#3253 Below Deck Down Under S04E06 Part One: Textual Desires

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0:26Ben Mandelker: performance comes down to controlling what you can for jessica pagula it starts with the air around her a blue air user for over five years she trusts blue signature air purifiers engineered to perform and designed to impress shop blueair.com and use code signature 30

0:56Watch what crappens, watch what crappens, who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens?

1:27Ben Mandelker: but before we get into that time is running out to watch the crappies replay after friday night it is gone forever so go check that out go to watch crappens.com and the links are there to watch the replay on kizui also join us on patreon because we have all sorts of great stuff on there including a weekly bonus episode there our newsletter lives there even if you're not even a patreon subscriber we also have crappens on demand we can watch us on video today the treat on video is that I'm back in my childhood bedroom and the air conditioner still has its bonnet on because it's still a little cool in Katona although it's warming up but yes I'm here in Katona and you can see look there's a picture over there and there's a ceiling also we have ad free on Patreon and we also there's something else we have amazing on Patreon Discord community there's something else but Patreon

2:21Ronnie Karam: is great bonuses ad free newsletter other thing yeah

2:28Ben Mandelker: it's just a great place actually there's actually a really nice community on patreon so just for that alone come join it so that's at patreon.com slash watch or crap and thanks to everyone who joined us for amazon live yesterday had a lot of fun time showing off some glassware and ronnie showed off some cool kitty pants so that was all fun that's all there is about that but yes i am here today this is a unique recording situation not children's pants hat i was trying to be cute by saying kitty but it sounded like kitty cat yeah it's in case i think i'm like hey here's some japanese hands here's some kitty pants yeah not that but um i took a red eye here to katona because today's my mom's birthday happy birthday to my mom she's 150 years old can you believe it happy birthday carolyn so i flew in for my mom's birthday and um so i took a red eye and this is the first time i've ever recorded after a red eye and i was really excited because i got a there was like no one on the plane it was a fairly empty plane and so i got upgraded all the way all the way up to the tippy top to delta one and i was like yes and i was especially excited because i knew we were gonna start recording right today i was like yeah that's basically your first yeah wow so i was like oh good that means i'll actually get to be able to sleep i never sleep on red eyes so you know there's like the seat goes flat and everything and i was so excited um first of all also a lady came on and she brought a giant it's not even a bouquet she had like 50 to 100 roses like a giant like it was like the like a tree trunk worth of roses.

4:10Ben Mandelker: And she was like, can this go in the overhead? I was like, how did that even get past security? That's not carry on. It was bigger than a carry on. And she had all these roses. It was crazy. But that's not this point of the story. The point of the story is I tucked myself in and I went to sleep and I was sleeping so soundly. And then in the middle of night, I'm jolted awake because someone has fallen on top of me on the airplane. This whirl. This girl was coming back from the bathroom and she fell on me. And I was like, what? I was like, what? And so then I was like, whoa. And then she got up and she fell back down on me.

4:52Ben Mandelker: I was like, what are you doing? And I sort of like try to sort of push her up. And she fell again on me. I was like, what is this drunk girl doing? She fell on me. And so that third time, I literally, I was still lying down. I don't know how I did this. I grabbed her by the waist and I threw her down the aisle. and i go and i and i go please

5:16Ben Mandelker: because i've just i'd just woken up and there was like a drunk girl who was falling all over me like so she was drunk i don't know because then when i woke up in the like all i saw was like headphones and a nose and she was like whoa when in the morning when the lights came on i saw her She's like a 21-year-old girl. She didn't show any evidence of being drunk. Maybe there was turbulence. Maybe she was disoriented. But she like, follow me once. It's like, you know, follow me once. That's fine. That's not fine. But it's like, fine. It's an accident. She didn't even say like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

5:51Ben Mandelker: If she had given me like, I am so sorry, I would be like, hey, it happens to all of us. But the entire time she kept her eyes on the back of the plane, like she was like clearly trying to get to her seat. but she couldn't get there because she kept on falling on me. And I'm like, dude, are you even aware that you've fallen on me?

6:09Ronnie Karam: Are you a robot? Why are you not acknowledging that you were just on top of me?

6:14Ben Mandelker: Yeah. It was like she was just going forward, but she was sideways on me. And I don't even know how I threw her. I didn't throw her, but I knew that I couldn't just keep on tapping her to be like, get off me. I had to actually physically get her away from my seat. So if she's going to fall down, she'll fall on someone else because I was sick of being fallen on. and so i it was just i felt like i was violating her because i literally grabbed her and her like it was like i felt her rib cage i was like but i literally just had to like take her and i don't know how i did it from like a lying down position but i just sort of like took her and i was like but i don't know why the only thing i said during the entire thing was please please so nobody said anything like the there are no flight attendants that said like everyone was asleep the flight attendants weren't there because they were on break it was like i was like what is happening and then of course i couldn't fall asleep after that so i got like two and a half maybe three hours of sleep but i was sleeping so soundly and of course the one time i finally sleep soundly of all the places and of all the empty seats by the way she fell on me so three

7:16Ronnie Karam: times wow so when you when you were leaving did she say sorry like did she pass by you and say

7:22Ben Mandelker: like so she even was aware i don't know she's aware i don't or she was embarrassed and i felt bad too because she was young so then i was like she was like a young ginger and i was like oh

7:33Ronnie Karam: you know doesn't she go through enough ben without being thrown down a plane aisle by some man please but don't fall on me even if there's if there's if you fall on someone because of

7:44Ben Mandelker: turbulence i think what you do is you go oh my god i'm so sorry right like that's the natural thing if you fall if you fall on someone and you don't say anything i'm just gonna assume you're drunk oh yeah and i think she was now now that i said wow but anyway that's my danger well we are

7:59Ronnie Karam: connected because i was also woken up in the middle of the night nobody fell on me but mine was the fire alarm thing just started going you know it does that oh and then it goes like there's like two minutes where nothing happens you wake up and it's like what was that well i was just dreaming maybe yep and you start falling back asleep and then it goes yep it's like god damn And it's a really high ceiling. So I was like, oh, I'm just going to ignore it. So then I start falling asleep. So got to pull out that ladder, waddle out there in my underwear, get the ladder, drag it into the thing, then dig through all the drawers to see where I had the D, not D battery.

8:38Ronnie Karam: What do you call the little button batteries? The ones with the buttons, whatever they are. The button batteries had to dig for that, which I'm proud of myself for having because that's some dad energy right there to just have a stack of those button batteries if you need them host brad i know you know the first

8:57Ben Mandelker: rule of smoke detectors is if the battery dies it's only going to tell you in the in the dead of night it's like well i don't want to interrupt him he seems like he's he's having a nice breakfast and i don't know like he's working i probably shouldn't interrupt you know when we should do it let's do it at 2 a.m yeah yeah and nothing's going always oh i literally just did that a month ago

9:19Ronnie Karam: same thing you can't even just take out the battery because it still keeps beeping you have to like figure out how to unplug it from the little sock whatever and the one in here is still unplugged so i'm probably gonna die but whatever i same same thing happened to me i literally a

9:32Ben Mandelker: month ago it was three in the morning and the next thing i know i'm like hauling a little step ladder upstairs to climb onto it i'm like bleary eyed i'm like the girl on the airplane i'm about to fall over or something and i'm like climbing up and i'm like you're trying to take it apart and still like even though you're at the top of the ladder it's still a little too high so you have like this weird thing with your arms you're pulling at it and doesn't come out and you're like oh just

9:55Ronnie Karam: stop yeah well the point is below deck am i right so here we are with below deck down under season four episode is six gossip boy this guy's such a creeper this mike we all knew he's a creeper he grossed everybody out in the beginning and you know my thought in the beginning was Okay, just because he has stupid hair and stupid eyebrows doesn't mean you should judge him. You know, don't judge a book by its cover. But then the other part of me is like, well, how else do you buy a book? You look at the cover. And if the cover is stupid, you don't buy it. Of course you judge a book by its cover. You read the back cover.

10:31Ronnie Karam: You look at the author picture. You judge the book by its cover. That's the point of a book cover. So, yes, you should judge books by their cover. Yeah.

10:41Ben Mandelker: If we don't judge books by their cover, why do they even have covers in the first place? protecting the interior pages why is there an entire industry devoted to like to people and places being depicted why does fabio have a career if we're not judging by a cover exactly

10:59Ronnie Karam: so um judge books by their cover this guy was gross from the beginning we all knew he was going to end up being a creeper he's still you know on the fairly innocent side of being a creeper with his whole ellie thing but his whole like last week trying to kiss ellie and then her not kissing him but then just like pecking him because he was already like in her fucking face and then just going like oh you're only gonna get a pack and then his reaction is like oh i got to pick from illy i got the pick i've got a chance it's like you're so gross just stop mike he's just annoying i don't

11:34Ben Mandelker: know for me i'm i'm just i'm less grossed out and more just like over it like he's just like someone who'd be so annoying to work with because he does just gossip all day but like not in a fun kiki way it's more like he just walks up to like did you hear the thing about the soda machine i'm like i don't care i'm trying to like do my forms right now you know and he's also like a judgy

11:56Ronnie Karam: gossip which i'm a judgy gossip too i mean listen to this show like we're gossips and i judge but he's i don't know it's yeah he's not a fun gossip it's not like oh so-and-so's cheating on their boyfriend it's like they're cheating and they have a relationship and they should respect their Shut up, town crier. What are you so moral about? You're just jerking your dick on OnlyFans and then coming to get on everybody else's morals about everything. Shut up. It's none of your business.

12:21Ben Mandelker: He only got sanctimonious to justify the fact that he was gossiping because he got into trouble. You know, so things everyone's waking up. It's six. Most people would have thought it was maybe 7 a.m. Some would have even thought it was 655 a.m. But the reality was the 656 a.m. super and everyone will yeah it was a minute later you know a lot can happen in a minute a girl could just fall down on you in that span of the minute and your entire record of your day has

12:49Ronnie Karam: changed you know your whole life changes it was your sliding doors moment how different would

12:55Ben Mandelker: your life be if that girl hadn't fallen i would have had probably another hour of sleep so then I'll tell you what could happen in a minute. Meep. Meep. Meep.

13:08Ronnie Karam: 6.56 a.m. Jenna is waking up and telling Alicia, Eddie tried to kiss me a thousand times last night. And she's like, did he? Oh, that's crazy. Then we go to Mike and Eddie, and Eddie's showering, and they're talking. And Mike's like, I'm so proud of you, Eddie. I'm proud of you. I don't know. I don't know why. It just feels like last night you were on fire. You're on fire last night.

13:33Ben Mandelker: It's like, yeah, I had a really good time last night. And then Ben does this weird strut out of the guest room. He's like wearing all white. He looks like he just took some weird exercise class. And then Jenna. The man with a wine belly.

13:46Ronnie Karam: He's like a skinny. He's like a skinny holder of like a wine sack.

13:53Ben Mandelker: Yeah. It was strange. It was a strange look. And then Jenna and Batula and Alicia are getting ready. and Jenna's talking about how how Eddie tried to kiss her last night and everything and then he's it's like the day after they're all catching up and Eddie's now telling Mike like you know who did keep giving me a funny eye though? Alicia. Anytime I was there with them you know Jenna and Alicia she kept being like hmm hmm hmm and Mike's like yeah we were sort of like cracking on with everyone else maybe that attention thing she's feeling a little bit left behind he he he and he's basically saying like you know Alicia's got a boyfriend.

14:30Ben Mandelker: She's such a free spirit, fun girl. I wonder how fun her boyfriend is.

14:36Ronnie Karam: I mean, her boyfriend's been her boyfriend for two months. So, yeah, we can all calm down over here. So then we go to Jenna and Alicia, and Jenna's like, yeah, he's a great guy. He's really cute and everything. And Alicia says, yeah, I mean, he's going to go get himself a kiss, no matter who it is. And Batool's like, Alicia, be a good friend, please. And she's like, it's just banter It's just banter, Vitor

15:03Ben Mandelker: The text that he sent was just so ridiculous I'm like, actually you sent the first text But that's okay Actually, I'm like embarrassed My boyfriend knows I'm a flirt And he actually always enjoys that about me And he can trust that I would never do anything wrong But he knows I'm going to be faithful But last night, that took a step too far I need to respect the fact that I'm in a relationship God bless my soul I'm like, you literally just said on TV that you will go to another country to avoid breaking up with someone. And then you went and flirted with someone else. So it's more than just the tech that are the issue here.

15:36Ronnie Karam: Yeah, Alicia. I don't know. That poor boyfriend. And she's like on the hotness scale. She's like way hotter than the other boyfriend because they keep showing the pictures of the other boyfriend. And I'm like, yeah, this girl, he's a temp. He's definitely a temp.

15:49Ben Mandelker: Yeah. He's sort of giving like Zoloft ball energy. And I'm like, I don't think this is going to work out. That's a good way to put it.

15:56Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I feel like he has a really big truck and a really tiny wiener.

16:05Ben Mandelker: Not that fun, is he? So then in the galley, Eddie is talking to Ben about last night and he's saying like, yeah, Jane and I were playing like Truth or Dare. He's like, oh, did you kiss her? He's like, yeah. Did you kiss her on the sugar lumps? He's like, yes, I did. Ben's like, oh, I think young love on a boat is a healthy thing, and I'm happy for both Jenna and Eddie. Did I sound sincere? Because I really am trying. Because Jenna's pretty, but she's a very pretty girl, you know? But I'm not blind, you know? I didn't initiate anything, and I probably won't. I've just got over a pretty tough relationship.

16:44Ben Mandelker: I don't know if you've heard. $50 ,000 for a wedding that didn't happen.

16:49Ronnie Karam: Oh, I'm sensitive now. yeah ben i'm i don't know how that relationship with jen is gonna work anyway i can't really imagine jen in a relation i can't imagine ben in a relationship with anybody really except like a box i just remember i just don't see it working out no no i just remember

17:09Ben Mandelker: when we walked by him at bravo con and he was on the slots and he was just there just like drunk alone just heading from the slots and like smoking a cigarette with a big smile on his face And I was like, okay.

17:19Ronnie Karam: We said hi, and he's like, oh, yeah. Okay, well, have fun. Good talk. Good talk. Good talk. It's time for a commercial.

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20:30Ronnie Karam: So now it's 27 hours until charter. actually it's 26 hours and 47 minutes because it's 9 13 a.m so they're cleaning the boat and um alicia goes to her sanctuary the laundry and then jennifer calls alicia to the cabins and everyone's annoyed because they're hungover you know so clean clean clean clean so now in the galley jason uh sees ben and he's like oh benny boy how'd you sleep there he's like i got 10 hours, I actually feel a bit guilty.

21:05Ben Mandelker: And then Alicia and Mike are cleaning cabins and Mike is like, he enjoys making beds. She's like, shut up. Do you enjoy making beds? She's like, I do enjoy doing my job properly. Come on. He's like, where do you know if I was your boyfriend at home, I'd be fuming. She's like, yeah, I know. Because for me, I don't care. I'm single. But if you're me girlfriend or me wife, she's like, I don't want to hear it today let's make this bed please yeah who asked you and you wouldn't know anyway

21:31Ronnie Karam: because you're never going to get a girlfriend okay you fucking creepo that guy's just always in his he's always in a bar like dancing by himself all greasy hitting on people that don't want to be hit on and then not stopping like oh you don't fancy a dance do you and then he'll like send you like a side of peanuts or something and then like wink at you from the end of the bar You're just a creep and just constantly asking to play Jimmy Buffett on the fucking –

21:59Ben Mandelker: Spend more time looking up a decent haircut and then less time focusing on other people's relationships.

22:07Ronnie Karam: Yeah, spend less time implanting ball hair onto your scalp.

22:13Ben Mandelker: Spend less time forming your hair into the shape of the rubber things at the bottom of a crutch.

22:21Ronnie Karam: yeah i spend less time trying to look like a dust bunny that i have to clean up after every time i pet my dog yeah yeah and then we'll talk and then so in the galley so then we'll have a meeting mike about my morals that's exactly right in the galley ellie and ben are there

22:40Ben Mandelker: moral moral the story is shut up so ben is like all right honey nuggets let's clean this up It's time to rock and roll, love. We're getting there.

22:54Ronnie Karam: I'm starting from here, then I'm working my way around, because that is the plan. I'm organizationally. Well, I'm one of those people that have to have a very clean, very zen environment. You know, that's what they always say about me, bed, zen, zen bed. So I can attribute my timing delays a bit to the discombobulation of this bloody shambolic machine that I live in, and I'm going to sort her out. I'm gonna sort her out

23:20Ben Mandelker: so Ben starts he's cleaning this oven Ben is so excited to be like I'm gonna be on top of things this chata so he's cleaning this oven and basically the fan starts doing what your smoke detector does except it's giving this weird sad little alarm I'm sad I'm a fan and I'm sad

23:41Ronnie Karam: wee wee wee I'm a sad fan so it's like god damn it what's happening to this i don't do this please don't do this i don't need this today so then we go to jason's um the most likable thing about jason i don't hate jason or anything um i just think he like avoids confrontation when that's kind of his job but um i do love this about him he loves peanut m &ms the man is always eating a peanut m &m so So he's chomping on his peanut M &Ms. He dropped some, and then he picked it up and he ate it, because that's what you do with peanut M &Ms. And that's why they were made so hard and smooth, because even if you drop them, they don't collect dust or germs.

24:25Ben Mandelker: Mouth in your mouth, not in your boyfriend's hand. Why weren't you putting it in his hand?

24:31Ronnie Karam: That M &M was talking to you. Your boyfriend's not going to like that. Talking to you by a green M &M. Boyfriend's going to be very, very upset.

24:41Ben Mandelker: he's like if the other m was hanging out with an n then you have an m and m and n so then uh jason is ben calls jason he's like i'm to the galley please please please do the opposite of my bride and come to me and so so jason goes to the galley and he's like there's a there's a fan malfunction and i can't do the charter without this seven it's fucking bullshit so they call you know boris the engineer and he's like well you know it's fun fun broken we order new fun but you know what can you What do you do? You can't have borscht.

25:13Ronnie Karam: What, a fan? You need a new fan? Got a new fan. It doesn't work. Well, fuck. Oh, I'd also get a new fan. You know, the fan come when it wants. Got the fan, man. And then we got Eddie and Jenna, and they're talking about their day. And Eddie's like, oh, today's pretty fun. Sorry for kissing you last night. She's like, no, it's fine. You don't have to apologize for that at all. And he's like, well, I should have asked first, shouldn't I? and she's like well i never expected to kiss eddie but it's like my first mustache you know it's not really my type in general i don't think my future husband will be doing manual labor he'll also be an older guy of course but he has his head screwed on properly he's a hard worker he's so kind but it's kind of cute but mullet mustache i can't do it i can't do it

26:03Ben Mandelker: poor women on this boat they really don't have too many options it's like ben who is like a melting candle of a human and then he got eddie and he got mike it's just and joao there's just really not a lot to offer and eddie to me eddie seems really nice but he also his energy is kind of like he's like the cool guy in the marching band fraternity so it's like okay you're like you are the cool guy in your social circle but you're overall like in the weird fraternity that is like endlessly doing 80s music like dance parties and i love an 80s dance party don't get me wrong but like we like we know the vibe of this frat don't we and like he's like he's like the cool guy they're all like wow there's eddie he's the cool guy but like to the large the rest of the campus everyone's like okay yeah he may be a cool guy there but he's still getting pushed

26:51Ronnie Karam: into a locker you know so then eddie and joao are in the mess and eddie's looking through his texts and he's like holy fuck when did i send these i don't even remember oh god below deck where nobody remembers anything the next day it's a time-honored tradition where nobody remembers anything oh please you guys aren't all that blackout drunk cop to it okay grow grow a pair so joelle's like what did you say in the text he's like well alicia texted me last night oh god i don't remember she said i haven't a clue what's going on in my head but you need to get out of it oh wow and believe me when I say I haven't been able to stop looking at you and then she goes call me crazy but I'm not wrong same too but you've been getting it on with Jenna and I said I would drop it in a second to be an alien with you oh dear see how that goes down make a right make a left make a right make a right then you're in a square a square and a march and a march and a square

27:57Ben Mandelker: like eddie eddie there's no game happening right now so he's like oh dear me drunk eddie sending out hail marys at 3 a.m that's not great i want to make more of an effort with jenna like getting more and you know i like getting to know her more and more oh man i'm in this shit what am i to do Dude, like, that's classic Eddie over there. Classic Eddie. What a ladies, man.

28:20Ronnie Karam: It's going to be a fucking explosion, mate.

28:26Ronnie Karam: Are you marching to I'm Bad by Michael Jackson?

28:33Ben Mandelker: Are people not going into formation? We're supposed to be making a goldfish on the field. There is no field. We're on a yacht. Sorry. Old habits die hard.

28:43Ronnie Karam: So they continue. And you know, I have a friend who's a band, marching band director. She is like a choreographer and director of marching bands. That is some serious shit. She's been doing it for like 30 years. It's crazy. And they are intense people, those marching band people. They're no joke. She's like, oh my God, look at that formation. She'll watch it on TV, like the competitions and stuff. Oh, what a sloppy formation. I'm like, they are literally shaped in the form of a bird that's flying. This is amazing. It's like losers. we're like lift your knees like wow it's really intense it's a lot more intense than i ever

29:20Ben Mandelker: thought it would be i have a vendetta against the marching band because um in college my dorm was relatively close to the football field and on game days the marching band for whatever reason would come running through our dorm and only our dorm at like nine in the morning to be like come to the game and they'd like make all this noise and it'd wake me up every saturday and i was like go fuck yourselves i'm not gonna go to the game out of protest because of you i hated the marching band because of that otherwise i mean they were fun at the games but like don't come running through my dorm and pound on my door to get me to go to the game that's not how it's gonna work

30:00Ronnie Karam: hi um just please disregard that anybody who's been listening to us plug the crappies for the we do that to people's ears that's what we do we're like but we don't like get outside get outside the golden crap is right now it was yesterday it was yesterday it was you can still watch it you can still watch it was yesterday we're running through the hallways

30:19Ben Mandelker: just banging on doors we're not waking people up and that's that seems to be the ongoing uh theme of this episode is different ways that we've been woken up and uh i would have to say drunk like possibly drunk girl falling on you three times in a row that's like that's probably that worse yeah followed followed by annoying smoke detector but i'm gonna say marching bam storming through when you're like hung where you got wasted the night before is that's that's a bad one as well that's we'll come up with others over the course the episode i'm sure yeah that's a bad

30:53Ronnie Karam: one so um they continue every clean clean clean so now joao's talking to daisy and checking in with her because they made out last night you guys and he's like it was a good night uh you you know, just a little ropey this morning that I'll power through. And she's like, there's a hookup with anyone. He's like, well, no, I mean, I'm not just here for a hookup anymore, especially with the yachting, because I'm a captain now. I'm a very, very different man, you stupid cut fitness. And she's like, fair, fair, that's fair. He's like, I apologize for dropping you in the sand. See, they're very romantic.

31:27Ben Mandelker: In Zim, that is the height of being a gentleman, actually. But I apologize nevertheless. Nevertheless, I wasn't a bit ropey.

31:36Ronnie Karam: In Zim, normally we would wait for our wedding night. When everybody is gathered around us, we say, I do. And then I take the bride, I pick her up, and I throw her in the sand. But we're not married yet. That was a step too far. I'm sorry.

31:50Ben Mandelker: They say it was derived from the Jewish tradition of stomping on some glass. So instead, what we do is we throw the bride on the sand.

32:00Ronnie Karam: That's okay. You nearly caught me, and then you dropped me. It's more than Gary Everdead.

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34:08Ronnie Karam: So then we go to get Eddie and Mike cleaning the deck, and Mike's like, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. And he's like, oh, I don't remember, mate, but I was pissed last night. You know, just thinking Alicia. It's just all about her being like, I can't get you out of my head. And then I said, same. He's like, what is this? The love boat? It's the love boat.

34:30Ben Mandelker: Did you tell Joelle about Alexia? Message you before bed? And he's like, yeah, of course I did. Because I've told literally every single person on this boat. And Micah's like, when you were getting off with Jenna, I think she just got jealous. like Alicia has always said, I've had a bit of a flirt. So Alicia walks out while they're talking about this. And so they're like, ooh, awkward. So then Mike is trying to make it un-awkward by he does this thing where he's like, ooh, good, we need to work something out here. And I feel like you're part of this. And so then, and then he, and then Eddie pulls out a chair for her to sit in, which by the way, this is actually so incredibly inappropriate for a workplace to be like, we were hooked up last night and now we're talking about it.

35:07Ben Mandelker: And now you have to sit here and answer questions about it. Like this would actually be a massive HR violation in any other workplace already, and we haven't even gotten into it.

35:16Ronnie Karam: There's no HR on Below Deck. This show would have been shut down years ago. HR is called like Honey Relax. It's the Honey Relax department. What are you upset about? Honey Relax.

35:29Ben Mandelker: HR stands for Get Over Here, Honey Riblets.

35:36Ben Mandelker: So Mike is like, have a seat. okay we're just talking about how you were messaging eddie which is like so embarrassing for her well i should say it doesn't in her based on what she's saying she's embarrassed and elise is like you know what i told you to fuck off and just stop being a drunken idiot basically and eddie's like kind of and she's like i wish you paid more attention to the job that you're supposed to be doing than thinking about what other people are texting unless you have texts directly it wasn't anything to do with you he's like no but when someone comes to me and said that Alicia was messaging us last night.

36:08Ben Mandelker: She's like, you said that, Eddie. He's like, well, I didn't say it in a bad way. I said it in a, wouldn't it be fun if we did a marching band formation of me and Alicia doing it?

36:20Ronnie Karam: I didn't say it in a bad way. I was just trying to give him a boner. Is that so wrong? And she's like, I just like to flirt to make myself feel better, all right? Because I'm flat out with work and there's so much to do and you're busy up here fucking talking about who's flirting with who. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm stressed. And when I'm stressed, I flirt with random people. Mike's like, actually, I'm hoovering up here. So I'm cleaning. Oh, God, I'm bored of this conversation. If I hear you gossiping instead of working one more fucking time, I'm going to shave the bald hair off of your head. All right?

36:52Ben Mandelker: The bush is going to shave the bald hair off. The bald hair. He's like, oh, I said bald hair. I was like, oh, that's true.

36:59Ronnie Karam: No, because I think he got the ball. He got his ball hair taken and put on top of his head in Turkey. That's why it was pubic head.

37:09Ben Mandelker: But you shouldn't be flirting and having a crack with anyone because you've got a boyfriend. And she's like, and you should be working right now. He's like, but you've got a boyfriend, so I'm not allowed to talk while I'm working. And she's like, but you're not working. You're talking. Alicia, there's honestly no need to get wound up about it. It's like, yes, there's 100 % a reason to get wound up about it because you're like, you are not working. And you're now suddenly like, like being super judgy about the text messages that she sent. And like, that's just none of your business.

37:38Ronnie Karam: It's none of your business. And you're saying don't get wound up about it, but you're the one wound up running around telling everybody and freaking out about it. You weirdo. So she's like, well, I'm pissed because every time I see you, you're just gossiping. And he's like, well, it's disrespectful to your boyfriend. Oh, shut up, just shut up So he's like, well, maybe you care about your boyfriend Because you're in a relationship Yeah, and you aren't and you never will be, you little chicken nugget And I don't mean that in, like, the nice way Jerk So she's like, I'm at work Just fucking pick up a hoover

38:12Ben Mandelker: So Mike is like I mean, we're having a little bit of a gossip But she's trying to pin the point As if, like, I'm not doing my work And trying to deflect that she's in the wrong She's not deflecting she's it just has nothing to do with you and like she's clearly embarrassed and you're sitting here gossiping and you're trying to like put her on the spot to answer for things that you don't have a right to ask in the first place and she doesn't want to do it and you're also not working and like there's all basically you're wrong in every single different category i wish i could start landing on my my little speech there and i couldn't do it but the point is you're wrong

38:47Ronnie Karam: she's deflecting that she's in the wrong and you're deflecting because you have no stories to tell about yourself getting any because you'd can't and you never will so you stay in your corner golem so daisy comes up the stairs because alicia is now yelling at him and she's like what's going on we don't like yelling on this part and alicia is like it's my fucking face saying you've got a boyfriend stop flirting when i was like i'm here to work mate you know we're here to work why don't you work i need to flirt to keep concentrated and so now we go to joelle and it's all awkward with the guys and joel's like wow that blew up next time throw her on the sand it'll be romantic it's a gesture of peace but also joel you could have said something you're right there the entire

39:31Ben Mandelker: time and he could be like mike get back to work because he is on the deck right now and you just i don't like joel was being a way too passive during this as someone who's a supervisor so now alicia is just like really upset and he's like okay okay go take a coffee go take a coffee wait a second have ben make you the coffee because i don't trust you to make your own coffee she's like it's a super process you just put paint thinner on top of a napkin and then you put it in your mouth no no no see this is why i can't work in the kitchen anymore all right how bad to make your coffee then but tell him not to do it slowly so then um then mike is vacuuming he's like everyone needs to relax it's not that deep so daisy walks over and she's mike what the fuck happened?

40:15Ben Mandelker: He's like, nothing happened. Well, what did you do to Alicia? He's like, well, I was literally outside, and she obviously stood behind us. Were you gossiping, Mike? No? Yeah, you were gossiping. I know you were gossiping, because when you gossip, your hair looks even more like a tulip.

40:29Ronnie Karam: I love that she just calls him out. She's like, you were gossiping, don't lie to me. He's like, okay, well, I was just having a laugh with the boys. Yeah, but she's not finding it funny then. Yeah, but she's got a boyfriend. That's none of your business, Mike. Alright, if she wants to flirt with them, that's between them. stay out of it

40:47Ben Mandelker: I just love her yelling at these incompetent fucks so Mike is like what do you want us to do vacuum you fucking idiot you have a vacuum in your hand press the power button and move it forward and backwards please

41:02Ronnie Karam: so then we go to Daisy and Jason and he's like how's mama bear going oh fucking fucking working overtime over here bunch of dicks well I'll leave that to you I don't want to know anything going on in this boat. All right? Nothing ever. All right? Unless it's a little tiny M &M talking to me, I don't want to hear it. She's like, well, Mike is wrong for gossiping, and Alicia should 100 % stand up for herself, but she doesn't need to do it at Tesla. But I have 100, like, what the fuck? I mean, Captain heard you. Alicia, be smarter as well. The two of you are freaking dumbasses.

41:39Ben Mandelker: So Alicia, Daisy checked in on Alicia, and Alicia is like, I know I shouldn't have reacted like that, but he just winds me up. I know. I get it. So then we go to Mike and Jenna by the bar. And Mike's like, oh, Jenna, I've got something to tell you. Daisy just told me I should stop gossiping. So guess what? I've got some gossip for you.

41:57Ronnie Karam: This fucking guy. So now we go back to Daisy and Alicia. And she's like, you can't react like that because it's not going to solve anything. And I don't want you to, you know, Jason or the other crossy and stuff like that. Well, you know how Eddie kissed Jenny yesterday. Like, then Eddie's telling all the boys, and I don't like that either.

42:17Ben Mandelker: So Mike, meanwhile, is like, Eddie came up to us, and I said, already, Eddie, what's happening? He says, Alicia was messaging him last night saying, I can't get you out of my head. And Jenna's like, no, wait, no, hang on. No, you got it, Alicia. This is what I hope is with gossip. This is gossip.

42:33Ronnie Karam: Yeah, so meanwhile, Alicia's like, he doesn't have any integrity. She's like, no, he's not gossip. Come on. And then back to Mike Jenna's like Eddie came up to you and said Alicia messaged him last night Is that what happened? Well where did this editing come from? He's like Well I didn't think it was a thing Well me neither I just feel so used Because Eddie If Eddie likes Alicia And I'm the pawn between them To make someone jealous And they're both poor Everybody's poor And we're actually kind of put off I mean why lay it on so thick? I mean do the whole drama just for a kiss And then to chat with Alicia?

43:08Ronnie Karam: Yeah.

43:10Ben Mandelker: I feel so used. Anyway, let me go find some sort of rich man to take to remove my lifestyle.

43:20Ronnie Karam: Also, she's totally just using Eddie to make Ben notice her, you know? So I like that it was like a mutual use gone wrong.

43:28Ben Mandelker: It's like Cruel Intentions. A very bad version of Cruel Intentions. So Jenna's like, I'm so confused now. She's cracking off all the grass. so then uh daisy is still talking to elisa she's like no screaming and shouting around the boat yeah copy that i said no screaming repeat after me no screaming no screaming say it louder i can't hear you no screaming louder no screaming no screaming god damn it elisa you're screaming

43:57Ronnie Karam: so then we go to ben talking to the engineer flerg and he's like uh speaking of not getting laid ever, Flerg, what's going on with the fan? And he's like, oh, just waiting for motor spare parts, then we can install at some point. Has this ever happened before with the fan? Yes. It happens. Oh, really? So this has happened with the fan and nobody's done shit to the fan before? If it's fan, you know. Fans sometimes work, sometimes just no.

44:27Ben Mandelker: But you know what we can use instead of fan? Potato. What are you talking about? I don't know. I thought you're the chef. Put the potato in there and see what happens.

44:40Ronnie Karam: So Daisy sees Mike and she's like, are you working hard? And he's like, yes, she is. So they're all watching him, and he's like taking forever to clean the table. Like he's the worst. So now it's head of department meeting, guys. Preference sheet time. All right, charter three. Here we go. Mecca is a New York City founder of a lifestyle magazine. pink spelled p y n k all right it's not the singer all right this is a magazine online it celebrates black women and curates elevated experiences for them let's go see mecca at work shall we it's the new below deck cut to daisy taking down all her ringing god damn it i thought

45:22Ben Mandelker: i was the singer all the ropes she's pulling down all the bungee cords so uh mecca mecca's in brooklyn mecca's the primary and she has a co-primary named joy and mecca's like oh if i if something is not up to my standards you're definitely gonna know but funny enough i am and as sassy as i can be i feel like i'm the softer one from the rest of my charter guests so then uh

45:48Ronnie Karam: she has visited over 40 what we see her they show a scene of her like decorating a party or something and they're hanging fringe, like fringe tassel things in arches. And she's like, hmm, so this is going to be fringe tassels and then we're going to have plants growing out of these. And they're like, hmm, no, it's just a fringe. Okay, well, so the fringe is going to be hanging down in people's faces. They're like, yeah, I think that that's what they want. She's like, oh, well, it's not what I want. And I'm Mecca. Move the fringe back up. That's why I make the big bucks.

46:19Ben Mandelker: What are these scenes? What are these scenes? What are these? on vacations regularly. We did Egypt together. We closed down the entire St. Regis and New Cairo. So it was just for us. Everything luxury, over the top, Birkin wearing, Bentley driving, all the good food, all the drinks. I like to see the money, you know, when you're spending six figures on a vacation, you want to see six figures on your vacation. Or in the case of this, when you spend$10 ,000 on a heavily discounted yacht ride, I want to see that$10 ,000.

46:49Ronnie Karam: I'm a millionaire a millionaire from fringe parties or whatever so back to the president Jason's like she's excited she's coming aboard with Karen Michelle Tamika and Erica Mecca is looking forward to five star service with meals every two minutes

47:09Ben Mandelker: and tablescapes don't forget the tablescapes with fringe so Mecca says nobody should ever be intimidated by my standards I think if they are, they should raise their own. So Mecca's like, I do not just be real housewife.

47:25Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I was going to say, everything she says sounds like a housewife tagline. If something's not up to my standards, you're definitely going to know.

47:34Ben Mandelker: Mecca. In this town, you'll be making a pilgrimage to me. Mecca.

47:41Ronnie Karam: If you're intimidated by my standards, you should raise your own. Mecca.

47:50Ben Mandelker: It's funny because like Mecca was like, I have high standards. Watch out. Blah, blah, blah. And they try to make her seem like she'd be like, no nonsense. And like, so mean. I actually thought she was really nice. Oddly enough. She was like, you know, she was sort of direct. But I was like, Mecca seems nice. Was I crazy? I liked her.

48:06Ronnie Karam: Yeah. I mean, she was fine for below deck guests. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think Mecca. I'm going to come in there and I'm going to rip everyone a new you asshole. And then she's like, this was lovely. Thank you.

48:20Ben Mandelker: I think that like, just after the trauma of the, like the, the painted ballroom dancer lady that like, who nearly died of heat stroke. I'm like, everyone's like, Oh, there's just an angel. That just seems great.

48:33Ronnie Karam: Yeah, that's true. And also the real housewives were before them. So it's like, you know, she, she seems like an angel comparatively. I just always laugh at the below deck people, especially now that we're getting their backstories like this. because they're all like, well, I'm rich. And you know what I like? Birkins. I like Birkins hanging from the ceilings. I like diamonds coming out of the water faucets. And that's why I'm going on a discounted cruise. Like the coupon cruise. You're getting half off the cruise. And they're like, I'm the richest person in the world. And here's my coupon. Do not forget to take 50 % off.

49:11Ronnie Karam: Thank you.

49:12Ben Mandelker: Mecca. Seriously. I expect high quality food, Michelin level food, which is why I'm basically going on a yacht for three days to get food like it was on Chopped.

49:28Ronnie Karam: Getting Chex makes and grocery store bought muffins every morning. Seriously.

49:34Ben Mandelker: So Alicia texts her boyfriend because he's like, hey, how was your day? And she's like, busy, busy, busy. Oh, by the way, we forgot to mention that Mecca wants to end with an opulent six-course black tie dinner. So that's something to keep an eye out for. So everyone's done for the day. Mike walks by Ellie. They have some small talk. And he's like, I'm buzzing that I got a little peck off of Ellie. It's enough to know that she's into me as well. I'm like, no, it's just that you forced your lips onto her lips.

50:06Ronnie Karam: There was literally no hint that Ellie liked you. None. She recoiled. She literally recoiled from you, sir. And she says, I don't really intend to, like, go there with, what's his name? Yeah, not him. Well, I feel like me in L.A. could probably get down and dirty. She's like, yes, I've got my eyes on the prize. And my prize is Joao. Oh, melding genetics. Yes, meld.

50:36Ben Mandelker: When she said that last week, that's haunted me. I have a primal urge to merge my genetics with Joao.

50:46Ben Mandelker: I was like, are you from outer space?

50:52Ben Mandelker: So Daisy pokes her head out of her cabin and she's like, wow, get over here. She's like, okay, I'm going to be there in one second. No, get here right now in an Irish second. It's not gossip. It's Mike. He's causing serious drama and I'm going to sit down and have a proper talk with him and tell him it's like actually pretty serious. Yes, he's like, I'll back you up, of course, with Mike. And if you need me to drop you in the sand, I will do that again. Hello, Zim tradition. Shut up about the sand. We got discipline, Mike.

51:20Ronnie Karam: So now they go find Mike and they sit him down. And Mike is like, oh, they've got a crush on me. I feel it coming. They want to bang me. Here it comes. And so Daisy says, this is scary for you, Mike. And he's like, no, not really. I was like, ha ha, that might be the problem, mate. Now, listen, here's the thing. We enjoy your banter. We love it. You know that. You know it. You know. And there's no doubt about it. But the main reason we're here is to work.

51:50Ben Mandelker: Yes. And Mike's like, well, I'm not very good at the work. I'm afraid. I was like, don't say that to your bosses. And she's like, you're not being fast enough. You're not being very efficient. And the girls, they're getting frustrated because they're having to micromanage. And then the gossip. Yes, it's all fun and games until it's not anymore. It's all fun and games until next thing you know, I'm lying there naked with my dick pressed into the Sunday bed. Not fun anymore. So you've got to understand, you know, you could at any stage, if anyone's not happy with you in particular, you will be fired.

52:22Ronnie Karam: Well, I really don't want to lose this job. I've tried a variety of jobs in the past, from military to bartending. I tried a dating show. I tried OnlyFans. I tried running events between Mallorca and Ibiza with some friends, and none of them stuck. I know I do have a big personality, but I really do want to make this yachting career work.

52:42Ben Mandelker: Okay. Let's maybe like before you throw in the towel on like working, let's look at your CV again. Your CV is like doing parties in Majorca and Ibiza, OnlyFans, bartending, a dating show. And then there was the military. so like maybe don't do the party jobs like maybe work at starbucks or drive uber or something he's like i can't get a job to speak like that's because you're doing jobs where you're probably

53:15Ronnie Karam: out there getting wasted every single day and they're temporary too like a dating show yeah i tried a dating show what did you what did you think was going to come from that exactly so now we go to mike taking a nap which is what you want to see right after um you lecture somebody on working harder and then um joao daisy and ellie are in the crew mess and they decide to go have a glass of wine so joao ellie's like oh you want to have some wine and joao's like oh sure i'll meet you down there she's like okay get your genetics ready so he goes out and he walks by alicia and and she's sleeping on the couch.

53:51Ronnie Karam: And he's like, oh, you're just sleeping on the couch. Would you like to come ruin Ellie's dreams right now of growing my children inside of her? She's like, sure, that sounds fun. So now it's the three of them on a bench and Ellie is pissed. She's like, oh.

54:07Ben Mandelker: She is not happy at all. And she's like, I'm gonna go back inside. Generics on pause. So she goes inside and is like, no, no, Ellie don't leave. I'm all good. I will go inside now. Hot woman going inside. So Alicia's like, oh, I guess I crashed your date. He's like, there was no date here. Just a sweetie eye from Zim enjoying wine with two other girls. Zim with Zin, if you will. Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha.

54:38Ronnie Karam: So Ellie is walking right when Alicia goes, well, she's quite sweet, isn't she? Ellie just walks back in and goes, I'm not down for three ways. God damn it. So Joao's like Are you feeling okay? And she's like I'm a bit emotionally drained You know Good sleep would solve everything And she puts her head on his shoulder And meanwhile Ellie and Jenna are in the crew mess And they can see all of this On the video screen Oh So he's like Oh let's have a glass of wine Outside on the beach And then he walks up with wine And another girl I was like What the fuck I got out of there Hmm

55:11Ben Mandelker: And he says A little loosey-go-si For someone who's a boyfriend Don't you think? She's so funny Jenna i'm sorry i thought you were hitting it what were you saying no it's okay i only interrupt you about

55:23Ronnie Karam: 45 times per second so sorry i keep doing it okay uh jenna just how she said it was so funny she's like that girl's a little loosey-goosey for a girl with a boyfriend don't want to talk

55:37Ben Mandelker: yeah because we see jenna already was giving stink eye to ellie so for sure she's going to be giving it to Alicia. So Jenna's like, if a man asks me something, and another bitch comes, just like, fuck. No, I agree. And he's like, thank you, Jenna, for validating my feelings. So then on the bench, Alicia is doing the whole, I can't win. And she snuggles up on Joao, so Ellie sees this, and she's like, seething. She's like, hold on, hold on, hold on. This is escalating. My genetics are in harm's way. There's an intruder for genetic merging. Get out of the way. They're going to get soon.

56:13Ronnie Karam: incorrect genetics incoming

56:17Ben Mandelker: coming soon to fx ellie earth

56:24Ben Mandelker: like a spaceship uh-huh let me turn this up like a spaceship just crashed into new bangkok and there's this there's a whole bunch of little ellies on there trying to merge genetics with hot men

56:40Ronnie Karam: They're kissing They're not kissing You're still in the game there Don't worry there darling Alright listen here licorice lips It's all gonna be okay Congratulations you've reached the end of part one Of a two part recap For part two Go look for the recap that says Part two See you over there suckers

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