Giggling about authenticity, splits, and hairlines

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1:49Hannah Berner: Jigglers. Every time the pod starts, I think of something that is like so not acceptable for the pod. I'm like, oh my God, I'll just tell you this later because it's so unhinged. And I wish that I could say it on the pod, but it's just like I can't.

2:05Paige DeSorbo: Wait, when I just said it's going down, I thought it was going to come up more, but finish this song. It's going down, down. Sugar, we're going down, swinging. See, I didn't know that was the words. I thought it was going down down and they're going around what is those words and then I realized I don't want to know those that genre

2:27Hannah Berner: specifically little fake and gay

2:34Hannah Berner: I'm obsessed with that TikTok

2:37Paige DeSorbo: wait I've been wanting to make a TikTok of that but I sat back I said which one do we do

2:41Hannah Berner: no because you want to know what we're in like a different box other people on the internet can do stuff and then when we do it it's like oh

2:47Paige DeSorbo: Oh my God. Well, everyone who's really mad, not mad, but when I was talking about red lettuce, everyone's like, it's a fucking cabbage. I'm like, do people really know that? Is it that obvious? No, the internet. Because I never learned that in school. Being like, it's a cabbage.

3:02Hannah Berner: You could say anything. It's a cabbage. And someone's right there to be like, except for the, and you're like, okay. And I've actually hit a point where I don't want to be relatable to everyone.

3:15Paige DeSorbo: Oh, you've been in the comments. She goes, I have responses.

3:19Hannah Berner: The internet is all about, everyone's so obsessed with the relatability and authenticity. You know what? Let's normalize you not knowing a fucking thing about me. Like, let's normalize. I don't want to be relatable to everyone.

3:33Paige DeSorbo: If you say I'm being authentic or I'm trying to be authentic, you're not authentic. If you try to be authentic, you're not. And for brands to be like, we're just trying to be authentic. I can't with the word authenticity anymore. Authentic is like the new essential where people just be like essentially. Now they're like, I'm just like trying to be authentic.

3:53Hannah Berner: I want my feed to be filled with inauthentic people. I want super rich people on my For You page. I want to see how they live. I don't want to relate to them whatsoever. And I want something to aspire to. What happened to aspiring to something?

4:07Paige DeSorbo: If you want relatability, go to Facebook. Go to your high school graduation group. Click on one of the profiles.

4:14Hannah Berner: speaking of that i'm missing my high school graduation no not that i'm missing my high school reunion oh your high school reunion and i was gonna like i felt good for this one you know the one like five years ago i was like no no you weren't ready but i can't go to it because it's whatever it doesn't work out it doesn't work with my schedule they didn't talk to your team

4:35Paige DeSorbo: beforehand which is not relatable not relatable not authentic what's funny though not to not to be too relatable but beacon on the upper west side they do like reunions but it's like in someone's garage in bushwick with like a dj it's so ours is like a luncheon it's like come here we're gonna

4:57Hannah Berner: have cocktails no speaking of authenticity every monday i'm like let me throw a fall fit for the girls so there's like inspiration for the yes when it comes to getting dressed for the pod I can't do it. You've nothing left.

5:11Paige DeSorbo: I think it's because I'm like, is it because you're bringing so much personality to the pod every week that like, it's almost too much to bring both the personality and the fit?

5:20Hannah Berner: No, because I've been on stage so many times doing both, which is insulting that you'd even bring that up. It's more like when I'm with you, I need to be my most comfortable. And that's how I feel all the time.

5:36Paige DeSorbo: but also when you come in in a comfortable fit i'm like oh she's ready to fucking go off on the mic i think i can say more well we always joke in stand-up in the stand-up community when i'm working on new jokes i wear something to reflect it like i'll wear a hoodie because if you show up on stage i love when life imitates art yeah but then when the material is ready then you put the fit together you're wearing a tie on stage yeah which by the way i'm so in love with my new hour i've been having so much fun but i did fly in today and i'm very tired i can imagine from touring

6:08Hannah Berner: were you in virginia i was in virginia y 'all it is southern i had so many of the virginia gigglers being like we know you're here i always think i'm hiding you in my suitcase i was like guys i'm i was like i'm not there like i don't want to get your hopes up they're like hey well

6:24Paige DeSorbo: We know you're coming out. The worst part about my show is that, like, obviously my hour is about my life. So, obviously, there are references. Sometimes I'll just say Paige. Sometimes I say my best friend Paige because I don't want to assume. You don't know where we're at. I have a bit about how pretty you are. Thank you.

6:40Hannah Berner: And that's all I require moving forward.

6:42Paige DeSorbo: Literally, it's like, it's okay if your best friend's somewhere else as long as she's saying your name and preaching your name.

6:48Hannah Berner: You know what's so funny? Every time I watch, like, a comedian hour, actually, the one that always pops into my head is John Mulaney. Like one of his earlier ones, he would do it all about his wife. I don't mean to bring that up because they're divorced now. But I would always think like, does he run this by her first? And that's our relationship. Like you do hours about me sometimes.

7:09Paige DeSorbo: No, because if you're close to a comedian, they're going to be in the hour. If I didn't talk about you in the hour, we're not friends. It's not authentic. It's not authentic. But it's funny because I mentioned you and there's always like a big cheer. And then I'm like, okay, back to me. and then there's always someone's like where's Paige and I'm like how do I tell this to you she couldn't make it to Norfolk Virginia this weekend I were there Sunday I was Richmond Sunday I went to a cat cafe called the perfect bean get it the perfect bean yeah oh my god I went to a

7:41Hannah Berner: and beans like toe beans a double entendre what's so crazy is four years ago you would have never

7:47Paige DeSorbo: known that and like people grow and they change um I have to make an announcement okay I'm obsessed with the show Nashville.

7:58Hannah Berner: I'm obsessed with it. I'm only. Are you really? Well, you texted me and said, do you want to start Nashville? And you've never done that. But we've never had a show simultaneously. We've never had a show. We've never done it. I think it's a new.

8:09Paige DeSorbo: But this is the thing. I started and immediately I go, oh, no, no, no. There's a there's singing. But it's not. It's not like. It's not like a musical. Someone's like. I could do a pop star. In musicals, they're like, and then I remember this one time. Yeah, that I can't take seriously. I was gone and then I was free. I'm like. This is like, she's a pop star. And then the song's low key. I'm like, is this slapping? Okay. Also, they're both really good.

8:38Hannah Berner: They all actually sing in it. I've done some research. And I think there really was drama on that set.

8:45Paige DeSorbo: For sure, because I Googled it. And everything on the internet's correct.

8:50Hannah Berner: Everything ever put on the internet.

8:51Paige DeSorbo: And they like hinted that because their relationship on camera was had so much tension. They tried to be like. But also just because your relationship on camera has tension does not mean you have to not get along in person. Right.

9:02Hannah Berner: No, I would say the majority of sets people like get along. Unless there's like an A-list male actor. Then I'm sure some shit goes awry. Which is every single film. Yeah, but other than that.

9:14Paige DeSorbo: So for people who don't know, Nashville is about this older country star and this new country star. Played by Connie Britton. Connie Britton and Hayden Panettiere.

9:21Hannah Berner: An original gorgeous redhead, I think we should also point out.

9:24Paige DeSorbo: So iconic. I never knew how Hayden Panettiere, like, came up.

9:30Hannah Berner: Yeah.

9:30Paige DeSorbo: Like, I've never saw her work. I can't look away from her.

9:33Hannah Berner: In terms of, like.

9:35Paige DeSorbo: How she carries herself.

9:36Hannah Berner: Like, just. Like, her aesthetic.

9:37Paige DeSorbo: She's such a good villain. But then you're like, wait, but is she just complicated? And I feel like every, so much with ADD, every scene is giving. Now, am I triggered by any man with a guitar? And were there a couple scenes, especially with the very religious football player that I was like, it was feeling too close to home for me and the CTE was raging. But all the guys are so hot in it.

10:02Hannah Berner: Yeah. No, because you want to know why? You want to know why? Because it used to be on primetime television and people want to watch hot people.

10:13Paige DeSorbo: They don't want relatability in television. I also I fucking hate when it's all these hot women with just below average dudes around them.

10:23Hannah Berner: If I wanted to look at ugly men, I would literally go on the sidewalk.

10:28Paige DeSorbo: Not in my television. Yep. I want the men, whoever did the casting, it was either a flaming gay man with impeccable taste. Yeah. Or a woman who hated her husband and was living vicariously through this casting process. The men are so hot. They're like pulling off soul patches. I was like, am I attracted to a man with a soul badge right now? Like, I'm questioning everything about me.

10:51Hannah Berner: No, I think it was like a massive show. I don't, like, where was that? We were in college. We were in college. So it's hard to keep up with something weekly in college. The only thing I came up with in college was Jersey Shore. Yeah.

11:01Paige DeSorbo: The Thursdays we watched Jersey Shore, but that was it. But I knew it was always around, but also, like, I'm not a country music fan.

11:07Hannah Berner: Yeah.

11:07Paige DeSorbo: We listened to misogynistic rap. Like, I was like, there's no way this is for me. but also as comedians we have this obsession with musicians because like we're going to all the same stages but we don't get respect and they get one three minute song yeah and people are like you're amazing where i'll do um the same joke twice at the stand and someone will be like this bitch doesn't have any new material like after a joke they're like next one next one what i

11:34Hannah Berner: wouldn't have even noticed like the opening scene is the orpheum the oh yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah

11:42Paige DeSorbo: what did i say the orpheum orpheum which is madison wisconsin we're getting all go badgers i'm always i'm just always thinking of badgers so they perform in the first scene where we performed

11:53Hannah Berner: so you're enjoying it netflix i feel like is crushing it i go through phases with my streaming platforms like some days I'm like it's all about Hulu who could even compete then other days I'm like HBO till I die Netflix is doing a really good job because I also started that Jason Bateman show Bad Rabbit which I keep wanting to call Task Rabbit that's my own issue he's such a phenomenal is Bad Rabbit about like a vibrator that goes rogue it's about a restaurant in New York City that they like open these two brothers. It's Jason Bateman and his brother Jude Law. And it's like, they're like degenerates kind of.

12:32Hannah Berner: And like, it's just them like scraping by and trying to like get through. And these guys are like trying to kill the one guy. It's like a whole thing. Is Jude Law British in it or American? No. Oh. One thing about Jude Law. Remember when he had that crazy scandal because he cheated on his wife and he hooked up with the nanny? The nanny. I think his karma currently. His hairline? It's insane. Go to Turkey. No, go to Turkey. You're already in Europe.

12:58Paige DeSorbo: You live in Europe.

12:59Hannah Berner: It's almost insulting to the American people because it's like, you're Jude Law.

13:04Paige DeSorbo: Is he being relatable?

13:06Hannah Berner: Not if you're on my TV. Don't be relatable if you're on my TV in a scripted show.

13:11Paige DeSorbo: It is funny because my mom loves Jude Law on the holiday. He came up on the screen. She said, oh. Literally.

13:18Hannah Berner: I had the same reaction. I go, oh. Let's put some criticism on the men. Jude figure it out honey because it's not it's not it's not looking the way you think it's looking yeah do something or is it

13:32Paige DeSorbo: the European men are like I don't do my teeth I don't do my hair they're just kind of like this is me well if you want to work in America or do you also think he got cocky for a second where he was like people love me because I'm good at acting

13:43Hannah Berner: I think it's just men don't think about it where women start thinking about it at like 23 we start getting pushed eye cream so like by our 50s we've been here where men are like oh am I aging but even then it's like they got salt and pepper hair we got like witchy but I do have to say hot take I was talking to my friend I had like baby fat in my face in my 20s yeah that has gone and I kind of feel like more snatched than ever

14:15Paige DeSorbo: at 34 I'm the hottest I've ever been I'm the hottest I've ever been like I was I wouldn't say ugly but the feng shui was off of my face i was figuring it out when i was younger i socialized this weekend friday saturday sunday what oh so you're more tired than me and i went touring

14:34Hannah Berner: no i literally yapped friday night saturday night sunday night went to a party on saturday night saw some people hadn't seen in a couple years because i'm not in the party scene and they said you've never looked better but you know what it's also inner beauty you're shining it's my aura you're shining from inside thank you so much 12 30 they go you've always been beautiful but you had an ugly energy to you no and they go now positivity it's actually that's funny you say that my brother said the exact same thing to me this weekend he goes do you know that like a couple for a couple years you were like really a bitch to be around and it was like unsettling and we all talked about it and I was like what do you mean you who's you all he was like me mom and dad the family group chat he was like pretty much everyone was like I guess this is how she is now I was like oh my god you guys didn't even care enough to do an intervention you go and you're fired he was like but you're like fun now again and I was like thanks but get out of my apartment

15:37Paige DeSorbo: you have phases in your life where you're kind of you're navigating and I did hear mental health moment that at those times in your life that you're feeling lost and scared you know this is marilyn monroe quote that means something good is around the corner that's how you know you're about to level up when you feel most when things fall apart it's so that other things can come together yes yes you know they throw dirt on your name to grow flowers that's a tiktok i do have to say at my stand-up shows i always ask how people met and bumble is literally one of the top ones. I bet. And it's adorable.

16:10Hannah Berner: I feel like anytime I go to a wedding, like, and people are asking, like, how did the couple meet? It's always Bumble. And most recently, it's always been people being like, I deleted all the apps and then I redownloaded and then I met them. You never know.

16:27Paige DeSorbo: It's like thrift shopping. But another person's yuck is another person's yum. Also, I do understand that sometimes you get tired with the dating apps and you like have to delete it and then when you come back it's like you feel renewed you need a minute the algorithm is there for you now you have interest new hobbies to talk about you have new pictures to upload yeah and I also feel like bumble is always for like the tape a girls which I feel like is a lot of gigglers who are like I'm taking control of my life yeah I'm messaging who I want to message who I'm interested in I don't like when guys are just bothering me it feels very um abrasive like let me choose let me do the choosing like I'm at a restaurant sitting down to eat

17:06Hannah Berner: One of my friends met their fiance on Bumble. Not only did she like give up on all the dating apps and dating in general, she like moved states. She was like got a new job, like the whole thing. And then she was finally like, OK, I'm going to start dating again. Immediately found her fiance. That's crazy.

17:24Paige DeSorbo: I have heard stories of people being like, he was the first one I matched on Bumble. And I'm like, how is that possible? But you guys, anything can happen with love. It's honestly such a rom-com vibe. Yeah. Not to talk about my exes, but I did meet British Dave on Bumble. And British Dave has never done anything wrong. Yeah. And he's perfect. He lives in Australia. He was trying to get away from me as far as possible. I have a couple who've moved. Honestly, a win is a win. I definitely had the situation where the guy's photos were like him looking so hot, like in college playing football. And it was like seven years later.

18:01Paige DeSorbo: and that man looked so different. I said, where is that stud from this photo? And did you eat him? I've had a lot of guys where like all their interests

18:12Hannah Berner: on the dating app and like you meet them and it's like none of those are their interests.

18:17Paige DeSorbo: Also when they say, I want a girl who like doesn't take life seriously. Shut up. What the hell does that mean? Or like likes what I like.

18:25Hannah Berner: Like, sorry, Sundays, I'm doing my hair journey. I have a hair mask.

18:30Paige DeSorbo: Yeah, like I have to hair mask on Sundays. But the great thing about Bumble is they're aware of all these like mistakes that happen on dating apps. So they have an ID and photo verification, which is amazing because I feel like it makes things feel safer. Yeah. The only surprise is like their drink order. Do a full background check. Yeah, like I don't want a guy saying he's like 35 and he's 26. Yeah. And I'm like, where's your mother? Like when. I needed to match up with your license. When's your curfew?

18:59Hannah Berner: I want to see a therapy bill. And don't make me get the authorities involved.

19:04Paige DeSorbo: The profiles on Bumble kind of highlight what you have in common. So you can quickly spot which prompts you should respond to. Like, so it makes it easy. Like if someone said hiking, fishing, outdoor things, I would say next. No, thank you. Um, it gives you a full vibe. I just think the algorithm and how they have the profile set up makes it so easy for you mentally and not as exhausting. And if you're still exhausted from dating because dating can be hard. They have a dating coach, which is really cute. Wait, I kind of love that job application. They give you advice tips, right? When you might need a hand, they encourage you to show interest in their interest.

19:39Paige DeSorbo: They prompt. It's like when your girls are sick of you talking about your dating life, you're just like Bumble coach.

19:45Hannah Berner: When you bring up the classics. Today's segment is brought to you by Bumble, the go-to for finding love. Dating should feel exciting, not exhausting. And Bumble makes it fun, safe, and totally on your terms. So if you're ready for a real connection that lasts, Bumble's ready when you are. So last night when I'm at the Giants game.

20:04Paige DeSorbo: Wait, I didn't know you were at the Giants game.

20:06Hannah Berner: Malik Neighbors. I hate to say it. Perfect night for a game. So not a sentence I would say, but it was like the best weather.

20:12Paige DeSorbo: Did I watch it on TV?

20:13Hannah Berner: Did you?

20:14Paige DeSorbo: Yeah, because Malik Neighbors is my in your fantasy in my fantasy league and he he hurt himself like a did he yeah he might have landed on his shoulder no fantasy football is just trying to like make sure your guys don't die yeah my guys went out on a stretcher and i said babe i need you to live wait from the giants one of them yeah they're always getting escorted like here's the thing i'm sitting there i'm watching

20:38Hannah Berner: the game i'm eating my snacks and at one point i go that is adorable my brother is sitting next to me and he goes what and i go adorable and he was like what part is adorable and i go honestly the whole thing like let's just bring it down for a minute this is musical theater okay you have to remember the plays sorry that's memorizing lines that's choreography that's choreography when they go five six seven eight and they're all putting the same outfit on sorry that's a costume and then they're all going out there they know what they have to do and then they're performing and I think it's adorable.

21:15Hannah Berner: Also, take one look around that stadium, 85 ,000 people. I go, male loneliness epidemic, where? What the fuck are you talking about? They're all singing the same songs. It's stacked here. There's so many men high-fiving each other. They don't know each other. Just like having the best time ever. Hanging, crying. No, at one point I literally go, just kiss. Like, come on. I was wreaking havoc and that's fucking -

21:44Paige DeSorbo: but at the end of the game if a player like likes another player he goes up to them and says can we trade jerseys and then they take each other's jerseys off they undress and they swap jerseys it's like going up to a girl to party and be like i really like your top and she's like i like your top and you're like do you want to go to the bathroom and like switch and then you walk out and you're like i don't also when you walk out and you're like it smells like you oh and then

22:12Hannah Berner: I like how you smell. And then at halftime, they had – Yeah, what'd they do? They did the A &T band, like, from the college, like, from Drumline. Yes, yes, yes. They were so good. They were so good. And I was just like, what a great experience. And I just kept thinking, like, the men are fine. They're having a great time.

22:34Paige DeSorbo: No, they're literally fine.

22:35Hannah Berner: Do you see Travis Kelsey was yelling?

22:37Paige DeSorbo: Wait, so tell me the tea because I actually had to jump on stage during it. And they kept being like, they wouldn't say his name. They were like, the main players are really angry.

22:46Hannah Berner: Well, I think he got fined earlier in the day for making some gesture. I don't know if he did some sexual gesture. He got fined from the NFL. During the game or just walking around? I don't know, actually. How early in the day? I don't know. He did something. I think he did something referencing his crotch of some sort. Okay. Whatever. and then he was like yelling at the coach no literally wait so he yelled at the coach he was like heated about something you could tell they were like having a little back and forth it had

23:20Paige DeSorbo: a little tiff i mean the drama the drama alone well everyone's saying like the chiefs they started off very badly their own three and they just beat the giants okay this isn't a no we're getting too

23:33Hannah Berner: I'm never getting to it.

23:34Paige DeSorbo: Honestly, I just started drifting off.

23:37Hannah Berner: I know your eye literally. I have three minutes and 45 seconds in me to talk sports with anyone. And then I'm like, I think they all want to make out. We got to change the subject. Wait, was Taylor there?

23:52Paige DeSorbo: No. I wonder what she's up to.

23:54Hannah Berner: I don't know, but they had prime rib. And so I like ate some of that. Did you get any finger food though? They had, no, it's not. No, sometimes when you go like fancy, you're like, okay, but where are the chicken wings?

24:06Paige DeSorbo: No, I hate it because I have to be able to hold it and talk and run around.

24:10Hannah Berner: They did have these like fried lasagna balls though. And I was like, you guys knew I was coming.

24:14Paige DeSorbo: Yeah, but this is the problem. If it's in front of me, I'm going to eat it. And then if I eat it, I'm going to make it everyone's problem because I'm going to blow up the bathroom. Yeah.

24:24Hannah Berner: God forbid you want like a carrot stick at a football game.

24:27Paige DeSorbo: And sometimes like I feel like people judge me if I decide to go healthy for a second. and I'm like it's not it's not for me it's for you yeah well it's not really it's not authentic

24:36Hannah Berner: to you so we feel the energy when I'm home alone I don't care if I have to run to the bathroom 800

24:42Paige DeSorbo: times when I'm in a public facility especially where there's only one bathroom these are things I factor in there's a lot of you know that me and when she's like adding the carrying the one like that's what I do when I see food I actually do have something to say about the bathroom yeah because I spend a lot of time in airport stalls. Yeah. Which you know is like Russian roulette. You don't know what you're going to get. Have you ever gotten into a stall and it smells bad? Yeah. But you're like this, we just have to do it. I have to pay. But then you leave and the other person thinks that you're the one who dealt it.

25:18Paige DeSorbo: Like it's because of you. And do you ever want to be like, it was like that before it came in? You know what? Do you know when the overall smell is just like stanky?

25:25Hannah Berner: yes i i know what you're talking about and at an airport no i don't care i think it's me all day long there's something about me when i step foot in an airport i'm i'm on alert i'm pissed i'm like i'm all i'm ready to yell at anyone who tries to like step to me so like me you thinking that i shit in the bathroom at la guardia least are my problems

25:54Paige DeSorbo: No, but like, do you know when it's a different kind of smell? Like something where something died deep inside them? Like it's not just like, oh, someone pooped. Like sometimes these smells are crazy. And I don't want a giggler to then she's a ghost on the internet and she's like, Hannah Burner killed someone in the bathroom and I went in after her.

26:13Hannah Berner: I feel like a lot of gigglers though have seen you like in and around a stall.

26:17Paige DeSorbo: Oh, that's where most gigglers see me. Or I'm like talking in a stall. Yeah. I also, when I was at the stand a lot doing spots, there's, like, it's just a general bathroom. So when I have to go to the bathroom, just the bathroom. So I would, like, see someone. I'd be like, hi, nice to meet you. And then I'd be like, I want to go take a shower.

26:35Hannah Berner: No, also bathroom meetings are so interesting because it's like, do you hug? And I'm like, gross.

26:39Paige DeSorbo: Or girls will come up to me when I'm washing my hands.

26:41Hannah Berner: Yeah, and I'm like, let me wash my hands first.

26:43Paige DeSorbo: Also, everyone who sees me at the airport, they want a photo. And I'm like, are you sure? Are you sure? Because it's not good out in the streets.

26:49Hannah Berner: I met a girl this weekend, and we were talking about, like, how she met her boyfriend. and she met him in the airport lounge, which I'm like, so chic. That's so chic. Because you know he has points. And then I was thinking, oh my God, my mom is right. You should go to the airport dressed cute. Okay, okay, wait.

27:10Paige DeSorbo: This is a whole new strategy. Go to the airport, dress cute. Go to Delta Lounge or whatever your lounge is. Yeah. Look lost. Even though it's not even that big. Yeah. And there's signs where the bathroom is. She said he came up to her and just started chatting.

27:26Hannah Berner: I'm obsessed.

27:27Paige DeSorbo: Right? I mean, there's definitely moments where you're sitting alone, they're sitting alone. We're all traveling.

27:32Hannah Berner: And you're also in the airport and you have a crush on everyone because you're like, what if we all go down? This could be our last time.

27:40Paige DeSorbo: I had a crazy thing happen to me at the airport today. What? Well, I think the UN's in town or something. When are they not? No, honestly. I don't know what UN is.

27:51Hannah Berner: Anytime you get in a car in New York City and there's traffic, the driver always says, like, oh, it's because blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, well, why don't they go home? It's so freaking annoying.

28:05Paige DeSorbo: So I'm in Richmond at the airport trying to get to LaGuardia. And I love their southern accent. But the lady who was in charge comes. It's a small plane. She goes, I'm not going to say this over the speaker because it's just not one of people's business.

28:25Paige DeSorbo: But I wish you were dead. But immediately when she's like, I'm not going to say this over the speaker. I was like, if you're going to say something, you're going to say it with your whole chest. Like, why is it not on the speaker? And she goes. This is on the plane? No, this is right before we're getting on. And she goes, I just need it. Wait, so who is she saying it to? To all of us about to get on. Okay. Like, you know, when they're like, make sure you consolidate or whatever. And I'm never listening.

28:46Hannah Berner: but she doesn't go on the speaker you could give a shit less about accessories every flight i'm like consolidate consolidate like all of a sudden you're like i love my purse

28:58Paige DeSorbo: no because i think it's sexist it's sexist that women who have a little purse we have to consolidate our purse and men have their fucking stupid little fake wallets in their back pocket it's like no you know what it actually is a gender and then i have to shove it into my backpack no okay anyway okay keep going since inventory we're only getting flight stories so she goes i'm not gonna say it's not speaker and she goes apparently i've been notified um that we need you guys have to show us your ids again um i have a theory while she goes i have a theory while they're doing this but i'm not going to speak on that right now and immediately i'm like now i need to know the theory i wasn't worried and now i'm worried she goes i have my theories for why they want to do this but um so you're gonna have to show us your ids um i think i know why but they're there anyway so show your ideas first we're just gonna have to do a special double check i appreciate it i look at stewart who's opening for me and i go what the fuck was that yeah and she goes what kind of conspiracy theory.

30:09Paige DeSorbo: And for a second, I'm like

30:11Hannah Berner: I need to get in contact with her.

30:12Paige DeSorbo: Suddenly, I'm like, I'm not getting on this plane. It's one thing if you're just like, hey, we're gonna check IDs. No one would care. The fact that you go, I have my theories.

30:21Hannah Berner: I feel like that's happened before where they're like, we're just double when you are traveling internationally, they look at your passport again. Also,

30:28Paige DeSorbo: it's possible that they're just being double checking. The fact that she goes, I have my theories. I was like, I'm out. I don't need your conspiracy theory YouTube shit. say it legally on the speaker or don't say it at all. So we're all looking around suddenly like, do we start pointing fingers at each other? We're like, who the fuck are you? I'm looking around. I'm like, who is on this plane? So then I called Des and I'm like, this might be the last time I speak to you. And he was like, the UN's in town. That's why. I'm like, then why did she make it into this fucking drama? She's like, one of you is going to try and take this plane down

31:03Hannah Berner: and I will figure out which one.

31:06Paige DeSorbo: It's like, lady. I'm like, with planes, I don't fuck around. Don't shoot. This bitch went off script. These darn New Yorkers, you know, they're always planning something. And she goes, and you know, there's a bad history. And I was like, I can't get into this right now. So anyway, everything was fine. Except same lady. We get on. I have nothing else going on. How animated you are. I'm like, wait, should we make this into a movie? You're so passionate. We get on. And then towards the end, you know, they're always like, let me get your drinks. We're about to land. She goes, let me take your snacks.

31:45What the fuck?

31:48Paige DeSorbo: What is going on in America right now that you're taking my pretzels? You're like, didn't the U.N. tell you to do this? I have my theories, but why are you taking my snacks? Okay, I'm sitting there with a huge bottle of water, and she's taking this poor man's peanuts. and I'm like let him have his peanut but what's gonna happen? So anyway the airports need to get it in check.

32:11Hannah Berner: The most important question I She was blonde. Okay. I was just gonna say in my head I know exactly what she looks like. Yes or no. Had blonde hair. Could look like any one of your friend's moms. Yes she was a mom. But like wanted to do a sassy updo but really just had it clipped.

32:35Paige DeSorbo: a thousand percent yeah you know it wasn't naturally down until that woman and it was the kind of thing that you know she's been doing every day since 1975 so anyway she was on one um but also i did i did get random checked i had a random check it beeped and low-key it's main character energy like when you go through and it beeps and they're like you didn't do anything wrong but like we just want to double check like your shoes i love knowing that there's something suspish about me.

33:02Hannah Berner: I'm like, yeah, you can't read my mind. You don't know what I'm thinking.

33:05Paige DeSorbo: I just love that they're like, of everyone in this line, you're different. There's something about you that's different. And I'm like, thanks for choosing me. I'm picking me on the line. Oh, God.

33:15Hannah Berner: Support for today's episode comes from Square, your all-in-one business partner making your day-to-day easier. From point-of-sale systems and payments to inventory and customer tools, Square brings everything together in one simple platform. So maybe you own a cafe, a boutique, a restaurant, and you use Square. It enhances your experience. Everyone loves a seamless payment process, and running a business involves a lot of moving parts. Square helps simplify that. You don't need special training. You can set it up and start taking payments quickly. Square's point-of-sale system is not only user-friendly, but also highly intuitive.

33:53Hannah Berner: Square gives you the tools to manage the behind-the-scenes work, too. You can track sales, stay on top of inventory, and get better understanding of your customers. So many businesses in New York City use Square, like Sal and Carmine's Pizza, Effie's Cafe, Bon Bon in New York City, and many more. Square keeps up so that you don't have to slow down. Get everything you need to run and grow your business without any long-term commitments. And why wait? Right now, you can get up to$200 off Square hardware at square.com slash go slash giggly. That's S-Q-U-A-R-E dot com slash G-O slash giggly. Run your business smarter with Square.

34:32Hannah Berner: Get started today. I really love summer, but it does throw curveballs if you have a routine, if you have a morning routine and night routine, and God forbid you're on vacation and you can't access any health care. That's why I want to talk to you about WISP because WISP really is the go-to for women's health needs and when I'm on the go I need to know that if I get a UTI I'm covered. I've gone on countless vacations and gotten a UTI and had to spend the day in urgent care and it has truly ruined so many different trips in my life or I've woken up really early and had to like drive to a pharmacy that's like an hour away to try and get a prescription.

35:08Hannah Berner: That's why I love WISP. It's trusted by over 1.8 million people nationwide and whether it's a UTI prescription or a last minute emergency contraception, WISP has licensed medical professionals available in all 50 states. There's no waiting rooms and the best thing is you don't have to go to an urgent care. So for anyone who's traveling this summer, maybe you get nauseous in cars, boats, plane rides, you can get a prescription for Zofran and it's a carry-on essential. And sometimes your vaginal health can be a little bit of a problem on vacation too. New water, stress, whatever. WISP has over-the-counter probiotics and supplements to keep your microbiome on track.

35:46Hannah Berner: You can send them your local pharmacy address or they can ship directly to you. That's real health care that actually works with your life. So take 15 % off your first order with code Giggly at HelloWisp.com. That's HelloWisp.com. Prescription products require a consultation with a health care provider and medications are available if medically appropriate. Must be 18 or older. Restrictions apply. See website for full details. Okay, so my plan this summer is to grab a bunch of my girlfriends, buy a big bucket of popcorn, sit back, and feel all the feels watching a movie in the theater. And you know what will fill that void?

36:21Hannah Berner: One Night Only, which is about to be the summer's biggest rom-com when it hits theaters August 7th. I can't wait. It's from the director of Anyone But You and EZA, and stars Monica Barbaro and Callum Turner. set in New York City the two bump into each other on the one night a year single people are allowed to have sex this sounds so messy and I'm 100 % in one night only is in theaters August 7th I'll be

36:46Paige DeSorbo: there you guys know I'm obsessed with Lululemon they literally have the highest quality clothes that last forever and I'm currently loving the flow y tank from Lululemon I'm always chasing the feeling of looking put together but also like looking hot in my workout clothes I personally love a spaghetti type strap I feel like it makes my arms look really cute and the flow eyebrow has such a loyal following forever and I wear it to every single Pilates class I wear it on walks I wear it before a full day of errands I'll throw a little windbreaker over it it's literally my go-to racerback design racerbacks look really good for my body type and it honestly feels weightless I'm not tugging at it adjusting it and it's buttery soft nulu material that lululemon is known for and you guys know I can't wear uncomfortable stuff I'll freak out and the built-in support is a great detail because I don't like adding a bra I love when the bra is attached to it I wear lululemon and you should too go to lululemon.com right now new styles drop all the time and the colors go fast so don't wait and if something doesn't work for you free returns always that's lululemon.com lululemon.com oh we love introducing you guys to new series and there is a new series on prime video called ride or die it's a high octane action comedy starring octavia spencer and hannah waddingham this is star-studded i love both of these girls the show follows two best friends of 20 years, Judith, who's Hannah Waddingham, and Debbie, Octavia Spencer, whose lives are upended when one turns out to be a secret international assassin.

38:26Paige DeSorbo: The two best friends find themselves on the run with a mysterious villain chasing them and Debbie's husband involved in something deeply corrupt. It's a race against time and a road trip across Europe to untangle the truth and stay alive. Ride or Die blends action-packed espionage with heartfelt friendship that proves it's never too late for a new lease on life especially with a lifelong friendship that is literally bulletproof this series is hilarious clever adventurous and sexy ride or die new series now streaming only on prime video

39:00Hannah Berner: wait i love looking at the note of like our shared note because sometimes it's just so crazy like just listen to this string of things coffee before a flight new line pedophile new line songs I'm listening to. That is so unhinged. Pedophile pipeline to songs I'm listening to. So insane. So insane. What is the pedophile line? I'm intrigued. That's such a good question. I think it was

39:28Paige DeSorbo: Am I called? So not knowing. So great. I'm like it could be so many things. Could have been so many things. See I have a theory. Okay. No, I was doing crowd work with a guy who had a mustache, and I was just going in on him. I was calling him all these names. And then at one point, I said, I was like, you look like a pedophile. And then I ran out of stuff to say. So I said, so what do you do for a living? And he said, I work with children. And the crowd, like, lost their minds. Wow. But he was the good man, Susanna. It's like, he's not a paid actor. You couldn't script you that better. But you know what?

40:02Paige DeSorbo: Actually, this couple that I was talking to, I called a pedophile. his girlfriend messaged me after the show and said we actually like went through like a really hard time there was like a death in the family and this is the first time we laughed in a while and she was like thank you for calling him a pedophile it really made my day and really and you know what comedy's alive comedy's alive and well um can we we didn't discuss my i'm like part of the dancing with the stars community now did you notice this did you notice this. Where would I have noticed this? Okay, you don't follow me on TikTok.

40:41Paige DeSorbo: I did want to.

40:42Hannah Berner: Oh, I did see you did like a really. It was like six minutes. I was like, what is this? ESPN? Like swipe. I liked it. I swiped. You supported, but you, but I like, I kept going.

40:55Paige DeSorbo: Did you watch Dancing with the Stars?

40:56Hannah Berner: I did. I watched the first episode.

40:58Paige DeSorbo: Okay. So yeah, I had thoughts and I didn't realize it's such a tight-knit community that like everyone was like commenting and stuff stars

41:05Hannah Berner: is a well-oiled machine they have a podcast discussing it yeah they have like they have

41:12Paige DeSorbo: such a lore it's been on for like 15 years i feel like it's been on for a long time but i guess tiktok's making it really hot but apparently one of the judges um wasn't there and everyone's like she's really mean Carrie Ann and I was like first of all I do not want a nice judge right we were raised on Simon Cowell we were raised on like he's going to read you to filth and we all have to sit back and be like okay that's that's part of the competition so like Simon Cowell would get canceled now well now he's like has to be nice and it's really crazy yes you see the words in And this had to be like, don't say that, don't say that, don't say that.

41:53Paige DeSorbo: I would be the worst judge. I did judge, is it cake?

41:57Hannah Berner: Oh, yeah.

41:58Paige DeSorbo: And it was heartbreaking. These people cooked for eight hours for my dumb ass to be like, there's cake. Wait, I'm obsessed with the reboot of Project Runway.

42:09Hannah Berner: Because the new season, Law Roach is one of the judges. Oh, he's amazing. Wait, I didn't watch the most recent episode. I just saw a clip of it. I can't wait to watch it. But Tyra Banks is on it. And he quoted, like, we were rooting for you. Tyra like looked at him like not amused by it. And like you could tell the energy almost like, and like as someone who's been on reality TV, like sometimes people will say things to you and you'll be like, okay, but also I was 25 and like I had a camera in my face, you know? But that's such an iconic like, she wasn't whatever, but you could just tell she was not like, but she laughed a little, but I could tell how she felt.

42:51Paige DeSorbo: Well, also fashion people, they take themselves seriously. But La Roche, I love how free he is out there. Like, he's not, he's saying everything.

42:59Hannah Berner: He's making the whole show. He is the star. You're only interested in what his opinion is. Honestly, sometimes, like, I'll test myself. Like, I'll say something and I'll be like, okay, if La Roche agrees with me, like, this is my shining moment. This is me in my bed by myself. Can I manifest it? I think you're going to be a judge on Project Online.

43:19Paige DeSorbo: I would love that.

43:20Hannah Berner: And then we have like a difference of opinion. And I'm like, and this is why I'll never make it in this town. Or it's good that you have a different opinion than him.

43:28Paige DeSorbo: My thing is, this is me as a judge.

43:33Paige DeSorbo: Did you try? You're perfect. Yeah. You're literally perfect. Do you have a family at home? They love you. I love you. You're perfect. For my job to tell someone to like ruin their dreams, you know, they woke up that morning being like, I hope I do well. And I'm the one that tells them they didn't do well.

43:48Hannah Berner: I think I'd be like, it's just not for me.

43:52Paige DeSorbo: I'm so obsessed with it for you. I'm so much of a people pleaser. It could be like the ugliest thing. And I'll be like, your vision is like next level. There are people, but this is the thing. I'm excited for Carrie Ann. I want to see her read people to filth.

44:07Hannah Berner: Is Dancing with the Stars the way like American Idol used to? Oh, it's once a week. I thought for some reason, I thought it was like twice.

44:14Paige DeSorbo: Seems like years.

44:17Hannah Berner: so they perform once a week and then they it takes them a whole week they get to practice a

44:21Paige DeSorbo: whole week for a new routine yeah that is a quick turnaround it is but i think they have like a couple weeks training beforehand to like get ahead on some of the technique yeah you would have to because everyone's obsessed with robert irwin the australian and all the mormon

44:39Hannah Berner: whitney what's going on in salt lake city that all the ballroom dancers come from there

44:44Paige DeSorbo: so like in utah so because they're so religious and they don't drink all they do is dance and they're sober so they were like we just would like shake our asses drunk they're sober remembering choreography interesting i heard that like mormons are amazing at musical theater like they love musical theater because that they don't have tvs so the kids wait that's the omnis I'm like, what? Like, don't the Mormons, they, like, they put their hair in braids, and then they sing choir songs. So they're singing choir songs all the time. Got it. So they're just, like, natural-born performers. We were listening to Nelly.

45:21They were, like, and I'm singing.

45:26Hannah Berner: Okay, because I was just, like, what is this weird pipeline of, like, Utah and ballroom dancing? I'm. Have you ever come across a TikTok video of like, I was just going to say like mini people, children. But they literally look like mini adults. Tiny adults. Mini adults. Children. Ballroom dancing.

45:51Paige DeSorbo: No, but that's adorable. It looks AI because they look like little men and women, but they're not. I feel like that's abusive. Like don't make children ballroom dance.

46:02Hannah Berner: Also, I got really obsessed with ballroom dancers taking their hair out. Have you ever seen a ballroom dancer wash her hair after a night of ballroom dancing? No. Do they have a wig or something? No, I'm not kidding. They like shellac. It's hard. Like they can tap it and like knock on it and then like them taking it down.

46:23Paige DeSorbo: All I remember from my friends who were dancers was that they had to like gel their hair and they'd have like tons of sparkles and stuff. Yeah. And they love their, like, Leos and leotards and stuff. And all of it was really scary to me. Irish step dancing ever come across your desk as a child? I had a friend who was the Irish step dancer of Parksville, Brooklyn. And, like, she would pull it out at parties.

46:48Hannah Berner: You know, Des could do it. Like, river dancing? Like, every time the commercial would come on TV, like, river dancing.

46:55Paige DeSorbo: Wait, so apparently it isn't true. but I was told that like women or what are the Irish weren't allowed to dance in certain like British bars or something so that's how they would dance so that the bartenders couldn't see that they were dancing but obviously I thought that was true.

47:11Hannah Berner: That seems like a myth a limerick if you will that seems like not true.

47:18Paige DeSorbo: Did you just say limerick you're so cute um so yeah it's basically dancing where you don't use your upper body. No I was obsessed with it when And they would keep their, like, face, like, they weren't dancing.

47:28Hannah Berner: And I don't understand what the correlation was to their, like, really curly wigs, but I was here for it. Maybe that was their hair.

47:36Paige DeSorbo: It was, no, no.

47:38Hannah Berner: They would put these, like, massive, like, hair pieces that were, like, massive. And it was honestly, like, RuPaul's Drag Race before that was a thing.

47:47Paige DeSorbo: You know what this is? The next Hannah Bates try new things.

47:50Hannah Berner: Riverdance.

47:53Paige DeSorbo: That's what you get for putting ideas in my head.

47:55Hannah Berner: Honestly, I have always wanted to have like super curly hair. So like I'll do it if I can do the hair look.

48:01Paige DeSorbo: I feel like the footwork, it's a good workout probably. Yeah. But it is funny when girls will just break it out like at the bar when they're 27. Yeah, I just always thought it was like so interesting. How close can you, I don't want to like expose you, but how close can you get to getting into a split? Not close. Okay, I've never like, I'm not, people don't even know I'm trying to do a split.

48:23Hannah Berner: I know that I can get closer than you, but not close.

48:26Paige DeSorbo: If we could do splits, I'd be in a split right now. Yeah. Like, I would, mid-conversation, I'd be like, you want to see something? You'd be my whole personality.

48:32Hannah Berner: My whole personality. I'd have a different job, probably.

48:38Hannah Berner: That's not what I... I'd be the Cardi B of podcasts.

48:46Paige DeSorbo: Okay. No, like, I can't even do the worm that well, and look how much I do it. Imagine if I was good at the splits.

48:52Hannah Berner: Anyway. Like when people bust out a split at like a wedding. It blows my mind every time. Here's the thing though. If someone does a split at my wedding.

48:59Paige DeSorbo: No. Wait, that's worse than them wearing white. That's worse than them wearing white. Not the vibe. If you do a split at someone else's wedding, you want to fuck her husband.

49:07Hannah Berner: Yeah, I would just be like, stop. Unless it actually, oh my God, I was just about to be so misogynistic. You said unless it was a gay man? No, I was going to say if a guy does a split at my wedding. He's gay. Okay. He's fucking guy. But if a girl does a split at my wedding, I'm like. well the guy it's not about you but i just realized like that was misogynistic and it caught myself yeah and that was a learning moment actually no one can split no one can do splits

49:31Paige DeSorbo: equal rights on this podcast and it's none but also i feel like people who do squid they like have been able to do it since childhood like it's like you're born with it lost like maybe you're born with it maybe it's maybe yeah it also seems genetic yeah i'm so excited to introduce you guys to Whatnot. It's the number one live shopping app in the U.S. where shopping happens in real time with real people, real conversations, and incredible deals. I love a deal more than anyone. You almost never pay full price. You shop name brands across makeup, perfume, clothes, handbags, jewelry, with real people showing you how the stuff moves, talking about the details of the products.

50:13Paige DeSorbo: This isn't just you shopping alone. And it's all without the retail sticker shock. This is the best place to find great deals on products you love. You also can become a seller and make money that way. If you have clothes, bags, or accessories sitting in your closet you literally haven't touched in months, Whatnot makes it easy to turn them into cash, connect with shoppers who share your style, and have fun going live while doing it. I personally was able to get makeup blushes for under$10 and I also got this really cute quarter sleeve shirt for under$20. It was such a high. Download Whatnot today and get$20 off and free shipping on your first purchase.

50:51Paige DeSorbo: Search Whatnot, W-H-A-T-N-O-T in the app store, sign up and start finding the best deals on the products you love with$20 off and free shipping with your first purchase. Whatnot is the largest live shopping marketplace in the United States for a reason.

51:06Hannah Berner: You guys know that I love hair cycling, but there are days where my hair has to be greasy and I just have to live with it and that's why I love K18's dry shampoo. There's so many reasons that I love this dry shampoo but I think the number one thing for me is there's no white cast on my hair. I have dark brown hair so whenever I use a dry shampoo that's the number one concern I have. K18's dry shampoo instantly eliminates odor and reduces oil and sweat even in the summer heat and your scalp can feel fresh for up to three days which is just great news for my hair cycling. I also love this dry shampoo because there's no buildup and it doesn't feel gritty in your hair.

51:45Hannah Berner: You know, sometimes you put dry shampoo on and you can like kind of feel it. You never have to worry about wash day again. So shop at Sephora or get 10 % off your first purchase at k18hair.com with code Giggly. That's code Giggly at k18hair.com. This off to college season, save on college and save the every day. I remember when I first got to college and I thought I was prepared. I know everything that's happening. I was so focused on my daily outfits and making sure I had the perfect aesthetic that I completely forgot about one major part of college, and that's themed parties. Every other week, there was some random theme night, and I was always scrambling at the last minute trying to pull something together.

52:25Hannah Berner: Whether it was a costume, accessories, decorations, or something group theme, I somehow never had what I needed, and I was constantly making a last-minute purchase to save the day. College is already so chaotic enough, and it's always the little things that catch you off guard. That's why I love Amazon makes off to college shopping so easy. So whether it's dorm essentials, school supplies, organizational items, or those last minute things you suddenly realize you need, Amazon has great deals, everyday low prices, a huge selection, and the convenience to help you get it all in one place. So remember with Amazon low off to college prices, just save on college, save the everyday.

53:02Hannah Berner: Okay, you guys know I live for just doing the thing, not overthinking it. Like, why do we need to spend so much time playing it safe and staying inside our comfortable little bubbles? Honestly, the absolute best parts of life happen when you just follow your heart and take a little risk. Like, imagine going to Europe, getting a little lost down some gorgeous cobblestone alley and trying to order an espresso in a language you don't even know. It's fine. That kind of vulnerability is literally how you grow and actually figure out who you are.

53:30Paige DeSorbo: And that's what you're doing right now. Flew Delta Airlines all the way to Capri. The vibe on the Delta flights to go to Europe are so chic, elevated. It just makes you feel like a little princess. And I got my Delta headphones and I'm watching my movies. I also think it's so important to travel. And Delta takes care of you during the travel so that you can grow and learn about new cultures and just experience new things. We can't just stay in our bedroom all the time, even though it's comfortable. and when I travel I just learned that the world that no one cares and like the world is just so much bigger than you and that's comforting it gives you perspective yes so traveling is the ultimate way to experience a major personal growth and just see what happens step outside your comfort zone this summer and fly with Delta Airlines honestly they completely change the game for European travel and make the whole journey feel so elevated and special from the second you board go book your next great chapter right now at delta.com something funny i'm going to harvard

54:34Hannah Berner: this week i'm going to like it's hard harvard law no just just regular harvard okay and speaking to their one of their business classes and i literally i literally got the email and i was like why do you guys want me and then i thought let me throw the craziest fit wait i'm obsessed with this for you

55:03Paige DeSorbo: because i'm upset first you wrote a book which like no one thought no one saw that no one saw that coming now you're just rubbing it in people's faces getting under people's skin yeah now this is just petty now i'm like sorry i speak to a business class wait you're gonna get an honorary degree

55:22Hannah Berner: well hopefully because currently i don't have one no you do have a degree how am i gonna go into harvard and be like i don't i didn't go anywhere you went to college i know but now it's not a thing and i feel like i need to be up front and authentic with them and tell them you're like look i don't belong to any college anywhere as of recent but you're an inspiration

55:41Paige DeSorbo: to people who can't read

55:51Paige DeSorbo: i've gotten a couple messages of people being like hey i know you like making fun of the page for not being able to read or write your spell but it actually comes off mean and i go she told me she can't read i'm literally just repeating what she said to me never in our almost 10 year

56:07Hannah Berner: a friendship have you ever said anything to me where i've been like harsh like ever like hurt my feelings because it's most of the time accurate and it's like sorry telling the truth

56:20Paige DeSorbo: is not a crime also this means i came up with something to try to make you giggle and also it's funny and also you're new york times bestseller wait so what do you is it fashion

56:33Hannah Berner: No, I don't. I don't quite know. You're like, yeah, just like, come, you're going to speak. I think that's just like a Q &A. Yes.

56:41Paige DeSorbo: Oh, I love a Q &A.

56:42Hannah Berner: Me too.

56:43Paige DeSorbo: Because one thing about us, we did a Q &A last week. I can really go rogue. We love to talk about ourselves.

56:47Hannah Berner: There's no topic I'm more informed on than myself.

56:53Paige DeSorbo: My hopes, my dreams. We know. Every now and then there'll be like a random Q &A person. What do they call them? The one who asked the question? Moderator. Yes. and they are nervous because they don't ever like talk. And I always have to look at them and I go, watch us go. Like you actually don't even have to ask a question. We'll just start talking.

57:10Hannah Berner: If someone comes up to us and we're in a certain setting and they say, hey, we need to fill blank number of minutes. Me and Hannah go beyond easy.

57:20Paige DeSorbo: We actually have been saving. We have it in our back pocket. We've been saving some material for this.

57:24Hannah Berner: We can do 20 minutes right now. Start the timer. Do you remember when we did like the CBS morning show when we were just going rogue. Oh, yeah, and then they were like,

57:32Paige DeSorbo: I guess you guys can stay for another segment because we didn't hit one question about what you're promoting.

57:37Hannah Berner: Yeah, we can do that. Who you are. We can do the show right now. Yeah, what are the segments? Yeah, let's just fuck it. We'll do it live. Just go. Turn it on.

57:45Paige DeSorbo: I do think, though, it's because we're together. I feel like if I was alone, I'd be like, let's have some self-control.

57:50Hannah Berner: There are times where we're in an interview and they'll ask a question. We enable each other. And in my head, I'm like, if I go first, I'll quite literally die. and that's when my head whips over to you and I'm like Hannah why don't you take this one actually we love getting interviewed together yeah because it's easy to bounce off speaking of by the time this comes out our hot ones versus is going to drop do you have anything to say I mean I have a lot to say and we don't want to give anything away but did you have fun I had a good time do you want to know when I didn't have a good time later that evening I did not have a fun time I

58:27Paige DeSorbo: thought I had to go to the hospital so you did it before but like with a lot of people I did it

58:34Hannah Berner: before but it wasn't I didn't have to eat every single one yeah we ate how many were there five

58:41Paige DeSorbo: six a lot because I did it once before it was just me so I had to go in and they were like don't schedule anything after this because you're not gonna feel okay yeah and I I was so nervous and scared but you can't you came in very nonchalant I was like this is fine you're like I had sushi

58:57Hannah Berner: with wasabi yesterday i can eat this i'll be okay and i was like okay yeah doing it yeah but then it wasn't until like two hours later that i think my stomach had digested and the agita came why don't you hold the fucking phone this is the worst thing ever and i actually thought at one point i was gonna have to go to the emergency room because my asshole was on fire i had to get baby powder like i'm not kidding it was i was like this has never happened before in the history of any human i literally forgot i had done hot ones earlier that's how bad it was i was like no my ins i'm dying like my organs are shutting down they're trying to come out of my body because they're done they're absolutely done with me i called my mom see for me that's a doos day anyone with

59:47Paige DeSorbo: irritable bowel i feel for them i feel like as long as you're like do it quickly it's like it's like puke and rally i do diarrhea and rally not to mention the moment it started hitting me

1:00:00Hannah Berner: i was in an uber and my seatbelt was on and i was like something's not something's not right why is the seatbelt so tight take the seatbelt off and i was like my pants are so tight and then i like

1:00:14Paige DeSorbo: pull my pants and I'm like you gotta drive faster I'm gonna die you're so good at pukey in Ubers but you haven't done no I haven't shit in an Uber yet you know I'm working my way up to it maybe when I hit 35 which reminds me my favorite thing about tour is the Uber drivers in different states they relate they come with a story they sometimes they come with pets yeah they come with a lot of women a lot of women which i love um and then then some people where i'm like how did some of them have crazy stories yeah but just in new york like no one talks to you which is nice where when i get dropped off in richmond yeah i i have a new best friend immediately they're like you're in my car yeah let's talk um and i'm practicing like lying and saying i do marketing but i'm so bad at it i keep getting myself in kerfuffles whenever it's

1:01:11Hannah Berner: Someone asks me what I do that's not like a dad. Like I'll be somewhere and I'll be like a dad. Why? My first reaction is to laugh. I just start laughing. I go, oh, just like different stuff. I can never. I don't know if it's like my own internal, like I'm embarrassed or like. Do you know what you say now? I'm a professor at Harvard. Google it. I'm like, actually, I perform at Harvard. I perform for their business classes.

1:01:40Paige DeSorbo: And I have an Uber and they have to get me to the stage door sometimes. But they don't know and they're like, can I just drop you off at this theater? And I'm like, no, you got to go to the back. And then it's a whole thing. But I've made some really good friends along the way. And occasionally if we get really close, I'm like, do you want to come to the show tonight? That's so nice of you. But I have a couple tickets sometimes, extra.

1:02:02Hannah Berner: See, you want to know here why we're a little bit different? You go, I would, over my dead body. my dead fucking body i'm way more scared of like being killed than you are see i like attention like i don't care what form walking down the street yeah i'm way more alert and anxious than i think you then i think maybe because you know that you could fight back

1:02:30Paige DeSorbo: is what it is i want someone to come for me i remember once i was walking with my friend and there were these like two frat guys behind us and it was dark like in the east village and they were talking loud like clearly trying to like freak us out yeah and they were drunk and my friend was scared and i looked at her i said i've been fucking waiting for this moment i i i hope they come for us because i will i've been i have so much rage that i want to to deal with this and i will save your life and then they didn't because they could sense that i i was ready to go yeah and i think they can sense that and we have to normalize female rage also what i learned up growing around walking around New York first of all we're scared like I never you know when you you would like escape at night like I never escaped from my house at night in New York like

1:03:16Hannah Berner: oh like sneaking out sneak out yeah I'm like what when was I escaping at night the suburbs are not

1:03:24Paige DeSorbo: jail okay we would sneak out we weren't escaping like we're not sneaking out like I'm like I'm I'm going to die. Like, you just know your boundaries. But when you, like, take this up for every day at school. I mean, I could have died a lot.

1:03:38Hannah Berner: No, 100%. A Taco Bell parking lot is not where a young 16-year-old girl should ever be at 3 a.m.

1:03:44Paige DeSorbo: Sonic? Yeah. That's where everyone is hanging out on the burbs, apparently. But my advice to everyone is when you're walking and there's, like, scary people around you or you sense, like, a man staring at you, you keep your head high.

1:03:56Hannah Berner: Yeah.

1:03:57Paige DeSorbo: And you look slightly angry. Okay. And that's what I do. I don't make eye contact. I keep my head high and you just look like something smells slightly bad. And they'll make comments. They'll be like, oh, what are you upset about? I'm like, you. That is such good advice. Don't put your head down and look shy and scared. Head up, chin up, and you're focused. Also, I'm crazier than you, bitch. Yeah. As my wise friend, Allie Colbert, once said, if it gets really bad, just shit yourself. And they'll be like, no, thank you.

1:04:26Hannah Berner: I actually think if something really did get really bad, I would pee. the golf you're crazier than them interesting that you say head up because i feel like i'm always like looking down no like my gaze is always at the sidewalk no head up and i'm not making eye

1:04:42Paige DeSorbo: contact but i'm swift yeah you're swift you're good i just always she's getting in and out you want to have a confidence to you and you also want to look not like you're trying to intimidate them more like you've just had a lot like you've had a day and you don't need anything else well remember

1:04:56Hannah Berner: it was on tiktok it wasn't it didn't originate on tiktok someone did like a study and they asked like criminals what are things you avoid and it was people that look like they're they have a purpose like they know where they're going they look organized they're put together like they're more alert yeah than like it's like someone like on the phone it's like sharks like smelling fear

1:05:20Paige DeSorbo: kind of thing um but i do have to say on the road my favorite thing is i find like a random luncheonette or a diner and if the waitress knows who i am luncheonette sorry she is that girl okay what do you think diners feel about luncheonettes they're like okay why did she

1:05:39Hannah Berner: get the cool name luncheonettes are like oh cute you're a diner we do lunch and at like what is a luncheonette a luncheonette is a gay diner i'm just like i'm obsessed with luncheonette

1:05:51Paige DeSorbo: luncheonette is a diner that thinks it's better than you i'm naming my daughter luncheonette are you kidding your next cat needs to be luncheonette lucy luncheonette burner luncheonette wears those amazon socks that have curls on them wait that's an amazing cat name luncheonette stop it's so cute okay so when i'm at my luncheonette yeah if the waitress knows who i am which you'd be surprised not that often yeah but when she does and she's like oh my god what are you here for and i go i have a show tonight you know they have like a long they've been working they've been up these girls when i'm at brunch they've been up since 6 a.m and if they're free that night then i'll be like i'll drop your name so that's like very nice that's fun for me yeah because it's like but then sometimes i'm like did they even want to go did i just force them to go to my show and then you leave they're like no thank you i'm like come to my show haha um so anyway that's what i've been up to moral of the story is i'm listening to nashville like i downloaded

1:06:52Hannah Berner: the songs oh sorry wait you forgot that you forgot that in the beginning of the pod when you confess your love for the show you forgot that you also downloaded what did you put them on a cd i mean

1:07:08Paige DeSorbo: there's an album so i i have to listen to music on the flight so i'm not stuck with like my own thoughts and i you're still like so against entertainment on the flight well i'm taking some small flights that don't have entertainment i just can't believe you don't have an ipad like how you run your life yeah i said hey what am i supposed to watch if they don't have a TV on the plane.

1:07:33Hannah Berner: You bring your freaking iPad. You download all the seasons.

1:07:37Paige DeSorbo: You get your normal headphones. I still try to remember the 90s, okay? When you just, all you had was your little CD player and all the CDs. I downloaded Wrong Song and Love Like Mine from season one. Highly recommend.

1:07:54Hannah Berner: Do you ever have moments in school where you were like, yeah, I'm never going to need this. so like I literally don't care. Des has like a whole bit about how calculators were so insane

1:08:07Paige DeSorbo: and now we have like calculators everywhere.

1:08:10Hannah Berner: I just feel like I had like a foresight as a child. Like, cool, I know I have to learn this, but I'm literally never going to need this. So I don't like deep down don't care. And like in my life, I truly never needed any of that stuff. I feel like that's you with technology. You're like, nope, don't care. You're never going to need it. None of my business. That's for you guys, not for me staying in my lane. None of my business. Wired headphones, please.

1:08:36Paige DeSorbo: No, I flew American Airlines and I was like, where's the Delta headphones? And they were like, bitch, you're in the wrong place. I go, if I don't get my Delta headphones right now.

1:08:42Hannah Berner: American Airlines, I'm pretty sure on the backs of their seat, have a little holder for your iPad. Or is that United? One of them. I don't know. Where it's like you can put your iPad in.

1:08:53Paige DeSorbo: am i gonna be one of those moms who like doesn't let their kid look at a screen until they're like 17 i don't know because the type of mom you're going to be honestly i can't even make wagers

1:09:08Hannah Berner: yet because it's too soon but like it could go in so many different directions and i can't wait to see because like there is a world where i have a conspiracy that you become like my mom the the crunchiest granola organic like sorry my kids don't have sugar even though it's halloween mom or there's a world where you're like they're self-sufficient like the 80s they're putting themselves in the bath at on their own and they're only two years old and then they have practice at

1:09:39Paige DeSorbo: 7 a.m and they have to wake themselves up like there is a world where you're that and you know what i dabble every day in my head between that yeah um i have to say one of des's jokes that's really funny that I think you'd agree with. Okay. He jokes about how, sorry, I haven't seen him in a week, so I kind of miss him. This is so fucking gross.

1:09:57Hannah Berner: Where is he? What's he doing?

1:09:58Paige DeSorbo: He's coming tonight from Vegas.

1:09:59Hannah Berner: How are you going to shave?

1:10:05Paige DeSorbo: This is such a fucking good point. We have to wrap this pod up. No, literally. We have to wrap it up.

1:10:11Hannah Berner: Who knows when the last time you did it? But I know that. I know that there's no way you preemptively shaved for your husband to come home.

1:10:21Paige DeSorbo: No. His joke is, what in the American system made us go up, like, in times tables at 12? They were like, and we're good here. Like, what about 13? Yeah. What about 14? Why did we stop at 12? I mean, I guess it's because, like, inches, but, like, we're the only country that uses inches. everyone else uses centimeters i just feel like this is why we're behind i'm gonna just say it here now okay don't talk to me

1:10:55Hannah Berner: about feet inches millimeters kilograms quarts teaspoons isn't that a kind of crystal anything don't talk to me in that rhetoric or tone well also

1:11:12Paige DeSorbo: as an italian grandma they just go put a little bit in like put a pinch of olive oil honestly

1:11:18Hannah Berner: the amount of times my mom said and i eyeball it eyeball it eyeball it figure it out that's all

1:11:23Paige DeSorbo: you need also yeah no no one's measuring things when was that time you measured it's not for me

1:11:30Hannah Berner: i just like oh so you can get pre-packaged things or like or like yeah or people are like how many ounces are in a blah blah blah how about you shut the fuck up also the fact that we have to drink

1:11:42Paige DeSorbo: like ounces of something is crazy like no one's actually you remember they tried to put it on the drinks yeah to be like what how many ounces have you drank that's it's controlling no i just like that it makes me it's me very it's rude the only thing i like to drink a lot is my dunker refresher.

1:12:04Hannah Berner: I actually don't give this one enough credit. The mango pineapple.

1:12:06Paige DeSorbo: Well, that's mine that I like to have with not too much concentrate and green tea. When I'm on tour and I'm like really sleepy at like 5 p.m., I love a Dunkin' refresher. It just makes me feel awake and hydrated because I can't be drinking coffee at that time. I'll never go to sleep. You put me on to the mango. Mango pineapple is really good. I'm going to say something controversial about New Yorkers. I think we all are eating the same four meals, even though there's billions of restaurants around. And that's why when your friend goes, hey, I'm visiting New York, what restaurants should I go to?

1:12:38Paige DeSorbo: And I'm like, I ordered from Chipotle.

1:12:41Hannah Berner: I'm like a must. And do you know why? You go to Pio Pio and just get chicken and rice. I can't help you. I'm like, I have no idea. But look, we're relatable. And authentic. And authenticity is key. Is the key to the world. Thank you guys so much. And thanks to Duncan for making this episode possible.

1:13:04Paige DeSorbo: Ooh, we love introducing you guys to new series, and there is a new series on Prime Video called Ride or Die. It's a high-octane action comedy starring Octavia Spencer and Hannah Waddingham. This is star-studded. I love both of these girls. The show follows two best friends of 20 years, Judith, who's Hannah Waddingham, and Debbie, Octavia Spencer, whose lives are upended when one turns out to be a secret international assassin. The two best friends find themselves on the run with a mysterious villain chasing them and Debbie's husband involved in something deeply corrupt. It's a race against time and a road trip across Europe to untangle the truth and stay alive.

1:13:45Paige DeSorbo: Ride or Die blends action-packed espionage with heartfelt friendship that proves it's never too late for a new lease on life, especially with a lifelong friendship that is literally bulletproof. The series is hilarious, clever, adventurous, and sexy. Ride or Die new series now streaming only on Prime Video.

1:14:29Hannah Berner: or move-in day. Get everything you need for back-to-school season. Shop Wayfair.com today.