Giggling about meatballs, minions, and masseter disasters

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1:34Hannah Berner: Sup gigglers. Gary, fix the Wi-Fi.

1:37Paige DeSorbo: Manifest that shit.

1:39Hannah Berner: We can't be managed.

1:43Hannah Berner: I mean, the day just got away from me.

1:47Paige DeSorbo: hello my gastrointestinal gigglers page how are you i'm peeing from my asshole that's

2:02Hannah Berner: i'm the most annoying person to go on vacation with like i truly must be a menace you were

2:10Paige DeSorbo: complaining about not eating enough at dinner now you ate and are dealing with the repercussions

2:15Hannah Berner: but what happened so i'm at dinner last night we're getting appetizers i see meatballs on the menu you sent me a photo of them i go look how gorgeous these balls are and i wrote adorable i love a little ball i take a bite i'm like oh my god this is so good i i my brother gets the same thing i look over at my mom i'm like you have to have one of these meatballs i'm a whole meatball in okay i cut another one in half i give it to put it on my mom's plate it's red sauce on the meatballs so I'm thinking nothing my mom looks at it and she goes I don't think this is cooked and my whole face goes white I'm like I'm like what do you mean it's not cooked and my brother looks at me and he's like it's not that big of a deal like beef carpaccio like don't like you're literally like you're freaking out over nothing and I'm like also you're in Italy everything is good i'm like i'm freaking out over nothing i get back to my room i fall asleep at like 5 a.m i'm woken up by the own sounds of my stomach i said what a little melody we're playing i mean the gurgling was i literally woke up i go something's going on in the room next door what the fuck is that sound yo there's a tornado i run to the bathroom i'm truly peeing from my asshole i get up i'm dizzy i'm lightheaded like i'm like i'm like oh my god i'm i'm gonna throw up i could throw up just talking i get back in bed i fall asleep for a couple hours I'm like I'm fine I just like my body's so sensitive like I'm literally I'm fine I go to the pool all day I think the heat and then I had prosciutto and cheese and I thought no I'm fine I can eat this I had a little bread I literally had to leave the pool run to my bathroom pee from my asshole again now I'm cold now I'm getting the shakes now I have a fever I my head is pounding i'm like here and here's the thing it is a privilege to travel i am so it is a privilege to get sick on prosciutto i am so blessed in this life that i live but when people say i love traveling i don't relate to them because my body is so sensitive it's i can't get thrown off or

4:54Paige DeSorbo: it's like so yeah you don't have your vibrating plate like i don't i don't have my stuff

5:03Paige DeSorbo: there's a lot of things that go into you existing and you don't just go into hotel room and have everything you need even if it's five stars i'm checking three furbo cameras every 10 minutes i'm like i'm such a pain in the ass kitty put a little hex on you she said yeah go have fun

5:23Hannah Berner: go have fun leave me leave me at home every year there's like a there's a pool rule at our hotel that like once it hits 2 p.m like kids have to get out of the pool i thought you were gonna say pool rule no diarrhea i love when they write that like someone with diarrhea would be like you know what would be good being in the pool right now well i'm sitting in the pool and i'm like i have to go to my room and fart because i'm not having a hannah burner in coppery okay i'm not hannah burnering all over it's a verb now we're about to hannah burner this pool i'm like i'm not sharting in a gucci bathing suit i rather kill myself vintage you can't just buy it

6:07Paige DeSorbo: if you lose it also farting in a pool is so freeing when it's not a shart because that's just

6:13Hannah Berner: this pool like it's a big circle pool and there's like random buttons that you can press and like jets will come on and the first thing i think of was hannah would freaking love this and every time

6:24Paige DeSorbo: i have to pee i turn the jet on wait so where's your stomach in this moment where are we at

6:29Hannah Berner: she's just like gurgling a little she's like i think she's like getting better but now it's just like my head i'm dehydrated i'm just like here's another thing i realized i'm so god damn sick of myself everything's about me all the time and i think it's because i'm on vacation with my parents were like they're so obsessed with me i'm like enough with this bitch yeah you're like can we get one other topic to talk about at dinner and this year for whatever reason there's so many babies at the pool like baby babies like not speaking like not even a year old and i've had like you're like can't even have a good conversation can't even not even a hello how are you sentence together but i've been having such like baby fever i don't know why and i think it's because i'm sick of my own shit figuratively and literally i do have to say the only time i've been wanting

7:24Paige DeSorbo: to have a baby is when i'm like i want to deal with someone else's issues yeah i'm ready to

7:30Hannah Berner: pour myself into someone else and let myself fade away i do think that's something that

7:37Paige DeSorbo: kind of happens in your 30s like you're like oh it's me again morning me again wait what is that i feel like no one called being tired like and i think that's why people like to have babies and people to talk about it your 20s you're like i'm so excited to like explore who i am and your 30s you're like yep know who i am i'm good and honestly i don't fuck with her so

8:02Hannah Berner: right like everyone talks about like oh your biological clock starts ticking you get so maternal i'm not feeling that i'm feeling like more let's let's talk about character into the

8:14Paige DeSorbo: storyline because i'm i've ran out of storylines over here i'm sick of them um also side note the gigglers wrote in our youtube they were like hannis this is a safe space let your smile fly so i'm not going to cover my smile when i laugh this episode is so sweet not because i necessarily feel safe but because i'm at the point with the smile fiasco or as people call the master disaster wait that's so cute it's a cute it's that um wait that's adorable are you to say shout out to my husband who i love soft launching on instagram do you notice like you've been married for five years i don't put him in any photo it's just like you'll see his hands and everyone's like kind is soft launching so he's my soft launch baby but um he's distracted me but he's again doing his tough love thing where now i have someone with me so every like every like 20 minutes i'm like do you think it looks better and he's like i swear to god if you ask me one more fucking time he goes your smile is like a stock you invest in it don't check for a year and i was like what kind of analogy is that but he's like kind of low-key right he's like if you keep checking every day it's going to be torturous he's like come back to me in a month and check it do you

9:40Hannah Berner: feel like it has like from when you first got it do you feel like any little like a more range of

9:46Paige DeSorbo: motion no but i do feel like emotionally i've come to terms with it a little more where i'm not like waking up and being like oh my god i can't smile i'm like this is she this is what i this is my has worn off the shock has worn off also last week my sweet sweet oh my god i was so determined and hopeful i was like running i was going to sauna i was getting acupuncture i was doing

10:14Hannah Berner: massages i was doing microcurrents did you do acupuncture in your face yeah i did it in my face oh how was that i've never done that i've never done it in my face it's interesting because you

10:26Paige DeSorbo: do feel like kind of a rush of the blood like i feel like it's doing something totally um i don't

10:31Hannah Berner: think it helped i do feel like acupuncture is one of those things that like it doesn't work unless you did it every day all day like so many girls i feel like have recommended it and i've done it before for like certain pain and i'm like yeah i can feel something but unless i'm doing this

10:46Paige DeSorbo: three times a week like and this is a lot yeah they recommend twice a week but also no i just had so much hope for myself and i was like i'm gonna beat this i can beat this you're like i'm not a statistic i know i literally was like i'm gonna be the one girl that like tricked her nerves to not do this because i i'm i'm working so hard at it and i care and then i woke up this morning i said bitch you can't beat botox this is your nerve endings no it's a chemical it's a poison

11:18Hannah Berner: you're done you're done it is kind of crazy though and because that it happened to both of us in such a short amount of time and i've now the gigglers are sending me so many dms of like different stories like on instagram and tiktok of like it's poison it's like did you see my mom

11:36Paige DeSorbo: commented under our video saying don't do drugs like my mom is horrified my mom's never touched her face her mom's never touched her face her mom's mom's never touched her face and she's like yeah bitch you put crazy stuff in your face of course something stupid is gonna happen to you

11:49Hannah Berner: i do implore the filler girls to just do a little research take a look because god forbid you do something with filler and then that's it oh yeah that's it that's what you look like that's and it's i just like have my mom in the back of my head like if god wanted you to look like that he would have made you like that well yes kim has been searching the island for rosary beads she said i just want a nice you would think that they have rosary beads here and they don't she can't find them she's literally

12:23Paige DeSorbo: it's it's ruining her trip i guess because the rosary no one needs it on vacation everyone's relaxed you don't need a rosary on vacation i don't know but italy is so funny because any if

12:34Hannah Berner: you look anywhere randomly there's just like a statue of the blessed mother and you're just like

12:39Paige DeSorbo: okay sorry oh it's like me in Canada I'm seeing like different celebrities on ads that are like really famous here I'm like oh I didn't know they were big in Canada that's the blessing Mary in

12:48Hannah Berner: Italy I'm like she's huge every time we go to like the pool or anywhere my dad will say hey look at that guy he's on TV I think and I like look over and I'm like no he's not that's just a handsome Italian man I'm like he's not on just a tan full head of hair Italian man he's like are you sure let me get a good another look oh yeah maybe you're right like he literally thinks everyone

13:12Paige DeSorbo: we've seen is a celebrity also can we address the scarf visor that broke the internet i knew that my scarf visor was gonna be split down the middle and here's the thing about being in italy

13:26Hannah Berner: and posting content i feel like i post more tiktok videos in italy because i'm happier also you did say you were going on a phone strike and i kind of have because i feel when i post here it's such a time change that i am so disconnected from like the comments or like so like because i'm on like a different schedule so right when i post it no one's commenting it because no one's awake so i do feel very disconnected from the world wait i feel so disconnected from the world here that I haven't even done my skincare routines night or morning oh because skincare doesn't count in Italy I don't know I just have no desire I'm like I don't care not doing it I feel free it's because you're relaxed I think that's what it is haven't done my hair I've barely put on makeup I've done like mascara and blush well Paige I don't want to diagnose you but your skincare is also a coping

14:28Paige DeSorbo: mechanism of your anxiety somehow like it's like when you're anxious you're like if I could just fix this pimple everything will be better it's like my mom was cleaning well sometimes that

14:38Hannah Berner: pimple is the problem okay so i feel like you're putting all your problems into the pimple but

14:43Paige DeSorbo: we'll discuss my life is going great unless i get a cystic pimple well a cystic that is truly volcano in the center of your face so i do have empathy for you um scar visor this is also my algorithm shows me if i if you post when i go on tiktok your video comes up first so i get you early i don't see comments i leave my stamp of approval and then i move on so i don't actually know the response of the visor i just know that i was i felt it in my core that it was a moment

15:12Hannah Berner: i saw it online like a couple weeks ago and i was just like that shouldn't cost 200 but put it in my cart because i'm intrigued i'm like this is just a piece of sheer but like i just thought the model looked so cool and i love an accessory i love a bathing suit cover-up also you love a frill you love a frill i love it i just love something different let me just try it you know and but i didn't realize that the model legitimately looked like you like everyone was like this picture that you posted of the model is hannah i don't know i think people are like you know when someone dies

15:52Paige DeSorbo: and people are like putting them on a pedestal that's how people are treating my old smile they're like Hannah was so beautiful and she was she just lit up a room like they're like remembering you and they're like putting rose-colored glasses on who I was they were like

16:08Hannah Berner: she was just euphoric but um they're rewriting history they are literally any man on Bravo let's just rewrite it let's just change the past I don't know 10 years

16:28Hannah Berner: sorry that was out of pocket and i don't care because i'm thousands of miles away

16:33Paige DeSorbo: doesn't count you're in italy what absolutely stays in italy so my thing also with the visor it kind of made you look like you had bangs like in a good way like i don't think i actually had

16:44Hannah Berner: it on correctly i think i should have flipped it over but i'm gonna wear it again for sure I actually think I might wear it this weekend because I don't think it fully got its moment. I didn't even get a pick on it.

16:56Paige DeSorbo: You thrifted some Gucci, which is kind of like, I don't know.

16:59Hannah Berner: I'm just like proud of you. Wait, Hannah, I didn't even tell you. I went to my vintage store here and I got the sickest vintage, like 90s Valentino turtleneck dress. Not really. It's like a shirt that I'm going to make a dress. And it has these like big cutouts. And it's so cool.

17:19Paige DeSorbo: you'll be so proud of me I'm so excited because I feel like you're getting better and better at thrifting it's like everyone has their own eye and skill and you're like really getting into it

17:30Hannah Berner: you're in the weeds yeah well you've really inspired me because I just think it's more consignment I think like consignment is so cool because you're like what was her story what was her story that she had this like sick designer whatever and then she's like I don't need it anymore you know and i'm like what you know i love it it's like she wore it enough yeah or she's dead oh you know i didn't think about she lives through it there are a lot of you know

18:00Paige DeSorbo: estate sales where like a really cool woman passes away and like she didn't have any daughters yeah that's so true and that was that was her lesson support for today's episode comes from

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21:56Paige DeSorbo: it felt like the met gala like i was in toronto and i was just kind of looking and like it's interesting what celebrities got papped and which didn't because there were a thousand people there so it's funny that like hugh grant was the one that like we kept getting photos of and then like gg hadid like i wonder if they were she was like okay let these couple celebrities post and then no one else um i did get like tea like a month or two ago that it was in msg and no one believed me and my only real thought was i love how they posted on the screen like some someone just was like get canva let's just pick a font and i thought it was an at &t ad

22:47Paige DeSorbo: which if it was genius if it wasn't kind of annoyed because at &t didn't deserve that kind

22:53Hannah Berner: of promo but like seeing tnt yeah if it was a t plus t i feel like that might have been better

23:00Paige DeSorbo: You know, you're so right. It was really giving AT &T and I was like, holy shit, AT &T. AT &T and Dior were the main sponsors of the event. Iconic.

23:12Hannah Berner: At first I thought like, oh, she's doing it at Madison Square Garden because like security and like privacy and blah, blah, blah. And then I quickly realized like that she didn't really give a shit about that. Like, I think she liked doing it on Fourth of July weekend. like a holiday weekend i think that like goes with whatever album someone said if they break up she's gonna write independence day as like the divorce song i also think that weddings have changed so much since covid and i truly believe in elopements no i truly believe you should have whatever kind of wedding you want i mean you should do whatever you want always but specifically your wedding i think you should truly do whatever the fuck you want like elope have a party don't have a party go to the courthouse invite a thousand people invite two people like i don't care it has no bearing on my life go to a pizza parlor the only thing i have to say about taylor's wedding is the thought of four avenues being shut down in the middle of new york city on a holiday weekend what are you talking if you've ever been in New York City where just a side street is shut down the whole city is where we go we don't know where to go you're telling me they shut down 7th Avenue 6th Avenue 5th like you're telling me five streets were shut down on a holiday weekend my first thought is what if there was an emergency and an ambulance couldn't get through like this is why I hate parades specifically just for this reason because if you see a parade in New York City and a street is shut down you're fucked like it will now take you 45 extra minutes to get to

24:59Paige DeSorbo: your destination but I think she was toking on July 4th a lot of people being out in the Hamptons but I don't think everyone in New York City is going to the Hamptons it's not like yeah Hamptons

25:09Hannah Berner: is for elite assholes in what world are the majority of New York City out in the Hamptons they're not that's like a facade on instagram the majority of people that live in new york city are there for the holiday weekend so i that was my only thing i was like i'm shocked that this is that the city is even kind of letting this happen because i felt like it was kind of dangerous you can't shut down five avenues i have a lot of mixed emotions i feel

25:38Paige DeSorbo: like it's kind of annoying that she had to donate 30 million dollars to charities to try to avoid some hate on her wedding weekend well i did hear it was 50 million dollars 50 million i feel like a man getting married like a famous man doing something crazy like he would never have to do that but she literally was like can you guys please let me just have a weekend i'm putting

26:02Hannah Berner: 50 million dollars a charity like please don't and like look i'm not mad at her for wanting attention i love attention i've been i was on reality tv for seven years i think attention is amazing but like she wanted the attention for her wedding weekend and that's totally i don't i'm not mad at that like but i think people being like oh so she didn't care about privacy well obviously not that didn't she didn't care yeah she wanted people to know she was getting married

26:28Paige DeSorbo: which yeah let the people know i do think also logistically her team is so good at building sets so like a parent like it was literally the same people from the eras tour i think that like came in built this fucking set in a quick amount of time it's like what they know and it is just so funny when you have more money than you can imagine it's almost like you have too many options of what to do but i feel like her and her and travis love socializing they love partying they

26:59Hannah Berner: love i think he loves being famous and i think she loves showing him like and look how famous

27:06Paige DeSorbo: you are now i think that like i was gonna say and i don't i love love is love but i mean you would understand more than anyone how sometimes with fame you can fall in love with the spotlight on you rather than the person okay in my fragile state of shitting from my asshole

27:31Paige DeSorbo: but you can fall in love with the idea of people the idea of your relationship through the public eye versus your relationship and that's why i think so many extremely famous people don't survive their relationships because you can't actually see like true intimacy when you have so many lenses on you i don't know that was a lot that was really wordy but i think that's why a lot

27:54Hannah Berner: of people got divorced or married during covet because you were so forced to be with that person and it was just you two you couldn't socialize with anyone else and i think that is really important like a perfect example is zendaya and tom holland like we still don't even know when or where yeah are they together do they even live in the same house we don't know and I just think that I also because I have been in like a public relationship before I do think when you are in something and you can relate to this but this one's a compliment when you truly and it doesn't even matter it doesn't even mean the relationship it could be the relationship with your mom your dad your brother hurt people that's what we're learning today hurt people when you truly love something so much and you care about it you want to protect it from even like I'm gonna cry the person on the street like you you're like you can say whatever you want about me but if you say one fucking thing about my mom like so I think if you really like cherish there are certain things that you're like I would never want anyone to know this like I would never want someone privy to this because this is just for us and so I do think that there could be a lot of criticism of Taylor and Travis's wedding but also like if it works for them mazel

29:17Paige DeSorbo: tov after dealing with reality tv where I put someone I love in a position I that's why I've had to scale back because I feel like I made a mistake and I shouldn't have done that to him

29:32Hannah Berner: it's funny I had someone ask me the other day if I would like when I get married and have kids like would I do a reality show and I it was like a random person and I was like oh my god that's such an interesting question I've never really thought about that before but my gut feeling was the thought of someone criticizing my child like no well the whole thing with reality tv is I always

29:58Paige DeSorbo: say people are like why'd you do it and I'm like I was 26 and single yeah and I did it until my

30:03Hannah Berner: family started to get hate messages dude i did it as revenge i didn't even think it was real i literally my boyfriend pissed me off and i was like watch this i'm going on a show and then i walked in i was like wait i forgot i was actually doing this

30:20Paige DeSorbo: oh god um are women in stem of the week oh i'm on a really weird algorithm them it's iconic it's there are these minion contests have you seen these minion singing contests i haven't hannah so it's these just like normal hot girls that go up to a mic and then sing songs in the minion voice and language i've never seen the mini movie but i guess they have their own language like elfish type okay so these like gorgeous girls are like singing like in a minion voice and it's getting like really competitive and like the winners are kind of blowing up so shout out to all the girls who are um really good at being minions wait i don't get

31:02Hannah Berner: it where are they doing it in a theater somewhere maybe it's canadian i don't know i'm so confused you want to know what that's actually what pissed me off this week because what are you talking about just a bunch of grown people pretending to be minions in a theater no thank you i don't want but you know what nothing makes me happier than

31:30Paige DeSorbo: a hot girl doing something weird totally suddenly i respect her suddenly i'm like oh you've been through some dark shit if you found yourself at this point i'm caught up on love island usa and i'm done watching it i actually don't care who wins this season was one of the weirdest

31:48Hannah Berner: seasons of love island i've ever watched in my entire life there's three men on the show that are so like annoying two of them okay they like kind of owned up to like their shit whatever the one guy I mean he's a pathological liar it's not even like sorry I shouldn't have done that he's like blatantly a pathological liar he can't stop lying he's like literally getting no hate and the girl who had been dumped and like fucked over and was like exploring other men is getting more hate and if I hear someone call them lustful one more time I'm gonna scream like what in the old testament are you fucking saying stop you gen z stop using the word lustful you sound like freaks you sound like actual weirdos you're on a dating adam and eve yeah like okay you sound so manosphere it's actually really terrifying and like girls can kiss multiple men and not be a whore you absolute weirdos like and all the girls want this one girl melanie to go back with this guy who's lied since the day he's gotten in there and then looked at the other girl who was being lustful and was like it's really bad for you i don't know what's going on with love but i don't I actually don't care who wins.

33:12Hannah Berner: Do you care about UK? So now I'm getting back into UK and I'm starting to care more about them because, well, here's the other thing. UK is like double the time and they get to know each other more and there's more conversation and I'm sorry they have more banter. We as Americans, we sound dumb. We sound stupid. Now, I'm not saying the UK Love Island has a bunch of goddamn geniuses. No. but they just feel they use more mature yet they just feel like they're more honestly the love island usa cast feels like you're in a tiktok i feel like i'm in the app of tiktok where like uk it feels like real young kids like trying to meet each other and like fuck around well my husband has been getting oh yeah he texted me about it yeah love island uk clips but now he's like fully

34:09Paige DeSorbo: immersed in it and it's like the i'm not watching it so i'm like text page she's watching it but we watched it when they were like fact of 50 so i keep going up to him being like are they saying like fact of 50 and he's like no that's so five years ago no one says that anymore and i was like

34:24Hannah Berner: oh shit there have been dumb people on love island like one girl didn't know what the difference between a continent, a country, a county. Like she was...

34:32Paige DeSorbo: No, you do not have to be smart. No, absolutely not. To get on Love Island. You have to be some version of hot.

34:38Hannah Berner: And look, a lot of people will say it's not that serious. It's not that big of a deal. It kind of is because they just pulled a group of the same age people and this is their dating habits. The men lie and the girls think each other are whores and should put up with way more than they should put up with.

34:59Paige DeSorbo: I can't, you guys, I want to be part of this dialogue and I want to be making fun of it and stuff, but like I just, I'm just like not lustful.

35:10Hannah Berner: I'm like, what in the serpent queen are you fucking talking about? Like lustful? I've never said that word in my 33 years on this planet. They're like, lust is like the worst thing you can be in a relationship. it's like actually maybe a dingbat is the worst thing you can be like shut up bring back dig

35:32Paige DeSorbo: dingbat bring back dingbat um a little update speaking of shows i'm shooting my show right now um it's going really i'm like really excited for this show i'm i can't like give details however i am being a menace to the glam team oh well the makeup artist she's fully trying to like joker me and make it look like i'm like lifted and like not looking sad and every thing and then so this one guy's the hair guy rye he's like let's do a ponytail which i said you know what let's do it but when they do a like slick back ponytail they put so many bobby pins now you more than anyone would understand you know when a bobby pin just like hits wrong and you're like that's in my brain yeah and like when you're shooting a show like first 30 minutes i was fine and now we're in i was like something's going on back there i was just like waiting in between takes and i'm like fuck it i'm trying to move this bobby pin i pull out a bobby pin because i'm like yolo whole ponytail comes undone it was like the important bobby i know it was 18 the bobby it was the main character it was mr bobby pin that's mr pin to you yeah so i oh fuck because i thought i could take it out no one would know because right because sometimes you can you're like oh this one is like this was not even needed and it was just like i literally still feel it so the guy comes out right it's like rolling his eyes he's like oh my god has to redo my whole pony stop production my whole face falls everyone's like okay

37:21Paige DeSorbo: so i know it's like reality tv again because i have my mic on me and they'll like put me in a room and be like okay like in 10 minutes we'll have you come out of the room to like it's a hot mic situation fully farted

37:39Paige DeSorbo: wait when are you done i think next week but like i'm so excited for the gigglers to watch the show like we're killing it with the looks and i'm wearing glasses every day

37:49Hannah Berner: to like make me a different person yeah okay i think that's i love i the picture you posted on your story the other day i love when you wear your hair pulled back like that

37:58Paige DeSorbo: yeah i knew you'd be into it oh also i have to issue an apology sorry just going through some notes okay i did this thing of like things that i hate um and i i said um man named brayden and then i got i got only like three messages but it was enough backlash from the gigglers i feel like i should address it um of gigglers being like henna i love you so much but like my sweet sweet son's name is brayden and this like really hurt really hurt my feelings so i just want to say when i say i don't like guys named brayden i don't mean the giggler's son's name brayden we don't mean anyone under 30 25 sorry i want to say sorry to all the giggler bradens you guys are perfect because they're being raised by us but um anyone already millennial bradens they have no shot

38:48Hannah Berner: sometimes i use this podcast as like my personal forum sometimes i really need an orthopedic surgeon to get in my dms because hannah do you know what a ganglion cyst is i feel like my dad had that once okay look at my wrist wait that's what like oh like old women have my grandma used to have one i have the look at that oh oh oh look at that oh dude it hurts so bad that's why like i used to have to wear my wrist thing all the time because i think it was that you would get a ganglion cyst on your hand that's because your hand is too long i was like mom what do i do about it and she was like oh your grandma used to have that they go away on their own or you can get it surgically removed and i'm like but i don't want to get it surgically removed but i i need it gone because it's actually really starting to hurt me and then i have like an indent right here yeah well the good news is you're not walking around like this that my dad said oh just to go like this yeah fix it just don't walk around like a little rabbit this is why i have to have a baby i'm so sick of my own

40:05Paige DeSorbo: shit who gets that yeah well if it makes you feel better i got a mole on my back like i don't have a mole i've never had a mole in my life but it's a mole on my back and des was like you should get that checked it's cancer and i'm like no my grandpa would got these like this is just who i am now so but i'll get it checked i think you should get that no no no no no also i know we're getting older i know i'm getting older because i love this is my favorite thing to say now i love going oh the humidity broke what i feel like that's such an adult thing to say like you know after

40:40Hannah Berner: it rains i go yep the humidity that's not even an adult thing that's like a very niche type of dad who's over 55 a way above 55 no well des loves the weather my mom loves the weather it's someone that like worked with their hands you know like they did something saying the humidity broke is

41:03Paige DeSorbo: my new like it's really nice outside yeah the humidity definitely broke and then i heard myself say i'm like who are you and like they are not saying that on love island for sure the humidity broke yeah no but it definitely is really fucking hot there and i don't know how they're like

41:21Hannah Berner: their makeup is staying because they never look like they're sweaty and their hair always looks

41:26Paige DeSorbo: put together and i don't i don't know how they're doing it i'd also like to know what time they're

41:31Hannah Berner: going to bed and what time they're waking up but that's my own yeah i think are they allowed to drink on love island to drink minimum and the brits ruin that for them i'm pretty sure but also

41:42Paige DeSorbo: to drink it doesn't say how many shots that is like you could do just like two huge vodka cups

41:48Hannah Berner: no i don't i don't think they give them hard liquor i want to say it's wine or beer og uk they would like chain smoke cigs and drink. And then I want to say like season early in UK, it turned into a two drink minimum. And I think USA just adopted that. Because if they were drunk, it'd be a very different show. The word lustful would go right out the window. I'll tell you that. Okay. Maybe we should let next season, let them get a little liquored up and show their true feelings. Can we talk about how summer dressing somehow becomes harder than winter dressing? Like you're either comfortable and look like you gave up, or you're cute and you're counting down the seconds until you can change.

42:33Hannah Berner: That's why I've been obsessed with the Breezely collection from Lululemon. I recently wore the Breezely mid-rise cropped pants to lunch, and they're exactly what you need in your summer staples. They have this relaxed, effortless look that's somehow casual and polished at the same time. And not to mention, they're so lightweight and breathable. Sometimes pants in the summer feel like a personal attack, and these absolutely don't. they're made with lululemon swift fabric so they stay airy and comfortable and they move with you instead of feeling restrictive the fit is drapey and easy but still looks elevated and that's what i love about the breezily collection in general it feels like clothing for when you want to look like you made an effort without actually doing the hard part i wear lululemon and you should too go to lululemon.com right now new styles drop all the time and the colors go fast so don't wait and And if something doesn't work for you, free returns always.

43:27Hannah Berner: That's lululemon.com, lululemon.com. This episode is brought to you by Experian Boost. Red flag, he Venmo requests you for coffee. Green flag, he raises his FICO score with Experian Boost. Tell me if this sounds familiar. You've been paying your bills on time every month. Your utilities, your phone, your rent, your insurance. But your credit score still doesn't reflect that effort. Kind of sounds like dating. That's the gap. Experian Boost was built to fix. Connect the bank account you use to pay reoccurring bills, choose which on-time payments to add to your Experian credit file, and your FICO score updates instantly.

44:07Hannah Berner: Boost your credit scores instantly because you should get recognized for the financial habits you already have. You could instantly raise your FICO score by an average of 14 points with Experian Boost. Download the Experian app for free today. Results will vary. users who received a boost improved their FICO score 8 from Experian by an average of 14 points. See website, app store, or Experian.com for details.

44:31Paige DeSorbo: Results will vary. Not all payments are boost eligible. Users who received a boost improved their FICO score 8 from Experian by an average of 14 points. Some may not see improved scores or approval odds. Not all lenders use Experian credit files, and not all lenders use scores impacted by Experian boost. See Experian.com for details.

44:45Hannah Berner: Okay, I need to talk about Sephora because if you're looking for the newest, hottest beauty products, they are only at Sephora. And you guys know I love finding the products everyone is about to become obsessed with before they completely sell out. Like the one-size liquid blotting paper spray. Unreal. It's the first-of-its-kind blotting spray that mattifies for up to eight hours. I'm also deeply attached to the Summer Fridays Shade Drops SPF 50 because it somehow makes you look effortlessly put together even when your life is not. And don't even get me started on the K. Alley fragrances. I wore K.

45:19Hannah Berner: Alley Eden blush pair the other day, and three separate people asked me what I was wearing. It has become my entire personality. What I love is Sephora makes it so easy to discover your next favorite makeup, skincare, hair, or fragrance product all in one place, especially the products everyone's talking about right now. So if you want to stay ahead of the beauty group chat, shop the newest, hottest beauty products only at Sephora.

45:43Paige DeSorbo: As you know, this is the number one pet podcast in the world And that's why we love PetSmart I mean, have you ever saw a PetSmart and not gotten giddy and wanted to go in And just get kitty every single gift that she needs?

45:59Hannah Berner: Well, you're not walking by a PetSmart and not looking in the window I mean, you would be a monster if you were to not look in the window See what's going on, see who's in there I love PetSmart because not only can you get everything in store but they also ship everything really fast. So sometimes I want to go online shopping for Kitty too.

46:18Paige DeSorbo: Oh my God, for sure. And you get what you need when you need it. There's so many ways to shop. When life gets hectic, you can get food for your cats. You can get toys for your cats. Get a snack for your friend's dog. You can get a collar for your friend's dog.

46:35Hannah Berner: I was just going to see how long you could go.

46:37Paige DeSorbo: They have auto ships. so you never run out of your pet's favorites by putting it on auto ship. Free same day delivery, store pickup, ship to home, in store. And PetSmart is the one-stop shop that delivers all my needs as a cat mom, which obviously, like celebrating Daphne's birthday, is a need, not a want, a need. So visit your local PetSmart store or go to PetSmart.com today. PetSmart, anything for pets. Des made me watch the World Cup last night.

47:09Hannah Berner: I wrote down World Cup water, but I don't remember what I was. Water, water.

47:13Paige DeSorbo: Oh, they're doing water breaks. That's like a drama. There's like a water break thing happening. They're called hydration breaks. I think it's for like advertising.

47:21Hannah Berner: I don't know what it was.

47:23Paige DeSorbo: Well, anyway, I did watch.

47:24Hannah Berner: Oh, I know what it was. Wait a minute. I've lived my whole life not knowing that when athletes are playing in a game of any sort, they're never drinking water. they're putting it in their mouth and they're spitting it out no they drink water oh because everything in like the world's cup was like showing them like swishing it in their mouth and then spitting it out and i was like oh why are they doing that and then the comments were like no one's running with a full stomach of water but also like how are they not dehydrating

47:58Paige DeSorbo: dehydrated and passing out i do think it's a combination i actually don't know about like soccer players maybe that is a thing that they're not like chugging water on the side but like they have to stay hydrated to an extent like sometimes with tennis they'll have like electrolyte gels

48:12Hannah Berner: and stuff but they're drinking water electrolyte gels see this is a whole world i was never privy

48:18Paige DeSorbo: to you're never privy to that's why yeah you do all but you know what you'd love if you start cramping they give you a diet coke no that's just sheep because you need sodium no way i didn't know that oh what about gatorade it's like they need even more than even more like they'll have you eat like mcdonald's after just to get like salt okay now i'm actually calling the police why didn't

48:42Hannah Berner: anyone put me in sports are you kidding i would have crushed a soccer game oh i'm just gonna sorry i don't feel good let me get a diet coke and mcdonald's well that's why everyone's like

48:52Paige DeSorbo: you must have been so like fit during tennis and i'm like the amount of calories i was eating was yeah diabolical i was doing pizza eating contests after practice i was like who thinks they could eat a pizza faster than me you know what i always loved in high school that when the

49:08Hannah Berner: track team would have a pizza party i'm like god guys you really knew the right team to join

49:12Paige DeSorbo: used to have pasta parties oh hell yeah car blowed that shit you know we never talked about what the empire state couple you know taylor swift was like guys not this weekend this weekend you're not fucking climbing to the top they were like instagram models like they were like really hot and cool and they like propose to each other but no one talked are they arrested now like what's

49:37Hannah Berner: the like i think they got arrested it gets a felony yeah you know what hot people get bored

49:43Paige DeSorbo: they have like no issues in their life they're like what if we just and let's talk about that

49:47Hannah Berner: because if they were butt ugly people would be pissed no it's so true the fact they were hot

49:53Paige DeSorbo: everyone was like iconic iconic put it in the lube privilege example they were ugly they'd never be allowed in new york city again but instead we were like take a photo put it in every pizzeria like these people are icons that would have crushed on tumblr oh yeah but you know what i don't love it like even becoming a trend like it's just it's not i do wonder what security's up to on empire state building where were they well surely they snuck into the building they were just like bandits like the first time we walked in i would have been like that looks like a bank

50:27Hannah Berner: robber and then what they slept there the night before and then like snuck out onto the top like i don't even get the logistics of it and also like yeah that's really scary if this hot little brunette with a bob can get past the security i'm worried yeah i am worried taking a selfie up there i would have dropped my phone no i would have been so clumsy also i would have been shaking no well you and i are similar we have no adrenaline rush seeking vibes whatsoever

50:57Paige DeSorbo: you're so right also i feel like i got married like generations ago yeah you've been married for 20 years my wedding was not in this millennia like no i would have done so differently it is so funny how like five years really what would you have done different i mean it was perfect but like i feel like my fashion's so different now like i would have done like a something crazy i would have i don't know i literally went to a strip mall and was like that looks good on my body

51:27Hannah Berner: yeah no hannah you picked the first dress you tried on i picked the first which which iconic which some people say when you know you know when you know you know um and i would have eloped i could have seen you doing the courthouse and then having a dinner after yeah that's what i would

51:45Paige DeSorbo: have done but i also know what taylor swift felt where she was like let's celebrate and make it a moment like i mean i had raquel at my wedding like crazy shit happened at my wedding so oh oh the one last thing i want to say about taylor is she was on that that interview show where she was like i don't like people being on the cusp which is true there's like you're really close friends then you have a lot of people that you're like a ton of people that are on the cusp and you don't know what to do so she's like so i'm just gonna invite a shit ton but then it actually hurts more to not get invited because you're like oh i wasn't even in your top 1000 well when i saw that blake

52:30Hannah Berner: lively wasn't there i was like wait this is actually i feel like even more of a fuck you because it's like fergie's there so it's like adam sam i really honestly i hope that like like adam sandler officiated i don't i feel like it was just like it's the most random event ever it felt like the oscars i think my mindset would be the exact opposite like oh i don't want to have to evaluate my relationships with these people it's like my wedding's so small it would be weird if you got invited like not oh my wedding's so big everyone come i'd be like it's 50 people i

53:08Paige DeSorbo: don't know you like that i almost feel like her inviting not inviting blake lively she knew would be such a story that like she hates her that much that she's like i'm fine with that being the press

53:19Hannah Berner: on my wedding weekend well she could have invited her and blake said no but i don't see blake saying no no no no no i mean look she i think she wanted people to talk about her marrying travis and that's what exactly what everyone's doing so i don't and i don't think that's a bad thing Zendaya didn't want anyone talking about her wedding and that's exactly what happened nobody talked about it so I think you do what you want there was a really good tiktok someone made

53:46Paige DeSorbo: about who's like a big swifty and she was like just want to reiterate you guys that like this isn't the end of the story like getting married is not your win in life it's not like she went through all the up and downs for this moment and now everything is rainbows and butterflies marriage is a huge decision in your life that could ruin your life no but also kill you it could literally kill you but also like this is just one part of like all the beautiful things that she hopes to do in her life and this is not the win as a woman is not oh i got a man to like pick me paperwork to be in the relationship one of the girls on love island actually had a great

54:30Hannah Berner: point she was like getting picked isn't the prize it's how he treats you which honey if i had a god

54:36Paige DeSorbo: damn nickel girl i actually get more of a high off of the guys who um i didn't let pick me because i'm like first of all they i feel like put me on a pedestal in their head because they never know what it was actually like to date me like they never got me so like it's like that like

54:56Hannah Berner: it's an illusion it's like a situation ship you're like whoa you made it all up in your head

55:00Paige DeSorbo: because you never actually experienced it yeah like they had like one good blow job by me and that's all they're left with so like that's that's iconic to me like can i ever tell you about the time i had sex with someone and he had a heart attack have i never told that story

55:18Hannah Berner: no i feel like i definitely have to have you've never told me i know like to the point where it It was like, Paige, defibrillator in the closet. Grab it.

55:26Paige DeSorbo: Why does he have a defibrillator in his closet?

55:28Hannah Berner: Because he had a heart problem. And like not, this is like not, this is not.

55:34Paige DeSorbo: Did he tell you beforehand like this could happen? Yeah. But wait, low key where you were like, if he doesn't have a heart attack while I'm fucking him, like that means I wasn't like, I didn't blow his brains out.

55:46Hannah Berner: Once the dust had settled and like he was okay and we were like recovering from it,

55:51Paige DeSorbo: I obviously said yeah my pussy is fire literally you almost died you couldn't no I mean this is so long ago so like were you scared that like he might die yes Hannah I was terrified did you know how to use a defibrillator no it wasn't like I feel like

56:15Hannah Berner: people are thinking like oh my god Paige had sex with like an 85 year old man like no this is like a normal age person who had like a heart problem problem and literally we slept together one time it was one time we slept together legitimately once first question were you guys drunk um no no he like i don't think he he like didn't do drugs he didn't drink like this was like a normal

56:40Paige DeSorbo: i like oh my god this is so i was like 20 so second question at what point was he like did he immediately know he was having a heart attack or did it like take some time i think we were like

56:51Hannah Berner: maybe like three minutes into it maybe two two thirty into it but two minutes in sex world is like 20 minutes yeah you're right actually let's say we're would say we're 45 seconds in maybe a minute maybe a minute we're in it's like running on a treadmill i'd have to call one of my girlfriends because i literally can't remember and they'll ever know wait sex time is true like 10 minutes

57:16Paige DeSorbo: of sex feels like 10 minutes of running on the treadmill like you're like i ran a marathon

57:22Hannah Berner: i'm raw i'm bleeding i think he had like a thing inside of his body that could get like thrown off and got like a device and so yeah if it got thrown off he could fix it himself and it did it like got thrown off and i had to grab something and he like did something and then

57:43Paige DeSorbo: he was fine did you put on clothes or were you running around naked trying to get a different related like did you put your cute outfit back on before you saved his life this is very sad when i

57:53Hannah Berner: was younger i was so insecure about having like small boobs so i never like took my bra off or took like my top off really so i think i probably had a top on okay and his roommate was there wait that's so funny i'm pretty sure i literally have to call my one of my girlfriends and ask her

58:12Paige DeSorbo: because she'll remember i was always the opposite like taking off my underwear was like that was the final boss but like yeah top off i was that's like good morning no but i also i just don't like wearing a bra also i wouldn't wear i never wear a bra yeah i never wear a bra so it's like go ahead that was very lustful of us very lustful wait i'm not done with my question so then when you were deferring him did you was it easy or were there like a lot of steps no no no he i

58:45Hannah Berner: just had to hand him something and then he knew exactly what to do it wasn't like he passed out and like was about to die it was like something was happening and he was like holy shit you got

58:57Paige DeSorbo: to go get like get off after he did it did you guys finish or were you like maybe we maybe we

59:06Hannah Berner: just call the night no um no were you like well i need to finish because like i was like i want to go home i wanted to go i was like it was traumatizing no he was older than me and it was like I didn't really no we weren't like ever like we were never like together we never like went out on dates like it was like a random hookup one time and I was just like yeah this is like not for me

59:35Paige DeSorbo: in my special I have a bit about how the true walk of shame is when you have to walk into his bedroom with all the roommates who are like playing FIFA on the couch like why are there always like 20 men at guys apartments like oh my god that's such a feeling that i like forgot

59:54Hannah Berner: that's such a college i haven't felt that in so long when you literally have to be like i'm gonna go get dick down hold on one sec guys oh and you're like pray for me you're like it's also just like men are so misogynistic that like you feel they make you feel slutty for even walking in yeah do you know what i mean like i don't know i just feel like there are situations that you get in as a growing up in a woman and you're in college where there's so many times where you're just like i know they're saying some really crazy misogynistic shit also as a woman did you know

1:00:30Paige DeSorbo: that like men most men think if you go back to their place that means like you want to have sex

1:00:37Hannah Berner: yeah i could see that what if you just want to well i think it's more i think it's look if i'm going home after the date i don't fuck with you i didn't fuck with you on the date i don't want to spend any more time with you if i'm going home with you after the date it's not necessarily that i want to sleep with you i just want to continue hanging out exactly where guys will take it as like she for sure wants to have sex no it's like an after dinner drink or like yeah you want to

1:01:05Paige DeSorbo: keep talking you want to possibly let him touch your boob but this is also when i was younger yeah this is like i wouldn't do that now like when i'm when i was like even in college i was like okay otphj you get but i was also scared terrified no i'm still scared i'm still scared after reading

1:01:29Hannah Berner: the book strangers anything could happen i think about it all the time i'm like you don't know

1:01:35Paige DeSorbo: any of these men we don't know any of them i also learned a new term which i i don't know if you connect with because you're like better at it than me but i definitely connect with it it's called

1:01:46Hannah Berner: post gossip clarity i just saw that on tiktok i literally reposted it i've never felt something deeper in my life the amount of times where i've spilled my fucking guts and i've been like why the

1:01:57Paige DeSorbo: hell did i tell her that so for people who don't know it's like guys say they have posts not clarity where after they come they like suddenly see everything clearly and regret everything we're like post gossip cleared i didn't realize how much in my life i would gossip to connect

1:02:14Hannah Berner: with people it's also because like you think see it as like a vulnerable thing and that's how you connect with people like yeah being vulnerable here's the thing there's layers i don't feel like that with you like i hear a juicy story the first thing i'm like is hannah's gonna die when i

1:02:29Paige DeSorbo: tell her this if anything i i get mad when i don't give you enough gossip i'm like i didn't do well

1:02:34Hannah Berner: enough today someone like outside my circle i'm very like maybe i'll give you like a little morsel but what are you giving me back and like i i feel like that's something you learn like late 20s early 30s like actually i'm not telling you anything but that was like my mid 20s i feel like because

1:02:55Paige DeSorbo: you don't even know whose side anyone is on um but i would say one thing i learned as someone who's heard people talk bad about herself which is not a uncommon thing is a lot of the time it literally isn't personal like you think someone's like oh fuck that person thinks that about me it's like no they were just trying to be cool with that other person yeah and once you realize that you actually get a lot of confidence in life and be like oh they actually like or they actually like respect you and that's why they're trying to bring you down because they both um put you on a pedestal

1:03:29Hannah Berner: and that's why they try to pull down or they're psychotic and they literally want to be you and skin you and wear you like last year's versace which really happens to me a lot and that's why

1:03:40Paige DeSorbo: we thrift just do some consignment shopping and figure it out um so overall how's your vacay

1:03:47Hannah Berner: going besides the um anal fissures it's amazing i've done so much good shopping and i just feel so like i feel so disconnected that it's like so nice like i forgot what it was like living in the real world and not on the internet like the more you immerse yourself in the real world the more you realize the things you read on the internet are insane written by insane people

1:04:17Paige DeSorbo: well when you travel you just realize like oh the world is so much bigger where when you're online it feels so small and like and it's also i'm also like oh wow these are the only people plus hannah

1:04:30Hannah Berner: that i actually give a shit about in the world the people i'm with right now like i haven't looked at my phone because i'm like the only person that's texting me is hannah and she's

1:04:39Paige DeSorbo: working and she's going through something right now wait i'm so happy that you're in this mind

1:04:47Hannah Berner: set i also can you're tan and i might skip dinner tonight and just do room service my dad is gonna like really kill me but like i think i need to give my stomach a little bit of a break

1:04:57Paige DeSorbo: you need to look out for yourself in these moments um also let the family try to talk about something else other than me yeah give them a moment it's like when i wouldn't go to school one day i'm

1:05:09Hannah Berner: like what are people talking about if i'm not there i can't perform in the pool i can't perform at lunch i can't then go to dinner and do a one-woman show i'm tired call back riff call my brother though he he's pretty good yeah yeah no well let him let him let him my dad's like when are we making another tiktok i have to figure out the tiktok situation for my dad like you know it's a lot of fucking crush yeah it's a lot of strategizing i also haven't been taking a lot of pictures because i'm just like i don't care dude doesn't i never take photos i'm like we there's no evidence that we've ever been together we're alive um and i want to do a quick shout out all

1:05:50Paige DeSorbo: the there's so many gigglers in toronto because toronto is like really cool and full of just like hot girls being girls girls every girl comes up to me and goes sorry about your smile so like immediately i don't feel rude when they're like hi and i'm like at dinner and i'm like hi so i want to say if you're a giggler and you see me tell me you know about the smile thing because it helps me like with the social interaction and then i'm like at ease because i don't want to have

1:06:17Hannah Berner: to like tell you what i'm dealing with because like you don't have to explain it yourself uh

1:06:23Paige DeSorbo: yeah on your stank face and i'm giving smiley um selfies with just a little kissy face and it's like

1:06:28Hannah Berner: it's working it's chic it's cute it's chic and um we're gonna look back on this time and be like haha he he funny you know that's not this time right now but we will get there

1:06:42Paige DeSorbo: we're gonna get there together this is that i'm snarling it's a snarl

1:06:51Paige DeSorbo: okay guys those dogs there was a dog sitting next to us at dinner and des goes that's your smile and the dog was like

1:07:02Hannah Berner: like a bichon like uh my like one of my boyfriend's families had this dog like um a lopsa opsa i think it was called like a and it had like it looked like a bichon no it like looked like a bichon but it was like had an underbite i look like a little dog that you could that's biting people's ankles that's what i look like

1:07:27Paige DeSorbo: okay and that's all we have for today well no it hasn't gotten better but we love you guys so much and we'll talk to you later in the week bye

1:07:42Hannah Berner: imagine having an assistant who remembers everything your favorite spots in town a new deal on those jeans you've been eyeing the fact that you need at least a 10 minute breather between meetings? An AI assistant that doesn't just answer questions, it actually does things. Books, tracks, plans, and handles the chaos so you don't have to. It learns your life and keeps up with it. That's Alexa Plus and it's free with Prime. Learn more at amazon.com slash alexa plus.