Giggling about scoliosis, sex life, and sore losers

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1:23Paige DeSorbo: Yeah. No, the reason I'm asking that. Phenomenal question. You know what I mean? Like with the mouth?

1:28Hannah Berner: Yeah. Who's smiling? Who's smiling?

1:31Paige DeSorbo: I wish we were recording. We were recording. Oh, we are? So when we're making little jokes during sex because we're two comedians just being silly, he, and I laugh, he takes his hand and puts it over my face. And that's us being crazy.

1:47Hannah Berner: She did like an interview with someone or maybe it was even on her podcast. She was talking to someone and she was like, I don't give off sex immediately. And when I'm having sex, I want it to be like fun and funny and like it's hot in here. And like she was like, and I feel like that's why I have a hard time. Like, what are you laughing about?

2:10Paige DeSorbo: Because like, let's be honest, sex is awkward. So we get the giggles. So we're giggling. But he's annoying because like he'll like do some impression or something and I'm like laughing. but then when I do something weird he's like can you please be serious impressions in the bedroom

2:28Paige DeSorbo: I don't know but comedians we have intimacy issues so in that moment instead of just being like we also you know what I do I'll like pretend to be sexy so I'll be like yes I've been thinking about you all day you smell so good he'll be like please stop doing that and then I'm like laughing and I'll be like I like how you're looking at me like that kind of shit like okay so let's just say

2:48Hannah Berner: on an average because everyone's different and like everyone's schedule is different. You love getting into my sex life right now. What's the average, not even yours, that you think a married couple is not having sex, making love once every six months? Like not I'm just like fucking.

3:09Paige DeSorbo: When you're married, when you're fucking, like that's gotta count too. No, it totally counts.

3:14Hannah Berner: I'm saying how sorry i haven't seen you in person with the mouth but you haven't no i haven't it's crazy

3:30Paige DeSorbo: i'm so upset because i gave myself a pep talk last night and was like it's getting so much better we've seen so much improvement and i just sat down and page was like holy fuck this is way worse than we thought. No, your upper lip looks so good. It looks like you got lip injection. Okay, so this is what happened. One of the comments is like, Hannah, for the love of God, please put a lip tint on before you record the pod. Oh, okay. Because they don't like my pale lips. I told you to get those milk jelly ones. Which I love. Yeah. This is a side note, but these lip tints, they're always too bright pink.

4:04Paige DeSorbo: Yes. Can we please make a - Like Barbie-ish. Yeah, can we please make a - You need the Clinique. A mocha. Yeah. A little amber. I like a cool tone. Anyway, so I put it on the lip tint today, but I went like I tried to overline it with the lip tint. And then it looked like I sucked a rocket popsicle. Yeah. Like I was just a kid whose parents forgot about them for like three hours and it was like hyped up. And it was just red all over. So I put concealer as like a mustache. And honestly, it kind of was working. No, it actually looked really good. It was kind of working. But Paige, you know that I'm still, you guys know I'm trying to act.

4:40Paige DeSorbo: so I've like been auditioning yeah well well not now so when it happened I literally was like how am I gonna be an actor when I can't have a wide range of emotion yeah so I got an audition for like a cop that was great where I'm basically like like serious but these are comedies so like

5:02Hannah Berner: whatever you know what my what I would love to know you know when they're like saying like describing what the role is and then they send it to the agents and they're like if you have anyone that you think like fits this description what was the description of the cop that one of

5:16Paige DeSorbo: your agents was like i have the perfect it's always like i either play like lesbian cop funny friend yeah um then oh yeah i played a lawyer that was an addition i did a lawyer but then this last one I was supposed to be a funny best friend.

5:33Hannah Berner: Yeah. And at one point, I like, look, I'm delusional.

5:37Paige DeSorbo: Yeah. And I actually now think I look good. We knew this was going to happen. I'm like, I look good. Yeah. Let's stop pretending this is a problem. People love it. And then I watched the audition and I'm like, oh my God, put me away. Yeah. Did they send it in? No. No. But there are some faces I'm making that aren't human. That's a thing. It's one thing if like I was, I'm making a face that like. That's not natural. Yeah, like no one's. Like you're, it's just. So anyway, my acting career has been stalled for a second. So we're just going to put that on pause.

6:09Hannah Berner: I took the Oscar off the manifestation board. Anytime they send me roles that they're like, we think you'd be good for this. It always starts out like she's really bitchy. And I'm like, guys, how many high school?

6:21Paige DeSorbo: Actually, you just learn what your agents think of you. Yeah. But I hate when they send me roles that I'm not going to get. like this one role I had a whole fight with them because it was like we want a Pilates instructor girl and I said look if I was a casting director I'd want a tiny blonde yeah and they were like no we think you could be good with you because I said this is gonna take a whole day and I don't think it's worth it they're like no I'm like if they cast a tiny blonde I'm gonna be fucking pissed and did they because yeah you know what I've been asking for no one listens to me voiceover auditions yes Europe's because you can sit during the whole thing because you can sit

6:56Hannah Berner: during the whole thing you don't need to have glam you can just like it's well it's a dream let's be honest you really thrive during your audiobook era no no i got so deep in the audiobook i went back and i did another thing for calm app yes and they were like do you know how i got i'm a pro it's my favorite thing you have a good voice i don't know if i i think thank you I personally don't think Have we been in therapy? No but we've been texting Trying to find a time

7:31Paige DeSorbo: Sorry Should I cover my mouth?

7:33Hannah Berner: I don't think I have a good voice Because it's my own voice But I do think that voiceover is like People don't realize how You can make so much money from voiceover And you never even see them Apparently Will Arnett

7:46Paige DeSorbo: Everyone thought he like stopped acting Apparently he does voiceover for like everything and he's making like tons of money. Yeah. Also known as Amy Poehler's ex.

7:54Hannah Berner: Right. You know, in my head, when people do say his name, that is the first thought Amy Poehler's ex has. Yeah.

8:01Paige DeSorbo: Quick question. Are you happy that I walked in with a pimple?

8:04Hannah Berner: Just saw it. No. No, that's like, okay. Actually, what just pissed me off is you asking that question because that's barely a pimple. That's like a, that's like. It's amateur hour. Yeah. that's like you sweat a little too much yesterday while you were that's exactly what happened basking in the sun and your skin was like okay actually i'm just sweaty in general i have to

8:26Paige DeSorbo: bask in the sun i just was sweating like on a couch somewhere once have you ever had like a real cystic well i had a cystic and i freaked out and went on instagram i was like who wants to stab me which like of course this happened to me i'm like this is where i get my sources from instagram and then like the next day it went away i was like never mind so then it wasn't because they don't go away in a day i wonder if that's like well hereditary like you just don't you've never had one when i get pimples i sorry when i have my period i get one pimple on my forehead and people are like no it's supposed to be on your chin let women

9:06Hannah Berner: don't control our insecurities let women exist okay also i went to acupuncture oh yes in like someone's house.

9:15Paige DeSorbo: Everyone was like, don't go. Don't go see Marianne. Marianne was the person just answering the phone, so I didn't mind that she didn't know what a master was. That's not her job. Marianne could have been a temp for all we know. Yeah. She could have been, like, covering for her friend. Yeah. Women supporting women. I was realizing, I don't want a male acupuncturist. Like, I don't want a man with a weapon.

9:35Hannah Berner: No. Do you get male masseuse? I do like a male masseuse. I like a hard hand every now and then. My girl, Laura, who I like, do you know I've been getting a massage once a week? I know I didn't tell you this. Does she do stretches too? She does it all. She's amazing. She like, she's the one, wait, did I tell you my scoliosis thing? No. Okay, I'm getting a massage. This is right before I leave for Italy. I'm getting a massage and she's like, wow, you're like, you're like really tight in your neck and your shoulders. Like to the point where it's like athletic. She's like, what are you doing that you're so tight?

10:11Hannah Berner: And I'm like, I'm literally nothing. like walking, like maybe I'll do like a sculpt society workout, like for like 20 minutes, like once a year. She's like, do you have scoliosis like a little bit? Because like your spine definitely isn't fully like in line. And I'm like, no, I'm 33 years old. Like I would know if I had scoliosis. So I'm like in Italy and I'm telling my mom, I'm like, yeah, I'm just like, my back is always so sore. I'm always doing back exercises, like always trying to do stuff for my posture like getting a massage once a week is because your torso is so short I don't know but I say to my mom oh my masseuse actually thinks I have like scoliosis like do you have every spine

10:52Paige DeSorbo: you need to like because your torso is only so long my mom goes you do kind of have scoliosis

10:56Hannah Berner: a little bit oh you're gonna put that in the report card I know what well what she goes well when it came time to get you checked you didn't have it enough to say that you had scoliosis but you were right there oh you're on the cusp I was on the cusp and they were just thought whatever but I'm like no I think I fully have it. That's the same with your dyslexia well no you made that up I've gotten so many messages being like it's okay we know you're dyslexic and I'm like but I'm not I started the rumor that you're dyslexic and you got engaged in Italy I'm an engaged dyslexic

11:34Paige DeSorbo: dyslexic bitch who can't drive I never said you can't drive I never said you can't drive.

11:41Hannah Berner: So that's my scoliosis story.

11:42Paige DeSorbo: Wait, so Stuart Fullerton, who opens for me, who's hilarious, who everyone has to follow. She's so fucking funny. Has a whole bit about how she was jealous of the girls that were like, I got scoliosis. Did you? Cool girls have scoliosis.

11:55Hannah Berner: And she was like, I want scoliosis. No, I don't even remember getting checked for it.

12:00Paige DeSorbo: It was like one day that was like, it's scoliosis day.

12:03Hannah Berner: And it was like during gym class. And you had to take your shirt off.

12:05Paige DeSorbo: And it was like super dramatic.

12:07Hannah Berner: I like vaguely remember it, but I don't remember there being chatter after I had my turn. I don't remember everyone huddling about it.

12:16Paige DeSorbo: One thing we know about Kim is she hid a lot from you to protect you. She hid whenever you didn't get a role. She was like, they wanted a blonde.

12:22Hannah Berner: Do you know that she hid the ending of Charlotte's Web? She read the book Charlotte's Web to me. And then I went to school in the fifth grade and they all talked about Charlotte's Web. And they said, so sad when Charlotte died. And I said, Charlotte didn't die. and they said yes she does at the end of the book I go no she didn't my mom read me the book that wasn't the ending Charlotte lit happily ever after I went home I said mom we need to talk let her protect her baby she goes well you were so

12:53Paige DeSorbo: young and I didn't want you to be upset that reminds me I went to see Bambi too early in my psyche

13:00Hannah Berner: yeah and

13:01Paige DeSorbo: the mom gets killed immediately Which, like, who at Disney was like, you know how we should start this child film? Disney loves a dead mom. Loves a dead mom. The earlier, the better. It's like a TikTok. Like, let's reel him in with a murdered mom. So the first three seconds I was, like, appalled. Yeah. And then throughout the movie I can't enjoy it because I'm like, where's the mom? The more that I think about it, really, Disney loves a dead parent. It's actually kind of crazy. Think of any movie, Disney movie, and there's always something going on with the parents.

13:35Hannah Berner: Yeah. Which? Snow White didn't even have parents. No. I mean, The Little Mermaid? Who's her daddy? Who's her mom? Who's her mom? She doesn't have a mom.

13:45Paige DeSorbo: King Poseidon is her dad. My mom had me stay till the movie started again to be like, there's the mom.

13:55Hannah Berner: Wait, so smart. Mom's back. And then as we're leaving you here. I saw a woman on TikTok who was like trying to tell her son.

14:05Paige DeSorbo: Chris, are you fucking texting? Chris, you're finally back with us and you're texting. Who's Young Jesse?

14:14Hannah Berner: Don't ever say the phrase Young Jesse talk. We are business women. We are business women. We don't. Okay. Tell Young Jesse. It's not his time. speaking of working out because i actually have been doing my sculpt society i saw like my little app you're so cute well it's just like a 20 minute and i like it it's like chill and you want to know the best thing about working out at home you can pause it yeah like when you're at a workout class and they're like take a 10 second drink break like no bitch i need two minutes at least i need you to count to 60 twice because I can't do it in that time so like when you're working out at home it's

14:54Paige DeSorbo: like and you like feeling naughty to be like what if I just paused it and she didn't even know I

14:59Hannah Berner: took a longer break I'm like what if I did the second half after lunch who's gonna know but anyway nobody's gonna know I've been doing butt exercises as one does you're so mad you don't

15:11Paige DeSorbo: have BBL allegations you're every day you wake up obviously the summer I get a stomach virus

15:18Hannah Berner: there's BBL allegations going around about everyone but me like so annoying I couldn't even get on the Ozempic allegation because there's now a parasite going around when I do butt exercises sometimes I have to like stop halfway through and not because it's like hurting my butt it's literally hurting my vagina like it and I'm very triggered when it comes to like feeling like I have a UTI and that's the feeling I get it's almost like I have to pee I'm gonna Doing it in a thong? What the fuck would that have to do with anything? When it's inside of my body, I'm feeling it. I'm sorry. Because you're already like being held by a string.

15:56Hannah Berner: Actually, no. Because sometimes I do it in my - Put that long ass finger down. Sometimes I do it in my pajamas and I have no underwear on. So no. And it still hurts your vagina? Yeah. It just feels like I - It's not that it's hurting.

16:09Paige DeSorbo: Does it feel like after a bike ride when you're like, oh? No. It's not like - It's like - Maybe you had sex.

16:15Hannah Berner: and it's hurting from that and then you worked out. No, it's not. It's like it almost feels like my pelvis isn't strong. Like I need to do more Kegels is what it feels like.

16:24Paige DeSorbo: I do have to say the Giggler doctors are exhausted by us. They turn on the episode and they get out their notepad and they're like, okay, now we have to dig in.

16:32Hannah Berner: And the only reason I think I'm more sensitive to it than other people. Don't say you have a small canal. I'll kill you.

16:40Hannah Berner: That factors into it. But I think anytime I feel even the slightest resemblance of a UTI, I'm like. You have PTSD. Yeah, I freak out.

16:49Paige DeSorbo: You have UTI PTSD.

16:51Hannah Berner: I do.

16:52Paige DeSorbo: But I have heard, though, that like working out with a thong. Is bad for you? It's bad because the butt and the vagina are too close.

17:03Hannah Berner: Yeah.

17:04Paige DeSorbo: And it can get. The movement. The bacteria. Movement. Exactly. They're like.

17:13Paige DeSorbo: also grace made fun of me because we have some like cool cousins staying with us yeah and they have like um a bag full of stuff and i said this is their getting high stuff is that what i called it and grace just starts dying laughing i'm like what do you want me to say and then this is their like it's weed and des said pot no des his brother said pot and des was like they don't call it pot Not anymore. This is the 70s. But like our family, we're just, we don't touch that stuff. Yeah. And what was it a bag of? Wrapping papers. And I smelled something in there. You're literally a mom.

17:52Hannah Berner: You want to know what's crazy is like you're going to have kids and I'm going to have to tell you things that they're secretly doing because I have ears and eyes. And you're going to be like flabbergasted.

18:05Paige DeSorbo: dead no apparently kids no i'm not even getting into it kids do stupid stuff i'm just the parent still to this day with everyone on instagram smoking kills it truly does my first on my friend smoking something and i texted her smoking kills recently yeah in italy lucho made me smoke a

18:25Hannah Berner: cigarette with him and you want to know what i could only do half was it a skinny one yeah it was okay you liked how it looked it was like aesthetic but I literally thought of you right

18:37Paige DeSorbo: as I was sparking is it healthier in Italy to smoke yeah it is okay yeah that's what I think

18:44Hannah Berner: it's healthier in Italy it's healthier in Europe to smoke because their food is better okay so I have to tell you guys something every summer I have at least three moments a week where I'm like wait why do I have dinner a rooftop girls night a weekend trip all in the next 48 hours

19:01Paige DeSorbo: And somehow you've packed two outfits for six events.

19:04Hannah Berner: Exactly. And that's why I always end up on Revolve. It's genuinely where I go. I don't want to overthink my outfit. Everything is styled in a way that actually makes sense. And it already feels curated.

19:15Paige DeSorbo: Also, if you're anything like us, you panic order 12 options at midnight. Which I absolutely do. I'm obsessed that the shipping's fast, the returns are easy, and suddenly your spiral becomes a strategy.

19:27Hannah Berner: And what I love is I'll find one top I like, And then Revolve shows me similar options so I can build an entire look. It's dangerous, but it is efficient.

19:35Paige DeSorbo: And you can literally shop by vibe. So date night, night out, vacation, meeting your boyfriend's friends and wanting them to think you're effortlessly cool. They got it.

19:43Hannah Berner: Or running into your ex and thriving.

19:45Paige DeSorbo: Huge category.

19:46Hannah Berner: I recently got this pink house skirt and matching top and I got it from Revolve. I got it for a dinner downtown. And it was one of those outfits where everyone just kept asking me where it was from. And, you know, that's my favorite. at.

19:58Paige DeSorbo: Also, the amount of times I've gone on there thinking I just need one outfit and then 30 minutes later I've planned my entire summer is honestly very impressive.

20:05Hannah Berner: So whether it's a girl's night, a date, or one of those I need to look hot but not like I tried too hard moment, Revolve always has it. Go to revolve.com slash giggly and use code giggly for 15 % off your first order. Fast shipping, easy returns, it just works. That's revolve.com slash giggly. You can shop our faves and get 15 % off your first order. Offer ends August 4th, so don't miss out. Okay, so my plan this summer is to grab a bunch of my girlfriends, buy a big bucket of popcorn, sit back, and feel all the feels watching a movie in the theater. And you know what will fill that void? One Night Only, which is about to be the summer's biggest rom-com when it hits theaters August 7th.

20:43Hannah Berner: I can't wait. It's from the director of Anyone But You and EZA and stars Monica Barbaro and Callum Turner. Set in New York City, the two bump into each other on the one night a year, single people are allowed to have sex. This sounds so messy and I'm 100 % in. One night only is in theaters August 7th. I'll be there. I really love summer, but it does throw curveballs if you have a routine, if you have a morning routine, a night routine, and God forbid you're on vacation and you can't access any health care. That's why I want to talk to you about WISP because WISP really is the go-to for women's health needs.

21:19Hannah Berner: and when I'm on the go, I need to know that if I get a UTI, I'm covered. I've gone on countless vacations and gotten a UTI and had to spend the day in urgent care and it has truly ruined so many different trips in my life or I've woken up really early and had to like drive to a pharmacy that's like an hour away to try and get a prescription. That's why I love WISP. It's trusted by over 1.8 million people nationwide and whether it's a UTI prescription or a last minute emergency contraception, WISP has licensed medical professionals available in all 50 states. There's no waiting rooms and the best thing is you don't have to go to an urgent care.

21:56Hannah Berner: So for anyone who's traveling this summer, maybe you get nauseous in cars, boats, plane rides, you can get a prescription for Zofran and it's a carry-on essential. And sometimes your vaginal health can be a little bit of a problem on vacation too. New water, stress, whatever. WISP has over-the-counter probiotics and supplements to keep your microbiome on track. You can send them your local pharmacy address or they can ship directly to you. That's real healthcare that actually works with your life. So take 15 % off your first order with code Giggly at HelloWisp.com. That's HelloWisp.com. Prescription products require a consultation with a healthcare provider and medications are available if medically appropriate.

22:36Hannah Berner: Must be 18 or older. Restrictions apply. See website for full

22:39Paige DeSorbo: details you guys know i'm obsessed with lululemon they literally have the highest quality clothes that last forever and i'm currently loving the flow y tank from lululemon i'm always chasing the feeling of looking put together but also like looking hot in my workout clothes i personally love a spaghetti type strap i feel like it makes my arms look really cute and the flow y bra has such a loyal following forever and I wear it to every single Pilates class. I wear it on walks. I wear it before a full day of errands. I'll throw a little windbreaker over it. It's literally my go-to racerback design.

23:18Paige DeSorbo: Racerbacks look really good for my body type and it honestly feels weightless. I'm not tugging at it, adjusting it, and it's buttery soft Nulu material that Lululemon is known for and you guys know I can't wear uncomfortable stuff. I'll freak out. And the built-in support is a great detail because I don't like adding a bra. I love when the bra is attached to it. I wear Lululemon and you should too. Go to lululemon.com right now. New styles drop all the time and the colors go fast. So don't wait. And if something doesn't work for you, free returns always. That's lululemon.com, lululemon.com. Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast.

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24:32Paige DeSorbo: So my cousin Kara, who is the originator of the lasagna story, she has two little boys. Now I get over to her house and she goes, the boys are downstairs being shy. Now one thing about kids, you're not going to be shy around Aunt Hannah.

24:46Hannah Berner: Yeah.

24:47Paige DeSorbo: You're not.

24:47Hannah Berner: Yeah.

24:48Paige DeSorbo: So I go downstairs and one thing about me, I will rile these kids up. So immediately I'm like, you're ready to play. I said, Hannah's hungry to eat little feet. So then I... Oh, you had to get into a character. With this face? Yeah. Actually, they were probably not around that. They were, like, traumatized. No, but little boys, they love running. So I'm like, I'm going to get you. So they start yelling. We're running. They're chasing. So I'm chasing these little boys. And there's two of them. So they're hard, you know? And these little kids are fucking fastest kids I've ever met. So I'm running around this, like, basement.

25:23Hannah Berner: Is Lois the same where, like, she's hyper? Because I feel like when you're with Lois, you're doing, like, table activities. You're coloring. You're doing arts and crafts. She's going to put an outfit on. You're going to tell her how good she looks. Well, Lois will, like, steal you and be like, okay, this is – Come into my world.

25:38Paige DeSorbo: Yeah, she'll shut the door and she's like, I'm a princess. You have to save me. And I'm like, Lois, I have so much to do today. And she's like, I'm going – but she'll be like, I'm going to die. Like she'll get all dramatic and I'm like, okay, I'll save you. Because if I'm around kids. I do this with dogs too. I get them all riled up and then I leave.

25:58Hannah Berner: Yeah. And if I'm around kids, I see who comes to me and like what they're like. I'm never going to them.

26:06Paige DeSorbo: No, I'm like this kid doesn't know I'm about to be his best friend. Yeah. But I don't do it. Like I wait for eye contact. I'm not a monster. But, you know, you give a little funny face. Kids love a funny face.

26:16Hannah Berner: Yeah, they do.

26:16Paige DeSorbo: They love Osama. Not my genre. They love a funny face. Not your genre. No, my humor is actually two-year-old kid. Like once I get him going, I'm like, I'm killing you today. Where I'm like, I wish there was like a kitchen table activity we could do. Yeah. So we're running around and then we start playing baseball and one of the kids gets upset because he like wasn't playing. He played great, by the way. He like missed one thing and he's really hard on himself. Yeah. And he's afraid of being called a sore loser. Is this bad? I'm spilling like all the tea on her son. He's like, can I have privacy for one second?

26:48Paige DeSorbo: but he he was so cute because he goes upstairs and he's like everyone's gonna call me a sore loser so then I'm in that moment like I'm not gonna let my baby be upset and I go upstairs and I say you're not a loser and he goes sore loser yeah he's like I'm a sore loser and he goes everyone thinks I suck and I was like I was I was taught gossiping about you no one said that they've

27:10Hannah Berner: said other things no one called you a sore loser oh my god this is anxiety really and like I'm

27:16Paige DeSorbo: feeling connected to him because like in that moment when I felt like a loser I wanted someone to feel good so I was like he literally had the like everyone hates me he literally was

27:24Hannah Berner: everyone talking about how I didn't get the ball by the way he's so good at baseball too yeah so he's just being so hard himself that's just me like on my way here today you know I'm like everyone hates me on the sidewalk like they can't believe I stepped outside today so honestly parenting so

27:41Paige DeSorbo: interesting because you get to like relive childhood trauma so then I look at him and I said regardless what you feel you can be two people you could be i'm giving him a speech like a movie i'm like you could be lying here for the rest of the day or you can be the comeback kid oh you gave him a phrase i said so i'm gonna be down there holding the ball waiting for you to put your shoes back on and for you for you to hit a home run and if you want to be the comeback kid who can deal with adversity he's like i don't know what adversity means i'm like just go with it i think the comeback That kid is a movie.

28:14Hannah Berner: And I actually. Kevin Costner. It didn't work. Oh, he still won't leave the room. Still won't leave the room. Okay, now. But he's liking the attention. Okay, now at that point. You're done. I'm done.

28:24Paige DeSorbo: No, I'm canceling my plans. I said, we have an emergency on our hands.

28:28Hannah Berner: At that point, I'm like, you don't want to have fun with everyone else? Then you can sit in here and cry by yourself because we're all going to be outside having fun. No, you're right. If I was the mom, that's what I'd do.

28:35Paige DeSorbo: But I'm the fun aunt. Also, I was getting in trouble because kids love being called like poopy head. so once I know their humor I'm like throwing it around I'm like what's up poopy head which like I can't even bring myself to like I go what's up fart face I think it's so funny and Kara is like Hannah all we've been trying to do is get them to stop saying fart and poop and that's all you've done like I'm literally the worst enabler yeah but then after we played baseball typical Italian family we go to um a big Italian restaurant chicken parmesan all this stuff forgot I had Pilates after.

29:10Hannah Berner: Let's just say I dealt with adversity that day. I feel like you're the kind of person that is never canceling a class because the late fee would keep you up at night.

29:20Paige DeSorbo: The late fee and then also just disappointed in myself for not being able to

29:25Hannah Berner: do what I was supposed to do. I don't have that kind of guilt. In my head, I'll say you can't put price on convenience like if i want to cancel because it's convenient for me and i'm getting

29:38Paige DeSorbo: charged the slate fee my convenience is worth so much more than the slate fee i walked in i said i have calamari up to my throat right now one wrong move how did you not fart throughout the class i got i got lucky like it was a moon the stars um but it was scary do you feel like you're having an intense mercury retrograde yeah i've been shot i've been shot i can't believe you

30:08Hannah Berner: chased kids around saying you're gonna bite their feet with your face looking like that actually that's probably why he was crying really terrifying i'm like still scared of it because even if you came into my home right now i'd be scared of that okay i just want to say one thing when you shamed me for gargling with peroxide i have had so many nurses doctors just regular girls dm me and say it's the best thing ever and totally acceptable and it's crazy i don't have one of those messages well because you're with the salt water people you're with the salt water people and my team we're taking we're just going right to peroxide and drugs.

30:52Hannah Berner: Is it actually hydrogen peroxide or is it like a specific kind of thing? No, just hydrogen peroxide. What if like what if you slip and like you inhale? What do you mean inhale? Like swallow it? I don't know. I think you're fine.

31:06Paige DeSorbo: Can we talk about how hard it is to actually inhale weed? No.

31:14Hannah Berner: Because it's literally just, you drink from a straw? Yeah, but like I

31:19Paige DeSorbo: because I thought you just breathe and it goes in And you have to like actually feel it going.

31:23Hannah Berner: You know what I actually think is really hard? What? When you're smoking a cigar, you're not actually smoking a cigar. Like if you were to inhale that, everyone's like, oh, you would get so sick or like you'd get so dizzy. Like no one's inhaling it. Actually, when we go on our family vacation, because we go at like the same time every year, there's also people that are also there at the same time every year. There's this like older couple, like older. Obsessed with them already. The guy sits in a chair and the wife like lays down on the thing. I've never seen this. He chews a cigar the whole day.

32:00Hannah Berner: He's had a long life. Nothing else was. Actually, he got taken out by the stomach virus because one day I didn't see him. One day I didn't see him. And I thought, hmm, I wonder where he is. Maybe he swallowed. And because there's no HIPAA in Italy, I found out from one of the pool guys that he isn't back sick.

32:17Paige DeSorbo: I love that there's no HIPAA in Italy when HIPAA sounds Italian. HIPAA. HIPAA. HIPAA.

32:24Hannah Berner: Also, because I love, now I love, like, red pill dating shows. The girls made me watch The Ultimatum. Oh, on Netflix. Someone got kicked off because of how awful they spoke to their partner in text messages. Like, immediately.

32:43Paige DeSorbo: Wait, like, producers stepped in and they were like, this is too much?

32:46Hannah Berner: Yes, kicked him off. Then a couple episodes later. If I had a nickel. No, a couple episodes later, this is so crazy. So they get, so someone gives an ultimatum. Like, hey, if you don't want to marry me, like I'm gone. We're going to do this. First of all, it's, I have so much to say, actually. I need to collect my thoughts. It's a ridiculous premise of a show because if anyone is doing this show, you guys are already fucked as a couple. But like, I digress. It's great entertainment. Imagine the motherfuckers.

33:15Paige DeSorbo: You're like, you know what would make this better? if we actually did this on TV.

33:18Hannah Berner: You know what would be better is if you went and lived with a different girl for three weeks. Wait, wait, don't tell me, don't tell me.

33:24Paige DeSorbo: Just wait for the show. Yeah, like, so anyway,

33:26Hannah Berner: so someone gives an ultimatum in the couple. They go to this experience. They couple up with other people. They live with other people for a couple weeks to see if the grass is greener or if they want to go back to the original.

33:39Paige DeSorbo: The show is just like making the breakup, at least monetizing a breakup.

33:43Hannah Berner: Yes. eventually they all end up like breaking up now while this one girl is that wasn't a spoiler we don't know for sure while this one girl is coupled up with not her boyfriend who she's doing the experience with they're going somewhere and she sees on his phone that he's texting his group chat the group chat is talking about how his his original girlfriend is blonde and has big boobs and now the girl he's coupled up with is brunette and she has no no boobs or ass and she hasn't like You know, it's like all guys text about. It's so crazy. But then the friends go on to say, well, what if we just like hooked up?

34:22Hannah Berner: What if we just like fucked her basically? And the guy she's coupled up with like texts back in the group and is like, that's wild or like that's crazy. So she sees the text messages and she's like, dude. The blonde girl? No, this isn't even his girlfriend. It's the girl he's coupled up with. Got it. So she sees all the messages and she's like, what? what? Like, this is, this is insane. And like really scary. She tells his girlfriend and that girl's kind of like, yeah, like this is like him. Like my thing about these kinds of shows is I think in the year 2026, it's getting to a point where they're casting these men who have psychological issues.

35:02Hannah Berner: Like, it's not just like, oh, he's like a bad dude. And he like goes on dates with a bunch of women. Like, no, they're methodically thinking about how to like control these girls. This one guy said to the girl he was coupled up with, not his actual girlfriend, if your fiance or boyfriend or husband didn't want you to hang out with someone, would you listen to them? And the girl was like, well, who's the person? My friend of 20 years? Like, no, I'm not listening. And he was like in shock. And so it's just, it's very scary.

35:36Paige DeSorbo: It's very weird. Well, men are afraid that, like, they're not masculine if they don't, like, have control, I guess. I don't, yeah. The number one thing I will say that I've learned for a relationship, whether it's a best friend or a partner, the number one thing is that you respect each other. And I don't mean respect in, like, a, like, I say please and thank you. I mean, like respect, like in your heart, you respect their opinion. Yeah. You respect how they carry themselves. Yes. That is how you have a long relationship.

36:13Hannah Berner: Like if you hear something like that someone said or did and your initial thought is like, I would never do that to my partner. Yeah. Or like, that's a good thing. Like there are some people that are just like.

36:22Paige DeSorbo: I mean, I've dated guys that I don't respect. And like, yeah, you're still calling your mom every day. A hundred percent. And if they don't respect you, you know that in your core and that's why you start feeling bad about yourself. Yeah. So just find somebody respect. Let's start with that. Yeah, that's good.

36:40Hannah Berner: And yeah. He needs to make your life easier, not harder. If he's making it harder, it's not for you.

36:47Paige DeSorbo: There's a woman who died. Okay. And it's not funny. How? Getting NAD IV from an unlicensed doctor in the Bronx. and the second I saw that I had chills up my spine because I was like, bitch, that could have been me.

37:02Hannah Berner: Oh my. That could have been me. Wait. An unlicensed doctor in the Bronx? Like a holistic? I don't know the details.

37:12Paige DeSorbo: Just a regular IV? I just know that if you looked into it, he wasn't licensed. But I don't know. When you're just getting an IV, I'm not researching the person, I feel like. You're never going to get an IV again. She died instantly. Instantly? Like within a couple hours from an NAD plus. I mean, I don't know the facts. She either fell over on the chair. Wait, of NAD? The day she got it, she died. The day of NAD, which is a thing that like Helly Bieber takes to like try to live longer or something. So like anyway, just you guys, there's a lot of shit going on. Please find doctors. And I'm speaking to myself right now.

37:51Paige DeSorbo: Find doctors that have like that went to school. Yeah. Maybe an Ivy League.

37:56Hannah Berner: You know, in my findings throughout the world when I'm just, you know, I'm alive, I feel like the men are actually talking about, like, peptides way more than I hear any girls talk about it.

38:11Paige DeSorbo: Yeah, because they're all about, like, maximizing their testosterone. Did I say that correctly? No.

38:17Hannah Berner: And if I hear another man bring up his testosterone level to me, I'm actually going to stab.

38:21Paige DeSorbo: Let's try less testosterone because the only thing that's proven

38:24Hannah Berner: is more testosterone means more murders and that's statistically and also don't come to me with a hormonal issue when my hormones change every single week like what it what's really happening in your life that is so bad that your testosterone is going down a little like what are their side effects they don't have as much of a sex drive okay good welcome to the last month the last week of every month of my life. Like, good. Put it away for a minute.

38:54Paige DeSorbo: There's also a point where, like, we don't need just, like, jacked up men running around everywhere. Like, at some point, learn knitting. I don't need it at all.

39:04Hannah Berner: At some point, read a book. Also, like, for the peptides, do an ab workout first and then just, like, see if you need it. I just feel like men are, like, really quickly doing. Peptides are not scientifically proven.

39:16Paige DeSorbo: We're not on them yet. We'll tell you what we do. But they don't know long-term effects of what it's doing to your insides. We have sensitive bodies. Or we just have horrible luck.

39:29Hannah Berner: We can't just jump into things the way other people can. We can't just like, oh, I'll try it for the first time.

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41:06Hannah Berner: This off to college season, save on college and save the every day. I remember when I first got to college and I thought I was prepared. I know everything that's happening. I was so focused on my daily outfits and making sure I had the perfect aesthetic that I completely forgot about one major part of college and that's themed parties. Every other week there was some random theme night and I was always scrambling at the last minute trying to pull something together. Whether it was a costume, accessories, decorations, or something group theme, I somehow never had what I needed and I was constantly making a last minute purchase to save the day.

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43:14Paige DeSorbo: It is crazy, though, now that we've lived so many years on this planet, how we see trends. do you know that i hate to say this but last year i bought like a bunch of stuff from zara and i was really excited for it and i went through my closet i didn't wear any of it and i donated it today because it's all too trendy like it's like not like if i wore it now people would like give me an example of one item like it was like a long sleeve denim like frilly 70s shirt i I mean, you would have never gotten in first place.

43:47Hannah Berner: But like at the time. I love when you talk to yourself. And I probably shouldn't have said that a lot. Well, my first thought is you who sweat so much. Who are you putting on a denim shirt, long sleeve shirt? You're going to sweat right through that. When I shop, I envision I'm someone who has clothes. Completely different than who you are. The stuff I buy. I want to meet the girl you shop for because she's quirky. She's never bloated in her life. She loves a corset on a Wednesday night.

44:19Paige DeSorbo: She's for sure from like a different time period. I'm so interested. I get crazy colors. All I want to wear is a baggy black outfit. And my closet is like sparkles, orange, green, patterns, frills.

44:35Hannah Berner: What's like your closet organization these days? Like, what?

44:40Paige DeSorbo: Like, I feel like I haven't seen your closet living in like a couple months. Half of my closet's literally from just my tour, which is like. Your tour? I had to get like tons of skorts and tons of white button down shirts. Okay. I have a whole thing of ties that like I lived off of for like seven months. Okay.

45:00Hannah Berner: Oh, I thought you were saying like you didn't unpack from your tour.

45:02Paige DeSorbo: No, I unpacked, but it's like, I'm like, I can't get myself to throw away these skorts. I feel like I might use them one day. for what my daughter my future daughter i love a sport i love a sport i love a summer

45:13Hannah Berner: um like okay i came back from italy on a thursday i was unpacked laundry folded put away by what's today monday i like admire you i got i landed from italy took a shower or did a hair mask, did a face mask, fell asleep in a row.

45:39Paige DeSorbo: This is why we're so good together. We both have work ethic, just very different ways. Completely different ways. We're working in the places that the other one can.

45:48Hannah Berner: My environment very much affects my brain, where you're better at staying focused and not worrying about what's around you.

46:01Paige DeSorbo: I think it's because I've always been in chaotic situations, but I can focus on one thing. Not that I'm doing well at it. I'm just focusing on it. It's even the last episode, everyone was calling me out for having cat hair on my mic, which is so valid.

46:18Hannah Berner: Okay, try having a cat one time, though. But I'm upset that never once. Debbie's hair is in my vagina.

46:23Paige DeSorbo: It's everywhere. The hair was touching my lip the entire time. Not once did I notice that it was full of hair. and that's kind of my vibe because I like convenience it's and you want to know what

46:36Hannah Berner: I can get too much the opposite that's why like I need doses of you yeah be like let's be crazy and leave a spoon in the sink yeah like chill out it does not everything has to be like perfectly

46:49Paige DeSorbo: coordinated but like for example I bought a vibration plate right I've really stressed me

46:55Hannah Berner: out to like open it up oh it's an easy open where do I want to put it it's an easy open because it's literally just the vibration plate and the remote they don't give you any other it's no like frills I put it in my bathroom like under my sink so that when I'm doing like my skincare at night

47:14Paige DeSorbo: I just do it my mom would love you because she said everything has a home you gotta put things away everything has a home well my amazon boxes were stacking up and my our cats we have in west hampton made a run for it and they got on the box right where the door was and they opened the door what seamus and freckles they literally are two little genius bandits granted they're so open the door and went outside so in the morning the door is wide open i said where the where are little boys Aiden just shook the treats and they came right back where were they like where'd they

47:52Hannah Berner: go just hanging out on the porch hanging on the porch cats are just so cool they're so I love the we're like we're not actually like hey there's weed here they're like did you hear Hannah that

48:04Paige DeSorbo: fucking nerd there's a joint on the table they're like what if we just hey heard there's smoking stuff here but they're like I'm not crossing the street there's like eagles and shit over there but let's just get some breeze, some fresh breeze. Came right back in, but I was like, okay, we have to put the Amazon boxes away. Well, you want to know what?

48:21Hannah Berner: Your door wasn't locked. Well, that's another problem. That's insane. That's insane. You watch so many murder documentaries. I can't even, like not only do my doors have locks, they have bolts at the bottom that you like flip over. So even if it did get unlocked and the door got open, you're not getting through my bolt you're not getting through my bolt try getting through my

48:47Paige DeSorbo: bolt yeah try getting through it you're not also i went to my acupuncture appointment i was saying

48:51Hannah Berner: oh right that's how we started we never she was a girl obsessed with her i immediately loved her

48:57Paige DeSorbo: energy immediately somehow we got into her telling me all about how her ex-boyfriend pissed her off and then she became an acupuncturist and then he one day decides he wants to be an acupuncturist So now he shows up at all these places because there's only so many acupuncturists on Long Island. So she has to deal with him.

49:18Hannah Berner: Show him to like conventions and stuff?

49:19Paige DeSorbo: Yeah, like acupuncture meetings and stuff. So like that was – I got – That is so weird. I was like – It's in every field. Every field. Every industry. I said, oh my God. I was telling her about – yeah, I was like honestly like same. Yeah. So that was really fun. Okay, so will you go back to acupuncture? Oh, I really liked it. Where did they do it? So they put it in my feet and my hands to help circulate like detox. Okay. And granted, I'm not a good example right now because my mouth is still stuck. However, I did feel like then she did like it's called. Your lips are definitely moving better, though.

49:54Paige DeSorbo: You know, it was crazy when I first started. I was I couldn't move my lips. Yeah. Yeah. So like by the end of the pod, I was so tired from trying to move my lips. That's the other thing people don't talk about. your face gets like sore. Yeah. Cause you're like,

50:11Hannah Berner: I'm trying to talk.

50:12Paige DeSorbo: Trying so hard. Yeah. Um, also like, are you guys going to miss me when I'm gone? Yeah, I am. Like this version. Like, are you like going to even like me when I'm having a normal smile?

50:26Hannah Berner: I'm just going to like, we're definitely going to have to do some type of like in memoriam, you know, like we're definitely going to be like,

50:32Paige DeSorbo: we definitely have to add a new story to your personality.

50:34Hannah Berner: Cause you'll be lacking. have like some type of service because she is her own person she she has a totally different

50:42Paige DeSorbo: personality than you really well i am like a little more deadpan you're well and you're like a bit more emotional on like certain things where you're like life is hard and you're usually very

50:55Hannah Berner: optimistic and like you're like look at the end of the day everyone will die if i have anything to do with it you know so i'm not used to you being like that we're like hey that's my nine-to-five like that's me all the time i'm also like as an athlete you guys know if i didn't get injured i

51:13Paige DeSorbo: would as an athlete i'm obsessed with like being i'm not that obsessed with being in my physical prime but like i like making sure that i'm capable yeah i like if anything were to break out or

51:26Hannah Berner: happy you are really and able you are sitting in the exit row of the plane you're ready you're able

51:32Paige DeSorbo: you're not prime time but like i try to make sure that i'm not like in bed like if my back hurts a little i try to fix it like i can't like run a mile but like i can get my knees up yeah in the beginning you're in shape i feel like an injured bird just walking around new york city and everyone else is just smiling, smiling, smiling. I've never seen more smiley people in my life. And taking it for granted.

51:59Hannah Berner: Well, I think that's the thing. When something like this happens, you really take inventory of like how much in your body you take for granted. Like even if your like thumb is hurting, you're like, I don't realize how much I use my fucking thumb.

52:14Paige DeSorbo: Side note, you know when, well, you know when you have a hangnail, how do you approach a

52:19Hannah Berner: hangnail? because I feel like me and you would approach it in two very different ways. I take the nail clipper and I cut it really short. Okay. I pull it, obviously.

52:29Paige DeSorbo: Yeah, of course. Well, because at first I'm like a magic. Yeah. I have the most painful like hangnail bruise. Like I've never had something more painful in my life. Like to the point where like it woke me up this morning. It's like throbbing.

52:41Hannah Berner: Yeah. You got to throw a little neo, get a little hydroderm peroxide. I'm going to dunk it and I'm going to lick it.

52:48Paige DeSorbo: so yeah and I'm like remember when my I just had a finger

52:53Hannah Berner: yeah no there's nothing worse than like something being wrong with your body when you have to like but one thing shout out to my man

53:01Paige DeSorbo: shout out to my man because he makes me feel beautiful and I've been hanging out with him too much and now that I'm like in the public

53:09Hannah Berner: you guys have been hanging out together a lot

53:11Paige DeSorbo: and like I forget about my smile when I'm with him because he just like treats me like I'm normal Occasionally he'll laugh but it's cute But like again I'm like he's obsessed with me And then I talk to someone else and they're like Hey is everything okay at home Insignia's in and hell So in my head I was like I actually like pretty When I smell

53:32Hannah Berner: Wait do you know that I saw like a crazy statistic And I don't remember what it is but That like the The comparison to like When women get sick Like their husbands leaving compared to like When men get sick like their

53:46Paige DeSorbo: wives leaving and it's like when you say leave you mean like break up yeah like divorce like when something physically happens you get a sniffle and they're like we're good no but i was

53:54Hannah Berner: thinking like imagine if does was like burner at the stage it's been fun i'm out yeah it's like it's not even comparable like obviously there are women like that happens where they will leave but like it's not even comparable to the amount imagine does texting his friends being like

54:12Paige DeSorbo: this bitch can't smile and I can't handle it anymore. No, it's crazy. Is your girlfriend smiling? Because mine hasn't smiled in weeks. I just, the audacity that they have.

54:27Hannah Berner: Okay, wait, this is fascinating. What are you going to do the first time you can smile? Just not stop? I'm going to be like Nicole Kidman after her divorce. Do you think you'll wake up one morning and it'll just be like, you'll have so much more movement?

54:40Paige DeSorbo: I said not to check it till the end of August. What? What do you mean? I said, do you know how many rolls I'm going to lose by then? You have to look in the mirror. I don't really look in the mirror that often. Right. Oh, right. But I really, like, think it's better. It is. This is what's coming across my algorithm. I don't know what this means, and this is a study, by the way. And by study, I mean this actual blind girl says she sees how hot people are treated. because she can't see if they're hot or not. Yeah. So she will say, okay, I'm going to get it like wrong because I don't remember exactly what she said.

55:17Paige DeSorbo: It was like two weeks ago. But she said something along the lines of,

55:20Hannah Berner: there'll be people that I hear who are like boring as shit

55:24Paige DeSorbo: and everyone wants to be friends with them. And she goes, that's how I know they're hot. And she goes, there's people who like have no personality and everyone talks about them a lot. She goes, that's how I know they're hot.

55:38Hannah Berner: or like she could tell like how like nice people are yeah well people like people so imagine not

55:44Paige DeSorbo: knowing someone's hot and being like why is everyone obsessed with that dud yeah it's like if sometimes i would try to think like especially when i was like being really shallow with men and i'd be really into an attractive man i'm like imagine he was ugly imagine you're short would you like his soul but it's hard it's hard to to separate the art from the artist double-edged sword you can't separate the art from the artist sometimes

56:12Hannah Berner: but there's so many men that i'm like oh my god if you were under six foot no one would even be listening to what the fuck you're saying oh it's so annoying and i envision like if this guy didn't have a cute face and because also i think it's the opposite of for women like if there's a really pretty girl and she does even one thing people are like yeah burn her but it is funny how socially

56:37Paige DeSorbo: it's like people want to hang out with pretty people more like in in friendships and stuff but no as a woman I did see a girl say that you know you're an it girl if you were 16 and you had beef with a middle-aged woman I sent it to you that's you know what cockhead and I do love when

56:59Hannah Berner: you have glam but i love when you're yourself too i did my makeup today i put on blush i did put on blush actually i do apologize that i have like full glam today but i've been going to you look so like natural thank you like glowing going to vogue just like vogue summer school they do like little sessions yes so i'm going to like talk to some some high school girls you'll be like i'm Feet season. I'm just kidding.

57:27Paige DeSorbo: Sorry, it's Leo season. My whole feed is Leo season.

57:32Hannah Berner: Oh, your birthday's coming up.

57:33Paige DeSorbo: Oh, my God, it is. I haven't thought about it at all. Wait. I'm going to be able to smile for her birthday.

57:38Hannah Berner: Wait, are you turning 35? Yeah.

57:41Paige DeSorbo: Is that a big birthday?

57:42Hannah Berner: I feel like, yeah. What should we do? I don't know.

57:49Hannah Berner: We'll just FaceTime.

57:52Paige DeSorbo: Oh, it's fine. We'll FaceTime. I won't be able to express joy on my birthday, but it's fine. We love you guys so much. Have an amazing weekend. And we'll gig with you later. Bye.

58:11Hannah Berner: Back to school is busy enough. The last thing you need is shopping that makes it harder. Whether you're moving into a dorm, your first apartment, or just getting organized for the semester, Wayfair makes it easy to get everything you need in one place. Furniture, bedding, storage, decor, study essentials, all at prices you'll love. With fast shipping before move-in day. Get everything you need for back-to-school season. Shop wayfair.com today.

58:37Paige DeSorbo: Wayfair, every style, every home.

58:40Hannah Berner: I'm Jake Stouck, co-founder and CEO of Serval. We built Serval to automate the IT work that slows companies down. Onboarding, password resets, access to applications, my laptop stopped working. While employees wait for help, their real work is put on hold. IT desperately wants to automate this work, and that's why they need Serval. You just tell Serval what you want to automate in plain English, and it's built. No drag-and-drop workflows, no expensive consultants. Employees get unblocked, and IT teams go from drowning in tickets to building what actually matters. With Serval, IT becomes the AI engine powering the entire company.

59:19Hannah Berner: This is a new way to run IT. We guarantee you'll automate 50 % of all tickets and we'll prove it to you in a free four-week pilot. Go to serval.com slash tickets. That's S-E-R-V-A-L dot com slash tickets.