Dwell Hello #514: Finicky in Falkirk, Scotland

0:00Hey guys, it's Paige from Giggly Squad. Okay, can we all agree that hosting is so much fun? And I really do love it. Every weekend, it's come over for snacks, let's make dinner together, and somehow the second you put out a fruit platter, it seems that bugs show up before your friends do. This is why I have to have my Zivo flying insect trap. You plug it in and you let it do all the work. It's specially designed blue and UV light attracts the bugs you didn't know you had and wow did we have a lot like house flies fruit flies gnats and then with zivo bam next thing you know the pests are caught in the sticky cartridge and away from your yummy treats without any mess or strong odors the best part is the design is actually sleek and curved so it hides the bugs it catches keeping them out of sight and when the cartridge is full you just grab the no mess tab throw it in the trash pop in a new cartridge and then you're done no mess no stress So whether you're hosting a dinner party or spending an afternoon baking treats with all your friends and you want to focus on hosting and not constantly swatting at bugs, Zivo has you covered with 24-7 bug protection.

1:07Plug in a Zivo flying insect trap so you can work smarter, not harder, and actually enjoy your time at home. There is such a better way to spend your time than doom scrolling or watching terrible TV. Get some stories in your life, okay? Audible is perfect for that. I use it while I'm cleaning the house, while I'm running errands. I listen to books all day, every day with Audible.

1:34Ben Mandelker: Yeah, they have a massive library of audiobooks and ad-free podcasts. And it is really the perfect thing to turn on when you're taking a long drive, washing some dishes. Like, enrich yourself. New members can start listening with a 30-day free trial at audible.com slash WWC. Ding dong.

1:58Ding dong.

2:04Ding dong. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding dong.

2:16Well, hello. Well, hello and welcome to Dwell Hello. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Rondolo. How are you? I'm doing well, guys. Today we have a very special episode of Dwell Hello. It's special because the man on it is something we don't know what's going on with this guy, but he's a dope. and it's one of those where I just wanted to show up with a fly swatter and kind of hit this person on the face with it over and over and just tell them to, you know, focus, get through it. You can do this. And also, nature isn't a city and city isn't nature. You know, it's like little things you have to explain.

3:02This episode is House Hunters International. It's season 199, episode four. It's called Finicky in Falkirk, Scotland. So if you want to find this, we found it on Macs. Just search Finicky in Falkirk.

3:16Ben Mandelker: and it'll come up yeah so uh we begin with some upbeat bagpipe music which really is the best kind of bagpipe music much better than that sad funeral bagpipe music you know he's gonna say it's an oxymoron who wants to hear that when you can hear that which i think is actually more irish but whatever when we were in ireland i heard some bagpipe karaoke as i was walking around the streets that was interesting i saw a man holding a bag and a pipe wasn't quite a bagpipe though that was me he definitely had a rough time it was ronnie the tailpipe it was so awkward in ireland i was like ronnie why did you take that tailpipe off the car you said i wanted a souvenir i was like okay well i won't stop you so um we see kenny kenny's a hot guy he's a kind of good looking guy he's a hawaiian right he's from hawaii is that where he was born but he's like maybe i I would say like a 40-something-year-old man who's never even had to sign a lease.

4:20So I think that means this is Kenny's first time moving out of his mom's house. Is that what you got, too?

4:26Ben Mandelker: I think that's what it was, yes. I think that was what was implied by it. So Linda says, Kenny spent two decades traveling the globe, so he's finally ready to settle down and buy his first house in beautiful Hawaii. Wait. I'm sorry. He is leaving Hawaii Did I read that correctly? Was there a typo here? Leaving? Not moving to? Do people do that? Haven't really ever heard of that I didn't know that Hawaii even had emigration Do we know what sort of boulder Fell on his head in Hawaii That made him want to make this ridiculous decision? No? So basically I'm opening this show By telling you that Kenny makes terrible decisions And he's kind of an idiot Let's check in with him So then we meet Kenny and Kenny's like, Hawaii has become so unaffordable.

5:22So I'm moving to Scotland. He does this weird guttural crazy person laugh. Kenny killed somebody in Hawaii is what's happening. You're moving to Scotland. What are you doing? Are you trying to be part of your own murder mystery show? Who moves from Scotland?

5:42Ben Mandelker: It looks beautiful. I've been wanting to go to Scotland for many years now, especially with the rise of the traders. But I'm sorry. If you're moving to Scotland from Hawaii, then something has fundamentally gone awry in your life. Like you committed murder. This does not make sense. He committed murder. I mean, look, he says he wants to move from Hawaii to Scotland for the nature, which is great. I mean, you're going to get nature. You're going to get rain. Okay. And a lot of gorgeous cliffs and hills. And he also wonderful. It's just. Yeah. he also wants to have access to quick flights to go around europe i'm like so why like a random corner of scotland why are you not like in portugal or italy or like somewhere central in europe that's warm or whatever i just don't understand so uh we see him uh like doing all sorts of fun stuff including uh walking around with his property expert, Laura McCollum.

6:42Ben Mandelker: And so Linda says, first time home buying in a new country is daunting. But the real challenge is to understand what the hell this man is thinking at any given moment. I'm at a professional loss. The real challenge is Kenny himself. What a fucking Laura. He's like, I have trouble choosing what shirt to put on in the morning. And Laura McCollum just goes, oh dear. Oh God. And this chick doesn't even fake it, because it's not like one of those countries where people are going to fake it for you. She's like, this man's a fucking idiot. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this goddamn idiot.

7:18What a fool. Who leaves Hawaii to come to Scotland? Have you lost your goddamn marbles, man?

7:25Ben Mandelker: So now we see the show opens. Now we're done opening credits. And we see Kenny, and he's gone into a shop to learn how to wear a kilt. He's like, I've been told I need to learn how to wear a kilt. and the clerk is like oh you definitely are yeah it's a good side of scottsman so he puts on his uh kilt he looks actually very good in his kilt it was like this felt like it might have been the beginning of an adult film a little bit too he looks and acts like a porn star i'm not porn star but porn person like porn yes porn b b list or whatever c list performer porn performer yeah he's good looking he's very muscular and i guess that's why he's traveling around all the time that's what good people do you want to run out of locals to fuck i guess so yeah he tries on his guilt and he looks great kenny henderson guys in case you're googling him so then we um we get to kenny and he's like i'm a passionate traveler and like i uh experience cultures and see how locals live so yeah i work in the entertainment and events industry like you do not you you tuck somewhere kenny let's just be honest just be honest yeah i don't know like i feel like he he's like a like i don't know he juggles or something i feel like he's like elevating like his role doing something and he's like well and since i'm not tied to any specific company i think i'm in a unique position to pick up and move anywhere i want so i've been all over the world and then we see one of like a million polaroids being around the world and i i i i i i've decided to live in a cold foggy place so we see him scout scaling a mountainside posing at machu picchu and and at a temple overlooking green mountains and he's like yeah like i've worked jobs that have brought me all over this planet.

9:23I love life. I love adventures, but you know, I spent so many thousands of dollars on a property in Hawaii. I wasn't even using, we don't have to sign leases there or purchase. So I'm confused with this story because he says he wasted all this money, but then he said he never signed a lease. So I'm confused what Kenny's story is here.

9:43Ben Mandelker: Well, maybe, maybe he just bought and didn't rent. I'm not sure. All I know is that half of this episode is looking at Polaroids of him with his arms out being like, here I am at another generic scenic vista. I'm like, we get it. You travel. He's one of those people who goes to places and then shows the place his armpits. And that's his gift to the place. I'm like, congrats on working on your delts. But no one needs you. No one needs that. I barely take it from the Statue of Liberty. I was offended every day passing that thing when I lived in Staten Island. I'm like, nobody needs to smell you, France.

10:16Alright, put your arm down.

10:18Ben Mandelker: Well, then Kenny says, you know, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run. And I took the hand of a preacher of man and we made love in the sun. But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free. I've been to paradise, but I've never been to Scotland. I'm moving to Scotland. Hawaii's expensive real estate priced poor, poor Kenny out of the market. But this Europhile wanted a more central base camp for his travels anyway. And Hawaii said, bye, you smell. We don't like you anyway. Get out of here, Kenny. Stop showing your armpits to the mountains. Yeah, I hate this.

10:55Ben Mandelker: It's like, well, he didn't like Hawaii in the first place. Hawaii's stupid. I'm like, no, Kenny. Don't lie to us and don't lie to yourself. What happened in Hawaii that is making you flee the state? Because I'm telling you right now, you're not leaving Hawaii for where you're moving. Like where he winds up here, I just don't believe you're leaving paradise for this. I'm sorry. I don't. Yeah. So he wants to be in Europe. Okay. Because there's green, there's mountain, there's locks. And, you know, the first time he visited Falkirk, I loved it. I fell in love with castles and histories. Oh, my God.

11:32And it's affordable. So he's going there because it's cheap, you know, which I think is a good reason. And he says it has everything he needed. and he saw the gears turned when he saw the prices. So he's never been a homeowner before and he's never even bought furniture before.

11:48Ben Mandelker: He's never been in a home, actually. He was born in a field in Hawaii and he was raised there until just right now. Yeah, so see, he's also a compulsive one. He's the Nell of Hawaii. He's just, you know, like making... What did Nell do? Did she make... Wasn't she speaking to aliens or something? I never saw Nell but wasn't it that she was like discovered and she'd like never been around humans yeah but then wasn't she speaking to aliens or was that that was the movie with the red head chick that was contact I think but I love the idea of mixing them together wasn't it crazy when Nell spoke to the aliens and then the aliens said that they liked fava beans and a glass of Chianti silence of the labs now so he's never bought furniture this guy is helpless and he's in his 40s i would just like to say he doesn't know how to he's like literally freaking out about having to buy furniture in it he's like but i've never bought furniture before bro what does this lady need to hold her hand for everything because mccollum is not having it i'll tell you that shit you fucking moron it's called the couch can he sit down on it i put on my best gray woolen pashmina just to listen to this bullshit so so he's doing this whole thing about how you never own furniture etc which i think is like he's saying it like isn't that so funny but i'm like is that sad you're just sad you don't even have a chair come on you i'm sure you've bought a chair at some point in your life yeah so we then see this we you know every episode we we always have like you know the place where someone starts and where they move and then like an arrow like goes flying across the globe this one was going for a long time i was like he's really moving he's this this line is half the episode is watching this line get across the globe to scotland from hawaii i was like this is this is a lot of work yeah with a long squiggle and um he tells us that he's been saving up because he doesn't want a loan he just wants to own something so that's it he's killed someone he's he has murdered someone he does not want a loan are you kidding me is he going to show up with a briefcase full of cash yeah basically and here's what i say this is the person you want to murder because kenny's got a lot of cash you know No, Kenny has just made himself very attractive to murderers because they know he's going to be isolated and they know he's got a shit ton of cash.

14:09Let's get him. I just want to know what is going on in Kenny's life.

14:14Ben Mandelker: He's an entertainment contractor. He is going to pay for this house all in cash. He's leaving Hawaii for Scotland. Something is not adding up here. It's not adding up. He's like an OnlyFans person or something, because I don't understand how you're a party contractor all over the world. Like people aren't going to call you from Hawaii to come throw them a party in like L.A., right? Is he a singer? Kenny Anderson. I have to look him up now. I.E. Kenny with an I.E. Oh, I found him right away. He's a production coordinator. The talent manager. Over 20 years of experience in television and events production and wide-rided roles about including locations, scout locations, manager.

14:55Oh, gee. Let's see if there's a House Hunters in here. I'll bet there is. I'll bet he did something at House Hunters because this is crazy. This makes more sense because I went on a game show once and I couldn't say I was a podcaster. I had to say I was a party planner. So this actually makes sense.

15:11Ben Mandelker: Something is weird here. So on his little bio here, it says MTV Awards and many reality TV shows, MTV Networks from December 2000 to August. So he spent 22 years working at MTV, basically. He also worked on Joe Millionaire. Oh, wow. That's crazy because we're going to be talking about the McBee dynasty this week, which also started with Joe Millionaire. What? No, not Joe Millionaire. It started with I want to marry a millionaire. Well, I think it was called Joe Millionaire. The main guy, the big muscular guy from McBee, Steve, Steve Jr. He was on like Joe Millionaire or something. And that's where he met Calla, that dummy Calla that he's with.

15:54Wow. Yeah.

15:55Ben Mandelker: Wow. Okay, it all comes together. So it looks like he worked at MTV. Yeah, Joe Millionaire winner. Hmm. He still don't trust this guy. Yeah, Steve's hot. Okay, so back to this other guy. Yeah, so I guess he's in TV production, which makes a lot more sense because he had to lie. Okay, so that's why he's been everywhere. He's been everywhere on MTV's time. So Laura is like, well, Fogelkirk is less than an hour from Edinburgh. and Edinburgh, and an hour away from Glasgow. So it's central, which makes it up and coming. You know, it's an hour from here, an hour from there. No one has to deal with Kenny.

16:32So really, Falkirk wins. Let's just put Kenny in a hole somewhere for$5. Get rid of him.

16:39Ben Mandelker: So, you know, it's a little bit of a pressure on me to make sure that it's the right property for him, but it's nothing that a little woolen pashmina can't fix. So then we see them walking on the streets, and his wish list is he wants it to be quiet. He wants two beds, two baths because apparently he does have friends somewhere. He wants to be walkable to shops, but he also wants to be near nature and his budget is$180 ,000. This is one of the rare House Hunters episodes where his needs are so contradictory that budget is not really even an issue on this show. Normally that's a big thing. Like, oh, it's over budget, it's under budget, whatever.

17:18Ben Mandelker: they don't even care about it here it's just trying to make all of his finicky requests come true yeah um and they try and explain it to him which is so funny because she's like okay this is falcar it's not a huge place so here's the downtown here's the stores but there's no nature here she was right because it's downtown so if you want to be outside of downtown that's where the nature is it's like great and then they go to the other the nature place he's like but wait a minute i can't walk anywhere i don't have a car this lady doesn't want a car on top of everything else yeah he doesn't want to have to drive um so he wants to be able to walk everywhere but also be in nature in downtown yeah so she starts in downtown because she's like okay i know he says he wants nature but like what's the point of moving to scotland if you're or to falcark if you're not even gonna live in the city right so she's like i'm gonna start him there which by the way if you love nature so much.

18:12Ben Mandelker: Why are you not staying in Hawaii? Just answer me that. So he's like, well, this is great. It's convenient in the supermarkets right there and the pubs and the restaurants, but I do prefer nature. It's just what I grew up with. And there are also about three bus stops just convenient for catching the bus. I'm also noticing you guys don't have any beach nearby. Do you have any surfing? It's just what I grew up with. Sort of hoping you have some surf spots around here. Hopefully you guys have fire dancing. Do you have that here? No, any volcanoes. Any palm trees? Yeah, volcanoes would be great, because I grew up around this.

18:47Ben Mandelker: Where's the shaved ice? Do we have the shaved ice spot around here somewhere? Do you sell spam? Tell me you sell spam. It's like, goddammit. Why don't you come out here? We go look at house number one, which, by the way, spoiler alert, he doesn't pick it, and it's the most amazing one. It's great. It's beautiful. It's a bachelor, but, I mean, it's huge, and it has the kitchen. it's a perfect travel spot. Nice color scheme. It's very fashionable, but without being like overly modernized, you know, they didn't slap white marble on everything and some shiplap like most of these. Like it's gorgeous.

19:24It's got style. It's fully furnished, well furnished. It's great.

19:28Ben Mandelker: Yeah. There's, there's, they got these nice dark green walls. The, the, the fridge is banged up for reasons. We don't really understand why. I'm just going to assume there was like some frat boys living there. Oh, like you never run out of milk.

19:43Ben Mandelker: like you've never just held a hammer and banged on your fridge once in a while you know how else get out of your fridge i'm like out of milk again god it's like i blame the fridge for drinking the table is also beaten up like there was definitely like some partying happening here but like by and large everything is nice so kenny is like walking to the living room and he's like confused because there's like a big sofa it's like a it's like a sectional it's like l-shaped and it has one of those it's not really a coffee table but it's one of those um what do you call it one has the buttons in the in the upholstery tufted there's a big tufted square and he's like i don't even know what that is that's crazy what is that thing it's an ottoman he's like what i don't understand and then he walks up to the table and he feels and he goes it's kind of dusty

20:31Ben Mandelker: you're not searching for tables can he okay sir do you do you want to maintain your streak of not having to buy furniture because this place has all the furniture you could ever want it's the nicest furniture too it's all tasteful tufted gorgeous and he's like gross so he's like yeah and then the fridge is dented and then the table's dusty like i feel like maybe there's too much furniture like because there's a couch here and then a couch there and then there's a couch there kenny if you buy the place you can move out the furniture it's not about the furniture yes you can get rid of it you can actually donate it to someone who might need it okay this is not a right person so um laura's like i think he's a bit overwhelmed and that's a nice way of saying stupid so it's a large flat it's got a lot of furniture he's never had that so he might be thinking, I've got furniture.

21:22How do I get out of it? How do I get it out of the house? Which I think is what he's thinking, you know, but you have to make some effort at some point.

21:31Ben Mandelker: So they go into the bedroom and then there's a nice en suite bathroom that's really huge. And there's like a second bedroom that has bunk beds. And he's like, oh, bunk beds for the kids I don't have and never will have. Stop looking at me that way, Laura. These pipes are closed for business. She's like, I wasn't looking at you that way at all. ah yeah you were you want me but it could be a little bit smaller i mean i don't know if you have guests over and she's like well yeah all right let me let me show you the main bathroom so they go into perfectly good like renovated updated bathroom and he's and it has like a jacuzzi style bathtub he's like i don't know it's no shower how did it it's a beautiful bathroom with a jacuzzi and she's like well the bathroom the shower's in the ensuite in the main bedroom and he's like but then if i have guests then they have to shower in my shower gross and my guests will all be children because there's only a bunk bed i can only have children guests and what am i supposed to take a shower with somebody's kids what are you trying to do to me laura she's like oh my god this dumb ass person and then the biggest crime of all is that there's a bus outside so now he's like i mean i mean i'm supposed to like that's a lot of noise that bus that's out there i'm like it's literally just a bus also he literally walks up to the window and he goes wow that's where the bus is i mean it doesn't sound as loud as if you were outside yeah that's what a wall does kenny okay it dampens fucking sound i can't like everything kenny says i've just like put my head why are you moving to a city if you don't want to hear the city sounds why it's funny that he's like outside it made more noise but inside it doesn't make as much noise it's weird how that happens that's a strange phenomenon it's also clear that to me i also just hate when people leave one place and then the new place they move to they want to be just like the place they left he's like he's like yeah it's not quiet here you know it's not quiet it's also like not 75 degrees and has left like i don't feel like i've got sun-kissed air on me it's like why did you leave hawaii if everything that you want is everything you're getting in hawaii yeah it's like why is it always gray here where do you guys tan i just grew up with that so get scotland y 'all god damn so um she she goes what does linda say she's like wow um she says something like wow she says something so he's gonna have to compromise because laura's like kenny's gonna have to compromise and he's looking um for something that has everything he wants and then linda goes but that realization continues to elude kenny kenny's an idiot i'll just say it she's over they're both both of these women are so over kenny so he goes to have um scottish tapas including haggis with his friend who i don't even believe is his friend honestly his friend never looks at him or speaks to him and kenny's like i guess i'll try the veggie haggis I'll try that one.

24:40And then we find out what haggis is. And he's like,

24:44Ben Mandelker: traditional haggis is a mix of sheep's offal with vegetables and spices cooked in sheep's stomach. They like to call it the Kenny of meats in Scotland. Veggie haggis is just stupid stuff. We call it veggie haggis. So stupid people like Kenny will eat it. And then Kenny takes a bite of it. And it's like, dude, you're going to be a local here. You can't keep making this face every time you try a local thing. He's like, I mean, I guess it's okay. You're going to be kicked out of fucking Scotland before you even get here. Don't mess with happiness. If people who knew me were to describe me in three words, they would say I'm kind.

25:20Ben Mandelker: I try to embrace the aloha spirit even when I'm not in Hawaii. Number two would be adventurous because I work gigs around the world and crave adventure. And third would be unique or abnormal since I've taken the road less traveled in life. I've also heard scary, strange, indecisive, and generally annoying. I don't know if that counts as one words or two. I thought it was funny at this part because they clearly asked him, okay, Kenny, tell us about yourself. He's like, uh, I don't know. Okay, Kenny, just tell us if there were three words to describe you. And he goes, um, well, kind, um, tall. also this took 20 minutes and he still never came out with anything he said his last one he's like but abnormal maybe because nobody has a friend like me i know that the laugh that he did he gets progressively stranger across the episode in the beginning i was like i mean this guy seems like fine he sort of doesn't have personality but he's fine but by the end of the episode i was like get this man off that's my tv i can't stand him anymore so he's like um he's talking about how it's one thing to rent a place internationally for a month, but it's another to uproot and buy a home for a new life abroad.

26:38Ben Mandelker: He's like, yeah, this bit, the challenge is like really hard because I have to find nearly everything I want in my home. But, you know, as long as it's close to surfing, coconut, coconuts, if there could be a coffee farm nearby, that would be great. And I don't know, maybe some papayas and banana bread. So we see on the screen, summer in Falkirk features an average high of about 65 degrees Fahrenheit. Whereas Hawaii's average summer temperature is 85. Stupid Kenny. So Kenny's like, I just like wish it was hotter here. And Laura's like, well, listen, I can understand the move from Falkirk to Hawaii.

27:17That's a win. But I don't really get to Hawaii to Falkirk. What the fuck are you doing, Kenny?

27:23Ben Mandelker: Yeah, you're not alone. My friends and family would say the same if they were still alive. But I don't know. mysterious fire happened but it's just become so unaffordable prices have skyrocketed i love the idea of being able to take short direct flights to all my favorite places in europe but alas hawaii has just gotten too crowded there's no more room for me you know that there's other islands right what at the very least they're florida kenny what jesus there's literally islands on florida too what there's also a caribbean what spell it i don't believe you okay so then laura's like oh god this kenny's so decisive does he want quiet in nature which puts him further outside of town without a car or does he want centralized with amenities that don't require driving that don't have nature what the fuck kenny so now we go see house number two and they are out of town center which means they're far because it's not like a regular place where the suburb is maybe 10 minutes outside of town.

28:25It's like an hour, you know, or it's like 45 minutes.

28:29Ben Mandelker: In the middle of nowhere, in a generic space, the landscape is pretty because it's Scotland, of course, it's pretty. But there's like nothing around. And they go to this building, which is totally unremarkable outside and in. And it's called House No. 2 is a blank slate because there's like no furniture in it. all the rooms are strange shaped they're all like different angles and like it's just like weird it just feels stuffy in there to me like you can tell this is one of those places where like you have to have the heater on all like all winter until you say okay it is time for me to shut off the heater and then it's like off you know it's like you can't just like turn on and off it's like you have to like do something in the boiler room and i just automatically did not like this space and they see they keep saying nature but it's not like you look outside and there's rolling hills of green and a waterfall it's not like that it's just grass it's literally just grass and then you see the road a rainy road you know and he's like wow nature oh my god this fucking guy get a plant so it's a two-bedroom one bath it's on the second floor it's in nature it's far as fuck from town it's not walkable he doesn't have a car and it's 120 grand which is way under budget but bro you're very far away yeah like very very far away so just like looking around and he's like well i don't hear too much noise that's good oh that's because the nearest person is three hours from you everyone else who lives in this building is a ghost they've already died kenny this is where we house people who got eliminated from the traitors i'm not gonna lie so they's just outside like how dare you

30:16Ben Mandelker: so kenny goes into this there's a one thing i will say about this place it has a nice size kitchen and he goes he walks in he's like wow small kitchen excuse me sir you don't even own a place and you're gonna have to comment on the size of the kitchen and she's like I don't think it's that small. I think it's a decent size. She's like, you're in Europe. This is palatial. Yeah, and he's like, but I can't fit a dining room table in here. She goes, well, yeah, but you do that in the other room where there's a dining room. Let me show you. And he's like, oh, I guess you could put a dining room in here.

30:49Yeah, that's why it's called a dining room. You stupid motherfucker.

30:54Ben Mandelker: He's like, I didn't know how to do it because buying my own furniture is a foreign thing to me. this place is a blank slate to work with but i've been given blank canvases an art class in the past and i don't really have anything to do with them except doodle but and get a failing grade i've been told that my personality is like a blank slate but i don't really know what that means this was some insight into his life though he goes to art class they give him a canvas and he just doodles and fails and he thinks it's great he's like isn't that amazing no no one fails art class Kenny all you have to do is put paint and call it your feelings Kenny well you finally delivered on the nature I've been asking you for she's like thank you she's like that felt a little aggressive but that's fine he is aggressive with her and he keeps being like you promised me nature Lori you fucking moron where's the nature is bus nature now Lori it's the bus made out of bush Lori it's like yeah i have to take a bus ew god i don't want to i don't want to have to buy a car but now i have to drive a bus gross i don't want any of it i'm gonna have to hold my own groceries you know he's like he's describing all the things that he wants that he that you'd get with car privilege he's like but he doesn't actually want to buy the car he's like what i have to go on a vehicle where i can't even control the radio what's even the point yeah he's like yeah a bus that's crazy because then I'll have to take a bus to the city center and then I'll have to go to the grocery store but then I'll have to take the groceries on the bus that's gonna be really hard Laura she's like yeah that's why you live in the city center you fucking dick suck does the bus have a trunk I can put my groceries in and I don't know is there is there a USB port where I plug in my phone and listen to music.

32:46Ben Mandelker: Does the bus have car? Yes or no? Is there lumber support? You want a car, don't you? No, I don't want a car at all. So now we go back to the city streets of Falkirk. Can we see? No, but before that, this is where Linda gets feisty. She goes, will Kenny's limitless indecision finally derail his hunt? I'm getting sick of this motherfucker. So we go back to the city center and it's raining again because of course and they look at a statue of a soldier and uh he's like do do you have any like shirtless soldiers i'm just like used to that in hawaii you know like do you have any statues like i don't know that are shirtless this is making me uncomfortable it's just what i grew up with it's too cold here in scotland to be shirtless no one's taken off a shirt in this in this region in 300 years by the way have you seen the movie braveheart you better have otherwise it gets run out of town.

33:41Ben Mandelker: This is the tomb of Sir John de Graham, William Wallace's favorite soldier's daughter's barista. Oh, okay. By the way, don't say anything bad about Mel Gibson here, okay? We just pretend the past decade hasn't happened. Also, just so you know, Scrooge McDuck is a huge hero here, so be careful. So Kenny's like, I've really been researching history, and one thing i've noticed is scotland doesn't have much sun i'm gonna i'm gonna write somebody about that because it's what i grew up with he's really um i like that like he did a lot of research only to find out that scotland doesn't have a lot of sun i just made that up but he's like yeah i believe you yeah he's like yeah i'm a dish i'm i you know like i bungee jump or like paraglide so i'm gonna I have to push myself with this uncomfortable decision.

34:39I have commitment phobia. You know, I'm still single and I've never bought a home. So maybe everyone's right and I don't know how to commit.

34:50Ben Mandelker: I mean, I've been committed, but I don't know how to commit. So then Laura pretends to knight Kenny. She's like, this always has the trick. This little number here always gets someone to buy a house. so uh then the chiron comes up and it was like unfortunately scotch citizenship isn't that easy currently citizenship in scotland is only attainable to the british immigration system sorry suckers yeah they don't really address this like how is he going to just move to scotland they never really address that though huh yeah i don't know i never so so he's like i'm i guess i can be a knight now will unite me and so she unites him with her umbrella and um he's like I'm going to be called Sir Kenny now.

35:37Ben Mandelker: So they go to now house number three, which is also in downtown. And it seems really nice. And Laura takes into a place that is pedestrian only, which means there'll be no car noise. So it'll be much better than the other place that had a bus, a God forsaken bus. So he's excited. He's like, yeah, this is great. This is exactly what I want. So house number three is on high street. which is funny because Kenny seems fairly high through most of this episode. And it's two bedroom, two bathroom. It's central, it's walkable. It's$180 ,000, which is on budget. And he does that thing where he's like, wow, that's gonna just wipe out all my money.

36:15Ben Mandelker: I'm like, yeah, but it's in your budget. So don't complain. Yeah, it's your budget. What are you complaining about? Fucking Kenny. If that's too much for you, then it's not your budget. Don't say$180 ,000 is your budget, if it's too much for you. And it's designed by the people who designed the Love Island set. It looks crazy. like it's super ultra modern but it's like you know pretty it's it's fun it's like a single swinging bachelor kind of pad you know neon lights everywhere and it's still pretty nice um and he goes wait a minute though laura you promised me nature and she's like kenny there's no nature in the city kenny do you understand what i'm trying to say oh yeah but you know what there's a church what did i tell you about quiet is that bell gonna keep going off and she's like every hour he's like God, Laura, I hate bells, stupid churches.

37:01And then every time they walk to another room, he goes, yep, I can still hear the bell from in here.

37:06Ben Mandelker: Well, and then they are so funny because they just run the bell sound throughout this entire scene. They're just like trolling him and us. You just hear bong, bong, bong, bong, the entire scene. He's like, I don't know. At one point, he's like, why is the bell still going on? It's not even the top of the hour anymore. She's like, I don't know. It's a bell tower. It's just what it does. What do you want from me? It's a bell tower. So they check it out. It's a pretty nice place. It's all modern and new looking. And they go look at the guest room. It's like, I can still hear bells. So it's like, listen, Laura, I'm still having some internal conflict.

37:47Oh, well, I totally understand that. I've considered suicide three times.

37:53Ben Mandelker: Just talking to you. Just talking to you. in two days, Kenny. Two days. So now we look at the three options. The number one, number two, number three. Number one's the bachelor pad. My choices were number one, the number three, the number two. So naturally, the one that he goes for is the worst one, which is the second one. He goes for number two. The place was obviously number one for me. I mean, yes, there's a bus outside. Okay. No one loves that. But it was the nicest, the cheapest. you're up you're by all the restaurants you're in the city center come on yeah this was this was no he chooses the one with no taste the worst shapes the least um livable and the furthest from town and so now he has to take the fucking bus every place and he's like the bus isn't so bad i guess you know i mean they don't have car play but it's decent and now he's gonna like drag all of his friends out to the stupid suburbs that none of them want to go to.

38:55Ben Mandelker: They want to just stay in Falcirk. So he's just going to drag everyone down with a stupid thing. And then, you know, I guess the one upside is that we got to learn about the Scottish soda called Urnbrew. Which he also disses. He's like, wow, so I guess your local soda is kind of... I mean, it's okay, I guess. Wow, thanks for coming here just to diss our culture, Kenny. Yeah, I mean, honestly. But he does He does now get to connect with Scotland to take advantage of those direct flights under$100 to some of his favorite cities in Europe. So that's it. Well, thanks, everyone. If you have an episode that you want us to recap from House Hunters, make sure it's available on Macs because they actually just moved a whole bunch of episodes off the platform.

39:46Ben Mandelker: And then send us an email with dwell hello suggestion in the subject. It's that way we read it. If it's not in the subject, there's a good chance we'll miss it. Yeah. If it's not in the subject, we're skipping it forever. All right, everybody. Thanks so much. We'll talk to you next time. Bye. This episode is sponsored by Nature Raised Farms. There are so many complicated things on Bravo. Like opening the front door on Summer House. Or figuring out how to wear a Linfinity dress. Or understanding Tom Schwartz's purpose on the Valley. In a world full of confusing choices, thank goodness for Nature Raised Farms.

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