Dwell Hello #523: Act Your Age

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0:26Well, hello Well, hello, and welcome to Dwell Hello. It's a Watcher Crappens House Hunters podcast. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. Ronnie, how are you doing today? So well. There's only two more Dwell Hellos left. I can't believe it. Including this one. This is our penultimate one. And then the grand Dwell Hello finale will be in two weeks. See, you're already ready to get rid of it. You're like, hell no. Hell no. Well, we're not saying it's a series finale. We're just putting it on indefinite hiatus. It's being put on pause just so we can, you know, we're just going to think about, I don't know why.

1:11There's no thinking about anything. There's no, like, adjustment. We're just putting it on pause because we've been doing this for, like, three years. It's a lot of house hunters. So we're just taking a break. And it may come back in the future. It may not. Who knows? But for right now, this is our second to last one. and we're just going to have fun. And again, if anyone knows any, we want to do something absolutely crazy for the last one, like someone living in a tree house or someone living in a remote park or there's one that I love, my favorite house hunters of all time. Maybe we should just dig that one up, but I think we have to pay for it.

1:46That's the only thing. I don't want to have to make people pay to watch the Dwell Hello episodes, but there is one where a guy, a cheese farmer, decided to open up a cheese farm in rural Nepal. And it was one of the craziest ones I'd ever seen. Let's do it. That might be hard to dig up. I don't know if we'll actually even be able to find that one. But find us something like that, people. You've got two weeks. You've got two weeks. Those are your marching orders for the grand finale of Dwell Hello. And send us your suggestions to watchacrappens at gmail.com and put in Dwell Hello suggestion in this subject.

2:20And let's send this out with a bang, huh? Let's do it. bang it up people well this one is called house hunters act your age and this was suggested by allison so thank you allison um we found this one on where did we find this one youtube tv youtube tv uh i think i watched this on youtube youtube tv i don't remember i think it was youtube TV. Yeah. It's called House Hunters Act Your Age and we start off with Linda. Nathan's discovering that getting what he asked for in Austin may not be everything he hoped for. Between his nonsense agent and his opinionated mom, no one wants this single 20-something to take on a fixer in the burbs.

3:08What's a boy to do? Yeah. And we see shots of Nathan walking around and looking stuff and And his mom just already looks so dissatisfied with him. She's got like this really short haircut. The kind of that says like, I'm a no-nonsense mom. And I'm already disappointed in my son. So I was already on her side. She's got meemaw hair. And it's not like power meemaw hair like Mama D. Mama D had some powerful. This is just meemaw hair. You know, it's kind of normal. It's like she's ready to go to the salon. She hasn't quite made it there yet. But let me tell you what this woman is full of. And that is two ingredients.

3:45Piss and vinegar. Okay. this lady is a texas mom she ain't taking no nonsense she is not so um it's we see some shots around austin did you recognize any of the neighborhoods by the way that all of them yeah yeah they were actually in some of the ones we've seen sorry yeah i'm like sorry i have so much energy i don't know why but uh yeah i recognized um sometimes you'll see an episode in austin and And they're like, wow, right by downtown, Round Rock. And it's like, girl, that is not right by downtown. They're showing you like far, far suburbs, you know, little places that you don't really want to live.

4:23If you're saying I want to live in Austin, Austin. But this was, yeah, this was Austin. Good neighborhoods. North Allendale, downtown, east side. East side to the west side. No diggity. So we got to bag it up. Am I right? We're backing up. Well, hello. So Nathan and his mom are driving along and they're like arriving someplace. We don't know where they are. And the mom is like, what a beautiful day as she gets out of the car, which I feel like they just had an argument and they're trying to mask it for us. Like it just happened. And they're like, we're not fighting. The episode only began. I'm very supportive of everything here.

5:05And they're going to look at a house and she's like, and he's like, well, I hope they have coffee. How about you fucking stop at Starbucks, you needy little bitch? What are you waiting for the house you're being shown at to ask for coffee? But, Ronnie, it turns out they're actually going to visit his brother, and he's hoping that his brother has made coffee for them. That's what that was about. I had that same talk, too. I was like, where are you going? Where do you just expect coffee to be made for you? You're on a house hunt. He's like, I'm Nathan. I'm 25. I live in Austin. I'm a lawyer, and I live downtown in a tiny apartment close to my office.

5:40and then we see it and it's you know fucking Austin man this is not really a nice apartment it is very tiny it's a shitty little kitchen white appliances which anybody who watches Atlanta knows is very bad and it's probably a million dollars like it's probably a lot of money and so he goes in there you know and I feel bad because he's not only got a white refrigerator but he's also got a crooked rug in his kitchen and I just don't believe this person deserves a house like you've got house hunters coming over to film your house and you don't straighten your rug. Now, I don't need you to spray paint your appliances, but at least straighten your rug.

6:15Yeah, straighten it. I think this guy, as we will eventually find out, ultimately is very comfortable with disorder. So we see he's like, I'm tired of downtown, too much noise, too many bars, and then there's like a lady playing violin on the street. He probably just has to go to that Cava on like Congress every single day for lunch. And he's like, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of a fast casual bowl. I just loved the example It's like god damn town is just so noisy There's partying every place And it's like a girl peacefully playing a violin You know it's like Sick of these partiers I just want to go home and go to bed Yeah He says I've never opened I've never owned a house but now it seems like it might be the right time Because I'm exhausted They just cut to the violin player again She's like damn it I'm trying to sleep She's so menacing She's like, oh, do you want to hear a slight disturbance to the sound?

7:10A ding-a-dong-a. He gets out of the car and knocks on the door. And we find out that his mom's going to help him. Let's meet his mom. She's like, that's me. She does this thing where she keeps flaring her eyes at the camera. Like, I don't know if she's flirting with us. I don't know what she's doing. But she's like, that's me. I'm married to my partner, Roger, for 35 years. And we live in San Antonio. Are you coming on to me? Why is my zipper coming at that? I love her. Her name is Terry, which you would know that if you just saw her face. Like, that's a Terry. Here comes Terry. I know her name is Terry already.

7:47She sort of looks like a fist in a good way. And she flares her eyes a lot. And Nathan is like, yeah, mom, she's had a lot of houses. And she sends me listings every morning at 5, 530 a.m. You just know Terry wakes up. She's like, Roger, you better wake up. It's time to send our son some listings. He's got to act his age.

8:11And we see it. She's very proud of Nathan. And we see a picture of him graduating. And his dad looks kind of like a Sopranos guy. He's like, and then Terry is really into polka dots. She's wearing her best polka dots for the graduation. And Nathan is wearing a lay in his pick. So I don't know where he graduated from. I don't think that's an Austin thing, a lay. maybe University of Hawaii or something like that was it a lei? it looked like it was actually to me it looked like almost more like an indigenous kind of like ribbon-y thing I couldn't get, I didn't see the full picture but I did notice it it was like a rainbow-y kind of I think it was like a pink flower necklace thing which I just call a lei I mean I don't know either way it was like way too much personality for this guy It was.

9:01But I think he's kind of cute, this guy. I mean, he's kind of slubby. And he hangs out with his mom too much, probably. But I don't know. I thought he was kind of cute. I was watching this. I was like, Ryan, you should date this guy. You should fight him in Austin and date him. No, we're too similar because he wants to be in bed all the time. I want to be in bed all the time. I don't want to be in bed with somebody all the time. Like, bed is a place where I go to not be around people, you know? I mean, it's nice, you know, when you're doing the deed or whatever. But otherwise, go away. Yeah, he was actually for you.

9:29The only person in my bed is Bueller. Yeah. Yeah. So they arrive. I'd make out with him. He was cute. He was really cute. So they arrive. So we're with his brother and sister-in-law. The sister-in-law says nothing this episode. She just sits there in her hipster outfit, and she just has her arms crossed and stares, and she's like this. Like, you know what? I made this really nice pour over coffee, and I've got to give half of it to your mother who hates me and your brother who just wants to copy us no matter what we do. We moved to Hipster Neighborhood and now he just wants to follow us. We're having a talk after this show is done shooting.

10:05Yeah, she does have one line coming up. But she doesn't look very interested and I don't think she likes him. So Terry is like, well, I told Nathan he needs to stay downtown. But he wants to live out where you guys live. Loserville. I mean, look at Nathan and look at his brother. Could you look at him? Look, I've got beautiful, beautiful Dick Tracy over here as my son. And then you've got fucking Homer Simpson over here as my other son. Wow. Where'd he come from? And the guy's like, would you like candy? So he's like, yeah, you could be the person living downtown in condos, living by the lake.

10:42And the sister-in-law's like, yeah, but you're a bachelor enjoying life. You need to just go out there and live. Don't settle down with Homer Simpson. Just forget everything. I'm not even close to a grocery store. this is kind of a funny episode because the normal twist is that the parent is saying it's time for you to grow up you can't be a bachelor forever you got to put away your video games you got to get like a proper house you got to get rooms for for children you have to have an office you have to be an adult and this one she's like you're 25 get back into the city and start partying more don't go into the suburbs i know the mom's like can i offer you some advice cocaine please do something you're the least cool son I've ever known um but the brother's like yeah you could be in one of the con you could be living by the lake live by the lake he's like but I don't want to be by I don't want to be with those people I don't want to be like lake people I want to go to bed I want to go to a house that has a bed why can't there ever be a house that has a bed in it and the brother tells him you are the oldest young man I've ever met and the brother it looks like the oldest young man I've ever met because that guy is not moisturizing so Terry's like yeah he's been an adult for as long as I remember when he's third when he's 30 he's gonna be 60.

11:58And then there's like a weird pause and then Nathan goes I I came out 30. Don't you dare watch your goddamn mouth you better go back in that closet. I feel like I feel like Terry was like you know we practiced this bit when I say he's gonna be 30 when he's gonna be 30 he's gonna to be when he's 30 he's gonna be 60 you're supposed to say right away well i already came out 30 what was up with that pregnant pause did you not remember your line you had one line for our comedy bit and now it just got ruined here on hg tv you're supposed to say i was born 60 not i came out 60 because everybody's gonna think i raised a fruit loop okay sarah's like do we have to go over your comedy routine like i literally need to make some more pour over because you guys drank it all don't forget the punchline to every joke mama knows okay hey why'd the chicken cross the road mama knows so then nathan who doesn't want to be around people decide announces that he needs a three bed three bath what why if you're trying to be away from people and you're just trying to basically get home from work and have like some solace and use that to work and go to sleep why Why do you need three bedrooms and three bathrooms?

13:10That's what I need. But like, I'm alone and I want to get away from people. Here's why you need three bathrooms. Someone's going to stay. Terry's going to be there staring all the time. And then you, she needs her own bathroom, but also I need two bathrooms because I need one bathroom for when I shuffle out of bed. And then I need one close to the PlayStation. Okay. Okay. All right. Now it's making sense. Yeah. That's how, that's how it rolls. I still think it's, I still think it's a big ass considering what he really is, what he is explaining. I guess I understand have another room for when Terry comes up from San Antonio, have a bathroom for her.

13:48But I think that takes you to two bedroom, two bathrooms, unless the office is going to count as that third bedroom. I'm not sure. So he wants to spend 800 ,000 and Terry is like, don't you think six 50 is where you should start? And shouldn't you be in the city? And shouldn't you not be looking for a house in the first place? Sissy boy, get back in there and party it up. Yeah, but you're not going to get anything for six. Like, she should know better. Austin, you're not getting anything for six, I can tell you. You can't even get a torn down condo that needs a complete remodel for six. There's no way in hell.

14:21You're spending$900 to a million for the bottom homes, I think. So Nathan's like, listen. No, the mom's like, Nathan, I need you to listen. And you need to be in a home that's 600 or less specked out. And I need you to relax. And he goes, but I will relax. I'm going to relax remodeling a house. And he tells him. He also said that he wants something that he could put his mark on because he wants to paint something and he wants to add his kitchen. He wants to do projects, which is funny because he does. Nothing about him sounds like someone who wants to do this, but he really wants to do this. Yeah, he's really into it.

15:00But I think a lot of guys say that. And then they do it. And it's hard. I did it. It's hard as fuck. I was thinking about you. I was like, God, I can't. It's like hard to even go back to that. Like last year. It was last year, right? That you just were like in a construction podcasting from a construction zone. And it was like months. It was never ending. It was like always a news story and some chaotic thing that happened. But I wasn't doing it alone. You know, I just did the design part. Like I painted and stuff, but I had people doing it. But yeah, this guy, I think, really wants to get a screw gun.

15:32You know, because a lot of guys are like, I'm getting a drill and I'm doing the whole house myself. And then they watch on YouTube how to change a countertop and the sink's always leaking. And we all know those guys, you know, and I think he's one of those guys. And I feel for him. I tried to I tried to fix this squeaky chair. And I like I turned it over. I like examined. I did all the things. I couldn't do it. I was like, I'm calling someone. I can't do this by myself. This is just not my ministry. But it's still squeaking. I know because I didn't fix it. oh but look at mine yeah look what i'm doing right now rocking back and forth look what's not happening you know what i did want another trick i found the l wrench that it came with and i tightened the shit out of every bolt except for the arms because look like when i change positions you can hear the arms but i need to go back at it when and do the arms but man i went crazy on this chair and now i'm living and no one's complained i will i will tend to it at some point there's just been so much to do it's like the chair is the least of my priorities okay so uh chair anxiety aside nathan is saying uh he tells us that he wants to have chickens and a pool sure and then he says everybody want chickens lately i don't know it's like our third house hunters in a row where someone wanted a fucking chicken what are so great about chickens chickens are assholes and the wife swap too it's just like it's not fetish i mean like chickens are i think chickens are amusing, but they belong on a farm.

17:00They don't belong in the back of your suburban home in Austin. So Nathan also says, my last house had a pink kitchen. He says that actually, he said that the house that he grew up in had a pink kitchen. And so he wants something like that because if there's a guy on house hunters, he just needs to live out his childhood home on TV for us. It's this guy. Yeah. He wants mid-century modern. He wants something as old as he feels. Okay, guys. So they're driving and they're in a typical Austin neighborhood. You know, Austin's full of weirdos. And the mom's like, well, that's kind of strange to have a son on the road with a cat on it instead of pedestrians.

17:39Could you imagine cat crossing? Come on. What has happened to this country at this point? Cats crossing the road and we have to stop our car for it? No, we hit those cats. So this is up first is a mid-century fixer in his brother's neighborhood. 20 miles from downtown. In Allendale, houses were built in the 50s with room for families and for cats that like to cross the road. Yeah, so this is a cute neighborhood. It's really old and it's not completely redone yet, but it's getting there. It's getting there. So he found one for$6.99, which I thought was super cheap, but then you see what it is. And the mom's like, that's a lot of money, Nathan.

18:20Our first house was$80 ,000. And he's like, that was in 1989. She goes, 1988 i'm like damn yeah she's like i remember the year it was we decided to save pennies he's like well you know i i didn't have a wedding either and so um now we go in this it's brick this brick house you know and we meet lisa america mergin but she goes by america and she's the real estate agent and she has a lot of sass on her too yeah i don't call her america because there's only two americas there's the one we live in and america ferrara and no one else will get that crowd from me ma 'am yeah i was it's so funny i was reading reddit yesterday randomly a thread about tv shows whose star left and someone was complaining about america ferrara like oh yeah america ferrara left superstore early people hated her on the set of that they said she was so mean that she acted better than everyone i was like i love the random america ferrara superstore slander How can America Ferreira be mean?

19:25She was ugly Betty. She has to be nice. Yeah. You mean Oscar nominee America Ferreira? Hell yeah. So Lisa's like, well, this is what, oh, Lisa is the agent America. I should have called her America in these notes. So she's like, oh, well, this is what you said you wanted. Projects, quirks. So I'm going to give it to you. Welcome to the shittiest house I could find, Nathan, you stupid face.

19:50and um the place it just looks decrepit uh she's like yeah this house needs a little bit of inspection and some work and you know it needs an exorcism needs to be smudged and also needs to be destroyed uh torn down and actually like never lived in ever again but you know enjoy the mom's like i wore my best denim jumper dress for this little bitch and lisa's like okay guys let's set our intentions with this home, okay? Our intentions are this is a project home, okay? You said you wanted to live in the projects and this is what it looks like. Get in here. I met Nathan at his brother's holiday party and basically we ran into each other.

20:29We both said we don't want to talk to people and he said he had a dream of one day moving into the shittiest house in the neighborhood and I said, I could find that for you and here we are. Yep, he wanted a low price so I got him a low price. Listen, when I find someone else who refuses to comb their hair, I'm going to do whatever they want. Okay. So they go in to this, this hovel and, um, you know, wood floors. It's definitely like an old house. It's not, I mean, I would say it's like pretty much like a terrible house, but there were some elements I did like in it throughout, but I would not say I was drawn to this place very much.

21:08Did you like it? No, like a very, no, this was that little work. this was that kind of brick one with a bad roof and stuff no but i did like that it had all the original wood floors that's really rare on this show you know it is a mid-century modern it did have all the original floors i think this one they could do a cute job remodeling but not by himself i mean this one you know this is you need pros like this is like a pipework and stuff like there's a ceiling at one point they're in the hallway and they're like what's up with the ceiling because the ceiling looks crazy and he touches it and the ceiling actually like it's like not attached It's plywood.

21:42It's plywood that they barely painted. Like you can still see parts of the wood under it. Yeah, this one's really bad. But they like the new windows in the front because they have cranks on them. So they go look at some of the bedrooms. And they're all fairly the same. The wood floor runs through the whole house. The shit ceiling, you know, we talked about. And Lisa's like, you know what I would do? I would get rid of these ceilings and have higher ceilings. Okay, Lisa. What? are we even going to the ceiling in the first place or just wood that's been laid across the hallway i'm not even sure this is the ceiling yeah move that wood and boom you got high ceilings lisa okay so the bathrooms uh i like the mom planning she's like i haven't seen a light fixture here i like yeah and then there's a closed off a closed off kitchen which he likes and it looks like terrible.

22:36The cabinets are shit. They're all stained. They're gross. There's a whole chunk of the floor missing in the middle of the kitchen. And she's like, yeah, I think that's an island. They must have taken the island. Sorry. It's a pretty narrow kitchen. And so I think it probably is a good idea to remove that kitchen island or maybe it was a peninsula. But I don't know. It's important. Yeah. it's I don't I don't see how this works and then there's like this um there's like this bathroom close to the kitchen or off the kitchen and the bathroom is funky it's like wooden on the inside and turns out there's like a hot tub in the bathroom and it's like red it's kind of crazy I actually kind of like the look of the bathroom I like that kind of like dark wooden vibe it's like sort of funky but the the hot tub the red hot tub the maroon hot tub in the in the bathroom off the kitchen was definitely a choice yeah that was a lot uh really it was very 70s like swinger like hey you want to come to the hot tub in our bathroom yeah um so he says we're gonna need a lot of money to make this work and lisa goes no you're gonna need a lot of money to make this work fucking frank stupid little kid brother i also um uh we also go uh to this back room and this is the room I like the most actually there was like this big sort of like potential living room den area that had like I didn't like the tiling because I thought that was cold but I like the kind of look of the room the size and the lighting that was in there and I could definitely see that being like kind of with some updates that could be like a cozy den area in the back of the house yeah that one was cool um it had saltillo floors they painted the fireplace which was not great.

24:24But and everyone's pissed about that. And the mom's like, I've had a 1950s house and that was a lot of work. And that was in the 1950s. I mean, geez. So she says, you know, at 25, I was in a 400 square foot apartment. OK, so, you know, this is going to cost a lot of money and I don't know if it's worth it. And so they check out the they go back to the back. Right. And there's a salarium back there, like beyond the den. Right. I thought this room could be cute. I like this Larian as well. I thought this back section had character, which I liked. But again, so much work needs to be done. Yeah, I think a lot of it could be painting and just cleaning up the floors.

25:05And this house would look okay. Yeah. But then they go to the backyard. And it looks like a junkyard back there. And it just looks terrible. And there are these sheds. And she's like, yeah, so we have some sheds. I'm not going to take you in them because I'm not sure if it's safe for us to go in there because of stability issues. Yeah, you could die. We could look at the shed, but you could die, loser. You want to try it? I wouldn't. But she is kind of a typical realtor. They walk into this dumpy ass backyard. It looks like shit. It's like chain link fence. Dumpy shed's about to kill you. You know, doesn't look like the greatest neighbors.

25:45There's like two houses down. There's one of the McMansions where they knock down the tiny house and then build the farmhouse modern thing, which is all over Austin. And it's not looking great. So they walk out there and she goes, you could put a pool there. Okay, let's go inside. It's like the laziest thing that realtors say. Put a pool there. Just put a pool. Yeah, just put it there. So they're like, okay. Well, the mom is obviously like this is. She's like, this neighborhood is nice. She's like, I'm lying. I don't even like the neighborhood. I think it's a big project. He's like, yeah, but this is what I wanted, but it's work.

26:20I'm like, please. I was like, in my mind, I was watching it. I was like, please, house hunters, why are you wasting our time? Can we get to the actual real candidates now? So the agent finds what mom has been looking for, but it comes with a price. Your soul, your soul, your soul. So the mom's like, well, honey, I saw places you could hang out in the evening with friends, you know, if you made them or people, women with boobies, if you could ever talk to them. Wouldn't that be fun, honey? And he's like, well, I do hang out at a bar close to here. And so they go downtown and the mom is so nervous because she wants him to love this house because, you know, he could maybe there's a chance of him eventually getting a life and giving her a grandbaby or something.

27:11yeah so then um she's like the only thing that concerns me is the price 700k but that's within his budget so not an issue so it's an 800 square foot place and uh she's like well it's an investment and the location it's like but i'm trying to get away from the downtown noise i was like where's the violin player yeah the players like i like the sidewalk god damn it i'll never tell So this is their east side bungalow. So the east side of Austin has been a lot of it's really trendy now and redone and looks cute. So I guess this is an area that they haven't quite gotten to yet, but should be worth something in the future.

27:52This is probably the best buy as far as neighborhoods. So this one's from 1927. And she's like, well, it's not a sterile new build. And I like this area for him. and I think this is cute it's like a tiny little house it's been redone I love this one it's got like baby blue walls which I could do without but you could just paint that yeah and there was also a room somewhere in here that had like navy walls and he was like I don't like that I was like what yeah that was nice I thought the navy walls looked wonderful yeah they walk in and um and then Lisa also says by the way it's I know it's tiny but it comes with a camper for workspace and you know they're like, huh?

28:33So there are, you know, it's a good house. I think it's like a legitimately good house. Uh, the kitchen looks good. It has a stone countertop. There's open shelving. And he's like really upset about that. He's like, I guess I have to get nice dishes to show off. Cause you know, you can't hide them. I'm like, you don't have to. And then they go to the backyard and there's a food truck that's kind of like embedded in the deck outside. And I actually loved that. I thought that was so cool. I felt like it was so Austin-y and I was like, I think that's like fun for people to stay in or it's a cool workspace.

29:08I had a little Airstream. Yeah, I thought, did I say food truck? I meant to say Airstream. Well, the mom said food truck. That's probably why he said it because she was like, what is that? A food truck? That's an Airstream, ma 'am. How dare you? Yeah, it's an Airstream. I thought, I'd like that. What did you think about that touch? I thought it was really cool. Yeah, it is really Austin. You see those all over the place. I thought it was super cute you know get some air conditioning in there and it was done all 70s style I thought that was really cute but the backyard was super tiny and there was only like a tiny little deck between it looked like a hallway basically between the back door and the airstream and the realtor is like you could have a barbecue here just put a pool there put a barbecue a pool right there I like that there wasn't that much room between the house and the airstreams That way you can go between the two of them without like dealing with too much weather.

29:59Yeah. It's just that she said you could have a barbecue. I'm like, where? You're not going to have a barbecue out here. You could rent a Ferris wheel and put it right here. It's like, what are you talking about, Lisa? You should have a Ferris wheel on a pool. That's what you need. Put it right there. I loved it. I thought this house was great. I thought this was the obvious choice. You know, who cares if there's no yard? That wasn't part of his needs. He didn't need a yard. He doesn't have a dog. He just needs a quiet place, a quiet, cute place. And Lisa's like, well, the mom is focused on him having a life after work.

30:29Okay. When the average person stays in their home for five years, well, this person stays in their home 25 hours a day. Okay. So. By the time I'm five years from now, it's going to be 45 years from now because I'm old. Okay, honey, you know what? Let's just, we're tabling the joke. Okay. You didn't land it the first time. Don't do a callback. well the agent found a place that's bigger but it might not be what nathan has in mind and so we see him driving with his mama again and he goes hey mama did i turn the beans off i might have forgotten too and she's like well i thought i knew where the car keys were this morning i didn't he's like look at us two old bitches driving to town so you bought your god damn man so um now we're at this bigger house and um you know the mom's like oh my god like this house looks terry's like it looks revamped so they go in and um first they meet up with america and america's just like i don't know maybe a shoe bearing maybe like a little jacket or something and terry's like america looks like a movie star oh my god how did you find this realtor we are so lucky look how glamorous she's just wearing a pair of pants this is so funny i was like what is glamorous about that outfit what movie league of their own like what are you what are you talking about and so there's no garage and so america's like oh look at this the exterior has plenty of parking and he's like there's no garage he goes you could add a carport put a carport in a pool you fucking moron jesus your brother said you were dumb but he's like it's so noisy it's the main road just well you won't hear you won't hear it inside i mean okay you could look you could even have coffee on the front patio wouldn't that be nice coffee while you listen to the cars go by on the main road she actually is a very funny realtor because she doesn't really care about anything he says he's like it always she goes go inside okay well this roof doesn't work lift it up you'll have you'll have a vaulted ceiling fucking whiner and then she tries to pull like the um your new here kid card because she goes um we've all purchased multiple homes so i think based on our experience we should guide him to a home that needs less work so you don't really have a say in this your mom and i will tell you where you should go yeah so um this one is a very typical austin rebuild all of them are exactly like this they look like the farmhouse modern on the outside You open them up.

33:06They all have the light blonde wood plank flooring, the living room spread all the way to the kitchen, and then tiny little bedrooms. Every single one looks like this. So it's kind of the typical, but I think it's cute. It's nice, though. That's the thing. It's nice. And if you wanted to have more character, well, then that's where your project is. Your project is building in the character because I think this is like a nice layout. It's very bright. I think it was actually staged very, very nicely. Yes, it's all just white. but again that's your project if you don't want to be all white then go and paint it and and add some qualities add play with the lighting but i think the the house itself is this is a really good one too i really i i like the open more open layout of this one more but i really like the airstream in the house number two and that kind of was i like that that was so unique that that i was leaning towards house number two versus this one but i like this one too well this one actually has a really cute shed but it's actually another apartment and i thought this one was pretty cool i mean this beats the airstream although the airstream is good to have but this one is way cooler than the airstream i mean it's an actual functioning apartment that's true yeah yeah this one was super cute every room looked exactly the same but it was just very well put together the kitchen was really pretty yeah i mean this would be great and where there was like a they say oh this is the east side right no wait i don't remember but there's a fence and they put like the trees oh this is north loop they say so the trees go like through the fence and they're like it's like a horror movie i'm like it's fine it's trees well yeah wait till there's a storm because they'll knock those trees right into the fence suckers so what were you gonna say about north loop yeah that's like a nice area i mean it's not close to downtown but he doesn't want that but it's not far from anything either it's got its own city there you know like its own grocery stores and stuff like that's a nice area in North End I think also being that he's 25 this really is not going to be his forever home and I think that America is on to something like you're going to live here for like 5 or 7 years and then you'll move so like kind of view it a little bit as an investment too yeah you got to resell it so what's that?

35:25no nothing is going to be hard to do? is that what you mean? like it's too trendy well i was gonna say like i guess in all the houses they're gonna be their value is gonna go up a lot regardless even the shit one yeah because this is a new one how much is this one seven or 680 i think they said 680 right let me look i'm going back at 689 and the other one that's complete shit needs a total rehaul is 600 or 690 wait 600 it was it was something like 699 yeah i think it was 699 so i think that was bigger more and then yeah it's bigger but he's gonna have to put like 150 into it i think that one the the shit box uh it he'd like that it did not have open an open concept and it is as more house for the money whereas house number two for instance is is is on the higher end of the budget and is only 800 square feet which is the same size as this current apartment so i think that's where like how big is this one this one is i don't remember how big this one was oh darn it well this one's small too but it has that extra apartment so they like it but this is right on a busy street which isn't great and he's not into it he's like it's noisy there's no character and at the end of the day, you got nothing for nothing and it's my decision and I'm decisive.

36:52So Linda's like, well, Nathan has to listen to his mom and find a place downtown or come with his old man tendencies. So now we discuss. So he's like, well, he's like, I know you like the place downtown, mom, but the other place will give me things to work on. She's like, you'll take on too much like asbestos and tetanus when you step on all those nails. I don't want to pay for that. And Lisa's like, that's going to take a lot of your money immediately, idiot. And he's like, well, but then house two had that tiny house trailer thing. And that was nice. And they both liked that one. But he's like, I need projects.

37:30And guess what? He picked the dumpy one. The first. I could not believe it. I thought the dumpy one was purely just like that was just like a dog that they threw in there. I thought he was going to take house number two 100 % because of the Airstream was like had some that was unique. I was honestly shocked he chose house number one. That to me was so by far the worst. It was terrible. I couldn't believe he took it. I would have taken number two as well, just because that's, you know, that's an kind of up and coming area. It's trendy. It is close to downtown, though, which he probably hates. So, yeah, he took the dumpy one.

38:05That's just too much work. I'm sorry. He's not going to be able to do that by himself. yeah if you if look if he's just wants to stay in his apartment and he can he can afford having those like two spaces for a little bit while there's a crew in there fixing it up then god bless but that's going to be a long time he goes realistically there's a couple of months work to do i'm like that's going to be more than a couple of months and that's going to be more expensive than it looks because i think they're going to discover mold they'll discover this the body dead rabbits who knows what yeah this was the best move on his part not a great move buddy not a good one buddy but you know and also at the end of these episodes i like when they show kind of what they've done with the house and this one they didn't even bother he's just like well here i am having a beer having a beer in the kitchen there's like a cord hanging out of the wall you know it's like a wire hanging out of the wall and then there's still nothing filling in the floor where the uh island used to be and he's like but i love it no oh god i appreciate his uh fortitude and his vision, but I do not see it.

39:08I don't see it either. Bless his heart. His mom's like, why? Why? I could have stayed in that Airstream. Why would you do this to me? Yep. Well, that's the end of that one. Alright, everybody. Thanks so much for being here with us for Dwell Hello. Send us your suggestion for the grand finale in two weeks and we'll talk to you next time. Bye, everyone. Bye.