#3329 The Valley S3E04: Date Noite

0:00Ronnie Karam: Okay, I have to tell you, I was just looking on eBay where I go for all kinds of things I love and there it was. That hologram trading card. One of the rarest. The last one I needed for my set. Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams. One of a kind. eBay had it and now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you get your windshield wipers? eBay has all the parts that fit my car. No more annoying. Just beautiful. Millions of finds, each with a story. eBay. Things people love.

0:54Ben Mandelker: monthly for six months. Shop now at Pura.com. What happens when there's so much that crap ends?

1:20Ronnie Karam: Well, hello and welcome to What's What Crappens! I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello, my little Benoony toons!

1:27Ben Mandelker: Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. What's going on with you? Not much. I'm just excited knowing that the Summer House reunion is taping as we speak. Can you even imagine what's happening right now? Wait, let me listen in. Amanda. Why did you do that, Amanda? Oh, my God. So nice to hear it's going well.

1:50Ronnie Karam: I just expected a lot of investment. Softer. Could you say that softer? Today is a show that's nothing like Summer House. It's the Valley, except that they all live in houses that are very hot at all times because they live in the Valley. It is the Valley Recap, everybody. If you want this on video or you want bonus episodes, this week of Survivor, or if you want our free newsletter or Discord community or ad-free listening, you get that all on Patreon. So thanks to everybody who's a member. Go be one. Okay. um this week amazon live is different it will be at 2 p.m due to other scheduling things within amazon so that'll be 2 p.m this monday and that specific time so join us for that we're going to be talking about splurging on kitchen essentials okay yeah um now let's get into the valley season three episode four mariposa mama yeah um you know uh the the sense that i'm getting from a lot of

2:53Ben Mandelker: people all around the internet and just people i'm chatting with is that the valley is not so good this season people are like oh was it good was it me right before this this episode

3:05Ronnie Karam: and then i didn't want to say that on uh the air but uh the show kind of sucks okay but go ahead Thank you for not outing me. There have been a lot of people have been like,

3:13Ben Mandelker: The Valley is so bad. And people were saying that on the second episode. I remember after the second episode aired, people were like, The Valley is so bad this season. And I was like, well, it's not as good as last season, but it's not, I don't think it's terrible. Here is my two-pronged opinion about it. As I'm watching The Valley, I'm like, this show is still perfectly fine. It doesn't have the urgency, perhaps, of having a terrible villain like Jax on it, but it's still perfectly fine. But the other prong of it is, that being said, we need to start cutting out the short scenes. This is not it.

3:52Ben Mandelker: This is not the direction. It's amazing how the show grinds to a halt the moment we have a Schwartz-centric scene and storyline. I mean, Lala, we can sort of get away with. You know, Lala, she's like a little bit of an agitator. She's trying. but the Schwartz shit is so bad. This was such a colossal fail to bring this man back onto the show as a full-fledged cast member. The fact that we have to stop and we have to watch stupid scenes of him at the Belmont, which by the way, the Belmont's not even in the Valley. Hello, hammer and nails, not even in the Valley. So they're even sacrificing their own premise just to accommodate Schwartz.

4:31Ben Mandelker: It is an abject failure. I don't think the show is bad right now. I think the show is perfectly fine. I do actually find the storylines of the various women going through postpartum to be actually pretty compelling and interesting. But this shit has got to end. No more Schwartz on our TV.

4:48Ronnie Karam: Well, my question is, why are you leaving Lala out of that? I mean, Lala's just as bad. She's just as bad. And this whole episode was Lala and Schwartz trying to make something happen when Schwartz has already been dating somebody else the whole time and they know this. So they're wasting her fucking time with their fake bullshit. and the postpartum stuff i know that it happens in real life and it's not that i have no feel feeling about it you know like it sucks and i'm definitely rooting for both of them against their stupid men you know their sex pest men that they're with but i don't necessarily want to watch tv to watch everybody being depressed that's not i have that okay i have enough depression in my own life that's why i come to bravo i don't watch it for this shit so it's like everybody's depressed then they then they've got lala and schwartz on with this fake bullshit you guys stop wasting my time make a show or don't if you don't have enough to make a show don't put a show on

5:43Ben Mandelker: yeah okay well it's not that i i i mean i of course i i also don't want to see depressing stuff however at least what kristin and um and nia are going through that's like real that's real stuff they're grappling with real issues with their partners their partners are being selfish, but it's fascinating to see it play out and how they're dealing with it. The Schwartz stuff is not real. This is not real or is it interesting? And it's also arguably sadder than the postpartum. One of the few things that could be is watching Schwartz try to navigate the world. And like, I'm sorry, it's just, it's just not, it's not good.

6:21Ben Mandelker: And the reason why I exempt Lala is because I do believe that like, yeah, Lala, I think also doesn't have anything interesting going on, but you put her in a group scene and if there's some sort of discussion, she is at least going to take a stand about something. She's going to push someone to take a stand. She's going to sort of do the reality star thing, but Schwartz isn't even going to do that. Schwartz will offer zero and he seems like a nice enough guy, at least superficially, but it's just not compelling TV. And I think it's, I just think it was laziness on behalf of the producers in Bravo to put him back on the show.

6:59Ben Mandelker: I think they needed to cultivate new talent and bring new people into this group. And I know they were probably thinking, oh, but we want to be authentic and bring someone in who's an actual friend to all these people. I'm like, yeah, but they have other friends than Schwartz. Bring someone else. Bring one of the other people who's wearing a fedora in the background. Bring them to the fore, but not Schwartz.

7:20Ronnie Karam: Yeah, and part of raising kids and moving to a different place is that you meet new people anyway. way so new people naturally come into your life bring someone in from carpool lane you know or something like that um yeah i agree with you on all of that i just um you know the sad the postpartum stuff like i'm not saying keep it off the show i think it's just difficult with it being two of the cast members that it's like every storyline is depressing like bravo there's always one thing you know there's always drama we're watching things that are mixed with drama and fun so it's just the mix is off you know where it's all depressing shit um and we also don't care i love this show like i love the valley and that's why i care because i feel like this is the same team who fucked up vanderpump rules and you know vanderpump rules was fucked up with forcing lala to go in there and try and like force a tom redemption story and make ariana film with tom and then and then turn on ariana at the end just to make good tv like she's part of the reason her and production are part of the reason that show sucked in the end and why it tanked.

8:25Ronnie Karam: So for them to be like, oh, you know what's great? Let's bring back on Lala and Schwartz. We don't need that. You're so tanked. This is a new chance. You know, let these people have their chance. They had a good show before you guys started fucking with it.

8:38Ben Mandelker: This is one of the issues that happens in TV all the time. I mean, show after show after show, this happens on it. is that when a light, fluffy show, a campy, you know, I don't know, a show that's not taken seriously, whether it's this, whether it's this show, whether it's Gossip Girl, whether it's Revenge, whether it's The O.C., if it gets like enough attention and enough clout where people say this is actually a really good show and that like, yes, it is silly and pulpy, but it actually is a really good show too, then what happens is producers get in their head that like, oh, we've got something serious here.

9:19Ben Mandelker: We've got to be about something deeper and more real. And then they come out with a season that is somber and is focused on quote unquote like the real shit. And like, we're going to really connect with people because the producers who work on these types of shows, who work on like things that would not be considered prestigious but are getting prestigious acclaim want to be taken seriously. and so they follow up with very morose seasons and i think we're sort of seeing that here you know we're seeing like like uh we're seeing like couples fighting like you don't understand me and again i actually think that's okay but what we're not getting is the light fun stuff and we have janet who's on the sidelines we don't we haven't seen janet in two episodes and i know people are like oh god i fucking hate janet you cannot sideline your villains and the reason why she's been on the sidelines is because the cast, the cast, like a lot of them are mad at her and the producers have to be like, guess what?

10:13Ben Mandelker: She's on the show and you have to film with her. But instead the producers are saying, that's okay. She's on the sidelines because we're going to focus on what it's like for a new, like a new mom to, uh, to be, you know, struggling with her husband. And I'm like, yeah, that's interesting, but that cannot be the A story here. I'm sorry. It can't because like what it has to be about this group of people and how they're all interacting and And there's just no villain. So it's sort of rudderless.

10:39Ronnie Karam: Well, I say just get rid of Janet because I don't want to see Janet either. I mean, Janet and Jason have got themselves into this corner. They're refusing to back down. So in a natural friend group, they're not going to be hanging out with a friend group. So get rid of them and recast somebody else. There are plenty of assholes in the valley. I live there. So trust me. There are plenty of assholes with babies that you guys could cast. And it would be fine. And the original cast of Vanderpump Rules, you know, a lot of them met each other. Like when they say how long they've known each other, it's always how long Vanderpump Rules was running.

11:12Ronnie Karam: So they make it sound like, oh, these people knew each other for so long. They didn't really know each other that long. So eventually you bond by being on the show, just like a housewife show. So just bring somebody new, please. You're killing this show, you guys. Stop it. Stop killing this show. I love this show. Leave it alone. Yeah.

11:28Ben Mandelker: I think you have this. I think the feud at the center of the season is, is, is ruining the vibe of the show. Honestly, I think that's the issue. And the fact that, that they don't know, like the producers, this is the second time they've been stymied by something like this and they don't really know how to deal with it. And in fact, Bravo has to start figuring out a way to handle shows that, that encounter this. Cause it happens quite a bit where there was a bitter feud where it's just irreconcilable and uh and then what happens is the show gets mired in it and it's not in a fun way it's just like just something that you're stuck with and then the viewers have to sit through it and so because the cast don't really do normal scenes we get stuck with you know crap like schwartz going to the belmont to try to date you know a tiny version of heather gay oh my god wow

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14:33Ronnie Karam: Okay, so let's get into it. Here we go. Season three, Episode four, we open at me and Danny's house. They're trying to be wacky because Danny has looked like a jackass this entire season. So I guess they're trying to have like another fun Danny's just a fun dad scene. And he's singing, pump, pump, pump it up. That's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner snackies. You know, you can start selling that stuff, Nia. She's like, I feel like a human milk factory. I've been breastfeeding or pregnant for five years yeah I just want to save people on this show just want to show up in my van throw them in there, take them far away and say we're going to start a GoFundMe for nannies and you just need a job get out of the house this is terrible

15:22Ben Mandelker: save this poor lady in Santa Clarita so Danny's like well speaking of babies so I brought you something over it's called Mr. Milker the world's number one breastfeeding devash so it's this thing you basically put this kind of bib over like men put this bib over themselves and then they there's like holes where the nipples would be and you stick the bottle through the hole and then you stick a picture of the mom's face on your face and you kind of like trick the baby into thinking that it's it's basically you know suckling on mama's teat and it's so funny because you watch this you watch danny doing it like oh my god this fucking cheese ball like but but what was so funny was that like two days prior there was a video that went viral of a guy using this kit on an airplane and the the the vibe was kind of like this is a great dad look at this he's basically it was like mom's not there so he's doing whatever it takes to feed this baby and like like everyone's like oh what a great dad and then danny does it it's like okay sir enough with

16:25Ronnie Karam: your cheese ball antics well it's just it's just problematic because you know he had this whole season of groping women you know that was his storyline and now he wants to have a storyline entitled mr milker like this just wasn't very well thought through that's all i'm saying um i looked up mr milker um on amazon it's actually not part of it that you make the face the mom You just wear the vest and then the dad is milking it. Danny just made it where you put the face. It's like he doesn't even want to take responsibility enough where the babies will get used to him doing the milking. He just wants to be like, look, it's milking.

17:05Ronnie Karam: Your mom gets a five-minute break and then she's back. Like, no, you have the baby look at your face and want to eat all the time. Don't try and pass it off to Nia.

17:16Ben Mandelker: Well, it's funny because the guy in the viral video also attached a picture to his face. Maybe the video is old and maybe Danny saw it and maybe I'm the one who's late to the party. I don't know.

17:26Ronnie Karam: I'm sorry that we're not up to date on all of our Mr. Milker lore.

17:31Ben Mandelker: Our Mr. Milker content.

17:33Ronnie Karam: We're just a little slow, guys. Sorry. Danny's like, gosh, Nia, obviously, there's so much going on because we got four under four. She's wearing so many hats. Yeah, I'm just trying to get creative here. Just trying to get creative and have fun. How about you get creative and move her back to where she's not completely segmented, you know, segmented away from all of her friends? How about that?

17:57Ben Mandelker: How about you get creative with some snippers and get that thing tied off? Okay. Because she didn't even really want to have another baby. Let's not forget. So it's not even about Santa Clarita. It was like, she was like, I'm done. I'm sick of doing this. It's like, guess what? don't worry because I'm going to get Mr. Milker and I'm going to help out for about two minutes per day. Okay. Yeah.

18:21Ronnie Karam: Santa Clarita. So, uh, Santa Clarita. So they, um, make wacky jokes about this Mr. Milker and Nia just tries to laugh. She's like, uh, that is so fun, Danny. You're so fun. Just staring off into the camera like, help. She's blanking Morse code for help. and then he's like hey little baby were you traumatized and that you see that wasn't really mama were you were you traumatized yeah because one of the kids pulls the picture off of danny's

18:54Ben Mandelker: face and the baby sees it the baby's like uh that's like you little brats taking the picture off so then danny tells me uh like show uh yeah so i talked to luke and apparently he met up with jason and jason said there are some things that he wants to apologize to me about and he was like and they basically hand the children off to her mom and he is like Luke said that Jason maybe wants to apologize or does he want to apologize well he said he has some things she wants to apologize about but you know they're getting together tonight at some cigar lounge and all the guys and Jason just wants to have a talk with me there I don't know if he could ever walk back being called the she word I should say the C-L word C-L-O-W-N word God I can't believe I just spelled it out how rude of me oh my god if I ever get called that again I swear I'm going to lose my cool.

19:44Ben Mandelker: Gosh.

19:45Ronnie Karam: Have you ever been to a cigar lounge?

19:49Ben Mandelker: I don't know if I have. Oh, you didn't ask just because it's the,

19:55Ronnie Karam: so the guys on this show to go to a cigar lounge. I mean, I've, I've been with my dad cause my dad goes to meet the guys at a cigar lounge. Let me tell you, walking into a cigar lounge, you look around at those people. Those are a bunch of people whose wives hate them. I hate them. They're like going to a cigar lounge, you know, to get their freedom from their women. They go smoke some cigars. And then guess what you come home smelling like? A cigar. You come home reeking, just reeking, you know? So anyway, she's like - My dad loves cigars, by the way.

20:24Ben Mandelker: My dad loves cigars. Mine too. I don't think, you know, I don't know if he, I don't know if he really went to too many, I think he definitely went to lounges, but he would often like smoke them in a patio, like our patio. I actually love the smell of cigars. I think it's because I just have an association of childhood of smelling my dad's cigar. So when I smell someone smoking a cigar, I'm like, that's pleasant to me. Or pipe. That's the best is pipe. I love the smell of pipe. Do people still smoke pipes anymore?

20:53Ronnie Karam: Yeah, like steampunk guys. Or stoners.

20:57Ben Mandelker: Way to ruin it.

21:01Ben Mandelker: Do people investigate mysteries anymore? Because those people definitely smoke pipes.

21:06Ronnie Karam: I mean like Poro or like Sherlock Holmes they used to smoke pipes but that was a long time ago they're done, pipes are done they still sell them though in head shops you can get a regular pipe the same place you can get like a weed pipe or a meth pipe so Nia's like was there a world where you guys can like coexist in the same space he's like honestly I just don't know there's just so much damage been done by Jason he's doubled down he's defended his wife on everything And then he called me the worst thing you could possibly call someone. I was like a sexual assaulter, a clown, a douchebag. It's just toxic.

21:47Ben Mandelker: Can't believe you would call me a clown. Now, excuse me while I put on another picture of my wife and have a baby sucker. I feel a hole in my shirt.

21:55Ronnie Karam: Now, excuse me while I trick our baby into breastfeeding out of my tit.

22:01Ben Mandelker: so now we go to hammer and nails which again this is not the valley this is west hollywood and i also would like to lodge a formal complaint hammer nails is like supposed to be thick and nail salon but for men so we don't have any of that stupid women's stuff going on there so i tried to go to hammer nails once because i saw it on shark tank they are they charge like $150 for a mani-pedi. I'm like, you know what? Go fuck yourselves. And now you're going to host a short scene? I'm not having it today. I've whipped myself into a frenzy where everything's bothering me now. I'm like, and another thing.

22:37Ben Mandelker: The way he parked in the parking spot. Like, you know what? You're just going to leave yourself at a 1.2 degree angle? Get in there at 0 % angle parallel to the curb.

22:46Ronnie Karam: I like how it's slowly taking you over. You start off by, you know, people are saying this show sucks now, but I'm telling you really it's really it really doesn't at all and by the second scene you're like fuck this show and fuck their location scout too i just have like long-standing resentment towards hammer and

23:02Ben Mandelker: nails because it looks really cool in there and i like i really wanted to go but i'm like i just can't justify spending this much money and like for for a mani-pedi i'm sorry it like really bothers me that hammer and nail charges that much it's not right it's not right and if you're trying to be accessible if you're trying to like tell men like hey you should get a mani-pedi because it's like it's not just for women like everyone should be involved in self-care well make yourself

23:26Ronnie Karam: more accessible okay yeah seriously hammer nails so jason and oh this is my this is my stump issue for 2026 down with hammer nails so we go to uh jason and tom and uh they're you know tom's like well i feel great but i'm going to the belmont and i was riffing with michelle and lala that like we were like we should have singles night and oh hey hey lady who works here saying hi he's like you want to come with us to the belmont you ever been there she's like yeah i've been there of course i've been there he's like yeah that's where i met my ex my my wife well she's my ex-wife now she really hates me now do you want to come like yeah and jason's like well that's uh maybe we're

24:15Ben Mandelker: going to meet your next wife too, dude. It's like, it's the wife's store, dude. That's like, where do you go? It's the wife's store. It's funny.

24:21Ronnie Karam: That's the Matthew McConaughey of bars. You get older, but everybody else stays the same.

24:28Ben Mandelker: Yeah. I don't, this is, okay. This is not being me being like ranty and silly, but I actually genuinely don't think that they should be going to the Belmont on the Valley. I actually think that they should leave the Belmont for Vanderpump Rules. I think, I actually think that they need to literally not cross streams like that right like the whole thing is that this is the they've grown up and they moved out of these spaces so the fact that we're going into a vanderpump rules space i think is actually like legitimately wrong for the show well you know i i see what you're saying

24:59Ronnie Karam: and i kind of agree with you but now that you said it i'm like well but part of the real you know if we're talking about it being real i think if they if they're going to make tom schwartz work on this show, they really should zone, hone in on the fact that he's, or home in rather, on the fact that he's like an aging guy who refuses to age in LA and keeps dating 20 year olds. And that is what the Belmont is, but just do it in a realistic way. Don't make it a date night with Michelle. No one's buying that. Watch Tom go in there and skeeve all over young women all night. That's what he's doing. So that would at least be a portrait of what happens to men, you know, pretty men when they stay in LA too long, like past their prime, and they just refuse to accept it and just you know creep out on younger women all the time that's what i want to see if you're going to show me that show me the sad side of it

25:48Ben Mandelker: this is what happens to pretty men and then next up is a sunset strip

25:52Ronnie Karam: oh he's already there he's still on the strip you know he's still like hey you ever ridden a bull

26:01Ben Mandelker: wow um so uh then jesse comes by and he's like okay guys let me tell you why i was late i came from a doctor i went to get tested for rabies so if i start foaming and biting i'm patient zero by the way i'm like well don't did you get cleared because if you're not cleared get leave this nail salon.

26:23Ronnie Karam: Why do you think you got rabies and you're asking someone to cut into you?

26:30Ben Mandelker: You get... I mean, maybe that's why he wants to get his nails cut so that way he doesn't scratch anyone, but you are in quarantine until you get cleared from rabies, sir. Do not meet me at a hammer and nail.

26:43Ronnie Karam: There's a squirrel, okay? Because the squirrels are living large with organic large almonds from Whole Foods, guys, okay? And Tom's like, yeah, from air one. And he's like, yeah, it's a bougie squirrel. But, you know, like I put almonds down and he came in, like hugged my finger with his nails and then he scratched me and then he bit me. And so I'm like sitting here and, you know, she's on the computer and she goes, so the CDC said that two animals that there's never been a case of rabies with are opossums and squirrels. But, you know, like, I don't know. Then I Googled, can I get rabies from a squirrel?

27:14Ronnie Karam: And it said, yeah, here's the symptoms of rabies. You know, if a wild squirrel bites

27:20Ben Mandelker: It's me. I am at the ER. I'm telling you that right now. Because squirrels, I've actually heard that squirrels are pretty rare with rabies, but they have another disease. I don't know what it is, but they have another one. Adorableness.

27:34Ronnie Karam: I get bit by a squirrel. I'm just walking down the street, and then I just stop, and my butt shakes really fast. I twitch my head a little and keep walking. What could be so bad? Getting nuts and cracked real quick. I have one too many friends who have been attacked by squirrels.

27:50Ben Mandelker: I think squirrels are super cute, but I don't like getting near them because I've got one too many friends that said I was walking down the street and a squirrel freaked out and charged at me and ran up my leg. And I don't want Mr. Bean. I am friends with a giant acorn.

28:14Ben Mandelker: But I'm Jack Tripper.

28:16Ronnie Karam: Like, who is your friend?

28:18Ben Mandelker: I am like I I just try not to get too close to the squirrels I enjoy a squirrel and yes I understand they're just a rat with a cute tail but you know what though a good haircut matters in this world okay because guess what

28:33Ronnie Karam: we all know

28:36Ben Mandelker: look you put a nice wig on a baby I'm going to change my tune

28:43Ronnie Karam: I always know they say babies are just a rat with a what'd you say right with the sweater not like you tell a rat with a cute tail

28:54Ben Mandelker: listen you see a lady walking down walking to you in like the quote-unquote karen haircut you're gonna brace yourself any other haircut you'll be happy styling matters styling matters squirrels rats understand this yeah uh so jesse's like yeah so then uh my girlfriend looked it up

29:13Ronnie Karam: and then she's like, I can, you know, help find a doctor. She's really sweet. Yeah, she's also someone who doesn't want to live with a rabies-infested weirdo.

29:23Ben Mandelker: Yeah.

29:27Ben Mandelker: That's a pretty basic instinct. Oh, you're bitten by something that may have rabies. I think I'll find you a doctor.

29:34Ronnie Karam: God, she's so sweet. He's like lost an arm. Like, he's bleeding all over the... Maybe we should call a doctor. God, what a good girlfriend. friend. So Tom tells him that he's going to singles night at the Belmont with your ex-wife and Lala. And he's like, oh, I thought you and Michelle were going to do it. And he's like, yeah, but I would never disrespect you like that unless it was true love. Like if I truly loved her, that would be different. I would never uplift the booty.

30:03Ben Mandelker: And Jesse's like, well, if anybody's going to do it, I'd be happy if it were you. He's like, oh man, that was sweet as hell. Are you serious? I know wait is that the rabies talking he's rabid he's rabid okay Jesse's version of rabies is that he actually becomes sweeter and lovelier a nice person he's like a good husband

30:24Ronnie Karam: so he says we're strictly Isabella now and you know I don't know what Michelle's out there saying like apparently she's telling Jasmine my friendship with Jasmine and Kristen and everything is a fake friendship and I'm just a showman

30:38Ben Mandelker: and God they these guys are really triggered with these circus terms. You called me a showman. Well, you called me a clown. Well, you called me a ringleader. You said I was a lion tamer.

30:53Ben Mandelker: So Jason is like, well, I will acknowledge that in the beginning of first hearing about Lacey and then the whole situation where Janet asked me to block her. I mean, these are sort of small, like petty things, you know, and all that stuff. And Jesse tells us, I get along with Jason, but I'm still pissed at Janet. the way she treated Lacey last year. Like, okay, look, Lacey said, was like, don't talk about me. I'm going to give you a cease and desist. I think everyone on the receiving end of those cease and desists have a right to be annoyed at Lacey. I'm sorry.

31:26Ronnie Karam: But they never got the cease and desist. She just said she would send a cease and desist. I don't know. I'm still team Lacey. I haven't seen Lacey do anything yet that has been bad. But here's what I've seen about Michelle. Michelle teams up with Janet So

31:43Ben Mandelker: Who do I pick? Ronnie If Dom said to you Don't talk any shit about me Otherwise I'm sending a cease and desist Would you be like oh okay I would never talk about Dom You would say I'll say what I want

31:57Ronnie Karam: No I wouldn't because I would never talk shit about Dom Because I have respect for you as my friend And also I really like Dom But I would never do that That's the difference like i don't think it's crazy for somebody like lacy i don't think it's crazy for lacy jesse goes to lacy and says these ladies are calling you trash saying you're a slut whatever whatever was being said of course she's going to be like tell him to stop i didn't sign up to be on this show i'm not getting paid to be on this show tell him to shut the fuck up about me i think that i would be more i'm more on that side personally well i don't remember what they

32:28Ben Mandelker: were originally saying i don't remember what generated the cease and desist but i still think that like if I were on the receiving end of someone, if someone who was like not on the show, who like actually actively started dating someone who was on the show and then got mad that like people on the show were talking about the relationship and it was like, I'm gonna send you a cease and desist. I'd be like, fuck you, I'm doing my job here. I'm like weighing in with my opinion on this relationship. You know, I'd be like, so I totally think it's justified for people to have been annoyed at Lacey last year.

33:03Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I mean, annoyed. I was annoyed with Lacey last year. But then this year, I was like, I'm not as annoyed with her. I don't know why. I mean, like the thing on Beverly Hills, you've got Rachel.

33:12Ben Mandelker: She's just wearing a hat to the restaurant.

33:15Ronnie Karam: You've got Rachel Zoe talking mad shit about the new girlfriend of her ex-husband. And she's saying, like, this girl's trash. She's a fake stylist. Blah, blah, blah. Well, I can understand why Rachel would hate the new girlfriend of the ex. Like, I get that. So I don't care that she's really talking shit about her. But I also didn't care that the lady came out and was like, fuck you, Rachel Zoe. I'm not trashed and you don't have any right to say this. You want to say it to my face or whatever her social media was. And everyone's like, how dare that lady? No, I think that lady has the right to stand up for herself.

33:49Ronnie Karam: Why not? I mean, it's not fair. These people get paid little already. But to not even be getting paid and to be getting called trash on national TV, I think you have the right to stick up for yourself. well god am i gonna regret this in the future what if lacy comes out to be a total terrorist

34:06Ben Mandelker: i'm like team lacy well you never know listen we're allowed to change our opinions but nothing is locked in it's okay uh jesse is like um well i think there's some unrealized resolved issues between jenna and lacy and it's really on them to have a conversation to figure it out so then um uh tom's like hey jason how's how are your feet he's like nice and soft oh so it's like okay, so what's singles night going to be like when you're going on a speed date, right? And Tom, or I'm sorry, Jesse asked that to Tom and Tom's like, well, no, it's at the, honestly, I really don't even care. It's a dating night.

34:40Ronnie Karam: There's a lot, it's not even a speed dating night. They're calling it that, but it's just the single women on the show taking Tom out basically. And so Jesse's like, well, if Schwartz and Michelle ended up dating, that would be so much fuel for me to use at all times to make them feel uncomfortable. Like I'm pushing them into dating. at this point. So they leave and they're talking to the girl at the desk again. And Jesse's like, you got a boyfriend? Because Schwartz here is looking for a lady. He's got a couple of dates tonight at the Belmont. She's like, oh. And they're like, you should go. She goes, well, I'm going to.

35:14Ronnie Karam: Don't be surprised when I show up. Hammer and nails.

35:21Ben Mandelker: So guess what? Now Michelle and Lala go to Kyle Chan's store. So we're just heading to some more Vanderbump Rules territory. and basically Michelle wants to change her wedding ring into like a necklace so Lala is like asking those questions because I have like the setting for mine and like it's going to be really good because I like I kind of feel like I want to drop Ocean's Brust on it it's going to be amazing so they're just like asking him about the ring and everything and he's looking at the ring and he's examining it and giving it options and everything and goes on for a while of examining how to turn this ring

35:58Ronnie Karam: We're literally watching them like, yeah, talk about jewelry. So Michelle's like, yes, I had not put it on, you know, but then I had a flashback of this day. Not that I want to get back with him, but it was like a beautiful time in my life. The proposal was so amazing. He took me on my birthday trip to Barris and he surprised me. And there was a photographer hiding in the bag. And he gave an amazing speech. And of course I said, yes, it was such a beautiful trip.

36:28Ben Mandelker: You know, I truly hated him last year, and I'm, like, barely recovering from all the trauma that he did to me, including pretending he was the sort of guy that would take me to Paris every year, not just once for show. But once my mom passed, I just kind of let it go, and he was mad, and that's why he did all that stuff to me. But we did have, like, a really beautiful time for a long time.

36:55Ronnie Karam: Yeah, but they are still not divorced yet. So it's been two years. She's like I just want to be divorced by this year. This is my goal So then we go to Jasmine Brittany and Kristen and they're going out to dinner and it's girls my girls my girls girls My girls No Girls night because Kristen's really depressed You Would it help if I do this lot?

37:28Ronnie Karam: contagious and contagious

37:32Ben Mandelker: kristin is feeling sad uh she just she's unhappy about how she looks and she's really taking it hard and um they're trying to really boost her up and everything and she's like hi you know you're only three months out you know it's all three months and they're like yeah come on kristin she's like it doesn't change how i feel and so she's really sad so she goes to the bathroom and she says, you know, she just feels like, I just feel like I'm this weird new Kristen in someone else's body now. So she comes back and they're just trying to boost her. And Jasmine's like, do you think that hanging out with the girls makes you feel a little bit more comfortable being out in public?

38:10Ben Mandelker: She's like, no. I mean, I literally texted Luke when I got here and I said, I'm never leaving the house ever again. So they're like, okay. Brittany, do you got something? You got something to help out?

38:21Ronnie Karam: Anybody able to be helpful here? And Jasmine's like, okay, you know, I just want you to know that we're, you know, here for you. And, like, if you need stuff like girls' night or dinner or something like that, you know, we're here. Yeah, we're always here. It's like, oh, God, I just, God, I don't know if you know this, Brittany, but, like, about law. So, like, do you know this, Brittany? She's like, oh, my God, I do know because Brandon is the one who told her. I mean, I can't believe Brandon got so messy. i was like brandon it shouldn't have been you with the gossiper and he was like apologizing to me like oh my god i'm so embarrassed i feel like i started drama he also lied you know which is kind of the issue like if he had started the drama and then actually stuck to his guns but then to start the drama to be like i never said that what are you talking about i didn't say that she said you were fake i said that it's not like she said that you were fake i mean come on

39:15Ben Mandelker: so jasmine's like do you think brandon is um like a messy person is he trying to be messy no no he's not he asked me to be his girlfriend though isn't that great person's like what you didn't tell me oh my god well you know he didn't have dinner on the night before me his party it was just like so much and then they brought a baked potato to the table and i was like oh my god there's a baked potato i lived with two boyfriends that night

39:42Ben Mandelker: You're a cool potato So Jasmine's like This guy is messy as hell He lives for five hours away He's got two or three baby mamas I mean it's just too much And I think Brittany is not seeing it that way Pop the puss but let's not pop labels

39:58Ronnie Karam: Okay So Brittany's just Brittany's like Y 'all just be happy for me Just be happy for me Brittany they're watching you crash into a wall again okay it's not everybody's job to constantly be happy for you when you're making stupid ass decisions yeah so then we go to the guys luke jesse tom and jason they're at la casa for cigar night yeah so jesse is like so uh you a cigar smoker and jason's like

40:32Ben Mandelker: um i'm like a reversible clinton like i have that i have trouble not inhaling like like reverse bill clinton he's like wait no no no i mean like oh god that could be multiple things oh my god and so luke goes see how did you bring your knee pads ha ha you just admitted that you like giving blowjobs um so danny's not there yet but and they're not sure if he's coming but he's

40:59Ronnie Karam: coming and he's squirting milk at them out of his boobs like hey guys four under four am i right All right, let's see what Janet has to say. I mean, Jason, sorry, my bad.

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44:00Ben Mandelker: So Jesse arrives and he brings a bottle of whiskey. and Tom is like, oh, wow, this is like the adult version of Oreos and milk. And Jesse is like, yeah, Danny, are you partaking in a little whiskey? He's like, no, no, I'll just have the Pellegrino. You just can call me Danny Pellegrino and I'd have some scotch, but I don't want to be labeled by anybody around the table here. God forbid.

44:30Ronnie Karam: God, like last week when he was taking shots and then saying, I'm just going to have a mocktail, a mocktail. Danny, so sad. Jeez. So Jason's like, well, you know, I'm coming here with flowers tonight. Like essentially there are things that I'd like to apologize for. You know, I have a lot of regrets about how I handled myself emotionally, you know, like I got for, oh God, lack of a better word, triggered. We're still using that one, right? That's still a get out of jail free card, right? Triggered. Yeah, I'm triggered. You know, I'm very protective over my wife, you know, but there was zero organized systematic takedown.

45:03Ronnie Karam: Okay, that never happened. Oh, God. All right. So we're just here to bullshit. What's the point? You know, I mean, did Lacoste just need the publicity?

45:12Ben Mandelker: Yes, probably. So then he goes, well, listen, I'm not here to be friends with you, to be honest, okay? One thing that we clowns do is we don't let people in easily. So don't get excited to get into my little car because you're not invited.

45:30Ronnie Karam: He's like, well, I'm in the same boat as you. I'm not here to be friends with you either. Great. Especially hearing this perspective now, how you could treat me this way right after I was triggered. Right after. And it looks like, what's happening here? This night is supposed to be about us coming together, accepting my mullet and never telling me to change it. But not only are people not apologizing, you know, like, hey, listen, the big apology, guys, that hasn't happened is for the terminology used on that boat in Maui. Like, that is something that's only not been apologized for. It has been backed up.

46:10Yeah.

46:11Ben Mandelker: And so then we see a flashback.

46:13Ronnie Karam: If you're going to date people and then force them to be on reality TV, don't let it be Luke. Like, we need to start making people on this show, before you get impregnated, we need your sperm donor to go through auditions. Because this guy's terrible.

46:28Ben Mandelker: I just keep on having flashbacks to last week when he wore his shirt open at that frontier party and no one else did so Jason is like well okay I will talk about that right now so as you said afterwards I did tell Janet I'm like Janet I really wish you didn't use that kind of word and she feels the same way about that just so you know yeah but the damage was so major do you know how many zombie voiceover roles I lost it's terrible Jesse's like it's inexcusable yeah and it's inexcusable and so major and these bridges are burned and he's rolling his eyes and jason's like i'm rolling my eyes a little bit at the excusability oh yeah okay i did nothing to them they took somebody else's situation weaponized it that they had nothing to do with and just bulldozed it over and over again listen if i wanted to rub the inside of jansai and said get a drink for daddy I would have done it if I did to someone else.

47:23Ben Mandelker: So therefore, I'm off the hook.

47:26Ronnie Karam: Yeah, but here's the thing. Like, if you get drunk and you do something fucking weird and terrible, like, it's not just affecting the person you did it to. Like, it's going to make other women in the group feel weird, dude. So yeah, my wife felt weird around you. And he says, what did I do to your wife? And he's like, well, what did you do? You made her feel weird in the pantry, first of all. Oh, God, we're going back to the pantry. Just get out. Like, Janet and Jason need to stop this. Like, they're going to up it this year. You watch. I can't wait to see what their new thing is. Like, why this really triggered Janet.

47:58Ronnie Karam: It's going to be some vile thing. He went to take a shot in the pantry, so he closed the door. He wasn't coming on to Janet in that pantry. Stop.

48:06Ben Mandelker: So Danny is like, oh, my gosh. And guess what? I apologize for that. And Luke is like, I fucking love you, Danny. And I think we have all a great time together. But we can have a great time together. And if a couple of people are very much at odds, like, you know what? can we tolerate each other yeah well we'll get there i have to speak to my other insane clown poshy friends danny's like or i say i guess jesse says that danny's like i'll take

48:34Ronnie Karam: some time he's like listen i'm sick i don't like being called all sorts of names all right and i'm just sick of it and i don't want to have that anymore but i can try could you please stop rubbing your own breast god these just feel so good don't they anybody want to try them daddy's

48:51Ben Mandelker: here come to daddy come to dad does anyone know why jesse is foaming into a cigar uh guys just a allergic reaction i'm sure nothing too serious

49:03Ronnie Karam: so now we see zach and benji shopping around at a sex store that's all we got naturally people are like why isn't there more zach in this season and they're like okay zach you have a chance for a scene. He's like, oh my God, let's go look at Deltos.

49:17Ben Mandelker: And then Lala's getting glam for no apparent reason. And then Kristen and Luke, we're at Kristen and Luke's house and Danny comes over and Luke is like, hey, so you like how my garage looks? Looking a little bit better? He's like, yeah, it looks a little bit better. Hold on, let me see. Hmm, do I want to touch the inside of this garage's thigh? I think I do. You did it. You made this garage

49:41Ronnie Karam: look real good. You know what this show really needs more of luke so luke's like well the garage is coming along and kristin just thought we should hide everything so she brought curtains to like hide everything danny's like that sounds about right sounds like kristin strong curtains over stuff sounds like her to me yeah and like okay so cigar night i mean i i was more moderator than being on your side i won't do that i have loyalty to you. I'm sorry. He's like, well, you know what? I was a second away from not coming. And when I get hurt, I get really hurt. But then I thought, you know, I've got an hour and a half to drive and think it over.

50:22Ronnie Karam: So I did that. And the ship sailed and I don't need it in my life. Anyway, let's not talk about that anymore. Let's talk about real fun stuff. How's Kristen?

50:32Ben Mandelker: Well, Saturday, Jeff and I went to Taco Bell. Who's Jeff? I don't know. I just met a guy named I'm Jeff. I said, do you want to go to Taco Bell? I'm starved for social activity. And Kristen said, Hey, stay out as late as you want. I just want you to come to bed and be able to help me in the morning. And I fucked up. And then I, and I ended up falling asleep on the couch. By the way, what we find out is the stories that he went out and got drunk. It's not that he went to Taco Bell. Like at this point in the story, you're like, Oh, of the show, you're like, okay. So he went to Taco Bell and he came home and he fell asleep on the sofa.

51:03Ben Mandelker: Okay. Fine. But no, he actually went and got shit-faced and uh it wasn't just taco bell with jeff yeah and he's like i feel isolated i

51:14Ronnie Karam: don't really go i don't get to go fish anymore and then the couple of times i did fish i get made to feel guilty like i'm a bad father or i'm not there for it because i took time for myself like it makes me feel worse than if i just hadn't fished in the first place

51:30Ben Mandelker: i think you're fishing right now for sympathy and uh you're not catching anything on your line Who is procreating with this person on purpose?

51:38Ronnie Karam: What is happening here?

51:40Ben Mandelker: He is going to equate his lack of fishing with what Kristen has to go through? No, sir. Danny's like, well, I can tell you this. You're not the only one going through it. Nia knows that I need to get up and get a workout in just to get in that right headspace for doing the nothing I do all day. By the way, do you know what it's like to do zombie voices if you're not in the right headspace there's a big difference between going and going you can hear that's different between getting a job and not getting a job i need to get my workout in yeah and he goes well you all need

52:18Ronnie Karam: to go to therapy you know because we'll have therapy every once in a while and he's like yeah we do kristin doesn't appreciate the sacrifices i made to change my entire life to be out her out here with her and start a family. Oh, shut up. Stop acting like you get an award for having a baby with somebody. That's fucking crazy. Like, she had your child. I think that that wins.

52:40Ben Mandelker: It's also not a sacrifice if you're going to hold it over her head. When you made the agreement to move to LA and to be on the show and do this, you made that agreement. And then don't, like, throw that in her face. You can still go fishing, okay? And the difference is that, like, you can go fishing and you can come back from it and then you can move on with your life. And whereas Kristen is dealing with really, like her thing is much more significant, I'm sorry, than you not being able to go fishing. It really is.

53:06Ronnie Karam: Yeah, and you had no problem moving here because of this television show that you're currently on going shirtless as much as possible, thinking you're all cool. So let's not pretend like, oh, you just moved to the valley as this huge favor to Kristen, okay? You're kind of a user. So I don't want to like hear you complaining because you don't get to go fish enough, especially when you're going out and getting so shit-faced, you can't take care of the baby and then fall asleep on the couch. Thank you.

53:29Ben Mandelker: Yeah. How about the sacrifices that Kristen's had to make? No. How about the sacrifice she has to make of you coming back home smelling like bass? Trout. Guppy.

53:41Ronnie Karam: Oh, gross. So now Michelle, Tom, and Lala are going out for singles night. And they're joined by Michelle's friend, Natalie. Natalie is one of my best friends. We met years ago when the kids were due. We left our husbands around the same time. So, you know, I wanted her to hook up with Dom.

54:04Ben Mandelker: Natalie really does look like Heather Gay. I was, like, astounded. I was, like, she was, like, the spitting image of Heather Gay. She's, like, a younger, shorter Heather Gay. I thought she looked like the other Heather.

54:16Ronnie Karam: Heather from New York. Heather Thompson. Yes, I thought she looked like Heather. the one who works for Puff Daddy. He's like, yeah, I work for Puff Daddy, mamas.

54:28Ben Mandelker: Well, either way, she's got big Heather energy, but her name is Natalie. It's so confusing.

54:33Ronnie Karam: But she talks like this kind of she's like, she talks like a lady from a smoking commercial. She's like, yeah, tell me about all your problems, Tom. You want to go outside to the smoking section?

54:48Ben Mandelker: So this is a singles night where all the single people get to meet people or at least that's what it's supposed to be but then it just turns into Lala and Michelle trying to hook up Tom with Natalie and so Lala's like okay guys we got four single people here and the three of us are going to tag team you okay doesn't that sound fun are you ready Tom he's like oh I worked out this morning oh by working out I mean I lifted a pillow it was scary I had to put it down again wait Michelle do you have a dating app she's like oh I had Bumble in 2015 15 and I had just moved to LA and apparently right before I met Jesse, I had swiped left cause and turns out that he had swiped right on me.

55:32Ronnie Karam: Wait, how did you meet Jesse? He's like at the office, but like most of these pictures I see of him is like, you're a douche. Absolutely not. He was one of the douches. I should have known.

55:45Ben Mandelker: Natalie's like, wait, so have you been on a dating app before? And Lala's like, no, because I'm really fond of sliding into DMs. So Lala says that her signature thing is, well, she says, I'm, okay, I am not Sheena Shea. I'm not going to give you a laundry list of men who I'm like, who I fucking slid into your DMs. It's not happening. But what I do is I DM them and I give like chef's kiss. I do that emoji and like it works every time.

56:16Ronnie Karam: um yeah so now uh tom's like wow do you do like uh do you do like a do you know what i'm talking about i like a you do you like a mia get it it's like a chef and now he's like that is so funny tom are you okay yeah i like your voice by the way you sound like one of those ladies in one of those anti-smoking commercials stop it oh my god am i flirting you should do voice work oh my god

56:46Ben Mandelker: help me with my game i don't know how to flirt i don't know how to flirt and this is not like bailey on summer house he does know how to flirt and he's doing his in i'm a sweet little innocent boy thing because he's got he's like touching her arms he's being coy he's like oh my god i'm so oh god i'm out of the game i don't know what i'm doing i get so shy i mean who am i i'm just a male model who's been on television for 10 years with a certain degree of fame i'm shy oh my god i don't know like you know tom schwartz goes out every night and gets a whole bunch of pesese and he's acting like he doesn't know how to do it and so watching this is just so this is how he does it

57:23Ronnie Karam: this is his flirt he's like oh i'm just a little boy's really upset about his wife leaving him Oh, Katie. It's all I think about is Katie. Oh, okay. He's still, he's still tried in that hole. Like, I'm so sad about my ex-wife. Do you want to comfort me?

57:42Ben Mandelker: It's there. It's so, it's so affected. And they keep on saying how innocent he is. Do you guys not watch Band of Puppet Rules? He is not innocent. Okay. Not in the least. Yes.

57:56Ronnie Karam: Lala's like, oh my God, he's so cute. They went out to smoke. It's like this, like Michelle and Schwartzy. They would like be so good. She's like, no, I see him as a child. Like I love Dom's energy, but he is the opposite of what I'm looking for. I want somebody older, more mature, who does more cocaine, who tells me to work out more. You know, somebody more well-rounded in general. And Tom, so we go to Tom and Natalie outside of smoking. Okay.

58:23Ben Mandelker: By the way, Schwartz is old. And the fact that he's not reading as old is hilarious to me. Because when she's like, I want someone that's older, what she's basically saying is I want someone in their 50s or 60s. Because Tom is in his 40s. It's not like he is a 25-year-old, but he just reads as so immature that she automatically says, I need someone older.

58:45Ronnie Karam: Yeah, she means mentally for sure. So we go to Tom and Natalie outside smoking, and he's like, wow, you sound like an oracle. it sounds like a pickup line but it's not. She's like, it is a pickup line, but it's a sweet one.

59:00Ben Mandelker: There's no world in which you're outside of a bar and you tell a girl you sound like an oracle and it's not a pickup line.

59:10Ronnie Karam: I'm looking into my crystal ball. I see you're surrounded by cats. Lots of cats have passed in your life.

59:22Ben Mandelker: And then Tom's like, yeah, today's history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a present. That's why they call it a gift. Wait, how do you say it? She's like, I think you have ADHD. I don't. I undiagnosed, you think? She's like, yeah, undiagnosed for sure. You're funny. Oh, God.

59:42Ronnie Karam: No, seriously, I think you have ADHD. Really? Yeah. so now um they get some suckers and um they go back inside and guess who else is there the receptionist from nail and hammer she actually showed up she showed up and she's

1:00:02Ben Mandelker: like oh my god hi where'd you get that lollipop can i get one oh i think i think i've got one more and lala's like who is this girl you're fucking up the vibes where'd you even come from It's like she was dropped into the bar. I'm like, she was by a producer. Do you not know how this works?

1:00:20Ronnie Karam: By someone who sees that the show is going down and actually wanted to bring someone with some personality into this scene. Sorry, Lala. So Summer's like, will you put it into my mouth? And my hand's full. I can't get the lollipop in there. It's so hard getting lollipops in my mouth.

1:00:35Ben Mandelker: Michelle and Lali are just like giving the nastiest look to this girl, which is funny. I mean, this girl is completely thirsty. there's no hiding that a completely thirsty person who just wants to be on this show but at the same time if Lala is supposedly all about like I'm a girl's girl I'm all about my girls like why are you being catty in this moment like this is supposed to be a singles night for the women to find people and like literally it's two singles are fighting each other I know Lala's never been a girl's girl as evidenced by this moment right now I mean I get it this girl is thirsty but also like if you're gonna to pretend to be about something be about it yeah but how is she any thirstier than natalie

1:01:15Ronnie Karam: i mean natalie's also on this show to pretend to date tom to be on tv and this girl was invited by tom so yeah no natalie was invited she was invited yeah exactly so michelle's like don't

1:01:29Ben Mandelker: kill the vibe girlfriend keep walking and lala's like yeah take your half ponies and skedaddle like immediately.

1:01:37Ronnie Karam: But like what vibe is even happening here? Because you guys don't, you're saying this is singles night to flirt with Tom, but neither of you even want Tom and you just said so. So bring them on. You're the ones who want the date night. Date night.

1:01:50Ben Mandelker: Yeah. It's date night. Date night. So then Lala's like, what a cock block this girl is. Like she's like, and she has shih tzu hair. And I know about shih tzu hair. Cause I've been there. We see flashback of when she did have the same haircut. So Tom's like, guys look this is summer she works at hammer and nails it's like oh yeah okay so how do you guys know each other i don't really even care but just tell me oh well um so i was with your ex-husband michelle and we got a mani pedi together it cost a lot of money because it was at hammer and nails they really should lower their prices that way people could go to it more easily you got a mani

1:02:26Ronnie Karam: and betty with jesse now he's like i love a man who gets a mani and a mani pedty not gonna lie

1:02:33Ben Mandelker: right truly like well I thought I was doing okay with Natalie but now that summer is here I don't have the skill set to navigate this I know I've been slutty in the past but I don't really have a lot of game you know when you're a male model and you've been famous you don't really know how to hit on women

1:02:53Ronnie Karam: you know it's hard so the girls are telling Natalie oh my god we totally found a match we're gonna hook you up girl so Natalie and Michelle go to the bar and um natalie's like oh my god he's he's the dog you guys are flirting you guys are like flirting though really we're flirting yes do you not feel the vibe i don't know like maybe you could giz him she's like what kiss yeah maybe you could giz him and then tell me what it is like okay i mean just because i would not date dom does not mean that i wouldn't giz him i mean look at him. He is adorable. He is like a cute little bubby.

1:03:32Ben Mandelker: A cute puppy that I would like to kiss. Have you ever kissed a dog before? Like, really kissed? Get right up in there. What am I even saying? Anywho, my girlfriend doesn't kiss anybody, by the way, Tom, and she's like, I am so down if he does it. So, because she said something like you were laughing out loud, you made a movie reference said something about oracle that you should kiss her tonight and i will kiss someone else another night i swear to god it's like a really sad rom-com i can't do it i'm just such

1:04:08Ronnie Karam: a pussy i just can't he's like you can do it dom you're lame come on like no i'm not lame like hey natalie you want to have a cigarette let's all come out and have another cigarette with you

1:04:18Ben Mandelker: come on so they go out to have another cigarette so that way tom can now kiss natalie leaving summer to sit with lala and michelle and it's so funny because lala and michelle are just completely ignoring this girl and summer's just sitting there like oh my god i guess i'm a cast member now it's all working out so lala's like someone better get laid in this group tonight

1:04:41Ronnie Karam: and summer's like hell yes girlfriend well i don't think it's gonna be me because like i just don't know that i would like try to get a man and michelle's like do giz uh uh lala's like yeah you know she's a full tense like the ass makes her 12 go enjoy her natalie i mean not you summer someone's like oh my god thanks i'm a 10 and michelle's like yeah i mean schwartz because

1:05:05Ben Mandelker: they're talking about schwartz like i mean why is he being so slow like she's right in front of you she's like down like and lala goes kiss the girl summer goes oh my gosh little mermaid right

1:05:16Ronnie Karam: They just look at her like trash But of course they both got it Because they're moms And Lala's like This girl from the nail salon is still here Like she and her hair Are here to stay And she's ignoring all the signs So please get the fuck out of here

1:05:35Ben Mandelker: It's a singles night But we're not supposed to have any singles here Okay We're trying to meet singles But when we meet singles They're not supposed to sit and actually talk with us so now tom is outside and he's like oh god howard lee and vocally to my friends i'm like i want to date like hook me up but like quietly inside there's like a girl that i've been like crushing on and i'm like starting to get warm fuzzy feelings again but like i don't know if i can say that out loud because i don't want to jinx it like you know what don't say it out loud because honestly no one cares so just keep it on the inside yeah so is he telling us that he's been dating somebody

1:06:12Ronnie Karam: is he like i am like i'm being secret you know i'm not saying anything to my friends but i actually do already like somebody that's what he's saying right i think i think that's what

1:06:21Ben Mandelker: he's saying i think he probably just has like post-traumatic katie syndrome and he is like last time i sort of liked joe and katie destroyed me and destroyed joe over it so i'm just not

1:06:30Ronnie Karam: going to say it this time around oh so um now we go to luke and kristin's are putting kaya down and Brittany comes over and she's like, yo, ready for your date night? So Brittany is going to babysit the kid while they go to date night and she's going to have the help of Zach and Tom. Wacky guys trying to babysit what?

1:06:54Ben Mandelker: It's going to be crazy. Yeah, because they had basically said like, we will gift you one night of free babysitting. So she's like, yeah, well, Brittany is really going to be the one to actually babysit kaya and then tom and zach are just gonna like fake babysit the baby

1:07:13Ronnie Karam: so you know how to clean a vagina and a butthole you better practice cleaning vagina and a butthole zach i'm not kidding geez so she says that motherhood is ups and downs she has good days and bad days but she wants to be mariposa and christian's like uh and we see by the way for

1:07:34Ben Mandelker: For those who also wonder why we always call her Mariposa, it's because of this clip that they showed, which is that she was in Mexico, or I think she was in Mexico, but she like looks up, she's like, I just want to be a butterfly. How do you say that in Spanish? Mariposa. Caca, caca. And the caca is also from Mexico, where she went on to a balcony and spread her arms and went, caca, caca.

1:07:54Ronnie Karam: They're showing a lot of Kristen classic clips, and I don't think it's serving her well in this episode. Like, just let her be depressed. Like, don't remind her of like, look here's fun here's when you love kristin she's got shih tzu hair you know just let her just let the woman have a year give her a break i say so um uh so that now they're babysitting

1:08:20Ben Mandelker: a little bit and tom's holding caria and exactly she is like just so good and so cute like if i could choose like a well-behaved child that like would make it so much easier he's like oh were you a well-behaved child oh no i was feral i had colic for like five months and my mom was like we almost threw you away oh my god maybe that's what's happening with jesse he's really gone crazy lately ever since that squirrel i think the baby wants some milk now give her some milk hurry

1:08:48Ronnie Karam: up give her some okay let me tell you give me the baby abort abort it's too late for that just give me the baby all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right

1:09:02Ben Mandelker: are, they go, they're on their date and they're getting like, he's like pizza and darts. Is this your dream? He's like, oh, oh, better than like a fancy dinner. Like, I don't want to get dressed up. I don't want to get dressed at all. He's like, yeah, well you want enough clothes on to keep me from jumping on you. Apparently no, I want enough clothes to like not feel fat. And I like, I don't want to put on an outfit. Okay. I just want to be comfortable. Luke, I want to have fun with you. I'm just like, oh, I'm fucking mad at you.

1:09:32Ronnie Karam: You're mad at me a lot. Well, I get frustrated because you make promises and it always like revolves around going out or like coming home late. So she tells us Luke went out Saturday. This is the other side of the story. Luke went out Saturday night with the guys and she told him, you know what? Tonight, the baby's sleeping. Stay out as late as you want. It's very simple. Don't sleep on the couch and please help me with the baby in the morning. That's all I asked. But then he came home. He slept on the couch. she was drunk and did not help me with the baby in the morning and she didn't bring it up till now because she doesn't want to fight in front of the baby and so she's like so you know it's like you don't feel how i respect and he's like well you don't care how i feel or respect me and he says well i feel the same way like you don't respect me like last time i asked you to show me empathy you said oh your life is so hard luke and then you went super hard on me like i didn't even get to

1:10:26Ben Mandelker: fish luke don't do the but what about me to the mother of your child who is like giving up everything to do this you know like she is going through it and your big thing is that you want to go fishing like no it just doesn't work that way i think that when you're in a couple and especially

1:10:43Ronnie Karam: when you're having you are allowed to have these conversations like listen i think you're being really disrespectful to me and it's hard for me to like constantly be on your side i'm doing a lot for you and you're you know you treat me like shit or you're constantly yelling at me like how do we get around that the thing i have with luke is that all of his arguments are like yeah but you won't let me go out and get drunk you won't let me go out and get fish you won't let me fuck you those are it's all selfish shit that's coming out of him you know what i mean it's not like hey you're you know maybe we need to learn a different way to talk to each other or you know you're hurting my feelings or something it's all like why don't i get to do what i want to do while she's sitting there with a baby stuck to her, you know?

1:11:26Ben Mandelker: But I also hate the fact that like, she's saying to him, like, I felt so disrespected. You know, like it makes her feel like she's alone on this journey. You know, he's sleeping on the sofa, literally not in bed with her. She's taking care of the baby on her own. She's sleeping in the bed alone. She's doing all this alone. And he gets to go out and have fun. And she wants him to have fun. But like also like, she wants to feel like she's not alone in this probably. And then when she brings that up, instead of him saying like, my bad, I fucked up. And he knows he fucked up. His response is, but what about me?

1:11:58Ben Mandelker: And it's like, yes, you are allowed to have fun. And you were allowed to say, look, I'm going through some shit too. And I feel bad bringing it up because I know you're going through a lot of really like big stuff, but I'm going through some stuff. And I also need like my partner in this moment. But right now this is her complaint to lodge, you know? And like, imagine you like, you put like something in the suggestion box and the suggestion box spits one back. It's like, well, here's one for you. It's like, no, that's not, no, I am putting my suggestion in and you are supposed to receive it right now.

1:12:28Ben Mandelker: And we will talk about your thing in a future conversation or we'll move to that. But let's address my thing first. And that's, I think just, I cannot stand when people do that.

1:12:36Ronnie Karam: Yeah. And so Luke's like, yeah, but I tried to talk to you and you either shut it down or say, I can't talk about this. I'm tired. I'm going to bed. And she goes, well, because I don't fuck you. And he's like, no, like why are you even bringing that up? Because you talk about it all the time. and he's like so i went out one night and i wasn't super capable in the morning she goes oh okay one night okay and he's like yeah but like i'm i'm trouble having i'm having trouble being a first time dad too like you're a first time mom you should understand and like you know i've tried to talk to you and like i'm not allowed to have a hard time it's not allowed it for me to be me and both of us it's only allowed to be hard for you oh my god you fucking wuss grow up yes it is harder for her like she's going through all the physical things she's got all the hormonal things She's got all the hard part.

1:13:20Ronnie Karam: The easy part is your part, sir. Like, yes, it is you. It is your job to shut the fuck up and just support her with whatever she's going through. It's not about you and your widow feelings. These fucking men child. Get rid of him. Get rid of him.

1:13:34Ben Mandelker: Did you not get to go out and get drunk with your friends the other night? Did you not get to go out and go to a cigar bar with your friends the other night? Did you not get to do all the things that you're just complaining about? Did you not, by the way, get to go fishing? Because, by the way, you did get to go fishing. and you told us, well, I mean, I did get to go fishing, but then I felt bad about it. You're getting to do all the things. You're getting to do all the things that you're complaining about. And by the way, you were talking about having sex because you were the one who just said, yeah, you're wearing so much clothes to stop me from having sex with you.

1:14:02Ben Mandelker: You literally just brought that up. Yeah, he's so annoying.

1:14:07Ronnie Karam: He's so annoying. Let's go back to the dog short scene. I'm mad. So she's like, well, you know, everything that was confident and safe about how I could feel is now out the window. And it's like, he has to trump me. Like, I don't know what it's like being a first time dad. Give me a break. And she's like, don't try and one up me. And he says, well, you have empathy for everybody except me. And it's like, every time I misstep, I have to walk on eggshells. Then stop misstepping. Yeah. He's like, I can't even make mistakes anymore without you calling them out. You're a dad now. And so he's like, I'm 2000 miles and three time zones away from my family.

1:14:43Ronnie Karam: I've never felt more isolated than when she was pregnant in LA and I know she loves me but you know it doesn't feel that way it's been pretty difficult but it's not allowed to be difficult for me you're a wuss you're a fucking wuss yeah if you're missing

1:14:59Ben Mandelker: your parents your family have them fly out to you you're the one who has a new baby like they should come to you stop complaining so Kristen's like are you complained about my pregnancy the whole entire time he's like I complained the whole entire time Yeah, Luke, I thought you were leaving me. Why are you coming for me? Like, you really thought I was going to leave you? She's like, yeah, during the first trimester. Yes, I did. So then he goes, but we both agree that that was not the real you. So apparently they had this big fight. And in the first trimester, she had all these meltdowns. And there was one day where it was like a lot.

1:15:33Ben Mandelker: So he said like, I can't do this anymore. And he probably meant like, okay, this is crazy. I need to step away from like, I need a break from your mood swings. But she took it as, I need a break from you. I can't be in this relationship anymore. And she apparently, like, really freaked out about it.

1:15:49Ronnie Karam: Yeah. And then it started spiraling. I was like, oh, my God. He means he can't do this with me. He can't do this life with me. He can't have this baby with me. He doesn't want to be a dad. You don't want to be my fiance. Hey, where am I going to get pancakes? Where am I going to get pancakes like that? Holy shit. My world is falling apart. And he's like, you even said you're so grateful I stuck with it. This guy. Why does no man on this show know the right thing to say? Like, they say always the opposite fucking thing. And she's like, listen, it's a pregnancy, then it's postpartum, and then it's LA.

1:16:23Ronnie Karam: Like, I'm doing the best I fucking can over here. And he's like, well, I'm not leaving you. I'll never leave you, Kristen. I mean, there are cameras here, okay? I'm not leaving them. Or you guys. Not leaving you guys. Okay, Kristen? But, you know, we need counseling. And she's like, I agree. and so that's that and then she walks out of the bar

1:16:45Ben Mandelker: and then he like looks over at the TV and he's like oh well I guess the game is over fine and then he leaves so yeah another real sunny episode of the valley cheese and crackers

1:17:00Ronnie Karam: alright well that's that

1:17:02Ben Mandelker: I actually thought that scene was fascinating you know I do think it's fascinating seeing what these couples have to go through in the wake of a baby. But yeah, the short stuff has got to go. Too much. Not interesting enough. Take notes, producers.

1:17:17Ronnie Karam: All right. Well, everybody, thanks so much for being here. We will talk to you a little later today with some Southern Hospital. Bye.

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1:20:18Ronnie Karam: we love you guys

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