#3483 The Valley S3E18: Down for the Count

0:28Back to school is busy enough. This episode is sponsored by Michael's, your destination for all things birthday parties. We just had Lucky's first birthday, and it was so great to be able to go into Michael's and get everything. Of course, I knew they had craft supplies there, but I didn't realize how expansive their party supplies were. And Michael's really is where you can go to get everything for a party, whether you're planning a kid's birthday or even an adult celebration. They've got over 4 ,500 party supplies, more than 60 different themes, and prices starting at just 99 cents. Plus, they've recently lowered prices on hundreds of items.

1:01We found adorable decorations, balloons, everything we needed to pull the party together without making a bunch of different shopping trips. Plus, I always have a good time going to Michael's. I love shopping there. I could just browse the aisles forever. But if you're short on time, like I always seem to be, you can also get same-day delivery or buy online and pick up at the store. They even offer free helium inflation on select balloon styles, which is such a lifesaver, and it was for our party, truly. So if you've got a birthday coming up or just a celebration, remember Michael's Everything to Celebrate Anything.

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1:50Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I am Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one and only Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you doing today? I'm good. How's everything going with you? It's fabulous. we're really excited because today is the season finale of the valley uh episode that we're talking about so we're about to dive right into that um join us on monday amazon live we are we always are there every monday talking about the stuff that we've found lately and why you should also find it in your lives so go check that out and patreon.com slash watch our crap ins for video bonus episodes roni trailer we covered it this week um ad free listening newsletter it's really just a cornucopia of delights over there so go check that out without further delay or ado let's get into this that the valley season three episode 18 the valley of the damned that's the name of the episode and uh based on the reunion looks the the answer is yes this cast was definitely damned.

3:14By the way, we talked extensively about the reunion looks of the Valley on this week's crappy hour. Go check that out on your feed. We do that every other week. So if you want to hear us weigh in expertly on some of the... Normally I would say the hits and misses. I would say more like the miss and misses. Go check that out. This show's not really known for its fashions or styling. It's called the Valley. you know yeah the only reason they called it the valley was because copyright wise they couldn't call it the rayon and that's just how this show rolls you know yeah and we're not even fashion gays as we've said a million times so for it to stand out to us that's that's really bad but god bless their hearts you know i'm still yeah poor britney i mean so much has been said about that i still want to draw attention to the fact that um what's his face jesse doing the sneakers with the suit look i'm so sick of that like like the straight middle-aged straight guys thinking thinking they're so clever by wearing a sneaker with a suit it's like oh wow did you just invent that you're really on top of it anyway as i sit here in my cheap t-shirt and gym shorts uh but that's my right it's my own inherent style and fashion so uh we see previously everything that happened this season which is pain sadness fighting emotional abuse three um torn mcl ac god being with absolutely the wrong person despite the entire world telling you no britney don't do it and that goes for pretty much all of you at this point i think i maybe accept janet and jason i wouldn't say janet and jason or benji and zach well i guess jasmine and melissa there are just such big ones that get you this year um danny and nia danny and luke and kristin the the big fails this year are big enough that we should all be warned i know it seems like it was forever ago that that uh britney was going down the red flag path of brandon her boyfriend and uh that like what came and went so quickly it just feels like it's like was that a different season because i just feel like so much has happened since then i mean it also is because the season has not really ever ended but um here we are and we're at kristin and luke's house for what's going to be a very uh cheerful and happy scene that is going to put a hopeful bow on their very tumultuous season-long storyline just kidding it's going to just plunge them deeper and darker uh and have us sending out a life raft for kristin to get out of this relationship before it's too late even as she sits there and smiles psychopathically trying to make it all okay and all right she's like look we're going to have a really cute scene.

6:03Just us packing the baby in the car or whatever they're doing. And the baby throws its pacifier on the ground and Kristen picks it up and what kind of wipes it on her shirt and then just starts sucking on it. I guess to clear whatever was on the ground, I guess she figures like you neutralize it with mom spit. What was that? Or maybe she just wanted a snack. Let's not forget that this is someone who plucked a flower from a highway divider and chewed on it during Vanderpump Rules on a cast trip. So she's not afraid. But yeah, she's sort of cleaning the pacifier for the baby. I guess when it's your own spit, it's okay.

6:48And it's like that baby's already covered in her stuff anyway. It came out of her. So they've got the same spit, I would guess. But man, babies. Stop throwing your goddamn pacifiers. I was just spending time with one of my besties and her baby. It's the cutest baby in the world. And this baby, when I tell you the projectile, every pacifier is a projectile. It's like suck it for two seconds, throw it on the ground. So I go pick up the pacifier. She gets another pacifier. Then she throws that one on the ground. So I keep going back and washing the pacifiers off. And at some point, her mom was like, oh, it's just a little hair.

7:22Because I was like, oh, this one still has like a little hair from the ground. And she's like, it's fine. Let's give it. It's protein. They need to, like, build up their immune systems. Babies just love that. Their favorite game, just throw things on the ground. Drives me out. Like, I feel like we need to get a bad deal around. Yeah. Get some koof. I know, seriously. Just, like, you don't have to play with it. Just put it down in a place where I don't have to bend over every five seconds to pick it up. Thank you. Yeah, because they're so little and so cute. And at some point, it's like, oh, you dropped your pacifier.

7:55Oh, here's your pacifier. Cleaned it. Uncle cleaned it. Oh! dropped it again okay uncle clean up dropped it okay uncle clean are you fucking with me are you fucking with me now baby like i need like a bowling alley return like when when the kids throw it down i need it to like land on some sort of thing that's gonna gather it and sort of just like bring it automatically back up to the table because it's just like how many times can you bend over i say this as someone who's had to do it like three times in my life uh i didn't have a baby but I watch it and I just I feel for all those moms and dads who are just sitting there just picking up the pacifier or the spoon or whatever toy over and over again.

8:38Because the babies don't know words yet and there's only so many ways to say fuck you. They're like, okay well I've already pooped myself today. They had to clean it up. That was hilarious. Peed in mom's face and she changed my diaper again. That was pretty hilarious. Other than really spitting up on her what can I just do to say fuck Oh, whoops. Drop the pacifier. Oh, whoops. Babies are officially diabolical. Before we get into the miserable Kristen and Luke scene, we then go over to Brittany and Cruz, who are trick-or-treating with Janet and Jason. And it's sort of cute because Janet's kind of pushing a baby in a stroller, but also pushing Jason in a little chair, a little wheelchair, because his leg is messed up.

9:21So Janet's like, so do you feel ready for tomorrow? Do you need any help with anything? This is probably the first adult Halloween I've been to in like five years, probably. And Jason's like, yeah, I mean, since we lived in the Valley. And Brittany's like, yeah, it's going to be the best one. I can't wait. It's going to be so cool. It'll be a cool, cool Halloween. Cool guy. You're a cool guy. I'm going to put sunglasses on my house. Cool guy. So then we go to La Rochelle, where Lala is meeting Mia for coffee. Okay, this is why this show does not need to be 18 episodes. Right here. This scene right here.

9:55These people don't like each other. Lala barely clocks in to come to work at this point. They don't need to be sitting with each other. No one's making up here. They don't like each other from the beginning. But I'll go ahead with it. And Lala is clearly, Lala's eyes through this whole scene are hilarious just watching Nia. Because she's basically like, hey, okay, I came to meet you. What do you want from me? And Nia's like, well, you know, hold on. I'm going to feed the baby. Hold on. I just wanted to say that, you know, like I didn't want things to be bad with you. Because like we don't really know each other.

10:31But the reason that maybe I get defensive of Daniel is. And then the soft piano music starts playing. And she's like, trauma. I had trauma growing up. My mom and I went through a lot of stuff. And Lala's like, bitch. You know, you just see her in her face like, okay, bitch. Now I can't even argue with you because you brought up traumas. Okay. I'll just sit here and do nothing. Lala has her girl cop face on. She's like, her eyes are narrowed. She's nodding. She's being supportive of like Nia telling her story. Shelters, you know, dropping buzzwords, you know, shelters, growing up shelters, divorce, all those things.

11:12Buzzwords is so reductive. I didn't mean it like that, but meaning that like the things that normally pop up in these reality show traumatic backstories. and Lala's just watching with like her eyes are like narrow she's like where were you the night of April 16th 1997 because this is going to inform a lot of what I say next at La Rochelsk you know she's just like right she's like taking it all in but she's building a case in her head that she's like ready to use when the time comes yeah I mean her eyes are saying and how does any of this explain you letting a man talk to you like shit and everyone around him like shit and being fall down drunk everywhere we go and don't you think it's sad that you have to intervene for a drunk idiot like aren't you embarrassed like you see it all on lala's face but she's not saying it because nia is leading with i have a newborn who's currently being fed on my breast and i have trauma and lala's like okay you know what you can have it enjoy this latte yeah you're off on this one but we're still watching you i'm still patrolling your street ma 'am yeah i mean there there is some insight i mean nia basically says she was so desperate to start a stable family and have like a happy family she didn't have growing up that she was like this is she's literally wrote it down on like a vision board or a journal when she was 13 so yeah it makes sense why she looks the other way or puts up with some of this bullshit because she is, she cares more about this idea of this, of like this perfect family than she does the fact that she has married like a little troll doll.

12:58And so, you know, that's why she has to, that's why she has to put up with it because if she doesn't put up with it, she is forfeiting her life's dream. And that is so sad, but she really is doing that. yeah and there's also that we have four children like i can't you know i can't just leave you know and i get you know i get all that i just was cracking up that at lala's face because lala's like really okay yeah enjoy your latte i did what the producers wanted and now i'm going home okay yeah lala was just barely tolerating this entire scene and she's basically like yeah they're a package deal so i don't know if i can ever become friends with nia because i don't like him he doesn't like me so this is probably where it all ends now we go to kristen and luke's house and uh they are uh they're putting the baby down with like a laundry who's in the other room who's taking care of the baby at the moment and the nanny and so they're luke and kristen are talking about their therapist and Kristen's like I could tell you weren't super vibey with her and we have a flashback to when um the Luke was like yeah when I got down on one knee I hadn't met pregnant Kristen yet and Kristen and the therapist were both like whoa and then of course I was like mad at the therapist for having a reaction to his completely asshole comment yeah one thing uh Luke is not gonna like is being called out by a woman that's for sure and he did not like that But I loved the flashback of the therapist who clearly also hates Luke's ass.

14:38You know? It's like, boo! If she could have had one of those things they use in sports whenever they, what is it, like an air horn? Whenever they miss a point or something, they're like, boo! That would have been great. She also kind of reminded me of Alice the Witch on House of the Dragon. So I feel like, don't fuck with that therapist. So then Luke is like, I feel like she didn't listen. and was just like trying to like, like, let's see if we can find a closet or a door. He locked shut and pulled that out. That's how I genuinely felt because like, you know, we've moved past all these things.

15:11And then she's like, well, how do you move past these things? And how do you feel back then? And he's like, but this was a year ago. Basically, the therapist was like, tell me about your relationship. What fights did you have? How did you get past those fights? What was happening in them? You know, the questions that a therapist would ask to find out what's going on in your life and understand your motivations and have you also look into your motivations and how you behave and look at patterns and really all the textbook therapist stuff. And he's like, I didn't like that. She asked me questions about a fight that we've already gotten over.

15:44I'm like, did you get over that stuff a year ago? Because I'm watching you guys on TV and you're two miserable sacks of shit right now. So I'm not so sure about that. Yeah, and you were just saying last week on your vacation, like, yeah, well, I wouldn't marry you. And you were also crying on that vacation in the hallway trying to get all of her friends to come to your side you were just he's just so immature and kristin's not the most mature either but this guy cannot stop just stepping in shit and then being like yeah i didn't vibe with the therapist because she wasn't on my side and like and then i have to stand up for myself again would you bring up you know he's accusing kristin of basically manipulating it by bringing up old stuff and making him look bad like this guy don't do it don't do it britney yeah i mean you're i had to break it to you you're on reality tv the old stuff is going to haunt you for at least 10 if not 20 years i mean we literally watched a fight from season three of orange county dominate the entire last season of orange county in season 19 so like the stuff in the past never really goes away luke so get used to it so kristin is like well you know luke is a stother stubborn mother effer and i know that he like he and i really like to have to take time to focus on us because like right now it's like we're competing in the misery olympics like who's more hurt i was like that is fair you guys are definitely in the misery olympics and i think you guys are doing the pentathlon i think there's a lot of events happening a lot of hurdles and things and jumping and running and it's exhausting and he's like yeah but you know then you guys want me to talk but then i say things and then you know then i have to feel hurt because i hurt your feelings and she's like yeah when you said that thing about pregnant kristin yeah like my jaw definitely hit the like a cook call like my car hit the floor okay and that was rough but it's not like i was sad about it you know i just like i just don't get why you'd want me to get pregnant again if like you hate my pregnant self and she's trying to smile you know she's doing that like this is a very fine conversation luke and he's like um well let's just get it out of the way so we can just get that out of the way and get like miserable kristen over with then we won't have to deal with it anymore it's like we want two kids so let's just have them and i'll just deal with you being miserable for another however long and then luke it's so obnoxious it's so oh god it's so horrible pregnant kristen is still kristen okay and it's like she also has to deal with um like whatever you would call a like pregnancy adjacent luke you know like it's it's so terrible it's one thing if you're like it's pregnancies are so stressful i would love to do them get them all done now so that way we can actually move past all the the torture of pregnant of like what happened that the strain that it puts on us i would love to move through it and then that way we can be done with it and we don't have to deal with it but to be like pregnant goo goo crazy kristin it's so condescending and obnoxious and That's like you're supposed to be your partner in life.

18:49Oh, my God. Red flags everywhere. And also, it's, oh, wow. Okay. So you're going to have another baby. And then Kristen's going to be dealing with two children while you are, like, sleeping all day because you're hungover from going out or saying you want to go fish instead of helping with the children. That's not just a thing that happens because there's a newborn. That's going to be annoying to your partner all through childhood. Yeah. There's not going to be a point where Kristen's like, wow, the kids are two years old? Yeah, go get shit-faced with all the guys from the TV show and then come back hungover and sleep all day instead of helping out with anything.

19:24She's not, that's not going to magically go away, you idiot. And he keeps on like laughing and he's thinking he's making these hilarious jokes. He's like, yeah, let's like lock up pregnant Kristen in the coffin, like get her a second baby and then we're going to put her in the coffin and never see her again. I'm just like, and she has to like laugh it off, like, ha ha ha. but i'm like that i just think it's so hurtful like all that does is embarrass her i mean look kristen as we've mentioned many times is no angel she has been a terror to everyone on bravo for 14 15 years at this point but it's one thing for her to be a reality star and and crazy to her co-workers but like to your life partner you don't say that like it's it's just so unsupportive it is so mean and then like and then you wonder why she feels insecure about this whole situation yeah and she's trying to do the crazy smile like luke is i'm never gonna have sex with you again if you keep talking that's not nice and he's like what one more baby like let's just get it over with it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial this episode is supported by FX's The Shards, a seductive drama from executive producer Ryan Murphy.

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23:09It's not called Van's Day. It's called Van Gogh, so please. Yeah, just stop wasting time. On one hand, you're asking for another baby while you're saying that, you know, while you're hinting over and over again that you're probably just going to leave anyway. So, fuck off. Kristen's like I just hope we can get to a better place and she's like I sacrificed my mind my body so I could get pregnant carry a child and go through postpartum why are we even talking about this again I've never been in a darker place in my life than during that time sorry Luke sorry I know your body so much during this I'm so sorry now we go to Michelle's house and she's playing with EOZABEL and her friend Natalie comes over Natalie who she tried to hook up with Schwartz earlier this season.

23:57So Natalie's like, hi. You want to give me a hug, Isabella? You want to give me a hug? Can I smell the markers? These markers are really nice. Whoa. So they're just like talking. That's me, crazy Natalie. Look. Do you want the pink marker or the red marker? Wait a minute. They're both pink. What am I? Nuts? Crazy. So Michelle says, I feel like now that everything is behind me. Now my divorce is over. I can move your word. he can move forward like we are in a great place so it's like the end of a chapter beginning of new book and what is this book gonna look like yeah so they're making basically small talk about it's like a season finale scene it's like okay what are your goals for the next year i want to sell 50 million dollars worth of real estate and natalie's like wow i'm so proud of you i'm so proud of you for having that goal and michelle tells us she feels like a boss she feels like a boss now so then um we find out that isabella has been saving all of her money so she can go buy tiny little boo-boos and she saved up a hundred dollars and that's actually impressive when your dad is jesse have you counted that money recently because he's probably taken it well and spent it Except the thing is that Isabella learned from Jesse, which is that Isabella was not saving the money.

25:22She's just been stealing Michelle's cash and putting it in a piggy bank at Jesse's house. So she learned everything from Daddy. And Daddy probably told her to do that. Her piggy bank is only a loan that I did not know about for 300 ,000 LeBooBoo's. Damn it. Now we go to Beverly Baby's Concierge Care. and Jessie and Lacey are there because she needs to check on her ovaries and Lacey, they sit down and this lady's like, hello, Jessie and Lacey, can I get you anything? He's like, can I get like a gin and tonic or something? She's like, what? That's crazy. We make babies here, so there's no champagne because you asked for champagne and we don't have that here.

26:06Jessie. Yeah. So this is Lacey getting her eggs frozen and checking on her. Yeah. Well, she wants to get her eggs frozen because she had endometriosis. And so she's doing that. And the doctor's like, so he's a very L.A., very cute doctor with perfect fillers and Botox. It's just so stressful. Like, you're too cute. could you just be homelier while we talk about my personal health you're too hot like i can't stop staring in your eyes so he's um going through the whole thing with them and he's asking if they want to do embryos or just eggs and she's like um yeah you heard his joke about like getting champagne man yeah just the eggs thanks yeah so um he uh like uh they're gonna look to see how her ovaries are doing and uh you know jesse is saying that he wants to seed the world he's like i want to seed the world you know what i mean and she's like ew jesse so they look and um her ovaries uh one ovary is is doing amazingly then she has the bad ovary and she goes and she looks and there was concern that she would have to actually remove that ovary but the endometriosis has subsided quite a bit and so she can keep it.

27:33Yeah, and Jesse's like, well, hopefully one day we get married and Isabella can be a flower girl. And Lacey's like, well, my dream is like what we're doing right now, you know? So, like he's probably saying something romantic and I'm going to look like a jerk but he's not getting into my house. So that's the end of that. So the good news is there will be eggs to freeze. Now we go back to Kristen and Luke's house in North Hollywood, and they're getting ready for Brittany's Halloween party. And while they're getting ready, Danny and Nia are there. And Danny is, he is inhabiting the character of Count Bucula.

28:18and whoever sent Danny down the acting path in childhood I think we need to have a stern talk with them because it's too much what has happened to the drama teachers in this country? That's my question it's like hello it is me Camp Bukula I am going to suck your blood and by blood I mean blood orange mojito please three of them stat thank you very much i hope there are some humans on the menu tonight i hope that there are some some stella adler passes on the menu tonight okay i actually want him to get wasted as soon as possible so that way he can pass out and shut up yes he is he is like literally the worst and like it's not so much that he is in that he is dressed up like a dracula and he's called himself compu bookula it's that he stays in that character like he does not get out of the character he just stays in it and he just assumes everyone gets the joke and likes the joke and he says it to strangers the bartenders i have a friend who's like this actually and he'll like put on an accent like if we're playing a board game he puts on an accent like let's say the board game takes place in ireland he puts on an accent and then he just stays in that accent for like two hours straight and you're like can you please stop no one is laughing anymore i say this as someone who does a very shitty irish accent on below deck and all these shows literally every week for hours on end i get it it must be so It's so difficult having a friend who just won't stop talking in stupid voices every time you get together.

30:06What's up with people who are always breaking into different accents and voices nonstop when no one even asks for it? And the context doesn't even make sense. As we walk through our life being like, well, I never. How dare you? But you know what it is with Danny? It's almost like he's asking you to like participate in the accent too. Like you have to like talk to him like he's in character. So it's one thing to do an accent. It's another to force people into your stupid ass failed actor role playing. Yeah, he is the worst. And it never stops the whole episode. And at one point, they do the whole montage of Danny's wacky characters.

30:46Remember when he was the cowboy? And he's like, wow, we better round him up, my little cowpoke. That's hilarious. ish it's it's it's literal torture so then we go to jan and jason's house and uh michelle and tom and lala are pre-partying there and tom is like okay the hottest person that you've ever had a crush on the person that's like consumed your mind body and soul who is that okay they've had painstaking diarrhea they poop every day why is he even what is this scenario that he's even concocting at the top of the scene right now i think he's just trying to say like the great equalizer and hotness is that everybody poops.

31:28I think. But they came in on the middle of the conversation. It's like, why am I watching this show? And Michelle's like, I don't know how I'm going to dig you seriously with a Liz, but okay, don't say gay or whatever, Michelle. But yeah, she's saying because he has vampire teeth in. And they're like laughing about his feet or his teeth. and then how Jason still looks sexy in his crutches and stuff. And Lala's like, oh my God, can you guys even have sex? Like, if Janet was on top, you could have sex, right? And he's like, well, I mean, my equipment's not injured, so we could have sex. Well, have you had sex?

32:11And Janet's like, no, no, no. It's not worth the risk. But can you receive blowjobs? He's like, yeah. You need to give him a blowjob, Janet's. And he's like, yeah, I mean, that's what I've been saying. And she's like, you guys, I hate doing that. It's like, you're being ZNG. Well, I'm sure he doesn't love trying to find your vagina, but he does it. So then we go over to - Is it hard finding a vagina? I haven't gone looking lately, so I'm just asking anybody out there who would know. Jason's like, oh, damn it. Wound up at the armpit again. Okay, let's start over. Damn it, Danny, you threw my shoulder out again.

32:51dislocated my shoulder oh okay that's my nose that's that's my nose uh let's go to jesse lacy zach and benji jasmine they're all riding together to the party and jesse's joking oh we're almost to jack's house like yeah it's not that's not funny jesse zach's like you know what i'll give you back your douchebag title i think he I knew he was still in there. So now people are arriving and Michelle's saying, it is my birthday at midnight. I'm gonna turn 37. And so they're like, oh my God, like whatever. Like Lala, you have to kiss her on her birthday, whatever. And Lala's like, well, what kind of kisser are you?

33:38Are you like really melty? She's like, no, I'm not trying to get my tongue in there. I just thought a little pack is what I deserve for my birthday. so we get to britney's house and britney's setting things up and it's a pretty elaborate uh halloween party i have to say she did a pretty good job with this one i'm a party planner now don't you know it's the best party i've thrown in my life yeah so everyone shows up danny is like hi guess what my name is count bucula Look, listen, don't I sound like I'm from Transylvania? Let's go.

34:22So everybody hates Danny. And he's just going up to everyone like, wow, it's a me, a camp. Hello, Danny. And finally get someone to play with him, who is Jesse. And he's like, I will do the accent as well. And so he plays along with him for a little while. Just don't answer the door. I would just say no soliciting. Okay? Did you read the sign? Go away. Shoo. Yeah. We actually have an exclusive photo of Jesse in his costume. I'm just getting it ready for us. This was someone sent this to me of him in his vampire costume that was taken. And I don't think he was aware that the camera was on. So let me just put it up on the screen.

35:15It's one second. We're getting it ready. This is if you're watching Crap is On Demand, I highly recommend. So you can get these visuals. Here's Danny. There it is. Oh my God. Danny's little costume. It turns out that Danny is Jonathan Lipnicki starring in The Little Vampire. That's the energy he's bringing to this episode. poor Jonathan what did he ever do Danny walking around in his little cape being like I'm a vampire I was like this is the little vampire the sequel this is a reboot of the little vampire a delightful adventure I love the review on the movie poster it's dot dot dot a delightful adventure dot dot dot because you know that review was like I mean listen I saw pirates of the caribbean and that was a delightful adventure but this one was a piece of shit cancel jonathan lip nicky who needs a child killing people by sucking their bloods out and why are there flying cows in the background of this poster fuck this movie honestly fuck this movie and i love that that poll quote is from the new york times laurence van gelder for the new york times laurence van gelder i guarantee got fired after that because but i also guarantee that the full sentence was not a delightful adventure.

36:28It was probably, this is not a delightful adventure. I will look up this. So Lacey's like, wow, when Danny and Jesse are doing their accent as far as being the least sexiest thing I've ever seen, no, I have seen Jesse in his saggy underwear. and then we get a flashback to that i love that the show goes out of its way to include that that that shot you know they'll be like do you want a coffee how can i have a coffee when all i can think about is jesse's underwear and then just show a shot of jesse in his saggy underwear again yeah they're like hey uh let's let's put up our favorite shot okay No, no, that's Jack's getting rakey.

37:19The other one. Poor Jesse. He's like in the middle of a pile. But yeah, they do. And those underwear still are disturbing to this day. They really are. Very gray. Gray. And like saggy. So Michelle and Janet and Lala are chatting. And Michelle is like, wow, everybody thinks it is Halloween. But inside of my head, I am like, Abby Bird, they do me. Am I right? And so they're like, wow, cheers to your birthday. So then Lala. Essential crisis. Yeah. I have to share with Halloween. I am celebrating a different holiday today. It is hard for me. Boesdol workers day. Very difficult for it not to be recognized.

38:08So Lala's like, we were talking to Kristen. And Brittany's and I were her photo shot. And Kristen shared text messages. And then we see a flashback to Kristen being like, yeah, Zach texted me today. And he said, I should go to the Halloween party and be like, stay away from my bestie bitch. That's what he wants me to say to Janet, your Halloween party. Kristen, just getting messy and throwing all of her allies under the bus, really for no reason. That Brittany's photo shoot. Yeah. And the Lala's like, so we like, we were like, see, like, this is the thing. Like when he's around Janet, he's like very friendly.

38:41And Janet's like, yeah. And then he's acting like we're moving forward. Yeah. And so I was like, I'm feeling like you're making it so he feels like he can't move forward with Janet. And she goes, I never make him feel that way. I do not guilt trip him. If anything, Nia Dusk. Yeah. So here we are with our fight over like who's being nice to who's supposed to be on whose team? Like whose team even is Zach on? Zach told you guys at the Chili's where he shit himself that he unfollowed Janet because he wasn't there yet. Look, what are you guys confused about? You're acting like he's calling Janet every day and pretending that they're best friends.

39:16He's not. He's trying to get along and go along for the sake of the show. Okay? Yeah. But they're saying he unfollowed Janet because Kristen and Nia are sort of applying sort of subtle or unsubtle pressure on him to, like, not welcome her back into his life. But he only followed Janet because it was a bet in the first place. He didn't want to re-follow Janet. He only re-followed Janet because the group pressured him into doing it in a bet. I don't know if Zach is a huge fan of Janet. I'm not getting that sense based off of really everything. So Lala is like, Zach is what my dad calls a fart in the wind.

39:56You can call it flip-flopping. He goes wherever the wind takes him. I don't think it's intentional, though. I think whoever he's with in the moment, that's his best friend. Yeah, I think it's called being nice to people you don't like. getting along even being friendly pleasant yeah that's the thing on reality you have yeah on reality tv like you're forced to have like extreme stances on the people that you're around but in real life if there's someone that you're like not a huge fan of them but like whatever we could be nice at a party we can just like chit chat it's fine i wouldn't like hang out with them beyond that but like on reality tv it's like how could you talk to someone that you're lukewarm about.

40:34You're fake. Yeah. Can I ask you a question? Are you recording? I am. I'm not. Because I forgot to press record, okay? For Christ's sake. Okay, so then Brittany comes up to join the convo and Janet's like, we need you here to clear this up. This is huge. This is huge tea, everybody. So Lola's like, yeah, I was telling him about your photo shoot and the text messages. And Janet's like, yeah, I'm just so confused. I'm just putting so much effort into making this work. And then to find out these people are talking shit about me behind my, Janet, they don't like you and you don't like them either.

41:11Okay? Yeah. And you are making the effort for TV. And so is Zach. Why do you need to start? That's just so stupid. You guys grow up. Yeah, I think this sort of like fight over Zach's loyalty is a little low stakes after some of the other stuff we've seen this season. and it just feels like, okay, the last sort of aftershocks and tremors from Mexico, we'll just sort of cobble this together to be our season finale. So Brittany is like, so Zach comes over and Janet's like, okay, Zach, I want to talk, you know, I want to talk about, I'm hearing that even though you and I have like, you know, we've got to a place where we're like moving forward and trying to be positive with everything.

41:52And he's like, well, yeah, like, I mean, Jalees was like a bit of an issue. She's like, yeah, well, Brittany had a photo shoot. And then Kristen and Lala, I guess Kristen said that you're still talking shit about me and that you can't be friends with me. And I guess Kristen's throwing you under the bus to try to make you and I not be friends. So is that true? Lala's like, it doesn't just sound like it. She did. That's what she did. And Zach's like, um, yeah, number one, if Kristen lied and said Zach did have fun, I'd be like, why would you say that? I did not have fun. But you are plotting and trying to make it look like Kristen's throwing me under the bus.

42:24now that's interesting and so he tells them are we talking specifically after chilies because there was uh there was i don't know if i told you but i was gone for 30 minutes because i wasn't only pooping i pooped myself i sharted like what that has nothing to do with this yeah he's like okay if this is a way to sort of stop this conversation i just want to say i shat my pants my underpants they are gone the underpants are in the trash so janet's like okay so you shat yourself he's like yeah that's why it's gone for so long it's like okay but janet's like but you're not gonna get out of this for shitting um so then um janet's basically like zach literally can't keep this in himself he's talking shit like maybe like you should try being less full of shit and then just won't pop out unexpectedly so then they're like are we moving forward are we not moving forward it's like baby steps what's going on and zach is like you get to have like three of your best friends but i can't even have like kristen over here right now do you understand like i need to have backup for this fight it's like fine bring kristen over yeah well it is like three of them like we need to have a talk zach whose side are you on zach so then jesse comes over and he's like you've got me now and john's like oh fuck off jesse he's like what are you gonna say all of a sudden janet takes accountability out of nowhere where's this even coming from jesse go away yeah good god then she can janet just have her moment to be annoying we don't need you too yeah so then janet leaves like don't janet don't this is what she always does she always leaves she's like i am so done with zach right now zach just needs to own his shit and if you don't like me then don't come to lunch don't do anything with me but the thing is zach secretly likes me and he just is struggling with that because me and kristen what because nia and kristen won't Allow him to like me.

44:17Yeah, Kristen wouldn't allow. Yeah, okay. Zach does not like you. Okay? This is all. This is not. Kristen is a damn liar for what she did. See, that's another. Here we are in the valley again. Where if you stand, you can't stand up for anybody because everybody's wrong all the time. Look, what do you even do? You know? I need a stronger sense of, like, who's right and who's wrong because this makes me crazy. Kristen's an asshole for lying. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Kristen will get hers later, I guess. But Zach does not like you. Where are you getting that from? So Jesse now comes in and tries to start shit.

44:54So they just leave, which is good because who needs to fight? Jesse, it's none of your fucking business. So he's like, okay, so one woman left, so I'll just go for another one. It's Michelle. Michelle, you're up. Yeah. He's like, so it's come to my attention that for the last three months, you've actually been secretly dating a comedian. She's like, it's my client. Well, because you asked me to watch Isabella an extra weekend to go to Vegas for quote unquote work. And then I've been sent videos of you guys dancing in bathing suits together. Jessie, she's paying you like$300 ,000. She's paying off your loan and she's not even contesting it because she wants you out of your hair.

45:40you don't get to complain anymore okay you have to you have to give this up right now yeah and michelle and jesse have this thing with each other where it's like you can't introduce this person to our daughter and you can't introduce this person to our daughter and you it's a fight they've been having for a long time um on this show but you've both done it so many times that another neither one of you really has a leg to stand on at this point okay yeah so just stop jesse for christ's sake so she's like jesse we're good we are good i do not want to divide with you and he's like i will not have another man introduced to my isabella she's like oh my god don't do this we are good why are you doing this you're introducing another man isabella you need to use it you're you're not using your head like you're not using your brain I mean, this is what I mean when we are doing so well.

46:34He has to ruin it. He has to make another. Other people think I'm a horrible mother. But the reality is I was showing houses and she met him. And I get it, Jesse. You haven't sold many houses lately and I need to sell houses. So I bring my daughter and I get it done. He's like, yeah, well, you got mad at me and my girlfriend, but we're still together two years later. But yeah, you moved our daughter into a guy's house who then left you. Now you're introducing Isabella to another guy. Oh God. For Christ's sake, you're bringing up Aaron again. I just can't wait to see what he has to say about Dr.

47:08Dre. I can't wait to see how this all plays out next season with Dr. Dre. I am so curious to see where this is going to go or if even Dr. Dre will show up on the show. Yeah. And I like that he had kind of a moral upper hand when he said, I've heard you're secretly dating a comedian. Cause normally. everybody would be like oh no comedian no but it's a super famous comedian so it's now it's okay you know yeah like oh yeah um yeah it's it will be interesting because you know we've talked about it here dr dre has a bad track record with how he treats his treats women in his life oh yeah it'll be interesting if this actually becomes a storyline next season on the valley it like it could be which would be the most surreal thing ever um and the fact that dr dre is even attached to this show i still can't really wrap my head around that but um jasmine's now like what the fuck just happened jesse and jesse's like she's been secretly dating a comedian a comedian she's been dating him for three months.

48:17She goes, well, what? She doesn't even laugh. How does she date a comedian? This actually might be good for her. Michelle's like, I can't laugh. She doesn't even laugh and I thought, does Michelle have a laugh? No. I don't remember Michelle's having a laugh. Yeah, she does that.

48:38Hold on. I've downloaded the laugh algorithm. That was funny. But she also makes that look whenever somebody eats fast food in front of her so i don't know is it a laugh i don't know she also makes a sound when she cries by the way dr dr dr dr abuse this is crazy so attacked a journalist at a 1991 release party slamming her head and body against a wall um his former romantic partner michelle who detailed multiple instances of physical abuse and violence nicole young his ex-wife who alleged uh during their 2021 divorce proceedings that he held a gun to her head and physically abused her jesus yeah it's very scary honestly uh for uh like for michelle because we don't i love the idea of michelle moving on to a superstar after jesse but i don't i'm i not that one for yeah i'm scared it's scary that like that she might be potentially you know putting herself into a bad situation i think everybody putting that to the side just because we live in celebrity culture is crazy because if this was any non-famous person this wouldn't even be a conversation but it's like a rich famous person so it's like well you know i think it just shows how much we dislike jesse lolly that we're just i think we're just happy for michelle to just be attached to extreme fame and wealth just to make jesse feel in just to feel it's no i'm being facetious obviously i know no one wants anyone to be in a situation with someone who might be might harm her but i think in terms of why people look the other way it's because we just we just want we just want michelle to not be stuck with a penniless bum who is driving her nuts well yeah i'm not gonna either or that one because that's that's a that's a horrible choice but yeah she is this will come up next season for sure if he's this mad about a comedian you know yeah that'll be a something next year so you know what this this show is getting a little dark so why don't we bring some joy in by saying happy birthday to delta burke it's delta burke's birthday today everyone happy birthday delta i wish to lack anything delta burke and you know what two days ago with sally struthers so like here we are talking about all these scary and lisa kudrow's birthday today also there's just so much joy to be had lisa kudrow and delta burke are have the same birthday that's Insane.

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53:57So Jasmine now comes in. I think everybody here, Jesse, Jasmine, I think there's been a lot of the snow going around. and I'm not even a judger of this, but I'm noticing some of these fights are too emotional and are coming out of nowhere. Jessie, Jasmine's next up. So Jasmine comes over and she's like, what just happened? What just happened? And he's like, she's been secretly dating a guy for three months. Max Amini, a famous comedian. She's like, a comedian? Oh, you already said this part. I'm so sorry. So Jessie's like, yeah. And the problem is I've been told by Isabella that she's met this guy and that's not cool.

54:35and I watch my daughter fucking cry about Aaron, cry about him. And I'm telling you, if another guy comes into my life, there's going to be big fucking problems. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah, that's like, again, this is where I was like, let's watch Jesse try to go up against Dr. Dre and see how that works out. So then Nia and Danny are standing in the kitchen and he's like, are you drunk, Daniel? He's like, I'm not drunk. Unless you count being drunk on people's blood is drunk. You know, this is the last day I'm going to freaking not drink and eat everything. So he does the Kyle Cook thing where he literally just starts eating every single pastry in the kitchen.

55:19And he is wasted. Wasted.

55:27Idiot. a whole season where you're crying that you can't drink and you're wasted again how many times how many times danny the what is this like the fifth or sixth time he's like publicly intoxicated and is gonna go yell at women yeah seriously so great job right he's gonna get drunk enough that he's gonna have to lie down in the middle of this party to pass out like what so j uh so then jason has a moment where he like he goes up to someone he thinks is janet and he's like hey and then she's like hello and he's like oh my god i'm so sorry i didn't i did not think it was i thought you're my wife i thought you were my wife oops i'm so sorry i'm so sorry and they're like okay and then uh janet and um michelle are talking um on the side and jasmine joins them and janet's basically saying like you know he's a little bitch he's a little bitch and jasmine's like well what's what's happening you guys you had you know you had a boyfriend this whole time and janet goes no she doesn't well don't get mad at me don't get mad at me i'm just repeating i i i'm repeating what i heard baby girl okay don't get mad at me i'm just telling you like he feels that isabella hasn't been talking to aaron and has feelings like he's like okay well my daughter is like still connected to aaron like oh why are you bringing in someone else like what's going on whoa so i was like i I like Jasmine, but what?

56:51Jasmine was just drunk and she was just starting shit. And so Michelle's like, she's like, well, you know how it is. As a real estate agent, sometimes you have to bring your baby along. And that's what I did. And Janet's like, so you, Jasmine, you're just hearing Jesse's side. But it's like, not that. It's like, it's, that's, I'm saying it's like more than that. And Jasmine goes, it's not so much that I'm just hearing his side. I just, I heard him out because he was crying to me and he was very emotional about it. I'm like, what else is new? jesse will always cry and pull people's heartstrings if he knows he can get some sort of one up on michelle because like all of a sudden he decided to go after michelle again after their whole stupid scene last week of like just remember that isabella was born out of love yeah it's bad enough that jesse's coming at michelle about this at a party drunkenly but then to like have one of his friends come up and also do it it's like you guys just this is not the this is not the right this is just stupid.

57:50So Michelle's friend Natalie comes over now and she's like pink or red who can say? And Janet's like okay so this guy asked her on a date and she hasn't even gone on a first date yet so I don't know what the problem is. And Janet's like that's not what matters. You know what? He has feelings and his feelings are valid you guys. His feelings are valid. Jesse's feelings are valid. Not everybody's feelings are valid all the time. And I'm sick of everybody saying that. Like you have feelings, so they're valid. No, sometimes your feelings are stupid and wrong and someone needs to tell you. Yeah. So Natalie is like, well, he's painting her to be a bad mother.

58:28And Jasmine says, he's not painting her to be nothing baby. And she's like, yes, he is. She's like, first of all, calm down. Why are you so loud right now? And she's like, no, she just has my back. She's like, okay, well, guess what? I have Jesse's back right now because he feels a type of way. She's like, okay, but I'm telling you what's happening. She's like, and I heard that. And so Natalie's like, that's his reality. Jasmine's like, well, you know what? You need to calm down and be quiet for a second. She's like, don't tell me what to do. I don't even know who you are, bitch. She's like, oh, now you're going to call me names at my wedding?

59:02You're going to call me bitch at my wedding? And Jasmine's like, yes, because you're being loud, and I'm trying to talk to her. Michelle's like, wait a minute. This is my best friend. Please do not dog to her like that. Natalie's like bitch okay Natalie well you're not helping okay so why is she so fucking loud she's like call me a bitch or what for what what am I doing she's like I'm sorry I'm from New Jersey I call everyone a bitch I'm so fucking sorry you called me a bitch and she goes okay do you get it bitch what's the problem then and Natalie's like that is trash this is trash and Jasmine's like I don't care you're from chicago you're trash too bitch i was like she's not trash jasmine you don't even know her but she just called me trash she's like you called me a bitch it's like but you called her a bitch jasmine she's like but she called but but she called me trash they're just having a drunk fight and call each other jasmine oh not she's not coming out on top on this one for sure and jasmine's like i'm sorry to chicago i'm sorry to chicago bye bitch oh no so then uh nia and zach chat in the kitchen and um nia's like well i've had some conversations you know i heard that kristin said that you're flip floppy with the whole janet thing but that i'm manipulating you and we see lala telling her this at lunch and she's like oh i don't manipulate he goes um actually i'm so glad you're saying this and forcing me to say something about it which is not manipulation yeah um and lala meanwhile we have we see a flashback of all that and then um nia's like nia's like uh i'm sorry nia's like yeah i'm like can you believe that they're saying i have manipulated you and he's and she's like you're the most opinionated person ever and i feel like i would never manipulate you now would you please say you're right you would never manipulate me you're so right you would never manipulate me wow that like went out really well if anybody manipulates anybody i feel like i manipulate you what kind of argument is that manipulate anything i manipulate nothing you're really happy about it and you hate janet and i do hate janet you're giving me so much clarity right now uh so now kristin and lacy come over and Nia's like well I already told Kristen that Lala said I'm a manipulator and Kristen's like oh I mean to lie like I said were you guys not on the train like did everyone see what was happening on the train like Nia was on the train leaning over and going like oh what is that your best friend like she was joking that's all I was saying that's not what you said lying liar pants you know that that was on camera right yeah that's like a it was it was not just like a hee hee ha ha moment it was a it was a smiley what the fuck are you doing that's what that was and zach's like um whatever so then britney hears him she's like hi i want to be part of this please okay well i just heard it wasn't saying that you manipulate zach it was that that that you were the one that makes zach feel bad for being friends with janet and kristen's like no i said she doesn't make him feel bad remember and i said that she gives him guilt trips, it means that she makes him feel great about being friends with Janet.

1:02:25What don't you understand about that? And Brittany, who's just come over and changed it to make Kristen sound better, because Kristen did say Nia manipulates Zach. So Brittany comes over and tries to make what Kristen said more palatable to kind of help Kristen. And Kristen's like, uh-uh, that's not what I said Brittany's like what what Kristen so then we say Kristen doing it Kristen doing this like saying I do not lay guilt trips on Zach ever Nia does I do not so then Brittany's like you literally said it nope and Kristen has that psycho smile by the way where she's like mm-mm she goes uh-huh you said it was Nia it's like mm-mm no I didn't caca and Zach's like Brittany I believe Kristen It's like, oh my God, I can't believe this.

1:03:14I've been friends with Zach for 18 years. I can't believe this. I can't believe this. I can't believe this. I can't believe this. I can't believe this. They keep pushing this whole thing. Like, it feels like the past few episodes, Brittany keeps on doing the same monologue. I've known Zach for 18 years. It goes deeper than that. We're from Kentucky together. Okay. He brings the cheese to my house and I bring the bear and we make magic together in the bowl. And this is deeper. Now he doesn't believe me. It's been like five episodes in a row, but like it hasn't really led. to a rift just yet maybe at the reunion it will but they're definitely sowing seeds of something going on between the two of them yeah um well yeah and they've kind of done that since the first every time britney has a problem she's like i'm no diaper i can't believe me do this to me it's like the undying loyalty that britney wants but won't give somebody in return you know because anytime zach's had a problem with janet who's the one she's always sticking up for she always sticks up for Janet.

1:04:09Now, granted, a lot of times that has, she's been on the right side, but not always, you know? And even when Janet was like, oh, Zach can't come to this thing because I'm terrified for my baby. Brittany still sticks up for Janet so Janet anyway but in this one Kristen is just lying her ass off and uh zach's got it wrong so now lala joins so now everybody's kind of almost everybody's there and britney's like okay oh let's clear this up we were all in my photo shoot right did i look good i just feel so good because i've been wanting to do that for so long it's been so hard on me but now i just feel like really good and i'm finally glad i did that photo shoot why am i mad right now why am i crying somebody remind me lala's like you did say that like chris that that nia guilt trips zach because you guys she said it what are you talking about it's like no i have never in my life said that nia guilt trips zach cut to a flashback of nia guilt trips zach and then cut to kristen telling us what the fuck britney like besties ride or die okay so okay I did say Nia manipulates Zach.

1:05:21Okay, I said it. But did I mean Nia's playing like a puppeteer? No. I mean Nia's literally like going, how's Janet? Like it's funny. No, that's not what you said. You're a damn liar. This is not a good offense. So now Jesse and Danny chat on the side and Danny is like, Lala is dumb and Brittany is dumb and dumber. See what I'm saying? so it's like so there's three dumb who's so there's a dumb and a dumb and dumber okay so you realize what you've set out is dumb dumb dumb and dumber which is not okay so then uh jesse's just like drink some water you're on camera get some water yeah so back to them lala is like but am i being ghastly or do you genuinely not remember i gotta get out i gotta get out so she's saying the only reason Kristen's gonna lie about this is because Nia's standing right here you know and the ringleader it is it's Nia I knew it was Nia Nia's running the show I don't think that Nia's like running the show I just think that like Kristen aspires to be like Nia and so like Nia is like unwittingly maybe influencing that side the most but I don't think she's like some sort of you know villain twisting a mustache or something like that i think she's just trying to like hold on to her fantasy and she's trying to keep her her awful man-child husband in line and she's also just like i don't know i think her house of cards is really shaking right now and i think she's just focused on that but then kristen doesn't see it and she's just like nia's the best i want to be absolutely like with everything I do.

1:07:07So, yeah, I don't think Nia's manipulating either. I don't think she cares enough. Zach and Kristen have hated Janet for a long time. That's, they don't need to be manipulated. They have somebody on their team. I think they are kind of a team, just the same way that Janet and Michelle and Lala are all a team and team up on people all night long on this show. So they're just teams. And then they got Kristen. One team got Kristen alone and started pressuring her. And then Kristen broke and immediately betrayed all of her team. That's why you don't be, no matter who you like the best, the team you want to be on is Janet, Michelle, and Lala because they're all staying true to each other while this other side will start eating each other the second they get a chance.

1:07:53Yeah. I do think like, just on the point of like Nia doesn't manipulate, I mean, that moment on the train when Nia and Kristen were like, why are you talking to Janet? Like that did definitely happen. you know i guess it could be viewed as a manipulation i saw that more as just like you're on our team i thought you were on our team where's your loyalty i think they were putting pressure on him i didn't see that as like capital m manipulation although i you know i understand people would see it that way so she's not like without flaw you know she's not some innocent just like trying to keep it all together just a harried mom she is definitely like well she's got some clickiness to her for sure the clicky yes and i think that's what they were doing they were saying like janet's all of a sudden gonna come and like pretend she's best friends with you and now you're gonna like reciprocate and act like you're besties with janet what the fuck is that we were all just talking shit about her right before this train ride and now all of a sudden you know clicky yeah yeah clicky so danny is um but danny is drunk jesse is babysitting him danny is literally stumbling.

1:08:57He's like stumbling on the terrain. And Jesse is steadying him. And then Tom's asking if the bartenders can get Venmo. Tom's doing nothing. He's like, I don't have cash. You guys take Venmo. Oh, really? You didn't know there was going to be a bartender here? Shocker. Shocker Schwartz, the guy who owned a bar. That's right. Can't tip that. People. Shocked. And also, is this the part where Danny is standing kind of by a bush and then he's kind of blocking the girls who are at the bar and then they turn around and start walking towards him and she just stops and looks him up and down like, yes. And he's like, I fully missed that little scene.

1:09:41I must have looked down or something. It was so funny. This really gorgeous girl just turns around and he's just standing right there and she just gives him an up and down like, yes. And then walks past him. I would have loved that. I would have loved that. So he goes to pass out in the little cabana. He doesn't have a problem with drinking. Honestly, I wouldn't even have a problem with anyone needing to lie down at a party. I really don't. But I think in the context of Danny being so full of it and announcing that he is not drinking at all, and yet he also has to pass out in the middle of the party, but he's not drinking at all.

1:10:20Yeah. Like, okay, thank you. loser so jason sees some mess and comes right in and gets on the couch opposite him and uh he's like wow yeah look at us haven't talked in a while huh danny's like yeah yeah yeah you know obviously i heard about your injury and uh no matter our history whatever you know i never wish i had upon you or anybody else he's like i appreciate that man um and i've heard you had a little tough go i mean are you and uh lala okay you guys talked he's like lala it's like yeah i mean didn't you say some pretty mean shit to her in mexico he's like what and then jason's like oh i heard what you said to her was no wonder you don't have a husband no i never said that no what are you talking about and something along the lines of go back to your miserable life what what that's crazy i never said any of those things here's a danny quote that you here's a danny book book quote that you can pass on to people i am a good person good people don't say things like that yeah so then danny is like i never said that and then Lala just, she just knows, she just suddenly appears.

1:11:42She's like, can we sit down and talk? So Lala and Janet now join. This is why Danny, I mean, Danny is just such an idiot. You go lie down, Jason comes in, immediately starts baiting you. Immediately, like you don't see what he's doing. And then Janet and Lala both come in. They all see you without Nia there to protect you. And they all surround, like they all come in. It's great. It's obvious. But Danny, you're so fucking stupid that you are this easily tricked. I mean, what an idiot this guy is. God, it's painful. Yeah, I know. And Jason's like, I just want to clarify everything that happened in Mexico.

1:12:21And Danny's like, well, she said, if this is marriage, then I want nothing to do with it. And I said, well, go back to your husband. See, I never said you don't have a husband. I said, go back to your husband. And then in the negative space of that line, the implication is she doesn't have a husband to go back to. So I never actually said it. I just implied it. Jesus, I'm a good person. Well, can you understand how that would be hurtful to Lala? And maybe you would like to apologize to her? Yeah, OK. And Danny's like, I can never listen and talk to you when you have never apologized about anything you've ever done in your life.

1:12:58Like, what would you like me to apologize for? Are you kidding me for the words that you said about me? A good person. You think the words I said about you were untrue? I want 100%. So you've made no life changes. It's going to happen again. Why would it not? I'm sorry, Jason said that. But he was doing an impersonation of Janet in my version. And then Janet's like, yeah, I think that like what you did to women. And he's like, you weren't even there. She's like, I don't have to be there. yeah and danny you admitted to like everybody knows this is on the record stupid you weren't even there and uh and jason what jason's never blacked out she's like oh he's blacked out but he's never grabbed women's asses and that's the difference that is the which is a pretty big difference by the way and danny goes well he doesn't know if he's been blacked out how would He know if he grabbed any ashes.

1:13:53Yeah, nailed it. Good person. Judge Buccalow. Get out of my courtroom, both of you. Janet goes, you are a five foot seven. He goes, no, no, don't insult him. Don't insult him. She goes, oh, yeah, I love this. I love this. She's like, I'm sure you do. So Janet says, if Jason found out that he was blacked out and put his hands on somebody, he would never drink again, ever. He told me this. He said, if I woke up and found out that I did what Danny did, I would be devastated. So Jason is like, okay, well, I guess I'm just trying to follow your logic. But if I'm not really able to right now, well, if you want to have a conversation with me, man to man, then we can have that conversation.

1:14:38But not with dumb and dumber and dumber and dumber over here. Not with dumb and dumberist. I ain't going to do that. He's like, well, aren't we having a conversation right now? And Lala's like, oh my god, he can't even form a sentence. Like, Janet, just let it go. He's not your problem. You know, I was under the impression, okay, Janet's done. Now it's my fight. Okay, I heard through the grapevines that you had an apology for me. So, he's like, apology for what? By the way, who said that? Oh, because maybe Nia implied it at, like, La Rochelle. He's like, what? She's like, okay, well, that's fine.

1:15:15And Jason goes, yeah, it's about what we just talked about. And Lala says, yeah, it's about what you said in Mexico. He's like, yeah, well, I do apologize for saying you should go back to your husband. What I really meant to say was you should go back to your husband and give him the sex that he deserves because he's a man. What I meant to say was wouldn't it be easier for you to talk if you had a penis standing by your side? But you don't, loser. You don't. Only penises by your side make you valid. And John's like, so that's it? And he's like, excuse me, am I talking to you? Am I talking to you?

1:15:49And he starts like pointing his finger. And like, they're over the table, but he like gets kind of finger in her facey. Oh God, this guy. Yeah. And Jason, he's like, he puts out his finger and he's like, put your finger away, dude. And Danny's like, am I talking to you right now? And Jason's like, Danny, put your finger away. And Danny's like, what are you going to do with your bum leg? He's like, I'll still beat your ass. With your bum leg. Janet's like, but also starts laughing because she's like, wow, this guy is. really gone. And so then Janet gets up and does her reality TV moment. She's like, Oh yeah.

1:16:26Splash. And she throws her drink and then her cup at Danny's head. It's like, yeah. Yeah. It was always out of nowhere, especially because the way they shut the way they edited it was they just kept it tight on Danny. So like Janet did not do it. Like immediately there was like a little bit of delay where she was like, I wonder if I should throw a drink. I think I should throw a drink. I think this would be a funny moment if I threw a drink. I think I'm going to do the drink. Three, two, one, No, three, two, no, three. Am I going to do it on one? Am I going to do it after one? Three, two. Okay, now I'm going to throw the drink.

1:16:53It's like 30 seconds of pass, and all of a sudden this little cup comes flying at Danny. Yeah, the ever natural Janet.

1:17:04But it was really fun. This show is so weak that you're still cheering for Janet. I mean, I was. I was like, yes. I love that. I mean, aim better, because she missed, and she just got the couch. And Brittany's going to be like, oh i'm gonna clean this couch now you know this has happened through so much in the past 18 years she may have missed with some of the liquid but the little little like it bounced off his head in this like really kind of like cartoony way i was like a boy it would have been perfect if it just landed right on top and fit him like a little hat like a little baby like a little like a little fez yeah uh so she does her drink toss and it's like yeah nailed it see you for another season everybody he goes he goes all right peace out she goes bye adios she's like tiny fool lala's like i don't love that you just did that she's like i don't care i don't care so lala is like she tells us you know throwing a plastic cup at somebody look at this guy he's fucking incoherent he's like handing you who he is on a silver platter and you just like that like you overshadowed his horrendous behaviors.

1:18:13She's kind of right because now like the debate is whether or not Janet should have thrown a cup of whatever it was, vodka or something. Should she have thrown it? Should you not? And it's not about how terrible Danny is. Right. Now Janet's given people reason to be like, well, that's assault. And if I, you know, if it were Janet who got a drink on, she would be calling the police and saying it's assault, you know? So now that's the argument. Yeah. So, but I mean, Danny's really done himself in so much this season that I feel like most of the comments are still like, yes. Yeah, I think we're all pretty happy.

1:18:49Get him. So Danny now like walks over to Zach and he's like, they just threw drinks in my face. And Zach is like, no, they didn't. And he's like, oh, my God, you're covered. Who did this? Who did this? Who did this to my child? Daniel, can you look at your wife? Daniel, Daniel, can you look at me right now? Look at me. He's breathing. Doctor, it's beeping. faster. Come back to your wife. Can you not look at them, Daniel?

1:19:22So Nia's like, Daniel is covered in alcohol because Kristen threw a drink at him. And Jasmine's like, oh, no, she did not. No, she didn't. And now Kristen's getting all riled up. She's like, Janet threw a drink all over Daniel? Oh, I am done with us. So now Kristen walks up to Janet and she's like, you should go! She goes, what? She goes, do you want me to grab Brittany? Kristen's like, to be honest, I would love to throw Janet in the pool, but I'm not going to give her that satisfaction. And I'm a mom now. I have to mind my business. She just used the mom card on herself.

1:20:01So Janet's like, okay, well then go and tell Brittany that she should make me leave then, Kristen. Let's see how that turns out. And Lala's like, it's not okay that she did what she did but what's done is done what's did is did okay and she knows she shouldn't have done it so it's over now what's dumb is dumber hey oh let's go puns and he was like we need to leave like why would we be around terrible humans my heart is beating through my chest right now daniel he's like me too me too i'm gonna tell everybody here good

1:20:40Daniel, I don't know how you're calm right now. Like, what did you do to get yourself into an altered state that you could be so chill? Well, it wasn't drinking. I'm very sober. That's why I am relaxed right now. I am so glad that I haven't had a drink tonight. Who knows how I'd be acting if I haven't had a drink. But, you know, I'm not going to freak out on them. they're the dumbs and the dumbstidists hey before we leave let me just go to britney's drink uh uh gm i think there's something i left in there a few months ago i need to retrieve i already got out of there danny oh damn so neil's like please don't call names please danny i don't like name calling oh yeah well how about dumb and dumb did it it because that's what they they're the past tense of dumbest did it daniel no please daniel the language oh we're never gonna be friends with those people ever again and then meanwhile tom's like hey everyone it's michelle's birthday oh my god happy birthday to michelle and he's like no we're not welcome here half of the people i I don't even want to be around.

1:21:53I would prefer to go home, Daniel. Yes, we're going home. We're going home. We'll just take... Here, I'll transform into a bat because I can't boot your lock. Okay, Daniel. Well, how about... How's this for an idea? I'll get the baby and then we'll go home. Yeah. We kind of assumed you were going to get the baby, Nia. That was kind of implied. You showed up with the baby, so we're all guessing that you're going to get that baby first. But I think she's kind of trying to make it like, Daniel, are you going to be able to stand up while I go get the child? He's like, yeah, dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum.

1:22:38Hum-dee-dum-dee, down on the wall. Then he fell on a dum-dum-dum-dum. Daniel, please, I can't with the cursing. Our child is here. Daniel, can you look at me? Can you look at me? we're going back to santa clarita can you look at me so zach is like i don't know where we go like i just know janet has like got to get over herself like she's just like such a disingenuous human like let's put it this way if janet wasn't here this would be an entirely different dynamic and janet's like well jace and i are already where we need to be with this group we have great friends i could uh i could see being cordial with kristen and zach eventually if they stopped drinking the kool-aid and the people that we're not friends with i'm good with that like i'm friends with most people they're just a few that i don't want anything to do with yeah so they're really split down the middle i mean and danny of course is like hey i don't want anyone to forget i'm genuinely a really good good guy and this isn't just me saying this this is from many people of wisdom Well, preachers, other preachers, basically anyone I give 10 % to, just read my Google reviews.

1:23:51They all say, Danny Bucco, good person. And then I say, thanks for the review, toots. I don't want to be around anyone that's going to bring out something worse than me. Well, why do you have that worse than you in the first place? You can't blame other people for your own behavior, sir. Then you should probably stop hanging out with Belvedere. Or Mr. Belvedere. Because he seems to be doing a magic number on your bloodstream. You fucking idiot. You do this to yourself. Streaks on the china. They did matter before. That's what we've learned. So what do you think is going to happen? Do you think they're going to bring back everybody?

1:24:32I mean, this show does really well in the ratings. But when they're so split. And Housewives, if they're this split, it's like, you are on pause. We can no longer condone the splittedness. Either you all make up or that's it. So what do you think? I mean, they're split, but they're not as dramatically split as some other shows where it's like, oh, there's a real problem here. But I do think that Danny and Nia, I don't know if they'll come back. I think that Nia's going to do whatever Danny does. I think Danny does love the fame, but he probably hates the way he feels like he's being portrayed, and he feels like it's probably cancel culture, and it's just like the woke left, and it's people who are snowflakes and people who feel triggered.

1:25:27He's going to use all those buzzwords and be like, I don't want to be around all that. So I think that this is going to be the end for them. Yeah, I think it's the end for them too. And Danny's, you know, he loved it. He loved the fame while he was more popular and people were anti-Janet. But now that it's turned and we've seen what a shithead Danny is, I think he's not going to be able to take it. He won't be able to because I think he has created a persona in his mind of himself that he's like the good fun times Danny. He's like the life of the party. He's the kid actor who just is like wild and crazy.

1:26:02He gets in these characters and everyone laughs. And this is like, I think it shakes his own sense of self a bit too much, or it sort of, it rattles the image that he's constructed of himself. And it's too hard to, it's too hard to dismantle that for him. And so he probably will just pivot to a different arena where he can sort of like be this way, like maybe host like a travel show for like great American country or something. Like this is just like, I think this is it, you know? yeah i'm i'm thinking so too do you think they're going to bring back sheena and brock maybe but i think it's i think we need a new couple in there yeah that's what i think we need fresh blood you need fresh blood i i think sheena and brock would be great on the show personally i know people like no more sheena and brock i think why not i think sheena is she is a seasoned reality pro she is she does what she does very well brock is like whatever but let's have no Schwartz Lala did great Lala surpassed everyone's expectations and she was she really like she brought it and she did a wonderful job I think we just need some bring in some new couples to sort of I don't know I don't need Lala back I don't need Lala back either I mean Lala just comes in and kind of it's like okay what's on the agenda today okay I'm gonna fight for Janet again okay I'm gonna fight for so and so I mean I don't I don't know she doesn't really have anything going on.

1:27:29I would say not really Lala. I'd say get rid of Lala and Tom, bring in a new couple. Definitely Tom has to go. Tom has to go. Like that was a real big mistake. I don't, there's no, I don't see any way that they keep Tom for another season. Like he literally, he was a friend of energy and he got main cast billing and that's just a waste of Bravo's money. Well, I don't know that they spend that much on the show, but that's true too. True. And their ratings are pretty huge, so they might not make any changes at all. Who knows? Well, let's see who comes back. Guess we'll find out. Because, well, we've got a lot of reunion coming up.

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