#3337 Below Deck Down Under S04E13 Part One: Ben Pecked

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1:24Guess what happens when there's so much that happens? Guess what happens when there's so much that happens?

1:54Ronnie Karam: Today on Below Deck Down Under. If you want this recap on video, guess what? You go to Patreon to get that. That's also where you get bonus episodes. This week is Top Chef Restaurant Wars. And you get ad-free listening. You get the Discord server, a free newsletter. If you don't want to sign up for any of that, just come get the newsletter. It's fine. It's like a weekly blog about all these shows. And then ad-free listening, I said, what else do you get? Whatever. Go to Patreon. You're going to love it. Okay? You're going to love it. Today, Blah Duh. let's do it man yeah i'm excited also um as far as long as things go scheduled we'll have an announcement tomorrow about something really cool we are doing in june so keep your eyes and ears out on the summer house recap tomorrow i mean i'm sure you'll already be doing that but you know keep stay tuned everyone stay tuned keep your ears to the ground okay so here we go Below Deck Down Under, Season 4, Episode 13, The Way the Cookie Crumbles.

2:59Ronnie Karam: Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink. We pick up where we left off, which is where Jenna went to Ben's room at 5 in the morning to make out with him. Cheating on her husband of 20 years, Eddie with the mustache and the mullet. Poor guy. Bless his little heart. This is little Ned Flanders heart. It's about to get broke. Yeah. So we just hear Ben and Jenna talking behind closed doors. And he's like, I'm so the Eddie thing. Are you all right? I'm listening. She's like, yeah, I got some thought of him. Love bombing me. Oh, you're totally overwhelmed by this. No, not at all. Okay. So then they just keep kissing.

3:50Ronnie Karam: Well, I guess it wasn't that fast. it was more like a i kind of feel like ben must have like lizard lips when he kisses right that like lizard that just old crusty wine lip like that red crust line around the lip oh yeah so yeah they continue kissing and then she leaves his cabin which was impressive because i thought that we're going to do the full-on oh and by his cabin by his cabin of course you mean the master the guest primary suite yes that he has decided that he takes over on the weekend every single time so she leaves there and uh then she goes to eddie's bed and cuddles with eddie what the hell jenna damn that's cold that was crazy i was shooketh i was i could not believe it i totally supported her going in and making out with ben because i think eddie is a snooze and i think he's overbearing and i think he's just like he just has some growing up to do but i was shocked when she went directly from ben to eddie's bed and cuddled with him i was like i don't know i mean i was kind of amused i sort of loved how awful it was she's just like whatever i'm gonna be a fuck boy the way the fuck boys are fuck boys and uh you know but it's not it wasn't very nice it's not very nice it's just also not great taste i mean this lady came on here saying like oh i can't wait to be rich i'm gonna marry up i'm gonna be a real housewife i'm only marrying classy rich guys and then she comes in here and it's like watching someone at a Luby's try to choose between the nasty fried fish and the nasty fish with the mayonnaise layer on top.

5:38Ronnie Karam: It's like both of those choices are bad. Like why do I have to sit here behind you in line? Let me go in front of you if you're going to take 10 minutes to like make a bad choice, you know? Like don't involve me in your bad choice. This is a cafeteria. I just want her to aspire for beyond Eddie and I just was excited that she was realizing that Eddie is not the man for her he like she deserves better so i just was sad also that she just went back to eddie and cuddled with him so i was like what is going on with this girl i was i literally let out a guffaw i was like wow we are three minutes into this episode and i'm already kind of like gasping that's fun because i let out a harumph and then i let out a yes and then i let out a mother icon only because i'm gay not because i was really feeling it it just felt like since i I was already exclaiming things on my couch.

6:26Ronnie Karam: I should just keep it going. As gay men, we love a woman who has just, who just makes her own choices and doesn't give a fuck. We love that. We love that in our gay icon. So when she went from Ben's room to Eddie's room, I was like, this is totally wrong. Yes, queen. I mean, I would say probably not. I would like to say that I was like, poor Eddie. I'm poor Eddie. But Eddie is such a needy little shit. I mean, she should be nicer just because he is kind of a nice guy. But whatever, you know, I'm sick of watching Eddie cry. But now that I've seen him cry, I kind of want to see him cry more. Is that weird?

7:07Ronnie Karam: Like, how can I be sick of seeing somebody cry? But also, that's all I want them to do. Like, oh, because you know what? When Eddie's not crying, he's like, we're in love. We're going to have babies. I can't wait for you to meet my parents. It's like, could you go back to crying? like that was more palatable than whatever this is than his aspirations by the way i apologize i just lurped for my empty uh smoothie bottle of glass i was on mute i thought i was on mute and i realized i wasn't on mute so sorry for everyone who got a earful of but you know at the same time with the most appropriate sound effect for this entire sequence of events yeah so now jason wakes up at 6 52 a.m and the yacht is a pigsty of course because they just had day out yesterday So there's like open wine bottles everywhere and food cartons and it's nasty.

7:54Ronnie Karam: And you know why, Jason? Because nobody's scared of you. And you know why nobody's scared of you? Because you don't really do anything. Just kind of like tell everybody to deal with it themselves. And this is what happens when you tell – this is what anarchy is, okay? Anarchy isn't like some beautiful little neighborhood in Springdale, okay? This is anarchy. There's a car turned over and on fire. There's a cat eating a person's face. You did this. You did this to your own boat, Jason. I mean, you're not totally wrong. I mean, if it were Captain Lee's vessel, they would have been too scared to go to bed with all that shit still out on the table.

8:33Ronnie Karam: They wouldn't even be able to have a morning poop because their assholes would have been sewn shut. Yeah. Yep. Uh-huh. It would have been like the reverse of human caterpillar or human centipede. It would just be like human non-centipedes. They're like, no, you will not. be having access to this butthole right now so jason is a human centipede wasn't that just where everybody's sewn together are they sewn together by their butts no the whole thing that made the concept so gross for people is that they are sewn together from front to back and so you it's just you don't want to think about it you don't want to think about it it's it's a it's a vile vile concept for a movie and apparently it's a terrible movie and it really only has it only has it only has cachet for having a hideous concept in the center of it so so it's not a real thing it's a movie thing it's a movie it was like a low budget horror movie that came out like 15 years ago or something and it grossed everyone out because of um the way that the centipede is assembled you could say oh some people just love disgusting things my mom loves disgusting things i was putting her to bed because she's sick so i was putting her to bed today and she's like i just need to rest and i was like okay well do you want to just go to bed she's like no i want i want to watch a lifetime movie and i said okay well what do you want to watch so we're going through the movies and she goes that one and it's called like i married a psychopath

10:08Ronnie Karam: it's just a like a really pretty blonde lady you know looking kind of dour and then a guy holding an axe and she's like that's it i was like that's your real i mean that's how she relaxes she loves it and then i close the door and i'm doing stuff around her house before i leave and i just hear and that's how she that's how she sleeps some people just love disgusting things They just do. They really do. So anyway, Jason is telling us, I told them to be up at 7, and we've got a tight turnaround, and the boat looks like shit, and there should be no reason. A crew member should be going to sleep with the boat looking like this.

10:44I've had a talk with him before when I said, okay, guys, so you guys will handle this at whatever time you want to. I'll be upstairs. And they should know better.

10:54Ronnie Karam: Yeah, so it's like the opportunity of the villa was to come together and bond. I thought unity would come from that, but they need to get their shit together. Unity doesn't come from sending a bunch of dummies to a place with free booze all day. All you get is drunk dummies. What kind of math are you doing? You add drunk dummies and alcohol, you don't get anything but dumb drunk dummies. Yeah. So he goes downstairs and knocks on everyone's doors. Dad's like, everybody wake up. We're doing chores. So they're all getting up. Jenna has to go scamper to her room. And then Mike is like, since when do we start at 7 o 'clock?

11:33And Eddie's like, we're all starting at 7 o 'clock apparently today, including me and my wife. And so now everyone is like all grumbly. And they're in the crew mess. So Jason has them all sit down at the table, and he's going to give them a stern talking to.

11:49Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Yesterday I said kimono. This morning I said kimono. Does anybody want to wear some kimonos on Instagram? That would really help me out. plus you're all very late seven o 'clock doesn't mean turning up the coffee at seven in the morning at five past seven just be here at seven it is 702 it is seven it is 702 how dare you i was like okay well 702 is not that bad but they still did leave the boat uh hideous mess so he's pissed and tells him off basically he's like there is no excuse and let me tell you what i'm gonna do about it sit in my room and watch netflix figure this out so he leaves and then uh everyone's cleaning and, you know, in a grumpy mood and stuff.

12:29Ronnie Karam: And that's it. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean. Then Mike and Alicia are cleaning a cabin. And Alicia's trying because she got yelled at yesterday for being mean to Mike. So she's trying to not yell at him, but she is cleaning a door or something. And he's standing right behind her, unwrapping like a bar or something, like a protein bar. And he's like, yep, you got a protein bar. Do you want some of this? Do you want some granola bar? She's like, oh, God, please just work. Yeah. She's like, please, no, I don't want any of your granola bar. So Ben is like, hello, Ellie. How's my little galley warrior?

13:06Which you see is not a sexual pet name, although it is somehow more condescending than any of the things I've said all season long, but does not require being in the jar.

13:20Ronnie Karam: I'm good. I'm doing good, Ben. I love nice Ellie voice. it is just me over here being good person oh and then daisy and jenna are cleaning the bar and jenna's like so i went to bed this morning at five this morning oh what were you doing i was bonding i don't want to know about your bonding what you gotta do about eddie oh well eddie keeps on saying to me you're mine you're mine you're mine and i'm like i literally like i'm not yours i don't know you need to spend time before you're late And then, of course, he walks by and he's like, hello, it's me, Eddie, America's favorite. And she's like, is this the evidence?

13:58Ronnie Karam: This happens? And he doesn't have any idea that this would be about him. You know, he just doesn't have any instinct. You know, if you walk into a room and it's a gay thing, because like if I walk into a room and two girls are talking about me, I know it immediately. Yeah, actually, I'm like, excuse me. Do you have something to say to me? you can say it to my face okay you can i actually right here ladies i think believe it or not like if you drill down on it i'm sure you could make a case that like a straight white male lives in so much privilege that they just don't have to be overly concerned about what people are saying about the behind their backs if that makes sense like i'm sure you could probably dig down and find that because when you say that like there is something to the fact of like being a gay male and and like being you know when you if you're raised in the closet and you're concerned about being found out you are paying attention to what people are saying and doing at all times whereas if you're someone like eddie like what okay i do not have a dick in my mouth that's how i walk into rooms why are you have a feather boa on well i i found one it fell on me it fell on me i was walking up the stairs it fell on me it wasn't my fault you're talking in now gay mid-atlantic boys well that's my right i don't even know who alazamonelli is what are you talking about you know i'll talk like this humphrey bogart i think it's because we've got a little um girl like a little girl in us i mean a lot of gay guys i do definitely i because you know my friends are all girls and my raised you know i was like a girl i carried my books like a girl i got pushed into lockers because i acted like a girl so i'm like a girl you know i was raised with girls it's like when a little kid is raised with wolves and they're like you know they know I don't know how to catch mice with their mouth.

15:46Ronnie Karam: I was raised with girls. And so I know when a girl is talking about me, that's it. But yeah, straight guys don't know. Like that's why straight guys walk around with hair like that. Because they just don't. They don't know. They don't care. They're not bleeding. They just see a girl looking at them. That's all they see. They don't see the derision in her eyes. They're just like, oh my God, a girl's looking at me. I'm winning. I'm doing something good. They don't care because they don't need to care. They just are like, whatever. I rule the roost. So I'm just going to walk in here and do what I want.

16:14And like, if they're talking about me, who cares? Because I have the power in this situation. I'm not even saying this from a bitter place. I just think that's just how it works. And that's why people like Eddie just sort of like, sort of like float along through a boat, not even realizing everyone is like, this guy's an idiot. So anyway, I'm glad that Eddie could step in as an avatar for all the ills of straight white men.

16:37Ronnie Karam: Yeah, really. He just shouldered a lot on that one. Eddie is like poor stupid little Eddie too. It's like Eddie. Eddie with all the power. He's like, I used to be short when people were mean to me, so I joined rugby. We're like, oh my god, fuck off. Die, Eddie. Die, sleep, Eddie. We have Joao and Ben on the same boat. But Eddie, Eddie is the one who represents the ills of the streetlight man. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. Did you know Fast Growing Trees Trees is America's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants and over 2 million happy customers.

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20:00so jenna is like i'm trying to bend but i have a connection with eddie and however if we were on katina i don't know if eddie and i would ever gel together or maybe even conversation with each other so like i don't even know like whether to commit to that or explore the better jenna we all know he's not rich enough for you and you know what i support that go find yourself a wealthier man yeah and it's not a backpack it's not ben also it's not so um now we go to mike and alicia

20:27Ronnie Karam: and he's still eating the granola bar while she scrubs the toilet and she's like has that middle bit been done he's like yeah no no and she's trying not to murder him so now jason radios uh the heads of department for prep shit guys today is a humdinger it's a real humdinger so Joao passes the galley and tries to wave at Ellie and she's like, I don't even want to fucking look at him. And Ben's like, don't worry about that stuff, my little nougat neck. Don't even worry about it. Why is Joao trying to wave at Ellie right now? Just don't. So now it's time for the preference sheet meeting. All right, guys.

21:06Preference sheet meeting. Back at it again. Four to go. Let's get into it. Eight close friends and family from Phoenix, Arizona are coming to Kanwan on this luxury vacation because they want to see the limits of ketchup and mustard highlights in their hair

21:20Ronnie Karam: so they're four couples i knew you were going to say that when they said they were from phoenix but actually i have to say they there were no ketchup and mustard highlights here there was like one lady had them like very muted in a way that looked normal it was like normal highlights but i was a little sad i was like please give me a lady with bright red hair with bright yellow streaks in it like that is the arizona style did have that didn't she she had like red hair with some blonde streaks in it i felt yeah but it wasn't as ketchup and mustardy it was like or if it was it was like a really nice restaurant it was like a nice restaurant where they're like our ketchup is homemade you're like well give me oh god i hate it's not i know it's never as good it never is as good some things you just need out of a bottle from a grocery store that's it yeah ketchup is one of those things i don't want your fucking homemade lumpy ketchup it's so weird I was really sad not to see some proper ketchup and mustard highlights just because I feel like I do mention it every now and then.

22:18And I was hoping for there to be a really strong visual representation of what I talk about.

22:26Ronnie Karam: Well, we did get leopard print. She loves leopard print. That's her thing. She's obsessed with leopard print. She wants leopard print everything. She wants leopard print cake. She wants leopard print party. A leopard print themed party. I mean, that's just too much. So we go to her. We go to Phoenix. And we're talking to her daughter and her daughter-in-law, I think. And the mom is making – the mom is the one obsessed with leopard. And she's like, since we're having Italian pasta for lunch, I bought some Italian wine. It's in the fridge. It's the one from Italy, stupid. The one from Italy. And then we talk to the daughter-in-law, I think.

23:00Ronnie Karam: And she's like, yeah, I've known Chanel's mom, Joanna, since I was 11. Chanel and I met playing softball. We would travel across North America. A lot of our relationship has been travel, eating, softball. The trip has eight of us. Kyle, Chanel, our husbands, Chanel's mom, Joanna's husband, JJ, Kelsey. JJ played with Joe on the Diamondbacks. That's baseball. It's like softball. They don't travel as much. i think hello if we're gonna do this can we get these people some celsius first or something i know can we wake them up i i genuinely thought that they were a lesbian couple because they were sitting so close to each other and then they talked about how they've known each other for so long and they met through softball and there just was like an intimacy on screen that i was like wow three lgbtq charters in a row but as it turns out uh they're just really good friends and And basically, Lesbians don't get any play on this show.

24:04Ronnie Karam: I mean, like Captain, we have Captain Sandy and stuff. And we had Gigi Ferrara. Gigi Fernandez. Fernandez. Yeah, Gigi Fernandez. But we don't have like, we don't have like the yearly lesbian trip. Do you know what I mean? Like we always get yearly or bi-yearly gays. You know what I mean? Yeah. Gigi Fernandez does not identify as a lesbian. She actually identifies as a champion, motherfucker. Get out of my face. I was going to say. I don't identify as a 50-year-old, but guess what?

24:37No, she does. She does, obviously.

24:40Ronnie Karam: So this chick, Chanel, hates her mother, and it's so funny. She's like, my mom is celebrating her birthday this trip. I love my mother, but traveling with my mother is exhausting. I see no reason to celebrate someone living this long. It's like, fuck my mother. we're taking her on a boat so we could push her overboard she can get lost at sea yeah her mom does have like big sharon glass energy so i can understand that a hundred percent sharing glass inquiries folk running that little diner for all the kids that is totally this woman that is such a good call and so the thing is what's so funny about this charter is that they're all co-primaries that's not like one of them is or two of them.

25:28And I'm going to tell you how that happened, which is that one of these women, these two women were like, we're going to be the primaries. And the mom says, well, I like to come along and I feel like I should be a primary too because I've got a lot of opinions. But mom, it's our trip. Yeah, but I'm the one who's paying for it. I'm treating you guys to it. So I should be a primary. So then they say, how about we're just all primaries, mom? And that is how we got to a place where they are all quote unquote primaries, but really the only one that matters here is the mom the only one that matters of course i mean

26:00Ronnie Karam: as with any family trip the only thing that matters is that the mom and leopard print is happy and you know she's going to be a fucking nightmare because brit is like um yeah um she entertains she loves food she travels the world she's like let's do a cooking class in thailand and then she's always in the kitchen and she's telling the chefs what they can do better what she would do better oh no hell no get out of here phoenix get the fuck out of here i loved this woman though i actually loved joanna because i felt like i would be such good friends with her i would sit and talk about cookbooks with her because i know she knows her cookbooks like i know she knows them and i know you would sit there and she would say and you know you add a little a little bit like of uh some capers to that right and you're like yes yes joanna you do add capers to that like i feel like but it would be everything it would be like peanut butter and jelly and she'd be like you know what you need anchovies because this lady learned one anchovy dish okay anchovies lemon and pasta and cheese and she wants it everywhere like she makes them make it for her she makes it right now for us for for the kids and then she's gonna make it again she's gonna make the the chef make it so she can make i make this better that's exactly why she requested it because um it's a lovely pasta but it's also so simple like why would you go onto a cruise or a yacht and be like can you make this simple weeknight pasta for me that i make at home in phoenix like it was a ridiculous request i mean you can make mexican food but i don't know if you've heard of a restaurant called q dobo okay yeah i do so let's get our shit together before you try serving me an under crisp taco again motherfucker i'm from phoenix Thanks.

27:44Yeah. She, I don't love that. She seems champing at the bit to criticize the chef, but I do love that. She seems like she knows about food.

27:55Ronnie Karam: I love that. She's criticizing this. Ben needs it. You know, Ben hasn't really had enough trauma this year and he's sleeping in the guest cabin every week. He needs it. It'll make him stronger. Let's watch him. I mean, I do. I do kind of like her, her POV, POV, which is like if somebody's a chef and they have more experience they have an education behind them and they should be better than i am so i'm not really tolerant with mediocre food so i do like that of like i i should not be able to make this make something better than what you're serving me uh but the difference is though that i think that she's kind of elevating herself at the same time like uh well that's right the you know like the implication is i make this shit really well so So it's like when you go see a show with someone and they're like, well, that was flat.

28:43Ronnie Karam: And this person was this not person. I've taken him. I've taken a voice class. So, which I guess is like a real basically. I was like, that's actually me at a show. Never mind. Love me. Every time I see a show, I was like, she was flat. I was like, am I not allowed to? So back at the preference sheet meeting, Jason's like, the guest would like a leopard inspired dinner for Joanna. birthday and following dinner they'd like a performance for from the crew for joanna and brit would like would also love to have a leopard inspired cake to continue celebrating joanna because joanna must be celebrated at all moments even though they're all co-primary and they're all equal some people are more equal than others joanna specifically i say forget the leopard cake bring a leopard okay so let's watch joanna run a little bit i think joanna needs to feel some fear in her life you know all these people in love with leopard print spend a couple seconds with leopard yeah um your leopard print i'd love to see how leopard responds i just feel like leopard print is not a personality like that's my thing i mean lisa renner's been using it for 30 well she also has that wig so it's that personality yeah that wig i don't know so um jason's like it's a short charter all right i want them to have the time of their life there's a lot of leopard print to fit in two days.

30:05Ronnie Karam: All right? So let's get going, team. Let's get going. All right? I want your teams to grow. I want them to push through this. But if they're not, I will make changes. Okay? I keep saying that. It doesn't really happen, but I will. Trust me. When I start paying attention, which will not be today. All right. See you later. The singer Kathy Dracoli once sang, everything changes. And guess what? That everything could be you. Goodbye. Was I the only one who said Dracoli? is that googleable Kathy by the way should also mention our next child guest Kathy Dracoli whatever happened to her she was a one hit wonder I mean I mean how could you not be one hit she needs a stage name Kathy Dracoli I mean it's literally like the most mom name from the neighborhood it really is like what are you picking my kid up from soccer or are you singing a song Kathy Dracoli is picking you up today Oh, she can't come today because she's releasing a huge song I'm sorry, man We can't send this child home with you You're not his parents Excuse me, I'm Kathy Ciccoli That's all you need to know That's my ID Here's my ID Kathy Ciccoli And this is my child now Because as we all know Everything changes By the way, the best part about that song Everything changes I'm sure about 95 % of our audience has no idea what the song even is i'm not even sure i'm not saying you don't even know what it is it was this song that came out like 94 and it starts this woman is like a low rent taylor dane and she opens the song with the strangest most awful note and it's the funniest thing it literally opens with her going i'm like why did they keep that in the cut this lady it's like the lady from down the block decided to get on karaoke and someone recorded it and released it on radio and for some reason radio said we're gonna run with it like it's the strangest song kathy tricoli everything changes i want to hear that opening note should i should i get it should i get it up and running yeah i have to have to call it for some reason my computer is not playing sound that's so weird that is you know it might be it might be a good thing when it comes to kathy tricoli It's saving me.

32:23Ooh. Okay, here we go. Kathy Tricoli, we're going to pull her up. She is an American singer-songwriter, according to YouTube. Okay, I'm going to turn on my Safari so you can hear my Safari sounds. And I'm pressing play right here. Tell me if you hear it. You hear that? No. Uh-uh. Oh, that's too bad. By the way, the song has a sick beat. It's really, it's a strong... Oh, you know why? because I opened it up in Google. Okay, this is going great, everyone. This is going really great. Kathy Ciccoli, the hype for Kathy Ciccoli is mounting bigger than it's ever been before. Here we go, here we go. You hear this?

33:01Yeah, here we go.

33:09Ronnie Karam: Oh, yeah, that definitely sounds like she's trying to poop.

33:16Ronnie Karam: That is definitely a trying to poop sound. For sure. Someone had too much pasta with anchovy yesterday. It's not coming out. She hasn't had carbs in a long time. And we're going to continue to recap, but for Crap is on Demand, I am going to put her image up. So that way you can see that she looks truly like the mom down the street. She does. Yeah, she does. Yeah. She does 100%. 100%. Kathy Ciccoli. I bet she wouldn't appreciate you saying that leopard print isn't a personality. She is leopard print singer. She would not appreciate that. By the way, look at my algorithm. Look at my algorithm on the side.

33:51It's like Siskel and Ebert and Zelda. Barely makes any sense.

33:55Ronnie Karam: Penises and Kathy Tricoli. Okay, so we go to the galley. Jenna is trying to sneak by the galley, but Ben sees her. He's like, I love that. I saw you. You can't sneak by me. It's like, it's time to be kissed about the bell. And so the producer is like, oh, Ben, you shared a kiss with Jenna. and he's like, well, she clearly fancies the pants off of me. That's about it, really. I'm not going to be serious about this. Come on. Then Mike and Alicia still cleaning and Daisy walks in and he's like, Alicia and Mike, can I speak with you, please, in here? Okay. Where do I begin? Please sit down. Okay. I'm not happy.

34:38And I need the two of you to understand how serious this is. The two of you have an ego and it needs to go let's drop the e and go from the ego see what i'm doing there i just want to know specifics like what have i done exactly wrong what has alicia done exactly wrong sorry that was actually mike saying that but i'm i'm giving you the next line that you

34:58Ronnie Karam: should be saying mike and uh yeah it's like what i do and she's like i'm sick of your pot stirring i'm sick of your complaining you're both adults start asking for help with the manner that's kind and respectful only kind and respectful token and he's like okay i agree then you're saying she needs to be kind to me but now it's time for you to figure it out on your own team players god damn it and so at least he's like that the fact that me and mike sat here together on the chopping block like he's putting me in this position and now i'm gonna suffer as a consequence like i've tried to work with mike he doesn't want to he doesn't want a boss and i'm the boss oh my god both of you two Shut the fuck up.

35:41I want them both fired. Especially Mike, though. Mike is so annoying. I think the only other person who could be more annoying than Mike is Max, the French guy. He drives me nuts. But Mike is right up there with him. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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38:11So Mike is like...

38:12Ronnie Karam: No, Mike does at least cute and stuff. Like, I could see why he would get away with it. Because he's got, like, a charm to him and he's kind of funny and fun. Mike's just gross. He's just... Mike is the worst. Blech. That's a person. So Eddie offers to get Jenna a coffee and she's like, and then in the galley, Ellie was like, oh, I'm ready to take on the new charter. He's like, right, but unfortunately we are cakeless, my little juicy mignonette. It's a shame that we have had to give it to an ingrate, Joao. Yes, he took the cake and he was like, the cake is great, by the way, I want nothing to do with you.

38:51And I said, guess what? I don't want anything to do with war, but I had to deal with it anyway, okay?

38:55Ronnie Karam: Yes. All right. Simmer down there, my little old flatic opal fruit. What? What was that? Is that the bean? Nothing. It's an eye disease mixed together with a fruit. All right. Just carry on. I'll put a bean in the jar. Bean is going in the jar. So then we go to Deckhands Cleaning the Boat. And, oh, Batool says something. Hold on. It's a Batool moment. Batool moment. just sun deck remaining and windows yes patool earn that paycheck girl yes killing it get that season two so uh ben do you have a second to talk like for me for you yes okay just a brief chat you're not gonna like what i'm going to say there's a few things that i need from you to make service to go smoother and just a reminder i do let you sleep in the primary bedroom okay Here's what I've got to say.

39:49Do you think that in the morning you could just try to take a little bit of time to, I don't know, plan your menu for the day? I don't know. Thinking out loud here.

40:00Ronnie Karam: Well, that's not easy for a chef because when that happens, the menu changes. It screws me. Trust me. There's enough time to be like, oh, no, can he not make this? You don't want to give options to people. You want to tell them what they're going to eat, make them eat it, and leave me alone. That's what you wanted, but you need to do. It might help with your organization. You know what? I'm not an organization. I'm a human being. Nothing you're saying could possibly ever work, you stupid cow. Yeah, but after the last charger, honestly, I'm so embarrassed. I cannot be the only person on this boat having nightmares about soapy eggs.

40:40And then, of course, we see the flashback of soapy eggs. But to be fair,

40:45Ronnie Karam: the soapy eggs, it's not like that was just bad planning. You know what I mean? It's not like they could have organized better. They accidentally put soap on eggs. It's not like, well, we were planning on making French toast and we made it. Therefore, we didn't put soap on the eggs. No, they just reached for the wrong thing. But, you know, her point is taken as far as they're failing a lot and something needs to change. everything changes

41:21Ronnie Karam: poor Cathy Tricoli is in a minivan somewhere listening to this like these fucking assholes I'm a patreon subscriber Cathy Tricoli is probably pitching to like the Paramount Network yacht makeover. She's going to go in bar renovation, whatever it is. She goes, okay, you know what I see here? Soap in an olive oil bottle. We fix that. Okay, we fix it. Yeah, particularly. So Daisy's like, well, what about trying today? Having your lunch and your dinner idea? Going to just a primary. And that way, you know, that's the way I would do it. And he's like, well, it's just so tough because they get on the boat and then they want snacks immediately.

42:01Ronnie Karam: And then what I'm supposed to talk to them while they're eating something i do not like talking to people while they're eating like he's just not gonna listen to a damn thing she says yeah and um yeah he's like i think what's going well but you know what days keep that communication going you know there's nothing i love more than ignoring a woman so please just keep it coming yeah keep it coming whatever so uh cabins are done um and daisy is checking a toilet that mike's clean and she's like how's that's been done he's like i bleached it no but you need to do more than bleach it you need to clean it like really i do it's like what so you just are bleaching a toilet just leaving the bleach there for when people then go yes i get bleached fumes all over their cornhole thanks thanks mike feels great and also flashback won't be great and then daisy yeah exactly and then daisy picks up the the cleaner the scrubber and start scrubbing the toilet.

43:00Ronnie Karam: No, do not scrub it. You need to teach this man a lesson. If you're not going to hand him the scrubber, I would suggest don't even hand him the scrubber. Pick him up by the ankles, drop him in there, and use that fucking Brillo pad on top of his head to do it. Fuck this guy. She's lucky he didn't add ammonia in there as well because he probably would do something like that. Oh, gosh, who did that? There was that girl that one year where she made mustard gas by accident. Yeah, this could have killed us. You're fired. She's like, oh, my God, I'm a terrorist. now they're like we put you on the the terrorist watch network you are code orange she hasn't been able to fly since she was on below deck that girl was so bad she was well that shit was so funny we also learned something that day because we didn't know that you could make mustard gas like that yeah i forgot what she mixed but it was like she i just i just remember like the camera crew and the people on the boat were all getting like woozy and like their eyes were singing and she's like what what did i do wrong yeah that like ammonia and bleach right she makes both no it wasn't ammonia and bleach because that would have just been full-on like top like dead dead dead i think it may have been something like vinegar and um there's something there's some thing that you're not supposed to put together vinegar i'll look it up i'll look it up it's that way people as a psa to everyone well let me just a message to kathy triccoli kathy do you have the 3-1-1 on poisonous gases.

44:34How do you make mustard gas?

44:35Ronnie Karam: She's like, that's how I got rid of my first husband, who didn't support my singing career. Makes some ammonia and some bleach, got rid of his ass. Now I've got a minivan and a song that plays on a loop that starts like this.

44:51Ronnie Karam: So, Jason radios the crew. It's an hour from guest arrival. So then we go to Eddie and Jenna. They're in his cabin. And she's like, do you have a manner and he's like uh sure what do you need a hand with she's like i don't need a hand with anything i just want to chat he's like oh god i'm nervous don't be nervous now listen obviously i had time to think about a lot of fans and i really respect you and i enjoy your company and i don't want to you know lead you on and say there's gonna be something afterwards because i just don't see it happening and he's like so i didn't really understand much of what you just said except that you want a white wedding a white wedding is that what i'm here yeah i just thought that's happening he's like but so you don't think that we could try after this in anything like that like i could be the downhill and you could be the vonda shepherd how would that work we're in two different continents we both work on yours i don't want someone to get hurt really badly at the end of this well i personally don't think it's getting hurt badly if you like someone you make it work You just make the effort and you said yourself that you could see the rest spending the rest of your life with me as we go Backpacking from mountain to mountain and hostel to hostel nothing but hostels.

46:01What's up? What a funny word for a place where there's so much love going at a hostel. Stop it. I don't want that life No, and if life does

46:10Ronnie Karam: Babe if someone is telling you they're breaking up with you, which is what's happening here She's doing it kind of in the sweet way, you know, but she's basically breaking up with you and he's like, yeah But, you know, I don't want to get hurt badly because if you like someone, you make it work. You just make the effort. She doesn't want to make the effort, Eddie. Listen. Listen to what she's saying. You are done here, mullet. Okay? Go grow some sideburns and shave your mustache and then try again. Please. Please take this well. And, of course, he doesn't because he's already married her in his mind.

46:43Ronnie Karam: And I have to say props to her for being stronger than Joao because this is where Joao would have been like, yes we are getting married i cannot wait for you to bear my children but jenna's like no but we have different lifestyles we don't match and he's like well it just feels like you've gone from one flip flipped one coin to another coin yes that's actually exactly what's happened yeah she liked you and now she doesn't like you anymore that's how this one side one side of the coin is heads one side is tails guess which side is you you're not even a coin you're just an empty palm now bye bye here it is waving goodbye you're the you're the slot hoping for the coin so um he's like but you just i don't know i mean you just cuddled with me this morning and we've had our bodies against each other and kissing and everything and that intimacy and then you've just gone uh actually food 180 i don't want to do this it's just baffling yeah it's almost like when you were making out with her at the bar and then went back to your room and started flirting with alicia on text isn't it weird how people can pivot like that that's isn't it he's like well i just need a bit of time to think of what you said no no you don't okay you go think about it but i don't want to know what you're thinking about it because i just dumped you okay so yeah that that go think that over there as a single person yeah please uh he's just like wow you've done you dumped me right before the charter and then he by the way spends like almost the rest of the entire episode head hanging down as if like a relationship of 14 years just came to a close wow what you've been dating for five seconds five seconds and that was after you went and had some girl twerking on your ass like multiple times making this other girl cry get out of here with your sadness i'm not gonna feel sad for you you fucking lump wuss so then uh we go to ben humming and cooking in the galley because he's getting what that guy is dropping and so uh then we cut back to jenna and eddie and she's like okay i'll give you a space he's like thank you thank you i need my space and then he pouts in his cabin uh over this like low wattage relationship that's come to an end And so Mike and Eddie are in the laundry room and he's like, she cut it off with me.

49:08Fuck, really? Why? She's like, I don't see what can happen after. I've got two luxurious lifestyle which you can't afford. Mike's like, is that what she said? I'm like, I'm not sure if she said that. But I'm glad you're starting to understand and why you will never be compatible with her. So let's move on.

49:26Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I mean, he does get that. But she didn't say that. And this is a typical guy being like, oh, yeah, she doesn't like me. because she just wants to use a man for his money. So it's like the second she doesn't like you anymore, it's like, user slut. Yeah, exactly. It's like, also you're annoying and overbearing and have no exciting ambitions in life. So Eddie's like, well, I quite like her a lot. So it's a bit shit to do that. So it's like, all right, well, cheers to doing that right before charter. I mean, how could you do this right before charter? Oh, did you need all that extra confidence to sweep a fucking deck?

50:08Ronnie Karam: Get out of here. Yeah. If she did it during the charter, you'd be like, how could she do that during a charter? And then if she did it after a charter, you'd be like, how could she do this right after the charter? How could she do this on our night off? Yes. Yeah, I have no pity for him. I feel kind of bad now because I feel like now I'm just dogpiling on this guy. But I don't care. It feels good. Okay. So now we go to Mike and Eddie in the laundry room. And, oh, no, we already did that. So then we go to Alicia and Daisy in a cabin. And Jenna's like, I've just broken up with them. And Daisy's like, he'll feel sad, which sucks, you know.

50:41Ronnie Karam: He'll say, like, I'm always the one who's broken up with. But I definitely think you're doing the right thing. I never had to break up with someone. What was that? I never had to break up with someone. What? Okay, whatever. I'm just going up the stairs. Good luck to you. So now it's time to meet the guests. Here they come. Phoenix in the house. And he's moping. They have to walk past Phoenix. It's like, oh, geez. We thought Phoenix got sad in the summertime. Look at this sad sack. He's like, oh, it was just dumb. How could you do this right before leopard print? Honey, it's called the Phoenix suns, not the Phoenix clouds.

51:19Okay, put a smile on that face. So Jason's like, welcome, everyone. Welcome to Katina. And Joanna's like, can anyone bring the sun? speaking of which wow i didn't even realize i'd be making a sun joke thanks for ruining it eddie so jason's like uh well it's a blessing in disguise because it'll keep the heat out a bit so it's only going to be an hour to the anchorage and we'll get everything in the water and we'll get wet anyway that joke really ended well with the real housewives of salt lake city i kind of

51:47Ronnie Karam: thought same time zone you might as well i love it lady can't wait to get you wet she's like get You wait. She's like, you better be talking about the pasta going into the pot. And it better be wet with some anchovy juice. Lemon and anchovy. I invented it. I invented anchovies, by the way. They never used to exist. So now we go to the tour of the boat. Ah, here's a master. Meanwhile, Ben is like, wow, let's get mixing bowl together. God, I'm in a good mood today. And Ellie's just looking at him like, what the fuck is wrong with this person? Why is he smiling like this? Puff puff give mother trucker That is actually How we would do our transactions At the market in In the Balkans Puff puff give That was my way of saying here is rice give me milk So So stupid So now Jenna's Cleaning the bar and Eddie walks by And he's all sad And she says hey okay And he's like, not really.

52:54Ronnie Karam: No. Oh, God. You know what? This is not going to make someone want to date you. No. No. You're being so emo over this stupid fling. This is not the energy that she's looking for, right, Moby? No. So Daisy's taking some drink orders. The boat's leaving. And Ben is like, Ellie. Hello, the cinnamon, my little sweet cinnamon swirl. Ellie's going to turn into a buzzing machine in a moment because I've made some cold brew for both of us. Forget all your woes right now, love. Oops, I said love. My bad, sweet darling pudding pop. Oh, no, I did it again. Another bean in the jar. Apologies. Apologies, my jelly bean princess.

53:39Oh, no.

53:42Ronnie Karam: So now Jenna loves a guest because they're bantering with her about anchovies. And then Jason tells the deck team to get the slide out. And Mike's like, oh, it's a beautiful day for Katina to slide away. Bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep. And Joanna is like, all right, so this slide doesn't look safe. Are you going to go on the slide? They're like, go on the slide, Joanna. Sorry, I'm not going on that. Hey, Mike, have you ever been on a slide? He's like, no. Hey, Joanna, you ever been on the slide? No. Hey, well, I'm not going on that fucking slide. Why do I have to be the trial person? I'm going to die on that slide.

54:16What the hell? I'm not going to do that. So then Daisy, meanwhile, goes up to bed in the gallery. He goes, hey, Ben, sorry. Are you doing the birthday cake tonight? The vanilla essence with ice cream? He's like, well, I did chocolate mousse since I did a chocolate mousse cheesecake. Because we see he did that like right away and almost in the morning. Right, but have you checked that with the primary? Because I think they said something about vanilla essence with ice cream. He's like, really? But I've just made the cake. So, yeah, you know, I had to get it out of the way this morning. Sorry, corn muffin.

54:51But the cake's done.

54:52Ronnie Karam: But don't you think it would have been wise to maybe pull the primary to the side, maybe, or something? He's like, listen here, peppermint patty pelvis. I think it would have been a shocking idea, and I've been through this before. So, sorry, honey, but that's the one thing I'm going to come back on, all right? cakes are very specific and I think they're gonna absolutely love this cake. But do you not want me to go up and say, hey, Ben has made a chocolate mousse cake instead of just giving it to them? He's like, no, no, no, you rascal croissant. Don't do something like that. Don't give them options.

55:31Yes, because they're going to come up with something else and there's more work for us. Am I right? Am I right, you silly pepper, pepper pussy face? Very nice, Ellie. You're doing it now. I appreciate that.

55:46Ronnie Karam: You're getting it, elves. You're getting it. She's like, well, you know, I don't know about this. I think it's weird, but whatever. And he's like, thanks, Daisy. I'm right, right, Ellie. She's like, 100 % correct, Abbas. She's like, no, no, it's not 100%. It's 100 % the wrong decision, but whatever. Yeah, you're right. It's 110 % the right decision. What do you think about that, Elsie? ha, Cornelzi now, what do you think about that, my little small spleen? That's quite okay, my love crouton. Oh, let me have to start a new jar for you. I will be taking a bean out of the jar and putting it right next to my left testicle.

56:32Ronnie Karam: Thank you.

56:36Ronnie Karam: So Daisy leaves pissed, and he's like, I'll go up with a cake, and I'll explain to him when I get it right in front of him. So she's like, all right, it's weird. So she's starting to leave, and she's like, why are you asking the galley-handed vice anyway? Because Ellie's in there. He's, like, trying to get Ellie on his side with every little thing, and Daisy's getting so pissed. So he's like, Daisy, seriously, you're just opening up an avenue. We've already been down. She goes, no, you said no, it's fine. But I think it's the wrong decision, but I'll follow your decision. All right? I'll follow you off the plank and drown in the water with ya.

57:11It's a power trip. He wants to think that he's in charge over the guests, over the crew, but this is not Ben's trip. This is the guest trip. And little Miss Ellie with her head stuck up Ben's ass goes, Oh, you're so right, Ben. I feel like I'm going crazy. Just give people what they want. Vanilla essence. Was that something that goes in the bean jar? No, they actually want vanilla essence. I'm not calling anyone that.

57:33Ronnie Karam: God damn it, Ben. And he's like, nowhere on those preferences does it say, we don't like chocolate. We don't like cheesecake. So this is kind of a weird fight to me because, you know, it's not abnormal for the chief stew to go to the chef and be like, OK, let's make a plan. Let's be, you know, I don't think Daisy's doing anything that's out of the ordinary on this show. but it is weird that she's being a stickler about the cake and stuff specifically because there wasn't anything on the preference sheet that said no chocolate so what do you think um i think it's when she came down and said are you making the birthday cake vanilla essence right it's sort of she said it in a way that seemed to imply that someone put it on their preference sheet that they like a vanilla essence cake oh okay yeah that would make more sense i'm not that is weird been a little essence but she still is like hey why don't you check i think the the the crux of it is it's a birthday cake why don't you check to make sure it's the type of birthday cake that they would want to receive if it's someone's birthday yeah i think that's what she's saying i think she needs to just go to the guest and say hey you guys have a birthday night tonight um the cake that's planned is this will that be okay and just go behind go above ben's and then come down and said they've requested specifically this kind of cake because yeah he's not going to take too kindly to anybody bossing him around I mean have you seen this show he's not going to take it yeah he doesn't like it but she always does get into his head because now he's like well she wanted a vanilla essence cake right Daisy's got me freaked out so now he is now he's basically going to make the cake after Daisy yelled at him yeah he's like fuck it let's make another cake i have tremendous trust issues with chief stews kate not a great communicator aren't you sleeping on her couch right now and isn't she showing up to every single after show to stump for you and stand up for you against anybody who bothers you on this show i would watch my goddamn mouth sir but it is good because it brings a kate clip which is hilarious he's like she's not a great communicator i was completely in the dark and then it cuts to him going you saw me getting stressed earlier because i didn't know what was going on three hours later i still don't know what's going on she goes oh yeah because all i have is time okay oh i've got on this pose a bunch of time oh i miss kate being a chief stew i wish she would come back and do it once fucking classic that shit was so funny Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap.

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