Giggling about prophets, perfume, and gatekeeping

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2:19Hannah Berner: Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

2:26Hannah Berner: I mean, the day just got away from me.

2:29Paige DeSorbo: Hello, my Galapagos gigglers. That's a place not in America.

2:35Hannah Berner: Because it's cold out. It's cold out. What is this, like, entertainment tonight? Why are we both in, like, wool blazers like we were for the CDC? What is the CDC?

2:53Paige DeSorbo: What is that again? I think it's related to like a COVID thing. Yeah, it's something. Women in STEM of the week is us showing up in our blazers. Your nails look good. Oh my God, thank you. Someone stopped me in the line at the airport yesterday and said, what color nails? And I said, sorry, my friend Paige just told me to get them.

3:11Hannah Berner: Oh, did you do the exact same thing I did? Yeah, what color is it? I don't know. He mixes it.

3:15Paige DeSorbo: And then I felt like I was gatekeeping her. She's like, what color? Like, gun to my head. She's like, what color is that?

3:19Hannah Berner: And I'm like, I swear to God, I don't know. Which is so interesting when girls will ask that because I'm like, the bottles are all not labeled. My guy adds one swipe and then does another swipe and he's like, do you like that? And I'm like, pinker. And then he writes down what he combined it.

3:36Paige DeSorbo: They're doing full chemistry things. Also, La Roche said, bring gatekeeping back. And his argument was like, if you are all telling people where the cheap shop in Japan is to get designer bags, guess what? It's not cheap anymore. He's basically like, you guys are ruining things because you're not gatekeeping. You know what? I kind of respect that. Which I respect too. At some point, if everyone knows about something, it's not special anymore. Trying to think if there's anything I gatekeep.

4:09Hannah Berner: Well, all my feelings. my personal therapist my therapist is like please just tell me what you're actually thinking

4:16Paige DeSorbo: figure it out isn't that your job aren't you professional like why don't you pinpoint it if i'm just gonna tell you what i'm feeling i feel like you're not doing your job what's the point also with nails hailey bieber announced the new trend which is she likes her nails matching her lips i think she's fucking with us at this point i think she's just like

4:39Hannah Berner: saying random shit to see what i think she saw my into the gloss article and said that i like when

4:43Paige DeSorbo: my nails match my toes wait did you oh yeah 100 can we go back to the gatekeeping thing for a

4:48Hannah Berner: second i feel like you low-key have a lot of things that you gatekeep like you never what products do you put in the newsletter i never look at like your products i know this is insane to you yeah i don't use products like what's that what's that chapstick that you're like

5:08Paige DeSorbo: i'll die oh i talk about it everywhere it's the um revival skincare youthful lip that's

5:15Hannah Berner: 38 is there any product that you've that you're like i've been using this since college other than like dove deodorant no no i don't i don't attach myself to products you don't attach yourself to big brands yeah no 100 do 100 do but i don't i don't define myself

5:34Paige DeSorbo: through capitalism um right i do gatekeep there's one like online vintage shop that has really good

5:41Hannah Berner: stuff do you ever go to that big vintage um like they have it every year in new york i think it was actually literally last weekend i would love to i wasn't around they have like a big um what's it called like a bazaar like it's yes we're like all these different vintage places go to one location and you can like shop through it we should go one year i don't know why we never go Well, vintage markets have been going on.

6:06Paige DeSorbo: You've just been. Okay.

6:09Hannah Berner: I've just been living in the here and now.

6:11Paige DeSorbo: I've been in the here and now. I actually tried on something vintage recently, and I thought in my head, I'm like, who else wore this?

6:18Hannah Berner: My jacket's vintage. It was my mom, so I know who wore it. Iconic. And she's always like, why do you always wear that jacket? I hate it. But I'm like, I love it. I'll be like, Kim, look in the mirror. This is yours. And it was like deceiving this morning. Oh, the weather? It looked really nice out. and like springy, but it's cold. Are we both really tired? I got a full eight, but yeah.

6:38Paige DeSorbo: That doesn't mean anything.

6:40Hannah Berner: Actually, I got 12 ,000 steps in my own home yesterday. See, that's where I worry about you.

6:45Paige DeSorbo: Yeah. Were you like pacing on phone calls? No, I didn't talk to a single soul. Were you on a walking pad?

6:51Hannah Berner: No, just walking around, doing different stuff. Well, I went for a walk in the morning, so that kicked like 4 ,000. Then throughout the day, I was like, I could be doing more things. I've hit the age. This actually makes me want to die. I've hit the age. I've hit the age. Where when you're sitting on the couch, you can't even relax. And especially on a Sunday, because you're like, I could do 10 things to get me ahead for the next week. Stress me out. And it's really, it's actually. I now get our moms. My mom will watch TV standing up. Remember when you were little where you would be like, just sit down.

7:31Hannah Berner: and like can we watch this and she's like i have eight million things to do they're like we're

7:36Paige DeSorbo: dealing with income tax microplastics there's a lot going on that you don't see i'm dealing with microplastics a lot more than i should be but that's a des which like it annoys me but it's good for my mental health where if we watch two episodes in a row he'll look at me and go okay we need a little break and i go break two episodes two at break i haven't even finished my snack he's like we should walk around the block so i go break no lock in motherfucker yeah so he like he's like that where he's like sorry just can't sit for too long like i'll watch tv lying down and he'll just be sitting up watching it i'll lay for so long that i literally my hip starts to hurt no all my lower back is because when i'm watching something i'm in a contorted laying down pose truly and butter's lying on me in a weird position so i have to hold it or she'll move yeah but anyone who watches multiple episodes of tv like binges just like sitting up on their couch is crazy.

8:30Paige DeSorbo: I've never sat on a couch. I've never sat normally on a couch.

8:33Hannah Berner: Me neither. If I want to sit normally on a couch, I get a chair. I don't even have chairs in my living room because I think it's inappropriate. It's abusive. Like don't come over and think you're better than me and sit in a chair in my living room. Get a blankie and be a real human.

8:50Paige DeSorbo: Have you ever seen those Instagrams that are like, what kind of person are you? If you walk into a room which chair would you sit in yeah i love those i'm like this is my hobby where would

9:00Hannah Berner: i sit lamps that's literally just you and lamps okay you want to know a gripe i have yeah do you ever go do you're sitting in a chair do you ever go to the grocery store no right it's obsolete it's nothing that humans do anymore do i say every week i'm gonna go to the grocery store yes do you Pop in maybe because like you're passing one and you're really thirsty or like you need one thing and it's right there. But I'm not going. Here's the other thing. It's New York City. So you can't actually go to the grocery store and do like a big haul because you can't physically carry it home. So I feel like even when I first moved to New York, actually when I first moved to New York, there was a grocery store under my apartment.

9:47Hannah Berner: Iconic. Which was amazing. I didn't realize how spoiled I was. and you could go and do your grocery shopping and they would bring it up for you.

9:55Paige DeSorbo: I remember that. It was like a thing you could do

9:58Hannah Berner: and you'd have to pay extra for them to bring it. It's called a Jubilee Market and I loved it so much. Shout out Jubilee. We love your work. It was so nice. But now with Instacart, like you can do a whole big order, whatever. I find myself having to do two separate orders from two different places because first of all, I only ever get matched with a man ever on Instacart or like Uber Eats. That's the universe having fun. Like a lucky day you'll get an Instacart and it will be a woman and you're like, they know where the produce is. Like, thank God. But seriously, there's no, something should be done because you waste, I waste so much money just redoing the order.

10:41Hannah Berner: I'm like, I know for a fact they're actually not out of raspberries because every time I've ever gone into the grocery store, in my 33 years, Chris, do you know what a raspberry is?

10:53Paige DeSorbo: What's that? There are five million packages of raspberries. Raspberries is like saying to men, like this is the color teal. Like they just don't process it. They're like, it's strawberries or apples or oranges. They also don't know about clementines.

11:07Hannah Berner: Oh, they do not know about clementines. Like the amount of times I've gotten a grapefruit and I'm like, cool. Cool. this is not a fucking sumo orange and now look i'm not a big chef obviously so i'm not ever buying for like oh my god i'm making a frittata and i can't like no you saw a tiktok about sumo oranges and you wanted one i could try and squeeze that like so it's never like really messing up have

11:33Paige DeSorbo: you ever had a pomegranate have you ever tried to like take the seeds out of a pomegranate no i did this when i was little once it took me eight hours it was the most fun i've ever had it's one of the You have to like hit the thing. Open it and then like you have to like spit out the seeds. But then at one point you just start eating them because you're like fuck it.

11:48Hannah Berner: No, you eat them.

11:49Paige DeSorbo: I think at one point I was spitting them out because I thought they were going to grow in my stomach. Oh, you thought you like sucked on them and then like spit them out? Yeah.

11:55Hannah Berner: Well, now I just buy them already like taken out of the thing. I love palm granites at night.

12:00Paige DeSorbo: I miss the fun. Now they just have palm juice. We used to have to, we have to grow it.

12:07Hannah Berner: Pick it off the, wherever it is, the tree. I saw a thing on the internet that said if you were born between 1991 and 1999 you had the most picturesque childhood are you crying right now but I think I love your nostalgia why our generation has a really hard time growing up

12:28Paige DeSorbo: also I heard that Gen Z's are trying to like do malls because they want to like live what we lived and it's like the moment's over babe also I'm becoming a you know you just become the older people in your life because you have a blazer on yeah yeah i was at the airport yesterday and a young girl maybe like i don't know i can't tell after like under they could be nine they could be 16 i can't tell she must no idea she was like 12 13 maybe okay full juicy outfit yeah i was like we wore those when it first came out but i should be happy i should be like well things like come back around by the way the only gripe

13:07Hannah Berner: I have with 12 year olds. Say it. Someone needs to call them out. Everyone's afraid.

13:14Paige DeSorbo: And I don't want to,

13:15Hannah Berner: I'm not mom shaming. I'm not. The only thing sometimes I think is inappropriate is when little girls have long nails. Like long fake nails. Maybe that's just because my mom wouldn't let me and I'm jealous of those girls.

13:29Paige DeSorbo: I think that's the least offensive thing a girl could do is have long nails. Let her have some art on her hands.

13:34Hannah Berner: Totally. Get your nails done. But I think long nails are a very almost. No, but how are they typing? How are they typing?

13:43Paige DeSorbo: I just think it looks too adult. Well, a girl posted on Instagram kind of like, why would your hands ever not be manicured? And she's getting eaten alive by girls. Full women in STEM who are like with a Tahoe. Because I'm a brain surgeon, Jenny. Is it Tahoe the word? Yeah. What's a Tahoe? Not a Tahoe. Chris, what are those? A truck? What are those? backhoe what the hell is a backhoe is like for like gardening and stuff spell it a backhoe yeah like a big backhoe like a like a construction yes girls in construction got it got it sorry i really threw us all off on that one everyone was like stop the pot oh also so i was in miami this is how my adhd works in miami and the flight got delayed so I was like I'm gonna do some cleaning because the only time I can clean is if I know I only have a short amount of time I'm like I have 30 minutes let's clean yeah you because if you have all morning I love a challenge so I'm like let's go 30 minutes hard because then you are the person

14:48Hannah Berner: that's like oh my god I have all day to get ready I'm gonna wait till 30 minutes so I can rush my

14:53Paige DeSorbo: favorite because then you're actually productive it's like we stress it all day so I'm like okay 30 minutes let's try to put some clothes away and I put on my sandals you know they say if you have

15:02Hannah Berner: ADHD you should wear shoes in the house because you're more productive it's true is it yeah it is true um I think a slipper particularly laces okay yeah maybe but I was wearing these like

15:13Paige DeSorbo: these flip-flops running around which is essentially a slipper but I digress I'm not gonna fight about those things

15:23Paige DeSorbo: um and then I I'm like okay let's get to the airport get to the airport by the way I'm going in New York City and I'm in a line and someone checks my ID and she gives me a look up and down like looks at my feet and I'm like that was weird look down still wearing my sandals and I'm like I'm at the airport in my sandals going to New York New York is 45 degrees and I'm like like this is

15:46Hannah Berner: the kind of stuff I do okay so your whole story was about walking out of the house like in a slipper

15:53Paige DeSorbo: but it didn't occur to me until like another woman looked me up and down and I was like she's like you're wearing your dogs out on the plane you've got more problems to worry about on the plane with my dogs out were they cold actually they were fine because i run hot but it was when i got to new york city that i'm you know you're stepping in puddles which are chernobyl yeah so i have to check if i have gout on my toes now i saw that you watched

16:20Hannah Berner: the netflix documentary that you were like i'm not watching yeah what did you think i fought against it for a second well it's because like if you've seen one you've seen them all it's all like it's the same guy i have so much to say first i want to apologize whenever i watch documentaries

16:34Paige DeSorbo: i just say what it's about i don't say the actual title because i watch too many people are like that's not the title it's like false prophet something it's number one on netflix right now you can't miss it truth something truth of something truth of something white salamander so we have a mormon giggler correspondent we do yeah she tagged me and she's like please please please do not just say mormon this is a l d s l c d s oh that um l f l f s d i think that was actually really close s d l s d s d d l f s d 69 at awell.com this is the san diego

17:21Hannah Berner: sorry my mom is here latter-day saints ld but isn't in the documentary they're like

17:26Paige DeSorbo: a more extreme version basically like they're basically like mormons don't even aren't even

17:31Hannah Berner: religious they're like mormons are horse they're like those sanctimonious the made up they they

17:40Paige DeSorbo: don't even go to fucking church these these are the real ones and it was funny the girl even she was like we are celebrities in our own right because we're the only ones that are actually close to god and they know everyone looks at them weird but they like love it and you know what flds flds this is my thing i have empathy for all of them because i'm like find a purpose babe

18:02Hannah Berner: like the girls are there and they are like well if you're born and at like three years old when you have first starting having your first memories and someone's like you've been chosen like what

18:13Paige DeSorbo: else are you supposed to believe that's all you know also it's not like lackadaisical they're like you're gonna die in the burning depths of hell or you're gonna be like having the time of your life in heaven pick a side you pick it you you pick it you can do whatever you want which one they're

18:29Hannah Berner: like we're giving you we're telling you what's gonna happen I think the craziest part too is like when they had to go get regular clothes to like get that guy from jail yeah they were like i don't want to do this yeah like i don't want to wear this i don't want to be yeah look normal at

18:47Paige DeSorbo: all it's like sad it's brain watching is real but i didn't want to watch it because i was like i've seen this like a crazy man convinces all the women to have sex with him like how many times by a nickel. But it's way more interesting than that because it's this quirky, quirky fun lady who, I want to be, by the way, who lived this crazy life in Hollywood where she was a puppet. She did puppets. I missed that part. You were on your phone. She was a puppeteer? Yeah, she did puppets where she's like Okay, I missed that part. She was like Miss California. I don't know. She's lived a crazy life she's now with this like hot foreign dude who does music videos like she's having fun but she decides to move to colorado creek well she was a wife of one of these guys

19:39Hannah Berner: so she like kind of knew the brainwashing and he did like really crazy things to her well yeah at

19:44Paige DeSorbo: first i was like why is she suddenly feel compelled to live there and she's like i was a victim of a religious cult and i totally get how like that kind of sits with you like you're like i need to do something about this yeah so she's at colorado creek and these people like she sticks out like a sore thumb she's like this barbie doll looking blonde with her husband who's like has a camera everywhere and everyone's like who the fuck are you and it took her like months they're also in the middle of no gorgeous backdrop though the but it's like all polygamy polygamy polygamy my hello and she gets in with this crew well long story short the prophet the prophet was this guy he died his son he went to jail well his son decided i'm the prophet right right then like yeah married like all these 11 year olds and they're like you need to go to jail and everyone was like he's perfect he never did anything wrong you guys are lying about him he's in jail and everyone like does know what to do and when the guy's in jail he tells them all they can't have babies or get married which is giving jealous like sorry just because you're in jail doesn't mean yeah and also everyone's related already so it's like they're already struggling to like build the community which they didn't know i didn't think about that they didn't talk about that there's only so many to work with wait that's so all the kids have the same dad wait i didn't even think of that that that is like what's that called again incest yeah in the and that's a scientific term

21:25Paige DeSorbo: that'll be in the title but if you think about it they told the mormon wives they have to have a kid every year oh my god no no you could die yeah the kids are just dropping out at this point wait that's like really scary actually one of my traumatic for your body sorry one of my close

21:41Hannah Berner: friends is like about to give birth. Like she could go at any moment. And this is the first, this is my first friend that like.

21:50Paige DeSorbo: Is having a real baby. Is having a real baby. That she planned.

21:53Hannah Berner: Like my first friend that I would call at 2am and be like, you have to pick me up. Yeah. Is having a baby. So it's a lot. I got a new eye cream.

22:04Hannah Berner: By the way, I just bought. She'll like tell her husband stories about when we were in our 20s. And I'm like, wait, I feel a hundred and two.

22:14Paige DeSorbo: That was last year. When I get a facial, I'm always the person that like, they're like, you need to buy this cream and they put like a gun to your head and I'm, I always feel bad. So I'll buy like one of them. And then they're like, that was$700. Wait, I buy it. Do you not buy it?

22:28Hannah Berner: Wait, that's two type of people. Yeah. That's so interesting when you get out and you're up at the counter and you're paying and they're like, oh, she recommended this list for you. Do you always say no?

22:39Paige DeSorbo: Yeah. Always. See, I feel like because I didn't get a lot of facials and because I don't know what I'm doing on my face, it's like the one time a person, like a doctor, would be like, we recommend this vitamin C, whatever. And they're always like, what are you using on your face? And I'm like, I don't fucking know. Whatever. So salesy. So salesy. But you don't realize it's salesy. And so I bought an insanely expensive cream being like, well, this is going to change my life. I'd never use expensive creams. Yeah. Broke out. What was that? I don't even remember. It was just like. Like just like a moisturizer.

23:06Paige DeSorbo: No, it was like a serum. that you were supposed to use like at night?

23:10Hannah Berner: My thing is if I'm going to pay that much for a serum, I better have perfect skin. Well, because you don't use a ton of stuff. Like it's almost like your skin is brand new. Like it's like, what is that? So I feel like if it's not broke, don't. You don't. Don't fix it. Yeah. Hell yeah. I can't wait to see what it was.

23:28Paige DeSorbo: Oh, I have to, I like totally forget. Yeah. But anyway, so in the polygamy world, they're left with no leader. And they're not allowed to do anything. and they're all starting to go crazy. And then this literally Joe Schmo, like he wasn't even respected in the community. He didn't have money, which some of these Mormons have money, by the way. Like they're loaded. He had no money.

23:50Hannah Berner: Yeah, because they have all these women working for them. Yeah, they have a whole sweatshop going on.

23:54Paige DeSorbo: So he, this Joe Schmo disappears. Here's the one thing I don't get.

23:58Hannah Berner: Yeah. Okay, I get the clothes aspect. Like you want to be like covered up and it's like whatever. They obey the men. I'm not, I don't understand the hairstyles.

24:10Paige DeSorbo: I was going to say, it's kind of iconic. Like, I feel like if Hailey Bieber did it, everyone would be doing it. The wave. The wave.

24:16Hannah Berner: It's just like, how are you getting your hair like that? I have so many products and I can't get it to stand up. Yeah, because you know they're not using Dyson's. Yeah, like what hairspray are you using? I think they're teasing it, but it doesn't look teased. It looks very smooth. Yeah, I'm like, how are you getting that whole swoop and it looks all, No hair extensions. No hair.

24:37Paige DeSorbo: I mean, their hair is gorgeous.

24:39Hannah Berner: This is so intrusive, but I wonder if they're allowed to shave.

24:41Paige DeSorbo: Great question. Great question. Great question. I'll have our Mormon correspondent.

24:47Hannah Berner: And if she doesn't feel comfortable, you don't have to care.

24:49Paige DeSorbo: But like their whole thing is about obeying men. So it's funny because you're watching these women and I'm looking at them like, were they born like this? Like, is this them? Like, because they've been trained, like they actually love obeying men and they love sitting back. and then you realize that they're brainwashed yeah and not to give away anything but like at the end when you see some of them after realizing they were that they were brainwashed they're completely different people yeah they're they're women who are have a purpose again who like have opinions the girl literally was like every day I realize there's new things I can learn and be.

25:30Paige DeSorbo: She was like, there's

25:31Hannah Berner: new things that I love doing. What was it? She was like dirt biking or something? Yeah, she was

25:35Paige DeSorbo: dirt, like doing like the most badass shit. She's like a surgeon DJ. She's doing crazy shit. So part of me was like, oh, maybe these are just, there are women that just want to obey to like Joe Schmo. Do you think

25:48Hannah Berner: there's any girls that are like really deep in it that have ever come across Giggly Squad? Because I feel like one episode of Giggly Squad, they'd be like, I might be brainwashed.

25:59Paige DeSorbo: you know what I literally was like get me in that villa yeah put me in that villa I swear to god because there's something in me where like the second a man tells me what to do in any capacity

26:12Hannah Berner: I reject it you know what else people and I also can smell a con man a mile away that you can and you know what else people don't talk about is unless he's good looking

26:24Paige DeSorbo: then it takes me about seven months and that's your crossfit there and that's your i'm like

26:28Hannah Berner: i'm the only one who doesn't see i don't know if he has reading comprehension you're like it's fine i'll read for him it's fine i'll spell it out for him um if he has a jawline i'm like but this guy didn't even have a jawline the thing that i don't think like they're obviously not allowed to talk about her they haven't in these documentaries is like okay you know the mom that was like i was catching on to it and then like she went to the blonde woman and was like you gotta help me like i have to get my kids out of this i feel like in some community communities there has to be like a ring of women that are like really close with each other that know what's happening is fucked up but they can't yeah say like the bonds that the women must actually have because they don't realize how

27:12Paige DeSorbo: trauma bonded they are so bonded the sisterhood is beautiful like that they have each other and there's it's funny like there's no jealousy because I think they're all just like we're all going to heaven together yeah and I mean maybe there is some jealousy of like who's but like

27:27Hannah Berner: couldn't they realize that this guy was obviously like like sorry this guy obviously isn't that like the normal IQ that like a person that age would be like you know what just having one conversation

27:39Paige DeSorbo: I'd be like okay you have a fourth grade reading level for people who like didn't watch it's literally this like very average man man with like 15 girls around him at all times for ranging from like 10 years old to like 30 and do you know what it was giving the bachelor it was giving the bachelor where like do you know when the bachelor season would always start you never watch it but it would always start where the guys like you're like he's fine like whatever yeah and then by season three the girls start becoming obsessed with because like they never see him when they do he's picking another girl it's all the psychology of like those girls want him and then the guys on the bachelor their head must get so fucking big because they're just sitting there with all these girls like pick me pick me and then in their head they're like if i get picked i get instagram deals i get all these things so then it's like a full mental warfare because these girls are basically like if i can just stay with him i am going to heaven and that's what they tell the bachelor contestants they're like if you if you keep another episode you will get a million followers yeah so you just become and the next thing you know you're like i need to be around him i love him he's actually amazing and next thing you know like it takes time and all these girls didn't want to be with him originally yeah but then they realize like it is kind of crazy how like dating shows it's social experiments it's crazy dating shows still are so watched and

28:59Hannah Berner: profitable when like everyone filming the show knows the end result is to like get followers to make money to like live.

29:09Paige DeSorbo: Also the argument when people would be like, they're not there for love or like they're on the reality show to get famous. Yeah. Yeah. Who's not? Who goes on the reality show to become a better person? Who's like, you know what would be good for my growth? Certainly not.

29:26Hannah Berner: And you know what? People don't give us enough credit for leaving. for truly being like actually i don't want to be flds anymore i want to wear my hair the way i want

29:41Paige DeSorbo: that was you that was you i fortunately was forced out i was the girl they were like you're not behaving do you want to know what they knew early that you're gonna blow up the whole thing she is not listening to the leader she's not here for love she's not here for love no but i wasn't listening to the leader i was questioning how things were working i was getting i was i was talking back to the wrong people and they were like get her out get her out wait because basically i was like either follow me i tried to take over i was like follow me i know what's right i have a feminist mentality of this i'm gonna empower the women and they were like get her the fuck out yeah get her the fuck out she's ruining the whole hierarchy that we built ruin the tour she's gonna ruin the world tour yeah wait i'm obsessed when you put it that way It makes me feel good.

30:30Paige DeSorbo: Yeah. The whole group setting, there's like one girl that's always on his lap, like hanging off him.

30:35Hannah Berner: The one part for me that I wish they would dive into more, they should make more shows with people who are out of it. Like a documentary of their lives now. There's sleeping arrangements. I'm like, what do you mean you're putting 10 girls in one bed? That doesn't even, they're not fitting. What are you talking about?

30:55Paige DeSorbo: When that's all you know. It's like my Nana growing up. she was sleeping on the floor that's all she knew and she loved it I guess that is I guess that is like they're not taking that's a whole different kind of cult where they take you from like a good place but a lot of the time with cults they say like you have to endure pain so when you're feeling pain you feel like closer to god you feel like you're gonna earn the love of things I know you could never see that no but I can see that in my head god's like

31:26Hannah Berner: doesn't want me to struggle because he's like you're perfect you're adorable why would I give

31:30Paige DeSorbo: you this hard stuff from the athlete perspective like they would be like you have to you know run two miles and I'd be like I don't want to do that but if I want to be a champion I know I have to because other people won't so I just kept pushing myself pushing myself pushing myself until I had nothing left to give except trauma on this podcast so I know we will we hate being

31:51Hannah Berner: told what to do you want to know what mom yeah i was just gonna say unless i was in your vaginal canal don't tell me what to do like that is the only because she put all of her cells together to make me i will listen to her till the day i die but anyone else i'm sorry you weren't with

32:12Paige DeSorbo: us in the hospital room are you at the point where you like don't take advice from anyone anymore

32:17Hannah Berner: yeah but when did we I think do you want to know something um I think one of the reasons we're so similar is because we do have the same type of relationship with our parents and I think we grew up very similar I forgot what I was oh so I don't think I I don't think you've ever taken advice from someone that isn't your mom and I don't feel like I like we've listened to other I'll

32:47Paige DeSorbo: Recommendations.

32:47Hannah Berner: I'll read your suggestion box. You can submit to the DJ. You can request your song. Request your song. You have free will. It's running by Lenore. At the end of the day, the two people making the decision are me and my mom. Sometimes we're like, say to my dad, we're like, you can excuse yourself. You don't actually have to continue. No, sometimes the dad like clouds the whole thing. I'm like, you need to go. You need to go. But there are times where my dad's thrown in a sentence. We've taken that sentence. where you say he has a good point.

33:18Paige DeSorbo: But at the end of the day, the decision is becoming between the two of us. It has to still run by a lot of things. I also fully, I guess I was like 32 or 33, and I had a big, important career call. And my mom was on the line. My mom was on the Zoom taking notes. They were like, what is that lady doing? I go, she's taking notes. No. And she was literally shaking her head at points.

33:40Hannah Berner: I go, she didn't like that. She didn't like that. One time my mom fixed her glasses on a Zoom, and I go, she's pursed her lips. We're done here. We should just wrap it up. She's actually put her pen down. She doesn't need to hear anything else.

33:55Paige DeSorbo: I think I've heard someone be like, oh, you can't bring your mom to a meeting. I go, watch me. Watch me. I'm sorry, after the Kardashians, you bring your mom.

34:04Hannah Berner: I'm so happy you've said that because they're in the past. I'm going to tell her all afterwards. I'd rather her see it firsthand. In the past year, Kim has been on so many Zooms. She's on your email. And people are like, oh, and this is Paige's mom. And I'm like, uh-uh. Uh-uh. She's not just my mother. She's the head of operations of my life. Yeah, what are you talking about? She's the only person in this meeting that actually cares about my best interest. Period. Period. It's crazy. And it's true. So anyway. The mental load those two must have. It's really, it's actually sad. It's like, I think about having a daughter and I'm like, I actually don't want a third career.

34:42Hannah Berner: No, I can't then manage her career.

34:46Paige DeSorbo: You're going to have to go through so many emails.

34:48Hannah Berner: I think we're going to have daughters and they're going to be like, don't worry. We're going to be like lawyers or doctors. Okay, we're not. Yeah.

34:56Paige DeSorbo: My mom had to retire from her job to keep up.

34:59Hannah Berner: Same. My mom retired from her job and now works full time. Support for today's episode comes from Square, the system powering like half the places I go. If you've ever tapped to pay and thought, whoa, that was fast, it's probably Square. Square is the platform behind the scenes of so many businesses you already love. Whether someone's selling smoothies, cutting hair, fixing bikes, or running a boutique, Square gives them one connected system to take payment, manage inventory, and run payroll, send invoices, and track it all from one place. Square even has software for managing staff, marketing, and customer insights.

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36:40Hannah Berner: Okay, can we talk about how suddenly everyone is talking about longevity and peptides? Like, what are they actually doing for women? Are they safe? Are they even made with women's bodies in mind? Because respectfully, we have questions. But don't worry, we found answers, and of course, it's with our partner WISP, the leading telehealth provider in the U.S. for women and their partners trusted by over 1.8 million patients. What we love about WISP is they make women's health feel way less confusing and way more accessible. It's all discreet, online, and they have a huge range of products designed specifically for women at every stage of life, especially when your symptoms are like, what is happening to me?

37:20Hannah Berner: We've been working with WISP for a while now, so when they launched their new longevity and health aging offerings, we were immediately intrigued. These aren't random wellness trends. WISP's longevity solutions are curated by medical experts who actually understand women's bodies and how they change over time. Because your health is not one size fits all, and your solutions shouldn't be either. And quality-wise, this is huge. Everything is compounded right here in the U.S. and shipped directly to you. No sketchy overseas stuff, just high-quality ingredients you can feel good about. They offer things like NAD Plus to support brain energy and fight fatigue, and metformin to help with cellular metabolism and energy regulation.

38:02Hannah Berner: Basically, things that support you feeling like your best, most functional self. And what we really love is that this isn't just for people who are already deep in the peptide world or biohacking Reddit. It's designed for all women. Wherever you're at in your health journey, WISP just keeps making it easier for women to access real personalized care, and we're obsessed with that. So if you're curious, you can take 15 % off your first order with code Giggly at HelloWisp.com. That's HelloWisp.com. Prescription products require a consultation with a healthcare provider, and medications are available if medically appropriate.

38:39Hannah Berner: Must be 18 or older. Restrictions apply. See website for full details.

38:43Paige DeSorbo: Hi, it's Hannah from Giggly Squad. Bottomless apps for$9.99 are back at Buffalo Wild Wings. or as you know i like to say b-dubs paige and i love going to buffalo wild wings sitting at the bar and just yapping while we snack bottomless yaps bottomless apps i love my motz sticks fried pickles onion rings hatch queso chips and salsa honestly we end up ordering everything and just sharing it across the table which is kind of the best part if you're gonna gossip with a girlfriend do it over apps and it's honestly such an affordable way to snack on all your favorites order your apps and keep them coming while you spiral on the same gossip from every possible angle.

39:22Paige DeSorbo: It'll quickly turn into one of those nights when you're laughing the whole time and suddenly it's way later than you thought. So head to Buffalo Wild Wings to get bottomless apps for$9.99 while you still can.

39:34Hannah Berner: Okay, this might be a little TMI, but we're all adults here and this is Giggly Squad. We say whatever we want, especially when we're oversharing. Something I've recently started keeping in my bathroom are Honest flushable wipes. I randomly discovered Honest flushable wipes and now I'm that annoying person who truly tells everyone about them. You just feel way fresher, way cleaner after using a flushable wipe and it makes you just feel more put together, kind of like a pajama set. Honest went above and beyond and they made sure these wipes meet the industry's strictest flushability guidelines. Who even knew there were flushability guidelines?

40:12Hannah Berner: I keep these in my bathroom I use them every day because I just feel a little extra clean and guests absolutely rave about them. I got mine at Target but you can also find them on Amazon or Walmart. Honest flushable wipes are hypoallergenic, safe for sensitive areas, flushable, and designed to be safe for flushing. They feature elevated modern packaging with beautiful prints so you can leave them right in your bathroom and they actually look good. Honest flushable wipes are available at Amazon, Target, and Walmart.

40:44Paige DeSorbo: Not to brag. Yeah. And I'm not trying to come for you and, like, come for your brand. Okay. Because it's a thing people have been doing since the beginning of time. Coming for my brand.

40:56Hannah Berner: Yeah, you're right. In kindergarten, there was another girl. Her name was Paige. And I'll never forget it. Paige Barber. Get your own name. Send me a DM. I haven't talked to you in so long. She told me she didn't like my dress in preschool, and I never forgot it.

41:09Paige DeSorbo: She said, there's only room for one page in this kindergarten class.

41:12Hannah Berner: It was green and it had yellow flowers on it. And she's like, I don't like it. And I was like, it was the first time someone. God forbid someone take a risk. The first time someone I think ever told me they didn't like something. And it was like a core memory in my life. God forbid you have a little whimsy. I went up to my mom. I go, she doesn't like my dress. Can you believe that?

41:30Paige DeSorbo: I was dumbfounded. Meanwhile, I was pretending I was Nala and scratching the other kids. And they had to call the police. But I read a book. Yeah. I bought Fame Sick by Lena Dunham. Oh, okay. You already read it? Well, I was on the flight yesterday, and I was going to do the audio book, but I also brought the book. I ordered strangers. Good. The actual piece of the book? It arrives today, yeah. Oh, great. So I read for three hours. Like, read red? I read 150 pages yesterday. Oh, my God. But I also, like, haven't read a book in years. We said we weren't starting a book club, which we're not. We're starting a book.

42:06Paige DeSorbo: Okay. But everyone should read. So I'm obsessed with fame stick right now because, one, girls raised us. Like, we remember when girls would drop, like the new episode would drop, and it would, like, a different color of girls would come on the screen.

42:17Hannah Berner: I'm trying to send Lena Dunham a Hannah T because I'm like – She would love. Hannah Burner or Hannah Horvath, doesn't matter. Same.

42:25Paige DeSorbo: It's the same. It is funny. She was describing the characters, and Marnie is so you. It's so funny. It's actually – And Hannah's so me. They were like, she means well, but her delivery is off.

42:36Hannah Berner: and like we live together and I'm like all I care about is me and they love each other yeah they

42:41Paige DeSorbo: did they really did so because we are working on our first ever tv show I took it as like a research where she's discussing how she got off the ground um she was like doing little films with like the Safdie brothers and like little like out of college yeah like little festivals and she basically was like it's a boys club just like all these boys making movies and she puts out tiny furniture she puts out this indie film yeah it blows up judd apatow's emailing her this other lady's emailing her and she's like i have something here and next thing you know as like a 24 year old hadn't written girls yet no okay she walks into hbo well she had all these la meetings and it's really funny to talk about and then she walks into hbo and they like get her and they're like let's do it so she talks about writing the pilot all the stuff that goes into it and i'm like i'm locked in it's really fascinating and i think you should read it to help our journey yeah maybe i will because she talks about the casting process she talks about her anxiety

43:44Hannah Berner: through it also the girls pilot was so like you rarely do you watch a show where the first episode is one of the best episodes of the whole season and girls i feel like really was like usually you watch one episode and you're like okay like I'll watch a second but I remember watching that first episode and being like this is the best show on TV well and it was back then where actually a lot

44:07Paige DeSorbo: of stuff wasn't being made so it aired and her life immediately changed she was they made she had done like a little press thing they took that photo put her on the cover of New York magazine what was this like 2006 like later 2010 I have no idea look I've been around for a long time I watch so much TV but like it was everyone was locked in on it and she's on cover of Vogue like and she this is the thing about her she's not like us we're front facing people we're like put me in front of the camera she wanted to be a movie director she wanted to be sitting in the chair writing and directing and she was like I guess this role could be for me and HBO was like you'd be perfect for it so she didn't want to be famous oh wow

44:50Hannah Berner: so she didn't write it with the intention of her being the main character no and then it also talks about her meeting jack antonoff and their

44:58Paige DeSorbo: relationship so i'm only 150 pages in um but which i for whatever reason during that time of pop

45:07Hannah Berner: culture i i like don't remember that they were like i don't remember him he was like touring all

45:17Paige DeSorbo: the time and they would occasionally have like cutesy little i think maybe because they were it was more like then he went on to date like lord yeah i haven't got to that drama yet but um she is such an amazing writer and i think it's because she's not trying to be anything but herself and i feel like you know when you read things and people are like i'm so hot and like this is like she's never bragging about herself which i feel like so many of these autobiographies everyone's like it was so hard being so hot like she's just she's just like herself and you fall in love with her and she she talks about everything um and she's hilarious so anyway i'm really enjoying it but she also talks about how also it was like right when social media i feel like started she and no one told her that you like can't be reading about yourself so while everyone else was like calmed down she was the face of it so she'd just search her name and see all these horrible things about her when really she was at the most iconic time of her life but in her head she thought that everyone hated her.

46:21Paige DeSorbo: Yeah. Because that's what the internet is. That's so sad. When actually she was changing the world for women. She really was. She was definitely changing it for like, I think this industry. But everyone was, oh yeah, and then at one point they told her she has to gain weight. Because she was getting too thin. They were like, you have to be fat. For the role? Yeah. And she's dealing with her own like image issues and food issues. And she like couldn't comprehend like, it was very complicated. because she felt like the whole show was riding on her weight. Do men ever have to get really fat for a role?

46:55Paige DeSorbo: Like, what's the last time? They do, but people, like, really applaud them. They're like, he gained 20 pounds, and the next day he lost 20 pounds because he shat it out.

47:01Hannah Berner: I can't think of, like, one movie where I'm like, oh, my God, he played, like, he had to gain, like, 40 pounds for that. Other than, like, Christian Bale, but it's, like.

47:11Paige DeSorbo: Well, I know the guy from DTF St. Louis who dated Lily Allen. Yeah. He put on, like, a fat suit. for the DTF? Yeah, to get like a tummy. Sorry, I said tummy. That was weird. Was it imperative for him to be big for that role? Yeah, he was supposed to be like schlubby. Love saying that word. Schlubby. You know what? I love schlep. I love saying schlep. Schlep is such a good word. It's such a New York word. It's Yiddish, I think. Yeah. Thank you. We have my mom nodding. Also, one more documentary. born to bull on hbo to bull ride bowl bowlers oh i thought you said born to bull so ben stiller produces it and it is it's giving if you're into the chess documentary you'll be like it's the same kind of man um it is where in the country are they it's a little like midwest-ish but these guys have full-time jobs because like you can't make a living off of it unless you're like winning everything which is like very difficult and like how much are you winning you could win up to 100 grand for like a huge tournament but like if you don't you could lose money yeah and it's these guys lives of bowling and whenever there's a competition i'm in they all have like characters um i'm invested it's like theater yes bowling is very theatric yes and it's it's also like pretty simple like so if you make one little mistake you're fucked it's very mental and one of the guys and i would

48:47Hannah Berner: assume it's very like one on like tennis where it's like if you messed up like no you messed up

48:52Paige DeSorbo: for your team yeah and like they're sacrificing their families to like be on the road for three months why is it bowling in the olympics it should be right i'm also obsessed with one of the guys wives she was a former college bowler and she's like i just we get each other like curling

49:11Hannah Berner: is in the Olympics and you're not just like going you're not on a Friday night being like oh my god you know it would be fun if we all went curling. You're not planning your daughter's 8th birthday at a curling center. Like why wouldn't bowling just be in the Olympics?

49:26Paige DeSorbo: I love bowling because I love when people take things too far. Like I love that you're like at a birthday party and you're like what if I mastered this? Like I love that for them. Remember bumpers? Do I remember bumpers? Yeah

49:38Hannah Berner: most fun ever like i didn't realize people weren't using them i was like everyone's good at bowling

49:44Paige DeSorbo: why would you not use a bumper that's crazy and then when they like took them away i'd be like this is stupid that's why like when the government was like do you want to pay taxes and i checked the box it said no i was like why would i if you're giving me the option why would i pay taxes

50:02Paige DeSorbo: did i owe money to the government yes i told you the first time i ever had like a job with a w-2 they were like fill out this form and you ever fill out a w-2 for the first time it is the scariest thing ever i don't know what anything meant yeah and it said no it's actually insane

50:17Hannah Berner: that as a senior in high school there is not a class for the things that you are immediately going to be hit with as soon as you graduate it's almost like i've never heard of a 1099 Yeah.

50:28Paige DeSorbo: When they start, and then they tell you, like, you should know. When they start talking about health insurance and they, what's the, oh my, the words they were using, it's like school. They're like, yeah, go to the real world, see what happens. So there were two questions. It was like, do you want to pay federal tax? And I was like, no.

50:47Hannah Berner: So they never took it out.

50:49Paige DeSorbo: Why would they give me the option if it's illegal to not do it? And that's when my accountant at the time was like, are you sitting down?

50:57Hannah Berner: you owe like eight million dollars but he was like are you sitting down and i'm like how is

51:03Paige DeSorbo: this happening to me and he's like did you check something and i'm like i don't know no i get that anyway so i'm women in stem of the week for that i had the best meeting with my friend actually ali we were like gonna jump jump on a call to like write something and do you know when you have a meeting it was like 6 p.m no it was 4 p.m on a friday do you know when you have a meeting how like you're so dramatic the three hours before it like you can't focus on anything because you have a meeting coming up and i was like i'm gonna take a nap and like the nap was like so good before it because i'm like these are my last moments well doing a meeting on a friday at four is insane so i we had rescheduled twice already because no one's listening i was like i can't reschedule yeah so this is why i love just the two of you yeah this is why i love ally get on the phone and i meet and she's like i'm tired by the way and i go so am i do you not want to do this and she goes did we hop on the zoom call to cancel the zoom and i was like wait i wish i was on no you would have loved i was so paid we literally go we're in charge like we could cancel this right now and she was like let's not do it and i was like i was doing because i thought you wanted to do it and she's like i never want to do it and i was like having free will like i

52:11Hannah Berner: was supposed to go to a dinner the other night and i was like what if i just put the outfit on took pictures and then didn't go and everyone was like yeah you could do that you are as long as

52:22Paige DeSorbo: tell anyone on a podcast i was like okay great get a camera take a picture right now also ali and i did end up talking for like 20 minutes on the zoom it wasn't work related i was like anyway how are you now that we're here and we're just gossiping and i was like we could have done so much work on that but we canceled the call and it was like you know that like the

52:41Hannah Berner: two minutes before you get on a zoom that i'm just there by myself with other people i pretend And then I'm on my phone texting you to tell you to come on to the Zoom because I get nervous. I'm like, oh, actually, I'll text her right now. Like, she's coming.

52:54Paige DeSorbo: I'm surprised that you keep dealing with that because I purposely show up two minutes late because I don't want to be early on.

53:00Hannah Berner: You know, I fucking knew you were doing that so that you didn't have to do the beginning. Like, hey, where are you? Are you guys in L.A.? The pleasantries? I'd rather kill myself.

53:10Paige DeSorbo: I knew you were skipping the pleasantries. Yes, I'm not doing the pleasantries. Wait, I'm going to skip two. Yeah, you just have to show up like one minute, 30 seconds late, and they've already done their own stuff. And then you come in all like, what did I miss? And they're like, don't worry about it. I'm like, okay. And then I go straight to business. I say, you're fired.

53:26Hannah Berner: That chess documentary did something for you. Because people are out here playing checkers and you're playing chess.

53:32Paige DeSorbo: How did you not realize that? It's very strategic.

53:35Hannah Berner: I'm consistently doing this every time. You're a phenomenal actress because you come on the Zoom as if you were rushing from something else. I was. I was.

53:44Paige DeSorbo: I'm rushing. You're like, oh my God, sorry.

53:46Hannah Berner: I'm rushing to be there two minutes late. You're like looking at something else. You're like telling. I'm like, sell the socks, sell the socks. Sorry, I'm really busy.

53:52Paige DeSorbo: She's a woman in STEM. I'm like, I imagine your kids running around. I'm like, sit.

53:57Hannah Berner: This episode is presented by Depop. Okay, Gigglers, can we talk about the fact that we all have a section in our closet that basically is just vibes and delusion? Like I bought it for a version of me that goes to Paris Fashion Week, but she hasn't checked in recently. Instead of letting those pieces emotionally support you from the hanger, you could be making money on Depop. Depop is a fashion resale app where your personal taste actually has value. And before you're like, ugh, selling sounds like admin, relax. You can list an item in just a few taps on Depop. You snap a photo and their AI listing tool helps fill in the details.

54:34Hannah Berner: They even suggest smart pricing, which is giving efficiency. And the best part, no seller fees. I'm obsessed. Make money easily with no seller fees on Depop. That means what you earn is yours. Even if you sell one thing, that's a win. Also, Depop has built-in tools like offers and boosted listings so your pieces actually get seen by people who share your taste. Because trust, someone out there is searching for the exact jacket you're saving. So download the Depop app, list one item, and let your closet start paying you back. It's chic, it's productive, it's Depop. This episode is sponsored by Toomey, the international travel, lifestyle, and accessories brand.

55:15Hannah Berner: Their Mediterranean Escape collection just dropped and it is seriously stunning. It's a full seasonal line of luggage, travel bags, and accessories. The colors are everything. Pink clay, my personal favorite, washed, yellow, and thyme. It makes you want to book a trip just looking at it. But here's what I love. It's not just gorgeous, it's built to last. Tumi is known for premium craftsmanship and signature durability. And this collection is no different. Effortless functionality designed for the modern traveler. Whether you're grabbing a carry-on for a quick trip or a weekend bag for something a little more fabulous, it's the kind of travel gear that makes getting out the door feel effortless.

55:57Hannah Berner: Explore the Mediterranean Escape Collection at toomey.com or in-store. This episode of Giggly Squad is sponsored by Haagen-Dazs. You know that feeling when you've been going non-stop and you finally just sit down and everything gets quiet for a second? That's the energy Haagen-Dazs is giving and I'm so here for it. They just dropped a brand new flavor made to be savored. There's the new Coffee Almond Toffee Ice Cream. It's Brazilian coffee ice cream, buttery toffee pieces, crunchy California almonds. The coffee ice cream is deep, smooth, and toffee brings the warm, buttery sweetness. And the almonds give you that satisfying crunch with every spoonful.

56:38Hannah Berner: It's the kind of thing you have to slow down for because you actually want to taste all of it. And that's the whole thing about Haagen-Dazs. It's rich, smooth, creamy ice cream that's genuinely too good to rush through. A moment that's just for you. Take your sweet time. That's Dawes. Find Haagen-Dazs new coffee almond toffee ice cream at retailers nationwide.

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57:34Paige DeSorbo: my mom tried to poison me this morning with whole milk latte oh no because we haven't like had a morning together in a while and she's the best so I wake up and she goes your coffee's ready and she's making the bed while I'm in it that's her favorite thing to do she's making the bed you're the cat in this situation. You're her cat. Oh, and she's like, it's your stuff you planned that we have to do. And she's like, I'm ready. I'm fully ready. You haven't done anything. So I get out of bed and I see whole milk and I'm like, ooh, I've been doing whole milk, but lactate whole milk, which is... Wait,

58:07Hannah Berner: highly recommend to everyone. Petition for lactate? Okay, listen, we had to deal with all the nut girls. To run for president? No, we had to deal with all the nut girls for the past five years. Oh, I drink oat milk. I drink pistachio. I drink almond. how about the next time i go to order a coffee at a coffee shop lactate is an option all the

58:27Paige DeSorbo: other ones taste like shit i said it it tastes like shit they're also all bad for you they're

58:31Hannah Berner: they're high milk is horrible for you almond milk tastes like actual ass soy milk i don't think is that great for you either no there's macadamia that's that's a dessert that's a topping on a dessert put it in a cookie they won't let us have og cow milk anymore because they're like you're a grown human.

58:50Paige DeSorbo: Lacted whole milk. Stop putting protein on stuff.

58:53Hannah Berner: Have a chicken cutlet. I don't know why. Here's what I'm not understanding about the whole protein epidemic. I get it. Our world is changing. GLP ones. People want to build muscle. Totally. Why are you coming up with the most insane situations for protein when you could literally eat one chicken cutlet and there you go. Done.

59:14Paige DeSorbo: You're good.

59:15Hannah Berner: Like you're fine. You don't need to put it in your dessert. You don't need to put it in your ice cream. Like I don't need it in my morning coffee. My protein vodka. I don't. Protein vodka company. Get strong while you're getting black out.

59:32Paige DeSorbo: It's too much. It's too much. So my mom drugged me this morning and I said, ooh, I don't know if I can. Did you drink it and then you were like, hey, what milk was that? No, I knew from the beginning. Well, this is my problem.

59:48Hannah Berner: She didn't drug you. You drug yourself.

59:50Paige DeSorbo: It's like smoking weed for me where every couple years. You're like, let me try it. I forget. And I'm like, it's been a while. Maybe my body's changed. Maybe my palate's different. I can handle it. I'm not the girl I used to be. Yeah. And I said, I can drink a latte that my mom made with love. Yeah. Like, there's love in it. Totally. Like, it would never cause me harm. My mom made it. So, her argument is that I chugged it. That's why she thinks. Iced coffee? No. Just hot. Okay. That is kind of hard to chug. I did it. Okay. Because I'm coming to Giggly Squad. I got to be ready. Got to be on point.

1:00:24Paige DeSorbo: And I'm like, ooh, I have to go have diarrhea. My mom's like, it's not possible that that quickly you were able to have diarrhea. And I was like, honestly, anything's possible in the world of the white salamander. So that's a Mormon reference for anyone who doesn't know. So I shot myself like three times this morning. But I feel really light now. I was going to say you feel aired out. Aired out. I actually think I detox. I detox. Because I flew yesterday, so I feel like I was a little backed up. Wow.

1:00:51Hannah Berner: You know what people don't talk about? I was feeling a little backed up. And I said, you know what? I have the perfect cure for this. I'll get Chipotle. I get Chipotle. I eat it. I'm like, I'm waiting. I'm looking at my clock. I'm like, any minute, surely, nothing ever happened. So now I'm bound up. And now I'm bound up with Chipotle. And I'm like, what? Kitty's worried at that point. Should I call Hannah? What should I do? So I have a stomach ache for four days. Well, that's when you have to do a whole milk latte. I can drink whole milk. Oh, yeah, because we have slightly different genetics. Yeah, I don't.

1:01:28Hannah Berner: I mean, I really shouldn't because I do, like, get a stomach ache and I feel bloated. But I don't have to, like, run to the bathroom.

1:01:34Paige DeSorbo: To go full circle from the beginning of this conversation, I have one more thing about skin care I want to bring to the forefront. Okay. I also don't care, like, whatever people say. Like, this will make you look, like, younger. younger whatever um pretty you have a list how gorgeous no pores whatever people are trying to do glass skin if it smells weird i'm not doing it different and i once had a facialist be like you have to buy this i bought it and i it was some like crazy oxygen whatever thing and it smelled was it the biologique mask i don't know i don't know but it smelled like shit butter was like what the fuck is this my husband was like who are you i'm in bed i i couldn't do it if i put

1:02:17Hannah Berner: something on my skin it smells bad i am jacked up because you know it's doing something i'm like where did they find this you guys never it must work so disgusting i'm like it must work so well that they were like this is gold we can't even change the smell of it because it'll change the composition you're right of this skin it's always the most expensive best stuff that you put on

1:02:39Paige DeSorbo: and you're like, I smell like molded foot. Yes, yes.

1:02:42Hannah Berner: So if I'm putting it on and I'm walking out of the bathroom smelling.

1:02:47Paige DeSorbo: But it sucks because it's not like you're putting something like on your knee. Like you can't stop smelling yourself. I'm smelling my upper lip and I'm like getting nauseous. But I also like can't wear perfume. So that's maybe my own. No, perfume is like too much going on. I get overstimulated with perfume. I can't also be smelling something while I'm existing.

1:03:07Hannah Berner: Wait, I didn't know that. You never wear perfume ever.

1:03:10Paige DeSorbo: Des is the same way. Once we went to a Mets game and a guy was wearing like crazy cologne and Des was like, I have to leave. Because it was like so strong. I never knew that. This is a sober couple going out. We're like, the cologne is too crazy. I'm getting high. I'm getting high. Like, you ever smell someone?

1:03:27Hannah Berner: Wait, do you know that I have designated areas in my home of where perfume goes so that at any given time. You can spritz. I can spritz if I'm walking out of the house. Sometimes I'll spritz before a Zoom.

1:03:41Paige DeSorbo: But you never are overwhelmingly type of way. Thank you. Like I had a coach who like, I don't know if it wasn't showering or something, but he would spray like crazy and we'd go to like do workouts and I would like be nauseous from his cologne.

1:03:54Hannah Berner: Can I say low-key one of the best perfumes I've ever smelled and I've literally put a bunch of my friends onto it in the past couple of months. And this is like not an ad, not sponsored. I smelled it. I actually thought it was a room spray at first. Khloe Kardashian's new scent. It is so good. I have never gotten more. I know when a perfume is good because I have so many different ones. And there's like a couple that I know that when I wear, I'm going to have at least two people ask me. One is the Prada Paradox. Another one is my Victoria Beckham in like a turquoise bottle. It's Positano it's called.

1:04:32Hannah Berner: and then my chloe kardashian one by far the most people will like stop me and be like what

1:04:40Paige DeSorbo: scent is i love how you have a full control group when you walk outside you're like counting how many people yeah i'm doing stats but deep down my thing is like you don't like someone because of their perfume you like them for them and like i want people to

1:04:56Hannah Berner: fall in love with my pheromones and my natural scent yeah no i've had full relationships with men when it was and it was only based on how they smelled same and then like he's you realize you

1:05:06Paige DeSorbo: don't like him you like his cologne i do think the birth control thing is true yeah you smell people differently yeah so anyway just like keep an eye out for that in these streets do you like him or do you like his cologne yeah because men are out here gas lighting perfume lighting you gas perfuming you hot boxing you with their perfume and this is even this is how this

1:05:27Hannah Berner: I like all men's cologne.

1:05:29Paige DeSorbo: Also, by the way, why are they calling it cologne? It's perfume.

1:05:32Hannah Berner: It's perfume. Why are they like, oh, it's cologne? It's perfume. Even like, have you ever smelled like gas station men's cologne?

1:05:40Hannah Berner: You didn't, you've never gotten to 7-Eleven? You go to 7-Eleven, you go, what? You've never seen like cologne in gas stations? Like. Because that's the kind of guy that you have a wild night.

1:05:53Paige DeSorbo: You're like, look, don't tell anyone about this. I can't think of him. I want you to flip and throw me around like you've never thrown me around before. I can't think of the... That Exxon parfum.

1:06:02Hannah Berner: The way a man who wears... Okay, you can get off-brand Viagra at a gas station. You don't think they're also going to sell a little cologne?

1:06:09Paige DeSorbo: The way a man who doesn't have a job will have sex with you because he needs a place to sleep at night, that's how that cologne smells, and you'll never have better sex. And you'll never hear from him again because he doesn't have a phone. Gas station cologne. it's called gas station cologne

1:06:28Hannah Berner: there's like one brand I feel like I can picture it it's not Axe it's not coming up no but it's like it smells good

1:06:36Paige DeSorbo: I have PTSD from Axe also Axe it's like these guys get a personality stop just spraying Axe and thinking girls are going to throw themselves at you even though it did work at the time guys it does work on me

1:06:48Hannah Berner: I'm not stronger than the patriarchy okay I keep saying this I'm just one woman I'm just one woman

1:06:55Paige DeSorbo: thank you guys for giggling with us it's time thank you guys for giggling with us I didn't even say anything you had no notes you came in with nothing to say so I don't know what you're talking about I love you guys so much thanks for giggling we'll talk to you later bye

1:07:18Hannah Berner: this episode is brought to you by 20th Century Studios The Devil Wears Prada 2, only in theaters May 1st. 20 years after the generation-defining classic, Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, and Stanley Tucci return to the healed streets of New York and the halls of Runway Magazine in its next chapter. When Miranda Priestly faces an unexpected scandal that threatens the iconic company, journalist Andy Sachs is called in to save the magazine and restore Miranda's credibility. But the industry has changed. Digital dominates and power always comes at a price. Who will adapt and who will fall out of style?

1:07:56Hannah Berner: This is the reunion we've been waiting for, bringing sharp wit, high stakes, and the kind of tension that will make you gird your loins. A sequel for spring groundbreaking. Don't miss The Devil Wears Prada 2 only in theaters May 1st. Get tickets now.

1:08:20Paige DeSorbo: Let's make life easier by giving members a hand with home maintenance. Let Lowe's tackle the tasks you keep meaning to do, like electric dryer vent cleaning, replacing hard-to-reach light bulbs, and more. Subscribe to Home Care Plus for just$99 a year and consider your to-do list done. Members get more at Lowe's. Available in select zip codes only. Cancel anytime. Non-refundable fee. Product purchase required. Terms and service restrictions apply. Details at lowes.com slash terms. Subject to change.