#3312 Below Deck Down Under S04E11 Part One: Drag Til Dawn

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2:15Ben Mandelker: Watch what crappens, watch what crappens, who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Watch what crappens, watch what crappens, who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens?

2:31Ronnie Karam: Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie, that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hello, Ronnie. How's it going? How you doing today, baby? Doing great, thanks. Doing great. How about you? Yeah. Well, let's ruin it. Just kidding. I'm doing good too. Everybody, welcome. It's Below Deck Down Under Day here on Watch What Crappens. If you want this on video, go to Patreon. That's where you get videos and bonus episodes. This week, we're doing Top Chef. You also get ad-free listening if you'd like that. You also get Discord server. You know what? So much goes on. Free newsletter every week.

3:09Ronnie Karam: Go check it out over there. This is Below Deck Down Under Season 4, Episode 11.

3:14Ben Mandelker: Soapy eggs Soapy Yeah wow Soapy eggs This episode gave me a lot of anxiety I have to say It was really good There's so many disasters left and right It's like why can't anyone do their job right It's like you guys have some very simple tasks Just do those things Why are you fucking up these basic elements And also I was really surprised About these gays On two fronts First of all, that the twink was actually more or less like a nice guy. I was surprised. I thought he was going to be just obnoxious. They're pulling that a lot lately, where they're like, this person's going to be an asshole. And they're like, nope, they're great.

3:56Ben Mandelker: They're like very nice twinks. But also...

4:00Ronnie Karam: I don't think we're allowed to say twinks anymore. Somebody made that offensive recently. Yeah, you know that, right? I'm going to look it up right now. Yes, it's been made very problematic. Who did that? Who did that? bad i'm looking at trinks is a bad word now some youthful person i'm sure ruined it if the word twink a slur that is so wrong yeah well my niece told me this it's very offensive to say it but people on reddit are saying it's not a slur but that was two years ago so i think um maybe it's people to say it maybe it's offensive for like conservatives um okay maybe it's like fucking twink or that gay ass twink, you know, maybe you could make it more offensive, but I've never thought of it as a slur.

4:48Ronnie Karam: I mean, I've thought of it as a goal.

4:50Ben Mandelker: It's just a category twink, bear, male is in between. But, um, uh, so what I was surprised that the big thing of this episode is that you have this rich twink with Ivanka Trump's face and, um, and I don't normally face shame, but he actually crafted his face to look like that, but he's very nice. And his whole thing is that he is going to sneak on his glam team and surprise everyone being in drag or something. And so the entire boat has to keep it secret. And what I thought was funny was I thought they were all going to be just lounging about having their evening. And then he was going to come out in drag and be like, oh, my God, the star of our charter, the primaries in drag.

5:34Ben Mandelker: But it was actually a drag dinner. so the big surprise is that he just had really good drag makeup and i was like really is this is this what we're hanging on to as the big reveal like they all did like real pretty good they all did good makeup and his is like really good makeup so aha yeah i was really confused

5:56Ronnie Karam: about the point like was it that because he wasn't trying to keep the glam person secret in general because the glam person had dinner with them. So I thought that he was getting a glam person so he could look better than everybody else and they could be like, oh my God, he's so good at his makeup or whatever. But he outed the glam guy anyway. I was just very confused. Like how is you buying yourself a present, a surprise for everybody else? It's like when Quad got herself a Lexus and presented it to herself at her own party on Married to Medicine and then cried about it. That's what this is. Like you bought yourself something.

6:31Ronnie Karam: what what's the surprise for me yeah i was i just i felt like the stakes were much lower

6:37Ben Mandelker: than they were i really thought it was going to be they were all going to be in their bathing suits sitting around the table and then boom here comes our primary in gorgeous drag and um that would be the aha moment but it was like no actually almost all of us are in drag and you just your drag is just like a little bit more polished like the surprises aha yeah you thought i was just gonna have average drag makeup but mine is actually pretty good drag makeup you've been got yeah i

7:08Ronnie Karam: was i was with you i didn't really understand and i was like am i just have i had a time in my life where i'm not gay enough like there was something i was missing i was like did i'm am i not did something happen to my gayness like i didn't really understand i didn't understand it i yeah Like I said, I just thought he was trying to look like he did his own makeup. I don't know. Whatever. But, you know, these young gays, here they are. You know, Ellie didn't understand either, and she tried to murder them all with dish soap. That's true. You know? Yeah. And is that like some bigotry? You know? Homophobic?

7:44Ronnie Karam: You have to wonder. You have to wonder. You know, someone who brags about cooking for Putin is trying to now kill gays with dish soap. So I'm not pointing any fingers because I'd probably die. I'm a gay. So I'm not going to point the fingers. But yeah, you had to wonder. So it was first night of Charter. They're having a beach picnic. And Daisy and Alicia are still talking about Joao because Alicia now hates literally everybody for no reason. But now she's mad at Ellie for telling her off. So she's going to try and hook Joao up with Daisy to get back at Ellie. Yeah. it's very

8:22Ben Mandelker: it feels like a very period film it feels like Downton Abbey almost or something so Daisy is yeah Downton Scabby Daisy's like I mean I don't really know about Ellie and the wow thing so I can't talk about it she's like there's a grapevine that he doesn't really like her he fancies you he wants to take you to the big dance and she's like oh now I'm gonna stop Ellie's gonna stab me in the eye

8:49Ronnie Karam: She's like, go get the man, go get him. She's like, no, I'm being that serious. She really likes him. She's gonna, she's gonna make him a birthday cake. I mean, if he did say that, Ellie can never find out. Don't ever let the countess find out. We're all dead. The entire court is dead. You saw what happened to the jester, didn't ya?

9:08Ben Mandelker: It's flattering to hear that Joao has a thing for me, but like Ellie marked her territory. So they need to sort that out. and then also Ellie's petrifying. So Joao's like, Daisy, Daisy, the tender, the tender, the Zim tender is on the way with Ben. Get ready for it. So meanwhile, the gays are at their table on the beach talking about dicks. I think was this when, oh yeah, this is when there's a story about how that one of them met Luigi at an orgy. This guy, Nick, says, the first time I met Luigi was at an orgy and he drops his towel and I have never seen anything like this in my life. It was like an animal balloon, you know, like, you know, like balloons, you know, when they make them at the fair.

9:51Ben Mandelker: So I then looked at Miguel, the boyfriend, and then he takes off his towel and it's twice the size. It's twice the size. I go, Tyler, I have to fuck him for a little bit. Excuse me. What the?

10:04Ronnie Karam: I'm really glad I met all my friends at improv. I can't even imagine meeting my friends in an orgy. I just can't imagine any of us in an orgy like, whoops, drop my towel. My friends would be like, oh, geez, God. I mean, I feel like true friends are horrified to see you naked. Is that just my friend group? I feel like all of us would be like, Ronnie, no, please, please put a towel back. No one needs to see it.

10:33Ben Mandelker: You know, it like begs the question because I've never been to an orgy. there was one time I felt like if I, I was like at some party and I got the sense that this is about to turn into an orgy and I left, but I've never been to an orgy and it makes me wonder, what is that orgy denouement like? Where like, you've all just been fucking at a certain point, someone just sort of like flopped backwards. Like, well, okay. Who wants to get food? Like, it's super weird. Yeah. It's super weird.

11:02Ronnie Karam: I went to one when I was younger and it was, you know, it was definitely weird and that's part of it. It's the energy. It's just so weird. Like some people are fucking and some people are like sitting around talking, you know, and some people are smoking outside and then then they go back in and then some people are really desperate and just looking for someone but nobody really wants to fuck those people and they're just like sitting there kind of desperate like, I don't know, like monkeys in a cage, like just flashing at you and stuff. It was definitely a bizarre energy. I only went once and I was like 22 or something and I was like I don't know if that's really for me.

11:40Ronnie Karam: I'm like too critical but also I'm too self-critical but also I have to have like the right mood. I can't just be and it doesn't mean it has to be romantic or something but just like oh hey you know oh yeah yeah I like that movie too. Should we fuck? Like I'm just not. Well it's also like that. It's weird. I don't know. Like there should be something else attached to it other than just like let's fuck right now in front of those people you know right yeah i just i just you know for my for

12:08Ben Mandelker: my hookup era i just remember when you're done hooking up with someone you have that like sort of awkward banter until it's just someone gets someone leaves you know and i just can't imagine doing that like you know on mass like you're not so what do you do yeah like it just turns into like a network mixer. I mean, like it's one thing to have like the sex on mass, but then eventually you have to have the post sex banter, awkward banter on mass. And it's like, it's bad enough when it's just between two people. Like I can't imagine between like 13.

12:44Ronnie Karam: Yeah. You know, I think it's just one of those things. It's like a KitchenAid mixer. Okay. I only really want it when it's like being used when it's not being used, put it away. Like, I don't want to see it sitting out on the counter, all that, it just bothers me. It's like, look, it's that fucking thing on the counter again. I could have so much more counter space without that fucking thing here, you know? But then when I want to make cookies, I love having it. And like, I know that there are fashionable ones that look better out all the time, but I just, I'm like the same way with a wiener, you know, unless it's paying or fucking, I just have no need for it.

13:15Ronnie Karam: It's like, you're flopping on my couch, you know? Like, I don't want to clean my couch. What if your wiener's dirty? You just had sex with somebody, get your wiener off the couch. Right, right. Yeah. That's fair point yeah thank you well so anyway yeah they met luigi sponsorship we look forward to your sponsorship so luigi you know made a big impression um literally and uh yeah this this friend group wow so tyler's like but you know like you know he wanted to fuck him but we were staying at the reds and it's like 3 a.m and luigi goes yeah well i've wrote a big dick or two Oh my god cheers to big dicks Yes Luigi

13:58Ben Mandelker: I instinctively said Mario after saying Luigi Captain Jason

14:01Ronnie Karam: He's going to suffer from that for the rest of his life And I don't care how many people say Luigi has a big dick Everyone's like Mario's is better Everyone

14:13Ben Mandelker: That's unfortunate I'm sure there's some really Disturbing like Mario and Luigi incestual gay porn cartoons on the internet, by the way, so everyone go have fun with that. So, Jason's watching the beach picnic.

14:26Ronnie Karam: Spoken like the one who's never googled it with safe search turned off. No, I definitely think I have. I could do it right now. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. Vanderpumpville is back, and this season it heads to the English countryside at Rosecraft park, a new playground for luxury, indulgence, and plenty of chaos, all under the watchful eye of Lisa Vanderpump.

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16:11Ben Mandelker: so Jason's watching he's like this is going great and Jenna goes on to a break and Joao's getting a bonfire going and um Alicia is now being a sort of like she really is being a little gossip with Daisy and she is trying to really push this thing she's like were you looking for Joao in the bushes she's like well actually I really feel like I need to bring it up with him about the LA thing She's like, oh, you absolutely should, but you should do it over a glass of wine. Well, it's just you and him as the sun's going out. No, absolutely not, Alicia. I get out of my face.

16:45Ronnie Karam: So now she's standing by Joao and they're trying to make romantic small talk. And she's like, are they excited by your fire? And he's like, oh, so excited. Not as excited as me. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Why, are you an arsonist or a pyromaniac? Why are you excited about the fire? He's like, oh, I'm not an arsonist. I just appreciate fire. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Since you don't have any chemistry. Simpsonist. You guys don't have any chemistry either. Just stop it. You don't all have to have a relationship just to be on below deck. This is uncomfortable.

17:22Ben Mandelker: Yeah, please don't. Please don't. So then they're cooking more and more. And Ben's putting out lobster and baby back ribs and everything. and Ben is telling us, tonight really a super casual grilled lobster, grilled ribs, a little, we're going to finish it off with a little foam, literal foam from Doan washing liquid. But I love cooking barbecue. It's enchanting, darlings. Okay, great.

17:51Ronnie Karam: Thanks, Ben. Insight into your process. And now there's a fire dancer coming. Woohoo! A fully clothed fire dancer. And I was actually glad one of the gays complained. They were like, um, he's wearing too many clothes because yeah. Who's seen a fire dancer in a full jumper. That was so weird. I was like, where are you going to about to fix a face, a spaceship?

18:11Ben Mandelker: What is that uniform? It was like a unitard or something. Was he about to do some CGI work? He's like, hello, I'm it wasn't even, that was like a full uniform for something. It was crazy. I had the same thought. I was like, so you're not shirtless. I mean, what's going on here? Do you repair trains when you're finished fire dancing? I know. It was so bizarre. Then on the boat, Eddie cuddles with Jenna in her bed. So I guess they like it. It's fine. Everything's going fine with them. And she tells us, In yachting, it's difficult to make close connections that are genuine because you're kind of forced to be with each other.

18:50Ben Mandelker: And with Eddie, he's sweet and compassionate. And when he speaks to me the way he hugs me, it feels, God. I'm like, he has no money. Don't forget your goals.

18:58Ronnie Karam: Come on. Aim higher. Yeah, she totally forgets. But, you know, maybe she's just looking at him as like a temp. I hope. Yeah. Because, yikes. Like, I was just flirting with Alicia five minutes ago. She's like, when he's not making you cry, he makes you feel good. Stop falling for these fake nice guys. Don't believe it. So then we go back to the beach and the fire dancer is dancing. The guys are complaining that he's wearing too many clothes. and Ben's like, wow, that guy's a nut bag. And so now it's time for the guest to get to spit fire. And so they're supposed to like swallow gasoline and spit it back out.

19:41Ronnie Karam: But these are these gays. So they just keep swallowing. I mean, it's so awkward. Just don't walk by the fire. There's going to be a lot of exploding anuses. Yeah. There's a lot of like sound effects.

19:56Ben Mandelker: then Ben goes back onto the yacht and says hello to Batool. I think maybe the first person who's talked to Batool in about six weeks. And she's like, how was it? He goes like, dude, it was sick. It's like a dream come true for any chef to cook a whole bunch of ribs for gays who only want to have a few nibbles because half of them are going to be bottoming tonight. Okay. So, how's everything with you?

20:18Ronnie Karam: They kept picking up the bones from the baby back ribs and comparing them to their own ribs. It was actually quite fascinating.

20:27Ben Mandelker: They were doing some sort of test with Luigi's manhood. I don't understand it. They're varying bone sizes.

20:33Ronnie Karam: One of them actually called a baby back rib fat. It was very awkward. So they come back and get warm towels and stuff. And then the guests are like, oh, my God. And so someone says, who's Miss Bean? And they all shout, Bean, Bean, Bean. and they're like what's her actual name now like alicia so they call her miss bean which is kind

20:57Ben Mandelker: of funny i wonder if that's like mr bean i'm wondering is it just a cute name maybe she sort of has if you think about it she sort of has the look of mr bean sort of like ooh um or maybe these gays are just like she's british just like mr bean let's call her bean it really could be as

21:15Ronnie Karam: simple as that yeah so um joelle alicia and mike are cleaning up at the beach and um alicia's asking how the boat was with no one there and mike's like didn't do much to be able to cut a two three hour break took took that she's like are you being serious he's like yeah me and eddie went in the sauna we're in the sauna together it's got quite a big one she's like are you taking the piss do you think the captain's gonna let me and eddie sit in the sauna come on now come on now

21:40Ben Mandelker: the less he does, the more I have to do. It's actually impossible for Mike to do less. And he's like, well, Alicia, take life away too. Seriously, relax. Everything's going to be okay. So the guests are getting in the hot tub and Joao and Ellie are talking. And Joao's like, hello, how is it going? Oh, hello, how was the beach? It was pretty hectic. How are you? Good. Good chemistry. Just exploding off the boat.

22:06Ronnie Karam: so now um mike daisy and elise are by the bar talking and daisy's like mike you just concentrate on cleaning up and he's like but i've cleaned up the whole bit there well that's your job mike no it's not my job cleaning the boat i've got various jobs on the boat i'm not clean i'm a texty she's like yeah god damn it follow instructions mike that's it mike is definitely

22:28Ben Mandelker: developing ego and if he doesn't stop it's gonna cause a fucking problem he doesn't want a problem with me so um daisy goes to bed and alicia's bringing drinks to people in the hot tub and everything and she's offering drinks and water and everything and then spencer's like wait who's the other crew that we were talking to and they're like jenna like she's like oh yeah jenna she's funny i love jenna oh should we tell her she had a different reaction about you we went to her and we were like miss bean was breathing fire out of her mouth and she was like of course she was

23:03Ronnie Karam: why is that so bad i don't think that was bad when she said that she's like of course she was that could just mean like she's a party girl you know of course she was breathing fire but like oh my god she said you have really bad breath like you're a fire breather oh my god she was horrible

23:18Ben Mandelker: so at least alicia's falls right into the trap and she's like she's only butthurt because she's in housekeeping i could say much more but i'm not and they're like oh my god please do we love our fire breathing miss bean yes queen she's like no i'm gonna go to bed she's like no no i'm gonna go

23:36Ronnie Karam: to bed like oh god well that was a fail little loser this means sucks you don't even fight with anybody so then uh she goes downstairs and she's mad she's like well that girl can fuck off then so now it's the next and we keep seeing her move this penis pillow by the way she keeps who's pain i don't even remember whose that is anymore it was some alicia right it was no it was

23:58Ben Mandelker: jenna is someone from the last charter i don't even remember who was on the last charter oh it was those gays remember the gays that got married they gave jenna the rainbow colored you know plushy penis they gave it to jenna and jenna's like look they gave me this gift and lisa's like no i want it it's mine and so elisa keeps on taking it from jenna and it's outrageous it's totally like it's crazy she just keeps on taking it and i don't think she's taking it as a joke. I don't think this is like a funny hide and seek. I think she's literally like, this is mine. I said, I want it. It's mine now.

24:32Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Um, it's funny how people can really brainwash you just by doing the same thing over and over. Cause now I'm like, maybe it is Alicia's cause she keeps taking it back. So maybe ownership is nine tenths of the law. Yeah.

24:46Ben Mandelker: Well, that's why people, that's why people repeat things over and over again to kind of brainwash them. By the way, everyone, we have a Patreon, patreon.com slash watch what crap

24:57Ronnie Karam: happens so where the word meme comes from that's what me me is when you just keep saying something over and over until it spreads and then before you know it you're making 19 trillion dollars a day on patreon patreon patreon patreon miss bean patreon so patreon so miss patreon goes to

25:18Ben Mandelker: The band steals the stuff Patreon.

25:22Ronnie Karam: Patreon saw Patreon at an orgy and was like, oh my God, Patreon's dick is so big. So now - Patreon orgy. Joao and Mike are on deck. And Joao's like, oh, I've talked to Elena about, oh God, I'm fucking treading on dangerous water. He's like, oh, your head's not there. Your head's not there, is it? Maybe I've got a chance after. Just point her towards me, my mate. He's like, no, no. You know when you let something happen and you're like, shit, I should have stopped before it happened, but you can't help yourself. Yes, Joao, it's called ice cream, okay? Not women, okay? It's called, you know, cocaine on a night out.

26:00Ronnie Karam: You're like, well, I wasn't going to do that again, and then you do. It's not someone else's feelings, you shit.

26:06Ben Mandelker: Yeah, it's called Mike's haircut. Like, should have stopped before it happened, but you can't help yourself. Yeah.

26:13Ronnie Karam: And Mike's like, just be honest, just be honest about it. If you think it's out there, the chat with Ellie probably needs to happen. It needs to happen. He's like, now. It needs to happen now. Now. Now. Today. Right now. Right now. Patreon.

26:28Ben Mandelker: I've developed zim feelings for Daisy. And it's only fair to everyone that I clear things up with Ellie. I don't know how she's going to take it. But if I don't stop it now, I'm fucked. So I will sit her down and have a very clear conversation with her that will make sense to her. And we'll leave the conversation on the exact same page. So Joao's like, I can't keep it going because it will just get worse. I love when Joao pretends to be passive. I'm like, you're the bosun. Or you're not even the bosun. You're the first engineer. You're a captain of a ship. And you're having us believe like, oh, I don't know what to do.

26:59Ben Mandelker: You know when you get strung into something and you can't help it? Oh, no. Shut up.

27:03Ronnie Karam: You know when you take off every bit of your clothes and get completely naked for a lady to massage you that you know likes you? And then encourage her to make you a birthday cake and then cuddle with her when she comes to get into your bed? Also, Ellie claims that she didn't just walk into his room and get into his bed. He said, come in for a cuddle. And they cut that from the show, apparently, if you believe that. So that's what she said, because she's on Reddit. She's like, I like that Ellie's like, listen here, Reddit. And she'll go and correct the fucking record. But apparently, he asked her to go in there.

27:37Ronnie Karam: So now he's acting like, oh, it just happened to me. Oh, no, poor Joao. someone came into my bed and you know because people were saying that after that episode they're like oh my god this is assault ellie's just going into someone's bed which okay guys calm down like he clearly like started cuddling with ellie the second she got in that bed but she's like no no he asked me to go in there so please joelle spare me so uh in the in the room now we see this is

28:05Ben Mandelker: when alicia steals the rainbow penis again and then tyler and jason are in the bridge and tyler's like, so Captain Jason, wait, the door, okay, is it closed? Okay, okay, this is really important. I want to make sure no one knows that I'm secretly getting slightly better makeup. Okay, okay, so we're doing the drag night for everyone, and everyone is supposed to be doing their own makeup. Okay, it's like, that's right. So when does your makeup artist arrive? It's like, around one-ish, and I begged him to do this. I begged him, I said, I need to have marginally better blush than everyone else. I paid him$12 ,000 for the effort, so I need to sneak him in, and I really appreciate you being able to being so accommodating and making this happen because I don't want anyone to get wind that I will have just you know slightly you know if you look closely better mascara on it's so important to me thank you

28:52Ronnie Karam: I love that this guy is such a diva that he's like okay guys I'm gonna be in the bridge doing the scene with the captain I'm gonna need some iced coffee and people checking on me they bring him an iced coffee while he's in there and then Daisy comes in she's like oh we're gonna do breakfast at 9 30 does that work and he's like hi ho ho I hope. Perfect. Okay, great. All right, then everyone will be eager to get in the water, snorkels on, see some turtles, sneak the makeup artist on. There'll be none the wiser. What? There'll be none the wiser. I'm so in on this secret makeup person. I still don't really understand it.

29:26But, you know, be gay.

29:28Ronnie Karam: Go gayly onward.

29:32Ben Mandelker: So then they're like, okay, great. He's like, okay, well, we'll need to get this absolutely right. So the guests are now asked for breakfast. And Ben's like, all right, honey schnickums, could you just put some olive oil onto the eggs and serve them? Just a simple olive oil on eggs. Thank you very much.

29:54Ronnie Karam: So, yeah. So she does. She picks up what looks like olive oil and squirts it all over the eggs. Also, I don't know that he should be squirting olive oil all over the eggs anyway. You have complaints about runny eggs. why are you squirting olive oil all over the top of eggs do you do that um never heard of this

30:14Ben Mandelker: i can sort of see if it's like a seasoned olive oil with like some stuff in it like it can kind of make it nice i i don't think it's i don't know if it's necessary personally i mean

30:25Ronnie Karam: maybe to cook the eggs in obviously i've heard of that but i've never heard of it just squeezed

30:29Ben Mandelker: on top i mean i don't know maybe maybe like a garnishy thing or whatever i don't know so tyler's

30:36Ronnie Karam: He's like, guys, does your egg taste weird? Because my eggs taste like dish soap. And they're like, well, what flavor is it supposed to be? He's like, not dish soap, okay? So the guest is like, yeah, Daisy, this tastes like dish soap. So could you bring Ben? So Ben comes up and he's like, hey, what's going on, boys? Did you put dish soap in the eggs? Because it tastes like someone actively put a whole thing of dish soap in it. I'm not sure that it's supposed to be eaten. I just blew a bubble out of my butthole.

31:12Ben Mandelker: And Ben has this look, cause Ben tastes and he has this look on his face. Like,

31:24Ben Mandelker: he is totally, totally like, um, let me go down. I'm going to check this. I'm really sorry about this boys. So he goes downstairs and he's like, Is it true? He's like, what? That this is washing up liquid? You put washing up liquid on the eggs? Oh, it's a shame. The eggs. In all my years of being a chef, no one has even found a hair in the food. So apparently the olive oil is in a squeeze bottle and the soap, which is the same color as the olive oil, is also in a squeeze bottle. And they're both by the cooking stuff and neither are labeled.

32:05Ronnie Karam: This is so crazy. When we see that squirt bottle that that's what they keep dish soap in. Why? Why would you? I mean, I know why. Because they come in big industrial, you know, size things. You put it. What? And this is why they make Dawn like crazy blue or like crazy, you know, nuclear waste colored green. Why are you using soap that looks like olive oil and then putting it in an olive oil squeeze? Come on, man.

32:32Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's just bad. That's just really bad.

32:38Ronnie Karam: Ellie's face. Ellie is horrified because there's no getting out of this. You know, she's like, oh, my God, I'm getting fired. Everything is going in slow motion right now. I'm running, running in the field very slowly. Wow, it's coming to me with a ring. I am pregnant. I'm having a baby. Wait, slow motion, but fast forward to. Oh, the baby is made of soap. Oh, God. the genetics i merged my genetics with soap oh no my baby came out the loofah i've wasted my chance

33:12Ben Mandelker: oh it's like the fly except it's with soap um

33:20Ronnie Karam: so he's like oh hey there uh there's a little soapy down here

33:28Ben Mandelker: you thought about everything you could do but you never thought about if you should do it So Ben is like Well it's a shame because they have really fucking good eggs I'm like it's a shame because the guest just ate Soap not because they were good eggs He's like I finally Got my eggs back

33:43Ronnie Karam: My egg game is finally back and now They're poisoned and I love when everybody's like Oh guys we accidentally put soap In the eggs so everybody Wants to taste the eggs Let me taste them They just told you there was soap in there

33:59Ben Mandelker: Yeah And I have to say, these guests were remarkably chill about it. They were like, oh, my God. Well, I hope it's not toxic. They were just, like, laughing. They're like, this is why we should never eat. But Ellie's like, I'm really sorry. He's like, don't worry. It's good. I got your back. It's going to be fine because you've got my back. Remember, this one goes in the bank next time you want to blow up at me for saying honey cheeks. Okay. So I don't blame you either. It's fine. I blame myself. Daisy, I've got to go apologize one more time. I was like, oh, I will, I will, I will. So, yeah.

34:34Ronnie Karam: Yikes. And Ellie's like, how can I help? Can I do something? He's like, maybe dip a pan into their bowels and get it cleaned. I mean, what do you want me to tell you? You're fine. You're fine. So Daisy goes and serves the guests fresh eggs. And they're safe. And they're like, yeah, I'm not really hungry anymore. But thanks.

34:55Ben Mandelker: Yeah, no, thank you. So then Joelle walks into the galley and Ben's like, what's up, sexy? You better come say hi to Elena. She's having a rough morning. It's like, oh, why is that, Elena? She goes, I put the soap on the scrambled eggs. He's like, oh, well, that's one error that happened earlier today. And here comes another. I don't like you. Oops, I'll save that for later. So Jason is there.

35:19Ronnie Karam: Can we just pretend that I am the eggs and you are the soap? and the soap should not be on the eggs. Do we agree? I agree. Soap should not be on the eggs. Yes, I will marry you. He's like, oh, I'm going to work on this

35:33Ben Mandelker: and come back to you later. Jason, of course, hears this, though, and he's like, pardon? What was that? Um, you know how our dish soap looks exactly the same as all of us? He's like, you're joking. I'm not joking. It happened by accident. Oh, no. He's like, well, I'm kicking myself because I saw it happening and I said, we've got to get a label on that and it just didn't happen. He's like writing, like doing the simplest thing, which is putting blue tape over the olive oil, I mean the soap and saying dish soap. I mean, how do you not do that from the get-go?

36:06Ronnie Karam: Yeah, and he's like, yeah, I'm kicking myself because I saw it happening, my little batter bosom. I said, we've got to get a label on that and it just didn't happen. It didn't happen. I'm sorry, Captain. He's like, oh, wow. You know, this is embarrassing. We actually have to make it up to them and hopefully they can put it past them. Soap in the eggs.

36:27Ben Mandelker: Yeah. So Jason goes up to the guest. He's like, all right, guys, who's been swearing? They're like, we don't get it. Yeah, so I want the eggs taken off the bill. It's like, well, I'm sorry for that, guys. You can just reduce the tip. No, don't do that. That's hilarious. Okay, I'll be walking around shirtless upstairs if anyone wants to come look and I will smell like sandalwood. So hopefully that makes up for the soap on the eggs. Thank you very much.

36:48Ronnie Karam: Let me tell you, you catch me after hours and Luigi's not the only one fallen out of his robe. Right? Kimono action, making it up to you upstairs. Sandalwood. I've got some sandalwood right here. That's right. Putting the wood and sandalwood. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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38:07Ben Mandelker: So then he says that he's going to take them all snorkeling and Daisy's like, this is annoying because some of the people, like two of the guys are like, Brian and Devin are like, we're going to stay behind.

38:16Ronnie Karam: I'm not snorkeling Snorkeling is stupid Snorkeling fuck snorkeling

38:23Ben Mandelker: Is Charlie XCX snorkeling right now? I didn't think so Did they snorkel at Coachella? No

38:33Ronnie Karam: They were actually very nice I'm not going snorkeling Justin Bieber just snorkeled at Coachella It was disgusting

38:39Ben Mandelker: He snorkeled while videos of him being younger snorkeling Played behind him

38:53Ben Mandelker: it's over this is annoying because we have to come up with a plan to get this makeup artist on board now how are we going to get them on without ruining the surprise so

39:05Ronnie Karam: the other guest goes snorkeling we hear a guy go oh my god we never should have bought clip-on speedos i didn't even know that was an option

39:17Ben Mandelker: that's like i know about her on ties they're so ridiculous i actually love these gays i think they're so funny they are all very nice and very friendly and they're all joking and they're sweet with each other and they're so nice and every time i cut to the heart is cracking up like what are you guys talking about i know but seriously why do you need to clip on you know is that for like strippers. They mean that orgies.

39:41Ronnie Karam: Why do you think?

39:44Ben Mandelker: Speedos are not hard to get on, especially when you're a twink. When you don't just have thigh gap, you have like thigh canyons. You can get those on easily. I don't understand why they need to be clipped on. You have a clip on tie because you don't want to tie it all and do all that stuff.

39:56Ronnie Karam: It's not how easy you get them on. It's how easy you get them off. Yeah, I guess so.

40:01Ben Mandelker: I think they come off easily too, but I don't know.

40:04Ronnie Karam: Not me. I don't know. We're different body types, but what am I talking about like what was the last time i tried to speedo get out of here but even underwear i'm like i try and take i take it down with one hand and then like another foot like i'll bring my foot up to come to me it's not as easy for everybody okay we're all at different fitness levels that's

40:22Ben Mandelker: what i'm saying clip-on speedo oh you know what the clip-on speedo may just be the nose plugs oh is that what it is what it well i did clip on speedo you did i'm gonna look now what because

40:37Ronnie Karam: that's the only thing that came up were like nose plugs oh clip on speedo let me see speedo unisex swim nose clip liquid comfort that makes much more sense oh that's funny yeah that does make

40:50Ben Mandelker: more sense i was imagining a speedo that had like like strippers you know it was like they got the buttons and you go and it just comes flying off with one i did too and i love that i launched

41:00Ronnie Karam: in a full defense of the clip on speedo like it's actually like no speedos are famously difficult

41:06Ben Mandelker: to get on and off.

41:13Ronnie Karam: I was like, so stupid. Okay, so now the makeup artist is texting that he's ready to be on board. Alex is his name. So Daisy comes to Eddie. She's like, I think I'm trying to bring the glam person out to the board. He's like, okay, well, I'll just try to distract them. And so do that. Do that. We can't get caught. So she goes to the gays that are still on board. And she's like, oh, guys, Would you like to go paddle boarding? It's a good ab workout. I love that.

41:40Ben Mandelker: Like ab workout, you say? It's like it's all of a sudden they just turn into dust. They're like already out on the ocean. They're like abs, abs, abs. That was so funny. I love that she like sold it by saying it was a good ab workout. So they go off and go paddle boarding. And then Mike and Ellie are laughing. Mike's like, soap in the scrambled eggs? You shouldn't have said anything. Sometimes honesty isn't the best policy. I'm like, shut up.

42:04Ronnie Karam: so they he's so gross and he tells her oh ellie winter massage parlor opening up do you have any space available for later on this week and she's like definitely not there's hot people only please

42:18Ben Mandelker: he's just the worst so alex is while they're paddle boarding and the others are snorkeling we see this you know like um um what i forget the i forget the term when you're sort of like Speedboat? Speedboat, whatever. They're on a speedboat and they are, they get onto the boat. They sneak, they sneak Alex on and this high stakes endeavor is done. They do it. And the entire time I'm like, this is so stupid. Like, oh my God, gotta smuggle the Alex, the makeup artist on the glam squad. Like this is, this is just so dumb. Like that's what I was thinking the entire time. And so then Daisy, they are, Daisy's talking to Ben about lunch and he's going to make like sushi rolls and everything.

43:06Ben Mandelker: And they're doing that. And they, the guests all come back. They sit down at the table and Mike comes out with some drinks. He's like, who's everyone's day been? They're like, oh yeah, it's great. Are you going to be part of Tyler Paul's drag race tonight? He's like, I'm probably going to end up winning it. Oh, was there a makeup artist on board? I heard. and then I was like me who like two seconds ago was like this storyline about smuggling the artist is so stupid makeup artist on is so stupid when Mike did this I was like no he fucking did not I was so mad I was like what the fuck is wrong with him I suddenly went from being like the stupid storyline I was like oh I am obviously way more invested than I thought I was yeah because

43:44Ronnie Karam: it's like he's clearly doing this on purpose right I mean what the hell clearly you know it's he's just such a little shit so um the other guests are like oh my god did tyler smuggle a makeup artist on and they're all mad they all get really mad and they're like well we haven't heard of that oh really tyler's bringing a makeup artist i love the anger too i love the resentment that they had like at one point when he finally comes out and drag that oh my god look at tyler parading around all of his money. Like, bitch, you are sitting here on the float that his money paid for. What are you talking about?

44:23Ben Mandelker: Yeah, you seemed pretty happy to be on the receiving end of that money. So Mike did this. I was like, you fucking asshole. Just because everyone put so much work into this stupid surprise. And like, how did you not know? Like, what is wrong with you? What is actually wrong with you? I was like, he should be fired for that, quite frankly. Like, that is the whole point of this entire charter was for this stupid surprise. And like, I don't get the surprise. I think it's a low stakes surprise. I think there are better surprises to be had, but nevertheless, it's the primary and this was his request and you've literally just ruined it for no reason.

45:00Ben Mandelker: That's bad. And you're not doing your work and you're gossiping and you're distracting people. And you've got bad hair. Like you should be fired.

45:07Ronnie Karam: Yeah. He's the worst. Well, someone gets fired this season, but I'm trying to figure out who it is. I think it's going to be him. I hope so. God, he's just such a little creep. So he removes that. Everybody's pissed off. And then Mike and Daisy are in the crew mess. And Mike's like, do the guests know there's a makeup artist on board? And she's like, no, you didn't tell them, did you, Mike? Oh, God. Oh, God, I'll take out all your hair. You'll be on the plane next to Turkey to ask for more bald hair to be put on top of your head, you little asshole. He's like, no, no, no one's told me this. No one's told me.

45:40Ronnie Karam: And then we see cut to yesterday with Daisy being like no under no circumstances has anyone to say that this man has hired a glam squad to

45:50Ben Mandelker: come on to the most secret like everyone knows that it's a secret the primer is gonna be pissed when he finds out i'm being dodd serious he's gonna lose this shit jesus fucking christ you fucked up it's like probably sleeping me head because i haven't been spending as much time I met with the guests like wait, but the time you did spend with a guest, you fucked it up. No. Why would you say that you need to spend more time with him? That's more chances for you to fuck up everything. And on top of that, Mike also lies. That's what's so bad. He blatantly lies. We see him lying. He admits to lying.

46:25Ben Mandelker: He's proud of lying for that alone. He should be fired because if you have an employee who's just lying and he's going to set people up for failure, that's something someone you have to get off the boat.

46:37Ronnie Karam: Okay. Yeah, yeah, I agree with you. He's a little shithead. And it's like, oh, Mike, you're missing critical information here. You need to go fix this. Use your charm. Use your charm. What charm? What are you talking about? He's a fucking creepo. I can't believe he doesn't have a restraining order against him yet. Yeah.

46:56Ben Mandelker: And also, I just don't know if I put Mike out there to fix it. I don't think he's capable of fixing this. And he isn't, by the way. So Daisy's like, Mike loves to run his mouth. So instead of doing it for something negative, maybe he can do it for something positive. Go and make these guests happy. So he's, Mike is just like standing at the sink. He's just trying to figure out what to do. And meanwhile, Joao and Daisy are up on deck. And Joao's like, how is everything on your Zim side? He's like, a fucking shit show. Can I help in any way? Perhaps you would like a massage? Someone just taught me the ways of doing one.

47:29Ben Mandelker: He's like, no, Mike spilled the tea on the surprise and I'm pretty pissed off.

47:34Ronnie Karam: Really? because you get to finger up your butthole. It's how they do it. Where Ellie comes from. She's like, wait a minute. Some things you need to keep to yourself, Joao. So Mike is still sitting there trying to come up with something. And he's like, I don't want to be the one that's fucked up. I mean, look, I've already been in enough shit this season. I don't want to be in anymore. So I've got to do some dancing to get myself out of this one. So then we go back to Daisy and Joao. And she's like, ah, like everyone knew the information. Ah, well, if there's anything I can do to Zim, I will. I've got your Zim.

48:05Ben Mandelker: So now Mike starts, he brings some drinks to Brian and Ashley and he's like, so I heard I spoiled the secret at the table and it was my fault and I want to apologize for that. And we need to make sure that Tyler doesn't find out. Like, okay, sure, sure. No problem, sweetie. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. We won't bring it up whatsoever.

48:26Ronnie Karam: And Ashley's like, we'll do a pact. He's like, oh, a pact. Great. Great. So do you think Spencer's going to say anything? They're like, yeah, you definitely need to talk to Spencer. Because, wow, Spencer is a guest. And he is going to tell. You better get Spencer. You should kill Spencer. Have you ever considered murder? You should go strangle Spencer in his room. Otherwise, you're dead. Do it. I dare you.

48:49Ben Mandelker: I triple talk dare you. So now these gays, they're all so nice and so sweet until they feel wrong. In which case, they all turn into Nurse Nan and Dr. Monaco Delmonaco from Soap Dish. And they're all like, bitch.

49:02Ronnie Karam: I hate her so much

49:08Ronnie Karam: Oh man So now we go to Mitchell and Alicia And Mitchell's like I'm mean I need to find a girl who's really good at doing makeup She's like I know Jen's quite good at that Leave it with me So then she tells Jenna to go down and do some makeup And Jenna's all excited So meanwhile Mike goes to find Spencer And he's carrying a rope, a knife, and a candlestick he's really taking that advice seriously

49:34Ben Mandelker: Spencer I need to have a quick chat with you apparently you weren't meant to know that there's a secret makeup artist coming and I was like look I'm in serious trouble but yeah I just want to say I tried to keep it down on the down low so can we make that pact like nobody would find out and Spencer's like sure sure no one's gonna

49:52Ronnie Karam: find out a thing okay go upstairs bye Mike thanks for coming to chat He should have killed me when he had the chance.

50:06Ronnie Karam: Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers.

50:16Ben Mandelker: Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. Whip up a meringue, it's Amanda E. Lemon It's always automatic with Ashley Otto Put your hands together for Carly Clapp

50:34Ronnie Karam: Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela Etchles We never miss her call, it's Diane Call Sunday in the Park with Dylan Clark Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier

50:46Ben Mandelker: Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Jamie, she has no less namey.

50:57Ronnie Karam: Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

50:59Ben Mandelker: She's not a McBee. She's a McBride. Jess McBride. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

51:05Ronnie Karam: Kristen the Piston Anderson. Que sera, sera, whatever we'll be, we'll Lauren Sills be. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry.

51:20Ben Mandelker: Aren't you glad it's Marianne Arns?

51:22Ronnie Karam: Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg.

51:25Ben Mandelker: This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.

51:28Ronnie Karam: I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson.

51:30Ben Mandelker: She sure is swell. It's Raquel.

51:33Ronnie Karam: Yes, we canna. It's Savannah.

51:35Ben Mandelker: Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tibby.

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51:46Ben Mandelker: Can I have a Kavanaugh? It's Anna Kavanaugh. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

51:52Ronnie Karam: We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill. Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Hogle your horses. It's Christine Hogle. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

52:07Ben Mandelker: Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plisch. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. Let's get savage with Laura Wildman. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lola Alkalani. Roger that, it's Marlis Rogers.

52:32Ronnie Karam: The incredible edible Matthews sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. She's the lady of the house, it's Rachel Schirouse. There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud. She's our princess, it's Rebecca Prince.

52:46Ben Mandelker: Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska. She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Talafson. Shannon out of a cannon, Anthony. Please don't stop. It's Soli and Pop. Let's take off with Tam LaPlane. Strike a pose. It's Tori Rose.

53:04Ronnie Karam: She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys.

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