Contemplation: I AM vs i am

0:00Alright, welcome to this contemplation. If you notice the title it is I am versus I am. and it's a pretty funny one and an interesting one but also an important one as we dive deeper into this sort of path of realization and understanding our true nature and our true sort of connectedness to to all that is and even in the words that I'm going to use I'm sure there's going to be plenty of things to point out the idea of being connected to all that is you know can infer a sense of separation and that we only experience that through a connection to something else rather than actually being that thing that is all that is.

0:45And so that's where the sort of playing here between the sort of absolute and the relative, the human and the being sort of comes to be. And yeah, I find these quite playful and fun to explore. But here we go. I am versus I am and of course I use versus because it's easy but it's actually also inaccurate and I there's some part of me that doesn't like the verses in there but it's just the easiest way to title this video so calling that out as well because it's another sort of funny piece of the puzzle but you know when you talk about I am and I am you know there's a long lineage that goes back to this kind of sense of I am.

1:35You know, there's a story of Moses asking God, like, who are you? Or what is your name? And God responds, I am that I am. And that, you know, carries through a lot of what Jesus taught and through many of the different lineages. And even now in sort of our current spiritual philosophy teachings and whatnot, there's often a reference to I am and the I am state whether you're you know we're talking about Ken Wilbur or Ram Dass a lot of these people have mentioned this because it's kind of the only way we can mention it and but it's quite confusing sometimes because it still begins with an I you know and we come into this life and we become an I we've become a somebody but that I am is really the lowercase I, the lowercase m, the I am, I am Ryan Wilms.

2:28You know, that's a very relative illusion, maybe even delusion that I have believed for most of my lifetime. And so, you know, we have to kind of go through that process, you know, becoming somebody to then become a nobody or return to being a nobody is probably more accurate. And so we come in as sort of the real I am, and then through our conditioning and learning, we become the I am, the sort of small I, the egoic individual personality I, and we are that. And then if we really go deep enough into this journey and this path, we realize that I am as well. But that I am, the capital I, the capital M, is saying it from literally the perspective of God or from spirit, from the universe.

3:24And so, you know, that can be a hard idea to sort of grasp or connect to or understand, but it is sort of our true nature. And, you know, I had an experience of this a few months ago, really the first deeply sort of like embodied experience of this I am state. and it made a lot of things sort of made sense from that point on in a new way. Of course, having these sort of like mystical experiences or deeply open and connective experiences are challenging to embody. And so most of the sort of work of the spiritual path, for lack of a better term, or the path of realization is to embody our true nature, embody the truth, embody the more absolute truths of the I am state.

4:15And so we can realize it in a moment, in a breathwork journey, in a medicine journey, in a meditation, you know, but then embodying that with every breath and every cell of our bodies is really the challenge of the human, you know, to bring the human and the being together where the human sort of rests in the being and is an expression of the being is really the purpose and the goal here. And so, you know, how one of the things that sort of dawned on me as I had this experience and sort of opened my perspective in a new way was that every I am is the I am of the ultimate I am, you know, and it's quite funny because, you know, God or spirit of the universe you know I love how Paul Cech refers to this as zero and it's like everything and nothing the infinite the sort of absolute that everything comes out of you know and that you could say is love too or the the sort of intelligent eternal intelligence of love and so everything that comes out of that I am is also I am and so every time human egoically says I am a runner I am a creative director i am a father i am a gardener i grew this i made this i did this i accomplished that it's actually still uh an expression of the of the true i am because you know the illusion is that i am ryan wilms and ryan wilms is doing something you know that is that is that is an illusion it's not really true it is true that I am capital I spirit and universe are moving through me and things are happening and then the sort of like ego attaches to that as if I this person did that right you know it would be like an apple falling from a tree and then another apple tree grows from that the seed that was in the apple that fell and then the apple said I grew that apple tree right like that's kind of like what is happening when we say and lay claim to you know making something or doing something and so there's a relative truth that we are a part of that process and that that sort of collaboration but it's a collaboration with ourselves ultimately our true selves are deeper selves and so you know from the ego's perspective the personage the person of Ryan Wilms has never done anything you know but everything has happened you know and that's like where the Tao Te Ching continues to just like shed all these beautiful phrases of wisdom that are true but are very hard and don't make a lot of sense to the ego like when nothing happens well when nothing is done, nothing is left undone, right?

7:15The apple does nothing, and yet this other apple tree grows, and then more apples grow, and so on and so on. And it's really the same for human beings, but because of our ability to be aware of being aware, we make it extremely complex. And so, you know, what's the point of even thinking about this, and is there any value in sort of breaking these two apart? because all of these sort of egoic I am's are still the expression of the true I am you know if I say I am running you know it's still the eternal universe and intelligence of love is the actual thing experiencing running through me so I am running is true but I am not the one running if that makes sense um this is where the language becomes so funny and like i thought it would be worthwhile just to attempt to talk about this because it's subtle and nuance but also like when you get it it's profound and really starts to shift your perspective you know and the the idea of like there is no one to do anything is quite challenging to sort of comprehend in a body and that being is enough, you know, but if there's a purpose in our lives, you could say it is being ourselves and being is not doing and you can't do anything to be right.

8:42There's just being and that can only happen right now in this moment and it's from that being that our true selves are expressed through our human DNA, bodies, minds in really unique ways. And then the challenge is not to be attached to what that is, right? While also operating in the world. And so, you know, if you think about like flow state, when we're in flow state, it's like we're not really doing anything. it's like the sport is moving through us the writing is moving through us whatever is being expressed is just flowing through us and we're experiencing that flow we're not the one really doing anything and it's best if we you know then what the natural sort of thing is to for the ego to come back on board and sort of claim doership of what happened versus what happened is just what happened and we were the one experiencing that and it was just another you know paint mark on the canvas of great spirit and so you know starting to just be aware of our own language you know I am this I am that I'm doing this I did that you know just starting to like catch those things and be like did I really do that you know did I was I solely responsible for that and who is the I you know who who am I of course is one of the deepest questions that we can ask until we get to the place where we realize we are no one and there is no one but all that there is and that is the I am that each of us are being experienced through these sort of very unique complex mind blowing instruments of consciousness i.e our bodies and so yeah this sort of i am and i am you know both being true at the same time one being feeling like it's true but actually being an illusion and then the deeper sense of the true i am being more of the absolute truth the true nature of just the universe experiencing itself and unfolding.

11:10And we get an opportunity to, you know, be an instrument in that and have these brief glimpses of experiencing that unfolding and all that the magic entails. And so, yeah, I think the invitation, if there's one here, is really just to be aware of, you know, are you claiming doership? And is there really someone there that is doing something? Or are you just experiencing what's happening? You know, that's the sort of listener, the watcher, the experiencer. Really like having that perspective. And how this can be beneficial is because when the ego gets attached to what we're doing or not doing, it generally creates a lot of suffering.

11:53and so you know the if there is a beautiful side effect of the path of realization and realizing and embodying what we truly are it's the absence or seriously lessening of the suffering right and I think that's kind of what we all want and ultimately what we are all desiring is a lessening of that whether it's through material goods or through food or through relationships or through sex or or whatever the case self-improvement it's to lessen the suffering you know and it's to have the experience of the oneness that we truly are and there's a deep part of us that knows that's our true nature and that desire is really to return to that source to return to that true nature and as human beings we have an extremely unique opportunity to return to that I am state while being aware of it you know being in the human experience, you know, embodying the being and the sort of divine nature of the eternal self.

12:58And so, yeah, just be curious who you think you are and who you really are and asking that question, you know, who am I and is there a doer? What am I claiming doership of? What do I think I need to be doing because a lot of the drive to do is actually getting in the way of being and that's sort of robbing us from the peace that is available right in the moment right now so i hope that was somewhat interesting or amusing if not helpful and it's fun for me to explore so thanks for listening