#3596 RHOSLC S7E7 Part One: I Saw The Sign

0:00Hey, it's Hannah Burner from Giggly Squad and the holidays are around the corner, which means I'm officially entering my hostess Hannah era with Arm & Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. You guys know I love cats and fostering, but when I'm hosting, I do not want my house smelling like cats. I want people focusing on my hosting skills. That's why I love Arm & Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. It delivers long-lasting odor control and forms compact clumps that make cleanup easy, so that's one less thing I need to worry about when people come over. Be guest ready with Arm & Hammer Cat Litter. Find it now at Walmart or Amazon.

0:54Heather McDonald: on hello and welcome to watch what crappens a podcast about all that crap on bravo that we just love to talk about i'm ben mantelker joining me today it's ronnie caram hi ronnie how are you

1:10Heather McDonald: not much it's salt lake city day we're recapping salt lake city um we're also recapping it live in washington dc in about 10 days you better be there or be square it's gonna be next saturday and we're going to be a great great time and then two days prior to that we'll be in Philadelphia recapping Real Housewives of New York go get your tickets at watchwhatcrappens.com and then after that we go to Texas, we're going to be going to Dallas Austin and Houston that's going to be in about two weeks it's going to be a great time there and then later in December we are going to Nashville, Clearwater Florida and Fort Lauderdale our first time going back to Florida in many years.

1:55Heather McDonald: So come out for that and bring a friend. And then in the new year, we go to San Francisco, Salt Lake City, Denver, Charleston, Atlanta, Seattle, Vancouver, Portland, Toronto, Boston, and the Golden Crappies, February 25th. And so get your tickets for that because that one will sell out. and it's funny because Salt Lake City we always perform at the depot which is connected to or adjacent to the venue for tonight's bottle episode of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City which all took place in one episode which is very exciting so you know that's cool I guess anyway new episode of What's Your Order is up on YouTube with Kempire thanks to everyone who's already weighed in on best feuds etc so go check that out Go give YouTube a subscribe.

2:44Heather McDonald: And yeah, and then we also have our Patreon, patreon.com slash watchacrappens. We've got bonus episodes. We've got video. We've got everything going on there. Ad-free listening. It's a great party. So that's that. Ronnie, how are you feeling today about everything in life, in the world, in Salt Lake City?

3:00Britani: About life? Oh, gosh. Yeah. That's quite a question. You should probably just limit it to housewives. Okay.

3:06Heather McDonald: How are you feeling about real housewives?

3:07Britani: Although I did go to an 80-year-old birthday party the other day. my friend judy my one of my mom's best friends turned 80 so happy birthday to judy um and her speech was so good she well she you know there was like a long speech there were like 10 people giving speeches about everything judy's accomplished and stuff like that which is a lot yeah we were in a cafeteria at a high school that was named after her and there was another couple of buildings in austin named after her and i was like there's more buildings named judy here than there are in palm Springs. I mean, damn, I didn't know she had all that stuff named after her.

3:41Britani: And then she, you know, kind of at the end of her speech, she was like, you know, my husband looked at me and he said, I didn't know you would age like this. And I said, I know it's because my mother covered me with face cream and a big straw hat. And she said, one day you'll thank me. I haven't had face surgery or anything. So thank you, mom. And I was like, what an icon. What a way just to be in a cafeteria named after yourself telling all us old bitches like and I look amazing.

4:13Heather McDonald: I know. It's really that's how you do it. That's getting your own cafeteria is a special kind of flex I have to say. That's something that the Salt Lake women could only dream of. Like they might get a dinette somewhere but a cafeteria I mean you've really made it then.

4:34Britani: Every day people are going in to get their carbs and they see your name you know every time somebody sees a decent mac and cheese they're gonna think of you judy yeah and that's amazing what a what a way to live that lady so she's my icon of the week that's for sure um and then i watched some salt lake city which was amazing it's the usual funny ass show these ladies are completely off their rockers every one of them when they're on every single one loved it they're crazy um i love that salt lake city now has this

5:08Heather McDonald: this tradition of doing a bottle episode once per season uh it started uh in season was it four five with i think it was season five it was with uh meredith's bat mitzvah the entire episode was that bat mitzvah and then last year i don't remember what the bottle episode was last year to to be honest. I just remember that it did exist. And I was like, oh, that's funny that they did that again. And then this is this year's. I mean, it's exciting. When the first scene is someone in the car going to the party, you're like, oh, wow. It's a bottle episode. Maybe last year didn't have a, I thought last year had a bottle episode, but maybe it didn't.

5:49Heather McDonald: I mean, they had an episode that took a very, they spent like 40 minutes in vaulters, you know, talking about crazy rich Asians and airplanes, but I could have sworn there was a

5:58Britani: bottle episode there anyway um i don't know i'll tell you this if i had a nickel for every time you said bottle episode i'd be a rich bitch you could make an entire you love a bottle i love a bottle

6:11Heather McDonald: episode you know what i love it because it's just they're all on top of each other i mean i guess if you think about it vacation episodes are basically bottle episodes i mean the the berkshires is probably the berserk shires is probably the very best example of a bottle episode just trapped in the house struggling. I think there was like a brief detour to see Sonia in the city, but yeah, I'd love a bottle episode. I love a bottle episode.

6:37Britani: So here we go, season seven, episode seven, Star Signs and Struggles. We open with Heather and Tripp on their way to a bottle episode. This one is Heather's party and Heather's just really laying it on thick. I am so happy. I've got a man I never thought I'd have a man And I do His name is Trip He can do things He's got a screwdriver I met him on Angie's list I'm so happy Nothing can mess up my year

7:11Heather McDonald: And so he's like Oh yeah, hopefully this is just like a saloon Everyone leaves their weapons at the door There's no metal detector, Trip Oh man, he's hilarious So they arrive at the Jupiter Year party, and Heather says hello to the party planner. There's some shirtless guys and kind of toga-type things. Not really togas. Were they togas? More like Grecian. I don't know. So Heather says, Sleeveless long underwear, we'll call them. Sure. Jupiter Year happens for every zodiac sign once every 12 years. I'm a Cancer. So this year was my year of expansion, growth, major life changes, everything. So 12 years ago, my last Jupiter year, I was in debt.

7:59Heather McDonald: I was getting divorced and I wasn't a New York Times bestselling author yet. But 12 years later, I have a booming business that's expanding. I'm a New York Times bestselling author. In case you didn't know, one of those books is called Bad Mormon, which is why I'm having an astrology party because it's a fan. Wow. The sequel is going to be called Bad Jupiter. So then Bronwyn and Brandon are in the car on the way and Bronwyn's like, well, are you nervous to see these crazies? Because you love San Francisco. You're like unfazed by it when actually you should be very fazed. If you were loyal to me, you would be a little bit fazed.

8:41Heather McDonald: And he's like, yeah, I mean, I didn't like to see you that upset but I was kind of vibing to that song at first and then I was like oh and Robin looks at him like are you fucking kidding me? you liked hypocrisy and bullshit?

8:57Britani: Brandon Brandon I loved it because Brandon is not even going to hide it now and he knows that she's pissed like he hasn't told her yet like I loved the song and then we see him in the audience like going to the song Brandon you're not supposed to be smiling it's like local entertainment i'm not supposed to be smiling no stop it he's but i can't i can't stop smiling you know brandon doesn't really like bronwyn that much because he lets her go through the whole night with her hair crazy like her hair is all munched up behind the headpiece that she's wearing and sticking out all over and he never fixes it i mean what kind of friend of christian siriano are you sir this was downright disrespectful yeah um but yeah he liked the

9:39Heather McDonald: song and then we go to seth and meredith yeah seth seth is dressed shockingly he's just like in a he's just in a tie and a blazer and some pants he's looking very just like he's going off to some corporate dinner and uh which is surprising because seth does sort of do like a little bit of a luck usually so meredith is like well i know you can't stay long but i'm glad you and your wig are showing up because I want my wig to have a friend. And you know, after some of the women decided to intentionally defame your character and hurt our family, it's very brave of you to come. So dramatic. I'm so glad you can come to a party with me even after everyone has defamed you and

10:26Britani: dragged your name through the mud and tried to ruin our family. He's like, yeah, yeah, well, do I have to talk to Brittany after she accused me of having an affair? And then we see the clip of the reunion of Brittany, of Andy saying, do you have proof that he had an affair? And she's like, well, I mean, it's not proof that would hold up in court. No, you don't have proof. And then Meredith had nod in her, when she puts her hand up like she's delivering a tray, a drink tray above her.

10:57Heather McDonald: Well,

10:58Britani: there you go.

10:59Heather McDonald: I'm nodding and I'm also bringing you your chant. With one eye closed. Look at my balance. So Seth is all of a sudden acting like he's a shrinking violet. He's like, so I don't have to talk to Whitney or to Brittany? He's like, well, she might come up and talk to you. All right. Can I pretend like I can't talk? Like I'll be like. And she's like. Just say I lost my voice.

11:33Britani: Angie is on the way with Mary. And Angie's like, I am a water sign, so my dress is Greek water. And you, Mary, tell me about your outfit and how it translates into the theme. And she's like, I don't do costumes. No, I don't do that. I'm Libra. I mean, what am I going to wear? A scale. And then they cut to Whitney traipsing through the party holding a scale. Hi.

11:58Heather McDonald: That was the funniest smash cut. It was so good. I'm a Libra. I have a scale. and so she's walking with this giant scale through the party and then she hugs heather and tripp and she's like i'm a huge tripp fan heather finally having a man that takes care of her and shows up for her plus he's sober which is great and now i have a non-drinking buddy because i'm sober now did you know and i think he helps keep heather grounded as well and i'm just living vicariously through right that because like right now because like um because like i'm struggling because like she's having sex and like um i'm not having i'm not because like okay wait i why am i struggling i'm confused i'm struggling in my relationship because i just went to cabo with my husband who i'm separating from wait a minute uh so then we see a flashback to three

13:02Britani: days earlier where Angie's like Whitney was offended and was going to tell me how messy I was well she's calling people cut fitnesses and I'm messy I'm messy Whitney's like really if she wants to say that I'm messy she's now inserted herself into my fights twice and then she created a situation for me and Kawhi and then she showed up with toothbrushes on a trolley she alluded to to camera footage on a trolley. I never said that. Angie said it on a trolley. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappens commercial. I'm sick of things stressing me out. The other day I was running late and nearly ran over an armadillo.

13:51Britani: I felt so bad.

13:52Heather McDonald: I'll tell you about stress. Imagine performing a cabaret ten times a week. Or learning a 17th language like French Peruvian. Bon Gisissimo! This is why I watch so much TV. And Amazon Prime definitely comes in handy. It's a great way to shift your mood. Yeah, but everyone's always like recommending a million shows. Like you gotta watch this, you gotta watch that. I'm at a point where I don't say what do I have to watch. Now I'm all about how do I want to feel.

14:19Britani: Yeah, the feeling I chase is dark and moody. That's why I go towards crime shows.

14:23Heather McDonald: Oh, I'm a comedy girly. I will rewatch the same comedy over and over again because it's so comforting to me. Or actually, sometimes it's actually sports. There are times where I don't even care about the teams. I just like being part of a live event, especially with some snacks.

14:36Britani: Snacks are a part of the feeling. I love a cracker.

14:39Heather McDonald: So here's where I'm all about Prime. You can have your shows, your movies, your sports, but you also get fast shipping on the things we like to have when we watch stuff, like the perfect snack, conveniently delivered right to your door for a recap-worthy watch session.

14:54Britani: That's how Prime gives us the power to just not find the feeling we crave, but also to let us experience it to the fullest. I'm having 30 to 40 positive feelings. Wow. Shows you can't wait for, deliveries you don't wait for. From streaming to fast shipping, it's on Prime.

15:12Hey, it's Hannah Burner from Giggly Squad and the holidays are around the corner, which means I'm officially entering my hostess Hannah era with arm and hammer hardball cat litter. You guys know I love cats and fostering, but when I'm hosting, I do not want my house smelling like cats. I want people focusing on my hosting skills. That's why I love Arm & Hammer Hardball Cat Litter. It delivers long-lasting odor control and forms compact clumps that make cleanup easy, so that's one less thing I need to worry about when people come over. Be guest ready with Arm & Hammer Cat Litter. Find it now at Walmart or Amazon.

15:49Heather McDonald: Whitney is so wrong for all this, and so is Heather. I think this is also incredibly messy of Heather. The girls go out. They have a little kiki. And of course, nothing is sacred in this group. But they have this really fun scene last episode where they're hanging out at the bar. And they're kind of talking shit about everyone and gossiping. And it's a cool vibe. And then the first thing that happens is Heather goes and tells Whitney, oh, Angie thinks that you're messy. That's like, Heather, you're such a narc. That's shitty. You guys get together to have like a chill, like a fun moment. We're all like talking.

16:23Heather McDonald: And I know, I know that this is expected. And I know that they all know it's going to be gossiped about, etc. But I just think it's shitty for as much that Heather talks about like in this sisterhood and this and that. And she doesn't want drama. The very first thing she does is say, oh, Angie said that you're messy. And then also for Whitney to then try to spin it like that Angie is messier than Whitney is. Whitney who took everything that her bestie Kwai said and brought it to other people and got them upset Angie just merely reacted because like all that Angie hears is that Kwai's talking shit about her so she's like okay well I'm gonna do this stunt with a toothbrush and what Angie said about the security cameras that was in that was in defense of Whitney was that not wasn't that Whitney being like hey Kwai remember the foyer and then Angie saying there are cameras don't lie and now Whitney is mad at Angie for saying that there's cameras because it got in the way of her relationship with Kwai when she was the one who was actively accusing Kwai of being a shitty lying friend and now she's going to say that Angie was stirring the pot in that situation no get out of here both of you bad weather needs to be cleared out

17:33Britani: that's how they roll that's what they do and Heather being like well look at us it's just girlfriends finally me and Lisa Barlow getting along guess what everybody said about you it's like it's just artless you know and it's it's very emily yeah it's like i was i say all the time about emily on real housewives of orange county there's just zero art to it you know there's the manipulation is no it's not even there it's just like yeah wow lisa you should say something bad about whitney that's what whitney lisa said something horrible about you it's like let it marinate yeah let the roots grow and seed into beautiful evil flowers yeah i mean i i do think

18:15Heather McDonald: heather is better at it than emily is but it is it is it's graceless at the very least and um i don't know like there's some people who when they stir the shit up i find it to be very funny i don't know like when angie does basically the same thing later in the episode i'm like very amused by it I guess because Angie has always been kind of clunky with the way she carries bones. And I don't know. There's something about Heather. There's a vibe where it seems like she's kind of winking at the audience. Like, check this out, everyone. And look at me doing this. And I'm like, no, you're being shitty right now.

18:50Heather McDonald: Whereas Angie just, I don't know, it somehow matches her character better.

18:55Britani: Angie's being shitty too. But I don't know. Maybe she's funnier about it. I think she just brings more comedy to it. I mean the whole cast today is full of shit Really everybody in it is just Taking one thing That's not even what was said in the original Place and then using it as a big fight And then they're really committing to these big fights Over these stupid things that weren't even said In the first place I mean they really all Do it it's usually on a cast you've got like Two or three people doing it and they take Turns but on this cast it's every Person the whole episode And that's why I loved it it's just So Salt Lake City nobody nobody else does it as community theater as this show you know i think the reason why it works better with angie than with heather is that i think that heather um she's she's a bit more

19:40Heather McDonald: sanctimonious about this stuff and like she will she'll stir the pot and then she'll be like but guys why are we fighting and that's like very frustrating and i do think that there's like this element where she's like now look what i've done audience whereas with angie there's like an like her vibe is more like she she stirs the pot and she is being shitty i mean she she's doing she is just as guilty as heather of violating that like sacred vibe of the kiki and uh but i guess it's that every time things go awry angie does that thing where she slowly turns her head to the side like oh like and i think that is so relatable that moment of like oh shit this is turning into something that like you can't help but laugh right i mean like every time it gets out of control that slow burn someone did a montage of it somewhere on the internet of just like how many times angie does this in a season where some shit happens and she just smiles and looks off to her right like we're seeing this right well also angie is just trying to push something so hard

20:40Britani: even against all odds it's like i'm gonna go to this party and i'm going to start a fight and then she goes up to try and start the fight like no no i don't want to fight no we will i I will tell you what I'm going to say. No, no, no, no. I don't care. Yes, you do. Okay. I am saying that. It's like literally they're getting a hook, pulling her off the stage. And she's like, I will get my line out. I will get my line out. So it's just so funny. So Whitney is going off on this, you know, litany of bullshit that she's got against everybody. When Whitney and Heather basically start everything on the show.

21:15Britani: And Heather's like, well, speaking of being messy, I'll get messy with you. Right now, Lisa talked mad shit about you, and she said you use your personal life to garner sympathy from us as friends. She does. You do do that, Whitney. Constantly. Oh, my God. You can't say that. My friend passed away. Whitney, you are going to do it, and you have been doing it. And Whitney's whole, like, I haven't even told anybody anything. Oh, please, Whitney. I have been going through something I do not want to discuss it The thing I've been going through That is traumatic

21:54Heather McDonald: I also don't think it's the worst crime in the world To use your personal life to get sympathy If you're going through something Like if you're going through a divorce And you want some sympathy I think that's okay You're allowed to have that So the fact that Heather's trying to I know what Lisa Barlow is saying was something different But now Heather's moving it like you're using your personal life to make people feel bad for you. And I think what Lisa Barlow was saying, no, she's just being vague about her personal life and using it to get out of situations. It's not to garner sympathy. But Heather has sort of butchered this delivery.

22:30Heather McDonald: And so now Whitney's like, what? That's crazy. Fuck off, Lisa. So Heather's like, it's like she's back to the same track. Whitney's not credible. She's not accountable. Whitney's like, that's disgusting for her. She knows nothing in my situation at all, purposefully. Yeah, and then Angie calling me messy, and then the Lisa of it all. That's really annoying. I'm not going to tell you the nuances of my marriage right now, because it's you, Lisa Barlow. You, the lady I accused of giving blowjob for jazz tickets. You're the last fucking person I trust. I'm not trying to gain sympathy from you or anyone else.

23:20Heather McDonald: And you know what? It's really mean that you would say this to me when I'm going through something. You should be nicer to me. Okay? So I don't want your sympathy, but be nicer to me. Oh, yeah? Well, how about we talk about her husband? Because John talks to Justin, and I'll rip off that band-aid. How about she talks about her personal life? Because John's talked about how horrible their finances are, that they're in a horrible state, that he can't stand Lisa, and that he's fucking miserable. So, sorry. Now I'm heated. Because that's bullshit. I guarantee John never said any of that stuff to Justin because Lisa can't stand Whitney.

24:05Heather McDonald: and I'm sure she told John at some point, if you're talking to Justin, don't you dare say anything about our personal life. Otherwise, I will literally destroy you, John. And John's probably like, yes, Lisa. Yes, absolutely. No, yeah, I will never say anything bad. I will never say anything bad. No, no, sorry, Lisa. No, no, no, no. He's not going to talk any of that. He's not going to tell one iota of that stuff to Justin. Lisa, I'm sure, has laid down the law of this is what you're allowed to talk to Justin about and this is what you're not allowed to talk to him about.

24:35Britani: Well, I can tell you this much. He's going to be paying for it, whether he said it or not. He's going to have to film multiple scenes over the next two seasons that are like, Oh, Lisa, I'm sorry that you heard something that I swear I never said. He's going to be like tied to a stick over a fire like a witch. The witch tried like, please do not light the fire. Billy, John. Billy. so then Bronwyn comes and meets Brandon and she's like I came as a Virgin Mary because I'm a Virgo what astrological sign is all black, Trey, that you're wearing and he's like I'm a Gemini oh my daughter's a Gemini so I'm well acquainted with that multiple personality I think he's darling

25:24Heather McDonald: I think he's handsome that's me being nice it's not a male model but you know maybe in the in the in the home construction space he kind of is i don't know i'm just trying to be nice i think he's very calm and quiet for heather which is my way of saying he has no personality and you know he lets her be the star of the show and this is heather i don't know i mean like a little i i don't know this heather little smitten kitten heather like isn't this cute i i don't know i i have to be friends with her this season this is my best this is one

25:55Britani: of those episodes where Bronwyn's like, it's just me, Bronwyn, constantly laughing and nothing bothers me. Which I think is really funny when she puts that on. Because it's like two weeks ago you were storming out of your own party three times trying to pretend to cry. Now you're like, nothing can bother me. Nothing can bother me. And Whitney comes up and she's like, hey, I just heard some hypocrisy and bullshit. Bullshit. Oh god, you guys, you keep thinking you're doing something by quoting their song constantly you're just making it worse for yourselves like to quote the hit song that we all hate hypocrisy and bullshit that it's being talked about behind my back angie angie called her messy and then lisa is saying i share things about my life to gain sympathy and friendship and she said that justin talked to john and then she alluded to me divorcing.

26:53Gloves are off, bitch.

26:58Heather McDonald: So I just wanted to point out, so Whitney is saying that she's like, hey, Lisa says that I share things about my life to gain sympathy. And then she says, Justin talked to John and she alluded to me divorcing. So now the gloves are off, implying like you talked about my divorce. You talked about, so the gloves are off, but the implication is you talked about my divorce and that's bad. And I'm telling you this, Heather, so you see that that's bad that she talked about my divorce. Is that you're actually asking for sympathy from a thing going on in your personal life? Is that what's happening with her, Whitney?

27:34Heather McDonald: Is that what's happening? Because that's actually what you're doing right now. You're actually asking for sympathy from Heather about this situation because you said that Lisa talked about your divorce. But I haven't even asked for sympathy yet. I've just been warming up to ask for sympathy. I've been asking for sympathy for an unnamed thing that I'll name around season finale time. Stop bogarting my sympathy.

28:00Britani: Oh, okay. All of those things that she just listed, I don't think are a reason to be as upset as she is. She's like, I'm going to punch somebody. Oh, okay.

28:12Heather McDonald: Well, it's not like I'm the only person who watched The Lion King. That's Simba. That's not sympathy. But isn't it sympathy? No, just Simba. But Angie then comes over and she's like, Hello, you look like a Grecian goddess. What is your sign? Pisces, Gemini, stupid face. That's a new sign. We just invented it. No, Libra. So Mary's like, I mean, she tells us I'm a Libra too, but like, I don't know. He just always looks cheap to me. Cheap Libra.

28:46Britani: And then the chiron comes up and it says, Whitney's skills of justice were$28.99. I know I'm not supposed to say anything. If I don't have anything nice, I shouldn't be saying anything. But I'm in a confessional. I have to. And she looks cheap. She looks cheap. She looks so cheap.

29:05Heather McDonald: I mean, no lies detected. So Barry comes in and she sees Brandon and then she sees Trip. and she says that Trip matches Heather. They're cute. He's got good energy. He looks healthy. And I'm not saying that he's, I'm sorry, he looks wealthy. And I'm not saying that he is wealthy. I like the fact that he looks clean. And, you know, I appreciate it. I appreciate that he tried to look wealthy, unlike Whitney, who looks cheap. A cheap, cheap Libra with a scale.

29:34Britani: I mean, maybe Heather found him on the Angie List app, but he doesn't look like it. And that's what's important. So Kwai comes wearing a sexy red dress. And Bronwyn's like, oh, I think that we both approached Virgo a little bit differently today, Kwai She's like, I'm the vixen queen

29:55Heather McDonald: I don't know That's me, it's Kwai Just storming the show Kwai the vixen So Meredith and Brittany and Lisa show up And Lisa's like, hi, how's it going? I'm a fire sign, you can talk because I'm wearing a blazer Yeah, hi And Heather's like, um, so John is not coming to the sisterhood? No, John's not coming. He's busy. Hi, guys. Hi, everyone. Hi.

30:23Hi, guys. And then she does this.

30:27Britani: Then it cuts to Lisa just giving a simple wave. Yeah, that's how Lisa acts. it's just as big as her showing cup with that spray tan and 12 layer of shit foundation

30:43Heather McDonald: i mean a hello takes zero effort it's like two syllables like that's all come on black man

30:49Britani: it comes out of this with a spray tan and a foundation ad campaign yeah watch that i mean

30:57Heather McDonald: every time they try to come for her at least it just gets another ad campaign it's so funny she really is racking it up with the ad campaigns i mean between wendy's and karistos whatever it's called um so then uh seth britney britney like arrives and seth's watching from afar he's like how is jared here well i hope not she stole my flower britney you know she oh sorry i'm sorry that was me doing speaking for mary mary you're here why don't you say what you have to say well thank you i hope she i hope jared's not here because she stole my flowers britney You stole my flowers. Oh, my God. Why is that not surprising?

31:34Britani: You know, Mary knows what – Brittany knows what I'm going through with my son. And then for her to come to my event and actually steal from me, it's very hurtful. I mean, Brittany got her bouquet, you know, the flowers that Robert Sr. gave her. And then she took more off the table, the decorations. And she took the ones back that she brought for me. This is all just so good because she went to an old folks' home. And even though that's explained very clearly to Mary, who's a preacher who probably should be doing this herself instead of just leaving all these flowers at the restaurant, Mary's like, how dare she?

32:07How dare she give them to a bunch of life burglars like the elderly?

32:13Heather McDonald: Well, Brittany should have asked before she did that because it's a very nice gesture to donate the flowers to the elderly. But like, ask the host. Don't just take it. I mean, I know people take centerpieces at weddings. That's like a thing that people do. But I just think that for like a little luncheon, just ask. Just say, hey, can I grab these? I like to donate them to the elderly. And then I'm sure Marriott will be fine. Well, I mean, it's tacky as hell.

32:39Britani: But it's like you see, I don't know. It's like you see someone. It's like, well, I had a dinner party. And then that person had a Tupperware. And then I saw that they were feeding my leftovers to starving children under a freeway bridge. how dare you how dare you man yeah so seth is insane so lisa goes yeah it's like psychotic

33:06Heather McDonald: it's like totally psychotic and then she told mary she donates them to the elderly like no it's like weird girl shit it's like so weird like how did she think that saying mary i regifted the flowers that your husband hunt picked for me how did she think that was gonna like gonna be looked at on like a charitable guy dying. Like, you just insulted Mary like on every level possible.

33:30Britani: Okay, you guys are stretching this, but it's funny still. Oh my god, taking flowers to elderly people? That's some weird girl shit. That's like

33:39Heather McDonald: weird. Also, I want to point out that like, there is physically at this party that there is a, there's like clearly two sections sections of the cast uh we have obviously lisa and meredith together but we also have maria standing with them and they're they're kind of becoming like a they're like their own trio at this party they're away from everyone people are coming up to them but they are not going up to other people to talk to them they're like staying away and you got the rest of the other people being really messy amongst each other and it's like i think it's a kind of an interesting thing like mary i'm sorry lisa and meredith have been a duo this whole season and they are definitely isolated from the rest of the cast but it's interesting seeing that now mary seems to be floating over to them and clearly mary and angie have their falling out so like it's kind of like the cool girl corner if you ask me complimentary well they're just over there being marina's just

34:34Britani: standing over there being very offended and every little thing and mary looks like she's ready to come for angie like she's been waiting you know angie's just i think getting on her nerves so she's going to come for Angie. Commercials, here comes one right now. We watch a lot of people show up to parties they weren't invited to, to dinners they intend to ruin. Let's talk about people who show up for good and for real.

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35:10Britani: Now they're asking you to show up for real. Make a gift today at plannedparenthood.org slash defend, then go tell the group chat about it. He lurks in shadow, he slips into dreams, he casts no reflection.

35:24Heather McDonald: Audible presents Bram Stoker's Dracula, a full cast audio thriller starring Ella Purnell from Fallout as Mina Harker, Jonathan Bailey from Wicked as Dracula, and an A-list cast including Maggie Gyllenhaal, The Dark Knight as Van Helsing,

35:41Britani: Amy Lou Wood from The White Lotus as Lucy, David Johnson from Industry as Dr. Seward, and many more.

35:49Heather McDonald: The new full-cast thriller locks Mina Harker in a battle of minds with The Count.

35:54Britani: When Mina's fiancé Jonathan Harker, Louis Partridge from Enola Holmes, vanishes in Transylvania, Mina pieces together letters, diary entries, and chilling testimony to hunt the predator stalking those she loves, only to discover Dracula's already hunting her.

36:08Heather McDonald: Joined by the enigmatic Van Helsing, Mina and a small fearless band race against time to stop this ancient terror. Using her intellect, her resolve, and a gift for drawing the unseen lines between clues, Mina just may hold the key to bring down the count if he hasn't already found his way inside her mind.

36:28Britani: Featuring a haunting original score by Ilan Esquerri from Audible's 1984 and spatial Dolby Atmos sound design, Audible's Dracula invites you to welcome literature's most shadowy figure into your home.

36:41Heather McDonald: Feel the terror of being hunted and the thrill of the hunt.

36:44Britani: Don't miss the year's best new audio thriller, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Audible's new full cast original adaptation.

36:51Heather McDonald: Written by Robin Ahern and directed by Mary Lambert.

36:55Britani: Now on Audible. Listen to the darkness. Go to audible.com slash listen to Dracula. So then Heather's like, hi, everybody. Just want to announce I did something else to upset Joseph Smith. Whoops! I invited a mystic to my astrology party. The sin! The sin! And then we cut to the mystic, like, warming her hands. Like, I'm so ready to be mystic. So ready. Yeah, I'm like a river.

37:24Heather McDonald: A mystic river. So her name is Inanna. And she's going to do some compatibility readings and some constellations, etc. I mean, she's no Allie Luber, but, you know, she got the job done. So Mary and Angie do a reading, which has an awkward moment because she asks about, like, she's talking about Scorpio signs. And Mary says, my son was a Scorpio. And she goes, oh, you're raising a Scorpio? But Mary's so graceful. She goes, I did. Like, she just lets it just, like, roll by. And then they talk about the signs. And then Mary tells us that Angie is, like, a Scorpio. And the mystic is saying, like, the Scorpios sting with their words.

38:08Heather McDonald: And so Mary says, Angie does have a stinger with her words. She spits out without thinking. It's just like, I don't know, the awareness of other people's feelings and situation. If she points her stinger at anyone, like, let's hope it's Brittany.

38:21Britani: Yeah. So Whitney is talking to Brandon, and he's asking where Justin is. And she's saying, We just came back from a romantic trip to Cabo. Show the pictures of us both in suntans. Do not ask any questions. I'm not ready to talk about it.

38:37Heather McDonald: And Seth is talking to Tripp. And he's like, so you grew up Mormon? He's like, yeah. Wow, do you need a father figure? Because I'm available right now, Tripp. He's like, no, it's okay. But you haven't been Mormon for a long time. And Lisa's like, don't act like that's a bad thing, being Mormon. Like, New Age Mormon over here. God. So tell me when you were growing up Did they have the sexuality Known as ambidextrosexuality It's something I heard the kids talking about It's sex with both of your hands

39:14Britani: What was he asking about on Next Gen NYC? Pansexual Am I pansexual? So

39:24Heather McDonald: Charlie let's go to lunch Explain pansexuality to me Would you be interested in investing in a very thin terry cloth resort wear jumpsuit? Okay, I'll choose to do my son.

39:38Britani: So he's questioning Tripp about whether he's been married. Tripp has been married, but he doesn't have a kid. I was looking up Tripp yesterday because I was curious. Like, what's this guy's Insta like? What is this guy like? Because you can't really tell. He's very good at giving zero personality. And sometimes that just means people don't have any personality. and sometimes it means the evil so i was trying to look him up but then it said um trip has not released his last name or the last name of trip from salt lake city has not been released yet and i was like what is this the old studio system how have we not found trip online yet maybe it's advisor there he is

40:21Heather McDonald: he has so many reviews all he does is review things He's like

40:26Britani: He's always suggesting a Hyatt place And you're like wait a minute is this rigged

40:30Heather McDonald: Is this rigged This roadway in was absolutely fabulous I give it five stars That's a very reliable review From TripAdvisor

40:41Britani: The music was a little loud But my room was Right next to a dance floor Still five stars

40:48Heather McDonald: I actually found that the black mold Was fascinating to watch and made beautiful patterns on the ceiling. Five stars.

40:57Britani: And Lisa's like, Trip was nervous we were going to write a song for him. Yeah. So let's keep talking. I'll get more information about Trip-a-ba so I can write a song for him. Look, there's already a rhythm to it. Trip-a-ba. Trip-a-ba. Trip-a-ba. Trip-a-ba. Trip-a-ba. Trip-a-ba.

41:12Heather McDonald: Wow. You down with Trip-ee-pee? Yeah, you know me. You down with Trip-ee-pee? Yeah, you know me. Yeah, it just like writes itself. so Lisa is like yeah Heather's dated like a lot like I think Heather's had like a lot of fun but I think like this one's different because there's an extra P at the end and I think that like that moment when you know it's like this is my person because you can't spell person without at least one P that's what they say leave off the extra P for savings if you're spelling person with two P's that is that's how Tripp does it everything with two P's for him he minds his P's and Q's and the other P you know what I'm saying I think Heather might say the M word, but she'll change it to the P word.

41:53Heather McDonald: I can't stop myself.

41:55Britani: The producer's like, what's the M word? Mylar. So then Brittany comes over. And Brittany's like, oh, I'm good to see you ladies. I've got a huge clop of hair on my head. Does anybody want to compliment it? They're like, oh my God, you know what? We don't even want to talk to you right now, okay? Like, Brittany, what are you doing? You slandered Seth's name. Like, clearly you can't read a room. You're like socially inept. And, like, you have no clue. You have no boundaries.

42:25Heather McDonald: So Brittany says to Seth, well, I like you. You don't have to like me. He goes, well, I don't talk shit about you. He's like, well, you don't. You don't talk shit about anybody. That's true. Yeah, no, you don't. You don't talk shit about anybody. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. Okay, well, it's nice seeing you. It's the first of many social interactions. God, you can't even accuse a man of having an affair anymore.

42:47Britani: Also, didn't that come from Bronwyn? Didn't that start with Bronwyn, where Bronwyn's like, well, I saw your husband. I was out with Todd, and I saw your husband at dinner with another woman. And then Todd even was like, ah, that was a business dinner. How dare you accuse someone of the male specimens of having something as archaic as an affair, Bronwyn? This is disgusting. Behave yourself.

43:12Heather McDonald: It was probably Georgia. Like, I just would love some more of your amazing wisdom sets. Just, like, teach me everything about business. All right. Well, in business, you can name your product Yuck, but what you really want to name it is, what's in your heart? Oh, my God. Like another pearl of wisdom. Thank you so much, Seth Marks.

43:30Britani: You listening to me is why you're an icon in the cleaning industry. You're the Coco Chanel of toilet bowl scrubbers. Congratulations. Oh, my God. I love hot chocolate. So Meredith is like Oh really Seth? You need some rescuing stuff? I see you're being talked to by the person Trying to ruin our entire family Alright well let's move away from the toddler killer Move away from the toddler killer

43:58Heather McDonald: So yeah This was the first of many social interactions That go dreadfully wrong for Brittany And it's also the one that has the least amount of bloodshed for her. So then Seth is just like, yeah, well, the energy just got sucked right on out of me. She's like, why? You won't even kiss me? Is that you don't have any energy to kiss me? So he kisses her. He's like, I gotta go, baby. I will walk you to the elevator because I haven't had access to a toddler in a long time, so I just need to pretend like you're my toddler right now. So let me take you to the big shiny doors to open up. I just wish that you hadn't left right when you got mad because now it's going to look like you left because Brittany got to you, Seth.

44:42He's like, babe, I have a business meeting at Applebee's. What do you want from me? We're going to talk about Big Lots. The comeback of Big Lots. He's like, oh, just get out.

44:52Britani: So he leaves and then Meredith comes back to her little group and Brittany is still standing there and Brittany's like, um, did Seth leave? Why did he leave? Oh, he had another obligation and you don't need to worry about my husband, sweetheart. Okay? And you shouldn't talk to my husband if you don't have an apology for him, family ruiner.

45:14Heather McDonald: She's like, okay. And you shouldn't be talking to me. You are a complete weirdo creep. Stay away from me. Meredith, I don't know how you found a seat to put me into and now you're shaking it, but this is all feeling too familiar to me. Well, there, enjoy it. Enjoy it. I'm watching Crazy Rich Asians.

45:33Britani: and heather's doing this thing where she's passing by like oh my god nothing can break my love bubble i refuse to get into this messy fight with these women um yeah exactly and and so then britney is like can i can i ask you something murder no well are you serious i

45:51Heather McDonald: can't even ask you much do not ask me anything please stay away from me okay do not ask me

46:00Britani: And Brittany's like You're just gonna stonewall me? You're just gonna stonewall me? How dare you bring up toddler gay rights? How dare you?

46:08Heather McDonald: That was an important moment As the winner of 45 different GLAAD awards I'm offended that you would invoke Stonewall right now Oh wait a minute My husband's calling me My husband Hello It's me, your wife Hello Seth Yes. Oh, you made it down your elevator. I'm so glad you did. I love you, too. It is great having a husband. I agree. And what else? It's like, um, Meredith, you're holding your phone upside down. I don't want to hear any commentary. It's also not even your phone. You somehow are just holding a shoe. I'm pretty sure this is a phone, Brittany, and I'm talking to my husband, much like the one that you do not have.

46:55Britani: Brittany's like oh right speaking to Seth Oh sure I believe you So Meredith hangs up And Lisa's like oh my god is that okay Was he traumatized from being here Around the family ruin or weirdo girl She's like yeah well he's great He just couldn't find the driver Much like it would be like Brittany outside If driver were called husband Couldn't find one

47:20Heather McDonald: So Lisa and Meredith go get a reading from Inanna and Inanna's like, so tell me about you both a little bit yeah, well we're both Sagittarius yeah, far side yeah, our birthdays are one day apart, one day apart and so Inanna's like, well I'm gonna I'm gonna have you both hold on to these these are little crystals it's called Selenite and it brings you closer to Selina, god I loved her so much, and it just helps you kind of clear your whole energy field, okay and Merida's like, gone because right before I walked over here I had some really negative energy from someone who did not have a husband.

47:58Britani: Let's just say this. If you were a little older, Anna, you'd probably be getting stolen flowers right now.

48:07Heather McDonald: Okay, well, say the words out loud. I bless myself for what I feel. I bless myself for what I feel. I bless myself for what I feel. I bless myself for what I feel. I bless myself for what I feel. And I feel hypocrisy and bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, manipulation. I'm valid in all of my feelings. I'm valid in all of my feelings. I'm valid in all my feelings. You know what? I love this, Inanna. You're so good. You're so good at this, Inanna. Valid. Lisa loves that someone just told her that she's valid in all her feelings. I am valid in all my feelings. I love Inanna.

48:50Britani: So that's dangerous advice, by the way. people say that. You're valid in all of your feelings. Mm-mm. No, you're not. Sometimes people need to say your feelings are wrong and stupid. Stop it. So we go to Bronwyn and Angie. I mean, I don't know how much I can expect from Inanna at, you know, the Jupiter party, but I've said my piece. So we go to Bronwyn and Angie. One day you're Inanna. Another day you're Out, Inanna. Sorry.

49:16Heather McDonald: One day you're Inanna. In fashion. In fortunes. one day you're in on all and one day you're out sorry Bronwyn and Angie

49:27Britani: well I was trying to pull you away but first of all before I go into my launched start of a fight cheers Bronwyn's like um yeah well I didn't you know don't cheers me for worry tell me something bad okay because I know you and I know that you're about to tell me something bad so just go ahead and tell me something bad I'm the Virgin Mary nothing can get to me tonight okay

49:47Heather McDonald: so Angie's like uh uh yeah well cheers and uh brace yourself the astrologist reminded me that I'm a truth teller and I say what I think and I damn well I'm going to get my center snowflake back so I'm going to say what I feel and I feel that Bronwyn has a right to know the truth about Greece and everything that everyone's saying behind her back I can't tell myself I am the truth fairy pause for laughs pause for laughs

50:16Britani: okay what's up what's up Andy she's like listen I have just I wanted to make you aware of some things. Apparently, Brittany has a real estate license. Not to make sales, of course, because there's not one on record. Wait for it. There's applause. Anyway. Yeah, truth fairy. But she has, you know, she has it to access the comps on my home and the deed on yours. And she's out there telling everyone your name is not on the deed, but Todd's name is on the deed. So what do you say about that? Okay, well, okay. Well, I'm not on the need of that house, okay? But the way that it works is apparently Brittany is a real estate license.

50:56Britani: Oh, sorry. I'm a trustee of everything that Todd and I own together, okay? And so nobody else got half the money from that house, okay? Nobody else did it. The other trustee did. Who was me? As I'm signed on a different piece of paper. Okay. Are there any more questions about this?

51:13Heather McDonald: You know, obviously, I was aware that Brittany was digging up for information in San Francisco. Mm-hmm. And Brittany and I were in a good place. and I moved on and I showed up for your daughter. I tried to bond with you. I even publicly humiliated you in my party. But this is the dumbest way to get attention. Actually, I think the dumbest way to get attention is showing up at an airport dressed like an inflatable dinosaur. But this sure is number two. Well, I don't know if she's an evil genius

51:36Britani: or the dumbest bitch that I've ever met. Icon Bronwyn. Thank you. And Angie's like, well, I wanted you to know. And the last thing I want to tell you is, oh, another one, another one. What are you? You're the telephone of Salt Lake City.

51:49Heather McDonald: okay rama's like i mean i'm irritated by the things that i'm hearing but i'm also irritated that i'm hearing these things like what's going on with angie that she's so focused on everyone else right now my bob is tingling so angie says we had dinner the other night with mary and heather and lisa and she thought brandon was a sweetheart and i know she loved him well i think she should stay the fuck away from him that's what i say and uh lisa we we just kind of crossed the room and just Lisa and Brandon are kiki-ing together, laughing, going, hypocrisy and bullshit. And he's like, oh my God, great song.

52:24Britani: And he's like, I'm not really supposed to be talking about this. She's like, you can't lie to me. I see the light in your eyes whenever hypocrisy and... Live in your truth, Brandon. Live in your truth, yes.

52:36Heather McDonald: So Brahman's like, I actually don't even want to know what she said about him. She's like, are you sure? I'm positive. Okay, because I'm telling you, I am committed to being exactly where I am right now. Well, then I won't tell you that she said you work with people that have placed this relationship as a son. I will not tell you that part. And I won't tell you that she claimed that this relationship is by design like it's another couture dress.

53:01Britani: Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers.

53:12Heather McDonald: Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's Always Automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offord.

53:29Britani: She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchles! We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Big yay, it's Emily Gauthier. Aaron McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-less. Hala Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. It's no BS. We love Hugo ES. Jamie, she has no last namey. Sips some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's our pal-a-ger. It's Karen Gallagher.

53:54Heather McDonald: She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

53:57Britani: Kristen the Piston Anderson. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. Come again? We're obsessed with Margaret O 'Halloran. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the berg. I love-a-ya, Olivia Williamson. She's the lady of the house. It's Rachel Schirouse. Yes, we canna. It's Savannah.

54:19Heather McDonald: Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

54:23Britani: Don't get mixed signals. We love Signy. Darn Skippy. It's Tippi. And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP. It's Amanda V.

54:32Heather McDonald: Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD.

54:35Britani: We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O 'Neill. Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

54:48Heather McDonald: Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. Let's get savage with Laura Wildman. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Barron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthy. Always killing it, it's Lola Alkalani Roger that, it's Marlis Rogers

55:13Britani: The Incredible Edible Matthews Sisters She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose There's a Chance of Meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud She's our Princess, it's Rebecca Prince She's the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke We Cannot Tell a Lie, it's Sarah Tell of Sun Yes We Canna, it's Savannah

55:32Heather McDonald: Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony We have no notes, Shelby Walter Please don't stop at Soli and Pop. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. Strike a pose at Tori Rose. She ain't no shrinking Violet Kuchar.

55:47Britani: We love you guys.