Giggling about gauchos, grudges, and getting jumped

0:00Hannah Berner: When demand slowed for HydroJug, Amazon Ads rising star Hayden Wadsworth pivoted. When our bank account hit near zero, my brother Jake and I had one last shot to save HydroJug. So we engineered the Traveler, a leak-proof, cup holder-friendly Tumblr. Amazon Ads enables a business to be able to expand their product shelf because of the visibility and the reach you can get. Each week, our new-to-brand customers make up about 95 % of all of our sales. Watch HydroJug's story at advertising.amazon.com slash rising-stars.

0:32Paige DeSorbo: this episode is brought to you by opil the first over-the-counter daily birth control pill available in the u.s and let's be real getting a prescription for birth control is not always easy about one in three women face barriers to accessing prescription birth control between scheduling appointments missing work or class just trying to exist it's a lot but now opil is putting birth control in our control making it easy accessible and honestly pretty empowering opil is a daily birth control Opill that's FDA approved, full prescription strength, and estrogen free. It's 98 % effective when used as directed.

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1:44Paige DeSorbo: okay i've been getting messages saying hannah how could you not say gig ganglion gigglers i did

1:51Hannah Berner: two episodes ago and it's gone i don't i'm off that that was so last week we did a memoriam mercury and retrograde i have other things happening we did a memoriam called in the arms of the angels i was singing that all over the house and des was like i'm gonna divorce you yeah it's depressing because you can't help but think of the dog commercial and it's just like No.

2:19Paige DeSorbo: How do they make the dogs cry in the commercial? I was like, did you put eye drops in that dog? I don't think dogs actually cry. I feel like they do. Oh, I can't think about it. Oh, I cannot.

2:33Hannah Berner: Okay, then let's start the week off with something that pissed me off. Yes. Because that always makes you happy. Yeah.

2:41Paige DeSorbo: That brings me joy.

2:42Hannah Berner: It's simple. It's small. It's nothing to lose your head about. Well, those are the best ones. It's just something that I'm like, this is stupid and I hate it and it's pissing me off. What is the new thing with influencers on Instagram posting an outfit and then saying, comment, post, and I'll DM you the link? Who the fuck put you in charge? It makes me feel like we're in class. I'm like, first of all, I'm not even following you, so don't yell at me on my feed and tell me to do something. second of all you've now made an enemy of me which means i will screenshot this put it into google search images find it and buy it sans your link just to show the brand that they're getting more traffic not on your you're pissing me off well nowadays i don't trust anything so i'm like

3:37Paige DeSorbo: are you gonna get my social security number if i if i comment also like i'm not subscribing to your sub stack to get subscribe to our sub stack if you're not already subscribed which by the way

3:51Hannah Berner: is free we don't charge on our sub stack it's for the girls we don't charge the internet is free how dare you come in and try and monetize or like whatever you're doing with your engagement and this tomfoolery that's trickery to publicly comment that's a humiliation ritual I rather go into chat GPT and suck up all the water just to spite you That's how angry you've made me But then you look there's like 400 comments and I'm like I see people I know I go guys Guys have some coos I'm like don't do that

4:30Paige DeSorbo: But it is kind of gatekeepy too It's gatekeepy to be like you have to jump over this wire and trip over this banana peel in order to get

4:40Hannah Berner: in the same vein if i see one more goddamn video of someone catching their boyfriend cheating to find out it's an ad all i've got invested i'm obsessed with your algorithm i haven't seen one of those videos i'm like wait a second i thought we were pulling up to this side bitch's house house and then all then you're gonna put throw a hashtag ad at the bottom of the cheating 20 if you want this new tooth no i'm livid i'm livid about it i've gone into part twos

5:15Paige DeSorbo: well also now there's these ai ads of like making up dramas and i keep being like not interested not interested oh i'm very interested in those

5:28Hannah Berner: tell me why i find myself watching like an ai no like full story that no you're not supporting i know i know but they're so compelling

5:43Hannah Berner: robot love is love too i was born in the wrong time because like i'm sorry i know that i fight against the patriarchy twice a week but if you had put me in a house with four kids a cigarette and some quaaludes and a telenovela no i would have thrived i would have thrived okay i i would have been martha stewart before martha stewart i would have been creating marijuana brownies for the other housewives midday how do i watch this like this is desperate housewives actually yeah

6:24Paige DeSorbo: but like it's the time period yeah it's the time period i also i would have just burned the house down and then been like calls called the crazy the crazy wife yeah what would your character have been oh i love this game i would have been like well also your husband would have been secretly

6:41Hannah Berner: gay for sure for sure would have been like the best looking couple on the block yes but like

6:47Paige DeSorbo: you never touched each other he goes on a fishing trip every weekend every weekend with the same one guy i'm like it's like okay you and don again how many fishing trips do you need you've brought

7:02Hannah Berner: home zero fish you literally the cooler is empty every sunday but i would have like i would have gone with it you want to know why i would have gone with it because it wouldn't have been accepted

7:17Paige DeSorbo: so i would have covered for him yes and then you would have been like it's us against the world although other women are jealous of me because of my amazing recipe of ravioli people would

7:30Hannah Berner: talk about my lemonade that's how like in this bitch i'd be i would have been trying to do town

7:36Paige DeSorbo: hall meetings trying to start a women's suffrage movement yeah you'd start like a neighborhood watch and finally some of the girls would be like you know what we actually don't want this and we need to get hannah out yeah and then i would be like okay well i have nowhere to go

7:49Hannah Berner: i feel like you'd like come over to my house and be like are you high and i'd be like are you not

7:55Paige DeSorbo: how are you dealing with four kids no i would come over to your house make a plan for us to over take the suburban patriarchy and you would agree because you're high and then the morning you'd be

8:06Hannah Berner: like lose my number okay another thing that pissed me off you said there was one i like when you under promise over deliver because when you say you have five you can never live up to it well again I've been up for hours I'm two coffees deep I worked out I like I'm getting a I'm getting going on my Monday because I had a reset weekend all weekend yeah wait what pissed you off I don't want you to forget somebody dm'd me and was like if you thought Love Island this season was like a hint of red pill you have to watch the newest season of Married at First Sight this is one you could get into this is one you could get into because it's it's so outlandish that you're like oh casting was given a very specific type of character that they want this show to like is it religious it's not so much religious that it is controlling 101 like it is Like there was a friend.

9:16Hannah Berner: It was so crazy that it was funny. Like like I found myself laughing at so many different parts because I was like, surely this guy is like playing a character and seeing if he can like get away with it on TV. very innocently one of the guy that was is supposed to get married one of his friends just casually says oh my god like what if she's not into sports which is a concern of mine so i found it relatable my ears perk up i look up from my phone it's a great phone show and he goes the guy goes not a problem i've trained some of the world's best athletes he's not a trained there's wait is he talking about what if she's like not good at playing sports herself no like his friend was like what if she's not interested in like doing all the insane sports you just listed and he was like well if she's not i'll train her okay like i'll just he was like i've trained so many great athletes he's so scary and triggering that like it's not even red pill it's like this is this is almost like an exception to the rule like this is

10:31Paige DeSorbo: not the norm well it's also kind of giving gay like if you want her to be so good at sports date a football player right right where can people watch married at first sight it's on

10:44Hannah Berner: peacock which is peacock has actually been keeping me very fed i just watched this other show you would hate it it's a period piece it's called like seeking persephone yeah you would hate it you would literally hate it it was just like a little four part four part little ditty nothing nothing really did you just say yeah nothing really that groundbreaking but i love a period

11:07Paige DeSorbo: piece wait speaking of i love a summer i love a horse i love a period piece speaking of groundbreaking it's been years yeah it's been decades we finally oh we finally put out merch merch what has been keeping us okay we've gone through a lot throughout the years with merch we've had many different we've had a lot of change changes and stages and vibes and we're also very picky when it comes to merch we both love everything we brought back some we listen to the comments a lot so when you guys are like we need to bring this back i loved everything so

11:49Hannah Berner: much i brought it to italy lost it in italy oh my god found it when i unpacked because i put it in a secret compartment to not forget it and i forgot it i hate when you're too smart for your own good

11:59Paige DeSorbo: I know.

12:00Hannah Berner: Yeah. I know.

12:01Paige DeSorbo: You became a CIA agent in that moment when you were packing. And then you were, well, you also were dehydrated and fighting for your life at the time. You couldn't find a small compartment. But also, maybe we don't need so many compartments when we're packing, Paige.

12:15Hannah Berner: Well, I love a, I love a.

12:19Paige DeSorbo: I love a compartment. I love a pouch. I love a horse. I love a pouch. I love a packing cube.

12:25Hannah Berner: No, I love a thing inside of a thing.

12:27Paige DeSorbo: it speaking of housewives i cannot stop listening to um gorgeous baby gorgeous your energy is magic magic and then people are making fun of her because she was like if you listen to the lyrics it's really helping people and people were like writing the lyrics they're like that's helping people i'm like don't judge what helps people don't judge it being a pop star of any any

12:56Hannah Berner: magnitude I envy so much it's something that like I personally know that it's not like I could never do I'm not getting up and singing anywhere but like in my head like every girl have I dreamt of like commanding a stage and being a pop star I think there's a lot of professions that Bravo people have like crossed over into and like excelled like comedy writing acting you know all the things we haven't gotten like a legit pop star yet but look we've had erica jane yes but i'm talking sabrina carpenter level like a something where people are like she was on bravo bite your fucking tongue luanda leceps oh i thought you were gonna say my lord and savior sheena shay i'm saying sheena shay is the closest thing we've had so far i'm talking pop star who goes on tour yeah yeah melissa gorga a banger of a song but then she never did any out anymore yes yeah yeah so i'm waiting it has it has to be someone from like it has to be a young might be next gen maybe it's brooks and i'd love to see it no i feel like he's too he's too quiet

14:15Paige DeSorbo: laid back chill he doesn't want to be dancing on stage well meredith is like djing right i feel

14:22Hannah Berner: like she's doing a really good job this is gonna sound like narcissistic and like i need like real moms to weigh in do you ever like sit and think like what's your child's going to accomplish

14:32Paige DeSorbo: yeah I just fear that she's gonna be haunted like me by um never-ending expectations and

14:39Hannah Berner: pressure and do you want to know what my mom says to that she says if you have no expectations that's exactly what you get if you have high expectations that's what your child will my lord and savior came to sorbo and so I like the closer and closer I get to like being someone's mother and like not someone's child I fear that I'm gonna be psychotic well my one piece of advice as someone

15:04Paige DeSorbo: who had parents like your parents who I think we have been able to chase a lot of dreams because our parents at no point gawked at any idea we threw at them great use of gawk gawk they like like I was like mom I want to be a comedian she was like oh she was never like oh even when I was oh, I got asked to do a show. She was like, maybe you shouldn't, but I support you. At no point were our parents like, maybe you don't have it in you. Never came out of Kim DeTorbo's mouth.

15:34Hannah Berner: Never came out of Gary's mouth, that's for sure. If anything, she was like, and be the Prince of England. Like, I don't.

15:42Paige DeSorbo: But I would say if you push your kid too hard into something that they don't actually enjoy, yeah as someone who's seen this a lot in the tennis world like you you get a kid who's talented if they fall out of love with it they're not going to reach their potential so you have to make sure that like like it they like it so whatever you're pushing them in make sure they like it or like give them some options and see what they naturally gravitate towards and then be psychotic with it be like you fucking chose it and then like but i'm crazy like taylor stricker had a kid who i don't know she looks kind of athletic to me she's like she's like six months old but the way she was navigating her i don't know and i was i looked at her i said you were like her hand-eye coordination at this age and i said can i talk to you for a second and i pulled taylor down you to the side i said you gotta take tennis balls you gotta just roll it towards her

16:34Hannah Berner: do you know that's so funny because like you think that you can spot athletes and i genuinely think that I can spot like a certain type of talent. Are we baby agents? There's certain people I've seen over the years on the internet, met in real life where I've in my head been like, you're going to be huge. Like you have sauce.

16:54Paige DeSorbo: I feel like we both have that. Yeah. We both have this like, yeah, that person's got it. That's very interesting. But we would be such bad agents.

17:04Hannah Berner: Wait, speaking of the tennis world, I must bring up Paige Lorenz and Tommy Paul's wedding. Yes. I thought one of the most gorgeous weddings I've seen on the internet in years. Wow. And explain. I thought everything was so perfectly like not overdone. It all flowed. It gave a very like preppy old money vibe. It gave very someone said it was at Nate Archibald's house in Gossip Girl like his country home. I just thought it was beautiful I thought her dress was gorgeous and then do you know Shay Sullivan on TikTok she's blonde maybe I don't know what I don't know if she was like on a season of love island or she's just like a famous TikToker or whatever but she got married too and oh yeah I think I saw that I mean she looked like a literal princess out of a story okay so you're

18:01Paige DeSorbo: loving what the girls are putting out right now I'm loving it I'm you know here's the thing the

18:06Hannah Berner: thing i don't ever get involved in wedding tiktok drama because i'm like not planning a wedding i've never been a maid of honor like i'm not i'm i feel a little bit removed from it so i never get like deep in the drama of it you were my maid of honor you didn't have bridesmaids you caught my bouquet

18:25Paige DeSorbo: and we cheated it was a pre-planned bouquet toss that's i did steal the photographer at one point so my whole album is you but the girls get torn apart torn apart and i'm not talking like third

18:43Hannah Berner: party anonymous forums i'm talking right in their comments why would you do your hair like that like it's such an interesting like realm to watch because it's truly such a good example of like women just hating on women girl crime you can't describe your wedding as timeless because then it's then you're stupid you can't you can't say that you're different from other weddings because who are you to think that you're unique it's very it's very accusatory it's scary i'm so annoyed

19:13Paige DeSorbo: that you're telling me this because i was about to say on my feed one thing i liked about page's wedding is that i feel like a lot of the say what you want about new york city influencers they have each other's back like they were posting grid posting how fucking beautiful is my friend's wedding and in that moment I felt a real sense of love and community and I'm like girls need to uplift other girls because it just makes us all stronger and powerful like when men get successful they all just form like like these like crews and then just like continue to grow where I feel like women someone gets successful and they're like try to like batter

19:55Hannah Berner: down I agree I feel like I see them on Instagram and I'm like yeah like they're being nice to each other because you guys are so mean to that but that is like the patriarchy is we talk about all

20:07Paige DeSorbo: the time and we say we're angry at the men but at some point we have to learn from the men and how they support each other and I mean Giggly Squad is two girls supporting each other we wouldn't be here without each other yeah why did my head just go two girls one cup and that's why we haven't

20:28Hannah Berner: overcome the patriarchy wait i'm like just showing my age ruined my childhood no truly that was a

20:36Paige DeSorbo: millennial like why did we do that wait i have to add that to my bit about why millennials have tmj myspace top eight two girls one cover why was that put into the mainstream no because why was

20:49Hannah Berner: everyone passing it around and why was there no dis sixth grade you know i never watched it because i'm a pussy oh you're such i never watched it i'm a prude baby i said i refuse to watch that

21:02Paige DeSorbo: no that's so you because actually at the end of the day i'm a i'm saintly like that's why kim likes

21:07Hannah Berner: me because I'm prude and safe I remember watching it being like this is bad I shouldn't be watching it but I was like obviously I need to see what everyone's talking about for my own opinion I had so much fun last night oh sorry it seems like a weird segue because well okay so I went

21:30Paige DeSorbo: to this sushi place and there was a giggler who worked there actually there is kind of a segue and i was like how like what's your favorite sushi and she was like oh i don't eat sushi but she works at the place i was like that's iconic but like at least if i worked at a sushi place i would have mercury poisoning she's like eat this food gross um no but i was like okay and she goes no i just have a really big fear of throwing up not me and i was like okay but i guess she's heard like if you get sushi poisoning you throw up so she's like

22:05Hannah Berner: i'm not risking that oh like there's more scenarios in which you could get food poisoning from raw

22:12Paige DeSorbo: fish than other i mean i think she's at the point where she has like a phobia where she's not like critically figuring it out she's just like i don't fuck with that you know yeah she's keeping her walls up she's protecting herself that's why i felt about two girls one cup i was like i'm

22:26Hannah Berner: to try to throw up today also it was fake right i don't i don't think so if you don't know what two girls one cup is we're certainly not going to explain it on this pod because it it was this it's a personal situation it must exist on the internet somewhere definitely exists somewhere it was a video that went rampant in the year what what year was that 2006 2006 everyone was talking about it could have even been younger it shaped us our psyches now that the internet is so vast and there's so many videos and so many trends i feel like generations like there were certain things as a whole as a generation you heard and you knew are there things like that well this is what's crazy and i could list them sierra is a man two girls one cup the guy who sucks his own dick the guy that took his ribs out sucked his own dick yep this is this was our pirate story

23:30Paige DeSorbo: our lore i think there's another one there's definitely another one they have it now but two girls one cup for example that would have been viral for four days yeah and everyone would have moved on it's like movies do you remember when like a movie would come out like like inception when inception came out everyone was like talking about it for like four months like the devil wears proud of two done done i felt like that was so quick it was like it's the premiere and

23:57Hannah Berner: now it's like we don't care like when a movie would come out like when pokemon the movie came

24:02Paige DeSorbo: out that was a i was celebrating for a year rugrats on an orange vhs you got me fucked up

24:11Hannah Berner: why wasn't everyone doing colored vhs i remember getting that vhs and being like so the branding everywhere else just doesn't give a fuck no the high you would get like we had we loved watching power rangers i didn't like i would watch it but i didn't get like high off of power

24:27Paige DeSorbo: rangers but like some of the power rangers were hot yeah but it was a lot of action for me like i was like okay take like take a seat true it wasn't my vibe i watched a documentary that basically said like a ton of the power rangers are arrested or dead now well childhood stars Do you ever feel like when you go to the gym you don't know what to do or you're tired of doing random workouts from YouTube that you don't even know you're doing correctly? Well Ladder gives you a real plan from an expert coach. I personally need a little guidance when I go to the gym. I love someone telling me what to do and having specific goals.

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26:20Paige DeSorbo: It's like having a personal trainer in your headphones that provides a structured workout plan and it's less than$1 a day versus let's say$100 a session with a personal trainer. The ladder app removes the guesswork get a real coach in your ear telling you exactly what to do for every workout no thinking everything planned for you if you have an iphone head to ladder.fit slash giggly and take a quick quiz to find your perfect ladder plan use my link and get a free seven day trial with no credit card and ten dollars off your first month if you join you guys know i'm obsessed with lululemon they literally have the highest quality clothes that last forever and I'm currently loving the flow y tank from lululemon I'm always chasing the feeling of looking put together but also like looking hot in my workout clothes I personally love a spaghetti type strap I feel like it makes my arms look really cute and the flow y bra has such a loyal following forever and I wear it to every single pilates class I wear it on walks I wear it before a full day of errands I'll throw a little windbreaker over it.

27:29Paige DeSorbo: It's literally my go-to racerback design. Racerbacks look really good for my body type and it honestly feels weightless. I'm not tugging at it, adjusting it and it's buttery soft Nulu material that Lululemon is known for and you guys know I can't wear uncomfortable stuff. I'll freak out and the built-in support is a great detail because I don't like adding a bra. I love when the bra is attached to it. I wear Lululemon and you should too. Go to lululemon.com right now new styles drop all the time and the colors go fast so don't wait and if something doesn't work for you free returns always that's lululemon.com lululemon.com okay so my plan

28:07Hannah Berner: this summer is to grab a bunch of my girlfriends buy a big bucket of popcorn sit back and feel all the feels watching a movie in the theater and you know what will fill that void one night only which is about to be the summer's biggest rom-com when it hits theaters august 7th i can't wait it's from the director of Anyone But You and EZA and stars Monica Barbaro and Callum Turner. Set in New York City, the two bump into each other on the one night a year single people are allowed to have sex. This sounds so messy and I'm 100 % in. One Night Only is in theaters August 7th. I'll be there. I really love summer but it does throw curveballs if you have a routine, if you have a morning routine, a night routine, and God forbid you're on vacation and you can't access any health care.

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30:06Hannah Berner: That's HelloWisp.com. Prescription products require a consultation with a healthcare provider and medications are available if medically appropriate. Must be 18 or older. Restrictions apply. See website for full details. Most of us are one good deal away from finally replacing that worn out rug, fixing up the backyard, or getting the bedroom we actually want. Good news, that deal's almost here. Wayfair's Black Friday in July sale. Get up to 80 % off area rugs and up to 60 % off outdoor and bedroom furniture. Shop Wayfair's huge selection of styles and find the piece to fit your style, budget, and space.

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30:51Paige DeSorbo: every home side note i had like i was really enjoying the world cup because the guys are so hot and then the guy i was getting a crush on um at the end strangled someone

31:07Hannah Berner: sorry i love a bad boy that is like you actually went through the perfect span of time with dating like it started what four months ago yep that you first saw him you didn't really get to know him till the last like two months and then when you're in it you're like and everyone loves you everyone i've introduced you to all my friends like it's amazing we're definitely

31:30Paige DeSorbo: gonna start like fully dating he choked someone i like opened my phone and i was like oh my man's a little emotional right now and then i'm like oh he's choking a man to death um so i'm not proud

31:42Hannah Berner: of his actions and like we have to have a talk yeah because it can't continue like this i saw

31:48Paige DeSorbo: a headline it was like man choke someone i'm like not my crush not my crush on the field yeah or like in the wild in life no fully like the game's over took his hand to the guy's neck and like yeah yeah no the bar is so low could you imagine oh also uh you know i love justin bieber yeah it's just with great power comes great responsibility justin bieber for the halftime show of the world cup decided to just show up with a guitar we cannot enable men to just take a guitar

32:29Hannah Berner: places to show up outside of their own home in which they pay taxes i don't want you showing up in your own home with a guitar yeah no i know but and i know these men saw that and were like i could do that and you have to stay alert because in the summer there's a lot of random bonfires that happen in people's backyards and that's almost like a silent call to them they think there's something about the fire it's because it's the devil and so the devil summoning evil spirits

33:01Paige DeSorbo: and now with chat gbt you know they're putting together trying to impress you with some song

33:05Hannah Berner: made by robots and we're not haters of music but like take out a jbl portable speaker they sell them everywhere all shapes and sizes put on we write at john's

33:19Paige DeSorbo: spotify playlist angry when playlist on spotify and let it rip i don't need a live performance

33:24Hannah Berner: while I'm trying to just enjoy a hot dog.

33:26Paige DeSorbo: Also, I don't know where to look when they're singing. I'm like, do you want me to make eye contact with you? Do you want me to look away? Am I supposed to be smiling? I don't know what to do with my hands. It's really worse than people singing happy birthday to me.

33:37Hannah Berner: This is so off track, but I just thought of it, and it's so Hannah-coded. I've been like, I think it's because in Italy, they don't really believe in breakfast. They have a sweet breakfast, and I love a sweet, but you truly can't do it every single day. And they're not big on eggs, which I just find surprising. But whatever. I'm not going to debate the whole country on their breakfast practices. Who am I? Wait, they love a frittata. They don't really, though. Like from going to Italy for five years now, like I will say they don't want to. They don't want to do things. They don't want to wake up early.

34:19Hannah Berner: They definitely don't want to wake up early. Yeah. And they don't want to change. And who am I to make them change?

34:25Paige DeSorbo: That's why they like making breads because you can make that like anytime.

34:29Hannah Berner: They're all about like simple. Dishes are simple and it's a couple ingredients. But anyway, they could be doing scrambled eggs like so well, I feel like. And they're just like not. But recently I have been putting cottage cheese in my scrambled eggs, like whisking it together. and then hannah i'll never go back to like cream or milk or anything wait someone messaged me that

34:55Paige DeSorbo: and i was like how the fuck did i not think of that woman and some of the week yeah putting cottage cheese in your eggs because it's protein cheese yep and you could get you could use lactate dairy-free cottage cheese if you want to get real careful do you want to know what else i've been

35:09Hannah Berner: fucking with heavy making my own overnight oats solely because i like the little containers that you do it now it's giving trad wife now it's now do you put a little like like what are those

35:22Paige DeSorbo: yes napkins over it no yes i've been making them cute as fuck you know you could charge them

35:29Hannah Berner: 20 at a farmer's market good for you unscrewing them grabbing a spoon that's mini as well because it matches the cup and giving it to a man and i want to kill myself there is something like

35:40Paige DeSorbo: fun about it you feel like you're conning him when you do it because you're like I put a fucking napkin and I tied it around a jar and you're like getting off to this

35:49Hannah Berner: sometimes I'll do a trad wifey thing and I'll get mad at myself because I'm like why can't I weaponize my own incompetence well you have to talk to me I try to make coffee in the morning

36:01Paige DeSorbo: he's like you're not this is not the right ratio I'm like oh no I'm like the taco seasoning doesn't go in yet you have to give it a minute oh my god wait so des okay one thing about our marriage yeah he thinks it's like scientific like he has like a disease i think he just needs to grow up okay he hates garlic grow up grow up i come from an italian family he goes oh yeah i don't like garlic i was like oh that's literally birthed me i was birthed from a garlic clove sorry my perfume

36:35Hannah Berner: perfume is garlic i brush my teeth with it like what no so he was like no it's just like a family

36:42Paige DeSorbo: thing like my brothers don't like it my mom doesn't like it and i was like no why would you fucking marry an italian because this is like in my veins a family of freaks so my mom gave us cucumbers from her garden because she's perfect of course and we made these like okay this is turning into bobby flay be bobby flay we got like pre-marinated skirt steaks hot take skirt steak is the most underrated best steak out there. I digress. And it's affordable.

37:10Hannah Berner: I love thinking about it wearing a skirt. Like, I'm, like, I adore it. That's why you love a skirt steak. I'm, like, two-top center cut? Like, doesn't flow as well. Skirt steak?

37:21Paige DeSorbo: Skirt steaks are the drag of steaks.

37:24Hannah Berner: The drag queens of steaks. Do you think of, like, some burly man who just, like, killed a cow and he was, like, called this piece a skirt?

37:35Paige DeSorbo: like okay yeah i love it with a ruffle sure pencil so it's like a cumin skirt steak and i was like oh my god what if we cut up some cucumbers put in some greek yogurt and made like a little no i know made a little tzatziki no literally so i was feeling myself and then you have to season it and i of course so i see that we have like salt pepper garlic powder i'm like i know he hates garlic but i'm like i'm gonna throw on some fucking garlic right nobody can tell a garlic powder this is me and does having a wild night and my only job was to make this salad so of course i like try to poison my husband yeah like he's doing everything else he's like just make this salad i'm like okay um he takes one bite he goes he can taste it that much he was like how much garlic did you put in that i was like i didn't first i tried to lie i was like i didn't put you were like none and i'm like oh maybe there was like a little bit and he's like this is all garlic i didn't make a separate one for him without the garlic powder oh i wish i could have tasted it it was so good it wasn't a lot of garlic it was enough to just give it some je ne sais quoi you don't have to tell me girl by the way this is also marriage i'm looking at the last text i sent des yesterday um this is so marriage it must have been at like 10 30 i just texted him why is the door keep opening and closing he comes and he goes why do you keep breathing in and out he's like sorry i was going outside and i came back in i go well it's a lot of doors moving i'm just trying to watch tv why are people moving

39:25Hannah Berner: when i was little when i was younger i only like i only paid attention when it were things that like perked my interest like so they i would have specific words like skirt steak is a great example like that would have piqued my interest and when someone would come in and out of the house repeatedly my grandma would always say it's cross gates mall in here which is like our local

39:48Paige DeSorbo: That's literally what was happening. I mean, it was like maybe five door slams that I was like, okay. I say it to this day. I'm like, what is it? Crossgate's mall. Also, it's me and him in the house. I'm like, how many people are frolicking around? Yeah. That's like whenever we couldn't like open a door or something. My dad's always like, it's like getting into Fort Knox. Well, that's like a common one. Oh.

40:12Hannah Berner: That's like a. You're like, okay, that's. I fear that is like but like what is Fort Knox Fort Knox is like a military base that's like like a lot of security yeah yeah well they said it actually on Rhode Island so I was like it's

40:28Paige DeSorbo: like getting into Fort Knox and I was like oh my god my grandpa says that um speaking of old people I love learning things from reality tv that's the only way I learned so at the sushi restaurant oh yeah we forgot about this i sat next to the most iconic older lady to the point that i was like i need to be her like i need to be in her body and be her i find out she's she's so glamorous she's sitting there she tells the sushi guy like all the things she doesn't eat which was like kind of like every fish and he was like gotcha um and he like was making her shit and she's just sitting there and she was telling me places to travel and then i was like where are you from

41:07Hannah Berner: Like how old? Like 80s? Mm-hmm. Okay. I said, where are you from? She was like Brooklyn. Maybe you met yourself in the future.

41:15Paige DeSorbo: No. I was like, wait, I'm from Brooklyn. And she's like, where are you from? Like Park Slope. And she's like, I'm from Flatbush. And she's like, all these people want to move to Brooklyn. I want to get the fuck out of Brooklyn. She's talking about it. And then she goes, you know who I went to high school with? Judge Judy. So then I'm locked in. then I'm not even eating my sushi at this point I said you're gonna have to tell me everything because everything I'm obsessed with George Judge Judy and she was like you know one night she got

41:47Hannah Berner: too drunk so we jumped her it's always some bitch from high school like you're 80 get over it's always because you know a hater who's ever been stunning has their bag has never hated on me but like some old bitch is still gonna hate on judy no so then i does this like what are you

42:11Paige DeSorbo: talking about i'm like you are gonna you can never guess this bitch jumped judge judy in high school

42:17Hannah Berner: imagine that's judge judy's origin story she's like and i'll stand for justice for the rest of my life

42:28Paige DeSorbo: and that's where i put down the mallet also why did she say why they just well she said if you get too drunk and you're embarrassing yourself you're gonna get jumped and i said that's why people back then had character because nowadays people just go behind usernames and talk shit jump someone's ass and let them know where you stand and fight it out also i was like judge judy and then we didn't there was no follow-up i was like okay and then we just enjoyed oh my god but like this is why i fuck with old people yeah you're not going to be sitting next to like a 24 year old and they're going to have that kind of lure

43:07Hannah Berner: jumping judge judy is a crazy it's also a crazy thing to like in the first meet the first four minutes of meeting someone like saying that also also jump saying jumping someone that's people don't do that anymore especially at 80 years old also going to school with someone who becomes i'm talking like a list like would you say judge judy's a list i would yes yes she's

43:34Paige DeSorbo: anyone in the world knows who judge judy is i feel like everyone knows who judge judy is does anyone know her last name no but neither no one knows shares oh yeah i was just gonna say madonna

43:44Hannah Berner: like it's been done before thinking about like but i'm sure there's people that hated judge judy like growing up there's she's a human like she obviously had people she didn't get along with but I always wonder what it's like going to school and like disliking someone and then seeing them become like like I'm sure there were people in high school with Kim Kardashian that was like I hate you like Kim you're never gonna be famous like things like that I just always love that

44:16Paige DeSorbo: lore there always is because like you don't try to be that famous unless someone's pissed you off

44:23Hannah Berner: yeah yeah because it's too much work remember when lady gaga said that someone made like a facebook group that was like stephanie you will never be famous but that's because they saw something in her girls are so diabolical when they're mad can we declare no more girl on girl

44:42Paige DeSorbo: crime please next time you want to say something bad about another girl say something bad about a man let's just let's start with that well i got on of course this like algorithm where this girl was like imagine if we said we want to start taking away men's rights because they're the most um 98 percent of violence is coming from them and we just don't think they should have rights

45:03Hannah Berner: and they shouldn't vote i saw a tiktok and it was a girl posting and it was like her face and it was her looking beautiful and the caption was just like this and like hitting him in the face and like and the comments were all girls being like ha ha ha ha and some guy commented and was like okay but like wouldn't be cool if we posted that and it and everyone like replying to him was like you murder us yeah like it's only funny two girls because they don't do it and it was just an

45:35Paige DeSorbo: interesting it's i was someone was saying like girls don't like statistically girls don't murder like that's not our thing well because we can control our emotions but we also can like will like emotionally like terrorize you put it into needlepoint yes but we will not murder but they said the only time it's murder like pretty much 100 of the time murder i love putting out stats is based on like we've been abused for years and it's reactive abuse there's not a lot of

46:04Hannah Berner: crime of passion with women it's more the crimes of passion are more with men but there's obviously

46:10Paige DeSorbo: definitely crimes of passion but then what's weird about men is like my man like strangled some guy yesterday and i swear they're probably getting beers today which like that has to be studied they have a low iq well the headers that they do in soccer that's no one's talking about

46:29Hannah Berner: cte with that and you want to know something else i don't respect men for i think that they have a hard time holding a grudge and i actually think seeing i see holding a grudge as something really um you gotta have gumption you know you gotta have ambition to hold a grudge you have to believe in

46:49Paige DeSorbo: something and it takes daily work yeah hold a grudge you have to make a decision every day that you're gonna hold that grudge and stick to it and that's discipline if you can't hold a grudge

46:58Hannah Berner: how can't you hold a relationship how can i trust you there's not a person that you've hated for

47:02Paige DeSorbo: years i can't trust you every now and then you do forget something though but it's because you have so you have so many grudges you actually have like too many things going on and then but then you jump right back on yeah once you remember once someone reminds me of what that bitch did i'm right back in low key i am so proud of myself though like because it's starting to happen with me where you're like do you remember when this person did this to you and you forgetting that someone did something like horrible to try to ruin your life is such a win like that person is so like small in your life that you forgot when you were the center of their existence to try to take

47:40Hannah Berner: you down and you literally forgot that they did that sometimes i have to limit my phone calls with stephanie because she'll tell me things from high school and like i'll bring someone up and she'll be like page that person hates you and i'm like i don't recall and she'll walk me through a whole story i'm like well i gotta go like that's traumatizing i went through that she's like yeah you were right there like no god anyway i'm so excited to introduce you guys to what not

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51:48Hannah Berner: Watch HydroJug's story at advertising.amazon.com slash rising-stars.

51:55Paige DeSorbo: Also, I had a really cute date with my mom, but we got pedicures.

52:01Hannah Berner: she said she she was priming your feet for the next time you see each other

52:07Paige DeSorbo: but i have to say my mom is so old school when it comes to pedicures she comes in and the lady's like do you want regular or gel does she bring her own color no that's

52:16Hannah Berner: oh i was gonna say i could feel lenore being like that's what nana would do yeah nana was like i got the perfect one you use that's what nana would do yeah but um my mom goes nana's is like discontinued but she ordered like a hundred bottles that's how she is with her lip stain

52:33Paige DeSorbo: that she reapplies after every time she chews she's got like a Givenchy from 1987 it's a shade that I've never seen before and it only works on her face it has like poisonous berries that they don't make it anymore it's like not FDA approved no 1992 they ruled it illegal it's been banned in canada for sure for sure there's red eye 40 there's red eye 40 you can guarantee that so my mom was like i'm like we'll take gel and she goes well i don't do gel i'm like mom gel will last like like a year on you and she's like but it causes cancer and i was like mom let's be fucking crazy today and just get gel okay and she's like okay cool so we get there and immediately i'm pressing the buttons like i'm fucking getting my look over i'm like mom press the press the massage thing get the massage going i don't she was like okay i mean okay i'm like that's the whole point of it yeah it's getting the back massage i have to focus i'm on my phone though i'm fucking i'm sending emails i'm i'm texting i'm like doing whatever the fuck i am on my phone listening to music whatever which is raw dogging her pedicure

53:55just staring straightforward and that complete piece like not weird she's just enjoying

54:01Paige DeSorbo: the moment and then i realized i'm being i thought she was on her phone i realized i'm on my phone then i put it down and i'm like okay i guess we can talk but i'm like yeah she didn't even consider taking out her phone didn't even think of it the good old days you used to just get pedicures

54:16Hannah Berner: now i have like a to-do list when i'm getting a pedicure i'm like great i'll knock this out

54:21Paige DeSorbo: while i'm getting a pedicure listen to seven audiobooks back then what did women do when they were getting their nails done they talked they gossiped they gossiped they talked to their

54:32Hannah Berner: like technician they went at the same time as their friends they sat they had a key they had community when i'm getting my nails done i can't be on my phone because you're getting your nails

54:42Paige DeSorbo: done how are you i try to watch the tennis channel from my phone i watch tv but also i try to avoid getting my nails done at all costs i know you know and these guys are not good but no one ever calls

54:54Hannah Berner: you out like i literally had to come home get my nails done immediately wait you're so jealous of me right now well because your nails like last so long no it's because people have low expectations

55:06Paige DeSorbo: for me page except can we just say a lot of comments think henny can you clean your screen

55:13Hannah Berner: henny can you clean your screen i think it's more the glare from the sun no i cleaned it for this but guys can someone not have an aesthetic can it not sorry that that's your vibe that's my vibe also vibe is might have just had a grilled cheese sandwich you don't know you don't know my

55:33Paige DeSorbo: life why are you dressing like me right now yeah i know i just put my hair up and i was like it's

55:38Hannah Berner: giving soccer team no but you know i love a polo like a grandpa polo i've been loving them this summer because they're just like easy with like sweat shorts yes like for lounging but like what

55:51Paige DeSorbo: if she goes on a walk you know i'm obsessed with a culotte for summer because i don't want to wear tight capris and i don't want to wear long and i don't want to wear too short there's something about a wide long capri that i'm like digging with a little kitten heel in the year 2005 i first saw

56:10Hannah Berner: a pair of gaucho pants and let me tell you my life had been changed ever since i think about gaucho pants once once a year in a good or bad way you did you wear gaucho pants because they would have been so you they were like stretchy yoga material capris that were like yeah they were at limited too i wore them they had a fold over they were everything to me and i feel because capris have come back so strongly in the past like two years gaucho pants are on the horizon and i'm hoping i'm hoping i'm hoping i'm hoping that there it's like two years down the line three years down the line and we're pregnant for it oh because honey we'd be living if gaucho pants were in style when

57:01Paige DeSorbo: we were popping out kids oh my god yeah also women of stem of the week this girl invented a jacket back wait did you see this no but congratulations to her

57:15Hannah Berner: wait i ordered a romper and a pair of leggings that are supposed to like help your digestive

57:22Paige DeSorbo: system well i also ordered a vibration plate yesterday so you're a little bit late on the

57:27Hannah Berner: mark but des was like what the hell is this the brand is called c-e-a-n lymphatic compression

57:37Paige DeSorbo: leggings are you gonna wear it on i'm gonna see are you gonna wear it on planes or like

57:43Hannah Berner: on your daily i was gonna wear it on a walk and just like see okay and then figure it out

57:48Paige DeSorbo: okay at some point we can we can't squeeze out every drainage of at some point talk therapy is

57:56Hannah Berner: necessary at some point community lock back at some point put your phone down the constant need to improve is exhausting it's overwhelming but this girl basically

58:13Paige DeSorbo: one of my it really brought me back do you remember when you'd go to a bar and it was really cold out and you were like i have to wear a jacket yeah and then you get to the bar and you put your jacket down and you go there's a 50 50 chance that i'm ever gonna see

58:27Hannah Berner: this jacket again and then you live your life no oh no because that jacket is my world that's my life you would wear the jacket at the bar no i would carry it around with me because i rather die at the thought of this jacket going home to someone else's apartment not being cared for not

58:47Paige DeSorbo: being loved essentially being kidnapped i forgot how you feel so connected to inanimate objects see i had the same winter jacket for like 10 years i was like someone please take my jacket

58:59Hannah Berner: and like if i forgot it or someone took mine instead of theirs i would be like yeah you'd call 911 yeah i'd be really upset i'd have to go replace the jacket immediately no i

59:10Paige DeSorbo: I'd see a pile of jackets. I'd put mine like under the pile and then you pray and then you just go off on your night. And then at the end of the night, it's chaos.

59:21Hannah Berner: I do a secret hiding spot if I was like somewhere that like I had to put it down.

59:25Paige DeSorbo: Put it in the kitchen or something or like make friends with a bartender and be like. I'm not putting it in the pile of other jackets. But my jacket was gross. Or we would do no jackets and I would just dress with like a belt as a skirt and a top full of hope. And then just like get pneumonia and go. We were tougher.

59:46Hannah Berner: We had better immune systems. We hadn't lived through COVID-19. We had dreams. We had. A hundred percent. We were full of life. We were full of blood.

1:00:01Hannah Berner: I got half my eggs gone. Like I can't keep internal heat anymore. How would I do that?

1:00:10Paige DeSorbo: you could just poop on demand back yeah are you kidding so this girl invented this jacket that you go to the bar in your jacket and then the jacket folds into i swear a really cute bag and then you just like put your stuff in it where's your stuff while you're wearing the jacket you can have it in a purse and the purse goes in that because it's like not like a tiny it doesn't like i'm intrigued a bigger purse it's it's really it's cute to the point that it's like i'd rather hold that than my jacket all night like i really would have thought that like ballet flats

1:00:48Hannah Berner: that not ballet flats but like sandals that turn into heels would have been like more of a thing i thought there would be more like innovation and technology in certain like for sure well all of

1:00:58Paige DeSorbo: us were like wouldn't it be crazy if like your heel could turn into like i want like robotic like and it like goes up but um this the spanks lady who's iconic created the sneaker heel yeah let's be serious though but but that's not your brand um maybe one day and maybe one day we won't we'll invent a tampon that isn't just a cotton ball shoved up your pussy but sorry for

1:01:24Hannah Berner: saying pussy i know you hate that sometimes it's just appropriate sometimes it's just harsh on my ears you know but that's my internalized misogyny like i can't hear the word pussy i've actually said pussy multiple times this episode yeah somebody dm'd me and they said i that over the weekend they said to a man can you take the dick out of your mouth she was like and i'm not gonna lie it hit so hard people were like

1:01:52Paige DeSorbo: i was talking to two people yesterday trying to explain how i couldn't speak in the beginning of the master massacre yeah and it took all of me to not say i sounded like i had a dick in my mouth because it's really the most accurate depiction of it we couldn't get closer but it wasn't i didn't know these people well enough to say that so i said marbles but in my head i'm like marbles doesn't do justice it's a dick it's fully a dick i sound like this i sound like this i think that's i think that's i've done our job i think we're i think we're done here i think when you go home

1:02:27Hannah Berner: get in the car when i said talk therapy

1:02:35it's inevitable at this point last summer i was doing edmr therapy every single day so

1:02:41Paige DeSorbo: and people are begging for it back people have written in wait my old makeup not my old make my la makeup artist i'm obsessed with crystal just tagged me in a full like of my smile and all these photos of me like really happy smiling and i that's what i woke

1:03:00Hannah Berner: up to today and i do see that people are commenting on things that are happening in the bravo sphere with your face it's just like one thing about me you've replaced the little girl in the back seat

1:03:12Paige DeSorbo: going like that you've replaced her i do have to say maybe my my favorite accomplishment of my career because i love being a meme if i can bring joy to anyone and make make a comment that much

1:03:24Hannah Berner: funnier that's what my purpose is you're this gen z's two girls one cup and that's a callback

1:03:31Paige DeSorbo: and that's a callback okay we have to get off stop talking i love you i love you goodbye goodbye get our merch

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1:04:15Paige DeSorbo: Wayfair, every style, every home.