#3385 The Valley S3E09 Part Two: Let Me Get This Off My Chest

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2:44Watch What Crappens

2:46Ronnie Karam: So then Brittany is setting up girls night and she's like, girls, sparkle. Lala comes and Lala's like, what the fuck? She's like, girl, we are doing a crab boil. Yeah, it's basically I'm doing a whole transformation. I'm having a tummy talk. I'm getting breast implants. I'm getting crab claws added to me. That's why we got this. I'm going to collect all the claws afterwards and bring it to the doctor. I just want to have them on my back. I'll be like rattling around. It'll be fun. I'm going to have crab claw ears. It's going to be so good. I have one of these shells. I'll be like, hello, I'm a crab.

3:26Ronnie Karam: I'm getting a tummy tuck. I'm getting breast implants taken out. I'm getting smaller ones back in. I'm getting a lobster tail put on my tailbone. I'm getting 360 lipo. Y 'all won't even be able to keep clubs on me.

3:42Zach is Janet. Everyone comes over. where all the girls and Zach come over. And Zach is like, wait, wait, wait. Tell her to close her eyes. And Jasmine's like, okay, close your eyes. Okay, close your eyes. Okay, hold on. Me, Kristen, and Jasmine want to get you something really special. Okay? This is the first of two times that this happens on the show of Close Your Eyes, We've Got You a Gift. In this case, Zach has purchased a 1-8th scale of Britney's boobs turned into a cake.

4:12Ronnie Karam: It says RIP titties. And she's like, oh, you're in 2015 to 2025, baby Yes So Nia comes with her nanny, fun Christina Pretty super excited Hey, Christina, hey, girl She's like, oh my god, is that a titty cake? So she brings in the baby and stuff And then Brittany's like, you like crab? And he's like, no

4:38It's a crab one

4:39Ronnie Karam: Okay, well I got corn and sausage and there's chicken wings and there's fries. There's also, if you look under the crab, there's some burgers down there. Oh, there's a Caesar salad under that crab claw over there. And oh, there's some ice cream too. It's like, damn, what is happening in this crab thing? I like when Lala walked in and she's like, aren't you having surgery tomorrow? Like, what the fuck? Is this really the time to binge? I know. It seems like a strange choice to go like New Orleans crab boil right before you have to go under the knife i mean you're also not supposed to a lot and it's going to be hard to poop why would you do this to yourself yeah it's also like um i know you're not really supposed to uh eat before you have anesthesia so i'm like i'm curious about this situation do a lot of people get crab boils before breast reductions i just want to know you know you're trying to you're so you're like i'm going to remove the lipo but before i do that let's just let's just add like some crab to it real quickly it's just like to have a binge right before you go for a 360 lipo i mean that's so intense and fat doesn't turn to fat right away like you can eat something one day and it takes time for your body to turn it into fat so it's like you're putting fat on when you're about to get fat taken i just it's just the logic of it But we're talking about Brittany, and there's not a lot of logic there.

6:08Ronnie Karam: So let her live. The salt is very intense with a meal like this, I'll tell you that much. Remember when we went to Oh My Crab last year? Yes. That was fun. You didn't like it. I'm just not a big – I go because I have so much fun, and your friends are so nice, and I always love talking. And I eat it because I like the spices. I'll dip my bread in the spices and stuff. But ultimately, I'm like this cast that looks at it like, ew. like you're just breaking apart dead things and the best one we went to was in new orleans that was a good one oh well that was that was great all those crawfish that was incredible we had so much it wasn't only crawfish i mean it was like we ate the whole restaurant we really we did a pre-360 lipo binge at that place yeah we went nuts that was really good but most of them i'm like no unless i have good this yeah the saddest one was the one we went to in alabama where you just basically watched me eat the crawfish in that like empty empty restaurant i was not going to trust that strip mall i was not going to trust that alabama i was like ronnie we're going to get some local food nope um and that was even before glp ones i mean that's how shitty that food looked i was like nope i'm saying no to you and i'm not even drugged so lala tells us i like the kind of crab that sings like a little companion in like a disney movies like not dead on a table for me to eat so like a disney companion so um they're eating and like you know britney goes all in she's like is sticking in her mouth she's like oh cramps zach's like britney absolutely not this is not a beer bottle that you're trying to open don't use your teeth janet also has an update she's like so i came home and nothing made me want to have sex with jason more than knowing that i couldn't and i was like wait we can't and he was like i thought about it and then he went over all the options and all of them just seemed like potential re-injury especially that one move that was hey pretend we're playing basketball then let's have sex afterwards that was gonna be really bad on his knee

8:21Ronnie Karam: malla's like well you're gonna have to give him blowjobs and she's like no that's not gonna happens like jesus bungee and i'll take care of him at least i get blow jobs i mean geez i think i blocked though i can't even text him yeah i reached out to him when i found out and i was like oh my god that's terrible yeah i really appreciate that jack and then they started talking about how the paramedic who picked up jason was like super hot uh because that's something that happens in la all the time it's crazy it's crazy truly it is like porn star care workers or the firemen services workers yes oh my god it's crazy firemen are kind of universe not universally i mean not uh not a hundred percent but like 90 i mean there's a lot of firemen there really are it's so um yeah they're talking about that and janet's like yeah jason tried to get his number you guys he tried to get his number what did you why why was jason trying to get his number maybe it's going on here i don't know but i'm sort of suddenly i care about jason's knee i'm like fix that you can get back down on it sir get that hot hot hot fireman uh i'd like to see what this goes so saying well yeah i just want everybody to know i made a meal train for britney oh god and he is the meal train person of course she is god i know exactly of course god i hate the meal train person i i love doing the mail trains you know what it is i i love making food for people and i've i'm happily have provided food for meal trains but it's the meal train person who gets to the like that they're the one who annoys me because they're sort of like very perky but like insistent that you help on their schedule it's like i set this up here the slot so you have to do it this way and i'm like i kind of want to do it my way like i'll just make the why are all your child has soccer practice like you're making it convenient for yourself but not the rest of us here's my thing with meal trains i think they're super nice my mom is sick and so she has meal trains and stuff like that her friends are so sweet like they really are the best women she could ever be gifted you know angels that i'm about to diss right now so here's the thing you get a meal train i think it's great to have a meal train person and in her case the meal train person is like an angel.

10:47Ronnie Karam: But there also needs to be a meal-trained judge, okay? There needs to be like, if you have the bitchy gay son, have him do it. That needs to look over the meal-trained list and say, absolutely not. I do not want your spaghetti. Spaghetti is not meal-trained food. Or to be like, you know what? A tuna sandwich is not a meal-trained food. No one wants that. Or like to be able to taste it and like give tips. Like this was, rate it. Maybe a meal-trained rating system where you're like, this food sucks. you know put them put them on the end of the week or something where we're not going to be home anyway yeah and i don't know why maybe this is me being really insensitive does britney need a mail train in terms of like this this surgery that she's going through obviously she's she needs someone to pick her up and she's she's gonna be hurting and everything but like is it at meal train level is it like can it just be can we bring her over a casserole and well like i know when You're ailing.

11:44Ronnie Karam: I've ordered enough food today to last about two weeks. So there's that. But also, yeah, what she's doing, and I know because I went to the doctor to ask about my own mommy makeover, and they were like, you don't have a vagina. I was like, I've got a FUPA. So get your sucker ready because you're getting this whole body done. And so I talked to them about it. And apparently it hurts really bad, but they also cut your muscle. like they cut your stomach muscle and then pull it up and like re-sow it so you're wow severe pain yeah okay at least that's what meal train granted i'm a disaster by the way so yeah i think i think it is meal train but you know what i can't do it at my place because that hill i live up a hill how the fuck am i even gonna uber home from the place i'm not gonna be able to walk up that hill i was watching her try to walk up the stairs Wait, are you doing this in LA?

12:43Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I think so. I mean, I would trust LA more. I'll get you up that hill, Ronnie. Don't worry about that. You will? Well, you can back up the hill now in your car, right? You're good at that. Yeah. Well, I don't back up it. I go straight up it and then I back down it. Oh, that's a brave way to do it. I think it's easier. I don't know. I couldn't ask anybody to see me like that. Oh, come on. come on you know either way nightmare i'll be like uh okay i will grant and me i will grant britney the meal train i will grant her the meal train meal train granted i just got a notification from amtrak and the meal train is departing the station congratulations you got a ticket and how hard can it be it's a meal train for britney you just need to have some wings and some nuggets and she's fine but like well also where's sherry where is sherry in all this where is sherry in her white lip her white ass lips someone needs to leave her like a little trail of chalk to go to the car and just just guide her hansel and gretel style she's been through so many of these surgeries though with britney because she was with britney for one last season or the season before when britney got her neck or whatever done she was there i remember her being there but she's probably like girl how many surgeries are you getting a I'm out.

14:02Ronnie Karam: Okay. I'm mom trained out. We're going to start a mom train to just start sending in other reality stars, mom for your ass. I've done enough. I don't know. I don't know why I had such a reaction to the meal train. It's just like, I think that they do a tremendous service and I love that their websites that are set up that just make it so easy. I, you know what I did? Okay. I think if I drill down to it, I know I'm going to make something awesome for the meal train. Last time I did it, I made last time I contributed to a meal train. I made an amazing dish uh that unfortunately featured nuts and the child was allergic to nuts so it was not really palatable for the family but it still was amazing you're my hero but i was like buck up it's a good meal so what you'll get some hives have to go to the hospital i could do two meal trains at once try it will be worth it you little wine um no but i know i'll do something really good but then like I go onto the Mealtrain site and it's like, oh, unfortunately, the only availability is like Tuesday at 2 p.m.

15:04and it's like, I can't do that. I can't do that and now I can't do it and it's annoying and it's because Nia has been like, sorry, I gave the easier slots to Janet or whatever or to Michelle Lolly and it's like, but they're going to make shitty food and I can make a really good thing and I have to be stuck in the slot that's most inconvenient for me. I feel like that's not fair. And that's what always happens with meal trains. It's like you always get stuck with a bad slot. And then someone who's really bad at making food takes up all the good slots. They actually go and they claim all the good slots.

15:36And then it's like, congrats. Enjoy your lean cuisines you're about to get.

15:39Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Well, I think a lot of it, too. I don't know why we're spending 80 hours on meal trains. That's so not just to you. I'm like, I can make a good meal train. No, because I'm so into this discussion. No, I'm so into this discussion, too. but um i think another part of it is that it's elective surgery and sometimes that makes me a little like excuse you you know like the last meal train was for my friend with cancer you're getting a tuk-tuk like i'm not making that's what i'm not you don't get you know like you don't get that's why it feels a little you know that's i feel like it's for you know people who are like sick and like and are like they it's just it's it's it's a real thing look if you're in pain from a lipo like your your pain is still valid your feelings are valid but your pain is still your pain so you deserve a meal train okay you've changed you've changed my mind it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial why limit your favorite fragrance to just one room with pura you can build a whole home scented system that moves with your day put a Pura home next to your bed, a Pura home plus in your open living room, and a Pura home mini in the bathroom, controlling them all seamlessly from the app.

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17:35Ronnie Karam: Okay. So Janet says Jason tried to get his number, which I'm still thinking about. I thought about it all night it's like what does it's getting hotter why didn't anybody question that um so uh maybe it's jason getting a dick train what's happening let's let's set up a dick train for jason so britney's like okay well you know thank y 'all for being here because i'm just freaking the hell out i mean wait why do i feel like i'm gonna cry it's a big deal britney yes it is something you have wanted for years yeah it's something i wanted for years you know going through such a bad relationship where i was like told my body looked like a tree trunk i kind of fucking hate jacks what a monster awful so uh she's like i don't know this relationship like britney's like a uh hottie like when she's bigger i think she's hot she looks gorgeous i don't understand how anybody could be with brit i mean there's a lot to say about britney but ugly and tree trunk body is not what I would go with.

18:37Ronnie Karam: She's a gorgeous girl. You've got a Hooters. You've got like, you know, I saw an interview with Brittany, like one of those Hooters on the street interviews, Sporkle on the streets. And she was talking about, she's in the Hooters Hall of Fame. And she has like a gold card where she can just eat free Hooters for life. I mean, that's a hot girl. Like, why are we, fuck off Jax, still. Jax isn't even here anymore. still fuck off jacks yeah and she just was just she was she tells us how she was like in a really bad place and um you know and she's just trying to remove the last vestiges of jacks because if it doesn't serve her anymore she didn't get rid of it so she's like i don't feel so good and lala goes i know this sounds cheesy but i'm like i'm like very excited for you to feel like the way I see you.

19:32Oh, my God. I hope you see me like a crab. Let me get those shells on my back. It's going to be great.

19:38Ronnie Karam: I know you have. I know you've been through a lot. Jax, Janet's like out with the old. Yeah, with old titties. They with new titties. Okay. It is very the valley for someone to be like, I'm going through an empowerment storyline by getting my ex's titties out of me. So then, you know, I love these. I'm getting rid of them. I'm getting my own boobies. So they've all eaten all this crab while standing over the kitchen island and now they, they like pack it all up. And I love how the whole group came together to like wipe down that table. I was like, wow, you guys really did that. This was the messiest table in a second.

20:12And then like it was, that was friends. I was like, I was genuinely touched by how they all made that kitchen island sparkle clean. Um, and meanwhile, for sure. And then meanwhile, Jasmine was drinking, um, Opus, this bottle of Opus, which apparently is very expensive and she didn't realize and they're like uh neil's like um you're drinking opus what that's expensive oh my god you emptied it wow someone drank a bottle of wine in the group

20:43Ronnie Karam: everyone yeah and she's like i i think it said opus i don't know i'm dyslexic I was looking for my favorite wine Supo I don't know Opus that's so expensive I don't know I didn't drink at all She's like it's empty this is like 100 plus dollars per bottle of wine She's like I didn't know This is a very expensive bottle of wine Daniel It's like Nia you're more upset about this than your Your husband emotionally abusing you in front of everybody Good lord calm down it's not yours Well the word Opus is very triggering in their household mainly because it reminds Danny of things that he doesn't have.

21:24Scooter. So, Lala. We call that an opus zing around here in the Crab and Sparts. I love it. Come for the art of show humor. Stay for the opus zings.

21:34Ronnie Karam: That was like Pulitzer worthy. That was good. I mean, Mr. Hollander has one. I know it's so dope. He's so sweet. Really? Yeah, he's got awards. And he does have awards, actually. Opus has an opus? when he dies he'll have an obit an obit of his obis

21:54Ronnie Karam: so yeah and he is freaking out about the wine and then Brittany's like I don't drink it I mean what the hell what do I care when was the last time you saw a crab drinking wine right so we're getting to character so excited for tomorrow so so Kristen is like I don't know why I'm so committed to the idea of transforming herself into a crab at her i think things like well i thought i guess she's in these are about a blah blah so so michelle's like um i have one oba's bottle that is all i got from my marriage one bottle of oba's uh so they outside outside lala kristen and zach sit down which is of course as we all recognize the pre-gas obsession before the group fight um so lala's like so what's new and he's like um we did talk to nia today and i feel like she doesn't like to hear certain things also my neck hurts from following her bouncing so much it was like 15 minutes of straight nodding she had to leave though because her baby broke its neck that was sad um and kristen's like well she said that daniel apologized to you and that spoke to you about it and she's like yes but this isn't about me this is about how i witnessed a man speaking to his wife's yeah i don't know for myself i don't feel like um uh-oh here come the end jasmine hey girl hey so because everyone's quiet and lala's just looking at her like it's like so i hear you guys were talking about me a little bit i'm gonna put on my crazy head of hoa smile people of the world better watch out it's a meal train gonna run you over lala so lala's like um so like you know what like yeah so you know we went to lunch and i was just saying that um i've been through some shit in my life but i was triggered because i watched a man yelling at a woman and like i don't know how you guys speak to each other.

24:06I'm not in your marriage. I just know there's strange shit happenings.

24:12Ronnie Karam: So she says, you know, I, it's hard to describe her feelings towards Daniel. He's a church going family man and give him a bit of liquor and he wilds out. And if his wife knows she chooses to turn a blind eye and she can't decide if they're trying to hide a very dark, deep rooted secrets or if Nia's just struggling to survive in it. And Lala is saying, you know, this happened in a public common area in the house we were staying in. So you're being put in a very vulnerable position. And I don't want that to happen to you because that's not normal behavior. I thought this was well said on Lala's part.

24:48Ronnie Karam: I thought it was well explained. And she made it very clear. I'm not talking about the drinking. I'm talking about how he's yelling at you in the public. And I don't want you to be in a position like that. Yes. I appreciate that but also Daniel has his own therapist and I have my own therapist and we have a couple's therapy like we really stay on top of healthy open communication and we're good yeah this friend group is not perfect but I think overall we're like pretty perfect and Jasmine's like yeah but like she hasn't been around and if you're like new to the group or something like that no Jasmine you're not the one who can say anyways I feel like if Zach felt a certain sort of she's drunk I love you Jasmine but you're drunk what the fuck this is so weird why isn't jasmine allowed to talk yeah so and jasmine feels the same way she's like uh i'm not drunk don't say that kristin she's like um yes you are and i so love you and she goes kristin don't say that it's fucked up don't say it if i'm drunk then you're drunk don't say i'm drunk bitch she's like i already forgot what i was saying though so yeah exactly because you're drunk too so don't fucking say that i'm drunk bitch so now jasmine's ready to go everyone's just ignoring jasmine because they're like uh can we say on one thing at a time you can fight with kristen in a minute okay i know we're on abusive jasmine's like jasmine's like on deck so she's like getting ready she's sort of like oh and she spends the rest of the scene being like oh okay well i guess you're gonna say that thing which is fine because like apparently i can't say it apparently i'm done so i guess she's sitting on the edge of on the arm of kristen's chair and she keeps turning around like really you want to start with me this is some bullshit and kristen's just like what everyone's just trying not to look at jasmine so they don't have to move on to this fight they're like jasmine we're in the middle of a very serious scene you can do this fight after okay calm calm not not your time yet let's give it a minute and neil's like i think they're talking to me about about daniel having an issue with drinking when jasmine's over here like whoa is it okay if i talk about her well the people are allowed to get drunk in this group they're allowed to it's that danny makes people feel uncomfortable when he does it it's the question he's not jasmine isn't yelling at her wife right now in public mia so no it's not the same so um christian's like oh i lost my train of thought oh thank god i didn't you didn't lose the train of meals meal train oh anyway i'm sorry look you know maybe because you're a pageant background they're assuming that it was like this like perfect like maybe look you have to look perfect type of thing.

27:18Ronnie Karam: She's like, well, he did speak to me in a way that I did not like. And Jasmine's like, oh, so I shouldn't talk, right? I shouldn't talk. So, okay, I guess I'm not going to talk then. I'll just be over here and not talking. You know, there's something that's like really making me upset that like happened to me last year, but apparently I can't say that. So nevermind. Well, I was like, okay, you know, I love all the communication and I could be coming from like a very wounded place, but like I was triggered. And when I'm feeling something, I feel like I need to talk about it. Yeah, I respect that that's your experience.

27:46And these moments could absolutely trigger you or somebody. And then Jasmine's like, what the hell? You were sitting here validating her triggers, but last year you weren't validating my triggers. That's all I'm saying. And Jasmine says, this is what's annoying her so much. Is that like, Lala can be like, oh, wow, Danny made me feel this way. And then everyone's like, oh, wow, Lala, tell us more. But then last year when Jasmine said it, they're like, okay, whatever. And all hell broke loose. I think that's a valid point.

28:13Ronnie Karam: well i'm trying to remember how it went down because i feel like they did support jasmine but then it turned into uh janet kept going and going it's like janet just kept it going and making it bigger and bigger and bigger and then they they flipped out on janet but i see how jasmine is like that especially when she's sitting here you know talking about this to people and she's being shut up for no reason because that was crazy behavior of christmas last year she was last year kristin did not support jasmine in this on the santa barbara trip and when danny passed out and jasmine's like um hello this is like crazy this is like weird like like whatever why are we not acting like this is marbara trip yeah yeah yeah and then kristin was like oh he's allowed to get drunk um because back then there was like kind of more of a prevailing thought like look he had a long day and you drank and he passed out and like there's nothing deep in it and now that's how i thought back then i'll admit to it i was like well now we're so glad he's on a group trip and he's drunk what's the big deal he took a nap isn't that good who cares if he's not out here fighting with you guys drunkenly like that's a weird reason to be mad um so yeah i forgot about that part so thanks for reminding me she was upset about that and yeah so i can push back on that one so yeah i think it's fair to be like uh hello yeah i do too hello but um lala is basically like okay you know i want to leave this conversation with all of us feeling good dusk and jasmine's like oh well oh i'm just i'll just take quiet she's like doing this thing she's like closing her lips with her fingers she's like jasmine's just doing her own little show on the side and uh they're fully ignoring her so now it's a commercial break and it's britney's surgery day and so britney's in like a surgical gown that looks like very much like from that show you were just what the prophet she sort of when she was she was she wasn't in makeup and she was in this very floral long down and her hair was back and she had her glasses on.

30:09And it was funny to me because I feel like whenever I see a show about cults, there's always someone, like an elder, who when you look at them, you're like, this person who I just assumed was like 68. I'm realizing they're just like 36. They just have styled themselves. Because they're in the cult, they have to style themselves in this very, very old-fashioned way. And it was funny to me. Like the 50s horn-rimmed glasses. Yeah. And so seeing Britney like this, I was like, oh, it's sort of cool because i always imagine when i see those cult documentaries of like someone who was who was dressed like that i'm always imagining what would they look like if they actually had styling that was more um more like current and more of like of the moment i'm always like i always wonder what their makeover would look like and so it was cool because when i saw britney getting ready for surgery she looked at me like she was in a cult you saw the before yeah it was like reverse and i was like oh now i can imagine like oh that's a good show that's a

31:09Ronnie Karam: good idea for a show cult makeovers you know we just go in and take the you know the fundamentalist lds ladies from all the cults and just all the cult documentaries on netflix and just like here you know here's a push-up bra and a you know a sky top we did get to see we got to see some of them in a out of cult garb but it was sort of cool i was like oh i had this weird moment where i said where i saw britney like that and i was like i can imagine her in a cult and now i'm happy because i can imagine what her cult makeover would look like and it would just be britney so i was like it's so funny because it's a very happy thing for me most women wear makeup and do their hair and all that stuff and guys just always look like the before of a cult that's the thing like we just always look like you know we're like we're always as unput together as can be yeah you know it's the privilege i guess like we can just walk around looking like we're in a fundamentalist cult both day and night it's a it's a day to evening look for us well anyway that was clearly the pressing thought on my mind um so britney is starting her mommy makeover and um she's just saying that she was in a really dark place about how she felt and how her body looked and she would just cancel plans and stay home and didn't want to go out and this is her way of taking her power back and it's a big deal for her so she goes under the knife and then jasmine and kristen meet up for for a lunch and they have a nice little lunch and jasmine basically is like you know uh first they start talking about babies but she's really just there to say look it bothered me that you discredited me and like my feelings need to be considered yeah um so then where are we i got distracted they're at this they're at this restaurant and jasmine's saying like yes so jasmine i have a lot of emotions she has a big monologue yes and i liked her opening up about this and i also liked kristin not arguing and just listening and being like okay you know i get it and thank you for explaining it like that but she basically jasmine and is saying, you know, I just want to let you know how I feel because leaving Crabboy all night, I had all these emotions because Lala's talking about how she's triggered about Danny and you and Zach are just like supporting her and listening to her.

33:36Ronnie Karam: And I had to pause because I was like, when I had a situation with Danny, it was totally overlooked and I don't even want to cry, but you know, she starts to cry and she's like, I didn't know, you know, I know you and me are close, but I'm like, God, I thought I was closer to Kristen. And, you know, it just everything going so left kind of ruined it for me that I didn't get the same level of support. And Kristen cops to it. And she's like, well, basically, I think my hatred for Janet, like my need to be right against Janet overshadowed my being there for you as a friend. Right. Right. And I thought that was a pretty good way to put it and true.

34:19Yeah. And Jasmine says, you know, I'm black, I'm gay, I'm a woman. I have to fight three times harder than anybody in this group for to be taken seriously. And not just this group, the world. So don't ever want, you know, my friends to think that. But like it has crossed my mind before. Are they listening to Lala because she's white? I think sometimes I do think that. I don't know. So then Kristen is like, yeah, I didn't make you guys more important than protecting Danny and Nia. And they have like a nice moment. They clasp hands and it's lovely. Commercials. Here comes one right now.

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36:37So now it's 2 p.m. almost and Brittany is coming out of surgery and doctor's like, how are you feeling? She's like, I don't feel great. I don't like being a crab. And he's like, okay, well, you have some tightness. And then Kristen and Zach combined. It's like, I'll let go of my finger.

36:54Ronnie Karam: Let go of my finger. It actually, you're cutting through my actual finger. Okay. These claws are going to take a minute to get used to, but you will get used to them. Okay. Don't pick up paper. Don't check your own mail. You cut your bills in half. Okay. You don't know you're on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Kiss the girl. Okay. Kissing fine. No hand jobs. No hand jobs for a while. Okay. Under the sea. Okay. Doctor, is it true that everything's better? everything's wet. Okay, that's cute. But I'm going to need to do the same thing I did during that movie and request that Ursula get back on the screen.

37:34Okay.

37:34Ronnie Karam: Thanks. Somebody say something about order jokes. I'm here. Meal train for the doctors. Poor unfortunate hearts. So Kristen and the friends come in. Kristen and Zach come. Oh my God, how are you? Girl, just let me tell my friends now, do not come in and visit me after my 360 tummy tuck thing. Don't do it. Don't do it. Well, someone has to come in there and fetch you. No, I'm paying a Postmate. No, I'm paying a Postmate to do it. You're going to pay a male escort. Yeah. Oh, no, not an escort. God, I don't want to see. I don't want some ho to see me like that. It's in the job description. No. Yeah.

38:20Well, we'll figure something out for you. That's funny. Escort. That's what they do, right? Are they hired to take people from hospitals?

38:27Ronnie Karam: No, no. So now they're just checking on Brittany and stuff. And she's like, I'll be like an asshole. They're driving her home. He's like, well, you look amazing. You don't look like an asshole. So they have to walk her up the stairs now. And it's hell. And Kristen's like, oh, my God. Why didn't we get a Postmate? That was a great idea, Ronnie. That's where I got the idea from Kristen. And then they keep making her laugh because like her stomach hurts so much. And she's like, stop making me laugh. So they get her upstairs. And then Zach is like, um, sorry, I do have to put this in your mouth. I don't know.

39:04Was this medicine or something? He was like spooning her or something. And she's like, oh, it's ground up artichoke. I hope you enjoy it. Caw.

39:14Ronnie Karam: So they're like, you're going to look amazing. She's like, I can't believe I'm going to see over my titties. ow ow you're a cool guy hey can you put some sunglasses on my boobies just that way they look like kingsley oh you are literally so hard-headed what happened to your head it's a crime head now oh wow uh so they really did jasmine now we go to another sick bed this is jason's uh so jasmine comes over to visit uh jason with tom schwartz and um you know they're checking in on jason um so really tom schwartzstein everyone basically he brings over a plant they're like wow a plant yeah it's been a while so jasmine comes over too and they're all sort of like sit down and janet's like it's crazy how such like a little move resulted in all of this right i mean wow i have to think twice about going to dave and busters now and tom's like wow it was a mighty move let's not belittle it so jasmine basically is like yeah i care about you and i realized like you guys actually really had my back last year jason's like yeah i mean it wasn't hard to i mean like i didn't feel like you know you know what i mean i have a question am i getting less hot now that i'm sitting here please tell me it's not true okay i don't want my son to see me this way no no you're fine jason we've just been does the question make my butt look big damn it the truth I just don't want my son to know that there was a moment in his life when his dad wasn't hot so it's just really hard for me

40:51so Jasmine basically says after seeing how Kristen and Zach are handling this Lala and Danny situation I'm starting to see like oh yeah Jason and Janet actually did have my back last year and I know they took it like a little too far but I appreciate that you had my back when other people I thought were going to didn't

41:06Ronnie Karam: yeah so now she's gonna she's gonna defect to team janet and jason dun dun dun the jay and the jay yeah the triple j's uh so then schwartz has called a surprise over for no good reason he's like he's like okay guys close your eyes because we have a surprise for you i'm like there's no surprise we can see five guys behind you there's a mariachi band i was like why is there a mariachi band behind there so they come out i i'm sorry i don't want live music blasting in my face if i'm hailing with a knee issue in my bedroom too much either i mean mariachi bands are so talented and stuff but i don't really want them at my table either because there's that awkward like you have to watch and be like oh like i'm so into this love this song this is great and it just keeps going it's like they have to choose the five minute version and then you're like okay here's five bucks and they just keep going it's like okay here's ten bucks is this is blackmail now get the away from my table what you want my chips too what else can i give you do you want my jacket like how much how much money do i have to get you to get the away from my table at this point you know yeah i just i just didn't understand why there was a mariachi band tom's like no one can stay sad with a mariachi band but they can stay sad if you stay in the room so please and i can literally stay sad with a mariachi band i love a merit don't get me wrong grew up with them actually had them at some of my birthday parties growing up believe it or not because i grew up in el paso love a mariachi band just not right at my table and not right at my couch you know i need to go back to talking to my friends while you're singing and be like oh my god you know well they're great not this oh you're doing some good you're doing great calling no go away i've already given you twenty dollars at this oh twenty five okay twenty five dollars go so um also he did it because he's wacky shorts guys yeah this is just a wacky thing that's why i couldn't stand it i was like you brought this guy back on the show to have this wacky mariachi moment please so now we go over to a coffee shop where Michelle and Jesse are meeting.

43:19And Michelle's like, well, I don't think you've been here. Have you? He's like, no, I haven't been to Wilshire since it got torn apart. You know, I haven't seen Michelle since San Diego. And definitely some of the things that need to be discussed, some things that were said, you know, we need to address them. And Michelle has a way of getting under my skin. But, you know, just takes me a beat to see where I went wrong. I'm like, don't, she can get under your skin. you took out a loan you took out a loan behind her back and are now making her pay half of it back

43:49Ronnie Karam: yes and uh he's like yeah you know it's been a long journey since our first coffee together so i got decaf she's like well you know that was exactly 10 years ago and you look a little older he's like wow thanks well clock that is the first subtle dig of the afternoon she goes well i just meant a little older because it's been 10 years i'm being nice i don't think it was that subtle of a dig i think you can clock it as a full-fledged out in the open dig dig that was just like i have a hundred and forty nine thousand more of those coming towards you one dig per dollar so uh he is basically saying like yeah we were like kids back then and those are the good old days so i wanted to apologize to you i felt really ashamed of my overreaction in the kitchen the other day and I think I turned it from Lacey and you having a conversation.

44:43And that was like all about me. And since I've now apologized for that, I think I'm off the hook for many other things. Like, I don't know, debts that I'm making you pay on my behalf. So have a great day.

44:53Ronnie Karam: At least 300 ,000 other things. Okay. This was great. By the way, did you pay for my coffee? I left the tab for you. It's decaf. So hopefully it's cheaper. All right. And she's like, I do not want to go ahead. I'm so sorry. No, you go ahead, please. Please, my honor would be for you to go ahead. I do not want to talk about the Bazit anymore. I've asked for a divorce for two years. We are in limbo and it is awkward. You are my husband and you won't divorce me. Do you know how that makes me feel? And he's like, oh my God, you keep telling people I'm not going to divorce you. Come on, people have come up to me and said, Michelle told me you won't sign papers.

45:32Ronnie Karam: I had to explain to the guys, we don't have papers to sign. Absolutely no papers. How could I even sign? I would sign them in two seconds if I just had them right in front of me. That is crazy I won't sign papers. Come on. We have papers. I'm not signing those. Are you fucking crazy? This is a coffee shop. Have some respect. It's very simple. And you know what? I am willing to take half of$300 ,000 a debt and just walk away. I get nothing from getting divorced to you. In fact, it hurts me. But I want to move on. I would like to move on to a very unexpected celebrity romance. Please, let me have this.

46:11Please, I just want to, because we can't be married forever.

46:15Ronnie Karam: And he's like, oh, no, no, but I don't think we will. You know, we talked a couple of days ago about where we are with the SBA loan. She goes, yeah, well, I spoke to the lawyer again. And I said, what does Jesse need to do so we can move forward? And he said, you signed this, you put the date, and it will be law that I'm responsible for having the dead. I just want to be divorced. Oh, my God. I mean, I guess it's worth it, but this is just huge. This is a huge loss. I would find a way out of this, but I'm stumbling because I don't know what the way out would be because the man is useless. He doesn't make any money.

46:52Ronnie Karam: He hasn't saved any money. All he does is spend the money, and if you stay married to him, he could rack up this debt again. I just don't know what I would do, but it's stressing me out that she's signing this paper. I don't want her to do it. She should take out a loan and make him pay for half of it in return. But guess what? You also owe me$150 ,000. Oh, that's true. That's a good one right before they get divorced. Yeah, just to show him. So Jesse's like, I'm not stalling. I've moved on with my life. I'm not doing this to punish her. She sends me an email in May and doesn't follow up again until August.

47:25Like, if it wasn't in front of my face, it was kind of in the back of my head. I'm like, we know there's a hair dent. We know it's covering. That hair is covering. all the things you should be doing so jesse is like he's like okay well um i will sign this and i will send you an email as soon as i get home like okay he's not signing it that's what that means signing it then sign him right now sign it it's like are you gonna cry i don't know don't don't pull a jesse i am not why are you gonna cry no i thought pulling a jesse men taking out a secret lawn i will cry yes why and she's like i just want to be abby again and

48:05Ronnie Karam: i don't see a window to push you out of i just don't i don't know why i'm crying i'm just i'm super excited to get divorced but it's obviously a little sad do you know and she tells us she's sad because she thinks of the good memories and they used to laugh and they were good business partners and they traveled well and it was just so magical um and she's like how could i even want to get divorced but then i remember all the terrible moments too and he's like you want to hug it out she's like sure wait get your hand out of my bogot didn't you used to keep your wallet right here in the back ow i just got perked by something sorry christian put an artichoke back there that is one of britney's grab gloss that she didn't use on her back I always have a place in my heart for Michelle because we did go through a lot and god her credit's good or was good was good it was fun destroying that for her that was it so everyone thank you so much for being here come join us next week and we will catch you on the next episode of Watch What Crappens bye watch what crappens would like to thank it's premium sponsors She answered the call.

49:21It's Adia Paul. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.

49:36Ronnie Karam: She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniela. Itchles. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Sunday in the Park with Dylan Clark. Big Yay. It's Emily Gauthier. Erin McNicholas. She don't miss no trick-a-less. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no less namey. Zip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's a total knockout, it's Katie Manon. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Que sera, sera, whatever we'll be, we'll Lauren Sillsby. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino.

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50:59Ronnie Karam: Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. Have a kebab with K-Rob. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. Let's get savage with Laura Wildman. In the study, with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lo Alkalani. Roger that, it's Marlis Rogers. The incredible edible Matthews sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. She's the lady of the house, it's Rachel Sherouse. There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud.

51:40Ronnie Karam: She's our princess, it's Rebecca Prince. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke. We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Talafson. Shannon out of a cannon, Anthony. Please don't stop. It's Solian Pop. Let's take off with Tam LaPlane. Strike a pose. It's Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys.

52:06It never happens at a good time. The pipe bursts at midnight. The heater quits on the coldest night.

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