#3530 RHONY S16E1 Part One: Snaking Suspicions

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1:12Ronnie Karam: There is such a better way to spend your time than doom scrolling or watching terrible TV. Get some stories in your life, okay? Audible is perfect for that. I use it while I'm cleaning the house, while I'm running errands. I listen to books all day, every day with Audible.

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1:53Watch what crap is.

1:55Ben Mandelker: Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap ends? Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap ends?

2:09Ronnie Karam: Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on your profs. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hi, little Benus. Hi.

2:20Ben Mandelker: Hi, how are you? How's it going?

2:24Ronnie Karam: Ben got me sick Long distance somehow So now it's my turn To be sniffling, coughing And doing all of that fun stuff So it's great, I'm doing great Not well bitch Not well But really glad to be here Today is Real Housewives of New York Day to return, the reboot Number four of Real Housewives Of New York Man, it's keep reboot

2:51Ben Mandelker: It is reboot number four it is we sometimes forget that there was an og reboot back in the day but yeah this is reboot

2:58Ronnie Karam: number four yep this is number four you know who else has to reboot people who step and shit a lot that's what we do you just reboot yourself uh but we're excited to cover that check out ben's new show what's your order on youtube it's youtube tube exclusive and it's fantastic he's got a lot of great guests over there putting things in bravo or putting bravo things in order very funny entertaining way it's killing the internet thank you for me also little banoon well thank you ronnie

3:26Ben Mandelker: can i just say thank you to christina ariel for ariel i'm sorry for coming on to the latest episode where we rank the top five friends of of the housewives universe and a programming note um well as ronnie mentioned i was sick and then my guest was sick so i had to basically two recording sessions uh had to get postponed and then i'm going to be traveling for basically two or three weeks. So there will not be a new episode probably for like three weeks of What's Your Order. So thank you for your patience and please don't abandon it. But the episodes will be back after this week.

4:02Ronnie Karam: Okay, perfect. Also, we're going on tour starting October 3rd. The announcement will be up on our website later this week with ticket links. So check back for that. If you want this recap on video, you get that at Patreon along with bonus episodes. This week, we are going to do a trailer trash for the real housewives of potomac

4:24Ronnie Karam: let that sneeze out ronnie let it out i had to sneeze um potomac uh so that will be up later today everybody and today it's real housewives of new york city reboot number four

4:39Ben Mandelker: what say you ben you know i enjoyed it i enjoyed it i think if i'm sure everyone was expecting me to be Mr. Mr. Sour Pants all over again because I famously hated the original reboot right out of the gate and uh this one I enjoyed I still think obviously it's a far cry from Classic Roni we have to mourn those those that's over we can't keep on comparing I get it um I think it's I think it's fine I think it's good I'm I what I will say is that that I feel like we have more to have fun with as recappers than we did with the original reboot i think uh losing brin is a wonderful thing um and uh i think that the new girls seem to be all right i'm a little i'm a little on the fence about hailey glassman i'm a little concerned that she's playing the role of hailey glassman instead of just being herself she seems a little affected but i also i don't meaning that like she does she seems like she i don't know i i kind of feel like she's being a little on you know where she's like oh my god look at me i'm stoned but i it's it's she's teetering she's on the line but she's okay she's okay like i'm i'm she's my favorite one really i was just

5:58Ronnie Karam: like i was yeah i don't think she's faking anything i think she's really legitimately cuckoo and stoned out of her brain all the time i think she's i was definitely cuckoo

6:06Ben Mandelker: she's definitely cuckoo yeah i'm just saying it was just like i was a little it wasn't like brand where right away i was like okay this girl is fake i just was like i had a few moments where where she had a few moments where she was like i mean i was so high i mean i don't even remember i mean i wasn't thinking i was so high where i was like um okay it kind of reminded me of like that that friend from you know your friend who like drinks for the first time at 23 or smokes weed for the first time at like 25 and then they're like talking like oh my god look at me i'm so stoned and you're like okay like you get it but um there's just something it was like a minor it was a minor blip on the radar you give your friend a shot of like punch and you're like

6:45Ronnie Karam: oh this is this is alcohol and they're like oh my god i'm so wasted but you know that there was no

6:50Ben Mandelker: alcohol in there exactly she's sort of giving me those vibes but i honestly he's giving me marisol on roller skates she does have the marisol face she looked like marisol and carol radzell like mushed together um on roller skates so i let me just that's one of my bigger issues

7:08Ronnie Karam: with this well it's one of my only issues so far i mean it's only episode one i really enjoyed it i did find that they look alike and i think that that is a housewives problem with city you know uh salt lakes not well salt lake people couldn't tell meredith and lisa apart i still don't get that one but they still say that sometimes um the rhode island one rhode island like who are who's who you know i know so sometimes that comes out with new housewives shows that happens with new housewives shows where you're like who who are these people i think daisy and hayley look kind of the same but yes they do there's a lot of blonde people on this one i'll say or a lot of a lot of blondes so it's hard to pick people out in the crowd yeah the good news is i feel like

7:56Ben Mandelker: people have gotten the memo they know what the assignment is so i feel like the show is going in the right direction you know what i think actually you mentioned rhode island i think that's a perfect comp like the first episode of rhode island i thought was good i didn't think it was as amazing as everyone else did but i feel like the show got stronger and stronger and stronger as it went along and by the time it was done i was like great great cast great great new franchise great new faces even though they're all the same so i feel like i feel i feel i feel good about it i feel i feel like this is good by the way i'm going to pizzeria mama on friday i just want to point that out i will be going to i will be there i'm traveling you better get the name right before you show up there pizza mama sorry pizza mama i love a turkey i love i love a pizza um I just slipped into turkey promotion.

8:48Ben Mandelker: Turkey mama. Turkey mama.

8:51Ronnie Karam: Turkey mama. So here we go. We opened. I liked it. I especially loved this opening. It is Carol, a la Carrie Bradshaw, sitting crisscross applesauce on her bed with her MacBook. Every great love story begins somewhere. Mine began with a city called JFK Jr. He just loved me so much. He's on television again right now on his own show. I wonder if he's mentioned me. I couldn't help but wonder about New York City.

9:24Ben Mandelker: Is there a world where there's an old York City? And am I the old York?

9:30Ronnie Karam: Well, New York is famous for its skyline, its culture, and the people who call it home. Also, it's marathon.

9:43Ronnie Karam: New York City is like one of those dates where you're saying, sure, he might be older and he might smell like pee, but who am I kidding? I've never dated anyone older. And just like that, it's a collection of millions of stories where every street holds a chance to dream bigger, to chase the impossible, to lose everything, and a counter to sit on crisscross applesauce. because you're young and hip. You can lose everything in New York City and start all over again as long as you've got$20 ,000 a month for a walk up with no air conditioning. There are countless cities in the world, but there's only one New York, and in New York there's only one invisible staircase, and that's mine.

10:39Ronnie Karam: just in case you didn't remember that i'm young fresh and still sexually viable i'm wearing a happy face costume like oh carol this was the most this is the fun her young and hip thing is so funny that it's still the same from her first go round on new york she's like look at me i'm carol the only shock here was that it was not carol on the rollerblades i really thought it

11:04Ben Mandelker: gonna be carol i know that was hilarious well obviously i think i i'm surmising that they added carol into the show a little bit later because it's i felt like we'd heard that the new cast was filming and then it was like not long after that that carol was filming also and she was a friend of it and all of a sudden she was housewife so i think they had to sort of stitch her in here because she probably wasn't part of like she wasn't in the orbit she wasn't the ridge No, hell no.

11:31Ronnie Karam: She wasn't in the Ridge. They filmed a little bit, and then they saw the Epstein files came out, and she was in there, and they're like, get Carol. Get Carol back. Someone can give Carol some Epstein file shit. We'll be modern. We'll be on the edge.

11:44Ben Mandelker: Yes, exactly. And the other thing – I forgot what the other thing I was going to say about Carol.

11:51Ronnie Karam: How could you do that? It's not like there's someone interrupting your every thought every 20 seconds. i forget what i was gonna say about carol but um no i it's okay face was it about smiley faces

12:07Ben Mandelker: it was about i don't know but they they clearly have stitched her in which is i just think it's so funny that they did in this like blatant carrie bradshaw way and someone online was mentioning how funny it is that like the roni reboot has carol pretending to be carrie bradshaw whereas the golden life actually has the real life carrie bradshaw in it because

12:30Ronnie Karam: candace bush knows part of that cast i guess oh that's true if that's a good point yeah

12:42Ronnie Karam: so much of our life can be told in a story of shoes oh god i remember what i was gonna say they you know the cast um the like the title card that they show you know going to commercial or

12:56Ben Mandelker: coming back from commercial carol's right in the center actually which is hilarious but she's in this like little like mini skirt thing that's kind of poofy and she's sort of standing awkwardly and every time i look at it i know this is going to be my my guiding but my guiding light my north star for the season is just like waiting for that card to come up and her just awkwardly sort of swaying in the middle like, look at me. I'm in a short skirt.

13:21Ronnie Karam: Do you remember when MJ came on Traitors and they were talking about her and she, I think she heard them and she was just in the back of the room standing there like, ooh. That's what Carol's pose reminds me of. Or like Lala. People were comparing Lala to the MJ thing when Lala came in to yell at Danny while he was getting his drag makeup done on the valley. And she was just standing there like, ooh. That's how Carol looks in her

13:45Ben Mandelker: opening it's literally so funny to me it is like the funniest image did you did you notice that as well because i could every time i would chuckle just she just she just standing like look at me

13:57Ronnie Karam: i'm young and hip i went to banana republic today yeah because they tell them i think make movement you know don't just stand still make a little movement so some of them do like a shoulder saying like sonia always did like a shoulder they all have their thing and she just kind of goes back and forth between each leg oh it's great that's great i just want that on loop it's her like oh but an opening filled with camp i really like that and kind of poke yeah i carol a hundred

14:31Ben Mandelker: percent i was like already i was like okay this this the reboot's already in a really good place just just by having this ridiculous opening with carol it's time for a commercial it's time for

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17:19Ronnie Karam: well so we open at daisy's apartment and my first thought was why this apartment seems small why why are we here is this another gina situation but we find out that daisy is not well i guess she's not as rich as you normally would be to be on these shows but she is martha stewart's hair and makeup lady or just makeup lady i don't know so she comes in and martha's like oh hi it's good to be here yeah i just wanted to come over and get a little makeup done before i have to go to the ladies thing this afternoon yeah um bravo was like we are going to front load the

17:57Ben Mandelker: reboot of the reboot with as much star power as possible so well we have carol first but then we're like we're not we're gonna we're gonna start you with martha stewart we're not even gonna really start with the housewives we're just gonna put martha stewart first and hope that she can put her juju on this the way she did with bethany and the first time around so it was an odd choice

18:17Ronnie Karam: honestly it was good to see martha but i love very odd choice because it looks like you're watching a show about a makeup person on these shows which actually we've said for years would be a great show like priv the show you know just show priscilla like the most famous housewives makeup artist ever and all the shit that they must talk working with all the different housewives and we've said for years that would be a great show you know just all the makeup people the glam people follow them so this was a little odd that they opened it where it looks like it's kind of about a glam person but it's because martha did seem like the housewife i mean she would have been perfect on here

18:56Ben Mandelker: she would have been and i think that bravo needs to really lean into casting more like more women who are like older than 45 as the housewives because like yeah the ones that are 30s just sometimes they just haven't baked enough you know it's like you've opened the oven a little bit too early okay you let out too much of the steam they're still dealing with their kids being three and like sometimes you get wonderful housewives who are in their 30s but a lot of times you get people who just don't have their personality yet like they're not jaded enough or world weary and so like i would love someone who is martha stewart to be a housewife but the other thing you that you touch on is that like you know daisy being a hair makeup person she's sort of like she's like a in what i don't try to think of what it would you say she's not service industry but like the housewives are normally at the top of their like little they're like they're like employment verticals and here we have someone who like works for someone who's wealthier than her and is like at their beck and call.

19:59Ben Mandelker: And that's a little bit of a strange thing for the housewives.

20:04Ronnie Karam: It is, because when you're watching housewives and you see the hair and makeup person, their job is to be going, okay, Shannon, that is hilarious. What a great story. Tell me more. And be fake and just say everything that the customer wants to hear. And when anybody varies off of that path on housewives work, this is not about you. It's like when the waiter comes to the table and they're like, oh my God, hi, everybody. can i sit down no this is housewives get the fuck out of here this is not about you you know and so there's i think kind of that natural reaction to be like why are you talking yeah why are you talking about the steward is in the room you know yeah like the show is very much

20:44Ben Mandelker: upstairs downstairs and we oh we really only care about the upstairs on these shows so it's weird that downstairs it's an upside down house basically but um i mean it sounds like downstairs is just

20:54Ronnie Karam: where you make Luann sleep to piss her off.

20:58Ben Mandelker: There was a spider. Yeah. But that being said, I actually really like Daisy. I think she's my favorite of the three newbies. So Martha comes over.

21:10Ronnie Karam: I liked her as well. You know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm Bravo traumatized in a way, especially from New York. And Bravo has given me my happiest moments in life, but it's also, you know, disappointed. as a viewer when it comes to new york so i'm not going to just jump on the effusive train just yet but i did like everybody knew i'm just you know i'm going into this relationship carefully i don't want to be like i gotta love everybody it's bad because i've been hurt i've been hurt you guys

21:44Ben Mandelker: okay and that was me being vulnerable yeah your feelings are valid um yeah so uh that ass martha martha comes in you know she she's disgusted by this tiny apartment and then she's like um do you have a piece of bagel for me which is is an interesting uh interesting quantity for

22:07Ronnie Karam: a bagel a little little little piece of a bagel not a full bagel i'm not a monster all right just a little piece all right well i would walk from one end of the house to the other but i've already done that all right just do what you're gonna do just make me look gorgeous i have to go to a women's event later it's crazy have you heard about the john jfk i think well first we hear about daisy so daisy's like oh my god working for martha it's fucking nuts like one week i'm doing her makeup the next week i'm on a camel with her in dubai it's crazy we see a

22:39Ben Mandelker: picture of them on a camel yeah and she's like i'm like what the fuck am i doing here like i'm wearing zara i'm like lady you're supposed to be a real housewife just say ray ysl okay um so then And she says, I learned how to do makeup like 100 years ago working at Scores. Scores was a gentleman's club. And I would go into the dressing room and watch how all the girls would do their makeup. And it's like also where I met Cy. And no, we're not strippers. I know.

23:09Ronnie Karam: She keeps saying, God, don't worry. We're not strippers. Why would we care? You're more judgy of being a stripper than I think the audience would be. But I think it's hilarious that Martha's makeup lady is a Scores girl. That shit's hilarious. And just the fact that it's someone who's like, you know what? Do you know where I had the dream of doing makeup? When I saw strippers at scores. I was like, that. I know. That's it right there. That's what I'm doing for the rest of my life. Stripper makeup for homemakers.

23:39Ben Mandelker: And I would like to apply the lessons of the strippers from scores to the waspiest lady in all of America, Martha Stewart. please make me look like cinnamon on her saturday night shift thank you

23:54Ronnie Karam: yeah so sigh and daisy are talking in another scene we see like a flashback and size like oh yeah we used to work in school that was so hilarious i do remember that guy he tried to give me the second dick it's like oh i probably did suck his dick like oh my god she's being in 20s working at scores and having guys get you trying to suck their dick it's so fun but we

24:17Ben Mandelker: were not strippers though we were not strippers just want to really we weren't strippers scores

24:24Ronnie Karam: was like a huge thing i feel like everybody went to score it's like it was a really glamorous

24:31Ben Mandelker: it was the thing i don't know is it still a thing it might be still a thing it's still there

24:36Ronnie Karam: i'm pretty sure it's still there but i don't know if it's still like people go there to be cool like yeah so days days that's pretty big yeah i went there when i was like 20 21 i guess

24:54Ben Mandelker: it was fun you're like this is the place where we learn how to etch into stone like no but it's

24:59Ronnie Karam: called scores it's like it's like girl strippers are so nice because gay strippers like uh-huh just like hitting you in the face with their wiener and their jock strap or whatever and just like kind of rolling their eyes, taking your money. And I feel like the women's strippers were just so much nicer. And of course, I wanted to like go to lunch with everybody. I was trying to have conversations with everybody. And I was, I don't know, don't take a gay guy to a strip club. I'm like, what do you like? Oh my God, I love your outfit. Did you make that?

25:27Ben Mandelker: Next thing you know, you're being, you're on an overnight odyssey through Coney Island until finally you, sorry, it's a little Nora reference. Erica Jane. Smash up a candy. So Martha Stewart is talking about how she – Anora. Erica J. My song was in the background of that one. I'm basically an Oscar winner. So Martha Stewart is talking about how she's been watching Love Story lately, which is the JFK Jr. show. And Daisy is saying, oh, my God, yeah, that's interesting. I've been reading Carol's book. And so Martha talks about how, like, the Monday – she goes did i ever tell you that i saw jfk the monday before the friday that he died which is sort of a funny way to say it like like it'd be like did i ever tell you i saw jfk just a few days before he died but she's like the monday before the friday the noon before the 3 p.m when he died

26:21Ronnie Karam: and so yeah so i saw him and um you know he really wanted to come talk to me about martha stewart living my magazine at the time because he was having problems with george that was his magazine. So he asked to pick my brain. And I said, sure. So we went to have a lovely dinner. And I told him, please tell me you're not getting on a plane this weekend and driving it yourself. Do absolutely do not get a co-pilot. I told him that. He didn't listen to me. I also told him, really, he shouldn't be eating that bread out of the basket because I saw one of the busboys put it in there with his bare hands.

26:53Ronnie Karam: Sure enough, he died with a cold on a plane with no co-pilot. it i could just i could just die i mean i told him to listen to me my magazine is literally called

27:03Ben Mandelker: living and guess what he didn't listen so so cruel too soon not even a week after

27:11Ronnie Karam: well listen in fairness it's called martha stewart living i don't make promises to people

27:22Ronnie Karam: and i'm still here i told him listen jr you should rename your magazine george living all right and he refused to listen

27:34Ben Mandelker: oh god so then uh daisy too soon it's not too soon right it's not too soon i just know that i'm hopping on a plane in a few days and i'm like i shouldn't be making these jokes i should I should not be inviting bad karma. I know.

27:48Ronnie Karam: We're both about to travel and we're making plane jokes. But I remember that day, actually. I was in Las Vegas with my family. And my sister and I woke up late and we missed our plane and watched about him dying on a plane as we were in the airport missing our plane. And I thought, wow, what a day to miss a plane. I mean, it was Southwest Airlines. It was like our private little plane that we flew ourselves. Those were the days. Those were the non-glamorous days.

28:16Ben Mandelker: I was driving back from Montreal. I was, I was, uh, up by my school, you sophomore year, you had to, you had to spend like a semester in the summer at school. And so, um, I was in New Hampshire. And so we were, my friends and I went to, uh, Montreal for like the night or something. And so we just were driving back and the news hit. I remember my friend Sarah in the backseat was like sniffling. She was like crying. and i was like really but um yeah i will always remember that driving back from montreal and

28:47Ronnie Karam: hearing about jfk jr wow yeah well that was a day so martha remembers it too she's like you know i did so i told him so i've thought about it so many times i said get a co-pilot change the name of her magazine don't eat bread that people have touched i mean they're i just could have changed so many lives. It's like the butterfly effect, you know? And Daisy finishes her makeup, and she's like, oh my god, Martha being in my house, like, the first time she was here, like, I was so nervous. It's Martha Stewart, my fucking house, okay? It's not nice enough. It's a little two-bedroom. It's got popcorn ceilings.

29:21Ronnie Karam: Like, whatever. She loves that. My apartment's always Martha Stewart's ready, you know? Or it's always Martha Stewart ready, you know, because she's coming in. Well, Martha doesn't care. She just wants to be out of her house, I think, because she doesn't seem to mind you're like her 7-eleven nobody walks into the 7-eleven and expects it to be perfectly done you know it's a 7-eleven she's coming in there for a bit of a bagel and some

29:44Ben Mandelker: store-bought pie i think martha does i think you're actually incorrect on this i think martha does expect there to be a certain like level of cleanliness but she still wants more because she goes into the room she comes out in like this yellow outfit and then she's like looking around and she's like oh my god you have store-bought pie this is horrible throw that out right away and daisy's like i can't believe i didn't hide that fucking apple pie i mean anything store bought like that she'll goes nuts and then the moment i've been all been waiting for the moment years and years and years of validation i've been seeking on this i mean i got it from you ronnie but from someone like martha stewart she looks over at daisy's stovetop and there is a mckenzie child's mckenzie child whatever it is tea kettle and she looks at it she goes oh i don't like that no i don't like that you should get rid of that no i don't like that i was like thank you thank you martha stewart fellow hater of mckenzie child's someone said it

30:48Ronnie Karam: down with the chessboard now we've down with the chessboard and martha by the way is very comfortable she's just walking around this house like well i need something to eat you know these luncheons are terrible no one feeds you anything store-bought pie that's disgusting oh god what a horrible teapot well this was fun all right go see you later thanks a lot for getting me cameras love you bye but martha kind of needed to be the housewife here i mean did martha work at scores No. But I'm okay with that.

31:19Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Yeah. God, Bethany must be so mad that she was never able to pull Martha for her home scenes. She's like, well, I mean, I would cook us. I'd be fresh. I'd make her cookies. I'd do everything for her. Like, she never would come over. Like, I would ask her so many times, she would never come over. But then she goes over to see Daisy. I don't know. There used to be a reckoning. A Martha reckoning.

31:37Ronnie Karam: I was the one on Martha Stewart Apprentice. All right? Like, what the hell? I should have been the one. I wonder if that – because that was the one that she came in second on, right? Or did she win? Second place. No, she lost. Martha Stewart's Apprentice.

31:51Ben Mandelker: She was first place in a long line of losers, as they say.

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34:14Ronnie Karam: Sai's apartment. She's got a new apartment. That's great that you're living in the city and stuff. I know that's important to people. Loved her Brooklyn place, though. That Brooklyn place was amazing. This one, I missed the Brooklyn one. Brooklyn Place was great.

34:30Ben Mandelker: Yeah, well, it was like a townhouse, and this was just like an apartment, so that's hard. But Jaisal shows up. Jaisal's just told Povet, like, you have to go pick up the kids for rock climbing. And they are—

34:46Ronnie Karam: We don't hear what Povet says, but it's probably something like, well, I'm testing out a new bao bun recipe in the air fryer. Could you do that later, Povet? Why do you have to do that right now? Your children are hanging on to a rock In a public space Please go get the children Please, Povet

35:07Ben Mandelker: Jessel's like, hello, so I brought you a candle It's pine scented She's like, what did you do? Did you just like re-gift this from Christmas? Yes, I probably did Anyway, hello

35:18Ronnie Karam: It's like, this is definitely from Christmas Jessel She shows her a golden, a gold, another gold candle or something. And Jussel's one of those people. She goes, yeah, whenever someone moves into a new space, I like to bring them candles. Thank God. One of those. Get your fucking candles out of here. What are you telling me? A, that I stink, or B, that you want my house to burn down? Like, I don't think candles are a nice thing to give people. I don't know why everybody gives candles all the time. I have like a stack of candles in my fucking closet that I have to put out whenever somebody comes over because they gave me that candle.

35:52Ronnie Karam: And they're always coming in there. And candles last 30 years. And they're always coming to my house like, well, where's the candle? I got you. You know, how people look around for the gift that they gave you. So I've got a closet full of this shit. They're all free gifts. None of you went and cared about this candle. Get out of here. Also - Bring me a pizza.

36:09Ben Mandelker: Most candles smell wretched too, by the way. Like, I haven't, like, very few candles have I actually enjoyed the scent of. Almost all of them I hate. So anytime someone gives me a candle, I like it almost has a direct path to the trash scented things in general I don't appreciate as

36:28Ronnie Karam: a gift because I feel like you're telling me I smell and in the case of my niece I really love my niece and I think that she does think I smell well both of them both my nieces buy me scented shit all the time which at this point you're telling me I smell just tell me a smell which I do sometimes but um she gave me this body it's like well I guess I shouldn't say that well who cares it's called bum bum bum or something it's like a body there's body spray and cream and all this shit and so i wore it because i was gonna see her and i knew that she would smell me and be like oh i wonder if uncle's wearing what i gave him and so i wore it can i tell you this stuff smelled like nuclear waste and i had to walk around i believe it i believe every ounce of that i felt like if someone started someone lit a candle i would start on fire I was like, what is this chemical crap that you just put all over me?

37:24Ronnie Karam: So, yeah, don't buy people scented things. So, anyway, Jaisal brings Cy a scented thing. And Cy's like, well, so much has changed in the last year. We finally moved to Manhattan. I got an apartment. Work is killing it. Kids are getting older. And you know what? I got a new best friend. Jaisal. Who would have thought? Well, everybody else got fired. I mean, what are you going to do at this point?

37:47Ben Mandelker: Yeah, it's either Jaisal or Aaron. I mean, like, it's a pretty obvious pick. So Jessel's like, you know, I used to call her cyanide, and she did have a notorious resting bitch face, but now we're starting to maybe see maybe a crack in a smile. I still call her cyanide, though, because she's deadly boring. But again, it's either her or Erin, so who am I going to pick? Am I right?

38:12Ronnie Karam: I forgot that she called her cyanide. That shit's funny. So Cy's like, you know, in the PS, I thought Jessel was a snob. And then I realized it was just a Peppa Pig British accent that was really throwing me off.

38:24Ben Mandelker: Jeez. How dare you? But I actually trust her and consider her one of my closest friends. Oh, my God. Did I actually just say that? It's true. Better than poverty, at least. And so they're talking about Manhattan. And Jessel's like, so does David like it here? And Sia's like, I mean, I don't really care how he feels. and so jess was like what what it's like i mean it's just we've completely drifted apart like we do nothing together like all i do is work i get up and i work you know and on top of that like

39:00Ronnie Karam: carrying the entire house around like taking care of a lot of kids and filling out forms and like doing clothes and figuring out things and this and that or whatever i just i feel so alone yeah you got a job but it's not enough and jess was like but i thought he retired and that was enough money that from selling his business that he could stay home and help and do all that i thought he was rich what are you talking about it's like surprise that was all bullshit so basically i make the money david's a fucking loser and sits around and does nothing but he did open the door that one time as the editors will show the editors are like okay here's his name is david right he's like, oh, come on in, you sweet, gorgeous woman.

39:43Ronnie Karam: All right. Got it. Thought that was fishy that a guy retires from selling a restaurant. So, yeah. I know.

39:50Ben Mandelker: A restaurant. I was like, you worked in hospitality, right? But I mean, over the past few months, Cy has definitely been dropping bread crumbs. And of course, Pavit's been taking photos of each and every one of them saying it's a new food trend. He's such an idiot. I married a true idiot. But anyway, I knew that they were going through a rough patch but before that she always pretended that she was in a happy marriage

40:14Ronnie Karam: yeah and so we see cy in the past talking about how i couldn't do any of this without david oh he's so amazing david opening the doors and stuff so cy's like well i was keeping it from everybody because i'm trying to protect them fuck him now though fuck him now seriously she's like i'm so embarrassed so she cries and jess is like oh my god are you kidding me but he's your husband You have kids together. I mean, that means you have to see him, don't you? You can't leave a husband, can you? Wait a minute, can I leave Povet? She's just looking at her like, what?

40:49Ben Mandelker: I don't understand. Wait, I didn't realize that this was an option. I don't actually have to sit and go to outer boroughs and eat fried chicken with Povet anymore. Wait a second, you're an inspiration, Cyanide.

41:04Ronnie Karam: So you're telling me that if I wanted to opt out from trying the forest lawn version of five guys just for a TikTok, I'd be able to opt out? Yeah, kill him. What? Kill him? Yeah. I killed David. David's not even here anymore. He's dead. I've killed him. So all of this is an option. Just Jessel's looking at her like,

41:29Ben Mandelker: A whole new world.

41:34Ben Mandelker: Wow, this is as liberating as the time I found out that my socially inept child had a school to go to. So, um, Cy is like, I, you know what, I convinced myself that what I was going through was normal.

41:47Ronnie Karam: And I was telling myself I was happy every day. And I was sort of like, okay, he's gonna come, he's gonna get up, he's gonna change. But at this point, I'm at my breaking point. I'm like, listen, we understand we were at our breaking point, too, watching your show.

42:02Ben Mandelker: So Jessel is like, well, I knew they were going through a hard time, but, like, I just didn't think it was going to be a point of no return. It's so exciting. I can't wait to do this to pop it.

42:13Ronnie Karam: Yeah, it's like, oh, my God, I just want to say, Jessel, I am so sorry for the way that I treated you about your marriage. Because, you know, you know, I said your marriage sucks. You guys all have a connection. Yeah, your husband's losing. You're a loser. You're a twat. Your husband's a twat. You know, I shouldn't have said that stuff, you know. Maybe it's because I was going through stuff. You know, I wasn't in a good place. And I'm so sorry that I made you feel bad about being in a terrible relationship just because I'm in a terrible relationship. But I'm not in a terrible relationship. You are.

42:43Ronnie Karam: You are. And I'm so sorry for you. And I'm sorry I said it out loud. You should be allowed to be in a terrible relationship in silence, you know.

42:52Ben Mandelker: No, it's really hard. I want you to feel comfortable in knowing that you're not alone. Anyone else know what you're going through? And by the way, you are alone. I just want to point that out. It's funny because as I started to say the words, you're not alone, it made me realize you're actually alone right now, Cy. Think about it. Cy, listen, I want you to feel you're not alone until I leave this room.

43:15Ronnie Karam: And then you'll be alone. Very, very alone. Yeah, well, you'll be in a Five Guys and Forest Lawn. All right, what's better?

43:24Ben Mandelker: Do you happen to know any super famous waspy octogenarian media moguls? No. Okay, then you are officially alone. Yes, no one will be coming to your apartment.

43:37Ronnie Karam: So Sai has told Daisy and Aaron, but she did ask Aaron to not tell anybody. And she's like, oh, well, you already know how I feel about Aaron. and she tells us her and Aaron have had their differences but they did lose their fathers at the same time and that really bonds people so they bonded over that but then at the Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip finale she heard that Aaron was going around calling her fake, stupid, and dumb and all sorts of shit she doesn't like it

44:11Ben Mandelker: yeah, and Jessel is not happy but Jessel says but don't worry, Cy I am a vault.

44:19Ronnie Karam: I'm a vault too.

44:20Ben Mandelker: And so then they both do the thing with a lip zipped, which never works out. There's never been a vault in the history of Housewives that has stayed closed. So now we go to Haley Glassman and she is rollerblading in a fur coat and a hat in the middle of the street while vaping. And we dissected this scene very intensely on our trailer trash for Roni. and it was nice to see it in its full context now.

44:50Ronnie Karam: Yeah, she does seem kind of like a Carol type. Somebody who's like, look at me. I rollerblade in the street. I'm so fun and youthful. But she does seem to be enjoying her life.

45:06Ben Mandelker: I think she's AI generated. It's like someone said, hey, chat GPT, generate a housewife. like well needs someone needs a housewife goes in the middle of the street like kelly ben simone so it's her like like i have some carol face gotta have the fur and uh here we go and we have created hailey glassman your ai generated housewife yeah i couldn't tell how much of this is like oh let's

45:30Ronnie Karam: do a throwback remember kelly we'll do a kelly moment but with somebody else so she goes to uh Haley's pied-a-terre. And then Erin comes, and she's talking to Abe on the phone. She's like, oh, my God, Abe. Like, my mom has our nine-year-old, and, like, she's, like, bitching, and she's like, oh, my God, your daughter's a little fucker. Like, what are we going to do about her? Like, what are you going to do about her behavior? Like, I don't know, Abe. Like, what am I supposed to do? She's a kid. Like, so she goes to teach my kids not to be assholes. Like, give me a break, Abe.

46:05Ben Mandelker: oh my god abe hold on one second i'm delighting america with my return okay just hold on um so she goes up to hayley's pia de terre and uh we find out that hayley has two apartments she's like oh yeah i've always got to have two apartments i've always got to have two okay you always got to have two you know because like you know because of ruben and so ruben is like her her partner and um hayley says honestly i would recommend a pia de terre to all women in a long-term relationship. I have been married for 15 years now in the apartment. Ruben and I do share. I do dishes every single day because he won't do it or make a bed.

46:39Ben Mandelker: And I feel like a servant, but in my pied-a-terre, it's like Haley's rules. So guys, that's it. If you want to be in a happier marriage, just buy a whole other piece of real estate for yourself. It's pretty easy to do.

46:53Ronnie Karam: Listen, I'm into her lifestyle. I love it. She has a husband, but she has her own place, so she doesn't have to deal with his ass and his dirty dishes. And she fucks whoever she wants. Like, she goes and brings the places. Like, you don't even have to hide it. She's just bringing them places. I mean, if that's marriage, I would consider it. I would consider it. Why not?

47:19Ben Mandelker: So she's showing Aaron around, and Aaron is, like, shocked because the fridge is just nothing but protein bars and, like, seltzers or something like that. She's like, um, does anyone actually live here? Haley is truly one of a kind. The first time we were planning to meet for drinks, she wanted to meet at 5 p.m. for a cappuccino. That is not my wheelhouse. Guys, America, aren't you so glad I'm back? Can you believe it? 5 p.m. for a cappuccino? I'm just gonna let that roll to the back of the room. Guys, Aaron, I'm back.

47:52Ronnie Karam: Caffeine at night, not my vibe. but you know i ordered a cocktail because that was 5 p.m like a normal person but you know she's like a good person you can tell even though she's fucking crazy oh my god do you even have food in your fridge and she's like yeah i mean i got protein shakes and protein and protein bars

48:13Ben Mandelker: do you want that that's all i eat it's like and look here's my here's my draw of sunglasses it's like sunglasses are like everything when you walk around new york city if you lock eyes with someone they think that's like a green light to say hi and i keep my sunglasses on because i'm telling you don't say hi so then they sit down to talk and this is one of my favorite parts of the episode is that like hayley has some sort of like broken corkscrew or something and like over the duration of the scene they are trying to open this wine bottle and and it like will not open and like first aaron starts like doing like a sob story about all the stresses in her life and hayley's just sitting there trying to open it like endlessly it's like just twisting it and the thing keeps falling off and aaron's crying trying to have a scene and you can see hayley's not paying attention we're not paying attention we're all just focused on this wine bottle i was like this was to me actually uh this was sort of like a holdover from old school roni this is the sort of like gag moment that you would have in old school roni and so i was really really happy that they included it and they emphasized it because it's like this is what we've been wanting are moments like these

49:20Ronnie Karam: oh my gosh just her with that broken corkscrew it's like here give it to me i'll do it so yeah go ahead she's not doing anything first of all the cork the screw part is already in the cork the other thing is not even on the screw okay so you're there's no way to fix this so she just keeps kind of tapping the corkscrew with the the rest of it she's like yeah go ahead go ahead what are you talking about here it's like oh my god this is like a sound stressful she was really trying to cry and this woman is staring off into space just poking the

49:57Ben Mandelker: edge of a wine bottle i know like erin is trying to have the emotional scene that side just had she's like well it's the beginning of the season i gotta show people i'm going through things i've got to be more i've got to be more emotional i've got to open my heart more for america so she's like my daughter's been going through things she's been acting out and being stressful and like it's Just like there's some people. And Haley's just like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

50:22Ronnie Karam: Uh-huh, tap, tap, tap. So Haley's like, I'm in my head. Like, what's going on? Because I'm very empathetic. But she didn't take her shoes off. And I'm a germaphobe. And now she's crying. And like, how do you tell someone to take off their shoes when they're crying? You can't do that. So I'm just sitting here poking a wine bottle.

50:43Ben Mandelker: So I think they must have gotten like a new bottle or something. I don't know, because next thing we know, Haley's at the counter and she's pouring wine. I'd like to know what really happened with that quirk, because I was 100 % invested in how she was going to fix that. And then they cheers to Aaron being an amazing mom. And Haley's like, in all honesty, you're an amazing mom. That's why we just cheered to that. And everyone's like, well, I'm far from it, but thank you. She's like, well, you know what the truth is? All mother-daughter relationships are complicated. I'm just going to say some basic things just to get you to shut up.

51:14Ronnie Karam: listen i'm really just telling you this so we can stop talking about whatever you're talking about and i can show a clip of my mother tap dancing in her very special tap dance okay because i get mothers and daughters hating each other my mother's a looney tone and she dances in our house and she has a whole room just to tap dance all right put in the picture now put it in and then we see hayley's mom and she's like full on she's got a full mirror in there and she's like twirling around doing her tap dancing she's just tapping and then she's like i love my mom

51:45Ben Mandelker: very much but i've always wanted to appease her and like i was in charge of her well-being and her happiness and i've always had so much guilt you know if she was sad and depressed then i'd i'll give you here here's an example so the reason why i dated john is because he was my mom's friend and she was like oh he's a great guy so i dated him and then it turns out that the john she's mentioning is john goslin ew which i had forgotten that's so gross like i'd forgotten i forgot i

52:11Ronnie Karam: guess i heard a rumor back in the day or two months ago that that was going to be the case but i just it didn't cross my mind again until she said it and i was like oh oh so this is a person who makes very very bad bad choices and also understand like if you're gonna go well i don't know if she cheated or not she's telling us in this she didn't but whether they i shouldn't say she cheated because she wasn't married but if she had an affair with someone that was married why would you choose someone with eight damn kids that's on tlc and that has the original karen here who's gonna never let up on you for the rest of your life are you nuts yeah that's

52:54Ben Mandelker: because he was super famous at the time i had forgotten about the scandal 100 and i actually

53:00Ronnie Karam: only vaguely remember so are the duck dynasty guys you see anybody falling over themselves to suck their dicks yeah there are maybe i probably would yeah i probably would oh my god show me your

53:10Ben Mandelker: duck whistle okay sorry bad guy no but like i i have like a vague memory of this like that he had this this mistress this was like you know this was right it was such an aughts thing and it's like this was like the height of like joel mikhail and the soup and all that stuff and um i like vaguely remembered her from back i was like oh yeah hailey glassman it does sound familiar am i convincing myself that it sounds familiar and i looked at the picture they show the pictures and it's like she looks 1000 different like the only way you can see the original hailey glassman is when she smiles when she smiles you see her original face but it's like i was like who is this it was crazy it was like a trip down memory lane and then like a jolt into the present trying to figure out how the two storylines connected together.

53:59Ben Mandelker: Yeah.

54:00Ronnie Karam: Well, who needs her original face? I sure don't. Who needs it? I see pictures of it on Facebook sometimes, and I'm like, pass. Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two.

54:20Ben Mandelker: See you over there, suckers. Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

54:36Ronnie Karam: Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchles! We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier.

54:46Ben Mandelker: Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less.

54:49Ronnie Karam: Hava Nagila Weber.

54:50Ben Mandelker: You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones.

54:52Ronnie Karam: It's no BS. We love Hugo ES. Jamie, she has no last namey. Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's our paliger, it's Karen Gallagher.

55:04Ben Mandelker: She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

55:06Ronnie Karam: Kristen the Piston Anderson. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. Come again? We're obsessed with Margaret O 'Halloran. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the berg. I love a y 'all Olivia Williamson. She's the lady of the house. It's Rachel Sherouse. She sure is swell. It's Raquel. Yes, we canna. It's Sadana.

55:31Ben Mandelker: Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn skippy.

55:36Ronnie Karam: It's tippy. And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP. It's Amanda V.

55:42Ben Mandelker: Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

55:44Ronnie Karam: We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill. Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

55:57Ben Mandelker: Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. Let's get savage with Laura Wildman. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lola Alkalani Roger that, it's Marlis Rogers

56:22Ronnie Karam: The incredible edible Matthews sisters She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose She's our princess, it's Rebecca Prince

56:31Ben Mandelker: She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke

56:33Ronnie Karam: We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Talafson Yes we canna, it's Savannah

56:38Ben Mandelker: Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony Please don't stop, it's Soli and Pop Let's take off with Tamla Plain Strike a pose, it's Tori Rose

56:48Ronnie Karam: She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys.

57:18Ronnie Karam: too many additives, too many compromises.

57:21Ben Mandelker: Do I like complicated chicken? No. No.

57:24Ronnie Karam: Chicken should be fun. Complicated chicken, not fun.

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57:33Ronnie Karam: There are no seed oils and no artificial ingredients.

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57:50Ronnie Karam: Like the moment Erica Jane puts down her microphone. Keep your life simple with your new favorite chicken. Nature Raised Farms Chicken. Because chicken shouldn't be complicated.

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