Giggling about hamptons sleepovers, adoption, and adrenaline

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1:13What's up, my great Gatsby Gigglers? We had one weekend in Long Island that wasn't filmed for television.

1:21Hannah Berner: and we're new people now um i'm laughing because we just recorded the the intro and then i and then i realized i wasn't in fact recording which is the main part of doing a podcast and prior to that i forgot my microphone which is also another main point of doing a podcast but you know what at least we're here and we're trying we're thriving we're trying our best the the one thing i know you guys know we love a theme this last weekend page comes to visit and by the way her You and Des haven't spent multiple days back to back together. No, we've never vacationed together. The Scorpios were Scorpio-ing.

2:01My favorite part of the night was we weren't sure what to do. And Des goes, can we just sit and talk maybe? And Paige goes, actually, I would love that. Actually, that's exactly what I want to do.

2:15Hannah Berner: That was actually so sweet when he said that. because it was like can't we just like get to know each other you know like can't we just my line of the weekend was actually said by hannah lucy burner i feel like you know what i'm gonna say and it was pages thirst for knowledge cannot be quenched so the funny thing is we're hanging out all day you know we're you think you're gonna run out material something about pages she doesn't care who you're talking about if there is a story to be said she is i'm seated i'm seated she'll be like but why did his cousin say that to her well if my friend is telling me a part of their life and i'm not directly correlated or into it that has nothing that has no bearing on my listening skills some would argue drama is more fun when you're not involved because you have no skin in the game and that's what i love and but It's funny because Des would talk about something random and you'd be like, wait, we're going to backtrack.

3:21And why would she do that to him? And your thirst for knowledge is unquenchable.

3:26Hannah Berner: And I feel like there are times where I was like, let's deep dive into her parents. Let's take a moment and see why she acts the way she acts. And maybe it's not her fault. I also would like bring up different topics throughout the day. Whenever I'd say something, you'd be like, oh, yes, we're going to have to dive in. I'm like, there's not one thing that you don't find a way to talk about. And maybe that's why we have a podcast. And wait, here's another thing. We recycled the same stories over the past seven years of our friendship. So if you thought we were just doing new information, it was...

4:03Hannah Berner: The classics. We obviously brought down the classics. You gotta play the classics. Also, we were in a new, like, we were in a new background. a new backdrop so like we have to see how the story holds up and nature over nurture sometimes you're in the wild something in front of you reminds you of something and you're like and i forgot to tell you also sometimes when you're in a different environment you might have a different perspective on the same story and it might just bring a new um yeah perspective in life and that's and we're open to all different ways of approaching a story um because we're journalists because we're journalists there was one time i don't even know what we were talking about and des goes a page doesn't want to know that and you look at him and you go actually she does her knowledge is unquenchable oh but then also i felt like you had to do this is so married couple of me and des like i forget but like every time i tell a story he interrupts being like no that's not what happened yeah but then if i tell him to tell the story he says no you tell the story yeah and that's and that's marriage there is a lot of cat mouse with you guys no pun intended well so what's your opinion of our marriage after being with us for 48 hours i have to say we keep each other on each other's toes it's like are they flirting are they fighting are they flirting are they fighting are they flirting also this is what marriage is and i nailed it this weekend it's asking the other person where they put the scissors yes no one fucking knows no one knows you want to know what's funny about you and des is you don't want to step on each other's toes but you want the other one to have like the no you tell the story or like like you guys you guys need to communicate more you don't know who's getting the drinks who's getting the forks who's telling the story there's a lot of admin that you guys haven't figured out well you know why we do not have traditional gender roles in this household no you don't and that's what it is it's chaos it is chaos in these streets we don't know who's doing laundry we don't know who's speaking first we don't know who's sitting at the head of the table but that's what keeps it spicy sometimes people say this as like um when their relationship is like oh we've turned into roommates I want to take back that saying okay because in the best way possible you and Des are roommates in terms of like sometimes you're doing the dishes sometimes he's taking out the trash but at any given moment you could be lugging that trash and he could be washing the dishes like you guys really do live together as like two individual people I think it's because when we got together we both were such individual people that we just were like but we mesh well yeah um and i think that's what it is i think there's no structure no you guys no you guys need a chart with stickers you need to know what about a chore chart i've thought about it but this is why we're not divorced yet is because if one of us happens to get upset about something like hey why is are your socks like all over the bathroom floor then he'll just be like well why is your makeup all in the sink and then i said and that and we're moving on we're even and you can't we're keeping score we're not keeping score we're tired you can't attack for something when you're doing the same thing exactly exactly it is so funny when you come into someone's home and see like the functions but But I also feel like when someone visits your house.

7:48Hannah Berner: Yeah. Let's be honest. You're playing life like it's a virtual reality. Everyone's an actor. We're all paid actors. What would I should I be doing when people are at my house around? You should have seen me picking out a travel outfit. I'm like, what does someone wear who's like not going to the Hamptons for like the showiness? Just going to like hang with a friend. no i literally when people come to my house i'm like what do you do it around this time of day trying to pretend like multiple times i'm like this is when i typically would go in a tic-tac hole but i'm trying to pretend that i'm like wait there was a moment where it does looked at us and goes i'm gonna go for a nap now that's why he's my king we're like you know what yeah you deserve it and we yapped for another three hours des disappeared for a good two hours and like more power to him he deserved that time off though he deserved it but i do want to say kudos to you you are such a good guest page came first of all with a new daphne t the hannah t um because my other one got stained up so she gave me a navy one and i was like that's why you're my best friend she designed it for me she designed a shirt literally for her best friend no i literally did i was like hannah needs more t-shirts so that was great then you made a pasta salad that really came in handy all weekend no I was so proud of that pasta salad and here's what I did you know what's hard to do is think of something to bring to someone's home especially when it's like like you don't eat anything like what you know like and it we see each other all the time so it's not like oh my god I haven't seen her in so long I have to get her like a really nice candle or like whatever so I was like what am I bringing to Hannah's but like it's not like super intense so I know you love green so I got this really pretty green bowl and I was like you know what I'm just gonna make a pasta salad put it in the bowl and that's the gift like she keeps the bowl we eat the pasta salad see ya and this is what I love about Italians only Italians could figure out a way to make salad unhealthy.

10:06They're like, you know, we go with this pasta.

10:08Hannah Berner: There's a lot of vegetables in there. Let's put pasta. They go vegetables, a little cheese and pasta. Now it's good. Now it's a good salad. I do need to talk about one person that really didn't have the best time this weekend and was very taken aback, didn't know what was going on. And her name is Daphne. and Daphne is look at a young age Daphne has been a travel kitty she's seen so much she's seen so much she's done so much she's always mentally stimulated you know like she's she's fine wherever you wherever you take her she's good except for Hannah's house okay i feel bad get there i take daphne out daphne's like fine she's sniffing around then i show her like where we're sleeping where her water bowl is where her food is and where her where her litter box is and she fully turned into like the real housewives when they're picking rooms she was like the fish room literally the fish room are you fucking kidding she literally looked at me and she gave me a look only a daughter can give a mother and it's when are we leaving when are we going home and so the way Hannah's house is like set up like where we're like hanging out you can't like see to go downstairs but like you can kind of see if you're sitting at a certain angle like through a window you can see like the top of the stairs okay every 15 minutes i would look over to my cat sitting on the top of the stairs staring at us judging for three minutes and then she would run off she would then proceed to come back judge again give a snarl and run off she also was like help me like hello i'm in danger i don't feel safe i've seen what i need to see and i want to go home she has never been more uncomfortable in her life i tossed her in the kitty room which i'm housing three kittens that were found at the side of the road so daphne is immediately unimpressed and disgusted yeah so she's like um where are your parents you don't have parents what does your dad do what is your where you didn't go to private school you didn't go to private school okay um do you have a last name are you even microchipped oh my mom they're not microchipped she goes no one's cut your nails in a very long time get a manicure like once let me tell you she slept all day on Sunday she was exhausted she was emotionally and mentally well she had given all she could give and then Butter of course was in my room but it was like oh you're having people over cool I'll see you Monday but I had this fear that if i opened the door that like her and daphne would have an interaction and for everyone who's like oh my god if buddy butter and daphne met butter's a street fighter and butter fights dirty yeah and daphne as beautiful as she is she can't she can't defend herself against i'm a working model butter a working model not the money face and butter butter has half an ear like butter has nothing to lose yeah so that's not a fair fight and i just wanted to make sure daphne was okay butter was okay we survived the weekend you know what i never never crossed my mind though what if we have kids and they like don't get along oh my god if my kid doesn't get along with your kid like what if we have i feel like if we have if i have one and you have one that that's like impossible they have to get along but I feel like what if there's a world where like you have two boys and I have like a boy and a girl and like the boys don't get along but like the girl dates one of the other boys you know like what if there's drama between them honestly I just described the summer I turned pretty and I really apologize for that I feel like I've been in deep with my hulu um okay i've thought about this actually i thought this fully through basically the way they're going to be introduced is like this is not your friend like this is your cousin this is your family like i know she's weird yeah she's part of the family but also i don't think people realize your kids are going to be a bad influence on my kids okay like your kids are going to be like cool and like I don't know they're just I just feel like my kids are gonna be a little more straight edge but but if I may raise my kids in the lower east side of Manhattan they will be doing acid by 11 and then so true your kids if they're raised in the burbs should stay away from my kids right but sometimes suburban kids are weird they like sniff stuff because they have to get more creative I was just going to say sometimes suburban kids start a drug habit super early.

15:34And suburban kids love doing crazy things in cars, which city kids are like, I'm high as fuck, but I'm lying in the park. Yeah. Which is unsafe as well.

15:42Hannah Berner: It's something that we're going to have to figure out. But I did have that thought. It was like, oh, my God, I didn't even think like, like, because in my head, I'm like, we both are having girls and they're going to be best friends. You're like, what if we have kids and then like aliens come down and like, oh, that's the plot of War of the Worlds. one thing that we did talk about is and we said that people don't talk about it enough is that there was a Disney Channel movie about twins and they were basketball players and the name of that movie was double teamed and that's why we are the way we are and and don't ask us the origin of this story I don't know how it started but there was just a moment where we like made that realization and we talked about it and it's so unsettling when you think about it how many people that had to go through of approval before it came to our desk like that went through many meetings and it was like this is for kids they go i understand it's double teamed but how can we make it less sexual let's make it twins that'll be better i mean double here's here's one thing If it was double team, that almost makes it less sexual, I think.

16:57Hannah Berner: Yeah. Than double team. Double teamed is. Double teamed, like that, like teamed. That's what happened to one of my roommates in college. Double teamed. And that's the only other, that's the only meaning of it. There's no other meaning of double teamed other than having sex with getting. That's what happens when you answer a Snapchat with a guy in the football. team double teams correct and i just think that's so crazy and it makes me so uncomfortable well it's funny if you watch a lot of comedies now you see how they make a lot of jokes for the adults but double team that's creepy it's giving nickelodeon no it's so freaking creepy it's giving nickelodeon seeing people's feet i don't know how we we got how we got here but i think it was because we were doing like all these different sports things and we were saying and And actually, I was saying all of the different sports that I think I would have been good at.

17:52Hannah Berner: And Hannah said if she didn't play tennis, she would have played basketball. And then that brought me to, have you ever seen double teams? But I said I couldn't play basketball because my hands are hooves and I can't hold the ball. But the funniest thing was Paige comes in. We learned about each other this weekend. She's wearing like a gorgeous bikini, like stunning. Everything's working. and then she stands up and she goes do you want to race and i was like what do you mean she's like do you want to play mermaids do you want to race marco polo like all the games and i was like let's fucking go and then to get into the pool she doesn't go towards the the little the not towards the stairs she goes towards the deep end i said where are you going babe did you get lost and she goes i'm jumping in and i said i didn't see that for you yeah you are a fucking freak this she literally is like hair well she hasn't washed her hair in like many days that's a whole other thing that we haven't talked about but like so put together and goes i'm about to belly flop and i was like i thought for sure you would be that girl who daintily walks in three stairs in and then goes you guys it's kind of cold are you sure and then we're like come on page and you're like okay and then like 10 minutes later you're in and then you're like actually it's kind of warm we're Like we told you, Paige.

19:10No, this bitch fucking and not even like a graceful dive. She fucking cannonballs. And that's so you because people can't put you in a box.

19:22Hannah Berner: No, they really can't. And I dare I say, I thought you were going to be like me. No, I'm dainty when it comes to the pool. Yeah. Like it took you 10 minutes to get in and you like you were going slow, slow, slow. You're torturing yourself. I don't want to brag. I do have very high muscle, low body fat as of at least 10 years ago, last time I checked. So I, I get really cold really easily because I am tiny in the ankles. So when it hits the ankles first, it shoots up my body. Also, I'm, I'm like scared of water in general, kind of. When I was little, I almost got swept away by a current. um we're in a pool your pool it was 85 degrees we were in a heated pool in the middle of summer do you know when you jump and like it gets like in your ear this or up your nose and then your days ruined for three days like it's just not it's not worth it like i just think like going going in by the stairs i obviously used to do that but i grew up honestly not to sound so cultured but i feel like i'm like always jumping off boats and so like when you jump off a boat you have to jump in you can't like walk in from a boat i have to stop you right there that's where you've lost the entire audience the entire no no one can relate to that she's like you know when you're by the cliffs and then but your boats take you to the cliff no really i feel like i i that's why I jump in because you have to jump off a boat and she goes and these yachts are high you know that you're about to get like do moi that you're a yacht girl after that comment honestly I hope you're making money on these yachts from my family vacation like that is I jump in off a boat but um no jumping in you it's three seconds of cold compared to like literally two solid minutes of torturing yourself walking into the cold and then you're just fine does it's like you never felt worse after jumping in cold water and i go yeah but i felt better before it well des and i are water signs and so we really we connect with the water like i i love the ocean like i i really feel like when i go in the ocean i feel differently than other people because i genuinely feel like it heals my soul this is my thing nothing feels better than peeing in water do you pee in the shower i can't help but pee in the shower the second warm water hits me i'm peeing i feel like there's like a whole discourse like low-key on like people being like it's gross to pee in the shower because like of the drain like it's going down the drain again None of my business what's going on in the drain.

22:22The drain? I have so many things to worry about. I'm not worrying about what's growing in my drain. I don't even know what's growing in my Stanley right now. Okay? No, absolutely not.

22:34Hannah Berner: No, and, like, I'm not sitting in the bathroom being like, oh, okay, well, yeah, obviously the sink and the shower drain would be different than the sewage system. Again? No. Again, but then there's an argument that, like, pee, you could pee on someone getting surgery, and it's like you're fine this is my problem my pee I think my pee is perfect same but like if someone else were to pee I'm like okay let's have some respect okay well I'm hydrated and so that's basically water with a little bit of like UTI um powder yeah like leave me alone Des is just like water and Advil and his so like we're a happy home this is a really niche reference but do you Remember the movie Jimmy Neutron?

23:17I don't remember the movie, but I remember the TV show. Like, did they make a movie? They made a movie. And at one point, like all the adults disappeared. And they were showing all the things kids were doing because the adults were gone. And one kid was like, I'm peeing in the shower. And then I was like, oh, you're not supposed to be in the shower.

23:34Hannah Berner: Wait, you know what's funny? Is you, because you had a younger sibling, you watched more younger shows. like once i hit the age where it was over for me i then never saw anything like younger because no one was turning it on because i didn't have an older sibling the first time i saw him tv i was like 11 and it was at a tennis camp with all like the cool older girls and i saw jaw roll with his shirt off and life was never the same i'm trying to my first experience with mtv was actually so surreal because it was the real world san diego and it was cameron from southern charm and that was the first reality show i ever watched oh my and i loved her i thought she was like the prettiest person to ever be on the planet and then to think like oh i'm gonna go on reality tv scary she's adorable a lot of people aren't aware of how much they spend each month and did you know that how and did you know how many subscriptions you pay for?

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28:21I do want to say I'm proud of you. This is the first time you went to the Hamptons since. And I hope that I helped you create new memories. You did help me create new memories. You also brought Stromboli. Of course. And you also brought Pignoli cookies. Of course. And rainbow cookies. And sprinkle cookies.

28:43Hannah Berner: Yes. well you can't bring a pinoli you can't bring a pinoli and not a sprinkle cookie that's just like rude imagine i did that for the rest of the pot and chocolate vanilla cookie and she brought her own pillows and then she brought christmas gifts for everyone for for this coming christmas and then she brought um so that was really good and we hung out with gary oh and then my brother and his girlfriend were in town like we're around in the vicinity and stopped over and we played some tennis we had some did I ate a lobster roll I do have to say you did play tennis and you did the most page thing ever I hit her a backhand and she just said no thank you and I said what's wrong and she goes I'm not hitting backhands and I'm like did you just refuse to hit a backhand I'm doing backhands today she was like no thank you and i was like i love that you're polite but that's not how sports work and she goes what game is this this is tennis this is my whole life this is what i put my whole entire life into and you could have some damn fucking respect on okay okay and you were like okay i'm done i literally am that like annoying little girl that was like okay but what if we did ballet on the tennis court and everyone's like we're playing a game You also, you don't like to do things for too long.

30:07Hannah Berner: No, I don't. I get tired. I mean, chatting all day. I could go all day and all night snacking for at least four hours. Des was very impressed by our chatting cardio. Like marathon. What does he mean? As in like, he's like, all you do is talk to each other and then you're like seeing each other. He's like, you know when you guys get into your whole giggly thing. and I think it's it's a religion babe respect religion I would argue that every friend duo is like this like you know what's crazy is I always think about and I've said this since I was like a child when you're married for like 30 40 years what are you guys talking about like how are you still finding things to talk about because you have to talk about other people yeah like you know everything about each other you have to I mean the world would not survive but with you i'm never like oh no what i mean i'm gonna talk about today like we're gonna find things it's gonna come up you know what it is it's like love it just takes two people who have the same goal and like we give us nothing and we both are going to try to make it work and that's what friendship is two people trying to make a gossip work and let's be honest i'll start a gossip and you might not be into it but you're gonna support me in it and you're gonna say okay well why did she do that why do you think she did that let's let's see it from different angles and that's that's what friendship is and you know what i think maybe des is desensitized to that so much gossip happens in our world right in front of our faces and we need to bring it back behind closed doors like we need to bring it back to its original intended form and that's at your friend's kitchen table where like they're not gonna see it no one's gonna like it reply to it comment on it let me say what i need to say in peace i want to start it with can i say something kind of mean or this i normally would never say you know i'm not like this you know i would never be this mean but am i alone in this and that's wait am i alone in this makes it sound profound it makes it sound like we went to college we we went we furthered our education when we say and am i alone am i alone this sounds like yeah i'm trying to um change the world um which we do we do every day through conversation also i did make i did have a little italian snafu gary brought prosciutto however or proscuti whatever you would call it in idaho Wait wait I know that you're gonna tell this story But first let me preface that I get there on Friday night and Hannah Immediately she's like and tomorrow we're gonna have Progitto with melon and I'm like amazing I love Progitto with melon and she said it like three Times like and that will be like our cute little snack And that was her party trick Proceed with your story Also I'm you're me and does Um so Gary brings the prosciutto And then I so she didn't even have one of the main ingredients okay one of the main ingredients for said dish was not even in the home i knew there was going to be italian people around someone was going to have prosciutto that's actually so true someone had it in their car if there was like a high percent chance one of you guys have prosciutto know which oh my god so but then this is where the issue came i i don't know about melons yeah i don't realize that the inside of melons are not all created equal yeah i didn't realize that i didn't have melon i had a cantaloupe i thought a cantaloupe was a melon no you had a honeydew oh you had a you had a literal she so she so she cuts up this melon first of all no she goes to cut up the melon she goes to cut up the melon and my brother stands up swiftly and goes uh maybe i should cut it can i just say no one believes in me like no one believes in me and the way you learn is by making mistakes i come down with a battle axe and a melon because that's how you cut melons yeah immediately right before i'm about to cut it i realize i feel like there should be some strategy not the right knife it was i don't know what kind i don't know my knives yeah wasn't the right knife gary wait hold on also i just need to like set the scene for you we're in hannah's backyard she's walking around this massive knife all day too because we were cutting up different things and like she kept making the same joke but every time she said it it literally hit she would always say she kept saying thanks des for getting me the small knife like i gotta be like good i was i wanted the small knife and it kept getting laughs so i kept doing it came yeah it was the because also you can't pick up that knife and like not say something it was an insane knife to have near human beings like it looks like what you use to cut up a body it was insane so naturally i was like maybe this is the knife that'll be good for this cantaloupe melon honeydew whatever the fuck it was i didn't know did could you tell before cutting into it what it would be no i didn't but you want to know what i wasn't really thinking like oh this isn't a melon because if someone says hey i have a melon for you just i thought i think oh she went to the melon section she picked it up like there's obviously a honeydew section i'll see you think if i like was bragging about making this for you guys i'd have any of the ingredients and maybe anything like we're over two and there's only two ingredients so we were this close to having salami and apples okay this freaking close but it's so funny because gary sees me with a knife which by the way i've been handling all day yeah and he's like i've seen what i need to see yeah comes up to me takes the knife and starts cutting it which then i realized like i am kind of good at getting other people to do my dirty work you just kind of have to look confused and dangerous with a weapon and they're like no thank you so he's cutting it look like you're about to make everyone else's day 10 times more annoying like because she just looked like oh i just chopped my thumb off like and that would have been so annoying no that would have been super inconvenient for the weekend we had planned and selfish so gary starts cutting it up and i don't know who it might have been you that was like that's honeydew yeah and i was like okay like that's socially constructed like like it identifies as a melon here's the other thing you didn't even give us full pieces of prosciutto the way you the way you were trying to do it like an almond mom wrapping it around the honeydew like you actually had created a new snack so first of all i did not wrap it that would have been way fucking cuter if i wrapped it and i should have had toothpicks that wasn't insane not to have toothpicks third of all gary cut it in a way that wasn't like on my plan of how i was going to do it so then i just like put it in strips and put it didn't it was not good it was not good there's nothing more humbling as a host than when you show up to the group sitting by the pool with honey prosciutto and you go does anyone want any and i'm telling you if someone doesn't early on put their hand up it's a group mentality thing and everyone's like oh it's okay and actually you know you have a pound of prosciutto wasted on honeydew melon that's gonna get hot and have flies on it so you guys are all like doing whatever you're doing and i'm looking at my failure of a work of art oh man it was a good time though do you know what no do know it was even worse so no one eats it it's just sitting there a couple hours go by i notice it and i take a little taste of course gary doesn't let that go and he's like did you someone has to he goes that's been sitting in the sun for two hours hannah and i go look i'm not about waste because you guys are wasteful and you're not about waste no not about waste so so that was fun anyway guys um oh my god I've been enjoying chugging my Duncan refresher I am obsessed let me oh I pulled off but I get it with the green tea so do I you do too it's so good it's so good you know I actually had a thought and the Duncan refreshers have pushed me to it I used to be a girly that didn't drink coffee in the morning and I would drink green tea and then one day I just like forgot about green tea and since I've been having green tea in my refreshers I'm back to like green tea mornings thank you Duncan for keeping us refreshed all weekend long and go to gigglysummer.com to submit stories for a chance to win the giggly Duncan merch if you've seen it online it's pretty amazing we played with three kitties it was the here's the thing too okay Des was like you guys can play with the kittens but don't take the kitten out of the kitten room and play with it in the living room and we're like okay like we're not even going to so we're taking rules are made to be broken yeah so obviously we we get the kitty and we take her out into the living room and right as does predicted we lost the kitty kitty is gone we said she couldn't have gotten

39:53Hannah Berner: i literally felt in that moment hannah when we were looking for that cat i actually felt like i was 11 years old and i was there for a sleepover des was our dad and we had just done something that he specifically told us not to do and that's our that's our role play we do at night and we're panicking because we're getting to the point where we have to be like can you help us no i was looking in the fridge i was like is the cat in the fridge i started like looking under pillows at one point i like looked in my own pocket i'm like where is the kid mind you of course she's just like right there under the couch she comes out and i have a special announcement and if you're on the youtube she's been here this whole time

40:42sorry the way i picked her up she just goes limp that was hilarious oh my god wait that was okay

40:48Hannah Berner: wait show her again she's so cute this is boots who's attached to me at the hip okay wait i walk in cat's name is cupid cat's name is cupid then immediately cat's name was socks then it was socks socks then turned into boots because you know she's growing she's learning naming cats is very fun but if it it has to work and the thing is we called her boots because the white goes all the way up to like right above the knee she's wearing boots it's like an above the knee boot and fall is around the corner it just seems appropriate also like you know cowboy carter like country's back in so boots you could say like boots yep so i'm in love with this cat like this cat is a very special cat off the side of the road it just has an amazing temperament page you love this cat i love this cat and as you know i've been fostering cats also known as trafficking cats to all my friends so this cat i'm not letting i'm gatekeeping like i'm not letting the general public adopt her like i'm like this needs to stay in the family right poor grace just wanted to have a nice job she just wants she just wants to make some money she wanted to go to work receive a paycheck go home with her life we said wait a minute this is a lifelong commitment this is a cult are you in or are you out poor grace not only so she drove me out to the hamptons to meet this cat because i forced her and then i drove her around in the car um i think she disassociated because i was like are you okay and she was like where am i definitely hr one of the worst hr violations we've had like I can see the Giggly Squad documentary starting with her like sitting down and being like at first it was fun like we did this tour and then we got it next thing you know Hannah was not checking her blind spot and then there was a lot of cats everywhere so much litter just litter everywhere and then they were forcing beta blockers down my throat and I had to listen to hours and hours and hours of Hannah's weird laugh she has really low blood pressure now also i broke my jaw oh my god do you remember when grace broke her job we were not involved we were not involved yeah we were not involved in that so the way i like to do this cat thing is it can take time you can't force it but boots loves me and i wanted to see if boots naturally gravitated to grace and let's be honest grace has incredible energy especially for cats because cats don't like frenetic stress high energy people that with sudden movements the stress of the mouth grace is calm as a fucking cucumber this cat is like gravitating to her and i'm like okay this could be it because also i don't want grace to take the cat if the cat's not gonna be happy right so let's just say i did a lot of a lot of work you did a lot of uh reverse what is it reverse reverse psychology well she called me at one point and she said look i don't i love her but i don't know if i want to have a cat and i said does anyone know if they want anything i said did i know i was just gonna say i feel like that's exactly what you said when i was like i don't know if i want to get married i go no one knows no one knows i said if you knew we we wouldn't be humans in this life like i'm getting crazy philosophical with her like all she's so confused by the end of the call and she's like i just don't know at the end of the call she's like am i a cat she goes do you want to adopt me so she literally was calling me to be like i think because i'm not 100 sure i shouldn't do it and i go no one's ever 100 sure i said i wasn't 100 percent sure about my marriage and look where we are look where we are arguing about who should tell the story at a dinner table okay and then i but i said but you know what i totally get it i said i totally get it there's actually wait let's also i think it's important to note that grace started working for us and terrified of cats she had a phobia yeah wasn't just that she didn't like cats or wasn't like you know privy to them it was like she genuinely was scared of them and one thing about me is i love a challenge yeah so i was like okay she'll be hard work but that's the kind of work i want to put i don't want someone who's like i want a cat i said no no yeah i want someone who doesn't want it and to flip them like you and yeah i was just gonna say and she's you're going you're going on two of two now i'm two for two people should hire you should i be a cat matchmaker i mean it's kind of crazy how you have gotten into the minds of many young girls so grace then calls me again and she's like i've been doing my research i've been talking to everyone and she's like i 100 want this cat so this was just accidental reverse psychology but i had to bring the cats back this morning to get spayed which means they have to cut their little bellies to spade them it's so sad but i get a call from desi goes we have a problem with boots and i'm like what's going on he goes she's too skinny she has to be two and a half pounds before they cut her open so we have to take her back so i call grace i'm like grace i'm so sorry you can't adopt this cat tomorrow i need to fatten her up for another week and grace is like are you kidding me like i want the cat now and i said look how the turntables have turned she's like no i need this cat right now and i go and that's what ultimately happens once you've made up your mind you need this you're like well why isn't there a cat in my lap no she literally is like if i don't have a cat right in my lap in three minutes i'm gonna lose my mind yeah but grace everyone tell grace congratulations on her pregnancy she's having a baby and her name is boots wait is she keeping that name she loves the name boots wait i'm upset she loves she because i said you call or whatever you want she's your child's like you birthed her um and so yeah in about a week greats will take her home she's already like done a whole amazon list we'll add it to the newsletter of all this stuff for the cat wait i actually just bought a cat thing on amazon this week because i realized i'm traveling all these places and i'm putting daphne's food in like a little plastic bag like a trash and so i got her like this little case to travel with her food i was like oh my god daphne i'm so sorry what kind of water does she drink purified evian

47:49Hannah Berner: just from the tap the cats like lukewarm she likes it luke it's funny cats are so specific too one last thing about cats i'm sorry if anyone's like well i have one last thing to say which what i said to grace life is good but it's just better with a cat totally so it's like i if you're happy in life that's great imagine being happier no there's nothing really else you can say like that is so spot on like it's so much better like you might have had a good day and you're like excited to go home and get on the couch imagine if there's just like a floof waiting for you to also get on the couch and she's not annoying she's not annoying and she lives her own life she lives her own life and her name is booth and she's right here i'm so excited for grace oh so we're really excited for grace who's my next victim i have to like search maybe chris does chris have a cat no honestly i feel like you're like running out of people you've infiltrated so much i only have so many friends this off to college season save on college and save the every day i remember when I first got to college and I thought I was prepared.

49:04Hannah Berner: I know everything that's happening. I was so focused on my daily outfits and making sure I had the perfect aesthetic that I completely forgot about one major part of college and that's themed parties. Every other week there was some random theme night and I was always scrambling at the last minute trying to pull something together. Whether it was a costume, accessories, decorations, or something group theme, I somehow never had what I needed and I was constantly making a last minute purchase to save the day. College is already so chaotic enough and it's always the little things that catch you off guard.

49:35Hannah Berner: That's why I love Amazon makes off to college shopping so easy. So whether it's dorm essentials, school supplies, organizational items, or those last minute things you suddenly realize you need, Amazon has great deals, everyday low prices, a huge selection, and the convenience to help you get it all in one place. So remember with Amazon low off to college prices, just save on college, save the everyday. This episode is brought to you by Experian Boost. Red flag, he Venmo requests you for coffee. Green flag, he raises his FICO score with Experian Boost. Tell me if this sounds familiar. You've been paying your bills on time every month, your utilities, your phone, your rent, your insurance, but your credit score still doesn't reflect that effort.

50:19Hannah Berner: Kind of sounds like dating. That's the gap, Experian Boost was built to fix. Connect the bank account you use to pay reoccurring bills, choose which on-time payments to add to your Experian credit file, and your FICO score updates instantly. Boost your credit scores instantly because you should get recognized for the financial habits you already have. You could instantly raise your FICO score by an average of 14 points with Experian Boost. Download the Experian app for free today. Results will vary. Users who received a boost improved their FICO score 8 from Experian by an average of 14 points.

50:54Hannah Berner: See website, app store, or Experian.com for details. Results will vary. Not all payments are boost eligible. Users who received a boost improved their FICO score 8 from Experian by an average of 14 points. Some may not see improved scores or approval odds. Not all lenders use Experian credit files, and not all lenders use scores impacted by Experian boost. See Experian.com for details. Okay, can I complain about laundry for a second specifically detergent why are those giant bottles so unnecessarily huge they're awkward to carry they leak everywhere they take up my entire laundry shelf and honestly they're kind of ugly then i found out some liquid detergents are apparently like 80 water and i was like what that honestly explains a lot because i feel like my clothes never smell as fresh as i want them to so when i found tide evo i was like wait this actually fits my life it's compact streamlined and easy to use.

51:46Hannah Berner: There's no plastic bottles, no drips, no sticky caps, and no water added. It's 100 % concentrated, which is why it's built differently to be Tide's best clean. If you've got a clear front laundry machine like me, it's actually kind of satisfying to watch. You toss it in, add your clothes, and it starts dissolving right away. Now I use Tide Evo all the time when doing laundry. It's just so much easier than before, especially when I know it's all clean and no fuss. Try the new Tide Evo Super Concentrated Laundry Detergent today.

52:43Hannah Berner: Our new-to-brand customers make up about 95 % of all of our sales. Watch HydroJug's story at advertising.amazon.com slash rising-stars.

52:54Also kind of nostalgic, I just want to bring awareness to, what people don't talk enough about, the Powerpuff Girls. What specifically? Did you watch it? I didn't.

53:06Hannah Berner: Can I tell you something? Cartoon Network, not for me. I'm going to say Cartoon Network is so Hannah Coded. yeah it's not page coded ed ed and eddie you would never watch see i love that silly shit but powerpuff girls oh like dexter do you remember dexter can i tell you something that's so me coded yeah any tv shows where they're like yelling i've seen what i needed to see i would be like stop like i really didn't like that like i liked again as i am as an adult where i like to watch pretty people on the tv i like them to be so fucking hot as a younger child i like to watch things that were aesthetically pleasing to me so like i like i can't believe i'm your favorite person i liked mary kate nashley because they have matching outfits like i love disney channel lizzie mcguire oh i love disney channel so like anytime someone would offer up the cartoon network i immediately knew what kind of kid you were and i was disinterested i would be like no this is the thing though with powerpuff girls aesthetically because one of them had black hair one of them was blonde one was redhead and they all had different colors it was like so cute and they all were just like badass and like i think it formed who i am as a woman the powerpuff girls See again I didn't like action You go why are they moving so much I go take a nap Why don't you guys chill Like you're getting out of your house And you're like running away from your parents And this is what you're going and doing Like go to the mall Wait that's Cartoon Network 2 The commercials were like You want this For it

55:00Yogurt It's always a yogurt Like, why was there so much yogurt in those fucking squeeze tubes when we were little? Like, Jesus Christ. Like, it's just like. Oh, my. Easy squeeze.

55:12Hannah Berner: Easy squeeze yogurt. Wait, that is also something so. Go-gurt. To note. Go-gurt. The commercials were even, like, too much. Like, I couldn't. I was like, no, get this station off. Like, I liked. Then I'd have to switch to, like, PBS and, like, watch, like, Wishbone or something. I'd be like, that's too overstimulating. I did like Wishbone. I loved Wishbone. I'm surprised it didn't make you smarter as a kid. She goes, I just like the patterns of the dog. You guys watch it on mute. You know who I really feel like I grew up to be was DW from Arthur is who I grew up to be. Oh my God. I loved Arthur.

55:50I loved Arthur. Arthur was my favorite.

55:53Hannah Berner: DW just like called it how she saw it. She was assertive. She was blunt. She was to the point. And she was a little bit mean. Okay. but people deserved it people deserved it like get out of dw's house did you like kim possible um i feel like i was a little bit too old for kim possible but i definitely watched it like kim possible and the proud family were like the same time and i was like i feel like i was leaving but i still watched it but i wasn't as involved as i could have been yeah like i thought Kim Possible was so cool with her cargo pants. You kind of grew up to be Kim Possible. It's the nicest thing you've ever said.

56:34You have red hair. And I like little animals near me.

56:38Hannah Berner: Yeah, like a naked mole rat. Oh my God. I love it. It's so cute. I feel like the summer is like, to bring it full circle. Are you choking to death right now? I'm okay. I feel like the summer is always kind of like dead with like celebrity gossip because I genuinely feel like all of like the entertainment industry is like just like they're on vacation in the summer. Yeah, like they're not they're like you can't find them. Whatever. So I feel like like the gossip is pretty chill. one thing that people aren't talking about enough i don't think is the fact that victoria becca my religion savior and her son are having like a huge feud like and i feel like we're not really diving into what's going on but like they're not speaking and the younger sons keep posting these like cryptic things on Instagram like people are picking up on it so it's like the brothers now aren't talking to him so like I need to know I need someone in there just to let me know what it overall is about because now we're going on like two years of just fighting but what was the original fight is what I need to know well there was supposed to be a big fight with the wedding but then they kind of like went past but I feel like when people fight over like a wedding then once the wedding is over it's like okay there's got to be like a new fight because how are you even continuing it we we got married we also if you didn't fight during a wedding did you even have a wedding like that's just part of having a wedding this is why this makes me upset in this day and age for your family to be your biggest ops yeah is so unsettling like that person in your home is the one that the press is about and they're coming for you like it's not okay also that's okay if i birthed you out of my pussy and ripped my butthole you're not talking bad about me in the press no you're not talking to people magazine about you're grounded you're grounded no like check your blind spot go home leave me alone i don't like the whole like oh the wife and the daughter-in-law is having be like I don't know yeah that is so true like they're making it so about Victoria and Nicola yeah and but I really think it's more it's deep it's that's your son like who cares about the new wife like why fight with her what is going what are they fighting with the son about is what I need to know that to the point where the son is like you know what i'm living my life with my wife like by ourselves she also comes from like a really big family and like her siblings aren't going on the internet being like you know saying like cryptic things no it's kind of like when megal megan markle became famous and her dad was like talking shit like it's crazy what do you think about people saying that megan markle stole pamela anderson's cooking show idea what was pamela anderson's cooking show idea or you know how she has like pamela anderson has that like hulu show where it's like it you like watch her garden wait how did i not know this and you put it on immediately wait you i you i feel like you have watched an episode before maybe i love pamela anderson everything she does wait why were people messaging me that liam neeson said he's a giggler because he said no he just used the word giggle okay the gigglers are losing their minds because i'm like can someone send me a video because i feel like that's not i think he said me and pam love to giggle and they were like clearly but is that a code is that a code it could be i mean not us being best friends with bobby fly now

1:00:40Hannah Berner: we have to be careful what we manifest and we will be at pam and liam's thanksgiving this year if you're on the food network or your name is pamela anderson i want to be friends with you here's another thing i will say i just feel like people always do whatever they can to pull like megan markle into it i'm like why can't megan have her own show and pam have her own yeah i'm pretty sure like when like they're both would be off martha stewart totally who just came out with the skincare line at the ripe age of like 84 so women women just stay working women stay working they stay winning um yeah i'm like obsessed with martha if you haven't watched her documentary you have to watch it but also back to the beckhams they had an amazing documentary part of me with all this drama just makes it seem like easily if they had a reality tv show it could be the next kardashians but i don't think that's what they want for for their life even though at this point it is a reality tv show here's the thing though i feel like reality tv in general is kind of like switching into a different direction because like it's not as raw and real as it used to be because there was no social media now there's social media i almost feel like reality tv should revert back to like being not revert back because it never was But reality TV moving forward I want it to be boring Like I want to watch I want to watch Liam and Pam Just in the kitchen Making Sunday morning pancakes I only need a 20 minute app You're so right You don't want it overproduced No I don't want it And I don't want it overstimulating I want like I want vlogs on the TV I want to be able to go to Hulu And be like Pamela Anderson's vlogs and it'd be like different things she does throughout the day.

1:02:35Put a TV and put a live camera in her living room. Big brother at Pamela Anderson reading a magazine.

1:02:42Hannah Berner: Imagine inviting people over to your home and you're setting the ambiance with Pamela Anderson reading a magazine. I love it. And not out loud. I think that's a million dollar idea. I think that's great. I think we're on to something. This is how you know we're in our 30s. We're like, let's have some calm stuff on the TV. literally i was in the car the other day and i turned the radio down and i go it's freaking loud i was like oh my god i'm gonna blow my eardrums out hello how could how could one even concentrate with such loud music this is why i love having an old husband like the other day i was like tapping my knee too much and he was like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa and i'm like i respect that we need peace and calmness and my anxious knee is ruining the mood you just reminded me of something i got a vibration plate so things are going well so this is my thing here's the thing i'm a i'm a marketer's dream okay look if you're trying to sell to a demographic sell it to me because i'm gonna buy it okay i'm gonna test it out i'm gonna try it this is my problem i don't know how to properly test anything out and i don't do anything like consistent enough or like like even with like my diet if someone's like oh do you want to see if you're allergic to dairy just like cut out dairy and no like i'm not a science experiment i'm human and i make mistakes and i don't know what a fucking carb is and i'm not googling it and i don't know our new tagline i'm not a science experiment i'm a human i'm a human with a thirst for knowledge that is unquenchable i'm not gonna lie i've seen the vibration plate it looks like it feels good like it looks like it would free me from like past traumas okay i'm gonna be honest the first day i went on it they said like do it like 10 minutes to the day first day i went on it i uh I didn't stop shitting for like two hours.

1:04:49I mean, that thing loosened something up. That's what happened to me with the trampoline. I jumped twice and was like, gotta go to the bathroom.

1:04:57Hannah Berner: I was like, okay, gotta get the hell out of here. It's literally like when you play with a baby and you feel like you shake them up too much and then they just puke and you're like, oh shit, sorry, just shook a Diet Coke. Wait, okay, so it's a laxative. it's a laxative i don't know what it's just supposed to be good for like overall health i don't know i have all the gadgets here my favorite thing that we talked about this weekend was about adrenaline and how we talked about how if you really want to feel adrenaline go through your man's phone there's no i don't care if you're jumping out of a fucking plane go through a man's phone and you will have diarrhea i told hannah the story that i went through an ex-boyfriend's phone but every time i would go through his phone i'd have to do it in the bathroom on the toilet because i would shit myself because i would be so i was gonna get caught or that like also he had some shit on his phone no pun intended so like i needed time to sift through it was true look you were gonna do it in the bathroom anyway but it was convenient that it was there because your heart rate came up and your body thought you were getting chased by a lion and like it took one time for me to not be near a bathroom to know that the next time I have to run to the bathroom no your body's like I need to lose everything that's inside me right now because we need to run for our life I'm so nervous and also I'm never against going through a man's phone like I I think that all women should legally be allowed to go through their man's phone but Make sure you're near a bathroom.

1:06:39Hannah Berner: Things get crazy. Thank you, Duncan, for sponsoring this app. We love you so much.

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