Giggling about BBLs, bees, and best friends

0:00Paige DeSorbo: Hi, I'm Jack Crivecci, Kramer host of The Best One Yet. At T-Boy, we're always talking about small decisions that can have an outsized impact. One of the simplest is staying hydrated. Whether I'm traveling, getting a workout in, or heading into a busy day, I keep Liquid IV on hand. It's clinically demonstrated to hydrate faster than water alone and contains three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients. It's an easy addition to your daily routine and helps support hydration when you need it most. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV hydration that goes wherever life takes you.

0:59Hannah Berner: Protection for home, auto, boats, motorcycles, RVs, or all of the above, you can choose the perfect amount of coverage for you. And along the way, if you have questions or need advice, just head to statefarm.com or use the State Farm app to get help from one of their local agents. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Sup, gigglers. Harriet, fix the Wi-Fi.

1:22Paige DeSorbo: Manifest that shit.

1:24Hannah Berner: We can't be managed.

1:29Paige DeSorbo: i mean the day just got away from me hello my i feel like a two-year-old and like and then and then and then when and i was going and i was and then i just hello my gigglers

1:45Hannah Berner: but i don't have the kids today guys thank god thank god actually i put in my own due

1:53Paige DeSorbo: diligence with children this weekend due diligence yeah I did I played I played an insane round of

2:00Hannah Berner: hide and go seek with a four-year-old and a three-year-old and here's the thing I like about them they don't care if you cheat they want to cheat like I would go hide and then they would yell where are you and I would tell them and then they would come get me you should have been like

2:16Paige DeSorbo: this isn't what life's how you live life people don't give you the answers you gotta figure it

2:21Hannah Berner: yourself i realized i just wanted to make them happy and that made me happy that was beautiful something that didn't make me happy yes back to our core god-given

2:37Hannah Berner: just to let you guys know that sometimes me and hannah gossip before the pod and sometimes sometimes we do an hour

2:46Paige DeSorbo: it's not sometimes every time we have to like say the things that we need to say

2:51Hannah Berner: that we can't say giggly squad is unfiltered uncensored but it that that's in an intimate

2:59Paige DeSorbo: setting we're we're saying full names in the beginning we're saying social security numbers

3:05Hannah Berner: and we're we need to protect people okay so anyway today i make that tiktok of that like me living my dream life like doing everything I've ever wanted to do in my life and it's just like me like yeah stoic with the resting yeah so I put it on and TikTok obviously like gets it I put it on my Instagram story it was anthropology to see who is naturally sarcastic in their everyday life and who is not like I had some friends message me being like are you okay and other people dming me but like be like it doesn't seem like you are though you look really sad and i'm like that's the joke and then if you only think about yourself like me i said that was

3:56Paige DeSorbo: her standing in solidarity with me showing she's going about her life not smiling right i said i love that for me right and that was your take no that was such a funny post you also posted footage from the Jersey Shore this weekend. How was the Jersey Shore? What did you see? How was the boardwalk?

4:14Hannah Berner: I think just like a classic Jersey Shore weekend. And by that, I mean, I wore really cute outfits and I went to the beach.

4:26Hannah Berner: I literally, like I...

4:28Paige DeSorbo: I love a beach. I love an outfit. I love a summer.

4:31Hannah Berner: I love a beach. I love an outfit. When I tell you I sat there and I looked at the rest of the girls and I said, girls, how did we get here in 2026? And they looked at me and they said, we don't know. There was a group of men, okay? And they're standing, they're doing men things, you know, like they're pulling, they're pulling carts and things that hold beverages and they're putting, yeah, like they're doing things, they're standing, they're talking.

4:59Paige DeSorbo: Picking up, putting it down.

5:00Hannah Berner: But I had an observation where I said, the men are standing over there talking about their bodies for a full 45 a full 45 about their bodies and i'm looking at the girls and i'm like never in my life did i think i would sit here at 33 years old and we haven't discussed our bodies

5:18Paige DeSorbo: once you guys are talking about starting a business you guys are talking about stocks you guys are talking about your dreams one of them was pregnant we didn't even bring it up

5:28Hannah Berner: i'm just kidding but i was like guys sit down serious men are talking about their hip to waist ratio the men have the men have lost it they're talking about routines they're talking about

5:41Paige DeSorbo: proteins they're talking about different mixes but i do think as men get older as their testosterone lowers if i had to hear about it that's like all they talk about which i know you're triggered by but like it's all they talk about i think like the the movie werewolf was literally just about a guy who overdosed on testosterone when he was like hitting his middle age and was like afraid i think men should naturally lose a little soft whatever happened to softening in your older age gracefully aging gracefully in my head i'm just like you don't have a beauty standard

6:15Hannah Berner: what are you guys working against what are you guys like what's your beauty standard do men have a beauty stand wait is my computer about to die no do men have a beauty standard like is there a guy or like is there a celebrity that like unanimously men are like he's i feel

6:34Paige DeSorbo: like george clooney men like look up to because he's like distinguished brad pitt i think like guys think are hot you could also like if you said like hercules i feel like

6:48Hannah Berner: like the red power ranger do you think like they compare their bodies to anyone and like who do you think it is i know that like guys do but they'll make fun of the guy who's like really fit if they're not fit they're like oh leonardo dicaprio is arguably one of our most famous celebrities and he's had a dad bod for 30 years and no one cares we're gonna stem of the week

7:11Paige DeSorbo: yeah to bring it back to women yeah sorry there's a girl going around who used and when a girl's going around i should buckle up did you want me to finish that sentence i was just like and she went around um she's using her c-pap which is this thing you put in your mouth sleep apnea for sleep apnea she realized she could take her hair and roll it around the c-pap machine so she could have heatless curls and in the morning she had no sleep apnea and gorgeous natural waves so shout out to her if you google cpap heat curler she'll definitely come up it's been sent to me like 200 times that's extraordinary i mean genius but going back to body stuff really because i was to take it in heatless girls but you know what before we see into um i get tennis stuff and there's this thing called 1800s like what girls wore to tennis in the 1800s which you would have loved it's just like corset over corset over because that's like whatever that's so practical to run but then are you familiar with what a bustle is isn't a bustle like like a big skirt

8:33Hannah Berner: like the back of a big skirt like you can pin your bustle up like i only know that from like

8:38Paige DeSorbo: weddings so it looks like a big lobster tail okay so they'd put this like bustle which basically was an 1800s bbl like you have the outfit now it's put on our bustle so it made girls look like they this huge curvy butt and i'm like since day one the girls were getting bbls and in no way was that helping your tennis game if anything it was just more to carry i think the girls are like still getting bbls well now people are rumoring any skinny girl that like has a butt they're like getting a bbl that's it that was a mine a little bbl or a pad here's the thing i just like love

9:17Hannah Berner: sitting so much you couldn't there's no I'm not making a commitment to not sit for like a week

9:24Paige DeSorbo: oh god no like I'm just not doing that you just stand everywhere how are you sleeping well I heard that when girls get it done in Mexico and they have to get on the plane everyone's just standing

9:35Hannah Berner: up on the plane I've seen them on the airplane and they're like me some are like kneeling on the seats I've also seen like chairs that like have the butt cut out that you could like sit whatever but at night time are you just only laying on your stomach that seems that's so bad

9:52Paige DeSorbo: for my lower back i love a stomach sleep i love a stomach sleep yeah i can't ever do that i love a stomach sleep it's very grounding how does your lower back not killing me it's killing me actually is that the source of all my lower back pain no it's hurting me just thinking about you sleeping on your stomach the whole night well i start on my stomach then i go on my side and i end up on my back it's like a whole routine oh and one more lois comment did you show lois my tiktok of all my beach outfits no but i need to yeah you really do i will i go downstairs and all i did was put some like lipstick on and lois goes you have a pretty face and they said thank you and she goes because you put makeup on and i said okay and then she goes you look like page

10:48Hannah Berner: she goes you look pretty like page she's so giggly squad coded her just saying you have a pretty face is so giggly squad coded just in general like she only wants me in glam yeah

11:02Paige DeSorbo: same i'm like literally useless to her without glam i wake up in the morning bare face and she's like and i tried to teach her i said well you know i put makeup on and she looked at me and she said des is gonna want to marry you and i said lois lois he loves me without makeup on she goes why i'm telling you i'm not making this up this is verbatim what she's saying to me she goes why and i go because sometimes people like your personality if you're smart and if your kind and she's like put the makeup on no I'm like okay we've learned nothing today Lois has a pink aura and I think I think I am similar to her in like okay sometimes there are things that like

11:57Hannah Berner: different page in my 20s and younger and probably even in my early 30s have there been things that I've done that you could classify as pick me yeah I'm alive like I've done pick me things before yeah but sometimes when it's like really girly things and people will argue like I saw a girl on TikTok the other day and it was like really like beauty routines are inherently misogynistic because like who are you doing them for but sometimes I feel attacked in that rhetoric because I'm like not never once I'm not going to say that like yeah have I gotten ready for

12:33Paige DeSorbo: a guy before of course well that's just like you're attracted to someone you want to do things

12:39Hannah Berner: like to attract a mate yeah but like my nighttime skincare routine genuinely I mean actually

12:54Hannah Berner: I'm like is it to like not look older but then I'm like why do I want to know first of all there's

12:59Paige DeSorbo: nothing wrong with wearing makeup i love makeup but like did you wear makeup every day going to your all-girls school never not once okay but i did on fridays when i knew i had to go to the boys

13:16Hannah Berner: no but there were some days where like if i wanted to try out like a hairstyle like i would do it yes yeah well like when we do a photo shoot i'm not thinking about men like are gonna like these

13:28Paige DeSorbo: pictures if anything they're not the only boys i'm thinking about if gay men will like this or not that actually that's so is in my head a little too much i had to film something today

13:37Hannah Berner: and i filmed with three girls four girls four girls one guy two girls one cup and as soon as the gay guy came into my chair i felt as though i had known him for do you work for a hair salon what do you mean he came into my chair sat next to me in my chair yeah why did i say that

14:01Paige DeSorbo: you're like how long has it been split ends baby split ends you know what i got a haircut today

14:07Hannah Berner: so maybe that oh you did no he came and sat next to me when we filmed what we had to film to the point where someone asked if we knew each other before and i said me and gay men you do if you're gay we have i said i just i we just we click we it's just something about us

14:24Paige DeSorbo: i was with my uncle johnny all weekend he's perfect he got a martini at dinner with all

14:30Hannah Berner: the kids he had obsessed with him he literally was fighting for his life and then i got in

14:37Paige DeSorbo: trouble because lois got up left her pizza why is kids food looks so good hannah why does it look so good and i'm like look around the table i'm like if i were to take a bite they were like if you take a bite she'll freak out and i'm like is it worth it it's something the moms have not

14:55Hannah Berner: told us in our dms i get dm'd a lot of things about being a mom like when we bring things up and not one of them has ever said anything about the children's snacks um dino nuggets i could eat that for the rest of my life i was sitting at dinner the other night having an adult meal of of cheeseburgers and hot dogs. Get to my rides, eat mac and cheese. I said, where'd you get that? They said, my mom made it for me. I said, where is your goddamn mom? I need a bowl. Kids went to sleep. Things went in the refrigerator. I scurried right over there. I ate their leftovers. So don't leave mac and cheese around me.

15:36Hannah Berner: It looks so good. I don't even know what brand it was. I think it was like that What's that really trendy one No like noodles and noodles Oh yeah coodles And there's protein on it

15:51Paige DeSorbo: Wait so what happened with you And your new bestie Your new gay bestie in the chair

15:57Hannah Berner: I hate to sound like an influencer But I can't tell you right now You'll see it at a later date She's teasing Comment in the chair

16:08Paige DeSorbo: Don't you dare Comment below

16:09Hannah Berner: I've gotten a lot of DMs about that of like, it's diabolical what they're doing. Hannah and I were on FaceTime earlier and Hannah said the word demonic. And I said, oh. I said, oh, my God, Hannah, I use the word demonic today. And I don't think I because usually my go to is diabolical.

16:32Paige DeSorbo: But I said, let me switch. You got to get new words, new adjectives. I love that we both knew it at the same time That's where we bonded Should we both just like get a thesaurus and like Look around every day Just change stuff up You love saying thesaurus just then You're like I'll say a thesaurus

16:50Hannah Berner: There was a 50-50 shot I was gonna get it right Right before I said it And then you panicked

16:57Paige DeSorbo: Thesaurus is a cunty dictionary Thesaurus is like when I don't want to say The word And I want to say a different one And you can't tell me what to say

17:06Hannah Berner: I feel like there was like a phase in my life where my mom was like, if you don't have a thesaurus, then how are you even doing your homework? And I'm like, I don't think you know who the hell you're talking to, lady.

17:21Hannah Berner: You and I, we do not see eye to eye when it comes to this school stuff.

17:27Paige DeSorbo: You go, mom, where I'm going to be, we're not going to need a thesaurus. I promise you. Hannah and her mom will handle the book writing.

17:36Hannah Berner: cut to me being a new york times best-selling author no one saw it coming no thesaurus thesaurus in sight and no chat gbt baby dude i'd i would absolutely crush high school right now are you kidding i don't even get how that's being very worried i'm very very worried um i have more

17:58Paige DeSorbo: gay lore okay in regards to the little mermaid yeah so the gigglers are really on this you're on this case there's more shit going on with hans christian anderson hell yeah a whole new world um i want to be where the people are

18:18Hannah Berner: no you just did this you just brought this up so you can sing i'm sick of this podcast i've had it with this goddamn podcast wait i'm tuning i'm tuning

18:33Paige DeSorbo: a b c wish i could be part of your world okay it's a gay anthem it's about not being able to be out and be gay what that's he that's why he felt like a mermaid who couldn't be with the people

18:51Hannah Berner: he wants to be part of their world media literacy it's a lost art out where they walk out where

18:58Paige DeSorbo: they talk out where they say all day in the sun oh i have chills that was his lover wandering free with his wife who didn't know full family and hans was just yearning hold up hold up the guy

19:13Hannah Berner: that wrote the little mermaid was a gay man who was obviously I hope so a straight

19:21Paige DeSorbo: man being like the little mermaid by Hans Christian Anderson there's little mermaid she was in the water swimming

19:33Paige DeSorbo: of course he was gay

19:38Paige DeSorbo: a straight guy would be like the big strong mermaid stop stop

19:48Hannah Berner: there's so many things i want to say wait so he's married to a woman and this was like his life's work and this is how he got out

19:58Paige DeSorbo: like he was gay imagine she's scrolling instagram today she's like what the what year was this i I should honestly do like one Google search before. No, I just need something. There are other podcasts that like say they're like experts and things and people get mad when they get stuff wrong. It's not this. But I feel like people don't. They like prefer us to get it wrong. Han Chris Anderson. We set the scene early. Gay icon. Han's sexuality is viewed by modern scholars as fluid or biromantic. Oh, apparently Edward. Edvard. ooh edvard colin anderson that's not his last name no it's his first name edward colin edward colin edward what he had an intense unrequited attachment to his close friend and he wrote in letters i long for you as though you were a beautiful calabrian girl if i had a nickel

21:00Hannah Berner: wait a second wait i know i know this exact gay man

21:07Paige DeSorbo: and then later in his life he was with a danish ballet dancer named harold one time somebody

21:12Hannah Berner: wrote me a letter like a breakup letter like i broke up with him and then he wrote me a letter and my brother intercepted the letter and he goes bro i'm gonna give you one piece of advice do not give this to my sister and the guy was like why like I said a lot of really good things in there like I want her to know how I feel and my brother said she's not gonna respect you dude he's like okay mailman

21:41Paige DeSorbo: Gary I'm just trying to express myself like my therapist told me to and you're really getting

21:45Hannah Berner: in the way he was like just get back in your car get out of our driveway you were never here okay

21:52Paige DeSorbo: Hans Little Mermaid was interpreted by literary scholars and they never give a name when they say literary scholars I don't know who these literary scholars are as queer allegory for unrequited same-sex love mirroring the painful longing for his close friend Edvard. What year? Oh yeah, that was the first question you asked me.

22:12Hannah Berner: This is why we don't have an expert podcast. It

22:17Paige DeSorbo: powerfully captures the feeling of an outsider wanting to enter a forbidden or unreachable society in the year of what of our lord okay we'd be so bad in a group project this is what it's like being in a group project with me and page right now the the project was due two weeks ago by the way okay hans christian little mermaid not gay allegations i'm just trying now it like thinks i want okay date no he's gonna year okay okay when do you think the film was if you had the very first film i know it was like one of the

22:52Hannah Berner: first i'm gonna say that little mermaid like the movie okay let me explain i thought you were just gonna throw a number out there i didn't know there could be follow-up

23:07Paige DeSorbo: questions i was gonna say 1949 okay the book was in 1837 in copenhagen denmark fairy tales told for children ended in a murder suicide um and the movie was was 1989 so like recent but i was way off on that okay well if you average the two you were you were right on wait i was definitely not gonna get 18 whatever you said yeah i love a period piece though why isn't there a movie about this man i would love that maybe there is a documentary that would be amazing okay so his

23:47Hannah Berner: wife's definitely not scrolling instagram and being like what we've lost hannah again he looks sweet sorry i was interesting comb over do you remember when like in the 80s it was like very

24:00Paige DeSorbo: like when men lost their hair they just combed it over and that was no one made a note no one was like maybe they were like this looks good now a couple months ago on the pod i said something like

24:11Hannah Berner: you guys the men should have a beauty standard and like they should go get their hairs their hair done and like recently i feel like i don't like it because i don't like the arrogance that i feel like they get after if you're a gay man literally go and like do it obviously that's like so exciting but I feel like some men it was the only thing keeping them humble not having a beauty routine yeah okay so I have to tell you guys something and I genuinely think I've become one of those people who won't shut up about a blanket like if you come to my apartment I'm making you touch my Lola blanket the second someone feels it they're like wait okay I need to get it and honestly you You guys also know I've gifted a lot of Lola blankets because truly it's the softest blanket I've ever owned.

25:05Hannah Berner: I have the extra large blanket in the color greenhouse and it's made of insanely soft faux fur and it has stretch to it. It's machine washable and somehow it still looks brand new even though it's permanently draped over my couch. These blankets just truly make everything feel so much cozier. The only problem is I thought about it. The only problem is I thought I bought it for me but it turns out I actually bought it for Daphne. She has completely claimed every Lola blanket in my house and every single time I go looking for it she's already asleep or making biscuits on it. So I finally gave up and ordered her her own Lola bed the small one in bondi beige and honestly it's the best decision I've ever made.

25:47Hannah Berner: She loves being perched up so it's already like high and perfect height for her and she immediately curled up into it and she didn't even inspect it first which is very different for her she just loved it right away and it's made with that same ridiculously soft Lola material but it has an orthopedic foam base so it's actually supportive for pets it's machine washable and now I finally get my Lola blanket back most of the time for a limited time our listeners can get 40 % off select Lola blanket products with code giggly at checkout. Just head to lolablankets.com and use code Giggly to get 40 % off your order.

26:26Hannah Berner: And after you order, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please let them know that Giggly Squad sent you. Seriously though, whether you're buying one for yourself or eventually realizing your pet owns everything in your house anyway, you're going to understand the hype the second you touch it. Again, that's 40 % off select Lola Blanket products at lolablankets.com with code Giggly.

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27:30Hannah Berner: All you have to do is answer a few questions, get matched with a therapist based on whatever your needs are, and you can switch therapists at any time if it isn't a right fit for you. So see it for yourself, see the reviews, see what stands out, and see if BetterHelp is right for you. Visit betterhelp.com slash giggly squad. That's betterhelp.com slash giggly squad. There's nothing I loved more as a little kid than waking up on a Saturday morning, having cereal and then drinking the milk out of the cereal bowl. It was so cold and I loved that feeling. And my favorite was obviously anything cinnamon flavored.

28:06Hannah Berner: And now with cachava, they have cinnamon French toast flavor. And let me just tell you, you know, I love nostalgia. It brought me right back to a Saturday morning when I was like eight years old. It's made with real cinnamon bark and it's just a comfort flavor. It has all the benefits and no sugary drawbacks and it just satisfies that craving when you know you really want a bowl of cereal or you want something cold to drink that gives that same feeling. But with cachava, it's supporting your whole body nutrition. If you live under a rock and you haven't tried cachava yet, their new cinnamon french toast flavor is absolutely life-changing and if you weren't in after that it also supports your energy digestion strength metabolism immunity and cognition cachava supports them all cachava is really providing clean nutrition to fuel wherever your day takes you there's no fillers no nonsense no artificial flavors colors sweeteners soy animal products and it has so many flavors like chocolate vanilla chai matcha strawberry coffee and my personal favorite the new cinnamon french toast so treat yourself to a childhood favorite and go to cachava.com and use code giggly for 15 off your first order that's cachava k-a-c-h-a-v-a.com code giggly do you think men should be allowed to use red light only if i put it on or or they're like in they have to recover from something i was gonna say

29:36Paige DeSorbo: does put red light on his knee he's recovering from surgery

29:41Hannah Berner: no like it's like a whole room of red light like in the bedroom before bed no

29:47Paige DeSorbo: no well are you getting those tiktoks people are like you can get a new red light home i have it and your home is fully the ceilings are red light i literally did it to myself with the amazon

29:56Hannah Berner: on wait that's what i was talking about today when i said demonic like the first time i ever got like a red light like in my room my mom was like is this something demonic kim is counting her rosaries mom this is for my wrinkles it is giving satanic ritual for sure

30:16Paige DeSorbo: someone's getting sacrificed and it's your wrinkles yeah um also even if it is a placebo

30:21Hannah Berner: effect i don't care i love feeling i love my red light before bed have you felt anything that's my thing like i prefer a feeling i can't quantify it have you ever felt anything i feel something from my um i was just gonna say my thimble my tuning works that you feel something because like you feel and hear the vibration and that like genuinely works i'm telling you what does it do

30:52Paige DeSorbo: it

30:56Paige DeSorbo: you did not think i was gonna ask a follow-up question to that one you said this podcast was about no follow-up questions you said no follow-up questions on this podcast and we weren't experts whenever you say tuning forks i get so hungry wait i'm so hungry right now i just ate

31:14Hannah Berner: a recchete broccoli rabe pasta which is my current hyper fixation well i feel like broccoli rabe pasta is always your current hyper fixation obsessed with a little sausage do you know that that's like one pasta that i actually hate and that's why we're best friends yeah because if we like the same pasta then we'd fight over it all the time if you go to a restaurant and somebody gives me broccoli rabe i know i'm giving it right to you i don't know what it is i don't i think it's

31:39Paige DeSorbo: like bitter tasting yeah but i think i like the salty sweet i'm not gonna get into it it's we can agree to disagree okay we don't need to let's not fight in front of everyone of it yeah i had something crazy happen to me this weekend and i didn't know this could happen when you're a grown-up got stung by a bee where i thought that was the thing that happened to children only where well it was a full family day and when i tell you like i've been up on your body

32:13Hannah Berner: well it was a crisp crisp morning i was reading hans christian anderson by the having a nice cup of coffee by the window no but it was a family day there is a story

32:32Paige DeSorbo: okay go hit me with the story set the scene 8 30 a.m i was awakened by the howling of children yeah and i forgot that i was not in my own home isn't that the worst when you wake up i was having so much fun though with them and then more family came over it was a full italian gathering and then after around five hours like i'm good i've said all that needs to be said i've hit it only gets worse from here and the kids are like we want to go play in the splash pad that's what they're calling it totally we thought it was like a little pool and then we took it out and it was just like you know when they put out just like rubber with like some water on it i have absolutely no idea

33:15Hannah Berner: what a splash pad is is it someplace you go you buy one remember that when you would like go down

33:19Paige DeSorbo: what is it called the water slide that you'd put in your backyard and then there'd be like one rock and it would just like rip everyone's insides out no i don't know what you're talking a slip and slide slip and slide okay okay so it's like a mini slip inside okay anyway i'm like i'm gonna go with the kids and watch but i'm already like dying like i it's only five o 'clock and i don't know we have a whole night ahead of us and i hear buzzing in my ear and i guess i'm not the bee like got in my hair and i was like trying to like kind of get it out and then it stung my ear and my finger i got double stung and i stop and i go i think i stung by a bee and everyone everyone like really reacts like i was like are you okay and then i realized i have an out and i was like let me let me go downstairs and check so i grab some ice go to the basement turn on the tennis channel

34:13Hannah Berner: you are a dad pass out for two hours you're a dad i am literally dead you are two hours come back the kids are so excited to see me they miss me so much my mom's like where the hell were you

34:30Paige DeSorbo: we're in the trenches i got stung by a bee it could i could go into the hospital meanwhile

34:37Hannah Berner: i it didn't it was like a very light sting imagine it bit your face and you could like smile again

34:48Hannah Berner: no but like how many things have to happen to me in a given day yeah well it's it's been kind It's kind of a crazy summer with like mercury and retrograde and like people are really fighting for their lives. It's looking better though. Yeah.

35:03Paige DeSorbo: Not that. It is. Not this side or this side, but overall it looks better.

35:09Hannah Berner: No, I actually agree. Like that's still going down. No, your lip is so much better on the top. And it's lighter. Yeah, it is.

35:17Paige DeSorbo: But I digress. Yeah. But you know when your friends are like allergic to bees and like a bee comes around? and they like freak out because they could have a serious like deathly reaction you know what's so

35:30Hannah Berner: crazy is because we're we've been around like children recently at one point there was a small baby child could not even speak yet was eating something and i just heard his dad say does that have nuts in it and i mean i didn't give the food to the baby so like i was out of this lawsuit but like my immediate reaction is like how crazy when you have a baby you just have to like see if they're allergic to something like

36:02Paige DeSorbo: so what do you even do i guess you're right something has to happen to know if someone's

36:07Hannah Berner: allergic right so like one day wait you're like you throw a shellfish at its face so like wait as a mom you guys are all just collectively picking a random day and being like today's the day we're giving the baby peanut butter we're gonna fucking see what happens like why yeah like

36:26Paige DeSorbo: i haven't heard that there's like allergy tests maybe some moms do it but back in the day you know they didn't have that shit they were just like it's time to eat a soybean what do you think is the most annoying thing to be allergic to well peanut allergies like caused a lot of drama because if you have a peanut allergy, no one in your vicinity is allowed to have peanuts. So like in school, they'd be like, someone here has a peanut allergy so no one can have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And everyone's like, what the fuck?

37:01Hannah Berner: Sometimes even on planes.

37:04Paige DeSorbo: Planes? Yeah, they'd be like, someone here. They always have someone, somebody. Yeah, they're like, definitely you. We're not going to say a name, but the girl on the front has a peanut allergy so no one can have peanuts. But apparently peanut allergies are now less popular. I was going to say so common. Oh, no, no, no. Before, what were you going to say? Who are you?

37:29Hannah Berner: You know, I have a girlfriend who ate so many almonds. She gave herself an allergy.

37:34Paige DeSorbo: I don't think I'm going to tell that word.

37:35Hannah Berner: She became allergic to almonds.

37:37Paige DeSorbo: You can overdose to the point that your body rejects it? I overdosed on healthiest girl I know. Okay. Well, it's going to say if I was going to overdose on it, I would be a macadamia nut.

37:48Hannah Berner: Well, I'm not fatty. Oh, shoot. I'm allergic to give me a pecan. I'm allergic to pasta with butter and Parmesan.

37:58Paige DeSorbo: No, that's like whenever I was upset about the lettuce going around. I'm like, oh, no, I can't have a full salad with every meal. Oh, no. Dino chicken nuggets again.

38:09Hannah Berner: Like also one, like in my 20s, I had this thought where I was like, oh, one day I'm like not going to eat pasta with butter and Parmesan cheese. Like I'm going to be an adult and I'll like make food. I'm going to eat pasta with butter and Parmesan cheese at least once a week for till the day I die. For sure. Like it's the best thing ever. And for sure. Here's another thing. Not all Parmesan cheese is created equally.

38:38Paige DeSorbo: That pause was crazy. That pause for effect was crazy about Parmesan cheese. She was like, everyone, quiet.

38:45Hannah Berner: Not all is made equal.

38:47Paige DeSorbo: Not all Parmesan cheese.

38:48Hannah Berner: Yeah. Parmesan. And if you're not getting finely grated, you're getting almost like it's a little thicker. It doesn't stick to the pasta and the butter at the same way. So just know that going forward.

39:01Paige DeSorbo: I know our drag race names.

39:03Hannah Berner: What are they?

39:05Paige DeSorbo: I'm Lasagna Del Rey. Okay.

39:08Hannah Berner: and your pasta marmigina oh i was gonna say i don't know why pasta primavera

39:14Paige DeSorbo: like stuck in my head there has to be something cunty about it though oh right actually princess primavera what was your first one vagina i said parmigina i like that actually i actually like that one the best parmigina is iconic now i'm starving but anyway um i have also a fake tan update okay i didn't know we were were we following a story well hailey sheree nicola had full government name had told me to buy this like amazon spray tan droplet thing just to like tan your face a little like one that you like mix with like your moisturizer yeah exactly so i bought it and it actually was really good and i was like cool i'll put it in the newsletter it's like blue and white whatever okay it's cheap it's like eight dollars so then i put in my makeup bag and then of course it like explodes my makeup bag but i don't know that it's the fake tan that exploded i just thought something exploded in my makeup bag which if i had a nickel so i'm just going about my day with something that exploded and then the next day my hand looks like a cheetah because there's dots all over it because i was like rummaging through my makeup bag and lois is like what's on your hand and then i took a hair tie that was in my makeup bag and look at my i died this is the most hannah thing i that's ever hannahed this is so because this is why i can't have fake tan around me was it like when you were rummaging through your bag like was it wet i thought a moisturizer had like exploded a little and i was like whatever and i didn't want to go through and wash the 50 things in my makeup bag which an adult might have done but i was like i can navigate this i can deal with adversity I didn't know that I was literally dying my skin So I looked like I have just like orange shit all over my hands

41:28Hannah Berner: There's nothing worse than when something explodes in your makeup bag

41:31Paige DeSorbo: And then I have a toddler yelling at me to put more makeup on And I'm like Lois I have a lot I'm dealing with right now

41:37Hannah Berner: Oh my god I can't believe that happened to you That is oh my god It's been a week Well at least you know it lasts It's a great product

41:48Paige DeSorbo: and it's long lasting and we will put it in the newsletter because look at that it's not too orange they do what they say and they mean it and they mean it do you ever do the tan contour

41:57Hannah Berner: do you remember that was like a thing for a week i haven't done it in a while like when's the last time i spray tan like before the summer but i do do it every time i spray tan because i don't it's not that like i feel like fake tan makes me break out because i don't think it does like some brands yeah for sure but like overall I don't know I just like like my skincare routine so I do my skincare routine and then I wait for like a really long time so that it like completely seeps in and then I'll do the contour there's just something about putting it all over my face I'm like I don't know but I but then like when I go get a spray tan like from a woman I let her do my face and it's like the same thing do you do it during the summer no i feel like i'm so tan right now you are and i like got a little sunburn at the beach which like no i've hit the age where i'm mad at myself where i'm like how the fuck did that happen like you put sunscreen on like that that's when you know you're that's when you know you're an adult guys i'm turning 35 in two weeks oh my god it's actually so chic 35 35 is really chic and i'm getting all these instagrams

43:14Paige DeSorbo: that are just like your 40s are better than your 30s and your 50s are better than your 40s and your 60s are better than your 50s this woman in her 40s was talking about how she's her happiest in her 40s because she said your 20s you don't know what the fuck's going on and then your 30s is everyone is like on a crazy timeline like when are you having kids when you getting married and it's just so stressful because of timelines but she's like your 40s everyone's given up on timelines because it things either happened or they didn't and everyone's just living life yeah

43:45Hannah Berner: so it's kind of we're hitting we're hitting the first round of divorces oh yeah they're coming let me tell you they're coming in hot are we we are i guess i feel like i know like a couple people i kind of love like losing a friend to a marriage and then getting

44:02Paige DeSorbo: her back while you're still single and she went through a whole marriage and you're like get back in her girl that hasn't happened to me yet but you never know you never know you really don't know um i have some technological update updates from the women in stem the girls and i think you also i have to double track are posting horizontal instagram photos okay well i'm not trying to do it on purpose i don't know how to change it to get it to stay oh so you did it by accident yeah every time i do it it's it's against my will i know how to fix it whatever your first photo is you choose in the dump is what dimensions will keep it okay i tried that so you tried to do long first and then move it no that's what you have to do but hailey bieber posted horizontal today She probably can't figure it out.

45:01Paige DeSorbo: It's kind of like Regina George when she got her nipples cut and then she was like, well, and started walking around. Everyone did it because you did it. Then she did it. And then I was like, I guess all the cool girls are doing it.

45:12Hannah Berner: No, I didn't do it on purpose. Well, because you want to know what's annoying when I use my digital camera and I import my pictures. They're horizontal. So then I can't.

45:25Paige DeSorbo: yeah just don't have it as the first photo and then move it to the first photo after wow i feel so i feel like it right now in your household are you it or is des it it's so weird des is it well when it comes to like printers tvs it's des it's des because that's house manager over there he's it's and he's exhausted like he came in he was like who left the umbrella open and I was like I didn't know we had an umbrella it's chaos over here in these

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48:40Paige DeSorbo: Hmm, somewhere with a lot more tabs open.

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49:22Hannah Berner: Hannah, I'm going to be thinking about how you went downstairs, turned on the tennis channel. All you needed to fell asleep for two hours. All you needed to do was bet on that game and then wake up to see like if your bet hit or not. And you would have been a dad. You would have been a full dad. And then you would have gone upstairs and been like, Des, the fuck is dinner? Like, I was gone for two hours.

49:50Paige DeSorbo: No, I love like when sitting with the men and then the women get up to start cleaning. And I'm like, why aren't you guys cleaning?

49:57Hannah Berner: Yeah.

49:58Paige DeSorbo: They're like, why aren't you cleaning? I'm like, why would I clean?

50:00Hannah Berner: That is a very stereotypical thing that really grinds your gears

50:04Paige DeSorbo: Well, because I don't know why women automatically have to clean They cooked also, especially when they cooked But actually my household, it's a rule My nan and my mama cook And like without, not a second goes by Papa and my dad are cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning And the dishes are, I mean, does that happen in my household? No, because we get Uber Eats I'm also going through a little identity crisis

50:29Hannah Berner: okay with my profile picture on instagram um i meant to bring that up to you i meant to bring that up to you wait we have to pull it up for the people because if you well i changed it again wait i need to see what you're what you're at right now because i changed it again i just didn't type in your name that was so weird what'd you type oh you just changed it right before the

50:55Paige DeSorbo: pod yeah i'm like but i'm not sticking with that one yet i was just testing it okay i liked the

51:01Hannah Berner: one you had before i thought it was like fun and cute and flirty for a second i was like should i

51:06Paige DeSorbo: be like is it cool to not have like a professional photo up like i'm like let's stop being so serious so then i was just scrolling and i randomly just found a photo of me like doing a kissy face like i didn't even know i had that photo and it's not even like my favorite photo i just felt like it was authentic and then someone said i don't like your pfp so then i googled pfp and it's profile picture so then i was like okay some young girl doesn't like my profile picture so then i panicked before we started the pod and just picked another one and then hayley texted me and was like what's going on with your profile picture so i'm kind of freaking out right now i love being a girl i love

51:47Hannah Berner: I love it. I love it so much. I love it so much. Like, no, this is the stuff I'm talking about, Hannah. Here's the thing. When I change my profile picture, I look for one person opinion and one person only. And that woman's name, Kimberly DeSorbo. Text your mom. See if she likes it.

52:04Paige DeSorbo: No, but sometimes my mom will like photos of me that like are pretty. And I don't want a pretty photo.

52:11Hannah Berner: My mom speaks in very like. Honest terms. well like almost like honest but like in an old school of like what year is it like she'll be like you look tough i'm like i'm like like what like i could beat someone up you just you look harsh

52:29Paige DeSorbo: i don't like the myspace generation and we like to reinvent ourselves with a profile picture she

52:35Hannah Berner: likes when i look elegant where sometimes i want to look a little bad you know yeah you're bad girl

52:42Paige DeSorbo: sometimes you're naughty sometimes you're bad girl i feel like with mine i had my hulu special which is still available to watch and but i was like feeling like okay i don't need my hulu special photo up anymore and then i was thinking of like random cool girls who like they have like their

53:00Hannah Berner: their foot of them as a kid they're like i'm just silly yeah where it's like it's not even like a picture of them yeah you want to know who has a real like who i always think is really good josephine josephine has had the same picture of a dog that is not even her dog for years see that's cool it makes no sense it was a dog she saw on the street when you and when you ask her about it she has a cool story yeah it was a dog she saw on the street in japan and it's like

53:29Paige DeSorbo: oh my god she's so cool yeah i'm like that is like really cool i think that i didn't consider trying to be cool and then i didn't know how to be cool and now and those are the coolest girls of all that's what you're my best you have to rework it wait you literally just you said don't say that about my friend yeah you're she's the coolest girl you're literally so cool

53:52Hannah Berner: and also like what makes a person cool being hilarious and gorgeous okay check check

53:59Paige DeSorbo: but like you know what i was thinking i i think in the past people think i'd be cooler if i I didn't smile as much.

54:06Hannah Berner: You want to know what? You're so nice. That's what it is. You're so approachable. And usually like really nice people don't get the word cool thrown around. And if you get the word cool thrown around, you also have to be ready for bitch.

54:20Paige DeSorbo: You're right.

54:20Hannah Berner: So like I take the good with the bad.

54:23Paige DeSorbo: She goes, if you want to be cool, you also have to be a bitch. If you want to live this life. And you can't handle that kind of heat. If you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen, bitch.

54:30Hannah Berner: Yeah. I feel like you're so nice.

54:33Paige DeSorbo: you're cool but like not you're actually like so sweet like you're not mean at all but like i know there's people in this industry who are mean yeah and everyone's like they're so cool and i'm like

54:43Hannah Berner: when's it become cool to be mean well people are scared of them i feel like people are scared of them and like they're the kind of people that like they're like if you don't have group mentality and think like me you're not cool where i feel like we're not group mentality people we're not we're not that's why sometimes we're not that cool because we're like we don't want to we're not going like how many times are we like actually we're not going like we don't know

55:09Paige DeSorbo: sometimes we're not cool because we're we are not group mentality and then sometimes we're cool because we're not group mentality and it's like 50 50.

55:16Hannah Berner: can you just say the same thing twice yeah

55:20Paige DeSorbo: but also i think i was playing too much tennis during my high school years i didn't think about

55:25Hannah Berner: these things and you did about being cool about about like how you're perceived i started being perceived at a very young age so i had to think about it like i didn't want to think about it but

55:37Paige DeSorbo: i had to and i was purely perceived in the sports realm which is literally like that's a score bitch

55:43Hannah Berner: that's a score and i think that's why i like i always leaned more mysterious that's why it's so

55:50Paige DeSorbo: crazy that I even did reality TV oh I'm not mysterious I'm not mysterious you know it's funny we never talk about this but Paige at first during the um what's it auditioning process that was gone yeah I remember I had heard back Jordan heard back and you hadn't heard back yet and I remember seeing you and sorry was that public knowledge okay like okay what did I do

56:18Hannah Berner: no but i remember seeing you like in the office it wasn't that i didn't hear back i didn't get it

56:24Paige DeSorbo: oh see i just didn't know if you like i didn't i didn't hear that you got told no but i remember

56:31Hannah Berner: thinking like she looks too cool i didn't know i didn't get told no i didn't know i didn't get it i just assumed by not hearing back and then when they called me and said two girls dropped out I was like oh so I wasn't I was like so I wasn't

56:48Paige DeSorbo: Well cause let's be honest You were shy, stylish Very New York Scorpio I didn't see you as someone who wanted To be all Out there

57:01Hannah Berner: I didn't I didn't want to at all

57:04Paige DeSorbo: I could see you as a news reporter

57:06Hannah Berner: I just knew it was gonna get me something else that I wanted And that's why I did it

57:10Paige DeSorbo: See I've never been mysterious a day in my life yeah and the producers were like this is gonna be good i don't want to say like i knew like i knew

57:20Hannah Berner: how to game the system because you don't at all reality tv is so crazy but i definitely there were certain times where i was like yeah i'm i'm not doing that you were always better at saying

57:31Paige DeSorbo: no to situations where i was a little more desperate to be like but they won't like me or they'll get mad if i don't like join in where you're you knew from a young age she knew she was the bitch i haven't yelled at anyone in a while yeah because you're you're not being paid to

57:52Hannah Berner: i know oh oh that felt good that was an eyelash see and this is how it happens when you're like and whose eyelash is this mine did you just kind of fight with yourself you were like and then

58:06Paige DeSorbo: later on in the day when i forget that i put that there i'm gonna go fight with someone i haven't yelled at someone in a second but that is fun just to go up to a guy and be like whose eyelashes is

58:16Hannah Berner: no do you know how many times i've fought with boyfriends where i've been like whose is this

58:20Paige DeSorbo: and then i'm looking at it and i'm like that is mine remember when i didn't know about where does about the shorts i thought was a woman short and does is like those are my european shorts

58:33Hannah Berner: vaguely i vaguely remember this wait did you text me or call me when we first started dating right

58:40Paige DeSorbo: under his bed there were like these little shorts and i was like is this a of like soccer mom's shorts like is he like does he have a separate family and i literally was like whose shorts he's like mine they're from ireland

59:00Paige DeSorbo: finally also people are putting multiple captions on their instagram photos have you seen this what's going on what's going on what's going on what's going on what's going on i'm stressing out it's

59:09Hannah Berner: like homework i'm so glad you brought that up because like stop no like truly stop wait you're

59:15Paige DeSorbo: telling me you're putting you're doing a dump of 18 photos with 18 different the anxiety it took me

59:20Hannah Berner: to even post this dump and think of one caption you want me to think of the anxiety of making

59:25Paige DeSorbo: sure i didn't accidentally go horizontal but that's didn't we used to do that with facebook albums where you'd comment under every photo that you posted do you remember that you'd be like Stephanie lost in beer pong

59:39Hannah Berner: lol wait that's like a real caption I had yeah Stephanie never lost though Stephanie was really good

59:45Paige DeSorbo: also the stuff people would put from you go to a party and you'd get papped basically the entire time by a random friend by ourselves

59:53Hannah Berner: we literally papped

59:55Paige DeSorbo: each other and then you'd have the worst photos of you maybe people making out doing illegal things and I'm like you just posted that on the Facebook album and we were alive

1:00:05Hannah Berner: and we were not cringe and we like do you remember like when people got drunk for the first like yeah when people were getting drunk for the first time there was an inevitable crash out like if you're drunk for the first time you have to at some point crash that was scary ow i was scared everyone was scared and i just feel like i i feel like the kids aren't doing that

1:00:33Paige DeSorbo: well it's definitely not being recorded i mean it is on a digital camera but it gets deleted we used to not even look through it you just took the chip put it in and press post yeah

1:00:43Hannah Berner: but they have it way worse than us like literally everything they do gets recorded and so to think that like some of those nights when you're like a senior in high school would be yeah i actually

1:00:54Paige DeSorbo: can't that actually makes me scared no yeah but we were talking about like when our kids one day people are like what if your kid finds out you did reality tv i said good they should learn about history they should learn about betrayal they should learn about storylines and they should learn about character development development and growth and non-growth was it you that i was just

1:01:16Hannah Berner: talking to this about i was just talking about this to someone and i was like i used to be like oh my god i would be like kind of like not ashamed but like no you're gonna sit my child down and be

1:01:26Paige DeSorbo: like and after world war ii there was summer house and now i'm gonna sit and i'm gonna be like look

1:01:31Hannah Berner: at this man look at his face on the screen if anyone ever says these words to you if anyone speaks to you like that this is what i want you see mommy's stance here you gotta stay firmly planted two feet do you see how my finger goes right into his face and

1:01:51Paige DeSorbo: that's going into his soul okay and he's gonna wake up um in his 60s and that's still gonna be repeating in his head he's never gonna find peace and that was our lesson for today um thank you guys for giggling with us have an incredible beautiful week do it and we'll talk to you later Bye.

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