#3549 RHONY S16E3 Part One: The Lichey Plague Party

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0:42Ronnie Karam: Audible is perfect for that. I use it while I'm cleaning the house, while I'm running errands. I listen to books all day, every day with Audible. Yeah, they have a massive library of audiobooks and ad-free podcasts. And it is really the perfect thing to turn on when you're taking a long drive, washing some dishes. Enrich yourself. New members can start listening with a 30-day free trial at audible.com slash WWC.

1:24What happens when there's so much that crappens

1:29Ronnie Karam: Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens! I'm Ronnie, and today for this very special Real Housewives of New York recap, I'm with the gorgeous and talented Brian Jehoshaphat Moylan. Hello, Dave. That's me. That's exactly my middle name. I don't know how you knew that. I try to keep it a secret. it the brian j i'm always trying to figure out what the j is um it's just j boring well let's stick with jehoshaphat it's a holy episode today much more much more exciting than james you can find brian of course on vulture it's one of our premier eminent culture critics here in the world. Well, in the regular world and also Bravo World.

2:21Ronnie Karam: And also, he has a sub stack that's really good if you want to read some Real Housewives of Rhode Island recaps. And of course, ye olde Instagram and a new book coming out soon. But I don't know if we're allowed to talk about that yet. Well, we can. It's coming out. We have a year. We have a while. So I'll be back to share all the details. Okay. Well, one's coming down the pike. One's in the oven. Yeah. So how are you feeling about Real Housewives of New York this year? I am feeling very good. And I will tell you why. And I was thinking about this. And I feel like a lot of times when we have new women who come on the show, they show up and they want to fight.

3:07It's like we're Housewives fans and we know what the audience wants and we are going to make drama and we're going to be crazy and whatever. and I really appreciate that our three new girls haven't done that like they're just showing up they're being themselves they're taking time to get to know everybody and they're gonna decide who they want to fight rather than just starting you know like remember Bryn the first episode of the reboot she's like oh she didn't serve cheese that's so weird and like yeah trying to make shit happen it's like don't try to make shit happen just let the shit happen and so yeah i think that that's been really good and so far i like the new girls i like the old girls i think carol came back at just the right moment so i'm i'm feeling good about the season how are you feeling

3:59Ronnie Karam: about the season i'm with you i'm enjoying it so far i'm a little um i don't know gun shy post-traumatized to where I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon just yet. Because I think everyone's like, oh my god, it's amazing again! And they're back in there. Oh, it's back! It's back! I think it's... Yeah, no. I'm waiting. Yeah, I'm waiting. Anytime a new Housewife starts, I give them like five episodes to settle in. And so I feel the same way about the season. It's like, give it a little bit of time to see where it lands. but yeah i'm seeing lots of promise i'm seeing lots of good signs good signs and i'm appreciating watching it like i am enjoying it um i'm even enjoying aaron's terrible ass because she is really terrible and you know some people take a lot from the audience and then they come back and they try to fix themselves a la side side has come back with a different personality i think this is her third her third go at it and you know boring like i don't i'm not really into that because like you said i like them to just naturally be kind of crazy and then yeah fight when it comes naturally so i you know si was i think si and aaron were the ones who started that whole oh yeah she has a cheese boy yeah disgusting cheese boy did you hear what she said about your cheese board i'm sexy uh so that was a disaster and then she came back the next year and tried something else and this year she's trying something else so um i'm not sure but uh erin is just still horrible like she's like you know what you think i'm horrible then i'm gonna be 10 times more horrible what do you think about that and i i appreciate that that's because that's just who erin is and that's why erin is a great housewife and i know people don't like her but it's like erin never it's like ramona singer she never thinks she did anything wrong because she thinks so highly of herself and that she's so great that you know oh i the fans can't be possibly mad at me you know like she's always saying like oh everyone's gonna be in love with me it's like no you you have no idea who you really are you have no idea how you come across whatever and as for Psy I think that deep down inside Psy is mean but funny and it's like if she just let herself be mean and funny we would love her like people would go crazy for it but yeah she feels like she needs to hide it it's like no bitch don't hide just be mean but be funny just be mean just be mean yeah if you're naturally mean be mean it's when you're trying to be mean to get a scene that really is annoying.

6:44Ronnie Karam: And I definitely agree with that part because some of the housewives that get on my nerves the most are just constantly trying. Like Giselle is constantly trying to start a fight, you know, and she looks at that as her job. And in a way I can see that because you do need somebody moving that stuff forward, but not in such an unnatural way. It's like, come on, let's get some, let's get some art about this, you know? And so this one's great because you have people like Haley coming on who is just naturally kooky like I don't think she's even putting that on I think she's really no deeply fucked up and disturbed and you know God knows what she's done to herself since she's seen herself in the you know tabloids and stuff oh my god yeah she's a kook you know and she's slowly being pushed over the edge which I appreciate I cannot believe that Haley is 39 years old

7:40Ronnie Karam: yeah and i don't know that she looks like you know it's one of those things i don't look i don't know that she looks old she just doesn't know i think it's just the cert when you have so much surgery you just naturally look 60 even if you do it when you're 20 like some of those love island kids i'm like are you 60 like are you going to your child's college graduation Like, where are you going? Yes, it's like too much. But yeah, no, I'm enjoying Haley a lot. I like Daisy. She seems like someone I really want to be friends with. Erica, jury's still out a little, but we'll see. Erica, I can't tell yet.

8:16Ronnie Karam: At first, I was like, why? Because she's just like, yeah, I really like that too. And I was like, no, no, one season. But then this week, we see her getting, we see her simmering this week, you know? Where she's not just all smiles. And you start seeing a little crack there, mostly around her husband. And she's telling us, like, oh, my husband is so amazing. And we got married at the pyramids. And we did all this stuff. But then when you see her with her husband, I'm like, you're going to kill your husband, right? Is that what's going through your mind? Yeah. She is after 49 % of built rewards.

8:52That's what she is after.

8:55Ronnie Karam: It's good advertising, though. I was like, I could get points for my mortgage. Same. I was like, I need to look into her. Because I was like, why is this guy here? We have seen men worth a lot less be like, I don't want anything to do with this platform. So this guy who seems both cute and funny and a billionaire is showing up to be on the show. Like, great. Let's have him. Not only showing up, but kind of winking at the camera. It's kind of It was giving me Tinsley's boyfriend Remember when Tinsley had the coupon king? I was thinking of him just because It's a built rewards thing But Scott the coupon king wishes He was the built rewards guy Yeah, I do too I think getting married in Egypt Is fun It just seems like such hard travel It looks so dusty

9:53it does who wants all the dust at their wedding just all your guests sneezing oh getting married in the pyramids what a what a terrible thing seriously i was like can we get like a marriott

10:05Ronnie Karam: in hawaii with some air conditioning that sounds fine that sounds glamorous yeah okay so here we are uh episode 1603 a cedar in brooklyn this show really did kind of win me over for the season when Aaron decided to award people plagues. I thought that was just so Aaron to be like the arbiter of plagues while she was trying to have a fun, sassy season. Aaron has been handing out plagues her entire life, actually. This has always been Aaron's role at Passover, and they were like, now, for the name of the plagues, Aaron. All the other housewives have games like, oh my God, have you ever had a threesome?

10:48Ronnie Karam: and Aaron's like I've got a game which plague are you? Yeah which plague do you trust the least?

11:02Ronnie Karam: Lice so now we which I didn't even know lice was a plague I guess you learn things yeah the things we learn from housewives, lice a plague what do you mean my house isn't like hurricane katrina do you want me to show you pictures of hurricane katrina the worst the worst i will say though when jessel was like oh maybe it's insurance fraud i was like okay that's a step too far especially because we know if a housewife is gonna attempt insurance fraud she's gonna stage a break-in so um i don't know that this this fake this flood is what Aaron needed. Was flood one of the plagues? Is flood a plague?

11:49Is that the plague that has been visited by Aaron?

11:52Ronnie Karam: I feel like if lice is a plague, then flood can be a plague. Yeah. I mean, Noah got flooded.

12:01Ronnie Karam: That's true. Well, yeah, the world got flooded. And they had to take two animals on each of the boat or whatever. But I don't know if that was considered a plague. I know that Aaron is considered a plague and she got flooded. So do do plagues plague other plagues like do the frogs fall on the locusts frogs and locusts are notoriously hate each other they are yeah they're like the Melissa of the animal world uh so we start with pickleball the dreaded pickleball girl i'm so happy for uh paddleball to come around and try and kick pickleball's ass. I really think pickleball has had too long on the national stage.

12:47Isn't paddle or whatever it is just pickleball with a different name? Isn't it the same thing with two different names? Isn't it like soccer and football?

12:54Ronnie Karam: It's a mix between pickleball and racquetball. And I guess tennis in a way. Because there's glass walls and then you have to hit or you can hit the ball up against the glass wall as well as over the net. got it it's very different it's usually different sick of housewives pickleballs it's like the new vaginal rejuvenation like every housewife has to go and do it and i'm sick of seeing it yeah me too so the instructor teaches him whatever who cares and um it's hayley and jessel and jessel it's like an idiot i don't know why you would ask jessel to play anything ever i don't think she can play. No, I wouldn't ask Jessel to play checkers.

13:42I wouldn't ask Jessel

13:43Ronnie Karam: to play music. Like, I wouldn't even want to watch her try to turn on the Amazon thing. No, I would not ask Jessel to play hooky for sure.

13:57Ronnie Karam: So they play for a bit. We find out that Hayley's been a tennis player her whole life because she grew up at the country club. And from there, I played in high school and I was captain of the tennis team and then I was offered a scholarship but then I got really into weed and so that didn't go over well with the tennis she lost everything to weed if this was a different time that would have been like this is a hardcore drug addict story no this would have been like a dare to keep kids off drugs PSA commercial starring Haley Glassman this is your brain on drugs any questions yeah and Ed cracking on a tennis court.

14:36Ronnie Karam: You know, tennis brain. It's done. So she told us the whole John Gosling story, which I remember when it happened because I was a member of the tabloid press at the time. And I remember knowing then that she didn't break up the marriage, but she was the girlfriend right after the breakup. Okay, so she's telling the truth. Yeah. And yes And so I think that's For real So it was surprising to me when Aaron was like You broke up a marriage It's like oh Aaron shut the fuck up Just misinterpreting things Willfully once again For your own ends Yeah and don't you think She's been through enough I mean she was with John Gosling I know And only because her mom wanted her to be I mean that's like so many horrible things wrapped into one.

15:34Ronnie Karam: Why do people listen to their mothers? Like, you should date so-and-so. Do mothers ever pick Will? I can't imagine. If my mother was picking someone for me to date, it would probably be a priest.

15:50Ronnie Karam: My mom would pick a priest and then judge the fuck out of the priest for being gay, probably at the same time. Yeah, that's exactly, my mother the same. She'd be like, you two can date each other because I know that man can't have sex with you and you can't get married and so the church says no. So celibacy all around. Yay, everybody. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. FX's American Horror Story returns for an unrivaled 13th installment with the iconic horrors you'd love to fear and an all-star cast reprising fan-favorite roles. Light your candles, draw your pentagrams and prepare for a supreme surprise.

16:27FX's American Horror Story 13 premieres September 24th on FX and Hulu. When I was younger, oh my God, the credit card debt that I rang up, you know, I don't think I really appreciated how important it is to have a really clear financial picture. But when you get older, one of the great things that you learn is that it's really important to be on top of your spending and know what your money is and all that good stuff.

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17:26Ronnie Karam: Just scan the receipt, Everyone claims what they got and then they settle up and no separate app needed. My favorite thing about Monarch is their weekly recaps. Write your own money story with Monarch. Use code CRAPPINS at Monarch.com to get your first year of Monarch Core half off at just$50. That's 50 % off your first year at Monarch.com with code CRAPPINS. Years ago, my mom tried. She was like, I'm going to be a good gay mother because she was mortified. She was a really Christian lady. And so it took them, it took my parents a long time. And my, they had a restaurant one time in Austin and my mom was like, I'm going to try and be a good gay mom and hook Ronnie up.

18:08Ronnie Karam: So she's like, come to dinner. I have this guy to introduce you to. And I said, where'd you meet him? And she said, I do charity at the drug and rehab alcohol center. And I was like, oh, that's nice. And he's like, yeah, I've been out for three days. Yeah. Yeah.

18:27Ronnie Karam: Bless his heart. I mean, he was nice and everything. But I was like, maybe, you know, three days out from a heroin addiction. I mean, maybe just take some more time, you know. But I was like, Mom, geez. She's like, well, you've been stealing my cigarette since you were 12. Who are you to talk about addiction? I was like, I'm not judging the addiction. I'm just saying, like, if we're going to start playing Miss Matchmaker, I don't know. Let's make some kind of an effort. Don't just pick up the first person you see at the charity. exactly like come on there wasn't a priest that she could introduce you to just go with him he's got eight children honey you know he's good with kids like what the fuck mom i am very skeptical of haley's mom yes so first of all this is a major red flag for me and you on housewives all the time my mom and i are best friends like no that's never the way it should be like whenever you hear that run run for the hills like that's not you should not have a best friend relationship your mother should be your mother and you should have other friends that's the way the world works so yeah and then it is a sign that you that nobody else wants to talk to you i think yes right it's like oh i can't make friends so it's like bringing your mom to prom right it's like oh i have no friends so now i have to go with my mom that's like whoa whoa whoa leave a little space for the lord would you like to meet my friend the priest um but when haley's mom calls and haley's like i'm in the confessional and the mom is just talking about like the most mundane shit just like talking talking talking and hailey's like i have to go i have to go i have to go and she doesn't listen i was like oh my god she's been dealing with this her whole life just her mother talking at her and she can't get it worded edgewise it's like no wonder she's dating john goslin and trying to go on a reality show like this woman just wants attention from somebody in her life yeah she's trying to get away from her tap dancing tap dancing monster the mother and her mom talking all the time about tap dancing that's another thing that and i'm a tap dancer from back in the day i'm a tap dancer from back in the day you are yes oh my god and so i grew up in the great state of connecticut and you know there were never enough boy tap dancers and so we would get like there was a group of us we get shuttled around to like different kind of regional community theater whatever needed tap dancing and one of the other gentleman who was a tap teacher at the time was james vanderbeek r.i.p so james vanderbeek and i used to go and like tap and fucking random ass musicals no way yeah that's crazy i was like a community theater kid tap dancer and i used to take tap classes and i was the only boy and so i got to play all the boy roles i mean there are huge ones i mean i was Santa Claus.

21:33Ronnie Karam: And I was, I mean, but that was one year I got two lead roles just from being a guy. That was amazing. And then a couple of years ago, I saw James Van Der Beek in the parking lot of the UPS and his kids were all in the car. And I was passing the car and I was like, I've never seen whiter children. They're all like white blonde hair. And I was like, are you guys okay? Because they were just in the car alone. And they were like, yeah, mister, we're fine. And their dad came out and it was James Van Der Beek wondering why that guy in tap shoes was talking to his children. He's like, I cracked a window for them.

22:10Ronnie Karam: They're fine. Pretty much. So, yeah, the mom's like, yeah, oh, anyway, honey, and I was wondering if I should get bangs back. Maybe I should. Oh, God, I gotta get back into tap dancing. I gotta get back into tap dancing. She's like, Mom, I gotta go, Mom. I gotta go, okay? I'm feeling things, too. Oh, well, you You feel things, honey, about bangs and tap dancing. Okay, well, just call me back when you're ready to hear my board. Bangs and tap dancing. Should we get bangs into tap dancing? Well, I think it's passed me by. You still have hair. You can do bangs. I'll get bangs. You can do tap dancing.

22:49And together, we'll make Haley's mother proud. Yeah. Oh, God.

22:55Ronnie Karam: Mom. The other thing I want to know about is Haley's husband, Ruben, who named after the sandwich. Where is Ruben? What does Ruben do? Is Ruben as gay as Haley? Why? She doesn't seem excited about this marriage. Why is it still happening? I need to know everything about the marriage. Well, my husband, Tuna, used to know him. They used to hang out, which is the way that I know who he is. Okay. Basically, from what I've read, from very, very good sources, Reddit, is that he's a jeweler in the Hamptons, I think. His family owns like a jewelry company. And he doesn't want to be on TV because he doesn't like want to ruin the family jewelry reputation, I guess.

23:44Ronnie Karam: And I've seen this picture and he does, I mean, if you told me that he was getting bangs and tap dancing, I would believe you. So, got it. Well, and, you know, your husband does know him. My husband, too, now. Yeah. I don't know much about him. I think the love story is pretty sad because she is saying, yeah, well, my mom got me with John Gosselin and everybody hated me in America. I'm saying I'm like a horrible human being. And then I was broken and I just wanted someone, anyone to take care of me. and so he did and so i'm still with do i love him i mean but he's there and he takes care of me so i don't know how their relationship is now but it's not going to be great after he sees this on tv like who wants who wants their spouse talking about them like that no and also i feel like i can't think of one instance where we've had someone whose spouse refused to be on television and it ended well, right?

24:55Are there any other spouses that haven't been on Housewives at all? Like even Tom Girardi would show up once a season to scam somebody and be mean to Erica on camera. You know, like - Oh, he loved it. Yeah, he was like, oh, I get to publicly be mean to my wife? Great. Go to your room, Erica!

25:16Ronnie Karam: Yeah, he loved being on TV. It's like, oh, hey, nice to meet you. This is the mayor of Pasadena. Remember they went and met the mayor of Pasadena? Yeah, it was like the chief of police. Yeah, the chief of police. Yeah. And Erica's like, oh, I ate cake. I'm not just a stuck-up bitch. I ate cake. And then you see her eat like one tiny little sliver of the cake. It's like, yeah, I did it in front of the mayor. And then Tom says, stop eating cake, Erica. Go back to your room. Fucking Tom. Yeah. So, yeah, she's talking about this relationship. and um ruben stepped in to save her and she just ran into him in the vineyard and he was like oh give me a call and my mom was like make me proud make me honey that was like your mom introducing you to a junkie make me proud ronnie yeah don't fuck this one up um and she's like like she meant like don't be like don't be an impolite daughter don't let me down and jess was like oh my god well do you think it's because your mother wanted you to marry into a wealthy situation she's like well she wanted me to be with someone safe and he was safe well you know love story there you go love story that's wrap it up and it sounds like hayley was in a fairly wealthy situation anyway.

26:44The father's a plastic surgeon. They had a house in Martha's Vineyard. You know.

26:51Ronnie Karam: Yeah. How badly could it go? I don't know. I don't know. But those parents spend many. I'll tell you that. Just parents in general that never think it's enough. And also the economy keeps changing. I mean, look how much a potato costs these days. I can't even afford potatoes. I'm frying onions over here. French fried onions. I saw a news headline that was like, Trump says if you can't afford beef, you need to change your diet. I thought that is so funny. I was like, really? To what? There's nothing. It's all expensive. A potato is$10. I know. I got a large fry at McDonald's. It was$73. dollars uh so haley tells us that this is how she got into pr somehow um and she was mostly taking clippings of herself i didn't know that she had a job or that she was in pr i didn't either and on housewives i don't believe the first thing you tell me anyway yeah i kind of have to wait and see remember when emily simpson was both a lawyer and a party planner and now she is a professional exerciser yeah now she's neither a party planner nor she doesn't even mention the lawyer thing anymore you she used to be like oh you can't argue with me i'm a lawyer but now she doesn't even say that no she has nothing she just argues with her husband yeah and exercises that's kind of one of my favorite things right now in Orange County and I can't believe I'm saying it because it involves Emily but just watching the arguments with her and Shane and him calling her out every second it's like you're calling me a bad mother no I'm just calling you a bad mother damn it I will say like Shane is terrible but Shane is Shane you know he is not changing for nobody and calls it like it is so yeah yeah thank you Shane Thank you, Shane.

28:55Ronnie Karam: Thank you for your service, Shane. So that's that scene. Jessel's judging her with Jessel face. All this information, Jessel's like, oh, well, totally understandable. Now I understand all of it. She's getting that disgusted look on her face. And then we're at the Washington Square Arch. And Daisy and Carol are talking about Jessel bringing up the Carolyn and the Kennedy curse. What did you think of this? The internet was pretty horrified with Jessel. I, yeah, I was pretty horrified with Jessel too. It just seemed very insensitive, especially because Daisy kind of brings it up when it happened, which I get because, you know, it was very zeitgeisty at the time.

29:42And Daisy, I think, approached it the right way and was like, are you sick of people asking you questions about it? And Carol goes, yes, actually I am. And Daisy gets her like three questions in and then wants to move on. but Jessel, you know, keeps at it. It's like, didn't you just hear this woman say that she's sick of talking about it? And also, yeah, it was so strange. And for it to be like, oh, it's Carolyn Bessette's summer. It's Carolyn Bessette's summer. It's like, this woman isn't a trend to Carol. Like, this is a real person to Carol. And you're like boiling down her relationship with a real person into what kind of clothes people are wearing.

30:17Like, it just seems crazy.

30:21Ronnie Karam: yeah i loved it so much because i felt like like say like this is what housewives is and it's such a housewives thing again this is something sonja morgan would do it's something ramona singer would do it's like you can't read the room you don't have any sense of tact and so you're just like being yourself and so i get yeah so i loved it that we got to watch it but also i i would be horrified and i would never yeah um i think i just loved it because first i think she was talking about the tv show right because they were talking about this tv show on that came on and ryan murphy anybody who watches those shows knows that he does not actually pay attention to the real life like right now he's got lizzie borden is like a suffragerette who had bangs and was tap dancing like he doesn't care he just makes stuff up yeah he just put stuff in there and so he apparently made carolyn beset like not a nice character from everything i'm reading and so i think she was just saying everybody's wanting to know was she a bitch like on the tv show they make her seem like a bitch so was she a bitch so that's kind of how i took it and i get that that's carol's real friend from a long time but go be mad at ryan murphy you know why are we dragging jessel across the coals go yell at him and i understand that question where she was like oh ask the question was she a bitch and it was yes because i haven't watched the show but yeah if they were depicting her to be a bitch and then carol was friends with her she'd be like is is that accurate but there's still a nicer way to ask that question i think but yeah i think that that's a very fair question to be But also Carol was like, I haven't watched it.

32:08So how would Carol know whether or not it's real? So, yeah.

32:13Ronnie Karam: But also I don't believe Carol hasn't watched it. Do you believe that Carol hasn't watched it? I feel like Carol, that's a good question. I feel like Carol watched the first episode and is lying about it. Wait a minute, I'm not even in this. yeah i'm taking a stance that i am not watching this but also you have to be morbidly curious to at least watch a little bit and see you know what they're saying about people in your life like i could imagine if they made a story about my friends from my 20s and i didn't watch it would be called gay rave the brian moylan story it would just be a bunch of strung out twinks Missing the Fire Island Ferry.

33:03That would be the whole show.

33:06Ronnie Karam: Yeah. I'd just be running behind you going, Do I look fat? Do I look fat? Do I look fat? Do I look fat? Do I look fat? Do I look fat? It's like my whole 20s. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think you're allowed to be so offended when your friend is that famous, you know? Yeah. I mean, you're allowed to be so offended, but I just wasn't. I thought it was great. I don't think you can be offended that people ask But I think you can be offended about the way That they ask and I think Jaisal Yeah but that's like so Jaisal She's always it's like Tribeca's up and coming Like she's trying so hard to be Cool but she is In her core like a nerdy Awkward person And so that disconnect I think is what Drives Jaisal And I think that's what makes her fascinating To watch yeah so uh daisy and carol are talking about that whole thing and carol's like oh wait by the way i just went to fill up my tank it was 112 the economy am i right that's not it that's not what it was in the 80s i'll tell you that much carol is giving her return is giving a little kids get off my lawn it's like why are they taking pictures in front of her house gas is so expensive oh when i was here we used to take the subway and there was graffiti you know you know like yeah it's it's like vicky is that ultimate girl strip hobbling around with a broken knee and looking like too old to do this and carol though fit physically active is also giving like a yeah weird old lady vibes yeah and as someone who gives those vibes myself these days i totally get it you know because i'm the same way i'm like what time did we say we're gonna meet is this the day we're meeting what is the hour we're gonna i've been doing that all fucking morning i'm like that now um but as someone who's maybe going through it i do worry that there's like some sundowning about to happen.

35:18Ronnie Karam: Every time it gets to be night, I'm like, check on Carol. Wait a minute. Why aren't I being played by Kaya Gerber? I saw she has this hot gay realtor friend who I follow on Instagram because he's hot gay at a realtor. But he makes these videos with Carol. And he went with Carol to get her new iPhone. And it was like Carol at the Apple store tried to get a new phone. And it was like taking your grandma to get her new iPhone. Just like, but can we make the screen bigger? What does this button do? You know, like it was just hilarious. Do you have any with a keyboard on it with buttons? I like the feel of the buttons.

36:03Ronnie Karam: Can you make this a Blackberry? Blackberry.

36:08Ronnie Karam: Wait a minute. You can see the internet on this thing. Carol's new boyfriend is Todd Bronwyn's ex They're just like On their POM pilots together Just having a great time What is an iPhone Duo I just need one phone Just give me one phone Calm down Todd Calm down Todd Commercials Here comes one right now Summer has wound down. Fall is approaching. We're about to go on tour. I'm trying to, you know, get my health together after a very fun summer. And so one thing I'm looking for are some good low net carb options. And Hero Bread has really proven to be a great resource for that. Oh, their taste and their texture.

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39:11Higher app engagement was associated with greater weight loss at 16 weeks.

39:16Ronnie Karam: So, um, Carol's talking about how she's writing her new sub stack. Which I was impressed by. I was impressed that it wasn't like a live journal. Same. At least she's hip to the current media landscape. And I will say, I subscribed to Carol Substack. Worth it. Very good. Very into it. Is it? Is it good? What kind of stuff does she write about? She writes about just kind of like, she'll tell like random stories. Like, once she told this story about getting pulled over in LA, and it was kind of about nothing, but very well written and very funny. and very Carol. So you never know quite what it's going to be.

40:01And then she wrote about love stories. She wrote about the Kennedys. She'll write about topical kind of things. She wrote about Roni. She wrote about BravoCon, things like that. So it's kind of like random Carol musings, but she's a good enough writer that she pulls it off. Whether or not she's using a ghostwriter for the sub stack, we could say. Aviva could say, but I can't.

40:24Ronnie Karam: It's Aviva. i would subscribe to aviva's leg is that a sub stack yet i mean i could make it a sub stack do it how has aviva never been back like she's never been on a girl's trip she's never made a cameo she's never been at a party they really hated aviva like they don't bring aviva back for anything no and they even brought that chick back from orange county like the one with the boobs and the machine guns what was her name the bible yeah they even brought peggy townhouse back you can't give aviva a little love she threw her leg come on i know we see more of faye resnick than we see of aviva yeah and has faye earned it not really what has faye done no lately for me faye every season faye like cranes her head out from the end of the table to say something really bitchy in defense of Kyle Richards and then like goes back in her seat for another year to come back and do the same thing over again.

41:28That's all Faye ever does. It's just like her around. Like, don't say that about my friend. And then back down.

41:36Ronnie Karam: I used to love where every season she would have come in. She did something at Kyle's house. Like I was like, Oh my God, Faye just redid my closets. And then we go into the closet and they're like target hangers. and it's just so cheaply done. You know, it's like, oh, of course Faye did this. Of course. I miss the bad Faye decorating. Oh, like, can't we get Faye on a season of trading spaces? Like, that would be great. Like, putting hay on the wall. You know what I mean? Like, that would be some fucking, like, Faye Resnick bullshit that I would love to see. She could be the new Hildy or whatever, the lady who just always traumatized everybody.

42:17Yes, correct.

42:18Ronnie Karam: That was her name, right? Hildy. Okay, so Carol is talking about how I'm traumatized because, you know, I've been writing about my friendship with Carolyn and I just don't really talk about it. Since when don't you talk about it? You've been here a long time talking about it. I'm just pointing that out. Yeah, but I don't really. And then I'm just traumatized because now there's a TV show and there's just all these young people who want to date me because they were auditioning to play my husband.

42:50But we did see on Ultimate Girls Trip this week, Hot Adam the Chef. Remember how hot Adam was? Adam was hot. Adam was hot.

43:02Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Carol, we need another Adam. Pull us out some, you know, hot young thing. Yeah, I think she will. Dating the actor who played JFK Jr. That's what I want to see. Yeah, because I think she still dates really young because when she was saying she was dating the actors who were auditioning, to play her husband. I mean, they're not auditioning to play her husband as if he were living in the current times, obviously. So that was, you know, and Carol's like, still got it. That's my point. Last good summer, last good summer. One good summer, clawing towards summer. She's like, you know, the other night I was there and then there's like three girls and they're in front of my building taking selfies of them in front of the door.

43:52Ronnie Karam: And I said, this is ghoulish. What are you doing? These were real people. Wait until you see people in front of the George Washington statue. I mean, it is just disrespectful. That's what people do when you die. They go take pictures in front of you. You die and then you become a character and people take pictures. Has she been to ground zero in the past 25 years? She walks around the wax museum like putting her arms up stop stop you're exploiting marilyn monroe i will say my house in london is on the jack the ripper tour and we get jack the ripper tour constantly all the time every day in like different languages multiple tours a day people come in to take pictures of jack the ripper who they never even caught so you know yeah hey get ready carolyn beset's house get ready at carolyn beset's house how do you feel that the jack the ripper audience is like would you judge them just from seeing them on the tour would you say they're like hot people like cosmopolitan no it's a lot of american tourists and not like hot cute ones just kind of like weird dumpy kind of middle American ones and then like around Halloween October is Jack there for tour like Bonanza and so then we really get all all the people all the people this is where we got this is where someone got ripped apart okay my picture yeah oh there was one tour guide who had like a portable projector and he would project pictures of the murders and shit on the walls.

45:45Ew. Yeah, it was grisly.

45:48Ronnie Karam: Oh, that is really grisly. Carol should start doing that in a less grisly way and be like, I used to go to dinner here with Jon Jon and just turn on a projector and he'd be sitting there sipping tea or something. Carol has an AI. She's AI-ing Jon Jon into all of her photos. martha stewart like carol john john and sonia morgan partying together with madonna on a yacht and then just martha stewart on the side i told him no don't call on that plane i told him i told him she's asking advice on my magazine i cannot believe we have martha stewart on house fives like it's i i can't we get martha to be a friend of andy you got the money make this happen for us please make this happen yeah it should be martha stewart and i feel bad for daisy because it's not fair like daisy's doing an okay job she didn't really do anything wrong but i i kind of don't like her for not being martha and that's not fair you know like employees have their right to go make their steak too i just don't show me martha and then focus on the hairdresser i just don't want that especially when martha was so good at it martha was so good at it and that's the thing is she she would be new york's kathy hilton like that's what we want and yeah i think we should have it and i think that people would be super into it and from what little i know of martha it seems maybe like something she would enjoy i remember martha's um miniseries they came out with a couple miniseries at the same time back in like i don't know i was in high school so it was like 30 000 years ago and civil shepherd played her yes one of them and it was so good i can still see the cover of tv guide with civil shepherd as martha stewart like in my brain like Like, I definitely watched that.

47:50Ronnie Karam: Oh, it was so good. And I was shocked because I always thought Martha Stewart was like, oh, you know what? Today we're going to make a little bread. It's going to be delicious. Make sure your kids are around to smell the freshness. And she was really hardcore in real life. I remember one of the scenes her husband was cheating on. I guess her husband got caught cheating on her. And they were always fighting and stuff. And then Sybil Shepard's, like, driving down the road and trying to run down the mistress. I was like, ooh. Yes. And that's when I became a fan. I was like, yes! She and her daughter also have what I believe is a very complicated relationship.

48:28Ronnie Karam: Yeah. God, I would imagine. Could you imagine Martha Stewart being your mom? Jeez. Just calling to talk to you about bangs and tap dancing on the phone while you're trying to do your confessional? Get Martha Stewart's daughter on here. Okay, next season, we want Daisy, we want the daughter, Martha Stewart friend of... okay casting complete yeah so carol's saying oh it was just so terrible she was talking about carolyn beset summer and the kennedy curse and how everybody died and it's disgusting jessel being like i mean that family's curse you've got one of them dying then the other one dying then the other one dying of drugs and the other one you know falling off that ferris wheel or whatever i mean it's a curse all of them every single one of them yeah it was pretty hard and i I didn't know what to say.

49:17Ronnie Karam: It's excruciating. Everyone's American love story is my American horror story. Oh, my God. The only thing more scripted than that was when Jessel sits down for that lunch with Erin and she takes out her note cards and she's like, You are a one woman Ponzi scheme. Next card. you are a bootleg houdini next card you think you're zendaya but you're actually blossom storm out ding ding ding ding ding ding i mean there has to be one in there that's a winner and i died when she said that one you think you're zendaya but you're really blossom because you know written or not you know that she wrote that one she doesn't have it's like she doesn't have a team of gays working there writing her witty things because that is that one is straight out of jessel's mind you think you're sentire but you're blossom you know she was like have it have it tell me what can i say against erin and povet was like claude give me mean jokes to say to erin and it was like here jessel here are claude's jokes for what you can say.

50:41Tell her she thinks she said Daya, but she is actually Blossom.

50:47Ronnie Karam: That shit was funny, that part. So Carol really needs to have out her MacBook right now when she says stuff like that. Everyone's American love story, hmm, is my American horror story close laptop. She's sitting on her counter with her legs crossed. well i guess it's time to focus on what we're really here for boys

51:18Ronnie Karam: so she's mad at jessel obviously and daisy's like and then yeah and what she what was she saying about my tutor she's like oh god we didn't even talk about your tutor yeah i mean she was like well what are you doing you flirting back with your tutor and i'm like fuck you okay i'm cooking dinner for my son and he's tutoring my son in the living room and sending me love messages. What's not to love? Like, what am I supposed to feel guilty about? Oh, Daisy, no. No, that one, that one is weird. Texting back the tutor who's in love with you. That is kind of weird. Stop that. Yeah, that is, I will say, if I were in Daisy's position and I had a son and that son had a hot tutor i would a hundred percent be flirting with the hot tutor however if the hot tutor was like i'm in love with you i would no longer have that hot tutor that would that's not doesn't seem appropriate it's like tutor etiquette you know we need a picture of the tutor we i'm a visual learner i need to see if he's hot then it's acceptable if he's some like nerdy fucking pimply face Columbia graduate, then I, then no, Daisy, don't be messing with this.

52:33Well, I'm sure he's hot.

52:34Ronnie Karam: I'm sure he's really hot because I don't think she would be as excited if it was some like, you know, you know, like snotty video game zitty kid. She'd be like, ew, the tutor is flirting with me, honey. Look what the tutor sent me. So I'm sure he's hot. She's like, oh my God, there's a hot tutor flirting with me. Like I get the, you know, I get the impulse, but like, girl, you're married and on TV. And you're, I don't know, your husband's, you and your husband are always fighting all the time anyway. Why are you handing them this tutor ammo? It's a lot of ammo. Exactly. Yes. It'd be one thing if she were just flirting with the tutor.

53:11It's another thing that she's flirting with the tutor and then saying on television, my husband's boring. And whenever we get in a fight, I go on Raya. Like, you know? And, well, and she was also like, when we get in a fight, he goes on Craigslist to find an apartment. I go on Raya, bitch, he is not finding an apartment. You are leaving that rent-controlled apartment that he is never leaving for the rest of his life.

53:33Ronnie Karam: He wouldn't be going on Craigslist to look for himself. He would be going on like Realtor or something. He's going on Craigslist to look for you. Yeah, exactly. He's finding you any place. And he's keeping the kid in that rent-controlled apartment. And you're going to be living in Martha Stewart's basement. Yeah. Oh, bless her heart. So Daisy is going to have a cedar dinner and she's going to make matzo ball soup and salad and brisket. She's like, surely you've been to a cedar being in New York, Carol, right? She's like, well, just one. It's like the equivalent of like Italians and Sundays, right?

54:10Ronnie Karam: It's like Sunday dinner. She's like, no, just come. Just come. You're going to love it. What Carol didn't tell us was that the one cedar she went to was Jeffrey Epstein's. No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm joking. I'm kidding. You never know the way this one's going. I'm just so sick of people talking about my most popular project, The Epstein List.

54:38Oh, man.

54:40Ronnie Karam: Some people's Epstein List is my Epstein horror story.

54:48Ronnie Karam: You think you're Emily's List, but you're Epstein's list. Why is Angie allowed to have a list and nobody else's?

55:03Ronnie Karam: So we go to Daisy's apartment and she's making a cheese board and stuff and Jessel comes over and Erica. And it's a small place and Jessel is just such an asshole in every single scene. She walks in and she's like, hi! Wow, what a chic little apartment. Ew, is that popcorn on your ceilings? Ew. No, she said, and I will never forget this, I love your art. It's like, what can I say? It's like when you go see your friend's play and it was terrible and you need to think of like, oh, my God. It's like, oh, your costumes were amazing. You know what I mean? It's like such a fucking like bullshitty compliment.

55:48I love your art. Well, you guys started on time.

55:51Ronnie Karam: That was amazing. You started right at 8 o 'clock. Good for you. Wow. Yeah, great. I loved it. Well, we're out of here early. Oh, Luke. Oh, I love your art. Look out. Tyson. Art. Art. Art. Love your art. Yeah, that's the only thing in here I can like. Well, have you ever seen an apartment with popcorn ceilings, Jessel? She's like, maybe in the 80s.

56:23I don't know, like, who Jessel thinks we think she is, but we definitely think that Jessel is somebody who has seen a popcorn ceiling or two. You know what I mean?

56:36Ronnie Karam: Or will in the very near future. Because, you know, she's a third season housewife on not a very highly rated show. And then Povet's just doing, like, food influencing. And even she's complaining about that. Like, he's just like, please let him do something else, Lord. Please, anything else. So, I don't know. Don't touch popcorn ceilings, okay? Because very soon you could be stared at from above by a popcorn ceiling. Exactly.

57:05Ronnie Karam: Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors Ain't no thing like Alison King Our way is the Amber way It's the Foster and the Furious It's Amanda Foster It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto Put your hands together for Carly Clapp Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela Itchles We never miss her call, it's Diane Call Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less Hava Nagila Weber You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones.

57:48Ronnie Karam: It's no BS. We love Hugo ES. Jamie, she has no last namey. Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's our pal-a-ger. It's Karen Gallagher. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. Come again? We're obsessed with Margaret O 'Halloran. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the burg. I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson. She's the lady of the house. It's Rachel Sherouse. She sure is swell. It's Raquel. Yes, we canna. It's Sadana. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

58:30Ronnie Karam: Darn Skippy, it's Tippi. And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP. It's Amanda V. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill Put us on a stretcher, it's Charlotte Fletcher Don't get salty with Christine Pepper Can't have a meal without the Emily sides Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall We got our wish, it's Jen Plish My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo Let's get savage with Laura Wildman In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy Always killin' it, it's Lola Alkalani Roger that, it's Marlis Rogers The incredible edible Matthews sisters She eases our woes, it's Melissa St.

59:23Ronnie Karam: Rose She's our princess, it's Rebecca Prince She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke We cannot tell a lie, it's Sarah Talafson Yes we canna, it's Savannah Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony Please don't stop, it's Soli and Pop Let's take off with Tamla Plain Strike a pose, it's Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar. We love you guys. This episode is sponsored by Nature Raised Farms. There are so many complicated things on Bravo. Like opening the front door on Summer House. Or figuring out how to wear a Linfinity dress. Or understanding Tom Schwartz's purpose on the Valley. In a world full of confusing choices, thank goodness for Nature Raised Farms.

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