Giggling about wrinkles, wikifeet, and moose knuckles

0:00Hannah Berner: Something that can completely change the vibe of getting ready, a signature fragrance. That finishing touch that just makes everything feel a little more put together. That's exactly the feeling behind the Burberry Her fragrance collection. Burberry Her is the essence of freedom, the thrill of open skies, the joy of self-expression, and the empowerment of following your own path. The original Burberry Her Eau de Parfum is a beautiful fruity fragrance with a British twist. It opens with strawberry, blackberry, and raspberry, layered with jasmine and violet, and finished with warm amber. It's bright, feminine, and perfect for everyday wear, all housed in the iconic Burberry Her bottle with its signature soft pink tone.

0:40Hannah Berner: And for something a little deeper, there's Burberry Her Elixir, which builds on those fruity notes with dark red berries, jasmine, vanilla, and amber for a scent that feels richer, more sensual, and a little more bold. Discover Burberry Her Elixir and the original Burberry her eau de parfum now at Ulta Beauty in store and online. We need to talk about Abercrombie's new summer drop, especially the swim. Just seeing the new coastal inspired prints and patterns is making me want to book a last minute beach trip. And Abercrombie made packing for vacation even easier with the launch of reversible swim, perfect for mixing and matching and customizing your look.

1:20Hannah Berner: Prep for summer with Abercrombie in the app, online and in stores. What's up, Gigglers? Gary, fix your Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. The day is fine. I mean, the day just got away from me. What's up, my holding a grudge, Gigglers? My grudgy Gigglers? You know, and I just thought of one. We've never said grasshopper. That's really good. And that's, like, sweet. You don't have to, like, outdo the one I did. No, I'm just... That took me forever to come up with the grudge one. I'm giving you different options. I mean you do one every twice a week I know I am running out there's only so many G words you've done the same one a lot and you let me repeat you're like oh that's a good one so women of STEM of the week has gotten out of control they're now nominating themselves I couldn't google that so we can't actually put you as women of STEM but shout out to first of all I didn't watch the Kentucky Derby Neither did anyone Is that a thing?

2:26People I guess watched They do And the first woman trainer won Yes I saw that When I first heard that I thought they meant like the woman riding the horse The jockey The jockey And then I started to think Why the fuck is every jockey 5 '2", 110 pounds and they're all men Yeah They should just be a bunch of Sabrina Carpenters Right And the girls would crush it as jockeys But there's not one jockey that's a woman I feel like the girls are like, nah. Also, I feel like the girls don't want to force horses to do things they don't want to do. The men, they like to control where girls are like, if the horse wants to eat a dandelion, let him eat a dandelion.

3:06Hannah Berner: Do you know that they walk the horses out with their horse best friend so that they're not stressed walking to the stable that they take off from? Wait, that's me and you and Jimmy Fallon. No, literally. I was like, I have a horse best friend. Wait. I literally go places with my horse best friend. Wait, speaking of Jimmy Fallon, I saw him this weekend. Wait, tell me everything. I went to the F1 pre-race at the preliminary. I have no idea what it was. All I know is I wore a linen set. Which, a linen set is always a risk. Yeah, because you literally get in the Uber to go there, and then you get out, and you're like, I'm a wrinkled mess.

3:48Hannah Berner: One thing people hate is wrinkles. one thing that'll get them worked up online is a wrinkle people have said some of the meanest things to me ever because my pants were wrinkled also is everyone out here just like ironing every second of the day the internet made me buy a steamer closet i'm like guys i can't be steaming all day long same with like things getting tailored they're like it doesn't it doesn't fit i'm like is everyone running to the tailor the minute they buy something from zara like give me a fucking break so you're in your gorgeous white linen set anyway my gorgeous white linen set i'm two cocktails deep i see jimmy fallon from across the way and i'm like my first instinct is always like don't say anything yeah you don't you won't remember who i am so like i'm not gonna even put you in that awkward position because that would i don't know if you could like survive that kind of interaction i'd melt because i wouldn't i but i always start being like i don't know if you remember yes like usually that like someone will cut me off if they're like don't be stupid we'd like just talk yeah so whatever i see him and i go up to him and he's like oh my god like what are you doing here and i don't know why i was just like i'm all over i don't know what i'm doing here he's smoking a cigarette like i've been around these streets And like I have a slick back pony and that's all I was in charge of for the day.

5:15It is funny how these random sporting events like the celebs that come out.

5:20Hannah Berner: Yeah, it was fun. But the one that my biggest takeaway from the weekend was a girl on TikTok was like, it's my 28th birthday. That girl, Maddie, you know, that blonde girl, we know that Maddie. Oh, yes. She was like, oh, it's my 28th birthday and whatever. Which is crazy because in my head, she's my age. But I mean, like we're the same age. right she's not my age I'm her age exactly yeah 20 she's not our age she's not our age we're her age we're all 28 I felt so compelled I commented what'd you say I said 28 was my hands down my favorite year of my 20s by far doesn't even compare to another year 28 is just such a good age because you're too far from 30 for people to be like oh my god you're almost 30 but you're also so too far away from 25 so people respect you wow they're like oh she's a woman you nailed it i feel like you start to be a woman you get a different confidence i feel like at year 28 yeah and then it's all downhill from there but anyway i was thinking about aging and how i'm like aging sucks like you get older you lose you lose strength you lose how you look whatever you get happier in so many different situations every video i've seen of women in their 40s 50s 60s just being like guys your 20s is the worst mental health of your life i mean the amount of women that are hotter after having children yeah i'm like how do you do that also there's a hotness that comes with liking yourself that's some woo-woo shit yo so do we follow him oh yeah we had like a quick convo and he was great but anyway so i'm talking so whatever this girl posted this video that she's 28 and i'm like oh my god i love 28 and then i'm sitting and i'm thinking oh my gosh when i turned 29 something happened and I was like I'm allergic to alcohol like I could no longer drink from 29 30 31 32 I'm now 33 in the past like four to five months I've been experimenting like can I drink mama's back oh okay everyone should prepare for this summer because I had a cocktail and I was like okay I feel good but usually I can take one cocktail and then I was like let me try another one so I have another cocktail and I'm like guys are we going out tonight like what kind of cocktail actually was really annoying it was we were at like a carbone sponsored something like I don't even know what it was and so i asked for a hugo spritz and they were like we only have carbon spritzes and i'm like guys that's like when you say you don't though because you have all the ingredients back there i hate when places you're like can i have a sprite and they're like we only have they're like well it is a hugo spritz but it has like grit i'm like okay also i have no idea what a hugo spritz is it's like saint germain that's all i know you're like i don't know either but i want it i don't need to know i'm not the one making it i don't need to know what's in it so I had three cocktails yeah and I went home and took a nap it was the best ever it's crazy I came here today to announce something as well I'm hungover who are we but this is the thing I'm actually you know when oh my god whenever I would drink you guys know I love sleep whenever I drink in my 20s I always wake up at 7 a.m.

8:42it's like a weird thing I know people like you because normally I sleep till 10 30 7 a.m. I'm up and I get my body refuses and then I feel like kind of a little anxiety my body is just like we something weird happened last night and we're a little scared yeah and then I wake up and then I like right now I'm okay but it's gonna hit me in like four hours I'm gonna be like I've been hit by a car um well I was supposed to go out Saturday

9:05Hannah Berner: night but I got home and I I looked at Joe and I was like you're not doing it to a day order a pizza like i'm not redoing my glam that's insane oh my god well the mental fortitude you have to have to like go out perform be hilarious and likable yeah and no i was make everyone's day chatting come back home and then do it again not in one day no no i feel like i've talked to so many girls that are like oh i don't drink either and not because like of like a substance issue but it's like oh my stomach hurts or like I vomit or whatever and I genuinely think it was my anxiety taking over so much and I truly feel like my body's like I needed this past year to get my like body re-regulated from the past like three years and I think that's why I can drink again because I'm like so much calmer and like I love how you're like guys if you get mentally healthy you can get drunk You could binge alcohol again.

10:06Hannah Berner: You could become an alcoholic again. Wait, you haven't even said anything about my hair. Your bangs. Oh, yeah. You have bangs? Your hair is, is that real? I've had bangs. I know, but this is like fresh bang? Oh, yeah, I did maybe trim them like two weeks ago. Yeah. Actually, they could even be trimmed even better. Your hair is insanely long. Well, I can do this better. This was my first time trying my, I have a new product. New product alert. Just like a random hot tools, but everyone has a crimper now. The thing to do now is crimp. Wait, what? I thought we just got the other hot bowl. Yeah, well, you have to have different versions of your vibe.

10:41But also the crimp, not the, like, it has to be, like, a big crimp, not, like, a little.

10:45Hannah Berner: It's a three-prong crimp. Okay, because I've done the other crimp, and you look like you're an 80s singer. And I didn't do the appropriate steps prior, but once I get the hang of it, it's over for you bitches. Why do I feel like everyone's trying so hard to look like they just woke up out of bed with their hair? It's our aesthetic. but I that's this is just how I woke up actually actually this is my hair I got rained on at the bar last night who what is this podcast no we're not at the bar on a Sunday night whenever I went out on a Sunday night my mom would be like really Paige a Sunday well I like the gigglers is because there was a moment where I was gonna cancel and I go the gigglers need this from me they need the story okay well before you tell the story let me let's actually preface the story so friday night everyone has the most ambitions ever we get a text message from stassi schroeder group chat hey when can we hang out this weekend we figure out that sunday night is our night that's when all three of us are free sunday morning comes i wake up and i'm like you thought like i can't guys i can't i can't go out tonight to a dinner or something so i'm on facetime with Hannah and I'm like I'm gonna text in the group chat and say that I can't go and in my head I'm like if I can't go my friend's not going like she's also busy I literally said in the group chat don't hang out without me I'm too tired I can't come crickets crickets I then I'm laying in bed a couple hours later I go to FaceTime Hannah no answer which never happens I go if this bitch went out and didn't even say oh by the way me and Stassi are actually I'm like so You went out of the group chat.

12:29Hannah Berner: You texted on your guys own and was like, she's a loser. She's not coming. What's our plan? Because maybe, maybe I would have rallied, thrown my hair up in a top knot of some sort. How dare you right now turn this on me? Because you got out of it and I was protecting you, not forcing you to come out with us. And that's a different perspective. There's two sides to every story. I didn't look at it from that lens. Thank you so much. And you're like, you left me out. You literally got out of it before me. I mean, and we all know you could have texted, like, I'm still going. I could have been like, have fun, bitch.

13:04So it was raining. Yeah, it was crazy.

13:08Hannah Berner: You want to know what? That was my first thought waking up in the morning. I was like, it's going to rain all day. I didn't go out Saturday because I was fully prepared for this. This was my social event of the weekend. And also, I've been touring my whole life. So I'm like, I'm a rock star and I have an open weekend. and I felt and Des was gone and Butter and I can only talk so long right so I was like you know what fuck it I'm gonna go out and I don't know what people order at the bar nowadays I got nervous I almost ordered apple juice like I what did you order I said I got my classic vodka soda with a little pineapple on top and I think everyone's gonna laugh at me and everyone goes genius so I'm feeling myself I'm like I'm back she's back but I'm such a slow drinker that my like ice melts all the time well because you're talking so much where see i'm a fast drinker because i'm like i don't want to participate i'm talking talking talking talking everyone else is getting other drinks i'm behind they think i'm not fun i'm like i'm coordinating a conversation yeah i'm the host like i'm the emcee i'm the emcee of the event i i'm asking people questions i'm tagging along i'm getting people involved who weren't involved like i'm orchestrating literally anytime i've ever been in a group setting.

14:22Hannah Berner: I'm the host of a reunion. I'm Andy Cohen. You do get this weird like almost like okay I gotta work. I'm responsible. We were invited to a dinner. You don't have to make a speech. Hannah you don't have to make a speech. You're like no people are waiting for my speech. Have I ever just like disappeared in the background of a group setting? Never in my life. Where that is your role. Yeah which is I think why I feel so comfortable with you because I'm like I have yet to find a man I'm like you go you do it you be in charge well because one I hate that but with you I'm like yes she's in charge I wonder what that is that I can't let a man take control because I'm like you're taking away my rights yeah but when it's like your best friend you're like you go you do it how many times have I been like you go first every time well actually you don't even tell me I just know I just know well I don't read the comments but someone commented on something being like i don't understand how they're actually friends they're so different and i'm like okay first of all like a tale is all this time what re watch any mary kate nashley movie 100 but like we're different but we're different in a way where like you still see us in the same friend group hannah we're really not not different i think we've made it a bit that like we're so different yeah but like if you get in there and to our core it's the same dna and someone was like they're both Italian that's their whole thing and i'm like sorry for having a brand so sorry for having ancestors when you want me to tell my great-grandma to go do you want me to say i'm something else sorry i have an identity speaking of being italian i watched green book over the weekend oh which i watched it run like an oscar i haven't watched it since it came out yeah so good literally one of the best movies of our time anyway that was

16:10everyone watched green book it was new on netflix i was like oh i was thinking how two friends we always if they're like the same they know each other but like you need your friend to be different from you and like to the point where like we're in a marriage and like I am the boyfriend like I've fully taken on all the roles of the man one and like it really makes our relationship work like I like I wake up in the morning and I literally treat you like my girlfriend I'm like is she comfortable is does she like the routine right now is she okay and like that's why our relationship functions well because like we have a we have each other's backs yes we have

16:47Hannah Berner: each other's backs you know so many times like me and hannah will call each other and like we'll gossip and there's you know this is what i can i can compare it to you know when you go out to dinner with a couple yes and maybe you and your significant other have had a little tiff a couple days prior or even like the morning prior or like you're like i want this to change or i want that to change and then you go out to dinner with a couple and you are like I'm in a perfect relationship what was my point are you saying that we're good friends oh yeah yeah I go back to me so I feel like every time we get on the phone to gossip you're like oh thank you I'm like oh my god Diana, there are other best friends out there that are just like, it's not it.

17:40Hannah Berner: It's not it. And one of them should get out. They should both get out. But I feel so secure with you after I'm around other girls because I'm like, you guys aren't real friends. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be in a real friendship. It's the same like when you get home from dinner and you're like to your boyfriend or your husband or whatever, you're like, wait, we do love each other. Also, the fact that we, like, never get photos taken of us unless it's, like, we had to be in an event that, like, contractually we had to get photos is good friends, too. It's, like, it's not performative.

18:11It's, like, you know those performative friends who are, like, out having fun together again? Out having fun together?

18:17Hannah Berner: I'm, like, yeah. Well, we're also in our 30s now. Like, we wouldn't post that even. Like, you change once you get in your 30s. You're, like, I don't need to perform that I'm out having fun because I'm out having fun. where like in your 20s you want people to have this idea of you. Is this fun? This is fun. I also think that we don't actually like people besides gigglers. So I was telling you like the reason social media is so annoying is because it's like waking up and then having to walk into a party and have people talking to you you don't want to talk to. That's what scrolling your phone feels like.

18:52That's why I follow cat accounts and Architect Digest.

18:55Hannah Berner: It's so funny because like being in Miami, I'll there's same with New York City but being in Miami there's like some of the most beautiful girls you've ever seen in your life and they're like walking down the street and like their tits are out and they're just like they have like the cutest little dog and anytime I'm like like on a walk with Joe and I see like a hot girl in my head I'm like this girl's a giggler like I can just tell and so every time a girl will walk by and then like notice it's me like I feel like we have like a weird eye thing and then I like kind of turned to him and I'm like are all the gigglers just the hottest girl you've ever seen in your life literally no I met two the other day I was like guys gorgeous get on a runway get out of here what are you doing at the dog park and then I met some gigglers who were here for f1 and they were like oh we're like head of marketing for whatever and we're the bosses and I was like obviously yeah obviously also I just have to do a quick showing of my moose knuckle shoe take it off put it on the table it's too sticky under there it's too I feel like that would also you're trying to lower my wiki feet rating I know exactly what you're doing okay for people who don't know Paige is like a 4.9 in wiki feet 4.7 no it was 4.9 I checked recently and I'm 4.8 and you are out here like you're actually am i showing my feet that much you post your full grid post is my post oh yeah and i was like she's i'm trying to hide it at this point that she's like you would make actual money there should be no billionaires so i'm giving my fee for free okay it would actually be unfair but i have to say these knuckle shoes first time i wore them i didn't know that they actually go in between your toe and the other i thought it was just aesthetic uh i feel violated right now it feels like i'm wearing a thong it's giving to me it feels like toe socks i've actually never even tried one on it's invasive for sure yeah but then i kind of like it i'm kind of like is this fun you there's intrusiveness happening you won't wear a thong but i'll wear a toe thong but you'll literally put it in between your toes because it's ugly and it's not for men that's why i'll do it thongs are for men are thongs for men are thongs pick me no they're not then why do you wear them because i think they're more comfortable and i don't want them my underwear to show in any pants so i never have to think about my underwear showing in pants because i only have thongs you're a slut at what point did you do you know daphne brand made

21:41granny panties as they should wait when did you first start wearing thongs i think high school did kim say anything was kim like like did you go to victoria's secret yeah here's the thing kim and i like love a thong we were working okay like we were putting outfits together on monday for

22:04Hannah Berner: Friday night football games like we had a bit we were running a business we knew which days we went to the mall if you knew what a business was you'd be passionate about it so like Kim and I were working we never got into like the weeds of the wise no me and my mom in high school never got into the weeds of like a daughter fighting with their mom like we just didn't do that because we were all business yeah but she was like this capri requires this thong yes like she told me what to do i did it and then but then i gave back to her like i need x y and z i need salmon on tuesday nights like like we don't very working relationship my mom was like hey are you gonna start shaving above your knee and i was like i didn't know that was a thing and she's like just never mind and i was like okay don't ever bring that i was shaving top bottom in fifth grade yeah no my mom was like I think shaving should be a thing we should start if you want, but if you're uncomfortable with it, it's fine.

23:04Hannah Berner: Well, if you want to really talk about girly, every Saturday morning... Oh, I can't wait to tell you my Saturday morning. Go. Every Saturday morning, my mom would run the bath, and she would mix up some type of potion that she would put all over her face. I'm obsessed with her. And in the house I grew up in, you could step into the tub, So it was almost like there was like a bench outside the tub. And so I would lay on the bench and she would like shave and she would essentially be actually getting ready for Saturday night. But she would be doing this like all Saturday. So like to me in my head, Saturdays were like you were grooming.

23:44Hannah Berner: You groomed yours. And so that's why now Sundays I'm like, I try my products and I do my hair oil. Saturday morning, my dad wakes me up. It's go time. He's written a chart Never saw my dad on a Saturday Didn't even know he was allowed to be alive on a Saturday My dad woke me up sweating So in his bedroom he had a treadmill and weights So he would It was actually so cute He'd draw this chart that showed all the weights and exercise I had to do with stretching in between And when I finished it I had to check So he'd be working out and I'd be working out And we'd be doing weights What age? At like eight and then I would run on the treadmill and I'd listen I blast the Space Jam soundtrack and that was our Saturday morning.

24:34You were an Olympian athlete. Yes it was crazy and then sometimes we lived right by Prospect Park so sometimes he'd be like we're doing laps in the park and we'd run together around the park until I was like too tired and if someone like passed us he'd be like we gotta get them. We'd be like racing random people.

24:52Hannah Berner: Our own Kim and I's only cardio Cross Gates Mall Saturday afternoon and then he would take me to tennis our Saturday is gonna have been more different let me get home and then eat some pasta that was probably similar yeah that was definitely yeah but um the Saturday mornings blasting space jam just like imagining I was gonna win the US Open that was what I did wow you have ambition babe you have a mission too but it's for beauty that's true and mine was vain but it's so fun mine is so fun good hair days do more than we give them credit for. When your hair feels healthy, you show up differently.

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26:42Hannah Berner: This episode is sponsored by Toomey, the international travel, lifestyle and accessories brand. Their Mediterranean Escape Collection just dropped and it is seriously stunning. It's a full seasonal line of luggage, travel bags, and accessories. The colors are everything. Pink clay, my personal favorite, washed, yellow, and thyme. It makes you want to book a trip just looking at it. But here's what I love. It's not just gorgeous, it's built to last. Toomey is known for premium craftsmanship and signature durability, and this collection is no different. Effortless functionality designed for the modern traveler.

27:20Hannah Berner: Whether you're grabbing a carry-on for a quick trip or a weekend bag for something a little more fabulous, it's the kind of travel gear that makes getting out the door feel effortless. Explore the Mediterranean Escape Collection at toomey.com or in-store. This episode is sponsored by Cars.com. I was laying in bed today, which is my literal office, and I realized that life is just a series of different characters. One day I'm quiet luxury in a trench coat, and the next I'm errand girl in a matching sweat. The problem is my car needs to match the vibe. I have decision-making skills of a person who takes three hours to choose a pasta shape, which is why I need help when it comes to cars.

27:59Hannah Berner: Cars.com actually makes it easy. You have over 2 million new and used. That's 2 million possibilities for who I want to be this month. They have advanced search filters, over 200 of them, so you can find the exact interior and it won't clash with your favorite bag. And for my girls who like a smart investment, they have deal badges. It literally tells you if the price is fair so you don't have to guess. It's basically like having a personal shopper for your driveway. What I love is that you aren't just winging it. They have real reviews from real people who actually drive these cars, so you can explore every single option from your bed until you find the perfect fit.

28:35Hannah Berner: It's all about the research, the tools, and the expert advice. Wherever life takes you next and whoever you're looking to be, there's a car for that on cars.com. Start your search with cars.com. Where to next? Actually, I meant to tell the gigglers because I've never, like, been in warm weather for as long as I have been the past couple of months. Do you use a, um, it's, like, really not going to be interesting at all. It's just, like, legit girl stuff. Yeah, logistics. Yeah, this is, like, serious. Do you use a leave-in conditioner? I have so many times bought it trying to be that person, but I never have convinced myself.

29:12I can't not use a leave-in conditioner.

29:14Hannah Berner: Do you use it in the shower? No, when I get out, I put it in. And then you have to wash it out? No, you leave it in. Really? Leave-in conditioner. Do you spray it on? No, I use the Crown Affair one and I really like it. I've tried a couple and this one is my favorite. And you think it works? I think it works but like okay perfect example is like I didn't put it in last night because I was going to do a hair mask and then I fell asleep and so I feel like my ends are a little like and this is air dried and then I did my crimp I have been getting some tiktoks being like I'll buy anything pages orbo recommends and like I fear um we've lost the plot I fear girls are spending all their money on random shit that you're not random it's fun stuff that I like It really works.

30:01Yeah, and then six months later, you're like, guys, I actually hate it. And it's a hairspray that I've been using on my pussy.

30:08Hannah Berner: No, now you have me thinking. I think I'm going to do a TikTok every week of products that I've used that week that I like and I don't like. Please, actually, please. That would be so good. But also, that is our newsletter, too. Like, the newsletter. Oh, right. Yeah, but, like, you can't see me in the newsletter. And so, like, some things that you would know. No, I think you should. Well, because one thing about you is you will be trying everything. I will be trying everything. and every season I like to change my makeup bag. Like, okay, we use that blush now for the past three months. Let's switch it up.

30:36Hannah Berner: Summer's coming. My makeup bag is different. You're an actual influencer. It's my hobby. Yeah. Some girl, like, giggler DM'd me. Something like, I forget what she even said, but basically calling me, like, ridiculous. And then she was like, but, like, in a nice way. And then she was like, and then I remembered, that's just your hobby. So, like, keep going. Let her have joy. Yeah, let her, like, have fun on a Sunday evening. But we're so opposite. I don't believe in any product. I think it's all made up. I think it's all marketing. Except the other day I texted you and I said, I really think you should get micro needling.

31:08Hannah Berner: Which I'm going to do. And you were like, yeah, I'm going to do it. Your skin looks really good, actually. I really enjoy it. And you're really not even, you don't even see the benefits until you've done it like two or three times. That's how they get you. I go back. You don't see the benefits unless you do it 800 times. The movie gets really good like 40 minutes in. That's how I feel with laser hair removal. They're like, don't worry, it'll be gone in 20 years. laser hair removal saved my life because i had an ingrown hair problem yeah like your bikini line since i was little because i was running and sweating everywhere i was getting these like horrible and i was exfoliating at eight see i didn't know what exfoliating was i also was using nair which i think that started covid actually actually oh my god i for god chernobyl is from nair my mom and i had a nair phase where we'd be like nair time and the room would smell like Chernobyl.

31:55Hannah Berner: This is so niche and so Italian. Did you ever bleach? No. Never? Like your butthole? No, like... Nope. Which I still don't understand what's going on. But you know what? I do have a couple friends who have. Are you talking about bleach your butthole hair or skin? I thought it was bleach your butthole hair. Definitely not. It's your skin. What? Who even knows what color their butthole's skin is? How do you even see that? The person that's back there. I've never once, and guys, I'm not trying to be pick me, but like, I hear men talk a lot. Yeah. Unfortunately, I'm in circles where men are, like, men talk in front of me like I'm a boy.

32:36Yeah. Never once have they been like, she's really hot, but then like, you know her asshole, like, wasn't bleached?

32:41Hannah Berner: Like, they don't. I think about that sometimes when, like, I don't shave. I'm like, he's not, he doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't even know where he is. Please. I'm like, he's fine. It's hard telling people they need to bleach your butt off. I think a lot of people do it. In my 20s, I had like two friends that like did it consistently. Oh, there's upkeep required? I believe so. Because I think it fades. What were we talking about before that we got to this? How did we get here? Oh, because you don't really have like dark hair. You know, when I dyed my hair blonde that one time. Yeah. I could see a mustache.

33:14Because our hair is dark, it almost like all blends. But if you were blonde, you'd be like, oh, I have a mustache.

33:19Hannah Berner: Before laser hair removal, I used to bleach my arms and my like hair on my face, like in high school. I love that for you. Who did it? Myself. You're actually an artist. No, Sally Hansen. I'd like mix it up every Friday night before I went to like the football game. I would be like bleaching. And my girlfriends in high school would always be like, oh, my God, like the hair around your forehead is always like lighter than your real hair. and I would just be like genetics but really it was because I was bleaching like any facial hair but I was I would never tell anyone that because no one was as Italian as I was so I wouldn't say they were like all blah I was friends in high school everyone was blonde hair blue eyes and had the biggest boobs in the world and then it was me you really never literally Audrey Hepburn and a bunch of Marilyn Monroe's yes I don't know how you survived that Stephanie didn't for speaking up about that thank you because my best friend stephanie is like irish and german and god knows what she does not have a single hair like on her body when my mom went to cornell shout out to my smart mom she was like one of the few italians yeah yeah and it's like i just like my mom has dark hair can i actually talk shit about my husband i'm waiting so as you guys know So Des got his knee surgery.

34:40So to get his knee surgery, they shaved his leg. Okay. One of his legs. So it's been like a week and a half. And he looked at me and he's like, look at my leg. And I'm like, what? And he's like, look at it. I'm like, what do you want to show me?

34:53Hannah Berner: His hair hadn't grown back. Your kids are going to be really lucky. Well, let's hope that they take after him. And I'm sitting there and I have a five o 'clock shadow. And I shaved earlier that morning. And I'm like, it's just crazy. My kids are like already hairy. that's how hairy i am i'm already booking my daughter my kids gonna come out as a hairball just like just a bunch of kids gonna birth her and it's just hair wait kids who come out with like full dark yeah it's gonna be my child so cute my children's gonna come out with like full ringlets and like ask me where the leave-in conditioner is yeah um did i talk about my dermaplane incident with the tca tsa agent you know i think that one slips through the cracks i'm not sure that we've heard that as you guys know not to brag i mean that is a weapon i'm flying yeah five times a week sometimes i have a downer with science i know exactly what to do to make everything smooth so it's always the end of the tour that shit starts to go right it's like The universe stops protecting me.

35:57They're like, go home now.

35:59Hannah Berner: They're like, let it go. Your aura is too across the country. You're burnt. Yeah. What did they say? Cropped? No, you're chopped. So I'm in, where the fuck was I? Yeah, it doesn't matter. North Carolina, I think. And my luggage gets pulled to the VIP line. Pulled to the side. Great way to put it. They need to take a second. And immediately I actually get furious. Like I get a little Karen in the head of like, I do this every week. Why is this now? Yeah. Like what's different? And like, cause they actually. What could you have possibly found that the hundreds did it? Yeah. Yeah. Like, oh, you guys have seen something?

36:42Anyway. So it's this like 35 year old guy and he's just doing his job. And he was like, do you have any liquids? And I'm like, no, I'm not fucking dumb. I don't. I fly every day. Like I'm not. I mean, I didn't talk like that. but I was just like no I only have my Duncan refreshers yeah and he's so he's like looking through everything and obviously my bag is a fucking mess so they open it up and you get exposed and it's just bad and I'm like there's no way he's gonna shut this like you know how hard it was yeah and I'm just sitting there like this is and he can't find anything so I'm like this on you guys like what did you you're the one who got me here you're asking me what the problem is when you said there's a problem you tell me what the problem is so finally he's looking through my makeup bag and i was like whatever and he pulls out my derma plane razor and he's looking at it for like three minutes no this could be an entire show so and i'm looking at him because i'm annoyed so i'm not giving him anything i'm not it's my i'm just he's just looking at it and finally he looks at me he goes what is this and i go sometimes i got these little goat hairs on the bottom you I said this I said someone's got little hairs and it takes the hairs off my chin and he looks at me and he's like it's essentially a really thin razor yeah so then he starts like trying to take it apart and it's like a nice derma it's like a heavy one like it's one of those things that I got like three years ago yeah yeah probably doesn't work anymore do you ever derma plane your eyebrows I'm scared yeah I'm scared I have like intrusive thoughts that I'd be like what if I just yeah

38:14Hannah Berner: because I feel like it would it would be so like why don't people do that more because is it it's harder to control it i think but is it essentially shaving i don't know whatever so he he's looking at me i'm looking at him he like doesn't trust me or something yeah so he goes hold on one sec gets his manager holding my weapon yep and he's basically up to her he's like is this a gun like he's he's talking to the lady it was a full 15 minutes of him talking to this woman deciding so he comes back and i go look sir i've been flying with this weapon um for six months now and it's never been a problem why is he getting flagged now and he's like well technically it is a razor and you're not allowed to have razors and he he takes it apart and you could pull you go see this i'm like well you just broke it and he's like okay well do you want it without the razor and i go no you just now it's just i want the plastic wand it's a plastic wand so i have enough microplastics in me sir i'm not like taking this now for the rest of my journey you've stolen the good part so he's like sorry you can't have your full um sword and I was just like okay you win it's crazy because I have a razor in my carry-on all the time it never gets yeah I've never gone so like it was this huge deal and then I was at the point where I was like do I just for women argue that like this is important to have in our bags and that like also and you know what i do need a razor on me at all times because people are crazy also speaking of not all men i got into the uber this morning and my uber name says just p just the letter p and i get in the uber and he was like oh what's p for like patricia and i was like oh no my name is page but i put p because i don't want the person to know if i'm a girl or a boy like before I get out there and he I did say get out there before I really get going and he like started laughing and he was like oh yeah that's actually really smart you never know so then I'm in the back of the uber and I'm like you don't ever know do we know right now though like are we both in like you know you never know but do I know are we in agreement right now that we're not gonna know We're going to know that you're going to take me to the destination.

40:36Hannah Berner: I'm going to get out and then you're going to leave. Like, we're not going to do this on a Monday morning at 8 a.m. But I was like, wow, a grown man whose job is to drive people around was like, really smart idea because you never know. That's scary. It's so scary. That, yeah, the person. He's like, yeah, no, these people are fucking nuts and they'll take people. He's like, you know how easily I could fucking take you right now? I thought you, yeah. Do you remember when you'd get off at airports? it's well they're still there and people would just be like hey do you want a ride do you want a ride i don't know how it happened but i was at a young age and i couldn't get a taxi and some guy was like hey and he just like seemed nice and it was like a white van and i remember thinking like this is the last time i'm ever gonna see my family and i didn't have my cell phone was dead or like one of the situations that i'm like only i would find my cell phone was dead i was in a white van i don't know direction i just suffocate myself or are you gonna do it do you want me to just i'll start it i mean you literally gave it to them on a goddamn platter he like slides the van door open i almost was like this is boring this is too easy i want a little bit of a fight or something i was like taking this out he calls his body he's like she wants to come with us so i don't i don't know what to do actually nikki glazer in her special this past weekend was like talking about how American women aren't getting sex trafficked as much as like European women which fine whatever they are hotter but every single day I'm like someone's trying to take me.

42:08Did she say in the bathroom stalls in the women's stalls it's always like if you're being sex trafficked where it's like in the men's stalls it's like. Do you want a SIG?

42:20Hannah Berner: Do you want to blow jump? The weather is cloudy today. What does it say in their stalls? This episode is presented by Depop. Okay, Gigglers, can we talk about the fact that we all have a section in our closet that basically is just vibes and delusion? Like I bought it for a version of me that goes to Paris Fashion Week, but she hasn't checked in recently. Instead of letting those pieces emotionally support you from the hanger, you could be making money on Depop. Depop is a fashion resale app where your personal taste actually has value. And before you're like, ugh, selling sounds like admin, relax.

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44:44Hannah Berner: That's 20 % off your first purchase with code Giggly at liquidiv.com. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. It's mental health awareness month and therapy just got even more affordable. BetterHelp is now accepting insurance in many states with the average co-pays around$23. So if you've been thinking of trying online therapy, now is the time to get started. With an average rating of 4.9 out of 5, BetterHelp's live session is based on 1.7 million client reviews. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. All you have to do is fill out a short questionnaire that helps identify your needs and preferences.

45:25Hannah Berner: With over 30 ,000 therapists, BetterHelp typically gets it right on the first try since they are the world's leading online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. BetterHelp is an in-network with major health plans like UnitedHealthcare, Cigna, Aetna, and more, with average copays around$23 for eligible members. Fill out the questionnaire and check your coverage today at betterhelp.com slash giggly squad. That's betterhelp.com slash giggly squad. Average copay is based on eligible members. Actual cost and coverage may vary by plan. This episode of Giggly Squad is sponsored by Haagen-Dazs.

46:08Hannah Berner: You know that feeling when you've been going non-stop and you finally just sit down and everything gets quiet for a second? That's the energy Haagen-Dazs is giving and I'm so here for it. They just dropped a brand new flavor made to be savored. There's the new Coffee Almond Toffee Ice Cream. It's Brazilian coffee ice cream, buttery toffee pieces, crunchy California almonds. The coffee ice cream is deep, smooth, and toffee brings the warm, buttery sweetness, and the almonds give you that satisfying crunch with every spoonful. It's the kind of thing you have to slow down for because you actually want to taste all of it.

46:45Hannah Berner: And that's the whole thing about Haagen-Dazs. It's rich, smooth, creamy ice cream that's genuinely too good to rush through. A moment that's just for you. Take your sweet time. That's Da's. Find Haagen-Dazs new coffee almond toffee ice cream at retailers nationwide. we both are getting our nails done today we are what color are you doing i'm gonna do the same thing but now i've roped myself into being your assistant when it comes to your toes nails and toes now my guy texts me when i make an appointment he goes what about hannah i go well let me check you know what that made my day because someone's looking out for me someone cares about me because other people didn't believe in me they were like i see her nail journey and i don't want to be a strict regimen and i actually like waited for you like i was like this is the longest i've ever gone i got i've gone like six weeks it's pretty crazy disgusting me and you both watched at least the beginning of yeah the documentary should i marry a murderer i keep falling asleep i thought it was a i thought she was a i because She's so expressive.

47:52Hannah Berner: Yeah, I actually had to go back in the beginning, and I was like, did they do a warning? She should have her own podcast. She's really charismatic. There's also something about a British documentary that I'm just like... It's Scottish. Oh. And the whole time, they say, Meldur, Meldur. And I couldn't, Meldur. Did I marry Meldur? Yeah. Meldur. I was on my phone for most of them. Scottish people, it's an incredible accent. I can't yeah I think you were having trouble understanding possibly but the if you don't okay it's incredible this is incredible documentary because it's literally about how long will you stay with a guy if he's 6 '4 she brings it up multiple times she's like but he's 6 '4 and he's 6 '4 and he's 6 '4 and she literally is like he took a I think I can okay fast forward if you don't hear what happened but she meets this guy on tinder 64 and she's sold yep and he loves her and then he's like i have to tell you something and it's funny when a guy says i have to tell you something you you like your life flashes before your eyes you're like of all the horrible things like what could it be see i usually know i'm like i've been waiting yeah oh you finally want to i'm like money you tell me you're kidding and when was that yeah we already do the group chat do okay so this guy's like drinking and driving with his twin who's also 6 '4", which I think adds to the lore.

49:18Yeah. Like, maybe she, whatever, threesome, whatever. Okay, so he kills an old man and hits him with a car, which, like, look. Oh, that's how he killed him? You didn't watch documentary at all, babe. I was literally two minutes in. That was the whole entire premise. Did I marry a murderer? You didn't watch it. I couldn't understand that. It was actually shown in a visual that he hit him with a car. I was on TikTok.

49:43Hannah Berner: I was wondering if I was asking. at the same time that me and you are getting our nails done kitty will also be getting her nails done you got a groomer to come to your house yes well she goes into like a little van she gets sex traffic she's allowed to go to a little yes she's an animal she's like mom have you checked this guy's license she goes down in her louis vuitton case and she's like um i don't think butter would never well i want to get her like her nails trimmed her paws trimmed does she get a gloss get her hair washed for like the summer yeah so like every like three months 10 weeks usually i give her i get her a little spa day she loves it kitty loves getting brush it's her hobby she walks back in the house like does she like stop looking yeah she knows So this guy hit an old man with his car, which, look, drunk driving is beyond fucked up.

50:43Yeah. And he knew that, like, he's in trouble. Kills him on accident. Also, when you're drunk driving, assume you're going to kill someone.

50:52Hannah Berner: But, like, he drunk drove. Drunk driving really, really annoys me because I'm like, it's one thing I just, like, I just never have, like, done. I've never been in this situation to drunk drive, honestly. Well, I never drink and I never drive. You can't drive. I can't drink. And growing up in the city, we had a lot less drunk driving incidents because none of us had licenses. So it's crazy how like in a suburb, how many kids get in trouble. But anyway. And they can't drive to the beginning. Don't drink and drive and stop smoking cigarettes. It's not cool. I don't care if Addison Rae did it. Anyway, I'm everyone's mom.

51:24Yeah. So they hit the guy and they realize he's still fucking alive. But instead of calling an ambulance, they like change their clothes and they bury him alive. I don't know if he was alive, but he had died by that point. But in like the 40 minutes that he was dying, he could have been saved. So she's like, oh, this is layers of diabolical. Yeah. But then she's like, he is 6 '4". Yeah. And he was drunk. He makes mistakes. But she decides she's going to tell the police. He confesses this to her. Yep.

51:59Hannah Berner: She calls the police. And what do the police say? She finds out from him where the body's located. like the police would have never found it and she's drinking a red bull and she drops the red bull right where the place is so she marks it like she's fucking full she's also woman stem of the week and she's doing that for the cops for the cops they're like farmers on like acres and acres and he also like cuts up bodies and stuff like oh he's a hunter yes okay which i thought this was gonna get way more interesting and be like this this is one of the many people he killed He's not like a serial killer, which was kind of disappointing.

52:33But the crazy thing is, though, the cops don't protect her. Pardon? The cops. She calls the cops.

52:42Hannah Berner: She's like, hey, this guy killed him. I'm marking where it is. They bring him in. And they are like, we think that you killed this guy. And he denies it. And then when he gets out, she doesn't know if the cops talk to him or not about her. And he calls her and he's like, where are you? and she's like I cannot be with him but she has to pretend that she's not like hanging out with the murderer that she just tried to get to prison but he's 64 so she's like come in baby and he looks at her and he's he doesn't know but then the cops go to check in on her because she was like I'm gonna like I could get killed right now they and they know her name so they go Caroline and then he and he's like receptive he goes how did they know your name oh my god how are these the dumbest cops in america did not protect her at all like that's mostly what you get from the documentary is how like this woman put her life in line and like it really ruined her life yeah but then during covid she can't tell anyone her story because the cops told her she can't so she's like losing her mind alone he's out by the farm i think something happened but basically she's like he's the only person I could like beat myself with so she moves back in with him oh my god that's insane I've stayed for some crazy ass things okay and she I am not one to talk but well you know what oh so this is what happens he finds out she was the one who told and yeah she thinks that he's gonna kill her and he comes up to her and he cries and he goes I shouldn't have put you in that position and like I'm so sorry and like you did what you had to do so And she's like, I'm in love with you again.

54:23Because she's like, he's honest. He understands me. He sees me. And he's 6 '4". So, and they're cute together. So then you're like, who am I rooting for? Ultimately, I'll let you guys watch the end. No, come on. He goes to jail. He goes to jail. He goes to jail. He goes to jail. He goes to jail. And he's still in jail. 12 years? I know. It should have been more, but they weren't able to prove that the guy was alive when he first hit him. So it's more like a hit and run. Yeah. So she, but she's, she went, her life was ruined from it. Just from meeting this tall guy on Tinder. So just like watch out in these streets.

55:01Hannah Berner: Oh my gosh. And don't drunk drive. He love-bombed her, but like he was so nice and stuff. And she probably just like was a different personality. Like they lie and change their personality. Do you know what it gives? And then a year in you're like, well. It gives that friend that like is horrible to other people, but they've never been mean to you. Yeah. And you still hang out with them. Yeah. you hear all these stories and people warn you and you're like but they're literally nice to me yeah and then when they fucking do something crazy you're like why didn't i listen but you're like because they were being nice to me yeah and that's see the signs see the signs but also when was this what year was this like during covid wow so not that long ago also oh also i forgot to tell you she's a doctor okay she's not a dummy she's a full doctor okay and that's why the police also were like she's not a vulnerable victim she's smart and it's like just because she's smart right because i mean she's not vulnerable against right like he's still a six four alcoholic and her which like a six four alcoholic we've all dabbled if i had a god damn when an alcoholic has a crush on you oh he he chases your ass yeah because he can't see The voicemails you get.

56:13Hannah Berner: He thinks you have a twin. Okay. And her job. One time I was dating this guy and he was an alcoholic. And he would like try and convince me that he wasn't an alcoholic. And one time we like went out or something. The way to know if you're an alcoholic is if you have to try to explain someone why you're not an alcoholic. Continue. He tried to tell me that someone roofied him. I was like, babe. It was you. he's like no i'm telling you like they got it out for me i'm like no one slipped something in your eight drinks that you had that you made for yourself but honestly in the moment i was like oh my god it's crazy who i was lucky to be jealous i'm like why did my boyfriend get roofied and not me because he's lying during college roofie like i was really scared about everyone getting roofied yeah i got roofied twice in my adult life oh my god and my most recent time i was probably 26 i think was a lot was the last time it was like a halloween party i don't think someone intentionally tried to roofie me i actually think which is a great situation because i'm like now i'm picturing the guy was probably like i didn't want page to drink it who the fuck cares about I think it was intended for someone else because I grabbed the wrong drink.

57:37Hannah Berner: With your long fingers. And so I kind of like did it to myself. No, stop victim blaming. No, I didn't. But when you get roofied, it hits instantly. Like, I think I, and the only reason I knew is because it was my first drink. So there's a nail polish out there that you can dip into drinks and it turns a different color if there's a roofie in it. That's nice. Yeah. And those girls made that like cuphold, like they made like a, looks like a hair tie that you can like put over your drink. Also, there's a new camera that these girls invented that's in your beret. No, not beret. It's a hair clip. Obsessed in my beret.

58:17It's a hair clip. So if you wear a hair clip, it films so you can like get content whenever, but also it can like protect you in a night out. That would be funny, though. I mean, not funny, but if you wake up, you're like, what did I do last night? And then you just watch it with your friends. You're like, that was crazy.

58:33Hannah Berner: See, in my head, I'm like, you get your boyfriend this new gift, and you're like, wear this out every night. Because you're Russia. Yeah, because I'm crazy. But it's fun sometimes. It is, it is. I got the mango pineapple Dunkin' Refresher. It's so refreshing for a Monday after drinking the night before. Oh, my gosh. This is your first hungover refresher. I got a berry acai refresher And it's just like my new personality recently I think it is my favorite flavor You love that color purple Well I think it's my aura Is that your aura? No it's pink But like Yeah Maybe it's Maybe your aura has changed This on a Monday No Pink It could be pink purple I'm pink I'll have to DM Michaela And just be like Hated Paige's aura change She's been acting kind of off lately She's crimping her hair Things are crazy Also do I look tan?

59:25okay never mind not like particular like i did actually i'm sunburned like laid out i'm actually

59:33Hannah Berner: quite pink yeah no you're not tan but it'll turn in like three days when we come back to do friday's episode i'll be your time everyone look oh also we're going to la this week oh yeah we're leaving wednesday yes for the netflix is a joke i have gotten a lot of messages being like we can't wait for the giggly squad show and i'm like just letting you guys know it is an interview show For the first time ever we're interviewing People live Very important We've written it out Netflix was like hey guys What do you want to name your show And we were like hey what show And they were like When you interview Kate Hudson Mindy Kaling and Brenda Song And Hannah goes um Uh How about just like Giggly Squad interviews important people And they go we love it And I was like Hollywood is a joke Hollywood is a literal joke They go perfect, incredible They're like wow that's so artsy, so funny But I also love that they're like these girls never interview people This will be perfect So I've been talking to gigglers I'm like this isn't normal giggling squad We're not throwing rocks at men We have to ask professional important women questions Mindy Kaling's gonna be there I mean Mindy Kaling, Kate Hudson Also Brenda Song has been everywhere on my feed She really knows sports Have you seen her yelling at everything It'll be iconic, I don't know what I'm wearing yet me neither I'm deciding today I'm wearing but us in LA is a different animal I know but we're not staying that long which probably good yeah we could stay the weekend though no but we have cats we do have cats we have a family um we love you guys so much for giggling with us thank you Duncan for sponsoring the episode and we'll talk to you guys later bye okay wait have you ever had one of those moments where you're like, I should be doing something fun tonight.

1:01:23Hannah Berner: And then you just don't because you don't have what you need because same. But recently I've been trying to be more of a yes person. And honestly, Amazon Prime has been enabling that energy. Like the other night, I randomly decided I was going to host a last minute girls night, no planning, no groceries, nothing. And instead of spiraling, I just ordered everything I needed and got it that day. Snacks, drinks, even like random hosting things I absolutely didn't need, but emotionally I did. and suddenly it went from maybe next time to yes tonight. That's what I love. Prime's same-day delivery makes it so you can say yes before the moment slips away.

1:01:59Hannah Berner: Because let's be real, the only thing worse than a bad plan is a plan you never make happen. Same-day delivery, it's on Prime. Available in select areas, terms apply. So if you're trying to be more spontaneous or just less chaotic, go to Amazon.com slash Prime to find millions of items delivered fast.

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