Giggling about potions, face tape, and beer pong

0:11Hello.

0:18Hello, my gigglers. okay i was just and digomatic i was just thinking of the fact that we had a full nor 'easter yeah um i don't know what a nor 'easter is but we had it and it started it started rain it was raining last night and page text me trying to cancel this morning because it was raining and i go let's see the vibes in the morning the way people made it sound was that like if you didn't buy a canoe last weekend you're fox that's the way they were acting well i was getting like weather alerts in like red and like the red just scaring me and it's like in New York City what would you do if there was a flood like we would all just like stay in our apartments which actually sounds like my dream day like our daily day yeah like nothing would change I'm obsessed with your look right now okay I have my fake glasses on and I can't see I can't hear I love it and I wore a button up and I haven't brushed my hair I did a red day two days ago so it's hitting me this morning You know who you are as an adult?

1:22First of all, it's so fucking crazy that we do Giggly Squad on Monday mornings. No, it's so awkward. Masochistic. It's so like, oh, our podcast is easy. People like listening to it. Let's see how much harder we can make it for ourselves. I think, oh, your voices are so calming. Well, we're fighting demons inside. Okay, two things I want to know. One, my Duncan matches my outfit, which is like my whole personality today. I feel like we're very like color sorted right now because you have red hair. And yeah. Wait, what am I as an adult? You like, you know, when you're a little kid and you're like, oh, when I'm an adult, I'm going to wear this.

1:56Or like when I'm an adult, I'm going to do this. And then you become an adult and you're like, that's insane. Like, why did I want to do that? You are that embodied because you like you woke up today. I walked into your apartment. you're standing there like a child in the 1700s who has polio you have no pants on it's like i caught you in the middle of god knows what and then you walk in ready for the pod you've thrown fake glasses on a button-up with sweatpants i was used to just having clips where people couldn't see our pants then i realized maybe last week that the youtube videos they could see your whole outfit so um that's something i'm dealing with internally um also now i say internally because i'm wearing glasses now yeah you're circling back internally i feel like if we did giggly squad when we both were like rested and like put together and like it'd be too calm it would be too calm and also we'd have nothing funny to say i have a list up the water i was gonna say no one hates happy women more you know they're the most hated demographic in America so like how dare we come on this pod and be in like a good timeline I because I did the red eye which is my whole personality now um I ended up going to bed at like six woke up at 1 a.m saw your text being like maybe I can't make it in the morning okay calm down wait that's real friendship preemptively being like hey just a heads up I might cancel the thing we have in 24 hours so if I do don't be alone you also love canceling because you think you're gonna be tired you love she'll come back on Sunday and be like I can't do tomorrow I already know I can't do tomorrow instead I'm like maybe let's have a nice sleep let's have some coffee see how we feel and she's like I know I know in 72 hours I won't be able to do it no because do you ever have something and you're like I have something on Wednesday that's been ruining my week since Saturday night.

3:55Yep. Yeah. Well, okay. Actually quick mental health moments. Yeah. Cause I think we need it. Yeah. First of all, I read something that said like you're, um, we have social anxiety, me and you for sure. And how actually social interactions are proven to be like way less anxiety reducing when you do it than you think. so basically telling yourself like you know how you put it in your head like it's gonna be so horrible and then how it actually is never as bad as you think it's gonna be and I was like wait that's great because I will spend a whole day stressed out about like one social thing I have to do and you always like don't feel that bad after it no you can trick your brain so easily like if a stupid boyfriend can trick your brain to thinking he's a good person after you've been with your brain for 32 years and he can come in in two months and trick you if you could believe in Santa Claus you can trick your brain so I was trying to tell myself that because I'll like I'll finish a show and then I have to maybe like meet someone I don't know after the show and I'm like in my head I'll be like I can't you do this you just did an hour on stage and you can't say hi to someone for two minutes I totally get that and then I like read that and you know when you read something online it's always true right so I was like okay this is true also one more thing yeah therapist update I've been doing EDMR no it's EMDR EDM is a festival yeah EDM is a genre of music it's really good what is it so basically um it sucks if you're like having a good day and then you have to do it because you're having a good day wait nobody talks about that there have been so many times where i'm like okay but what if therapy is the problem what if actually you've been i'll wake up and be like wow life is where it's living and then i'm like oh fuck i have therapy yeah and you get in and and she's like okay in fact it's not she go let's go back to the worst time you ever had in your life where you think shattered all your hopes and dreams the turning point if you will let's go to your villain origin story and then you have to go there it's kind of like yeah it's not scientology but scientology does this thing where and i don't condone scientology i'm uncomfortable that you're even i think it was inspired by it but like basically with emdr which miley cyrus did you basically talk about traumatic moment but the The crazy thing is, is your brain like has created that traumatic moment to be like whatever it wants it to be.

6:34Yeah. Like whether it made it easier or not as bad or worse. A lot of the time it makes it worse. Totally. Like you put it. And people don't remember. What actually happened. Your worst moment the way you remember. A hundred percent. So what she does is she's like, tell me the feelings you have in that event memory. and then you watch this thing go back and forth and like with eye movements and you just feel that feeling and it goes it has this really cute sound it goes like what are what are the images that you're looking at it's just this like this like line white circle going back and forth and then she goes okay what did you feel during that and you say it and she goes let's focus on that emotion so you're like reprocessing the memory so that when you think about it you actually get like a calmness to it and it like kind of like makes you not keep going back to that moment as like painful do you have like a list of moments where you're like yeah

7:32i'm like okay let's bring up the next one chapter two and she's like the tea is piping out i'm like i know but i know sometimes okay this is like really freaky but sometimes and I I don't mean to sound unrelatable

7:53is this about YSL sometimes I'll try and like think of a traumatic moment in like my childhood or like my adolescence and I'm like oh my god I can't think of anything was it so traumatic I blocked it out and then I'm like wait there's no way I just don't have any dramatic moments and then I catastrophize like they were actually so bad I can't even remember them but like not true I think yours is more just like a deep genetic trauma yeah well wait till my mom hears that you're getting you're getting into angry texts later oh generational got it did you see what I DM'd you. It was very late last night.

8:37There was a woman in Italy who was like, she made potions that were poisons. And I'm going to mess up the story, but she gave it as like a face care serum to all these women to get out of their abusive marriages. And like 600 men died during the years that she was doing this. And then she ended up getting hired by one of the kings because she was so good at poisoning people. And then she got too big and they obviously hated her. because she was like, God forbid a woman in STEM doing well. God forbid she can take care of her family. Wait. Yeah, so just look that up. I will look that up because whenever it rains – I think you're related to her is what I'm trying to say.

9:18Whenever it rains, I feel – You try to cancel the podcast. I feel particularly witchy. Like I feel like my intuition is on another level specifically when it rains. I know what your trauma is. You're too pretty. I don't think that's it. No, it's hard. I know what it's like as a fellow pretty girl. I don't think that's what it is because. You walk in a room, everyone's like, this dumb, stupid, pretty bitch. I know it's like. I think it's really that I'm just so educated.

9:53Final number three, mental. Are you texting? Are you texting right now? I wanted to bring up my notes because I actually, I think I have, I had a note. So my final mental health moment, actually, I talked about you in therapy. Because I, well, it all comes down to me eventually. When I was doing the EDMR with the eyes going back and forth, she goes, are you falling asleep? And I said, I'm going to be so real with you. I'm so tired right now. And she's like, okay, maybe. She's like, not part of the process. She's like, you could cancel. I'm like, I don't. Wait, are you going in person? No. So I'm just like, my eyes are going back and forth.

10:27And I'm like, this is putting me to sleep. She's playing this like video over Zoom and you're watching it. Yeah, but she's watching me. How many sessions have you done where you've done this? Only three. That's why there hasn't been like a real change in me yet. A real breakthrough. No. Is it the same moment you're going back to each time or are you on to a new moment? I did the same moment for two of them and then I like was in a mood about something else and we like started that. Okay. But like it all is based on a feeling. like we could have a different moment but we could be doing the same edmr based on the idea of like i'm worthless

11:06i don't deserve love like i mean just light stuff like that but recently i was so tired and she's like why are you so tired and i was like i mean i'm really i have a lot of stuff on the calendar and she and it all comes back to me like not saying no to things because i'm like i really feel like I don't say no to things. Then you go a little deeper. And she said something that rocked my world, even though every therapist I've been working on, like how to say no. I love when this moment happens. And they keep saying like, just say no. I'm like, it's not that easy. Yeah. And she goes, what if I told you that people actually respect you less when you say yes to everything?

11:42That's what your brain needed. You needed that reproach. You needed it put in a different way. Because I was like, I have friends that I know will say yes to anything I say. And like, I don't want to I feel like I make I don't want to make them uncomfortable because I know they're doing things I don't want to do yeah I'm like Paige says no to everything and like I love her more and she was like you have to be like Paige where she says no to things I'm like that's what she's been helping me because she's never said no to something and I watch the interaction people like disrespect her because it's like you're just showing them you value your time more and they value you more and I'm like as a people pleaser I'm like oh I've been doing this all wrong if If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

12:23But I really thought that like if I said no to something that it would piss people off. But it's true. You give people an inch. They take a mile. Yeah, I was going to say a farm, but yeah, a mile. You can't be too accessible to people because they will suck you dry. Yeah, because I've done a couple of things recently for people and then they want more. And I'm like, oh, I thought that was going to make you happy with me. Yeah. But I realized they're not happy with me. It's just like a selfish thing. Yeah, they're using you. One of my number one things I hate is being used. And I think that translates into like my working where like it never used to translate into working.

12:58It used to be like you're using me to like hang out with this person or you're using me because you want to go to this like place and I can go. Or like and now it's like more in a work thing where it's like you're you want to work with me because you want to make money off of me and like scram. Yeah. Scram. We I love saying scram. Yeah. I love like I love cutting people off.

13:24I love cutting people. This is your 30s, by the way. I love cutting people off. Like that feeling is so good. But the next best feeling is watching them not have access to you and see how they have to move in the world without you. And you're like, oh, you have no idea what's going on. And then you even get more validated of like, wow, I really had my shit in charge. Like I was in charge. I also feel like when you're with the right people in your life, like you never feel overextended. Yes. Because like they respect your boundaries kind of thing. You're the only person that I feel like that with, like that I could hang out with all the time.

14:05Obsessively. Do you want to know what it is? You miss me. Yeah, I actually do miss me. You miss me so much. We're the only. you come to my instagram history i miss you i was like okay send a text right here do you want to know what it is you love me but you don't want to be me like things about me disgust you like you would never want to be me but you love that i'm me yeah and that's what it is like i don't want to be you at all we both literally discussed like we'll do something you'll be like in your mind I know you're like I would fucking never she's so dumb like when my mom tried to dress me in like dresses with a matching hat I was like burn me at the stake like I'd rather kill myself than be dressed in this matching set and then you show up in a matching set and I'm like wait I love that for you yeah yeah well that's why it works yeah that's why our yeah that's why we're in such a good relationship and I think that's what you have to find yeah in a partner because there's too many people out here marrying their biggest off.

15:10And it's really like they just want to be they wish they had your life. They want to be you. I even was talking about like some work stuff and there was like a hiring process. And there's something about when you hire someone who like thinks they can do your job better than you. Like that's where tension arises. It's a lot of like how if you if there's a manager that like wants to be in front of the camera. Yeah. Kind of thing like that kind of vibe. We're like. Yeah. I saw this TikTok video and it was this girl being like, if you were on a plane and the plane was going down and someone said, can anyone land this plane?

15:46And a man raised their hand and a woman raised their hand. Who are you picking? And the woman said, I pick the woman. And she was and the person was like, why would you pick the woman? She was like, because no woman has ever gone out for a job that she thinks she's overqualified for. we do the opposite. So if a woman is raising her hand saying she can land a plane, she most likely can land that plane. She's done it. And the guy, there's a more like... Ego. Yeah, there's more of a chance that he's lying and being like, yeah, I could probably do it because men like oversell themselves because they're like, that's how they're like raised that like they can, they might not be qualified, but they're trying outfit jobs.

16:29I met a guy on the road doing crowd work. He says he does straight man. He says. He does facial reconstruction surgery, which is like a very serious thing. Like if someone's like. Okay, wait, I'm going to a facial balance doctor after this. And I'm so excited. But this is my thing. I looked at him and I said, I love your work. I love what you do for the community. I do not want a straight man. Yeah. Working on my face. Working on me at all. They'd be like, look, your tits are great. Not sure about the face. Haven't even looked at it. Get out of here. I want a bitchy gay man being like, you're cunt.

17:06Like, yes, we're hitting every angle. Like a straight man reconstructing my face? Straight men don't know you have faces. No. I don't think they know proportions. What is the facial balancing thing? Is this? So two of my friends have gone to this person and they were like, basically you go in and you say like, because I've never gotten Botox. Is everything okay at home? so one of my girlfriends saw a picture of herself and she nearly threw up okay she was like i have to do something she goes to this doctor was it just the lightning possibly she just like was having a moment yeah she was just like i will end it if i don't get some plastic surgery so she goes to this doctor and the doctor was like i don't know if she's a dermatologist or if she's a plastic surgeon but she's basically or she's just she's not botox forward she's more like skincare and like different things you can do before you get to botox got it but if there was something you wanted to tweak like she would be like well i would put a little botox over here because that'll help over there but like you don't need it it's subtle it's subtle it's more like balancing rather than like preventative or like age it's more of like is this about your is this about your eye bone i knew you were gonna go there i knew you were gonna go there i'm just inquiring it's a consultation it's a consultation it's an information gathering meeting now if i walk in there and she's like she's like it's about time i'm doing whatever she says okay i do have to say i went to a dentist once and they were like for you know how you're like if you would do anything what would you do and she mentioned like she would like fill in like one part of my tooth and I'm like I never even saw that before I don't need that the way it's grown in my head like she planted a seed worth four years later I'm like if I have to look at this uneven tooth any longer I didn't even know it was uneven before no and that's the internet will do that to you I'm like wait a minute I started zooming in on my own pictures I was like they're right how can I not catch that you did an interview recently and the quote was like every now and then a hate comet just eats And it does.

19:16And like I'll give credit where credit's due. Well, I'm dealing with some abuse online currently because I'm wearing a skirt on stage because I have some jokes that involve the squirt. And my knees are out. If you're going to do a man's job, how dare you dress like a woman? No, but because my knees are out, people are like commenting on my knees. And this guy said that my knees look like the face of a manatee. and now I can't unsee it. But this is the thing, like, are we not allowed to have knees? I've never even looked at a knee. And, like, I have muscular legs, so, like, there's muscles around the knee.

19:54But, like, I just feel like we've gone too far. We've gone too far. We've lost the plot. We've lost the plot. We've lost the plot. We've lost the plot. We've lost the plot. We've lost the plot. If we're going to. But I'm like, is my face that stunning that all he has left is my knee? There is a woman on TikTok who made a video basically being, like, I shower once a week, maybe twice a week. And the internet was like, something's wrong with you mentally. There's like things are going on. There's more factors. Like there's no way you think that's normal, whatever. Instead of fighting the internet back, she kind of leaned in and was like, you're right.

20:29There's like so many factors on why I don't shower every single day. She has now taken to TikTok documenting her showering every single day. She's 26 days in. Is she enjoying it? She's loving it. She's obsessed with it. She's like, I'm glowing. People are like, yeah, you're clean. Like, you have no dirt on your face. Wait, remember the girl with dirt on her face? Is she okay? Has anyone checked on her? Oh, that girl that was like, I'm not washing my face for seven months. Yeah. And she had like. I think she's like back to normal. Oh, you're like, I think she died. Remember the girl that had a scar on her face?

21:08Yeah. I was down that rabbit hole for a while. The internet has gone in so many different pockets. You know what it is? I think we're all dealing with a lot of stuff and we just like to take it out on a woman online. Yeah. That's easier than like dealing with societal issues, systemic issues. Let's just make fun of a girl who if she has a scar or not. Well, I think she was like faking that scar. Or like it wasn't as bad as she was making it out. I honestly, I blame like Netflix because like they've put out so many true crime documentaries and like people are investigators. I did watch the Ed Gein documentary I told you and some girl was going viral for saying that her grandma was one of the women that he dug up.

21:45But then I'm like, are you just saying that? Oh, I don't know. So you can't tell me anything. I'm like, what? Yeah, you were like, let's talk about it. Have you ever signed up to buy something and then realized it was actually on a subscription basis and you never really knew because the emails weren't coming in? They were just kind of going to your trash. Well, you need Rocket Money, a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you.

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23:03Download the Rocket Money app and enter Giggly Squad in the survey so they know that we sent you. Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from Giggly Squad. I was in your favorite place this weekend, Vegas. Vegas. It was wild because these like preteens were running around and they were like not wearing a lot of clothes. But I miss Vegas. And my mom was like, oh, what's going on? Because we're in the casino. And I go, oh, there must be a pool party. And then I realized they weren't wearing bikinis. They were like. You know for a fact that they were what, like 13, 14 years old?

23:43They were probably like 16, 17, 18. But I'm of that age where I'm like, yeah, there's a pool party. And they're like, no, that's what they're wearing to the club. No, wait. You are so going to be the mom where they're pulling things over on you. I feel like I'm going to have to call you and be like, Hannah, obviously not. They're not studying on a Saturday night. Did you check in their bags? This is my question. How if, like, I never can tell when my friends are on drugs, but, like, do they? Wait, just pause. Pause. Because that's actually one of my favorite things about you is to be out with you and for you to watch other people be on drugs.

24:27As someone who's seen this happen to me, can you just tell me for real right now, do they talk beforehand and say, don't tell Hannah? Or do they think I'm already high because I'm, like, energetic? Is it strategic? because like they have gotten past me. They've gotten the wool over my eyes every time. Or am I just not looking in the right direction? I think it's more. Because no one tells me. No one tells you. Why don't I even get an invite? Nobody invites you, I think, because you don't give off the vibe that you would be into it. So it's like a waste of a conversation to even have. That's like that one guy who like.

24:59Hannah, you cried last time you smoked weed. I know. But not everyone knows my history. No, like not even. Even in college, no one, like, ever offered you, like. No, but I was on the tennis team. Oh, right. So, it was, like, it was a very, like, drug. Yeah. We get drug tested. But, like, I don't know what energy I'm putting off. No one's even offering me a cig. Not even a drunk cig. Do I give snitch energy? Do I have snitch face? You're giving narc. Do I have narc? Do I look like an undercover cop? No, I'm going to be honest. I haven't been offered drugs in a while. But also, like, I've been at parties where people don't know that I cry over weed.

25:40But, like, they all just disappear in the bathroom. And I'm sitting outside. And they're all in the bathroom. And I'm like, someone has a stomachache. And then they come out. And I'm like, is everyone okay? And they're like, yeah. And then they're, like, dancing. And, like, no one ran up by me. This is why I don't like social situations. My favorite story still to this day is you being, like. And then they went into the bathroom. And then they came out very energetic. dancing all over what do you think that means get out of there i didn't get it i know you didn't so anyway everyone in vegas was having fun um i watched a luther vandross documentary and how was that oh my god have you do you remember luther vandross i mean not personally but yeah i've heard some things the thing about luther vandross is it starts and this man is flaming gay and he has the voice of like the best voice ever and um he was always like battling his weight this man the way he would have loved ozempic yeah um and but he never was able to come out i know and it's like the game and nickel that was so sad really if you think about it he became like a heartthrob because he was gorgeous and had an amazing voice and he was singing love songs so he was afraid like George Michael like if he came out that the girls would turn on him I would argue the girls would not turn on him we're always there for you yeah um so I love the gays I recommend that documentary my mom was on tour with me yeah which look my mom is you'd think she did cocaine she is hyped up yeah she doesn't sleep energetic when she's awake she's awake and then at like 10 30 she's out yeah but like i was taking naps and she was just standing over me and she's like hello and i'm like mom she's like befuddled she's in shock in the room yeah um but so i was trying to tire her out so i was like let's do a pilates class tiring your mom out is a real thing no tiring your mom out is your dad's not gonna your dad can't keep up thing it's there is a moment in your 30s where it's now like and if you don't have kids it's almost like the universe preparing you for kids because your parents are now your children well they are hyped up they're hyped and then my dad is always napping they honestly don't know their limit they get they get over tired okay they think they can do more than they can I tell her let's go to Pilates in the morning because I need you to start simmering down around like 5 p.m.

28:21You have to give them something the next day to look forward to. It was like when she would visit me in college, she'd come with me to classes and I'd fall asleep in class because I was tired and she would take my notebook and start writing notes for me. Wait. Wait. You don't know this? Well, I had 6 a.m. workouts. You took cheating to then you're like, my scribe is here. Literally, she's like raising her hand. Can you repeat that? We couldn't hear you back here. Wait. My daughter's snoring. How did you get your mom into the classroom? I think there was like, well, Wisconsin, there were like huge classes.

28:55So it was very easy to sleep. So one day you were just like, you know what? My mom's visiting. You know, why don't we kill two birds with one stone? You come with me. I'll nap. You write everything down. It was amazing. Wait, that's genius. I know. It was amazing. She had better handwriting than me. You were the last college assistants. Yes. You know? Like, I don't care about my kid getting in, like me paying to get them into a school. How about I pay for an assistant to walk around with them, make sure they have their stuff? That is a new level of tutoring. So anyway, we live by Pilates. We love Pilates.

29:34It's a Pilates family. So when I go to a new city, I try to find the Pilates class. You guys, if you say I'm going to your city and you have a good Pilates, recommend it for me. so I find this place called salt vault and I was like as good as any of them yes yeah so we get there and it says like heated yeah like no t it has like no e it's just a d yeah it looks intense it's like heat apostrophe there's always an x somewhere I'm like why did we throw in an x this is and it's like you know it just looked intense like the whole room's pink and that part is like black and for people to know like my mom she's tiny small you hug her too much you'll break her she is dainty yeah needs iron pills yeah no actually calcium iron yeah she's anemic so we we immediately are looking at each other and i was like i don't know if this is what i thought it was yeah and we walk in and the lady's so nice at the desk and i go is this for former pilates and she She goes, oh, no, this is Matt with music.

30:40And I go, is it heated? She goes, not this class. I go, great. Look at my mom. Matt Pilates is like scary. And heated. My mom's like, we could do this. Like, we could do this. And I go, okay, okay, Lenore. So we get in. The room is like a club. It's immediately, and my mom's looking at me. It's all these like hot girls. And then my mom's a hot girl, obviously. But she's like, I don't know if we should do this. And I'm like, Mom, we can't get out now. Yeah, like we're in it. We're in it. We already got our towels. I put my water bottle down. We're here. We've made a statement. Everyone's seen us.

31:13They handed out towels. We have one. I'm like, I already used the bathroom. Like, we can't leave after that. So my mom goes through a 45-minute class of intense. Like, it was one of those like, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. Now, during it, was she like, I hate this, like, to you? Or like, was she doing it? We were just making eye contact and she was smiling. And at first I thought she was having fun. And afterwards she told me, when you're going through severe pain, if you smile, it's supposed to help it hurt less. I said, Mom, I thought you were actually having a good time. And she's like, no, I was scared for my fucking life.

31:50She's like, no, I thought I was having a heart attack. So the class was fucking amazing. Salt Vault in San Diego. The instructor was spectacular. Now, did she take a nap after or she wasn't tired? Yes, thank God. But like there was a moment where I was like, this is she's only like 60, but like this was older abuse. Like I threw in this class. No, because you have to be worried about. And my mom, like she goes hard. Yeah. Like when she's like, oh, it's OK, you can put your knees down. Like my mom wasn't doing it. I'm like, she wasn't doing modifications. She wasn't modificating. And yeah.

32:26We're better for it. We're better for it. So, yeah, that was scary, but we survived. Wow. You took her to Vegas. This was in Vegas? This was in San Diego. Oh, okay. Vegas was funny because she'd already seen my show like three times and she always have notes. Lenora has notes and we've made some great additions, edits. But then she decided to go to Earth, Wind & Fire.

32:50By herself? Yeah.

32:55Which, by the way, if you don't listen to Earth, Wind & Fire, go download that on Spotify. I highly recommend. Lenore, Earth, Wind, and Fire is my Bravo con. Lenore went alone to Earth, Wind, and Fire, was dancing, sending me videos. I love that. I'm going on stage. She ended up catching my show afterwards. She had a time in Vegas. Lenore had a time in Vegas. We were by the gondolas. We almost did a gondola, except it would be my nightmare to be stuck on a gondola, and then the guy starts singing. And you pay a lot of money to be on the gondola. I don't know why anyone would ever do that. I was like, can I pay you to stop singing?

33:34My worst nightmare is one, being trapped somewhere, and then two, having to listen to someone sing. A man sing. Yeah. No. A man singing. So yeah, Vegas was Vegasing. Okay. It was great. How are you?

33:51Let's start the pod. How's it going? Let's start the pod. You know, I've been good. I've been really good. I like your ponytail. Okay, you know what? I knew there'd be a story. It is so overstimulating being a girl. Like this more, do you ever just, you've been infiltrating my brain because more recently I'm like, I have to shave my head. I'm so overstimulated by my hair. Paige has been like sending me cute, like pixie cut looks. and I start evil laughing and go. No, literally this, I think this is what you've done our whole friendship. You get one idea and you're like, let me see if I can implant this in Paige's brain.

34:35And I say to you and you go, are you fucking kidding me? And I go, just wait four years. No, literally your track record is getting less and less years. It took six for a cat. The pixie might come in four. We don't know. Well, Kim K did it, but hers looked like so similar to her mom's. Yeah. And I - I didn't - love hers honestly I just and she's my north star but like but it just shows like it's happening the girls are shaving their heads no pixies are like happening all around the world the men have been doing it for years um yeah yeah so we'll just like see it's not happening anytime soon but it's just like when it's raining and you're also a woman and you've just gotten over your period everything is overstimulating yeah you try to cancel the day before like I just I can't have hair on my face like I can't the thought of putting leggings on like I just I can't it's one of those things where like you said like we don't want to be each other but my thing is every now and then I'm like if I was you yeah I'd shave my head wait that is so funny because sometimes I'll be like Hannah's not even worried about her outfit for this like she literally doesn't care she'll pick it tomorrow and I'm over here three days of agony like it's not right like you tried to spring something on me today to do on Wednesday and all that was going through my head was like but I don't have an outfit and like I know you don't have one either but like it's more critical that I don't have an outfit but also like I'm gonna be stressed too but I'm just gonna have like two hours of stress right before the event yeah where you'll stress yourself out I've already actually agreed to come canceled it not going anywhere text if the necessary people said scratch that idea i'm actually not going anymore well this is what sucks when we um when there's an event and one of us wants to go then the other one kind of like goes yeah it's like kind of it's hard it's just hard but it is weird at events without each other because i'm like no i don't i can't do it actually it's like it's well you were you were doing a lot of press and normally I'm holding your hand what happened I'm backstage at Jimmy Fallon right okay I take my beta blocker I do hair and makeup I get there I do my TikTok I do the pictures I see Jimmy I take my beta blocker right on time of like it's gonna hit right when I'm going out there I'm actually not as anxious as I thought I'm going to be, but I'm not speaking.

37:15Like, oh, you've gone mute. They're doing the TikTok and they're like, can you just move your mouth? If you know me, I go mute at a certain point where then it's like, don't talk to me. Don't touch me. Don't even really look in my general direction. Wait, was your team like, who is this? Everyone's like, Paige is like, I think a little bit anxious. Did you fall asleep in the green room? No, but obviously my mom walks over and she's like, you're not nervous are you everyone says you're nervous but you're not right you're not and I'm like you always do this yeah and I'm like okay no I'm not nervous she goes hey babe stop I was doing my hair like natural curly waves so at one point Mitchell was like dip your head over so I can like fluff up your hair and then flip it back so I do it and I get like a head rush of like such anxiety.

38:09It's the little things that'll get you. And I'm like, that was scary. I'm never doing that again. So then I'm standing literally at the door right before you walk out and Mitchell turns and goes, do you want to do one more head flip before you go out? And I turned and I go, I'll have a

38:32I can't flip my head right now, Mitchell, because I don't have a panic attack. People don't know Paige's team. Mitchell runs the show. Paige's hair is the forefront, and then everything else is an accessory. Every now and then you'll turn and Mitchell just has, what is it called? A flamethrower. What is it? Like a wind. A wind blower. A leaf blower. The leaf blower. Mini. How did you get the leaf blower into security? On the amount of places he's whipped. We're like, how did that fit in your pocket? And Mitchell's worked with me before against his will. And my nervous tick is touching my hair.

39:13Yeah. And he'll just be looking at me fuming. Yeah. Because he just spent seven hours on making my hair perfect. Mitchell is a perfectionist. So, you know, like, me and him, like, he can't with me. There have only been a couple times where I've been like, Mitchell? I'm going to freaking lose my mind. You took my head on my chest. But I love how he's like, I don't give a fuck if you have a panic attack. Flip your hair, because if you're going to have a panic attack, it better look voluminous.

39:42He's like, no one has sympathy for your panic attack because your hair looks like shit. It is crazy, though, because when I did my first found appearance doing stand-up, which is a whole other monster, I mean I was I couldn't have been more nervous like before the curtain okay so you know how the guy's like okay and they're gonna announce your name and he's so chill he's like and then I'm gonna whip the curtain up and then you're just gonna go he was giving me that spiel and in my head I like was trying to telepathically say to him I'm gonna have like I was like no I usually and I was trying to explain it to other people I was like you don't understand when I do it with Hannah, she walks first.

40:17She talks first. Then I have a second to give myself like, okay, and we're here and we're doing it. But I didn't have to talk first. I was like, but now she's not here, so I have to walk. How does someone start a sentence? How do you put words together? We are so comfortable together. That's literally me backstage. I'm like, I don't remember English. I can only speak Spanish. We only know Spanish. all your high school classes you're like oh yo comprendo

40:52I saw the clip you look so relaxed and like effortless thank you well that is my my new thing now is like if I do something then and it's over everyone's like no one could even tell that you were freaking out and like that's how people congratulate me they're like no one even knows that you're a fucking wreck you know one of my Ryder Cup interviews like there's something about going live that's really scary and I was like totally chill but it was like 5 a.m. I don't know the men were yelling and it goes live and I realized my hand is shaking and after it I was like my hand was shaking that's so embarrassing then I watched it you can't see my hand shaking no I've had an eye twitch for three months

41:34Majori is my go-to jewelry brand for so many different reasons but one of them is because they have the finest materials. They have 14 karat gold and sterling silver, diamonds, gemstones, and they prioritize sustainable practices, especially quality. They make your nice jewelry that you want to wear out all the time, also your everyday jewelry. They have accessible price points and stackable designs, so there's an obvious reason they're the most loved jewelry brand out there. One of my forever favorites are their sculptural hoops and stackable rings. I love putting a bunch of different rings on I feel like sometimes it really does make the outfit.

42:12They have such bold modern designs and they're made to be worn every day. Majori is celebrated for its inherently minimal yet playful aesthetic and beautiful product designs. Majori believes that fine jewelry doesn't have to come at the cost of our values our communities or our planet. So shop Majori jewelry in store in app or online at Majori.com. Mental health moment another one I'm on my shit today. Yeah, it's glasses. Because I have glasses on. I'm so nervous. In order to fall asleep, you first have to pretend you're sleeping.

42:50Chris is confused. Honestly. And it sounds like waves outside. No, think about it. In order to sleep, you first have to pretend you're sleeping. You have to read through the lines, Chris. Anything you want in life, you have to pretend that you already have it. So when you're going out to do something that's scary, you first have to pretend that you're not scared and you've already done it. So everyone take that with you for the rest of the week. By the way, the girls are chugging their refreshers. They keep getting DMs. I'm drinking my mango pineapple, less concentrate green tea, and it's so good.

43:23What about you? I now pick my refresher based on my outfit. So I'm doing my blueberry, but it's a little more concentrated because I was wearing a darker color. And I love that for you. I know you know exactly how much concentrate you need to hit the burgundy level you want. I have some, like, celebrity tea. So I've been, like, texting around. Because, look, when someone comes out with a new face, I'm on it. Wait. I know whose face you're talking about. I don't want to name any names right now because we protect identities and women on this pod. But... Emma Stone. So... okay Emma Stone is my North Star yeah so some celebrities apparently they're just doing really good face tape and it could be a lie and I could be spreading a lie and like this could be propaganda but I think that some looks like they are just snatching their whole face back with face tape And it's like the technology's gotten better where it doesn't look.

44:33I mean, Dochi just does it and it's cute. I was just going to say, she does it and like wears it. Yeah. But I think that there's subtle ones that like the human eye can't see. I would understand that because there are some times where I'm like, this look needs a ponytail because I need my face snatched back. It's just like I'll do it to myself. Yeah. So I think or like if you have a wig, it's easy to just throw on some face tape. I also think that women that are like, I would say what Emma Stone's probably only like a couple years older than us. Right. Like maybe she's like 36, 37. I think that women are doing baby, baby facelifts.

45:14Yeah. And they're foregoing like a bunch of Botox and fillers and all of like that stuff. And they're just doing a simple incise pull. Mm-hmm. Well, I do have to say, the Gen Zs, I feel so bad that they're almost like mice experiments for filler. And they were just like, oh, like, let's put some filler. It's cute. And then, like, the millennials. I hate to blame a woman. I hate to blame a woman. but all of these gen z women who have succumbed to plastic surgery all that really tells me is that they don't have scary moms none of their moms are terrifying and it shows because you're telling me you can come home with a new face i would get literally eviscerated my mom knew when I spent one extra minute in the tanning bed.

46:14Oh my God. She's like, you ruined your gorgeous face. You ruined it. You ruined it. You're done. You ruined. Like if I went and got my eyebrows waxed a little too thin, she would be like, you're, you're done. You're done in this town. You've never dyed your hair. I've never dyed my hair. The fear of my mother has honestly saved me in so many different situations. Italian moms instill a fear in you. It's such a unique thing. Fear, guilt, it's all. I told you once, my brother and I, we were like 18, my brother's like, I'm going to smoke weed, but I don't know how to do it in the backyard or whatever.

46:55And we have my same backyard on the stoop. And I was like, stop with all the drama. Let's just ask mom. And he's like, are you out of your fucking mind? And this is why no one invites you to do drugs. this is why you don't get into the bathroom i go look you're like i'm lenore and i are fucking tight i'm like let me let's just let me talk to her logically about this she's actually not i'm gonna be mad at by i'm 18 you're 17 i'm like let me just talk to her and figure this out so i go lenore can i speak to you for a second wait you literally i swear to god i go can daniel just smoke some weed like he's not doing heroin like he just smokes and wait at the time she was the principal of middle school in Brooklyn.

47:33She then explained to me how him smoking weed on the, um, on the stoop or wherever with her knowledge would get her fired from her job. We would lose the house and we'd all be living on the streets. To which I went back to my brother and I said, talk didn't go well. We'd be, we'd, we'd be on the streets if you smoked weed right now. So don't tell me like a normal kid, go get high in the backyard. Like, why am I having this conversation like you now ratting him out has now put me in trouble as a witness um you dumb bitch is what lenore said to me but by the way lenore texted me she wants to go to chanel apparently teflon is causing issues non-stick pans um so she told everyone to get carbon steel because the non-stick teflon apparently is is it also causes cancer but that's what i woke up to last night my mom is Dr.

48:29Fauci. Like literally all my Instagram messages from her are different things they've discovered for me to stay away from. That's why I don't understand most newscasters are men because my mom knows what's going on way before. I was like yeah Romaine shouldn't have been eating it. She knows when like there's a vegetable that's killing everyone way before ABC. I sent you an Instagram on about that. She sends an Instagram. By the way, the AI is getting too realistic. Because at first I was like, mom, you dumb bitch. It's AI. Now I'm sending her AI. The Jake Paul ones. Have you seen this? Oh, yeah.

49:05Apparently he was like behind it because he invested in the company or something. Oh. Which again. They got us again. They got us again. They got us again. My thing is I keep seeing these like mansions in Italy because you know I like to manifest. Yeah. And I like send it to my mom or you. And it's like the craziest mansion. And I was like, it's AI. you stupid bitch. So now my mom is telling me. I haven't noticed that you've been doing that. I think maybe I sent you a lot. I sent you a lot. You sent me a lot of cat AI, but it's like a very obviously cat AI. It's like coming out of an ice cream scoop.

49:36There's this cat AI of cats getting arrested. That is the funniest thing I've ever seen because the cop will go to a car and it's just a cat sitting in the driver's seat. And at first I was like, I didn't think it was AI because I'm like, that's something a cat would do. The EDRM is working too well. We just studied ERPM. The AARP. I need a hit of it right now. There are, I think it's a real thing where like a guy got arrested and a cat just came over and sat on him and fell asleep while he was lying down arrested. So like cats getting arrested is like, I don't know, that's kind of my current passion right now.

50:15I have two Gen Z questions. Saying things are your current passion right now is so funny. Sorry, it's just like my current passion. It's my current passion project. grace and chris are gen z's playing flip cup oh wait i probably haven't played flip cup in like three four years okay that was so sad wait wait wait break it down wait break it down further are you guys let's break this down let me get in this are you guys having pre-games like are pre-games still a thing like come to this apartment drink then we'll go out yeah and no one's broken out of flip cup battle so no one's competitive you'll never get ahead in this world so that's why the gen z's are not chasing their dreams anymore and the gen z's are not trying hard at things because you haven't played in a flip cup or any beer no games at all i did play beer pong recently recently so nice yeah wait and you hadn't played in like how long probably like four or five years okay when i was 26 there were bars just for for beer pong like We'd go to the bar, put our name on a list, and, like, we weren't there to drink.

51:23We were there to compete. We were there to, like, live our dreams. Well, Jen, also, I think drinking games promote binge drinking, where, like, Gen Z isn't really binge drinking like that. Like, flip cup is, like, you're slamming the cup as fast as you can. Yeah. Beard Pong, like, you're slamming. Oh, well, there was that time. This is when the world started to turn for the worst. In 2015. 15. When people started filling their beer pong cups with water and just drinking the beer. No. That's why COVID happened because we didn't have the antibodies of when a ball rolls and gets kicked across the entire bar and then you take it and you throw it in a beer and that person chugs it.

52:08That's why we were able to face like germs. I think that was our generation started that where they were like actually just drink out of one cup and yeah and we're what's the fun in that we started the demise of america also the way we were able to handle pressure because of flip cup have you ever been the last person on a flip cup line after your team put their heart and soul into it and then you um you feel the adrenaline and that team's catching up and you're the one that's that's messing it up and then you start every actually i talked about that in therapy in my DMR that was one of my traumatic moments when I lost it for my team it's how I realized I like organized sports and I was like this team thing you guys are onto something the camaraderie you feel are your long fingers good or a deterrent when it comes to flip cup oh there's no there's nowhere to go but winning yeah well you know there's yeah you're so good at those games I have to say when a guy's good at flip cup I'm like it's the hottest thing ever when a guy's bad at flip cup I'm like you would you would finger my thigh like I like in high school there were so many things in high school and college like like you could get icked out by where like in your 30s you're like honestly a dream like but like in your 20s if someone was playing beer pong and they weren't good at it I'd be like that's so embarrassing I'm like you probably like You can't be the father of my children.

53:37And like what you're the loser of your friend group. And then in your 30s like do you ever realize you're dating the loser of a friend group. But you're so past like school days that you're like it doesn't really matter. But in your head it fully matters. Like it's like you could be dating a brother and you like you meet the other brother and you're like fuck. I'm dating like the less hot younger brother. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes in your 30s, you're like, wait, in college, I would have never even hung out with you. And that's when you have to take inventory of where your life is at. Yeah, 100%. You know?

54:12But sometimes you're like, it was like when my mom, when she went to Cornell, she reminds me every day that they would lose all the football games, but they had a cheer that was like, that's all right. That's okay. We're going to be your boss someday. So that's, oop. And that's changing perspective. And that eight. Yeah. Like they ate with that. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, maybe your guy wasn't the best at beer pong because he was studying. Because he was putting in work. That's true. And I know you don't care for studying. Gross. Probably hideous. Also, Gen Z's, do you find you don't say LOL at the end of your text messages?

54:51Wait, I saw this recently that Gen Z's like millennials stop using LOL. I put LOL. I'll literally be like, my grandma just fell and hurt her hip, LOL. I write it in formal business emails. I'll be like, yeah, I'll get to it, LOL. If I don't put LOL, it means I'm mad at you. How will they know my tone? Yeah. Do you guys just. I do. I think it is too. I can't call it a mess with LOL. Yeah. Well, Grace is kind of like millennial coded. Chris. Well, Chris is a man. He doesn't. Yeah. He doesn't have to put LOL. Whoever like started that, you're stupid. Can I, Grace, can I tell the Butter story? Yeah.

55:30I have to, I have to tell you about Grace and Butter's weekend. So when I was gone, we had to move stuff from my apartment. It's funny that you don't ever ask me to watch Butter. Well, today was a big day. Yeah, it was. You. No. Butter never acknowledges me. I've known her for almost 10 years. We've said hi twice. No, she'll hide from you. This morning, Butter, like, looked me in the eye, acknowledged that I was alive, and even put her face, like, next to my finger, like, acknowledging it. And all Hannah could say is, like, she's really out of sorts today. She's not acting like herself. Like, something's definitely wrong.

56:15So, Butter, I think it's because I was gone for four days. She gets love starved. Yeah. Where she's like, I'll take love from anyone at this point. She also just wanted to be with me. And even though you were there, she was like, I'll sacrifice this uncomfortable moment. But Butter doesn't like men. So we were having guys move everything out of our apartment into a different apartment. And Grace was kind of handling the job because I was in San Diego getting my ass beat in Pilates. And I told Grace, I said, the only thing I want you to do is just keep track of Butter because she's shifty. She's going to be really scared.

56:51Just make sure she's okay. She's a street cat. She's a street cat. Yeah, she's going to finagle. Finagle. She's throwing dice. Literally. Why do I picture her running an underground poker game? 100%. So I'm like getting on a plane and I get a call from Grace. And Grace always has like a very calm voice. But she's like, hey, so the move went great. Can't find butter. and I'm like the good news is your TV made it your toiletries I made sure that everything's there small problem small problem can't find your cat and I go that's okay I knew this was gonna happen this is what cats do they find a way to hide and she goes Hannah like everything's moved out of the apartment there's nowhere for her to hide like I've I opened the fridge like I've looked everywhere she's not there and I'm like just give it a beat she'll come out an hour later she calls she goes hey still not still not there So then I actually am like, okay, did she hide in a box?

57:56And like some stuff was going in storage. So I'm like, is Butter in the storage unit? And then I'm like, did these guys chuck the luggage and Butter's like in a luggage? She's in a moving truck. Butter's in Europe right now. Like who knows where she is. Butter's on a ride of Rikers Island. She has no idea the terrain.

58:22oh my god so i'm like and and grace is feeling so guilty because i gave her one note yeah i said the one note is butter will deceive like i don't give a fuck about any of my stuff break everything butter will deceive she will fraud she will do anything you have to keep an eye on her no butter is like a really rich like child drug addict it's like no she will go in your louis baton and take out your change she will look you in the eye and lie to your face do not trust her and grace is innocent grace just thinks but butter was hiding under the couch and she just assumed that butter would stay there yeah that no no butter's not staying under the couch this isn't butter's playing chess she's playing checkers yeah so butter who knows where butter was but it's one of those things with cats where like they always just kind of appear out of nowhere But this is the thing.

59:17Like Grace looked in every crevice. I feel like all cats have one hiding spot that they're like, and you'll never find me. Nobody's going to get me. When I can't find Daphne, I'm like, I know she's in the house just because no one's been home, no one's let her out. And so I'll scream her name and she always appears in the same spot in the hallway just looking at me. But you don't know where she came from. But where did you come from? Because I've looked everywhere. A cat hiding to the extent Butter did when there's no furniture in the apartment is another level of like, was she underground? It makes you think that Butter also hosts like a true crime podcast that we have no idea about.

1:00:02The Secret Life of Pets was written by Butter. So I'm actually at the point where I'm like a little nervous because these men, they don't care about my cat. Yeah. And Butter probably hid in something. I don't know. So I'm on the plane also like sleep deprived and I'm like, this is the end. Like we lost butter. And like and and how is how is my relationship with Grace ever going to be able to bounce back? Because like you'll know, she'll know. And I'm obviously like Grace and I are like really close. Yeah. Like she might start hanging out with you more. And I just didn't know how that would change.

1:00:35The pod would have to end. Well, because we had cats. Yeah. And it's like you wouldn't get it because you don't have a cat. No, Giggly Squad. I was literally like, how do we announce to the gigglers that Giggly Squad's over? Because, like, the feng shui's messed up. The feng shui's messed up. And I would just talk about Butter being sent to Barker's Island every single day. So I actually, for a point, like, I was looking at my mom. My mom's, like, giving the, like, it's going to be fine. But I can tell even my mom's nervous. Yeah. You're like, this is not good, Mom. This is not good. I get a photo.

1:01:02I get a photo from Grace. The apartment's vacant. And Butter's just standing in the middle of the apartment.

1:01:11no grace calls you go see another day

1:01:19but it's like your health insurance will be received this month you are not fired and we're gonna put the photo in the newsletter because it's the funniest photo i've ever seen grace told me that she was so upset she was like she thought she was driving yeah like she thought she lost my cat. Well because there's no fear. I mean obviously people have children. But there's no fear like loosing your animal. I'm sorry. Fuck that kid. I don't even know that kid yet. My cat has slept with me numerous times. I have to find one of these memes where it's like everyone freaking out that they lost the cat and then the cat just walks out of nowhere like so calm.

1:01:59So anyway we had a scare. Yeah. We had a scare but Butter's okay. Butter we still don't know where she hid but that's none of our business how do you think she's gonna do like in general with the move like do you think she's excited for a new spot do you think she's she's not excited okay okay also butter by the way like we'll go to west hampton and she's like i want my like one bedroom in new york city like that's my vibe she's like i don't like what is this it's a lawn it's so funny because if i take daphne somewhere for like even like a night or two nights and then we come back to my apartment she inspects it as if like she's never been there before she's like let me see yes that is where i left things okay actually this is our home yeah it is some cats are really good with like change and stuff and butter just isn't one of them yeah but again like my therapist said she should do i was just butter has boundaries butter needs some easy because there's obviously some traumatic points where she's like Like she goes back to you.

1:02:58She's like, I can't go out from under the bed. But Butter and I have been through a lot. We've, Butter's been through like one, two, three, four, five. How many men? Like so many. Actually, Butter, iconic. She hates all the men I would bring home back in my day. And once I was like lying in bed with this random man. And she just ran across the bed, like across our chest, scared the shit out of him. Because I wasn't, I didn't explain I have a cat. We weren't that deep at that point. Yeah. And I wasn't going to explain a cat that he was never going to see. He thought like a large rat ran across our bed.

1:03:32Because in New York City, who knows? Who knew? Who knew? So anyway, I think she'll be okay though because I'm bringing her rug, which she loves. Perfect. She also, this is so buttercoated. There's a bag that she is her best friend. Yeah. It's this like black bag that she rolls around on and people like will try to throw it away. Like my mom will come in and be like, let's throw away this trash. And I said, that's Butter's best friend. Sorry, that's Butter's bag. So she, Butter, as long as she has her bag, it's like her emotional support bag. She lies on it. She tries to strangle herself with it.

1:04:06Butter's, I have purse. Butter has, have purse. So as long as she has her bag, she'll be okay. Wait, that's so page-coded of Butter. Actually, that's very you. She's like, sorry, where's my bag? As long as you have a little bag that you can't even fit anything in, you're happy. You're happy. Yeah. Oh, God, misgracious. anyway you guys I am gonna be in Madison Wisconsin go Badgers I'm going back wow yeah and Green Bay and Portland Maine and all next week in two weeks okay yeah yeah I'm taking it easy this week that's what you always say yeah I'm just gonna I'm just gonna do zooms from home you're not doing your 10k steps oh yeah don't bring it up it's raining though you can't do in the rain.

1:04:52You have a walking pad for that. Guys, thank you for giggling with us. We love you so much and we'll talk to you later. And thank you to Duncan for sponsoring this episode. We love you and your refreshers.