Giggling about con men, country boys, and cigars

0:00Paige DeSorbo: I tell myself, it's not about comparing. But then I start wondering, what can they lift? Are they adding more weight to their barbell than I am? And suddenly, I'm not training. Then I realize, my journey is not theirs. I've earned every step. So I smile. My smile is the shape resilience takes to keep me moving. To put more smiles out into the world, Colgate has supported female athletes for over 50 years with the Colgate Women's Games, the nation's longest-running indoor track and field series for girls and women. Colgate, your smile is your strength.

0:32Hannah Berner: Okay, we're going to ELI5 Venmo. Nothing gets me going like an ELI5. All right, Hannah, ELI5, explain it to me like I'm five spending your Venmo balance.

0:43Paige DeSorbo: So if someone Venmos you and you have the Venmo Debit MasterCard, you get instant access to your Venmo balance. In other words, you can spend that money immediately. And with the Venmo Debit Card, there's no monthly fee or minimum balance required. Oh, and you can also check out online or an app with Venmo. Same thing. Instant balance access. Now, Paige, ELI 5 Venmo Stash.

1:04Hannah Berner: You join Venmo Stash Rewards and earn up to 5 % cash back. Anything more? You asked me to ELI 5 you. The more you use Venmo, the more you earn. And that's pretty much it.

1:15Paige DeSorbo: Okay, we love. And while we're at it, do you want to ELL 5 why you still haven't paid me back for the smoothies from this week? My Venmo balance would like to know.

1:23Hannah Berner: Get the Venmo debit card or check out with Venmo. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bank Corp Bank N.A. Venmo stash bundle terms and exclusions apply. Max$100 per month. See terms at Venmo.me slash stash terms. Venmo checkout not available at all merchants.

1:41Hannah Berner: Sup gigglers. Gary, fix the Wi-Fi.

1:44Paige DeSorbo: Manifest that shit.

1:46Hannah Berner: We can't be managed.

1:49Paige DeSorbo: The day is fine.

1:51Hannah Berner: I mean the day just got away from me.

1:55Paige DeSorbo: What's up my gigglers? Yeah. So someone messaged me and said I was listening to Paige tell a story about how her ears were ringing. I just wanted to let her know that that actually could be a health concern. It doesn't always mean people are talking bad about you. Tell my mom not. I go not in Italian. Not in Italian. I also want to apologize to the community for saying that Mormon House, Mormon Secret Wives was better than Vanderpump Rules. I was just having a moment of excitement and I apologize. That wasn't true.

2:30Hannah Berner: Well, everyone's entitled to their own opinions. And if you feel like you had a better time watching that over the past couple of weeks, that's OK.

2:40Paige DeSorbo: Thank you for validating my feelings. Also, just want to start out with our woman of STEM of the week up top. there's a woman who does uber eats deliveries and she realizes that when she takes a picture of the food and she puts her feet in them she gets bigger tips so that is our woman of some of the week i

2:57Hannah Berner: can't believe you just said that because i have what pissed me off this week what is it you know how uber launched they're like oh you can request a woman to drive you amazing i love that what a great feature awesome when i have really heavy bags though i'm not putting that on the girls anyway I digress also women can work for sex traffickers so you're not fooling me honey you're actually not fooling me where Uber has messed up with this is when I'm doing an Uber eats grocery order why can't I pick a woman and I don't know if this is what Darwin had in mind when he discovered natural selection but Uber eats delivery drivers who are men who go into the grocery store.

3:43Hannah Berner: Are you alive? Are you alive? Because whenever I'm doing a grocery order from Uber Eats, it's because I need like two things that I forgot that I'm not going to the store by myself or I need something really heavy like a 24 case of water bottles. So I'm going to Uber Eats that and add a couple other things. When I have a woman, I actually messaged my woman the other day and I said, I'm so thankful that you are a woman because I've been trying to get garlic now for 48 hours. Okay, so don't tell me that they're out of garlic and then send me a picture of a plastic bag with a million garlic cloves unshelled.

4:32Hannah Berner: I want them in their home. I want them as God intended them at my door, okay? Do they give you the minced, cut up ones? No. They sent me like a bag of like, I was like, no, I don't want a bag of garlic that someone in the back room like unpeeled all of them. I want it in its home. I know it's there. I know it's there. The next morning I did the same order. She got it. So if you're really interested in women's rights, put the option on Uber Eats to get women also. Because let me tell you something. all the men aren't going to be able to work for uber real soon and that's just that's just natural

5:11Paige DeSorbo: selection that has nothing to do with us i distinctly remember my mom having fights with my dad because she'd give him the list did your mom have like a written list she'd say this is the list this is all you have to do is get like the six things on this list and he would come back he'd lose the list something happened where he couldn't find anything he bought completely wrong thing and i just remember i'm like this happens every time a sentence that is burned in my brain is where's the goddamn list and that's from my dad that's a direct quote from my dad

5:45Hannah Berner: um gary shakespeare disorbo and there's so many times that he's come home and my mom has been like oh okay but this isn't one and he's like kim they didn't have it they didn't have it kim and she's

5:56Paige DeSorbo: like don't make me go over there and she's like i know that they did i know they did i know they did my dad also would on the list of things we need he would like write jokes at the bottom like he'd write a backhand that's sweet yeah so like he'd have his little jokes but my mom was like

6:11Hannah Berner: it's not and it isn't funny and it's not funny that is a good game show though like dad's trying

6:18Paige DeSorbo: to remember their children's birthdays yeah and what is it we're like like my dad the other day weaponized incompetence period but my dad the other day he like wasn't answering his phone and i was like oh silly dad or like my mom doesn't answer i'm like so she's dead she's dead

6:39Hannah Berner: somewhere she went to a doctor's appointment she didn't tell me about it now she's dead on the table like i got my dad i'm like he left his phone in the car he's stupid not no i was like my dad

6:49Paige DeSorbo: forgot how his phone works and that's okay meanwhile when my mom when she answers on the

6:54Hannah Berner: first ring that's what you love is do you ever call your mom and your dad answers and you're like uh i'm calling for a reason like can you gather like sometimes i almost feel bad because i'm like oh there's nothing for you yeah i'm like i actually called for a mom what's the tiktok this is my house it's pam i don't know i'm the owner of this house oh yeah

7:23Paige DeSorbo: um no my dad's answered before and it's like when she's in the shower and i'm like i'll call back

7:27Hannah Berner: thank you also last night the last cultureista's awards aired wait can i give some tea so this is

7:38Paige DeSorbo: so funny we get in and they put us in like these seats they put us in the front row yeah thank you you bowen and matt treating us they put us right in the front i'm so excited i'm sitting there all titillated i love watching other people perform and the camera guy i love watching other people perform so this camera guy comes and he just looks at us and he goes you guys sell my house and i look and you didn't hear him say this he just asked me because i was on the corner and i look at him and i go no he walks away comes back he goes you guys are supposed to be summer house and i go yeah long story well sierra was sitting like right behind us so i go i mean the people i think they're gonna be summer house and he goes no you all are supposed to be summer house i go okay i got fired i looked at i go i got fired he goes hold on one sec he walks back he goes are you sure you're not summer house i'm like it's complicated it's the whole thing i'm just not aligning myself right now with them i go it's just not really my brand like i know that i'm back on bravo today but like overall i just don't even this guy was like we're going live in three minutes what the fuck are you talking about and i was like there was like a lot that went on that like it's been like six years like i'm not on summer house like it's

8:48Hannah Berner: actually super nuanced and like i could explain it to you but like i'm not sure we have the time

8:53Paige DeSorbo: and some people know me from summer house and people know from yeah i also do this like hand on the street thing sometimes on tiktok that people do you have a hulu account i go honestly i started doing sets at the stand and like i really started to find my comedic voice on stage like literally it was so fucking like because i was like could not get myself to be like yeah i'm on i'm part of summer house it felt like vitriol to be like yeah it's like no like i actually i was like go back to your team explain the nuances and let's not label people i wrote i wrote down mandy more because oh my god we walked by her um she performed and with bowen and matt

9:36Hannah Berner: And I just feel like as a society, as a whole, as a collective, especially as millennials, I feel like we're not putting enough onus on Mandy Moore's career and how much she impacted our lives. Like Mandy Moore actually was the first pop star I knew of like before before Brittany and Christina like really came into my world. I was a Mandy Moore girl.

10:06Paige DeSorbo: Really? Well, I feel like now this was a long time ago. So if I get this not fully correct, don't at me.

10:14Hannah Berner: But you know, it's really funny to think about like like our mom saying. like like gen z jargon in everyday life like imagine if you just heard lenore be like and don't at me but uh like finish the sentence she actually does because she listens to giggly squad so much later she was like i was so page coded but um man i feel like it was a timing thing

10:42Paige DeSorbo: where there were too many girls of similar fonts like there were too many blondes i'm so real with you they were like either go brunette or we don't have space for you here like they had because they had jessica simpson they had all right they had christina and they had britney and mandy moore was like as good like i loved mandy moore but it seemed like the timing was wrong she should have

11:04Hannah Berner: dyed her hair red name a red head pop star vitamin c we didn't have a redheaded pop star we still don't really have we have chapel rome but i don't even see her as like a pop star no no also our generation we had a ton of pop stars like the past 10 15 years who were their pop stars Taylor Swift Ariana yeah but Ariana is wasn't doing tours like Brittany and Christina were doing and Destiny's Child were doing tours you are so nostalgic wait I'm charging my computer

11:44Paige DeSorbo: You literally just want to talk about your childhood I just love Our era of pop stars And the girls I did just post Eve the rapper On my Instagram I just love finding old songs That were so fucking good That was from 2001 Besides 9-11 that was an amazing year I love that you had no reaction to that

12:08Hannah Berner: I just heard you say 9-11 And I thought Best to switch the topic wait speaking of 9-11 um did you see that the Knicks parade like downtown this was downtown this morning um I hate to be I don't want to be negative I don't I don't want my like initial thoughts on things to be negative I want to be a positive person but when I saw the parade on TV and I saw that it's I think one of the news reporters said like there's three million people down here my first thought was why in the fuck uh well also you know how I feel about parades yeah yeah I don't think they're I don't think they're appropriate but this is the thing these

12:56Paige DeSorbo: people are not like us and I admire them so much to be like they want to add a life experience to their life and have a core memory no one's gotta be anywhere on a thursday at 10 a.m come on i was

13:11Hannah Berner: like and then i'm looking i'm looking and obviously the majority are men and i'm like oh no like the loneliness epidemic how will you guys survive also the smoking of cigars is so funny to me

13:24Paige DeSorbo: like imagine if like the woman's tennis player who won the u.s opens just smoking a cigar on like

13:31Hannah Berner: it's crazy i've never been around a man smoking a cigar until joe it's a culture it's a culture it's a whole thing it's a whole world that i had no idea about men are spending their money on on

13:45Paige DeSorbo: specific weird shit like watches cigars i've also have never really been around someone that golfed as much as joe golfs how do you feel because des is a golfer i always say before you have a family

13:58Hannah Berner: it's quite nice here's my thing with golf and this is like so candid i almost like want to whisper just whisper just whisper just say it here's the thing i don't care when you're golfing i don't care i don't have kids so i don't have to go as hard so you you do and go wherever you want to because i certainly will as well not that's not where my problem lies my problem lies is when you come home I don't need to talk about it I don't need to know how everyone else did I don't need literally Joe texted me the other day he was like I'm playing really bad I texted him back and I go Kim there are people that are dying I go I can your sister's going to jail I like I'm like stop taking selfies of yourself I don't care so that's where and I didn't realize that's what the girls were dealing with I thought that they were like the majority mad that they were leaving at times where it was like I planned something for a Saturday afternoon I didn't realize the other part of it was that you have to talk then talk about it well sometimes they for fun like bet

15:03Paige DeSorbo: money and I know like Des and his friends just for fun will like put five bucks in or whatever so come home he'll be like babe I made$30 today and I'm like I'm wet yeah I'm so wet from this

15:16Hannah Berner: I feel like you liking sports if someone came home and was like great golf story today you would be

15:22Paige DeSorbo: like okay I'll listen the thing also with Des is he does wake up really early like he starts golfing at 7 a.m so by the time he gets home at like 11 I already just had my coffee I'm like excited to see him okay but some men will just like be gone the entire day I just wonder like because I know the men aren't talking about anything interesting so I'm like how are you guys not getting bored also i went to shinnecock which is the practice for the u.s open men's so what's so interesting about golfers as a sports podcast you can't tell who the professional athletes are versus like the coaches the managers the agents walking around because it was like a practice because they all have the same body type like you know when like the basketball team comes in everyone's like the basketball those are the basketball players no one knew who the golfers were it was just a bunch of dudes with pants and collared shirts and some of the agents were more fit than the golfers and i was confused hannah that is so funny i kept like smiling at everyone

16:27Hannah Berner: then i was like who's who so do golfers are they like not working out they don't have like they

16:33Paige DeSorbo: can have guts because they kind of just need power yeah and like they're not burning a whole lot of calories just swinging and then getting in a but then some of them work out a lot and then some of

16:44Hannah Berner: them get injured because they worked out too much interesting like they got too jacked yeah they just have to really like hit it hard also i don't care i was like we've been talking about this way also i don't give a fuck about these guys i also do think that if you wanted to you'd be so good

17:00Paige DeSorbo: at golf because you have a wingspan of like if i wanted to i could but if you wanted to you could wait one more thing about las culturistas yeah one of the more embarrassing things happened to me um instagram like the day before i see a message from matt yeah bowen and you in a group chat yeah and matt said something funny that made us laugh and then i scroll up and i realized like i'd missed all of it so then i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry i missed like the previous conversation then i realized he had added me to an old conversation that you guys had had from when you won cool girl of the year the previous year so then i and i'm like honestly like i know them but i don't know them enough to be like so stupid over dms yeah then i had to be and i can't unsend it right one's on snl i have respect i'm not right so then i'm like over explaining what that i'm then i'm like i'm a fucking idiot i'm so sorry i'll see you guys there and don't tell them don't tell the camera guy that that guy's only job was to record me you and sierra and i was literally being like you're in the wrong place bro also at one point sierra took my scarf almost suffocated me and then started started like swinging it the scarf was actually dangerous at some point it was it was a health hazard

18:31Hannah Berner: at some point yeah my thing when you came and told me that like oh they added me to your original group chat so I could see the previous messages the first thing I thought was what is any girl in high school doing like could you imagine being in high school you're dming with your friend you're talking shit about someone then you guys get into a fight they add the third girl in she sees

18:57Paige DeSorbo: everything you guys have said i'm like no i just need to let people know because well i scrolled up and it was literally matt being like thank you so much for coming and i and i only you responded and i was like oh my god how did i ignore matt and then it was just me being like sorry i don't i

19:12Hannah Berner: didn't know what's going on yeah that's a crazy feature and i didn't know they had that so hannah

19:18Paige DeSorbo: taught me honestly dms are like i don't even know what's going on with dms i still don't know if

19:21Hannah Berner: people can see if i read their dms or not my instagram has a lot of bugs so like i don't really know what's going on i can't see any of my mentions if i click a dm and then i click off of it it deletes it's gone forever so i've been like i've like tried to respond to people and then it's gone so whatever who cares um i canceled my botox appointment for next friday because my mom keeps sending me videos about how it goes right into your brain she said you want to numb your

19:53Paige DeSorbo: brain wait i'm obsessed she's like there's what are those like eating things that eat your brain and an amoeba an amoeba there's amoeba toxins also do you know the difference between dysport botox set of set of phil the way i think about it is they all sound like aliens

20:17Hannah Berner: this is the way i think about it you know a band-aid yeah the brand is band-aid got it that's not a band-aid botox is the brand but there's other ones that do all do the same thing but they're not called botox botox just has the most the best pr i also could have just made that up but i'm pretty sure that's how it is so no i actually don't know the difference between botox and dysport i know that if you metabolize one or the other faster they give you the other one do you think your botox has worn off yet not fully from your lip um not fully how did it affect your mental health it affected my mental health in multiple ways because i waited so long to do it And then I felt like I went against myself because like I was like, you went against your own gut because you felt peer pressured from your own self.

21:22Hannah Berner: And then I hated when then like people would already like comment like, Oh my God, she's gotten so much work done. So then after I got Botox, they were like, well, I know for a fact she gets Botox. I'm like, I haven't had you bitches. Wish I had a surgery on my face. You bitches wish I had a nose drop. But so that like pissed me off.

21:42Paige DeSorbo: I did post a photo I think of when I was little and someone's like I knew you got filler I was like I'm an infant in that photo

21:52Paige DeSorbo: I'm a literal infant child they were like look how small your lips are I'm like I'm just I'm two weeks old if there's one thing I love about summer it's outdoor space sitting outside doing things outside

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23:06Hannah Berner: Head to Wayfair.com right now to get your outdoor space ready for way less. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com.

23:15Paige DeSorbo: Wayfair, every style, every home.

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25:31Paige DeSorbo: Wait, did you watch Maternal Instinct? Now, let me do a warning. I'm not going to say what happened. Okay. This first episode, I'm not going to spoil it and I will give you guys time until Monday to watch it, but then i'm spoiling it because we have to talk about what happens wait there's more than one

25:47Hannah Berner: episode no there's one one one okay yeah it's like an hour and a half i don't want to give the ending away okay yeah because this is a big one this is the kind of thing where you're like yeah this is fucking crazy and then it ends and you're like oh well you're just like it's starting and you're like okay like yeah crazy and then you're like she's not gonna there's no way she there's

26:10Paige DeSorbo: she's not great also like part of me was like how did we go from a to z like there was no reason for it to end the way it did like there's so many levels of crazy and look i hate one thing about me i hate calling a woman crazy this woman is crazy well here's why i think it's so scary when

26:29Hannah Berner: women do evil things because they're smart because they're so smart so like if you have a girl who legitimately hates your stinking guts or like wants to wish harm on you that's one of the scariest things in the world i'd pick a man yeah over a girl who hates me that's why i primarily

26:51Paige DeSorbo: fight with men because knowing a girl hates you you literally are like she could be 10 steps ahead like she she i'm walking into what she wants me to do right now like who knows no they're

27:02Hannah Berner: terrifying dude i just saw a news article in um that like two girls i think it was like downtown it was either downtown new york or like or like over in right in jersey city and it was like two girls got acid thrown on them what yeah just like walking down the street that it was like a targeted attack it was like a guy it was two people on a moped they don't know if it was girls or guys like that is can you stop scaring people sorry people are scary everyone be alert you have to be alert well we've become italian mom she's like once a girl was just just like you no walking down the street seriously hit her in the head no people can get so jealous of you that rather than trying to kill you they just want to like destroy your life it's very scary one thing that made me

27:55Paige DeSorbo: feel good about my enemies was i was getting you know i was getting those quotes and how like your enemies believe in you more than you believe in yourself yeah and i was kind of like holy shit you're my cheerleader you're my everything you're my doctor you're my engineer you're my jaylen

28:08Hannah Berner: brunson yeah but you have like normal enemies i have enemies that are like i'll find where you live

28:16Paige DeSorbo: and i'll find where your cousins live i love how we're debating who has worse enemies oh a kitty just jumped up oh hi kitty um i found out because i'm a scorpio rising someone was like hey scorpio rising people are gonna really fucking hate you like groups of people are gonna come together and be like i don't fuck with her and they're not gonna like you and you either have to accept it and move on or your life's gonna be a living hell and i was like cool cool cool cool glad i saw this tiktok and because you're a leo you like

28:49Hannah Berner: I can't hide yeah and like people just gravitate toward you yeah we have different types of enemies and we trigger different things in people yes and that's why we're best friends yeah wait okay so back to this documentary oh yeah do you want to explain or do you want me to start the one thing I want to say about it and this is why I think that gossip is so important oh yes they were in the smallest town in america and a bunch of people knew this bitch was nuts and no one said anything because they did not want to get involved in like gossip or drama but like it is so important to talk to your friends and be like like no this is what i heard and that bitch is nuts i do think

29:35Paige DeSorbo: it's a red flag when you meet some them someone and they immediately start demonizing someone whether it's a guy demonizing an ex or a or you're someone demonizing a friend like granted there are obviously bad people but when someone goes too hard like i don't like that it should be more like yeah i don't fuck with her but like whatever like i wish her well instead of this okay so this girl she's beautiful she comes she's in the town and she meets poor wade poor wade he just likes the farm he stays busy all day red hair and he's sweet and he's chunky

30:15Hannah Berner: and he's cute and he just like wants to like do country stuff and like yes and his friend what about his friend that was like i don't care what no other folks do i loved that so much i was like i don't care what other folks do no that was iconic he was like i would get the gossip but

30:33Paige DeSorbo: i just live my life and i don't care what's going on but then you know he sat there at the end and was like damn i should have asked one question i should ask two questions maybe oh damn so anyway he has pigs he has a farm and he's just like i'm a hard-working country guy i love when people are from the country and people make fun of new yorkers feeling i'm from new york which is so valid but like country people are like do you like a country song because that's all i'm looking for in a girl would you listen to a country song with me and just sit out by the country and talk about the country and talk about how those city folks are so weird but we got the country we got sunsets yeah and trees so anyway the waves is doing his thing she comes into his life she loves they like it's quick quick and she immediately is like i have a lot of money but i can't get it because of my trust which if i had a nickel if i had a nickel do you remember there was a man in our life that was like i can't get a tattoo or i won't get my trust and we were like that makes sense so she's a combination of a lot of mental illnesses first she's full it's it's very con man things and i do have to say i'm kind of obsessed with con men i'm kind of obsessed because everyone else has to live with the reality and they're like i won't i'm just not and when you believe it yourself that shit's real for you and that's why you don't align with summer

31:56Hannah Berner: house and that's why i told the cameraman to step back no i love people that don't live in reality

32:06Paige DeSorbo: i'm like so she basically is like i'm loaded and i'm getting you a truck because i love you so if you know a country man there's nothing they love more than a truck yeah i told you once i I met these country guys and they're like, we're going to come pick you up in our truck. And I was like, a hub truck? Like, I never know what a truck. I was like, I'm from New York. Like, like, you mean like a moving truck? Like, what do you talk about a truck? Just say SUV. Anyway, so he gets his big truck and then she wants to be sweet with the mom. So she somehow buys the mom this like really nice car. Now the mom, because she's a woman, is like, let's look into this a little.

32:42Paige DeSorbo: Because this is kind of strange that this girl is like a month in buying everyone things. and they're like no one paid for that car and we have to take it back yeah got repossessed within like three weeks you know what it is also with con men they go so crazy that it's like so unrealistic that you can't wrap your head around it because then she goes i want to buy this like 20 million dollar acre farm four million and she sits the whole family down to like present it to them that she's gonna on christmas on christmas and they have footage that's why documentaries is so good nowadays they have footage of everything that's why ben stiller was like

33:17Hannah Berner: at the game with his sideways camera just getting footage i wouldn't have been surprised ben stiller was at their christmas holding his horizontal phone we're about to make history we're about

33:27Paige DeSorbo: to make history and she's telling she's like i found this farm and we're gonna live and everyone's kind of like okay go off like we're proud of you guys have we ever been to oklahoma we've been to oklahoma city okay right right right which is oklahoma but kansas city's not in kansas it's in

33:42Hannah Berner: missouri i digress yeah and you know what and you know what and you know what whoever was going through something on that day that that got named they go you know how we're gonna confuse those

33:55Paige DeSorbo: new yorkers those dumb new yorkers we're gonna call it kansas and missouri not really thrown they'll never find us so then she's like i don't fuck with my mom which look there are people who have bad relationships with their mom totally fine but she's like my mom's trying to steal my trust my mom is the worst person in the world my mom's evil and the mom's nowhere to be found in any event the mom's not invited i thought we were gonna see the mom at some point well finally someone contacts the mom and the mom is basically like that but just crazy yeah she's like but i can't say anything because then i won't be able to see my granddaughter which made so much sense then we find out she has these other former friends do you want to tell them about the former friends no you can keep going okay so these former friends and they because you were on your phone the whole time because i don't quite remember how they knew they were like yeah they were just like friends and one of them gets pregnant and she became obsessed with her

34:58Hannah Berner: pregnancy yes and she was just like she was being so weird i had to distance myself which look i know on this podcast we're all about like pointing out the things that men do and we're like always all for the girls but if you get a gut feeling about a girl that is not being not a girl's girl that is not being like a mean girl if you get a gut feeling about someone nine times out of ten it is right and she basically was like she was being so fucking

35:30Paige DeSorbo: weird about my pregnancy and then she started working for a company and her boss had a daughter who passed away she tells the boss i had a daughter who passed away and they like bond over it the boss somehow finds out she's lying about it also finds out she's never done a slick of work since she's been there like she's just fucking around not doing calls not doing meetings but i guess

35:56Hannah Berner: she's which isn't illegal it's not illegal and also i'm like that's not the bad thing here and that's not why she's a bad person wait hannah and i were on a zoom no i can't go on zooms with you anymore like we actually no i actually that was my worst one that was my worst one i have to pull up your text in hannah and i go I literally don't know what's going on in this zoom and then I said something during the zoom and then I realized that everyone knew I didn't know what was going on because they laughed at me I was said and all I said was I'm so excited and they go they're so on to you like because

36:38Paige DeSorbo: all this stuff happened then you go I I love school like you said something crazy you were like and I said I'm so excited too and they go okay okay I have an earnest question to ask you

36:50Hannah Berner: could you tell that I was online shopping during it no I thought you were gonna text me back but you didn't so like I saw you looking at something and I was like oh obviously something's more important but I didn't obviously didn't know you were online shopping there was but yeah you were

37:05Paige DeSorbo: like I actually have no idea where it's what is going on also you're like obsessed with sending me invisible text messages which is like actually giving me a next level adrenaline hit like now when I see one coming in I'm like oh like I freak out you have certain friend groups in your life that really give actually shout out to all the friend groups that are out here doing the work so that like when you're in your like peaceful era you can like I have a friend her name's Allie

37:35Hannah Berner: and everyone and sometimes me and Hannah will be on the phone and I'll say to Hannah we're we're so we're so vibing and we're so content and we're like wow we're really like working so hard in our lives and like i just like feel real peace right now and i'll say why don't you text ali see if she's got a little something for us ali keeps me fed like to the

37:57Paige DeSorbo: point that she'll tell me something like really upsettingly crazy and i just go i just want you know thank you thank you for making me feel alive in my in my heart and in this moment um so shout

38:08Hannah Berner: to Allie for having fun because like she's single yeah she's she's out there she's in the streets doing work yeah she could have been the Knicks parade today who knows she's everywhere actually one of my girlfriends was at the Knicks parade and she's my friend and I'm like I'll text and be like what are your girlfriends fighting about well I've actually tried to infiltrate her friend

38:28Paige DeSorbo: group too because she hangs out like with the Knicks fans all the time yeah yeah this pod is about us finding other people that have stuff going on and then spilling it on the pot i'm like guys i know a girl you're not gonna believe this but anyway yeah so finally this girl tells wade a little country bumpkin wade that she's pregnant wait i like don't hate the name wade i don't hate it but i don't love it it's giving do it's giving like mormon it's giving like douchey mormon like the cool mormon guy who like if he was in a normal city everyone would be like why does he talk like that but in mormontown they're like it's wade and he's like what's up guys yeah he's like quirky and

39:09Hannah Berner: he's fun yeah he's got like a really good personality but he's not the cutest but his

39:15Paige DeSorbo: girlfriend's gorgeous that's like wade from utah yeah yeah also why is his name dakota like no one addresses it the whole no one's ever said hey how do we get here well because you're saying because you think that's a girl's name no just because i like that's the kind of thing you say give me the backstory yeah like you don't just let someone say my name is dakota and you go oh

39:41Hannah Berner: obviously no i need to be with you the next time you say to someone and why don't you give me the backstory on that one because there's got to be something here no one's just no one's just at the hospital saying honey what about dakota well this is the thing about dakota on mormon housewives

39:58Paige DeSorbo: literally takes till the reunion for him to be like by the way i was on heroin for 10 years and we're like we don't talk about that i'm like this is a huge part of why he's brain dead and no one talks about it i'm like the guy has been struggling in active addiction and everyone's just like well

40:12Hannah Berner: i think he he's trying to survive yeah but he's also the worst and he's the worst there's nothing i love more than seeing someone come into my home and see that i have honest flushable wipes in the bathroom because honestly anything can happen in there and I feel confident knowing Honest can handle it. I always keep them stocked because they make me feel so much cleaner and more comfortable than just regular toilet paper and I love that they're safe for my sensitive areas and safe to flush so I don't have to worry about my pipes either. What really makes Honest Flushable Wipes different is that they're made with a plant-based cloth so you're not just putting anything on your body.

40:49Hannah Berner: They're super gentle, durable, and honestly just make such a difference in your routine. So whether it's for your guests or just everyday use, they're one of those things that once you try them, you just can't go back. You can grab Honest Flushable Wipes at Walmart, Target, and Amazon. This episode of Giggly Squad is brought to you by FIFA World Cup meal at McDonald's. World Cup season just got a whole lot more fun. Right now at McDonald's, when you order the FIFA World Cup meal, you get one of nine legendary collectible cups. And we're talking legends. Christian Polisic, David Beckham, Thierry Henry, Alfonso Davies, and everyone's favorite purple player, Grimace.

41:29Hannah Berner: The girlies are collecting all nine and that is final. Order the FIFA World Cup meal at McDonald's all tournament long this summer and see which legend you get. There are nine cups total so you have a very good excuse to keep going back. We will be there every week. At participating McDonald's for a limited time while supplies last, all rights reserved 2026, McDonald's at FIFA World Cup 2026. This episode of Giggly Squad is sponsored by Haagen-Dazs. You know that feeling when you've been going non-stop and you finally just sit down and everything gets quiet for a second? That's the energy Haagen-Dazs is giving and I'm so here for it.

42:09Hannah Berner: They just dropped a brand new flavor made to be savored. There's the new coffee almond toffee ice cream. It's Brazilian coffee ice cream, buttery toffee pieces, crunchy California almonds. The coffee ice cream is deep, smooth, and toffee brings the warm buttery sweetness and the almonds give you that satisfying crunch with every spoonful. It's the kind of thing you have to slow down for because you actually want to taste all of it. And that's the whole thing about Haagen-Dazs. It's rich, smooth, creamy ice cream that's genuinely too good to rush through. A moment that's just for you. Take your sweet time.

42:45Hannah Berner: That's Da's. Find Haagen-Dazs new coffee, almond toffee ice cream at retailers nationwide.

42:51Paige DeSorbo: As you guys know, butter is my literal everything. I would do anything for her and I would do anything to extend her life. Okay. I can't even look at her and think about that. She's eight years old right now. No, I don't even like to think of her age ever. Anyway, then I discovered Smalls. Smalls is a fresh cat food brand made for cats and only cats. It's high in protein, low in carbs, high in moisture, mimicking what cats eat in the wild and supporting their overall health. Because more years isn't enough, I want them to live their best lives. So if I can make sure that Butter's nutrition is at its best, that's the least I can do as a mother.

43:29Paige DeSorbo: Butter loves her Smalls. I give it to her in the morning and night and snacks. And for a limited time, get 60 % off your first order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash giggle. That's smalls.com promo code giggle for 60 % off your first order. That's a lot, guys. Go feed your kitties. But anyway, so she says, Wade, my country bumpkin, Wade, I'm pregnant. And he's like, I didn't really want a daughter, but here we are. It's a whatever. But then she starts doing the thing where she's like, you can't come to this. you can't come to the doctor with me you she sends a ultrasound to someone that and the date is 2016 and the lady they just met this girl so they're they're like questioning everything so they they tell her hey why is it say 2016 she immediately responds and is like oh there was a

44:25Hannah Berner: mistake at the hospital this happens because it's like 2019 right i think it was after covid it was

44:32Paige DeSorbo: maybe i don't know but it was past 2016 so she's she's being a little sloppy so people are kind of on to her and then some photos she looks pregnant some she doesn't she does a whole photo shoot with a fake belly and the craziest thing about it is wade has never seen her stomach he's like she doesn't let me touch her she doesn't let me have sex with her how is there not one moment in those nine months that he was like can i see the baby's stomach they didn't have sex for nine months yeah wade's like she's not letting me touch her because she's insecure because she's she's pregnant and i respect her space i'm like she's just eating a lot of cheetos at what point

45:15Hannah Berner: are you not having sex with your husband where like then you're saying something like how long are you going before you're like oh we should talk about this yeah nine months no no that's crazy

45:32Paige DeSorbo: that's crazy Wade is busy on the farm Wade's been on the farm and I think I'm going a month tops well he said she would just like go in the bathroom and like put the shower on and then be like on her computer like making up lies but also in the meantime she had to make money so what she did was she became a photographer and she became a wedding photographer sometimes i sometimes when

45:54Hannah Berner: you describe what happens in documentaries i i think did i watch this that's like when grace

46:03Paige DeSorbo: posts memes from the episode and literally you say things i'm like i never heard her say that like the funniest line in the world i'm like i wasn't there for that i didn't don't hear your

46:13Hannah Berner: comeback if someone calls me after we record giggly squad and says like oh would you talk

46:17Paige DeSorbo: about on giggly squad i go i have no idea no grace is like what should we title this and i was like what i don't remember one word that we said like not one topic um so she does this she and she meets this family and she shoots their wedding and it's and i guess shortly thereafter the bride gets pregnant and they like stayed in touch a little bit so she's pregnant this one's saying she's pregnant and then everyone who's doubting her pregnancy is like okay like what is she gonna

46:53Hannah Berner: do it's like seven months eight months we're nearing the due date due date happens and i think

47:00Paige DeSorbo: she was apparently googling like where to adopt a brand new baby like you could uber eats one literally she was like fresh baby near me like and i guess she was trying to guess who knows but Like, how do you go nine months without at least like having a plan of that? I don't know. But the crazy thing with this documentary is it starts with her in a car getting stopped by the cops saying, I just had a baby in my car. Now, I'm not going to tell you guys any more information because I don't want to give it away. But shit gets really fucking crazy. Yeah. And I, you know, guys know I don't want to drop an F-bomb for no reason.

47:40Paige DeSorbo: That was worth it.

47:41Hannah Berner: one thing i will say about the documentary all the moms that are in it that are like the the talking heads that are like explaining the story to you are all the most like so like when the girls were speaking the women i had to turn the tv up because everyone was so soft-spoken like wade's mom obsessed i love wade's mom wade's mom and then wade's mom's friend who was like something's going on here i'm gonna figure it out imagine being soft-spoken maybe people would listen to me more imagine not having the sound of a of your voice just be nails on a chalkboard to some people like sometimes like okay sometimes like our clips on tiktok from the pod will be like posted by like some random account like not us it'll be like a random clip they took from the pod and there will be a rogue comment with of someone who has no idea who we are just like horrible voices how do you listen like and i'm just like valid like you know what i feel like our voices our voices aren't that bad no but like everybody hates their own voice i feel like so when you see a comment like her voice sucks you're like nine like okay that's why we change our

48:57Paige DeSorbo: voices sometimes i also posted on my i'm gonna start posting on my instagram stories more often like the docs i'm watching so people because people get annoyed when they're like hannah we don't know what you're watching and then you tell it so i posted also there's this you i don't know you might like it's a model cult in new york city um on hbo and it was about like this guy who was an astrologist psychic like former model who was obsessed with beautiful things and beautiful people and he just wanted a cult of like really beautiful people around him so just like that's just a

49:29Hannah Berner: promoter that's a club promoter that's a literal club promoter he literally was a club that's any

49:36Paige DeSorbo: guy you meet that's like i work in nightlife literally and this guy becomes like one of the biggest models in the world and he gave all his money to him um that's what they get you with the cults like somehow they convince everyone to give them their money so speaking of cults are you done with secret lives of mormon wives i have like six more episodes left right now oh my god taylor's like just slept with dakota and she's like preparing for the bachelorette oh i'm sorry that you're almost done but i didn't realize that whole season is so like about leading up to the

50:13Hannah Berner: bachelorette you felt more awful for her that they didn't air it because watching her him so strategically like sleep with her before and but that's the problem of getting in bed with someone

50:25Paige DeSorbo: like if they're your actual op yeah like they have everything on you and they can use it against you so it's like do you want someone who protects you from your darkness or brings it to the light why did that become a spell

50:43Paige DeSorbo: but i also realized these poor girls they didn't get breaks from filming no they went right into

50:49Hannah Berner: it i was just gonna say that so they're not they haven't filmed another season yet well i think

50:53Paige DeSorbo: for their sanity that will be really good but i i really think like that's why the seasons are so good because they didn't take breaks so you know when like you watch seasons of a tv show and you're like that was a different director on that one or like because it was all the same like it all felt

51:08Hannah Berner: like every season was equal to me well now that love island is such a huge phenomenon both in america and like there's franchises all over the world it makes it annoying to watch reality tv months and months later because of social media so you know so much more where it's like okay you they have the capabilities of being able to watch it somewhat in real time because i think mormon wives tried to do it they did it the closest i've seen in a while like they filmed and then it was

51:40Paige DeSorbo: out and you were like that was really fast but i do have to say competition shows the storylines are easier it's like these people say these people go where these shows they have to like create narratives i mean we do know that they edit as they see what the fandom says like they change narratives so like that is kind of doing it but oh these editors are like

52:05Hannah Berner: yeah it would be i think it would make more shows real because they couldn't go back and be like let's actually not even include that in that episode because that will make her point in a later episode valid and we can't have that that's crazy why would we have that

52:25Paige DeSorbo: also one thing about swig if you guys don't know what swig is it's this like soda company where they put like milk and shit in it and like that's i never get that milk part of it but no but my question is how sweet is that they're like yeah no you would die even when people put one vanilla like thing in an espresso or a latte i'm like i feel like you once last time you had a sip of coca-cola oh i don't i don't really dabble but even like a sepski yeah i'll have a sip

52:57Hannah Berner: yeah but you're never like drinking a full if you're getting a carbonated or like a soda you're

53:03Paige DeSorbo: never drinking i've ever drank a full coke because my mom's a dietician she was like your teeth are gonna oh my god that's not my vice that's why you don't break out whitney and i did ketamine once no but oh my god i went you know some coffee shops the caffeine just hits differently yeah i went to a coffee shop yesterday and all i wanted to do was start my day right and i got two shots of espresso in a chai latte i was being a little crazy that's crazy for you i know but like nothing that should send me to the hospital when i tell you i was yeah out of your skin i was laying in the bathroom Hannah two shots of espresso is insane Paige i got home like i lying in the bathroom butters looking at me and i was like i was like getting my affairs in order sweating sweating shitting myself getting up dizzy walking into walls that was my whole morning when was this yesterday what time of day like i battle things that i sometimes don't i can't keep you up with everything because sometimes i want to protect you

54:12Hannah Berner: well you want to know what we talked a lot this week we did and actually but you've been good

54:17Paige DeSorbo: because we'll start really gabbing and you go we need to save for the pod and we'll just hang up

54:21Hannah Berner: on each other no we had that the other night we had to hang up because i could have kept going

54:25Paige DeSorbo: yeah um hot take i actually am really liking dogs right now that have like eyebrows well they have a story to tell you know they could be the narrator of a hit netflix show you

54:41Hannah Berner: know like they they have an aesthetic they have a vibe he's a depper man yeah like i love a dog with an accessory yeah like he literally got his brows done like a golden retriever wearing a pair of goggles yeah i'm in i'm not a monster okay i'm not a monster but am i taking it home with me

55:04Paige DeSorbo: a distinguished gentleman with his eyebrows and then they look like they're judging you sometimes

55:09Hannah Berner: they're like oh and i'm like i love that yeah like german shepherds german shepherds have jobs They work for the police. Like they pay taxes.

55:18Paige DeSorbo: And they love working. Like they wake up and they're like, let me work. Where cats are like, I don't know your name. I didn't sign up for this. Someone said like literally you never tell your cat what to do. And it's so true.

55:31Hannah Berner: You know what's funny about having a cat is I do feel like it is any pet really. It is like a little bit of a precursor to kids. Not that it's comparable at all. but like i can imagine when you're trying to like reverse psychology a child like when i want kitty to stay in the room like i have to reverse psychology her as if like i'm not gonna shut the door so i mean i'm just gonna like walk over here and then she comes in and i'm like gotcha and like i am shutting the door so that you can't leave there is a lot of where like with dogs i feel like you can just be like come sit shut up no the second the cat knows you want them to come

56:10Paige DeSorbo: they're like suddenly i'm not in the mood yeah and i'm like and then i'm looking around and then

56:14Hannah Berner: she's looking the amount of times that me and daphne are home alone looking around

56:22Paige DeSorbo: would send you that would be astonishing also because cats have like um ways that they do things like rituals and routines so like butter doesn't just sit on my shoulder she does a whole like pretends like she's not going to then she comes back in and then she they're performers not that giggly squad is called the culture however there's a movie coming out of it's basically like a cat godfather movie like it's a cat mafia movie and i was like this could not be more giggly squad coded it's a bunch of cats in the mob did you see it yeah i almost felt like

56:57Hannah Berner: give us a producer credit i literally i go how about a producer credit i go italian cats we are mafia cats like i actually got like a little annoyed when i watched the trailer i was like okay so you guys listen to giggly squad just say it they were like what if we get a bunch of cute

57:15Paige DeSorbo: cats who are also italian and want revenge on each other yeah perfect i'm like wait so the whole theme is revenge okay okay but also i feel like i need to watch it that should make me laugh so anyway final thought yeah big glasses big sunglasses are back i'm not happy because i have a small head even though my personality looks like i have a big head i actually have a small head not to brag don't be jealous but like i can't pull off big glasses i look like

57:43Hannah Berner: a mosquito you can hannah you can i like little cunty ones really because i feel like you would love the big ones if you got a good pair of big ones because you can hide your whole face with them like no it's so nice like in the morning when you're like i'm walking to get my coffee and you're like i'm not trying to interact with anyone it's like yeah yeah my glasses on you just

58:03Paige DeSorbo: feel like paris hilton after a night out trying to get away from the paparazzi it's like what a

58:08Hannah Berner: mask was in 2020 oh but the other end of your face it's just like please i can't right now we

58:14Paige DeSorbo: can't speak i have my big glasses on what glasses are you bringing to italy because i know you lost one of your glasses and i wasn't gonna bring it up and i held it for the whole pod i did lose a

58:25Hannah Berner: pair of my glasses and i reordered them they actually got delivered this morning because i hate losing things yeah i'm doing all my italy packing next week i can't even think of it i can't i can't talk about that right i can't i can't well we love you guys have the best weekend ever

58:41Paige DeSorbo: thanks for giggling with us and we'll talk to you later bye

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59:21Paige DeSorbo: sun's out so dads are too this father's day at lowe's shop the gear that'll make his summer get two free select dewalt power tools when you buy a select 5 amp hour battery kit for weekends in the garage plus get a free blackstone six-piece stainless steel griddle kit when you buy a select blackstone griddle our best lineup is here at lowe's valid through 624 while supplies last selection varies by location Thank you.