Giggling about fashion week, think tanks, and per se

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0:50Paige DeSorbo: $25 minimum and loyalty membership required. Order eligible items by 2 p.m. Subject to weight and size restrictions and availability. The terms at Lowe's dot com slash shipping terms.

1:00Hannah Berner: This episode is sponsored by the new Hershey's Creme Bars in salted caramel and affogato. Lately, I've been realizing that luxury doesn't have to mean some huge splurge. Sometimes it's just taking a few minutes to yourself during a busy day. I have one of these moments. Oh, I don't know. Every day around two o 'clock, whether that's making a pick me up coffee or maybe I just need to scroll for a little bit on the couch. That's why I'm actually so excited about the new Hershey's Salted Caramel and Affogato Creme Bars available now. I absolutely love a treat yourself moment in the middle of the day, and this is a classic Hershey's milk chocolate layered with a salted caramel or affogato creme filling, so it feels a little elevated while still being your favorite Hershey's chocolate.

1:46Hannah Berner: Pick up the new Hershey's Creme Bars and Salted Caramel or Affogato wherever you shop for snacks and choose happiness with every bite. sup gigglers carry it fix the wi-fi manifest that shit we can't be managed

2:05i mean the day just got away from me hello my glitzy gigglers it's fashion week

2:14Paige DeSorbo: it's fashion wait let me get my shades on it's fashion week it's too much hannah's got me up at 8 30 a.m i just opened my eyes i do have to say the reason i'm so awake is woke up to um humble brag name drop voice message from chelsea handler did not realize i was going to the us open with hannah calls me in a tizzy she's like wait i don't like remember how the text went i somehow miscommunicated with chelsea handler that we're going to the us open and she's like i'll see you tomorrow pick you up at three you know we don't talk about enough on this pod that i miscommunicate

2:52Hannah Berner: with everyone that you just like flex on us randomly well i'm feeling a little insecure

2:58Paige DeSorbo: because you've been hanging out with kendall jenner all week so like i had a plug i had to do a plug i met her for two and a half minutes yeah but the way she looked at you i didn't like that she loved you she literally was like oh that's my girl we didn't talk about it because she is

3:16Hannah Berner: brunette yeah no she she loved you and it's like when you hang out with people you're hanging out

3:20Paige DeSorbo: with blondes it's kind of like when you have a hot boyfriend like i want girls to look at him like he's hot like i want other girls to want to be friends with you but i just want them to put in the time and effort right anywho oh yeah so somehow you guys i'm going to the u.s open

3:38Hannah Berner: tonight with my mom what are you wearing doll i didn't go to the this is the first time in 10 years I haven't gone to the U.S. Open. In 10 years? Yeah I've gone every year for like 10 years. Oh my god and you just learned the rules last year. No you want to know what like 10 years? Wait do you want to know something and this happens at every sporting event in my life because then I sat down and I thought about it and I'm like why is it impossible for me to retain this information you don't care every year the super bowl comes or like some playoff games come that people are like big game we're going we're doing a party or we're going somewhere get an outfit and every year i relearn the rules of football and i think i got this this is easy

4:28Paige DeSorbo: not to defend you but you have so many algorithms in your head for outfits you're putting together for the event that by the time you get there you're burnt you've nothing left to give i have

4:38Hannah Berner: to go to the Giants game on Sunday I can't figure out what to wear it's killing me I'm doing all fashion week stuff all I care about is this Giants outfit because it's stumping me wait because it's nighttime I don't know what the weather is like it's a nighttime game vibe is very different and then it's like if the sun goes down and it drops to like 60 I'm gonna be freezing

5:00Paige DeSorbo: but if I'm there for a tailgate I'll be sweating my balls off I feel like ESPN like hears about us Like someone's like in the network meeting, they're like, okay, the numbers are good. But Giggly Squad, the number one sports podcast in the world is really like we don't try to talk about sports.

5:17Hannah Berner: Do you think I can find a red track jacket anywhere to get shipped to me in less than two days? This is the problem with shopping. I can't go anywhere and get anything immediately. Track jackets are trending. They've been trending for six months. Why the fuck can I find a red track jacket? interesting i want a windbreaker i want like i want something that i can curl under that i can wear with a black capri and then i can decide if i want to do a flat or a sandal like a heeled thong sandal that was my vision for the outfit look but now i'm like i'm rethinking everything

5:55Paige DeSorbo: when in doubt windbreaker it out yeah that's what we say that's what we say because the truth is you're never too cold you're never too hot you can bloat in it you look like you could you're leaving at any time which is cool girl i can wear a comfy tank under it oh i love it and then if you want to show a little decolletage you can but then if you want to be stuck up you can pull it up you do a stud and a track jacket and you can put hair up if you want you could also put it down she's rich but she's not throwing it in your face yes well that's why the ysl windbreaker is so fucked up track jackets just says so much and also you are the fastest kid in the fifth grade so it just like is a great callback fourth grade and i owe it all to these one pair of nike sneakers

6:42Hannah Berner: that i really i feel like they never remade the bottom of those sneakers are the best bottoms i've ever had the ones that had the they were bounce a little bit they were rippled all the way down and the side was a pink nike sign but hannah it was metallic it was like hard it was like 3d like

7:02Paige DeSorbo: you could touch it it was pink metallic i'm just envisioning you winning the olympics and going on stage and everyone's like how did you do it and i'm like you're like the pink metallic nike heel

7:12Hannah Berner: that i wore was so iconic i'm not kidding i love them so much i got them the next year in silver every year before school my mom would take me to get my sneaker for the year and it stumped me i'm obsessed with you every year i was like i can't do this again i don't know i would call one of my friends who was like sporty and i'd be like what's in for sneakers

7:37Paige DeSorbo: in your world what are the sporty what are they doing sweaty girls wearing now

7:44Hannah Berner: did you have like different gym outfits each year no we wore gym uniforms so the only thing i was in

7:49Paige DeSorbo: charge of where the sneakers you would have hated our gym uniform at ms 51s it was um yellow and blue i don't mind there was no gay behind that there was it was a big yellow shirt and not like cute butter yellow like in your face yellow and then blue it was shorts it wasn't good with my skin tone but let me just say i love gym class yeah no okay so every year i learned the rules of the

8:17Hannah Berner: US Open the Super Bowl and like horse betting those are my three that I learned wait so now I'm worried as you guys know my dream is to be friends with Chelsea Handler like that was my

8:31Paige DeSorbo: dream it's happened but now it's like I have to deal with the consequences of my actions if I'm with Chelsea men's semi-finals Tiafoe Ben Shelton I might get hammered I think if there's

8:46Hannah Berner: ever a time for you specifically as hannah lucy burner scorpio wait your birthday no we had your

8:54Paige DeSorbo: birthday by the way i still haven't gotten my present you want to know why because i look at

9:00Hannah Berner: your present every single day and you want it no and i want to like mail it to you and i'm like that's my friend i need to give it to her in person i'm gonna see her in person last night i was like page's birthday's coming and i was like stemper october november and i literally was

9:17Paige DeSorbo: like we have to i would start googling i was like cool girl present do you know once a year i text

9:22Hannah Berner: grace at it could be any month of the year and you when's your birthday and i go when is hannah's

9:27Paige DeSorbo: birthday again oh well yours on google's wrong like i always know it's august but every time i

9:35Hannah Berner: i think i gaslight myself into like changing the day in my own head you know doesn't i have the

9:39Paige DeSorbo: same day like i'm august 12th he's november 12th and i don't know what that means but i can make it up definitely means something right for sure yeah there's like all this different stuff like you can

9:51Hannah Berner: do like your life path number oh yeah and you can like add all so 12 and 12 definitely means something

9:57Paige DeSorbo: i love what that's the only math you do you're like if you add one plus two it equals three

10:02Hannah Berner: if you think i haven't written down 1999 i love when you're surgeon they're like you're 1992

10:08Paige DeSorbo: you're a creative leader you're an adventure adventure discoverer no but they're accurate

10:16Hannah Berner: you're a librarian okay so what are you going to wear to the u.s open now two days in a row

10:23Paige DeSorbo: this is my thing my dream is wearing some like really cool vintage preppy like tennis inspired like fucking sweater shit i don't know but i've been told by the people around me on my team i have to be more subdued i can't dress like a clown like they're like you're 35 now like they want me to wear more black and like be calm and i'm like that's what i wear every day but like when i'm on the red carpet yeah that's not who you are though i i'm on drag race yeah that's fun

10:55Hannah Berner: when look not just sound like 87 years old but like we're not always going to be on red carpets

11:06Paige DeSorbo: well look at Jane Fonda I'm sorry I'm I feel like red carpets are for any age yeah no but I'm saying

11:15Hannah Berner: like there might not always be a time where you're like I want to go on this red carpet or I want to throw a fit on this carpet i think do it do it now how you want to do it how fun i do have to say

11:27Paige DeSorbo: because this is so last minute it's up in the air and i know that stresses you out but you if worst case scenario i skip the carpet if the outfit's just like not outfitting oh yeah you've

11:37Hannah Berner: done it yeah yeah yeah they're sick they're actually like kind of burners here okay but there's gonna be pictures of chelsea handler sitting hey it's hannah should we let her on

11:46Paige DeSorbo: wait it's gonna be so embarrassing when it goes the jumbotron is gonna go to chelsea handler and

11:51Hannah Berner: i'm just gonna be sitting next yeah that's why you have to have at least a good outfit from the waist up wait should i make out with her on the jumbotron imagine that would be iconic that would be a really good promo for a tennis movie that would literally be madonna britney spears in comedy like if you and chelsea handler wrote a tennis movie together tennis lesbian commentator movie and you starred in it tennis lesbian sports broadcasters and the way you did the first promo of the movie was at the u.s open on the jumbotron and everyone picked it up like they thought it was real and then everyone was like actually it's a promo for a movie we use this podcast it's it's just brainstorming incubator this is silicon valley for girls wait not even speaking of but it's actually been on my mind for like the past two days i don't know why are we just never getting taylor swift's wedding pictures was that the gag hey i'm having a thousand

12:52Paige DeSorbo: people you'll never see it well people were commenting apparently travis said apparently he said like the show was great like he called it a show which made people feel like that wasn't actually their wedding ceremony it was more like a but this is the thing if you're gonna have a big shebang don't you want to publicize it well i don't even care about the wedding per se i love when you say per se it tickles my fancy and i think more companies should be named per se every sentence should start with per se because it makes sense per se it's like it's like millennial lol you can end every sentence with per se it's also kind of like a really cute girl's name

13:46Paige DeSorbo: say it per se

13:51Hannah Berner: p.s so cute think about the themed birthday parties p.s

13:57Paige DeSorbo: she's like they're all little writers yeah think about the embroidery

14:01Hannah Berner: so cute you have to think about these things what were we saying wait i have an invention for our incubator okay okay actually this is so page coded but i have to remember to bring

14:14Paige DeSorbo: i have this one pair of black capris that like fit me right that i might wear at the us open but i have to remember to pack it and i'm jumping on i just have to remember back okay and that's the kind of thing like i know i'm gonna forget and i realize like people will be like hey siri remind me that doesn't work for me i don't talk to siri i've actually never spoken to siri in my life so interesting so like also i don't know when i'm actually walking out the door and like if i put it in my notes i don't click the notes so it's like i want an app on the phone that's like put it calls you no i just want it like sorry that's lois and happy birthday lois so cute i want it to just like be popped up on your screen like permanently like when you have important things that you can't forget at any time.

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17:03Hannah Berner: Thanks. I did a Metacube sleeping mask last night and I also popped a pippin ball. I feel like you already started Fashion Week, but we have our first fashion shows together.

17:15Paige DeSorbo: Yep. How are you preparing for the fashion shows you're going to? Like tell the gigglers.

17:21Hannah Berner: The only preparation I'm doing is like picking out my outfits. Like I got invited. This is the first time I've ever gotten invited to like a Chanel anything. Really? And I got invited to this dinner tonight. And so I'm like, I've never tried on more outfits. More Chanel. No, I don't even have any Chanel. So I'm like, I'm like, does this give Chanel? And then I'm like, is everyone going to be wearing Chanel? or is that like not cool? Should it be like one thing? It's just -

17:52Paige DeSorbo: Relatable issues.

17:54Hannah Berner: Stupid problem of the day. But I'm so excited to go. So I don't even care what else I'm doing because that is my first thing this week. But I haven't really done any preparation skin-wise that's different from my usual routine.

18:14Paige DeSorbo: I was going to get a spray tan, but I like don't have it in me. And sometimes I can't do it. And I'm like tannish. It's just, I don't know, I can't.

18:27Hannah Berner: I know. I'm 35. I am going to LA at the end of the month, and I am already thinking about the spray tan I'm going to get. Now you make me feel like I should have gotten a spray tan. And let's just point out to the gigglers, you've been sending me pics of red hair.

18:44Paige DeSorbo: Oh, okay. well you're you're a demon yeah you're an actual demon you waited till the last second of the last podcast like every i was like amazing good good to see you love you bye and you go wait one more thing one more little tiny thing she goes small thing that you'll think about for the next three days you look like shit and then hangs up and i was like okay my hope i thought she was like into the vibe i was bringing to the function so then i'm looking in the mirror like this is all wrong this whole type is all wrong and then dez agreed with you that's when you know we've plotted and no i'm just kidding did he start it like he texted you like can hannah please change her hair

19:30Hannah Berner: hue i'm no better than a man i'm looking at pictures of girls all day long yeah like all i do is look at pictures of women and i admire them and i think like what are cool things that i could take from my from their life and put it into my life and one of the things that brings me joy is looking at different redheads just redhead it's like me looking at at white cats yes it's it's

19:56Paige DeSorbo: actually the exact equivalent yeah when I look at ragdoll cats I'm like this is Paige's culture

20:01Hannah Berner: yeah I'm like my friend could do this and I'm like oh my god she could rock this shade I think I will

20:08Paige DeSorbo: go a deeper red but i also had a moment where i was like do i just fucking go back brunette but then the people around me said no really time well i was like for casting because you know my casting for auditions it hasn't been going well the last three months because of

20:28Hannah Berner: my master you're but you're dealing with something and i don't and this is exactly what happens to women when they can't change one thing they want to try and change another and it's not the thing

20:39Paige DeSorbo: we're changing wait also this is so stupid but when you change your hair color you have to

20:46Hannah Berner: get like new extension colors oh they're gonna say a whole new personality you have to get a whole new wardrobe you have you're a you are a different person i have to walk into rooms

20:57Paige DeSorbo: differently i have to walk differently i talk differently me with bangs much more anxious oh yeah no you're more neurotic with bangs you have to be like girls with bangs are smart because they have to prepare girls with bangs have something something hiding under there also i love how you only bring them out like when you want they're

21:20Hannah Berner: not for every occasion i just pretend i don't have it's giving snooki right now that's me just being like and i'm 33 i don't give a fuck what you say do you know what i love that like i can't pull off

21:35Paige DeSorbo: but i want you to i love when they take the bang and they do that like side like slick side like

21:41Hannah Berner: short like okay well it's funny because i didn't know anything that i was gonna wear to the chanel dinner but all i wanted to do was like a slick back bun like all the way back like no part oh And then just like one bang. I don't know why that was my vision, but because I don't even have my outfit yet.

22:04Paige DeSorbo: Will the bang just be like, like alfalfa?

22:08Hannah Berner: I want just like one. Will it be slicked down like, like curled? No, not like slick to my forehead, just like that. But like, that was my vision. But I go on pinch. All I do is Pinterest.

22:20Paige DeSorbo: Sorry, this is pretty privileged and I have to call it out. She's like, what if we just did like a random this and a random that and it's like yeah you'll look pretty because you have like a nice symmetrical beautiful face meanwhile i was on a zoom yesterday with grace my hair in a bun i started playing with these hairs and i was just like braiding them new growth that looks like new growth hannah what if i show but the chanel dinner like this

22:47Hannah Berner: with the right outfit it's actually really I have a bone to pick with you because and I have and I've actually been keeping it in because I haven't even wanted to broach the subject with you it's only 8 53 a.m and now you want to start shit with me come on let's go it's not it's gonna end up working in your favor though but a couple months ago you brought something up and you said and we all made fun of you and we said

23:13Paige DeSorbo: you were crazy and outlandish if i had a nickel if i had a fucking nickel but really you were right

23:23Hannah Berner: and he was a monster um but hannah i can't stop thinking about like a pixie cut like a really short like a super like one of my girlfriends has a super short haircut and she looks cute i got goosebumps like i'm gonna cry that's my dream for you i just can't stop thinking about like okay like what if i got a bob and i'm like but what if i did a different kind of bob and it was really more just like he like i don't know and then i'm like that's a pixie audrey hepburn like and you

24:02Paige DeSorbo: just do all different you could do all your weird little fucking bang yeah i know but like not it it needs to commit like i want to see the shape of the back of your head here's the thing here's

24:14Hannah Berner: the thing it's not just changing my hair i need new friends i need new like i need new restaurants i need new outfits she goes you're the first that's getting cut babe and if you're not fire engine red i'm sorry we can't hang out this i can't walk in with a pixie cut and then just my

24:34Paige DeSorbo: brunette friend you need to be something wait if you walked into the chanel dinner with a literal pixie every girl in new york city would we have a pixie cut by the fall no i mean that it's that

24:48Hannah Berner: is so extreme i'd have to really be going through something to just like do that extreme but i've been thinking about it there's just so many factors i'm inspired by my mom but like maybe

24:58Paige DeSorbo: You do it when you're pregnant one day. Like it's summer, you're pregnant, and you want to cut it off.

25:04Hannah Berner: I just feel like a massive round face matching my stomach. The last thing I'm thinking about is cutting my hair up to here.

25:14Paige DeSorbo: Yeah, your tongue is going to be too swollen.

25:16Hannah Berner: Because I gain weight in my face. First of all, no, you don't. The first place I gain weight, my face. No, you don't. No, I do. oh when i got my wisdom teeth out my dad said don't look at me

25:30Paige DeSorbo: he said i'm sorry all i have to say is it's giving your cat journey where like you told me at one point you were like literally go fuck yourself go fuck yourself go fuck yourself and

25:40Hannah Berner: then one day you were like i have an idea i'm no better than a man you're no better than a man but

25:48Paige DeSorbo: it's gonna take longer because even when you first said i wanted a cat it took a lot of time

25:54Hannah Berner: one thing about me i have to do things on my own time i know and that could be three minutes

25:59Paige DeSorbo: that could be three years that's why one thing i've never i've never pressured you to do anything

26:04Hannah Berner: but i do have recommendations yeah where you on the other hand will be like you look like shit

26:11Paige DeSorbo: i can't do this anymore you look like a clown by the way the beginning of summer house i was blonde and no one talks about it i didn't know i was blonde can we talk about that do you ever not know that you're blonde i thought i was just getting highlights you know what i didn't realize

26:29Hannah Berner: you didn't know you weren't blonde until one day you came in with like a super low light and you were like hey i was blonde it's because i can't communicate with people remember when like j-lo when i can't believe i just said j-lo remember jennifer lopez went like super blonde or like kind of blonde like when kim kardashian went blonde that's what you are that color you were

26:55Paige DeSorbo: like honey-ish it's insane how bad i am at communicating when all i fucking do is talk to people all day but like i can't communicate and i never wanted i always wanted warm like i like warm tones anyway i have a really bad miscommunication problem i went to the chiropractor yesterday shout out to all my gigglers in the dm they're like hey i went to harvard i'm a physical therapist this is what you should do i am gonna physical therapy is number one by the way i don't recommend chiropractor over physical therapy chiropractor was just me having some fun having

27:26Hannah Berner: some whimsy yeah just testing it out seeing what works but um the lady like my biggest fear is when

27:33Paige DeSorbo: i do stuff it's gonna make it worse like i got a massage it made it worse i'm going to chiropractor i'm like please don't make it worse i got botox in my masters and made my life worse this is why i don't do things is why i don't leave the house right so i go and i've done this thing they put the stem machine on your back and what they normally say is like let us know when we should stop describe the contraption they put this like cold stuff like an ultrasound on your back and they put these like stickers on and it adds like electricity yeah yeah yeah but they don't want to electrocute you but they want to like do it strong enough that it's doing something so you tell them like when it's strong enough is it like instant relief it feels like a deep deep stimulation i did something like that but it was for like to get abs you're like i did that on my

28:23Hannah Berner: clip sorry alexa made me go and like do that somewhere on like my butt and my abs did it work

28:29Paige DeSorbo: i mean maybe i don't know not really i'm glad it felt good but she like i've done this before they always say like tell us when it's strong enough she like didn't say that how many levels

28:41Hannah Berner: like like it goes up to like you just hear like beep beep and it just keeps getting stronger

28:45Paige DeSorbo: but she didn't verbalize like say something okay and like in that moment by the way i'm like she should say that and then she's like just doing it and i'm like does she know and then it gets like really fucking strong and then i guess i like can't be assertive and finally i'm like that's good and then she's like great leaves the room it's way too strong oh my god hannah my back is like spasming and then as my back is spasming i'm like do i yell from this office but then i'm like that's so embarrassing i'm not yelling from this office hannah you're literally and then i'm like i'm trapped like getting electrocuted like i'm getting a lobotomy how are the patches on you

29:29Hannah Berner: are they like stuck to you like yeah they're like stick you can rip it off but like i'm not trying to create a scene no i would have ripped it off see that's i can't be no if i'm uncomfortable

29:39Paige DeSorbo: i'm screaming i have a high tolerance for my back is like like it's literally i can feel it spasming and then i'm like okay she'll come back to check on me right she'll come back so i'm spasming and then i hear like someone come into the office and it's like an old employee and they're all like oh my god so then there's like stuff going on happy birthday he's like surprise it's been 20 years and everyone's like how have you been tell us everything how's your how's your kid did you have did you get married what was the wedding well when i left in 2004 i'll start there what every employee is now like in the lobby talking to this person so i'm like this is now if I was going to cause a scene like now like this is way yeah I can't so then she eventually came in I was like can you make a little less and she's like okay good news I woke up this morning my back's not fucked but um that's just a glimpse into the life of me trying to better myself

30:37Hannah Berner: how long realistically do you think you were laying there with it turned all the way up

30:44Paige DeSorbo: like like five minutes it felt like two hours it was probably like eight minutes no so you would

30:53Hannah Berner: have like escaped before she left the room i would have been like actually let's lower it a little

30:58Paige DeSorbo: you know that's what it is i don't listen to my first instinct you have to you have to it's you

31:06Hannah Berner: you have to it's the only thing i listen to do you know i want to say though now that i'm 35

31:12Paige DeSorbo: five i was voice noting someone and like i knew t about someone that they knew and normally i would just be like wanting to be liked and just like tell them just to like be a fun friend did you tell me this tea yeah you know this james oh okay proceed and then i stopped for a second i said you know what you can't just tell everyone everything you can't and i've lived my whole life telling everyone everything i'm trying to be like okay she might not think this conversation's as fun as it would have been but i don't need to spread information to people who might i don't trust with

31:50Hannah Berner: it well what people don't realize truly the art of gossip is to is to actually not gossip oh because so many people like will tell you things because they'll be like who's she gonna tell She's never told a single soul. So you have to have one person that you tell everything to, but you can't say it to everyone because then not everyone's going to tell you stuff. And so you need to keep your mouth shut so that certain people feed you the info. Like, I feel like I've stared people straight in the face, listened to a story that they've told me about themselves, and in my head I've been like, I already know.

32:37Hannah Berner: like I already know this gossip I was gossiping with someone not even I actually wasn't gossiping because it was about myself I was telling someone something about myself and this person started to cry and I was like oh my god why are you crying like it's a truly you don't have to cry like I'm not upset like I'm just like I'm telling you this story that happened in my life you don't have to cry about this they stopped crying and they said yeah sorry i actually don't know why i did that because i already know this story she was she was acting too hard they're like i think you never heard it before and she's like it was one of those moments honey i remember where i was what time it was what day of the week i stopped dead in my tracks i go never have i ever had someone admit to me that they were like that they were scamming me like that they already knew the gossip now if I know something I'm not saying I'm not saying yeah I know so-and-so told me especially if you're telling me like a vulnerable story I'm I'm in the moment with you I'm forgetting that I even knew

33:52Paige DeSorbo: this you don't want to give away your source yeah I do feel like there's a lot of comedy gossip where like when I'm on the road with my openers like I haven't been in the clubs in a minute so I that's the best gossip because like I'm not there so I'm like it's it doesn't have to do with me yeah so that's like the best kind of gossip gossip about other people yeah that's the best

34:15Hannah Berner: when you're not involved your friends aren't involved that's the best kind of gossip I think

34:19Paige DeSorbo: people open up to me and then I have this wealth of knowledge I would never tell if someone says don't tell anyone I wouldn't tell it was insecurities of my own that I wasn't enough I wasn't enough just existing and you have to have unconditional love surrounding you not based on good gossip that you figured out sometimes I've gotten some of the best gossip

34:42Hannah Berner: in the world and someone has called me and been like I know you have this gossip and I have been like I really don't what do you like what have you heard also think I can't lie yeah you're

34:57Paige DeSorbo: you're better not lying but you're better at poker face yes because I feel like I deep down in my

35:06Hannah Berner: core of my personality is who are you I don't owe you anything who are you to ask me something that I know that you think that you should also know where you're nicer one follow-up question you get

35:21Paige DeSorbo: it from me one follow-up where you don't think you don't have that no I am you know what it is

35:27Hannah Berner: this is what it is I'm too trusting and you're not pessimistic about anything where I am when I

35:34Paige DeSorbo: meet someone I assume they're angels I assume that they've been brought to me by God to be a beautiful spirit in my life and then i get fucked and nine times out of ten and it's crazy at 30 that's what it is i'm so trusting that i assume people will like savor the information the right way not use it against me not use it against other people because i'm just having innocent

35:58Hannah Berner: fun because the first person they're calling they're saying guess what the fuck hannah burner just told me that's how they're starting out the story and i don't know if it's also because

36:10Paige DeSorbo: i am like a tennis nerd where like my my social stuff was like me playing mind games with girls on tennis courts it wasn't like friend drama like my drama was competing your all-girls school like that's 101 you you use information as power my boyfriend in high school got asked to prom

36:37Hannah Berner: from by a different girl at a different school at like two in the afternoon i knew by 2 15

36:49Hannah Berner: there were no bounds to my web like i knew like eyes and ears everywhere babe he was like i just left that class how'd you find that out you go also it was me who asked him i was testing him i go it was me in a wig in a mustache this is before we had dms okay we were old school we stalked we stalked like cyber stalking get a grip get in a car drive by his house like what

37:18Paige DeSorbo: also this girl i posted on my story this this great tennis player actually who works for the usta found we were in the eastern section wait the usta you would have loved this the

37:31Hannah Berner: united states tennis association usta why did i just think like worked for like me like the usta

37:38Paige DeSorbo: i'm like wait works for like a farm which honestly sounds amazing so you would have loved it because tennis was divided by sections so there was like there's eastern girls there's the southern girls so like we would have this thing called zonals where we'd be like the eastern girls would compete against like the southern girls and it was fucking crazy but also we the eastern girls would compete against each other so we also had beef with each other so it was just like really complicated and layered but they i guess they'd have these like little magazines where they'd put photos of like the rankings and she found like in 2004 i guess i was number one in girls doubles in for the eastern section and i saw that photo i remember like the young hannah that like that was everything yeah to be in that little magazine and my face and i'm just like but like when you're in that magazine you're like how old 2004 2004 you're what and like i guess i was like 12 13 yeah i was 12 wow time really flies no i know do you know how i know i'm old this new thing is happening to me when i see another girl especially if she's younger i like want to call her a nickname don't do that not not like a like hey sweetheart but like i want to be like hi honey like i want oh yes yes like yes and i've never had that urge but now what age what age are you

39:09Hannah Berner: starting like where are you seeing a girl and you're like maybe like early 20s i just want to

39:12Paige DeSorbo: like hi hon hi babe like i want to baby them and it's funny because when you're their age and older women say honey to you you're like please don't do that yeah please don't do that it's something that just happens when you're older you just like wanna give them pet names you wanna nurture

39:28Hannah Berner: dare we it's i think it's mother nature i think it's our biological clock i didn't consciously

39:33Paige DeSorbo: decide this though it just started coming out i'd be like hi honey i think it's the thing that men try to weaponize against us yeah i'm trying to take it take it back that's how i feel honestly

39:43Hannah Berner: sometimes watching certain reality shows where the girls are so much younger i'm like oh but i like i need some message do you know how many times i've had to stop myself from dming people on reality tv that are younger than me and honestly i i haven't even i don't stop myself sometimes oh i said i fully dm people like sometimes they actually do need to hear from it's gonna be okay there was one girl i wanted to dm like a couple years ago and just be like don't let him gaslight you don't you dare but i was like i can't get in i can't get involved

40:19Paige DeSorbo: i can't get involved not to tease but my reality show that i'm hosting there were moments where i was like trying to make eye contact with one of the girls and i was literally at one point i looked at her and i'm like you're right like you're right like i was giving them like i was trying to coach them through my eyes because like definitely not part of the job description for me to like take sides but i was like girl look at me you're good you're good don't talk

40:41Hannah Berner: anymore you're good don't say anything they're trying to get it out of you i think one of the reasons i don't do it more often is because i'm like oh what if she like screenshots this and post this and like how many times do you write it out and then delete it i'm oh so many times where i'm like girl do not under any circumstances because i've felt moments where i've wanted to like write whole paragraphs to whitney from um well housewives mormon wives

41:12Paige DeSorbo: slow what is it slow mormon wives the secrets the secrets of why is it so many fucking words

41:19Hannah Berner: No, it's really, it's actually infuriating. The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. I want whoever put that through and said, yeah, this is the name. Come to the front, because what were you thinking? So that's coming out, but there's a lot of drama with it, right? Oh, I don't even know. I'm not in the know. Wait, I feel like it's coming out today. Oh, is it? I feel like I didn't even see any promo. There's something weird with it. Oh, honestly? Amazing because. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to make breakfast. I know. You're like suddenly of a purpose. I have a pep in my stuff. You want to know something, though, that I think is a good learning lesson for us because we are getting older and we do have these urges to reach out.

42:14Hannah Berner: We have an urge for human connection.

42:19Paige DeSorbo: we've been virtual for too long we forgot that we could actually sit together for this podcast

42:24Hannah Berner: we haven't been in the same place we haven't been in the same place starting in the beginning of

42:29Paige DeSorbo: october that's it we're back you're gonna be so sick of us at the table together we're coming to the table elbows on the table baby we keep coming up with spin-off shows

42:40Hannah Berner: now what was i saying what was i saying that we're yearning for human connection

42:47Hannah Berner: as we yearn for human connection i think one of the the one of the most amazing things about getting older is you get that urge to reach out to someone who may be younger do it like i think that is the whole point so like sometimes when i do stop myself i mean i stop myself for like different reasons because like it could get into the wrong hands but like if i'm in person with someone and a girl brings something up to me i'm grabbing her hand and i'm giving it to her straight

43:18Paige DeSorbo: like well if you could change someone's life do it i'll get a lot of normal dms of like boyfriend

43:24Hannah Berner: and girlfriend's fighting and they'll give me the scenario should i break up with them and i don't respond to some of them because i'm like this is normal you're gonna figure it out i'm not worried about you but sometimes i'll get like a really insane one from a girl and i'm and i'm Like if I don't respond, this could be the whole rest of her life. She could have kids with this man. Like there was one. I can't even like really remember the details, but I was like. Get out. Get out. If you don't get out by tomorrow, like message me.

43:54Paige DeSorbo: I do get messages from girls where they're like, I know I should leave. I know I should leave. And I feel like they just send it to me where I know that they're just like, if Hannah responds, it's like they already know they should leave. so then i just go yeah you know what you're doing like i'll just like agree kind of like what psychics do where they're like yes you're you're on your path and it's very improv it's very improv it's very but also my favorite though is people being like i i found this cat in the driveway should i keep it and i'm like yes here's an amazon list for all the things you need to buy it's really not it's it's affordable like just what food i got you i'll help you name it i'll help you raise it um also the thing with getting older you know when you're younger and like your aunt says stuff to you and you're like why would you say that like do you know even little things like you're at a family reunion and someone comes up to you and they're like can i sit next to you and you're like yeah sit like i don't go fuck sit like why are you asking and then i'm literally going up to low no but you know what i was like is it okay if i sit next to you is this so you take it yeah and you're just like yeah why are you like no you old bag sit down but then i'm literally like lois will be like finger painting and there's like a seat next to her and i don't know where it comes from it's like a guttural thing i just go can i sit next to you and she looks at me she's like bitch sit down i don't give a fuck i don't give a fuck bitch why are you asking sit the fuck down And I'm like, is it okay if Auntie Hannah may plop up a squat next to you?

45:28Paige DeSorbo: She gets down. I'm like, is this so you're taking Lolo? I am. Every older person that asks me weird shit, I'm doing. You got so big. You got so big. Stop saying that to people. You were so little and now you're so big. Yeah, no shit.

45:51Hannah Berner: i think lois is a really good reminder for us that like we're not geriatric we're not moms yet so we have to remember like get it together yeah get it together

46:02Paige DeSorbo: it was lois's birthday yesterday she's four years old time flies and genie's tiktok's going viral when you're unemployed truly i wanted to text her so bad happy birthday like i i searched lois in my phone and then i'm like oh i have to go through her mom i'm like genie give me the phone get the phone to lois i know you're her legal guardian but can you pass the phone also she was just stuffing her face with spaghetti i'm like you're so you're such a giggler that's so such a birthday energy because we come up with business ideas in this pod i was like genie i have the best fucking idea like the best invention because the the they'll eat their spaghetti and then it's they take the phone it gets everywhere there's spaghetti all over the house they were staying at

46:52Hannah Berner: um why is that do am i delusional that i think like your kid's gonna be neat your kid's gonna know how to use a fork and knife out of the i just think i'm like so delusional Well, not my, not maybe my son. No, how misogynistic of me. Oh my God. No, I just think that my daughter's going to come out like perfect.

47:15Paige DeSorbo: What are the classes they take to like know how to use which fork to use? She won't have to take them. She just knows.

47:21Hannah Berner: Like etiquette. She teaches them. She's a four-year-old baby genius. She's like, tuck your shirt in. Obviously it's going to happen. I'm going to have kids and they're going to make a mess. but i just feel like my daughter is gonna be like the least messy of the messy kids

47:37Paige DeSorbo: the gigglers cannot wait to see what comes out of you because there's a 50 50 chance and neither can i oh yeah i was like spaghetti is and the red sauce that gets everywhere i'm like what if we invented a sauce that didn't die close and she was like yeah it's called pasta with butter and i'm

47:59Hannah Berner: like you're fucking good i thought you were like gonna try and take the red i'm like how are we taking the red out of tomato and that is just clear and that's it's disgusting olive oil

48:14Paige DeSorbo: but no like kids favorite food is like the most diabolical it gets everywhere the marinara sauce that's the one thing italians need to work on pasta with butter i mean i'll always come back to her do you put a little parmesan on it or no a little oh you you you drown it honey i'm using

48:36Hannah Berner: so much butter and parmesan cheese your head would spin yeah it's almost like inedible i love that it's the best i love that i don't know if this is on your algorithm and it's probably not but i feel like it's going a little bit viral but there's this like teenage boy i think he's a teenage boy honestly i haven't looked into it but he said that he he made like a serious video that like he thinks he could beat like a chimpanzee in a fight also why are you trying to hurt an animal all these people were like stitching the video like in no situation like could you beat a chimpanzee and i feel like it's becoming the new like i can land a plane like you really think i couldn't land a plane like i could land this plane and i don't know why i and i almost think my comment got deleted what did you say like he made like a follow-up video of like no this is why i could beat a chimpanzee and i just commented then do it quit quit making tic tacs about it

49:44Paige DeSorbo: this is the plot of planet of the apes okay it's start tell him to watch plan the apes the world is going to be run by apes because all the men tried to fight them and apes were like

49:55Hannah Berner: what are you doing but one of the reasons i love when things like this happen on the internet when these like niche random videos are like viral is because some of the comments are so funny and somebody commented and i don't know why this made me laugh so hard but he was like a chimp would absolutely park you dude like and i you just imagine a cheap chimping like let me go bro

50:16Paige DeSorbo: let me go he would put you in the ground like there's also what's with the violence like

50:23Hannah Berner: no men like that's how they measure i think i think that's something in their own insecurity to like measure their worth based on how strong physically they are the other thing i like about

50:35Paige DeSorbo: older men is like scientifically their testosterone is leveling out yeah i would say i have the same

50:42Hannah Berner: amount of testosterone as any man in their 40s you are just a 40 year old man i low-key am it's

50:53Paige DeSorbo: actually gross speaking of testosterone actually that this is not a segue i was trying but i can't i can't yes end it um i'm a little nervous about the fashion show tomorrow because there's something about when i'm with you in public settings i get giddy do you know when i get like i'll excite i'm talking everyone and when i'm at the show like i feel like i'm gonna cheer dare i say we drowned

51:17Hannah Berner: out the noise yeah it's just you and i when we're there do you have any rules for me etiquette wise

51:24Paige DeSorbo: because i don't want to embarrass you in front of people like i know i do but you can't cheer but like if i like something i can't be like yes honey okay yes this is actually a really good

51:36Hannah Berner: debate that I don't think I've seen anyone truly talk about. I think you have to go with the vibe of the show.

51:44Paige DeSorbo: Yeah you it's like the US Open like see what other people are doing and follow the salmon.

51:48Hannah Berner: It's more like it has to be an internal vibe check of like I could yell right now and it would be received well. Yeah I would never even if it was. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Like I'm never sitting at a runway show and yelling.

52:06Paige DeSorbo: But like if you make eye contact with a model that you know.

52:09Hannah Berner: I smile. But I'm clapping. I'm always clapping. I'm not not cheering them on. I'm like that's my girl. I'm not like sitting at them and being like that's your walk. Like no I'm cheering. Yes you're cheering. But I'm not making it vocal. I think that's I think it's a little like. It's the sports in me where it's like you have to.

52:29Paige DeSorbo: You're like yes let's go babe. Come on.

52:32Hannah Berner: Like one time I was at a fashion show and it was like very, very intimate. Like it was not a lot of people at all. There was like two separate rooms. It was a dinner. Yeah. It was an event where people were eating. And this one girl was like yelling the whole time. And I'm like, it's not even the vibe here. You could just say my name.

52:58Paige DeSorbo: But this is the thing with fashion shows. The music's loud. like when we went to michael kors it was loud i i think because it's not my first it was just my first show i was unaware that people like don't react like if i'm at the victoria's secret fashion show yes you're yelling yeah yeah yeah but also we don't have to be on a wind tour when people

53:18Hannah Berner: walk down you don't have to like have a poker face but also i'm rarely raising my i'm rarely yeah name another situation where i'm yelling like you've literally yelled at men and there's not gonna be any like man and that's it i'm only raising my voice at a man in any other situation

53:37Paige DeSorbo: i'm not making no yeah that's such a good point so but also like michael core is this is the third year they've invited me so like i clearly haven't offended anyone i love them to death i love the team love michael like sometimes it's good to be in the background in certain situations yes you're

53:55Hannah Berner: really good you know when to step back yeah sometimes i'm like i'm actually leaving i'm so

54:00Paige DeSorbo: in the background i'm going home sometimes it's okay to be an extra before we leave i just wanted

54:04Hannah Berner: to say um daphne is launching a saint the saint jude t-shirt because i am the childhood cancer awareness ambassador and i've partnered with saint jude and we're gonna do like a bunch of different things throughout the year but the first thing was Daphne making this t-shirt so they're going they should be online today and is it a Hannity it's a Hannity with the St. Jude logo and I just have to tell this like really quick story because like I love Daphne the label and the cat but because there's so many different things that happen that are fun and just like funny that you're just like in what world so we were like mocking up this t-shirt and we were like doing different things and at one point we like wrote like okay saint jude logo here and we're like okay let's see like how that would look like let's like make it and when we got it back it said

54:57Paige DeSorbo: saint jude logo here okay nike once did a like tennis thing where it said like logo here and it was like iconic it's kind of like the mark jacobs where they were like the tote bag yes so maybe it's like look someone and i was like i don't know if this is gonna work but there were

55:16Hannah Berner: just so many funny things like that that will happen at Daphne but and that's a startup baby and that's a startup and I'm so excited about this because when I first started Daphne I was like thinking about what charity yeah would make the most sense for us to partner with and someone something happened and someone had said Saint Jude and I was like that's so weird I have an email from someone from St. Jude for something so different. And it just felt very like universe telling me. So I like reached out to them and we partnered together. And so I'm really excited about this t-shirt.

55:53Paige DeSorbo: I love that so much. And because it's the Hannity, let me know any events I can come to to represent my brand. And your involvement. Well, that's amazing. Final question. Shout out St. Jude. Is fringe for fall? are we doing it or not fringe for fall i feel like fringe is always fall for fall okay it's not it's not too whimsical like you know if you like turn and like hit someone with your fringe like is it too much no you can do fringe okay here's what i'll say i haven't bought anything fringe yet but go off pop off queen okay you heard it you heard it from the source um guys we love you so much have an amazing weekend i'll see you at the us open on their all weekend two days in a row love you guys talk to you later bye

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