Giggling about roasts, road rage, and heartburn

0:00Hannah Berner: This episode is sponsored by State Farm. Some decisions are tough, like parallel parking or circling the block three more times. One decision that's a no-brainer, choosing State Farm for your coverage. Because at State Farm, they'll help you choose the right coverage at an affordable price with State Farm Personal Price Plan. So you can feel good about all the decisions you make, including finding a valet and handing over your keys. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state.

0:34Hannah Berner: Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. Sup, gigglers. Gary, fix the Wi-Fi.

0:47Paige DeSorbo: Manifest that shit.

0:48Hannah Berner: We can't be managed. Ha ha ha ha! The name is Bob. I mean the day just got away from me.

0:57Paige DeSorbo: What is up my goulash gigglers? Do you know what goulash is? It's feeling very fall. It is fall. I was going to say you have no culture, but it is fall. Isn't it like ground beef? It's a Hungarian dish. Anyway, welcome to the pod. There's been so many women a stem of the week. Now that they know it's a thing, I feel like the women are like... It's canceled.

1:18Hannah Berner: No, truly I think this segment is done. And in true Giggly Squad fashion, we beat it to the dead horse.

1:26Paige DeSorbo: Can I do another one, though?

1:28Hannah Berner: Yeah.

1:29Paige DeSorbo: Okay, so this video is going around, going viral, of this woman's shopping in Target, and she's being filmed, and you're from the, whatever. Anyway, a girl comes, sees she's being filmed by a man, and goes, excuse me, that man's filming you.

1:46Hannah Berner: Oh, like looking out for her.

1:47Paige DeSorbo: Yeah, like that man's filming you. Are you okay? and the girl turns she's like oh my god that's my husband like it's okay and the girl's like still doesn't believe her like blink twice if he's like you're being trafficked and she's like it's my husband I swear and she's like okay and then she stops and she recommends a product that she's looking at and she's like that's actually really good don't get that one it's overpriced and then walks away and I was like girlhood maxing wait I saw a similar situation like this happen I wasn't involved in any of it but I was a bystander I'm across the street from a like

2:24Hannah Berner: nursery school like preschool I watch a dad walk his daughter into like the gated area and there was like a teacher there he dropped her off with the teacher he walked out of the gated area he's on the sidewalk the little girl's like in the play area with the teacher you've lost me already

2:47Hannah Berner: why was i telling that so monotone sorry i was making sure you weren't losing me

2:52Paige DeSorbo: and that's i got lost in your eyes i was like that's really pretty mascara if i can't see something visually i can't understand my hands i know but

3:04Hannah Berner: okay so there's a kid walks in play area dad play area walks out okay okay so the dad's leaving he's like waving to the daughter like see ya after school he's on the sidewalk he's kind of like lingering on the sidewalk now for like five minutes he's like on his phone a little bit he's just standing there he's watching the daughter play from an outside perspective if outside perspective if you didn't watch him drop her off drop her off you'd be like who is this guy on the sidewalk just watching this little girl play. A car pulls up. A woman is in the car. She yells, hey, what's going on here? The teacher inside of the school is like, everything's okay.

3:51Hannah Berner: And then I don't know what the dad said because I couldn't hear, but he turned to the car. But I was like, woman inside.

3:59Paige DeSorbo: Actually, I saw an article about a man who adopted his own child without a wife or a girlfriend and people were like mind blown because it's true how many men do you hear like i couldn't find the right person so i just like a single dad so i just wanted to

4:15Hannah Berner: adopt or like a single guy who gets a surrogate yes yes you never hear those stories you never hear definitely out there they're out there but we've never come it's never come across my desk somebody you know it did come across my desk someone was like page ryan murphy did make a

4:32Paige DeSorbo: monica lewinski no people were messaging me they were like last episode was the most chaotic episode you guys have ever had on kigley squad and they were like page made up a show that's already been made genius idea you casted the entire show accurately with the director the showrunner she goes what if this is crazy i'm like you saw it and it just like subconsciously was in here okay

4:54Hannah Berner: i had to but someone said it was a one season of american horror story it wasn't like it's not like the JFK Jr. It wasn't like advertised as its own show. I want like a real Monica. Yeah. I want like multiple seasons. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Hi. How are you? I'm good.

5:16Paige DeSorbo: I walked here and it really threw me. Yeah.

5:20Hannah Berner: I don't know why you do stuff like that to yourself. I was not walking here, but I was getting out of the Uber and there was two girls in front of me walking down the street and all girls have the same conversation it doesn't matter who you are where you live or who you're friends with we literally all have the same conversation and the girl turned to her friend and she said well my mom said I forget what the girl's name was my mom said I think he's cheating on you with a man so she's like so and then she started talking Spanish so I don't know the end of the story you know the end of the story because you lived it

6:00Hannah Berner: I'm like look if your mom's throwing out that accusation she sat there for a while she thought should I even say this so the fact that she said it and now we've said it it's 100 % fact it's factual it's true that guy's girl that girl's boyfriend was cheating on her shout out to her

6:19Paige DeSorbo: and her mom for being investigative journalists during this time to continue on last episode to piggyback if you want to piggyback yes i was where you just call me a pig

6:31Hannah Berner: sorry did we get over you walking here too quickly

6:36Paige DeSorbo: did we pass by that too my problem is i have one speed when i walk and i'm not trying to be like i'm a new yorker walk fast i think i just have anxiety and i'm like if we're walking we're walking yeah i'm not like slowly walking anywhere unless i'm on like no i'm not unless i'm like with a dog who needs to pee I'm not stopping so which I've never been walking a dog so after the show I got back to like this like chic cool West Hollywood hotel and I don't know there's something about like after a long night in heels like they just after our show after our show it's a different heel than you started the night with like you've it feels completely different yeah and it's like the heels are a little big for me and like they just couldn't stay on my feet so I had to walk through this like and it wasn't just a lobby it was like a lobby chic bar which was like bright with like pool tables and couches and everyone just lounging and LA is so like whenever anyone walks in everyone has to like look you up and down yeah so I'm like I have to walk a hundred feet in these heels and I swear to god I was like everyone was like laughing at me because I was a deer in headlights I couldn't walk but I was like it's YSL and I was just like trying to That's why it's a windbreaker.

7:51Paige DeSorbo: But what do you do when you're wearing uncomfortable heels and everyone's looking at you? Like, how do you maneuver that athletically? Especially because you famously say that you can fit into any size shoe.

8:03Hannah Berner: When I was in ninth grade, my mom held a class in my kitchen for all my girlfriends who could not walk in. She didn't have my number at the time. I've never I think because look you started sport as a at a young age so like you're really good at tennis when I first saw heels as a child I was like yeah I love whatever the fuck those things are I love them so I've been truly walking in heels since kindergarten you know what it is

8:37Paige DeSorbo: heels are like ice skates you either were raised on skating or you don't know how to use them because I'm like I'm athletic I could walk in a heel no I can't it's honestly it's practice because I'm not hugging it in the right way like I don't know gripping at the right time I'm not gripping and then I also like it hurts my toenail I also have a wide foot I'm trying to like picture

8:59Hannah Berner: how I do it I guess when your toe is about to come up off the ground that's when you grip

9:04Paige DeSorbo: yeah I'm not I do not have the right gripping situation situation it's almost like soul cycle when like I know what I'm supposed to do with the rhythm of the flow but like you gotta practice um

9:15Hannah Berner: well it's also it's also kind of like diving into a pool you can't just go you have to start out small so you really have to start out with like a kitten to walk around and then you have to build yourself up to like a five inch stiletto you can't just be born in a stiletto I think we've all been

9:36Paige DeSorbo: there where you see a shoe you like and I'm like I'm buying it and you put it on you're like I look great but you didn't factor in like that you have to move in it and if a shoe is a little bit too

9:45Hannah Berner: big and you're not experienced in walking in heel you can't do it I'd actually even say go smaller

9:49Paige DeSorbo: this might this might be too niche but I'm an eight in sneakers I was just gonna ask I think I'm a 7.5 in heels and I've been telling everyone I'm an eight and it's actually not my fault I've

9:58Hannah Berner: just been sabotaging myself that's what it is I think your shoes are a little bit too big for

10:02Paige DeSorbo: your feet yeah and so then because they were falling off as I was walking you feel like you've clown feet yes and there was this like pete davidson looking character like oh no he was like six four with a weird fucking mustache and like hair grown out and he was judging you yeah he was like looking i was like don't fucking look at me take a shower like leave me alone oh my god it was so embarrassing and i was on such a high that night like i was like i'm best friends with kate and mindy loves me or hates me we don't know yeah and then i like lost all my confidence walking back into my room did you watch the kevin hart roast yes i watched it from the beginning because i'm i'm a researcher of the art of comedy they will give men as much time on live

10:44Hannah Berner: tv as they want once we hit hour three i was like okay wrap it the fuck up why was it so long they like really went for it i think i was like i don't think chelsea handler got the respect she

10:59Paige DeSorbo: deserved no she didn't if chelsea handler was a man on that stage she would have had a rock um entrance and by the way the rock like came up out of the ground and there were like fireworks and he got like carried to the stage i thought he did horrible too well he was drunk and did 30 minutes there were good jokes in it yeah but he he it's live i think they should have why do they have

11:21Hannah Berner: to do it live okay wait so when we were at the netflix brunch like sometimes i truly forget But sometimes I feel like there are situations where I think about, oh, my God, I'm nervous. I don't have any confidence in this moment. And then there are other times where, like, it just. You have too much confidence? Yeah. And, like, I'll take a step back and I'll be like, maybe shut your mouth. Like, maybe you shouldn't be so confident in this area that you have no idea about. Maybe. And it's not until it's an afterthought, which is not great. we're at the Netflix brunch this lovely man comes up to me he says hi he gives me his job title pretty high up at Netflix in a in unscripted and we're chatting we're going back and forth and he didn't ask me what I thought about their live reunions but let me tell you something I told him what I thought we're talking about like reality tv and we're talking about reunions

12:21Paige DeSorbo: specifically no one's gonna want to have a business meeting with us ever because we repeat every business meeting on this pod verbatim. It wasn't even a business meeting.

12:28Hannah Berner: He was literally asking me to like pass something to him. And before you say what you're about to say,

12:32Paige DeSorbo: I, on the corner of my eye, I left Paige for a second and she's sitting down alone with a man. So I stopped my conversation. I go, hold on one second. I have to like, we might need a stop, drop and roll. Like, I don't know if she's safe.

12:45Hannah Berner: Nobody talks about the look you give your friend who's trying to help you when you're really like, no, actually I am okay.

12:52Paige DeSorbo: It's literally ninja because you have to walk behind the guy. She looks at you. She can't make a weird face because then she's put in a vulnerable position. I have to not. So she has to do it through her eyes. If you weren't speaking, I'd be like, I need to get him out. But you seemed very passionate about what you were saying.

13:09Hannah Berner: Well, I was dialed in and tell them what you were saying. And I don't even know how we got on this subject, but I was like, I have watched reunions before of seasons that I've never watched of television just because a reunion's exciting, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And I said to him, I was like, except I don't like that Netflix does the reunions live. I don't think you would ever be able to get the amount of content the viewer is looking for and the specific content and answers they're looking for in one hour of live TV. I was like, you have to film that for at least eight to 10 hours, even to just cut it up into one good hour.

13:47Hannah Berner: And he just looked at me and he was like, I feel like he was kind of like who do you think you are but he also did kind of agree and then I said like by name a host that I didn't think were very good that they should stop hiring um and then I think he did get offended he's like I actually was just

14:07Paige DeSorbo: saying welcome to the brunch happy to have you I have thoughts but live tv is exciting because there's this air of like something crazy can happen right which I was gonna say I like that

14:18Hannah Berner: Netflix does live roasts I think it is okay for that type of entertainment I don't think reunions

14:26Paige DeSorbo: should ever be live well the roast now they can cut it down to like all the favorite one-liners that came out of those three hours but I will again say Chelsea Handler discovered Kevin Hart she put him on her show Chelsea lately and Kevin gives her all the flowers Kevin's in love with her But I felt like the other boys Were Like even after she did her Her set She looked phenomenal But even after her set they were like thanks Chelsea Like if she was a man they would be sucking her dick I know there were only two girls up there They only had two comics that were women Which is bonkers Right right right But Chelsea held her own And they like came at her like really hard Like if they did the normal like you're a whore year old but then they were like giving her like accusations you know what's funny is that like men

15:17Hannah Berner: will always like criticize female comedy and it'll be like all they talk about is like their vagina yeah shane made that joke and it's like okay like you talk about what you know and like we have ones i don't i never understood why they got so mad about that and it's like okay fine but anytime they talk about a woman in comedy it's like she's a whore and it's like okay like think of a better word.

15:42Paige DeSorbo: Also Chelsea doesn't just talk about her pussy. Chelsea talks about MDMA a lot. Chelsea talks a lot about drugs. She talks about her house in Majorca, her dogs.

15:49Hannah Berner: Well Chelsea has good life. Chelsea's worldly. Experience stories that you want to listen to that you're like oh my god I'd never find myself in that type of situation. That's why it's entertainment and fun to listen to.

16:01Paige DeSorbo: Also Chelsea blew up because of being a good interviewer where she'd get her guests to open up and then shit all over them and people loved it.

16:06Hannah Berner: Chelsea lately was so ahead of its time Like when they talk about like the boys of late night now, I'm like, right, but Chelsea Lately was one of the funniest shows ever on TV.

16:19Paige DeSorbo: We love Jimmy Fallon. Would they have treated Jimmy Fallon like that? Oh no, no. They would have been tippy-toeing around Jimmy Fallon. Oh, you're iconic, thank you for all you've done, you've been in this industry so long. And said, Chelsea, you old whore. Yeah. And look, I know it's a roast, but there was just some nuance, there was tension in the room. No one came for Regina Hall, which makes me like respect her in a way where like for like people were scared of coming for regina hall and but chelsea look chelsea laughed she's an amazing sport i just felt like considering who she is in comedy so anyway i'm just you know talking my own i just feminist nonsense no i was just shocked at how long it was it was long i also felt like um cheryl underwood killed yeah she did Because the vibes were kind of tough.

17:07Paige DeSorbo: Getting low. It was tough. And then she came out there and I feel like she brought everyone together. Because they were making insane jokes about her husband who passed away. She was down for it because you can make so many jokes about it. And she was like, that's part of my life. But she came up there and she said, we need to stick together. We have to laugh. We have to be open. We have to communicate with each other. So that was a really beautiful message. Yeah, I thought so. And then she fucking murdered. Yeah. And she's like a Christian comic and was so dirty.

17:36Hannah Berner: It was so funny. But when a comedian is like not even bombing, just like maybe one joke, I can't like I physically have to. Well, there's this. I can't watch.

17:48Paige DeSorbo: There's like a really smart roast joke. And then there's the edgelord roast jokes where it's it's for shock value. It's like cringe comedy. And the only way it works is if it's smart. And sometimes they say it and it's not smart. and you're just like you just wanted to say that word right which is not a joke that was just I hate cringe comedy cringe well cringe comedy is an art form that I'd say only Meg Stalter has perfected like she's perfected it where like you sit in it and you're so scared but you're like she'll take me through this we will get through that's so true because I don't find her

18:23Hannah Berner: comedy cringe I almost find it like it's a bit that I wasn't read in on that everyone else knows

18:28Paige DeSorbo: and I want to know what it is yes and that's how cringe comedy should feel it shouldn't feel like everyone's cringing yeah I don't even know how you perfect that like how many how many bombs did she have to do before she was like and that's the perfect amount of cringe yeah or just like how she comes up with things I'm like I don't even know what that means she's transforming like um press tours we are sleep experts no we are but we're also honest and sometimes we don't sleep

19:02Hannah Berner: perfectly everyone's upset a lot of things do keep me up at night like I have to have the perfect temperature I have to have the volume at a certain level and sometimes kitty like she's not an outdoor cat but she will bring me treats in the middle of the night and one of them is like her stuffed animal mouse and I'm like thank you so much I didn't need it on my forehead at 5 a.m. what keeps

19:23Paige DeSorbo: me up at night is sometimes my husband just having someone else in your bed you're not too and that's why my mattress firm mattress is amazing because mattress firm matched me with a mattress that has cooling technology so that even if my husband is warm i stay cool and that's

19:38Hannah Berner: why our marriage works and mattress firm matched me with a mattress that has movement isolation so if kitty ever like jumps up there and causes a ruckus at nighttime i'm just like not feeling it Because Kitty's not light anymore. Okay, I'm telling her you said that. You also can compare, like, a tour bed to your regular bed.

19:58Paige DeSorbo: Oh, my God, when I'm on tour, it just doesn't feel like home. There's nothing, like, after a long day, jumping into your mattress for a mattress and just feeling like this is where I belong. And mattress firm, truly, I have the best mattress in America.

20:12Hannah Berner: I also have an adjustable base bed, which people, like, don't talk about enough. What is that?

20:15Paige DeSorbo: Oh, like you can go up and down?

20:17Hannah Berner: Yeah.

20:18Paige DeSorbo: Does it vibe? So I can elevate my life. vibrate sure it does honey it sure does i might not fit in in other places and i might be lonely but my mattress firm will always love me i also i'm a bad shopper yeah but there's nothing more fun like make it a day of it go to a mattress firm get a sleep expert and jump on all the beds and they'll help you for what's best for like your lower back or like how the temperature you like

20:44Hannah Berner: or just the vibes. I liked it so much I went twice. One time I brought my dad and I made him do it with me and then the next time I like really made my decision with my guy. I should do it

20:54Paige DeSorbo: weekly.

20:54Hannah Berner: I love how you have a sleep mattress guy now.

20:56Paige DeSorbo: Of course. I'm like hey what's the new pillow? When I sleep through the night I wake up so much more delightful. I have more energy. I have a little pep in my step. So whatever's standing between you and a good night's sleep whether Whether it's physical discomfort or a pet with the zoomies, Mattress Firm Sleep Experts will help you get the right mattress to help quiet the noise.

21:17Hannah Berner: Because hear us out. It isn't just a mattress. It's your mattress. And Mattress Firm Sleep Expert make it easy to find the right one. With over 200 hours of training, they'll figure out exactly what your body needs. And you'll be waking up so well rested, you won't even know what to do with yourself. More giggles, less groggy. That's the goal. For the great sleep you deserve, visit Mattress Firm. They make sleep easy.

21:39Paige DeSorbo: Also, I want to just shout out people who blow their nose and somehow make that trumpet noise. Is that genetic or did they learn how to do that? Because I look people like a loud sneeze every now and then. I'm like, feel that orgasm, lean into it. But I was on a flight and this person was blowing their nose like a trombone to the point that it startled me. It was like, and like everyone was shook. And I'm like, is that genetic? Is your nose canal like a certain angle that it comes out that way?

22:16Hannah Berner: My favorite thing ever is when kitty sneezes. When your cat sneezes, you're like, there's something that reinforces that they have organs inside their body. And you're like, oh my God, I forgot you have lungs.

22:28Paige DeSorbo: Well, the best part is there's no lead up. So they just go. And then they're scared. They're like, what just happened to me? want to squeeze her head um where were you on a plane oh oh like I was sleeping on a plane yeah so basically think of the most comfortable place you could be and then someone takes a band

22:49Hannah Berner: a full marching band I will say is I have been the person on a plane that's like so stuffed up and I'm like I don't give a flying no I'm okay with that you just don't have to what's what's a an octave yeah you don't have to hit an octave yeah but think about how stuffed up that guy was that he had to blow that hard because the pressure but that's the thing you actually don't have to

23:11Paige DeSorbo: blow hard on a plane you could do a lot of little blows that's what i do be like

23:17Hannah Berner: you have to go our podcast content has gotten more riveting over the years well this is funny because i don't think he actually listens but occasionally be like what

23:27Paige DeSorbo: you talk about i black out i'll be like i don't know or i'll be like chess and he's like oh that's really unique and i'm like it's it's actually not it's pretty pretty predictable for the pot at this point like the girls are like chess boom no i literally talk about things that i would call

23:42Hannah Berner: you on the phone to say like i'm back to hair cycling i only washed once i'm getting back to

23:49Paige DeSorbo: like washing once a week you exhaust me you exhaust me i know like i can't keep up like

23:55Hannah Berner: with what were you doing last week i mean i'm going to get my second micro needling in three weeks like where true you know we have to stay on schedule why did you decide to go back to hair cycling um I don't know it just kind of happened I didn't mean for it to happen but I feel like it's easier in the summer and it's easier if my hair is longer for whatever reason you can do more with your hair greasy and long than I feel like you can short and long you're short and greasy do you think we're turning into the same person yeah I know because now you have long greasy hair i know no like sometimes like people will say like comment pictures like you guys look alike and i used to be like you guys are insane and now recently i'll look at a picture and i'll be like hallie we're not sisters we're twins we'll have the same facial expression because we're like

24:42Paige DeSorbo: so connected emotionally so like when someone's like take a photo we both have this like our eyes have this our eyes are saying the same thing smaller and our mouths do this thing where it's

24:50Hannah Berner: like like we have a secret to tell but we can't it's literally we make the facial expression of I have to tell you something but I can't do it right now that's the facial expression and I know

25:01Paige DeSorbo: exactly you know the second the photo's over I'm about to whisper something stupid

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27:05Hannah Berner: Save 25 % on your first month at ritual.com slash giggly. That's ritual.com slash giggly for 25 % off your first month. Wait, someone came up to Hannah at brunch. This is the most diabolical thing ever. And of course it was a man because no woman would ever put another woman in this situation. Guy comes up to Hannah at brunch and goes, I have to tell you something, but I can't do it until later. And I literally in my head was like, I'll throw up.

27:31Paige DeSorbo: I'll literally really throw no this is like a famous comedian and i'm like hi and he goes god tell you something i go tell me he goes can't tell you now and i go i'm not sleeping tonight no literally i was like we have to perform tonight how dare you don't have his number texted his assistant yesterday i try to be cool for like two days and i dm'd him i'm like what's the t didn't respond i mean obviously he's busy i see him on netflix like he's doing stuff but i'm like you started this with me so then i And it's all I've been thinking about. I have assistance contacts, so I texted his assistant yesterday, and I said, hey, you can give him my number if he wants to tell me anything.

28:07Paige DeSorbo: And she's like, what? Who knows if she even relayed that to him? She probably was like, no, I'm protecting him. No, I'll freak out. And I know he's busy. It's the Netflix. It's a joke, so I know he's not just sitting on his phone, but I'm also like, I'm stressed. And now I'm making things up. I have a full story of what he's telling me. and watch it because he's a this only thing because he's a boy there's a chance it's like a really bad piece of gossip like it's like I met someone's cousin and they know who you are yeah and I'm like that's what you kept me up from REM sleep for a week because someone knows someone

28:45Hannah Berner: who knows I've thought about it non-stop since it happened because it's such a great example on how men and women are different like he's compartmentalizing he forgot he told me that well 100 forgot and women also make decisions based on how other people are going to feel so and men have never thought of that in their lives like that was he poisoned me men go throughout their day checking off their own to-do list yes you have nothing and you have nothing to do with it babe

29:18Paige DeSorbo: also by the way there's this is something about womanhood i don't care where you are you can always tell me the gossip the person the gossip can be right there yeah we're finding a way to because women we have to communicate with each other to survive that was such a man thing because also we were in an open brunch like when you're in an open area your words like just disappear there's no echo also pull me aside if i pull me aside pull me there were so many crevices where you could have pulled me aside and whispered something in my ear like what it was it was a mansion there were 18 rooms we could have gone in for you to sit down and tell

29:58Hannah Berner: me what the fuck was going on not in the history of womanhood has a woman ever come up to me said i have to tell you something so important but i have to tell you in eight hours babe they invented texting in to the year 2000 whip out your phone and type it right now the best part

30:18Paige DeSorbo: as I tried to put it onto you. Did you see that? He looks at me and he goes, I got gossip. I go, about her? Because immediately I'm like, I've been so good. I don't say anything. This is my hailing paper. I don't say anything. I don't do anything. I'm not allowed to comment on anything. I'm not allowed to look at comments. I'm literally at peace. I don't go on certain websites. I'm at peace. So when someone says I have drama for you, I go, it better not fucking be me because I've been doing everything I'm supposed to do for the universe to leave me the fuck alone. so I literally go it has to be her

30:48Hannah Berner: it has to be her she's naughtier than me I'm like first of all you know I'm in a white dress so nothing bad can happen to me today how did you put that on me?

30:56Paige DeSorbo: not her you and I'm like why?

30:58Hannah Berner: not Ron not Hermione

31:01Paige DeSorbo: you but also one thing about me and you and I think you you like this about our friendship are you going to say you hate it? no even though I'm married I should be boring like I shouldn't have any gossip anywhere I go it finds me it finds me and I I know those people are like I'm not the drama it finds me and you're but like I have bad luck with certain social situations where like I find myself in pickles yeah often and that's why I I try to be selective about when I go outside because I have to like emotionally be able to carry it you have some

31:39Hannah Berner: type of magnetism to you and i don't know if it's like of your own doing someone say you got yourself

31:48Paige DeSorbo: into some situation okay i'm not completely innocent 100 i'll take accountability for that but i call it the subway test there's like 50 people and then there's a crazy person that comes on the subway they're gonna go up to someone yeah it's always me yeah like they literally find me and go beeline to me you have an aura and some type of aura that's like someone's here it's a star power yeah I'm gonna say main character energy where he's like I want to talk to you yeah but I'm normalizing in your 30s knowing that your 20s I feel like you're trying to be the main character you're like what's my character what's my vibe who am I I'm the main character of this book what's my story I'm working on getting into a situation and saying you don't have to be the main character which is difficult for me but healthy to be like let's be a side character in this story yeah let's watch other things let's just step back and then go home and you're not

32:46Hannah Berner: part of any drama drama you're not part of the main storyline i used to like someone would tell

32:52Paige DeSorbo: me something and i'd feel like i had to fight for them or i had to like say my piece yeah and i was I've been looking at old clips of you of me where you don't say anything and I'm like what if Hannah

33:07Hannah Berner: what if what if you just shut the fuck up what if you tried that for a little bit what if you shut up and well someone argue that you're being selfish by trying to get in the middle of everything but I would say that that's wrong that you truly do always want like justice for the underdog where i'd actually argue i'm more selfish because i'll be in situations where i'm like i could say something right now but what will that do for me i would say that you're better

33:40Paige DeSorbo: at politics than me yeah you're you're thinking big picture but i do like even when i was little you fight the good fight i would always be fighting the good fight but it doesn't always feel good after i'll pick and choose on those but you do when you someone fucks with you Yeah well that's I feel like in public settings I can be pretty quiet Like if someone's rude to me I like don't respond Yeah Like in New York when someone yells at me Or like a car honks at me I'll throw a bird up every now and then Remember how many people say that flipping the bird? Am I literally in the 70s?

34:16Hannah Berner: I was just gonna say My dad says that How often do you flip the bird like per year? Not enough as I should

34:24Paige DeSorbo: Well you should because you have the perfect finger for flipping the bird mine look like we can't tell what you're doing well we don't drive

34:31Hannah Berner: though like so i don't feel like we're because like face to face i'm not flipping the bird to someone on the sidewalk that's insane you're a crazy person in the comfort of your car i feel like i would be giving the finger more what level remember in middle school and someone said that if you put your pinky up that was giving the finger in chinese who made that up that was a

34:53Paige DeSorbo: I do vaguely remember that Someone who went to China And came back with Some worldly knowledge Someone who thought they were bilingual I'll ask Des Why would that start? I think this is an important question When you're dating a man And you go in the car with him for the first time How much road rage is acceptable? Because I feel like if he has no road rage he's it's he's getting taken advantage of so interesting because like being in the car can

35:26Hannah Berner: immediately give so many icks it can make or break a relationship yeah it really shows someone's aura

35:32Paige DeSorbo: yeah like i don't care if he pretended to be nice to a waitress for five minutes how does he act when someone cuts him off on the road that's his true character i don't want him to lose control and i don't want any violence but i love a little under the breath cursing yeah

35:50Hannah Berner: that actually turns me on i don't know if i've like been in the situation in truly the last 10 years where i've been like whoa dude your road rage was out of control like there's a natural like this fucking asshole yeah i think that's appropriate but i think if you're actually one time i knew i knew i had something i had to sit in it for a little i go that can't be right page you've dated psychos yeah i was like this isn't that's not checking out that you haven't been in a road raid situation also because you were dating people who were like

36:29Paige DeSorbo: driving at like 18 okay like in new york no one had a driver's license oh at 16 or 16 yeah i'm like eight that's even they've had their license for two years okay i didn't does it the first guy i've dated no first guy i dated with a car i was like 24 that's so interesting yeah like he had a car and i was like he has a car wow i was like you have a fucking car wait that is so because in college the guys didn't have cars it was like a walking town one of my teammates had a car and

36:58Hannah Berner: she was like the shit oh my god so much happens in high school in like the suburbs in your car or in fields yeah i was in fields a lot but what was i saying what did the guy do in the road rage incident okay you know in new york city we're like obviously there's so many intersections and they're so pivotal like to each other yeah and if you get you're in like rush hour traffic and you get one bus and the bus is kind of just like fuck you guys and they're in the middle well that was happening and i think i was on my way to the airport and this man got out of the back of the uber it wasn't he wasn't even driving no no and it wasn't a school bus but it was like a some type not like a greyhound bus but some type of like tour bus or like something and got out and went up to the bus and was like you're fucking it for everyone else but not in a like and you were

37:56Paige DeSorbo: Wait a second, can I do a photo shoot on this bus? Because I really like the back.

37:59Hannah Berner: Okay, well, I'll never forget because I was sitting in the back seat. I was eating a five napkin salad. And it was the day I discovered five. Have you ever had five napkin? It's not five guys, right? No, it's like on the, I think it's on the Upper West Side. Okay, I actually, I visualize it. And I'll never forget that day because it's the day I discovered one of my favorite salads. Wait, so you're like, I'm trying to enjoy my salad.

38:22Paige DeSorbo: And then this sound comes in. and i get this annoying voice him getting out of the uber is fucking crazy no it was this was

38:32Hannah Berner: before the ick was invented but i knew that i felt it right in that how did he come back like was he like got that guy yeah he came back like and nothing happened and i was like you're not moving the bus yeah you're not ty pennington like literally get a grip dude like you have a vest on you've never named your house ty pennington before i was waiting for the perfect time also it's funny

38:54Paige DeSorbo: because I'm a passenger princess so I observe it's actually the one time that I observe and sit back and observe and I love when like people get mad because people are cutting them off but then I watch them cut someone off and I'm like guys but I guess that's life sometimes you're the asshole and sometimes they're the asshole and then there's people like me it's like I didn't

39:12Hannah Berner: know I cut you off like sorry you know it's not everything is about you like I was in my own world I was vibing like you don't have to give me the finger because I didn't know I haven't driven

39:23Paige DeSorbo: enough i've like yeah someone's like honked at me before but i and yeah that actually really hurt my feelings i wanted to be like i'm two weeks in my husband is disappointed in me the gigglers want me to pass a test i have a lot of work i'm like we're in fucking west hampton why are you

39:43Hannah Berner: fucking honking where do you have to go i am nervous though like i haven't driven in so long I'm nervous it is kind of like You don't use it you lose it type thing

39:52Paige DeSorbo: I told someone the Summerhouse story recently About how I got in trouble for not driving It's my favorite story

39:58Hannah Berner: Do you know something I never talked about But something I did threaten Summerhouse with A couple of times that I should have followed Through on it was Because we had to drive to the Hamptons Every Friday my dad Would call me every Friday And be like I don't give a Fuck who's in charge down there you tell them i said you're not driving and i'd be like god i can't say that at like 27 years old that my dad said i can't drive to the hamptons but 100 000 that man was right i don't know how not everyone's comfortable with a five-hour drive on a highway with five people in the back and these were trucks we were driving times i was responsible for over four people in the car to drive for four hours on one of the busiest highways in the country but also not even

40:54Paige DeSorbo: to get to the highway you had to get through the city and everyone was trying to get out of the city and i had never driven in the city before oh that's so until then so yeah i got called out because i never drive and everyone's like hannah you're a selfish bitch and i was like i don't have my driver's license do you want to die and then afterward we're sitting in the bed and you were like i do have a driver's license but no one's mad at me and i was like you're an icon and a legend and but i was also thinking like i remember you would show up hung over yeah like you'd show up like my eyes were looking you were like seeing colors and yeah you had like you had like a scarf like that's just how i remembered you need to be like toilet paper that we had and you used it as a pillow if anything she's resourceful

41:39Hannah Berner: and i was like no one talks to her she's going through it and i was like you know we're about to drink all weekend and you're like i know yeah but that was my 20s like and i'm so proud of her i'm so now she is one spicy margarita listen to what happened to me what happened you tried to get me to go out again you little drunky oh my god i said no to her wait when did i go out to dinner saturday night i go out to dinner saturday night i'm like feeling myself whatever last night i wake up at like i don't know like 5 a.m this has been happening to me every single night i wake up at like 5 a.m i have the worst heartburn ever in my whole life i'm like literally i think i'm having like a heart attack my like acid reflux is so bad big meals you eat a ton of little ones it's yeah but i think it's because i eat such like spicy and i had like two spicy margaritas like the night before i wake up at 5 a.m i end up throwing up least surprising that you've ever said i end up throwing up because my acid reflux is so bad and where's kitty during this kitty's just like she's like she's sitting there but she's like okay because when you go to the bathroom they have to go with yeah like a cat will be with you in two seconds like whenever i can't find her i just go into the bathroom i'm like she'll be here in a minute okay so i'm up at 5 a.m i'm throwing up because of my acid reflux i end up like just like being up i start doing things i end up like putting a workout set on i'm like doing my laundry and that's turning a negative into a positive i'm like peak doing shit at like 8 30 then like 9 30 a.m rolls around i realize i'm a little sleepy.

43:20Hannah Berner: I want to take a little nap. I take a nap till 1130. I wake up and I go, did I like crack the code on the best schedule ever? Like why aren't people doing this schedule more? And then I realized that's the schedule of an infant. I woke up, threw up, played around for a little bit, said, mom, I'm tired. Go back to sleep. We've all before noon.

43:43Paige DeSorbo: We've all at 11 o 'clock been like I could nap right now but that would be depression I had a boyfriend for a couple

43:48Hannah Berner: of years one time and he would say Paige does this thing called morning naps and it was in that moment that I realized he was in fact right I was too immature but a morning nap like if you wake up at like you're one of those people that's like I really want to be a morning person and wake up and like work out why aren't more people doing that schedule but I guess the full eight hours is

44:15Paige DeSorbo: really what you need to be like healthy well Des wakes up at like 6 a.m and at like seven o 'clock I put on a movie to put him down and he immediately is out and I'm like he's had a long day like I woke up four hours ago he's been up yeah for like 16 hours sometimes he'll wake me up and he'd already be like i went on a run i played 18 holes of golf right i changed my name i like i have a

44:40Hannah Berner: new family like he does this he's like i just went and hung out at the dmv just for fun to see if

44:45Paige DeSorbo: they needed an extra hand he fully wakes me up do you want to wait you really made us laugh page called us in the morning and said happy mother's day des because he takes care of the family and i was gonna say happy mother's day to des he wakes me up like he i know that as a scorpio his mental load is like you wouldn't even be able

45:08Hannah Berner: to scratch the surface i put a lot on his mental load i put a lot on that man he's stressed he

45:14Paige DeSorbo: feels everything but he holds it together for the family he literally did a thing you know when your parents wake you up where they're like get up don't make me say it again he said that to me

45:24Hannah Berner: and i was like it's sunday did you ever tell the gigglers that one time um des told me something but he didn't want to tell hannah because he didn't want to stress hannah out and then hannah told me something but she didn't tell des because she didn't want to stress des out and i was like get me out of your perfect love story you fucking freaks like literally

45:43Paige DeSorbo: leave me alone that's our foreplay not telling each other things that will like cause anxiety then we all had to we had to like act all weekend like we both were fine and then finally you go you guys both know about this and then i was like why don't you fucking tell me i was like pretending everything was okay and he was like so was i and it wasn't i'm like get out of my apartment but you and des together are too powerful i don't like when you connect too much

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49:45Paige DeSorbo: oh my god and like 2022 and i just want to know like how dumb were we in 2022 because you know people go people change i think you actually can see like us change or lack there or it's exactly the same i don't know i can't get myself to listen to it like 2020 was when we started what a time

50:07Hannah Berner: which doesn't 2020 feels like two years ago but it was six do you know in 2006 was 20 years ago

50:15Paige DeSorbo: when the devil wears product came out yeah 20 years ago we've been friends for i'm only 20 years old

50:21Hannah Berner: we've been friends for 10 years really probably because if you count like meeting on summer house we really met that like year before yeah 10 years you know i had this thought the other day because i was i'm always like doing my hypothetical bachelorette party in my head same sorry i'm not stronger than the patriarchy but so i'm always like planning my hypothetical bachelorette party and you know how like people will always say oh don't trust her if she doesn't have any like childhood friends or like or they'll just like or they'll say different things like oh she always has a falling out with a friend or like girls that have big or even the opposite girls who have big groups of friends like can't trust them because they're not close with any of them or

51:03Paige DeSorbo: someone said if you just have childhood friends you can't make new friends that's a red flag

51:07Hannah Berner: there's anything you're wrong anyway you like and I would always kind of get down on myself because I remember like if I had a falling out with a childhood friend I'd be like oh my god what does that say about me as an adult? Like, am I not as nice as I was? Whatever.

51:22Paige DeSorbo: Are you a girl's girl? Yeah. Are you even a girl's girl?

51:29Paige DeSorbo: You knew a girl and you weren't nice to her? You're a girl's girl? How many girls do you have in your life? Are you a girl, girl, girl? I'm a girl's girl, girl.

51:36Hannah Berner: Wait, why is that the perfect accent?

51:40Paige DeSorbo: Because that's when I see a comment. That's how I read it. Is she even a girl's girl? have you even met a girl before are you even a girl

51:52Hannah Berner: do you have any girls in your basement i love when people will do like full dissertations on the internet and you're like wow that's a really good point and then at the bottom the end they'll be like and she's mean you're like okay um so whatever i always like think about that how like girl women get yelled at for like any type of friend they have and then i was thinking about men and how they always have so many group chats like i have so many girls in my dms being like my husband's group chat is like 14 of them and they all played little league together like i'm like okay great get something front anyway i feel like i figured out men have a ton of friends and they don't have falling outs and they have different groups of friends from different parts of their lives that they're still friends with because they have low emotional intelligence yeah they don't talk about anything if you talk about anything you'll never fight yeah they don't like even if they do get into a fight they don't even talk about that fight they just get over it even

52:47Paige DeSorbo: if they get gossip it dies with them like they don't tell anyone it we're like think about every problem in a girl's group it's because eventually one girl says something about the other girl the other girl agrees or disagree or disagrees and then immediate beef whenever i'm in a friend group there's that like initial high that like you're in a group and you feel like you belong to something yeah and then an immediate fear of oh no like there's gonna be drama and the second a little whisper comes in that like so and so said something about you you're like oh my god

53:20Hannah Berner: you know what we have to make sure of what we have to make sure we're in the same mom group

53:24Paige DeSorbo: oh no are you a girl mom's girl mom's mom are your mom's mom are you a girl mom mom um how about have you seen the thing on the end wait i know what it is i sound like a i'm in a um swedish club are you a girl's girl are you a girl's girl that's girl girl girl

53:48Hannah Berner: someone could do like a remix yeah like six five blue eyes

53:54Paige DeSorbo: wait imagine guys being like is he even a guy's guy are you a guy's guy though No Truly Actually the roast was Oh my god My favorite part of the roast Cause look Say what you want The man's gone through some stuff Yeah Cat Williams inspired me To be a stand up comedian He did phenomenal His opening of that special Where he walks on And he goes Every day I'm hustling Is the best opening of any special Anyway His career's you know There's been some craziness I think he got in a fight With an 8 year old Who knows Did he? which is hilarious yeah um so him and kevin have beef because he just like talked really bad shit about kevin on shannon sharp's podcast about how kevin's like an industry plant da da da and they don't fuck with each other yeah kat williams shows up and he calls kevin who is shannon sharp he's he was a football player i think or he does like

54:55Hannah Berner: sports stuff because i was like why does everyone every guy i've ever met know who that like know who it is people go on his podcast and i guess he gets a lot out of them yeah i've seen that but i'm but i didn't know what his like initial thing yeah how he started yeah he looks like a football

55:09Paige DeSorbo: player like he's jacked um so apparently kevin hart was supposed to host the oscars which is funny because if he got that gig he would have kept it forever yeah he's a really good host but he had a homophobic tweet come up and cat says what the tweet was which was if i had ever had a kid who was gay i would take a dollhouse and hit him in the head with it and cat goes and that's the gayest way to deal with your kid if he's gay and then he goes on to be like cat um he goes and then you you created a vegan restaurant chain gay and he goes and you're always hanging out with all these muscular men and the rock gay like he goes off about how gay it is um which is really funny and then they have this beautiful moment where they kind of say like let's make up like let's call a spade a spade which like is so boy to be like let's not talk about any of the things that were said or done and i'll trust you right now if you trust me

56:10Hannah Berner: let's move on literally the worst things ever it's like you were at a ditty party like if somebody tweeted page to sorbo is actually been seen at a ditty party and done like weird i'm never not even am I never speaking to that person again I'm literally no guiding your house down guys will get into physical altercations yeah and like still invite them on the bachelor party he's like

56:36Paige DeSorbo: well he was invited he'll be fine after a couple beers he's really fun actually they also can do

56:42Hannah Berner: the most insane things like the amount of times I've heard guys be like oh I became friends with him because like we were dating the same girl and then like and I'm like that's like kind of

56:52Paige DeSorbo: fucked up or it's like the most random thing like i'll see two guys sitting next to each other at my stand-up show and like they'll immediately become best friends after saying like four words

57:01Hannah Berner: to each other like i got his number and like we're hanging out tomorrow well they say because they don't have they don't feel competition between each other because there's enough seats for all the men but women feel insane competition because there's not enough seats for us well it's

57:14Paige DeSorbo: like because we we are like trying to protect no they're protecting and we're the attackers like we have to get power so we have to like you know what i said to a man over the weekend i said yeah

57:26Hannah Berner: and we're the only species that's attracted to our number one predator and he looked at me and goes

57:31Paige DeSorbo: oh he goes it's 7 a.m go back to sleep i was just asking if he wanted still or sparkling anyway do you know why i couldn't go to dinner that night why because i was editing the podcast I edit all day Fighting for my life Shout out to Grace We respect your work No we really do Back in the day When I was editing the pod We didn't have video Right Now it's like There's video There's baked in ads There's like No she does a lot It's She's talking to the CEO of Duncan Before she goes Like it's crazy But Grace sent me a photo Which I'll put in the newsletter Of her Floating in water Saying me while you're fighting for your life And you know what?

58:16Paige DeSorbo: She deserves it. She does. She deserves it. It's important that you make sure that your employees take breaks. Take a rest.

58:25Hannah Berner: Yeah. No, you have to have good benefits and resting days. Yeah. Josie literally takes off whenever she wants. I'm like, yeah, girl. Mental health day for me, too, actually. She tells me when she thinks we should take the day off.

58:40Paige DeSorbo: She goes, we've gone too far.

58:41Hannah Berner: She's like, I canceled everything. I'm like, you can't. she goes it's been a long weekend one day one day she really did call me and she goes i think you're gonna be tired for that in two days so i'm gonna cancel it i'm like no we can't cancel that

58:54Paige DeSorbo: she's like no i'm gonna i do love though when someone puts something on my schedule and they're like are you sure and i go you're so fucking right i'm gonna be i'm not gonna make it um one thing we

59:02Hannah Berner: can't cancel is today well it'll be today tuesday may 12th daphne summer is launching oh daphne fits and i really like i've been trying to make a bloomer for a really long time wait what is a bloomer like the little like shorts that look like because i feel like they're more pajama than they are like going out out yeah and like in the summer i wanted like a little strip so i've been like trying to make them in different fabrics and i we finally like figured it out so they're launching woman in stem and we just have like cute little like sets for over bathing suits yeah it's really fun summer how many pieces a lot you i don't know i'm not involved in that part summer collection like there's like three different pants matching tops i'm just like

59:47Paige DeSorbo: so happy for you because i feel like you were meant to say i came out with a collection you love saying the word collection you are the collection and i'm really trying to lean i'm

59:59Hannah Berner: leaning into daphne this summer like i really just want to lean into it and our show and giggly so i forgot a match so much you have to go actually i just realized oh yeah she goes

1:00:10Paige DeSorbo: actually never mind i have to go forget all that oh i want to leave us on a mental health moment okay i was getting a spray tan at 10 p.m in la and boom period mental health i was talking about asking her about if she does a lot of weddings because it's like wedding season and she's like you know what's interesting when a bride is really crazy more crazy things happen to her the weekend of the wedding or when a bride is calm less stuff happens to her and I was like that is so life like when you come in with bad energy bad energy finds you it's almost like you you um you manifest craziness we're like not that crazy things aren't happening to the calm bride but it doesn't like extrapolate like it doesn't crazy word yeah it doesn't like build and momentum it's like if you're in a china shop and you're a bull yeah if you trip on one thing and then you stop it's like you tripping and then getting mad and then you hit something else and that hit something else and it becomes crazy so i just want everyone to leave with that be try to be the calm bride and the world will respond to you love that we love you guys so much thank you for giggling and we'll talk to you later bye