The Importance of Purpose & Finding Your Why

0:00All right, my friends, welcome along once again to my notebook. If it's the first time you've joined us, thank you so much. It's the biggest privilege of my life to every week sit down in the study at my house without a script, with no preparation, with no forethought, with no real plan. Open my notebook and share with you the things that I've learned this week. This is just the chance that I get to connect to you. And I am so, honestly, I am so privileged that you keep coming back week after week, that you send me messages on my socials, that you reach out talking about these episodes. The reason it matters is because I've been note making for the last 20 years.

0:36And honestly, it's been the thing that has given me the greatest clarity. And I attribute so much of the success that I've enjoyed in broadcasting, in podcasting, in business, in life, in parenting and creating friendships to note taking. It just helps me just to put stuff down on paper. So without further ado, let's open this week's notebook. Oh, before I do listen, before we begin, please just hit subscribe. It makes such a huge difference on whatever app you're listening to this. It means we can keep growing the show. It means we can keep doing the show. It means I can keep opening up my notebook.

1:11So the first thing that I wrote this week is tell people about your why. And the reason why I wanted to mention this was because I had a bit of a moment this week. Let me explain the story first of all. So you have to imagine that it's last Thursday morning and I've been in London the day before so I haven't come home to the kids which is something that many of you who follow me regularly will know that I hate but I was doing an event for the High Performance Foundation and then I went to attend someone else's charity event but they're supporting our foundation so it felt like the right thing to do that finished about 11 p.m and then I hopped in a taxi in central London and headed to the ever so glamorous Hilton Gatwick South for a lovely night in an airport hotel on my own.

1:56That's all fine. Woke up in the morning and I was kind of excited in the morning because I was off to interview Robert Lewandowski, one of the greats in the world of football, a man who is just behind Haaland and Ronaldo, one of the greatest players in the world over the last five or six years, a man who absolutely should have a Ballon d 'Or to his name. Anyway, I was flying to Barcelona. I met Oscar, who runs the socials for High Performance.

2:23Hi, Everything was great. We were getting ready to record with Robert. We were in this really cool little podcast studio in a quiet little street about a quarter of a mile away from Barcelona's stadium, the Nou Camp. It was like a total nondescript residential business district of Barcelona. I don't think anyone on that street knew that one of the world's best footballers was about to drive down there and park up and come and chat to us. But anyway, I got an early flight, got there about 11, 12 o 'clock because Robert was due with us at 1.30. and we're sitting there and what we always do before an episode is myself will the producer and damien we go through what we're going to talk about our plans for the episode the areas we definitely want to cover the things that his agent or his people have told us that they want to talk about we've obviously watched lots of other episodes but it's also really important for us to make sure that we have a conversation with them that they haven't had elsewhere otherwise what's the point listening to someone on one of our shows so we also looked at the latest news and I think we got a really good plan in place um and then Will went downstairs to meet Robert it was like it was kind of um we were on the second floor of this office block but it had like a single bay pull-in car park with these roller shutter doors so Will was like right I'm gonna wait downstairs um for Robert so Damon and I were just sitting in the studio you know just chatting away and getting ready for Robert to come in and um I went and put in a contact lens is a little bit of trivia for you.

3:46When I'm recording an episode of High Performance, I wear a contact lens in one eye. The reason is because I've had a double cataract operation, which is not nice. I wouldn't recommend it. But it means that I see good distance, but I can't see at all close up. So my lenses in my eye are basically fixed at distance vision. So I wear a single contact lens, but I'd forgotten to put it in. So I went to put my contact lens in, in the toilet, just in my left eye, which then makes my left eye focus near so that I can read the questions for Robert that's on my iPad. I came back and Will then rang from downstairs.

4:18I said, hey, Will, how you doing? He goes, oh, Robert's going to be about half an hour, 45 minutes late, so shall we go and get a sandwich? Didn't really mind too much. Fine. You know, he's a Barcelona footballer. I've interviewed enough footballers over the years to know they're normally late. So not a problem. And there was a lovely little bakery on the corner of the street that we were filming on. So myself and Damien, Will, the producer, Oscar, who was producing our socials on the day, and JB, or Jack Baker, to give him his full name. We all chose a very nice baguette. I went for some Spanish ham, as I think is the right thing to do when you're in Barcelona.

5:00Anyway, we ate the food. We all had a coffee. We went back to the recording studio. Still no Robert Lewandowski. Went upstairs. Will then rang five minutes later and said look we've now been told Robert's stuck in traffic he's going to be here in 20 minutes sit there wait another 20 minutes eventually Thomas's guy who he's worked with and known for years arrives and I go downstairs tell Thomas that I'd love Robert to play for Norwich City is there any way that he can make that happen interestingly Robert actually said he still feels that Thomas said that Robert is still like absolutely fully focused on being a footballer at the very top level so that's a little scoop for you his future's up in the area.

5:39He can leave Barcelona in the summer. He can talk to other clubs in January. But I think he's going to either go to Turkey or he's going to come to the Premier League or he's going to go and join an Italian club. I think those are the three places he'll end up because he still wants to do something significant before his career finishes and he either retires or goes and plays in Saudi or something like that. But I was like, where is he? Where is he? Because I had a flight to get at half past five in the evening. I needed to get this flight. Otherwise, I was going to miss my connection because I fly to Schiphol and back into Norwich.

6:09So eventually Robert arrives at three o 'clock, just after three o 'clock. And we have got a cab at four and we like about an hour and a half with the guest. So unfortunately we had to cut the interview a little bit short. I think we got through most of the stuff we wanted to talk about. But as soon as it was over, me and Damien were like, look, Robert, great to meet you. You're a legend. Thank you so much. All the very best. Please sign the guest book. Come and see us if ever you come to the UK. Bye. And we were in an Uber and straight to the airport. at which point we raced through security.

6:38Massive thank you to everybody at the airport for allowing myself and Damien to push our way to the front of not just security, but also passport control and everything else. So we just, just got to the gate about a minute before our flights closed. He was flying into London. I was going to Amsterdam, at which point I get to my gate and everybody is still waiting for the flight. They tell me the flight's delayed. annoying because I could have managed to interview Robert for a bit longer but obviously you only know what you know at the time and Damien and I talk so often on this podcast about um about you the best you can where you are with what you've got right so at the time that we were sitting talking to Robert the best I could do where I was with what I had was to get a flight that was going to be leaving at about five o 'clock or something or 5 30 so that's what I had to do I had to just leave i think so often we get tied up with um with dealing with hindsight you know what was the point of any time spent thinking i could have spoken to robert levandowski more it just doesn't make a difference right to his life or my life or the show or anything it was a total waste of my energy so i parked that quickly sat and waited and then i started thinking hold on i've got a connection to get so i called my wife and just said like i think i might be late home and you know i got this really weird rising panic like i'm an adult right i'm 47 i traveled the world working on formula one i got delayed by the ash cloud when it covered the whole of europe i missed flights in far-flung locations south korea and japan and australia like i've been away from home for days i've i've had to drive with ted kravitz down the autobahn in germany at well over 100 miles an hour to try and make a connection to get a train to get home like i've done all of that stuff and taken it in my stride and suddenly like honestly I can't even tell you it was really weird like the anxiety was real to the point where I thought right I just need to get a flight I need to go and get a flight to London I need to find another way to get home it was madness eventually they started to call the flight just before I went to change my ticket because it was a flight to London that had seats and I could have got but I thought no you know what I'm just going to get this one and make it to Schiphol so we get on the plane and I'm still okay for my connection to Schiphol I've still got like an hour at Amsterdam or maybe 45 minutes to land, get off the plane, go out of the Schengen area, which is all the European countries with passport control as a non-European, sadly, and then board a flight back to the UK.

9:06So we get on the plane, sitting there and sitting there and sitting there and sitting there. And the pilot then goes, okay, everyone, just to let you know that we've missed our takeoff slot we're going to try and do what we can um a few minutes later he comes on good news they've moved our slot forward we're about to start up our engines so we start up our engines by now i've probably got about 30 minutes to get from one gate to another still doable just and we take off and we're flying pilot comes on 20 minutes to landing i look at my watch this is going to be not a breeze but it's going to be okay by now the flight wasn't quite as quick as we'd hoped but it was going to be about 15 minutes to get to the next gate about two minutes later uh ladies and gentlemen our luck has run out there's an emergency medical emergency on another flight coming into schiphol so we're being uh diverted to a holding pattern to allow that plane to come through and take um precedence which is absolutely like the right thing to do and again the heart rate starts to rise the panic's like what is wrong with i'm a human being on the planet that we're designed to live on i might have to spend a night away from home what am i panicking so badly about eventually the other flight makes it and lands we then push on we land and i land at gate d77 at ship all airport and i have now got six minutes to get to gate d23 through passport to check.

10:39I wish I did more cardio guys. Oh my goodness. So I've got really bad knees and thankfully about three or four days before I had a steroid injection in both knees to just try and calm the pain down. I'm trying to avoid a knee operation basically for as long as possible. And there I am running through the airport carrying the suit bag because the event the night before was black tie. I've not been home since six o 'clock the morning before. I know it's not a long time and my heart rate is raging. My mouth is dry. I'm wearing this big jacket because it's been freezing across Europe. I'm seeing other people, other passengers move past me at a rate of knots.

11:12I get to the passport controller, give them the passport. I'm like, he's like, where are you flying? I said, Norwich. He looks at his watch, laughed, gave me back the passport. I'm running, I'm running, I'm running. Where's D23? D23, where is it? Where is it? Oh my goodness. It's like, that airport is so bloody massive. It was about a mile basically to try and run. I thought there's no way I'm doing this the gate closed at 9.05 I got to the gate at 9.05 and 25 seconds I missed the gate closing by 25 seconds I was utterly distraught and I know again it sounds like over the top but I was honestly so bothered by this I said to the staff on the gate like I've just been delayed with a flight from Barcelona you can come on she said open the gate took my ticket check my passport let me on the flight guys the relief was palpable I didn't know what was going why am I so bothered about this and then I sat down in the seat I called her it said I've made it and she said you know what you should mention and I was like I'm so so glad I'm gonna come home I'm so excited to see you and the kids the flight's only 25 minutes from Norwich I can't wait to be home yay I'm coming home and she said I love how much you care about coming home for just like to have another night home you should tell the people on uh on the notebook why it bothers you so much I think they'd be interested to know because it never used to and I was like you know what Harriet that is a very smart idea and now here I am a few days later recording this conversation and the reason is because after I had kids, family life became my purpose.

12:50It became my why. So in 2012, when I was offered a four-year contract to remain at the BBC to host the Olympics, the Euros, World Cups, Commonwealth Games, Match of the Day 2, Formula One, and Sports Personality of the Year, I turned that incredible contract down because it meant that I wouldn't be able to see my first born child grow up and I wouldn't be with my wife because all of those jobs were happening outside of London fast forward a few years to the day Sebastian was born he then starts to get older and when he's six years old I go to BT Sport and say look guys I just don't want to do the Premier League anymore because I just am not around for weekends with my kids and those are two really tough things to do because my career means an awful lot to me and like everyone I have an ego you know being on the biggest sports shows on the BBC was good for the ego being the guy who's standing pitch side hosting the biggest games in the Premier League makes you feel good it's like that was my purpose that was my reason for being that was like I was a TV presenter if you just said to me at any time in the last 20 years what do you do oh I'm a TV presenter.

14:02What would have been my first reply? My week was made by having a good TV show, by doing well on air, by being successful, by having good interviews, by dealing with any problems. Equally, my week was ruined. If like happened at Kate and William's Royal Wedding, something goes wrong technically, and I'm embarrassed. On that day, I was sent up in a Lancaster bomber. Technically, the whole thing was a disaster. And I was cut live to the whole world it was a world feed it was like billions of people around the world saw this guy standing in a lancaster bomber not speaking not looking like he knew what he was doing um because technically the whole thing was a mess and i felt like i'd really let people down because i wasn't able to deal with the fact that it was a technical it was a technical challenge i just wasn't good enough on the day and that really bothered me and after i did that i got on the train back to london at the time and these guys got on and went what happened to you were you sick or something on that plane I went home to Harriet I said oh man I feel so bad at this like big moment the BBC events has come crashing down around me she said well let's go out for lunch went out for lunch and we sat outside a pasta restaurant in London and the table next to us the guy leant over and went I'm sorry you messed up so badly yesterday I hope you're okay like bloody hell I felt awful but anyway I felt awful or I felt great because my entire self-worth was attached to being a TV presenter.

15:26And then a few years ago, I did an interview on High Performance with both Simon Sinek and a guy called Shane Parrish. And I explained to them both that at the time, my career was flying. You know, I'd created High Performance. High Performance was one of the biggest podcasts in the world, you know, a few years in. I was still presenting football, Champions League and Premier League. I'd founded Whisper Group one of the biggest production companies in Europe I had two kids I had the house of my dreams my family are all around and are healthy and happy I've got money in the bank and yet I felt totally lost and it was actually Shane Parrish who changed everything for me and this is really a very long-winded way of me explaining the importance of purpose Shane Parrish said to me well what are the three things that mean the most to you in your life and I said time with my kids time with my wife and time just to go in the gym at home and catch my breath and he said cool he said well show me your diary for this week and he i gave him my phone i used the diary on my iphone he said show me your diary i showed him my diary and he went through it and he said well for a start tomorrow you've got 14 things in the next day you've got nine things the next day you've got 12 things happening that's too much stuff in your diary so no wonder you feel a bit overwhelmed and lacking in purpose and I said but what's the answer and he said to me pay yourself first he said paying yourself first means you put the things in your diary before your diary gets filled up that really matter to you he said you need to diarize time with your kids time with your wife and time in the gym and I said yeah but that seems mad because those are the things that just should happen anyway right and he said yeah they should but are they happening anyway and I was like you know what you're absolutely right those things are not happening and he said it needs to it needs to be part of your everyday life because the truth is that you can be doing all of these things that the world tells you are amazing but if the thing that gives you your purpose if your why is not being catered for then you will always feel empty you will always feel like you're not going in the right direction i'm actually this weekend i'm doing a presentation for a really cool friend of mine called imran hakim who runs a group called the hakim group and i'm going to go on stage and talk about this stuff.

17:36Because let me just explain this to you really clearly. If you're the most successful person on this planet, if you have all of the trappings that the Western world thinks deem you to be successful, but you don't know your purpose and you don't know your why, you will always feel empty. You will get to the end and feel like you didn't achieve a thing. So really think about what you're doing when you feel lit up. Who are the people that make you feel amazing? What are the things that make you feel incredible? For me, I sit on my lawnmower at home, make stripes on my lawn, I feel a million dollars.

18:11I go and watch Florence play hockey as I'm going to do in five minutes for her school or Seb play for his football team. I feel everything's all right with the world. That is my purpose now. My purpose is not being a TV presenter. I still love to do it. I would still love to be doing it, but it's not my purpose. My purpose actually, it isn't really even high performance. High performance is much more closely aligned with my purpose than anything else that I do. But it doesn't make me feel like being with Harriet and the kids and looking after myself makes me feel. So that is why I was on that plane.

18:44And it made me feel so anxious, because it was denying me the thing that means the most, which is coming home and being with the kids. Family first has been my mantra for the last few years. And anything that gets in the way of family first really makes me feel uncomfortable. so that's the other thing think and look at the things that make you feel uncomfortable and think why do they make me feel uncomfortable it's most likely because they're denying you a chance to find your purpose finding your purpose finding your why is at the center of everything that you do so please if you haven't sit down and think about your ikigai what you're good at what the world needs what you can earn money doing and what you love and if you can combine those four things into something, then I promise you that you will live a life of joy and happiness.

19:33In fact, you'll also live longer because the science tells us that you will. And that is it for today's notebook. Only one topic, only one conversation. Tell people why. I hope it was useful for you. Please hit follow, hit subscribe on whatever app you're listening to this show. Please also pass this on to someone because you, I bet you have a friend in your life that on the outside has it all, but they feel dead on the inside. They haven't found their why. They're not living to their purpose. And sometimes, like walking away from the BBC, walking away from the Premier League, it can be the scariest thing in the world.

20:01But I tell you now, it's never the wrong thing. Have a great week. And I'll speak to you on Jake's Notebook next time. Thanks a lot for listening.