Giggling about virginity, confessionals, and cheating

0:02Paige DeSorbo: What's up, Gigglers?

0:03Hannah Berner: Harriet, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

0:11Hannah Berner: I mean, the day just got away from me.

0:15Paige DeSorbo: What's up, my OG Antonovie Gigglers? You know who OG is?

0:22Hannah Berner: The guy from The Knicks.

0:24Paige DeSorbo: Paige is in a really difficult spot right now because everyone in her life is really happy about The Knicks. and she was happy for like three seconds and then she's moved on no i've moved on she's worried about her pedicure she's worried about other things happening where i have i am still shaking look at my hand look at my hand you can't see it on audio look at my hand it's shit i'm i can't everyone's going about their day i'm like how are people going about their day right now

0:47Hannah Berner: here's the thing about me and hannah we have a schedule we're scheduled people but sometimes Sometimes our schedules will change a little and we'll text the other and say, hey, do you want to do this earlier? Because something changed in my schedule. And typically, and I love that. And I love that, that we can do that with each other. And typically it works. Our schedules work. But sometimes it's like someone has a work thing. Someone has another call. Can't do that. Oh, I have to go. I'm traveling. I'm on a flight, whatever. But today I said, no.

1:23Paige DeSorbo: wait so we're all texting in the morning and i realized i have like an hour before a call we both have to be on so i was like do we want to knock this out right now like i wrote the cutest like should we be crazy and just knock out geeky squad this morning and page just writes no and no one says anything after and then i go tell me how you really feel jesus sorry for trying to bring joy and laughter and lightness to the community because i feel like i'm always moving

1:46Hannah Berner: my schedule around and this has nothing to do with you i always feel like i'm moving my schedule around accommodating people like whatever and today I had to get a pedicure and I said you know what no I have scheduled no I'm getting a pedicure and I have to like I can't I'm getting

2:06Paige DeSorbo: better at saying no to people but like not really I'm still getting myself in insane situations that

2:11Hannah Berner: people are like all you have to do is say no no I know because you want to know what I've been saying yes to a lot of things and then I've been going back and being like actually no I'm not

2:20Paige DeSorbo: doing that and you know what you can change your mind and that's called freedom of speech and actually i've never not changed my mind in any situation i've never made a mind and not changed

2:34Hannah Berner: it yeah you're the queen of that sorry kitty is like rolling around on her back like looking up

2:38Paige DeSorbo: at me upside down and it's well you guys i've been traveling so you know butter decided she's following me all around so she's literally sitting just listening in like she's she's like we're

2:50Hannah Berner: podcasting now i love just like at any given point there's a cat around me like napping somewhere if they do protect us from um evil spirits um i have to bring up something important from the last pod that this girl made a tiktok about and was laughing at us oh is it about the world cup okay how are you supposed to know that okay wait i did know that like i knew we knew that it was multiple games what do we not know i thought that the big game like the most important one

3:24Paige DeSorbo: is in new jersey is that right what'd she say she said she was like the girls thought that

3:31Hannah Berner: there it was one game and we asked them to come to new jersey she was like it's all over the country i thought it was all over the world i knew that they were like all games were all over the world i just thought that the biggest one was going to be in jersey see i like that we're starting

3:47Paige DeSorbo: conversation about women in the arts like that's all our job is and i love that the women stood up and said actually let's live and let's let's learn yeah and that's what she did so thank you thank you whoever showed us what i don't i didn't hear it but basically they're all over america and

4:05Hannah Berner: new jersey is one of them like for example today at 10 p.m south korea is playing it was happening

4:11Paige DeSorbo: right i don't know what this is happening right now i can't keep up yeah and like tomorrow the

4:16Hannah Berner: usa is playing paraguay where are you looking right now google www.google.com ask jeeves um

4:25Paige DeSorbo: can i please let me start let's talk about the knicks in the very beginning and then i'll move on i promise okay okay so i was alone last night and i'm so excited watch the knicks all comfortable with me and better already and let me just say the thing with the knicks is that like the knicks have been so bad for so long like it was like a joke in new york where they'd say like when things will get awkward you're supposed to be like how about them those knicks so you could bond over like complaining about how are you yawning already sorry i just started the phrase was how about them yankees actually wait i think it's both actually i was kind of making up a story yeah i think it could be any team any but i anyway the knicks suck and see this city this is what i

5:10Hannah Berner: this is exactly what's wrong with sports fans you guys are so dramatic about every little thing

5:18Paige DeSorbo: like truly like my adrenaline is through the roof i'm like i haven't been able to focus on anything i feel like regina george no lindsey lohan and mean girls when i'm like i can't stop talking about it i can tell everyone around me is annoyed with me but i guess i got it but it's also sad though because everyone's so happy but like the miracle win but then deep down i'm like if we

5:37Hannah Berner: lost like that would have been so fucking sad you know all i kept thinking about during it was your pedicure is taylor swift really gonna get married here like every time this screen would show her and then i saw on tiktok this girl was like i think people are picturing like msg like her getting married on the stage like i don't think people can picture that she would decorate msg that it would be like unrecognizable she literally was wedding planning she was was like why are all these men at my wedding venue i think that they already got married in like a secret ceremony and they're just throwing a party this summer i do have to say her showing up with

6:18Paige DeSorbo: the heim sisters with matching shirts that they made is so fucking cute and saying next to mariska hargatay like i like people who have fun like i i have trouble with it but when i see other people like get like imagine if me and you like pre-planned a like matching like we we don't have never happen that would never happen but it's so cute that they were able to do that that's not who we are as people though no but if i had a friend who was like ahead of the game yeah i could

6:48Hannah Berner: possibly like one of them just give me yeah just give me more tasks yeah it's friend homework

6:56Paige DeSorbo: i watched into the third quarter and i'm human i can only handle so much yeah and i was like a lot of pain and i was like i had a day already i don't need this so after cat got elbowed in the face and they were down by 29 points i said i need boundaries i'm turning this off like out of

7:15Hannah Berner: respect for my knicks i need to you didn't want to watch them lose no i couldn't no i turned it

7:22Paige DeSorbo: off i couldn't and the madison square garden was silent also i didn't pay 40 grand for tickets i don't have to watch it so if it just did like a cartoon yawn she was like

7:35Hannah Berner: do you know once i met a boyfriend that would be like you're so ugly when you yawn like

7:41Paige DeSorbo: like cover your mouth wait i want to i will literally beat his ass whatever it doesn't even matter but new york city is the hub of basketball of hip-hop of culture and it's like crazy that we've been so bad for so long so anyway i turned off and i think i was actually watching mormon housewives and i'm scrolling my phone and like 30 minutes later i see someone just write omg nick so i'm like that's funny like let me just check what the score is and it was 100 104 we were still losing but i was like that must be the wrong game we're down by 30 i'm it's like 11 p.m at this point i put it back to the nicks i'm freaking the fuck out all alone everyone's asleep my dad you everyone's gone so i'm just alone i was awake i was awake oh i just assumed you didn't care

8:31Hannah Berner: no of course i care it's a cultural moment that i want to be involved in i don't want to look but i had such anxiety watching it like i couldn't i was like okay i have to look away i did get interrupted because i personally was watching a netflix show while it was and then i had to turn the channel because i didn't want to be out of the loop but i started watching it's

8:52Paige DeSorbo: called trill yeah that was on hulu before i love it good oh my god well we love her i'm obsessed

9:02Hannah Berner: with her ad bryant i thought it was gonna be like it's definitely a comedy but it's like a little bit more serious than i thought and i love it i love it wait this is the last thing about the next yeah over under how many times did you think about your grandpa during the game why would you say that i was like that was my grandpa's score

9:22Paige DeSorbo: that was my grandpa came in like a little angel and put the ball in

9:27Hannah Berner: defense wins championship no because why right when the buzzer like they win i thought hannah's grandpa

9:38Paige DeSorbo: page stop i literally have to stop the pod right now i literally have to stop the bar right now no jerry jerry all he did was watch the knicks like all he did jerry seinfeld more like jerry

9:51Hannah Berner: burners in the bed mayor wait i didn't tell actually obviously like me and josephine are obsessed with kitty and taylor came up with this like alter ego for kitty when we are in glam because kitty loves glam and so we call her mimi la rue and so one day Josephine was like wouldn't it be so funny if I like booked you at a hotel under Mimi LaRue totally is it R-E-A-U-X um no it's Mimi M-I-M-I-L-A capital R-U-E Mimi LaRue oh got it so I get to the Four Seasons in California and I was like hey um I'm checking in I like gave my name i was like i don't it could this is the name of the girl that could have made it and she was like okay i'm not seeing that but i am seeing a mimi larue did she just do that to mess with you she just did it because she thought it was like gonna be funny or like yeah but if you didn't

10:56Paige DeSorbo: know you could have like not gotten and i was like yes okay so that is actually me but my name

11:02Hannah Berner: is paige disorbo and she booked it under josephine like and gave her email and she was like okay i I have to call my boss because I like can't have you check in under like three different.

11:12Paige DeSorbo: I knew this would cause drama and Josephine just want to have a little fun.

11:16Hannah Berner: Josephine's just trying to have a little like kiki, like funny. God forbid you have a little whimsy.

11:21Paige DeSorbo: But look, Josephine, when it comes to admin, you can't you can't mess around whimsy.

11:25Hannah Berner: And the four C's. And honestly, the only thing that like saved me was she was like, I know you stay here all the time. So like, we know you live here. But like in the future. And I was like, totally.

11:36Paige DeSorbo: Hollywood celebrities always use a different name Like Lena Dunham said she had like a specific name she used

11:42Hannah Berner: Well like the manager came out and she was like Yeah if you're gonna use an alias you have to like tell us it's an alias And I was like totally got it

11:49Paige DeSorbo: I love how she's like oh are you a new one? A new alias girl? Okay this is how you do it

11:54Hannah Berner: My assistant just wanted to like be fun And like we weren't like actually using an alias

11:59Paige DeSorbo: Bitch this isn't Starbucks This is the Four Seasons Tell us your real fucking name Social security number oh that reminds me of high school my friend she was like i'm gonna say my name's regina at starbucks and have them yell it and we thought it was like the funniest thing that ever happened that's like low-key bullying i guess so what you don't is is vagina a bad word okay let's not start there oh also i'm kind of obsessed with kylie jenner is dealing with when you have a boyfriend he has different sides to him and we all have sides that we prefer now timothy chevrolet watching the knicks try to win their first championship is a monster that i don't think she mentally prepared for where he's taking his shirt off and jumping into crowds and he's going full like LaGuardia High School 2007 or whatever the fuck he was there yeah and um he's she's

13:02Hannah Berner: taking out her phone and filming him at this point some of the clips I see it's like her taking her digital camera out and taking like pictures of him just like enjoying the game and I'm like at the end of the day everyone's just a girl like she's literally just taking pictures like putting her photo dump like and it's just and i last night they had like matching outfits on and that's she

13:27Paige DeSorbo: was probably just most excited for that i do feel like they should leave a section for like for free to let like top knicks fans go because it does feel weird that like the seats are so expensive for those games but everyone who's been there all season long even when they suck like can't get in well the mayor did like something for he did created like a lottery for

13:52Hannah Berner: world cup tickets so maybe he'll do it because no one wants to go to new jersey no he like because so many new yorkers wanted to go to the world so and he was like yeah we're right here and so he made like a i think it's like 50 you can enter no one's talking about the jordan kylie like lore why isn't it being brought up more why isn't it from page like they're hugging they're clearly like friends again but they're not hanging out all the time

14:21Paige DeSorbo: and they're not sitting next to each other which they totally could be jordan likes to sit under the basket kylie sits on the side and then afterwards they like kiki a little bit but they're not i wonder how chloe's feeling i wonder what their status is of their relationship i mean taylor swift hugged kylie do you forgive a friend if they're now like engaged to someone else

14:43Hannah Berner: even though they fucked you over with something what even happened she was sitting on tristan's lap and kissed him right right right right right so chloe was like fuck her i think they're over this i think yeah i don't think chloe gives a flying fuck yeah i also like think

15:07Paige DeSorbo: jordan is the backbone of this household right now because she's been holding this bag yeah have you heard about the lucky bag um and cat is amazing anyway don't start like looking into the players and all their families and histories they'll make you really emotional i just can't honestly sports is like too much for me to handle and that i'm so glad i'm retired go nicks okay i

15:28Hannah Berner: will say at the end of the game when the guy that made like the winning tipped it in was like walking back to the tunnel i did feel the sense of like i so get how sports is like so emotional you know both his parents are dead no i'll cry that's why he wasn't smiling i didn't know both of his parents were dead okay then scratch what i'm gonna say scratch what i'm gonna say actually i can't say it anymore did i ruin your joke yeah i can't say oh i'm sorry you're like and yeah his parents are dead so do you want to keep being a bitch wait that's so sad my friend called me because he was

16:10Paige DeSorbo: out like i was not on the streets and i was like what's it like out there and he's like hannah i've never hugged so many random men in my life like the men are just i felt like a loser

16:20Hannah Berner: like not being out i'm like i should be with the people and then i was like what no no no it's more fun to what you can hear it you could feel it most emotion we've seen from the men in a while most emotion we've seen in a couple years from them i think this is good yeah it's nice to know that they're capable to get there and feel something i think that's what we needed going into the summer with them we needed them to feel like oh yeah i do have human emotion outlets that could be expressed that's not just anger and confusing like confused confusion wait someone

16:57Paige DeSorbo: was joking that new york city's crime rate is at like zero right now because all the criminals are

17:03Hannah Berner: watching the next okay that's one thing i will say i will never understand when your city wins

17:09Paige DeSorbo: something so you vandalize it no they're waiting but right now like crime is at an all-time low because all the men are not yeah they're busy they're watching tv we literally like it's not

17:24Hannah Berner: a joke when we say like you have to occupy your boyfriend like it's a toddler like you put the game on it's like okay you're gonna watch this and then i'll be back like they're really just

17:33Paige DeSorbo: children they're all in like boy day camp right now and night camp imagine like every time the

17:39Hannah Berner: victoria's secret runway show was on tv like crime just like went down because like all the girls

17:44Paige DeSorbo: were watching it i also feel like even like our heiress tour we're not like hugging and kissing

17:49Hannah Berner: each other like they are no i feel like the taylor swift girls were i'm trying to think in In what context do I have to be in to hug a bunch of people? I don't know.

17:59Paige DeSorbo: You've never hugged a bunch of people you don't know unless it was like. Giggly squad meet and greet. And you were black out during it.

18:06Hannah Berner: Yeah. That's the only time I've hugged a bunch of people I know in a setting that like.

18:11Paige DeSorbo: But huggling a giggler is completely different than a random person.

18:14Hannah Berner: Well, hugging a girl is different.

18:16Paige DeSorbo: Yeah. But also every giggler would hug me then look at you and be like, I know you hate hugs. And you'd be like, get in here. I don't know if I like hugs. I just don't I'm a people pleaser so I'm like let's let's not do the whole should we or should we not just hug let's get over with yeah it's like a blowjob like just fucking do it I've stopped

18:35Hannah Berner: like honestly I've actually probably gotten rude about it because like in certain situations where like you're behind a table or something and people and someone walks in it's like you're expected to like get up and I've stopped doing that I'm like yeah I'll get you when I get up like no you've had a long day i'm not like not i'm not like possibly knocking over this table and all these like plates and glasses to hug you like no no i'm on arts and crafts tiktok right now like oh my god i actually stumbled upon angry arts and crafts but so you it's so niche it's literally watercoloring for scorpios it's a girl that teaches you how to make i don't know even what she was making she was making like plant potters or something but she yelled at you while she was doing it and i was like i was like let me settle it yeah let me settle

19:25Paige DeSorbo: no i thought you were gonna say you make like pottery and then you break it

19:32Hannah Berner: honestly i wish but she was like making she was like yeah obviously that's the next step like i'm not stupid and i'm like yeah i'm like actually follow i want all your videos i do love a no bullshit yeah i'm really like a chef yeah that isn't nice about it i like that i'm really deep into like home improvement tiktok and some of the girls are so i know it's so

20:05Paige DeSorbo: are you actually trying any of this stuff no no no but i'm just saying i'm just saying like

20:10Hannah Berner: the girls will get a hobby and then they'll just do it like there's a girl that i follow and every month she redecorates her bathroom she has a new theme and she just does it and we mind our own business so much of the time who could have a problem with us no and so i'm really into um the girls just like being at home and having their own hobbies i love that it's really nice

20:36Paige DeSorbo: speaking of home i found my wedding ring i didn't know you lost it i just wanted to say next summer i do think i'm gonna

20:46Hannah Berner: there's gonna be a situation where i want to have a garden or at least a plant that grows a tomato but that's for next year that's you can talk to my mom that's that's where i feel like my life

20:55Paige DeSorbo: she has a garden i bought my mom like a little garden tool kit that comes with a little seat that you put so while you're gardening you have a little seat so you don't hurt your back she's obsessed it's like pattern and so you know it's a whole aesthetic like it's a whole world over there yeah i didn't know you lost your ring well okay i didn't lose i took it off and then you know life happens i lose my phone every three seconds of course if i take off my wedding ring

21:22Hannah Berner: it's like that's up to god at this point you have your you just always wear your engagement ring oh

21:27Paige DeSorbo: so you always just look engaged i know everyone's like are you engaged i'm like yeah no one said that to you no everyone thinks i'm just engaged really doesn't know me yeah like when i go somewhere they're like oh did you just get engaged but um told my mom i was like fun fact i actually don't know where it is like i was afraid to like admit it to myself because but i hadn't looked for it because i don't know where it is how many months had passed over a year oh and i'm like staying in a different apartment and you're like things have shifted like i've lost less important things yeah you know so my mom looks at me and she goes i know where it is i said how do you know and she goes because i put it somewhere because i knew you're gonna lose it and i said and that's why you're my emergency contact where was it where'd she put it she it's in like my jewelry box box that i like never open because like god forbid i picked i wear some jewelry so i opened it it was right there i wore it for a day and then i was like uncomfy put it

22:26Hannah Berner: back why are we both like that it's actually kind of annoying because like i would love to like wear

22:32Paige DeSorbo: more jewelry but i'm like no get it off me i know and then i do get itchy with it and also we talk with our hands so much it becomes like it's harder it's like a swimmer with a hat on like i don't i

22:44Hannah Berner: can't move the way i want to move i don't know if you guys remember me talking on the pod but one of my friends had a baby and i wanted to send her a gift when she got home from the hospital and i thought should I get the baby something? No, I should get her something. That's why I got her a Lola blanket. Lola blankets are one of those products where the second someone touches it, they immediately understand the hype. She texted me, I'm not kidding, 10 minutes after walking in the door and was like this Lola blanket is now my entire personality. I need to get another one because I can't keep carrying it from the couch to the bed.

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24:31Hannah Berner: What really makes Honest Flushable Wipes different is that they're made with a plant-based cloth. So you're not just putting anything on your body. They're super gentle, durable, and honestly just makes such a difference in your routine. So whether it's for your guests or just everyday use, they're one of those things that once you try them you just can't go back you can grab honest flushable wipes at walmart target and amazon i saw this thing on tiktok and it was like so opposite of what i'm gonna say she looks gorgeous but it was like show it like was showing different housewives not like the real housewives like actual housewives of different like decades no matter what age you are in my head if my friends are doing it like I'll do it so like if all of my friends collectively right now we all decided we were gonna stay home and be trad wives I'd be like okay I'll do it if my friends do it then I got to thinking

25:35Paige DeSorbo: what decade of house oh you got dark you got real dark if you had to pick a decade of being a

25:46Hannah Berner: housewife what decade are you picking are you picking like the early seven or like the 70s when you're about to get your own credit card or are you picking like the 80s where they're really rebelling or are you picking like the 50s where they're like really diving into it

26:01Paige DeSorbo: when were the men gone at war they were gone a couple times

26:08Paige DeSorbo: because i know like when the men were gone i feel like the girls were having so much fun also we kept the economy going like we were fully did every job like during world war ii i literally don't know wars like it could go into my head no idea what wars but i know the guys were gone the girls were at home it's when the guys came back and they were trying to like change everyone's lifestyle and we were like we were actually really good when you were gone like rosie the riveter

26:33Hannah Berner: like post rosie the riveter and we were like we actually could figure it out and they were like

26:37Paige DeSorbo: yeah but we don't want you to and that's why then it could have been a fun time too though because they discovered xanax i think i could have made that up but like they were all high as a kite and like hammered and drunk which like sounds fun for like a couple weeks okay so that's where I would go I would I would have picked like late 60s early 70s like drugs are just coming out

27:01Hannah Berner: but like we don't really know what's going on and doctors are still prescribing like crazy drugs but it's from a doctor so I'm going like I'm going like early 70s which now that I think about it

27:14Paige DeSorbo: that would have been like our grandma's so my Nana's job my Nana never smokes weed or drank or did drugs because she was like a nice a nice it's your grandma never smoked cigarettes no that's why her skin looks so good but you'd be if okay this is what she would do i told you her husband would leave to work and she would have all day to make sure she had dinner ready and the house cleaned okay when she he'd say i'm an hour away she would make sure it's all done and put her face on make sure she looked really really pretty full makeup full eyelash set sitting down with the food all the laundry done but she had all day to do it and then at some point she got a job as a secretary and she would wear like moogler sets like she was madman yeah and like i don't even know if she like she could kind of type but like that wasn't the point they were just like all the guys were looking at her but she just wore iconic sets as a secretary and I was like considered you know a woman in the arts woman in STEM yeah I would have been high

28:21Hannah Berner: all day yep you would have loved being a secretary for these men I would have loved hosting like oh your boss has to come over for dinner on a Friday night hell yeah I'll host like I will whip up the best presentation see imagine trying to do all of that and you're like so high like there has to be such great stories of housewives that they could like never tell well you know i would have been lobotomied yeah can you smoke weed on a lobotomy no they would have been like she's hysterical is

28:59Paige DeSorbo: the word they would have used for you oh god anyway that was like my random also no one was out back then so like everyone was just gay married well my whole thing was like they had

29:11Hannah Berner: to be on the phone all goddamn day because there had to have been so much happening that was like secretive and like so gossipy because if they were all just home the time i mean they had to pass the

29:26Paige DeSorbo: time some way well to this day my nana she wakes up she has her phone call with rosalie her best friend from the 20s who knows and like every thursday she has a phone call with someone else Like she has all her phone calls set up and that's, I think how she always lives. And you'd be on the phone just tripping your kids with the phone line.

29:50Hannah Berner: Bring back home phone landlines.

29:55Paige DeSorbo: I want a psychic to talk to you about why you're so obsessed with nostalgia. I think that's more of a question for a therapist.

30:09Hannah Berner: And I think it's because it's the last time I felt peace, which is when I was a child. I underestimated like the whole adult responsibility part. Like I like I truly underestimated that as a child. Well, you want to know what? I went so much of my life thinking, well, then I'll get married.

30:31Paige DeSorbo: Yeah.

30:32Hannah Berner: And then I'll be married. Like I ended a lot of sentences in my teens and 20s with, and then I'll be married. And then one day I was just like, that is actually just going to cause more problems. Do you think I ruined your life?

30:52Paige DeSorbo: Like, I feel like, I just feel like subconsciously when I met you, I hated so many people you were with.

30:59Hannah Berner: I thought you were going to say I hated so many things about you.

31:02Paige DeSorbo: with it no i like i put you on a pedestal and i see the men trying to like dim your light yeah and i'm like if you don't fucking do what you're supposed to do you're gonna be miserable so and then next thing you know we're doing stuff and we're on a plane and you're like i could have had a family by now but instead you were like chase your dreams i don't blame you at all but i think

31:26Hannah Berner: Becoming friends with you helped me realize that I wanted to be louder more often than I was loud. Ooh. Like I didn't realize I actually wanted to say more things, but I didn't know I could.

31:45Paige DeSorbo: Do you think confessionals also like helped you find your voice a little bit? Because you didn't have to like say it in front of people?

31:50Hannah Berner: I think confessionals helped me realize that my comedic timing was better than other people's for like no apparent reason.

32:01Paige DeSorbo: I actually have a vivid memory of going in for confessionals and they were like Paige was in before you. She really killed it. She was so funny. And I was like, oh, shit. OK, like I'm going to be really funny. And then I try to say something funny and they're like, no, you're actually really mad in this scene and you're crying. So we're going to need you to be. Yeah.

32:20Hannah Berner: The only thing that like would annoy me about those is they'd be like, well, she didn't say it in the moment. And it's and I'm like, yeah, because it was six months later. Like, I didn't think of it, you know, so that was where people they make it really do. They do make it seem like it's real time.

32:38Paige DeSorbo: Yeah. Also, they're telling you to make a comment.

32:41Hannah Berner: You're not like, can I please speak on this? Like, that's how it seems. You're pulling from memory. You're not pulling from like what they're going to show. you're pulling from your own experience and sometimes yeah it's not not sometimes it's never going to be what they show because everyone's experience is individual but whatever I digress um no I think becoming friends with you is was very pivotal in my I don't even want to say career because that almost like dumbs it down my whole life my whole but also I didn't like change anything within you i literally like i feel like allowed you i just thought i would like getting married like i didn't know the more i grew up the how in charge i wanted to be of things and how controlling so like it was almost like you were like it's okay a lot of people actually hate

33:42Paige DeSorbo: it and you don't have to do it if you don't want to I'm more though was like I'm fine with whoever you date as long as you can chase your dreams and I think you thought your dream was marriage and then you started reprioritizing your dreams yes and then I was like wait I think the biggest thing

34:01Hannah Berner: for me was really when I turned in my early 30s like turned 30 on how you're still in your early 30 yeah how much i realize men are so incompetent like i think that was the biggest change from me turning 29 to 30 i thought like well they're not going to save you once you get into your 30s and you're like men in their 40s like they're really competent they know what they don't they've no idea they know less than you some of the questions i've been asked before from men about like everyday day life would throw you off your rocker i love when you say throw you off your rocker it really get like simple things trying to think though of just like one like i was once in a car ride with

34:43Paige DeSorbo: one of my mom's friends and thinking back at it i'm like that was kind of crazy but like i was definitely young like and she looked at me and i think i asked her about her husband like you know you start realizing your mom's friends have like their own lives yeah and you're like what's going on yeah you're like what do you do when you leave our house and she told me i really like him when we're on vacation like my husband and i are really good on vacation but otherwise he's actually the worst and men you can never count on them for anything my mom has a saying now listen up because

35:17Hannah Berner: this is a good one listen though men children and pets they never act the way you want them to kim shakespeare disorbo i'm like one time like daphne did something i legit think i was like hosting so i don't even know what i was doing and i was like and then she shit all over and she goes well it's just a lesson your husband your kids and your pets are never gonna do what you want them to do and the funniest part about this whole thing is i accidentally got married like five years ago yeah and you got married one time i called my mom and i didn't realize i was on speaker and i I was like, you want to know what, mom?

35:54Hannah Berner: I'm really annoyed at you. And she was like, for what? And I was like, I think that it was your duty to tell me how useless men actually are. Like, no, seriously, mom, when's the last time a man was useful to you? I was like, in the last two weeks, has dad done something that was so pivotal in your life? And she goes, Paige, you're on speaker. Hey. Hey. Paige, this is Thanksgiving. And I was like, no, let's, if we're really going to talk about it, let's actually talk about it. Name one thing. Put them on. And she's like, actually, like, your dad does do a lot of things. I go, name them. Name them.

36:33Hannah Berner: I was like, I wasn't even talking about him. I was just talking about men in general. I think that was the biggest shock in my 30s that I thought they were, like, I just thought they were doing more out here. I thought they were out here doing more.

36:46Paige DeSorbo: We're doing more when we weren't allowed to do as much.

36:49Hannah Berner: Okay, then all of a sudden your friends start having babies and they're telling you their birth stories and they're like, I'm on all fours. I'm doing no epidural. I'm talking to a girl yesterday. She's like, I'm pregnant with twins and I'm deciding if I'm doing it natural. Like we're just so much better. Once you start bringing in labor, I'm like, where do you guys compete with us? Where do you measure up in anything? It's too much for me to handle. I'm also on one today. I got it. I had a lot of emails that pissed me off right before I got on the pod.

37:23Paige DeSorbo: We're so connected. You don't even start talking. I got on. I was like five minutes late and you I could just tell by your energy. I was like, oh, she wants to murder. I was like, good morning.

37:36Hannah Berner: How are you? Like, I love everyone that works at Daphne, like truly feel like I they're my friends when I have to do stuff. People don't tell you the relationships you will form in your 30s through like your co-workers. They don't talk about it like seriously as friendship. Like, no, those are real friendships in your 30s that you would have never met in your 20s.

38:02Paige DeSorbo: Because I had so many jobs, though, in my 20s, I really did like always have like an office. Camaraderie. wife yeah that like will still text me to this day and be like lol do you remember when we were in the bathroom crying i think work co-workers but that's why people fall in love at work all the time too because you're like you just become bonded yeah and that's why i think even on some of these reality shows you're a bunch of co-workers trauma bonded over trauma bonded over stuff other than us we're sisters we're sisters we're trad wife sisters soulmates hannah did you think the first time you met me like that is my soulmate no but i knew that like there was something about you that i wanted to like bother you yeah like you know when like for some reason you're like i want

38:52Hannah Berner: to talk to this person and for me there was something about you that i was really comfortable with like i didn't feel like i had to perform for you which is so funny because all we do together is perform but like one-on-one i was like i don't have to be anything but myself with this girl

39:10Paige DeSorbo: by the way when i say we didn't think we were soulmates i meant like when i first met you very briefly at an office when you were like trying to get a meeting and you were like standing there yeah but the second we walked into summer house i actually remember someone being like to me they were like we're kind of worried about page like she fell asleep the whole day and like we need her to bring it and i remember like being a little defensive of you and like i didn't even know you and i remember being like she's fine she's gonna be fine she clearly she's in REM sleep right now but when she wakes up she's i was like don't fucking talk about my friend like that mind you i was literally one day and you slept the whole time she's actually really smart once you get to know her i remember and like look did you sleep like the entire dinner yes was it yes well and now you know that i am nervous narcolepsy you know what it is though when you go through hard times and it's the same with relationships you go through hard times and two people decide do we want to make this work or not yeah and after you decide like a bunch of times you're like okay we're obsessed with each other like we can handle things that but that's your 30s like

40:22Hannah Berner: well because I do think sometimes people are like oh that's my friend from work or something and they like almost like brush it off like oh it's a work relationship but sometimes I feel like that is the universe like putting you in these search different situations where it's like no this could be a lifelong friend that you've just you've met a little later like I think we should put more effort into our work friendships because I think they're more important than people ever give credit

40:48Paige DeSorbo: too oh my god i i had some of my best friends were at work yeah yeah because also you have a common goal you have common things you complain about like it's literally perfect i love having a work crush but also i do have to say the reason i'm so happy i'm not in my teens and 20s anymore is because when something bad happens to you it's the first time something like this has ever happened and you're like this is how i die like this is the end for me i don't see a path out of this. Where in your 30s, you're like, this has happened to me four times already. Right. And I know exactly how to deal with this.

41:19Paige DeSorbo: Yeah. So like everything just is a little less painful in your 30s. And I just want all the girls to look forward to that. Yeah.

41:27Hannah Berner: This episode is sponsored by cars.com. I was laying in bed today, which is my literal office. And I realized that life is just a series of different characters. One day I'm quiet luxury in a trench coat and the next I'm Erin girl in a matching sweat. The problem is my car needs to match the vibe. I have decision-making skills of a person who takes three hours to choose a pasta shape, which is why I need help when it comes to cars. Cars.com actually makes it easy. You have over 2 million new and used. That's 2 million possibilities for who I want to be this month. They have advanced search filters, over 200 of them, so you can find the exact interior and it won't clash with your favorite bag.

42:06Hannah Berner: And for my girls who like a smart investment, they have deal badges. It literally tells you if the price is fair so you don't have to guess. It's basically like having a personal shopper for your driveway. What I love is that you aren't just winging it. They have real reviews from real people who actually drive these cars. So you can explore every single option from your bed until you find the perfect fit. It's all about the research, the tools, and the expert advice. Wherever life takes you next and whoever you're looking to be, there's a car for that on cars.com. Start your search with cars.com where to next okay we're gonna eli 5 venmo nothing gets me going like an eli 5 all right hannah eli 5 explain it to me like i'm five spending your venmo balance so if someone venmos

42:51Paige DeSorbo: you and you have the venmo debit mastercard you get instant access to your venmo balance in other words you can spend that money immediately and with the venmo debit card there's no monthly fee or minimum balance required oh and you can also check out online or an app with venmo same thing instant balance access. Now Paige, ELI5 Venmo Stash.

43:11Hannah Berner: You join Venmo Stash Rewards and earn up to 5 % cash back. Anything more? You asked me to ELI5 you. The more you use Venmo, the more you earn and that's pretty much it.

43:22Paige DeSorbo: Okay, we love. And while we're at it, do you want to ELL5 why you still haven't paid me back for the smoothies from this week? My Venmo balance would like to know.

43:30Hannah Berner: Get the Venmo debit card or check out with Venmo. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bank Corp bank na venmo stash bundle terms and exclusions apply max 100 per month see terms at venmo.me slash stash terms venmo checkout not available at all merchants

43:48Paige DeSorbo: remember when i was nervous about my pimple which one well i had a huge pimple before i was supposed to shoot something and then it went down in two days oh the one you recently had on your forehead

43:59Hannah Berner: that you said that you put toothpaste on it really pissed me off but that's karma yeah that's my

44:05Paige DeSorbo: karma guys like you wonder like it's called peaceful sleeping and pimples just going away for no reason that's from that's from kindness and love i'm over here putting a million needles

44:16Hannah Berner: every four seconds into my skin you know i watched a tiktok video the other day of of it was like an animation of what micro needling actually is you loved it i loved it hannah

44:29Paige DeSorbo: I loved it. Wait, why do they have to numb your face? Like, because it's that painful? Hell yeah.

44:37Hannah Berner: It's so, it's going so, it's low key going deep kind of. Because it's basically hurting your whole face so that your collagen is like, oh my God, we have to repair the skin. And it like boosts your collagen. It's like tricking your skin into thinking it's hurt.

44:57Paige DeSorbo: you sound like the looks maxer i sound like clavicular yeah you're like if you stab yourself in the face enough your skin gets stronger that's why i find him so annoying i'm like

45:09Hannah Berner: do not come for our aesthetic women for tens of thousands of years have been saying beauty is pain do not come over here i'm like nervous to get micro needling even though i have to no i love it you have to do it so the rest of the day are you just like a freak no oh my god mine like i'm red for like maybe an hour one of my girlfriends got it done and she was red for this is just how people are like very she was red for like five hours and i was red for like two also

45:43Paige DeSorbo: quick update i talked about pepper i wanted a cat named pepper i want to call a guy pepper turns out every giggler's cat's name is pepper i've gotten like a hundred photos of cats named

45:54Hannah Berner: pepper i don't remember you mentioning this well i did okay and it was a really pivotal point in

46:00Paige DeSorbo: the podcast but that's okay um it's literally then all i talked about two weeks ago but um they there's so many cute cats named pepper so i just have to say shout out to everyone who named their

46:11Hannah Berner: cat pepper it would be really cute like pepper lemon and pepper like thinking if you got like an orange cat you named it lemon and then you got like a black cat you named it pepper i love how

46:22Paige DeSorbo: you say orange orange orange we have to discuss ethan and ariana now why did she take that lady's

46:30Hannah Berner: husband if she didn't want him why did she do that i love how you just say what everyone's afraid to say you didn't need that man you didn't want that man you didn't care about that man let

46:42Paige DeSorbo: that man go be with his wife and child that's why her song which is i hate that i made you i made you

46:48Hannah Berner: love me everyone's like we think it's about the fans i'm like no i think it's about her three long year affair i think he's weak and disgusting like i think if you can leave your wife and a newborn baby like what conviction do you have in this world like who are you as a person i heard that

47:07Paige DeSorbo: in the theater community because he's like one of the three straight men he's like wanted like

47:13Hannah Berner: everyone's like he's hot so in his in the theater world okay so a made-up realm but um you so you think he's like a toxic fuck boy because he's like he only lives in the theater world where people are like you're so hot and you're so cool and like we want you where if he went and worked like in finance yeah he'd have a very different experience he'd be hazed i think that's why he

47:39Paige DeSorbo: even had the confidence and she loves musical theater like i'm trying to make sense of it oh like that he had the confidence to even cheat on his wife with ariana grande like at some point you're like actually this is like i have a hot take yeah and this could be completely wrong okay but i think ariana grande has a little justin bieber to her where she doesn't have any dopamine mean left because she's done so many things in her career that are so spectacular and intense and amazing so for her to feel something she has to like steal someone's okay do you want to hear my argument i argue that ariana grande went through a very public breakup with mac miller and then

48:23Hannah Berner: ultimately he died not shortly thereafter there was a shooting at one of her concerts so traumatizing that is two really extremely traumatizing canon events i would assume and i would think that your whole brain chemistry is rewired after both of those things let alone like them back to back because you don't know how long it takes people to actually grieve and like actually get through traumatic things and process things and like i would say a shooting at your concert where little girls die is like years and years of like actually working through that and I could see her being like a little like she changed like I don't know like she got me disconnected and so almost doesn't feel like hey you just stole this lady's husband and you did like a really bad morally bad thing like cheating is bad like you shouldn't have participated in that and I could see her almost like not even like okay we want to know what something bad is something bad is someone dying like falling in love actually isn't bad you know i could see that being part of

49:34Paige DeSorbo: by the way we don't know we're making this up we're making this up this is all made up but also like i would love to be a fly on the wall when ethan is going to like co-parent and she's like hey how's how's ariana or just like your kid growing up and being like why did you guys get

49:53Hannah Berner: divorce and be like well your dad left me for ariana grande star and she played with him like

49:59Paige DeSorbo: a cat for about two two and a half years but it's funny how it's like the second wicked is over like give it two months and it's that's a that's a work wife that's a work wife why don't you just be normal and just cheat and not tell your wife like a normal person in hollywood have sex at a

50:18Hannah Berner: hotel you freaks like what also my thing is like no i love a dramatic pause i'm just trying to like think how i i've had some really good sex in my life of course of course i've also had some really non-eventful sex in my life no one that i've ever had sex with would be worth blowing up my whole life would be worth like ruining this other woman's life I don't get I don't get that it is funny actually when I lost my virginity and I told my mom I think I actually said like and I don't really get the hype about sex and I feel like she looked at me like yeah I get that I feel like when

51:04Paige DeSorbo: you're younger we were so afraid to talk about sex and the gen z's are probably different well I don't even know if they're having sex but like do you remember when your friends would talk about it for like the first couple years like she gave it hand jobs she gave a bj but no one was like telling each other like she lost her virginity but no one was like it's really bad like when did we start was it in college i don't even know in college because we still would be like we're hooking up like we're hooking up but we weren't being open with each other that like the sex would maybe we'd be like always a small dick or i don't even think i started calling men out for

51:38Hannah Berner: having a small dick until i was like later in college where i like said to my friend i think you might have a small dick but like i don't know i remember once this was like early 20s

51:49Paige DeSorbo: this guy just got out of a really long relationship and we went back to my place and i guess he was trying to like sorry mom like finger me yeah but he was like he actually i'm not even joking was on like the muscle that connects my leg and my vagina yeah that like bone right there i know exactly and at first i was like okay he's he's teasing me he's teasing me like the full like

52:14Hannah Berner: the dip in which your thigh connects to your actual badge i know exactly what you're talking

52:20Paige DeSorbo: about and then it like went on like a little too long and then i realized oh you think he hit the spot and then i immediately thought about his girlfriend who he's been with for like seven years who he just got out of a relationship with and i was like she either didn't know or she you didn't want to speak up or like how this happened. So girls, we have to speak up. But I remember telling my friend, like he fingered my thigh and I was, I was so funny that night. I had a great night.

52:46Hannah Berner: It was killing. It's so important because also that is like gossiping and that's what keeps women like alive. Like I think, I mean, I had such a good mom though. Thank God I felt comfortable enough to go to my mom to be like, Hey, like I think I have like it's burning when I pee like and that's what it is like so can you help me but like if I was nervous I would never know

53:14Paige DeSorbo: well that's like Whitney in Housewives I mean in Mormon Wives when she's like mom why couldn't you tell me what sex was I had to figure it out on my wedding night and it was a fucking horror horror film and I'm like yeah that's why you have to talk to people for safety and pleasure and understanding we're not holes

53:33Hannah Berner: we're not just holes do you want to hear something so crazy about when i told my mom that i wasn't a virgin anymore you never told me this before now thinking back i must have had a uti because i literally made myself sick thinking that i had like an std oh yeah everyone thinks like literally like i couldn't sleep like i was like sick i was like i have to tell my mom like oh my god like

54:00Paige DeSorbo: i'll never forget i'm like you're like i'm gonna die and she doesn't know it's because of herpes

54:04Hannah Berner: i'm a senior in high school and i like go i'll never forget it was like being a little kid going down into the kitchen like i threw up i was like mom and she i'll never forget she was ironing and i was like i have to talk which is so classic italian mom she's like she's like what i'm like okay so like something is like kind of happening with like my vagina and like i don't know what's on and like and she i remember her like staring at me and i'm like and like i had sex and i remember whispering like sex so like anxiety made me tell her not like our amazing relationship and bond

54:45Paige DeSorbo: just anxiety we're so different because my mom was like you should probably have sex by now

54:50Hannah Berner: and she was like okay well what's going on do you want to show me like and so like that And ultimately, I think I probably had like a little bit of a UTI and she was like, just drink water and like, we'll see what happens. And like nothing happens. But a couple of weeks later, maybe like I'd have to call Stephanie and like really figure out the story because I won't remember. I got into a fight with one of my girlfriends in high school. Who knows about what? But we were like really fighting. OK, like to the point where she like called my house phone and I'll never forget. I've spoken to her since this, like, obviously.

55:27Paige DeSorbo: She called your house phone to hash it out, like, after school. No.

55:31Hannah Berner: She called my house phone, and I'll never forget answering and being like, hello. And her being like, let me talk to your mom. And I'm like, no, you're not talking to my mom, you freak. I feel comfortable saying this because her and I are, like, friends. So, like, thinking back, it's, like, so funny. I'm like, you're not talking to my mom, you freak. Like, what are you going to say to my mom? And I'll never forget.

55:52Paige DeSorbo: She was going to spill the beans.

55:55Hannah Berner: She starts yelling, Paige actually isn't a virgin, and she did fuck her boyfriend. And I remember being like, how dare you? See, how you try to ruin my life.

56:07Paige DeSorbo: I'm an angel.

56:08Hannah Berner: And I'll never forget my mom heard it and got on the phone and was like, hey, you guys are having a fight, and that's your friend. You don't go and try and tell on her. And I remember being like, fuck you, mom.

56:21Paige DeSorbo: And then she hung up and she was like, we have to talk.

56:23Hannah Berner: Yeah, and then she hung up and she was like, what are you doing? She goes, what's up, slut? But anyway, that's just like girlhood.

56:31Paige DeSorbo: And we love, Paige loves nostalgia. She's working on it in her therapy later this week. Actually, this is her therapy session. Thank you guys so much. Yeah, we're done. Thank you for giggling with us. Keep sending me photos from the Hulu special. Happy anniversary to Daphne, baby. and you don't have to have not the cat the company and we'll talk to you later bye

57:03Hannah Berner: imagine having an assistant who remembers everything your favorite spots in town a new deal on those jeans you've been eyeing the fact that you need at least a 10 minute breather between meetings an ai assistant that doesn't just answer questions it actually does things books tracks plans, and handles the chaos so you don't have to. It learns your life and keeps up with it. That's Alexa Plus, and it's free with Prime. Learn more at amazon.com slash alexa plus.