#3326 Below Deck Down Under S04E12 Part Two: My Achey Cakey Heart

0:00¡Bien! ¡Feliz cumpleaños, Rafa!

0:02Ben Mandelker: ¡Sopla, sopla! Cuando cumples 45, te toca soplar muchas velas y examinarte contra el cáncer de colon. Usa la prueba de Cologuard Plus en la privacidad de tu casa y envíala de regreso para obtener tus resultados. Los productos Cologuard están indicados para la detección en adultos de 45 años o más con riesgo promedio de cáncer colorectal, solo con receta médica. Visita Cologuard.com para más información. Pide la prueba de Cologuard Plus a tu médico. Para más información en español, visita coloGart.com-prueba.

1:18Ben Mandelker: ¡Suscríbete al canal!

1:26Ben Mandelker: Part 1. Go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap. Daisy winds up talking to Jason. He's like, should I have a good night? She's like, well, today's going to be the day. I fucking lost my shit a few times. Mike and Alicia both came up to me and they were like, what you're going to do about this? And I fucking went off. I was like, do not come to me and make this my problem. I was really upset about it. Okay, well, you know my policy? Yo quiero ll smiles Y es confundir Oscargues van yippi No hay gran revisiones MinOLDMENTE ¿Una privada te hijo?

2:04Antes del 무�cabe No pánco

2:06Ben Mandelker: Seguir No No Alessi Chicos Chicos calculated Coraz y Eso Cosigo Tom Ya Me Sube Te Since Me Sube Te Since nothing's happening until the boat starts sinking or crashes into a chillies on deck on dock sorry are you going to come on the catamaran with us he's like I don't think so I've got a pair of boobs I'd like to play with don't tell me what of the stats I've got a nice pair of bazoombas I can't wait to put on you guys are on can't wait to see what they look like in a captain's lounge kimono I think I'm going to get onto an e-foil and cruise around the island that'll be fun No entiendo cualquiera lo dije Entonces, now Они van a subir la casa Así que se ponen El siguiente día, por lo le莊 No me dijo, pero no me di Se acción Les de nuevo, pero no me dio Y justo萌iz a Inés, y se uowers Y se luz ropa a ellas Y Они miren leasiakg Veке a Jason, un33 días W notes lastigmas de un No se uno nunca saw Captain Jason besser de ser eliminado He están deuma y ahora se dice esto, pero bueno, es Joel's birthday, wowee entonces Mike comes up to Ellie que es aún así, como y es como, hey there, como te lo de hecho desde el día?

3:31I feel bien, he hasn't spoken to me, bueno, I'm un poco curioso about one thing though, do you mind me flirting? Do you like having a little, oh my god es como ir a una mujer at a funeral y como, oh, you look great with a veil over your head, do you mind lifting that up for a little blowy? Like, she's in mourning

3:48Ben Mandelker: Yeah, she really is So the producer is like Why do you want to stir the pot with your boss? Do you see you and Ellie having a little bit of a boatman together? He's like, look, at the end of the day We get nothing for nothing And we get on well, energies match We've got similar interests We both have lots of hair Hours goes down, mine goes up and around And me and Ellie, we could get up to a little bit of mischief Who knows? He's so gross And I feel, Ellie goes So do you mind a little bit of a flirt? And she goes, it's not an issue. It's not something that bothers me. Like so bored. And he's like, so you're giving me permission to flirt with you.

4:23She's like, knock yourself out.

4:27Ben Mandelker: Wow, Sparks. That's what you call chemistry. This is why her OnlyFans is booming. Come to my OnlyFans. I take a nap while you jerk off.

4:40Ben Mandelker: So Joao and Daisy are talking. y Joao es como, yo no sé lo que Mike es diciendo. Bueno, tú necesitas stop about the Mike thing, ok? Concentrate on you and Ellie. Tú necesitas go y necesitas speak to her. You are right. I will speak to Mike. No, to Ellie. Absolutely. Y tal her how you feel. Ok, let me try this one out. Some days, when you bite into a cupcake, you think they could use a little bit more frosting. So then you go to the bank, and you take out some money, and you think, whatever happened to cash? We're in a cashless society. So anyway, I'm glad you understand where I stand on all this.

5:12Ben Mandelker: Thank you You know when cats eat something And it looks delicious And they say zim zim And then they throw it up And you think maybe they didn't like that You're like that food But then the cat eats it again Do you know what I'm saying? Not really Okay Everyone knows about Garfield the cat But did you know about Heathcliff? So not to be confused with Heath Bar Because Heath Bar has actually a crunch Heath Bar crunch is an ice cream Ice cream that is sold by Ben and Jerry I never met Ben nor did I meet Jerry But if you put them together they become berry So here's the thing about berries They are only available in certain seasons And my favorite berry is the blackberry But I also like a blueberry So I think we can understand where I'm coming from I want abs and you will marry me if I keep my abs Is what you're saying Absolutely no and yes

6:05So now we go to Ben and Jenna And Ben's like good to see you What are you up to You're having a good day Yeah, I'm having a good day I'm having a good day I love the sun, I love the sun I don't know what you're saying But I'm going to assume it's something that I'm handsome And relatable Darling

6:25Ben Mandelker: Darling I'm not exactly sure what you were saying Was it a commentary about Vivica A. Fox? Huh? Sorry, taking a stab in the dark there You can never fail con Vivica Fox saying that right now so he's taking her picture and you know that's what listen every influencer girl or influencer wannabe wants is a man to take their pictures and we see it all the time when we meet these people the best relationships in a reality show environment is a man who is taking good pictures of you we've seen it multiple times Katie Janela will never divorce her husband that man follows her around with cameras and a ring light que es adorably so si se ha visto en el crappies como un adorable un poco influencer love right there que es real love lo que estoy diciendo es que es playing con su heart porque no es intención de ser con esta girl no creo que no creo que pero creo que no he likes a sort de diminuidante smaller girls y dice y dice y dice y dice y dice y dice y dice y dice y dice y dice girl but I say no was it bugs no no her name it wasn't bugsy I wouldn't call her demeanor I mean she was yeah it was the girl that he called rabbit hello rabbit I don't remember her Emily I think her name was maybe if her name is Emily I'm like wow I apologize to my parents for uh pushing out a really hard-fought education to remember the girl's name from below deck from you're really ¡Gracias por ver el video!

8:33de Eddie flirting con Jenna y ugh so he's like wow nice bikini I want to see you in your home comfy clothes what you'd wear at home you know a couple of our kids suckling on your breasts me coming back from not working all day you working at home on the computer while you're supporting our children god I can't wait for that she's like I look idiot

8:53Ben Mandelker: but I want to see that to see it someone someone get Seymour Krelborn out of there this is stop it you're not this is not attractive

9:05I can't wait You've got baby spew coming down the Funnier nightgown You say please honey I'm too tired And I say come on I've earned it You say doing what you don't even have a job And I say I love you and you give it to me Anyway and you like it I mean it's just so gross This guy so He's like you can just Sit there with a little smile on my head And say that'll change and she's like I don't think it will change though because I like to Dress up where I'm going he's like No, no, pero, you know, you think that But then years go by, you know And then you start realizing That there's not really much to do You're just at home with me Sitting at me staring I've stopped shaving my nuts You don't really ask why because it's too awkward I smell like somebody else You don't really ask why because I'm Paying the bills, aren't I?

9:55I mean, this guy's dreams Are so gross He immediately wants to meet somebody and just put them in eddie jail you know just like like live in my beige little studio apartment and fucking watch me play

10:06Ben Mandelker: playstation all night i know i mean he's not lying about anything yes you will be wearing dumpy clothes and you both won't be as hot as you are now and like that's the trajectory but and that is actually by the way a really lovely thing but when you're flirting you've just met somebody you don't want to sell them on that dream you sell them on the dream of come to 20 years from now we're still Selling the seas, going to ports Of Genoa, off to The Taj Mahal, or maybe To Sydney to see the opera house And you'll be looking hot, because you'll always Look hot, and you'll always be fashionable And I'll be hot, don't be sitting there saying like I can't wait for the two Of us to be eating lean cuisines every night On our TV trays, watching Wheel of Fortune Exactly, it's like your third It's like three days you've been Into each other, like please Stop it, yeah, don't just Y así, como si, podría ser tu feeda y luego puedes sit en un t-shirt y ganar hundreds de pounds y shove el food en tu throat.

11:04Ben Mandelker: Es decir, su dreams sound horrible. Es también shows que no está hablando con ella o escuchando lo que quiere de ella. Even we know que ella quiere vivir la vida de la vida. I mean, es por eso que ella se ha ido a la ciudad. Ella pensó que se iba a poder adaptarse a una de una milliódia. Y si él se habló con ella por tres segundos, él sabía que esa es la vida que ella quiere. porque lo que está diciendo sería muy appealing a algunos si alguien dice que eso es genial, que es genial, que es en mi pantalón y estamos viendo TV en el sofá, que es lo que estoy buscando, pero que es no que ella es y si se se habló a ella, ella le diría que muy rápido.

11:41Bueno, él está hablando y él está hablando a ella y él está hablando de una noggin, que es her cute sexy little noggin, so people go eat y Jenna ditches him y goentes a静 con Ted y y voy? y M programmed M biting Siento No, he's definitely not the person I'd normally be with, is he? I mean, look at him. Look at his hair. I think you're not going to grow a mustache, are you? Are you mustache contagious? Because he's got one. Stupid douchebag, mustaches contagious. Thirsty little mustaches. Watch out.

12:18Ben Mandelker: Now, there will be some people who will say, this is a double standard, because Eddie did the same thing to Jenna a few weeks ago, where he was flirting with Jenna, but then he went to Alicia, y luego las detrás de él estamos por nada que pueda hacerlo bien y au lieu de cuando atiencias de la bis näna You almost can never get it back Like you Sully the importance of it Right So like if you bail on someone In like the first or second date Or you're late Or you're just like not really present You can still reschedule those dates You can have a nice time But you've poisoned it You really have And you have to work so hard To get it back on track And usually you can't And that's exactly what he did Yeah, he did it first I mean, you cheat first and then we're in a relationship.

13:28But like if you're in a relationship and you cheat and it takes a while for that other person to forgive you, no matter if they forgive you, you go to therapy, you go through all of that. Then they cheat one day and you're heartbroken. And they're always going to say, you did it fucking first every single time. And this isn't as bad as cheating, but he did it first. And I don't blame her. This guy not only is now suddenly in love with me, he just told me I'm going to spend the rest of my life getting fed tubs of ice cream while I watch him play PlayStation and raise babies I don't want. So, fuck him.

14:02It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial.

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16:14The new season of Vanderpump Villa is now streaming on Hulu and it has never been better. So yeah, this is kind of mean though, what she does to Eddie, but I loved it because Eddie's an idiot. So Ben also is doing it to Eddie because he sees that Eddie's like head over heels and he tells her, oh, you know, I just prefer being in my cabin, stuff like that. I expect nothing in return So just maybe a few cheeky laughs If you want to come to my master cabin I'll be there I'm usually busy masturbating Or thinking about masturbating I'm generally very tired But come take a ride on the Ben Express If you'd like to Any day, ticket punched

16:58Ben Mandelker: So I guess at this point It's now just a given That Ben gets to sleep in a nice cabin In between charters We don't even see him asking anymore He just goes up there Yep, it's his, he takes the guest cabin now That's just how it rolls And look how it spreads Because we were asking Hannah Would you go back on the show And she said, well, you know, if I could do it like Ben does it Like you go, you swim in the morning You get a nice guest cabin, you don't have to go out with everybody Fuck yeah, I'd do it It's going to spread, you watch Yeah, yeah, it will So So now Daisy and Joao are looking at Ellie.

17:37Ben Mandelker: And Daisy's like, just go over there, Joao. He's like, well, you're making it so difficult to speak to her. I don't know what to do. I'm just poor defenseless Joao. I don't know how to even speak to women unless they are just outrageous cut fetuses. Daisy's like, well, I think I should go over. And I think now is the time. Do you want your cheesecake or not? He's like, I just don't know if Joao has feelings for me or not. But it does suck. Rejection does suck. And she's embarrassed. And she's hurt. So I do feel sorry for Ellie. So Joao goes over. Can we talk? She's like, oh god. Are you okay? I want you to enjoy your Zim day.

18:11Go ahead. Oh wow, that was actually very sweet that you called it a Zim day. Okay, but I want us all to enjoy my Zim day, so please, can we talk? Please. She's like, okay, the reason I felt stupid is because I was planning a birthday surprise for you. I baked you a cake. I woke up two hours before work. I got out two hours early in my own time to make you a birthday cake. a favorite cake that you mentioned when you are naked and my finger is in your bunghole like make your special day make you feel incredible and what I get is he doesn't want anything to do with you and he cut things off with you and that's what hurts me too wow that is what hurts me

18:46Ben Mandelker: that is absolutely not what I said and you know I'm really sorry I'm really really sorry I really want some cake so let's proceed on that basis and cake you say? cake cake ¿Es un wedding cake? ¡I would love it! ¡I hope you made us a wedding cake! ¡Wow! ¡This es muy romantic! ¡I never made you promise me anything! ¡I never asked you for anything! ¡I didn't want to! ¡I didn't do anything! ¡Ok! Y he's like, ¡I know! ¡That's why I spoke to you and told you I couldn't wait to have your children! ¡Bare them! ¡Actually bare them myself! ¡I was willing to plant them in my stomach and actually give birth to them!

19:28And he's like, I'm upset about what Mike said and he used those words against me and I've not said anything that I've never said I don't want anything to do with you. I promise that. She's like, oh, thank you for saying that. So how do we proceed? Well, we have fun. We enjoy. We, you just be you with me, me and you walking on the beach. I look down walking on the beach and I see two sim steps beside me and I.

19:54Ben Mandelker: And I get sad because I can't help but wonder Wouldn't it be nice if I saw A cake footstep there To when is this cake gonna happen Are we gonna really drag this out all day I mean I really want that cake I just wanna clarify I never said I want nothing to do with you I only said I want very little to do with you But the little that I do want to do with you Does pertain to that cake You know the Beatles right The car? No the band ¿There are cars that sing? Ok, well they said, I want to hold your hand And I do Cars don't have hands Just hold my hand, we're getting married Let's walk down the beach together Have you ever heard of the song All You Need Is Love?

20:36Ben Mandelker: Well in Zimbabwe, we sing it All You Need Is Cake So give daddy the cake So he walks up there On the beach hand in hand And she's like, oh my god, we made up This guy's such an idiot Así que él dice, «¡I have to break it off with Ellie! ¡Oh, gosh! ¡Es el día que nos quedamos! ¡I want everyone to have fun today! ¡So, por el tiempo de bien, so no inconveniencing me, I'm going to pretend to like her y tell her whatever she wants to hear, y I'll just have to figure it out later! Y ella dice, «¡Let's take selfies! ¡The day Mommy and Daddy met! ¡Smile! After this, I'd like to invite you to my home, which, as you know, is a yellow submarine.

21:16Ben Mandelker: We all live there. So Mike's like, watching from a distance How does Joao stand upright I don't understand, how do you stand upright With all that hair on your head, stop it Don't make me defend Joao Jenna and Eddie are going on a date Which is hilarious Because Jenna has already totally dumped this guy in her mind And she's just waiting to see if Ben's Fucking with her, or if he's really Gonna hook up with her, you know And you just see it all over And so everyone's like, oh my god, they're going on a date These cute kids, and she's like, oh god So you're right, they walk 10 feet from the boat To this little restaurant where nobody's at It's a ghost town And Daisy and Jason are like, let's watch our binoculars God, could you get your knockers out of the way They're in the viewfinder He's like, sorry about that God, I can't stop playing with these things

22:10Ben Mandelker: They really, really must have bad wifi Because if you're resorting to watching these two on a date You really have nothing to do on that boat Did Captain Sandy stop paying the Netflix? I think so We've always lamented the below deck dates Like they're just the worst thing to watch on this show And it occurred to me That Bravo really only sends them on dates If someone is not into it Like have we ever seen a date That's just like bubbling with chemistry It's usually like a douchebag And then the girl is disinterested o a girl who's super interested like an Ellie and the guy who's not interested which is I guess the exact definition of there's someone who's usually not interested I mean no one could be as disinterested as the audience but Bravo always does this they create these awkward fake dates that we have to sit through and I guess it's supposed to be funny because we see how awkward these dates are but don't do this to us please that's all I request this was a bad one so they go on this date and Eddie's like Así que si alguien pudiera decir qué me disattene, ¿qué sería?

23:19¿Y qué es ella? ¿No podríaknCo aкра aWelcome?

23:23Ben Mandelker: ¿Esno? ¿O te va a Mysticare? Either way. I do. It's all exciting. He said that. He said that.

23:51So, he's like, yeah, is that true? Because there is a fun side to you, you know? The general laugh, that's what I call it. Just me. So, I'm the only one who calls it that. You know when I do it? When I laugh.

24:02Ben Mandelker: God, how'd you know? By the way, don't tell her, oh, there is a fun side to you. You're implying that generally speaking People see a boring sad side I mean this guy is just like an idiot He's an idiot This guy is so stupid I can't She has an interesting anecdote Everybody used to call me Spongebob In school because I used to laugh like Spongebob Okay Both of you guys need to go into separate corners And just stop talking for the rest of the day You're actually both terrible at this And then he goes What I was called highballs at school porque mi bols just didn't drop for ages so you came from a whole school of very obvious things to say first it was the Jenna laugh whenever she laughs and her name is Jenna and now it's highballs because your balls didn't drop she's like good to know, have they dropped?

24:54have they dropped? they have, I can show you on that one if you'd like to see them

25:01Ben Mandelker: so over on the boat, Batool's the only one doing something productive which is that she's watching a telenovela, so good for her. And then in the galley, Ellie and Ben are icing the cake. And Ben's like, how's my little galley warrior? Does that count? Does that require a bead in the jar? I think galley warrior is actually not that flirtatious, so I think I get away with that one. My milky milky milk dud. Oh, damn it. I'm losing my touch here. So Ellie's ¡Oh, I'm great! I had a conversation with you a while on the beach. It might have been misinterpreted. Maybe he didn't express himself well, but we're good now.

25:42Let's get back to the cake. It's like day seven on this fucking cake.

25:48Ben Mandelker: The cake continues. So Eddie and Jenna are still on their date, and he's like, So, what would be like a fun date that you'd like to do? Like, mini golf's a classic. He's like, How about going to a movie prepare? She is so disgusted. She is disgusted I like when she goes Ah fuck mini golf Fuck that Are you fucking kidding me I could take you to the zoo You like the zoo it stinks If I had to choose between Ben and Eddie And the lifestyle I want my future to look like Eddie wants to backpack I don't even want to backpack I'm close But with Ben, his luck, his mom is fine And he likes to find things in life And I don't have to feel guilty for that Girl, he's a chef He's a restaurantless chef What do you think?

26:38Ben, am I buying you anything?

26:41Ben Mandelker: Well, I think Considering that both relationships aren't Going anywhere, I think I'd go with Ben Because at least he's funny At least you can get free term At the end of the night, you know Yeah, he's toxic, but at least he's funny And can cook me some food Otherwise, I mean, I have to go backpacking with that guy No, thank you, although I do like miniature golf And I will stand up for it Y entonces, oh, el peor parte de todo Eddie no tiene dinero para pagar el tip At el restaurante Ok, sir Sir Um, ya So, they leave Eddie had a lovely evening Jenna says nothing So, we see Jenna and Daisy back on deck And Daisy's asking her how it was And she's like, you know, I thought you gentlemen But it's just like nothing I would normally go for I mean, he did most of the talking and it was very bad.

27:33Did you know his balls dropped like a week ago?

27:37Ben Mandelker: And then Ellie and Eddie are talking in the crew mess. And she's like, oh, you guys went on date. I'm so happy for you. You guys did comprehensive review of your genetics and decided to merge them as well? It's like, it was lovely. Like, well, it was just nice to have that stick, you know? So meanwhile, Ellie texts Joao. Oh, Joao, I would love to give you your birthday surprise. I've worked 45 days on it. Come see me soon. Oh my gosh. Which is, by the way, this is so video game-y. It's like you get a message and it's like, I would love to give you your birthday surprise. Meet me at the docks. It's like, new mission, meet so-and-so at the docks.

28:17Ben Mandelker: I guess I say this because I started playing a game, a game called Tiny Bookstore, where you build a tiny bookstore and bring it around town y las mujeres en el town son like este es un gran libro come meet me at the café I want to give you some books and it's the best game ever Your boyfriend is like the only boyfriend who literally doesn't have to worry I've never known a boyfriend this lucky he can go out of town for months at a time working and you're sitting at home playing a game where you make up a bookstore and get little messages from ladies There's a lady named Tilda And she's like the town God of gossip and she's like Could you sell these things at the flea market for me And you're like sure And like the challenges that you do is that like people come into your bookstore And like I'm looking for a book That's classic But also takes me to different locations Gotta pick and then you have to look through your bookshelf And you find one and you read all It's actually making me want to read some more And you curate a book for them And hopefully they like it It's just a great game eso es genial so Joao, he's been he's going to go chat with Ellie and Ben's like oh she didn't get the message did she he's loving this because he just helped her make the cake so he knows Joao's like well I guess I said the message wrong you know I held her hand and said we were getting married and I did that Beatles thing you do you know but I don't want there to be any gray areas I want it to be black and white okay so what are we up against a kiss that's it right that's not a big deal Pero ella quiere más, ¿no?

29:55Bueno, yo sé que ella es, pero ella va bien. Ella va bien. Yo me he impregnado. No sé. No sé. Yo espero que no. Pero ha sucedido antes. All right. Entonces, él le dice a la vuelta y le dice, ¿a sorpresa? Let's meet en la bau en zim minutos. I'd also like to chat. Entonces, of course, él va a dumpar her right cuando se ha hecho un birthday cake. I mean, this fucking guy. Entonces, Ben sees Jenna y Ben's like, ¿no? ¿Van a ir a ir a escuchar y escuchar a estos dos? idiots uh so they're gonna go just eavesdrop on this and that's you know that is a good couple who's like do you want to go listen to idiots cry yes that's fun that's fun but you're right like why not like eat the cake and then like do it the next day and in fact i mean not to sound not to be toxic but as long as you're gonna be toxic your way out is to say you know i was thinking about

30:44Ben Mandelker: it and i think this is still just going too fast i mean the cake was wonderful but it made me realize I think we are looking for different things here Let's just be friends The truly toxic way is to say You know what, I was all in on this relationship And then I tasted your cake And it sucked Your cake sucks And I'm really sorry I can't be with someone who makes such a terrible cheesecake And that's it Just put it on her, make her feel guilty But it's Ellie So she'll make cheesecakes every day Like how about this one? How about this one? I learned, I learned really well So, yes. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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33:59Restrictions apply. Services not available in all areas.

34:28i don't care what y 'all bitches are doing i'm not doing it I'm big I'm beautiful and you all look the same bye this is a this is a big fish that would be

34:40Ben Mandelker: generally unremarkable except for the fact that has a big beautiful fin back like a fin the tail I should say and that's like this neon green it's big it's colorful it's like that one person in town who's pretty basic but they get like a sassy haircut or they like bleach their hair in a way they're like look at me I'm into rock and you're like okay yeah I agree I think this is a beautiful fish this is what i would like to think i would be like if i had gone to prom which i didn't no one asked and i did not care but um just like big and beautiful and the best dressed and everybody else just looks the same and stupid you know i'd just be like i'm not here to dance with you i'm on my way to the buffet send me to the buffet definitely business in the front party in the back for this fish yes girl yes okay that's that fish then we go to this eel is it neil out of shark no i think Es un shark.

35:29Ben Mandelker: Es un especcalado. Es un especcalado. Es un especcalado before. Pero el shark es como, bueno, so you may have a big fancy tail, pero mi tail es menacing. Es como un knife, pero un graceful knife. Pero el especcalado, el especcalado es muy fuerte en este shark. Es esto un shark? ¿Cómo puede ser un shark cuando tiene un shark en el frente, un eel ass? Es un eel ass. Para mí, es muy sharky. I need my fish to be more specific I need to know what you're going for And I just feel like this shark Is trying to be too many things to too many people And that's why it's single That's why it's swimming all alone in the water You can't be everything to everybody Edit one thing It's like either have the speckles or the tail But you can't have both Exactly cut your tail off and we'll talk Yeah Oh my god Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun ¡Suscríbete al canal!

36:57We're not doing anything. We take this route every morning. Stop staring at us. The dolphin is like, guys, I'm a starfish.

37:03Ben Mandelker: What are you guys talking about? Can I just say to the person who decides... Oh, you're a starfish? Sorry. No, just the dolphin is trying to be real chill. Like, guys, I'm not a dolphin at all. It's like, you're a bleak out of it. I'm just a starfish. I'm hanging out with... Where's the turtle? Want to hang out, turtle? Want to hang out? I'm not a starfish, you fucking lark. Get out of this neighborhood. Whoever decided dolphins were going to be called mammals Get over yourself I hate that person in a meeting Who's like, okay, okay We're in the ocean, everything is swimming But we're just going to classify Maybe like two things as mammals instead Just to fuck with everybody Because technically they have a little bit of hair on their tonsils Or whatever the fuck they have And now they're considering Get the fuck out of here They're in the water, they're fucking fish That's it Yeah, that's a strong statement But very happy to welcome dolphins To the fish report muy feliz even spy dolphins I like that dolphins are so cute look how it's like playing with the camera it's like it's like rolling over it's like I love you looking straight at us I am a dolphin it's doing a hell of a lot more than that shark you keep accidentally stumbling onto we had to include the shark because this shark has become one of the not a I don't know not an unsung hero but the sleeping shark has come back it's a recurring character on the fish report and I just still think it's so funny that there's this one shark that refuses to move it's like I just I just don't feel like being in the hunt anymore I don't feel like chasing down humans This is the fish version Of Eddie's perfect wife Just someone lying there in an apartment Never moving Just waiting for Jeopardy to come on You know I've never seen a more bored shark in my life I feel like any footage of sharks that you ever see They're swimming around menacingly They're just doing crazy things And this one is just like I am taking a nap in the sand I've just never seen Esa es en viven, no es en tiene gallina...

39:24Ben Mandelker: I will say though The sharks are sort of more tubular Than say a lot of the fish A lot of the fish are sort of like these Like narrow Like I feel like you could If they didn't want to kill you, you could probably hug a shark You could probably wrap your arms around him Just hug it, but you can't do that with a fish That's true I've tried So next we go to this crazy looking thing I don't know, what the hell is this thing? I can't even conceptualize where There's an eye This is an octopus that's preparing for a fight outside the mall. It's like clapping its arms. It's an octopus? But wait, it has fins.

40:04Look.

40:05Ben Mandelker: No, it's just doing some pizzazz. It may be two octopuses hanging out. But it's like twirling something. It's like twirling fins. It's got flaps. You know, sometimes these octopuses have weird things on them. And this is his head It's flapping Because his eyes are down here This is a fabulous fucking octopus I have to say The outfit It's like neon yellow Neon orange Neon sci-fi blue I mean this is a fabulous It sort of looks like Piece of work It's not sort of look like A movie theater Like the lobby of like An Edward cinema Or something like that You know It's like Friday night modeling movies And this is what The neon lights And the color scheme That's the carpet See Angelica Pero esto es también mząd des recognizé Apa

41:18Ben Mandelker: Libra. Maybe they're in a fight They're either having sex or they're fighting Something's happening here I would like to know Yeah Okay, so then we have this This isn't a fish It's just a big clamshell But I think it's beautiful though Look at the As clamshells go As suggestive items from the sea go This is just gorgeous That blue Ribbon that goes through it It looks like that wood art that people make With That clear liquid that you pour into things And it gets hard, what's it called? I want to say Pero it's not that No, but yeah, you know what I mean, right? People make tables out of it It looks like that But it needs to do more Oh, this fish is gorgeous This is the Grace Jones of fish Oh, what a gorgeous fish So this is like, on the bottom es black y white spotted y en el top es black y leopard print y el tail es un mix de ambos y el lips son open y el painted orange y el fish es siempre singing es como este fish es siempre esto es siempre esto es un montón de house music si me cuando se dice que es speckled en la bottom es como los grandes los que son como un what do you call it?

42:46Ben Mandelker: It looks like flagstones or something like that like a soccer ball but my favorite part is where its eyes are it has this white strip it's got this dark coloration but then has this white strip around its eyes it just feels very glam very David Bowie, Grace Jones and it's just like this is the chic one it shows up it's like fashion forward it knows what the trends are it's going to the Met Gala This fish is doing it all It's fabulous but it keeps pumping into things porque tiene un blanco sobre la luz es como wearing a scarf sobre la luz es como este scarf es fabuloso pero no can't can't see a fucking thing this fish was friends with Basquiat at one point I don't know if you know that it is true the leopard print doesn't really match the outfit though I'm just going to go out and say it I'm no fashion gay but it kind of doesn't match but I

44:05¿Qué es esto?

44:08Ben Mandelker: These jellyfishes are blue And they have sequins Little studs almost They look like they're going to a fundraiser And it's like Hebo Bryson is performing And they're like, gotta get ready It's beautiful in movement But then look at this shot And it just looks like a nose With blackheads all over it It's a nose It's a nose with blackheads Yeah, okay, well that's ruined It's not as elegant anymore You're ugly now, sorry Ok, this is a drunk seahorse The seahorse is like, what the fuck This is the Tilda Swinton of seahorses I'm up, I'm back down Wait, is someone at the door? Nah I was at the door Why do they keep barking?

44:50Stop barking No one's at the door Is someone at the door? Oh god, stop barking

44:55Ben Mandelker: Well this is the last time I ever go Swimming in marshmallow fluff I'll tell you one thing, this thing does not come off People don't know I'm actually a bright color of yellow This is another sea animal That God was like You're never going to sleep well I'm not going to make you I'm not going to make you a shape That you can sleep So in order to sleep You're going to have to grab onto Like roots with your tail And just sway That's what you get now You know what The seahorse sort of looks delicious Mainly because the seahorse Looks like it has a Vanilla glaze on it Dipped it in glaze I'm like ooh I never wanted to eat a seahorse before But this one I can't help but I kind of want to lick the seahorse right now It also has a chicken nugget body kind of I know it's one of the Strangest creations If you really look at it This was gorgeous so I loved this Now we have like a little is this a snail It looks like it looks like a snail It looks like it probably would kill you If you touched it I feel like it's got Like poison It's like a black snail with like yellow globs All over it coming out like pestiles sí Yeah, petstools.

46:06Ben Mandelker: Because there are some like snails that are super, like they'll kill you, like river snails that are like some, I don't know, like the horn snail or something or another. This one I'm not fucking with, but it is gorgeous. It is like, this is like Grace Coddington, What's Her Face, who works at Vogue. There's a lot of fashion forward fish today. And this one is like not approachable. Like you have to go through three assistants just to get an email to her, you know. or the one that's like always sick and then you're like, you have to come into work today you're calling in sick all the time, and then they show up and there's snot coming out of like open wounds on them, and you're like, why did you come in today?

46:43Because you made me come in it's like the one day you weren't faking it

46:48Ben Mandelker: and I have to say this nail is a little bit meta, because it sort of looks like this nail it was like spirit day in the office and you had to come up with a costume, so it like took its sweatshirt and stuck a bunch of Goldfish crackers to it and said well since we're under the sea I thought this would be an appropriate look And then it rained so they kind of melted It's like oh god that just looks stupid Okay so now we get more jellyfish Now these jellyfish are important Because they're not normal they're really small And they don't just go like this Yeah That's the sound of like a normal jellyfish Swimming dark These ones are Yeah They're very sexual They look both like penises And sperm all at the same time They're like the full The full spectrum of male sexuality It's like the one time Bob Fosse, Jellyfish was like We're tap dancing today We're Jellyfish but we will try it We're in the money We're in the money

47:51Ben Mandelker: Well hello Fishy Well hello Fishy Yeah, they're dancing They're having a great time And that was the Fisher Report Fisher Report That was the Fisher Report

48:09Okay, so now Mike and Eddie are working Okay, oh, Ben and Jenna Okay, so Ben and Jenna are going to listen to this conversation So Ellie comes with the cake She goes to the bow to see Joao But he's on the different levels She's like, how do I get down there? Y dice, bueno, ven a la derecha, y cambie a la sala que se ve como un chapa de la chapa. Voy a estar esperando en lo que se ve como un altar. Y dice, ok, estoy llegando.

48:40Ben Mandelker: Es mi primer primer limón marín cheesecake y he trabajado en lo que se ve como tres días. ¡Hasta la fecha! ¡Genetics! Y dice, bueno, muchas gracias. a lot. I appreciate it. My birthday wish is that I can marry you someday. Oh God, why do I keep saying these things? Okay, I'm going to keep it very black and white. Very black and white. Okay. My favorite color is gray. Oh, no. I'm doing it wrong. I'm doing it wrong. What do I say to her? What do I say? Is this lemon meringue? I hope we dance the meringue at our wedding. Oh God, please stop. So it's like, yeah, my first lemon meringue cheesecake.

49:17And Ben's like, oh God, here we go. Now this is when I I mean, I've already yelled at the TV a lot this episode, but this is the first time I was like, whoa. You can get more discuss... Why would you eat the cake? You know you're about to break up with her. Tell her, wait, I can't take your cake. Listen, I need to have... Don't eat the cake while you dump her. I mean, what a fucking monster, dude. So she gets the cake. She gives him a pizza, the cake. He eats the cake. Then asks how her day is. She's like, great. They eat the cake and Ben's like I told her She should save that fucking cake for the gas But she didn't listen to me

49:55Ben Mandelker: Yes he's so mad Or just serve it to the crew And Ben's like look at that body language She's very open but he's closed off He's got his arms and his knees and everything up So she's like Everybody wants to tear us apart For whatever reason And it hasn't like really even been coming from us It's been coming from like all the other people People want to keep us apart And he's like yes well You know, I guess I've played into that as well I'm not gonna lie I guess instant karma's gonna get ya Anyway, what's a What's a good Beatles song for this moment? Help! Okay, that's a good song Blackbird singing to that of Sam Take these broken wings And please let me dump you this time Okay, listen, here's the truth I am attracted to you Oh good, we're going to conceive baby On your birthday, nine months 9 months after daddy's birthday Nope, nope, nope, nope The truth is I'm attracted to you But I didn't mean to mislead you And if that's how you felt, it was very misleading She's like, um, what?

50:58I thought we were sorting things out What? Well, I thought we were on a mutual ground Where we can be friends And I really regret not being more stern about what I said I thought I said we are only friends I barely like you, who are you? Whose hands are those on my naked butt? Oh god, that finger in my back Ok, that did feel good. That part felt good. What am I talking about?

51:19Ben Mandelker: Let me put it to you this way. In life, sometimes you take the long and winding road. And unfortunately, that is a road that I must go on alone. But with you by my side, because we'll be married soon. So I hope I made this clear how I stand. Okay, well... The entire time you've been saying that you want to be respectful, and you want to get to know me, and you want to continue getting to know me. Well, to be fair, it's been a hard day's night. y no sé dónde iré para ir de aquí pero, you know, ha sido un día en la vida para mí, así que es muy difícil pero I apologize I do want to keep getting to know pero no significa que quiero estar con con ustedes I apologize, y estoy tratando de fixer lo que he wronged pero me gustaría que haya sido un modo para que nos siga un amigo básicamente, yo voy a un boat y tú vas a un submarino un submarino un submarino You just live alone on a...

52:15Do you understand?

52:19Ben Mandelker: I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are here, but I am nowhere. I'm a real nowhere man. Do you understand? A person who's nowhere can't be here at the same time. I don't understand. But you know what? Thank you. You've explained your stance. Thank you for that. We are moving on in a professional manner. We are co-workers and that is it. And I don't want friendship. I don't want chit chats and I don't want hugs I don't want anything we are co-workers and that is it and by all means enjoy the cake I put in a lot of effort which is why I'm not throwing it in your face Goodbye One is the loneliest number that you'll ever see and he continues to eat the fucking cake this fucker so she goes inside broken and I said this man is going to cry now and of course it cuts to Joao going I don't want to hurt en suолen

53:20i People ella

53:26Ben Mandelker: como el ve así

53:34Ben Mandelker: se se hice y y y talk que es muy promising que es un buen cake ¿Cómo se puede que se quede que se quede? Y luego de un close-up de la cake como se quede para todo el comida que se quede y dice Joao es un break-up cake ¡I cracked up!

53:57I didn't see that That's funny So Joao goes in y Jenna's like Happy birthday, St. Fettis Ben's like Let's look at the stars I reckon that's Venus Please

54:11Ben Mandelker: It was the moon He's crazy Does he not know the difference between the moon and Venus Well at least the camera showed us the moon And Jenna asked him why he knows She's like did you have a telescope and shit He's like I did physics I did physics too I loved physics I was about stint I was intelligent I was about stint What was that

54:39Ben Mandelker: Ok, sweetheart I'm going to go inside to watch you once to be a millionaire Good night So they get into bed And then we see those suggestive jellyfish It's like bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop And suddenly it's 5am It's like the almost time to climax Yeah It's 5, 10am Jenna gets up and goes to Ben's bed And they make out ¡Va, va, va, va, va! ¡Done, done! ¡Done! ¡Wow, what an episode! Joao Strikes Again. Joao Strikes Again. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for being here with us. Great times, as always. We will catch you on the bonus episode where we are recapping last week's Survivor. Why are we doing it the same day as the other Survivor comes out?

55:29Because that's how we roll. But we're going to have a good damn time doing it. So join us for that We'll talk to you next time, thanks for being here Bye

56:30¡Suscríbete al canal!

56:50Ben Mandelker: ¡Gracias!

57:31Ben Mandelker: ¡Suscríbete! Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall We got our wish, it's Jen Plisch My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo Let's get savage with Laura Wildman In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy Always killing it, it's Lola Alcalani Roger that, it's Marlis Rogers The incredible edible Matthews sisters She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose She's the lady of the house, it's Rachel Scherouse There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud She's our princess, it's Rebecca Prince Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Tell of Son Shannon, out of a can, and Anthony Please don't stop, it's Soli and Pop Let's take off with Tam La Plaine Strike a pose, it's Tori Rose She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar ¡Aplausos!

58:59Ben Mandelker: Para más información, pide la prueba de ColoGard Plus a tu médico. Para más información en español, visita ColoGard.com diagonal prueba.

59:39¡Suscríbete al canal!

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