Dwell Hello #518: His Shirts and Her Pole in Boblingen, Germany

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2:27Ding dong.

2:33Ronnie Karam: Ding dong. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding dong.

2:47Well, hello.

2:53Ben Mandelker: Well, hello and welcome to Dwell Hello. It's a Watcher Crappens House Hunters podcast bonus thing that we do here for Wondry Plus. Thanks so much for coming over here and listening. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. What's going on, Ronnie? How are you? I'm good. How's it going with you today, sir? Oh, it's going really well. It's going really, really well. I had a lovely breakfast at a place called Tostique, which I thought was the funniest name I've ever heard. Tostique? Tostique. Moss Tostique. We're going to go to Tostique, which they had some really good toasts.

3:29Ronnie Karam: That's very Orange County.

3:30Ben Mandelker: It's very. Isn't it so?

3:32Ronnie Karam: It's so Orange County. You should have called up Kiki Monique to meet you at Tostique and talk about Mozambique.

3:40Ben Mandelker: I should have. Okay, this has nothing to do with what we're talking about today, because today it is House Hunters. and it is House Hunters season 200 episode 6 the name is his shirts and her pole in Boblingen Boblingen Germany just look up his shirts and her pole we found it on HBO Max formerly Max formerly formerly HBO Max now back to being HBO Max formerly Max or HBO but this is a actually just to clarify this is House Hunters International traditional not house hunters uh if you see an episode that you really like be sure to email us at watch what crappens at gmail.com and put dwell hello suggestion that exact phrase into the subject line so that way we can easily look it up when we are looking for ideas um many because of hbo and hbo max and all this stuff happening with that app they've actually gotten rid of a bunch of house hunters episodes so just double check that it's available on that app um we uh because that's where we're really looking for or youtube tv this was actually suggested by wendy and savannah so thank you guys for the suggest thanks wendy and savannah shall we dive right into it should

4:59Ronnie Karam: we get into this let's do urban let's get to it um so this couple wow so this guy is very bright He wears very short shorts in pastels. Tight. Short, tight. Very, very tight. He looks like the cop from Reno 911 who always wore short shorts. Yeah. Dangle. Dangle? Yeah. Officer Dangle?

5:24Ben Mandelker: I think it's Dangle. I think it was Dangle. Yeah. He's got thick legs, too. He really is like. He's hot. He is sort of hot in a beefy, oafy, straight guy way, right? Yeah. Like. Yeah. like uh he's sturdy he's like a sturdy guy he's a marine thick legs on him he's got some tree trunks going on right there yeah um so uh yeah he's like he kind of dresses like goose from top gun which is top of mind because yes just was talking about top gun and he looks like um also

6:02Ronnie Karam: the guy from that soccer show what's that soccer show called on apple i was like oh someone's feeling good show ever. Ted. Yeah, he looks like Ted Lasso.

6:12Ben Mandelker: Ted Lasso. Ted Nugent.

6:16Ronnie Karam: So that's him. And she is kind of a crazy faced. She's kind of like a Huntington Beach Lisa Hochstein. She's got kind of Lisa Hochstein face. Yes. They're both really tacky like strip mall, you know, run of the mill white people from california so they look like yeah and they're showing up in germany technically he's from

6:43Ben Mandelker: arizona but um when she says that she's from huntington beach california it's like you didn't even have to say it you didn't have to say it because you look like every single person i've ever seen come out of huntington beach california yeah when she says she's from huntington beach i said we know we know okay we have eyes yeah we can tell we can tell for those of you who don't

7:06Ronnie Karam: No Huntington Beach. That's Orange County. So there you go. You know, the Orange County look. We all watch OC, so we all know the look.

7:14Ben Mandelker: It's like where it's I don't know if Tamara's son, Ryan, ever lived in Huntington Beach. But if he did, I would not be surprised. That's Huntington Beach.

7:23Ronnie Karam: Yes. Huntington Beach is like not as fancy as some of the places they live on the OC. But, you know, it's it's that kind of general area look.

7:32Ben Mandelker: It's like where like the OC angels would go to hang out would be. It's like Ryan, before he became a cowboy, would be very Huntington Beach. Now he's not Huntington Beach necessarily, but he sort of is, actually.

7:45Ronnie Karam: Yeah, okay. So now we go to Hunter. He's been an officer in the Marine Corps for 10 years. And when he's not working, he has his own style of uniform. It's extremely tacky. So he's like, yeah, going for a little bit of a Magnum PI look, as you can see here, guys.

8:03Ben Mandelker: well D his newlywed bride likes to stay in shape by sliding it up on a pole and then he's like yeah you're a stripper she's like I'm not a stripper

8:14Ronnie Karam: and then we get Kevin who we've seen many times on House Hunters International the realtor and he's like they're going to really stand out here in Port Bingen

8:26Ronnie Karam: I'm hoping we don't get attacked on way to home showing because you should look crazy

8:33Ben Mandelker: this is there there was a big cringe factor this episode watching this guy in his like short shorts and very bright hawaiian shirts just walk around and then she's just sort of in like huntington beach outfits just walking around to formal germany and i was like do we really have to export this to europe right now like does this is this really what we need does the world

8:56Ronnie Karam: Isn't our reputation suffering enough?

8:59Ben Mandelker: I know. Yeah, please. Come on. Help us out. Okay. Help us.

9:04Ronnie Karam: I mean, even when they end up with their house at the end, they're sitting there out on the lawn with their, you know, their like floofy umbrella drinks, iced teas or whatever. And they've got pink flamingos in the yard. And I'm like, you know what? Are you guys, why are you insisting on this? Why? This is tacky in America.

9:24Ben Mandelker: This is already tacky in America. and we already have a base level of tackiness that's unacceptable in europe okay why are you

9:33Ronnie Karam: doing this they're like i really can't wait to go to germany and just piss everybody off which is kind of fun to watch so and d you know they're talking about their style and how wacky they are and d tells us um yeah the german stare guys it's a real thing yeah wait until you hear the fucking disdain that comes out of their mouth once you learn a little bit of the language because german people are not going to hold back i can tell you that right now i used to work with a lot of german people and they would we had to run i told you about this it was like a european traveling 1920s tent and it was like a five it was a very fancy like dinner theater kind of experience and it was a cirque de soleil type show so there were like trapeze people in the the middle.

10:19Ronnie Karam: It was really gorgeous. And all the waiters, except for five of us were from Europe. And so there were a lot of Germans and we had to run the plates out in one number. We had to like run all the plates in a circle. And they would always tell me, sneller fatso, sneller fatso, move it. And one of the guys told me, oh my God, you are so handsome, but you eat so much. Maybe eat less. And then he grabbed me and made out with me. And I was like, wow, this is, this is the kind of hospitality I could get used to. You know, it's just like straight up brutal honesty. And then a make out.

10:54Ben Mandelker: That made me sneeze, that story. That story made me sneeze. I had an allergic reaction.

11:03Ben Mandelker: Yeah, yeah, they're, yeah, the Germans will definitely tell you. So now the episode begins and D is like, I grew up in Huntington Beach, California. And he's like, yeah, and I was raised in Mesa, Arizona. It's like, this is basically an inverted, you know, Kelly, Kelly Dodd relationship we're seeing here.

11:26Ronnie Karam: And he's always he from Michael Beach, Michael.

11:30Ben Mandelker: I don't know. It's just seemed like a really interesting parallel to draw in the moment. And then it fell apart very quickly.

11:35Ronnie Karam: Well, I feel like they are both like the human embodiment of pins on a map of where they're from. You know? Yeah. Like, you know how they have the pins on the map on the visual here on House Hunters. is they could just put their figures it's like yes you are from huntington beach and yes you

11:50Ben Mandelker: are from mesa arizona you know on the amazing race whenever they reach like a checkpoint and phil is standing there and they check in they always have like a representative of like the country and like the local culture and like local like traditional garb to greet them they're like welcome to mongolia i feel like the she's like huntington beach like welcome to huntington beach and he is Mesa, Arizona. They are the Amazing Race avatars for like, welcome to my local culture. Yes.

12:20Ronnie Karam: Exactly. And they met on a dating app because where else would you meet? And we see them check into a hotel in Bobbleton, Germany with their puppy. Their puppy is so fucking cute, I can't with their dog. It's this big shaggy poodle type thing and they put a big bow on, or like a big top pony on top of his. Top pony.

12:40Ben Mandelker: I was so mad at that top pony because it reminded me of the dog in animal crossing when you play animal crossing and you have to like go like there's a dog who like when you log on in the morning she makes announcements and she's like hello islanders today it's gonna be sunny and it's a dog and she has a little top pony and i can't stand her till i i don't like dogs with top ponies in general but then dom did tell me that it's actually to keep the hair out of the dog's eyes the dog can see which i was like

13:06Ronnie Karam: I dealt with this couple is to keep the hair out of the dog's eye.

13:10Ben Mandelker: I will allow an accessibility-oriented top pony, but that's the only one.

13:17Ronnie Karam: Because you know this dog barely knows how to go potty outside, but she's already trying to teach it how to hang upside down from that pole. It's just this is that kind of lady. It's like, you're going to get a ponytail, you're going to hang upside down, you're going to make some dollars, I don't care where you pee.

13:30Ben Mandelker: Okay, that's a dog that goes in circles a lot. You know that's a dumb dog. You can tell that's a dumb dog. which is not which is fine actually like dumb dogs are actually hilarious like that some some would say even a dumb a dumb dog does the best kind of dog but that's definitely a dumb dog

13:45Ronnie Karam: i said that about boyfriends so um hunter is like oh yeah we're gonna be needing a room that's dog friendly and print friendly we both love prints and bright colors hunting to be friendly please

14:03Ben Mandelker: poll friendly please like we do not allow polish people here oh no that means something else in europe god i guess we're gonna have to get ready for a lot of poll jokes

14:17Ben Mandelker: so hunter's like yeah i was in 29 palms at the time using a lot of my one palm if you know what i'm saying so i was maxing out my radius to possibly meet some women from san diego or Orange County. It was pretty tough.

14:29Ronnie Karam: You got a lot of blowjobs from dudes. I'll tell you that much. I've been to 29 Palms many, many a time. It's right by Palm Springs and there's a base there and my God, it's fun to go out there. The guys are so fucking hot. All the military guys. Oh my God. How does this, wait, what is it? I love just going to the Mexican restaurant there and just looking at all the guys when they're like, I don't know, in town and just looking so hungry, hungry, hungry man.

14:57Ben Mandelker: 29 palms wow 29 palms um that sounds exciting it is wow it is you ever hook up do you ever hook up with someone from 29 no i couldn't do that i feel like they'd be like get get down and give me 20

15:14Ben Mandelker: and you're like 20 20 when you're like you you're like why don't you get down and do 20 you're lucky i even got out of a chair for this okay sir i'm gonna give me you 20 anything

15:27Ronnie Karam: so um d's like oh yeah you were a two and a half hour drive away so i said come over remember i'll leave you the key i just left him a key i said make yourself at all so i met you on my couch that's where we met each other that's what we do in huntington beach i was basically so

15:44Ben Mandelker: desperate for a man that i let a complete stranger just walk in the door and sleep on my sofa it's worked out ever since.

15:52Ronnie Karam: Yeah, even though we're newlyweds, we are kind of nervous because we've never lived together before in the same house. I mean, in Europe, someplace we've never been together at all at the same time. But why not? Why not? You know, she has a decent couch. It's an actual sectional. It's not just a couch with a long chase end, which I really can't stand. It's an actual corner piece and separate pieces on the side. That's my kind of woman right there.

16:16Ben Mandelker: If he had actually said that, I'd be like, this guy's my hero because there is a difference. There is a difference. Okay.

16:23Ronnie Karam: Calling them sectionals. It's a long couch. You're trying to trick me with your chase.

16:27Ben Mandelker: Yeah. Like I understand it's a different section. You can take it off. It's modular, but you can't sit in like a nice arrangement with those things. I can't stand that. And I'm saying that as someone who had one of those sofas. So, um, they arrive in their hotel room and D is like, well, I mean, how's, how's our dog supposed to fit in this doggy bed? because there's like a little doggy bed made for like a chihuahua and the big dog is like confused, like putting a paw in it. Not sure what to do. Off to a great start.

16:58Ronnie Karam: He's like, well, it's going to be a tough adjustment trying to maintain and keep her job. She's like, oh yeah, I'm still working in the hours of the state, so when it's nighttime there, it's morning here. Oh no. Yeah. Not a lot of nightlife. I guess I'll be pulling in the morning. Yeah, pulling in the morning. We've seen that in Huntington. After we got engaged, we had to decide where we're going to live. We said, why not somewhere that they're going to hate us? Let's just go somewhere they're going to absolutely fucking hate us.

17:26Ben Mandelker: At first, we were going to go to Connecticut. But then we're like, you know what? Germany is available. So let's go there instead. We never found out what her job was, did we? Right. I was very curious to know what her nine to five essential oils. I don't know. Essential oils. I don't know what it is.

17:41Ronnie Karam: Yeah. Something like that.

17:43Ben Mandelker: Make oil in America again.

17:44Ronnie Karam: he says that an opportunity opened up in europe so let's just go for it we're gonna make our first home together in germany guys kevin's like oh my god please please no please turn back turn back i beg of you for your own safety why does tv network always send me these people

18:01Ben Mandelker: well bobling it's it's bobling and i think it's i feel like he said it differently as a bomb Boblingin? Boblingin? Boblingin? Boblingin? Boblingin?

18:13Ronnie Karam: I don't know.

18:14Ben Mandelker: I'm so bad.

18:14Ronnie Karam: I watched this two days ago and I've already forgotten it. Sorry for the ignorance.

18:20Ben Mandelker: Yeah, well, he basically tells us that Boblingin used to be a very small, sleepy town with less than 10 ,000 people living here. And after the Second World War, it grew a lot. And there's an army base here now. So Hunter is based. He basically says it's because of him because I think he got stationed there or something like that. Boblingen. So it's like an Nottagen. Yeah, Boblingen.

18:44Ronnie Karam: So yeah, there's a place, Army Base there, and he's like, yeah, you know, and this is a move because of me. And the only anxiety I feel with this move is making sure Dee's happy. Because look at Dee. Wouldn't you want to make this woman happy? God. I took her to a hot dog on a step. It became a mess. I'm not going to lie. She really did try to dance on that thing. But God bless her. She's just got the chutzpah. That's what I say.

19:09Ben Mandelker: And she's like, well, I think the only time that we really buttheads is over your sense of cleaning because everything needs to be in its place. No dust, no crumbs. All the tuna cans have to face forward. Close the cupboard. Put the clothes away. Make sure you turn off the oven. You know, things like that. OK, don't put the iron in the bathtub. God, so many rules. Yeah.

19:30Ronnie Karam: At first I thought she was saying he was the anal one because he looks really anal. He's one of those guys who's like, look at me, don't I dress fun? But he's in like super short, tight, tight shorts and everything's like, even as a wine shirt, it's like perfectly ironed and his facial hair is there, but it's like perfectly trimmed. I mean, he looks very anal. I thought he was the anal one, but no, he's the messy one. He's like, no, you know, there's pile. Yeah. Cause he says, um, yeah, you know, there's piles of clothes. Like there's some, some are dirt. There's okay. He says dirty piles of clothes and clean pile of clothes.

20:04Ronnie Karam: And once you wear the clean clothes, you transfer them over. And then that's a good circle, you know? So he's saying like, I don't even fold my clothes.

20:13Ben Mandelker: You're totally right. Because when he said that, I don't, I just didn't even register the part that like it was two piles. I just was her clean and dirty pile. And I thought he was telling, trying to explain to her how you do laundry. I was like, wow, she's really messy. She doesn't even put her dirty clothes in the dirty clothes pile. Yeah, I was surprised. He's like, it's a very simple thing. Put the dirty clothes in the dirty pile. And she's like, no.

20:37Ronnie Karam: Oh, yeah, because he looks super anal, but I guess he's the dirty one. No. So there you go. Oh, God, I really got that wrong, huh? And Kevin's like, Hunter and Dee, I think are going to really stand out here in bubbling in. Bubbling in. Look around. No, bubbling in. I just looked it up on the internet and still I fuck it. But look around. I mean, it's not like anyone else's dress. Look around. and everybody else is like in very muted kind of H &M looking clothes and then it just goes to these two fucking Easter bunnies

21:08Ben Mandelker: hopping down the road. Everyone's like in like earth tones and formal wear and then it's just like his thighs. We just see his thighs walking through the town square. So Kevin's like, I can already see you brought the sunny colors from California and you brought your dog as well. And they're like, yes, that was an insult. Actually, it was actually two insults.

21:28Ronnie Karam: I can see you brought all of your Phyllis and Crazy Face. They're going to have fun with you. You could make extra money here renting Face out for Bounce House. Would you like? Would you like number? She's like, oh, God. This guy hates us. I love him. I can't wait to invite Kevin over for some Mai Tais.

21:47Ben Mandelker: Oh, I see you brought your disruptive colors and an animal that cannot be a working part of our society. Thank you so much.

21:55Ronnie Karam: oh yeah we brought duke i would just love something very german here's what i'm into super germany okay super super german aesthetic that's what i want i just wanted to scream germany all right this lady now she has no idea what she's talking about like everything they see she's like um i don't think that's german enough i mean where's the german am i right i want to be

22:21Ben Mandelker: in a place that looks so German, you just feel like you're at Oktoberfest, but also has easy access to a Hawaiian shirt store. Is that possible? No. It's very important for us to be in a house that looks super German, but to dress incredibly American. Is that possible?

22:39Ronnie Karam: I want a house super German. I want to be in a house that's basically screaming, how many times do I have to apologize? Okay. That's what I want in the house.

22:49Ben Mandelker: i want i want a house that has no round features only sharp 90 degree angles that's how german i

22:56Ronnie Karam: want it to be i wanted an assistant in the house to wake me up in the morning by telling me to get my ass in gear and stop wasting my fucking life okay that's what i want i want a very honest german

23:08Ben Mandelker: home so um but hunter's like but i'm looking for more modern definitely an outdoor space for a dog but preferably a yard. You know, what is cool about German, like if you want something that looks like traditionally German, but also very modern, I feel like Germany can do it all. Because I think Germany can be both like crazy modern and also crazy fairy tale-y. And I feel like there's just like no way to go wrong in Germany, right? When it comes to German architecture. Like I remember one time I went to Berlin and there was a nightclub and there was all these people standing in line for it. And they're all very modern.

23:47Ben Mandelker: It was East Berlin. So everything was like very modern. And the club was called Sleek. I just thought that was so funny. No, no, no. I'm sorry. It was called Stark. It was called Stark. Stark. Even more German. Very on the nose. It is Stark.

24:03Ronnie Karam: We only give you glass here. Nothing in it.

24:07Ben Mandelker: It is a nightclub in a white room. That is it. Stark.

24:13Ronnie Karam: So he wants three bedrooms, three to four bedrooms. They want guests and family guys to come over. It's just another bus full of crazy-looking people to come torture the state or the country. And so on the screen, we see wishlist, three to four bedrooms. She wants her own office space. She's going to be selling those nutrition shakes pretty hard. So she's going to need a space.

24:37Ben Mandelker: This is unrealistic. You are two people with a dog. You do not need four bedrooms, okay? I mean, maybe you'll have a child, but like right now, that was not part of any of the discussions. So you do not need four bedrooms. Too many. Too many.

24:53Ronnie Karam: Well, I think they want a whole room for the pole, right?

24:56Ben Mandelker: Yeah. I guess there's a room for the office. So they live in one room. They sleep in one room, a room for the pole, a room for the office. And I guess what? The other room is for guests. I guess that's how it works out, I suppose.

25:09Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I guess. I mean, I don't know. Wow. I don't know. Wow. It really adds up. Yeah. So pole dancing, obviously that's on there, a space for that. And she's like, I would love a kitchen where we could cook together and I want to be close to the city, close to the city. Okay. That's very important. So, you know, it's pretty traditional. That's a traditional ask. And she wants some sort of a life outside of the work, you know, work from home office. So she's going to need to be close to some very stark clubs.

25:40Ben Mandelker: what does it mean you want a kitchen that you can all cook in as opposed to a kitchen but you can't cook in together like i guess that they could like a

25:49Ronnie Karam: spacious yeah okay spacious but unfortunately in germany big enough for me hunter and his legs

25:57Ben Mandelker: which are huge unfortunately here in bubbly we only have one at a time kitchens whereas one person goes in at a time and then the other one leaves and waits their turn then they go in and then they cook and then you swap it's very orderly uh and of course they want a four-bedroom home

26:15Ronnie Karam: with the stripper pole for twenty seven hundred dollars and a yard so kevin's like oh they're going to have to compromise you know because a big spacious area for pole dancing that could be a

26:25Ben Mandelker: problem don't we don't have a problem i went to a polka event and there was took much space for all those people to do their dancing like no not actual pole dancing pole dancing oh you don't do dancing here we dance on bratwurst here it's more economical so stupid so kevin's like oh i have to

26:49Ronnie Karam: tell you the germans love dogs but when it comes to renting out places they get very strict about dogs which is why all of our dogs you see mostly in the street begging for things there's a tap dancing one over there. You really have to teach your dog how to survive out here. Look at that one. Oh, look at that one singing Over the Rainbow. Very good dog. This one makes money. This one will live.

27:10Ben Mandelker: Yes, we love our dogs, but, you know, it's really hard. We really have to narrow down the search, mainly because we only like narrow dogs. So we have to have narrow apartment for narrow dogs. And by we love our dogs, we hate our dogs. Yeah, I got the impression

27:25Ronnie Karam: that he was like, yeah, we don't do dogs in Germany. So good luck. we're gonna have to find somewhere that's okay with mongrels okay because we don't do that here

27:34Ben Mandelker: so hunter says we are both very competitive but like i always defer to her so she like always wins out she goes um you don't let me win i win i was like okay all right kelly presson from

27:47Ronnie Karam: jerry mcguire relax listen i love a competitive stripper um yes people have dogs in germany in fact, dogs are very popular with 21 % of German households owning dogs. Isn't that crazy? Because yesterday I was looking up stats for how many illiterate people were in America and it was 21 % of Americans are illiterate. And that's the same amount of people that have dogs in Germany. It's a lot of people. Wow. Okay. Wow. But unfortunately, dogs are as popular in Germany as illiteracy is in America.

28:18Ben Mandelker: But do the, but are those dogs allowed in the house? That's the other question. They all live on the streets. Now you must live on the street. You live on the street now. Do you know what I watched last night for the first time in my life? You're never going to believe it. What? Take one wild guess. One wild guess. A movie I should have seen as a child. I've never seen before.

28:41Ronnie Karam: Annie.

28:42Ben Mandelker: No. Peter Pan. I'd never seen Peter Pan before. Isn't that crazy? What did you think of it?

28:48Ronnie Karam: Did you like it?

28:49Ben Mandelker: um well you know it hasn't aged terribly well uh given that it has incredibly racist depictions of native americans like crazy you're like what am i watching um but let me tell you something captain hook captain hook i'm rooting for i was rooting for him he's first of all he's dressed fabulously he's got body you know he's got face i don't know i don't see why he's so bad you know Peter Pan's a little twerp. But the reason why I brought this up is because they take their dog and they put their dog outside. And they're like, you know what I'm talking about? Nana, the dog.

29:26Ronnie Karam: Yeah, they just leave the dog out. My mom made us do that with our dog growing up. It was horrible. BJ was his name. We had to leave him outside. BJ had a terrible life, I'm sure. He was never allowed on the inside. What kind of dog lives like that? I will never forgive my parents or myself for allowing that to happen.

29:42Ben Mandelker: But maybe it was worth it because BJ went on and started a wholesale club. so you know you go through hardship that's true you get to the good stuff um peter pan i find that

29:52Ronnie Karam: you as you get older you start rooting for the villains in the movies because you see their point you know like i watched yeah i took my niece to see little mermaid and i'm like okay what did ursula do really like she offered you a deal you took the deal and then you wanted to go back on the deal like you made the deal give her your voice like why is she the bad guy i can

30:12Ben Mandelker: understand why she's pissed team ursula team hook i mean those are two of my favorite gays out there i have to say like yeah you know like they the stepmother and cinderella why should why shouldn't

30:26Ronnie Karam: you have to clean up a little bit do your fucking chores and then you can go to the ball like

30:29Ben Mandelker: anybody else yeah that's exactly what i'm saying yeah some new young little butthead moves into

30:37Ronnie Karam: the neighborhood and tries to take over of course you want her fucking stem cells put her down

30:43Ben Mandelker: i mean i get it do we even do we even need to bring up pinocchio that obnoxious little puppet boy like going off he should have become a donkey he should yeah he was the worst fucking

30:55Ronnie Karam: pinocchio wanting to be a real boy oh until you have to poop great great choice idiot meanwhile the rest of us are trying to become dolls you know i mean the grass is really always greener

31:06Ben Mandelker: by the way you know who's a real bitch tinkerbell tinkerbell is a bitch

31:15Ben Mandelker: you watch that watch peter pan again and you will see tinkerbell is a bitch what does she do i don't remember what does she not do she is so mean she's so mean to wendy she's very competitive with wendy and she basically sells out peter pan for nothing i mean like she is mean the entire time and then like when she realized she like sells out peter pan and then of course captain hook like traps her in that lantern so she's like she's like oh no i've learned my lesson but she never has like a moment where she's like you know what wendy i misjudged you she's just like no still fuck wendy

31:51Ronnie Karam: she's such a bitch and she's such a diva like when she's almost dying in the play you have to clap to make her come back to life and like the more applause she gets the more she lives and i I mean, I get it. You know, I get it. So I get to eat it, though. And also, fuck Wendy, too. Wendy's like, no, don't do this. Don't do that. Be mature. Shut up, Wendy. You know what, Wendy? If it wasn't for these immature people, you would be eaten by a fucking crocodile. Okay?

32:15Ben Mandelker: The boys need mothers. No. No, that was the problem in the first place. The mother put the dog outside.

32:25Ronnie Karam: The mother let the kid, you know, go gallivant with pirates.

32:30Ben Mandelker: yeah no by the way that dad that dad was punching way up with that with his wife there i mean she was so hot and he is like this disgusting schlub he didn't you should know and he complained the entire time uh-uh yeah the darlings shut up okay so um shut up team hook team hook so um kevin's

32:53Ronnie Karam: like okay well as you can see we are pretty much in the center of town look at all the dogs out there drinking coffee outside because they are not allowed inside. It's very close to your workplace, Hunter. I know this because lots of very hungry looking men come. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm getting sidetracked. So as you can see, you have everything you need, everyday amenities, because you are in the absolute center, the absolute center of town. Do you understand? Also, the train station is very close because most people are going to look at your face and try to flee. So that's handy for us.

33:26Ben Mandelker: yeah yeah um so they're looking around and d is of course like would there be some place for my pole he's like um i'm not sure i understand are you talking about frederick chopin or roman polanski no not a literal pole you have to understand in america we put poles up in our

33:46Ronnie Karam: rooms and we dance in them we have an entire land for poles it's called poland i should send you on

33:52Ben Mandelker: a train let's see oh my god a land dedicated to pole dancing why are we here in germany

33:58Ronnie Karam: house number one city apartment two bedroom one and a half bath four fourth floor near amenities pole ready small no yard okay um not even close kevin i love that kevin's not even trying they're like three to four bedrooms big kitchen and he's like you'll get nothing this was i this was so

34:19Ben Mandelker: bad no i was gonna say this was so bad every now and then we watch house hunters and they give an option so bad they just cross it off before we even like continue with the episode like we don't even bother thinking that it's like it's not even a question that this is gonna get crossed up at the end of the episodes they don't even bother trying to make us think it's in the running they just cross it off in the first 10 minutes that's what this place was it made none of their

34:42Ronnie Karam: requirements i told you a couple weeks ago i went to a party and saw these waiters i used to work with here at the Moroccan restaurant in Los Angeles. And one of them is named Katrine. She's this German girl. And we just love her because she is so blunt and so fucking rude. I mean, honestly. And she's beautiful. This beautiful, blonde, very angular German chick. And one time a customer was like, yeah, I'm going to have to send this back. I really don't like this fish. And she goes, you know what? This is good for you. This is good for you. And then she just walked off.

35:17Ronnie Karam: that is what kevin just did right now they're like this isn't what we asked for he's like this is good for you go up look at it this is good for you you just got trained

35:29Ben Mandelker: so um uh so so kevin's like yeah we are even though he would like four bedroom apartment with yard and room for paul how about one bedroom apartment no yard no paul and also no roof and also no electricity. Do you like that?

35:44Ronnie Karam: She's like, would there be some space for my pole? He goes, well, maybe there, right in the middle of the living room, or you be judge. You know, you be judge.

35:54Ben Mandelker: Well, I tried to run for local judge in Huntington Beach, but I wasn't allowed. Well, there's, okay, is there an outdoor space, maybe? There's an outdoor space where you can put the pole? And he's like, well, no. So, here's an outdoor space. There's actually a balcony facing a backyard. Oh, but no actual backyard. No, just facing backyard. In Germany, we call that backyard. When you look at backyard, but not yours, it's actually called your backyard.

36:15Ronnie Karam: Your little doggy could look at backyard and maybe think of pooping there, but it can't actually poop there. So as long as you have invisible bags to clean up all the poop, your dog cannot poop.

36:26Ben Mandelker: You also have a view from your balcony to a light pole. So that is sort of like having room for pole. No?

36:36Ronnie Karam: Well, I'm not sure about this. Yeah, no backyard. And I know it doesn't have everything that you asked for, but the good side, we're$2 ,300 a month for this. So let's take a look. So they look over it. It's really small. It's modern. He's saying it's modern, which basically means stark, you know. And it's fine. I think this one's okay. It's nothing what they're asking for. But Dee is like, wait a minute. Where is the German charm here? Okay. Can I have some clocks with some little birds popping out at noon? I mean, what the heck? what I gotta do for the German charm

37:10Ben Mandelker: you know every time every time Hunter brings a new knickknack from traveling or a mug or whatever it is my first thought is where can I hide it am I right which explains why I want to have a house that looks like a giant knickknack itself right lady

37:26Ronnie Karam: you can't talk about how you want to hide all your tacky's husband things when you want to put a pole in the living room I know you know what I mean like come on now yeah let's be honest here so So, yeah, so this isn't going to work. So then he's like, well, obviously, I'm not an expert in pole dancing. So I think it's kind of a trial and error thing. Mostly, I suspect it will be error by looking at her. But we will see.

37:53Ben Mandelker: So, you know, they're like, yeah, they're just sort of like looking around. This is really just such a bad place. He says, OK, here's main bedroom over here. And there's also an integrated office. I'm like, having a desk in a bedroom is not an integrated office, Kevin. It's a desk in a bedroom.

38:10Ronnie Karam: So they talk about the pole more. And she's like, oh, the pole's no big deal. It's just another form of athleticism. Okay? He's like, uh-huh. So the balcony, it's accessible from here, from the bedroom, also from the living room, also from the office, also from the kitchen, also from the downstairs. Because they're all in the same room, actually. It's all the same thing. but where's the space for duke i wanted a german space for duke where is duke gonna put on his

38:36Ben Mandelker: little lederhosen hey do you think we can start calling him archduke now that he's in germany wasn't there an archduke here once no is that serbia trying to make a world war one reference i'm realizing it doesn't make a whole lot of sense right now no way okay i'll just i'll walk that one back that was that was being topical of uh history and geography and i'm just gonna get back on my pole okay yeah let's just get back up here being in germany is going to be a big

39:05Ronnie Karam: adjustment for me huge i'm really close with my family and i just want more space so we can host guests i just love having guests but it needs to be really true i want my mom to come in here and

39:15Ben Mandelker: go what are we in germany is there room for my mom to have a pole too i just want to make sure that everyone my family gets a chance to get on the pole no for one pole no so this one's too

39:28Ronnie Karam: cramped and he's like okay well i know it doesn't have everything on your wish list but i thought i'd show you something close to amenities and close to town center since everything will be new now we'll go to some realistic places you can afford which is poopoo okay we are going to

39:41Ben Mandelker: a part of town which i call poopoo okay hunter's like yeah i mean with two people and a hundred pound dog it'll probably be a little tight but enough about my shorts am i right everyone

39:55Ronnie Karam: and she's like yeah i'm not sure about this place it's really modern it's not giving that german charm really into german charm i want a beer stein okay i want a beer stein as a coffee table that's it and he's like well listen i can usually tell what you're thinking honey mostly because you say it out loud very loudly in my face until i agree with you but uh you know i can tell you're maybe not entirely satisfied with this what gave me that idea kevin that i I said I'm not entirely satisfied with the place. Fucking moron. Jesus.

40:27Ben Mandelker: I just love her saying it's not giving that German charm that I'm looking for. You know what else isn't? You two. Okay. You're going to take away all the charm of these neighborhoods. So shut up. Okay. So now we go to now it's time to heading, heading off to another place. And first they go to a natural wine spot. It's called off grid. Now is the time that you have off grid natural wine. This wine is very natural. you drink it now. It's off the grid.

40:53Ronnie Karam: Unlike wine that you plug in.

40:58Ronnie Karam: What do you have? Solar panel wine? Like, what is this? What is this? Does wine not get Wi-Fi? What does this mean?

41:06Ben Mandelker: We Germans are actually not allowed to go off of a grid. Everything must be in little squares.

41:12Ronnie Karam: Normally we drink grid wine here in Germany, but this one is off grid. So the employee is like, what kind of wine do you like? She's like, Like, um, something German. How about that? I want super Germany wine. Give me that.

41:26Ben Mandelker: I want the wine to look like it's coming out of a Stein. Can you actually serve the wine in a Stein? That way it feels like a beer, but it's a wine. Is it off of the grid or on the grid that you prefer?

41:36Ronnie Karam: I want this wine singing Wilkommen from Cabaret. That's how German I want it. Okay. Give me your most German wine. And they're like, okay, how about Riesling? She's like, fine. I mean, is that from Germany? Great. Give it to me. give me a double

41:52Ben Mandelker: so Hunter says well even though we're newlyweds we're just jumping in with both feet again that's also how I get into my shorts just like she invited me over to her house the very first night god I loved banging her on that dusty mangy sofa that she had so many great memories of Huntington Beach

42:12Ronnie Karam: he's like wow Dee has left behind Dee has left all she left behind Wait, I'm sorry. Dee has... Narrator, you're confusing me, Linda, with his sentence. Dee has left all she left behind. Dee has left all she left behind, except for one thing. I really got into pole dancing. We know, Dee, for fuck's sake, man. And Hunter's like, yep, you're a stripper. I'm not a stripper, honey. A Marine marries a stripper. That's a huge, that's going to be a huge headline in Germany. They're going to love that one.

42:43Ben Mandelker: Typical story. I mean, wait till they find out that we went off the grid, too. Geez. so now um now they go to the park and the narrators hunter has brought something from the states as well and he goes well almost every day i have to wear a uniform so i can choose how i dress i can do whatever i want that's why i wear these crazy clothes because i hate being in a uniform like you know people first of all that's your choice to um be have a job where you're in uniform and also like people dress in uniforms all the time like he's acting like he's so oppressed

43:19Ronnie Karam: he's like oh finally it's me this is me living my free true life i just love that they're like we're here we are living out loud in hawaiian shirts short shorts and stripper poles that's our thing guys so he's like a wine shirt makes me feel happy at all times yeah and so did we find

43:41Ben Mandelker: that that hunter got his style because since he was stationed near palm springs she goes yeah um when he was stationed near palm springs i think it definitely rubbed off on him he's like well honey you should imagine you can only imagine the number of guys who rubbed off on me too in the palm springs let me tell you one thing these guys just come driving up to 29 palms gonna eat burritos at the local restaurants and wow next thing you know back stall am i right everyone

44:07Ronnie Karam: Palm Springs really, really, God, came off on him. He still tries to give me blowjobs. Still tries it to this day. Crazy. Crazy.

44:16Ben Mandelker: That's why we can't allow these gays to marry, because look what they did to my husband. Hawaiian shirts.

44:22Ronnie Karam: I just love that you went to 29 Palms, and he's like, yes, this is me. I'm living free. But all he took from it was the Hawaiian shirts. I know. I think there might be something going on. So now we go back to the car. when Kevin's driving them to the next house. He's like, okay, we are driving a little bit further out for this one, mostly because I'm trying to protect the citizenship. So you can see this is turning more residential, right? He's like, oh, God, I love it. I love residentials. This is great. God, homes, people, sidewalks, love it. Into it.

44:56Ben Mandelker: Just keep in mind that the further we go out, the shops are further away, which is, I'm actually, sorry, I'm just telling everyone, I'm telling actually the Germans this. Don't worry. The farther we go, the farther the Americans are from your shops. Don't you worry, everyone.

45:10Ronnie Karam: Well, I'm super independent. I'm very outgoing. I just say hi to everybody. I definitely need things to do all the time. I hate being bored. I cannot be bored. OK, anything to climb up and hang off of here? Where? Tell me where. OK, who am I going to meet? Where am I going to get my nails done? Who am I going to talk to? OK, where are the women around here? Where are they? Someone get out of here and tell me some shit going on on the street. I need to know. It's me, D. You're going to love me. You're going to love me. hey you ever heard of my tie-in was that german i'm just trying it out

45:40Ben Mandelker: yes just what all the germans can't wait to hear there's a new american in town who's outgoing oh no please close shutters when i was in norway they were like oh americans are so cute they're always so they're always so chatty like that's our reputation like people i think our reputation people think our reputation is us being like loud and obnoxious which it is but i think that we don't realize that like we are so chatty we go abroad and like hi how's it going oh this is so lovely like all of our small talk i think drives the europeans crazy yeah um i love small talk i'm

46:17Ronnie Karam: gonna small that's i think that's the most american thing about well i have a lot of american things about me but i guess that's probably the most american i'll talk to a wall i love it i want to talk to everybody i'm still mad at the home goods i go to i go there like three times a week and i get a couple of hellos but i don't get that like recognized you know when people are like oh hey how you doing remember when you almost bought that chair last week god what made you decide no i mean something but there's nothing they're just like i've never seen you before you know

46:44Ben Mandelker: why are you looking at me this early parking attendant lady at my dentist's office is only now just starting to give me a glimmer of recognition and like i mean i've been working on this one for like three years now like i'm like hi how are you she's like hello but now she's now she's starting to smile a little more warmly but i've yet to get the hi welcome back that's all i

47:08Ronnie Karam: want yeah yeah i need it like there's a manager there and she's like really like fashionable and one time she was wearing the eileen davidson um denim jumpsuit you know that we all know from Beverly Hills, like a full denim jumpsuit. I mean, it was awesome. So a couple of weeks later, I was in there and she was checking me out and I was like, Oh, I thought I'm glad you're still here. She goes, why wouldn't I still be here? I said, I don't know. I just love, I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks. And she's like, Oh, you come in here a lot. I'm like, yeah, I come. I'm like, lady, I've seen this lady three times a week for months now.

47:41Ronnie Karam: And so I was a little hurt, but I was like, yeah, I come in here all the time. I was like, and I always remember you. Cause like, I love your fashion. I loved your denim jumpsuit. She was like, Oh yeah. And I was like, oh, my God. What a monster. She doesn't even appreciate that she's a gay icon to me. I know. Need to find a new home goods. And she's American, too. That's so wrong. Whatever. It's so wrong on so many different levels. It is. You try to be nice to a denim jumpsuit. So house two, garden house, four bedroom, two and a half bath, spacious big yard for the dog. Pricey. It's pricey, guys.

48:16Ronnie Karam: so this one has everything it goes they're looking for but it's three thousand a month

48:21Ben Mandelker: also one more thing the house has a very retro style that i'm excited to show you which um i mean looking at these two they literally are a retro style so i think it would work out well so they so then kevin's like but first of all okay what you have here is already a great example of german 70s style he's like oh well i love the building no i'm

48:45Ronnie Karam: talking about your fashion oh i just got you just got germined this is very german now look down at the uh mat there at the door it says not welcome exactly exactly you'll love it so it's like wow this is really something that's for sure and this place when he says it is uh retro that is another way of saying this has never been and never will be updated ever i mean the inside stairs it looks like a motel from like here in los angeles like one of those like kind of seedy motels where all the walls are that really thick stucco but that stucco's on the inside of the house it's weird

49:24Ben Mandelker: it was like a textured i kind of liked it honestly i thought i had some like the rest of the house but that stairway scared me i liked the stairway i don't know why i i thought it was sort of like i it was retro in a way that i thought was kind of cool i'm into it you know i have like weird retro like i'm i do like certain weird retro things like i like a like an old school 1984 wood paneled room you know for like a den i think it's like that thing it's like oh it's what you grew up with it so you have like fond memories of those and like everyone makes fun of wood paneling i know wood paneling is back in a chic way but not the style as it was in 1984 that's still not back yeah and i actually really like that a lot i thought kind of very warm and cozy so like i don't know i kind of like this staircase all right so this is the house for you then i

50:11Ronnie Karam: mean it is that kind of house where it really is a time machine and um we know because kevin says i feel like i'm in time machine and it is and he's like they look like and he goes they look like they just got out of an album music video so they are just dressed apart so no one else will rent

50:26Ben Mandelker: it so i figured this idiot would do it yes seriously he's like okay so over here is living room it's very spacious right and the the before you even ask i do not know if it fits pole okay i do not know i don't understand the pole i don't like the pole and i don't want to see the pole

50:42Ronnie Karam: enough with the pole yeah here's a good place for pole that's inside the fireplace exactly okay take the hint take it she's like well i don't know about the living room but this would be a

50:56Ben Mandelker: really nice size for you know three of us up here you know it's like you know we can have fun so then they look outside and it has this really nice backyard but then Kevin's like and you can see the bushes over there to the left and the right those are pretty much the borders and Hunter's like so there's no fence, just open it's like yeah

51:17Ronnie Karam: there's fence in some parts yeah I mean there's some parts fence but you know, maybe you could get extra fencing I love when realtors say shit like that just get a fence 20 grand something like that, no big deal in this rental. Go ahead. Buy a fence.

51:33Ben Mandelker: And isn't it like a shared backyard? It looked like there was other units that were attached to the same backyard. I don't know what it was, but...

51:41Ronnie Karam: Yeah, the neighbors are going to hate them for letting their dog just run out there and poop every day. Yeah, absolutely. So he's like, they think Duke is going to love it. And then we see Duke just like with the ponytail on top of his head. He has no idea what's going on. duke is just hoping that there's a blockbuster he can work at i know seriously so then they look at

52:05Ben Mandelker: the kitchen and um it's nice and kevin's saying how you can go from the dining area into the kitchen which is which is nice when they do that on the show when the house does that and um they like you know it's like it's great size also and d is like wow i mean this looks a little bit more modern than i was expecting compared to the to the house you know i just i don't know maybe it's just me, but I was really just hoping we'd have like a coal-burning stove and no electricity, maybe a cauldron. Is that possible that we could do that with this place? No? Okay. Yeah.

52:36Ronnie Karam: Can I have a wall made out of Haribo gummy bears? That would be great. I need more Germany. Okay? We just get more Germany.

52:44Ben Mandelker: Don't re-traumatize me. I told you this, right? That Michelle and Lauren took me to the Haribo world headquarters? Really? No, I don't think I heard this one. Because I hate gummy bears. It's actually not so much. It's more like I don't like fruity smells and candies and things like that. I hate them. And my least favorite thing is when I'm in a car and someone opens up some gummy bears and all that fake strawberry, whatever. All that fruity smell just permeates the car. So I hate the smell of gummies en masse. but like the the the gummy haribo headquarters were in bond germany which is where um where our friend michelle was staying for a year and so i was visiting her with our friend lauren and so then we went to the haribo world headquarters which is basically like being in a giant room of wall-to-wall gummies and it was pure torture for me that was the worst thing i ever did in germany go to there

53:44Ronnie Karam: that's funny uh so she's like well you know this house is cool it's so different we're definitely not going to find this back in california oh yes you would just not in huntington beach this is a very la old la style house isn't it yeah it's a hundred percent this is like generic

54:01Ben Mandelker: she's like well wait a second in a kitchen that flows out of the dining room you're not going to find that outside of germany i'll tell you that much yeah she's an odd she's an odd duck well

54:10Ronnie Karam: because you know it goes what D is looking for in a traditional and it could be easier to please her on this one than Hunter because Hunter's not going to like it and so there's a little tiny room that she could use for an office which she likes and she goes and there could be a pole in here there could be a pole we may have a winner honey we may have a winner

54:29Ben Mandelker: I'm having visions of like a printer getting knocked off that shelf every single day as she tries to do her pole dancing well knocked over the HP again can we go back to Staples

54:40Ronnie Karam: yeah and it's right in front of a window and the window looks out into the neighbor's home and so hunter's like wow yeah it's perfect for the neighbors to see she's like perfect i love it i could love it someone is stripping without an audience these dollars don't print themselves

54:57Ben Mandelker: well actually the euros are actually are coins so they'll be very hard to take uh if they don't

55:02Ronnie Karam: to match you so please don't break the windows this is a rental d is like uh she's like well i

55:10Ben Mandelker: like the floor and there's lots of storage here and the bedroom is huge and hunter's like yeah i don't really think the color palette in germany is consistent with my taste i would you mean bright like neon fluorescent green and like flamingo colors like no i don't

55:27Ronnie Karam: so yeah i don't trust you two with your taste um so he's like yeah we want to be able to host friends and family we need a big backyard blah blah blah so they keep looking this one's big this one's really big lots of stairs lots of rooms yeah they just keep going up and up and up

55:43Ben Mandelker: yeah it feels like it and then they get to like their bed their bathroom and the mirror on the bathroom the mirror in the bathroom is like really high up so she can't even see herself in the mirror and just imagine the designer is like you're not allowed to look at yourself in the mirror until you are at least five six otherwise you do not deserve it you are not enough to ride this mirror you do not deserve reflection until you are until you are five six i mean there's a

56:11Ronnie Karam: place for the pole that'll make sure you use it every day just climbing up to look at yourself in the mirror just to get your hair just to curl your hair really get some thigh work there um so So they like this place. Kevin's like, well, he's looking for modern. She's, you know, and there's not too many modern things here. But I feel like it's absolutely important to have modern option for Hunter. He's so hot. He's so hot. You know, so let's go show a hot person something. I want to show your legs something. Do your knees have eyes? Let me look closer. Okay. Okay. I can get off the floor there, Kevin.

56:44Ronnie Karam: I'm so sorry. I feel like I'm 29 pounds.

56:49Ben Mandelker: So now we see Dee and Hunter, and they are dressed up for Oktoberfest. They go to this big sort of festival area.

56:54Ronnie Karam: Oh my God, this is so embarrassing. Why are they dressed like that? No one is dressed like that. They're just like in costumey Oktoberfest costumes like you'd wear at an American kind of jokey thing. No one, everyone else is in jeans and a t-shirt just looking at them like, why?

57:11Ben Mandelker: And then he goes, wow, that looks like a beer fest place. Really? You mean the place that's serving beer that says Oktoberfest?

57:24Ronnie Karam: So Hunter and Dee have come to Germany to embarrass everybody. Okay. They're bringing a little bit of California clothing with them. He's like, well, when we were out of town, I'm wearing something like this. We get stairs. But, God, it's good to be here in Germany. Well, I mean, we're also getting stairs. You think those are good stairs? That lady, do you think the middle finger being flipped up means the same thing in Germany as it does in America? Wait, hold on. I think she's saying something in Germany to me. Go home, stupid. I don't know what that means. I don't know the language yet. We're new here.

57:55Ronnie Karam: Good to meet you.

57:56Ben Mandelker: You know, the German stare, I mean, that is a real thing. I mean, German palate's very muted. And so when they see us walking down the street, they just sort of stare at us. And some people ask us, are we walking in a grid formation? And I say, sometimes I walk in circles and they say, you should leave the country now. And it's awkward. They really do stare us down. I'm a little uncomfortable.

58:18Ronnie Karam: Oh, gosh. That was a pretzel in my face. It must be a compliment. Thank you. Thank you for the pretzel. Thank you. Can't wait to be your neighbor.

58:28Ben Mandelker: There's something called the German fling, where they put a soup in some mustard and fling it at you.

58:35Ronnie Karam: Normally, they throw pretzels at the street dogs. So I guess take it as a compliment.

58:42Ben Mandelker: The street dogs, which we also call our home dogs. so so then uh kevin is there he's also in it he's also dressed up and they're like oh my god what a coincidence we ran into kevin wow it's so fun that you dressed up for this event too he's like no this is just what's up by avide so uh because he's in like leader hosen and stuff and then they walk up to this giant thing of sausages being cooked which is funny because i actually cooked bratwurst last night it's like i knew this episode was going to be happening and um she's never tried

59:18Ronnie Karam: bratwurst before which hunter just walks up he's like wow what am i back out off the plane in 29

59:24Ben Mandelker: palms jesus christ i'm in oh wow so now that's now it's time to go to house number three which is a very modern apartment kevin finds a place that's more hunter style and it's closer to town for d In other words, tacky as fuck and embarrassing for everyone around them.

59:47Ronnie Karam: Well, everything is almost brand new in this apartment. It also has traditional touch. It could be great for both of you. It's very ugly. No neighbors too close enough to kill you. So house three, terrace apartment, three bed, one and a half bath, third floor, modern traditional touches. What does that mean? Modern, traditional. Kevin's just throwing everything at the wall.

1:00:06Ben Mandelker: It's got like an air fryer, but also like one of those half doors that opened up like you're in the Alps. Yeah. It's got a thatch roof, but also an air fryer. Yeah.

1:00:20Ronnie Karam: We are now 20 minutes away from center of Boblin Inn, and we're going to look at three-bedroom apartment. Let us go. Rooftop terrace,$3 ,000 for this one. And they're like, oh, my gosh. And Kevin's like, for being modern and traditional at the same time, pretty good, eh?

1:00:34Ben Mandelker: well it's a little tough but we'll see what it has to offer okay so they walk in and they're like very happy it's like very open very spacious and there's like these beams uh that run across the ceiling that look very nice um i like this one this one was my favorite i think this one was

1:00:52Ronnie Karam: nice yeah i think i would pick number two but these this one was pretty nice but deep fucking be like oh my god you know what this is german this is you know what's german about it the beams God, those are such German beams. What are you talking about? Those are like farmhouse modern beams. God, Germany. Germany has arrived.

1:01:12Ben Mandelker: I just love beams. Wow. It's just like, it's just so beautifully German. It's like I can hear the Brothers Grimm writing stories right under this beam.

1:01:22Ronnie Karam: Makes me want to put a kid in an oven. This is so German.

1:01:27Ben Mandelker: Question. Do all Germans get complimentary breadcrumbs in case they are led astray by a witch? Or do you have to buy those yourself?

1:01:38Ronnie Karam: Oh, gosh. And look at this table. So big. Oh, and the colors on the paintings. God, it's like it was meant for us because they've got, you know, crazy modern paintings in there. And she's like, I would say I was a bit worried moving to Germany, but I didn't know what to expect. You know, I was really scared. I mean, we know a lot about Europe, don't we? We know so much about Europe. Yep. God, we love it there. But we didn't know much about Germany, but I did get a pretzel. I mean, it was in my face. I do have a bruise, but I think we're going to like it here. I don't eat carbs, but they don't know that.

1:02:10Ben Mandelker: I have to say, I was very nervous moving to Germany. I was like, I don't know how I'm going to deal with all that hubbub and the excitement and all those tall buildings. And I realized, oh, I was thinking of New York, which I casually call many germs, but we're going to Germany. So that was a moment of confusion and I had all got sorted out thankfully

1:02:28Ronnie Karam: I'm getting germs in me going to Germany. It's different

1:02:34Ben Mandelker: Stand-up I'm doing I'm pioneering something called pull stand-up where you get on a poll you tell jokes Kevin, did you laugh at my my New York City? Kevin, I'm gonna need you. I need some feedback was my New York City bit funny wasn't was it more of a groaner? Well, I got a bowler.

1:02:51Ronnie Karam: That was a good one. They're hanging upside down, so it worked for me. God, I got to change these shorts. Excuse me. God, these are tight.

1:02:58Ben Mandelker: Kevin, I'm just noticing you're not really laughing at my jokes. No, not laughing is how we laugh in Germany.

1:03:07Ronnie Karam: On the inside, I'm screaming get out over and over again. So this is considered laughter.

1:03:15Ben Mandelker: Okay.

1:03:17Ronnie Karam: Oh, wow. Look at these countertops. They've got sparkle in them. That's nice. God, I wonder if I could wear these. Oh, the faces stay at all. Their faces are just like, wow, sparkly, sparkly countertops. We're in, Kevin.

1:03:30Ben Mandelker: Can I put a pole on this countertop or is that not?

1:03:34Ronnie Karam: Could we replace this refrigerator with a pole?

1:03:39Ben Mandelker: What if we do a pole? Okay, what about we do two poles? One where the fridge is and one where we then move the fridge to.

1:03:50Ronnie Karam: All right. Well, Kevin, you might have a problem with the ceiling in here. It's sloped. It's slanted. How's Kevin supposed to get up? How's he supposed to get up in bed? Kevin, what are you going to do in here? It's one of those slanted ceilings. He's like, oh, my God. And I love that Kevin's like, oh, no, that's here's what you could do. You sleep in the bed backwards. And so you put your feet.

1:04:15Ben Mandelker: you put the feet where the heads are head where the pillows are and dog outside this is fine for you this is fine for you you sleep backwards this is fine this is fine for you you sleep you move but i do have to say my favorite thing are the americans that don't know how to deal with a slanted roof like what it's a slanted roof what happens when i bolt up in the middle of the night and bonk my head. I'm like, I have a feeling you will adapt to the slanted roof. It's not like Germans were like... The Germans who slept here, they also had to sleep under the slanted roof, and they were fine. I was like, I can't do that, though.

1:04:50Ben Mandelker: What happens if I'm sleeping and then I realize I have to stand up in my bed at that very moment very quickly? I might hurt myself.

1:04:58Ronnie Karam: Is that why everyone here is in such a bad mood? They just wake up in the middle of the night to take a pee-pee, and they hit their heads? God, I'm in a bad mood, too. yeah well look there's another room but we have slanted ceilings here but you know what you could do move the bed to the other side of the room and then maybe only she gets a slant you know you don't all have to get a slant at the same time you can do it it's fine for you can i pull a put a pole under that slant you think so then um uh then they go to another

1:05:27Ben Mandelker: bedroom and he's like oh good thank god normal ceilings so oh look in a real american-sized tub. Wow. And a shower too. This is great. I love it here. You know what would be a great place to live would be America. Why don't we move back there?

1:05:42Ronnie Karam: All right. We still haven't seen the office. You have mirrors everywhere. So that's good for you. And she's like, oh yeah, I love the mirrors. The way I can practice, I can just look at myself, practice stripping, not stripping, dancing. But you know, I will say the space is a little tight. Okay. That's what she said, right, Kevin? Hang down, a little more hang down for you. I couldn't really do a lot of spins in here. It's kind of a small room. What if I spin into a mirror? I'm looking at my own face cracking.

1:06:10Ben Mandelker: Kevin, how many times do I have to tell you? I want a place that feels authentically old old-fashioned German. Okay. But I also want to make sure there's no slanted roofs. There's room for a pole and all the bathtubs and showers are the size of something you get in America and a kitchen the size of something you get in America. I want something to be like a house you get in Huntington Beach, but put it in Germany and make it old-fashioned like it's old-fashioned German, but make it sure it's Huntington Beach too. How hard is that?

1:06:37Ronnie Karam: It has to be exactly like Germany. And nothing is... She doesn't even know what that means.

1:06:42Ben Mandelker: But she's only happy when she sees an American-sized bathroom.

1:06:45Ronnie Karam: Oh, thank God. Well, you can see over there is a park, so that is outdoor space for the dog. She's like, okay, well, it's a patio, so it's not really what we're looking for. He goes, well, you know, it's good for you. Yeah, it's modern though and everything seems pretty new. So it even has some traditional beams. Look, that's what you're looking for. I like the beams too. You know, I looked at those beams and I said, Germany, Germany beams incoming.

1:07:16Ben Mandelker: Hunter's like, but it's way too cramped. I can't even stand up straight. And she's like, well, I feel like there's a joke in there about Palm Springs, but I just, I need to get on the pole to really workshop Stop it.

1:07:30Ronnie Karam: Just 29 palms in. Just bend over the whole way through.

1:07:36Ben Mandelker: But those vaulted ceilings, I mean, that's just part of the German charm. I mean, look, you can't do the German stare without waking up and bonking your head first in the morning, okay? You have to be angry about something to start the day.

1:07:47Ronnie Karam: So they immediately say house number one is out of there. They're not even going to consider that. It's tiny. It's ridiculous. Hunter likes the garden house, which is the second one. and he likes that one the most even though he wanted modern that one has place for the dog so i like that someone's actually thinking of the dog and she's like well i'm not going to clean that whole house by myself so you better you better get a swiffer okay that becomes her whole thing which of

1:08:13Ben Mandelker: course is how i should realize that in the beginning when she was talking about cleanliness that that was like her thing but in my mind my warped mind i thought he was the anal retentive one but he was also making her do all the cleaning as punishment be like well you made the mess you got to clean it up so i was thinking that like her whole thing was like i'm naturally messy but as part of our agreement i have to clean up after myself and i don't want to have to clean up after myself over three different stories you know so they get rid of

1:08:40Ronnie Karam: the apartment in the city and um she's like so the garden home and he's like well that was a place the backyard she goes but i don't want to clean it and he said well i'm learning how to be a cleaner person hunter clean your shit up if you stop being a slob you could live where you want it you know why is it d's job to do it you know just because she works from home that's not fair it's not fair yeah it's not fair hunter okay he's like i have guns i don't need to clean things i'm

1:09:06Ben Mandelker: a man you're a man in short shorts clean clean so they choose house number two which i think is actually a pretty solid choice um and uh then we go three months later and she's like well you know Germany for us has been wonderful. It's been really nice to learn how other people live. I mean, it's so fun that we just walk out on the street and wave hi to everyone and just watch them all run away and hide behind barrels and crates and things like that. They just love playing games like that here in Germany. Who knew?

1:09:34Ronnie Karam: This is so funny to me because they're sitting out on their lawn and like lawn chairs with these giant iced teas and pink flamingos in the yard. she goes yeah you know this is crazy because germans they're always watching they're always watching it's crazy like yeah they're always watching probably with bb guns in their hands you know he's like yeah you know and she's doing pole dancing right in the front front of the window so uh the neighbors are constantly watching we have had to replace two panes you know at least they tip at least apparently someone made it they're all they're all very

1:10:08Ben Mandelker: hilarious turns out i'm not the only funny one they're always they're always making this joke Like we're just watching so that way we can find some reason to deport you back to America. And I'm like, I just I just laugh because I just I love joking like that. And they say, we're not joking. I said, no, I know because you guys laugh on the inside. I learned and they're like, no, we're not even laughing. And I said, you guys, you just stop. You just crack me up already.

1:10:29Ronnie Karam: Listen, I'm not going to leave a country where the teenage neighbors say hello by playing with their wieners at their window. Honey, please stop dancing in front of that window.

1:10:42Ronnie Karam: What a silly couple of people. Glad they found their place. I wonder if they've been vandalized yet.

1:10:49Ben Mandelker: Do they do that in Germany? I feel like vandalizing in Germany is like moving a flower pot like a few inches out of place.

1:10:56Ronnie Karam: Oh, you think you hide your key in the flower pot? Boom. Two inches to the left now. Good luck finding it stupid.

1:11:03Ben Mandelker: Oh, good luck having three flower pots equidistant apart on your porch because now one of them is a little closer to the other one.

1:11:13Ronnie Karam: it's like all right thanks everybody thanks so much for being with us here on another dwell hello we love you guys we'll talk to you next time bye this episode is sponsored by mcdonald's

1:11:26Ben Mandelker: i'm having my hot caesar summer ronnie yes caesar sauce i feel like we don't talk about caesar sauce enough because it's so so good i love to dip everything into it have you ever dipped fries in Caesar sauce before?

1:11:38Ronnie Karam: I mean, I just have. It is delicious. Caesar sauce is like a Parmesan, garlicky blend with some lemon in it. And you can dip anything in there.

1:11:46Ben Mandelker: One thing I have been known to do is to stop over at McDonald's and go to the drive-thru and get myself a Caesar snack wrap and just dip some fries in the Caesar sauce. Also, the Krispy strips in the Caesar sauce. Honestly, try it. It's really good.

1:12:01Ronnie Karam: Listen, I say if you put Caesar sauce on something, that automatically makes it better. Yes, that's really all you need is the Caesar sauce.

1:12:08Ben Mandelker: I think I just want to have just a constant supply of Caesar sauce and put it on things at all times.

1:12:15Ronnie Karam: Yeah, I'm a straight up French fry and Caesar sauce kind of a boy. That's what I love. And that's how I'm going to go down.

1:12:21Ben Mandelker: Right now at participating McD's, the$2.99 Caesar snack wrap is making me rethink my go-to order.

1:12:29Ronnie Karam: Caesar sauce at participating McDonald's for a limited time.

1:12:33Ben Mandelker: Prices and participation may vary.

1:12:34Ronnie Karam: It's a new era, a new reality, and a new obsession Stassi's back, making an entrance and making it unforgettable in the new series House of Stassi

1:12:45Ben Mandelker: Watch new episodes Wednesdays on Freeform and streaming on Hulu Reality royalty returns, unfiltered, unpredictable, and unafraid to say the quiet part out loud Calm on the outside, crisis on the inside

1:12:56Ronnie Karam: Get ready for a raw inside look at her world, balancing family, friends, career, and chaos No apologies, no holding back.

1:13:05Ben Mandelker: It's Stassi. Direct from the source and nothing like anything you've seen before. From her husband Bo's crossroads.

1:13:12Ronnie Karam: To bestie Katie M's brutal truth bombs to constant sister strife. Expect tons of inner circle shade. Amid the dreams, the drama, and the dark passenger, she's willing to not just challenge the status quo, but change all the rules.

1:13:28Ben Mandelker: Don't miss one of reality TV's most iconic voices. on her terms. Prepare yourself for the good, the bad, and the Stassi. Watch the new series, House of Stassi, new episodes Wednesdays on Freeform and streaming on Hulu.

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