Giggling about windbreakergate, celeb sightings, and sperms

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1:44i mean the day just got away from me my gaggle of gigglers yes phenomenal one oh my god now my head's all big also you complimented my t-shirt at the airport and i was like no you were being low-key chic at the airport you've never said those words to describe me before well let's apologize to the academy yeah for this is our first like late episode

2:10Hannah Berner: in like forever well we were bamboozled we were hoodwinked grace is on vacation she left us for dead we're literally lost chickens without her honestly josephine texted me over the weekend she was like did you take any pictures and i go i knew i was forgetting no grace is on vacations texted me be like are you okay and i'm like yeah go have fun go have fun meanwhile we're drowning we're drowning we're drowning um we had a crazy weekend in the in the no we really did festival i feel like we should start from the top should we just address um windbreaker gate i feel like it's it's such a scene that needs to be set yeah because it's such a full story let's start on monday let's take it all the way back monday morning we record the pod we do some more housekeeping things we're having just such a good best friend day hannah comes back to my apartment we're getting our nails and toes done we're yapping you showed me your closet hannah i showed hannah like new things i bought i tried on jackets i was like walking in her closet i'd see something like that's cute and then she'd tell me like a whole story about how she sourced it from some fucking germany i was like this is my dream come in my closet and look at my stuff i actually had so much i felt like i was with my in my grandma's closet with like all her perfumes and i was like this is what princesses do yeah i was like i have stuff over here and i have stuff over here so anyway so we're sitting there and i was like oh what are you wearing Saturday night for Netflix is a joke for our performance?

3:55Hannah Berner: And Hannah goes, I really want to wear something cool. I just want to do capris and a windbreaker. And I was like, I love it. Very in, very chic, very you. Because it's like a, it's a sports show running point. So I was like, let's lean in, honey. Lean into a theme. And so she goes, I ordered a windbreaker on Fashion Nova. No hate, no shade. No hate, no shade, no tea. I say love it, but we are going to be on stage with Kate Hudson. I think this windbreaker trend is crazy because I did buy fashion Nova windbreakers and they're fucking cunt and they're cool. And yeah, they don't have like a designer label on it.

4:39But I was like, I was feeling myself. But you looked at me and you said they get the job done. They get the job done. But you were like Hannah. Kate Hudson, Minty Kaling, and Brenda Song are taking time out of their very important busy days.

4:53Hannah Berner: They've looked in their closets. To be in our present. They've called stylists. They've picked out an outfit. Minty Kaling showed up in a Gucci matching set. So I say, Hannah, I love you so much. I love where your head's at. I have a YSL windbreaker that I think will be perfect for the aesthetic you're trying to execute. I run upstairs. I get my YSL windbreaker. she tries it on perfect we love it one thing that'll make you panic is knowing i'm unprepared and i'm gonna embarrass you so thinking back it does look strategic for me to be like i don't know what i'm gonna wear i guess i have to wear your ysl i went into a full body sweat i was immediately panicked you were like i don't want to do this but i have to do this it was for the greater good of america that i had to put my ysl windbreaker out there now this is so page coded but this ysl windbreaker sold out everywhere like i was thinking about like if i were to get like bolognese on it i can't just buy her another one it's done no one has this color combo like i can't find you can't find this color combo in the streets i had to have it sourced yes it's an endangered species like she had to give away like rights to like her firstborn no truly to get this windbreaker the coveted is how i sourced it they got it but i also think the windbreaker is one thing right now that's you coded and be coded and also it fit me you were so excited you're like you're perfect i'm to worry about you thank god it was perfect and so i literally mentally checked that box like okay Hannah has an outfit great we're good we can go to the event but immediately I was scared I was like do you want me to take it with me and you were like yeah and I'm like you don't want to pack it you want me you trust me to pack it like you were like you're grown up just figure it out I was like take it so okay I mentally checked that off my list we get to the airport Wednesday we're flying to LA we're sitting we're waiting for our plane I'm making casual conversation shit i'm sorry wait were you not recording that's okay that's okay that's okay we it's fine you can't beat yourself up things it's okay we're drowning okay so anyway so back to our story so we're sitting in the airport where i'm making casual conversation where when we land in la hannah is going to the chelsea handler live show but you didn't know what were you in for i found out my hulu specials dropping june 5th so i was like i have to do press when i'm in la and i find out that they were there we book a podcast in the morning a netflix brunch and the show at night now look i'm i'm a resourceful person and if i find an outfit that works why risk an outfit that isn't gonna work we all remember the green corset of 2022 i'll do this all the time like i'll put i put together an outfit to get drinks the other night and it looked good i'm like i'm wearing this every day this week but then i realized this isn't my clothes this is pages yeah um 35 000 windbreak so then i i was gonna do it and not tell you but i was like looking at you and you were looking so sweet and nice and i said you know what let's get ahead of it and i said just so you know i'm gonna be i think i'm gonna wear the windbreaker for some other stuff and i go oh what are you wearing tonight to the chelsea handler show and she goes the ysl windbreaker and i go oh okay and then i go well in the morning what are you wearing to the brunch and she goes no for chelsea i wore fashion nova she because i i felt like two days was that selfish like that's greedy but i was like is it really wearing it it's just i just wore it one day and mind you this is my sweaty friend i've been using my dog I've been trying not to sweat So I'm like dying in the airport I'm like Hannah you can't wear the YSL windbreaker For every single event She's like it's literally fine So we go through the whole weekend And she honestly crushes it in the YSL windbreaker If it works it works Why change the recipe When she did show up to the brunch In her Steve Madden tabby like heel I did look her in the eye and say you cannot wear these heels on stage i literally won't go so she changes her heel i think i'm a different person when i'm packing so i brought fame sick and i brought i'm glad my mother died

9:37Hannah Berner: but not a second outfit god forbid god forbid the trip we were taking for work for three different events god forbid you brought a second outfit two books hannah you got the people who were cleaning the room like organize them somewhere left him in the hotel because i i didn't remember that old hannah packed books so when i was wait that's so funny i left my pimple cream in the hotel and that's so me i get there and i'm i take out the ysl windbreaker i hang it up because i have respect for you and i was nervous about it like i was actually freaking i kept checking it like every 10 minutes to make sure it was still there it's like your passport when you go on a trip you're like you keep like unzipping your suitcase you're like okay cool literally and then i realize i'm wearing my cute capris and i go one huge massive thing we forgot a thong so i go on instacart yeah target and i press thong and i'm like i hope whatever male instacart guy and then you like said the hail mary 10 times did the rosary yeah and i was like i'm a little slut and i sent for also what i was like what girl needs target thongs right now so then i go to the chelsea handler a lot of reasons yeah i had to go to the chelsea handler show so i like i was like let go and let god i hope the instacart finds its way back to me oh commando to chelsea handler show or underwear jeans i was wearing jeans i was wearing my full beat um my full beat hands comfortable enjoying the last couple days of comfort and not the invasiveness of a thong dental floss yes so i get back and it's like 11 p.m i'm getting my spray tan and i'm like oh that's weird where's the instacart and i look and it says it was delivered so i'm like i'll just call downstairs so I'm like hey was there an instacart for Hannah Berner and they're like um what's it what's it from and I was like I think it's target and they're like let me check and he comes back and he goes is it underpants and I'm like why the fuck did you look in the how many target bags did you have in the hotel and also never say underpants again underpants i go i'm a grown-up wearing a thong i'm a fucking little slut wearing a thong so the guy literally comes up the same guy who knows i ordered underpants comes up looks me in the eye i'm black from my spray tan and i said thank you sir good night so next time you take fun of me for having to wear the same outfit all day know that there's a lot of stuff going on underneath i'm literally crying

12:47and like i'm just trying to live i'm just trying to be the best i could be and people don't want me because the fact that you had to order thongs

13:02if i showed up at the netflix brunch with panty lines oh i would have been mortified because it like it's with your windbreaker so it's like disrespecting the the ysl outfit was perfect and i did put on really nice heels for the show but i ended up like having this big podcast in the morning and i was like page would love me to wear the YSL for that. And all these things are photographed. Then we go to the craziest Netflix brunch and they're taking photos everywhere. And the thing is with the blazer, the windbreaker, it's not subtle. Like it's the moment. So people aren't going to forget that I was wearing an orange windbreaker everywhere.

13:44So at this brunch, I run into Kate Hudson. I say, oh no. Oh no. This is my nightmare. And she's like, are you? you're doing the panel with me later right and i said and i'm like trying to cover the windbreaker i'm like yep and i'm like can't wait to see you there kate husband shows up in a gorgeous gown i'm staying there in my windbreaker gorgeous it's literally art she's standing in like an

14:09Hannah Berner: art piece that she's like oh it's a skirt i had i'm like that should be in the louvre and hannah's here in the same windbreaker she saw me in six hours ago tell them what my mom messaged you So, then I'm on the plane Friday morning coming back to the East Coast. I get a DM from none other than Lenore Burner. Who hasn't spoken to me unbeknownst.

14:43Hannah Berner: Did Hannah's luggage get lost? Question mark. Why is she wearing that outfit? Question mark. I go lol she said she wanted to wear it she doesn't look bad but did she wear that two days in a row period I'm confused period sorry

15:06Hannah Berner: Hannah I nearly fell off my chair and this is why no one will ever hurt my feelings because my mom is my biggest op my mom goes I'm confused sorry I love how she's like i need to first find out from page why this has happened i love how she's like she doesn't look bad it's just like why did you wear the same outfit from 10 a.m to 10 p.m today no she literally was that tiktok being like i love her but like she was i don't know what's going on man but she's amazing but like sorry i just i love her but she like is the problem And I'm like, no, I'm obsessed with her. But it was cunt. No, it totally was.

15:48Hannah Berner: Also, I spent a pretty penny on that windbreaker. Let her get out there. Let her see the town. Let her be photographed on other bodies. Okay, that was good. Don't body positivity me. She's like, I wanted to see different experiences, hug in different places. but no i wanted to milk it for what it was worth even though you paid for it also yeah we don't i'll write it off we don't fit in the same clothes like it's not normal that page is like i don't want to wear this do you want to wear it i'd be like no my ass will hang out because you love a little mini mini thing right this was just two girls sharing clothes just sisters and it's so sisterly for you to be like hey are you gonna give me back that one break you know what's funny is because the pictures from the brunch at the same dm that i kept getting was like why do you and hannah look alike at the brunch and i truly feel like we're morphing into the same person a little bit it's almost like when you look like your dog wait okay so netflix is a joke festival has this brunch you got there early unbeknownst to me i thought you were gonna wait but i was in a four hour podcast in my y cell one breaker and i have these texts from page saying where are you you're dead to me you're dead i'm gonna kill you you're dead to me and i'm like okay what the fuck and i realize she's been there for an hour without me oh i was gonna say mind you it's like 15 minutes I went to the Uber driver.

17:25Hannah Berner: I was like, step on it. My friend's alone. My friend's in danger. The amount of small talk that I had to do. Honestly, the only way I could describe it is I felt like I went to visit my friend's college for the weekend. And this was the first Friday night party. And you were bringing me around being like, this is my friend. She goes to a different school, but like she's here for the weekend. So like, have fun. and like you guys have seen her around like yeah you're like you've definitely like seen her on my instagram like like no she doesn't go here but like she's really fun she's my friend literally the head of netflix was like she doesn't even go here and you were just in a hoodie in the back but it was it was so fun because i feel like my comedy friends my like co-workers in this other job I have yeah so to like I was also showing off like I was like Paige look look at all my friends and I started I got in crazy Hannah mode again well you and I are very different that when we get into a situation that's like overstimulating or like a lot of such things happening I get more reserved and quiet and you get louder and talk there was a moment where Hannah just yelled women and children only okay by the way this is the most insane brunch where like every imagine you you spot a celebrity like that feeling you get imagine that's every time you look somewhere so like i look eddie murphy's right there kevin hart's right there nikki glazer's right there um nick kroll's right there david letterman's right there john stewart's right there like that's just who you're with and we had to take this big photo and we're all trying to like figure out where to stand and it got kind of chaotic and then at one point i was just feeling myself i go women and children only i look back and nick roll's just standing there and i was like hi no there was a moment where i like squeezed hannah's arm and i was like shut up i put down the um the what the window of the car and i was like yelling at chelsea handler literally i was like stop causing a spectacle no you literally were like kind of stop how to get in the car how to get how to get in the car i clenched my teeth and i was like we have to go you've had enough you've had we'll talk about this later take off the windbreaker take off the windbreaker i feel the adrenaline hit and i was looking at you like i couldn't control myself like you knew i wanted to be normal but i was like i was like page you were too so excited i got so excited to see all my friends and all these people i look up to did go up to matt rife and tell him that i have a joke about him in my upcoming special we don't know if he loved it or not but he laughed then we'll see we'll see i feel like that was like a risk he laughed and then he walked away he was like i'm done here no the brunch was very cool i loved my good time which is really that's so something unhealthy but it's fine you looked so good thank you and i loved my dress did you meet anyone that you were like excited to meet there or you were just observing i like was observing i like didn't want to go up to anyone and be annoying obviously i love seeing chelsea handler and nikki glazer and i love seeing the girls yeah and it was so much fun taylor tomlinson said she loves our clips i love her we love taylor shout out iconic but the actual the actual event of like mindy kaling brenda song kate hudson was first of all i am mindy mindy is me i felt like we were long lost sister actually i felt like we were friends from high school that hadn't seen each other in a minute but it was like like nothing had no time had passed but it was also giving like like maybe you went to different high schools but you were the same font in that high school and so we were like cool with each other she was like i know what it's like being prom queen 800 times like i know you had to run the society of whatever like it's exhausting i know that and no one gives you any credit for how beautiful you are like that was the vibe we were giving to each other and i feel like kate hudson was so hannah coated in so many different situations and let me tell you she's the definition of whimsy there's something about her aura that's very calming while also being um oh my god i don't even know what the word is it's not starstruck and it's not you're not like you say starstrucked starstruck like it wasn't it wasn't like i was starstruck but i was very aware that you're like no i was a celebrity well you you're a bitch because kate hudson we asked her about revenge if how they feel about revenge and kate hudson was like we love forgiveness and i was like i love that kate i love forgiveness too and then you called my ass out and you said hannah burner you are the most vengeful person i've ever met so i'm trying to suck up to kate hudson and make her like you and i said how dare you call me out i was about to be best friends with kate hudson and then you called me a fraud i like forgot the crowd was there because i was like don't embarrass yourself in front of kate hudson yeah but kate hudson what i love about her is she's exactly how she is in every rom-com like she's the who you want like if you think about meeting her it's exactly who you want her to be easy laugher charming little jokes under her breath ah she's just so iconic and she's nominated for an oscar for singing last year yeah and you just want to like keep looking at her and like be around her she has a very like infectious smile and personality and brenda song oh my god one of the most down-to-earth very nice just i just felt like we were girls together i didn't want to bring this up on the panel because it seemed like too intense but i was like she's been acting since she's three years old yeah like the fact that she's as normal as she is she's been a lot of stuff too a lot of stuff she's had so many different lives in Hollywood.

23:44The fact that she's so fucking well-rounded and cool and like, I mean, she was in the Facebook movie. Oh my God. She's done everything. Also, she's married to Macaulay Culkin. I forgot about that. she's London Tipton. She's London fucking,

23:57Hannah Berner: which was always my favorite. I feel like I was like a little bit too old for that show, but I knew. Well, you loved London. I knew I was a London Tipton girl. I'm also a Sharpay Evans. You wanted your name to be London Tipton. It definitely was on my baby name list for a time. She also wore this outfit that was both Hannah and Paige coated. And she said that to us. Yeah, which was crazy. We didn't talk about at the Netflix's joke brunch. I don't have to say that full thing every time. That's crazy. Just say the brunch. We met Brittany Snow. No, you attacked her. Oh, no. Physically and emotionally.

24:38Hannah Berner: Oh, no. Oh, in my head, we met her. But you're right. You're right. You're right. I grabbed her by the shoulders and I told her I loved her so much. You're right. I assaulted Bernice Snow. I go, Bernice Snow came up to us. And you go, no, she didn't. Unfortunately, she didn't. No, you know what happened? I did tell her she was my Carolyn Bessette. No, because she had a very Carolyn Bessette outfit on. She had like the perfect black maxi skirt and like a white button up. And I was like, so chic. Can I say what actually happened? i made eye contact with her while you were trying to pull me out of the party yeah i ripped you off of me i said i said stop it it's britney snow and she locked eyes with us like she knew god you don't do drugs you would be a nightmare to go out with oh my i'd have to leave you on the street i literally i was on drugs at that party but i go up to her do you know what i said I said you're in everything right now I'm obsessed with you and she's like oh my god thank you and I'm like you're like Glenn Powell and then I was like I didn't mean that in like a no I didn't mean it and then she was like no I know what you mean I was like oh oh and then you were like you're killing beside I'm like better that was better I had to come in save apparently anything Glenn Powell wants to do Hollywood makes like that's what I meant like anything she wants to be in i'm like make it yeah everyone's gonna watch it she's everything also her style is so fucking good now and then you were like henna we have a live show in 30 minutes and but i'm like i'm wearing the same outfit i don't need i know i was like early i'm going home washing my face getting glam redone wait i loved my la glam you looked sexy like you had a like je ne sais quoi no i had a moment where i was like should i move to la for a couple months because like i'm really feeling this glam and like who my style is when I'm there.

26:30What did you think it was about the makeup? Because like you obviously looked like yourself, but like was it the brow? Like what made it more sexy? I think it was my spray tan.

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27:10Hannah Berner: Also, yeah, when you're like last minute, you could also know you have an event coming up and you've ordered something for it. And then you're like, I hate everything. And Revolve will always come in handy because their shipping. no it's just like it's next level they have like a festival festival shop that like I think went off during Coachella oh my god I'm sure I love when they break it down to like vacation work festival because you're like yep this is like my this is what I'm doing this is where I'm going and I actually just wear this like black cut out dress from Revolve and it was super last minute I had to go to a dinner came beautiful fit gorgeous love I recently got shoes because you know, you have an outfit.

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31:20I got a spray tan at 10.30 p.m. after the Chelsea Handler show.

31:24Hannah Berner: And we were getting on the plane and Hannah was like, I have a spray tan tonight. And I was like, pardon? I was like, you didn't even tell me. And so then I was like, well, I'll get a spray tan too. I can't be your pale, weird friend.

31:38Hannah Berner: Which I've been many times. It's not that bad. The only place I like getting spray tans is in Los Angeles. They don't fuck around with it. They're artists. Like I've yet to find a really good spray tan artist in New York City for whatever reason. I feel like everyone goes to Sugared and Bronzed in New York. And I not that I dislike them. I just feel like I did that in my early 20s and they changed their formula at some point. And ever since then, I don't feel like it looks the same on my particular body. You just Kylie Jenner snapchatted them like the fucking marketing girls like, oh, no, I love them.

32:18Hannah Berner: No, I love them. I think they're great. They are great. I think they're great. If you're the kind of girl that's like, I'm making an appointment. I'm going after work on a Thursday getting ready. I don't like to leave my apartment. So I like someone to come to my house. I've yet to find someone in New York City that comes to my house that I think is good. Love Sugar and Bronze. I had a little incident with them where I was there. This was during like reality TV. And a girl was like in my labia lips. And she's like, by the way, like, I love you on Summer House. And I was like, okay, this is intrusive.

32:54and then i got on the subway after and sweat through my entire tan and i was like this is gonna work but i feel like la has to be good spray tans because people around you are tan we're new york when you get a spray tan everyone else is pale so it doesn't even have to be that good you're like i'm glistening where la you're competing with actual tans around you

33:16Hannah Berner: they contour something i know that new york city is like the fashion capital or one of the fashion capitals of the world but there's something about new york city that's like you can be a gremlin on the street and there's and in other cities sometimes it doesn't feel as accepted and la is one of those cities and not even gremlin you can express any range of emotion you can express you can yell at people you can cry you could sing you can be in any outfit and becoming or going from anywhere and i appreciate that it's a sunday and she's in full sweats and like yep or full glam or full glam i mean you do photo shoots in the middle of the street in new york city and everyone's like she's working that's my front yard sorry that's my office did you get on one of those buses for a photo shoot oh my god okay so the daphne summer comes out on tuesday actually on the 12th and that's a very summer and so like we were like let's do like our vibe this summer is like let's do like city in the summer so we're coming up with like all these different ideas and they're like what if we get on one of those buses and i'm like okay but we're gonna have to like buy tickets logistics yeah to like get out because you like buy tickets to get on those buses and then you have to like do a 45 minute tour and because i was like how are we gonna get the pictures so it's me like one other girl the photographer we get on we buy tickets we get on the bus we already like know the route we like did it the day before to like know what to do get on the bus wait is the tour guide like um no one's listening in the back we're doing a full everyone starts getting on there's like the sweetest family is in the back row and we're like hey do you mind if you move for just like one minute i'm gonna take a quick picture and then you can sit back down this family by the way this is what she did to me on my bachelorette continue this family was so sweet that's how i knew they were tourists they were probably like what a new york city moment this random woman is gonna just have a photo shoot they move they move their kids they're like watching me do the pictures they're like you look amazing they're fanning you these are giving you notes they're like chin down they now work for Daphne they're getting BTS we get the picture we get off before the tour starts so we didn't even have to do the tour but but thank god we bought the tickets just in case because like the bus could have started moving um but then we got it and it was great there was so much stuff I don't want to just quickly what's the word yeah skip over it's a couple it's a couple words but yeah yeah yeah Chelsea Handler show you guys don't understand my lore with Chelsea Handler I taught tennis to her when I was younger she doesn't remember I was like I've read all your books you're my everything Chelsea lately made me want to be mean to men wait I didn't know you taught tennis to her when you were younger after college I was teaching tennis in Shelter Island to like six-year-olds to like 85 year old men and one of my older male clients was like oh chelsea's coming to play doubles with us today because she was dating andre bellage at the time who had a hotel on shelter island who the heck is andre you just said that like we all know he's he's a hotelier oh chic i've never said hotelier before that was iconic chelsea fucking handler comes and this was like during chelsea lately and this is like my knees went weak i was like double faulting i was like so nervous it's one thing to like be with your your the you're the person you look up to for like a minute and meet them i played two hours of doubles with her that's intimate it was crazy and i i had to pretend that i didn't know anything about her i was like where are you from new jersey wait i love that she's from new jersey like i think new jersey gets such a bad rep but i genuinely do think some of the funniest people i've met in my like personal life are from new jersey and at the end i was because i was i had no idea what i wanted to do for a living i did not think i was going to be in comedy and i was just like do you have any advice for like women in the workforce and she looks at me and she was like i got lucky and iconic and then when i met her years later i told her about it and she was like i must have been high don't that doesn't ring any bell horrible advice like i've never been to shelter island before that wasn't me you weird freak here's one thing i want to say about chelsea handler and i'm not even trying to like suck these celebrities like assholes i'm like genuinely saying my experience i think they're in any field no matter what you do for a living i think there are so many women that say i want to like make room at the table for you or I want to like help you I want to be a mentor or whatever Chelsea Handler is one of those people that I feel like says that stuff and actually means it like anytime I've ever seen her in a public setting I've never felt more safe to be with someone and it's almost in and I know she doesn't have children it's almost in a very maternal way and so like it is something to say about like I think that women who don't have children sometimes people can say like really mean things to them and I and I think that your maternal instincts can come out in so many different ways rather than just having children there is something so maternal about her that is so comforting and I feel like she genuinely means what she says like when I saw her at the brunch she literally looked at both of us and said like my two little girls like I instantly healed my inner child I was like Chelsea's out here like she's taking care of her whole family by the way she's she has so many amazing friendships in her life she also she does have a lot of people she did she's a mom to like the all of America to me I'm like I called Kim I was like you're out like Chelsea's answering my emails now long story short she's like come to the show tonight and I was like this is a dream because I actually I don't think I've ever seen her like live and I get there and I realize oh everyone's friends with Chelsea Handler I walk in immediately see Tana Mojo no way and we're talking about podcasting wait there are so many times where I've quoted Tana Mojo and people have like looked at me and I'm like guys you need to get on the internet and the number one quote that i quote from her is whenever she do you remember when dj khaled said he doesn't eat his wife out and then tana mojo says but you eat everything else and so the amount of times i've said in my everyday life but you eat everything else my dream for her is i want her to like come out because she had a singing career at one point i want her to remix her most iconic things like if she made bleach and tone into a song the clubs would lose their fucking mind and i don't know why she keeps being like it's a good idea lol and like she's not maybe there's some dj we'll do it for her but anyway back to what we were saying i continue to walk in monica lewinski what monica lewinski's standing at the bar i don't know you know me i don't approach people unless they make eye contact or i know them i've met them before i don't um cold call celebrities when is monica lewinski gonna do like a big documentary and like i mean i think it's her time now imagine if that happened now i think she's done some form of documentaries and she has an amazing podcast however um it she needs to have like a yeah because like i couldn't imagine in today's day and age us looking at like a 25 year old girl in the white house being like she tricked the president of the united state like that was so fucked up also remember when that was the craziest thing that happened in our government whimsy and fun but i was with gabby and stewart and i go i don't know what came over me but i was like we need to say hi to her we swarm her and we just go monica you're so inspirational we love you you're amazing you're everything and she was so nice and then we left but i was like so happy i attacked i need a ryan murphy monica lawinsky show i need a real she does play bill clinton

42:18wait you can't play the saxophone but he does have a nice silver wait i'm obsessed with that idea

42:25Hannah Berner: should we just cast it should we just do like a play in your backyard sorry we're busy we're late on the podcast today des forgot his lines you know what i think about all the time that your parents performed a play last summer and it like literally i could cry when i think about it because i think it's so sweet my parents didn't just perform a play my mom ended up writing producing directing the play god forbid the woman takes a break she's retired by the way and i'd call her and she's like we're rehearsing so we're monica lowinski's behind me tana mojo's next to me we are going on so many tangents okay yeah and then tish cyrus walks in my mom i was too nervous to say anything because again what do i what am i gonna be like what am i gonna say i don't know what am i saying it's tish what am i saying to tish so i left tish alone we must leave tish alone also is tish a full name or is it a partner don't tish is tired do you know tish me so tish's other daughter noah was dating a guy they broke up tish married the guy put that in your straw and drink it this morning

43:41Hannah Berner: these hoes ain't loyal

43:46Hannah Berner: but isn't that crazy and i don't think tish and noah speak and i don't know if noah speaks to miley because i think miley i think she went to the wedding so she was kind of like okay so then there's like this little after party in the lobby and there's a very tall woman in like the middle so obviously my eyes went to her maria sharapova maria sharapova now wait when hannah was telling me like she briefly told me that she saw maria sharapova and i just kind of looked at her like okay and she looked back at me and she goes you walk in a room anne hathaway's there i'm like got it got it yep okay keep going because my friends i guess didn't really know maria sharapova and i'm freaking out And they're like, go talk to her, go talk to her.

44:37I said, I'm not disrespecting Maria Sharapova. Also, imagine your whole life you're watching someone and like they're your idol. And then you have a chance to say something to them and it doesn't go well. And like 80 % of my interactions don't go well. And that's that you've harmed the the image of your idol in your head forever.

45:01Hannah Berner: That is so depressing. so they were like they literally we had i did have like a 30-minute conversation of why i wasn't going to talk to marisha but my thing with some of these people is i will meet her when i'm supposed to meet her like i don't know when it'll be but it's it was not that time it was not the moment this episode is presented by depop okay gigglers can we talk about the fact that we all have a section in our closet that basically is just vibes and delusion like i bought it for a version of me that goes to Paris Fashion Week, but she hasn't checked in recently. Instead of letting those pieces emotionally support you from the hanger, you could be making money on Depop.

45:41Hannah Berner: Depop is a fashion resale app where your personal taste actually has value. And before you're like, ugh, selling sounds like admin, relax. You can list an item in just a few taps on Depop. You snap a photo and their AI listing tool helps fill in the details. They even suggest smart pricing, which is giving efficiency. And the best part, no seller fees. I'm obsessed. Make money easily with no seller fees on Depop. That means what you earn is yours. Even if you sell one thing, that's a win. Also, Depop has built-in tools like offers and boosted listings so your pieces actually get seen by people who share your taste.

46:19Hannah Berner: Because trust, someone out there is searching for the exact jacket you're saving. So download the Depop app, list one item, and let your closets start paying you back. It's chic, it's productive, it's Depop. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. It's mental health awareness month and therapy just got even more affordable. BetterHelp is now accepting insurance in many states with the average co-pays around$23. So if you've been thinking of trying online therapy, now is the time to get started. With an average rating of 4.9 out of 5, BetterHelp's live session is based on 1.7 million client reviews.

46:57Hannah Berner: BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. All you have to do is fill out a short questionnaire that helps identify your needs and preferences. With over 30 ,000 therapists, BetterHelp typically gets it right on the first try since they are the world's leading online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. BetterHelp is an in-network with major health plans like UnitedHealthcare, Cigna, Aetna, and more. with average copays around$23 for eligible members. Fill out the questionnaire and check your coverage today at betterhelp.com slash giggly squad.

47:36Hannah Berner: That's betterhelp.com slash giggly squad. Average copay is based on eligible members. Actual cost and coverage may vary by plan. This episode of Giggly Squad is sponsored by Haagen-Dazs. You know that feeling when you've been going non-stop and you finally just sit down? and everything gets quiet for a second, that's the energy Haagen-Dazs is giving and I'm so here for it. They just dropped a brand new flavor made to be savored. There's the new Coffee Almond Toffee Ice Cream. It's Brazilian coffee ice cream, buttery toffee pieces, crunchy California almonds. The coffee ice cream is deep, smooth, and toffee brings the warm buttery sweetness and the almonds give you that satisfying crunch with every spoonful.

48:23Hannah Berner: It's the kind of thing you have to slow down for because you actually want to taste all of it. And that's the whole thing about Haagen-Dazs. It's rich, smooth, creamy ice cream that's genuinely too good to rush through. A moment that's just for you. Take your sweet time, that's Da's. Find Haagen-Dazs new coffee almond toffee ice cream at retailers nationwide. There's so many benefits to taking a walk in the morning. Did you know that actually getting sunlight right after waking up keeps your circadian rhythm aligned? Well, if you're trying to add new habits and wake up and take a walk in the morning, also grab a cachava travel pack.

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49:42Hannah Berner: No artificial flavors, colors, or sweeteners. no soy no animal products no gluten and no preservatives take your daily ritual with you go to cachava.com and use code giggly at 15 off your first order that's cachava k-a-c-h-a-v-a.com code giggly oh lance bass was also there okay i was and i ended up you know when you're in a conversation but like you haven't been introduced i somehow found myself in a conversation with him but not talking to him and trying not to acknowledge that I know him. And he knows. He's like, look at this millennial bitch. Like, obviously, she's obsessed with me. Right. It's Lance Bass.

50:22Hannah Berner: So I just stayed quiet the whole time. Can I tell you something? Because I see a lot of people online being like, Paige thinks everyone's gay. Like, not all her ex-boyfriends are gay. If it doesn't clock to you, Lance Bass was my favorite in NSYNC. Okay? So, yeah, actually, I do have a little knowledge on what it's like to have a crush on a gay man. Is there a word for like the gaydar of if you're attracted to them, he's gay? I don't know, but I think I could like put it in numerical form if I did the appropriate research. Because what are the chances? And everyone was out here loving Justin Timberlake.

51:06Hannah Berner: And I thought, too straight for me. Let me have a crush on Lance Bass. Do you know who I liked? Who? Joey Fatone? No, but he was cute. Who did you like? Because I would have said Lance Bass. JC. You did? Yeah, because he was the underdog. I was like, he's the one with the good voice. And Justin Timberlake is just dancing around the front. And I'm like, let JC sing. JC's the real talent here. And he was kind of quiet. Yeah. And I like that in a man. Yeah. Yeah, I like that in a man too. but i wouldn't have seen i would have seen you as a justin timberlake i did i did like justin timberlake but i knew that he we weren't gonna settle down right like i'm like i was like we're not he's not gonna each other yeah he's not gonna be like husband material where jc was husband material same with backstreet boys like i liked what was his name not aaron nick carter and it's like you have bad taste in men nick carter is bad i can acknowledge that he's attractive but he's again let's start calling men not marriage material let's start calling out men's bad behavior and not saying that women pick badly yeah also a lot of the time the women aren't picking it's the men that come to us they lie and then they lie and then the women are told that they picked wrong and then you're six months in you're like wait where'd your where's your personality and he's like oh i changed it this is my new one and you're like what it's very scary it's very rattling anywho since we're on like a little bit of a celebrity like gossip session right now timothy and kylie i can't get enough i'm obsessed did you see them like kissing at the next game did you see her with like her her digital camera just like taking pics having just like being a girl at a basketball game she is me when i'm with a man at a sporting event because i'm like i don't care i don't give a flying fuck she has to go to a lot of games like and she's not even watching her husband play she's watching her husband watch other men play that's when you know you really love someone when like the things that they like that you don't care about you get excited to watch them be excited to like have fun that's kind of like when des and i are trying to pick something to watch and he gets he's really excited to watch something and i don't care yeah i'll enjoy it because he's enjoying it and then he's like you could watch it without me and i'm like that's okay if you're dating a guy and you find his hobbies to be like well there's so much nuance in that i can't say that wait i love this is the first time in the pod ever you're like I'm not gonna say that because there's nuance to it there's nuance there's nuance there and I can't make up I actually can't make a blanket statement which is what I usually like to do on things that I don't know much about wait my friend Katie had a baby literally yesterday and I went to send I was like oh I have to send like something something to the house for her to get home it's a very weird feeling when your friend texts you and is like hey baby's here the eagle has landed you're like are they staying and so i'm sitting there and i'm thinking i'm like i'm like what should i send to the house for the baby and then i realized she's a small baby my friend like i'm like so i sent her a lola blanket because i was like no katie is the small baby who they just made give birth low-key i get nervous though because it is like your friend introducing you to someone new and it's like i don't know this bitch it's also funny because it's like i've been friends with katie for like over 10 years now and she sent me a picture of her baby and in my head i was like i know that you love him more than me now another thing i just want to say to like about this past weekend traveling to the west coast is just in itself like a whole thing trauma and i'm not even like saying anything i'm just saying about traveling in general whether you're traveling on a train a plane a bus or whatever wherever you are in your journey i don't think serving fish is ever appropriate ever in any capacity if you're on delta they're to push shrimp on you if you're on jet blue i literally got on a jet blue flight and they said do you want a trout crostini i said i literally looked at this man and i said does anyone want a trout crostini on here see that's where me and you are different i said i've been having a boring ass day let's see that's my drug of choice i'm like a trout crostini in the middle of a plane where the bathroom is very far i just think when you're traveling in the air inside of a tin can there's so many variables why throw in one that we don't need and that would be fish on a plane god forbid one trout went bad and all it takes is one trout and then like in my head i'm sitting there and i was like i haven't said the word trout since the parent trap like and i couldn't stop thinking about it you know what i was thinking about with fish this lady was telling me about how like salmon sperm facials are doing so well and everyone loves salmon sperm salmon sperm i'm like what about other fishes sperm like other fish like my cum means nothing like why is it just the salmon that their cum is good for people's faces there's so many fish out there what about a flute what about a i can't listen i don't know any other fish are the salmon in the water just being like hey we're more than our sperm like this is fucked up you're telling me swordfish doesn't have good cum swordfishes are the fuck boys of the sea a swordfish what are the fish that are like the flat ones flute oh flounder flounder yeah no uh like a stingray i feel like they have really potent sperm anyway speaking of celebrities can i just say something justice for rachel zegler justice for rachel zegler oh it's snow white yeah why well i just feel like i've we know her and she's like the nicest sweetest theater kid you've ever met in your life they were being so mean to her at the Met Gala.

57:49Hannah Berner: I was just gonna say we didn't even speak about the Met Gala. Yeah. And honestly the only thing I can say about it is I thought a lot of people looked bad. I thought more people looked bad than they looked good. I don't think no first of all I thought the theme would have when I heard the theme I was like oh people are going to go really hard on this. I wanted structure. I wanted literally pieces of works of art but they were just like taking inspiration from like a painting of like a woman in a white dress yeah and i just thought like or a statue yeah i just i didn't really like anyone's it's funny because people are like i think people are trying to be too cool they're trying to be like i'm just taking a hint of this like monet photo and like i hate to say it but the kardashians are just so interesting to look at sorry the kardashians they just are killed it did you see gg hadid's interview you i did not page page it was my biggest nightmare wait why what was it she's she's have like she's obviously stressed out she's at the met she stops to do a favor and do someone's interview and they go gg what's your favorite piece of art oh no that's like whenever someone's like what's the last book you read and you're like i'll kill myself you could tell she's like i'm not going down without a fight yeah she starts just kind of rambling she's like every painting i've ever seen in my life she starts going i love collecting collecting art is fun i've looked at a lot of art there's been like she's and it's the most painful watch but like you cannot judge this girl because what well i would have just been like michelangelo you know she should have said She should have said my child when my child water paints.

59:43Yeah, that's a really good one.

59:44Hannah Berner: I would have immediately just been like the impressionist. I don't know. Like, I don't know what have come to my head. One time I was on a date with a guy and he asked me that question and I got so nervous. You should break up with him for that question. Like, that's a setup that he wants you to fail. He's rooting against you. Okay, I thought about it for years after this date. Like, it really fucked me up that I felt like so dumb. and I came to the conclusion in my own head that he was trying to make me feel dumb. Like he didn't actually care to talk about like art. He just wanted me to feel, I actually think he wanted me to feel poor.

1:00:23Yeah, because that's such a pretentious question. Yeah, I was like, shut the fuck up, dude.

1:00:28Hannah Berner: I don't know. I go to society6.com and I print out something. I don't know. Her to chess.com? Probably not. She responded and been like, and what's your favorite female painter of the 1920s? I don't know. Really? it like i thought about it for years i don't know why it annoyed me so much anyway well i went on a podcast and they sent questions beforehand which i'm i like to riff i don't even like to look at what they're gonna ask yeah but i some i saw a book and i was like that got my attention i started strangers do you love it i love it are you doing audio or and i don't judge i'm reading I'm reading.

1:01:04Hannah Berner: The audio, her voice, like, is great. Okay, maybe I'll do, like, a couple chapters. Or you know what you can do? You can listen and read at the same time. Okay. That sounds nice. Yeah, because it flows. It flows. I think that we should be allowed to kill one man a year. Here's what I will say as a forewarning if you're reading the book. if you've even had if you've even had a small discrepancy on like where the coffee was that morning with your partner do not dive into this book because i found myself looking up from the book looking around being like i'll murder someone because she's waspy and waspy people like don't even talk about their feelings to their like children they're just like you know winston get out of here she's pouring her heart and soul about her privilege that these men these rich men have it's this oh it's so blood in fury like your blood starts boiling reading this it's the audacity of these men it i can't i can't wait to read actually i'm gonna read it uh today when I go to the pool.

1:02:27So this podcast was like, do you, what's your favorite book turned into a movie? And I was like, Oh my God, you lost me at book. Yeah. So then I'm Googling like books. And I was like, can't say Harry Potter. I'm like, do I have to have read the book? Cause I loved gone girl. That was a book. Everything was a book. So anyway, we're in the pod. And then before that they go what was the last thing you googled and i'm like let's pull it up what's a movie that was that got turned a book that was turned into a movie and they were like thank you for your time

1:03:03Hannah Berner: you know what i forget is that we're new york times best-selling authors yeah we're writers writers and readers are two different things anyway oh my god so we just found out that we got recordings from the live show and by the way this wasn't like a typical live show it was like a full interview which we've never done with these incredible women so let us know if you want us to post it um we're working through the logistics if we're able to um and sorry this episode was up late we're really sorry i can't have to wear a thong yeah sipping a margarita right now while we are fighting for our life now we love you grace you deserve it um and we'll talk to you guys later oh and everyone mark your calendars June 5th take out your gel pens your sharpie whatever you use put it in your little journal and Hannah looks so good in the we're excited we're good we got approvals we're excited we love you guys bye

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