Acting with Ants

0:02That sound could mean a lot of things. And when something's going wrong at home, the hardest part can be figuring out what the problem actually is. At Thumbtack, you can upload a voice message or a photo, and our AI-powered search will help diagnose your project. Plus, the pros we know have over 14 million five-star reviews, so you can hire with confidence. Thumbtack. We know homes. Hire the right pro today. I'm Claire Buckley and if your idea of relaxing is listening to seriously unsettling stories before bed, then you are going to love my podcast, Pretty Scary. From terrifying true crime, haunting ghost tales, creepy alien encounters and anything weird, it's the stories that leave you staring at the ceiling afterwards questioning absolutely everything.

0:52Lock your doors, get comfy and prepare to dive into the darkness. Just search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley. before we get started you know we like to talk for hours on end before we actually get to i just want to bring up that it's uh pete's birthday of recording the day oh happy birthday mate now listen love pete he's great got nothing bad i mean i don't know him that well but he's to be honest i don't want to i think it's too early to say yeah maybe he could be a I don't know what he does in his private life. But as far as I'm aware, he's a great guy. It's his birthday today. How was I supposed to know it was his birthday today?

1:39How would I have known it was his birthday today? Katie does that thing that makes everyone look bad in the WhatsApp group, where she just goes, happy birthday, Pete. Oh, yeah. And I go, well, I can't say it now because I just look like. When someone does that, I just put the two lines, like the ditto. Right. Just that. Right. Same as. What's that? Right. James is right that it does make everyone else it bad. I'm going to say back here to the studio on time. Oh, Christ. That's true, though. God. That was last week. Are we still talking about that? The thing you won't know, Joe. That looks good, doesn't it?

2:15Yeah, it does look good. The thing you won't know, Joe, is that I was also a few minutes late anyway. Yeah. Because I had an emergency. I had to go and get some lip balm. Yeah, I saw that on the WhatsApp. as well when I finally actually I read it about five minutes I hadn't but I was like I was there it is I was halfway writing oh yeah happy birthday Pete but I just didn't bother because I was just like yeah you're just I know I you know what when I you've made us all look bad you just and you made Lily mate Lily mate I assume you did you text him privately uh yeah yeah and also you're covered yeah but what I will say is and this might not help but he actually did say he wasn't coming to this record because it was his birthday and our last record, but that was a little while ago.

3:01Alright. You can't expect people to pick up on that. I can't remember everything. That's just... Come on, man. That's annoying, Lily, mate. I'll be honest with you, because my whole argument was how the fuck am I supposed to know it's the guy's birthday? I know. I know, and I've made it worse. He did tell us. He did say, yeah. Right, so that's how I should have known. And that's why he's not here. That's why he's not here, yeah. So this episode is dedicated to our executive producer Pete who it's his birthday today who did tell me it was his birthday but not in a but I forgot not in a way that anyone he needs to remind me the day before remind me the day before yeah well it needs to be there and then stuff like that you get cancelled about like he never remembered a birthday he was a piece of shit I'm not going to have a leg to stand on yeah in 10 years time I can't just go well I don't I don't remember it that way that's always the excuse isn't it you can't um yeah not to my recollection yeah yeah what are we doing Joe?

4:04what? hold on what are we doing? hey this is a podcast welcome to Joe no not yet no okay Joe and James Joe and James Joe and James fucked up again Joe and James Joe and James Joe and James Joe and James This is a podcast. It's called Joe and James Fact Up. I'm James. I'm Joe. And each week we'll be bringing one another a fact that we deem interesting. I didn't bring one last week. Didn't have one to get. Can't be expected to. Soz. Soz Oz. And our policy is the more interesting, the more true it is. I hate that, by the way. Soz Oz. I know. No one will know what we're talking about. No one will know what we're talking about.

4:51Anyway, the Inbetweeners poster. What's it called? A log line or a hook line or something like that. Yeah, what do you call it? Tag line. Yeah, something like that. So it was like the Inbetweeners 2. Soz, Oz. Yeah. I don't know. Who okayed that? It wouldn't have been Ian or Damon. I don't really like it either. Ian and Damon wouldn't have gone for that. It's far too much about Australia. like just you can't just go oh it's in australia yeah there you go so soz oz it's i just yeah it's not the point is not really that it's set in australia and if you're trying to lean on that i just think you'd and i'm not as can't say as person's australia i'm just saying that like Like, it's not – it's beside the point.

5:44Well, soz is a complete irony wrapped up in itself. It's the enigma of ironies. Go on. Because if you're apologizing and you say the word soz – Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I'd spit in your face. Yeah. I'd say that's not an apology. Sorry. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. Oh, no. Anyway. Anyway, listen, we'll also be digging into the weird things that you'd like to think are true, but you can't be asked to research yourself in a segment that we're calling Fact Check. And we also don't research those facts, but we are the arbiters. Arbiters? Arbiters? Arbiters. Arbiters. We decide whether it's true or not.

6:31Gatekeepers. Just from our gut. But so if you want to send some facts in for me and Joe, our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com. You can also WhatsApp us on 07822 034 330. You can follow us on our socials, joeandjamespod, at joeandjamespod. And you can watch all our episodes on YouTube. Just Joe and James Facts Up. You'll find it. Now, let's get fact up. little song

7:08how are you James how am I yeah go on I'm okay I'm alright I'm alright I'm you got your beer and your lip balm there I got beer I got lip balm I'm good man beer in one hand lip balm in the other I'm good the modern gentleman the beer's starting to kick in for me a little bit that's alright I'm getting a little bit you're a little bit blurry that's okay and I've not even drunk that much to be honest but I've not eaten it You've not eaten enough probably. Single thing all day. That's part of my process. If I eat, if I'm going out and I know I'm going to the pub, I don't eat all day. Yeah. Because it helps to control the calories.

7:43Because I'll go to the pub and I won't get drunk. Oh, I see. And I'd have organized a cab and everything like that. I see. I could have just driven. Yeah. No, you can't say that. Five and drive, isn't it? Five and drive. That's the wrong word. It's just a saying. Put that on a t-shirt. That's just a saying. When are we going to do some merch? They reduced it, aren't they? Reduce it to one. I can look into it. It's less than one, mate. One pint is more than one unit. Yeah. But I liked it when we were in Australia, when we asked that waitress, like, what are the drink driving rules in Australia?

8:15And she was like, yeah, I think you're meant to have like one in the first, you're meant to have two in the first hour, and then you're meant to have one in the second hour, and then you're meant to have one in the third, and then you just keep having one every hour. Yeah, one every hour is fine. As though she was saying that was the minimum. By the way - She was like, yeah, but that or more. That was two - Waiters, waitresses. Both said. Me and you asked two different people. They used to have machines in the toilet where you could blow into it. And then it went either green, you're fine. Red, you're not fine.

8:42Or orange, give it a go. It was only because where we were - Orange was basically man up. Yeah. Essentially. Where we were in Australia, it was just - Right. I love Australia. And here's one of the reasons I do love Australia. But I don't know if this can get me in trouble or not. they're just quite relaxed they're quite chilled out they're quite laid back yeah that applies to drinking as well yeah so we were like oh i do want to have a beer with lunch like we had we drove into melbourne that day didn't we yeah and we were like we'll have a nice look like the other boys were doing something we had a day off yeah and i had hired a car didn't i yeah so we thought oh we're going on a little drive we'll have a look we had that lovely meal by the river wasn't it Yeah, by the water.

9:29And I was like, I do want a beer, but we've got a bit of a drive back. Yeah. And it was just sort of like everyone I asked was like, oh, you're fine, mate. Don't worry about it. Yeah. So you can have one beer now, and then it's just one beer every hour. And I was like, so if you're on like a 12-hour sesh. You can have 12 pints. As long as I spread 12 pints over 12 hours, I can jump back in the car. It just felt very wishy-washy. It feels a little bit sloppy, doesn't it? Yeah. It feels like it's a bit wobbly. And also, to be fair, the beer I was drinking was 4X, which isn't particularly strong.

10:13They're very tribal about their beer. Yeah. Because we were in, where were we? I can't remember which is which, actually. We were in Victoria for a bit. Yeah. And then I think we went a bit north up to, what's that place that I hated? The hippie place. Oh, Byron Bay. Yeah, we went there. You didn't like Byron Bay. Everyone else loved Byron Bay. I was just like, fucking get a job. Get yourself a job, get a mortgage and fucking get on board with the rest of the planet. Well, they were renting their, you know, huts out to us. Well, yeah. That was their job. Well, we stayed in a place, our hotel was next to a lovely little park that was called Needle Park.

10:54I was just like, this ain't my vibe, man. This is not me. Yes, there was quite a big overlap with the drug world, I'd say. And I'd say the overlap was 100%. Yeah. But depending when you are, I think 4X is okay, but in certain places of Australia, you've got to drink VB or you get... Yeah, when I was in Perth... I suppose Victoria, actually. What does VB stand for? Victoria Bitter. Yes. When I was in Perth, I'm like out of here. Yeah. There was VB and EB. Right. Emu Bitter. Emu Bitter. Neither of them are bitters, by the way. They're not bitters. They're lagers. The famous Emu War. Go on. Do you not know about the Emu War?

11:34No. Australia declared war on emus. It was just after the First World War. They were using water to solve everything by that point. There was a terrible problem. It was a massive farce. There was an awful, awful problem. I can't remember the name of the politician that was like, because there was a load of farmers going, emus are fucking up everything here, right? And it is a serious problem. We're not growing anything. If your crops are being eaten. And there was one politician that, Lily May, find out, just type in Google, emu wars politician. There was one guy that was like, no, I'm going to stick up for the farmers here.

12:11I'm going to take this to parliament or whatever they do and go, we need to do something. So they called in the army. Right. They got a couple of machine guns. And this is post-World War, so that's like pretty fairly new tech, right? Yeah. And they were like, don't you worry. The army is going to turn up. We're going to mow these emus down. And they would spray them with bullets and stuff, all these emus and everything. They'd be lucky if they killed one. No way. It was a war that the Emus won, essentially. They lost the war against the Emus. This politician had to resign in all sorts and was ridiculed for years and years and years.

12:55Sir George Pierce. Sir George Pierce, right. They had to surrender to the Emu General. They had to surrender to the Emus. The Emu was like, it's on there. There was one bloke, there was one soldier, one general or something like that. he wasn't just a soldier, he was quite high up, that said, if we had like a hundred soldiers that were like emus, we'd win any war. Because they just... Quick? They were quick. They were smart. They outsmarted them a lot of the time. Their strategy was really good. They literally outsmarted them a lot of the time. And also they'd get hit. Their intelligence was very good.

13:33They'd get hit, but they were so big and tough that they would just live. they would just carry on living after being shot. They would just carry on as if nothing had happened. That is... That's an interesting little part of Australian history. I think it's quite heartwarming, which is interesting because... How did we get on to that? What were you talking about? Were you just talking about Australia? Talking about how great Australia is. So I'll just say, for legal reasons, that we adhered to any drink-driving laws in Australia. Yeah. Which isn't saying much. Any laws that might exist, hypothetically.

14:07I don't think there are. I think a lot of the laws in Australia are just sort of, they're not written. What's the one in America where it's like, if you can walk along a line, you're fine? I've spoken about this before. I don't know if it was on the other podcast I do with that woman. Yeah, I know. You guys are doing that. I know. I've got to knock it on you. No one likes that. You're talking about Claire? I've got to stop doing that. No one likes that. So, no. What was you talking about? Sorry? The American version. Oh, yeah. No. Where they just sort of see like, well. You know when they do, when a policeman goes, have you been drinking?

14:52Yeah. It happens a lot in America. I see a lot of American videos. It was like, can you touch your nose? Walking on a line. And you say, absolutely, officer. I genuinely think it was the, can you do the alphabet backwards? I can't I cannot do that and I'd just be like well you've been drinking I know I'd get stuck after why I think I think I'd be terrible if you hooked a lie detector to me because you'd be panicking anyway I think I would just panic about the whole situation the lie detector seems very wobbly it's been proven it's just like is your pulse raised yeah and do you sweat a bit more And so if you can learn to control those things, then conversely, if you can't control them.

15:40There's a reason why it can't be used in court at all whatsoever. Yeah. It's primarily for like the Jeremy Kyle show, isn't it? The lie detector. Yeah. But there are people. It's a gimmick. Who are basically lie detector operators that swear down. I'd like to put them on a fucking lie detector. Yeah. Do you have any doubts about whether the lie detector really works? It's 98 % accurate. But they all say that. Oh. Yeah. Have you seen Nathan For You? Where they put him on a lie detector? I haven't seen a lie detector episode. I've seen the one where he makes a poo-flavoured ice cream. Yeah. There's an episode where he gets put on a lie detector and they ask him whether he's ever watched any pornographic material.

16:26And whether he's watched any pornography. And he says, no. And he's like, well, you've lied on that one. And he's like, well, I don't. well, there's obviously a problem with the light. And then he starts saying, I'll see, is that running on Windows XP? And he's like, yeah, yeah. He's like, well, it's obviously a problem with the operating system. He's like, there's nothing wrong with the operating system. Like the bloke starts getting really annoyed with it. Oh, that's really funny. How does he do? Oh, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Anyway, you've been, guys, we've got some messages. Yep.

16:55We've got one here from Luke and one from Mark. you've been sending us some real fact up stuff for us to discuss Luke is here via fact up email Luke says hey Joe and James I was just listening to an episode where Joe was called out for his constant use of yeah which one which one yeah yeah well yes I noticed it but it's only really when James is speaking it's not that it's almost like I'm talking and you're agreeing with me yeah there we go yeah Uh, finally, I have a use for my linguistics degree. Ah, brilliant. Luke's here with a linguistics degree. Because what Joe's doing is called backchanneling.

17:36In linguistics, backchanneling is when a listener interjects with short responses like yeah to signal their intention, understanding, or agreement. Oh, you don't need it. I could have told you that, mate. When someone is speaking, someone else is speaking. It's a way of showing support without interrupting. That's exactly what we do. And we do that to each other. Absolutely. We do. What's it? Affirmation. Yes. Luke's quite right. When you say yeah, and I know you do it, and I say I'm not that far behind you with my yeah count as well. It's just letting you know that I'm listening to you and that, yeah.

18:15Yes. Basically, what I should be saying is keep going. Well, it's the fact that. You're doing great. Completely. And what he says, he actually says that you're not doing enough. The gist of this is that, you know, you're letting me down with only 89. And I'll be honest with you, it's because everyone mentioned it. Like I've become self-conscious. People have become, we've become self-conscious. Yeah. I must admit, I did listen to an episode the other week where we were doing it less. And I thought, oh, this is better. Again, they are right. They're right. They are right. But Luke does go on to say, sorry, Joe, and this is really sweet.

18:56So all of Joe's years show what a great mate he is. It's literally just supporting each other, isn't it? It's support. It's kind of micro-bonding, I think. Yeah. He says, ta, loving the pod, Luke. Well, thank you, Luke. Thanks, Luke. Linguistics degree. Linguistics degree. Amazing. I'd love to do a linguistics degree. I think that's so fascinating. I'd love to have a degree. I would. I've got a message here from Mark through the email again. It's just called Shit Flirting. I gave it a little title. Thank you, Lily Mae. You're welcome. All right, lads. Got a story for you that we reckon you'll appreciate.

19:39It's about our mate Roger. All right, brilliant. So it's from Mark, but it's him and a couple of other mates that are trying to mug off Roger. Let's see what they've got to say. It's about our mate Roger. Lovely bloke. Right. Lovely bloke. Bit of a liability. Are you sure? I mean, yeah. We all know someone like that. Yeah. So, Roger had been chatting to this girl at work for a few days. Things were going well. Bit of flirty banter. You know the drill. Do I? Sorry about it. Of course you do. I'm always doing that sort of thing. Jesus Christ. Lady killer Joe. Yeah. Anyway, one night he's on the loo, sends a picture to the lad's group chat, proudly showing off what he described as a tour ship.

20:20What? A tour ship. Yeah, you know, as in like what goes on tour. Stays on tour, right. And then comes out. Watery, splattery. Oh, right. It's a beer ship, right? A beer, yeah. Watery, splattery after a few days on the beers with some other friends in Tenerife or somewhere. The problem is Roger somehow managed to send it to her instead. Cue instant panic. He's staring at the screen, seeing the little delivered tick, and realise there's no going back. He tries to play it cool by typing, meant for something else. LOL. As if there's any situation where that makes it better. Yeah. I don't think he heard from her again.

21:05All the best. Mark Ellis Snaith, Paul and Wilson. Snaith, that sounds like someone that should be in a Harry Potter film. yes nice yes wow that's bad yeah how's he done that sending a shit to uh how has he done that though it can happen it can happen nowadays there is a grace period there's a little grace period yeah of uh where you can say in whatsapp for example you can see if someone's read it right or if you're in a group, you can see who it's been read by. But they've always read it almost straight away. Not a lot of the time. Oh, you can see if other people have read it. Yeah. So, yeah, because I always wonder when you're in a group and you get an extra tick, I'm like, is that because one person's read it?

21:59Yeah, sometimes. That's delivered and received. Yeah. So it's one tick that you've sent it, two ticks that they've received it. Who's received it though? The group? Yeah, the recipients. and then the blue tick means it's been seen. They've read it. So you get a little bit of time there to delete their message. However, I might be wrong, but it just says, it still says James deleted a message, right? Yeah, so you can delete it, but it will say message deleted. But that's better than shit, surely. It is better than, yes, it is. In that situation, it's like, there's quite often on WhatsApp groups that I'm on, people delete messages because they are like selling stuff.

22:40They're like, oh, does anyone want this scooter? And then once it's been sold, they just delete the message. I don't know why, but like, I assume it's that. I don't know what it is, but it does look suspicious. You're like, if someone has deleted nine messages in a row, you're like, what are you up to? Like, what are you so desperate we don't see? Do you know what I mean? It's like when they bleep stuff out, you know, bleeping swearing always sounds more incriminating than just the actual swear word. Sometimes you've said something like, I don't know, poo or something. They're like, beep. You're like, oh my God, what did he just say nothing a word that you've heard a million times just forget about it so like I do I'm like I I was in the in-betweeners for God's sake like I'm completely desensitised to swearing can I just say about swearing swearing does not offend me at all whatsoever no I've made with me and Claire and with stuff that I was doing before Claire I've made YouTube content for a long long time and you are allowed to swear on YouTube yes but because I make it all myself and I edit edit all myself i always bleep the swearing okay and sometimes you get comments that like mate what are you scared of like oh like don't bleep the swearing oh you're trying to stay commercial oh you don't want to piss off um the advertisers so you bleep your swearing yeah it's never been the case at all whatsoever i can leave the swearing in i'm known for swearing yeah don't get me wrong like i have no problem with swearing at all whatsoever right i just find there's something naughtier and funnier about a bleeped swear word.

24:08I agree. I totally agree. I think it's just comedically funnier. It's like if you see a blurred out bit of nudity. Yeah. Somehow it's more titillating. That's funnier than seeing a cock or something. Exactly. Yeah. I totally agree. It's not sexy, but it doesn't turn me on as much. No, of course. Exactly. If I see, you know, it depends what mood I'm in. Well, then the imagination takes over. you think, and you start to paint a little picture in your mind. I'll stop making that noise, shall I? Sorry. I'm just clicking my lip balm. I never really understand why swearing is lumped in with violence and sex.

24:44It's by far the least serious. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that in the end, my daughter will know swear words. And I think that'll be that. I don't think that she'll get addicted to swearing or that she'll waste the load of money on it or something. Like it doesn't, it's an incredibly low ceiling that you reach instantly. You're like, well, now she knows the word fuck. And I think that's the end of the matter, isn't it? I don't think that's literally it. Isn't it? Like there's not, compared to sex and violence, you're like, come on, why is it even in the same bracket? It's ludicrous. In my experience though, it's been like people have been offended that I've bleeped the swearing.

25:20Yeah. That's where they've got annoyed. They've been like, well, they think that you're, why are you bleeping it? Yeah. They think that you're, well, Well, I imagine the phrase, the man, is not too far away. Or maybe. But yeah, no, talking about. Well, it's one of those things, isn't it? It was at Roger's situation where he delivered the wrong thing. So now you can't, but you never used to. That's not always been a case where you could delete the message. So there was one, there was me and a group of my friends. Yeah. They were in a big group WhatsApp. Yeah. They were all blokes I've known since I was four years old.

25:50It's basically the pub WhatsApp chat. Yeah. Must have been about eight of us in this WhatsApp group. Yeah. Two of the boys were down the pub. They went out midweek. They broke the rules. They went for a midweek pint. Yeah. And they started getting a bit pissed. Yeah. And one of the boys, girlfriends at the time, none of us liked. Right. Okay. So they started going mental in this WhatsApp group, slagging her off and taking a piss out of her and stuff like that. And then, and this was before you could delete the messages, right? and there's a lot of us going oh careful guys yeah you know you know he's in this group yeah so then the it became a plan where they were like well if we keep just making more and more messages in this group by the time he gets to the his phone and sees there's about 200 messages or something like that he's gonna go right i can't be bothered okay those so they just sort of flooded but they're still in there it's still like saying some awful stuff about his girlfriend he's not with her anymore so they just started trying to bury it in anything they mentioned the Epstein files for a second and then they were like can we talk about anything else right now to try and distract us from what's going on over there and before that it all happened they were ahead of their time really they were they were i mean god unbelievable but i mean i don't know i i don't yes with this i don't know i don't really understand how this is what they call them what was that thing was the um amandino inocchi um sitcom thick of it spin doctors spin doctors yeah it was all they were sort of trying to put yeah yes yeah like it was like was it throw a dead cat on the table and then everyone should well it's not quite that because it's just boring Just send them more than they can possibly read, basically.

27:54Drown this bloke in, like, documents. Yeah, so much information. He's never going to go back, like, 300 messages to see what was being spoken about. What worries me about this shit is that I feel like most shits I do basically look like that. It wouldn't be like, oh, my God, look at this. Honestly, I have diarrhea far too much. Yeah. for a normal human being. Yeah, I do as well. I've actually ordered some psyllium husk, which is like a fibre, and it glues it all together. Yeah, I'll take the same thing. It's good, isn't it? I was going to say, the phrase you were searching for, I think it was flooding the zone, but then you started talking about diarrhoea.

28:36Yeah, it's flooding the zone, yes. Yes, that is the phrase I'm looking for. I flood the zone more than most normal human beings. Whenever I'm in the toilet, I am flooding the zone. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Lily, mate. You're so welcome. Right. Well, you didn't hear from her again. And I suppose that's sort of on the soundboard. We've burnt too bright too quickly today, haven't we? I know we did. The last episode is going to be about four hours long. This episode, we're just coasting through it.

29:14Holidays are meant to be fun. So why does booking one suddenly feel like a full time job? Prices going up, rules changing, too many options. Bring back groceries, I say. Or you could listen to The Holiday Expert Show. The podcast helping you travel best, spend less and know what on earth is going on. I'm Chelsea Dickinson, The Holiday Expert. And I'm James Robinson, The Holiday Slacker. Every Wednesday and Friday, we'll help you make sense of travel, save money and answer your holiday dilemmas. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

29:47Joe and James Facts Up Anyway Joe Okay So Joe's Fact Right Have we got a jingle for that? Joe's Fact There we go Yesterday was Blue Monday Which is claimed to be The most depressing day of the year Yeah What is it? It's the 20 Today is the 20th of January Yeah So the 19th I actually looked this up Just for my own Yeah I don't know if this is sad or not just my own reasons i was just um talking to claire and i was just like i better look up blue monday make sure just make a note of that day and make sure i'm all right that day yeah yeah i mean january is a rubbish month i think we can all agree on that just absolute wall-to-wall dog shit yes and and it's basically in the middle of january yeah some back at work some bloke from a university did some studies on it and um a professor or something i literally looked this up the other day um for my for my own reasons um and it is statistically mondays are depressing already yes january is a depressing month yeah post the the fun and celebrations and things that we have the festivities over christmas yeah festivus and um and it's statistically this Monday that people struggle with.

31:09Makes a lot of sense. So we thought I'm already thinking that my fact is not we thought we were supposed to be a heartwarming fact. Yeah. My fact is about abandoned babies. So I there's I just I mean but I find this heartwarming. So there are these little spaces in walls where if you've This shouldn't happen. Yeah, they have them in America. But if it is going to happen... They're like, if you... You put the baby... Back in the day when you returned a video that was out of hours. Or a rental car. Yeah. They say, just put the keys in the box. Yeah. But honestly, I genuinely find... Because these are babies that...

31:52Like, if the alternative is just... Maybe the baby's going to die. Or the baby's in jeopardy. I don't want a baby that does not have adults to care. That baby is in serious, serious trouble. It'd be a woman in a situation where this baby - She just cannot - Yeah, doesn't - So it's far better that the baby is taken care of. Which is an incredibly brave decision. Incredibly brave decision. And to not generalise, usually young women will come to this decision. But to have the foresight to be able to go, I myself am in a really shit situation right now. Yeah. I wouldn't want to drag anyone else into this situation.

32:34heartbreaking appalling not not cheerful so carry on Joe well I just to me it there's something about the fact that there is a happy ending to this story you know I do think it's a positive thing the baby goes in it's in there and then somewhere a little alarm goes off yeah and they're like oh there's one in there and then they go get it there's and what but what's interesting is that So this is maybe a fact. It goes back a long time. So this actually isn't something – it goes back to a thing called the foundling wheel, which was a thing in like the 18th century, which was in the wall of a church.

33:17Because I mean, basically – Workhouse? No, because the church – in a sense, I think what happened is that during previous centuries, the church did a lot of the roles that we might now expect the state to do. Yeah. So care of the poor and the destitute. Your community. Your community. So, yeah. And then kind of sense like the, yeah. So I think we might, in some ways, I think it makes sense to, yeah. But that's why only until very recently, is it John Peel? I think I've already spoken about him. But only until very recently have we had an actual police force in this country. Yeah. because you had the church and you just had other people.

34:03They were like, we'll just take care of itself. If you have an actual police force starting enforcing all this stuff on us, we feel that that's encroaching on our liberties. That's true. There was the Metropolitan Police, which was only in London in the 19th century, and then you got the detective branch because there were some crimes. So there's a very good book called The Suspicions of Mr. Witcher, which is about, again, for this episode, the murder of a child. and basically the detective solves the case but the early but the early detective force it wasn't like you didn't have to be Sherlock Holmes to crack these cases it was just nobody was following up cases where where it was anything more than just like a brawl so in so I feel like in about 1820 if a body was discovered and the murderer wasn't like standing over them going oh oh, I've just killed them.

34:58Like, they were like, well, there's nothing we can do. So the detectives were like - There was no records. Yeah. There was no sort of forensic - So the job of the detective force - And I don't mean forensic like DNA, but I mean even just sort of the very basic - The very, so for example, so early cases - Like character references and things like that. So early jobs of the London detective force would be things like, again, sorry about this, but like in this book, so when, so they, for example, a baby's been murdered - Sure. And it's wrapped in a shawl. And on the shawl is just a woman's name stitched into the shawl.

35:29So the detectives are like, I will go and talk to her, I guess. And they go around and they're like, she's like, yeah, I did do it. Right. So it was that level. It was just one level above nothing. Yeah. One level above just - It was the next step. It was one level above basically just bouncer as far as I can. The police before that, as far as I can tell, they were basically just like crowd control. Yeah. And there was, so it wasn't like sort of forensic detection. The police were pretty much – stop that. Yeah, yeah. Because if you do that, they were just sort of like preemptive. It was sort of more preemptive than after the fact trying to sort of solve stuff.

36:06Yeah, exactly, exactly. And so, yeah, right. You're right. There would have been things that just weren't there. Police, fire brigade, like, you know – Fire brigade. No, fire brigade. Or you might call the fire brigade, but if they come out and then you'd pay them to put out the fire in your house, and then the next door house might be on fire and they just wouldn't put it out because you didn't pay us to put it out. It was an insurance thing. You'd pay an insurance. You'd pay a company. There was no sort of fire brigade. You'd pay a company. In general, fires were not put out. Yeah. Because if they turned up to ours and I was like, well, they're not paid up.

36:41They'd go, leave it then. We'll just stand here and watch it burn. Yeah, exactly. so basically that was so at this point it would have been the church rather than the state and it was called the founding wheel and what it was it was an upright cylinder this is a bit weird because babies can't stand up but you'd put it in and then you'd like turn it and it's so so the baby first of all it's facing the outside world and then it goes and now it's facing the inside of the church and they're like oh it's a baby and then the priests or whatever come over and go oh we'll take care of this baby I do think those are good things I think it's a good thing I mean I just I'll be honest with you it's not the most uplifting factor it's not uplifting but you know there is a good story you know it's about it's a situation I think it's a happy ending I mean look I think ultimately if the child is still alive and he's going to be taken care of that's better than it dying somewhere you've got one situation where there's some women might be in a situation where bringing a child in wouldn't benefit that child yeah it would it would make them sadder Yeah.

37:44Losing, like leaving the child. Yeah. But they're thinking beyond themselves. Completely. Thinking of the child. Completely. And then on the other side, you've got families or couples or people in a more, I don't know, stable situation. Who maybe can't have children. That maybe can't have children. So. There you go. I mean, it's fucking, you've gone around the houses to get to it. It's sad. I've gone around the houses to get to it, but just there's something, there was, there's something. I just think there was a billion more positive things you could have gone for before you got to that one. Yeah.

38:17Yeah. I actually forgot. Yeah. Yeah. I sort of semi forgot. Yeah. Well. No, I agree. We're both right. And it's not so much that that's the heartwarming fact. It's just that was what happened to me in my head. And then I was like, well, I guess that in a way that's heartwarming. there's a film there or there's some kind of horror story where i somehow are put in your brain and it'd be the most terrifying thing yeah you don't have been my brain no i i know i don't it's like trying to look after i know i don't the thing is though the thing is i know somewhere you have a filter between your brain and mouth and that's what scares me the most because the stuff that comes out your mouth and i'm like jesus why is he keeping back from what are you holding on to?

39:09A lot of it's not in proper sentences yet. Yeah. Basically, if it's in a sentence, it's coming out.

39:17Right. Should we do fact check? Is that right? Yeah. Move on. Fuck now. I can't. All right. Is everyone feeling cheerful? Is everyone? I do feel sort of more sad than when I came in. Right. Hold off. Hold off. Because I've got a fact for you that's going to, that he's going, that's, that he, like, it's not going to be as, It's not going to be as much discussion. And it's not going to be funny or entertaining, but it will be like, all right, okay, we're okay. We're all good. Okay. It is time for fact check. This is where we'll be reading a fact or question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of.

39:51Then we're going to have a good little think during the ad break and we'll come back to let you know how true it feels to us and decide whether it passes our fact check. Joe, have you got – what's going on? Well, have I got it? Well, in a way, you're half right. Yeah. This week's fact is in the form of a voice note from Lee. So let's have a listen to that. Lee. Hi, Joe, James and Queen Lily May. It's Lee from Leicestershire. Just ringing up for fact check. This is job related for myself because I'm a police officer. I've been a police officer now for 26 years. and if i had a pound for every time someone asked me can i piss in your hat i would have retired years ago so my question is is there any fact to the fact pregnant women can piss or have ever been in a policeman's hat um i know you like history so one for you guys to look into um loving the show keep up the good work happy new year um have a good one bye oh thank you very much lee let's have a quick little break.

41:02Thank you, Officer. Thank you, Officer. Or Sergeant, or whatever your rank is. Police Officer Lee. Thank you, Policeman Lee. We'll have a quick break and we'll get champing at the bit. Champing at the bit. To get into this one.

41:20This summer, wherever you go, take your favourite podcasts with you. I've downloaded six episodes of Help I Sexton My Boss. That's a long flight. No, that's just getting through security. Our group chat's basically become get a grip. Every week someone's sending clips from Andrew and Vicky. I'm on UK True Crime. Walking the dog, heading to the pub. It's totally become my thing. Well, I listen in the hot tub. I haven't dropped my phone in. Well, yeah, anyway. Wherever summer takes you, hit follow on your favourite podcasts and search Audio Always on any podcast app to discover your next favourite listen.

41:58Joe and James Fact Up Welcome back to Joe and James Fact Up Hello We're just fact checking I don't know if we're legally allowed to say that anymore Are we? Because we don't I saw one of our What do you call it? Social media clips Where I said I don't know if it's a fact But it's definitely true Well We're fact checking on behalf of Lee, who wanted to know if somebody is pregnant, can they legally ask to piss on a police officer's hat? In a hat. In a hat. I think it'd be a bit pointless if they just pissed on top of it. Even as to wear it. Yeah. Can they piss on a police officer's chest? Now, Lee, this has all the ingredients of fact.

42:47Yeah. This has all the ingredients. First of all, it's very interesting. Yeah. Slightly amusing. Yeah. and also I've heard it before. I've heard it before. But what I've heard is, what I've heard is the helmet, because the helmet is more like a bucket, so it kind of makes sense. But also it makes sense that they're a police officer, they're a public servant. I know. There's a lady in distress. Yeah. They're kind of, yes, they're almost kind of part of the architecture of the city. Yeah. And almost, and not in a bad way, a bit like a public toilet. They're able to be like, I mean that in a very affectionate way.

43:20No, but just ready. Because there aren't enough public toilets. You need to get the dirty work done. Get the dirty work done. Yeah. So I, don't worry, mum, in there. Yeah, absolutely, mum. And then I'll just toddle off to a nearby drain, pull it down the drain. I bet they would have taken their cape off. Yeah. Yes, exactly. So the lady's modesty was protected. It should be true. The thing is, I think to me, it makes sense if it's the big... If it's not true, I've got no faith in humanity anymore. If it's not true, it's probably just because they don't wear the right sort of hat anymore. No, but I'd like to think that it's still true, but it's just not adhered to sort of thing.

43:57Yeah, okay. But I'm going with fact. I'm going with absolute fact. Katie had heard a similar fact that might not be true. The taxi drivers are allowed to piss specifically up the rear wheel of their car. It's quite funny that. As long as they're touching their car. It's funny that because it is almost like, as long as they go to the back, because it's like, it's like the bum of the car. Yeah. So it's, do you know what I mean? It is like, not the front, obviously that's mental. That'd be like pissing out of your mouth. I'll tell you something. Whereas the back, the real world makes sense. My mate's dad was a taxi driver and they've got, in London especially, they've got these little places, these little sandwich shops, these little lunch places.

44:47Okay, yeah. where you're only, you can't go in unless you're a taxi driver. I feel like there was one near me, but maybe it was just the taxi drivers liked it a lot. And I just, and you see like the, you know, they've got like bacon butties there going on and stuff like that and all this great grub. I'd love to, do you reckon if I played the celebrity card, I'd be able to get into one of those? Well, I think there are places you can stay overnight as well. I think if you, because quite a lot of taxi drivers don't actually live in London. Yeah, they can't. So if they want to stay overnight, there are kind of clubs or something where they can, It sounds great.

45:19It sounds like a secret. Well, I'd say it is a secret society. I love all of that. I love that. The tradition, historical side of London. I'd love to be in a secret society. Modern London, I hate. I can't stand. It depresses me coming into this fucking city. I continue to like it. I do find that - Just for balance. No, you do love it. You've lived in London for - I'm a Londoner now. You've lived in London - I've lived in London since - 2007 yeah and i yeah i love it yeah i do love it i know i can understand why people wouldn't it can give the appearance of being quite dirty and noisy and incredibly expensive i like being able to get in my car and drive to the place where i need to be and my car's outside and i can get that stuff in the car yeah i don't want to have to move my car every two hours and all that nonsense yeah everything is that's the thing in seinfeld as well they're obsessed with car parking even during the 90s like in new york yeah george is obsessed yeah with getting up again he says like his dad got a parking space outside right outside the building once and he didn't move it for about nine months no it is that that i think it could i mean i was in i was in new zealand recently and like i got used to being able to just drive somewhere and park outside and then yeah in london if you turn up in a car it is a bit like what the fuck have you bought that thing here for and you're like, well, quite a lot of people have cars.

46:48I mean, it's not like, yeah, anyway. But look, whatever, it's a medieval footprint. Well, not even medieval. It goes way before that. Roman. Londinium and all that. What's funny is we think of medieval as very cramped, but we think of Roman as somehow like expensive. Vast. Yeah. Where were we? Was London the first city or was it Colchester? Chelmsford was up there as well. I might have to. At some stage. I might have to look into that. I think Colchester is, yeah, Colchester maybe was an early Roman capital. Yeah. Might have been. I think it was. Might have been. But. But the other fact about the taxi drivers or the, you know, whether maybe it's a fact, maybe it's an urban myth, is that they piss against the real world as long as they're touching the car.

47:35Yeah. Yeah. Just, you know, I'm touching the car. With the penis or with an arm? No, I think the palm. The palm goes on the car. but again if a taxi driver needs to relieve himself listen it's common sense it's common sense they're not is it mean you're not allowed to be across the street and be like well I can reach it but so go back go back a hundred years or so your horse and carriage taxi cab yeah hackney cabs yeah I imagine on a cobbled street in the middle of the night yeah a taxi driver would like Because they're providing a service. They're an important part of the infrastructure of the city.

48:21We can't let them just wander off to find a loo every half hour or whatever. Let them take a piss on the back wheel of the carriage. A carriage without a driver is no use to anyone. Absolutely not. So, you know, let's keep him touching the carriage. So I think Katie's fact's real. I also think that the police officer's hat is true. And I'm going to be upset if it's not. It will crush me if it's not. It should be true. And I know we're trying to be positive. Yeah. I know this is meant to be an uplifting podcast. You've come to the wrong place. I know. Look at us. We're not. We're all jaded. My favourite thing in the world to do is whinge.

49:05I love moaning. I'm not happy unless I'm upset about something. if you're trying to ask us to dredge up yeah I've done my best I've done my best I said that sometimes in extremis we manage to prevent the death of infants yes and I think that to me that is heartwarming it's a positive message it's a positive message yeah you know if we have to yeah then yeah fine we'll keep the baby alive if you want to be cheered up don't come and see me and Joe I think is what is a fact that's a fact but yeah Lily May have you got anything grown up. A little bit of looking. And so obviously referring to the policeman's helmet.

49:44So laws prohibit any relieving yourself in a public place whatsoever. However, I'm laughing at policeman's helmet.

49:58Yeah. You can be pissed out of a policeman's helmet. But can you go the other way? Yeah. Yeah, it's inception. Yeah, I'm wearing it on. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Discretion to not charge may be exercised if a pregnant woman were caught in public. Okay. But you can't use a pregnant... But they haven't mentioned... It says in this article about it that it seems unlikely that a police officer would offer their helmet for this purpose. I disagree. agree but also what lee was saying was that it wasn't pregnant women who were asking him it was just people like just blokes being like can i piss in your hat no that was my that was my where my ears pricked up because he because he did go oh you're allowed to piss in a policeman's helmet so i was like oh i know that fact about yeah yes that's right yeah that's right and then he did mention it yeah yeah yeah uh but i'd like to think a hundred years ago or so when they were wearing those um the big things yeah yeah i was just thinking of the young ones when i go take the off your head but i think i think this means although it's not technically written in law i think this is a fact i think there have been some chivalrous uh policemen that have seen a damsel in distress yeah um and yeah it's all romanticized in my head and i'd like to i'd like to hope that there's been instances where this is true.

51:28Yeah, although the thing there when they said they might... I'm going to put Joan James' stamp of approval on that. I'm going to say it's fact. I'm inclined to agree. Okay, yeah. I think it meets our standard, which is like it should be true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Okay. That is it. Right. We've got the Queen's consent on that one. If there is anything that you'd like us to fact check, head to our episode's description for all the ways to get in touch. I assume there's some kind of... Sting Musical sting there Yeah I'll put a lot of sting there Yeah Great Right It's my fact Joe Which I hastily Put together This has to be really heartwarming Because Well We need to bring people back Not only from Blue Monday So this is what I want to talk to you about But also from my one Also your fact Yeah So do you remember as a kid And even to this day I love an Attenborough documentary I absolutely love watching the Maranborough documentary however even when I was a child in the 90s I used to hate the last 10 minutes because it would just make me feel awful because it'd just be like oh you know that beautiful animal that you've just been watching there's only about two of them left and it's because of you it's because of what you're doing you're throwing things away and you're driving a car and you're a piece of shit yeah now she's like oh thanks dave cheers mate i was enjoying that for a second yeah um however i went to my good friend and yours yeah chat gpt yeah and i said um can you please give me a positive fact man's best friend about nature yeah and the state of the planet yeah and here is what they've got to say okay um when humans give ecosystems space and protection nature often recovers remarkably well.

53:26In many parts of the world, forests are regrowing on land that was once heavily deforested. Several endangered animal populations have rebounded after conversations. Therapy. At a chat. Told them to butt their ideas up. Yeah, please don't go extinct. Conservation efforts. coral reefs damaged by warming or pollution have shown signs of regrowth and wildlife is returning to cities um get your urban foxes i grew up with urban foxes they were a bit of a nuisance i'll be honest with you that's where um the scene from the in-betweeners with the squirrel came from because i had a mate i can't remember was it a badger or was it a fox it was either a badger I think it was a badger might have been a fox I can't remember now my brain's just gone I had a mate where there was the badger or a fox on the street and we were walking towards it and or towards the badger or a fox yeah and he was like and we were like oh fucking hell like oh god that's a bit scary isn't it yeah and he went oh don't worry it'll shit itself and run away yeah no yeah and it didn't it like stood its ground no they don't and he sort of we had to hold him back a little bit because he was like a fucking little prick like sort of wanted to square up to it because he didn't like just see us and like scatter away into the night and that's and I remember telling Ian and Damon that story and that sort of became the squirrel in the car where Jay runs over a squirrel My other animal thing I don't know whether I've done said this on here was the ants remember that in the first film yeah what have you got to say about that because i've got a lot to complain about that but you carry on you were that was another one of those situations where we read the script and go oh this is fucking funny i wonder how they're gonna do that jay's got an ant in his mouth and then you go oh fucking i wonder how they well what movie magic they're gonna do that he's like oh we've got a load of ants here can you put some in your mouth please yeah and they had to kind of crawl over you yeah and there was a load of ants they were trained ants.

55:45And Ben, the director, and the man who trained them was called Merlin. Merlin. He came on set. He was the ant wrangler. Yeah. And there was a lot of ants and Ben was going, okay, to the ants was going, and action. Yeah. It was amazing. It was like drawing a line. If I can carry on for a second. Yeah. One hopeful takeaway scientists often emphasise is that nature has a strong capacity for self-healing. And then I asked for some specific endangered species. that are doing a bit better these days. The green sea turtle recently reclassified as least concern after decades of conservation, with populations increasing about 28 % since the 1970s.

56:28That's good. Black rhinos, that's a good one. That is a good one. That's a good one. Everyone loves a black rhino. I mean, they're still near threatened. Okay, but presumably there was another category that they were. They've gone up from critically endangered. Humpback whales These are good ones I think a lot of whales They're all good Obviously I think a lot I think a lot of whales Have bounced back After The historic lows Of whaling And using them Yeah oh god Using them for oil And you know that The right whale Using a whale The right whale The reason it's called The right whale Is literally because It was the right whale To kill Right No I don't know that one So that's pretty bad White Whale, which I found out recently that not everyone knows what that reference means.

57:17It's the thing that Moby Dick's - Is it Moby Dick? Yeah, absolutely. He's trying to - So the White Whale is something that you're never going to get, basically. Yeah, you go on this pointless endeavor. What was that company called? Was it Pipe Dream? Pipe Dream. They could be called White Whale if they're interested in another name. And just for you, for the Brexit lot. Yeah. the wed the wed the red squirrel yeah oh okay has expanded its range and numbers in parts of Scotland good after reintroduction and habitat work I think they've started doing beaver stuff in Scotland started doing beaver stuff wow I don't think it helps that I look straight at you little mate yeah but luckily you then got back on track by saying they've started doing beaver stuff.

58:12No, I'm just saying, girl power.

58:16Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think they've tried to - Are we really enjoying the new beaver stuff? Yeah, yeah. I think we're really looking after the beavers now. Treating them with a bit of respect. But, you know, things like the ozone layer. Do you remember the ozone layer was such a big deal in the 90s? well one one place it's closed but I know I'm not sure enough but I've said it twice now I was in New Zealand recently and in Auckland they have still got the hole so you get burnt really easily even if it's not particularly hot yeah whereas I think in Australia where I've also been yeah there was a great big hole in Australia wasn't there there was a hole there and I think that might have I don't know I mean don't quote me on this I'm a travel boy we've travelled hole what's come to me is it oh here comes a hole down the road here comes a hole in the car I think it might not be true but I think that might have closed up but the other one but yeah that is it was CFCs wasn't it yeah we stopped doing that it's hairspray again we can get our shit together like yeah sometimes people manage to organise together and do something good also I think we are it's possible I think we are taking steps and I think we are doing that I mean the amount of fucking bin boxes I've got in my house is ridiculous but I do it yeah do it every week yeah everything's split up.

59:36Yeah. Some stuff's washed, which is mental. I wash stuff. I'm washing out pots all the time. Yeah, like, they are washing rubbish. But I'm doing it for the good of the time. It's true, yeah, I am washing rubbish. I'm washing rubbish as well. I don't think we get reminded enough that those little things that we're doing and we're all working hard at. You're quite right. I think in general, people are motivated. And I think Attenborough, specifically, should give us a fucking break every once in a while. While we watch one of his amazing, incredible documentaries. Yes, yes. And then he comes and tells us off at the end of it.

1:00:07I do agree with you about praise though. I think in general, people in general are not shamed into changing their behaviour. Like if you had, you need a little bit of courage. If you had a toxic behaviour, Yeah. There was, say you had a behaviour that was harming you. Say you had an addiction, Yeah. Right? And you go to a therapist, they wouldn't go, you fucking piece of shit. How have you gotten to this state? Yeah. Other people have managed to avoid this. Why have you, like, Like they would say, look, you're loved, you're worth something. Like I don't, the idea that like you can kind of, yeah, shame people into being better, I think is visibly and with five seconds reflective thought not true.

1:00:46Yeah. I just, we all know that's not true. Tell people that they're, treat them greatly and they will become great. Yeah. Be truthful. Be truthful to people and they will, what is it? If we're facing the right direction, all we need to do is keep on walking. Are you reading these? What? Are you reading these? Yeah. Well, no, I've just not just been writing. It's who's giving it. Oh, okay. Desiree. Desiree. Anyway. Let's do a foot. Do you want to end this episode? I think it would be nice. No, no, no, no, no. I meant with something more. I've got something more for you. Oh, okay. I just wondered whether to - Oh, did you say, do you want to end this episode with something nice?

1:01:27Yes. I thought you said do you want to end this episode it would be nice yeah I thought I thought you said that as well no but also I took it I was like alright I nodded straight away I went and I started looking at the thing going right where's the thing where I say goodbye I just thought because of the theme of the episode whether it'd be nice to maybe look down the barrel and just give our viewers slash listeners a nice little motivational message to get them through the day after Monday easy you've got something simple yeah okay you're doing great you're doing your best that's all anyone can expect of you yeah if anyone demands anything more than your best then they're being unreasonable yeah should I do one?

1:02:06yeah I think that I mean this is a bit of a cliche but like it'll all be alright in the end and if it's not alright it's not the end nice alright I saw that written nice it is powerful stuff I'm not the first one to say that but it's true is that Desiree again it might be Desiree money don't make my world go round I'm reaching out for a higher ground to a warm and peaceful place I compress my weary face why do you want to work here cause we're living we're living that's it in a crazy maze why do you want to work that's it shoot right don't forget Yeah, that you can get in touch with us. Thank you for listening.

1:02:56And Asia. Yeah. Right. Thank you very much for listening to whatever that was. We'll be back next week, armed with some more facts, chats and bringing animal species back. And don't forget that you can get in touch with us. If you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you or whatever nonsense you'd like to tell us by emailing us. Our email is hello at joandjamespod.com. we've got a whatsapp number 07822 034 330 and you can also message us on our social media profile which is at joe and james pod and all that's in the description if that didn't make sense so uh there you go there's a podcast episode for you thank you very much all the best keep up the great work bye

1:03:52My name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yaoi, a gift shop from the lens of artists and handmade objects. I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user-friendly. It was important to me to think about where we would be in the future. All of the tools for reading your sales, like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you is it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on Shopify.com. I'm Claire Buckley and if your idea of relaxing is listening to seriously unsettling stories before bed then you are gonna love my podcast Pretty Scary.

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