#3334 RHOA S17E04 Part One: Vegan Beef

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1:31Watch what happens when there's so much that happens. Let's look at what happens when there's so much that happens. Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. How are you doing, Benooney? I'm great, thank you. How are you doing? Cut. Everybody, welcome. It's Monday, Monday, Monday, Monday. Real Housewives of Atlanta Day. If you want this recap on video or you want our bonus episodes, this week we'll be a Top Chef. Last week was Survivor. Or you want ad-free listening or you want a Discord server access or you want other stuff. There's a free newsletter.

2:21A lot of stuff over there. Go to patreon.com slash watch while Carabins. Today is Real Housewives of Atlanta season 17 episode 4. Where's the beef and the budget?

2:37What do you think? Good, good. I enjoy a good old-fashioned beef and vegan dispute. I actually really enjoyed it a lot. I thought that was a really good episode. I'm just enjoying the energy on the show. And so far, I'm happy with it. I feel like I was tormented all night long. I just was like, I felt like I could hear the people working at Slutty Vegan. Every time I walked into a room being like, Ben is in the room. I was like, oh my God. I hate when restaurants do gimmicks like that. Like you walk in a restaurant and they like say something. I'm like, please let me just walk in. Let me walk in.

3:22Slutty Vegan. Hey, slut. Hey, slut. but overall i was happy what did you think i would not be at a restaurant that's like hey slut like how dare you what are you my mother

3:37thought to be like what are you a gay bar hey slut yeah i don't need to be judged like that you know this pinky's trying me i mean look her whole like you need to bring four thousand dollars worth of formula to my thing. Fuck that. You are new here. I'm not paying$4 ,000 to come to your party. You don't even pay your bills. How about you pay your damn bills? Okay. And ask me for charity later. I'll send them for, I'll send them. And also I'm not, I'm not getting vegan ass formula. That baby doesn't even know it's vegan yet. That baby has not made this lifestyle choice and you are not getting me to spend four times as much for a regular formula.

4:17Here's some powdered formula like everybody else gets that was made probably by cow balls okay and you can have that you goddamn baby you don't have a job yet yeah i was i was i was shocked when phaedra said that she had to spend four thousand dollars i thought she was exaggerating she said you know it's 28 dollars a cam which is crazy and then i was like well how many cans i'm just get like even honestly getting 10 cans at 28 a piece putting out 280 280 for a friend's event that's a lot but then i saw when we went to the event, we saw that there was like a large amount of supplies for everyone.

4:48I'm like, oh, she really did have to spend$4 ,000. That's crazy. I'm sorry, that's a big ask. It's a good thing Brit Eadie was not on the cast anymore because we saw that the one four pack of Charmin was kind of the extent of her budget. Yeah, I don't know. That's like, that's so nice that you're doing charity for people. I think that that's great, but that's a tax write-off for your business, first of all, or you. Like, I don't know. this is your charity but to tell me like come volunteer your time and four thousand dollars no you don't get to tell me when i'm charitable i mean that's a housewives thing but usually it's left up to you to give like you know like they had people bring toilet paper like you mentioned the brit eb thing but four thousand you're crazy you're out i mean look if if you are wealthy you know a lot of times when you are when you when you are the of the tax bracket that they portray on these shows,$4 ,000 is something very manageable.

5:48But what I just get nervous about is that like, I never really know how much money anyone on any real house to have show actually has. They all present like they have a lot of money, but I just assume they're all in staggering debt. And it's just always a matter of time before it all comes out. So I think asking Phaedra to give$4 ,000, I mean, like, that's probably okay for her to do. She can probably handle it. But like, I don't know, maybe she's in massive debt. maybe she owes a lot on something because she's a real housewife and this is what they do they just present excessive wealth and then get caught up by the irs and whatever debtors are out there or creditors or whoever it is yeah it's dangerous especially right now because this show you've got pinky filing bankruptcy you've got angela screwed on her all of her stuff you've got the um kelly who's broke as well so don't be asking don't be inviting me who's one of your poorer friends and then asking me to donate to your charity.

6:43If I'm going to do charity, I'll do charity my way. You don't get to tell me to do charity. It's like when someone else has a fundraiser on Facebook and then you donate 500 bucks or whatever, and then their number goes, it's like, oh, wow, now look how much this person raised. I'm like, excuse me, that was my$500. You know, like, I want my credit for my own thing. Charity is only for credit. No, I'm just kidding. It's only for Instagram. but maybe the better thing would be to um leverage uh the cast fame and throw an event where people pay money to come meet people and then you need that money to buy the supplies that you give away but i think it's a lot to ask your base it's i think it's a lot i think it's a lot to ask your celebrity friends to both leverage their presence and to give a lot of money i mean It's great.

7:36I mean, look, and if you are doing a charity, you're always going to ask. You're always going to ask for it. I just think it's wild. And there wasn't really a conflict. It wasn't like someone decided not to spend that money, and then there was an issue. But I do think it's – Well, you can't because you're going to be shamed. It's like she's got you. Yeah. She's got you. So if you refuse, you're going to be shamed. So I just think that's uncool. But giving to the charities, I hope those vegan babies are happy. i sort of am in i i've been enjoying discussing charity etiquette between this and merit to medicine because uh it's as an it's a really actually fascinatingly thorny issue because everyone wants to be charitable and everyone wants to help out um especially if you're a celebrity especially if you're on tv there's more pressure to do that kind of stuff but like what are the limits and like what's appropriate what's not appropriate for giving um you know like are you a total dick if you say, hey, I don't like how this is being run, so I'm not going to give.

8:39Like, are you a dick because you're putting your sort of ego about this organization first before the people who need the help? Or are you being someone who deservedly has a right to say no to things and will donate on their own terms? And I am into it. Yeah. Like, I think it's really cool. Like, hey, I'll donate, but I'm going to donate to animal eating babies because their formula is cheaper so sorry well animal eating babies count too it's great that'll be my slogan when i'm invited hey slut no hey slut we also get we also get taglines which is fun well we got them we just haven't talked about them i'm about to say i thought we already had taglines but i think we didn't yeah we didn't talk about them yet uh on the show so here we are taglines for season 17.

9:30Do you want to start off? Sure, Portia. I've lived many lives and all of them have been fabulous. That's about as generic as can be. I have to say that one could have used some work. That was such a default housewives line. There's no wordplay there. There's nothing clever. Unless it's something where we find out when the cat's been deported, the mouse plays or something like that yeah yeah unless there's gonna be a thing later on where she's like really into reincarnation so the i lived many lives has makes more sense but right now that's like pretty and one of them she was shirley mclean who just celebrated her birthday a few days ago by the way crazy she's so she's like god bless her still with us i love shirley Yeah.

10:24And some other like icon just had her birthday like a few days ago where I was like, oh my God, Ronnie, this person's birthday was yesterday. I don't remember who it was. It was like - Why didn't you text me? Was it not iconic enough? It was probably like whoever got third billing on the sitcom nurses. I'm like, oh my God. I don't remember who it was. I will look it up because there was a really good birthday in the past few days. Whoever you were, happy birthday. I'm sorry. You're no park overall. Sorry. Unless you're part of the cast of Empty Nest or Diane Wiest. Diane Wiest of anything. Yeah.

11:02Just a sitcom that I made in my mind. Okay. Speaking of actresses, Drew, she says, if you cast me in your drama, I only accept leading roles. See, I think that's actually a pretty good one. I like that. That's some wordplay going on there. Yeah. You're not giving a face. well i'm just trying to make it yeah i only accept the roles i'm going to be the main drama in your real in your life so shamia says i've been loyal to a fault and now i'm ready to have my own back oh god shamia is still going on about how loyal she was to porsche listen if you want a season that you're not in porsche's shadow don't make your tagline about porsche i mean for like what what do i have to do shamia like do i have to come over there and help you because i'll do it okay i like you well i really want to like you but you're god you're getting on my nerves i know it's so crazy i was totally on her side last year i really liked shami i was so happy for her star moment but now i just something changed in the off season and i just am not in the mood um yeah i also don't think this is a good tagline i've been loyal to a fault and now i'm ready to have my own back i just that's another generic one uh we go to kelly who's is i'm short seasoned and always a full course meal um a little clunky if you ask me the short thing too many metaphors she's yeah she's mixing metaphors like what is she talking about i'm short seasoned and always a full course meal what the fuck is that she starts by describing herself and then just segues into a plate of food yeah it's weird like maybe i'm a short stack you know yeah a pancake or something like i'm a short stack i'm sweet and i don't know i'm a grand slam too or something i don't know but i'm short and seasoned and a full course meal why i think like she should have said something like um i may i may i may be the waffle queen but i always stand on point right so it's like waffle not waffling right like something like that but you or you always know where i stand is my loyalty or something yeah like how do you not have waffle in your tagline you don't know if you're coming back next year you've got to get waffle in there that's crazy yeah but i'm short she said I'm short I think it's the I'm short that's a problem if she said I'm well seasoned and always a full course meal it would have been totally fine but the I'm short has nothing to do with it I feel like there were two lines and she couldn't decide between both of them so they squeezed them together and the short just makes no sense in it like I'm short I'm seasoned and I'm a full course meal but you know these lines go through so much vetting because I've written a couple of these lines thank you very much and when I did it, they really take those lines and they make you do them 20 different times, and then they chop them up and they come back completely unrecognizable.

14:06Like the ones I did were not even recognizable to what I wrote. I wrote Lisa Rinna's, um, these, which one I wrote two of Lisa Rinna's. And by the time they came back, by the time they came on the show, they were completely unrecognized. They didn't even make any sense. So that's why I never was like bragging that i did it because i was like i don't want to take credit for that that's just stupid but they they ruined it so i'm wondering if they did that to her but i mean there's like a whole committee that vets these things so there's no excuse for something like this is my point and also that i wrote two housewives lines of course i have to get that out there just in case i die soon that's probably that's all that's going to be on my grave but someone put like ronnie wrote two of lisa renna's taglines and they were both mangled r.i.p it's time for a commercial.

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17:22I never shared this with you, but I actually also wrote a Housewives tagline and it was also mangled. It was originally the tagline famously is throw me to the wolves and I'll come back leading the pack. But my original version was, oh my God, Dinah Manoff, i'm such a huge fan and they just completely mangled it and i just feel like they really lost the spirit of what i i think mine ended up being like these lips were made for talking and that's just what they'll do but that wasn't the line it was it was a good witty line it was i don't remember what it was i've got it somewhere and then what was her other one god damn it i wrote two good ones and they both came out idiot something about owning it yeah yes something like yes thank you it was the own it one but it was a cute line when i wrote it and then it came back like i don't have to buy it i already own it or something and i was like come on you guys i spent five minutes on that and this is how it comes back well it sounds like uh someone in kelly's life a a gay in kelly's life probably had a better version of this and it went through a committee of producers and assistants and it wound up in this weird frankenstein line about being short but also a full meal maybe it should have been like i'm pint-sized or like i may be a small like i may be a small dish but i'm a full course meal maybe something like that like something went wrong here yeah very wrong so angela's is in a field of players i always run it back i'm decent except that basketball players don't play on fields oh that's true and also she's not a player but like i'm i'm saying that like that's i'm assuming the illusion is the fact that like she is married to an athlete that's why we say in a field of players but like um he plays on a court not i'm married to an old grumpy sports star and any soon anytime soon he'll be dribbling something beers if you call if you call me to the foul line i always get my i always get my point

19:50i don't need a fan but i've always got plenty of them something like that you know because her thing is fan yeah yeah thank you i'm my own biggest fan but that how about so charles needs to invest fifty thousand dollars into me so i can keep fanning myself yeah i'm nice i'm hot and i'm my biggest fan yes okay there you go don't get me heated something something like that um so I just want to say Angela's is in a field of players, dot, dot, dot. And then when we go to Phaedra's, here's Phaedra's. Phaedra's is, in a world of legends, they call me the godfather. This one also is legitimately terrible.

20:40This sounds like she's about to say something else. It's like there should be more to it. But also how you can have back-to-back in a world of, in a field of, that's just that's just bad planning and a pen full of cows next is pinky just everybody in a world what are these all like trailers are we at amissi theaters in a world in a world of legends they call you the godfather okay i mean i get that that refers to her storyline from last year being accused of stuff um where's the wordplay there's like no word play here in a world of legends they call me the like the godfather how about how about like they may call me the godfather but i'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse or no that doesn't that's not great like when i make you an offer you can't refuse you'll want to take it or you how about you're my brother you're my brother why is there a horse head in my bed what the fuck or they call me the godfather we're just a good old-fashioned like every time i think i'm out they pull me back in you know because she's a that like would be perfect yeah that's perfect or you know or they They call me the godfather, but I never succumb to mob mentality.

22:15There you go. Or like, I don't need to be married to the mob. I think actually we both have a really good one. Or something, you know. Yeah, I think so. Okay, so then Pinky says, while they're busy beefing, I stay vegan. I think that one's good. That's wordplay. yeah i mean that's good play i think i think my general problem with it is um you know vegans like don't bother me i'm a i'm a pescatarian and actually i would be a vegan if i had any kind of self-discipline at all but i don't um i believe in that cause and i stand behind vegans actually but i've watched every vegan documentary on netflix okay so what does that tell you i'm basically marching in the parade i don't love when people make their entire personality about that you know like i'm vegan and that's all they fucking talk about is i'm vegan and i can't have this and it just becomes a huge thing and at a dinner party it's a huge thing and then they have to talk about their reasoning for it and then they have to talk about it they never shut the fuck up about it it's like a gluten-free person you know i don't wish ill on gluten-free people But being in a family full of gluten-free people, that's all we talk about.

23:35It's like it's a lot. So I don't like it for that reason. I'm going to give it a no for that. Yeah. No, I agree. I think that there are a good number of vegans out there who just they aren't satisfied just having a plant-based diet. They have to actually try to sell you on it. And I get it. It's like me with board games because it's easier when other people are doing it with you. because, you know, otherwise you are the odd one out or people don't make a comp. If like you have a group of vegans around you, then like you don't have to worry. You don't have to ask questions like, is there dairy in this?

24:13Is there this? Well, you know, that's actually not vegan. You can just eat the food that you want. So I get it. But I also do think it's really annoying, like the amount of proselytizing that happens. That being said, and by the way, and I say this as someone who really adores vegan food, but I think this is a good line because she is a vegan. It is her angle. She has her company. And I think this is an example of where Kelly falls, quote unquote, short because this is wordplay that pertains to her business and her storyline. She is beefing. Like, well, there's a beefing. I say vegan. I say out of the beef.

24:46So I think this one is so far the best one of the lot. Okay. Okay. So maybe I would prefer to like, you know, I'm vegan and Phaedra eats people. something like that. But yeah, I agree. So far, it's the best. Okay, so K. Michelle is like, K. Michelle's is, I don't need any background singers. It's always my show. That's cute. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty good. It'd be great, especially if she has a storyline about having a fallout with backup singers. Yes. Oh, God, I hope so. So, Slutty Vegan. Here we go. Pink is in the building, okay? She's like,

25:31is this a kelly imagine by the way uh if you're going to be having an affair do not go to slutty vegan because even though the name is slutty vegan they will out your illicit arrival especially if you walk in they're like slut incoming like geez Oh my God. Oh my God. Marnie, why don't you just stone me to death? Sorry. Oh my God. Dr. Brian's in the house. She's like, oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Don't tell Rula. So they're going to have a community event on Friday. Brian's in the house. I was never there. I see a picture of you at slutty vegan, Brian, with a hot dog, sharing your mouth and the other lady's mouth.

26:20I don't know what you're talking about. It wasn't me. It wasn't me. It's Brian. Joellen's on the ground.

26:30It's not a slut. You're using AI to make him look like a slut at the vegan restaurant. This girl is known to use AI. Oh, my God. That show. Now that show. Okay, we'll talk about that next. So now that's Rhode Island, by the way. If anybody isn't watching that, you should be. So Pinky talks about her foundation. The Pinky Cole Foundation is her nonprofit organization. And every year they give back to show her support. That's great. You give back. Don't make me. I've paid the rents for local businesses. Pay your own. I've paid the tuitions for college students. That's nice. And I got all the girls to provide some different toiletries just so that people in the community can have what they need.

27:11So that's all good.

27:15Toiletries. Yeah. so um no i'm just saying you're just hanging out you're just hanging out formula no baby formula is like a little bit more than a toiletry but whatever so um they're gonna have this whole thing kelly shows up uh she barely gets through the the door and they're like oh there's a no slutty slutty short short slut in the house who's seasoned in a full meal and this was so funny Because Kelly usually walks in like, hey, it's me, Kelly. And this time, everybody else was like, Kelly, it's Kelly. And she was like, wow. Didn't you have to do anything? What do I do when it's the people shouting at me?

27:58Like you saw a moment of like pure concern on her face. Like, whoa, I'm being beat at my own game. But then she just joined. She's like, yeah. god i just do not want this good cheer when i'm eating i just don't want it i want shame it's too much and you can actually hear throughout the rest of the scene every time someone comes in you hear you hear in the background i'm like oh my god it's too many announcements so pinky tells us well we all know a slut and when i started slutty vegan i'm like you know what a slut needs to call out a slut and we've been calling people sluts ever since i'm sure Amber Rose is so mad.

28:36She's like, that was my thing. So, uh, that's the thing. Slutty vegan. It's here. Um, so Kelly introduced, so Pinky introduces Kelly to all of these people and everything. And Kelly's saying, and she's excited for this event. And Pinky is saying like, she's assigned different things to everyone in the group to bring. So Shamia is going to bring Pampers. Kay is going to bring feminine products, Angela's undergarments, Cynthia's toothbrushes, Cynthia got off easy because wait, Angela has to bring undergarments. That that's not cheap. Cynthia bringing toothbrushes. You can get like, you can get like 200 toothbrushes for probably like$40.

29:15Whereas like 200 undergarments, that's a lot of money. Wow. Cynthia lucked out on that one. That is spoken like a true slut Ben, Mr. Buying tons of toothbrushes just to have in your house. And no one has to use yours when they come over for a quickie. Ben's just got like a whole cabinet full of toothbrushes there his Timu toothbrushes well I have to imagine and they give them out so freely at the dentist's office that they have to be cheap right like they I think that I think you could probably get a giant pack of Costco for pretty cheap I have to imagine so yeah Kelly is like how you feeling and Pinky says oh my god you've seen I'm all over the news you know god I was like it's hard being a D-list celebrity honey and we see the headlines all about the tea slutty vegan restaurateur pecan pinky cole sued for 87 000 in unpaid rent she's like yeah i like it but i don't want to be uh popular for that girl okay that's like too much so kelly's like well the fact that you're going through all this and you still want to give back to the community that's why you are that girl right and so pinky's like yeah but it's been like really tough and i think i'm gonna file for bankruptcy and kelly's like oh my god me too me too you know i went through all this stuff with my ex-husband and i was an owner and i guaranteed a lot of things in my name's like oh my god that's me too we're both so bad at business we are terrible at this oh my god bankrupt buddies so that's pretty cute also kenya it's been a bad weekend for these yeah ladies on this show kenya got kicked out of her salon finally after talking about how her rents you know she's fine and everything's fine and everyone's just a hater and this and that and they finally put her stuff out on the street this week over around this much and unpaid rent yeah they put it on the street and of course brit ed drove by and did a victory lap which i thought was pretty tacky um well it's brit ed of course yeah exactly is tacky what are you gonna do for someone who's like left the house squads and wants to move on she's certainly spending a lot of time um rolling around in the mud so yeah you know good luck well she's still trying to get that lawsuit money too right i wonder whatever it's likely um yeah she's terrible yeah she sucks so um kelly is saying her goal was to just get through her divorce but now she has to think of bankruptcy because there's so much debt uh you know because of her marriage and closing a business and she says and abraham lincoln went through bankruptcy three times so at this point i'm kelly lincoln does that mean this is her third time going through bankruptcy does that mean you're a little bit mentally unstable

32:02i'll tell you this you probably shouldn't go to the theater anytime soon

32:09listen i saw oh mary okay um so and yeah so uh is that true did abraham lincoln go bankrupt three times was did bankruptcy even the personal bankruptcy exists back then i know that sounds like a stupid question but i don't know like was that was bankruptcy a concept that like emerged in the industrial revolution or did it exist back then um questions it says abraham William Lincoln did not go bankrupt three times. He suffered major financial ruin once in the early 1830s following the failure of his general store in New Salem, Illinois. Known as Honest Abe for his integrity, Lincoln paid off the substantial debt over many years, a burden that left him insolvent after his partner died, forcing him to surrender his personal assets.

32:56well well i heard his general store was actually doing quite well until he decided to go into fashion and he released link by link k and just he never quite got that off he had a fashion show with no fashions it was dreadful mary john mary john lincoln's like how are you going to have a fashion show with no fashions yeah so i don't know if i'd be calling my myself abraham lincoln on this one, Kelly, but also don't be smirch. Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln's like, listen, I made great waffles. How dare you? I was broke, but I could still whip out some waffles. Okay. Yes. The first, I just want everyone to know whether or not bankruptcy as a concept, it's like a legal concept was developed in the industrial revolution, a concept that for some reason I just hatched in my head based off of nothing.

33:52I just want to say that the first formal bankruptcy legislation was established in england in 1542 so you're welcome everyone i listen i'm just just about 400 years off but it's fine it's fine 1542 okay so um kelly they bond over this and kelly's like listen you why aren't you telling your husband and she's like i'm not telling him he's got his own stuff i've got to get myself out of this and kelly's like you are with a hundred million dollar man over there okay you better let that man know what you need she's like god hear my hear my cry god will provide and he will provide for you too yeah um so uh yeah so they uh they're sorry i got distracted by bankruptcy law research here so piki is now the issue is that um her issue is with phaedra now because phaedra has been allegedly saying that Pinky has been eating meat, which could be a real issue for her brand.

34:55And Pinky tells us, you know, I'm on the board of PETA. I have all these accolades for building a vegan business. You know, vegan bankruptcy is a very special bankruptcy. We have to use our own unique paper. And, you know, you just can't be walking around here saying that I eat meat when that's not the truth. I mean, are you my cavity? When was the last time you were in my mouth? So does veganism cause cavities? Is that what she's trying to say?

35:23So she's like, let's have a bankruptcy party. And they're laughing. And she goes, you can only come in if you tell your credit score. Here comes one right now.

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36:49let's go over to shamiya's house um i'm saying it now i don't like shamiya's husband there i said it i think he's a jerk um comes off it maybe he's just not good on camera or something but he seems like a total asshole on camera but also wouldn't you be as wouldn't you be like have that sort of reaction if you had to deal with Shamia's drama club antics all day long. Like at a certain point you just get the day of eyes from Garfield.

37:19Because she's now, she's trying on this blue dress because she's going to be doing this like Dallas trip to tequila. I'm not, she's Dallas trip to tequila. Cynthia's doing a tequila event for her final. So she's trying on this blue dress. This hideous blue dress. Oh my god i hated it it looked like it had like a snake crawling around it but not in a fabulous way but like in a holly hobby way it was awful so she's trying this on and we find out that uh cynthia is gonna be uh she's doing her tequila thing and uh we hear cynthia tell everyone at the nail salon i just partnered with the maloof family for tequila called tequila commissario and then out of nowhere they show this shot this footage from like archival footage from like real housewives of beverly hills season two or something like that of like adrian maloof and lisa vanderpump i just thought that was so funny like the the crossover we were all waiting for for lisa vanderpump to finally show up on real housewives of atlanta

38:25tequila casiladio or whatever um i just remembered adrian's drink that she came out with the vodka or whatever she came out with remember on real housewives of beverly hills where she's like i got my own vodka now it's called like vodka adriana and it's got a light in the bottom of it and that was like her big selling thing is that you like pushed a button on the bottom of the bottle and it would like light up under the bottle and flash and stuff and that vodka sucked do you remember that i don't i really my my the vodka that i really remember the most is of course the bloody piggy from real housewives of orange county but oh yeah one of the greatest moments of bravo branding i mean it stayed with me all these years yeah where's cynthia's drink that she came out with what was that drink that she didn't she have like a peach she had something like something wasn't yeah wasn't she doing something with like schwepps it was like sweet tea yeah sweet peach tea something or other spritz yeah i don't So Cynthia is like, yeah, I'm partnered with a Maloose known for their fabulous drinks.

39:35Blink, blink. It's a little light blinking at the bottom. So then Cynthia is saying Dallas is her biggest market. So she's bringing the ladies to celebrate. So now we go back to Shamia and she's like, come on, Gerald, are you going to miss me? And he's like, yeah. But don't you want to come with me? And he just stares at her like, don't start this shit with me. he's like no yeah i do not want to know like you could you could check on your company there and then you could come to the gala with me and he's like yeah i'll uh let you handle that not doing this so uh jamia is like uh well i'm not shocked because he doesn't like to hang out with the girl group but i want my jr ewing i want my gerald mwangi kind of sounds the same right jr gerald I got a sale.

40:24At least I tried. I'm like, please, please get a new writer. He says, well, I wanted to give you a quick update on a surrogate. We're expecting legal documents today. And she's like, well, she's been cleared. That's the scariest part. So she talks about her journey. The last one had a failed transfer. So they fired her, basically, which is crazy. Yeah, and they only have like one. That's like a rough market. Like, I'm sorry. We've called you in here today. You had a failed transfer. Pack up your things and go. Okay. Pack it up and go. Pick up your little baby monitor thing, your little heart rate listener, your little massager with the gel on it.

41:07Get the fuck out of here. What the hell? Sorry. I didn't do it on purpose. I know. So, yeah, they only have one male embryo left, and they really want to have a son. So the stakes are really high. and so they're going to do whatever they can do and she basically doesn't really want to do IVF again and it's the same storyline we've seen on like three different shows this year so I don't take away from the high stakes of the situation that they are in but I will say it's not entertaining for me sorry sorry sorry and if someone says but this is real I will say I know it's real but you know what else is real toe fungus do i want to see a story about it no exactly sorry if that sounds incredibly insensitive but like honestly i'm just yeah no i just give me the update later just tell me how tell me how it all works out and i'll be happy for you or sad for you but i want also i'm kind of mad for the surrogate i feel bad for the surrogate it feels so like old timey problematic to be like fail transfer get rid of her burn her clothes this is like feels gross so then we go to portia's house and um she's packing for her trip and guess who's back tall mike tall mike is back and he's like hello it's me tall mike i got you roses and the flower says i want you you know i went on to a plane recently and someone brought a bouquet of roses that was as large as the bouquet that he brought over like the bouquet on this show was enormous they brought it on and they were like um where can i put these i was like lady why do you have this enormous like 75 rose bouquet on this plane where are you supposed to put it that's not going to fit overhead you can't even put it overhead you wouldn't you can't put it on your side i think they had to like put it over where the crew sits and i was like that feels unfair why does she get to have a giant bouquet on this plane right now that should have been her personal item and they should have put it up with the luggage you know yeah but like you can't go in the luggage right because you can't put it on side it's going to spill water everywhere i thought it was outrageous why was she allowed to bring on a huge vase with water why can't i bring i can't even bring on mouthwash i don't even maybe there was no i don't you know what honestly i have no idea i didn't even think about the water part i'm assuming there was water in there but maybe there wasn't i don't know what it was but it was it was one of those like enormous rose arrangements where it's like sort of like a sort of like a black base and then there's like a ball of roses you know and it's just like enormous it was like it was like the size of like two people's heads and i was like why are you bringing this on the plane who gave this dude of transport by the way who who thought this was a smart idea to give this person these roses to transport across the country yeah agreed so um porsche is talking about mike she says he's very sweet and sway is fine as hell but you know she's just dating and enjoying the company of somebody who admires her and who's entertaining to her and um she's like you're why are you wearing that it's like female kryptonite was she referring to his giant diamonds oh i thought she was referring to the fake storyline uh and she just loves the fake storyline and that's kind of her kryptonite so yeah she does though of course it really does so they're talking about this dallas trip and he's talking about how hot she is.

44:36I don't know. They're trying to make us believe they're a thing. I'm not really buying it. So then we're talking about her house. So she's having to sell her house in Duluth, and she was so excited to buy it because that was her first big purchase, and it was a symbol of her hard work. So much hair sold for that house. And when she went through the divorce, that house has a million dollars worth of equity, and she needs that to keep this house. yeah it's such a shame because she finally got a proper size welcome mat for that first house after all these years that was rough that was a big point of contention that welcome i still think of welcome mats all the time like the size of welcome mats at people's home because of that always marlo marlo's greatest contribution was pointing out the poor proportions on borsche's welcome mat shut up you with your tiny your tiny doormats welcome mat loser she literally used that in a they were having i remember they were in spain and they were having a fight in spain and she was like well you got a tiny doormat so portia tells us that was the home that she raised pilar in that's the home that she thought her mom was going to be in so you're taking your mom's house you're kicking your mom out of the house why don't you just this big garish simon mall house come on porsche yeah go to the go back to your you already have a house go back to that one i mean obviously this is the better house but um like this house is like a zillion dollars oh yikes so mike is hugging her and she's like you know what i want to plan my life out so you know everything's up in the air and he's like is my hug better it's like yeah this makes it so much better can you hug me with five million dollars so i could buy this house thanks she's like oh by the way i'm 44 and i've had two marriages and i've had a fiance and i've had a child and i've had a bunch of hot dogs because of dennis and like i just i've done more than you have and i know you're gonna be a good dad so and he's like you don't want to have kids she's like no and the whole thing is that he wants up kids he says that's gonna be a deal breaker um so this is the this is the way that she gets out of the fake storyline is that he wants to have kids she doesn't so you know there's not much time left in this storyline especially because we know that she's gonna wind up dating sway and he wants three kids three how old is he did they say how old he is i'm not sure i couldn't tell i feel like he's probably sneaky old he's probably like 48 demanding three children from a 44 year old these guys so um k michelle uh she's packing too and she wants some big old dolly hair because cynthia asked me to sing because we're gonna be in texas and uh her assistant was like for a fee you'll sing right um and let's not overlook her well i don't know if it was the assistant or a makeup artist or whoever but his name is pound cakey uh spelled pound it's like pound cake with an extra d and an extra e pounded a kicky pounded a kicky he was uh riding over some bumps when the name was spelled out pound cake pancake i mean listen if you're gonna make up your own name make it something delicious but make it easier to google you know what i mean because that's just i would like to see double e can we get a scene of pound cake and june bug together i would really enjoy that so k michelle is saying that portia did apologize for how she made her feel and hopefully they'll be okay to um continue their friendship but she's gonna watch out for her because she's got a little slickness to her her and that phaedra and the fact that I have a whole drain on me and I'm just moving through life, no motherfucker can't even die over here, okay?

48:51Poundcake's like, you can't ever die. You know, you can't die over here. She's like, no, I'm not going to. Who's going to pay for your bills, Poundcake? Who's going to buy that extra valve for you?

49:04He's like, I'm really saving you up for an extra pee. Those are free, Poundcake. Those are free. You just got to wait for your turn. Is her whole issue with Phaedra that Phaedra's laugh is weird? Wasn't that what she said last week? She was like, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, she says Phaedra doesn't do anything. She's like, what is she even doing here? I don't know if she feels like she's not contributing as a housewife, which is kind of funny to make that in your first season. Like, yeah, she's not giving enough. Get rid of her. But she says she doesn't know what Phaedra's up to because Phaedra just doesn't talk.

49:37Michelle, K. Michelle is giving me the impression of someone just looking for an argument at this point. so yeah i don't know that that's necessarily a bad thing because you are on a housewife show and she makes me laugh but i've got my eye on her because she looks like she's just trying to start something with anybody um which i like you know it's your first season go for it some someone uh told me recently in a very ominous way they were like you know k michelle is so talented but there's a reason why she can't stay at any label it's because she's a friend to no one I was like, oh, I felt like I was being cursed or something.

50:16But that, I guess, is the word on the street. She's a friend to no one. Is that how you are at labels? People are so friendly at labels, I hear. It's crazy. Yeah, those record labels, all they want are really strong relationships with people, and they will never drop anyone as long as that person just keeps working at their craft. Rumored to be the best friend of all people, Jack Antonoff. Everyone just loves the guy. god i'd love i love his music that he's been doing in the same way for 10 years it's so reliable it's like a cbs procedural well what i've been worried about is porsche making money so thankfully this next scene is just sponcon for porsche porsche's like when you're single you can't be out here dating with mediocre i want to keep everything on point and elevated at Drenched Fitness Gym.

51:09Drenched. Wow. I get it. You're supposed to be sweating so much that you're drenched. I don't know why. I feel like drench... I feel like drench is going to be the next moist. It's going to be one of those words that people will say, I don't like that you just said that. Portia drove up to the shooting location and just saw the sign and went, Miscarriage? And you're like, No, goddammit, Portia. Stop saying that. so Portia Phaedra's like they get there and Phaedra's like well they think I'm the godfather I think he's the godfather cause Charles is there Charles like drops Angela off and Charles sees Phaedra and he's like oh hi nice to meet you oh wait it's you and they of course show a flashback Phaedra being like I've been in many rooms with Charles I know who Charles is I've seen him from my seat when he was on a basketball court So we're basically And he's like you don't know me And she's like we've been in the same rooms He goes that doesn't mean you know me And she's like well okay fine Charles I don't know you Charles So Portia's saying You know Phaedra and Angela just made up So what better way to move forward Than together At Drenched Gym We're gonna get drenched so they do a whole spin class um they do a lot of that like spin dancing i can't stand dancing while spinning like when you're like trying to i can't because i can't do it i'm not i can't dance very well when i'm standing on a floor so don't make me also dance while i'm on a bike it's just when i've taken like a soul cycle class i am like i can't this is not what i can do and i did one peloton class it was like a groove ride i had no idea what a groove ride was i was like okay now you move your butt back and forth back and forward and back forward and back it's like jazzercise but you're also on a bike not for me not for me it doesn't sound fine it's not especially when they're like okay now slap your ass slap your ass while you're on the bike and they're like reaching behind to slap their own ass so what is this yeah yeah exactly it's too much um but it all looks like a great workout so very happy for everyone congratulations you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap.

53:32For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. Whip up a meringue. It's Amanda E. Lemon. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Auto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchles! We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Sunday in the Park with Dylan Clark. Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier. Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less.

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