. She's like, oh, I don't know. Meanwhile, she's just proclaimed that the guy she's picking up from LAX is like the love of her life, the most perfect man. But now she's like, maybe, Shane. She's like, you don't know? You don't know? No, not based on what you told me. I started to talk to someone else. I'm in love. I'm getting married tomorrow. He's already that serious? Whoa. I'm picking him up from LAX. Whoa, that's basically marriage. That's crazy. LAX. This gets a bigger reaction to him probably than when he woke up at the hospital and said, you've been shot 12 times.

45:46He's like, heck, yeah, I know that's just what happens to hot people. But like, I'm picking a guy from LAX. Holy shit. Shouldn't have had me when you had me. Doesn't he know that someone like me is not going to stay single for long? He had a window where I was available and now he's got to get in the back of the line, buddy. Lady, the moment he texts you and says, let's get ice cream, you are going to be there dressed as a cone. So Angelica's like, I'm rooting for you and Natalie to work out though. So good luck. And he's like, wait, wait, that's how it is. Are you kidding? Like, I don't get to touch the boobies.

46:22No, I'm going inside. No. Meanwhile, Jason goes up to Natalie and he's like, did she ask you to open up things with you again? And she's like, um, I mean, he was like, you look so good. I might revisit. Ha ha ha. Like it was something like that. Well, what did you say? I was like, I'm sure you would love that, wouldn't you? I mean, it's a very full circle. I was like, I don't know. So Shane comes up and he's like, hey, guys. And Jason goes, what's up, bro? You sly little fox. He's like, hee, hee, hee. And then they all start making fun of Shane. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

46:54Jason's like, hey, you want to go outside real quick? And she's like, oh, my God. So we're going back out to the alley already. So now he's like, what the actual fuck? Oh, my God. So they all go back outside. and now and there by the way there's this security guard in the background who clearly like is there for production like they have to have like security guard and this person she's just sitting there like oh god these twits are out here arguing again why did i take this job so it's jason and jason's like so angelica said you were talking to natalie some shit i mean is she making shit up and he's like no okay well let me just kind of explain no but she said to audrey that you talked about like, you talked about you talked to me about, wait, we haven't talked yet, we haven't talked yet, so I haven't talked to you about it because we haven't talked yet.

47:38So, he's like, but that's what she said. So then Audrey just comes right out and she's like, um, okay guys, I brought this up accidentally, I didn't mean to, Angelica was like Shane wants to reopen things with Natalie, sorry, okay? Well, that's dramatic because in my mind, I wasn't even sure if it was something I was going to pursue yet. And I was just like, yeah, well, they just went on a date, you know, Jason and And Natalie. And Jason's like, yeah. So it's like the last time I went on a date with Angelica, before I know it, you're macking on Angelica. And then I went on a date with Natalie.

48:09And then out of nowhere, you're like, you want Natalie back. So I was like, fuck. So now Natalie comes out to the alley. They're still talking. And Shane's like, what's up? We're in a little bit of a debacle. She's like, why? Well, if you're open-minded with going out with Shane, then I'd be like, okay, I'm just going to step out. but like, I'm going to be friends. She goes, we've always been friends. What are you even talking about? No, I mean, we're friends, but I mean, we made art. Like, that's kind of like, that's romantic. That's like sick, bro. Like, that's like, we're like in love, bro.

48:43But I had a connection with Shane before, okay? And I didn't think we had a romantic connection. And I think we were just like having fun. I mean, that's the difference. Shane's like, well, it's not about you. It's about me and his friendship. She goes, okay, well then bye. What am I even doing out here? Yeah, she's like, oh, then I don't care. he's like hey let's not be it's not that dramatic and that is like i'm just saying so that like what you what do you need for me like why does anyone care if we go out it's like oh yes because you had just gone on a day and so like maybe he was like maybe i'm into her and that's like who went on a date i was just like you guys went on an art date right i mean we didn't go on a date though we just like do art we do paint at each other and jason's like it was a date though how how was that a date like how was that a date he's like um but i was starting to feel you and then i was just like okay i'll see where your energy's at and like it's cool like remember when i put paint on your nose that's like date she's like okay because so we could just be friends she goes yay she's like that's what i thought we were just like all right cool and she's like i still got some shit to talk about though and jason's like okay go after it bro and i was like ew she's like you guys are both gross these stupid guys fighting over a girl they're not even dating she's what's going on with the men on this show it's now it's three of them they think they're in a relationship with people they're all these like hollywood guys who are pretending to be in relationships for storylines and the girls are like what yeah talking about so then jason tells shane well go after it bro like go after natalie go after it so natalie's like, um, what?

50:21Go after it? What am I, a dog? And she's like, no, no. I'm just saying do what you wanna do. And she's like, you know, at this point, I'm not interested in either one. And you know who gets to decide who I'm gonna give my attention to? Lisa Vanderpump. So they need you just to stop. I hate men. I hate them. I hate all of them. And you know what? I hate both of you right now. Okay? And you know what's even worse? I'm on the clock.

50:47So Venus then shows up at a brewery um uh and lawless lawless it's lucy's place and it meets up with marcus set the xena xena call

51:05so they choose they talk about they get order some beers and um and so venus is like i would love to get fucked up right now but since gay pride is coming up i just want to like preserve of my slim ways and a fat ass. And Marcus says, well, this will be the first time the two of us have hung out in the world. You know what I'm saying? Like, cheers the old times. You know, me and Venus' relationship is in an interesting place right now. It does feel good to have it go again, but like, deep down it's like a little bit of like, I don't know. We all, they're, I don't know what's going on there for me personally, you know?

51:36Okay, like, I want to tell you something but no judgment. He's like, I mean, depends, you're talking to me. Like, I'm going to judge. I'm gone. So he's like, well, Kimberly has made an executive decision about something that she's intending on doing with her body. Oh, my God. That bitch is getting a shit job. No, she's going to stop taking something. Oh, my God. She's going to stop taking the bus to work. I knew that bitch was going to change. No, it's something about it's a pill that she's going to stop taking a pill. that bitch is gonna stop taking birth control what the fuck yeah well she already did what and so venus is like there's no way that marcus is ready to have a baby he sleeps on a mattress in the corner of his bedroom so venus like well you need to wear a condom he's like uh that's not gonna happen so you pull out yeah that's what we're thinking it's like the new method for us.

52:37No problems. Yeah, that's not going to work. And he's like, yeah, that doesn't stop a baby, okay? Do you want a child right now? Is that what you want? What the fuck are you thinking? Bitch, I love you, but you're definitely not ready for a baby and neither is Kim. He's like, but I've raised two dogs. He's like, I'm rooting for him and let's be so for real. Until he becomes an adult, children are off the table because he is a walking toddler. That baby would be drinking a fucking Miller Lite.

53:09So Marcus is not listening He's like you know I'm getting older It's not time to wait until it's perfect anymore You know but like it would be cool to have like a new lineage That comes from my parents you know Like to have a son that reminds me of my dad I mean I'm sorry about your dad But that's not a reason to have a son Okay Anything Yeah just have Guillermo take you out to ice cream or something Do not bring a child into this world or Peter. So Venus is there, but now they start complimenting each other for being better at communicating and also like Kim and Marcus are communicating better too.

53:47And Marcus says the communication's gotten better. And Venus is like, yeah, well, I'm glad because I don't need any negativity at Pride. You and her better not be fighting. There better not be no weird shit at the season finale of Vanderpump Rules because if you have a fight at Pride during the season finale, I'll be so mad. He's like, no, we're just there to celebrate your day, bro. He's like, well, I'm going to pray, you know, because I don't usually pray, but I'm going to pray for Kim. That's right. You better keep that dick out of Kim unless you got it covered. And now we go to a comedy club called the first run of Vanderpump Rules.

54:23Or I'm sorry, it's called Accidental Chaos. So Parker is there. Oh, my God. Audrey, I just saw NoRis. Oh, my God. It's going to be amazing. My bangs are excited for you. It's going to be so good. oh, you're going to roast everyone. It'll be so bad. Parker is such an agent of destruction because he's not a full-time cast member. He's just on the side telling Audrey to follow her worst impulses. And then he's just like laughing as like destruction follows. It's like, fuck up. Who gives this fucking shit fuck? Because fuck, you're about to be fucking roast everybody. I mean, it's going to fuck so bad.

54:52Go fuck. So Angelica comes and, you know, everybody comes. They're like, oh my God, I'm so proud of her. She's amazing. She has so many hidden talents, you know, and everybody's like, wow. Audrey you're gonna do so great and Natalie just ignores Jason and he's like I think it's a little fucked up that Natalie's snubbing me like if anybody was to do snubbing it's me Justin Bieber here right now in this testimonial you know like through all my past relationships I've learned one thing you'll never win an argument with the penis bump yeah and also by the way Chris shows up and he like kisses her on the lips right and you know I think we I think one thing that we forgot to mention was that like Jason was saying how Chris is so weird when it comes to women like one moment he's in one moment he's out like this one time he did a porn with this girl and then he was like totally into her but then she was like let's travel the world and said no I can't because what would the world think if I were dating a porn star and it was just too bad oh my god yes I forgot about that part Chris got all moralistic yeah he's like he got all moralistic It's like, oh, my God, that girl who porn with me wants to date me?

56:03I'm way too classy for her. Like, how could I even date a porn star? I mean, at least be my cousin first.

56:12So along those lines, Chris is like, oh, man, I hope she roasts the fuck out of me because roasting is part of my love language. Just like the Italian New Jersey part of me. I love when people make fun of me. I do not believe you, sir. So Chris is like, I'm going to be dodging them like Mike Tyson, bro. And Audrey's like, I don't know, they may hit you Pretty good, I've worked with a professional comic Sarah Colonna, everybody Sarah Colonna Sarah Colonna's at home, just like, oh god Please don't associate me with this It wasn't me I didn't even get to meet Lisa Vanderbump So Shane walks up And he's got a girl on his arm Like, ha ha ha ha And everyone's like, oh my god And Jellica's like, oh my god, showing up With another girl that is like so Shane of Shane Like Shane needs to learn that he's not going to have any access to my sandwich until I'm the only sandwich on his menu.

57:05Are you thinking that you're still giving a confessional during the sandwich shop scene? That's what I think. Because I was like, where's the same? Same. I think that's what it was. I think that she thought she was. They probably took it as a reaction. They're like, what did you think about Natalie saying that about Shane? Well, her face was for the sandwich. Yeah. What do you think about Shane? He can't have my sandwich. But out of context, it just makes no sense. Yeah, exactly. I'm sorry. I got lost here. Yeah, so she's talking about the sandwich. And then the emcee is like, okay, next comedian coming up to accidental chaos.

57:41Has anybody heard of this club? Not me either. She's very special. It's her first time doing comedy. She's never done a Roots. It's Audrey, everybody. And I'm just like, oh, my God, thank you so much. It's so intimidating. So it was my first time doing stand-up comedy. So give it up, y 'all. Give it up. and they do they're a lot of weird straight guy energy in this crowd did you notice and when at the end they're like audrey audrey audrey didn't they tip over a car what the is happening at this club it did not feel like a real stand-up comedy show it felt like a stamp comedy show as written by the movies because you know when people do stand up in the movies they're always like awkward at first but then when they start to do well everyone starts laughing and cheering in a way that like people don't do it as clubs ever.

58:26So Audrey's like, okay guys, here comes this. The set is starting. Okay, okay. I thought by starting off, by telling you guys a little bit about myself, I'm blonde, I'm 22 years old and you can draw a direct link between my jokes and Sarah Colonna. Thank you very much. Sarah's like, no, no, don't. Just keep moving forward. I have a lot of tattoos. Yeah, so to the answer to your question, but you're all thinking, yes, my parents are really proud of the stripper. I almost became, thank you. That was a Colonna. Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much. I'd like to thank my mentor Sarah Kalana for that one.

58:58Does anyone mind if after every joke I just give a shout out to Sarah Kalana? Is that okay? Yeah, so I dated a girl for three years. And after that, he transitioned into a man, which was like really weird for me. I was like, oh my God, I just got dumped by both sexes. And then after him, though, like I'm strictly dickly. I'm only dating men now, which is really rough, especially out here in LA. Because like everyone's a fuckboy, you guys. Like everyone. Like even my friends. Like the one back there, Shane. Yeah, he'll cry in the car listening to Frank Ocean while he's on the way to fuck two different girls in the same day.

59:28Yeah, and then he journals about it, and they'll be like, I'm really growing, only two today. Hashtag cologne on that one. Okay, and then I have some other friends that these two right here, Marcus and Kim, they're dating, and they're in love, and then they had this fight where he said that he was falling out of love with her, and I was like, girl, this man isn't falling out of love with you, okay? He looks like he pays for his gas in quarters. right see it's quarters uh it's it's a coin uh i know you guys are used to apple pay but it's like it's it's so what you do is you take the coin four four quarters and a dollar just think about it it's funny it's really funny i mean i thought she was doing okay she was doing actually okay yeah i thought she was doing a pretty good job for her first time right so um she's like yeah i mean like i was talking to the bartender because free drinks you know oh he's right over there yeah he's great um i slept over at his house and i look over and there's like a penis pump i mean i was like and the crowd is chanting penis pump penis pump that was so weird i feel like people don't do that in comedy clubs so they're all chanting it angelica's like oh my god what the fuck i left for one week and y 'all get a sense of humor like what i was burned at the stake when I dared to say the words penis bump and now Audrey's getting the whole crowd to chant it.

1:00:51If I got a bunch of stages or ginning penis bump, I'd probably get tomatoes pelted on me and those are not going in my sandwich that Shane can't eat until there's no sandwiches left for him to eat until my sandwich is the only one left on the counter for him to eat. Am I right, guys? Yeah. So I ended up telling my coworker, that girl over there, that dumb slut about this penis pump. And she was like, okay, well, let me go tell everybody else about it. And I was like, girl, shut the fuck up. And so like next time I saw her, we were arguing about the penis pump and halfway through, she's like you're supporting the pump because you're like seeking male validation and i was like honey you live with your ex and then all of a sudden her stand-up set which was going pretty well just comes to a halt it's like wait oh that was a joke or you're just airing a grievance now that was not a joke and i was like oh and it was the most obvious one too it's like a penis pump should be the easiest one to write jokes from and like roast the guys on that but instead she's like yeah that girl lives with her ex and so Angelica's like oh okay and Parker's just like uh oh the gay is like uh oh I watered this plant and I watched it grow I am Seymour and she is literally Audrey too so Audrey is like I mean that's not independence that is emotional homelessness okay am I right everyone everyone's like ah Yeah, okay, and you're calling me desperate, honey?

1:02:13You're negotiating bedtimes with someone that not only ruined your credit, but also your self-worth. Ha, ha, ha, right, guys? Am I right? Am I right? Everyone's like, oh, God. Everyone's really uncomfortable, and Angelica's like, God. And she goes, yeah, I mean, don't worry. She's killing it on Instagram, though. She really is. She's posting mirror selfies up there, being like really reflecting on life nowadays. And I'm like, no, honey, you just found Facetune and symmetry, okay? damn oh my god okay everyone's like okay Kim goes that hurts anyway and so Angelica gets up to leave and then they're like no and she's like I don't want to be here Audrey's like no no no don't leave okay I'll see you later text your ex I said hi I was like damn god she just keeps going and going she sucks and I'm glad that the cast stood up to it well at least behind her back so far yeah this was really shitty Kim's like, yeah, this is not girls supporting girls.

1:03:10And that's not funny. Yeah, that's not cool. Natalie's like, yeah, I mean, I feel bad, but she killed it. So that was fun. So Angelica leaves and Shane runs out. He's running. He's asking her boobs if they're okay. And she's like, I mean, I was like a lot. Yeah, but she was trying to say some nice shit after. But then you left. You didn't give me a chance to do nice stuff. Yeah, clearly the nice stuff was coming around the corner. And then Audrey's still going inside Inside she's like yeah I seek malvalidation But at least I don't live with my ex and call it healing Dumb bitch Girl you're 22 Give it six months And then we'll see who's making these jokes right Won't be long So Angelica Is like I wanna go And so Shane She walks away from Shane And that is the cliffhanger So next week is Pride And this will all come to a head As it always does on Vanderpump Rules Very exciting stuff Yikes, okay everybody, thanks for being here We will talk to you next time Bye Bye

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