#3325 Below Deck Down Under S04E12 Part One: My Achey Cakey Heart

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1:20Ben Mandelker: well hello and well Welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today back in Texas is Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Hello. Hello. Look at you. Look at all these places you've been to. L.A., San Diego, Texas. Just a traveling man. A man about the content. All around the world. Yeah, I'm back. Ay, ay, ay, ay. Back with my little bueller snoring already. He's been back home five minutes and he's already on the ground snoring. So, you know, everything is as it should be. Perfect. Today we are talking about Below Deck Down Under.

2:06Ben Mandelker: Please join us on Patreon at patreon.com slash watchwatchcrappins. Bonus episodes, newsletter, ad free, all the good stuff. Also, I want to give a shout out to a podcast that I guessed it on. It's going to be dropping, I think, tomorrow. So probably by the time you hear it, it might be tomorrow. The podcast that I joined is called, not joined, that I guested on is called Fixing Famous People. It's hosted by Chris DeRosa as well as, where can I find, what's his face last? You're killing it. You're doing great, Collie. Dominic. I don't know Dominic's last name though It just occurred to me I'm doing a great job promoting this podcast People don't know our last names Just say their first names Who the hell knows our last name Either way Dominic is great He used to be a producer On several of these shows And Chris is also a producer on several of these shows So they really know their stuff Chris Dolores knows his shit That's for sure I know that much Yeah that's true um but dominic not sure about dominic i'm just kidding i just i just haven't met dominic just gonna get dumped on i just wanted to yeah i just wanted to stick with uh dumping on dominic you know what because you know what the problem is i made a last minute decision to mention this podcast right now and i was not mentally ready to mention the names i needed to mention but Chris and Dominic but honestly it was a great podcast and we talked about Misha Barton we did a deep dive on Misha Barton and how we can fix her and then I subsequently told the stories of the early aughts and my brief intersection of me and the cast of the OC so if you want to hear stories of my youth and how my experiences is my my one and only story meeting misha barton and sitting in a booth with her at a diner and what that was like definitely go listen to their podcast i remember that story yes um yes well that's fun babe right on yeah go check them out okay today below deck down under more squabbles with the kids aka mike and alicia more intrigue with um eddie and what's her janna see i can't remember janna's name either it's not just you dominic and then um but most importantly joao trying so hard not to be a fuck boy but he's a fuck boy and one big cheesecake in the end one big beautiful lemon cheesecake yeah i did something to our screen i can't really tell what i did am i looking at all the windows i don't know i'm looking at like all windows at one time hold on this recap is going to be crazy okay close this view i don't know what i did but i had like going to be crazy it's it's already started off i know but i'm just warning it's going to be looney tunes because we're doing this a little later today and once the sun goes down it gets nuts in here so watch out because the sun is in fact going down all right here we go below deck down under Season 4, Episode 12, Dates and Confused.

5:31So Daisy is in the galley screaming at Ben because he's like, come on, Daisy. She's carrying one dish. She gets all the way to the top of stairs. And he's like, come where, Daisy? Where did I say? God damn it, I can't take it, Ben. I'm just one person. Everyone's talking the boat. Fuck me. I can't be in 100 places at one time. What do you want, Ben? And he's like, listen, we want the frittata taken up, please.

5:57Ben Mandelker: it's not a phrase you hear a lot we want the frittata frittata is commonly i think known as the saddest of the egg dishes i don't know if that's well i don't know if it's commonly known i think it is it's neurotic i'll tell you what i mean frittata has anxiety doesn't it sound like it like the frittata is like oh i'm from a frittata it's like crazy you know like can't you just be an omelet just chill it's like no i'm a frittata do you whip it more yeah it's the Jan Brady of eggs. It's caught between a quiche and an omelet. It doesn't really know what it is. And it has all the pressure of being this wonderful brunch thing and everything gets thrown into it and it's like, okay, frittata, work your magic.

6:34Ben Mandelker: And it's like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I'm a frittata. And yes, frittatas can be delicious. And yes, I just made one literally last week and it was actually fantastic. And it's not that frittatas are bad. There's just something about a frittata that I don't know. It's just it feels sad. It's try hard. In a world where we have quiche, it just feels like if you're going to a frittata it just feels like just feels sad i feel like it's trying too hard of kre of quiche well it couldn't get to quiche but it's trying too hard like it won't just be an omelet it's like no i'm not just an omelet i'm a frittata and they're like okay so you're gonna be a quiche and it's like yeah you know i don't not as like that's harder that's harder can we baby step our way to greatness i'll just start you know i'll go the midway i'll go i'll be like a more fluffy omelet because that's what it is right isn't it a frittata something that you just whisk more until it's fluffier and then well it's it's kind of it's usually something that you like bake it's usually several eggs and you throw a whole bunch of things in it so like one big thing for multiple people and you sort of you throw a bunch of stuff into it and you can do it on the stovetop and cover it or you can put it in into the oven and the thing is that like it has it seems like it should be easy and it generally is easy but sometimes you can get a really sad frittata where you put all the stuff into it and then it winds up being like half an inch tall and that's when it's really sad it's just like this little kind of like yeah i've had a lot of sad frittatas when they're like big when they're big that they're actually quite that's like the best but you have to put in so many eggs um and i don't know there's like an intentionality behind a quiche and an omelet it's like oh let me put this in let me have let me have a southwestern Denver omelet.

8:15Ben Mandelker: Hi, I'd like an omelet named after a city, please. Thank you. But like, there's no Denver frittata. If there is, it's just trying to be a Denver omelet. The frittata is like, oh, I've got some shit in my fridge. Let me chop it up and just throw it in that frittata. Like the frittata just like receives the garbage and it has the burden of trying to make that garbage amazing. And that's a lot to put on one egg dish. Frittata was once named Fritta, but they just it was just so hyper all the time it's like one fraud what's your name for data okay well it says fritta here yes that's my name for data okay so you just met fritta in high school fritta in high school and then you didn't see her no one took her seriously you met her you like ran into her in uh like when you were 27 and she'd been like studied abroad and then you're like oh my god this is my high school friend fritta it's frittata i added it was fritta No, it's frittata.

9:10I've been in Europe. I'm going to, you know, sometimes we've been doing this so long that sometimes we'll predict things that happen in the future, you know, and then in the future, when it becomes the future, people are like, oh, my God, they predicted this. I'm going to predict that somebody is going to eventually be named frittata on this show. Frittata Pierce? Somebody. Yeah. Somebody from like South Africa is going to come on and they're going to be named frittata. And I'm going to win. I don't know what I'm going to win, but somebody better send me something good. So Daisy's freaking out and screaming.

9:42And Ben's like, oh, she'd be great at this job, wouldn't she, Ellie? She'd handle the stress really well.

9:50Ben Mandelker: I feel like I just managed to spill coffee all over my face. Sorry, everyone. That was a little bonus for Crap is on Demand. I feel like I don't want to hear about Ben's coffee spillage. I feel like I work pretty hard. And if service is slow, there's a reason. And in this case, Ben is in the wrong. as in he doesn't know how to drink his own coffee. How about you give me your pot washer for a minute and run to run plates?

10:17So we're still working on this cake, okay? Now I know that, you know, how this is shot and everything. It's the same day that they're working on this cake, but it's been a week and I'm still watching them cook this cake. And it is now, it's like days. And people actually got mad at me this week because I wasn't mad that Ellie made a cake because I felt like she got up early.

10:36Ben Mandelker: i know but it's like get up early i know i know but i'm just saying like yeah i get it but you know so people were mad at me for that um i'm still not mad about it but i will say um i'm getting mad about it because now it's been a week of my life where people have been getting mad at me about my opinion over a fucking cheesecake because that's what it's like recapping below deck and then um it's still going on and then it not only goes on today it just keeps going It's like days. This cheesecake goes for days. Okay. It's not worth it. It's not fucking worth it. Okay. We all like a cheesecake. You know why?

11:10Cause it's fucking easy. It's easy. You get some cream cheese, you get some ricotta, you go whatever the fuck else, an egg or whatever, sugar, mix it all together. Done. You put it in the fridge. Why is it taking you three days, girl? This cheesecake took longer to make than your entire relationship with you outlasted.

11:27Ben Mandelker: I know the recipe is literally on the back of the Philadelphia brick. It can fit on the brick. If it fits on the brick, you must acquit yourself of this task.

11:42You're Cochran-ing, and I like it. Listen to Cochran. Listen to Philadelphia Cochran.

11:49Ben Mandelker: I did just drive by the Johnny Cochran offices. You good? Yeah, at Highland and Wilshire. Well, I don't think they're there anymore. You're the one calling it the johnny cochran offices well because his offices used to be there for the longest for many years that was like the johnny cochran office god the bed bath and beyond is like can i get my own identity now like how long is it going to take well it's like there's the larry flint building the johnny cochran offices well the building you can't forget because you fly over and it's in the shape of a vagina so you see it from the sky like you can't rebrand that you know what i mean like philadelphia cream cheese is not going to move into the hustler building like it's it's a it's know i guess you never do i would love that actually i would love it if we had a philadelphia cream cheese building in the city because i would just sit there every single day and just stare at it be like let me in um the point is like the most unoriginal shape because every building is already shaped like a brick of philadelphia cream they just claim it all the buildings as their own that's ours oh another one rectangle it's another rectangle nailed it yes landa lakes is like i I would like a word.

12:56Ben Mandelker: Take that, Johnny Cochran cream cheese. I believe some of these are butter sticks. But I will say the – I 100 % agree with you. This cheesecake felt like it took a month to make. It took longer than the Top Chef Hog Challenge. But that being said, I mean, the final product looked delicious. I mean, it looked absolutely wonderful. Oh, we'll get there when we get there. Hold your horses. Okay? No one knows how the cheesecake is going to turn out yet, Ben. Okay?

13:28So Ben's like, we're doing a great job down here. Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola chest. And she's like, wait a minute. I demand respect. He's like, oh, God, let me put another beam in the honey, the honey babe sweetie jar, the honey don't jar. All right.

13:50Ben Mandelker: Then Daisy goes and serves breakfast And the guests are like There's no soap in this one right She's like salt Soap it was a joke a callback She's like oh no No no no you're the guinea pig You'll see So then Ben is like Daisy chill Okay like what's going on Talk to me you're doing the whole breakfast Are you doing all of the breakfast Yes me and Jenna are doing the breakfast What don't you know about that Why can't you figure that out Jenna's doing drinks Okay well I thought you were actually on your own So she's like Jesus fucking Christ He's like then why are you saying it's only you It's like ah she's doing the drinks god damn it So Jason is radioing Because it's time to talk everybody So Ashley takes a bite Of the eggs upstairs And Tyler's like oh my god is there soap in it Okay guys We get it It wasn't rat poison Okay you're all still alive So Ashley eats it And then she just looks at him and she goes It's an egg And they're like oh good Meanwhile in the galley Guess what's cooking The cheesecake is cooking She's like good stuff I feel like everything happens for a reason Ben He's like well yes Well I know what the reason is So you can marry Joao He's like oh my god yes yes That would be very good Merging genetics the plan is going forward mother the way to a man's heart is through his lactose intolerance i always say so now the guests are filling out these comment cards uh like what stood out the most and someone goes i put sobiacs now i like these common cards in theory i feel like they haven't been very impactful i feel like captain jason needs to read them out loud at the meeting he just reads them and goes, huh, that's not good.

15:38Ben Mandelker: And then moves on. I'm like, no, they're a tool. They're a reality show tool for public humiliation. Let's see it all the way through. Yeah, I agree. There were a lot of two stars. They got a lot of two stars on this one. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. It's Wayday at Wayfair. From April 25th through the 27th, you can score the best deals in home, like up to 80 % off with free shipping on everything. Wayfair makes it easy to find exactly what fits your style and needs from furniture and decor to home improvement and outdoor essentials. And it's all on sale during Way Day.

16:19Ben Mandelker: Now my aesthetic, or at least my attempted aesthetic, is mid-century modern. I don't always stick the landing, but that's why I go to Wayfair because it actually really helps me get there because sometimes I'm bad at curating my own stuff. So that's why you go to some place like Wayfair and they just have it there for you and just click and buy and then your helm looks beautiful. It's so easy to find what you need in any style. You just type it in. There's great filters there to, you know, make the results easier to go through, to come through, find what you need. You can even get someone to come over and put this stuff together because that's the worst part of it to me is when you order something that needs to be put together and then it's reliant on Ronnie ability, which is very little, let's be honest.

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17:00Ben Mandelker: I feel you. Way Day is the sale to shop the best deals in home. We're talking up to 80 % off with fast and free shipping on everything. Head to Wayfair.com April 25th through the 27th to shop. Way Day, that's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Vanderpump Villa's back, and this season it heads to the English countryside at Rosecraft Park, a new playground for luxury, indulgence, and plenty of chaos, all under the watchful eye of Lisa Vanderpop. New and returning staff, along with fan-favorite Stassi Schroeder, are living and working together once again, serving high-end guests while navigating friendships, rivalries, and temptation behind the scenes.

17:45And this season comes with a twist. The villa becomes a full-blown reality crossover event, with guest appearances from The Bachelor, Love Island, the secret lives of Mormon wives, and more, turning every stay into its own unforgettable spectacle.

17:58Ben Mandelker: So pour yourself something decadent, because the drama and the tea will be served. The new season of Vanderpump Villa is now streaming on Hulu, and it has never been better. So we go to the galley, and they're still talking about cheesecake, and then we go to Mike fixing his hair. Man, we see a lot of Mike fixing his hair in this. If he took as much time to work on his brain he might actually have a shot in this world but you know he doesn't so ozone's just like slowly opening up every time that man goes into his bedroom it's like

18:37it's just where starfish we saw last week was burnt to a crisp it looked like it was an independence day just melted just a little hole of the ozone open and just obliterated the

18:46Ben Mandelker: starfish just so sad it's like he's just intentionally shaping his head to be like like a like a chestnut or a bike helmet or something it's just like it's got such a strange aerodynamic shape of like going up and wide and then back in and it goes just it's like this it's just the strangest choice like i know he got his plugs and he's very proud of his plugs But like if you're going to get the plugs, do something productive with them. Don't make this crazy nest on your head. This Olympic torch. Yeah. This affront to hair. It really is. And as someone without hair, I just look at that and say, you know what?

19:30If that's what it is, just keep it. Like I don't need it. I don't even need it anymore. I'm not even jealous. Just keep it. so we go to joao and daisy and they're outside the galley listening to ben and ellie uh giggle and stuff and daisy's just getting worked up she's like i can't actually deal with that i mean listen to that it's like they're trying to send me over the edge

19:52Ben Mandelker: and he's like oh well already already trying to send you over the edge yes i'm over the edge so then they laugh and he's like well let me know if you can if you need anything so then uh we go to eddie bringing alicia's laundry to her in jenna's room and Jenna's changing and he's like, oh, I'm not stinky anymore, just boring. Boring and non-stinky. I'm as inoffensive as possibly could be. I'm like a big, gentle candle that's not even melted, just a generic candle you found in the back of a CVS. So, what do you think about that? She's like, oh, that's great. I guess I'll kiss you now. Mike's hair, I mean, yeah, Mike's hair is so stupid that we don't even get to concentrate on Eddie's hair, which is also extremely stupid.

20:36it you know mike is really saving everybody on this show everybody he's like he's shield he's like a human shield he's a hair shield for everybody else on this show because he's so gross so uh everybody goes outside to line up and say goodbye and ben's like wow it feels like another reality out here you come out here and sunbathe and swim every morning why are you acting like you're stuck in there ben seriously so now the guests come out and tyler is there the you know the drag queen who lied about having glam and he's like we had the most wonderful trip and this is so deserved and i do have one more little competition because i'm rich and you're poor for the first person to jump off the marina butt naked gets one thousand dollars cash

21:17Ben Mandelker: and so like in a heartbeat mike is somehow like naked and alicia tries to do it too i don't think she even wants the tip i think she just wants to do something faster than mike at that point but mike you know he is an only fans model so he is pretty uh pretty adept at this and he's just like naked and in that water in like a heartbeat so he gets the money and everything and they all laugh like oh my god they're gonna share it and so uh then uh i mean this is okay to do i feel like if i did that to my cleaning ladies people would get very upset if i went on instagram i was like hey i told the cleaning ladies whoever gets naked and jumps into the pool first wins a hundred dollars because no one would believe the thousand because it's me they'd be like ronnie how dare you treat people like that.

22:07Ben Mandelker: This is, I would say, not appropriate. I just have to imagine that the producers sort of proposed this as a thing and cleared it ahead of time. Well, that's what I'll say on Instagram. Next time I post a story of my maids getting naked and jumping off the balcony. Don't worry. This is all pre-planned by a producer. The problem is I don't have a pool, so the poor cleaning ladies will just be splattered all over the ground. I probably would get in trouble for that. yeah it wouldn't be great um so jason's on the bridge and the guests have left him um like so like a boob like a boob suit thing like it's like something if you're a drag queen you'd put it on so it looks like you have um you know boobs breast a breastplate they're called breastplate they're big like latex yeah big latex boobies you pull it over like a shirt and then you got big old bazongas yeah so or you just take off your shirt if you're me they're there yeah i'm about to say some of us can do it naturally um and uh jason's like well look at that i'm gonna throw it on so he he's like i'm gonna try it on and he puts it on over his shirt which is um a real interesting look and then he's like yeah i'm not gonna wear this to the tip meeting because i think he was planning to and then uh decided that maybe not the best idea to come in with like bare-chested silicon boobies style uh to a tip meeting and it probably also was hot so um now he comes he takes a selfie of himself with the boobs and the disco helmet that was funny okay so then it's time for a tip meeting and he's reading comment cards while he waits for everybody to gather and he's like what could have been better less soap all right well that's not good i'll just put these away never talk about him again it's great yeah so they all sit down for uh for the uh tip meeting he's like well this is just to say exactly what we can improve on okay um the tip was 22 000 that's 1600 per person but also that's one thousand dollars that mike jumped in for so seventeen hundred dollars even um and then mike is like well it was a team effort and we all chipped in i mean i just chipped in a little bit more no you literally reverse chipped and then you added like a little minor chip at the end like you did not help you actually reduced that tip you let them know about this big secret so the fact that you were able to earn back a thousand dollars off of what would have been a much higher tip is true nice but you failed this sir true and that was a little tiny tip that you added little tiny tip i have tiny tip so ellie is uh that ellie is the winner of the helmet okay um and she's a good sport about it she's like this is good you know so what bombs fell on my head when i was eight years old so maybe maybe helmet will be good and she's like oh sopy scramble of course i deserve it i don't think anybody has ever been more deserving of a helmet than I am right now.

25:11All right. Well, I know we just got over the halfway mark, but let's think of the bigger picture here. All right. The owner of the Sandy Lane Marina has given you a villa to use this afternoon. All right. Not the evening. You're not going to get to sleep there. You have to leave after hanging out and getting drunk and then drag yourself back here where I'll probably make you clean again. It's not really a vacation. It's five minutes, not on the boat, and it's a block away. Have fun.

25:36Ben Mandelker: Yeah. I feel like there's no one on this island. They're on such a random island in the Caribbean, and I feel like we don't see anyone there. We see a few people in the bars, and they go to this villa. There's no one on the streets. It's like the Real Housewives of Dubai. There's no extras. There's no one living in the town. It's just the cast. It's creepy, huh? Yeah, it's like on Beverly Hills a few weeks ago when they went to that random town in Italy, and there was no one there. Like, where is everyone in Canawan? yeah but at least they called that one a ghost town you know or they called it like an abandoned church they called it abandoned or something so it's the town that's what they called it um so everyone cheers and jason's like i really want you guys to bond um not gonna happen he's like this is a great opportunity for the crew to have a day off it is you know what this is a great opportunity to have for the crew to have a day off that's i guess that's why you give them a day off Yeah, that's what a day off is.

26:33I wonder if he says that every Saturday.

26:35Ben Mandelker: When I give you a day off, just know that this is a great opportunity to have a day off. Hey, guys, guess what we've got today? It's Tuesday. Great opportunity to go to work. Right? Okay, thanks. Thanks. I'm really feeling some tension in the crew, and so I've decided I'm going to step in and send them off the boat and not deal with it. All right. You know, we're halfway through the charters. They're tired, and hopefully this reset can bring some energy back into it, and we can get through the rest of the season. All right, Daisy, would you like to say something? I would. All right, you've got the floor.

27:11God damn it! All right, could you say a little bit more than that? Give a monologue. God damn it! God damn it! God damn it! All right, Daisy, going to need more words. So she's like, I've been upset this drop. I've been seeing a lot of selfishness from different people, and whether that's regarding they think they work harder than other people. I've seen people bickering at each other in front of crew. It's been actually relentless, and the crux of it has been quite selfish behavior. And we're a team, and we work as a team, and it just can't happen again. Do you understand?

27:41Ben Mandelker: I'm like, uh, all right. Yes, you all must zim respect each other. We don't have to be petty. It's just about respecting each other. For instance, if you don't like a girl, maybe you tell her directly to her face instead of stringing her along just so you can get a free cheesecake, and maybe a blowjob. But I don't know, just thinking out loud. And Mike's like, yeah, I agree. We need respect. We need to have more respect. And they're like, oh, God, shut up. She's talking about you. So Jason leaves and Mike's like, so Lisa, I think you've stepped up really a lot. Daisy's like, don't, it's not funny.

28:16It's not funny. I see what you're doing.

28:19Ben Mandelker: I don't think that I work harder than everyone. Daisy goes, why don't you think that that was, why do you think that was pointed at you, Alicia? because of what Mikey said. Mikey didn't say anything, Alicia. Yeah, nice to presume though. I think some people just need to relax. There you go again. Do that again, Mikey, and I swear there'll be consequence. So Alicia's like, you're going to have to keep me away from him tonight. I'm like, is this for real? Is this real life? I'm talking to you about respect and you're disrespecting me and the conversation of respect. Sorry, no, that's not how it works.

28:51So now Mike is whispering to Daisy. Daisy is like, you can see I'm being attacked, right? So you know I'm going to react to it. You know what I mean? She's like, oh, what's the solution? I don't know. I'm not the boss. You're barely an employee. Just shut the fuck up, dude. My God. You don't need to be as loud as your haircut.

29:09Ben Mandelker: Yeah, and you were not being attacked. You started it by saying, making little snide comments. Alicia reacted. And then you said like that suddenly you were somehow the victim of this back and forth. Daisy is losing her mind. And it really must be like having two, you know, seven-year-olds. And Mike is, you know, Mike is being like, you're the boss, figure it out. And she's like, no, no, no, no. You're not going to put this back on me and tell me that I have to sort out your shit. He's like, no, no, no. I'm saying I don't want to be with other people. You can clearly see that's just targeting us.

29:39Ben Mandelker: It's like, no, no, you're putting it back on me. I can't. Like, this guy's talking to his boss this way. I just can't even believe it. I'm actually shocked at the way he just addresses and meddles with both of his bosses on this show. You're shocked? I mean, this guy hasn't ever kept a job. The guy can't even keep a job on OnlyFans. And that's self-employment. Yeah, seriously. That was one of the jobs he listed that he couldn't keep. Girl, it's OnlyFans. Nobody to fire you on OnlyFans. Mike, can I ask you a Zim favor? Please don't get defensive. But the only thing is that my duty is my duty to tell you of a problem.

30:14Ben Mandelker: it's for you to deal with it it's like yes but you see how you're talking to me right now that's what i'm saying mike not for me eh not for me yes of course yeah um so let me just tell you my watch just told me to stand up and you know what i'm gonna tell my watch go fuck yourself okay get off of my just tell your watch stand up for what for what what's the point it's time to stand it's time to sit your ass down and get the fuck off my wrist asshole watch okay so alicia and Batool are talking about how, I mean, Alicia, I mean, poor Batool is just like, she just sits there for people to complain to her all day.

30:52So Alicia's like, I work a lot harder than he does. And she's like, oh my God, don't worry about the things you can't change. Don't give him a reaction. I just, thank you for giving me one line today. Thank you. Thank you for stopping by. So then we go to Mike and Eddie's cabin and he's bitching about her and he's like, some people around this boat are so paranoid it's ridiculous she just needs to focus on herself and stop worrying about everybody else and uh he's he's saying which i think he's right actually about alicia where he's like well she's just trying to prove herself in this position by pointing everything out that i'm doing wrong he is right but you're such an asshole and you are doing everything wrong as well that nobody cares that you're right like nobody cares that she's an asshole because you're also an asshole that's why there can't be two brats in a family because if you're both brats, no one cares.

31:38But if one of you pretends to be a good child and then you're accusing the other one of being a brat, then your mom will like you better. Worked for me.

31:46Ben Mandelker: Whatever it is, they're both honestly two idiots. They're two idiots that need to work in a different industry and away from each other. Okay. I'm sick of them both. They drive me nuts. I don't like watching stupid people fail at a job. I know. I wish you could just treat them like you treat actual children when they're fighting like that in the car you pull the car over in the middle of the freeway you kick them out of the car you unstrap them from their fucking car seat you put them out in the freeway and you say good luck getting home it's just too much i'm sorry i'm not going on this boat but i'm like theoretically in some weird alternate universe some parallel universe i could have gone on that boat i guess and then i would have had bad service because of you yeah or maybe even another alternate universe i could have been working on that boat and i'm had to deal with both of you i just don't want to see these two idiots anymore they're driving me nuts they both keep on failing and i don't want to have to take a side on who's dumber and who's more inept because it's just not fair to us because the moment you say one is the is the bigger idiot then the other one does something that's more idiotic so i'm just not going to have it i think honestly fire them both get rid of them both and like get some new people in here because they're both are totally, totally bonkers.

33:04Yeah. So Ellie walks by Joao in the crew mess.

33:06Ben Mandelker: It's like, oh, I need a hug. So they give a big long, he gives her a big long hug. And then Eddie goes to Jenna's room and he's like, just the lady I was looking for. Tomorrow, would you like to go for maybe a drink or something like that? Felicia doesn't ask me first. She's like, I love that. Well, this year I decided to start getting into dating after three years, so it's scary. My problem is I'm a lover boy. Oh, God, here we go. The second time, we've also got this on Summer House with KJ. I'm just a lover boy. I don't know if I can do this. And KJ, we thought, well, this guy's going to be a fuckboy because he says all the fuckboy things.

33:45But then he turned out not to be a fuckboy. And I guess Eddie's not really a fuckboy either. Is that weird? So are actual people calling themselves loverboys? Are actual loverboys calling themselves loverboys now? It's weird.

33:57Ben Mandelker: I am not going to say that Eddie is not a fuckboy. I don't feel like there's any evidence of that just yet because Eddie's already done some of that stuff. But KJ, I mean, he's still with Dara. I mean, KJ has put the money where the mouth is. He has been doing more solid brand building for Loverboy than Loverboy has been doing for itself. So, yeah. So he tells us that he wears his heart on his sleeve. I don't trust guys who talk like this. I just don't believe them. and his last this part i believe though he says my last relationship i think i saw into it a lot deeper and more than she did and then we see a picture of them at like a game or something and he's like yeah i'm with a girl and she's like hi why are you taking my picture and uh i just got her and so i could see him being way more in love with somebody they probably dated two times you know yeah like two dates i brought a popcorn and then she left me yeah i don't know i think i'm just like over so many of these people i think it's a great season i love this season of below deck down under i'm totally in it but part of being really into a season is hating the people that are on the show that's just the way below deck works yeah so um now my we're in mike's cabin joie walks in and he's like ready to roll ladies and gentlemen he's like so you get a big night with ellie he's like no i had a chat with her last night and he's he's like oh did you tell her that you fancy daisy instead he goes fuck off instead i was actually very clear i said As you can see, Ellie, there are two people.

35:26Ben Mandelker: When two people are in love or when there are friendships, they go down a path and sometimes those paths intertwine. Sometimes those paths have gravel and one person wants pavement and one person wants gravel. But if you put a little bit of gravel in the pavement, then it's kind of like a gravelly pavement situation and both people can be on the same path. And then when you stop along the way, maybe you see a little lemonade stand and you say, could I have some lemonade, please? And they say, what type do you want? Sugar or sugar-free? And I say, I don't know. So anyway, I think you understand what I'm trying to say.

35:50We're going to get married one day as friends. friends who get married love each other deeply have passionate romance friendship sex um glad we had this talk see you for breakfast when we wake up together okay so uh so joao leaves and

36:09Ben Mandelker: eddie is uh so now basically mike has announced that since he since joao has friend zoned ellie or since joao has announced that he's done that i don't think that he's actually done it but since he says he's done it, Mike is now deciding that he's going to take another stab at Ellie, even though the first many times she rejected him. This time, it's going to work. Mike, you're like me waiting at the Goodwill for a new shipment. I'm just waiting for discarded clothes. But those discarded clothes come and they still don't fit me, okay? She doesn't want you. She does not want you. Nobody wants you, Mike, okay?

36:47You're going to need to work harder. Change your hair, change your eyebrows, change your personality, baby steps. And then those are starts. And then go away. Yeah. And then maybe wait for somebody to kind of at least maybe a little bit flirt with you or give you some kind of sign that they're into you. No one has. You are a pest. Okay? You're a fly on poop.

37:11Ben Mandelker: Flirt with the bottom step of a staircase and throw yourself down them, please. So they - No, no. The top step. The top step. Well, no, I'm saying that he should flirt. Flirt with the bottom like if you're standing on the top? Like go over to the bottom step and you get there by falling down? Oh, I thought you meant like stand on the first stair and then fall off of it. And I was like, well, that's just a trip. Ultimately, I just want him to fall down a staircase. And I figured he could get to the bottom staircase and then flirt with it. Flirt with the bottom, the bottom step of the staircase.

37:53Ben Mandelker: Assuming, I love my reads. Okay, everyone, this is a read that involves a certain amount of relative positioning. So how about you flirt with the bottom step of the staircase, assuming you're at the top of the staircase when you start? Because if you start at the bottom, then there's really nothing. I guess you have to when you're talking to me, because I thought you were saying like, stand on the bottom step and then fall off of it. And that just wasn't enough. I needed more violence. Better at the top. Yeah. Better at the top. He's at the top of the staircase. Maybe, yeah. Here's what you do.

38:24Ben Mandelker: Okay. You get on the top of a staircase. Okay. Make sure you're not wearing any soft clothing. So the way if you fall, it really hurts. And stay away from the banisters. Just throw yourself down. And then there's a step. And then you just, you kiss it. You know what? Times have changed. Like language has changed so much. We can't just say what we mean anymore. Like, you can't say the R word anymore, which is good. We shouldn't be able to say the R word, right? There's a reason that that's out. But now people say other words instead. They're like, well, she's a little special. Well, is that better?

38:55Like, you're saying the same thing. Like, now we can't just say, oh, just kill yourself. Like, people used to say that all the time. It wasn't so bad. Like, just kill yourself. Now we have to be like, you know what you need to do? You need to flirt with the bottom of the step. but if the wind is blowing from the top of the, flirt with the wind on the top of a step and then wait for it and then find a way to the bottom of this. No, just rewind to 2010. Just kill yourself. Just kidding. You shouldn't be able to say that anymore, but. What I like about throw yourself down some stairs,

39:33Ben Mandelker: there's something kind of campy about someone falling downstairs. I mean, it's like very dangerous to fall downstairs and you could really like maim yourself and like do like severe harm but let's see look at all the look at all the uh qualifiers you have to give yeah you know why because people are gonna fucking write to us and be like it's actually really not funny because that's what i'm saying to this day i have a tingling elbow and like i feel bad like when you do a podcast times are different but i will say i just saw someone for some reason posted a montage of people falling down staircases on the show dynasty and so many people fell down those stairs and it's it's funny yeah it's there's a scene that the death becomes her yeah go ahead i was gonna say it's funny in the context of like a funny moment it's not funny in the context of real life and if you think i'm actually saying he should really throw himself down a staircase where he could potentially i mean yes i am i'm advocating for you'll be fine i've advocated for the return of the r word and just kill yourself.

40:33So I think you'll be fine.

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43:21so yeah there's a whole scene in death becomes her the musical where she's falling down the stairs and they got a whole separate actress to do it and it's great like she's fine it's like this thing after acrobatic scene of falling down the stairs it's so good that's i mean that again

43:36Ben Mandelker: like if mike was were adept at something he could fall down a staircase and be fine he just would have to apply himself mike would be okay if he fell down the stairs i mean he's got that hair it's like a helmet yeah you know he'd be fine literally there to protect him yeah so um anyway now people are boarding golf court carts to go to this um the stupid villa half day or whatever they're gonna do and it's around the block it's embarrassing it's an embarrassing travel usually they get to go on like a little boat and they're taking kind of far away to this like exclusive little beach club and this time they're like well it's off season just go to the empty place around the we still we still have the code from the airbnb just go around the corner Just be out of there before night when security comes.

44:17Ben Mandelker: And later on, there's a date. And that happens also like 50 feet from the boat. I'm like, is there anywhere else we can go? Come on. Jeez. It's a ghost town. It's like filming at Universal Studios and not even trying to hide it. Well, it is. So they're all. So I guess everyone was busy.

44:38They're all at this villa and it's pretty and stuff. And the first thing Ellie says, she looks around. She goes, where are the mirrors? Why are there no mirrors here?

44:47Ben Mandelker: And then she spends the next three hours doing her hair because we sort of forgot that last season she was known for taking forever to get ready. So then everyone else is frolicking in the pool and having a good time and João and Eddie and Mike are outside and Mike is like, can I apologize for how I spoke to you earlier? He's like, can I stop you right there? Because all I saw is the way that you were speaking to Daisy. Fair Daisy, fair sweet, sweet Daisy. And I did not like that. so let's have respect for each other just the way i have respect for daisy i mean ellie or one of them i don't know i want to bang someone speaking of you and daisy and then we cut to ellie blow drying her hair and then back to them and draw is like oh fuck off fuck off i'm not kidding with her and they laugh and then we go to alicia jenna daisy and eddie and they're in the pool i don't know just people are partying and stuff ben is still cooking um which i like that ben like showed up and cooked i thought that was nice because wasn't it last season recently there was that chef who was like freaking out that he had to cook alone on vacation or day off yeah it was anthony on on a low deck he's like i will not do this i'm not supposed to vent i will not do that i'm just getting all just and he like punched like we were going to cook a family and now we are not cooking yeah he lost his shit and ben just does it the right way he's like they're all drunk nobody has any taste on this boat i'm just gonna throw a bunch of plain ass chicken i'm gonna throw some adobo and some chicken throw them on the grill and be done with it yeah and i mean they were treating anthony like they were kind of like ignoring him and he was stuck there doing it but like um yeah ben had the right attitude like whatever just cook some so then um eddie is uh with jenna on a floaty and he's like my stupid little pea brain just sits there and goes what would it be like if i married jenna here's your little noggin line up how's it line up with that and he keeps on by the way touching her head like way like sort of clasping it and so gross she's just getting the ick like the ick is coming it's like high tide and the tide is bringing in the ick he's gross and it's not in like a creep like a creep way like he's being too creepier and it's not that it's just that he's so ready to get married already and he's you don't even know her she doesn't even know she doesn't even like you either you know so you were yeah just flirting with alicia like three days ago yeah but that's why i don't think he's a fuck boy i know he's like flirting with a lot of people but i think he's just so desperate that he's like oh my god somebody said yes oh my god what if i married them what if i married them and then they get mad and then someone else says yes and he's like oh my god what if i married them he's just a sad person you know who was short well-born because that's i still remember his backstory of like i was short when was young and then everybody made fun of me for being short until i got into field hockey what rugby rugby yeah rugby he's like and then everybody was naked in the shower and everybody was so weird then you know i took a couple loads and i realized it doesn't matter if i'm short i can swallow or whatever his story was um but now he's not even short it's like the weirdest backstory i can't let go of it.

47:57The backstory is that he was short, but now he's not short. And it really bothers me. Like, it bothers me to this day. It's three months later, and I'm still upset about it. Like, but you're not even short.

48:07Ben Mandelker: Who would have thought such a short issue would have long consequences? So anyway, that was the long and short of it. Nobody. Asking him to have some personality seems to be a tall order. So it's... I wonder if that is the height of ridiculousness. I wonder if you ever saw the Robert Altman, Altman film shortcuts.

48:34So,

48:35Ben Mandelker: um, it's the Oscar for best short goes to long night ahead.

48:45Ben Mandelker: So, um, now it's nighttime and Mike and Ellie and Eddie are sitting outside and you just know Mike, Mike has a look on his face. and you know he's going to be up to no good. And I think this is why I think Mike is worse than Alicia ultimately is that Alicia, she's just not, she's not a bright person, but she's trying the best she can with her limited tool set. But Mike, he's there. How do you hear? In what way? Like at work? At her job? Or what? Yeah, I think she's trying. She just can't, she just can't figure it out. She just doesn't know how to do it. She just can't. She can't connect A and B together.

49:23Ben Mandelker: she she's you know she just doesn't she doesn't it's just not her this is not her skill set right but i think mike has all that going and on top of that he's come in he is a reality star he already was on reality tv he's come in and he's just trying to have moments he's trying to be gossipy he's he is trying to just get screen time and so there's just that added element of like you You are inept and you are craven. You are also just thirsty for the fame. And so we see it happen right here. He's going to stir up a hornet's ass. Well, I would have to counter that by saying, yes, that's true. All of what you said is true.

50:02And I'd like to add that Alicia also spent the past two weeks flirting with everybody else's guy and purposely trying to move in on all the men to piss off the women. And then pulled Joao aside when she knew Ellie was trying to hang. you know she's so she's doing it too and so i think that's why it's bad to have them both together because they're both trying in a very amateurish way to be reality stars and they're both just so bad at it well i mean i guess not bad because at least mike they both get results they both piss people off but it's just obnoxious to the audience you know i just feel like i get a sense

50:42Ben Mandelker: from Mike that he's like I've been I know how to do this it's not my first time at the radio so he is like so Ellie what's going on with you and Joao did you guys have a nice little talk last night and she's like yes we did we had a nice late last we had a nice chat last night very good very good genetics project going full team ahead like what was it about well basically we just said we're having fun for the season and there's like four chatters left to go and we like each other so let's you know let's get to know each other you know he's like oh really and joao said he likes you as well yes oh that's nice and so they're like well what did joao say to you mike oh what did joao said to me he doesn't he wasn't in delhi not into her at all really well uh uh yeah i had to chat with joao and joao said i've cut things off with delhi and i'm like all right little asshole it's like you see one happy girl and you can't take it he's the kind of guy who's like i'm gonna break her down and make her cry so i can be the one to like you know she can put her head on my shoulders but he's it's very large house on fire so you can call the fire department you know yeah if this were love island i'd be okay with it uh not okay he would never get on to love island i'd be more forgiving of it but like because it's because they actually have a job to do i'm annoyed because it's like this is fucking up workplace dynamics so ellie is like oh am i being played am i being lied to because going out the conversation i had with joao last night i'm thinking that we are in kind of a good place you know my genes his genes getting into genes together you know it just makes no sense what what what is happening here ah we're going to have chat we're going to have chat right now so she goes up to joao who's talking to jenna and jenna's just like the tiredest hands really struggling right now it's really hard to rest on us it's like sorry to interrupt whatever you're talking about art to be stored there's some geez okay now listen can we talk for a second i'm sorry to interrupt the conversation but you can continue later okay i will talk to you now you talk now he's like of course of course the guys they told me you cut things off and you want nothing to do with me he's like oh really really well i bet that was mike eddie come here come here and tattletail on mike right away so then um so then mike goes over and he's like it's like say tell say exactly what you told ellie tell her exactly i said look maybe you two need to have a chat because i'm not sure where things stand he's like yes yes and you said that joao told you today that he cut things off of me last night now to mike's credit joao is fucking lying here and he is trying to make himself sound like he uh still said he was interested in her and he wants he just said pump the brakes and that's not what it was he is basically he basically announced at the end of the last episode well i'm so glad that we are now friends and i got it off my chest and everything is good it is now officially over like he basically said that and now he's acting like he didn't say it so to mike's not to mike's credit but like we can't overlook the fact that yes mike is being messy, but Joao did pretty much say these things.

53:48Yes. So, cut things off. That's not what I said. I said we'd had a chat. That's what I said. But you said to me that you and Ellie weren't working out. Oh, really? Working out is not the right word. Only because I don't work out. I meant I don't work out. And everybody knows it. I don't want an over-expectation of me having lats, because that's not going to happen. But you said to me, I'm not into Ellie because I like Daisy. He's like, oh, God. Joao can't talk his way out of it fast enough and ellie's like oh my god this is awful i'm going to go away this is awful i don't want to be a part of this is this healthy is this good for my mental health question the bomb

54:28Ben Mandelker: so she walks away and joelle's like i never said cut things off it's like no but but if you think you think you're right you realize like no see this is fine okay this is the fucking sarcasm you know mike doesn't know what i said to ellie neither does ellie neither do i to be You have to be fair. I just had a lot of words. Nobody knows. Even the dolphins are confused. It turns out one of the spy dolphins crashed into the side of a boat. It was very confused when it heard the sonars of my bullshit. You wouldn't know it, but Kanawhan is home to many evil plans, so there's plenty of dolphins about.

55:03Listen, you never know where those spy dolphins are. They're everywhere.

55:08Ben Mandelker: So Mike walks away. By the way. you're telling me there's not spy dolphins in canada no i'm saying just get ready for the fish report this week that's what i'm saying just get ready because it's a pretty big one and i don't know no spoilers so eddie is like if i've done something anything wrong you he's just being a dick and it's a wind-up that's it so okay so over in the kitchen ben and ellie uh like she's crying and this is actually really nice considering that they were like at each other's throats a few episodes ago ben is really he really is actually very uh not paternal big brothery to her say are you all right and she's like apparently he's into daisy now apparently he wants genes of daisy do you know what else is called daisy sour cream okay so congratulations your child will be sour cream congratulations so he's like well i'm sorry you had to deal with that yeah you're gonna have a whole fucking cake for his birthday too he's like well you know what we're gonna use that for guests she just starts laughing yeah that's funny i love that i know he's like listen here black jack bones listen here black jack bones we'll use it for the gas like oh you want me bean he's like i'll give you a bean my little love um so eddie's like okay can we just all take five minutes and tidy up here.

56:35And Dwyer's like, honestly, I've been packing things in bags this entire time. And Jenna says, yeah, I put so many bottles in the fucking bin bag and done with it.

56:46Ben Mandelker: They can't even enjoy a day of debauchery. They're already cleaning up. Guys, nobody cleans more than each other. Can we stop this fucking tit for tot? I've had it. But there's some people in this boot who are definitely working harder than others. It's like, I feel like you should sit down because you definitely work the least out of everyone. Alicia, I want you to know that I recognize that you're working really hard. Thank God you're being genuine. I love that. It's like, Alicia, I think a few people have had too much to drink. Okay, you know what? That's really out of order. That's out of order.

57:17Ben Mandelker: You know what? If somebody said that to me, I would be really upset. That's not okay. It's like, Isid, you're being mean. I've had it with both of you. I love when Daisy says that. She walks inside and stumbles. I can't dare you tell someone they've had too much to drink that was the bottom step someone jinxed me and I wasn't flirting with it I have to be friends with the bottom step first before I can flirt with it I'm a lover boy so Alicia's like well I'm not trying to be dramatic but he wants to be fucking he wants to fucking bite and bite me and then the second I react is Alicia this so how do you move forward Alicia but you need to as the head of department talk to him she goes I need I fucking need I'm done with this Alicia I've had it from him and I've had it from you the two of you sort the shatter together I fucking have damn it bottom stop all the dolphins all the spy dolphins are like we gotta go they just leave they're like it's too dangerous so um now Mike is sitting below Alicia on the patio It's like, does anyone know which is hippie?

58:29Ben Mandelker: And he's like, oh, Mark, let's just act oblivious to shit. Don't actually care what the fucking consequences. It's my job to run a super yacht. Nowhere on my job description is it to mediates two squabbling children. And if they don't rein it in, hats are going to roll. I'm like, I mean, I do feel like as the boss, you need to, like, it's not enough to be like, you two sort it out. Like, that's not enough. Because they're not going to sort it out unless you tell them, I'm going to fire one of you guys. Like, that's what you have to say. Like, you have to say, you're going to run this car right now and take you home.

59:02Ben Mandelker: You're not going to Disneyland. Well, she's talked to them like adults. They just won't accept it because they're not adults, you know? So, yeah, they have to fire somebody. So Ben, she walks into the kitchen. Ben's like, Daisy, could you yell at me? I loved that. That was hot. So she's like, let's go. We're getting out of here. God forbid we have a goddamn vacation day. Let's go back to the boat. So they all have to pack into the vans all wasted to go around the block. And they go to the boat and everybody's, you know, fucking tired and wasted. So now we go to Alicia and Jenna's cabin. And Jenna's like, where's my big deck, colorful rainbow deck?

59:41I don't know where the fuck it is. Why am I always missing my big deck? Who's still in my deck?

59:47Ben Mandelker: And Alicia goes, no, you don't get it. It was on my bed first. It was never on your bed first. It was literally handed to Jenna and she had it and you took it off of her bed. I hate this. I fucking hate this stupid rainbow dick gaslighting story that Alicia is perpetuating right now.

1:00:07So Jenna walks out and Alicia puts the dick in the wardrobe and she shows Batool. She's like, don't tell Batool. Never say what. I don't know what you said.

1:00:18Ben Mandelker: I don't feel like Alicia is hiding it in a way like let's hide it from her. this will be hilarious i think she's hiding it because she wants to take it home with her and that's what i do not do not respect yeah so now we go to daisy and ellie's cabin and um daisy's like are you gonna be okay are you she's like i'll be okay tomorrow it's like what's wrong with y 'all i just feel so stupid he was like oh i want nothing to do with elena i'm done with elena elena's stupid and disgusting and gross she is a human word I'm like, oh, this is so fucking mean. What have I ever done for this? I've never asked for anything.

1:00:53I never asked you for a relationship. I never asked you for anything. I asked you if you wanted to buy some fruit. So sue me.

1:01:00Ben Mandelker: Do you know how much fruit I had to sell in order to get the dairy for that cheesecake? Oh my goodness, it was so much. I feel so stupid making cheesecake. Well, at least you remember to put the sugar in the cheesecake. Remember, Alicia? We don't forget around these parts. What the fuck did I do? Oh, boys are stupid. All right. Oh, good night. All right. That's enough. I've had enough of this. Pat, pat, pat on the head. Good night, please. I felt kind of bad for Ellie here. You know, Ellie comes on strong, but, you know, she's pretty good if you're just very clear with her and tell her, like, I'm not into you.

1:01:39Then she just backs off and she finds somebody else that she'll be into, you know? Yeah. but um you know you have to not flirt with her and keep being like want to come into my bed for a cuddle and then cuddling with her in bed and getting naked massages i mean it's not like it's coming out of nowhere i mean i get you're afraid to say i'm not into you but you know would you you're going to do this all the way to the to the wedding you know yeah yeah exactly no she's

1:02:08Ben Mandelker: what makes her feel stupid is the stringing along and the dishonesty and knowing that all All these people know he's not into her, but she doesn't know. And then she's sitting here making a cheesecake, you know? So then we see Jenna and Ben in the crew mess and they're really flirting a lot. And so Jenna's like, I look like shit. It's like, you look incredible. I've been thinking about you a lot, babe. My little tandoori chicken. He's like, oh, really? I really, all things are good things, right? I hope. It's like, yes, of course. Nothing but good things, Jenna. So these two are into each other.

1:02:43So now Ben has seen the woman that he was ignoring actually went and got with somebody else. So now he wants her because, you know, she's young and hot and he's old and gross. And, you know, it's a competition. He could make somebody else cry, namely Eddie. I don't really even think it's so much that he's into Jenna as much as he just wants to make a younger guy cry. Yeah. And hey, got to have a hobby. So go for it. I say. Congratulations. Patience, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers.

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