Giggling about crushes, conjugal visits, and kalteen bars

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1:17Hannah Berner: I mean, the day just got away from me.

1:20Gabby Lampert: Hello, my grizzly gigglers. Wait, I need to get my phone. Oh, my God. well because i just like i have things i have oh you do well i have notes and stuff i was i was in the car um on the way to the teen vogue party sorry i just love saying what is that so linda gomez is like oh my god a little blew my hair on the way to the teen vogue party we messed up yeah

1:42Hannah Berner: we messed up today first of all this is what we get wait first of all i'm wearing a ysl windbreaker

1:46Gabby Lampert: first of all like everywhere you walk today you got a compliment also her hair is tucked in like mary kate ashley olsen she's obsessed with herself but you also don't feel like talking

1:57Hannah Berner: you just want people to look at you today yeah i wish i like i feel like my voice is different i'm like like it's it's smaller it is crazy not to defend you and your obsession with outfits but

2:08Gabby Lampert: the right outfit really makes you feel like it's not good that girl no in a good way okay the right

2:14Hannah Berner: outfit makes you like believe in yourself yeah but the wrong outfit ruin cancel everything i've like broken up with boyfriends i'm like i just can't i'm overstimulated and my outfit sucks

2:25Gabby Lampert: and everybody knows it you walk in and i'm like everyone's whispering about my outfit that's actually happened to me though that's in your head that's my reality today me and hannah went shopping this morning what can i just say yeah not to get deep but i feel like me and you have like never been more in love with each other yeah we're like obsessed with each other we're so close like like on a soul sister level right now and we've been like making time for each other which we've never done the other day you said to me if i wanted to stop being your friend i could have years ago no i was just saying that we've chosen we've chosen each other like no one forced us to be friends each other yes i mean people forced us to possibly not be friends at some point and we we fought against that we we rose above we rectified i don't know if that was the right word but yesterday you're like let's go to dinner yeah now let me just say you ordered wine i was feeling crazy crazy and then i got scared i didn't want to order wine but i saw they had a coconut drink one thing about me i love a coconut drink but it came in a full coconut and let me just tell you it's very hard to have serious adult

3:42Hannah Berner: conversations while you're holding a full coconut no we were the video of like the waiter coming over at the most horrible point and he sees me with a coconut he thinks it's an easy he thinks it's fun it's like it's like and she's like and then when the lawsuit got involved she's and then she lost all her children so anyway i'm sending a cease and desist

4:06Gabby Lampert: and also this wasn't just like any coconut it was like a pumpkin yeah it was massive at one point everyone was talking at the dinner and i go i'm holding the coconut i'm speaking unless you have the coconut in your hands you can't speak that was the funniest joke of the whole night i know actually i didn't even talk that much last night which i'm proud of myself because sometimes in a group dinner i don't know how much to talk i feel like i talked the right amount like i left the dinner being like i didn't over great performance and i had some of the like top hits of the night you did you you had the i got like two applause breaks yeah you had laugh breaks me and des

4:42Hannah Berner: monopolized the whole conversation i was obsessed with you and des because you're very powerful

4:47Gabby Lampert: separate but when you're together you're like too powerful and you were like scorpion being it well

4:52Hannah Berner: we were also sitting across from each other so it was like i could only look at him truly and so i

4:58Gabby Lampert: was just like page is fully interrogating des i'm drinking from my coconut and it was getting kind of it was like like barbara walters were deep well because des has so many great stories but then it made me laugh you were you waited till i was married to a man for four years before you changed his you like put his name in your phone yeah and that's so fucking real yeah i like just

5:19Hannah Berner: recently saved it like not that long ago it's true like and it went to like i had it saved but it was like des hannah's boyfriend summer like i have to write all these and then it became des bishop as of late because i was like yeah he he's a person and i should recognize that once the

5:40Gabby Lampert: marriage is like four years and it was a little bit of a covid meeting i understand i can't believe

5:43Hannah Berner: you're married for four years like i feel like my parents will go out and like like my mom is me like so i know like when she goes my favorite time of year is like my mom's my dad's high school reunion it's like oh my god like I can't not my mom's high school reunion like different my dad like when he has one I'm like we're picking out her outfit we're like it's just like a whole thing but I feel like when my parents talk about like going out and like they've always had good social lives like even when I was younger they would always go out to dinner like with someone Saturday nights that's so funny then like for the longest they didn't I feel like that was like when I was like middle school high school and now that like they were stressed about you god forbid they left you'd get a tongue piercing but now that they're like in their 60s I feel like they like

6:31Gabby Lampert: socialize more than ever yeah and like my parents are partying yeah and like my mom will call me

6:37Hannah Berner: and like we talk like girls you know and she'll be like and I feel like she was like hitting on your dad so obviously like I had to go over and be like hello and I'm like stand up for yourself right and she was like and you know dad he always plays dumb I'm like and I hate when he does that so like I feel like as like you will always have a crush it's the people that take the crush to the

6:58Gabby Lampert: next level I remember the first time I realized my dad realized another man was hitting on my mom and I was like so proud of my mom I was like good make dad jealous yeah I'll never forget one time

7:09Hannah Berner: I went out with my parents and we were in Saratoga and we went to there's like after you go to the racetrack there's like a couple bars that you go to that are like honestly dirty like it's like you're in the dirt but everyone's dressed up and like drinking from plastic cups but it's just like the vibe and so there's one that's like a little more adult called zeroes and then there's another one that's like a little bit more rambunctious and this is your like home court it's like my home court like if you go to the one it's like full high school reunion so like i avoid it

7:41Gabby Lampert: sometimes because I'm like who knows I'm obsessed with small town stuff like this yeah I feel like I

7:46Hannah Berner: did kind of have like a small town but it's like you knew everyone there and I'm and this was like right when I turned 21 and like would go out with my brother there were times where we'd be like let's bring mom and dad and we would go to like a dinner or something but anyway so we're at this bar and this guy's walking up to me and like my parents are behind me and I'm like oh my god like this guy's walking up to me he's gonna be like hitting on me in front of my parents like This is like so embarrassing, but like he was hot. So I was like, well, they're going to have to deal with it. Like, look alive, dad.

8:16Hannah Berner: And this guy comes up to me and he's chatting me up and we're like chatting. And he goes, and the woman behind you, who is that? And I'm like looking around and I like see my mom and I'm like, who's behind me? And he's like, the woman like wearing black. I'm like, my mom. And he's like, well, sorry, I didn't know it was your mom. Like, is she single? And I was like, my dad is like right here. and it scarred me so i was like disgusted i was so i was like this is the worst thing ever see

8:48Gabby Lampert: every guy's obsessed with my mom welcome to my life yeah every guy i've ever dated after they meet my mom they go wait so your mom's you except she like has her shit together yeah mine's the

9:00Hannah Berner: opposite every guy i've ever dated hates my mom i'm like because she calls you on your bullshit my mom literally one time said to a boyfriend were you a fat child and now like you think you know how the conversation is gonna go after that like because it's just so awkward but kim is a silent killer like that'll be the only thing she says the whole night no i know for a fact that man thought about it three weeks later and was like what'd she mean by that and i was like she meant what she asked and he was like i actually was and she goes yeah you act like it and i was like oh my god because honestly he was like so crazy about things i ate and she didn't like that no my mom oh i had one of those guys yeah and so she called him out without calling him out like my don't project your shit on my daughter she can eat

9:47Gabby Lampert: whatever she wants oh my god my my mom and i had the same thing and i said he wants to help me be a fitness model and she said you're eating pasta yeah guys would like go to my mom's house and be like it's so clean and i'm like yeah my mom's really clean yeah and then she'd like you know she just is fully domesticated while also being successful while also being beautiful and they were like so you're missing a couple so do you think this will come with age or also by the way when we go off about our moms and parents on this podcast i always get a call i got a call actually yesterday being like hey um some of the stories you told not true embellished first of all i didn't dress you before you went to school you know when you were telling that story i thought i don't know if lenore would have done that i didn't put you in jeans to bed she goes that was when you were an infant and i was like okay why did i think i was 17 when you did that and she was like yeah so sorry i thought that was before a tennis match in college also apparently my dad dropped her off to a date to break up with the guy but then like it's okay what are they gonna sue us anyway I gotta see some of this from my mom again my mom is like I'm laughing so hard listening to you like almost get it right like it's so close like your heart is there yeah um no I every now and then too like parents are crazy like she's like I got a Facebook message from like my middle school boyfriend and I'm like I'll kill him no that's

11:12Hannah Berner: so insane yeah it's so insane to think like well because here's the other thing at some point your spouse passes away i'm very aware and i'm like who's checking in when i first get single and i'm like 75 and i still look good well one of the most fun things

11:32Gabby Lampert: about getting married is like first of all you're unavailable to everyone so you feel like around men you're just so calm yeah even if they don't like you they start liking you because they know you're unavailable well you take away the whole like all the time i used to stress about my crushes which was a lot I'm not pretending I was fully boy crazy yeah now I spend it stressing out about other things which has as a result has helped my career no that is so beautiful so like when you're when I was single I deal with so much bullshit with the dating which we all do and now my bullshit is in other things I'm not saying like I'm happier it's just relationships cause me no drama anymore that's nice it's like it's just very calm and I hate to say it I used to call my mom for everything and now i have des lenore if you're listening to this no but now lenore can have her own life like lenore has a sewing club she's in right historical society she's actually she's very busy wait what is the historical society like what is she doing she giving tours oh my god there's a house on shelter island shout out historical society and she loves history and actually i don't know what those are so you're gonna have to call her an ass um next there's this old house from like i don't even want to say a date because i'll get it wrong but like i don't know 1700s and they preserved outfits that they found wow and they dress up people in there you would have loved wait i love stuff like that the outfits like that but like then i was like on halloween like that shit's

13:01Hannah Berner: haunted that's scary no i love like a mansion tour of like i was just gonna say jg wentworth why did that pop into my head um like like the vanderbilt or something like my mom used to make us do that so much when we were little and i go to like historical things yeah like go to like

13:20Gabby Lampert: different like tours of things i was so annoying on tours because you know when they were like does anyone have any questions i was like it's my time to shine which is so crazy that we're best friends because i'm just like i rather puke oh i'm such a leo son that like when it wasn't about me I was like well someone needs to hear from me even like when we're on zooms and it's

13:41Hannah Berner: not like we're like we're insane on well it's like I don't feel bad not asking a question because it's not like I'm like interviewing for a job or something it's like people are explaining stuff and then like they're always like do you have any questions after and half the time I wasn't even listening because I'm like someone is gonna call me after to talk about this anyway and give me the spark notes but like i would die sometimes i have a question but i feel like we've

14:08Gabby Lampert: helped each other like you have a calmness to you like i'll start a call and i'm like yeah it's because i'm not listening and you're just you're spaced out i don't know you're actually i'm disassociated so then then i like to ask questions but i like to wait for you to ask the one question which is normally like who are you people well i always feel like you're gonna answer

14:31Hannah Berner: you're gonna ask the question that I would have so I'm like I don't actually have to do it because she's gonna do it and that's why we work well together wait I had a giggler dm me because we were talking about my or what our big three were the other day and I just found it interesting because a lot of girls are like wait I have your exact yours yeah what did they say um her name is Taylor underscore astrology she said giggler here random astrology thought after you mentioned not identifying with Aquarius rising on the pod. Sometimes the rising sign is more how other people experience us than how we feel inside.

15:06Hannah Berner: I actually see Aquarius in you in a really cool way. You're always ahead of trends, very innovative, Daphne pajamas, that double as an outfit is very Aquarius. You're quick with observational humor and you're great at stepping back and reading group dynamics. Aquarius has the ability to detach and see things from a bird's eye view, which can be as helpful balance for Scorpio sun and Pisces moon like a mental zoom out button when the water gets intense also Aquarius tends to enjoy others who beat to their own drum aka might be a little quirky and I just thought that was sweet wait you're talking about me yeah I'm

15:44Gabby Lampert: obsessed with that because I just went on TikTok you do beat to your own drum well I just got this is what comes with my algorithm me because I'm too weird for the popular girls and too popular for the weird girls and I go that's weird so I go into the comments and everyone goes someone goes Scorpio rising core and then someone goes Leo sun Scorpio rising and that's me and I was like oh it's literally me so astrologically things are going well thank god and it's all that is I don't go fuck I care so much about astrology I don't go I love it me too it's just because

16:17Hannah Berner: it's branded as women and that's why people are like grow up did you see doja cat did you see it

16:27Gabby Lampert: or you're just laughing at the segue well i love that doja cat you won't hear from here for months and then she'll come out with like the craziest quote and then get herself into a drama that she never had to be involved in like she was at peace but she's like i want to know what her chart is

16:41Hannah Berner: yeah i would love to know what her chart is what did she do she basically did like a full When she said the whole thing about Timothee Chalamet and was like about the ballet and the, what was it? The opera. I guess Kylie Jenner had commented her Insta or her TikTok, wherever she had posted it. And Kylie said, calm down, LOL. And so then, I don't know if this is why Doja Cat didn't end an apology. But then like seemingly a couple hours later, she did like an apology. And the apology was, I have to admit, I've never been to the ballet and I've never been to the opera. and wait I actually screenshotted it because I thought it was so interesting what she actually said and she basically said that she did it for clicks and I think she felt guilty because she

17:27Gabby Lampert: realized in a second ago it could have been her saying something that everyone was jumping on and

17:31Hannah Berner: she felt bad so I think she was trying to like fix her karma I've never been to the ballet I've never seen an opera and took it upon myself yesterday to kind of give it to the man because there is a culture there is culture based around outrage what i was doing yesterday was virtue signaling because i wanted to connect and i knew that timothy timothy's goof up was something that i could leverage in order for people to connect with me it's a modern way to garner clicks likes approval and kinds of things like that i'm actually obsessed with her she kind of did not intentionally but unintentionally did a social experiment and just proved that like Like, I mean, I feel like because we're from reality TV, we can see it so clearly that like one person can mess up and it could be like maybe not that bad.

18:17Hannah Berner: And then but people just feel part of a group when they like pile on top of that person.

18:23Gabby Lampert: Also, when someone does something wrong, your algorithm will be full of people that agree with you, agree with you. And also you get the most clicks when you're speaking on an issue that's like hating on someone.

18:37Hannah Berner: That's why like I don't understand how anyone's taking anyone seriously. That's like I ask chat GPT all my questions. It's like. OK, but it's programs who like eventually start agreeing with you.

18:52Gabby Lampert: It's very strange.

18:53Hannah Berner: It's very strange. I'm like, I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone. I'm like, what are you talking about?

18:57Gabby Lampert: For everyone online who's like their job is like calling people out and critiquing.

19:01Hannah Berner: Whose job is that?

19:03Gabby Lampert: Well, like some like some people. Oh, like some like. just like tea and that's because they want their own fame yeah like no one actually I'm gonna be

19:12Hannah Berner: honest I didn't like I had to reread virtue signal I mean it was like what does that mean

19:17Gabby Lampert: I think she's saying like she was pretending that she like really cared about the art of it but then she knows deep down she feels she doesn't feel a type of way about it she just wanted

19:26Hannah Berner: attention and then I think she felt guilty some people are like wait what other comments are like she's playing 4d chess yeah like people should be as self-aware as her just interesting yeah

19:37Gabby Lampert: it's funny because if you think of whenever anyone posts something there's always a reason they want to make someone jealous they want to make someone laugh sometimes they want views and i know as a content creator sometimes i'm like okay what do people want to see if i wanted views whatever drama is going on i could just give my take on it right that's how i actually would get views but I don't want to be a part of that anger economy I post to look at myself I know I watch it

20:03Hannah Berner: I look at you look at yourself I'm posting today because I want to see this outfit on a big screen

20:07Gabby Lampert: next time you post something online figure out like why you're doing it and make sure there's good karma behind it because that shit bites you in the ass yeah there's no denying that we're at

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22:29Gabby Lampert: Are you aware of the David protein drama? No. Oh my god, you'd love this. What? Okay, I'm gonna butcher this.

22:37Hannah Berner: I'm not big in the protein community.

22:40Gabby Lampert: day i get so many memes that are like the world's falling apart but at least we have protein popcorn

22:44Hannah Berner: yeah it's just like everything has protein in it and i'm like how much was i lacking it's a like i like oh my god you guys are really serious it's a trend i think because a lot of people are

22:54Gabby Lampert: on glp ones and when you're not eating a lot you're not getting enough protein got it i just

23:00Hannah Berner: saw a thing that said that they were like doing studies and like ozempic is like making your bones

23:06Gabby Lampert: brittle yeah well i think if you overdo anything it's bad but i haven't done the science on it all however thank god but everyone wait i'll do the science eventually and i'll let you know my report as a woman in stem so i'm very into protein bars i love a bar yeah it's my thing oh my god i've been well as a tennis player so you've been hiding this from me in my bag right now like i always

23:31Hannah Berner: have protein bar just in case i get hungry are you doing protein powders at home no no no no it's strictly just a bar protein bar okay and what's your bar of choice right now i really like those

23:44Gabby Lampert: bearbell proteins it's always normally like a peanut butter remember when you're totally um

23:51Hannah Berner: what are the bars from calteen bars remember you totally calteen barred me on tour so i um

23:58Gabby Lampert: um there's this thing called perfect bars and they're perfect they're perfect and they just taste like you're eating peanut butter they're like 400 calories it's like a meal replacement and i told you once like in the airport you were like hey those are really good you should get them because sometimes in the morning i don't want a full breakfast i'll have one of these

24:13Hannah Berner: and i'm like this is a minuscule little bar this is amazing i'm gonna eat these all day long and i'm eating them and hannah's like how many have you had and i'm like i don't know and she's Like those are 400 calories each. I'm like, are you trying to move me up a weight class? Are you kidding? I go on this tour, we got to be sturdy. You got to pick up your luggage. I'm like, I'm literally disassociating from the world on this tour. Well, you're going to die.

24:40Gabby Lampert: And I'm going to get this wrong. But there's this thing called David Protein Bars. Okay. You might've seen them around. They're the guys who did RX Bars. RX Bars were the ones that are like, no. Oh, yeah. Wait, I didn't realize that I know so much about protein bars. What is this documentary? And you may have heard of David. You ever see the bars that say no BS on them? No. Oh, my God. Oh, yes, yes, yes. And it's like dates. Egg. I'm like, fuck you. And a nickel. That's like all that's in it. It's like cardboard and egg. At least we tell you what's in it. So I think they sold that for a lot of money.

25:16Gabby Lampert: Okay. And then something kind of sketchy happened. we're not done in the protein space something sketchy happened where they somehow claimed that a certain way they make their protein they like own it and that other protein bars can't do it so they basically were trying to take over the protein space by saying like we've um clothing

25:38Hannah Berner: lines have that too like we've we've made this whipped fabric yeah no one can use yeah no one

25:43Gabby Lampert: can use it so that was weird but this was being dealt with but then it comes out that they've been saying that it's like only 150 calories and a report comes out saying that their bars are actually 250 calories and people are losing their fucking mind who's doing these like independent studies someone was just like i've got a hunch i have no idea what my sources are but all i know is someone was like hey we tested it and the calories aren't also how does anyone tests calories like how did so people are freaking out they're like this is calteen bars that's it seems illegal well but then david just came back i don't think his name's david i don't

26:22Hannah Berner: know is he the actual mr david has come back and he's they're like actually you tested it wrong

26:28Gabby Lampert: but it's gotten all blurry and people are a gasp people are oh my god i would be and the protein community is like the macros didn't make sense this is weird so at the end of the day one thing my mom who's a dietician told me is just eat real food yeah when in doubt just eat real food if you're like should i have this fiber bar should i have this protein bar eat a fruit eat a vegetable and let's move on yeah so anyway watch out for that wow

26:57Hannah Berner: i didn't expect i was i didn't expect coming in today yeah to get like the workout protein lore yeah speaking of food um did you see the mcdonald's ceo like taking a bite of like advertising the like new burger and everyone's like he couldn't bite it wait i saw it i couldn't

27:19Gabby Lampert: there's so much content i can't get myself to actually watch but here's what i found interesting about it and not even that like not even that like he didn't do it like a normal bite

27:28Hannah Berner: he like bit it as if he didn't want to eat it and that's billionaires don't know how to act as humans well here's my thing why do we give a fuck about the mcdonald's ceo like biting the burger i don't care what's in it i truly don't i'm gonna buy it yeah i don't need i actually don't if there's one thing on the planet i don't need you to sell me it's mcdonald's it's i'm gonna get it

27:53Gabby Lampert: if there's one person who's not the mcdonald's demo it's the billionaire ceo i mean it's just like i don't even know like i don't know what that meant but i also do you remember there was a kim k ad where she got in trouble where they were like she next she baited down on that like it was some vegan burger she was promoting yes and they were coming for her with that it was like beyond burger yeah but also when you shoot these commercials you have to do it like 800 times so she probably was like i'm not i can't eat it i can't keep eating this um i think if i've ever had to eat something like on a shoot my biggest pet peeve is when there's a commercial where someone's like drinking water and you could tell there's nothing in the water bottle and they're fake swallowing

28:30Hannah Berner: everybody pisses me off i'm like got ya or like sometimes when i'm watching tv shows i'm like what do they have in place of the alcohol uh apple juice yeah like what's in place of certain

28:42Gabby Lampert: things champagne is apple juice the little sparkling water water i think i believe you are

28:47Hannah Berner: right movie magic i will yeah like set design and not set design but um yeah i guess set design I am so fascinated by stuff like that like I love watching people come in and like do well there's food artists yeah food art food artistry I think is crazy I love a food artist like how did we get here one time I was on a shoot I forget what it was for but it something was like sitting in ice cubes but the ice cubes were fake but they didn't look fake and I was fascinated I was like oh my god and I went up to the like food director and I touched it and she looked at me and she was like don't ever touch that like i know your finger's tiny i'm so sorry just coming over to give a compliment now i have to go no that's like matters the most in a food

29:34Gabby Lampert: shoot like the model's the last thing it's all about the food do not ever look at her and touch her stuff we had empanadas yesterday no we did we had nice we had a flight a flight of empanadas

29:48Hannah Berner: i don't think we've ever shared a flight of alcohols together but we have shared a flight of empanadas and that's like way more important to me also our drinking days we don't remember i used to drink yeah you did that's why i'm so i was i couldn't believe you got a mocktail last night because i was like let me set the scene i'm gonna get a cocktail and i drank that whole

30:08Gabby Lampert: glass of wine so you know why oh you know i didn't because we had a big day today oh because we had to go shopping so this is where we fucked up we had so much fun yesterday together and then

30:18Hannah Berner: let's keep it going we're like we could have had a sleepover if like des wasn't there i would have

30:24Gabby Lampert: been like even with des there we were about to have a sleepover but i yeah i was like we're gonna go shopping it's gonna be so much fun you got there at noon i got there at noon thank god it started to rain everybody kept going no we would have kept going then i got home and i was like

30:37Hannah Berner: i'm done for the day i'm exhausted no why is it that like i could do a million things from like 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. Yeah. And like be fine. And then it's like when you have a leisure day, you're like, I'm exhausted. When I have to do two errands.

30:56Gabby Lampert: How do I have time for anything else? Oh my God. I love answering emails and editing videos is my like relaxing. Yeah.

31:05Hannah Berner: It's the best.

31:06Gabby Lampert: When I'm curled up.

31:08Hannah Berner: But if I'm on my computer and Kitty's on the ground like licking herself, I'm like, this is true happiness.

31:13Gabby Lampert: Someone was saying how like kids nowadays don't understand what it was like to like be on your laptop in the bed like like millennials we still do it well you have your little ipad sometimes but like are kids not using laptops i don't think they're like bringing it in the bed like when we're making a big purchase we're

31:30Hannah Berner: bringing out the laptop yeah i've switched to making like flight purchases on my phone true

31:37Gabby Lampert: yeah well the app is sometimes better yeah i'm like i have to make the switch but do you ever like you're like i'm on my phone too much i just need to watch tv you're like all i need to get off the low screen and just watch and just watch well because my mom will text me all the time

31:52Hannah Berner: about my attention span yeah she's like tic-tac's rotting your brain you're not gonna have an i just need to watch a movie i'm like mom that's for gen z not me i could lay in bed for eight hours what

32:01Gabby Lampert: are we talking about you've been around but like i literally met it and like get off my phone to meditate while watching like a nice movie speaking of tv you rarely watch love is blind right have you ever i feel like after the first season i was like got it and good yeah yeah i watch i've

32:18Hannah Berner: watched a lot of seasons not every season because sometimes the casting is like so bizarre but this year was uh or this place that they did it they did it in ohio oddly ohio has a lot of famous

32:30Gabby Lampert: people that come out of there which i just find interesting anyway i digress so they're doing

32:35Hannah Berner: their reunion was last night and I don't know what it is but Netflix just really has not figured out the reunion I don't I honestly I don't think anyone has figured out the reunion but Bravo like Andy truly is as someone who's been at multiple reunions and then watched multiple reunions he truly is the best of everyone yeah Netflix no longer did it is doing it live which thank god because that was like i'm like guys no one can get a word in last year they had like some man come and like play basketball in the middle of it that was like so bizarre this year now i'm gonna be honest i skipped through some parts because i was like don't care about you don't care about you like don't care about this like okay how do you really feel she's like well they had so many like random interludes and i was like i don't care like that's so happy for the people that used to be on and they're like still married and thriving but like i don't care i want to get to the couples now this is a very interesting show because it's hosted by vanessa and nick lachey who are a married couple who should not be hosting reunions like i love them as the hosts i love when they come are they getting along with each other yes but okay here's why because they've people love commenting on their relationship sometimes they're quirky and look and you know i love a quirky person so like i've been into it for this

34:04Gabby Lampert: we were raised on him and jessica simpson so we're like we know the lore here and i love vanessa like i've watched watched her on mtv a professional here's why i think it's weird when they do host

34:15Hannah Berner: the reunion is because he's a straight man yeah and she's a married straight woman so they need a gay man is what you're saying no they need well here's the thing they need a gay man because a gay man can get away with way more than a woman ever could like i could make a tiktok yep and verbatim say something about like someone's outfit and girls would be in my in my messages being like that's the meanest thing and it totally it could have totally been but if a gay man did it it's like maybe a little funnier he didn't really mean it like he can just get away with more things

34:53Gabby Lampert: as someone who's watching rupaul's drag race every day these men are so mean to each other but they're so good at like making up and it being funny if it was girls fighting people would have sides yeah but instead it's like funny so you're so right the gay man is the perfect way like andy's able to say the like like a shady thing be so shady and people will be like clocked it

35:20Hannah Berner: you're smart where if it was a straight woman they'd be like what's her problem with her so you're jealous of her so you're jealous no that is like i didn't even right that's and with it being nick lachey being a straight man sometimes he wants to go hard at the other straight men which we want someone to go hard at them but it almost feels like a little too much when it's like straight man on straight man oh yeah i don't want to see a war i don't want a battlefield did we yeah did they walk through like security check before they got here like we can never be too sure hannah the other day i was in the park and i walked past three 14 year old boys and in my head i was like they have a bomb i'm not kidding i'm not kidding they walked over to the trash can put something in it i literally go we gotta go and he goes i'm recycling ma 'am i'm like i can't trust your kind they both had they all litter and threw it away that you drop

36:16Gabby Lampert: All three of them had blonde curly hair. Something was up. Well, they're getting perms nowadays. They're getting perms. The boys are. I'm not getting into it. It'll upset me. I'm not getting into that. I'm not getting into that.

36:26Hannah Berner: We did so much work that the Gen Z's have undone. I'm not even getting into that.

36:30Gabby Lampert: I'm not getting into it. Hot take about men. This is a really hot take. You love them? You know, like a man's in jail. Totally. I watch a lot of like serial killer documentaries. Yeah. There's men in jail. They do all these horrible things.

36:45Hannah Berner: The other day, Grace texted us and was like, what are you guys watching? And I literally said back, like, rainbows on the shore of, like, Canada or something. I don't even know. And you were, like, death in the room over. The girl who died in apartment six. I was like, Jesus. To fall asleep? To stay.

37:03Gabby Lampert: So all these women will be, like, writing letters to men in jail. And I always thought, like, okay, these girls are crazy. Then I realized, maybe they're geniuses. think about it if your man's in jail he's up to nothing yeah he's not showing up at your apartment he also is dealing with he's learned that there's repercussions for your actions he is forced to go to therapy he has some form of a job he's got structure he's up early he's writing you novels yep and like he doesn't bother you like low-key i'm like like you could go and

37:40Hannah Berner: do whatever he's not like tracking your phone he's not tracking your phone he doesn't have a phone he doesn't have a phone some of them do oh because they stick it in their butts i mean i'm not exact i don't think no i think they can just get them you're not gonna fight during that one minute phone call no you're not you're like you don't even know him well enough

37:58Gabby Lampert: you're still in the like flirty phase like you can't even get past the like cute phase because

38:03Hannah Berner: you only have a minute with him i am such a girl's girl i'm like so for the girls like i really like I believe them first and I root for them. Not all of them because some of them are psychotic and crazy.

38:15Gabby Lampert: Are you coming for my girls who are calling their boys to jail?

38:18Hannah Berner: If you're writing to a person in jail to have a relationship with, you're insane. Look, some people, let them have her crush.

38:27Gabby Lampert: No, that's crazy.

38:28Hannah Berner: Let them have a crush. Okay, actually, this reminds me of it because I feel like I heard this and I never forgot it and it's stuck in my brain. remember lacey peterson who got murdered by her husband yes when he went into jail the amount of women that wrote to him no was like insane no i know you randomly not like you saw a guy on tv

38:49Gabby Lampert: who killed his wife who like looks like a bad boy how am i randomly happening upon inmate 302

38:56Hannah Berner: in poughkeepsie like are you kidding like it was a bit it was a bit i thought was cute that you made dark you know what i do like them when you see a mug shot and you're like okay new york fashion week actually we could change your whole we could change your whole there have been men and women

39:12Gabby Lampert: that have gone viral yeah remember that guy used to get discovered in malls now they get just

39:16Hannah Berner: discovered with a viral headshot do you remember the viral felon who married the heiress to top gorgeous blue eyes i remember what was that what was that store why do i want to say top shot top

39:27Gabby Lampert: shop i was gonna say top shelf you can find out that he like knows how to write like i've dated a couple guys where like i'm finally like hanging out with him and i realized that he he doesn't know what punctuation is i also think when you're writing to a guy in jail as one does you've thought about this for a while it's like when you over sex like you say all these things and then suddenly he's like hey i'm out you want to hang out and you're like no this is me having fun i was just

39:54Hannah Berner: flirting what are that's on like a conjugal visit i think that's hot because it's like you can't touch me no that means you can oh you could touch what does conjugal mean i think like having sex

40:04Gabby Lampert: is kind of like touching is that the thing like in the back of your throat conjugal i have my

40:08Hannah Berner: fornication you can't have sex with them yeah you can in some jails you have to be married

40:13Gabby Lampert: how do you know you have to be married that seems fucked up does it yeah you should be able to have

40:18Hannah Berner: sex when you want to have sex but it's like where do you go they put you in a room haven't you ever watched smash room like jersey shore haven't you ever watched 50 cents music video 21 questions i'm pretty sure it's like depicting a conjugal visit yeah i'm actually 100 positive 50 cents conjugal visit in his music video is accurate okay well he went in a trailer for it so and that's where i do my research wait didn't the other day i feel like i said to you like yeah i really dislike that person but like in a 50 cent way yeah and i'm proud of that and what

40:51Gabby Lampert: What do you mean by that? Like you want to make a documentary about them?

40:54Hannah Berner: Yeah, like I could make a documentary and it would just like, and I'd be like, gotcha. I feel like that's everyone. Wait, I don't want to bring up Kanye West on this podcast, but I saw a quote from him the other day. Yeah. And somebody asked him if he wishes Kim the best. And he said no, because that would mean she'd end up with me. So he's still flirting. I mean, he's just an insane human. But that line absolutely ate, you know. it's like how could i wish you the best when i'm not available this is your problem you love a

41:24Gabby Lampert: one-liner and sometimes you'll separate the artist from the art if you like a one-liner gotcha yeah sometimes it's too much this episode is sponsored by bumble and honestly thank god

41:37Hannah Berner: because dating out there is a full-time job i feel like every woman i know has a bumble story like either a success story they found their person on the app or uh why is this man holding a fish in every photo situation. But Bumble is actually the dating app my girlfriends use and trust because it doesn't feel chaotic. It feels intentional and that matters. What I love is that Bumble actually listens to women. They were like, okay, you're tired of guessing. You're tired of decoding vibes. So they built tools to make it easier. Like their verification tools are huge. With photo verification and ID verification, you can actually feel confident that this person is who they say they are.

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42:51Hannah Berner: Okay, Gigglers, can we talk about the fact that we all have a section in our closet that basically is just vibes and delusion? Like I bought it for a version of me that goes to Paris Fashion Week, but she hasn't checked in recently. Instead of letting those pieces emotionally support you from the hanger, you could be making money on Depop. Depop is a fashion resale app where your personal taste actually has value. And before you're like, ugh, selling sounds like admin, relax. You can list an item in just a few taps on Depop. You snap a photo and their AI listing tool helps fill in the details.

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45:04Coco MoCo is this creator online who I thought we were going back into the protein bar situation

45:11Gabby Lampert: you know sometimes a threads pops up uh my worst nightmare which by the way I don't look at threads but then Instagram recommends threads to me and they don't have the same muting that I've done on my Instagram so I have to re-mute my threads because I have my social media very organized for my mental health yeah but this was actually a funny one that came up from Coco MoCo and she said if men text in all lowercase they're gay because that means they have to uncapitalize the first letter and purposely like my husband who's straight not to brag no in this day and age it's like oh wow at first i make fun of him because he's writing like he's putting punctuation he's putting he puts commas he's 50 even on instagram he responds to someone's comment with like full punctuation yeah and at first i was like babe you're coming off like intense this is too strong and i realized no he's a straight man in his 50s no yeah when a guy is like i'm gonna answer with an aesthetic no the other day the other day i was like watching a video or something and one

46:19Hannah Berner: of the guys was like i don't know if he was gay or not i don't think he was but you have to ask yeah that's so true but he was shortening every word like abbreviating it and there was like a straight man listening to the video as i was watching it and it was just like so they were

46:36Gabby Lampert: like he was like what are they saying it was just i have an answer to that only gay men shorten words because gay men are busy they have things to do but like they have like they're creative directors they have like multiple things happening it's just like they're doing reunions that's why they walk so fast like they're going places also they have to deal with like possibly getting chased by like angry straight men straight men like you know things happen um that's why they're good at reunions yeah they're doing reunions oh so we figured that out um recently i was walking behind someone who was walking fast look what happened to you recently sorry sorry i've been in canada

47:14Hannah Berner: sorry we've done this podcast for six years now so this will be the topic moving forward Sorry let me get this straight Recently you were walking behind someone And that person in front of you was walking super fast So were you walking behind them? Because it actually doesn't sound like you were

47:30Gabby Lampert: People have to talk about this I hate a crowd The second there's a crowd is drama Also I don't care if you're walking with me I'll lose you I have to get out of this crowd If you want to hold my hand come with Otherwise I'll leave you for dead But I'm getting through the crowd Someone's slow I'm like I'm sorry No I'm getting through a crowd I'm getting through either come with me or don't

47:49Hannah Berner: yeah oh my god so it's really one for all and all for one when you're in a crowd it's like if you're coming or you're not make the decision now yeah like if i make a move to go around you gotta

48:00Gabby Lampert: you gotta go when there's an opening or like you're getting you're fucked if i sacrifice myself anyway so i saw i went where was this oh i was at indian wells there was a crowd and i said and it's indian was a lot of retired people it's calm it's california everyone's chill it's a weekend doing a social event but i see this crowd is i can't do this and then there's a woman in front of me with a backpack and she's not having it either and she starts like so you hit yourself through the back i random woman i go i'm following this woman so she paves the way for me and me and this woman we got through a whole tennis tournament together and i just want to say shout out to that woman with the backpack in indian wells thank you for for being there for other women the only

48:44Hannah Berner: I could say that I could relate to that is you ever been in an Uber? You ever been? You ever been in an Uber that gets right behind an ambulance? Let me tell you, that Uber driver is never been happier in his goddamn life. He's riding that Uber. He's riding that ambulance all the way down Fifth Ave. Like, I mean, he's going, he's moving.

49:09Gabby Lampert: been i was in an uber recently where the guy fully just went in the like empty lane that you're not supposed to go to and at first i was appalled and then i said this guy's a genius yeah because when

49:20Hannah Berner: it's you when other people do it they're assholes well i feel like when i'm in an uber like unless i feel like you're gonna sex traffic me i'm on your side like when an uber guy when he honks when he honks stick up for us when he honks i'm like it's us versus the world right now no i'm Like, no, that guy was crazy. You were in the right.

49:40Gabby Lampert: And because I've been in Ubers that are a little lackadaisical, they don't care to like when it's yellow, they just like stop. Like they're not in a rush.

49:47Hannah Berner: I'm like, so you don't care about like my well-being. I've low-key been in Ubers and gotten in car accidents, like fender benders. I've been in like two, maybe three. That's a lot. That's not great. You are in a lot of Ubers.

49:57Gabby Lampert: I'm in a lot of Ubers. I have a question. What's your Uber setting? Like, do you say don't talk to me? No, I'm not a monster. They get the vibes when I get in there. I'm the opposite. I have to say no talking. That's insane. They still talk to me because I have such a nice aura. Yeah. So when I walk in, they're always like, hi. And I say, hi, like polite. But then I'm like, I don't want to be in a conversation. When a little kid makes eye contact with me. Yeah. I'm making that motherfucker laugh because my comedy. It's childlike. It's childlike. I really kill it. It's kid friendly. In the one to two year old demo, like they get me.

50:33Gabby Lampert: Like they, isn't it funny at such a young age, Do they know I'm trying to make them laugh?

50:37Hannah Berner: I actually would say, even though you don't have children, I would leave my children with you without even thinking of it. Because I know you're such a people pleaser that you're going to be like, and what do you guys want to do? But that's the problem. And what's the problem?

50:51Gabby Lampert: Like, soon you come back and it's craziness. And like, yeah. I'll be an enabler, but they will have fun. They will have fun. But I have to learn to put my foot down with my future unborn childs.

51:02Hannah Berner: Yeah, well, your kids. But like other people's kids, you don't have to put your foot down. So it's like a free-for-all.

51:05Gabby Lampert: I jack them up. I get them so excited and then I leave before you have to put them to bed.

51:10Hannah Berner: Yeah.

51:11Gabby Lampert: Did you babysit? Oh, wait. You were the. No. I thought you ran like a babysitting like business. There was always like one cool girl that like ran a full like. Not me.

51:24Hannah Berner: Not me, honey. Oh, you never babysat? One time I actually remember a mom like asking. I was like a senior in high school maybe. And a mom asking me like, oh my God, do you babysit? And I remember being so offended. I was like, no. Like, and I remember calling my mom being like, she asked me if I could babysit her kids. Like, no, I don't know your kid. I don't know if I met your kid.

51:45Gabby Lampert: Can I see a photo first? What's their sign?

51:50Hannah Berner: Wait, asking for a photo and being like, no.

51:56Gabby Lampert: I'm a pick me when it comes to being a babysitter. I'm like, who's your favorite babysitter?

52:01Hannah Berner: And I mean, I've like watched like my younger cousins. Like I've seen a kid before.

52:06Gabby Lampert: But I'm like, I can't get fired from this job. They're the purest form of a soul. Yeah. That's how kids are. You're just like, I don't know. You know, like you're in the airport and you're waiting in line. You want to fucking kill everyone. And then some kid looks at you and it's like, hi. No.

52:20Hannah Berner: I actually get more mad. I'm like, and there's goddamn kids.

52:25Gabby Lampert: I don't have a follow up to them. Kids, they do make stuff about them, which I think that's what you don't like. They're like, it's about me.

52:32Hannah Berner: well i just find them annoying i'm like you be an adult what if they have a good outfit on adorable well that's a testament to the mother so which at the end of the day it's all about the

52:44Gabby Lampert: moms it's all about the moms um have you heard of this nona maxing thing no really that hasn't come across to your like as in like grandma's yeah nona maxing it's no but i'm quite interested Eating generational recipes. Okay. Cotton nightgowns. Okay. Check. Check. Walking everywhere. Check, check, check. Italian penicillin soup. Air out the home. You must air out your home.

53:13Hannah Berner: Was airing out your house a big thing when you were growing up? No, because we lived in New York City. Oh, right, right, right. Every single window in the house, it would be like the first nice day. And she'd be like, we have to spring clean. It was as if like the Pope was coming over.

53:26Gabby Lampert: I feel like that's like a rural thing to do. Like you have to have nice air to do that.

53:32Hannah Berner: Yeah.

53:32Gabby Lampert: Like you guys had nice air. Yeah, we had nice air. Yeah, we didn't. We were like over the... Yeah, that's true. There's some guy smoking a cigarette outside. I'm like, eh, that's not.

53:39Hannah Berner: Now that I think about it, like I feel like she was right. Yeah.

53:42Gabby Lampert: Because you're cooped up all summer. Just breathing each other's air.

53:45Hannah Berner: Breathing in the same air.

53:47Gabby Lampert: Yeah. I also feel like the most Italian thing about you is if you ever go to Italy or just in general even in brooklyn old italian women love to just sit out by their window yeah observing they're protecting they're cutting in the gossip they just sit there all day and like isn't she bored no she is people watching collecting information spying my grandma had two rocking

54:13Hannah Berner: chairs outside on the porch she's like come on we're gonna sit outside we're gonna talk about the neighborhood like i was four years old and i was like she did what next door i'm like grandma are you fucking kidding me like my grandma was everything i want to be today like she smoked cigarettes just chain smoked them and like well we don't do that i think about right because we don't do that but i think about like if we were like girls at the same time like oh we would just I would gossip. And if I lived in the 50s, all I would do is smoke cigarettes.

54:50Gabby Lampert: In my family, Ancestry.org, which someone messaged me. It is run by Mormons. But they're just kind of obsessed with lineage. Yeah. I don't feel like the Mormons are, like, taking your info. So when I got all the way back to, like, the 1600s with my Italian ancestry, I clicked it. One of them lived till 93. Wow. So I call my mom and I'm like 93 in the 1700s. Is that insane? Super insane. And she said, Hannah, there's these things called, I'm laughing because now she's going to call me and be like, you said the story wrong. Blue zones? Blue zones. Shut the fuck up. She goes, we lived in Sicily in a blue zone.

55:28Gabby Lampert: You know what a blue zone is? Yeah. How the fuck do you know what a blue zone is?

55:30Hannah Berner: There was like a documentary a couple of years ago and your mom being a dietician, she definitely saw it. And it was about all these different places in the world that people live to like an insane age.

55:40Gabby Lampert: So in Sicily, there's blue zones where you have to walk up a cliff to get to your house. And I guess it's so good for your lungs. And like they pretty much have like a Mediterranean diet. They're just these healthy Mediterranean Italians walking all around.

55:56Hannah Berner: Imagine if I had 90 years of gossip.

55:58Gabby Lampert: 93. But also back then, I thought I thought you croaked at 36, 93. Right. Who was he talking to? Did he have friends? Were they all just old? but it's like I think then everyone moved to New York and everyone was like getting hit by trains like it was just craziness but when you just live in a small Italian island maybe that's the way you do it if you want to live a long life it sounds like we're going back we're going back to the

56:24Hannah Berner: homeland I mean a blue zone does sound relaxing do you have blue zone in your family I don't know I have to figure out where in Sicily

56:35Gabby Lampert: This pod is not sponsored by Mormonism or familysearch.org Just want to say that But I did have a Giggler message me Who's like I work for like the Celsius Of something really important As the Gigglers do And she's like it's very legit The census Maybe Celsius That's a drink Bless you

56:55Hannah Berner: It's also a temperature Oh right

57:00Gabby Lampert: i want to correct each other double wrong you dumb bitch celsius that's a drink

57:07Hannah Berner: wait yeah celsius is a drink i drank once and bashed my head through a wall it's temperature for like not for europeans when are we ever using celsius does use celsius sometimes and he's european you also use my point he uses military time sometimes there's things going on in my relationship that i'm working out okay but again that is european too if they do that in europe yeah it's europe well we found out that

57:30Gabby Lampert: dez read withering heights in one week that's no we found out that he re-read it he was like well obviously i read it years ago and we were like oh my pardon us i was like okay well i read my

57:43Hannah Berner: first book in 20 years last month okay what are you currently reading the gigglers want to know

57:48Gabby Lampert: The Seven Husbands.

57:51Hannah Berner: The Seven Husbands. Evelyn. What is it called? Evelyn Hugo? The Seven Husbands, whatever, that one. Is it good? Yeah, it's good. I'm only on like, I really am not doing well. I'm only on like page 50. I'm not doing well. Wait, stop with the negative self-talk. No, and it's not the book. I like the book. It's just, I'm not as into it as I was my last one. I don't know why.

58:14Gabby Lampert: But I need to like buckle down. Are you going to read on flights? I don't think I can bring myself to do it. You know why you like a book? I know why you like a book. The aesthetic. It's an accessory. Totally. It's better. When you posted that photo of you at the beach, I go, okay. You saw something in your lay flat and you were like, something's missing.

58:34Hannah Berner: Something's missing. I was like, should I do my sunglasses? No, we're over that. Like, we've seen those. And then we're like, how about just a corner of my book? No, I literally texted Kazzy and I was like, I'm going to the beach. I'm going to take the best photo of your book. Yes, yes. Because that's what friends do. That's what friends do. That's what friends do. They support their other friends and they like want the best for them.

58:53Gabby Lampert: Women supporting women. Gigglers supporting Gigglers. We also are going to the iHeart Awards. Hell yeah we are. Podcast Awards. We did forget to tell anyone to vote. And they closed the voting. Did they? Yeah. They closed the voting.

59:05Hannah Berner: Because you want to know what? We're not pick me. We're like if you happened upon it in your own time, great.

59:11Gabby Lampert: Yeah. I'm not forcing the Gigglers to get us an award. Also, we don't need awards for happiness. we have each other no and we do have the best podcast and we're also saying this because if we lose we're like well we didn't care we didn't care and then if we win we're like oh my god surprise

59:24Hannah Berner: and if we win we're like we didn't even have anyone vote for us so it's like doubly amazing

59:30Gabby Lampert: i'm wearing a pretty crazy dress yeah i still haven't picked up my outfit i'm just like not loving anything these days are you gonna try to match me no okay um do you think the gigglers are gonna before or against the dress which is basically do you think they're gonna think you

59:46Hannah Berner: liked the dress or not it depends how it photographs it depends how it photographs I like the dress because it's so true to you and like your personal style and being quirky and like trying something and being like you've seen that before and you're like I love that the way that

1:00:03Gabby Lampert: looks and I think that's cool yeah and you go and I love when things get you excited I love that So keep an eye out for those photos. Hopefully they come out well. If they don't, just say a little like. I support you. I support women in the arts. We love you guys so much. Thanks for giggling. And we'll talk to you on Monday.

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