Giggling about cigars, cabaret, and compression socks

0:00Hannah Berner: This episode is sponsored by the new Hershey's Creme Bars in Salted Caramel and Affogato. Lately, I've been realizing that luxury doesn't have to mean some huge splurge. Sometimes it's just taking a few minutes to yourself during a busy day. I have one of these moments, oh, I don't know, every day around 2 o 'clock. Whether that's making a pick-me-up coffee or maybe I just need to scroll for a little bit on the couch. That's why I'm actually so excited about the new Hershey's Salted Caramel and Affogato Creme Bars available now. I absolutely love a treat yourself moment in the middle of the day, and this is a classic Hershey's milk chocolate layered with a salted caramel or affogato creme filling, so it feels a little elevated while still being your favorite Hershey's chocolate.

0:46Hannah Berner: Pick up the new Hershey's Creme Bars and Salted Caramel or Affogato wherever you shop for snacks and choose happiness with every bite. sup gigglers carry fix the wi-fi manifest that shit we can't be managed

1:05i mean the day just got away from me hello my giggly source rexes let me just say i was like

1:12Paige DeSorbo: page can we get the party started i need to complain about something and she goes i have to complain about you with her long ass finger she goes you so now i'm scared alone no one's on my side what did i do what i do besides pull out my own back i'm gonna tell

1:28Hannah Berner: you exactly what you did on the pod last week you said oh do you ever dream about exes and i was like i haven't dreamt about an ex in 10 to 15 years like it's just not something that happens to me i woke up this morning cursing i laid in bed i go that fucking bitch not only did i dream about the worst ex I've ever had in my life. He came up to me with a knife and said, if you don't... If you don't kiss me? If you don't stop, I'll kill you.

2:02Paige DeSorbo: Oh, stop what? Who knows?

2:04Hannah Berner: We don't know.

2:06Paige DeSorbo: Hopefully it's not one of those dreams that's like a Marvel movie where there's a new one every night and it continues the plot. Maybe we'll see what happens.

2:14Hannah Berner: Well, you want to know what's crazy is the only reason I got out of the dream was something in real life woke me up.

2:22Paige DeSorbo: Kitty, saved you.

2:23Hannah Berner: Like a sound like woke me up and I was like, oh my God, I was just having the weirdest dream and then I didn't go back into it.

2:31Paige DeSorbo: Thank God. Why do I feel like it's worse when you dream good things about them? Like you're like, oh my God, he was so perfect. And then you have to like spend all day remembering all the worst memories and then you're like, I could have done without that.

2:43Hannah Berner: No, I definitely went throughout my day today. Like, yeah, he is a sociopath.

2:48Paige DeSorbo: in every well realm he's fucking crazy in every realm he's ruining my life also i do look like angelina jolie's cousin who like is just not should not wants to be a spy but like can't because she just like can't get her stuff together but she keeps trying out you know what's crazy is i didn't even notice you were wearing sunglasses because you see me as pure energy yeah i'm just like that is the that's whatever her journey is today you see me by my aura colors you don't you don't process actual things you see um i'm not in a good mood okay am i pmsing yes but that's not it that's not the reason what was the reason the reason was look i as you guys know i pulled out my back but like somehow it's getting worse like did people know that did you say that last well i made fun of these old men playing tennis with me and then i pulled my back playing tennis with old men and i do have a l4 l5 situation i want to say situation a little bulge disc if any of the gigglers or chiropractors and it was bad and i got a i got a massage yesterday and it was going well and then the lady like pushed my knee towards my chest like as a stretch and i saw god yeah but like or satan one of the two and then i they left and i told des i'm like i can't find a position that i'm not like shooting pain wait it like the

4:19Hannah Berner: massage like fucked you up more yeah oh hand like she pinched a nerve she pinched the nerve like more and then i drugged myself yeah and i was i slept all yesterday it was so peaceful like i

4:32Paige DeSorbo: I highly recommend it. And then this morning, I got a chiropractor appointment. Made Des walk half an hour with me to the chiropractor. Because I'm not going to a doctor's appointment alone. You walked? We walked. So you're not that injured? No, walking is good for your back. But I was limping. Yeah, hobbling. But I like the drama. So I'd let him get really far ahead of me and be like, Babe, wait. I'm coming.

4:54Hannah Berner: Also because he always has a physical ailment. And you're probably used to that. So now you're like, roles reversed.

5:02Paige DeSorbo: yeah we get there places close perfect because it is labor day and i'm like then why did they let me book an appointment he's like who did you talk to on the phone i go i don't talk to people on phones i booked it online i booked online i clicked appointment on this day they shouldn't have let me fucking click it so then i didn't get a chiropractor i'm still in pain and i'm alone

5:28Hannah Berner: and scared oh that's why you were like i'm ready to record the pod so you never even went to your appointment well you went and did but you didn't have it also then i'm realizing if i want to see

5:38Paige DeSorbo: like a real doctor you don't just go see a real doctor you have to go to another doctor to get referred to a real doctor it seems like a fucking pyramid scheme to me and have you ever tried to log into one of these doctor sites it's they're they're made up they're it's insane like i if

5:53Hannah Berner: someone approaches me and says the word portal no everyone's like do you have the portal have you downloaded the portal i'm like shut your bitch ass up whenever i hear portal i'm like i'll kill

6:05Paige DeSorbo: you why are all the portals so different none of them work can we just have a universal portal

6:11Hannah Berner: that is for medical reasons like you know when you apply to college and like i think it was like when we got to college or when we got into high school it was like one app remember it was called like the common app okay and it was like the same way you applied and like multiple schools would like take that application like come on just make it normal because the biggest issue is you have to

6:37Paige DeSorbo: come up with a new username and password for all these sites and they all have different extents of like what kind of password one password said 14 letters i said 14 no word is 14 letters what are you talking about 14 letters and then i'm not i'm past the point i just no i'm so upset and then des was like okay well if it's is it an online chiropractor appointment today and i'm like let me check the portal and then it's like can you log into the portal and i'm like no can't log in

7:02Hannah Berner: so we'll never know and then it's like can't remember your password so you make a new password

7:06Paige DeSorbo: and then they're like can't be the old password so i have like 400 passwords in 400 portals and my back still hurts. Actually, this is added to my back pain.

7:15Hannah Berner: The only thing I know about back pain because during COVID, Gary threw his back out like so bad. He was like bedridden. He almost like went crazy. Yeah. And the number one thing that he did that he thinks fucked him up even more was like putting heat on it. Like that you should really be putting cold, not heat.

7:35Paige DeSorbo: Okay, that's good to know.

7:37Hannah Berner: That like a hot pack will make it more inflamed where colds will like shrink it i was talking to des about our friendship and i was like yours or yours and des's good question i'm like let's talk about us am i your best friend am i your

7:54Paige DeSorbo: best friend no but we're talking about giggly squad and i was like page because sometimes he likes checking in with like where your head's at with stuff oh no it's a slippery slope i know and i go page is doing well and i'm like you know she wants to do giggly squad like forever yeah and he was like really i'm like no no she jokes all the time about like but what what else we're gonna do

8:13Hannah Berner: would i talk to about stuff going on in my life and i was like we're literally gonna be like welcome

8:18Paige DeSorbo: to giggly squad this episode sponsored by arp yeah we're so excited to have you and i'm like she has a new line of dentures coming out like we've planned we have the future set like don't

8:29Hannah Berner: worry about us i don't think we give ourselves enough credit that like through different phases in our lives and granted we've only had this podcast for five six years so like six years i feel like there's not that much different you'd be surprised but i feel like we do talk about things like a perfect example is nipple hair who's out here talking about real stuff you think we're changing the game no i'm just saying like the day that we become mothers or like mothers of teenagers or like business women that do like the girls will relate we're growing together

9:11Paige DeSorbo: yeah we need to continue speaking our truth through all the stages des told me something crazy and i'm sorry for bringing him up twice this episode so far but he said something crazy to me because he told me he was like your grays are showing and i'm like you don't have to tell me that like i know i just like i don't look at them so you don't have to point him out anyway and he was like i can't wait for you to be like all gray but he didn't mean it in like a romantic way he meant it like stylish way like he was like it's gonna look good when you're like all gray and i was like i'm really upset by that no he gets me like he knows i want to because i was like i don't care like i'll fucking grow out my grays i don't give a fuck and he's like i know you're gonna look so good gray

9:59Hannah Berner: Hannah, no, I'm not allowing it. Okay, well, I'm glad you... Is he the ray gun husband? I'm glad you two have that romantic moment. Get it the fuck out of both of your heads. It's not happening. Have you, like, okay, Reba McIntyre, redhead until older. You are going to be an older lady who is a redhead. You're Lucille Ball. Like, enough. You're not going gray.

10:24Paige DeSorbo: Well, now I need to because you don't want me to.

10:26Hannah Berner: you know who I saw on a plane recently who is actually fully gray and she does look good when I was leaving Italy a giggler came up to me and we were like chatting and she was like don't look now but Jane Fonda's over there oh I would have puked oh I literally I don't and I've seen multiple celebrities in airports and on planes I don't think I whipped out my phone faster than to text my mom like Jane Fonda's on my plane listen to this we get on the plane we sit down josephine texts me guess who i'm sitting next to i go if you say jane fonda i'm gonna freak out she goes jane fonda josephine doesn't deserve that i'm sorry josephine doesn't

11:05Paige DeSorbo: deserve she doesn't even know she doesn't even like she no you ready for this she's 12 years old

11:11Hannah Berner: josephine texts her who did she text she texted like her boyfriend who's like aunt is friends with jane fonda oh i take back what i said the aunt texts jane fonda and goes you're sitting next to like my nephew's girlfriend josephine jane fonda turns to josephine and goes are you

11:34Paige DeSorbo: josephine and she goes yes i am is a fan of josephine this is huge jane fonda is a which

11:41Hannah Berner: honestly when you meet josephine you can't not be a fan of josephine she's like i love your work

11:46Paige DeSorbo: your photos that you take a page in venice were iconic she was like you're so pretty and so lovely

11:51Hannah Berner: and then and then jane fonda watched the movies that josephine was playing on her uh tv the whole flight home is jane fonda a giggler no they didn't get that far

12:03Paige DeSorbo: wait jane fonda if you watch your documentary like not only she's an actor but then she also like created the best like workout series ever right yeah she's like a big activist she's really philanthropic why is philanthropic so hard to say is it because like our enemies are out to get us

12:20Hannah Berner: sorry we're trying to help people philanthropic is like one of those words that when you throw

12:26Paige DeSorbo: it around it's like people respect you yeah wait but what's the difference between philanthropic and then like philharmonic they're too close remember we had a whole bit about the philharmonic symphony we put who was like you know we should do philharmonic but change it slightly and then it's a lot of donating to charities wasn't it the story like a girl had an orgasm at the

12:49Hannah Berner: philharmonic symphony oh my god yeah what a throwback oh my god well philanthropy philharmonic i don't know some latin thing in there one thing before we move on from my that flight to italy there's something i've been doing on long flights and i'm not getting it's changing my life and this is like some real aarp shit now any flight over really i've been doing it on every flight but specifically ones that are like over two and a half hours i've been wearing compression socks you're an athlete life-changing you're an olympian here's the other thing i've been doing i haven't been eating on flights anymore because my stomach gets so insanely fucked up when i get off the flight for like the next 24 hours it's like bloated so I've been doing both of those things and when I get off the plane I don't feel as like swollen and just like gross see I don't have the

13:45Paige DeSorbo: kind of self-control to be on a long flight that offers you a meal and to look in that lady's eye

13:50Hannah Berner: and be like no I won't take I know it's really hard I know it's really hard I once was having

13:56Paige DeSorbo: like a full um stomach bug and i was like don't risk it being on a plane and i was like i can't

14:04Hannah Berner: say no to a free meal you want to know what i've been doing though i've just been going a little bit earlier and getting so full at the lounge or like in the airport like in italy like i just ate

14:16Paige DeSorbo: before and then i was fine if you want a nap it's good to eat beforehand and then pass out yeah

14:22Hannah Berner: so that's really been helping me but i'm like oh my god how old am i that i'm putting on compression socks. I was like, I literally put them on and I was like, I must add these to the

14:30Paige DeSorbo: newsletter. You know, I thought about it. Actually, I think I bought compression socks. That's the difference between me and you.

14:37Hannah Berner: Okay, Hannah. So I need to talk about something that's genuinely, and I mean genuinely changed the quality of my life.

14:43Paige DeSorbo: Let me guess. Is it a new serum or like a

14:45Hannah Berner: hair mask? Truly amazing guesses. It's actually Waymo. If I don't want to see a man, I just get into a Waymo. Night is over. I'm relaxed.

14:54Paige DeSorbo: Time for a PSA on Waymo.

14:57Hannah Berner: It's about time.

14:58Paige DeSorbo: Raise your hand if you've ever had a bad experience in a car service situation. I could write a book. I've gotten out of them. Pull over. That's why Waymo gives us peace and calmness after a long night to take me home safely.

15:13Hannah Berner: And I don't have to check a box if I want to talk or not.

15:17Paige DeSorbo: it doesn't exist we're never talking we don't want to talk a life hack at the end of the night when you're exhausted tired and scared because it's dark out yeah is to get a waymo to take you home

15:28Hannah Berner: safely it is a really good life hack because it actually eliminates so many different things you worry about so it's actually like at the top of my life hack list along with like all the things

15:39Paige DeSorbo: i bring to a hotel room when you get into ride shares you're normally so stressed our biggest life hack is dealing with Waymo over random strangers in cars. I mean, at that point, I'd rather get my own driver's license and figure it out. And that's a scary thought.

15:53Hannah Berner: But we also love to de-center men and Waymo kind of does it for us because we don't have a driver. So we don't even have to go into the logistics of it.

16:04Paige DeSorbo: When you're with a driver, there's a mental checklist like, are they going the right way? Are they taking me somewhere I don't want to go? How is their energy are they getting road rage in a waymo i can just close my eyes take a nap and not be

16:16Hannah Berner: bothered and that's the best feeling because i do want to fall asleep maybe when i'm on my way to my destination but in other ride shares i have to stay alert i have to make sure the windows are unlocked i have to be putting them down every three seconds like what if i have to get out

16:31Paige DeSorbo: you have to put your friend on the phone being like do you know where i am yeah i have to tell

16:36Hannah Berner: him that my location is shared with someone else just so he knows so if you want to be unbothered

16:42Paige DeSorbo: and relaxed and you live in a city with waymos download the waymo app and ride and you if you live in a non-waymo city sign up to help bring waymo to your city at waymo.com updates this is us being women in stem bringing waymo to the women and keeping them safe thanks to waymo for supporting this segment also i'm in a bad mood because i have the sniffles which means like i keep sneezing which is like the one thing that like really hurts my back so i've been just like sneezing and cursing and laughing like i'm you are your grandpa yeah i'm my grandpa also it sounds like i'm going through an exorcism every time i sneeze i'm like do you think do you have allergies i never thought i had allergies yeah but i would love to say i have allergies one time i told my mom i thought i had allergies and she a hundred percent dead ass looked me in my face and goes disorbos don't have allergies no you don't i was like okay it was like the weirdest flex

17:46Hannah Berner: as if to say that like allergies are all in people's heads it's like weak genes yeah as if we are a stronger family than like another family of allergies wait i'm so sorry

18:00Paige DeSorbo: but my phone is blowing up and do you know who's calling me who i don't know one of the 400 medical portals that i put all my information into also i have like a pilates class in vancouver that i took

18:11Hannah Berner: a year ago that calls me every day i have like a gym from albany that i belong to in college that

18:18Paige DeSorbo: straight up texts me all the time also if you cancel a doctor's appointment they're like okay and then they continue to call you every day yeah but they won't answer you when you're trying to make an appointment but then they'll bother you for the rest of your life the medical field is

18:32Hannah Berner: crazy the medical field is really like i feel for the girls because i'm sure there's a lot of

18:39Paige DeSorbo: frustration happening let's discuss are you going to the u.s open tonight i don't know it is a lot and by a lot you have to put an outfit together yeah but i'm not stressed because i ordered this

18:50Hannah Berner: navy blue skirt that i didn't think was going to come until like a couple weeks but it's here now So it's like, I could just wear my new navy blue skirt so I'm not stressed about it. But also, I am still very jet lagged. Yeah. Something's going on. My body's just being really sensitive this past couple of weeks. I don't know what's going on with me. And Scorpios aren't having a great go of it astrologically.

19:15Paige DeSorbo: What did it say?

19:16Hannah Berner: We've just been having issues. And you want to know what? Remember when I got my astrology read and he was like, are you having the worst year of your life? And I was like, no. Well, it's in the back of my head because Scorpios are having like a really tough time. We had a tough time this summer and we're having a tough time this fall.

19:30Paige DeSorbo: Maybe it's just in your gut because like I feel like everything else is going well. Maybe you did a little witchcraft and you put all your pain onto me.

19:40Hannah Berner: I don't think, you know, sometimes I'll see things on TikToks where it's like actual girls doing spells. And I'm like, OK, you guys are crazy, but I'll stay a little too long. like have you ever seen a candle cord cutting i'm like i could go someone was talking about

19:55Paige DeSorbo: they'll put someone's name in their fridge nicole kidman she puts their name in their fridge to like ice them out to be like you're not part of my life anymore that gives me like a little bit of

20:06Hannah Berner: voodoo and i believe in god so like i can't i'm not even like going down that route you know god was not happy with your angel visit yeah but it's like he creates those people so i'm like you can't really be mad you gave them that those powers 100 i do need to see a psychic i feel like are you do

20:25Paige DeSorbo: yeah i haven't seen the psychic medium in a while okay i actually i might have a new girl but um okay i feel like i haven't gone in like a year i have to speak about the open um what that way i wanted to ask you that something well everyone's coming for influencers yeah i wanted to see what

20:41Hannah Berner: your take was okay my take was that it was one video yeah one video of these influencers that

20:48Paige DeSorbo: spoke when they're not supposed to speak they were like singing something and okay this is not like a real issue i've watched every single match at the u.s open no matches are like struggling there's more fans than ever also a guy was smoking weed during sabalinka's match no one's talking about that i saw that no it's like wow that that's crazy so i think they're making it worse than it is i do think if people want to know like with tennis you're not supposed to talk during the point you clap after the point and then you're supposed to be pretty quiet during the point but i do think the influencer story is very clickbaity but it's like gone crazy like everyone's talking about it and i'm telling you if it's a thing it'll be happening every match this was one match in particular but i also do have a soft spot for like new female fans that i don't want to be afraid to go to tennis whenever there's new fans in anything they it takes a second to like understand it yeah but i feel like the smoking weed thing was fucking crazy i feel like that's so disrespectful

21:52Hannah Berner: as someone who thinks that weed should be legal because i think it's i think alcohol is way worse i think there are certain you wouldn't light up a cigarette in the middle of ash stadium why would you ever light up a joint at the you i think that's so gross also you guys know me and my mom

22:13Paige DeSorbo: we hate cigarettes we'll be walking down the street if someone's smoking a cigarette my mom

22:17Hannah Berner: would go like she's it's really it really is kind of crazy how like back they are it makes me so

22:26Paige DeSorbo: upset i do every influencer posting smoking cigarettes why are you doing it like what's the reason why because you want a young person that is influenced by you to be influenced to

22:35Hannah Berner: kill themselves i feel like instagram is almost leaning a little bit more like tumblr days okay and i think there's a certain age group that's like but it's kind of like it's very early 90s it's like it's just in our hand this really makes me upset um i know no i know no the other day i I saw a 13-year-old girl on TV in full makeup, and I got really upset by it. I was really upset.

23:02Paige DeSorbo: I want to know your thoughts. Okay, Des and I went to a cabaret burlesque show.

23:08Hannah Berner: Were you out on Saturday night? I went out. Because I looked at your location, I go, this is not where her apartment is. Where is she?

23:14Paige DeSorbo: I went out. I was wearing a crazy top and capris.

23:18Hannah Berner: You know what's crazy? We went from not having each other's locations a couple months ago to now straight up stock. I landed. guys i landed in america like my phone gets wi-fi my first texas hannah welcome back no okay i

23:34Paige DeSorbo: swear to god i actually wasn't stalking you i went to text you which is like every 10 minutes and it said queen so i was like hello welcome back i was in italy i'm literally walking into

23:44Hannah Berner: walking into gucci my brother calls me i go do you have a goddamn tracker on me i was texting

23:51Paige DeSorbo: you on the plane and i was like you're right above dublin right now and he goes wow you're in ireland

23:58Hannah Berner: so we go this burlesque show first of all how did you think how was that your idea for a date

24:03Paige DeSorbo: like who came up with the idea that it'd be i wanted to go to this restaurant and then the restaurant was like at this restaurant there's a burlesque show and i'm like we can't eat or not go to the burlesque show yeah and then i was like i don't want to do anything on saturday night but i'll watch other people do shit on a saturday night so and he was like down i think because the comedy world he actually would do a lot of festivals so he became friends with like the circus people kind of they're like the people that do like cirque du soleil and like they do all this crazy shit so he i don't know he's like knows whatever i don't know about that he knows flexible like remember when isn't it crazy to think of like insults from like back in the day like an

24:46Hannah Berner: insult used to be go join like the carnival like oh she joined like the circus so the circus is

24:53Paige DeSorbo: actually like really hot people that are really good at dancing they're super flexible they could put like fire down their throat but also like i can imagine they're all just like having crazy sex you're not that flexible and not having threesomes like that's like me getting mad when hot people aren't in relationships if you're that flexible and you're not you have to be polyamorous if i could put my leg behind my head i'd have three boyfriends it's like you have to do more for the people yeah like you can't just leave it to one guy like share your talents also why do they always talk about how the girls have to be flexible why can't the guys be flexible yeah i digress i'm sure they are yeah support for today's episode comes from square the system

25:38Hannah Berner: empowering like half the places I go. We've built Giggly Squad into a full business at this point. Between the podcast, merch, touring, everything, there's a lot of moving parts. And if there's one thing we've learned, it's that you can be chaotic, but your business cannot be. Square helps business owners focus on the fun parts, creating things, building something, showing up, not chasing down where payment went or trying to figure out if something is in stock. Have you ever walked into a place and you're like oh this business has their life together like you tap your card it's instant they already have your info the receipt just appears everything is seamless and you're like wait why is everything so smooth that's square and once you notice it you see it everywhere coffee shops salons boutiques all the places that feel on top of it which makes sense because square basically runs everything behind the scenes it's not just payment it's inventory online orders scheduling, team management, reports all in one place.

26:33Hannah Berner: So instead of business owners juggling five different apps and trying to make them all talk to each other, it's just handled. And it works whether you're just starting out or your business is growing and getting a little chaotic. You can take payments in person, online, or on the go. See what's actually selling, manage your team, even access your money faster with Square Banking. It just makes everything feel way more under control. And now that we're actually building brands, I realize how important it is that everything just works. The backend matters so much more than people think. And we may not always be the most organized, but Square keeps everything else under control.

27:07Hannah Berner: You don't need an IT team or a degree in accounting. Also, businesses using Square online earn 36 % more revenue on average, which makes sense. If you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tools, Square helps you sell, manage, and grow without slowing down. Right now, you can get up to$200 off Square hardware at square.com slash go slash giggly. That's s-q-u-a-r-e dot com slash g-o slash giggly. Run your business smarter with Square and get started today. Feeling short on smiles? Does your frown need to be turned upside down?

27:41Paige DeSorbo: We got the perfect dose of comedy, 30 minutes of scrubs. Zach Braff, Donald Faison, Sarah Chalk, and the rest of the gang at Sacred Heart are back for a brand new season. We play medical doctors who are besties, just like in real life. And we'll definitely be up in each other's cases.

27:58Hannah Berner: Scrubs Wednesdays on ABC.

28:00Paige DeSorbo: And stream the next day on Hulu. Side effects may include laughing, cheering, and lots of high fives. I'm no Superman. I become a sleazy man when I'm there. Because the saxophone player comes up. I'm like, take off your shirt. Why is this guy's shirt on? I didn't pay you to watch a guy with fucking zipped up to the neck. take your fucking shirt off. Des is like, calm down. And I'm like, no, this is like, it's not a strip club. It's a classy burlesque. But eventually he took his shirt off. I looked at Des. I was like, thank you. And then the girls, you can't help. Like they're all wearing like thongs and they're dancing and they're late.

28:39Paige DeSorbo: They're all over the place. Yeah. The only thing I kept thinking about was like, how do they shave so well? Yeah. Not one hair out of place.

28:47Hannah Berner: my thing is are they taping or doing some type of like stickiness of to for the thong to keep their vagina in because like okay if you're wearing a thong and you're moving all crazy at some point the thong is gonna move a little and you're just labia out so they must they have

29:09Paige DeSorbo: to tape it down or something and they're changing outfits like it's crazy and they're so physically fit like they're just pure athletes these girls are amazing also the singer i was just gonna say are they singing so there's one girl who sings and she like hosts the show she's doing crowd work she's unbelievable and this is coming from someone who's been to the vmas i've been to american music awards she sang live better than half the people on those shows there's so many fucking talented people on this planet who aren't famous which is crazy because everyone's famous What was the demographic in the crowd?

29:43Paige DeSorbo: Like, who are you sitting with? It was just like couples. Like, it was very date night, but like some older men and younger women, me and Des. Of course. But, okay, this is the only drama. Do you think anyone thinks you're a sugar baby? Yes, or like second wife energy. Oh, second wife energy. Oh, okay. If he was uglier, I think people would think like sugar baby. Yeah. But instead it's giving like, he's trying a new world. Flavor, yeah. um okay so this guy sits next to us and i i try not to be judgy especially of men i give men so much grace he sits down the waitress goes how are we feeling and he goes hungry and thirsty okay immediately i'm like i hate this man and then she goes what would you like to eat sir and he goes well the lady would like i feel like he's trying to be funny but that was crazy he's like ordering for her the lady would like this i'm like i just don't like this man then And when she turns around, he pulls out a vape.

30:40Hannah Berner: Oh, I thought you were going to say he's going to slap her ass. I was like, it's a salt.

30:45Paige DeSorbo: Pulls out a vape. It was like one of these also like bad flavors, like strawberry melon. Yeah, that you're like this could like start a car. Like we're all glowing in the dark after this. This is fully Chernobyl. Yeah. He fucking hits it, turns in our direction, and blows it at us. Next thing you know, I'm inhaling. it tastes so i taste it in my mouth i'm like so then i pull a mom and i go and des is looking at des is like do not i'm like i would never say that but this is crazy and he's like this is illegal like it's crazy he does it again that's crazy crazy so then mid show then i start to get worried that des might like say something because like i don't want des to have to like scare him or something yeah so then the guy apparently turned to des and said i'm sorry like apologize for it but like it's wild in these streets how old is this guy 57 hannah if

31:43Hannah Berner: someone didn't know your age and they just listened to this episode of the podcast and all they heard was that like your back is out your chiropractor you couldn't figure out the portal because technology you're totally against smoking especially in public places how dare they and i don't understand how vapes work and you went to a burlesque show because that used to be your only form of entertainment 40 years ago we're only in our 30s we don't even have kids

32:15Paige DeSorbo: no i'm so much younger than i am in my heart yeah and i had a drink we oh this was i have a drink i turned to des i go do you know what alcohol tastes like rubbing alcohol he goes alcohol it tastes like alcohol yeah i'm like it tastes like a fucking like a laundry detergent that i'm about to use to like clean someone's floor no it's not good it's really not good alcohol is bad

32:40Hannah Berner: you know what i tried where was i that i was like maybe maybe i have a taste for this now and i was like you guys are psychotic was it whiskey whiskey whiskey sour no it was just like it was just like a glass with ice and brown oh scotch or whiskey and i just like took a sip and the guys are they're lying this is how i know men lie i'm like there's just no fucking way you sit here and you sip this all night and you're like this is a good drink well that's my question about

33:16Paige DeSorbo: cigars you're not even inhaling how do you love it so much it gives you a head high gives you like

33:22Hannah Berner: a buzz well you've never smoked a cigarette so you wouldn't know that and I didn't even mean to sound like an eighth grade bully I didn't that's not how I meant maybe try Sears okay no but I'm saying like the first time you smoke a cigarette and you feel the buzz of what it is you're like oh that's why people smoke cigarettes like I think maybe the first time I ever tried a cigarette I was like 18 I was like in college and I was like I don't get it I would have been so mad at you if I was there I was like I don't get it like this is like stupid I would have been like Paige can talk to you for a second then if I'm then I think I was like in my 20s out at a club I was drunk I smoked a cigarette I got a head high and I was like oh this is why people do it because it makes you feel like a little woozy for a minute and then you like go back to so that's what like a cigar does it gives you like a little head high well because they just want a cigar lounge where they

34:18Paige DeSorbo: all can sit together and like suck on these very phallic shaped like why are they so big like they're like what if we made a cigarette but it was bigger and fatter and you could just like suck on it all day but

34:34Hannah Berner: i mean i make it i'm just gonna kill you joey's gonna literally kill you every time i record the bond joe goes what'd you guys talk about and i go i don't know i literally blacked out

34:44Paige DeSorbo: i'm gonna remember today honey honey and then like the way they judge each other's cigars like how how expensive is your cigar yeah oh also one more u.s open thing carlos alcares who i just have to say looks great with his hair long his hair pushed back it looks so good because he had like kind of a razor cut for a while he grew it out while he was injured he's come back and nike's doing this like basketball type of campaign with all their clothes so he wears this jersey and the whole first round his nipples out like he hits a winner and his nipple like you know when you go to sleep with a tank top and you wake up with a tit out that's that was how he played the entire match yeah and the girls and the gays we were like shout out carlos like yeah sashay through this match you look gorgeous and he was like a slow-mo beforehand than just like his nipple perfectly popping out imagine if he had it pierced you know but like also these guys like take their shirt off every like three games like it's not that crazy but then the second round he had an undershirt on do you think people like said something i think maybe he got self-conscious i think he got self-conscious or maybe nike was like hey your nipple is getting more attention than the fit i don't know what happened but they asked him in an interview and he kind of was like oh so nike's anti-nipple injury but it was fun for for a game for a minute for a minute um but now he's covering his nibbles but the girls are going off with fashion at the open have you seen any like the actual players like taylor townsend naomi osaka i saw naomi osaka she had like tom brown put something together i think la roche is styling her so they have these like runway walks on i like that yeah it's it's kind

36:33Hannah Berner: that's fun yeah it's really fun especially because i feel like the u.s open is always around fashion week and it's in new york city i'm surprised the u.s open isn't in

36:45Paige DeSorbo: like florida you know it's historically it was in queens on grass courts so i think it just evolved from there but um but yeah there's a trillion tennis courts in florida right i feel

36:58Hannah Berner: Like it just like gives tennis to me. I think Florida. I don't know why golf and tennis. I think Florida. If you go tonight, you could say that to someone.

37:07Paige DeSorbo: I'm not going to say that. Hey, why don't we do this in Florida? Why don't we just pack this shit up, move to Florida?

37:15Hannah Berner: Well, they would have more room. I would assume more people would be able to get tickets. I think half the reason people get were so mad at influencers this year is. Oh. at like the second matches because they were going so late you could see a lot of the boxes were done they were empty which brands have the boxes which bring in the influencers so i think like a lot of fans feel like they get priced out each year yeah and then there look there's empty

37:46Paige DeSorbo: seats and i think that annoys them not to defend all women but like get mad at the brand right also a lot of these corporate boxes they send an email out to the company like hey who wants to go the us open right no one wants to go and then they have these empty boxes um right which is that's the brand's problem but the brands are paying tons of money for these boxes so the us open is gonna take it yeah it's not always the women's fault not always not always not all women no truly not all women you love when the umpire tells everyone to shut up oh because because i

38:23Hannah Berner: respect power you know and so when i see a woman have power i go go off girl so i like when the umpire is a woman and she says over his people's shit and when she says i'm like she goes thank

38:37Paige DeSorbo: you thank you thank you sir in the corner i'm gonna have to have you stop thank you did you

38:43Hannah Berner: see the guy umpire that kept saying deuce really weird so then the crowd would say it back to him

38:47Paige DeSorbo: really weird not to defend a man but like he just has a really low baritone voice and they were making fun of his voice and it made me feel bad because he talks like this but that's like so new york i feel like i know also like let new york new york like it's chaos we new york can't be managed no they can't also don't give us honey deuces up the asshole and expect us to be quiet the whole time these people are there's a keg of honey deuce and then it's like why is everyone not silent it's like going to frat party and be like it's a library now wait did you see all the stuff about the college like run club oh everyone's mad all the millennials the millennials are met and i hate to say this after saying i don't condone drinking or smoking but yeah part of college is blacking out drinking and finding your way home like that is your first lesson of life being in a foreign land with just 20 year olds running everywhere you're puking you don't even know your name

39:48Hannah Berner: I don't think you realize what college is for until you get out in the real world and it sucks. Yeah. It's basically like life gives you these four years to like fuck around and like understand that you're about to be an adult soon and shit's going to get really hard. Because then when you get out, you're like, what the hell is this?

40:10Paige DeSorbo: Well, because when you're in college, it's not a problem. It's cute. Right. When you do that shit during college, you're just like growing and learning about yourself. When you do it when you're 32, people start having meetings, interventions.

40:23Hannah Berner: As much fun as college was, I don't think either of us would ever choose to go back to that age.

40:29Paige DeSorbo: No.

40:31Hannah Berner: It's quite draining. It was really scary. I was so scared. But like, I feel like I look better now, too.

40:37Paige DeSorbo: Oh, yeah. No, so scary. Because, yeah, it's so scary. also I've aged myself to the point that someone messaged me like a dating question I like couldn't

40:46Hannah Berner: help them because I was like aged out like what someone was like hey um I'm on this dating app

40:53Paige DeSorbo: and I saw my co-worker and I swiped on him and he hasn't responded so I deleted the app and like I don't know what to do and I'm like I'm be so real with y 'all I haven't swiped in 10 years at this point so I don't know how the app works anymore but normally like he wouldn't know you swiped unless he swiped on you but like i didn't want to get into it and be like tell me the updated algorithm of how like this app works oh like she was asking like did he see it she yeah but she also like i just couldn't help her because i don't know how the apps work work anymore because i know how it worked in like 2018 right that was my shit yeah no i don't know how that i

41:32Hannah Berner: don't know how any of the apps work either but also trying to think what i would do if i saw a co-worker would i swipe on them or not i feel like i wouldn't it depends if you're office crush

41:44Paige DeSorbo: yeah this is the move i remember if i saw anyone i knew on the app i would swipe right to be like haha like you know you're like oh i know that that guy wait why is this like i feel like this

41:55Hannah Berner: was just on love island and they were like yelling at one of the girls for like swiping and she was like i just like saw him i wasn't trying to like talk to him but to your point which it was she was like a haha like i feel like when i was roommates with

42:10Paige DeSorbo: dave and cory when i'd see one of their friends on the app you'd swipe so you could message them on it and be like haha you're stupid haha i bet no girls want you what the fuck you doing here you lonely asshole have you watched anything okay there's stuff coming up and something i did watch it's called

42:31Hannah Berner: welcome to the family on hulu that if i didn't drug myself yesterday i would have finished

42:36Paige DeSorbo: it is incredible it's about this husband who gets murdered and they realize that this woman's family might be behind this murder it's basically like be careful who you marry into which reminds me of my joke which it's like they say you marry the man you don't marry the man you marry the man's family and i said nah if you time it right because his family's dead um

43:02Hannah Berner: just his parents not his whole family

43:07Paige DeSorbo: he has siblings but this is one of those things where like the the parents hated her husband yeah and they were like gonna do anything they could to get him out of her life and there's also the brother that's involved and you hear phone calls of the brother and the mom talking about how how much they hate that guy it's basically like we love a close family as italians and it's like i know so many families like this and everyone talks about like gossiping within your family's fun but to actually be like let's put a hit on let's kill let's kill that

43:43Hannah Berner: other family is insane you know what's crazy is like how do you find that many people that have

43:50Paige DeSorbo: the same mental illness as you you mean like nosiness no like how does how is the whole family

43:57Hannah Berner: that crazy yeah they're like john just came up with the best idea you're gonna want to hear it and then they hear it and they're like that's the best idea let's merc this whole family well the

44:07Paige DeSorbo: thing with families is they do enable each other and a lot of times they have the same genetic issues and i find with some of these crazy families there's always one black sheep and they do they have one guy who was like fuck this family one of the brothers that's like he moved like Across the country And doesn't talk to them And he's gonna ask questions And he's like Well they're fucking crazy But I didn't think They were capable of this Right So Very Very interesting

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45:42Paige DeSorbo: also Nathan Fielder has a documentary coming out with Elizabeth Holmes who's the one person that I'm actually really good at doing an impression of that actually is really good I'm so excited I

45:53Hannah Berner: thought that show with Amanda Seyfried was so good I thought the documentary about her was so good I can't wait to watch this and this is right before she goes to jail or right when she's out of jail

46:03Paige DeSorbo: right before she goes to jail and he's trying to like is she still in I'm not sure but he's trying to understand her like is she crazy is she evil is she both and she's looking at him and she's like

46:14Hannah Berner: i'm just trying to do the best i can yeah he says something like are you being real right now and

46:20Paige DeSorbo: she's like i'm always being real i'm always being very eerie very eerie also nathan fielder doing documentaries sign me the fuck up that sounds very interesting yeah last on my list this has been out for a while but the gig was recommended it to me it's called some kind of heaven and it's basically like college for retired people which is something i i love like imagine once you retire you go to one of these communities and it's literally like partying and like fun clubs and like pools and sex and like it's basically college but you're done with life and but you're like 75 yeah but then it talks about like the underbelly of it and how like people are mean and catty and like the drama of this like retired club i wonder if they're like doing drugs for sure for sure yeah there's definitely people abusing drugs and like getting fucked up everyone's addicted to painkillers that is so great this is a documentary or like it's a documentary about like what's actually going on at one of these retirement places that goes a little too crazy i mean stds are thriving that's crazy okay i want to watch that kind of how many episodes i'm not sure i have to look into it um also i have to apologize to the community we were talking about like how we used to have so many hot guys as millennials and someone was like you guys missed like the hottest guys yeah paul walker okay but he wasn't in a tv show josh hartnett what he wasn't in a tv show valid and freddie prince jr again not in a tv show okay i of course we had those men and i would say that they were movie

48:08Hannah Berner: stars i'm talking cw 8 p.m thursday night i want to see chad michael murray i want whoever played fucking nathan i was so i want dean i want like the guy who played jess in gilmore girls he's

48:25Paige DeSorbo: like really famous now see that's the thing about my low whatever i love a blonde and that's my toxic you're sick i don't think people know that when chad michael michael murray came out i was

48:36Hannah Berner: like um that's my everything makes sense everything makes sense yeah that's how stephanie was she

48:41Paige DeSorbo: like loved him when he was in freaky friday i loved him in freaky friday see i thought miscast

48:47Hannah Berner: i watched freaky friday and i go a missed cast i didn't find him that he was tall and dumb and

48:55Paige DeSorbo: blonde i loved it he was just like hey these men also had no lines they had no lines in all these

49:00Hannah Berner: movies they were just like what's your name except in gilmore girls um the one blonde boyfriend that she had not dean not jess what was the other guy's name was every guy named dean who was dean or

49:13Paige DeSorbo: ethan was like the name of every single boyfriend oh my god wait the 2000s this is actually like

49:18Hannah Berner: i can't i feel like i should go to the hospital that i don't know this i could book an appointment for you if you want logan oh my god logan hunsberger that he was my favorite boyfriend i always wanted her to end up with him but because like he was a bad boy and he like had a lot of money and so he would like take her to cool places and i loved him and he was blonde it's like the aiden versus big debate yeah like you loved big yeah but this is my thing i

49:45Paige DeSorbo: didn't like that aiden was like an artist he like did furniture i was like i don't i didn't mind

49:51Hannah Berner: that i didn't like that aiden was like so dramatic and like emotional yeah he was always like shut up and your country house fucking sucks like why would i want to be in a country house when big could put me in a goddamn limo up to a penthouse like i think he was whiny he was whiny but really that my favorite character of all time in sex in the city is the girl that big married and cheated on natasha she's the chicest she was the prettiest i well she's i loved her the most she's tom brady's ex-wife in real life you know that speaking of tom brady i watched the earl show the whole plane ride home from my flight this episode is definitely themed because i felt very old like even though i there were certain things like i could relate to being on reality tv and there were like certain things that i could like pick up on there was like a moment where like the one sister Ashton says like I'm 23 and I was like oh no this is a small little girl like and people are being mean to her like I it made me it made me upset that things that they're feeling about being in the public eye I didn't feel until I was like 28 29 and I'm and I was just like I feel bad that they they're feeling it right now and there's people that are so jealous and mean to them

51:23Paige DeSorbo: also they're at the point where like that first heartbreak i heard she talks about braxton like yeah when you're in your early 20s and you have that first heartbreak it feels like the end of the world right like i want to hold her and be like babe yeah i'm not gonna remember him i also

51:37Hannah Berner: give the girls the two older like alex and ashton i give them a lot a lot of credit for how mature they are in terms of having a stepmom and like a whole their dad having like a whole second family they're so respectful to their stepmom and like mature in like their situation I just thought it was so commendable like I would I could never at 33 I could never like certain things the stepmom said to Alex if I had a stepmom and she ever said that to me I no no like there were certain conversations and i was like what did you just say to her and i will never call you mom i just i was like i would never be this nice to someone who did something so crazy to my mom so i like commended

52:29Paige DeSorbo: them for that there's a lot of people online who love to hate influencers i've seen things just like making fun of whatever like a blonde influencer yeah alex are a little smarter than an influencer than the majority of people like she's fucking smart like say what you want about her but don't say she's this dumb oh yeah influencer she's a marketing genius like yeah we're just doing the kardashians all over again it's like literally have real talent uh okay they do my sweet sweet girls

53:00Hannah Berner: there's they're smart they're strategic and very smart like this isn't an accident that she's been able to grow her career you know yeah a hundred percent but it was like a good it was a cute reality show I think it's only like eight episodes I watched I think I finished it on the plane but

53:18Paige DeSorbo: it was good yeah that's awesome I have to dig in even though I have trouble with reality sometimes

53:26Hannah Berner: yeah it's actually it's not for you oh because it's not as it's not as explosive as like a bravo show like there's really not that much drama I also have a feminist moment I was just thinking

53:42Paige DeSorbo: about husbands and wives you know how in the past like husbands would be like my wife is nagging me my naggy wife my wife's nagging me we have to take that word back and say it about husbands like when your husband or boyfriend knows you'd be like can you stop nagging me yeah okay let's try it out for a bit like really nag like it's not stop i don't think anyone's ever said that

54:06Hannah Berner: to me they've said much much worse i feel like a nagging would be like subdued for what i typically sounds peaceful it sounds dare i say motivational dare i say supportive that i care i get more along the lines of evil satan witchy you know i get things that are quite more diabolical oh god anyway i'm making everyone

54:35Paige DeSorbo: a better person around me mental health mom of the week i was like scrolling on tiktok and occasionally something about me will come up oh but occasionally it's something like nice like some there's been funny stuff about my mouth going around every once in a while you're like that made me chuckle and i looked and i saw that you had reposted it i don't know but it was just a nice tiktok about me and i was like that's my fucking best friend like it made me so happy oh

55:03Hannah Berner: I think it might have been something about your lululemon

55:06Paige DeSorbo: or something about my mouth I know something that it was like really cute and then it just had like pages of sober repost I was like that's my motherfucking that's my girl right there I think I know what it was

55:16Hannah Berner: I think a girl said Hannah still can't move her mouth so we have six more weeks of summer I thought that was so funny I said more people need to see this because this is hilarious

55:31Paige DeSorbo: I love how I didn't fully remember i was like it was something complimenting my fashion or something i forget and you were like no she was making fun of your smile and it was so good um but just spreading awareness for funny women i appreciate yeah i appreciate it um now i literally forgot about my smile because my whole fucking back is out honestly i'm so over i don't even think about it anymore i know and like it's no i'm like this is hannah that's why it's bad but it's almost it's it's getting better it's getting better but now i'm like past the point it's like not that funny anymore it's just like slightly off we're getting to the point where people are like okay is it gonna wear off we're also gonna point people like we get it you can't smile i'll get a new fucking bit um no we love you guys so much thank you for giggling wait i have one question before we go

56:16Hannah Berner: yeah for the fall are you gonna do some type of red a diff like what are we doing for with your hair for the fall i'm gonna send inspo pics you think i should go different red no i just think we need to amp it up and get and do like a diff a fall yeah i think i want a deeper red you guys

56:36Paige DeSorbo: see like i'm getting off the call and she's like and real quick we're gonna we're gonna change your brand uh can i see your roots for a quick real quick we're gonna have to change everything

56:43Hannah Berner: but i want i think for the fall i just want you a little more fire enginey red oh like the summer i think you do you give more of like a strawberry red and i think this fall I want something a little deeper. Okay, we'll talk. We'll offline.

56:57Paige DeSorbo: You're my, you're literally my creative director. You're like, it's not working, but we'll fix it. Don't worry. Have a good day. Bye. Okay. Love you guys. Talk to you later.

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