Giggling about donkey smiles, silver spoons, and shoe horns

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0:47hello my gallivanting gigglers great well we're happy because page's e. coli has ran through her body what is e coli i thought you had to like bite a cow in the ass to get e coli i've lived seven lives since i've freaking been okay let me just start from the very beginning okay let me just do like a full story time so we get like the true details happening sunday night i go out to dinner I have some meatballs okay Monday we record the pod yeah my Monday evening your Monday morning okay and I'm feeling like a little queasy but not enough to not do giggly squad like I was like I can do giggly squad right when we ended giggly squad it was like my body was like you fulfilled your obligation we now are shutting down okay i've truly been in the same spot since you guys left me i've been right here i never moved i never then i get a picture sent to me of you attached to an ivy that looked like it was attached to a pellegrino bottle and i'm like what the fuck is going on in italy right now so monday night i'm puking my brains out all night i'm i'm I'm shitting myself.

2:17Hannah, I'm sitting on the toilet shitting. I'm bending over and puking in the bidet. Okay? It was, in my head, I was like, so convenient. This is the most convenient thing I've actually ever encountered in my life. Thank God I own a pajama brand because the amount of pajamas I went through. Sweating through it? No, I shit myself. No, I shit myself. i had to throw my pajama pants away i go i own the company throw them out throw them out and it wasn't like because i couldn't get to the bathroom it was like i was going to throw up and then all of a sudden i started every orifice was exploding so i wake up tuesday morning and i'm just like i think i've died i think i died and i'm i'm on my way to heaven i call a doctor doctor comes i tell him well actually my brother's girlfriend amanda thank fucking god she's here because she's just like been translating everything because she speaks like fluent i was gonna say how do you say um puke out of the mouth i'm like amanda can you tell them uh it was like a lime green wait so you you're so close with her right now you and amanda are like this okay so so the doctor comes and everyone in italy it's just like so funny first of all there's no hippa in italy the whole hotel knew i was sick everyone knew well they could everyone was going everyone was going up to my parents how is she is she okay one of the waiters came in like like i had ordered room service and i was like up and he goes you're up from bed oh my god you're up i was like one thing about italians is they're gonna gossip they're gonna talk no they're gonna talk about it also because they want to know why you're not eating their food like that's the 100 100%.

4:21So I say, I think I ate a meatball that wasn't cooked. No. The doctor was like, impossible. Impossible. Never been done before in Italy. No. It was not the food. I was like, okay. It might have been the food. He was like, no. It wasn't. He writes me a prescription to get like an IV. And then he wrote me a prescription. He goes, girl is insane. Delusional. making up things hysteria needs a lobotomy i love that you came for the meatball and they go get her out they were like what no he actually made a face like you're stupid like no it wasn't the food maybe it was your stomach how about you look inside because it wasn't us and i was like Okay.

5:14I mean, it is a hundred degrees here. I highly doubt they're storing all the meat products correctly. But who am I? Okay. I digress. But a woman in STEM. So then the nurse comes. Okay. Just the loveliest woman on the planet. But I'm laying there and I'm like, this is some makeshift IV if I've ever seen it. She's like, I need a hanger. I go, for what?

5:45I literally says I need a hanger get the fuck out of there so then she like hangs it up on the thing and then I was like obviously nervous for her to put the needle in because I'm like wait what if she's not she was the best nurse I've ever had put a needle in my arm ever okay I take down the IV I'm like I'm like okay but I'm like fully incapacitated like all of Tuesday I'm like dead next day Wednesday I have her come do another IV because like the biggest death was the dehydration then on my like fourth round of broth and rice from room service one of the waiters says talk about gossip one of the waiter goes the whole hotel sick vomit I go everyone in the hotel is vomiting he goes on the first floor there's a couple of kids that had it and i go what i literally i felt because i'm the last pod it was like i have baby fever the universe was like not yet bitch thought like yeah no you don't no actually you don't wait so the doctor was right it wasn't the meatball yeah no it wasn't the meatball it i had like a legit stomach virus kids get everyone sick no i literally you cared so much about trying to eat everything in italy and we were all rooting for you so the fact that this happened like i haven't had cheese in four days no like you don't deserve that no you don't i haven't had cappuccino not even a prosciutto no nothing i've literally last night i went out to dinner and i was like like i'm so sorry but can i just have pasta and butter and he was like um yes i guess also you were posting all your outfit videos you were so happy and then you just went silent and then like at then like my scorpio brain like i'm literally knee deep in the toilet like vomiting and i'm like someone put a goddamn hex on me like someone literally put a spell on me You're going through your Rolodex of people that are on your shit list.

8:01Who could it have been? But joke's on them because I'm so snatched. I feel great. You're hydrated. I'm hydrated. I look better than ever. And no, now I'm really taking on the world. But I haven't had any gelato. I can't believe I haven't eaten. This is the longest I've ever gone without cheese, I think, my whole life. And it's like, and my body's finally functioning. Yeah, and I feel great. i this is the first day that i'm literally out of bed like i went to breakfast i went to the pool i was worried that like i was gonna have to navigate somehow doing an episode with my fucking flat-ass smile um without you but everything would never leave you like that yeah you we would just do live from the toilet it's pager sorbo saturday night i was gonna have you send me voice notes like you in the bathroom you know that's the darkest time of your life when you're like alone vomiting that's when you see god i think no i i literally said this is how people in other countries die they get a parasite of some weird shit and then they die i mean it was like 5 a.m i think like tuesday morning and i was like can you get my mom can you get my affairs in order can you please call my mom and so my mom had to come to my room and my mom like typical my mother she goes well you throw up so dramatically she's like you throw your whole body into it she's like i've thrown up three times in my life like what you're so annoying she goes have you ever thought about not doing that stop no She was like, seriously, just throw up like a normal person.

9:46My stomach muscles are so sore from legitimately contracting to like. You know, maybe you had an exorcism. No, honestly, I was like, okay, clean out all the toxins and the demons and whatever I've been holding on to. Get it out. I'm truly, truly, there's nothing left in me. You're a blank slate. well I got nervous because I was like am I like at this point pooping out my organs because there's just no way there's no way what's coming out at this point every hour on the hour I was throwing up and going to the bathroom were you like left to fend for yourself for most of this or was there always someone like patting your back no my whole family it was as if I was literally dying like there were even people in the hallway when my parents were like going to breakfast like how is she like the whole my whole floor do everybody knew about it they had yellow tape all around your door i went to breakfast this morning they were like oh my god like sit down like we're so happy to see you i was like does everyone know but you love the attention a little you're like it's me no i did i'm the girl everyone's been talking about it's hard to be the it girl of this hotel but also there was a part of me that was like i feel like the universe was like you know what I've never stayed in bed on a vacation and I feel like this vacation is so long that I it was actually nice to just like I couldn't go out and do anything so like I've never just enjoyed a hotel room the way I did the past four days and enjoy is a strong word but strong she's like I saw every corner of the room the room was spinning at one point it's so funny because i'm also living in a hotel like what's the eloise i feel like eloise yeah we're like everyone knows me now i go down and like you know my order the usual some of the best like chicken broth and rice i've ever had in my life well they probably use orzo that was so italian when you say orzo you have to use your wrist well no they use what they use for risotto so it's not like yes is that orzo kind of yeah kind of it's not like your classic jasmine rice yeah you know yeah which i do love well anyway hi how are you good you know divas have been going down um my smile update this is gonna sound crazy and if you're watching the youtube i can feel like a millimeter of the edges like it's so embarrassing but like okay i'm gonna try to do it yeah yes i see it no i see it and i'm not gaslighting you okay it's literally huge for me but when i tell you if you just watch that you're like it's not good it's not good no like you're gonna go through phases yeah the good thing is i feel like i can talk like there were a couple episodes of giggly squad i was like i sound like i have a dick in my mouth yeah take the dick out hey do me a favor okay take the dick out of your mouth that's an amazing insult hey why don't you do me a quick favor for a second take the dick out of your mouth and talk to me like an adult you love that you got jacked up on that you go add that to the repertoire here's an idea take that dick out well that's my question because you're not doing reality tv right now where are you putting all your good like insults because i feel like like where are we putting it to your brother thank you so much for asking because i know you have a side of you that's like we need to let this out in an artistic form okay one of the most amazing things about going on a vacation especially with your sibling and their significant others and your significant other is they can see what your sibling dynamic is and Gary said something so heinously mean to me the other day to the point where I don't even remember what it was because I started laughing hysterically and his girlfriend was like Gary that was so mean and he was like that's her love language she loved it look how she's laughing so happy so a lot of my insults have been going like about people but just to my mom and dad okay and when my dad says whoa page

14:34that was harsh that's when i know i have to really rein it in because he's like psychopath final boss yeah and he doesn't like the word cunt so if i throw in like and that fucking he goes no he goes that's where that's where i put the foot down yeah that's where he draws the line see i explained to my parents that like culturally in england it's like a filler word and they've like gotten over that but like also i'm not throwing around all the time only when do it once in a while it's very therapeutic yeah it's better when you like save it for important times yeah um oh my god it's so funny with the brothers i also think people talking shit about people there's nothing that bonds you more with your brother's significant other than talking shit about your brother and i know like that sounds fucked up but like me sitting in a car with my brother's wife being like you know how he does that and her agreeing it's like the best feeling in the world and it's true love like it's true family connection i have this running joke with amanda that like when they first started dating i like pulled her aside and i was like get out you can get out right i'm like run do you ever root for her like root for her while she's fighting with him like you're like come on girl literally last night he like said something to her and i like looked at him and i was like what the fuck did you just say to her like i like no now it's kind of crazy because legally i've had to be on his side for 33 years and now i i i'm not i'm on her side and like on vacation like sometimes he'll say things to her that like he would say to me and she'll be like i'm not your sister and he's like right yeah i can't say that you could talk to her like that don't talk to me like that period i've been reading the youtube comments the comments are so funny because I've been posting updates on Instagram of my smile and it's people being like oh my god it looks better like on my day 27 everyone's like it looks better and then the next comment will be like it's really really really bad and then the next one will be like day 30 it'll come back like it's so funny seeing everyone's different reactions to it but overall everyone's laughing but one girl sent the nicest message and she basically was like Hannah um seeing you on last Giggly Squad episode stop covering your mouth and just like letting it go made me feel it was like empowering and made me feel more confident about my own insecurities like basically like if you could own being that fucked up and like normalizing it I could own my shit and I was like okay that's what I bring to this planet that's what I bring but now look at me i'm like this is me now bitch take it or leave it you know wait the photo you posted of you and des and then you were like wait why is my smile okay so there's a des is special for the international gigglers and whatever it's on youtube right now so you should watch it on youtube so i posted to promote it and i took a wedding photo and he's mid-sentence of something so yeah his mouth looks like um later than my smile no it was exactly your smile he calls it my snarl how is the show going oh my god how is can you're like you're canadian i'm so fully canadian i've also been like such a foodie i've gone to a bunch of different restaurants because des came to visit oh i was gonna say with who no when i'm alone i get so scared like i wouldn't even go to the pool like I'm so scared but um wait really look even like shopping I don't like shopping alone because like you walk in and it's just like also with my smile it's honestly added to my social anxiety because I'm like I don't want to disappoint people like you walk and greeting really gets me anxious right now actually like I was very depressed for like two weeks like I wasn't even calling grace I know because I was like I don't want to bring negative energy to her I don't want to burden people with my face.

18:47No, actually, you'd be surprised how many friends I have that I just didn't want to tell because I didn't want to ruin their day. Yeah, that's really considerate of you. But you wouldn't be ruining anyone's day. I know. You have to let it out. This is a perfect example of depression. You have to get it out. Yeah, you can't just sit with it like a secret. It gets stronger when you keep it in. Yeah, you have to tell everyone. But you know, the show, I can't wait for the show to come out. I don't know when it's coming out, but it's really a great show. And like production's been so cool with me. Yeah.

19:23And we've like really leaned into this character, but also a lot of now I'm like obsessed with people smile. Like I watch something and I'm like, that person doesn't smile a lot. I'm like, oh my God, that person has a beautiful smile. Like literally yesterday, this girl was like doing something. She's like smiling in front of me. I was like, are you trying to hurt my feelings? I was like, team, no smiling and making eye contact with me because it ruins my fucking day. No, it's a lesson in being grateful because that's how I feel about like being able to eat cheese right now. I'm like, remember last week when I was just chowing down on creams and different milks and frozen milks and different aged parms.

20:07Like that was so that was so nice, wasn't it? And like every time I go to my family, like maybe I'll just try a little cheese. They're all at the same time like, no. But that makes me want to be naughty and do it. That makes me want to take it back to my room and just be like, they don't know how I'm going to fucking eat this shit. Well, last night I got back to my room and my brother texted me and he was like, I got I ordered two pizzas. And I was like, oh, he's literally the devil on your shoulder. Gary's like, I want to get crazy tonight. I won't tell anybody. he's such an older brother he's like wants to stuff me full of cheese to see what happens it's like you're his barbie doll that just wants to put sharpie all over burn it wait the other day okay so the way like our rooms are set up like we're three in a row like my parents me then gary and like the balcony is like low enough that like if you stood on a chair you can see over but you have to like get up on a chair so every time I go out on my balcony and my dad hears me he jumps up on the chair and like looks over at me well the other day when I was really sick I needed them to come in and like change my sheets because I was just like disgusting so I went and I sat but I couldn't go anywhere so I like just went and sat out on the balcony while they were like cleaning my room and the woman had come outside because she was wiping down the like sliding glass door and she doesn't it got on the sliding glass door no she was just spraying all her conscience she was just lysoling everything she was just really helping me out okay wait italians love cleaning you know she was she was having a field day she brought me extra blankets and pillows like she knew that i was like sick so my mom was out there with me and she like my brother on the other side didn't know that the cleaning woman had come outside and so he jumped up on the chair and he had a um you know those like things that help men put their shoes on okay yeah like like the what are they called i have no idea but like men are so weak you need something to help you get your shoe on a shoe horn it's called oh yeah shoe horn it's like help them put on like dress shoes whatever they truly like oh the patriarchy can't even bend yeah let's study endometriosis okay but my brother pops over his head with the shoe horn like by the way he's turning 40 soon continue you that's a grown man it's a grown man physically threatening people and and the cleaning woman like she was back like what the fuck she was like don't go into the disorbo's room it's a very scary in there my brother was like sorry and my mom goes no we're all family it's okay and i go it's okay that your son was gonna beat me with a shoe horse no it's a lot of therapy going on here so anyway that's a little bit about the just sorbo family trip summer is the season of ponytails messy buns and braids and when it's hot outside i need to get my hair off my neck and i used to feel so self-conscious about how my hair looked but after using neutrophil i realized such a difference in my hair.

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28:11Well, final notes about the Masseter Massacre, which is a new thing going around, is Yahoo.com wrote an article and said, comedian says her donkey smile is because of what when the fuck did we say don't ever said never said that also what does a donkey smile look like okay well no but i read it and i was like i'm being misquoted i've never then i was like did i say don't because you know sometimes you're like things get taken out of contact i've never said I would never say I have a donkey smile. I've also never said the word donkey. I've never... Smile and donkey together. Also, I would never shame a donkey.

28:56Like, animals are perfect. And, like, in what context? Like, are we talking about donkeys? No, literally, leave donkeys out of it. So, anyway, they just gaslit me to say that I called my... Just say I look like a donkey. Don't make it like I'm telling myself I look like a donkey. Who wrote it? Someone at Yahoo. who not a giggler no no no giggler would never um also everyone was worried about your like ganglion cyst and oh did you see like all the responses about what to do so many responses i think the number one response was like it's a five to ten minute procedure it's honestly not that big of a deal that's not the number one response i saw oh what was yours people were saying to hit it with a bible oh yeah is that that one i knew i knew that one that's great to get his bible and hit you with it he's gonna literally grab his shoe horn and be like i'd love to i've been waiting for you to ask no i knew that was like one of the things to do but i I don't want to do that.

30:09You don't want to do surgery on yourself? Well, everyone was like, it will come back if you do that. And even if you go and get it drained, most likely it comes back. They said the only way to really ensure it doesn't is to get the procedure. I think I would just go and get it drained. Are we becoming those girls in their 30s who were just talking about back pain and cysts? Okay, well, we're growing with the gigglers. we're all the same age and like this is what we're going through we're just talking about it and this is how you get endometriosis research money by continuing to talk about it yes yes i don't know what i'm gonna do with this thing because now she's like a part of me you know but someone did say stress and anxiety contribute to these i know i'm it's kind of you can like accessorize it maybe you could bedazzle it or something yeah maybe i could build it a little home get in an outfit a matching set put a little eyes and a mouth on it be like hold on i have to talk to my ganglion sister what do you think

31:23what up gang there they are they're coming so stupid i really miss you i feel like no i miss you so much like i feel like i have so much but like i need to see you in person you were dead but like so i didn't i was just like being like it'll be okay like i didn't know what to say but i also didn't want to bother you because you were dead but then i also didn't want to like make you think i forgot you were dying honestly nobody bothered me while i was dead because i haven't been this i haven't been this sick since truly truly like college high school I was so sick that I didn't even know where my phone was for the past week because I truly couldn't I couldn't even look at my screen I was so do you just say I jinxed us a couple episodes ago before the master massacre and your e.coli I I basically was like being in your 30s is great because when something bad happens to you in your 20s you're like this is the first time it's happening like I'm so scared my life is over but in your 30s you're like I've dealt with this I'll be okay and then things that have never happened to us like the smile situation I'm like I've never come across this has never come across my desk I don't know how to handle this I think this is the end for me so the universe loves to fuck with us and be like oh you think you know no I couldn't believe I said I had baby fever and then you almost died from a baby the hotel how like maitre d was like a bunch of kids brought it in and i was like those mother puckers also there's a lot of people from australia here oh um no which is crazy yeah i keep saying nar but because i feel like that flight is insane unless they live in america but it's funny it's funny to see what vacation spots people love like the british go to or the australian versus the americans yeah but australians i feel like are good vibes and they love to like have a good time well i think the gaggle of australian kids is who gave me this dire disease well i love how you are now in a full beef with a bunch of six-year-olds i've been well here's the thing because i got to the pool today and i go which one of you little slimy knee biters little rats yeah gave me a fucking virus no truly there were because the number one thing i thought there's like a lot of old people at our pool i feel like i was like if someone over the age of 75 is getting this that's it you're done i don't know how you're coming back from it because it was i i mean i I thought I was going to heaven at one point.

34:15Oh, God. Anywho. Well, the good news, I know I'm healing a little bit because, or maybe I'm just. In terms of what? Just because, not my mouth, but just because I'm like, maybe it's just because I'm bored in a hotel, but I've been like watching some reality TV. What have you been watching? Well, I sent you this like long voice note about Rhode Island. Did you listen? You did. Oh, my God. I sent you like when did you send it? it was during your death spiral oh then you know what yeah cause I was like I want her to wake up in the morning and just have like my opinions but I've been watching wait no you didn't or maybe you watched it during a blackout no I feel like I would have remembered pressing play are you sure it's sent?

35:00or maybe I sent it to the wrong person and they're like why is Hannah telling me? I got your screenshot pictures it was before that okay anyway keep going anyway we're just trying to figure out our communication um so but okay with Rhode Island I love the accent so much and I have to say Alicia is one of the funniest personalities to ever grace our screens and she truly is is not trying to be funny which I think is the most magical part about it when everything she says hits and her being like i love a sama i love a fig i love a cracker i love i love a horse i love a horse i love a horse you find out she's allergic to horses and she goes isn't that sad that's so sad because i love a horse because she she never laughs at her joke she just says it she billy billy billy it's just her personality she's incredible you've had her pizza pizza mama member yes remember lucho brought us pizza to radio city from rhode island and he was like this that was yes i'm pretty sure so she's a ceo yeah i'm pretty sure it was her place that that's where it was from i don't i also could have made that up but we'll have to ask lucha wow but i'm pretty sure you've had it but yeah people are like getting in fights and like it's just so nothing makes sense because of like edits so like you just don't know yeah anyone's actual stance like it's just so crazy there is a world where giggly squad in 10 to 20 years turns into just a reality tv recap pod because watching a reality show as an old old oh my god why did i just do that to myself as a former as a former reality person you can tell when it's the problem is bigger and they can't show it on tv because it won't it's too much it won't make sense and like there's a moment where you're like but what's the real fight about what was the reason yeah they're just saying yes to everything even the reunion where they're like rula why would you go on a reality show when your husband is mid-affair yeah and the guy the husband was kind of like i don't know i find them i find that archetype of people like because i would put them in the same obviously it's not the same thing because jen shaw literally scammed like so many people and old people which i think is disgusting but I'd put them in the same archetype of person where I'm where it's like wait but obviously people were gonna find out about this like why would you how could you go on a reality show doing something so horrible and also illegal in Jen's case and think that no one was gonna pick up on it I could be wrong but I feel like Rula and them at one point you have to look at like the little things people say at towards the end he was basically like the husband was like well we're the stars of the show and him saying that made me realize like oh they got the opportunity to do reality tv they want to be famous there were indiscretions but she was like we'll handle it also i love saying indiscretions they live they they use different words for when she goes they were echoes they were echoes that's what um liz says they have different words for like just he fucking cheated you know what i mean but um isn't it crazy how no they talk about their husband's cheating like it's the 1950s he stepped out he stepped out yes he steps out like he tripped i'm like at looking at the tv i'm like no he fucked someone else like what are you talking about if you want to stay with your man because like what that's fine but i think what was frustrating people was that she was trying to play dumb when she's not dumb she's not dumb at all she's extremely extremely smart and she kept being like just trusting him and i know it's because you want to trust him and you have a family with him but they really thought that they could go on the show and just like deny deny deny but joellen who by the way everyone calls her evil and she calls herself evil and then liz tries to be like they just don't show the evil stuff um but like she hasn't really done anything evil besides like be like a dog with a bone when it comes to a guy cheating but by the way like guys now are allowed to cheat and no one cares no one cares they're like well did she deserve it annoying probably yeah she like did she smirk weird when he did you think about like what she was like to live with oh my god it's okay he of course he should have cheated on her the girl that he fully had paperwork with also Rhode Island is a very interesting cast because they've all known each other for so long that's why it's good yeah think about like your high school friends or your college friends if you guys were all about to film a show in your head you would think like okay she's gonna be like this kind of character because that's how she is and she's gonna be like this so i think they all went into it the way they think of each other so like everyone's gonna hate joe allen because we hate joe allen but then they're on the show and america's watching and they're like well we love this woman she was never homeless she was never homeless oh my god she was never homeless i do love liz though like i like all of that Liz announced she's gone because I think Liz was gonna kill someone like Liz was like I don't wanna have to kill someone on this show and that's why I'm not gonna be here it is also like your first season of reality television it's such a blur because you're then obviously when it comes out you're like wait what like I can't believe I did that and it is intrusive it's extremely intrusive and not everyone once you get a taste of it not everyone wants to keep doing it so I like I kind of respect her decision or she's like I did it I like experienced it like so fun it's kind of similar to like a Jenna Lyons where she's like yeah I liked it but I don't like it enough to be like a full cast member where you have that much access to me well also you don't know you don't know what's gonna define you out of like all the hours that you film you don't know what moment people are gonna be like and that's who she is yeah and liz actually was really good and then i think liz had one of these when people would fight with her she would take it very personally because she was like i've known you since you were born since you were born i saw you come out of your mother's vagina and you are gonna attack me on tv like that's the thing it's when you confront someone on a reality show you're not just confronting them you're deciding i want america to see this accusation of you and it makes it so much deeper yeah and i feel like if you're on a reality show and you are the type of person to be like oh i don't think of the cameras like i just feel like you're lying no you're 100 % lying really you're not you don't think of the person the guy standing in front of you with the massive camera like you don't think about i mean you definitely can't control everything because you can't be on top of it all the time because it's too hard like you you'll forget like to control yourself i think when you film for so long at some point you're like i need to let out my opinion i think that they were a phenomenal cast and they did a phenomenal job as a first season phenomenal show i would say probably the best housewife franchise in years phenomenal because it's like their own culture and and also you know why they were good they make up fast like when alicia freaked out on rosie um because rosie was trying to stir the pot and then rosie was like hey i'm really sorry she was like i love you after she was like welcome to rhode island bitch like but that's what makes a good show to be like like if they stayed mad at other the rest of the show that's boring it's so boring get over it but the thing is come season two and season three people get really jealous and egos of who's doing well who's not so things get really and people get blinded by anger and then they do do things that are life ruining or life altering and because these are their real friends like i could see it being even harder like they've known them for so long also we have a reality tv update leila from mormon wise has come out as bisexual i get one stomach virus and i lose all track of the mormon wives wait they're it's insane right now the mormon wives online what are they doing what are they doing oh it's Well, also, I can't, like, follow court shit, but, like, Dakota and Taylor have, like, a live stream going of, like, a...

44:31What's it called when you, like, ask questions? A deposition. I don't understand what a deposition is because, like, you don't have to answer any questions if you don't want to. Why would you answer any questions if they're going to use it against you? I don't know. And ask Gary. Actually, don't. I don't. He's busy, like, trying to hit people with a shoehorn. no but no that dakota guy is real deranged like he's real scary he's on another level he's doing really scary things like timing the timing the videos he posts of her you can see in he just posted some video of her and she is very clearly like postpartum and she's begging him to just like stop like you can feel the frustration in her and that's like the craziest level of abuse that i like i i feel so bad it's reactive abuse which actually they do take advantage of with reality tv where sometimes they just show people's reactions and not what they're reacting to but that's just me raising awareness as you know this is the number one pet podcast in the world and that's why we love PetSmart.

45:46I mean, have you ever saw a PetSmart and not like gotten giddy and wanted to go in and just get like kitty every single gift that she needs? Well, you're not walking by a PetSmart and not looking in the window. I mean, you would be a monster if you were to not look in the window, see what's going on, see who's in there. I love PetSmart because not only can you get everything in store, but they also ship everything really fast. so sometimes I want to go online shopping for kitty too oh my god for sure and you get what you need when you need it there's so many ways to shop when life gets hectic you can get food for your cats you can get toys for your cats get a snack for your friend's dog you can get a collar for your friend's dog I was just gonna see how long you could go they have auto ship so you never run out of your pet's favorites by putting it on auto ship.

46:38Free same day delivery, store pickup, ship to home, in store. And PetSmart is the one-stop shop that delivers all my needs as a cat mom, which obviously, like celebrating Daphne's birthday, is a need, not a want, a need. So visit your local PetSmart store. Go to PetSmart.com today. PetSmart, anything for pets. This episode is brought to you by Experian Boost. Red flag, he Venmo requests you for coffee. Green flag, he raises his FICO score with Experian Boost. Tell me if this sounds familiar. You've been paying your bills on time every month. Your utilities, your phone, your rent, your insurance.

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48:24That's why I've been obsessed with the Breezely collection from Lululemon. I recently wore the breezily mid-rise cropped pants to lunch and they're exactly what you need in your summer staples. They have this relaxed effortless look that's somehow casual and polished at the same time. And not to mention they're so lightweight and breathable. Sometimes pants in the summer feel like a personal attack and these absolutely don't. They're made with Lululemon Swift fabric so they stay airy and comfortable and they move with you instead of feeling restrictive. The fit is drapey and easy, but still looks elevated.

48:58And that's what I love about the Breezely collection in general. It feels like clothing for when you want to look like you made an effort without actually doing the hard part. I wear Lululemon and you should too. Go to lululemon.com right now. New styles drop all the time and the colors go fast, so don't wait. And if something doesn't work for you, free returns always. That's lululemon.com, lululemon.com. There's never been a better time to get outside and experience the benefits of nature. Discover nearby trails and explore the outdoors with AllTrails. Download the free app today and find your outside.

49:43Taylor is fighting with all the other girls right now. About what? All the other girls are mad at her. I think she had said, like, I'm the founder of MomTalk. and then Whitney Leavitt comes into the chat and is basically like founders like multiple people founded it and then Whitney's filming with all the other girls and then Taylor posts basically like how could you how could you from outside the club you can't even get in and it's all these texts of opportunities she had that she said no to and the other girls said yes to and then the internet's divided because they're like is that a flex that you like didn't want to do gigs and the other girls did it like i don't know it's it's just so mom talk is in chaos well let's call a spade a spade maybe multiple of them founded mom talk they got a show because of taylor yeah yeah that's the only reason the only reason they're on tv is because taylor had an affair but again this is what happens with reality tv it gets to the point where it's like just egos like who who gets the credit who gets the credit and who deserves what but you're right about dakota like the first scene when they were in that restaurant and he goes i couldn't believe you messaged me like i could just tell that he was a fame whore yeah like he's just a fan that like got in he is a fan he is the biggest fan he's not even a fan because i feel like that's a compliment he wants to be her yeah he wants to be the founder of mom talk he's like a good enough looking guy bachelor that she messaged him and he basically was like this is my she's my like um what do they call it silver spoon

51:32i don't know that i mean i guess you could use that in that context but i don't think that is traditionally blacked out what did i say well typically the saying is like they were born with a silver spoon in their mouth like they were born with like a leg up they were born like wealthy but I guess actually you could say she's my spoon. I digress. I actually kind of like that. That's actually like, yeah, throw a new spin on it. Take that dick out of your mouth and that silver spoon. Do me a favor. Take that dick out of your mouth and put in this silver spoon. From rags to riches. No, like, and you guys, we're not high right now.

52:24um wait do you want to hear something really sad no the owner of the gelato shop in town passed away so they shut down the gelato shop and there's a sign in the window all i could think about is your grandpa i don't know why oh and in the sign in the window it said clothes due to mourning and i was like no italians are so good at processing their emotions G. Angelo wouldn't have wanted us to continue without him for the week Why did I turn into Long Island? G. Angelo Isn't that so sad? Well, Italians love putting up a clothes sign They love be back later Taking a day off They're taking a day off See ya, BRB Well, I send my condolences to the gelato king um but anyway no easy way to segue but Layla had her first orgasm oh okay which is so funny but no she had her orgasm but she also she's bi so basically like men just weren't doing it for her and everyone was like pointy finger at her like you have to like figure out how to orgasm and she's like I can't with a man and then one day she woke up and she was like oh because I like women yeah i was gonna say she has a girlfriend she couldn't do it with a vibrator like before maybe i think she was but she like wasn't it wasn't happening with men so she has like a hot girlfriend with tattoos yeah yeah i love that for her i'm like so i'm so happy and if i could i would i would i would but i can't then on my tiktok something came up i don't know why i get all these tiktoks about guys on the dl maybe it's because i was on the dl in a past life if you don't know what that means it means straight men who are gay on the down low and this guy speaks as like a former dl man and he's like this gorgeous guy who like is straight passing and he's like hey as a former dl man i just want you to know that guys on the dl tend to go for like really traditional beautiful women like so we think we just think about it like kind of like a gay guy we're like that's gorgeous I'd rather be around that and he's like really traditional beautiful women end up with guys in the DL a lot and I was like I have to send this to Paige but you know all these like girls on Instagram who are gorgeous and then they have these gorgeous boyfriends and then you click on the boyfriend and you hear him talk and you're like why would No, the amount of times I've like followed a girl for years and I've never looked at their husband and then I've just randomly given a gander.

55:05I'm like, I think that man is gay. Well, because in photos they look so good together. Yeah, I'm like a gorgeous couple. Because they're facetuning each other. There's actually a girl on the internet. I don't even know what her name is. like on tiktok that's like a crazy girl like a crazy like you should not go to school and just like get married like one of those girls i don't even know but she like fights with people on the internet and then like they showed a picture of her husband they know they showed a video of her husband like and it was so blatantly obvious that he it was just like sad i'm like they get these girls get brainwashed but then part of me like my feelings were hurt because i was like oh so i'm not good looking enough for a deal okay to fuck with me have you never dated someone where you've like been out with them and you're like taking a minute where you're like i think you might be gay never the only gay guy that i ever dabbled with i never hooked up with him was one of these guys who was like too masculine like he was over like so masculine and then when i heard that he might be messing around with men like a year later i just talked to him for a couple months i was like oh that makes sense that's a different that's a different kind of different trauma response that's like guys in the military who were like super buff and tatted up and just the most masculine guy ever and then you find out he's on a dl so he he really tricked me some of these guys are not out here even trying to trick girls yeah i like them to put it all out on the table they're like don't want to stomp that last season product she want me honey and i'm like let's get married wait i have to tell you guys page and i like pitched this like show concept where like page falls in love um with a guy who pretends to be gay or who is actually gay and she finds out later and these people gave us notes and they were like but that doesn't like it's not realistic and we were like this is based on a biography this is based on real life on the ground journalism one of the writers was like we just feel like page is too smart and she'd catch on and me and hannah and we're like uh actually we don't think that they go page is way too smart to fall for something like that i'm like this is happening to girls every single day this is an epidemic that we have to talk about all over america women are getting tricked okay but then it's like is it better sometimes to just be with a dl guy who like understands your fashion and like likes to gossip with you and is good looking no okay no i think that that's the whole argument of like lavender marriages i think lavender marriages work i get those i understand if you want to have children and this is your friend and you're and they're gay whatever it's also it's kind of like an arranged marriage where if like two people earnestly believe this is what they want it can work like if the if the guy's like this is what i want to be for me it worked anyway anyway i have a sports update since this is a sports podcast and you guys have all been waiting for the sports updates is this is the cups i'm officially into the world why did i just say that wait you are i was just gonna say is it still going on des came over and was like we're watching the world cup and i was like okay and i like made him explain shit to me and then like now i'm i'm like all in it's so annoying like i was watching it alone last night but um oh i hate when you do stuff like that i have like a weird like hyper fixation with it you get so into randoms i know now i'm in a k-hole now my whole feed is like men kicking and now you have to look them all up okay give I mean, what's the deal with the guy with all the goddamn Birkins?

59:02Oh, so it looks like he is lip filler, but he's just from Switzerland. So, like, men are just beautiful in Switzerland. They just have, like, high cheekbones and huge lips and just, like, he's, like, 6 '5", huge. Blue eyes. Blue eyes. Can't even look right at him. Like, ah! So he's just really good and has a good personality and he's talented and he's winning. but soccer is just I mean I don't really have any insight I just didn't understand why every play they don't just like someone kicks the ball towards the goal and then they all jump and like have a chance to get it in because like it's so fucking hard to get a goal I'm like why are we not just like I feel like percentage wise just kick it near the goal and see what happens and Des is like no they have to set up the play they have to set up the play I'm like yeah but they could be setting up to play all fucking game and someone like hits it off their ankle and it goes another goal also why the fuck would america create football and call it football when the entire world was using the term football for soccer like well that's like us using inches in fahrenheit yeah but but no actually no way you no point

1:00:34but like football was created in what like the 50s yeah like football was already a thing like call it call something like soccer was yeah like the game of soccer was already a thing so when they created american football and they're like what should we call it they were a bunch of idiots got together and was like why don't we steal the name of a sport that's already being played like why didn't anyone stop them yeah like who was the head of the meeting that day also foot and ball in american they don't ever kick it they kick it they have a kick but they have like a kicker that why wouldn't it be called handball that's a thing too that's a separate thing we'll come up with another thing but you know it made me think comparing the two american football should have been called soccer and football and soccer should have been called football possibly because what the hell is soccer the branding is all over the place it's all over the place and it's because it's all the men all the men yeah because men don't straight men don't know branding that's for sure but with soccer the men like they want to get called fouls called so they like flop like they get hit slightly and they do the whole like rolling around like a fish on the ground they're your cat when you're away for a while and you come home they just fall in front of you or like a toddler they're like a toddler where like they fall and you're looking at them like are you gonna cry are you gonna cry and they look around to see if no ref calls a whistle they just get up and keep going oh they're they're sick they're liars and cheaters no they're really sick but it's funny because football yeah they have pads and stuff but football american football so fucking complicated they're getting hit with each other's helmets like rammed every play and these are six eight guys that rammed get right back up run back to the play and then soccer someone's like kind of like hits another guy's shin and they act like they're hit by a car when i got hit by a car i had less reaction american football is like truly modern day like gladiators yeah which and it's not right it's not right because yes he did get up immediately and go back to the line but his brain is bleeding and he can't spell murder someone in five to ten years we don't know there's a 50 chance someone's gonna get murdered the men don't have a good enough track record that we're taking this many chances with them also what's crazy is like if he murders someone he still will probably just get like a three-day suspension isn't it crazy really that like men commit 90 of violent crimes like is that like we don't say that enough just every day that was in my first special when i talk about gun violence yeah doing the work of the people yeah because that's just a crazy statistic 90 if only women were allowed to have guns gun violence would be down 80 because occasionally we'd have a slip up look i thought it was on sale you said it was on sale now you're saying it's not on sale i want to return this i can't find the receipt you're saying just in-store credit well now i need to pull out my gun there's a Sephora sale going on and I feel like things are getting sold out um you guys thank you so much for getting with us thank you for all your support during this difficult time that both of us have been navigating you are our rock we love you so much and also we may have some merch dropping soon see ya love you so much bye

1:04:35Thank you.