#3550 RHONY S16E3 Part Two: The Lichey Plague Party

0:00Hi, it's me, your gutters. I want to start by saying I'm fine. Everything is totally fine. There's just, there's a lot of debris up here and I've been managing it mostly on my own for about eight months now. And I just thought maybe you could find someone on Angie to clean me up. You don't have to make it a whole thing. It doesn't need to be a whole thing. I just, I could really use your help. Your gutters have waited long enough. Find a pro at Angie.com.

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1:29Ronnie Karam: Well, hello and welcome to Watch War Cropins. This is part two of a two-part recap. She's going to be doing Pirate's Booty ads just to make the ends meet. Yeah. God, I'm in Pirate's Booty. Send it over. Now there's one. So, Jessel is asking how long they've lived here, and it's kind of in a disgusted way. Like, how long have you lived here? Is it safe? She's like, well, I've been your 10. Eugene's had it for 21 years. Yeah, you're right. She's going to be the one kicked out. Yeah, she is 100 % the one kicked out. His name is Annalise, and she is gonzo. Did you ever live in New York City? I did.

2:14Ronnie Karam: I lived there 10 years. I moved there on my 18th birthday and moved away when I was 28. So it was a long time ago, but it was good. It was my youth. And did you ever go to Battery Park City? Yeah. because i my first place that i ever lived was in staten island because that's all i know yeah so i used to have and i worked in midtown or in the upper east side so i used to have to walk i didn't have to walk but i was like i'm in new york city so i would walk from the ferry all the way at the bottom of the city all the way to the upper east side and back every day it's like i'm that girl you know girl you walked from the ferry terminal to the upper east side every day I got so skinny.

2:58Ronnie Karam: Yeah, it was the first time I ever lost weight. My legs were huge. Oh, my. They were gigantic. How long did that take you? That's like a three-hour walk.

3:09Ronnie Karam: Well, sometimes I would take the train up from the ferry, but I would walk home every night. It took me probably like an hour and a half, two hours, I think. I don't feel like it was three hours. It could have been. I mean, what do I know? That was like a lifetime ago. I know. I was a weird, weird person. But yeah, I saw Battery Park City a lot and nobody used to live down there. Like in the daytime, it was very busy. And then it was a ghost town at night. And now every time I see people living down there on these shows, I'm like, who lives down there? But I'm just very outdated, you know. Financial District, like where Cy and everyone on Summer House lives, I've seen a lot more people living there.

3:50But Battery Park City still seems crazy. but also fun fact erica jane lived in battery park city when she was 20 so that was the 80s she was living in battery park city i can imagine what that is like oh damn but i feel like the mean streets of battery park city yes carol was on the subway erica jane was in battery park city pushing a stroller but i feel like part of jessel's thing about like oh you live here was like how far and hard it is to get to battery park city but she probably also took her car

4:28Ronnie Karam: because she's jessel so who the fuck knows yeah well people uh anywhere from like what the village up north i think are very confused by the street starting to curve all of a sudden because the city goes in a grid and then you go downtown and then suddenly there's just curves and streets and you don't know where you're going anymore and i think it's it's honestly confusing if you don't live down there. So bless Jessel. She's a hero and I stand by her and her hatred of popcorn ceilings. I need to know how much they pay in rent. I need to know. Daisy, tell us. I know you're proud of it. Just put it on Instagram because I need to know.

5:09Thank you. Love Brian. 21 years.

5:11Ronnie Karam: It's got to be like 1400 bucks. It's something like that. Exactly. It's got to be nothing. think and also to stay in that marriage when they clearly hate each other you know the rent's good if you're staying you know the rent is good the dick is good rent is good and we know the first one isn't true so so now daisy's like yeah i need another apartment just for my clothes but this is rent controlled and it's gold jessel she's like but you could move you know can't you can please please move. If only so I can have somewhere less disgusting to visit. She's like, no. You stay here. This is gold. This is winning the lottery in New York, Jessel, okay?

5:55Ronnie Karam: What we pay our rent is what you pay to laser your beard once a month. Which, solid read, Daisy. Solid read. Also, I'm not letting this Dr. Belkin or whatever become a thing. Who's Dr. Belkin? He's this dermatologist that they're fighting over. I can't with that guy either. That thirsty ass queen trying to get on the housewives. And of course, Aaron is the one who lets him on. You know? Of course. I'm going to give a job to Dr. Bill Ken. I'm going to win the housewives storylines this year by bringing a thirsty dermatologist who needs more than a hello from somebody at a party. You don't get more than a hello.

6:41Ronnie Karam: Not because you're a disgusting dermatologist, but because I don't know you. I think that's such a normal thing to go to a party and say, oh, hi, nice to meet you. Isn't it? And then keep it pushing. I mean, it depends on the situation. Like, if you have something to say, say it. But if not, girl, what does Jessel owe you? Yeah, there's other people here, sir. So Daisy's talking about a relationship and how it sucks, basically, and they kind of hate each other. And the husband doesn't come home until super late at like 10 at night. And then he showers and goes to his phone and just emails. And Jussel's like, whose hair are you cutting until 10 p.m.?

7:24Ronnie Karam: My goodness. He must have a lot of private clients. I think that's a good question. Whose hair are you cutting at 10 p.m.? I mean, fair. And also, I wonder if it's Ruben, Daisy's, or Haley's husband. See, the only time I can get out of the jewel shop. Yeah. Are Eugene and Ruben having a terrible name off together at 10 o 'clock on a weekday? Terrible name off. So Daisy's talking about Passover, and Jess will ask her what Passover is for. And she's like, oh, my God, don't ask me. I'm the worst Jew. Don't worry. I printed out lots of diagrams that explain things for the table. That's, I don't want to read things at the table.

8:12Ronnie Karam: I don't want to read religious things. Just give me, my favorite religion is where they're like, here's some bread. That's it.

8:22I will also say this Seder did give me a little bit of PTSD from Black Shabbat. Remember Black Shabbat?

8:33Ronnie Karam: Yes, of course I remember Black Sabbath. It was one of the most deeply hysterical episodes of The Housewives that's ever aired. I can't even believe that they still repeat it. Absolutely correct. I mean, it's basically the reason why Ramona is never a Bravo cop. Well, one of them, because she followed up with even bigger stuff after that one. It was like, they were all terrible in that one. Oh, my God. Yeah. Sonya was pretty bad in that one, too. Oosh. Oh, my God. Yes. And Leah was on the phone. Oh, my God. Awful. COVID was terrible. It was terrible. But it was so unhinged. I think that's one of the all-time classic Housewives episodes, just because of how completely unhinged and terrible it was.

9:25I mean, I laughed. even the people there

9:28Ronnie Karam: who had the right to be the most offended out of probably anyone who's ever walked the earth were kind of laughing they were like what the fuck is this what is this the only person they were ever worse to was that woman I think her name was Bridie and she had that charity that they were they did a fundraiser for remember And Ramona kept calling her birdie. And then she was trying to give a speech. And Dorinda and Ramona are like fighting in the middle of this woman's speech. Oh, my God. Wasn't it for, I think it was for like domestic violence or something. And then Ramona would be like, you know what?

10:09Ronnie Karam: I just want to say hi to all my violent domestic girlies out there. Hi. Dorinda's like, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this about domestic violence. you've never experienced anything until Ramona has interrupted you at a Halloween party to call you a drunk.

10:29That was a very accurate depiction of exactly what happened.

10:35Ronnie Karam: I mean, it wasn't really far. God, those ladies were nuts. Oh, my God. Now to the present dinner at somebody's house. so um daisy's like wow you know um wait what are they talking about here they're talking about aaron and jessel's fight at the end yeah and daisy's like oh we were just talking about the dermatologist and she's like uh you know the apology didn't even last for a solid three minutes and she's like no it's fucked up you know it's like trying to poke holes in my character you know just trying to get dermatologists not to talk to me i mean what are my pools gonna do How am I supposed to react to this?

11:19Oh, poor Jessel's pores. Poor pores. Poor, poor, pores.

11:24Ronnie Karam: Poor, pores. So she's like, well, Erin wants to talk about me, but maybe Erin should Google herself. Because the amount of people that are like, we heard from Erin XYZ. And I think, well, there's some shit that she needs to be more worried about than me. Google her. She didn't pay rent at her Tribeca place, claiming she has a rat or mouse issues. And the landlord basically sued them and they had to settle. So there. I mean, I do love that this came up. And I'm glad that it was from somewhat reputable places rather than like on Salt Lake City where they're like a blogger told me that, oh, I heard on a podcast that I watched a TikTok about Erin that said she didn't tip somebody.

12:16At least it was like a real lawsuit that Erin was facing.

12:21Ronnie Karam: Yeah, TikTok is really fucking people up because that's the only place they get their news from and stuff. I was talking to my best friend yesterday and she's like, oh, I've been meaning to ask you, do you have a living trust? And I was like, what? Is this your friend Vicki Gumbelson? Did she not have asked you that? Do you have a living trust? Is it not? I was like, why are you asking me about a living trust? Like, what a weird fucking question. She's like, oh, I saw it on TikTok and it seems really important. Everybody's talking about it. And I was like, okay. well thanks i just left there thinking god maybe i should get on tiktok i mean my friend who doesn't even know how to pay her bills online is now questioning me about living trusts so anyway point is you're right this is a very reputable source the french news outlet reality

13:19does reality blurb get a quarter every time they flash it on screen like why is that the only source they always go to there it's always a reality blurb story that's true actually they

13:31Ronnie Karam: do get a lot of they used to do a lot of what the online yeah that used to be one that would pop up a lot too yeah reality blurb uh yes organ of choice lisa vanderpump owns all of them if you ask any of them the daily mail that is lisa vanderpump's radar online lisa vanderpump the new york vanderpump times

14:00Ronnie Karam: so uh they're talking about aaron owing money to people brigade talent llc have gone to to chase the money owed by Erin Lichie. So she owns her former management company,$90 ,000. That's a good management company that they made Erin. I mean, what would that be? $900 ,000 that they made Erin? Who is using Erin to influence for them? So I think that this is more of a PR firm because I have a little inside story for you. I was working on a story for Inc. Magazine that came out the beginning of this year. And I set up an interview with Erin for it. It was about housewives businesses. And interviewed Erin.

14:48And I set it up through Brigade, who was her publicist at the time. And then the story took like a lot longer than it was supposed to. And so I had some follow-up questions to ask about some like numbers, whatever. And so I emailed them to be like, oh, I have a few questions. Like, could you send these to Erin? and they were like, we do not represent Aaron anymore, send. And so... Oh, damn. Yeah, so she got cut off for not paying her bills to the publicist. Oh, damn. Well, did you ever get the follow-ups? I did get the follow-ups. She has a new PR company. So Brigade didn't tarnish her name so much that she couldn't find new representation, but...

15:31Oh, wow.

15:32Ronnie Karam: Was it an LLC? It's like, her new publicist is Lindsay Hubbard. Hubhouse PR. Can you put a drop, a little mention of Pizza Beach in there? Thanks. That would be great, Ryan.

15:53Ronnie Karam: Okay, so now Jessel is going to come for Aaron. Then we see Aaron jogging and Cy coming out from a subway stop And Carol is driving her old ass red Jeep and sees a cab with a love story ad. And she's like, oh, love story. I just can't get away from it. Oh, stop taking my picture. This cab is everybody's love story, but it's my horror story. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. When I was younger, oh my God, the credit card debt that I rang up, you know, I don't think I really appreciated how important it is to have a really clear financial picture. But when you get older, one of the great things that you learn is that it's really important to be on top of your spending and know what your money is and all that good stuff.

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18:06Ronnie Karam: Now we go to Haley's Piedotel. And she's FaceTiming with her mom, Lauren, and we've talked a little bit about this scene, but her mom is just like, Oh, hi, honey, I'm gonna put you here because I have to be on the couch because of my back. God, when you're over 45, not a good idea. Should I make my boobs smaller? Should I make them smaller? She's like, Mom, you just got your boobs done. That was forever. It was last year. Well, you know, I was thinking it might be better for tap dancing. I really need to get back into tap dancing. So I need things. The best part of this whole scene, though, was when Hayley brings up that she has a they-them therapist, which I don't know why, but I find hilarious, and that the they-them therapist was like, you should go to a queer birdwatching group.

18:48Like of all the gay groups that you're going to go to, like a gay birdwatching group? Like, okay, girl, sure.

18:58Ronnie Karam: She's like, since when a bird's gay, ma? She's like, oh, honey. And she starts laughing. She's like, seriously, though? But then I started realizing maybe she was saying that the people who watch the birds are queer. I don't know. It's all very confusing to me. I feel like if you asked Ramona Singer, she would tell you that all birds are gay.

19:22Ronnie Karam: Whoa, you know what? That's what queer people do. That's why their eyes are always looking around the room. They're just trying to find birds. Okay? That's it. Exactly. Thanks, Ramona. This conversation was hilarious. And Hayley, it does just seem really out of it. I mean, I guess she's stoned all the time. But she's just kind of staring off into space while her mom's laughing. It's like, what are you laughing at? This is my life here, Ma. It's like all I do, I listen to my Ma, but sometimes I don't think she understands. I'm a person.

19:59I feel, remember Bronwyn Windham Burke, one of our other queer housewives, and she had that crazy mother. And she was on for one season and it ruined the mother's brain. I feel like that's what's going to happen with Haley's mother. She's going to be like, I'm famous now. And she's going to come next season. She's going to be a fucking terror.

20:19Ronnie Karam: Oh, yeah. Well, look at Muzzy. I mean, just even in the first episode of this one, Muzzy's like, hello, Bronwyn. I'm just I'm going to come sit by you on the couch. It's just me, your loving mother. Like so hard to be nice for TV so she won't get ripped to shreds again. I'm just so proud of you. um remember tiny toon adventures there was that what was her name her name was like elmira and she would like love and squeeze the bunny so much she would kill them that's like the new she's just like oh bradwin let me give you a hug so now we go to erica's home and this is one of our first like erica as a person scenes because i feel like normally we've just seen her as like kind of friend of erica like hi i'm just here to be supportive you knew the kennedys wow yeah so this is her first at home scene i box i love tacos yeah what is the fucking taco line like does she think she's emily simpson like what is going on it's worrisome when you're gonna take from another housewife and that housewife is emily simpson Like, no.

21:33I mean, hopefully something with tacos happens this season, so it will make more sense.

21:41Ronnie Karam: But nothing could make enough sense for that to be your tagline. You know what I mean? She should be like, you know, some people are jealous of my life, but I built it myself. I mean, there's so many things already that you could do, you know? Don't box me in. I was just gonna say like you it's not my first time in the ring I don't know some bullshit like yeah I don't like when girls take me down put them up or I don't know something but tacos she's like I may be gorgeous but I love tacos or whatever Herb yeah fuck you Erica you need more we need more I will also say I did not at all understand that they have a private chef, but then the private chef is making them make their own dinner.

22:35Like, doesn't that negate the point of having the private chef? Why isn't the chef making the fucking pizzas? Why are they having someone tell them how to make the pizzas?

22:44Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I think it's one of those things like, oh, we're going to we're going to be really close as a couple tonight and have pizza making night or something. And the chef does everything that they, You know, it's like a little kid. They just have to roll out the dough. And Erica's like, I have to roll it out. I haven't been to a grocery store in like a year and a half.

23:04It's like, oh, this is what the poor people do. They roll out their own pizzas. Like, girl, just go fucking get a slice outside, please.

23:14Ronnie Karam: This is our version of popcorn ceilings. So just go with it, guys. I love tacos. So we meet her husband, Ankur. And he's very like, hey, hey, audience. It's me, Encore, Billet Rewards. Get some points on your mortgage or your rent. Hey, Erica!

23:33For only having seen it one episode, that was an excellent impersonation. I will say credit where it's due, Roddy.

23:42Ronnie Karam: He literally looks into the camera and smiles and kind of winks. I was like, oh, Jesus, guy. And it's definitely finger guns. He is like a finger gun kind of guy. Yeah. He's like, well, you're going to have Erica cook? Last time she set out the fire alarms in the whole building.

24:06Ronnie Karam: So she does the new Real Housewife, like, I'm so rich thing. She's like, oh, my God, I'm so rich. Like, we bought this apartment three years ago. It's the West Village. Love the neighborhood. We also have a private island, Mosquito Island. or yeah mosquito island and just how she put that all together like yeah love the west village love our private island um so that's been great it's in the british virgin islands a lot of celebrities have stayed in the house past presidents after they finish their terms of course current president's not allowed but past ones we really like that made me think donald trump has been there that made me think she wanted to say donald trump has been on my island but also didn't want to say Donald Trump has been on my island because yeah let's look it up Donald Trump Mosquito Island okay Donald Trump Mosquito Island I know I'm sorry this is so entertaining while I'm googling stuff while you're sitting no let's look at that you got me curious a Russian oligarch probably paid for his trip there just like he paid for uh Don Jr.'s wedding oh god it says Donald Trump has no known association with Mosquito Island.

25:21Ronnie Karam: But, let's see, the Obama vacation, they went there. Oh! Yeah, there you go. The Obama's. Well, if it's good enough for the Obamas, it's good enough for a Moana. Michelle's a Housewives fan, so you know, now she'll really want to go back. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes the most attractive thing about a place is who hasn't been there.

25:50that's that's what they say about my bed

25:55Ronnie Karam: yeah oh join me so erica talks about built rewards and how they got married in um egypt and they flew everybody out and they also had a really fun i don't know other thing it's a lot of things about how rich so i skip over most of that stuff uh but she's she's just a girl from Waco, Texas. And she's like, I grew up rich, but now I'm a rich rich. I mean, Waco, Texas rich is pretty different from Built Rewards rich, so suck it, tacos. Yeah. I used to be a millionaire with an M and now I'm a billionaire with a B. And fuck you. Have we ever had a billionaire housewife before? Now. Is she actually a billionaire?

26:38Yeah, he is a billionaire with a B.

26:41Ronnie Karam: Whoa. What billionaire's a new millionaire? Who cares? Show me a trillionaire if you want me to. Get Mrs. Elon Musk up in here. That's a thousandaire, I would like to say. I have a place on this show. I don't know. I don't really care about Erica, but I don't dislike Erica either. She seems very nice. She seems extremely annoyed with her husband already, which I like. And he's really not doing anything. but she just, her whole smiley persona goes out the window when he's there. She's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, honey. So I'm excited to see where this one goes. I completely agree with all of the above.

27:26I feel like she gives, like, Crystal Cump Minkoff vibes. Like, you're not giving me a lot, but I'm glad you're there, you know?

27:36Ronnie Karam: Yeah, and Crystal was kind of best when she got triggered about something, You know, like when she was upset or when she was standing up to somebody. So sometimes you just need to wait until these people get pissed off. You know, people like Haley, you can just come. You can watch them walk in and literally just walk around their house doing nothing and they're entertaining. And some people just need to get upset. Yeah. So I'm hoping she gets upset soon. Erica is one of those. Well, it looks like they're going to say that her private island is cheap, which I cannot wait for. It's called Mosquito Island.

28:09Ronnie Karam: Like, what do you expect? Do you expect it to be pleasant? Yeah. Like, girl, where do you want to go? Oh, come rent my house at Rash Beach. Like, what? You know, like, no, I don't think I want a rash or mosquito. Come to Dung Beetle Island.

28:34Ronnie Karam: now we go back to daisies and uh she's making matzo ball soup with her son quentin and calls martha and she's like oh my god martha i need something for the sub for potato starch can i use corn starch like yeah basically it's interchangeable why are you making things for a passover i'm not invited to she's like oh yeah i just thought you were busy yeah also i would never go to your Passover party. Have fun with that. Have fun with food poisoning everybody you've ever known. Deep in Brooklyn. Deep in Brooklyn. Yeah, how come nobody complains about it? This is Housewives. I need people complaining that they have to go to Brooklyn.

29:16Ronnie Karam: This is weird. I mean, Sonia Morgan wouldn't go to Quag, and they're going to go to Hillside? Is that the part of Brooklyn? Yeah, I don't even know what part of Brooklyn it was I think What's Her Bun says it at one point Cy I think Cy says at one point what part it is Because I feel like that's like the part of Brooklyn That Cy is from, probably You know, like I think Cy is probably from outer Brooklyn Like that Midwood, Brooklyn Midwood I thought she was from Greenpoint. I don't know. My Brooklyns are so messed up. Brooklyn is so huge. People don't understand how big Brooklyn is. It's a big place.

30:03Ronnie Karam: I lived in Williamsburg, and I was like, okay, I'll come to your house in, what, like Fort Green or I don't know, somewhere. It took me like three hours to get to there. I was like, but it's Brooklyn. I thought we could just walk out the door. You see other people in Brooklyn. Coney Island's in Brooklyn And that's like an hour and 45 minutes On the F train from Manhattan You know what I mean? That's a commitment Yeah, and why? That's a commitment that you make And then you're like, why did I do this? I knew better, but I still did it I don't know, the cyclone is pretty fun I've had some fun times on Coney Island I've also had some really scary times On Coney Island And then do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

30:51Ronnie Karam: So let's go to Bluestone Lane. Jaisal and Aaron are meeting at the coffee shop for a big confrontation scene. Dun-dun-dun. And Aaron starts it off with a real big diss. She's like, you're wearing heels on a Saturday morning.

31:13what i loved about this scene though is that both jessel and aaron were totally right about the other person and they both fucking hated it it's like aaron is right jessel is snobby jessel is means people like jessel is a clout chaser that is all true and then jessel's like you're projecting your shit onto me. You go around talking shit about everybody and nobody likes you. They're both totally right about each other and they can't stand it. And so they just have to leave their Arnold Palmers there at the coffee shop and fight about it.

31:50Ronnie Karam: And they're just so disgusted with every little thing about each other and it's so funny. She's like, you're wearing heels on a Saturday and she goes, yeah, what are you wearing? Flats. Ew. Flats. so stupid i was cracking up so uh the waiter comes over and jess was like can i have some water he's like what water what water what water i mean come on man come on you're a waiter like out of all of the things that someone could ask you for to start just guess one and bring it for fuck's sake as an american who lives in england i will say they are obsessed with the different way that we say water to them and it's like when they want to make fun of an american they say water the way we say water not water however the fuck they say i don't even know i can't even like make it come out of my mouth so i was just like no just this is just somebody who can't understand how english people speak yeah i don't understand a lot of basic things like ben says water water you know because he's an east coaster so he'll be like you know i really wow it was great to get in the water i'm like what and i shouldn't know what he's talking about he's literally talking about swimming but it'll somehow i'll miss it so i guess i get it but like you're a waiter and it's the first thing someone asked for just bring some fucking water waiter get out of here so exactly i worked good job get a job waiter commercials here comes one right now Losing weight can be like trying to roll a wheelbarrow up a hill.

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35:00Ronnie Karam: Oh their taste and their texture it's so soft and chewy it's not what I expected the first time that I had it and I've been eating it ever since I've been eating it for years now. I love its flavor I also love how I can have a sandwich I can now start to support my fiber goals more you know it fits in with my macros it's just it makes my meal prepping simpler. And it's not only bread. There's buns, there's tortillas, there's bagels. It's fantastic. They even have pretzel bites with 16 grams of protein per serving or five grams net carb hero shortbread biscuits. You'd never know. It's just zero to five grams net carbs and 11 to 32 grams fiber from the texture and the taste.

35:40It's pretty remarkable.

35:42Ronnie Karam: Get the soft, fluffy experience you know and love, whether you're packing fresh wraps for everyday lunches or toasting up a 19-gram protein breakfast bagel. Hero Bread is offering 10 % off your order. Go to hero.co and use code CRAPPINS at checkout. That's code CRAPPINS at H-E-R-O dot C-O. So now Aaron is... Aaron just orders hot water, you know, which is a huge problem. It takes 20 minutes. No, Jess just orders hot water. Oh, yeah, you're right. It takes 20 minutes. And then Aaron's like, huh, cheap date. Oh, don't you love it? Well, I guess, you know, look, Aaron, for me, I wanted to connect because obviously we had like a little come to Jesus the other day, except for the Dr.

36:27Ronnie Karam: Belkin thing. And then we see, oh, my dermatologist hates Jessel because he said that Jessel's only nice if she can get something from you, like cleaner pores.

36:43i will say so then jessil tries to tell aaron that no you're wrong dr belkin doesn't have a problem with me at all and then it shows a clip of her talking to dr belkin and dr belkin's like oh well yeah you didn't seem like you wanted to talk to me but i wasn't offended at all and by the way that that treatment will be twenty five hundred dollars like what did you expect this man to say you're his client and that he's being like well you didn't seem excited to talk is pretty much proving aaron's point you know yeah i mean he did talk shit about jessel yeah right and but

37:20Ronnie Karam: also fuck the dermatologist i mean i'm i'm more offended at the dermatologist in this situation because like i pay you a lot of money just clean my pores like you don't get you don't get to go shit talk me to other real housewives that's so bizarre like oh jessel yeah didn't seem very interested in talking to me well why would she be what have you done i mean get out of here like what are they lining up to talk about the pus that you squeeze out of and listen i don't want to piss off my own dermatologists they're very important in my life hell no get off your high horse bulkin oh you have a hot dermatologist i did when i was in new york oh he was really handsome and homosexual.

38:03Ronnie Karam: Oh, I can't. No, I can't have a hot person squeezing my zits and stuff. I just get so insecure. I have an older guy, and he treats me like an old engine. He's just like, all right, it's going to twist this, knock this. And that's how I like it. And you leave humming, just purring like an old GMC. Tooting along. All bruised up. All I had to do is really get a hammer and bang my engine a couple of times. And, oh, my pores look great. But, yeah, I don't think my dermatologist would ever see me out and be like, oh, Ronnie sure didn't have much to say to me. My dermatologist does not want to hear from me.

38:47Ronnie Karam: That's for sure. So maybe I just don't get any of this. So anyway, Aaron's like, but he did talk about you. He told me that I'm playing Blink Castle. And, you know, you're not nice to anybody unless you think they have something to offer you. You're a cloud chaser, Jaisal. You treat me like they're beneath you. It's like, never, never. I twisted him in a minute. Please stop looking at me in the eye. Just drop the hot water. All right? Just drop the hot water.

39:15Yes, that's kind of exactly what happened.

39:19Ronnie Karam: So they're fighting. And then Jaisal calls, like you said, calls her out with exactly true things. She's like, no, you twist and you manipulate. You're the twister and the manipulator. That's like literally your middle name is Twisted Manipulator. The problem with Erin, it's not that she doesn't have a sense of humor. It's that she thinks she's funny and she's not. Yeah. Yeah. Erin is just like a little kid with the comebacks. And she keeps saying things like, oh, wow, good zinger. if I looked you up if I looked up Twisted Manipulator in the phone book your picture would be there stop trying to make Twisted Manipulator happen

40:10she is the kind of person who starts a speech with being like Webster's defines empathy as you know what I mean like it's like Aaron just try to be original for a

40:24Ronnie Karam: second please oh bless her so this is where they start their really bad put down fight and jess was like you're talking about yourself you should actually work in a movie theater because you're a projector you're a one-man ponzi scheme yes bootleg houdini was good and erin's like but houdini was kind of a good magician and jessica goes no i said you were a bootleg houdini and that got me That made me laugh aloud. I was like, solid work, Jaisal. Solid work on that. And you have a smear campaign going on about me. She's like, you're not important enough to smear campaign. It's like trying to Lisa Vanderpump.

41:08Ronnie Karam: It's like trying to work smear campaign into a Lisa Vanderpump quote is something. No, but we're disagreeing and we'll never be on the same page. And I'll never align with someone like you. Have you Googled yourself recently, babe? see jessel thought she scored with that and it's like no i haven't what are you talking about so she wants to be like did you google yourself but she doesn't want to say what it is so it's like girl you either need to be like you're poor you have no money you know or yeah say it or don't yeah don't give us but she does she does whip out her phone and she's like erin leechy battling formal management over unpaid commissions.

41:51Ronnie Karam: Ooh, are Abe and Erin still together? What does Erin do for work? Oof, these are pretty bad. All right, now let me Google myself. Jessel Tank, gorgeous, fabulous. Jessel Tank has a new moisturizer. Ooh, how cute. Jessel Tank awarded Nobel Prize for snobbery. Well, ha ha. Take that, Erin. And she's like, this is what you do. She's like, oh, really? And then Google yourself then. You should Google yourself. Oh, this is what you do. You deflect. You're a bootleg Houdini deflector. Why am I deflecting? You shove mess under the rug over here. Houdini was excellent, by the way. Your bootleg. Well, what does that mean?

42:31Ronnie Karam: What are you even talking about? How do you do a one-man Ponzi scheme? I will agree with Aaron on that. You can't be a one-man Ponzi scheme. That was dumb. That was terrible. That was her worst chatty BT in Seoul. You literally need other people to do a Ponzi scheme. Right, that's kind of what Aponiski is. You think you're Zendaya and you're fucking Blossom. Goodbye, Zinger. Are we done? Lovely seeing you. Lovely seeing you. Flats!

43:04I need to ask my English friends if they even aired Blossom here in the 90s. Or if Jaisal, like, how would Jaisal even know Blossom?

43:13Ronnie Karam: I don't know. I guess it's one of those things that maybe repeats on TV. I mean, I guess is a Jeopardy star. She's like the most talented celebrity Jeopardy person. Or was that the other one? That's me and Bialik, right? Yeah. She like is the host or something. She, Oh yeah. She's the host of the, of that. Now I forgot. Yeah. Cause I always, I sometimes get her confused with Soleil Moon Fry. Which one was that? Soleil Moon Fry was Punky Brewster. Oh, Punky. Right. Blossom had the flower hat. Blossom had the flower hat. And Punky Brewster had a... What did she have? She had like a... What did they wear in France?

43:54Ronnie Karam: A beret. No, Punky Brewster had Chuck Taylors in different colors. Oh, right, right, right. Like the right shoe was red and the left shoe was green. Like that was Punky Brewster. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. So now we go to Midwood, Brooklyn. Oh, you called it. Oh, look at you. Midwood, Brooklyn. Thank you. Here we are. So she's in her parents' house. They're making this cedar dinner. She's telling us about it, like how great it was growing up with cedar dinner. And then Carol comes with her car and takes out a traffic cone and puts it right on her car. And she's like, yeah, well, here's the cone.

44:33Ronnie Karam: Everyone's always asking about the cone. The cone is a cop family hack. If I'm parked illegally or slightly too close to a hydrant, they just keep on walking. really how has no one stolen that cone seriously and first of all it's a con ed cone so carol stole that cone to start with so yeah and remember last week was it when she was with erica in the car and she like is waiting for the street sweeper and then backs up into her her spot after the sweet sweeper comes by the cone is there too so carol's like using those cones to like save her spot and shit and pretending it's got it yeah that's carol that's she's she's that kind of person you know and everyone's like oh my god it's so cute and lovely having carol back look how quaint she has cones in her car no carol is the person to go put a cone in a traffic in a parking spot in a mall and then just leave and come back half an hour later and be like well i saved it you cannot save it.

45:40Ronnie Karam: She's the type to use her friend's handicap pass in her car to get closer parking. That seems... Oh, what? Oh, no. It's just a hack. No, girl. Somebody needs that. Remember when Kim and Nene fought about Nene parking in the handicap spot? Where is your scooter? Where is your scooter?

46:11Ronnie Karam: 10 times almost cancer I almost have cancer 10 times or something You say I don't have cancer You don't have cancer I could Where's your scooter Kim doesn't have cancer She's got bills She's got stacks and stacks of unpaid bills That's what Kim's got Oh Kim's got a lot right now So Daisy is I don't even want to talk about that monster So Daisy is talking about growing up and how she used to smoke cigarettes outside and it was so fun and everyone else comes over and you know it's basically like wow an old person's home in brooklyn how fascinating just jessel is really late and um so they start doing this prayer stuff and jessel walks in like hi hello wow another non-stellar place to live Wow, you're doing so well with this, Daisy.

47:08Ronnie Karam: You're consistent. Also, I think Jaisal, someone told Jaisal to bring macaroons like the coconut cookies because that's what Jews eat on Passover because there's no leavening agent in them. And I think she brought macaroons like the French colorful cookies that are made with almonds. Like, I think she was supposed to bring macaroons and she brought macarons and just totally misinterpreted the entire situation. And Daisy's like, well, at least when she's late, but at least she brought me something. Unlike Psy. And you just see Psy showing up like, hi, I'm here. Oh, wow. Look at this. This is like real Brooklyn.

47:58Ronnie Karam: Damn. This is Brooklyn before it was trendy. She's shit. God. They haven't torn this down yet. Cy brought what she brings to every party Which is an attitude That's what Cy brought Terrible attitude Alright let's have a cheers To Daisy, to friendship, to love, to Passover And um Just was like How do you say it in Hebrew? Macaroon They're like Macaroon, thank you So guys can I just say This is going to be another classic Erin bitchy housewives moment You know Passover. It's so nice to be here. And also, Jaisal was really mean to me the other day. Oh, and also I heard somebody called me boring. So I got a gift for you, Haley.

48:47Ronnie Karam: And she's like, oh, really? What is it? She's like, you have to open it. It's a gift. Oh, all right. What is this, a jam subscription? Yeah. Because you called me jam. Oh, wow. You sure dissed her, you got her like a top of the line monthly jam. Ooh. Yeah. Oh, no. I'm going to have delicious condiments for a whole year. Oh, how dare you do this to me, Aaron? This is the real plague upon us. It's not boiled. She said I was as boring as a grocery store, so I got her free groceries for life. My shirt's all You know that Erin Doesn't have good gays around her Like cause you know this is the kind of thing Where she was like I know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna get her a jam of the month club And if she had a good gay Who is her hair, a makeup person Publicist, whatever, somehow in her life It'd be like no girl that's dumb, don't do that But she had either a bad gay Or someone else was like yeah That's so funny You have to do it And not just any jam An expensive one Make sure it's expensive That'll be even funnier Kill him with jamness Yeah No Aaron She thinks she's funny and she's not This is what drives me crazy about Aaron But that has become funny That she's just so lame You know like I would like to give a speech okay well before i even do that i want to like you know one big thing that we talk about at cedar dinner are plagues so we're gonna have a plague party and then i'm gonna award people a crown with a plague on it what the fuck kind of party is no i had actual plague crowns so i guess that's a thing that people do but wow if there was a gay dance party called plague i would buy a ticket to that shit you know that shit would slap girl are you going to play yes i'll see you there wear a harness bring poppers harness it does sound like gay camp like a plague party what plague are you gonna be but this is i didn't know that this was a real thing so um aaron's like okay as you're eating your parsley i want to tell you guys everyone was riddled with plagues, and that was God sending a message.

51:22Ronnie Karam: And Carol's like, oh, parsley? Yeah. Because they were talking about the slaves. Like, okay, look, let's just get to the crowns. I'm going to hand out a plague that everyone's going to be. Okay, I'm giving flies to Scythe. She's like, why? Because you like to eat. What she should have said is because you're a fly. Hello? Aaron, that one was sitting right there for you. That was so easy, Aaron. but I like that she goes because you like to eat and Jessel goes you do don't you remember that was a whole storyline for an entire season like Jessel do you not watch the show back come on it's so funny so Aaron's like okay and then Erica I'm gonna give you a frog because you jump around she's like and frogs love tacos right um I'm gonna give I'm going to give you darkness, Carol.

52:21Ronnie Karam: Or is it Carol? You're going to be darkness because that can be chic. Yeah. To Haley, she gives hail. And then she's like, well, actually, I was going to give you lice, Haley. And she goes, and you know what? I'll come over and give it to your kids. And she goes, oh, zinger. I mean It was better than any of the plagues you've given out Also better than the jam Aaron Yeah Better than the jam Oh really Zinger I'm gonna give you boils then Boom Aaron And I'm gonna be blood Cause I Still have my period And none of you don't You're old then she gives locusts to daisy and she's like oh my god locusts are so cute thank you and i'll be blood so wow the plague party no one does it quite like aaron so then we start fighting about the jam are we fighting about jam now okay the jam of the month so she gives her the jam and she's like i I don't get a jam of the month.

53:38Ronnie Karam: Well, now you'll have jam on your table at all times. Yeah, it's the jam of the month club. Hey, Leos, this is actually bougie jam. This is good jam. Thanks. I like that she, like, recognized game. She was like, oh, like, respect. Like, I respect that you didn't just get me cheap jam. And Justin was like, she hasn't paid for the jam. She still owes the jam. She still owes Mr. Smucker a million dollars for that fucking jam of the month. that jam is going to be repossessed. Lock your doors. Lock your doors. It's a leachy jam.

54:15Ronnie Karam: So Carol's like, what am I missing? I don't understand why we're passing around bougie jam. And she goes, it's because you said I'm boring. And Hayley goes, yeah. Yeah. Well, you're calling me boring? Oh, well, listen here, Hayley. I'd rather be boring than break up a marriage of a man with eight children. And she's like, what? Yeah, you're going to call me boring? Well, I don't add. I don't gift. I just have. So what do you have to say, Haley? She's just like, uh. You're so sad, Aaron. You're so sad. Oh, my God. And that is like some 20-year-old bullshit. It's like, oh, my God, Aaron, you're not boring because you cheated on your spelling test in six.

55:06This is great. You know, like, girl. Yeah. Find something new. Find something real.

55:13Ronnie Karam: Yeah, Aaron. You proved that you're boring with your anti-boring rant. You got so much jam. That's just so fucking sad, but also hilarious. And I can't wait to watch Hayley wipe the floor with Aaron. She's not going to take this shit from Aaron. No. And I think that Hayley is a crazy person. Yes. I think she seems kind of like goofy and fun and whatever. But I think push to the brink. Haley is is fucking nuts. So, yeah. You know that Haley's had like three in the morning calls from Kate Gosselin like screaming at her. Like, you know, she's been through the fire. Yeah. Haley is not like I think Aaron is miss is underestimating her opponent.

55:59Ronnie Karam: Yes, for sure. So I look forward to watching it. I've kept you here for an hour and 45 minutes. That's crazy. Thank you so much for doing this. It was so fun laughing with you for two hours. Girl, we got to, where's your scooter? We got to Black Shabbat. We talked about Staten Island Ferry. You walk it all the way over Manhattan. We covered it all, girl. We got it in there. Brian Moylan, thank you so much for being here. Everybody follow Brian on Instagram, Brian J. Moylan. Also, his Vulture recaps. Go to his link in bio on Instagram because there's a link to the Vulture and there's a link to the Substack with great Rhode Island recaps and a book coming soon.

56:43Ronnie Karam: But also your other book's still out so people can go to your other book if they haven't already. Which they probably have. Everybody, thank you. Brian, I love you. Thanks for being here. Bye everybody! Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchles! We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier.

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