Refraining from Acting On Bad Impulses (Quick Study)

0:00Amy Jen Su:Think about a bad habit you've been trying to break. For example, you're sitting in a meeting and dialogue is happening and you find yourself starting to get impatient. There's like almost a rise in your body physiologically and the next thing you know you snap or you interrupt one of your colleagues and it leads to not a great discussion. Our impulses and knee-jerk reactions can sometimes be our worst enemies. opportunities. Perhaps you walked into a team meeting with your direct reports and rather than empowering them, you swooped in, took over the project and created an unnecessary fire drill.

0:37And so how do we deal with those moments?

0:39Amy Jen Su:You can find that magic pause right in between that moment of stimulus or that physiological surge or that uncomfortable emotion. Then you've got a better chance at saying, what's the choice that allows me to be authentic, constructive, and effective. The first is what I call a mantra or swing thought. And a swing thought really comes from the world of golfers. So there's thoughts that they have that help them drop into their body. So when they're ready to swing and hit the ball, it's almost like an automatic response. It's like a mantra, which then brings mind and body together. Selecting a mantra or a word where you've associated it with a certain body stance or body posture or set of physical sensations is how it really works together.

1:25For example, I have a goofy one that's called rabbit that I picked up from a child's book called The Rabbit Listened. So now when I find myself feeling impatient in a meeting with a colleague, I simply say to myself the word rabbit and my body cues to calm down, listen, and get present.

1:46Amy Jen Su:There's nothing like the breath to reduce anxiety. And so one of my favorite techniques comes from a Western MD called Dr. Andrew Weal, and he has this technique called the 4-7-8 breathing technique. And so even as you're walking to a presentation you might be nervous about, or perhaps a time when you know you can feel that you might be reactive in a difficult conversation, as As you're walking down the hall, you simply pause, inhale for a count of four, hold that breath for seven, and then exhale for eight. And by the time you've walked in the door, you're in a much less reactive state. Deep breathing and anxiety just do not go together.

2:29Amy Jen Su:The third technique that you can use is what I call the washing the dishes meditation. When I wash the dishes now, I simply try to wash the dishes. It sounds simple enough, but in fact, think about the last time you washed dishes. Was your mind wandering? Perhaps you're thinking about the email you need to do. Perhaps you're already thinking about your next day and your to-do list. And so the practice is to come back to the dish over and over again and feel the hot water, feel the plate, feel yourself washing the dishes. How do you come back to the dish, come back to the water and get present and be in your physical body so that you can pay attention?

3:06Now translate this the next day when you go to the workplace and you're in a meeting and you find your mind getting distracted, you find yourself wanting to check your cell phone. Instead now think of it like washing the dishes and you get very present to your colleagues in the conversation at hand.

3:21Amy Jen Su:So these three tips are really about ways to bring mind and matter together and to find that magic pause. When stimulus comes in, I'm going to find a way to pause and think about what's the most authentic, constructive, or productive response versus falling into our bad habits or our knee-jerk reactions.

3:54Thank you.