How to Resolve Remote Conflict

0:01This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required. Compatibility and availability varies 18+. Listen to the heartbeat. Chevy is called the heartbeat of America for a reason. With SUVs made to move with your rhythm.

0:35The versatile Equinox tackles your entire day. The spacious Traverse fits your crew and your whole weekend. And Trax brings style with value you can count on. All infused with tech that has your back. So your drive always hits the right chord. Chevrolet. Together let's drive. You know, it's funny, I was always the kid, like, when a fight broke out on the playground that was like, fine! I just always found people clashing, sort of trying to sort things out, get their needs met, try to communicate well. Like, I always just found that really interesting.

1:12Amy Gallo:I mean, conflict is a normal, inevitable part of interacting with human beings. The number one thing that we don't have now that we do when we're in person is the sort of casual walk by someone's desk, check out how they're responding in a meeting. We don't get all those informal, nonverbal cues that we used to get when we were in an office together. When we're remote, we are often communicating with text-based communication mediums. So that might be Slack or email or even text message. Those types of communication are ripe for miscommunication, for misunderstanding. We tend to misattribute other people's words and actions.

2:01Amy Gallo:Our brains, when we're making judgments, was that email rude? Did that person leave me out of that meeting? We're making those with our reflexive, non-conscious brain. That's the part of our brain that we use to assess whether our environment is safe, whether there are any threats. When we are able to then access our conscious part of our brain, we then use that to actually build the story that confirms the judgment we make. So the email comes in. I feel a little uneasy, like, oh, is that threatening to me? I then look for details that prove that this person has some negative intention. And then I'm going to sort of tell myself a story about why that person did that that reinforces my instinctive interpretation of it.

2:52Amy Gallo:If you think you're getting into a conflict with someone, the very first thing you want to do is take time to think it through. And this is one of the great benefits of being in a remote setting. You don't necessarily have to see that person right away. Because your instinct is likely going to be telling yourself a negative story about the other person, you really have to counter that by asking yourself, what would a logical, generous interpretation of their behavior be? We're working in a pandemic here. People are under pressures that we don't always understand. Admit to yourself that you don't truly know what's going on for that person.

3:32Amy Gallo:When you're actually starting to have the conversation, it's really not helpful to focus on the interpersonal dynamic. Usually there's an underlying business issue, a task conflict, a disagreement over the goal, or a process conflict. What is it that you actually need to get done? And what is it you have in common? What is your shared goal that's a much better place to start a discussion from than, I think you're a mean person, or you've been a passive aggressive jerk. You know where a horrible place to have a difficult conversation is? Over email, Slack, or text. You can use all the emojis in the world, but you're not going to convey the same emotion and detail that you would convey with even just the tone of your voice.

4:19Amy Gallo:It's best to increase the fidelity of that conversation. Raise the synchronicity, so we're having a conversation at the same time, raise the amount of interaction it requires. Now video helps that, but it doesn't quite reach that same level. There's a lot we miss with video. Sometimes the sound isn't right. Sometimes you see yourself. There's just so much going on. There's some people who would even say having a phone conversation is better than video. Sometimes a phone call actually lets you really focus in on that person and really hear what they're saying and be able to articulate what you want to say without distraction.

5:01When you have a disagreement with someone and you get to the other side, you tend to have a stronger relationship.

5:09Amy Gallo:In the process of resolving a disagreement, we've had to share assumptions, we've had to explain our thinking, we've had to maybe be vulnerable. I've seen this with my daughter when she was younger. She would go to her best friend Sophie's house. They would have a sleepover. They would come home. She'd come home and she'd say, it was a great time. Sophie and I fought the whole time. We disagreed about what movie to watch, where to sleep, whether her brother should be involved in our game. And I would ask, why was that fun? And she said, well, because now Sophie and I are BFFs. going through a difficult time together does tend to form a stronger bond.

6:05Athletic Brewing Company crafts award-winning non-alcoholic beers for those who want to be part of every round. With over 185 flavor awards, they're exceptional NA beers that fit your lifestyle and any social occasion. Summer's full of good times and athletic fits right in. Go to athleticbrewing.com to have brews delivered to your door or find them at a bar, restaurant, or store near you. Near Beer. Athletic Brewing Company. Fit for all times. Have no fear. Chosen Foods is here to defend your favorite foods from the forces of seedy oils and sketchy ingredients. With cooking oils, salad dressings, and mayo all powered by the good fats from 100 % pure avocado oil and simple, delicious ingredients.

6:46Chosen foods. Still waiting in line? Again? That's time you'll never get back. Save time and money with Stamps.com. Over 4 million businesses have skipped the line with Stamps.com. Join them to save up to 90 % off carrier rates from your computer or phone right now. Print postage for certified mail, registered mail, and packages in seconds. Then schedule a pickup right from your home or office. For a limited time, go to stamps.com and use code podcast for a free welcome gift taxes and fees apply