Giggling about pregnancy tests, pinky swears, and pilates

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1:07Hannah Berner: One of those scents that feels fresh and feminine while still elevated enough to wear all day. The newest addition to the collection is Burberry Her Parfum with Olivia Dean as the new face of the fragrance. Her style really reflects the same feeling of freedom and individuality that runs through the Burberry Her line. The scent itself is deeper and more intense opening with cherry and settling into warm amber and vanilla for a bold confident finish burberry her perfume free your spirit explore the burberry her collection including the new her perfume and the original her ode to parfum now available at ulta beauty sup gigglers scary fix the wi-fi manifest that shit we can't be managed

1:55i mean the day just got away from me what's up my garden gnome gigglers would you ever have a

2:03Hannah Berner: garden gnome if you had a an outdoor area maybe if it was like this in the shape of kitty cute thoughts on like legitimately taxidermy i'm out like when butter passes god forbid in the year 2052 no i'm putting her in a freezer and i'm walt disneying her so that when the technology works why isn't it more like 3d printers why aren't people taxidermying their pets more because it's creepy is it though because i would cry every day if i saw butter stuffed with cotton balls you're so nashville coded right now you're like just the exodermy you're you know what you are that's the meanest thing you've literally so stagecoach right now that is the meanest thing you've ever said to me it's a monday and i'm coming so hard for your soul you just said i was nashville coded which you know is the number one place on earth that if someone said you have to move there i'd cry number two

3:12okay well don't start trying to convince me to taxidermy things could you imagine how they'd

3:17Hannah Berner: hate me in nashville i have an announcement i love announcements i'm just like really since chloe kardashian like hair gate i've just been like really into my products recently and everybody knows sunday nights is when i do my hair mask and i do all my things but i actually did my hair mask on friday so like my days are a little off anyway we have such different weekends so last night i like showered was doing all my stuff and like blue dry my hair and I was like you know what I'm gonna like throw a little wave in here like I'm gonna like do my hair a little so that tomorrow morning on Giggly Squad Zoom I don't look a mess with my hair okay you could have texted me but continue so I Sunday is like when I look at all my stuff that I've like gotten delivered like all the products that I've like never tried before and they're like all in a pile and I'm like so there's this hair thing and it was called a bondy boost like a heat curler yes i've heard of them and i was like okay let me just like give this a whirl i was shocked honey honestly i hate that i'm about to say this it's everything i've been wanting my it's everything i've been thinking that my dyson has been doing but hasn't been doing i don't know if i ordered it then here's the other thing then i like try try a product and i'm like i can't remember if i ordered this or if someone found your address someone found my address and sent it to me because i've been looking at this thing in a box for at least a month and a half and i'm like what's the price point i have no idea she goes everything's free in your head if it's on my glass desk it was free it was free um what does it do it's basically just like a heated round brush but I had blow I blew dry my hair so it was like kind of straight but like kind of puffy and it just looked like I got a blowout like my ends looked very blowout-ish the way I want my Dyson to do it but it just never does it and I think because I have fine hair um anyway so that was like people lost their jobs just then like that was crazy you're like Kylie Jenner tweeting that Snapchat's over like that's crazy oh also I texted my friend Alexa last night and I said I'm finally ready for micro needling and she said perfect I will find you someone this week so what made you think you were ready because I'll do it with you because I was scared I wasn't going to do it alone well I've just been looking up like I'm always looking at different like things the girls are doing and months and months ago someone was like doing made a tick tock and was like i don't get botox and she was like me she was in her 40s and she looks phenomenal anti-botox um algorithm now and she well she said she was like i don't get botox i don't get fillers the only thing i do is i do micro needling micro needling once a month which kind of seems like a lot i always have stuff coming up that i have to like be in front of a camera for i don't know how i ended up in this industry but um then i talked to someone yesterday and they were like yeah microneedling you have to keep doing it and it gets like more powerful as you keep doing it which does sound like a pyramid scheme however one that i would fall into i'll do it with you because if we're both gonna look busted for like four days that's more fun than me alone i don't even think that it's even that long of a turnover like I truly think you get it done you can't wear makeup like that night or that next day but then you're fine and then I had a dermatologist giggler in stem message me and say hey if you have a really expensive product and you break out after sometimes it means it's like your skin purging and I'm like again it's giving pyramid scheme like you guys are just keeping me going well purging is something I've subscribed to it's like you've been purging for three years now yeah i'm like okay but my chin keeps purging and final thought you know when girls would be like look how good my skin is because they just put like oil on it and they're like look how shiny i'm like yeah because you put oil on it okay i i'm actually having a really great skin day i was gonna say you're very shimmery what you put on it a giggler really stressed me out the other day oh no because um i said on the pod last week I was like kitty's just been like really obsessed with me the past couple of days I don't know like what's going on and a giggler dm me and she was like my cat did that a couple months ago like would not leave me alone and she goes turns out I was pregnant now look I've read a lot of dms before about people telling me about myself and I'm like that person's nuts like I'm not giving it a second thought let me tell you something I uber eats a pregnancy test immediately

8:33Hannah Berner: I don't know what I was overcome with, but I because then I then I go on my phone and I'm like, wait, I should have had my period. I was just with Taylor two days ago and she said, oh, I'm getting my period in two days. And typically I'm like a week prior to her. So I go on my phone and I'm like, oh, my God, I did miss my period. And then I look at Kitty and I'm like, were you going to say anything? kitty's like i've given you every sign i'm not hungry i'm trying to say that you have something growing in you wait i'm trying to tell you we don't have the closet space we don't have the room kitty's like it's me or her it's me or her pick us pick one of us the test was negative and then i literally woke up the next morning with my period she summoned it well good for the gigglers for keeping you on your toes no i was like guys i don't need being can i have a day i do have to say i'm reading leena dunham's book and there's like about four chapters how are you gonna be reading this for well i took a little break and then des and i read at night like i was like do you want to read your book he was reading like kafka or something and we and i was reading leena dunham and i was like hannah that is so freaking cute well that's my parents do they read before bed oh my god what nerds my parents would never but then we got competitive i was like getting tired but he was still reading and i was like that's so you that's so you well at one point he was because i was like i feel like it's too bright and he's like well i have really small words on my book i was like he's like let me see your book and he's like they're small too yeah i'm like here we're so competitive i'm like my words are littler than yours but um she talks for like four chapters about her she ends up getting her uterus taken out sorry spoiler alert because she has why do we do this every morning i can't just have a normal conversation with you before noon it has to be like the most traumatizing thing i've ever heard in the past six months and then she got her uterus removed have a great day good luck at school why did she have to have her uterus so she had a full hysterectomy she had well she had endometriosis she had a lot going on then it was like another disease whatever but then it's also wait so she can't have children probably not herself anymore but she talks about that whole like feeling and the doctors were really like anti like we can't take out your uterus it's so it's like what makes a woman and she's like yeah but it's killing me like why do you care more about my future child than my current right as a woman right but um she also talks about how mentally at one point they're like are you happy and she's like what are you talking about and they're like if you're really upset and sad and stressed it just kind of makes things worse so it's kind of like inside your body yeah but then it's also like aren't you upset because you are in pain and then it's kind of this back and forth so she talks about about pain a lot in it but anyway it got me thinking about how you have pain pain just all the time no actually my uti has been pretty good like i've been i've felt it coming on a couple times and i've kind of told myself no so it's not so that's the answer you actually have to just go not today satan you just have to look in the mirror i don't have the time i'm like oh really i don't have time to go to urgent care say bloody mary three times in the mirror i'm almost at like six months which is the longest i've ever gone since i'm 16 years old wait that's crazy i bet you didn't you didn't do anything besides decide you don't want it anymore no no i was just like are you oh you know what it is it's the um what is what's the new hair wrap that you're using bondy boost no i take one um oregano vitamin a day and two d manos cranberry supplements but they're like they're extra cranberry like they're the classic one and then i've bumped it up a notch oh yeah if you go to page's kitchen she has like i have a little display of uti meds i need my stuff my dyson they're fucking expensive it's like half of your rent is a dyson are really expensive and because i'm in so many hotels and leaving everything sometimes the cleaning people will come in and they like to put your hair stuff like straighteners or dyson they put it like away yeah like they hide it so obviously i love that yeah but then when i'm packing i'm not like opening cabinets to search for things right

13:38then i have to call the hotel they have to ship it to me i've had to ship this dyson all over

13:43Hannah Berner: America you know it's interesting not interesting but whatever because we go on my family vacation every year one of like the biggest gripes of the family vacation is my mom's hair and she gets stressed about her hair because she has very naturally curly hair and so like when we're on vacation and none of like the stuff works because we're in a different country and she's always like stressed out about it and i hate when she's stressed out about it so i bought her a european dyson so now she can bring it on vacation with us it goes voila it says okay we'll do your hair now okay okay i straighten it wait oh my god more things should just be in italian accent yeah why isn't there an italian siri she's always british no why isn't there an italian would be like what the fuck are you doing okay no no i'm not looking that up illegal no okay yeah why don't you fuck yourself wait petition for there to be an italian siri that bullies you she'd be like i'm at lunch do not ask me questions yeah it's august no working wait imagine siri just like stopped answering the whole month of august was see you in the fall you stupid bitch i don't know look it up yourself i would love that google it you know what i keep seeing on like my for you page and and for the past couple of months it's like everyone talking about bringing 2016 back like 2016 was so much fun like people posting pictures whatever well i keep getting like the beyonce lemonade album like oh my god it was 10 years ago and like I don't know why I didn't think of it then but like imagine coming home just like imagine being Beyonce and just like walking in the front door like albums been out for like a couple weeks everyone's singing it and like Jay-Z just being like Joe Anything happen at work today?

16:02Hannah Berner: Like did they say Did they say to each other like did you see that email? Like imagine Your husband cheating on you And then you make the most fire album To ever exist About him cheating on you And all the songs start with you Speaking and like dissing him Like how did they how did they move on from that celebrity relationships are on such a different like mental wavelength than like a normal relationship and she probably was like hey i sold the bazillion records and he was probably like go off and you have to say like there's a line where she's like imagine if you never had the coolest girl in your bed and i'm like that would crush me if i'm him you know there was definitely a fight or two i would say or three um but at some point they're like empire and it's almost maybe this is all alleged maybe they got to the point where they were like it's actually more complicated to try to break up than to fight with you every day i'd rather fight with you every day than go through an insane divorce and rather little microdose fights than like blowing up our entire empire we built together i guess which is why surely they live separate lives yeah if i know that my husband has slept with another woman like there's not but there's nothing that's keeping there's nothing keeping me there there's nothing that i'm staying for maybe she also has her because she's rich on her own so it's not like but you know what maybe they have secrets about each other but do you want to be able to like live out loud honestly their relationship is so so mysterious and interesting for how long they've both been famous it's so mysterious so mysterious and you saying that she dropped the album about him it does remind me at an extremely streamy decimal percentage of my experience of me about to drop my hulu special because the very end has like 15 minutes of jokes about des that he's never actually heard and like i've run it by him like okay yeah i've run the premises by him yeah how have you like i wait till he's in like a silly mood and then we'll be in the car and i'll be like hey i'm working on a new bit about this and he'll be like yeah it sounds good and like that's so so then if he does get annoyed i'd be like i asked you and if people like the joke like if it's funny he's always okay with it but like i do go pretty hard on special like i have one joke that's like give us like a taste like yeah i was just gonna say is there one joke that you're like waiting for his reaction

18:57wait i kind of want you to tell us it's the kind of joke that like he'll either be like i love it or be like yeah i'm getting an attorney what's the genre it's about his family

19:16Hannah Berner: okay okay okay they're all dead so like who are you really getting in trouble with you know but not many people it's just like the relationship brings so much relatability and like i'd never go into writing my specials to be like i want to make fun of my husband But there is an empowering thing of growing up seeing all these other guys specials where they're just like my naggy wife, my bitch ass wife, my annoying wife. So it's kind of fun to be a female comic and like make fun of your husband. I feel like it's empowering. You know who I still think about is John Mulaney, because when I first like watched his stand ups, a lot of his material was about his wife and was about his wife and actually about loving his wife.

20:04Hannah Berner: and I don't know why I think about him like leaving his wife and marrying Olivia Munn so much but I do I think about it at least once a month I don't know why like obviously I'm a John Mulaney fan I think his stand-ups are funny but I don't but and I don't even know what his wife's name is actually I think she wrote a book it's not like I was like so obsessed with them or like that it keeps coming into my head but i think about it all the time i just got the vocal stem am i a nikki fan pull up in the sri lanko what the hell is that that's from like housewives those housewives like covet also it's crazy how things don't hold up over time no speaking of some random celebrity drama that don't you love when there's celebrity drama from like the 2000s that you just didn't know about and you're like why do people not talk about it enough do you remember mary louise parker i have been in a hole of this did we see the same tiktok or something or instagram post it's so interesting before social media the men were really getting away with even more so do you want to tell them what happened no you go okay so mary louise parker is with billy crudup who's the guy wait if you don't know who she she is she started weeds yeah she was the main actress in weeds hilarious genius also gorgeous so and weeds was 2005 to 2012 so billy crud up i don't know where he was in his career at this time i didn't know him but he's i know him from he's in like the first season of the morning show he's like in random stuff yeah he's never like the main main guy but he's in he's in a lot of big stuff i don't hate short men i hate short men who do bad i hate little evil short men if they're short and they're nice i hate short men that do short things yeah so immediately when a guy does something fucked up first i check his height it's the first thing i do five nine telling five nine's not good enough not good enough babe not good enough for this so she's seven months pregnant Billy Crudup well this is the problem with dating actors he's I think in a show with Claire Danes they fall in love because they're fucking making out every scene probably this is with acting it's just I'm sorry you're just like pretending to pretend to date you guys are dating um so men are doing full what is it called when you're like method acting method taking method acting too seriously by the way apparently adam driver on girls was doing method acting but lena dunham didn't say it but it hasn't been confirmed but she just says how like they'd be practicing their lines and he'd throw a chair yeah and someone was like he's method acting she's like i feel like he's just mad and this is weird i'm gonna start doing that if anyone gets mad at me i'll be like sorry i'm method acting they're like for what male actors are very you You know, what's funny is you grow up your whole life and maybe just because of when we were born and before social media, you grow up your whole life having this like preconceived notion about celebrity, specifically celebrity male actors.

23:26And then you become an adult and you realize that those men were some of the biggest losers in high school. And like, it's just it's very interesting. But then you realize the athletes were also losers.

23:40Hannah Berner: so then yes because they had a reading level of a pre-k student where have the good men gone because if you asked me in high school like oh my god who's like the hottest yeah who's your husband gonna be i'd be like a professional athlete or like a famous musician or like actor i would kill myself yeah if i ever now the nerds are even diabolical now the nerds are more we don't have a lid on the nerds and we've lost the nerds the nerds are out here cheating on other nerds so billy crud up crude up now i'm hungry for a crudo by the way it's 10 30 a.m on a monday i was just gonna say a crudite a crudite good morning crudite billy also you're 61 your name's not billy your name is william i'm not calling you i'm not calling anyone bobby or billy past the age of 12 grow the fuck up pay your taxes so true billy okay your name's not billy also do you know who he's with now who naomi watts the man pulls yeah something about claire Danes scares me and I don't know what it is I don't know if it's because every role that she plays it's like this like really overstressed like anxious character and that's like how I see her but like something about her I'm like oh I always have to take a deep breath I feel like but I also the feminist side of me is like I love her playing these like really imperfect characters like homeland was iconic because like she was so unlikable and like up until that time there weren't a lot of female roles to be unlikable and star yeah she's just always so stressed and i'm like i'm stressed you're like take a bath yeah take an epsom salt bath do a hair mask you're gonna love it okay keep going no yeah so that's what happened oh okay so he left her at seven month pregnant which it's giving it's giving um the wicked ariana grande drama just gonna say remember when everyone forgot about that that is that was crazy and i think that was crazy work i think she's still with spongebob are they that's actually going pretty strong yeah i just feel like if you're i mean obviously it's so nuanced but like i just feel like if you're going to leave your wife for someone else like really physically get up and leave your pregnant or like with child wife it's got to be for the long haul and i don't think he dated claire danes for that long i think it was like three years because also i think they actually did get a lot of public blowback that they like couldn't endure i mean i do have to say i don't care how sturdy your relationship is if you're constantly being attacked by the public like it's gonna cause issues a hundred percent it might bring you closer together for a minute for a moment because it's almost like a trauma bond us versus the world type thing but once your cortisol level kind of goes down it's like it's very i would argue it obviously sucks but if a guy leaves you while you're seven months pregnant thank god he showed you who he really is which is that he doesn't fucking care about you because all i know based if i'm seven months pregnant i feel not myself my hormones are insane i need help i'm exhausted like you're in a really vulnerable period of your life and if your man can't be there for you when you're holding and growing his child i don't want you around later right get out also i'd go as far to say like not only does he not care about you he doesn't care about like basic human decency i don't know just like basic human rights

27:53Hannah Berner: world peace like it's just i could be i could date someone for three minutes and if i found out they were pregnant i'd be like oh my god let's do everything that you need no like i can't imagine leaving des during his knee operation he's helpless

28:14Hannah Berner: just leaving him on the couch you know you didn't like her six months ago like it seems like something that didn't it wasn't just sprung on you that you don't in fact like your wife oh god If you told me an app could replace a personal trainer, I would have laughed. But honestly, Ladder is the closest thing I've found. You get a new plan every week from a real coach. It talks you through every rep. And Ladder is an expert in strength training plan, and it's not a content library. These aren't influencer workouts or challenges. It's real progressive programming designed by certified coaches. It works for any strength training style like Pilates, bodybuilding at home, dumbbell only, hybrid strength, glute focus programs, kettlebells.

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29:45Or as you know, I like to say, B-dubs. Paige and I love going to Buffalo Wild Wings sitting at the bar and just yapping while we snack bottomless yaps, bottomless apps I love my motz sticks, fried pickles, onion rings, hatched queso, chips, and salsa Honestly, we end up ordering everything and just sharing it across the table which is kind of the best part If you're going to gossip with a girlfriend, do it over apps and it's honestly such an affordable way to snack on all your favorites Order your apps and keep them coming while you spiral on the same gossip from every possible angle It'll quickly turn into one of those nights when you're laughing the whole time and suddenly it's way later than you thought.

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33:35Anyway, I did a traumatizing Pilates class. Can I tell you about it? Yeah, I would love that. By the way, I love Pilates, but it was one of those classes. If you see me in a Pilates class, turn around. Do you love Pilates? I do. I live with all my heart, but I also love complaining about it. if you see me in a pilates class you know some shit's gonna go down someone's gonna faint some crazy shit's happening so i walk in and it's a new pilates place and my thing is when i go to pilates first thing i have to do go to the bathroom because i have like a phobia that i'm gonna have to like poop during the class god forbid that would ruin everyone's experience what wait what you scared me you literally gave you said i gave you a fright i'm sorry yeah

34:20Hannah Berner: because you know how I always I forget things so if I don't say it you said pooping and so it made me think of it have you heard of coconut cult a cult Hannah get into it okay saw this girl I have heard of it for like a couple months but randomly saw this girl on my for you page like eating coconut cult and I was like I'm gonna order one of those jar of basically like such intense it's not even yogurt but they call it a yogurt but you can't eat it in one sitting you can only eat one spoonful of a day of it a day because it has such active probiotics in it it's the consistency is actually like a mousse it's actually really hard to only eat one spoonful you like because it tastes good you like want to eat another one I am obsessed I've only had the strawberry flavor i have one spoonful in the morning and i have like a spoonful at like four in the afternoon if you eat too much it is diabolical and it is one of the scariest things i've ever experienced in my life but if you like stick to a steady routine you do feel like over time you feel less bloated i probably have been having it for like a full two weeks now oh i'm obsessed i love it you have to keep it in the refrigerator and you can't double dip your spoon oh because it's like the probiotics are so active and if you've like already had it in your mouth and then i don't know that's like a weird science thing that that's a woman in stem that i'm not equipped for okay i'll definitely look into coconut cult it's really cute branding and i think it would really help your stomach i have had a little sour stomach the last week yeah but i didn't want Well, yeah, it's still on and off.

36:05Hannah Berner: You know what I'm always in fear of getting? And I think it's because it's just like the grossest name. Have you ever heard of leaky gut? Why does that remind me of leafy greens? At any given point in the day, I'm scared that I have leaky gut. Oh, no, that's a whole new thing for me to work. Well, I know I have leaky gut, actually. I've been having leaky gut. Okay, so I'm at my Pilates going to the bathroom because I'm afraid I'm going to have leaky gut. and I'm in like the locker room area so I see a door I'm like this must be the bathroom I open it up it's not the bathroom it's like a storage closet shut the door oopsie go into the other bathroom and I'm in the bathroom and I realize like an alarm is going off but it's like a subtle alarm it's like just the light and being like fire fire warning yeah and I'm like and I'm like did I do that like I assume that everything's my fault I'm like it's because I opened that weird door so i that's actually so funny that you go you live your life throughout the day being like i messed something up no i did that like wait that is like what did i do no that's so stressful well i think it's i'm very powerful like when something good happens i'm like that was me when something bad happens i'm like that was me i just feel like i'm a catalyst anywhere i go i'm like let's change the molecules of this place so i'm sitting there and like the alarm's like going off very subtly though and it's basically like fire fire and no one's acknowledging it but like a chill fire a chill like it's chill and i can't tell if this is just something that happens in the building but the lady's not being like hey just ignore that it happens instead i'm like am i the only one that sees this and i'm the one that caused it so anyway that's how it started and then i look to my left there's a man there in the bathroom no in the pilates oh i looked at my left there's a man sitting on the sink no he's like hey i'm a firefighter there's a fire get out no but i'm literally like if there's a man here he better be like putting out this fire he shouldn't be here for pilates but he's there for pilates and of course he's straight i didn't look at him i actually didn't make eye contact with him so i couldn't tell but i i feel like he was straight because she kept you can tell without eye contact i know he was straight she she kept having to be like oh for this one you can add more to him and i'm like shut the by himself or with his girlfriend by himself it was like he was like going through something no in his 50s it was like he definitely like probably divorce trying to like start his life over wait i don't like that even more actually no i know so i was already like bad energy the fire also is giving bad energy so just throw me off then now look when you sit on a reformer never sit next to the person who's already there that's just like a rule because we're all doing our leg stretches like go to a different pilates reformer so this girl comes in and sits in between me and another girl when there's other reformers open and i was like that was a crazy move but that's fine whatever let's be communal wait that's a crazy move it was there was like five other reformers open maybe she wanted to be like in our area i don't know but i was a little bit like interesting decision and then it's hot in there and she's wearing like a full suited up long sleeve everything and i'm like she's probably so hot and then she's like filming herself so i guess she was like vlogging or something and i was like i'm just gonna ignore this she starts like taking calls during the class you're gonna say she started interviewing

39:46no her phone was like buzzing i don't know she was like hello

39:56you thought she was gonna do man on the street with me

40:00Hannah Berner: i thought she was gonna be like can i ask you a couple questions do you care if women fart okay so she's on the phone is she still doing the moves kind of and she's like hey like talking on the phone like it was crazy and i'm like this is yeah this is bonkers and then this other girl on the right of me was one of these like insane breathers do you know look i you have to breathe in your pilates class but you know the performative breathers where they're like

40:31every breath and i was like there's no need to breathe like that on this particular like yeah so she's doing her performative breaths that are next level this one's picking up phone calls

40:41Hannah Berner: a man is plotting all our deaths usually the perfect the person that for me that i always notice is doing the performative breathing is like one of those moms that's like kids are grown kids are grown kids are out of the house they still call her for everything she's bony she's bony she's a hat on okay and she's and like tiny tiny little thing hasn't had a carb since 92 oh my god has not had a carb since before y2k and you're like how do you run all these marathons and you and you're like you have osteoporosis like you have to stop doing this this is like the fourth thing she's done today and it's 10 a.m and she's already like done all her groceries she's like biked four miles um yeah so she she was doing crazy breathing and then i'm sitting there and i'm like this is this is my hell like this is where i came for peace and then i'm wondering what they're thinking about me they're like this bitch is starting fire so i survived it to tell the tale i'm so against workout classes see if i can do it in my own home when i do it alone you don't trust that you're doing it right no i know i'm doing it right i know that i don't trust myself to keep doing it like after three sit-ups I'm like we're good okay so I'm the opposite I will keep doing it but I don't know if I'm doing it right so it's like is this am I doing it for nothing because I'm doing it wrong I needed peer pressure and I'll do anything if someone else is there but when I'm alone I cannot be held accountable see for me I want to turn my tv on I want to be listening to that i don't want to really be listening to the girl teaching i just want to watch her moves and i just want to keep doing them and then i want to mind my own business see i'll be like oh that kind of hurts i'm gonna stop but then if i'm in a class i'm like i'll i'll break my leg right now for me to finish this if the girl next to me is finishing it right but that's my own that's how we're different that's how we're different i have a woman in some of the week yeah fuck yeah i'm so obsessed with women i'm something with the week now see we grow and learn yeah okay so you know how you page introduced me to ice face baths like when we first started summer house yes like she's been doing it like wake up hungover she's like watch this and then she'd waterboard herself for like 20 seconds like three seconds too long where i was like should i check on her and then you're ready to take on the day yeah so have you heard of the snorkel that girls have added i have seen it is it something people are selling online it's stupid it's stupid okay well girls have invented a snorkel so that when you go under an ice water face bath for yourself you add a snorkel so you could stay down like forever if you want so dumb she's like gimmicky and stupid like stick your head in the bowl of ice you don't need to breathe in there you're not staying longer than 30 seconds and if you can't hold your breath for 30 seconds we have bigger issues you need to go to the doctor because you're not getting full lung capacity something's wrong it's giving when they invented that straw that you sip that doesn't purse your lips so you don't like purse your lips too much to get i never saw that lip wrinkles you've never seen it wait i love that now that's something i can get behind that's a shark tank product i want to see yeah so you like it's like it's different so i don't know you could look it up wait i'm obsessed with that yeah all day i try and think of things that like i can literally since i'm like 16 i'm like what's something i could invent so that i never have to work again I thought of three billion.

44:39Hannah Berner: To this day, I haven't thought of it. Do you remember my last invention idea to you was cute, colorful, smelling garbage bags? Full pitch deck. I pitched Paige. Full pitch deck. And you were like, I'm obsessed. I'm like, I think they have these. But like, I love your perseverance. I love how yours is different, though. I was like, this is going to be a wasabi color. people need to call more things wasabi color and that is true yes and that's true and that's true wait do you know who's having really bad pr right now so you were never into this show but i was an avid watcher of the bachelorette yeah and there was a time when people were sacrificing six to eight hours of their week on these shows and if you got on these shows and you you got the good at it and you made it like at least five episodes like you were made as an influencer like you'd have over 800 ,000 followers you'd be going on the other excursions bachelorette island skiing whatever yeah the mountains like you were made and then obviously they had drama um with the host and they lost the host um he got canceled and then oh right I like forgot that time yeah anything that happened during covid i'm like i actually don't remember well people are saying we feel 27 28 because that's when covid happened and that's when all of our lives stopped now that we're as many years out as we are from covid it really did change our lives like like i think because we're millennials we're like oh yeah like another crazy thing happened yeah really don't think we're sitting and realizing how much it like i keep saying maybe this is because of reality tv too i used to have so much fun in my life prior to covid i had so much fun she goes i used to do this thing called fun yeah i have i'm genuinely i can't and i don't mean fun like day-to-day fun Like I have fun every day.

46:55Hannah Berner: I'm doing something. I live with kiddies. Something fun is happening. Yeah. And I don't even mean in like work stuff. Like, okay, we went to the Devil Wears Prada. So fun. I haven't had a night out of fun. Like stupid fun that means nothing. Debauchery. Didn't plan this fun in years. Not to relate to Lena Dunham, but she said somewhere in an article that she hates organized fun. I hate it. And I've never, I was like, no one's put it into those words. I'm so bad at organized fun. Like whenever people are like, this is supposed to be fun. Then I'm immediately in my head. I'm like, why am I so different from the rest of the world?

47:34And why can't I experience things like other people? You're so dramatic. I'm so, I'm literally sitting there being like, why can't you for once just fucking be normal?

47:43Hannah Berner: You're so the girl, like looking out the window at like 12 years old. I'm always looking out the mirror. No, but no one is like me. that my first immediate thought is new year's eve new year's eve is a great example of like everybody's having fun and we're all going here and we're gonna have fun and every year i'm like this is the worst and i'm going home yeah well new year's when i came back from florida and was going to school at beacon upper west side it was like the first time i was invited to like a cool manhattan and it was not cool it's like me and like my seven friends um who were not doing hard drugs like we were not the druggies we were like kind of the athletes boring well no one was telling me about the drugs you know what's talking about the drugs but like we were like 17 and all i remember is playing beer pong and yeah getting so drunk that i like threw the ping pong and it like hit the wall like i was like falling as i was throwing it and i passed out and puked and then my mom called the police because she was like the one time hannah goes to a party because i was supposed to come home that night i guess and i passed out and i didn't come home my mom thought i died you were a missing person your mom literally thought you were a missing person because my mom's in brooklyn being like my daughter's on the island of manhattan that's why i can't have fun i ruined everyone's no there was no like location sharing no she just was like she's dead in the in the in a dumpster somewhere the way that we are probably gonna like live our mom's dreams like my mom would have given her left arm if for them to have invented location sharing in the year 2006 like when i entered high school it is that would have been her dream gen z is like are jealous of us for certain nostalgic things which is so valid like i would be too if i didn't have to grow up with a phone but the fact that we didn't have location sharing or ring cameras is iconic.

49:43Hannah Berner: I mean, the way I'm going to torture my children, like I'm literally going to put an Apple AirTag in my child's shoe, like in case they think, like there's no situation that like they're moving and I'm not knowing exactly where they are in today's day and age. It's actually kind of sad. Like I'm going to be so annoying as a mom because I'm going to be like, tell me everything. This episode is presented by Depop. Okay, gigglers, can we talk about the fact that we all have a section in our closet that basically is just vibes and delusion? Like I bought it for a version of me that goes to Paris Fashion Week, but she hasn't checked in recently.

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52:21Hannah Berner: So obviously we're professional bed rotters, which means we're also professional TV watchers. I take that title really seriously. We talk about it on Giggly Squad all the time, everything we're watching, and it's important. And we cover everything. You cover all of the scripted dramas and historical things, and then I do documentaries, which aren't historical. Those are just, it's different. So this is for our TV lovers. My Entertainment from DirecTV gets you 60-plus channels and Disney +, very important, Hulu and HBO Max, all in one pack. You need all those things. It's very important. And I encourage you guys to get my entertainment for just$34.99 a month.

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54:27I was with a mom recently whose kid goes to school in the city like teenager and she was tracking the uber and was like annoyed with the route the uber was going to get them somewhere she was like why would they take that bridge why would they take that bridge and I'm like the fact you know this and she's like texting him tell him not to take the bridge and I was like guys everyone calm down like I didn't even have ubers how do we get places taxis subway but you know what's so funny is that

54:54Hannah Berner: It's just like not all men. We wouldn't have to be tracking everyone and knowing where our kids were at all times and tracking Ubers if the men weren't out here doing weird fucking shit. But not all of them. Just hundreds of millions of them. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So Maura Higgins was recently interviewed being like, do you want to be the Bachelorette? Because that was like his kind of thing. like if you got famous and you were single well no the bachelor never really had famous people on it but i guess they asked you do you want to be the bachelorette and she literally was like i think i'd rather not i don't want to be the bachelorette she's like i don't want a man i want space to myself having a ton of men in my vicinity is literally my nightmare sierra also was like fuck that i would never want to be on the bachelorette and deal with a bunch of like thirsty dudes that want to be famous through me.

55:50Hannah Berner: She can do it and she doesn't have to be on TV. It's giving Rihanna like 2008, what are you looking for in a man? And her being like, I'm not looking for a man. Yeah, but I think it's just so funny. There was a time where being the Bachelorette was like the coolest thing. You get to pick from all these guys who want to do protein ads on their Instagram and start their own like workout company it's funny because i saw a tiktok the other day that was talking about how we'll always say since the beginning of time that like women are like gold diggers or they're looking to marry someone who has a lot of money or has a big job or like can provide for them and blah blah blah but we never talk about how men can also marry extremely well and it's never even brought up that like oh wow that guy really married well like his whole existence and actually they were giving the example was emigrate because she's like getting a lot of criticism for like random stuff she's on her book tour and people were like i'm sick of her or she's speaking to like rich women.

57:08Hannah Berner: She's not speaking to you. Like there were just like all these different discourse things about her. And one of the things I saw was her husband, they were talking about her husband and it was like, yeah, he's a businessman, but his best investment ever was her. And that like he knew that she could take whatever he was doing and blow it up 10 times more. And I just think, I feel like women never get, you never get that like accolade of like well actually he married well and i changed his whole life well that's like michelle obama being yeah actually they were he was another example like barack obama actually married extremely well and the probably half the reason he got the presidency is because he had a phenomenal wife behind him and i just want to add to this conversation too that people's what makes a person is more than what they look like look like and how much money they make there's something about like integrity and kindness character drive and character and conversation that makes like a quality person so just when you see numbers on a page or like someone with like a nice nose like let's like stop for a second it's because people do marry people without considering their character and that's why there's 50 of divorce every day they're doing it every day i had a friend text me a guy friend of mine text me because he saw one of our clips and one of the clips was me being like if you're a 36 year old man and you're trying to date like a 26 year old girl like what do you have in common and i was like I was like the guy wants to go younger because anyone a woman his age probably isn't putting up with as much shit as someone 26 because maybe they haven't experienced it or they don't know and they're just more apt to like put up with your bullshit and he texted me and he was like this is so not accurate and he was like the perfect person to text me and say that yeah anyway it was just interesting how like life really imitates art and no one in my real life ever like will text me like something that's said on giggly squad because i'm like this is a safe space it's like my personal journal but that was an interesting text that i got shout out to ria from chicks in the office she did something really funny i think like her husband was like annoyed with her for some reason or something happened and she was like this is what i always do to make him feel better and she goes up to him with her hand and she goes look how much bigger your hands are than mine to make him happy and i was like genius whenever he's like in his head or like upset about something just stroke his ego and be like look at my little hand and yours is so big and strong that's actually really depressing because sometimes my hands are bigger well actually as i was saying it i was like this isn't for all women it's me if you just heard hannah say that do not feel slighted my fingers are so long typically my fingers are always gonna be longer i also can't do that with men with calves like i can't be like look how much bigger your calves are than mine never mind one person who does have as long fingers as you is hailey beaver like you have similar font of fingers like when she does her skincare i'm like oh yeah her page could have finger pinky what's it called pinky pinky swears like crazy our pinky swears would go nuts they'd wrap all the way around the city block i mean do you remember how powerful a pinky square was back in the day i still put a lot of onus on a pinky swear like if like i'll sign a deal with a pinky so i'm like but you swear no there's something about pinky swear where you're like i that was my first born i just gave away yeah because it's it's very um i think because it comes from childhood it's like you mean it like you're you wouldn't fuck with a little kid so like you're being serious right like that's your inner child yeah it's like you wouldn't lie to my inner child shout out to a really good press tour of a movie star like and you know there's like stars and then they're like oh that's a movie star yeah like this is a celebrity like this is like i'm like a gasp every time i see her charlize theron yes and i think i added a little a little chutzpah to the end of her name but first of all if your name is charlize theron you can't not be a movie's theron what the fuck i'm saying like thoreau yeah she's theron that it's shirley's there i'm just looking something up about her keep talking she's a movie star her looks have been so cool like it's the kind of thing that like yeah other people could try to copy but it's not gonna hit when she stepped out in that like men's suit i think it was ysl but it was like men's like she put that thing around her neck oh she is so gorgeous and people don't i mean people do talk about her but like it was kind of game over when she walked i was like oh and that's that's a celebrity like bring back celebrities did you know that her mom killed her dad in self-defense like during a domestic violence situation and that's where all our conversations go i'm pretty sure she i'd have to look up the story but i heard this it was apartheid in south africa it was crazy violence and yeah the mom defending herself shot her dad and her mom's still alive and i think she like watched it i think like charlise was like in the room she was like 13 or something i mean i cannot imagine but that's why one of her like oscar speeches she broke down thanking her mom who was there for like everything she did to protect her i love her so anyway charlise theron you're that girl we love you i think she has a movie out she does on netflix but like a thriller you know how i feel about i'm scared about it no i'm scared I'm scared just like enough anyway you guys to end on that note thank you for giggling with us we love you so much anything else Paige?

1:03:31no I feel good perfect perfect have an amazing week just keep your head up bye

1:03:45Hannah Berner: right now at Mathless Warehouse save up to$800 warehouse wide get buy one get one free deals plus a free adjustable base on select mattresses, 0 % interest financing, free delivery, and our exclusive lifetime price guarantee only at Mattress Warehouse.