Lean Into Imposter Syndrome, Don't Yield to It

0:00In my work, I specialize in strivers, really hardworking people, ambitious people. These are the people who want to do a lot with their lives. They want to take a bite out of life. I mean, I've worked with musicians that are barely getting by, but they really have this sense of calling. I've worked with business people who are doing really well, even though they're not really satisfied with what they're doing. What all strivers I've ever met have in common is that the higher they climb and the more success that they have, the more insecure they feel in their own success because they're not quite sure that they've earned it or deserve it.

0:30That's called imposter syndrome, of course. It's completely natural. It only really doesn't happen to one group that I've found, the people who really are imposters. One of the great ironies I've found is that people who deserve success through hard work and merit and personal responsibility are not quite sure they deserve it, and the people who don't deserve it are often the people who actually are most sure that they do. In my work, if I find somebody who's extremely successful and who doesn't feel like an imposter, that makes my antenna kind of tingle. My spider sense is on edge. Because I think I might have something that in my profession we call a dark triad.

1:09Dark triads in business or in personal life are people who are above average in three characteristics. Narcissism, it's all about me. Machiavellianism, I'm willing to do what it takes, including hurting you, to get my way. and psychopathy to be psychopathic, which is to say, I'm gonna hurt you and feel no remorse. You might think that that's super rare. It's not. One in 14 people in the population is above average on those three characteristics. Dark triads are 7 % of the population. You know them. They've broken your heart. They've been disloyal to you. They've taken credit for your work. They've made life miserable.

1:44You try to avoid them. Here's the truth. If you're doing really well in your career and you're being rewarded for it, and you're a good, normal, healthy person, you're going to sort of wonder, is this earned? Do I really deserve it? Am I up to this task? What you're doing here as a healthy person is that you know what you're good at and you know what you're not good at. Well, guess what the world sees? What you're good at, that's why you're getting ahead. What do they not see? The things that only you see, which is what you're trying to get better at. You have full visibility. You're looking at the entire landscape.

2:18The rest of the world is not. They're looking at the ways that you're creating value. You're looking at the ways that you can't create value yet, and you tend to focus because of what psychologists call negativity bias on what you don't have, as opposed to what you have. When you focus as a striving, hardworking, ambitious, and upwardly immobile person on what you don't have, you're gonna feel like an imposter. That's just the way it is, unless you're a dark triad. So what do you do if you have imposter syndrome? The answer is to understand it, keep up to date with it, and keep trying to get better at the things that you're not good at yet.

2:54This is an opportunity. It's for growth, for becoming the person that you truly want to be. Even if other people overestimate how awesome you are, which of course they do, right? You don't have to, and you can focus on the ways that you can actually become better. If you feel imposter syndrome, that's great. That means all kinds of good things about you. But don't miss the opportunity. Don't miss the opportunity to focus on the ways that you actually can get better and keep striving more for it. Lean into the imposter syndrome without giving into it. Lean in without giving in. When you're an accomplished professional and you're upwardly mobile and you're being successful, what that means is that people are focusing more on your strengths than your weaknesses.

3:37And it also says you have more manifest strengths than you do weaknesses. Now, if things are going in the wrong direction, You're getting a whole lot of bad press and you're on your way down. It means people are paying more attention to your weaknesses than your strengths. And it might be that your weaknesses are a bigger deal than your strengths. The truth is, if things are really, really rough for you, you're not all weaknesses. And if things are going really well for you, you're not all strengths. Here's the problem if you're a well-adjusted person with a modicum of humility. You're going to feel like a loser when everybody else sees you as a winner.

4:08But rest assured that when things are going well for you, that means that people are more focused on your strengths than they are on your weaknesses. Don't focus more on your weaknesses than your strengths, but recognize them because that's your opportunity for growth and change and improvement.