Giggling about mermaids, masculinity, and catfishing

0:00Hannah Berner: Let me just say Abercrombie's active brand YPB is made for my summer workout routine. Their active sets are so easy to move in and even easier to match. Personally, I've been loving the double layered look in active wear right now. It's so much more put together than your basic sports bra, especially in the YPB Studio Flex collection. Because it's so lightweight and buttery smooth, you keep your summer workouts easy. shop YPB by Abercrombie in the app online and in stores. Sup gigglers. Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

0:42Hannah Berner: I mean, the day just got away from me. Right before the pod starts, I'm always like, oh my god, I have so many things to tell Hannah. And then the pod starts and I'm like, that's scary. What's my name? How did you find me? who are you like i just wrote one note tell myself tell myself to wake up well can we just say this is an early morning pod we have to warn people when it is because it does have a different je ne sais quoi to it yeah yes not good not better not worse just just slightly different they're in a different headspace today oh the mornings okay no i have i have a hack okay you know how I'm always like waking up in the middle of the night doing weird things she's a night owl she's a vampire I think I think before I go to sleep I think oh I'm like annoyed that I know I'm gonna wake up at like three or four in the morning so I did a science experiment the other night right before I went to bed I said Paige I said it out loud too and in my head a little bit i said page you're waking up at 7 a.m because i have an amazing internal clock and never slept through an alarm in my life like can wait i wake up 30 minutes before i have to wake up and then i like ease myself into it it's a big thing or i get a stomach ache anyway so i did that the other night and it worked this podcast is just an internal dialogue of us fighting our demons and you're like, this is what's going on in the dark depths of the night inside my head.

2:18Wait, so you manifested waking up at the right time. I manifested.

2:23Hannah Berner: Yeah, I told my body, hey, cut it out. We don't need to wake up at 4 a.m. And I did like a slight wake up, but not like an overly. When you wake up in the middle of the night, does your heart start going? Because you're like, oh shit, I'm awake and I can't go back to sleep. Okay, sorry. I didn't want to put that in the ether. Don't listen to that. When something is like physically going on in my life that's like causing me angst, I will wake up super early with like tight chest, heart palpitations. Are we on the therapy Zoom? I go and that's why Will Buterin is recommended. We had a different night last night.

3:02Well, OK, I have the kids.

3:04Hannah Berner: I have Lois and Bobby, my niece and nephew. You've been treating me like you're a new mom. Like I call you with problems and you're like, I don't know. Call someone who has time. I, I have kids. I fully like haven't checked my text messages all day. I don't know how moms have time. I can't shower. Like it's been chaos. Lois is literally you reincarnated. Yeah. Lois is everything I want my daughter to be. She's spunky. She's sassy. And she's stylish, honey. But I think that she looks at a lot of photos of us and me wearing these cool outfits. So when she sees me, she expects me to be in a beautiful dress.

3:49Hannah Berner: Yeah, she expects you to have done glam before she arrives because she's proper. Yeah, she's like, what's going on here? You know, kids wake up at the crack of dawn. She goes, Mom, Aunt Hannah's catfishing us. We got to get out of here. Will the real Slim Shady please stand up because that's not my Aunt Hannah? So she wakes up with a crack of dawn and then I'm in my bedroom sleeping. So she's, I think, assuming that I'm getting ready for her. So then when I come out, looking how I look in the morning, she's not happy. I walk out and I see her smile turn to a frown and she goes, we need to change your outfit.

4:29This is me wearing my pajamas. My hair's a mess. She goes, we need to change your outfit. And I'm like, let me have some coffee. Let me start my day. we need to change your outfit i say okay she takes me into my room she goes show me the dresses

4:41Hannah Berner: she's like show me what i have to work with she's already rolling her eyes she's like i'm not expecting much like it's not promising but let's just see she knows immediately if she likes something i go is this cute she goes ugly it goes this cute she goes ugly okay that was 300 okay never mind she looks and she knows what she likes and now you know she loved purple she goes I need to let you know I also like light pink and yellow. And I go add it to summer colors. Got it. So she takes a white dress. She brings out. I have all these sandals all over the place. She finds the cute white thong sandals that match it.

5:20Gets a white necklace, puts it on, and then takes my Mew Mew white purse and goes, okay. Here. You're welcome. She goes, was that so hard? She's like, walk out, and she goes, Mom, look at her now. And then she literally was like, tag the stylist, bitch. Give credit where credit's due. And she's walking. She's looking. Then she loves me. She's literally like you when I have glam. She's following me around. She's like, you're like a princess. You're like a princess. Yeah. Literally, my brother was like, doesn't Paige like you better when you're pretty? I'm like, yeah, I'm literally reliving Paige through this little girl's eyes.

5:58She has a pink aura. We go to the pool. God forbid I pick out my own bathing suit. And at some point I'm like, I need to talk to Jeannie about the control issues. But anyway.

6:07Hannah Berner: She's literally standing at the pool. She's like, why is no one ready? And she goes, we have to change. And I basically was like, do you want to pick out a bathing suit? And she goes, take them all out. Take them all out. So I put them all on the floor. Because what I've seen. Because what I've seen. She's literally smoking a cigarette. get out of my head get out of my head you that really freaked me out i just i just picture her standing in your bedroom doorway like this is it she's taking smoke breaks in between we're in the hamptons this is what you have oh god so she looks through and she loves things that are sparkly but i don't have any sparkly bathing suits you don't have any sparkly bathing suits you're 34 get a grip she's literally like no no no no no no she holds one up she goes really she took a lighter and started burning she goes never wear this again who let you buy this she's like is this how many amazon bathing suits does a person need she goes mom extend my trip i gotta be here at least a month i don't know how i have this bathing suit it must have been for like a a theme party like when i was 24 it's a silver bikini and i'm like please don't be a song my whole family's here please don't be a song and she goes i want you to wear this so this is 10 a.m and i put on this silver spring break cancun girls gone wild bikini i feel like i know which one you're talking about i feel like it's like a little metallic yes it's metallic but like it's this wasn't the vibe of our West Hampton morning.

7:52Right.

7:55Hannah Berner: She's like, do you have any heels? So I walk outside with her. My dad, my brother, Jeannie, Bobby, my mom are just sitting on the couch. And they just, they're not even dealing with it at that point. They're like. They're not fazed by it. So we go in the pool together. And she loves mermaids. So I'm like, am I a mermaid? I'm looking at her and I'm like, my hair's in the water. I'm like am I a mermaid and she goes you're a fish she's like don't give yourself that you're a fish she ate down with that cleared the whole room cleared the whole pool but why she loves me is because one thing aunt hannah has she's got the credit card yeah and one thing about me is I can't say no to lois burner and she looked at me and she goes can we go to the fashion store which is that just like any store that has clothes yes where she can get her clothes and i said if i how many new clothes do you want and she was like a hundred and i said she's like i haven't seen them yet bitch like what do you mean she's like we haven't stepped in the store but what i love about her is i talked to her like an adult and i said lois if i get you 100 new clothes where are you gonna put your other clothes and she goes in my dresser in the garage and I'll get rid of the old ones.

9:18She had a full plan. She goes, I have an organizing team coming over and we're going to donate the ones that I don't wear anymore because it doesn't fit me anymore. So I actually do need the new clothes.

9:26Hannah Berner: She's like, I'm doing a brand deal with an organizational company. Don't you worry about it. I see the montage right now. Lois Berner's walk-in closet. She's like, by the looks of it, you don't care about organizing. So buzz off. Now, is she into toys at all or is she strictly fashion? So we did get distracted by the toy shop. She was like, would it be crazy if I got some toys too? And I said, okay. She's like, and then we'll get lattes. It's literally like I was just on a girl date. We did pool. We did shopping. We did come up with outfits. She got the Demon Hunters Barbie. She loves Barbie. She wanted every Barbie.

10:04And I was so proud of myself. I was like, pick one Barbie.

10:07Hannah Berner: I don't know how parents are even on TikTok because I feel like even when I get like a TikTok ad for like some toy or game I'm like yeah I want it like I need to get I don't know how moms aren't just buying everything and the algorithm's so good like if like she loves purple dresses so I just keep getting fed purple dresses and I'm like well I can't not get that purple dress but then she did a page and she's it's like this crazy toy store and she's looking like she's going in the detail she's reading the fine print and she goes I want that and I'm like what and it's like all the way in the back like i don't even know how she saw it it's an infant baby she's a mother with a full bassinet and she goes with the bassinet i go how do you know what a bassinet is i don't know what a bassinet is she looked she looked at you and she goes oh i'm supposed to hold my baby raw you need a bassinet so she's holding the bassinet baby while calling me ugly and it was the most fun but i'm i'm exhausted oh then not to bring up Walt Disney again okay do you know that's a theme on the but we remember we talked about Bambi oh yeah yeah yeah okay we don't remember anything we've ever talked about on this pod we start fresh i go nice to meet you no we're like 50 first dates when we get on the pod we're like there are so many times i'll go fully into a story i'll finish it and page you'll be like you said that last week and i go cut it grace cut it so do you know hans christian anderson is no he's not a guy on the um norway football team okay he wrote the little mermaid he's like the guy okay of course he's written by man of course so my mom has like this old book of like hans christian anderson they were he was like what's my dream if women shut the fuck up i read the original Little Mermaid to her.

12:02And it's a novel. Like, it's, like, 60 pages, but, like, a ton of words. And she, like, somehow knows when I skip words. Like, it's kind of weird. Because I'm like, you can't read. How'd you know that I'd, like, skipped four paragraphs? But the real story of the Little Mermaid is crazy. Is it? Like, what? Like, dark and twisted? Basically, when I got, my mom's walking by and she goes, you're going to need to change the ending. Walks away. I go, what the fuck's about that? You had to pull a Charlotte's Web. No, I didn't have to change the ending. I had to change the whole plot line. So it starts off, basically this girl, I mean, it starts cute.

12:38She's like a mermaid and she sees a prince on the boat who's really hot. And I'm like, but even though a guy's hot, it doesn't mean you're going to be happier in life. I try to put those stuff in, you know. It's a little male-centered. Right. So then, oh no, the kids are coming back in. I'm dead. I don't know how this is going to work out. All they do is yell. This is crazy. Why are they back? I told them 1030. do right there back okay let's have lois say hi and then i'll kick them out lois okay sorry about this hope you don't have anything important to do lois come in here come in here i'm on giggly squad do you want to say hi come in i'm gonna there's princess page oh my god princess lois

13:21Hannah Berner: Look at that princess dress. I love your dress. Did you put together an outfit for me? What did you get me to wear? Remember the white dress? What color bathing suit should I wear today? Pink. Pink, yeah. Hello, sir. Bobby, say hi, Giggly Squad. Hello, mister. I'm in a few words. what color bathing suit should page wear what color bathing suit should i wear today she's considering a lot yeah she's like think she's like well with your skin tone right now how about blue okay perfect we're so similar we think similarly lois okay hannah needs to finish the podcast can you lock them up or maybe just put them outside yeah put them outside can you bobby say bye to best princess page bye bobby i love your t-shirt i have a flower dress i love your flower dress do you think i could borrow it sometime yeah well show page how i'm gonna smile oh yeah how does i how do i smile show page yeah how does hannah smile

14:46a single bye babe i love you a single mom who works two jobs who loves her kids but never steps

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16:49Hannah Berner: This episode is supported by FX's The Shards, a seductive drama from executive producer Ryan Murphy. Set in 1980s Los Angeles, the series follows a group of glamorous, deeply entangled high school seniors drawn into a life of wealth, beauty, parties, and excess. At its center is Brett, whose reality begins to unravel when the arrival of a new student coincides with a series of mysterious murders. FX's The Shards premieres August 5th on FX and Hulu. Okay, so my plan this summer is to grab a bunch of my girlfriends, buy a big bucket of popcorn, sit back, and feel all the feels watching a movie in the theater.

17:27Hannah Berner: And you know what will fill that void? One Night Only, which is about to be the summer's biggest rom-com when it hits theaters August 7th. I can't wait. It's from the director of Anyone But You and EZA, and stars Monica Barbaro and Callum Turner. set in New York City the two bump into each other on the one night a year single people are allowed to have sex this sounds so messy and I'm 100 % in one night only is in theaters August 7th I'll be there um okay this is like so niche but like I remember like random quotes from like childhood movies that I was like obsessed with that watched every single like day and there was a quote in Matilda where the trunchable says oh kids glad I never was one and I and I think about it every time I see a child I go oh kids glad I never was one see when I see a kid I turn into a four year old like we're just four year olds together okay so back to the little mermaid it's just so fucked up so she sees but she was like he's tall he has green eyes I'm like Lois do not fall for this i fall for it before just because you see him across the room with tall blue eyes doesn't mean you're gonna like sell your fucking soul for him okay so then the boat the waves get high and he falls out the boat and the princess saves him so it's like why are we saving a man giving zendaya and challengers but anyway so she watches him up on the shore but then she hides because she's a mermaid and that would be weird right when he wakes up a different bitch finds him and he thinks she saved him which that's typical like male story writing because like where's the communication like at no point was he like did you save me she'd be like no i just found you here but instead do you know one time a guy sent me flowers and i thought it was someone else and so i texted the someone else and i said i like oh my god i can't believe you sent me flowers and he went with it for like a while that is like weeks i until i found out do you know that's actually an amazing move um just to text random guys thank you for the flowers well i have before said texted people and said oh my god did you send me flowers and then when they respond you don't respond because then they think like oh she figured out who really sent her flowers and now she's talking to them and she can't respond to me you are playing chess everyone was playing checkers so he's falling in love with this new girl who he thinks saved him because god forbid he actually asked did you save me so just classic miscommunication right and then she's um she goes back to her sisters and she's like i met a guy and they're like no and she's like no he's really really cute and they're like he can't swim and she's like no but like yeah he has blue eyes he's tall like that's literally the story she finds him but she has to give up her voice and she has to be naked and not that much has changed in the year 2026 if i had a nickel for the amount of times a sea witch takes her voice and then basically throws her on the short naked and alone with no voice and the most fucked up thing he's into her and that's usually how i am after a breakup i'm naked and i have i've lost my voice i've lost myself i'm a shell of myself no pun intended i'm a shell okay the thing is somehow he he like befriends her and i'm like how do they befriend each other when she can't speak so she's like they're really into each other but he goes but i need to marry the girl who saved me not this beautiful mute girl who i clearly am really into he's like i just love how your mind works i love how you can say so much but yet nothing at all you tell such a story with your eyes basically the prince was talking to her for like an hour straight and then was like you really get me he was like you're the only one who understands me and you're really fucking cool.

21:47Hannah Berner: No, you want to know what? We don't talk enough as a society because this would like really piss the men off. It's so easy to get a guy to like you, but it's so hard to like a guy. Like truly, you just have to ask a man three questions consecutively about one like thing that he likes and he will be obsessed with you. Literally just go up to a guy and be like, I love OG Ananobi. did you watch like what did you feel about the finals like wasn't that insane and then let him talk the next let him talk for like oh i thought you were asking me for a minute and i was like that's two different i don't give a flying be like wasn't that the craziest time ever um this is for the new york summer scene let him talk for like 30 minutes and be like same and he'll be like yeah i've actually never met someone that like can like understand me besides like like i feel like you're you're like my mom it's so funny this girl made a tiktok and she was like i know i say i know i've said something wrong on the internet when i have a lot of men responding being like yeah need more of you like protect her wait no man's ever commented protect her which is hilarious No man's ever commented protect her.

23:10Hannah Berner: I feel like the moment a guy says like, wow, like girls aren't like you or something like you've you've gone awry. You've gone amiss. You've said something wrong. When a guy likes your outfit, it's not a good outfit. It's not good. Just one feminist moment, I have to say. I was thinking about all the red pill men. They're obsessed with like controlling women. And that's what makes them masculine. Do you know what's the most masculine thing a man can do? Protect women. Stand up for women. Like fight for women. That is the most manly thing you could do instead of putting down women. That's not cool.

23:52Not masculine. Oh, you're stronger than us and you're trying to suppress us? Ew. Not cool.

24:01Hannah Berner: Not cool, guys. Not cool. Ew. Anyway, okay, so the prince is like, I want to marry you, but no no no he goes I want to marry you I love that you don't speak but this other girl saved me but she can't speak so she can't be like she didn't save you and I guess the other girl's just going with it which you know what good for her he's a prince I kind of get it I'm like if he wants to say that cool so then they throw a wedding they throw a full wedding and she goes to it because she's toxic and she's yeah no literally a master she's dancing I don't know if she has clothes on but she's dancing at the wedding and what really happens is she goes to her sister and she's like i can't deal with him being with this other girl and the sister goes you should kill him so violence gets involved okay and suddenly i'm back in you guys space sat the last 10 minutes now i'm clocked i'm clocked for my shift now i'm locked in this is how'd she tell the sister if she can't talk she can talk to other mermaids great question i guess she can talk to other mermaids maybe in the water so many plot holes that in that meeting they were like it's hans let him do what he wants typical hans so then the last my mom literally was like you gotta change this part because the last picture she instead of killing the prince turns and kills herself oh my the picture is her with a knife into her chest that's the last photo on this ancient book so then i changed it to being like and then they live happily ever after but you don't need a man i need to see this book i need to see this picture i'll put it in the newsletter it's insane and these lois is in a very vulnerable place right now she is soaking up she's like a sponge yeah so i'm reading this and i'm like we never had a chance no we didn't so next time you're feeling bad we never had a chance and also like what was hans going through who hurt hans who rejected hans it's so funny you say that because i was with one of my girlfriends the other day who's married and I I said to her I was like don't you just feel like we were fed this lie our whole like lives as women where it's like don't worry because one day you're gonna get married and like you'll get taken care of and you'll be a mom and like all this stuff and then like as you get older you're just like why do they even say that to us yeah because now I'm like Like, who's taking care of me?

26:45Like, what are you talking about? 100%. Well, shout out to my dad. Every now and then he says something profound. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut. Yeah. And he said, don't let a man distract you, which I've taken that with me my whole life in terms of, like, if a man is annoying you, not annoying because men can annoy you all the time but like if he is causing you negativity or like not pulling you in the direction that you want to go you get rid of him so i think like that was really powerful at a young age to have

27:19Hannah Berner: my own dad be like you don't need us can i say something that's like not as not powerful but like it's stupid but it's like a wait let me talk to the team yes you can okay in my 20s when i would arguably say I was like the most boy crazy, the most like pick me like, oh my god, I have to have a boyfriend, like all of this. I've always been like a list person. I've always made a schedule for myself every single day, like just think random things I want to get done. I would notice that when I was with a certain type of man, I would do nothing on that list, whether it was me being like fuck off to the list or it was him actively doing things and it was like oh well I don't have time to do this stuff for me because I have to do this for him and then when you find yourself with someone where you don't even have to live together but like where you find someone where you're doing everything you planned on doing that day without them as a thought and like still you're able to get it done I feel like that it goes undetected a lot like people don't talk about that as being like a real pro to a relationship and it it's in some part like you're still able to be yourself so I notice the moment I'm not doing my to-do list I'm putting way too much time into you and what you're doing and now it's fucking my shit up and you can tell and if someone doesn't care about fucking your shit up regardless of what it is on what scale it is they don't care about you like a man is like if I tell my boyfriend like I have to be here at a certain time and he's like dilly dallying and not get he doesn't respect you you don't respect me you don't respect my time you should be ready like 30 minutes before because you know I have to get somewhere that was extremely profound that was really fucking good that was so good but you have to figure out what works for you like how you notice it for you like i just know my to-do list is a constant in my day-to-day so i could like pick up it pick it up on that also when i think of dating like a game i'm like like when something would happen when i was like 26 or like 25 and it didn't work out i was like oh yeah because i'm i'm not the person I'm going to be and the person I'm going to be is going to attract better people too.

29:53So why fight for like this version, this guy who likes this version of myself that isn't even there yet. And I always say the more you focus on yourself, the more you open doors to meet people who are going to meet you where you're at. And if you're not where you want to be, you're not meeting people who you want to meet.

30:10Hannah Berner: I really do believe that you attract the type of people from like what you think about yourself like you know how people say like oh if you look back at your ex-boyfriends you can see like your mental illness or you can see how much you loved yourself oh like if I really did a timeline like you can see what happened in certain relationships and why you go like opposite sometimes because you're like that was really crazy I need I need no part in that ever again so it's just interesting you really have to like take self inventory when you're dating someone because it's so easy to get wrapped up in those first six months and if it's not blissful in the first six months why are you even there if the dopamine still he's still annoying you you're still fighting with the dopamine no i think if you're getting in like any type of like screaming match breakdown fight in the first six months it's not for you you don't need to even I should have taken my own advice so many times.

31:13Well, that's why now you can speak on it because you're like, guys, I've ignored this for years. And I didn't believe it. For years. I have to admit something. Like, I feel like I just have to say my intrusive thoughts on this pod. I saw a video of Benson Boone. Okay.

31:28Hannah Berner: I still don't quite know who that is. Not important. Say it again. Refresh my memory. You'll know who it is when I tell you this story. He's in front of his tour bus and there's like all these fans. And he decides, I'm going to do a front flip. okay benson boone is the guy who does front flips like he flips off pianos and stuff okay he was like on the vmas i'm obsessed that you have no idea who benson boone is that's incredible i have no idea who he is like i could that's so peaceful that's so peaceful picking him out of a lineup couldn't do it the toxic side of me was like i was making fun of him in my head but i'm like wait if i could do a front flip and i was on a giggly squad tour oh we'd be done before and there were a bunch of gigglers standing there i'm doing a front flip the best thing that ever happened to us as a society is that you never got into competitive cheerleading no well apparently i was put into gymnastics but like i was i wasn't good i just feel like there's an alternate reality where you were like really into sports but like more like my kind of sports but you like like you want to competitive you want a competitive cheerleading team as the main base it'd be insane literally had a coded is the base you're the what is the flyer they're at the top of the flyer yeah you're like a one-arm piked like page this is why our friendship works out someone is at the top of the pyramid and someone's at the bottom and that's how it balances and I'm always bottom of the period.

33:03Get on my back.

33:04Hannah Berner: When you're looking for a best friend, you have to find your base. She's sturdy. You have to find something grounded. She's going home and down. Someone sent a picture of a horse race and one of the horses' names was Quadzilla. Wait, the best thing I've ever seen on the internet is the video a giggler made of the two horses talking. Can you explain it? No. If you didn't see either of our stories or on the Giggly Squad, there was a giggler that has these two gorgeous horses, and she did one me, one Hannah. Because the horse that's me is like... And the horse that's Paige is like, wait, with like a perfect bang, like a side-swept bang.

33:50Hannah Berner: She's like barely opening her mouth. She's like, what's going on? It's so good. This off-to-college season, save on college and save the everyday. day. I remember when I first got to college and I thought I was prepared. I know everything that's happening. I was so focused on my daily outfits and making sure I had the perfect aesthetic that I completely forgot about one major part of college and that's themed parties. Every other week there was some random theme night and I was always scrambling at the last minute trying to pull something together. Whether it was a costume, accessories, decorations, or something group theme, I somehow never had what I needed and I was constantly making a last minute purchase to save the day.

34:28Hannah Berner: College is already so chaotic enough and it's always the little things that catch you off guard. That's why I love Amazon makes off to college shopping so easy. So whether it's dorm essentials, school supplies, organizational items, or those last minute things you suddenly realize you need, Amazon has great deals, everyday low prices, a huge selection, and the convenience to help you get it all in one place. So remember, with Amazon low off to college prices, just save on college, save the everyday. You know when someone walks into a room and you're like, okay, she has something. It's confidence, it's that effortless, put-together energy.

35:03Hannah Berner: Honestly, a lot of time, it's the smile. Well, it doesn't happen by itself. There's chemistry behind the charisma. Colgate Optic White Pro Series Toothpaste is clinically proven to remove 15 years of stains when you brush twice daily for only two weeks. The formula is powered by Hydrogen Peroxide Complex, Colgate's unique formulation of hydrogen peroxide, which is the ingredient dentists use to whiten teeth. Colgate Optic White Pro Series Toothpaste works at the molecular level to gently dissolve stains deep within the enamel where your brush can't reach. I have to drink my daily coffee every morning.

35:40Hannah Berner: I literally go to bed thinking about it, so cutting out coffee is just not an option for me when it comes to whitening my teeth. And a good smile is kind of like a great outfit. You don't always know why someone looks put together. You just know that they do. I love that Colgate Optic White Pro Series toothpaste works on those everyday stains while still being enamel safe for daily use. It's proof that daily routine can be remarkable. That's the science of wow, Colgate Optic White. Okay, so how long are you a mother for? Like when do the sweet babies leave? I'm literally in Shelter Island, like, staying at my parents' house to spend more time with them.

36:20And last night at the beach, Lois came up to me and said, can I fix your smile? And she, with her little thumbs, she tried to pull my mouth back. And I was like, she goes, psst, Hannah, I can't look at you anymore. Wait, what's the Bravo quote where she's like, there's no plain baby. There's no, there's no plain.

36:43Hannah Berner: yeah there's i actually don't even really know what that's from but like i feel like i've quoted it myself taylor and like i think her baby was like can we go on the private plane but like she got a divorce and they don't have the plane anymore and she's like there's no plane no bring back unattainable people to reality tv like like sorry i need like og early 2000s generational wealth yeah like i want to see some shit i've never seen before in someone's home like i want someone who like presses a bell in each room and like a butler comes in you know like i want something where are the butlers in new york city where'd they go i don't know do you think anyone has still has like legitimate butler yeah i mean i'm sure yeah think about like any like really rich person in the hamptons think about the tea their house management has like that's a reality show but then they all get fired true but like worth it but within within each other they talk sorry my zoom is like freaking out hello and we're on what were you saying what was i saying i have no idea you know you can't say that i have like i had no idea um oh people are also sending me a video of this girl all her friends were like at the beach and she's with her boyfriend and he turns to like propose i think but she doesn't know he's proposing and everyone's looking at her so she just does a split and everyone's like this would be you if you could and i'm like literally that's all i want to do so she's in a split he's like trying to propose and she's like is anyone anyone think that was a good split that's so funny because obviously recently i'm obsessed with stretching my hips are you gonna get a split and do it on tour you know what I'd have to silently be working toward doing a split and then I'd have to bust it out and surprise you you know I can't handle that emotionally like I would like I'd I'd cry I'd be so proud of you but that would require you getting out of the seat you know I'm not I'm not practicing to do a split But I just need to be more aligned mentally, physically.

39:01One thing about us, you know I love when you say no to me. Yeah. Because then in six years, you know you will be doing splits on stage. Like, I love when you're like, Hannah, I would never. Hannah, stop. Hannah, I won't do that. I'm like, you're getting a cat. I'm getting a cat.

39:17Hannah Berner: Okay, so in six years, I'm a Pilates instructor who has seven kids. I wanted D-Center Men, but I also did, like, a guy was watching Friends on the plane, and I was watching it, and I was thinking about, we've never talked about this, which man on Friends did you like? We've never talked about this. Do you know I've, like, never really watched Friends. I never did either. It was always just, like, on in the background in, like, my Friends places. yeah like i've never sat down pilot episode i know maybe like the gist of it but obviously i know about smelly cat because i'm you know i have a pulse yeah because you're alive you're in the culture um but obviously joey same yeah i mean he's the cutest one for sure i'm just gonna say this because i'm gonna be honest of the three guys on friends they're the kind of guys that like if i walked into a room i wouldn't be into them but if i heard one of them thought i was hot i would fall in love with them you know what i mean you know what i mean like david schwimmer or whatever i'd be like he's not that cute but if they're like he likes you i'd be like okay you can probably be my friend same with the other one chandler like they're cute enough that if they wait r.i.p it's so sad it's so so sad but joey i think they tried to make it like he was dumb and I was like he's an actor he had to memorize lines he wasn't that dumb yeah and then there was like a stint where he was with Jennifer Aniston but and I don't like know about that storyline but I know that I like don't like it because I just don't I didn't I don't like that vibe I don't know there's something about there's something I love a sitcom too like I love a 30 minute like funny like whatever I think all the girls in it I love looking at them like I love yeah I loved all of that but for whatever reason I just like could never get into it I don't know if it's because it it came out at a time where we were like way too young to watch it and then when we got old enough to watch it it was almost like it was such an older show at that time yeah like gen z's love friends because that it was like nostalgia it was like old it's like us watching saved by the bell maybe it's so crazy to think that like gen z doesn't know about watching tv like on tv like remember like was there ever a show that you watched either like middle school or high school that you waited yeah and then like during commercials you would like run desert housewives okay mine would probably be like gilmore girls or something um jersey shore um the hills yeah but that was like older i'm just listening everything i've ever watched on tv my super sweet 16 when you're around kids does it make you like oh my god i'm i know i'm even more ready for children or does it make you like that's it's a lot like does it make you re like I know exactly how moms feel when they say it's so difficult but so beautiful yeah like I just become the like making up things I'm like it's it's the you're unhappy but you're so happy and you lose yourself when you find yourself like I literally feel like that like at the end of the day I'm like that was so horrible but I loved every second of it like yeah but it is crazy where at this time and age where like no woman can fully explain the true experience of motherhood in like a easy way one of the craziest things too that i think that we like in society is obviously right when you turn 30 people are like when you're getting married when you're having a baby but it's like we get pushed to have a baby and then you have a problem after you have a baby and it and like i feel like the health care system's like figured out yourself oh for sure you had the baby figured out yourself it's not like you know if you're gonna have postpartum like it's not something you can really truly I feel like prepare for and it's not something that like women freely can talk about I feel like I didn't even hear about postpartum until like the last five years like in my ether I literally I remember asking my mom maybe like a couple years ago like did you have experienced postpartum with either of your pregnancies did Do you have any friends that like had it?

43:52Hannah Berner: She goes, one, we didn't call it that. Yeah. I go, what did you call it? She goes, we called it the baby blues. What a good rebrand. And she goes, like, yeah, everyone's like a little sad after. Like, I guess I was a little bit, but I had nothing like crazy. And I'm like, that's so fucking insane. It's not like you had me in the 60s. It was 1992. 92 like no one asked a follow-up after like you had an extremely traumatic birth and she was like not really no like that's just so crazy to me no I don't know I just like I think about it a lot well you finally get comfortable with your identity sometimes like in your 30s and then you have a kid and you're like wait I just started to like who I was well that's what it is I think to which is weird where in your 20s i almost feel like it's you're easier with change in your 20s because like everything is changing where in your 30s it things are a little bit steadier you've you know you're maybe like in the same apartment for more years you've been dating someone the same person so like things aren't as crazy and then you have a baby and you're like like i feel like you're right back to what the fuck is going on in my life.

45:10They explain the love of children and then the sadness of having children is like you don't know it until you experience it. So it's so hard for these male doctors who are studying it to be like, this is what's going on. I have a pregnant lady in my house right now.

45:26Hannah Berner: I just feel like if this is a wild thing to say, but like being a man and being an OBGYN, I'm like, but how do you know? No, I'm calling the police. like how do you know though and i'm sure there's so many lovely nice men who are ob-gyns but i'm like i can never explain it to you no i think this should be illegal sorry i didn't get any of that because it's breaking up but i'm just like going with it oh fuck you guys my internet's breaking up is it still breaking up okay you know what i'm gonna move i'm gonna move oh wait I lost internet. Wait, can you hear me now? Yeah. Okay. I watched the Michael Jackson movie.

46:14Oh, you did? What'd you think? Is the guy his cousin, or like the guy who played Michael Jackson, he's like related to him, I think. Is he? Yeah. That's why it's so interesting. And, sorry, I thought he was spectacular in it. Spectacular. Great acting. Great acting, great singing, great dancing. I mean I don't know if the singing was real but the dancing was like I couldn't keep my eyes off this guy I'm like I think we have the new Michael Jackson are you a Michael Jackson like take like

46:42Hannah Berner: take him out of it are you like a Michael Jackson music fan I think I'm just like a normal like yeah Michael Jackson everyone knows Michael Jackson he's great you're after watching the movie I went to my parents and I'm like when beat it first dropped what was that actually like did you guys lose your fucking minds when beat it dropped and they were like yeah and i'm like because also it wasn't like you know now we get like a little notification like someone's albums on spotify and you don't click it like back then it was like michael jacks that was like the number one news for like a year when he dropped a song well it also like moved it come he started like almost like a whole new genre like the music sounded so different yeah like what was the vibe when beat it dropped like imagine clubbing and hearing that for the first time no i was like were the boom boxes just like all michael jackson also thriller the fact that he creatively came up with that like he was like i'm gonna do makeup like i'm dying and then I'm gonna like every like am I lagging oh my god it's okay I do think there's a part two about like all the other shit that went down because it and it ended like there's more to did you see the ending yeah I saw the ending but like I'm so annoyed by like the movie and television industry because we went away from network TV and going to the movies.

48:17Hannah Berner: Okay, fine. You got us away from that. Now we're streaming everything. Now we're barely even going to the movies. Stop breaking things into two parts. Stop putting out eight episodes and acting like you did a whole season and then taking two years for the next season to come out and stop breaking up longer seasons. Oh, okay. You have 15 episodes. Stop giving me six and then telling me I have to wait till November for the rest of them. Get it together. Like Wicked doing two parts. Ridiculous. Ridiculous. We didn't need the second part. The Michael Jackson thing. Okay. There was a lot of stuff you probably could have taken out of the first one.

48:56Hannah Berner: We don't need a second part. Give me one movie. Anyway, that's how we feel because I'm sick of it. I'm sick of streaming platforms being like, okay, you'll get the next part in six months. No, fuck you. I want it now. Oh, fuck. Can you guys hear me? It's funny because I feel like Hannah's smiling. Can you hear me now? Sorry, it's froze. Like, the rant is so funny with no one saying anything back. Can you hear me now? Okay, I think we're gonna wrap up today's. I think we're going to wrap up today's episode. Ah! Okay. I've never wrapped up the episode before. I feel like that's all the time that we have for today.

49:45Hannah Berner: We'll be back on Monday. Don't forget to get our merch. Hannah will be childless. Bye then. See ya. And I'm back. Lost Paige. It's hard being a mother. That's what we learned today. to be a queer woman and a loving mother. It's hard to have it all. But you know what? In spite of all that, we still finish the pod with our heads held high. And if you're a new giggler, this is called just a day in the life of being a giggler. We're very bad at admin. And if you're an old giggler, you knew that was going to happen. You knew that we weren't going to be able to figure that out. But we persist and we deal with adversity.

50:30and I hope you guys have the most beautiful weekend ever and that is literally so Paige it's literally what we do on FaceTime calls where like we get cut off and like haven't heard from her since might not hear from her all weekend we'll see actually no she just sent me a voice note about something completely unrelated um but we love you Paige loves you keep smiling San Diego never said that in my life