#3485 House of the Dragon S03E07: Enter the Dragon

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2:08Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we'd love to talk about. Or sometimes we just head over to HBO because this is also Winter is Crappening. We're here to talk House of the Dragon. I'm Ben Mandelker joining me here for this penultimate recap of season three of House of the Dragon. It's Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Hi. Good. How's everything going over there? It's great. It's great. Loved this episode of House of the Dragon. I'm actually really loving this whole season. I spoke to a friend last night and I was like, oh, my God, did you watch this week's episode?

2:50He's like, I'm very far behind. And he's like, I really don't like this season. I was like, what? He's like, oh, I don't like this. Like, you know, Rhaenyra is like, you know, dealing with rats and what to do. I was like, that's fair. You know, they've kind of like, Rey Rey suck. You know, poor Rey Rey. She's just like descending into madness. And she's like really bad at being a queen. And it sort of feels like all our hopes and dreams that we pinned on the first two seasons are falling apart. but the season overall is awesome I say it's like a 100 % like a totally different show I don't think I've actually ever seen a show that was so bad it's first season and so like fine and second season become to me so good and it's third season what are you thinking these days well I've always loved this show I've you know as far as the Ray Ray stuff I love that your friend's complaint was like pest control I think that's the best complaint that I've heard about this season so far it's like the pests It's the rats.

3:50That's what's doing it. Ray Ray, I could use less like constant tears in her eyes for every sentence, you know. But I think that's just how she rolls. And also I noticed she does this really sharp inhale thing before she says every sentence. And now that I've noticed it, it doesn't leave me alone. She'll be like, Helena. Gina, now you're going to notice it. I'm going to notice it. I see it for every little thing. She'll be like, I see it. And where's Darren? You know, she waits. It's like she holds her breath and then right before she speaks does a. Yeah. But I still love my Ray Ray. The thing about Game of Thrones and House of the Dragon is everybody wants to be in charge.

4:36And then the second they're in charge, it's a clusterfuck because nobody knows what they're even supposed to be doing. Yeah, that's true. You need training of some kind. And the last king was a child. And then the king before that didn't really just didn't want to be in war. So it was peaceful. You know? I mean, I think that what's hard is that Ray Ray, they built this character who has kind of like a moral compass and cares about people and intrinsically cares about those who have, you know, who might be a little bit more powerless. And she's willing to give chances to people. She's willing to be compassionate.

5:12and that's why we root for her versus the various Hightower, you know, schmucks that come and go. And then this season, she sort of becomes queen and then she's just a little passive. And, you know, I understand when you have like great power, you question what you have to do and everything, but like there's, there's really like a sense of like, what happened to that character that, you know, that was, we had our first two seasons. It's like, to me, it's actually not quite enough to say, oh, well, the throne corrupts. Power corrupts. I'm like, yeah, but we didn't even see her try to do the right thing.

5:50The only time she tried to do the right thing is in episode one or two, when she went out to a cart with Mizaria and handed out bread to the paupers. And then ever since then, she's just like, what should I do? And then it's like Damon saying one thing, Mizaria saying one thing. I mean, I think if anyone is a corrupting force, it's actually damon i feel like everything that he's pushed for has been like not helpful at all really because he's had all the best ideas they don't do them and then they're fucked because they don't listen to damon in the first place so i feel like damon maybe they should listen to damon more i think that it's just like of course damon's answer is usually burn everything down you know but well but like the the first episode or two you have her have this you know she feeds the rats to the wealthy people she's out there feeding the poor and like that's what the people want and need and seem like oh she's going to be a good queen of the people and then she just like stops and then suddenly she cares about the fact that there's like you know bastards you know on on the dragons there's common folk i mean ulf kind of put that into her head it's like that's graffiti out there but like i don't understand how she made a pivot from like burn the rich or eat the rich to just like i can't have people thinking that we're like you know we have regulars on our dragons it's like i don't know makes me sad yeah well look to be fair to her she has no budget at all and everything requires money so she can't really do anything because they stole land that lannister fuck has her gold so it's like well how do you feed the people i don't know i don't have any money okay well how do we go to war i don't know i don't have any money Well, how do we get cops?

7:34I don't know. We literally have no money. Like, what do you want me to do, people? But, I mean, I see what you're saying. Look, we're rooting for Rainier the whole time, but that's the trick on Game of Thrones. You shouldn't because everybody fucks up. It's always a cluster. So, what are you going to do? At this point, I would rather her be evil. And Allison, too, because if you look at the things that Allison does on paper, they're horrible. Like, Allison has been a monster. Like, she's trying to murder her own child in this very episode. So she's a monster. But the actor who plays her is such a good actor.

8:11And you have kind of compassion for Allison. And I would almost like them both to be more evil instead of this, like, oh, we're best friends from childhood. And ultimately, that's what matters. Maybe if that happened at the end or something while they're both on their deathbeds, okay. But I kind of want like dynasty, but in the medieval times, you know, I want like bitchy and evil and manipulating and all of that. I want like good Game of Thrones villains slash heroes. And they're trying, I think, too hard to just give us hero heroes. And it's like, I'm bored. You want Cersei. You want Cersei.

8:54Just say it. Cersei gave us that kind of campy, gay villainess that you root for because she's so evil. And Alicent, I mean, Alicent I kind of like in her own weird way. I thought she was a little milquetoast for the first two seasons, but now she's just kind of this exasperated, like, I'm just trying the best that I can do to get us out of this castle. Okay, that's all I want is just some peace away from all this. Okay, I guess I'll try to kill my son. I guess if that's what it takes. You know, she's just like, oh my God, that's one thing after another. I also was going to say something else that I totally forgot about.

9:33I don't know what it was, but I do agree that there is a camp value that's kind of missing in this show that Game of Thrones had. And I would like if they could lean into that a little bit more. I don't remember what my other point was. It was probably a very salient point. Oh, you know what's weird is I find myself rooting for Aegon, this guy who is so obnoxious. for so long on this show. And then he's just, you know, wandering through the woods and just like reduced down to nothing. And of course, this is a big episode for him. But I found that I'm even like rooting for him even before the big twist at the end of this episode.

10:10I was like, no. They're manipulating you. Then it's working, you see? Because they're doing the thing they do in movies or any show where it's like, oh, this guy's such a cat and he's such an asshole and this and that. And then we break him down all the way to the bottom. And then we see him become a real person when he has to live around some porous for a while and has to, you know, it's his arc. And I get it. But he's still a little asshole. I don't care. How about that dragon even come back to life? I need a witch praying over the dragon or something just to have the dragon wake up. well maybe when alice somehow resuscitates um aemond because he they already show him next week being alive and well um maybe it's like some sort of white walker thingamabobber that then like also resuscitates the dragon like as a side effect i'm not sure but what i will say is that um when i was watching this and i was thinking about this like oh god ray ray is like really being kind of obnoxious this season and aegon's good i was like and i i literally had the instinct of like wow she's getting a bad edit this season.

11:18I was like, this is real housewives. You could have someone who is like the center of the show. She is the hero. And then season four or season five, bad edit. And now suddenly a major villain. Look at Julia Lemongova on Miami. Look at Heather Gay actually descending. Heather Gay has the total Queen Rhaenyra arc, which is that now a lot of people really don't like Heather Gay because she's gotten too full of herself or whatever. she's gone to the dark side whereas you find other people who were like just the worst and then everyone's like oh they're back it's like camille grammar that's like aegon is camille grammar who was announced on us magazine in like 2009 as like the most hated person on television and then like a season or two later we're like we love camille you know so like the parallels between these two franchises continue yeah well i need more season three or four housewives where they're finally just comfortable and they realize that everyone around them is always trying to get them and they're going to try and get them first like i want ray ray to call reality blurred or whatever like what's that reality blur it's not a gossip blog sorry it's a reality blurb website but what am i trying to say blurb reality blurb reality blurb yeah i need i need her calling and be like allison's having dreams about fucking her son whatever it is i need these i need i need bitchier people there i said it i'm standing by it now that said i still really enjoy the season and i think it is very game of thrones where you're like no what are you doing that's the absolute dumbest thing you can do like the tv show cape fear i just watched and loved it was the dumbest fucking thing and everybody in it was so stupid making the worst decisions and you're yelling at the tv the whole time but that's you know that's what makes it fun yeah um well let's get into this um we open up and uh helena's dreaming it's a dream sequence for helena and uh she is like she's in king's landing and she's petting a horse and then the gates of king's landing open up and there's all this sunlight and it's just like oh and then all of a sudden yeah freedom freedom from king's landing and then all of a sudden ray ray wakes her up she's like helena helena helena i'm trying to open your eyes open your eyes open your eyes it's penelope cruce so she opens her eyes and uh she's like have you heard from my mother she's like no no what do i expect to until did did aemon ask you to ride into battle with him she's like yeah ray ray's playing like really nice because she wants something and i also really like this version of Rhaenyra.

14:08I kind of was hoping that she's like, hey, we can be friends just because your evil family's not here. I've always been a nice person. We're both blonde, but she doesn't have the manipulation qualities that Allison does. She's very clunky with it. So she's like, you know, when I was a girl, I wanted to fly. But now, when I'm with Dreamfire, it's well, it's too much. Oh, sorry, that was Helena speaking. I was like, Dreamfire? Even I know that belongs to Helena. So Rhaenyra's like, he's like, yes, but I think our father felt the same way. He renounced the strength of dragons and embraced a quieter life.

14:46That dumb fuck, his face fell off. Well, so much for a quiet, his life certainly was quiet when he had nothing else to say. So Helena's like, he did not wish to be changed. He's like, well, yes, but you believe that dragons are to us in some way, Helena? Don't talk shit about the dragons. Yeah. She's like, have you seen yourself? you don't think the dragons changed you and she's like uh no well i don't want to be changed i just wish to be an end to be put to our contest so we can just go back to where we were helena sister i believe you're a psychic is this true she's like uh kind of i see flashes kind of she's like okay what did you see last am i gonna be rich will i be famous will i be rich tell me Tell me right now.

15:35It's like, sorry, I can't see it like that. What are the lottery numbers? Tell me the lottery numbers right fucking now. Have you been able to... Helena, sister, have you been able to see the Love Island reunion yet? What happens? Are Sincere and Jessica still together? I have to know. Why is she staying with them? She's like, I don't even know what you're talking about. I lost my phone and the battery's out. Tell me where it is. Where is my phone? It doesn't work like that. She grabs her wrist. She's like, tell me, tell me psychic things. She's like, no, I can't do it. Oh, you're hurting me. She's like, what about Tumulton?

16:10What about Tumulton?

16:14Helena's like, you think I'm going to use my psychic gifts to think about Tumulton? I don't care about Tumulton. She's like, listen, I see things in short flashes. My mom fucking my brother. Fast forward, they're out of Chubby Hubby at the store. It's like, I can't pick it. You know, it doesn't work like that. Oh, so you don't know or you will not say because you may refuse me as your sister, but I may compel you as your queen. Now tell me what you know. Tell me there's been no mistake. Tell me what I will prevail. Elena's like, ah, jeez. Jeez, lady. She's like, oh, my hand. I have to sew things.

16:54I love that you're sitting there. You're talking to this lady. You're trying to force some psychic shit out of her. and she's making a psychic blanket right in front of you. All you have to do is look down. You would see a blanket of your whole family dead and being surrounded in blood. Just ask her about the blanket. It's like one of those Lifetime movies where they're like, oh, your son made some artwork for us today. It's your whole family with blood coming out of their faces and all of you are X'd out. I wonder what that could mean. Seriously. I also noticed in the opening credits, I'm really bad about tracking from week to week, like what is new on the tapestry or and what not tapestry.

17:34Yeah. Yeah. The tapestry versus what is old. But I'm really bad at it. But this week I did notice it looked like Kristen Cole's death was there. And I'm like, has it always been there? Has it always been in the opening credits? Because I definitely noticed it. I also noticed, has it been there? It was, it's new. No, they add stuff to it like every week or every other week. Right. That's what I thought. But some things I'm like, maybe this is like, sometimes I think there's things in there where I'm like, what is this? And I feel like, oh, it makes sense later. But this time I was like, wait a second.

18:10There's a knight with an arrow in his eye. My tapestry sense is going off. I actually looked up a YouTube recap of the opening. And there's different ones because they keep changing it. And it explains to you what's going on. And I still can't tell you what's going on. I mean, I can tell you kind of, but I'm still like, huh? Okay, so it starts with old Valeria and the, like, brother and sister who were married. They were brother and sister, right? See, I'm going to fuck everybody up with trying to remember even what the blanket's supposed to be. And then the doom of Valeria, and you see Valeria go to shit, and then you see the new family and all this.

18:47So I try and follow it, and, wow, every time. I just still don't get too dumb for the show. yet i keep watching there are certain things i always i'm like i know what that is i always feel so smart like when um the baby gets killed and like the stitching goes across its neck or when um the big dragon battle last season and they show those two dragons like descending on harren hall um and things like that now by the way i have to say also about harren hall like i like it's amazing how many things have happened at harren hall you know just on this show on game of thrones i was sort of going down a game of thrones you know k-hole and i felt like every event was like and this happened at harren hall oh yes this battle that happened at harren hall i'm like harren hall really is like it's really it's really up in this this franchise's butt like it's such an annoying place every single time and things keep happening there we keep on having to deal with her and all ready for this show has made it annoying yeah you know it's this show that's made heron hall good because of that whole thing last season where it's just amon wandering around the heron hall tripping balls for the whole season so that kind of kicked heron hall's ass for me but i actually still like heron hall i mean it's one of the only non-overcrowded places it's not like teaming with people asking you know like people asking for stuff or like running each other over with carts and it's just like a nice peaceful neighborhood i mean they could use some remodeling yeah it definitely it definitely like i had forgotten that little finger became the lord of harren hall like oh of course of course little finger did you know it's a lot um here we are back at harren hall and amund is working on his sword work with his now suddenly healed the man gets stabbed in the freaking back like his love handle area and he's fine i don't know how much time has passed but he's healing very very quickly he well you know i think he's got some like witch like accelerated witch health thing happening here um he has a really great medical plan it's like witchy permanente um and so uh he's there and then all of a sudden allison enters And he's like, mother.

21:10And she goes, I told you I would come if I could. He's like, were you not taken captive? She goes, your sister was taken, but I managed to stay hidden to escape. You've been so clever to remain here undiscovered, except for by me. Don't you ever wonder how I figured out you were here? Anyway, doesn't matter. Here I am. And I'm so happy to see you. She's like, wow. All I've done is travel and hope that you're okay. You've really taken care of yourself, big boy. mama just needs a bed wanna make out? and then they start boning what the hell I was like damn what the hell cause he kissed her last season right and she was like this season oh is this season when that happened?

21:56yes it was just a couple episodes ago he kissed her yeah and that's I think one of the reasons she's like just kill him just killed a little part it just was a blur what happened this season versus last season. Yeah, he kissed her by the mantle or something like that. So they start having sex, and then Alicent is like, and in this moment, I will give you a son. I was like, oh, that's her dastardly plan. She'll kill him, but she'll still have a son. So the bloodline continues, but then it turns out it's actually just Alice who is like, I'm going to give you a son. I'm a witch. I'm your favorite witch.

22:31I love Alice now. I mean, she was fine last season. I love Alice. oh yeah i love you i'm still saying oof at the scene that we just watched i was squealing at the tv during this mother-son thing it was so gross and amon is such a narcissist that he it's not only that you dream of fucking your mom it starts with like i'm so sorry i was a bad mother and he's like no not at all mom it's like i was just so young sorry babe okay now it's fun it's like wow he gets it all in there yeah he does it's time for a commercial it's time for a Crapins Commercial. August is the perfect time to hit reset before the autumn rush begins.

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25:11So then we go to Tumbledore, and Gwaine is going to go talk to Ormond. And Gwaine's like, open the gates. they've crossed the Blackwater Rush. And Ormond's like, how many? He's like, 20 ,000 days much away, two at most. Because this is the river man who had been spending like 14 to 36 episodes walking across to Tumbledore. And so Ormond is like, so your dim but ambitious Dornish friend died in the mud for nothing. That is no matter. I have a piece on the board now that will bring the bitch to her knees. And he goes back inside. He's like, ha ha, your crush died. Sorry. Hey, don't worry. It's okay.

25:55I got this. Yeah. Gwyn's like, what? Zippy. So then Damon arrives to speak with Jay and Aaron. Jay and Aaron. Now she's giving what I need. I love that she's just completely bored in every scene. She also has the best throne room and the best throne. I love her throne. I'm a big fan of wood and trees. And I love that she just has that gigantic tree throne. And it's so windy in there. At all times, whenever they're seen in there, they always have like wind effects playing. So I was like, whoosh. I'm like, could you guys close your moon door? It's a little drafty in here. And she's sitting there right at the edge of the moon door, which I love.

26:36She's like, you talk to me. And if I don't like you, I could just open this door with the push of a button. Also, doesn't she have a girl on her lap? Yeah, she has like... they are very much a, someone has to be on my lap on this throne at all times because in game of thrones, um, what's her face had would always have Robin sitting there on the throne with her. So, uh, here she is. She has like a lady, a lady in waiting that's there and she's like stroking her hair. And then she's sort of like gently sends her off. So she's like my prince. He's like, move. Where is she? Where's Rayna? She's like, well, I see we're dispensing with courtesies.

27:15He's like, where is she here? Is she, well she flew just after i sent you so i cannot hold her too bad she took a good slap yeah she's like listen you think it's easy to control a teenager she came here she begged for my help i helped her and she fucked me over what do you want me to do okay the village is gossip of a wild girl in the mountains living amongst nettles which is a nice little nod to the books because that was a character that's missing. Nettles. Nettles. What do you think of that? Nettles. Yeah, there's a character missing from here named Nettles that they say they're kind of merging with Raina.

27:56So she's like, well, I'm done with her. So now I have to tell the queen that she ran away. And he's like, no, give me a day, please. Please, I'll say please even. And it's very difficult for me to say please. I'm a man. And she's like, all right. A man said, please. Fine. She's like, let me just, I'll say whatever I need to say to this guy so I can go back to doing my favorite activity, stroking the hair of a lovely maiden. So then Damien's... And she tells him that there's been a sighting of Vhagar near Fairmarket. So he's like, I'm going to get him now. I'm going to go kill Vhagar. There's no one found Vhagar, the biggest dragon in the entire continent.

28:41Everyone's like, where is that massive, massive dragon? It should be pretty obvious, right? I mean, you would think it's pretty big. But don't you think during this show, I thought of this during this scene when she's just petting the girl's hair, this board. She's like, here I am, petting some hair. And I think it later when, not Helena, Rhaenyra is in bed and she's just like staring at the ceiling thinking, I just think, what were times there's no TV? Like these people just have to sit there in utter silence. There's nothing to listen to. There's nothing to watch. They're just sitting there staring off into space until someone talks to them.

29:24I mean, there's not even books or anything. The show, this period is kind of hell. Well, they do have the model of old Valeria. That's true. that's like a pretty that's pretty big like mussy tv for them let's go into that room and look at the model so uh now we see adam adedum and bala and they're looking for vegar and so bala is like oh my god we're behind i think we're two days behind amon's like i'm so sick of this this is so annoying and you know ray ray she just like you know we're just basically tools for her and adam's like he's like you know i wasn't i wondered my lady if i might beg you for a kindness my father wishes for Alan and me to be legitimized and take the Valerian name.

30:08And the queen is being reluctant. So you think you could maybe put in a good word for me? She's like, what are you talking about? She hates me now. She thinks like, don't you forget I locked her into her room and then flew off with her favorite son. And then that led to him being killed. I have no sway. And he's like, but you could try maybe with your dad. And she's like, oh, my God, who cares about titles now? I mean, I get it, but you have a dragon. So isn't that good enough for now? Like baby steps. And he's like, well, I mean, if either one of us were to marry or if we gained the favor of some highborn lady, wink, wink.

30:52And she's like, oh, my God, did your brother tell you? I'm totally into your brother. Yeah, we have like a really new relationship that came out of nowhere. and we're like in love so we're probably gonna get married even though there was nothing to uh build up this entire storyline oh my god do you want to be part of our love triangle now because this could be a fun derp his face he's like oh hell no i know i did not just get cock blocked by alan of all people alan willie because no personality yeah and then there's dragons is coming. They're like, oh shit, dragons are coming. Oh my god. So they're like, is it Vhagar?

31:32It's like, no. So meanwhile, over in Harrenhal, Alicent actually does arrive. She has arrived, real Alicent. And so she's walking with Aemond and she's like, I did not think us like to escape the Red Keep, but Sir Adrian remained steadfast and resolute and he lost to a secret gate and there was a bell and someone rang a bell, so I went through it. And then we drove, I mean, We were on the horses and it was great and everything is fine. And there was like many trees and I saw a cat. The cat was so cute. Oh my God. You should have seen the cat. She's like trying to concoct a story of how she got there.

32:05He's like, okay, mother, I get it. You're here. Enough. And he's just staring at her because he's like, can I fuck you? Really confused. Can I stick my penis inside of you? Can I get a penis test? Anybody? Can anybody help you? And she's like, what's wrong? did I piss you off? And he's like, no. She's like, you're all I have left. He's just staring at her like, and you're going to apologize, make out with me. And then let me stick it in you. Let's get to that part. Wait, come outside to this courtyard where only good things happen. I want to introduce you to someone really cool. This is Sir Adrian.

32:46He's so fun. I think like he would just like, we could all just have like game nights together, dinner parties. I think he'd really be like a good mix for our group. so you know what do you say here's adrian he's like oh adrian you got my mom here say give me your hand we are gonna shake hands oh sorry stabbed you in the neck sucker she's like amen and then she's like oh fuck this guy was supposed to be the one to kill him and on top of that i mean adrian did himself no no favors because amen is like he's like hello how are you and and amen's like i bend the knee to you prince and he sort of gives this look like I'm fucking with you.

33:23I'm being totally insincere. I'm going to kill you as soon as I can. He's smirking. Gotcha, buddy. I was like, that's not how you're going to win his trust. Stabbed right in the neck. She's like, that was my ride home. He's like, sorry, mom, but there are secrets here. I can trust no stranger. He's like, but hey. Oh, and look who comes out. It's Alice. and it's the typical daughter-in-law, mother-in-law, like the stereotypical energy. She's like, oh, hello, mother. She's like, ew, gross. You're marrying her? Nasty. She's like, you're just in time for supper. Then we go over to Templeton and Ormond, Darren, and Lord Corliss are eating at the table and Ormond is, he's just doing his thing where he starts, you know, he's like, the maesters tell me of, tell me the fat of livestock is beneficial to the bones but i do wonder how something so slippery in substance can truly be benign do try the wine lord call us i find it wise off the fetid air of this place like fully leaning into gay villainy um and i support it this food looked disgusting okay and i know that this isn't a big top chef kind of show where you just stare at the dishes and ooh and ah, but this looked like some raw-ass chicken.

34:44That was nasty. It just, it just, it looked like it, it just needed to have like a good sear on it. They didn't really lean into the Maillard effect and you need to get some browning. Like, that's what you need. Yeah, that shit was like, what do you call it when you put it in the bag and then boil it? What's that called? Sous vide. This shit was sous vide. It was like sous vide pigeon. It would look nasty. At least put some mustard on that. Yeah. So Corliss is like, what? So we find out Corliss is alive and he's been taken to Ormond. So he's like, what are you on? What do you want? Were you going to just like feed me some raw chicken before you kill me?

35:20You want me to shit my guts out before you kill me? What do you want from me? And he's like, oh, on the contrary, we have to enjoy the pleasure of your company for some time. We'll keep you here. He's like, why? As a hostage? and he's like, oh, please, does the Savage Queen harbor such a tender heart that she should cast away a crown for the sake of her wayward hand? No one's coming for you, okay? No, we just really like you. Also, without your men, to help Ray Ray, Ray Ray's fucked. So it'll be fine, just have some chicken. Yeah, and then Darren, his plan is basically like, yeah, no one's coming for you, And on top of that, the Valerians are not going to protect the city, knowing that their leader is here.

36:07So what, especially since she doesn't go to save the leader. And so then Darren leans over and he's like, but how would that help when the winter wolves are clawing out our gates? And Ormond is like, you bitch, this is my monologue. I told you I wanted to have my own scene. Stop it. Can a bitch have a scene? These kids. you know i'm thinking of becoming a vegetarian just because i know it pisses people off if i really want to get people i'm gonna claim vegan and just watch the heads pop what do you think of that and he like takes a little pear and starts chewing on it yeah and then he's like he starts talking about like he's like you know corals what do you even see in these people anyway i mean they're just the worst i mean i know your wife your wife was you know targaryen but like honestly they're just a whole bunch of wild animals right like what do you even have in common with these people have you seen my hair have you seen my haircut my hair stop my hair color hello sir my beautiful hair it's like they they suck they're monsters now you guys your family well you guys should work with us wouldn't it be fun we have such good things here chicken chess got chess over there we don't call it chess but we're missing a piece after i slammed them all to the floor last week but we're still games games you don't have anything where you're from and he's like oh fuck off i'm going back to my cell like actually one second before we do that let me hold up a knife menacingly and we'll circle back to this in a little bit so then gwayne and darren are talking privately and they're like God is the worst.

37:53Darren's like, I mean, he was in like a, he was in a good mood, but like, I know it's like, he's acting like we're on the eve of some victory, but like, we're about to get killed by this, this army. And Gwaine's like, is this his piece on the board? What is he, what is like the order or disorder of King's Landing matter to us now with this army at our gate? It's like, hello, we're about to get murdered. Yeah. And Darren's like, I'm supposed to be the king and I can't even do anything. And Gwyn's like yeah yeah well what are you gonna do It's this fucking guy And he's like sorry your boyfriend got killed He's like it wasn't my boyfriend But thank you So Darren's like well I don't know what do we do I mean look I'm supposed to be the king Like and I'm like I can't flee Cause then I'm just the king who like left his gang His group his followers That's shitty that I'm here I mean I don't care I don't know I don't know what Like, I don't care.

38:48Let Ray Ray be the queen. Why can't I just like, you know what I want to do? I want to sell insurance. I want to go off and like sign up Geico, sell policies, you know. Can I just have a normal life? Yeah. Like I just want a normal fucking life. I want to go to a retreat once a year, somewhere fun and glamorous where I get to hang out with my coworkers. I mean, what's wrong with that? And Gwaine is like, just you have a dragon. Like, what are you complaining about? You literally have your own plane. and he's like where am i gonna go this guy's gonna still be an asshole with or without me it's like not like anybody's gonna stop him um and i don't really care about the ground anyway so like we're together so i don't know i hope they they kill his ass although i really like ormond he's the most entertaining villain we've got ormond's great i feel bad for darren he doesn't want to be in this situation he hates ormond he doesn't want to be king this whole thing was just hatched like you know two weeks ago that suddenly he's become king yeah i do say he should just get on that dragon and fly off to bravos you know live a charmed life or go down to like go down to dorn hang out with the martells but now we go uh back over to the small council and uh torn manderley is very upset he's been sort of like you know he's had a wry sense of humor all these episodes but now he's like not having it because uh he's been blamed every single instance for why everything is wrong.

40:12They're like, we don't have candles. Oh, it's Manderly's fault. We, I need a new backsplash. Oh, Manderly's in charge of new backsplashes. You can't have that. I, I can't find my other sock. It's Manderly. He's taking socks. Sorry, everyone. Sorry. Like, this is outrageous. I mean, I can't even have a home without having poop smeared all over the doorstep. It's ridiculous. It's like, what do you want me to do about it? He's like, I mean, you named me responsible for everything in the city. Of course they're going to come for me. I mean, I advocated for attacks. It's fallen on deaf ears. Our dribbles of gold are spent as fast as they gathered.

40:49I mean, it's almost like I've been installed here as some sort of a scapegoat. She's like, duh. Yeah. You think you were installed here because you have a nice coat? I'm like, yes. You're here to blame, dumbass. So Ray Ray's like, have we heard anything from anyone? Have we heard from Corlys, Harrenhal, Daemon, where is everyone, by the way? And Oralwild's like, um, absent. The prince, I think, is on some sort of errand of his own. He didn't say what it is, but I don't think I know what it is. I'm not supposed to know. And he flew out. And Alan's like, the river host is but to do his march away from Tumble to New York, Grace, and the Valerian forces will be at the king's landing on the morrow.

41:32And then Menderly is like, excuse me, I'm still complaining. Someone put poop on my door and I don't like it. Can we not change the subject? Well, pardon me, Lady Sabathah here. That's right, my turn. So, now listen, if Sir Adrian's been successful in his endeavors, of course, then there's a small matter of Harrenhal. I'm basically here to get Harrenhal. Are you going to get me Harrenhal or what? Like, are we going to just talk about taxes all day? Are we going to talk about Harrenhal? Harrenhal? She's like, oh, fucking take Harrenhal. Jesus Christ, it's missing half its columns anyway. Just go.

42:07She's like, really? She's like, yes, go. She's like, oh my God. Like, thank you. Thank you very much. Well, yes, this is, what a great day. I can't, first of all, I can't even believe I wound up on the small council. I wasn't even really explained how I got here in the first place. And I just didn't think this would actually work out, but it did. I just, it's kind of like amazing, right? He's like, oh, shut up. You don't have poop on your door. Still sucky for me over here. Can we talk about the feces yet?

42:37so adam's like oh my queen we've seen something strange like is it vega all i care about is vega no it's sheep stealer he's in the riverlands let's go get him she's like uh-oh and they say he has a rider and she's like how does he already have a new rider i've got the old rider's head on the coffee table it's right there look yeah it just finished rotting like we don't we don't know So, meanwhile, by the way, during this entire small council, Mazaria is watching like, and also like, and also like, so now it's afterwards and they're walking around and she's like, that head that Damon brought you, can you say in honesty, you've had no doubts.

43:21He was long in the Riverlands, and now Sheepstealer is sighted there with a rider he assured was dead. And in that same moment, he has absented himself without explanation. Yeah, she's like, have you realized yet? He's a liar, liar, pants on fire. She's like, oh, but he wouldn't betray me. She's like, but he did because he's lying to you. She's like, oh, God, stop nagging me about fucking Damon. And Miss Area's like, meh. get Adam instead. It's like, this is why you shouldn't have a threple at the seat of power of a continent. Someone's always going to be feeling left out. Yeah. So then we go to Laris, who is still with Thailand and egg on there on their walk around show.

44:08So they're walking around and they come across some river folks. Some river folk are rushing the opposite direction and they're like, where are y 'all going? They're like, Oh, the army's coming. you guys better run. And so Egan's like, I'm not running anymore. I'm a man. And I'm going to stand up to this army and I'm going to tell them who the fuck they're dealing with. And just in case they don't know, I'm going to have this little sliver of blonde hair at all times coming out of my hoodie. He's like, I'm so sick of this. Okay. I'm sick of it. But they are still like, you know, they're like, it's like, I don't, I don't know.

44:43So then, um, over at Harrenhal. Thailand's like, no, no, we need to hide. And he's like, no, I will not hide. and he's like we have to fucking hide so then we go back to Harrenhal yeah so I think actually at this point they're just kind of like like what's going on I don't think that Aegon has even gotten to a place of like oh fuck it I'm not doing this anymore now they're just like ugh really what's happening now so then we at Harrenhal we have this great scene of Alice, Alicent and Aemond the three A's and it really is like Like, you know, Alison's son has come home from college with some sort of, like, goth alternative girl who she does not approve of whatsoever.

45:30And they're having to have dinner and she's trying to be sort of pleasant, but is like, who the F is Alice? Yeah. So Alice is like, well, you must be fraught, no doubt. I mean, half the tales I heard about the King's Road are true. It's pretty dangerous, but you sure made it here scot-free. Do you want to see my tattoos? I've got some tattoos. One right here under my boobie, the other one right here in my ass cheek. You want to see them? They say, die, mother, die. We met when we were doing a tantric yoga session together. It was a workshop and we fell in love. Oh, that's lovely. And he said, she said, what do you do for a living?

46:09I read tarot cards in the mall. I was like, oh, God. Oh, that sounds wonderful. I used to work at Claire's, but I got fired for not putting alcohol on the little stabber thing before I put it in someone's ears and it turned green. Oh, sorry. We're starting a band together. She's a great musician. And I'm going to learn the drums. Oh, the drums. That's lovely for you, Eamon. Absolutely lovely. So she's like, who is this woman? Just tell me who this is. and he's like oh she's a lady and a maester of sorts and she's been taking care of the castle and i'm just staying here i'm thinking of making this house my home this will be my seat and allison's like uh your seat you're taking over hair and all he's like don't have a belt have you noticed the whole front of the house is crushed in there are no columns in this house but you're the one who told me to come here and make it my seat don't you remember oh Oh, yes, that's right.

47:14I did say that. Um, yes, I did say that. But look, Ray Ray has the throne and six dragons to her name. And it is she who rules now. As much as we might wish it otherwise, I will not be visiting you here in this dump ever again. He's like, but look, Rhaenyra's dragons are ridden by commoners. She's defiled our great house, diminished the iron throne and sowed the seeds of her own ruin. She will certainly fail and we will raise our own throat here in the mud of the river land. She's like, mud. Yes. Love that. We've got crazy lady by your side and dreams of having people in mud. This is great. He's like, mother, it's going to be amazing.

47:57And you can live here with us. You know, it's going to be great. She's like, I think your mom has to be going. You know, traffic's going to be really bad out there. I think it's pretty important your mom gets back on the road. It's like, yeah, I killed her Uber. so new season of matlock starts at 9pm so I guess you better get on the road back to the castle right you don't want to miss matlock huh okay good luck with that he's like you're gonna stay with us and that's it and Alice is like we're out of wood which is my favorite way to get away from the table now like honey we have to talk we need some wood get outside and chop some wood so uh now Eamon's outside and he's like I will not be coddled or admonished like a witless child.

48:42I'm like, that's literally who you are. And Alice goes, try it carefully with her, Eamond. She's come to do you some sort of ill. He's like, but she's my blood. And thus without blemish. But she's always had a secret. She's always had a secret. But I mean, you asked me to get wood and I've had wood ever since she came. So isn't that a good enough sign? She's like, oh God, I didn't say I want you to take over this castle with your mother. Okay. And he's like, oh, and there's the truth of it. You want me for yourself. And she's like, there's a fog that surrounds her. Well, we did serve her chili beans.

49:17No. Listen, I'm being metaphorical. She has come to you to do some evil. He's like, keep it to yourself, lady. Stop trying to come between me and mommy. So he's not listening. Meanwhile, Allison goes outside, sees the dead body of her Uber guy, and takes his knife. And then she sees the nightshade. She sees some nightshade. all this time we thought the nightshade was going to be setting up helena's demise and that still might but now it's like oh it's going to be used against amond so then over in the woods now laris and tylander and agon are walking around and laris has like a haircut i don't know how that happened but his hair is like shorter it's like a little tighter it's like thinned out and like it's got like product in it i'm like what is happening with laris this season and so then uh these guys from rook's rest come up and they're like well it's true lord mootan of maiden pool is dispatched an army and they're like who cares if they want to give us bras he's like no not for maiden form maiden pool and they're they're here they're coming to rook's rest they're going village to village you have to watch out they're coming to find you he's like i don't care i'm gonna stand up to the army nobody's gonna get me to run away again i'm a man now i was poor for 10 minutes I've learned my lesson I've learned how to be a king Thailand is like okay I'll stay with you I'm not going to abandon my king and Larys is like fuck that I'm out of here bye bye sucker and actually what's funny is that the army is really looking for Thailand because the queen wants him she found out that he survived and she wants him to find out where all the money is but you know Aegon's going to be collateral damage here.

51:03But when Aegon's like, I'm not doing this anymore. Let them find me. I will die as a king who was not running away. So Talon's like, well, I feel kind of bad that you'll die because of me. So I'll stick with you. He's like, good. So let's go to find my dragon because I want to die by my dragon. Yeah, so they start walking through and Larys is like, peacing out. He's like, see ya. Commercials. Here comes one right now. Losing weight can be like trying to roll a wheelbarrow up a hill. You can do it, but it's so much better and easier with support. Noom combines GLP-1s to kickstart your weight loss with healthy habits to help you keep it off, even if you stop the meds.

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54:03And he has his dragon bite her dragon, so they have to land. And so they land in a field and have a mother-daddy fight. And he's like, what the fuck are you doing? She's like, you were supposed to stay there. You promised me you were going to stay in that little cave. She's like, I just can't stay in a cave. What the hell? There's nobody in there. I'm so bored. He's like, you have to do this, okay? There's no Wi-Fi.

54:33And so, like, Reyna's like, I have to kill Vhagar. I have to because then I will have paid some debt to Rhaenyra, like, or at least have grounds to sue for mercy. Like, you have to. It's like, nope, you're going to die. She's like, well, okay, well, then fine. Then I will have paid for it, okay? I'll die absolved. It's fine. It's fine. It's definitely like an episode of self-sacrifice. And Damon's like, okay, you know what? Yeah, but you're also sacrificing Sheepstealer, okay? You know, suicide by suicide is one thing, but suicide with your dragon is another thing. Like, don't drag the dragon into fighting with Vhagar.

55:04That's not cool. She's putting her dragon through too much today. I know. Well, Damon's like, okay, well, you're not going to do it alone. I will help because I'm your dad, all right? We do this together. And he's like, no, just so you know, I had no dragon either when I was young. Did you know that? She's like, I could tell the father you do sort of have, you know, something to prove. And he's like, yeah, well, my mother died in childbed. And then like, you know, my brother, he was always so sad and like, whoa. And so I was just like, you know, like, wow. Like, you know, I just sort of, I should have done better, Raina.

55:41So he's like sharing, he's like bonding with her. that like i was like you once flummoxed like i should have been about a father and they start getting somewhere but then some some more dragons start coming and it's adam and ray uh reina no it's adam and bait it's adam and rainera oh my gosh yeah so it's adam and rainera who come on sea smoke and sirex and uh she's like oh my god you lied you you've been just setting me up this whole time to get killed he's like this is not my bad run run so basically then ray ray gets off her dragon and she's like wait a second reina no reina you you and she's like i didn't mean to i'm so sorry it's just that i've spent the whole season in a cave and i just am doing crazy things now because i'm so bored in this storyline of mine like okay fine fine fine so then uh run and leave the dragon because they're just going to get you out of the sky if you try and go on that dragon run and she runs and leaves sheep stealer now look i know this is a kid and everything you have to judge kids a little bit differently because who didn't do stupid things when they're a kid don't just leave sheep stealer to get eaten by the other dragons die with your dragon that's the whole point you get a dragon and you're like bonded together what the hell so then it's like a whole thing like all the dragons start to fight there have been like so many hilarious memes about the about this dragon fight and they're all going at each other and um eventually rhaenyra grabs reyna and like flies off with her back to uh back to this dragon fight first off i did not find this hilarious i was screaming at my tv they attacked they killed that boy well they probably didn't kill him no one died i felt so bad for sheep stealer and they were they kept getting it by By the way, Rainier is dragon, not a great fighter.

57:34But they go for this poor sheep stealer. And then it's like limping away, whining like a dog, like a hurt dog. I did not like this. This hurts my feelings more than anything that happens on the shows when they hurt these dragons. I do not like it. And I liked how they showed Damon's dragon opening its mouth to give fire. And it's like this beautiful mouth with a clean tongue. And then Sheepstealer opens his mouth to fight back. And it's this like old, nasty green tongue covered in like just crap. It was like the mad breath dragon. I like details like that. Yeah. Well, they all fought. And Damon stays back to help with this fight.

58:17And eventually, like Sheepstealer definitely gets its ass whooped. But like, you know, survives. And just sort of like goes off in the corner. Like, okay, okay, okay, okay. Goodbye. But didn't they cut out the fire breathing part of its throat or something? Because I know they were burning each other. But when Sheepstealer was walking away whining, I thought that they were showing like a hole in his throat. And I was like, oh, no, now he's going to be a dragon without fire. The hell? I don't know if that hole means that much. It means that. I don't know. But like for sure, Sheepstealer definitely got a lot of bites to the throat.

58:58so it was definitely a very impressive display of cgi i mean like that they had to animate that whole fight with so much going on so much physics i was like wow this is impressive it was very loud and very like bitey and there's a lot going on i was like so damon tells adam and the queen to get out of there and they do and he's like i'm gonna finish off sheep stealer so they trust him like Ray Ray come on when are you going to learn and he does not kill he ends up not killing Sheepstealer and lets it walk away he's going to get in trouble for that later so then we go to back to King's Landing and Mazzaria is while all this is happening Mazzaria is like giving Madame Sylvie a tour she's like so this is the throne room it's pretty cool right Right.

59:51She's the current head hooker lady, the lady that runs the brothel. The madam, if you will. And Sylvia's like - I just had to get it in my head because she used to be the main lady and now it's this one. Yeah. So Sylvia's like, oh my God, look at all those swords. You know what it looks like? A hundred sharp little cocks all vying for attention. Am I right, bitch? And Mizarra's like, well, the queen wishes at the moment to hear no more petitions. She's like, well, that seems dumb. Like, why would you do that? Like, this place has turned to shit. She goes, yes, I agree, but you know what? I'll hear the petitions now, and then I'll bring the ones I really like to the queen.

1:00:35What about that? She's like, yeah, you can't just make yourself, like, head of petitions. What the fuck? She's like, yes, I can. I just did it. I will be queen kind of so go tell everybody she's like yeah uh you know that you're just a whore right and they're always going to consider you just a whore what are you doing acting like you're better than everybody she's like has have you considered maybe i can help people from this position and she's like yeah uh you don't have any power okay except to flatter and cajole is that why you called me here? To look on the trappings of someone that could hold you in awe?

1:01:17You think I'm going to be impressed with you? You're just a hooker at the end of the day. And these people are not your own. So remember that. Because within the world of the highborn, a whore will always and ever remain a whore. I didn't like this. I was like, Sylvie, relax. She's basically saying, yo I've got I've got the hookup with the queen so you know you come to me and I'll make sure that thing happened and Sylvie's like what has happened to you when since when is Sylvie so righteous and I also don't like this Mizar this kind of like Mizaria questioning herself like oh my god all this self-doubt you got Allison's getting into her head Sylvie's getting into her head everyone's getting into Mizaria's head and I hate that like I like my Mizaria to like always be the one who's thinking actually a few steps ahead of everyone else and it's like yeah not so fast so i don't like what they're doing to mazaria i'm actually more upset about what they're doing with to mazaria than what they're doing to ray ray because like ray ray okay she is in power and power does corrupt so like i don't like it but it does seem natural but then mazaria i want mazaria like the master of whispers we expect more from you okay i need more diabolical and less i was I'm like afraid they're setting up her to betray Ray Ray, you know, cause she's like not really one of them, you know, having this big scene of like, you're everyone was right.

1:02:42I never was one of you, you know, they're, they're setting that up. But what I really want is from Azaria to kind of like, be like, you know what? Fuck you all. Don't go against me. Cause I'm the one really running this place. And then she does something and like vanquishes her enemies. Yeah. She's supposed to be the smartest one here. It's Game of Thrones tradition. So she's watching the manipulator be so easily manipulated. Yeah, it's rough. I don't like it either. So then we go back to Harrenhal. Aemon's doing that sword work again. And Allison comes in with some, I mean, Allison is just not subtle at all.

1:03:20I can't believe that he didn't even pick this up. She's like, hello, son. Hello. Hi, it's me, mommy. You want to have some spiced wine? She just keeps looking down at the wine. She's like, mm.

1:03:34I made it with day sun day exposure. What? Not nightshade day exposure. It tastes great. You'll really enjoy it. Day UV. Day UV. You're going to love it. And he's like, well, it would be good to hang out with you, mother. You know what wine leads to. She's like, yes, delicious wine, poison. Don't have any hesitation. Drink it right now. And he's like, okay. So he's like, mom, I have to be honest with you. I tried to kill my brother. She's like, yeah, I know. But it's only because you're the hottest one in the family and everybody needs to know it. You did the right thing. Don't even worry about it.

1:04:22Just drink the wine. Another thing, Alice doesn't trust you. Well, I mean, she teaches Reiki. So what do you want me to say to that? Oh, no, the Reiki teacher doesn't trust me. Drink the wine. Drink the wine. So then we go to King's Landing and Ray Ray is with her handmaiden, Linda. And Damon comes in and Linda is about to leave. And Ray Ray is like, no, you can stay. She's like, oh, awesome. I love Linda. You have to watch the two fight again. Sounds great. I love, I'm so happy for the actress who plays Linda. I love that she is like every season of the show, she says two lines per season, spends most of the time just looking at things in a concerned way and then brushing the hair.

1:05:07And then she just goes like that's that's a make a paycheck. Yeah. Yeah. And they just keep her. She's one of the ones that they just keep over and over. She's like, do you want to see your son yet? No. OK, I'll just brush your hair. Hairbrushing kind of my thing. So Damon comes in and Linda's like, well, got to go. And she's like, no, stay, which I don't know why she told Alinda to say, I should maybe try to read some interpretations of that. But she's like, I want you to witness. I think she doesn't want Damon to be able to come in and manipulate her and then just like have sex. So she's like, you can stay here.

1:05:41It's like telling your friend, like, don't go anywhere. Stay right here. And then you tell off the boyfriend, you know? So Damon's like, okay, I was trying to help my daughter. And she's like, you lied to me about my son being murdered. Like, am I supposed to not be pissed? And he's like, yeah, but you're my wife and she's my daughter. So I've neglected my daughter. So now I was trying to like be nice to my daughter. So why are all these men suddenly deciding to do right by their children? What is it on this season where suddenly deadbeat dads are like all deciding that they're going to be emotionally available for their children?

1:06:19What the hell? Do it on your own time. So then we go over to Raina and she's like sitting on a chair. Now she's, she finally had like a shower and she's like all sad. Cause that's like her thing. And so Bela walks in and she's like, hi sister. So guess what? My whole thing is that I have like, you know, character turns out of nowhere. So I just want to say to you, Hey, it's all good. Don't worry about it. You killed my, killed my husband slash cousin slash this guy. It was just like generally really cool, but you know what? It's cool. Okay. You killed my uncle, my cousin, my brother, my sister, and my pet.

1:06:56How dare you? It's all so intermingled in this family. It's so fucked up trying to figure out the relationships of everybody on this show. Yeah, but she's like, it's okay, Ray Ray. And then she just like, they just like hug. But I guess maybe she understands. You're still my sister, you know. And I understand what it's like to be spurned by this family. um so uh now alan is uh alan's walking around the castle he's like oh he's like very happy he just had like a little dessert or something and then uh guard is like by the way we got a package for you um we thought it was amazon at first but we don't see any label on it so here it is i'm sure it's i'm sure whatever it is is totally cool and won't shock your finger whoops and by the way when you when someone when someone receives a box an unexpected box that's that size on any fantasy show or most serious dramas it's always a finger inside like that should just be called a finger box it's going to be gwyneth paltrow's sunken or shrunken head you know i know tiny little head and on the after after the you know after the show is over they have like the they talk to the creators and the actors and everything and what i loved was steve Toussaint, who plays Corliss, he's describing this scene.

1:08:13He's like, they actually cut off his finger. They cut off his finger. Like, why didn't they just give him the ring? But they said, no, we got to cut off the finger. But I love that the actor was like, can you believe this? They cut off my finger. My poor finger. So then Damon comes into Alice at Harrenhal. He's like, oh, well, I don't know. Maybe it's something I drank. And then he falls over. It's like, you fucking idiot. Now I got to go fucking kill somebody's mother. And then Helena's dreaming. Like as Amon is like teetering towards death because of this nightshade, I think it's like affecting her dreams.

1:08:53So she's having a dream of giving birth and the baby. I didn't take I didn't think of it like that. Really? Yeah. I thought she was this whole episode. I just thought it was only in a dreaming. while she was having like while he's stumbling around harren hall she's simultaneously having very tortured dreams first of her baby being taken away then it's like her on dream fire and she's like she's like in her like dragon riding uniform and she's like this is the first time we've seen dream fire dream fire is a badass it's a purple dragon and it has like uh horns coming out of it that are shaped into a crown so we never saw dream fire before i don't think i don't remember are ever seeing this little cute purple dragon yeah um and then uh and then she but i think the most damning thing is that there is a dream where she's in a field with her children and a horse and you know that white horse didn't it feels very significant and she's like she's with her kids who are not i don't think all the kids are still alive anyway in real life and then it's sunny and beautiful but then it starts getting cold and snowing yes she still has kids but no but like one of them was killed right but this is like the one on the way oh so maybe these are the two this is the uh the future child so either way the point is it goes from a bucolic moment to like foreboding cold snowy and so in my mind i'm thinking there's been a lot of talk like is amon connected to the white walkers he has the blue in his eye he's actively dying right now Alice is going to have to do some sort of witchcraft to save him.

1:10:34And at the same time, Helena is having a vision that, you know, suggests something White Walkery, you know, snow, winter, winter is coming. Is it all connected? What is happening here? Winter is coming. Don, don, don. So then we go to Ray Ray. This is where she can't sleep and she's just staring at the ceiling. And I thought, God, don't you guys even have books? Like something. but instead she goes to Miseria and she's like okay it was Reyna he was hiding all along okay he was lying to me she's like I told you so told you told you still want to hold you she's like okay but you can't say he betrayed me because he just didn't want to betray his daughter so I mean that counts for something right yeah and so they have this like exchange where basically Ray Ray is like, like you are trying to make me in your image.

1:11:34And she's like, my image, your grace, have I ever counseled you to like, to do like what, like anything, but what Viserys would have done? Like, what are you talking about? I don't want you to be like me. By the way, have you ever thought about like holding your hair, having your hair up, maybe dyeing it a little bit? It looks, I think it would look really good with your complexion. And Ray's like, yeah, well, what did my dad ever do? Oh, wow, we had peace, prosperity. I'm not doing anything that my dad did, you know? I don't have the gratitude of my subjects. I suck, okay? My dad was not a dreamer, but his whole life was a dream.

1:12:10And she's like, do not lose faith. You are good enough. You are smart enough. And people like you, you are going to win things. And she starts, like, seducing her. I think because the main hooker was like, you're not a politician. You're a hooker. So Mazaria is like, okay, well, I've tried it with the talking way with you. And now I will try it with the seducing you way. And Ray Ray falls for the seducing way. And so they make love. And so our note taker, we have to give a big shout out to our note taker who is like very fluent in this whole world. This is Chelsea and Chelsea because they kiss and they wind up having sex.

1:12:57And Chelsea says, this has read it up in arms as it's not in the book and it's not supposed to be Rhaenyra who cheats. So there you go, everyone. This is like I can't believe I can't believe a show that's show run by like a middle aged guy would go out of its way to include like a lesbian sex scene. What a shocker. well yeah this this has been going on for a while but i guess this is the first time that they've done the deed they've just made out before they consummated it yeah but um then we go to tylon uh tyland and egon waiting for the army and um they're like here we go we're about to die we're gonna do this we're together at least we're together felma and the army comes and they're Like, this is our land.

1:13:46You better bow to the queen or we're going to kill you. And Aegon's like, fuck no. See this little sliver of blonde hair? Well, look at it, fuckers. I'm the king, bitch. And nobody can scare me because I'm the king. And guess what? The church stands behind me. So if you go against me, you go against the church. And good luck going against the seven Jesuses. Okay? See what happens to you then? And they all start backing up. and he's like, oh yeah, pulled the God card. Now they're all scared of me. Yeah, nailing it. And they keep backing up and he's like, oh yeah, and another thing, you guys all better take bread and wine and pretend it's the body of somebody or you're all going to go to hell.

1:14:27And they're like, yeah. But then... It becomes very Jurassic Park-y, but he is so excited because it's the first time that he's been able to be powerful all season because all season he's just been in his little robe. He's like, I won't do the sandwiches. So now he's like, I am a God. Like he gets, his voice gets deep. And by the way, credit to, I forget the name of the actor. I thought he's, I think he's been doing a tremendous job all season long. I mean, he's been putting in such a great performance, a mix of like anger and like wanting to like insolence and all these, all the emotions. I think he's been doing a great job.

1:15:03And then he gets to have this big like theater moment where he like speak, he projects from his diaphragm. He's like, I am your king. And then we do hear this Jurassic Park moment. We see movement in the trees behind him. But he is so excited about what he's saying. He doesn't even hear other people saying or other people's reactions. He's just like on adrenaline. And lo and behold, here comes Sunfire, who's like looking a little... Sunfire is alive. Sunfire looks busted. Yeah, they both have the same face now. Yeah. Yeah, they both have, like, kind of matching fucked up faces. And so one's down on the ground yelling, and then Sunfire's like, don't worry.

1:15:46I'm here all cockeyed with you, buddy. My face looks like shit, too, and I've also got a little blonde hair coming down from my hoodie. Let's kill these fuckers. And he's like, oh, my God, Sunfire's alive. Dracorus, bitches. And then Sunfire burns everybody. Which is, of course, this is such a big deal. Because it's like, oh, my God, Sunfire. Well, first of all, Sunfire's alive? How? but also now aegon has like power again this is gonna get around everyone's gonna find out that like ray ray was lying like now is aegon gonna be like this is a whole disaster now aemond loses his claim that what he was doing now aemond is like everyone's been lying to me it's just gonna be a show and then ormond over there like when we're about to go to ormond ormond is trying to make a claim like hit i mean his his there's no way his claim is not gonna work now like no there's just no way now he's out of the running but either way he doesn't know this yet so uh he has brought ulf over to uh like outside of templeton to court him for dastardly this fucker this fucker ulf damn ulf why wouldn't i trust the alcoholic good for nothing doing everything for fame i mean why So he shows up.

1:17:04They have a little private meeting. And we find out that they've been meeting for a long time. Because he's like, well, in our last meeting, you promised me a castle. Where's my castle? And he's like, oh, please. Why would you want a castle? I can give you all of Disneyland. You want that? How about you pick the biggest house in the entire kingdom? You can have that. You want that? You can have it. And he's like, yeah, let's get Rhaenyra. That's a little fucker. Yeah. You get Grifmark. So Ulf is like, we're going to let it burn. You know, here's the, I will, I do have to say this. This is where the Targaryens are really fucking up.

1:17:38They are not paying it forward. Alice was like, so could I get Harrenhal? Like, whatever. And Ulf is like, can I get a cool place? Like, whatever. And now these two people who they deemed as being too lowly are actually going to be the big problems from Ali. Ali. Alice, she is resuscitating Aemond. She's going to keep him alive. She's gone to the other side. And now Ulf doing this. Targaryens, you've got to be smarter with your people management. Well, I don't think that Ulf... Ulf is a little shithead. Ulf was a shithead before, and he would be a shithead traitor either way. And I think it's very normal to not let someone who just took over a dragon and is now fighting in your army to not go get shit-faced and promise everybody in town all these favors you're going to do.

1:18:34Like Ulf needed to be not slapped necessarily, but like we've all seen army movies where they're like, drop and give me 20. And then everybody in basic training is like crying and wanting to go home. And then they're turned into fighting men, you know? Yeah. So I think that not necessarily that they were training Ulf, but I think that this shows version of trying to like make Ulf man up and stop being like a drunk, you know, braggart idiot. So I didn't really mind Damon slapping him around that much because Ulf was a little annoying. Somebody needed to like daddy him. And Alice, I think also had her issues before.

1:19:15Cause she was using, you know, all of the head fuck that she was doing to Damon was just to try and win drift Mark. I think she's like an old ghost or something, right? What is she? She is like hundreds of years old. But that being said, like, the truth is that these people help them. And, like, I blanked on what I was going to say. But what I will say is that, like, when that Rhaenyra and Daemon, but especially Rhaenyra, she basically was like, I am up against the wall. I'm begging people to come help me. Come ride a dragon. And she didn't seem to have any intention or plan to actually pay them back beyond saying, well, you got to ride a dragon.

1:20:00You have a dragon now. That's your payment. And it's kind of shitty. And what we've seen this season is that she and Daemon have become a bit up their ass about, well, we're Targaryens. We're destined for something greater. This is part of a greater prophecy. We're of a different fabric. And it's the same way that the Hightowers are. And they're just like, they sort of are like, yeah, well, people will help us. But of course they'll help us because, you know, we're like, they should be so honored that they were tapped by a Targaryen to assist. And the lesson here is you've got to like, you've got to mind after your people a little bit.

1:20:36And that's been her whole problem in this entire city. It's military, ain't it? That's the truth. That's the human condition. Yeah. They talk you, you know, they talk you up and then, you know, the vet's hospitals are fucked. Yeah. yes maybe getting too real life i was like okay um but anyway you know but also as far as the you know the homes and stuff like that they just got to work like they just showed up and the town doesn't even have or the kingdom doesn't even have any money to pay the people yet it's like they're not going to just give ulf a house in the first week like he has to kind of earn you know just because he rides a dragon they they have to kind of earn it it's like they show up in their first week and they're like where's my house where's my castle it's like we are at war do your do your thing and then but you know what though they they completely dismissed him his entire request they should have said we're gonna put you on a plan we want we want to see this sort of performance we want this out of you we want we want to give you the castle but we need to know that you're loyal that you're not an opportunist they could put it back on him like make him be motivated for it because like i agree he's very entitled and it's like no sir like you don't just get to ask for anything but they also should not be dismissive of the people that helped them when they were down at the hardest now i'm not saying that i like ulf and i'm i certainly am like really over hugh who like he got who did what he was not supposed to do which is go into that town but um i'm just saying they're the targaryens are really messing up with their people skills Yeah, I, everyone's so rude on this show and nasty to each other that I guess I don't really think of that part as much as I think, like, train your staff.

1:22:22I mean, Jesus Christ, you can't just hand somebody a tank and then be like, okay, bye, go have fun, figure out the controls. Like, where's the training? Yeah. I need training segments where they're like, this is how you do it. And now you say, blah, blah, blah. And that means go left or whatever it is. You just want Westeros basic training. You want boots, the Westeros version. Well, I need that. Because otherwise, they're just like, here's this huge weapon of mass destruction. Okay, you two, who have never had any training, you guys go together and protect this town. And we'll just trust everything that's going on.

1:22:58I mean, I think we, it's funny because I think last season, we thought Ulf was going to be more of like a folk hero. Like everyone underestimated him. And then it turns out he can actually ride a dragon. and then there's like something going on with him that's like special and then he's gonna be crafted into something wonderful but then this season we're like oh he's just garbage just this garbage guy and i sort of know what you're saying like you almost want like that matrix moment where like you are gonna be the one but you need to be trained you need to be molded you need to learn the ways like karate kid the matrix all that like the whole kung fu kind of genre of like you have to go on your journey but then all of a sudden their power crystallized and they realize they are actually great but that's not coming from wolf um from No, and it could have.

1:23:39I mean, he definitely has been misunderstood or miss. What was the first word you said? Not misunderstood, but like people didn't give him enough credit, you know, underestimated. He has been underestimated because now he's going to just come try and burn a bunch of the other side with this dragon, which I guess he's just a gun for hire either way. So he's just going to go for the biggest pot of gold he can get. But what a little shithead. Oh, and the way he smiles while giving the evil eye, too. Yeah. Well, we'll see what happens. I mean, look, we're so invested in this treachery. So it's exciting.

1:24:17We only have one episode left. And then who knows how long it'll be for the final season. But we will be back here next week to break apart the season finale and figure out where it goes from there. Yeah. Thanks for being with us, everybody. We'll talk to you later. Bye. Bye. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call.

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1:27:10This episode is sponsored by McDonald's. I'm having my hot Caesar summer, Ronnie. Yes. Caesar sauce? I feel like we don't talk about Caesar sauce enough because it's so, so good. I love to dip everything into it. Have you ever dipped fries in Caesar sauce before? I mean, I just have. It is delicious. Caesar sauce is like a Parmesan, garlicky blend with some lemon in it. And you can dip anything in there. One thing I have been known to do is to stop over at McDonald's and go to the drive-thru and get myself a Caesar snack wrap and just dip some fries in the Caesar sauce. Also, the Krispy Strips in the Caesar sauce.

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1:29:45Watch the new series, House of Stassi. New episodes Wednesdays on Freeform and streaming on Hulu.