Joe and James Are Nearly 50

0:00Some days, getting the work done isn't the problem. Staying locked in is. AlphaBrain is Onnit's daily nootropic formula for cognitive support, designed to support memory, focus, attention, and mental clarity. Its formula with science-driven ingredients include theanine and huperzine A to support focus and memory, and it's caffeine-free. So when you're deep in the work, AlphaBrain helps support enhanced productivity and tune out distractions. Get focused on what matters. Shop Alphabrain now at onnit.com. 1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum.

0:42Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested. They said you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble. But was he set up? Wanted up led to fall of two cops. His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime. You don't want to end up going to prison, do you, kid? I'm Josie Long, and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts.

1:08Oh, something I meant to ask, actually. I saw recently that Theo James has counted himself out of the Bond race. Doesn't even need Bond. and well what I had thought is you guys have been suspiciously quiet about your projects upcoming so I wanted to know whether there's something you wanted to talk about if you do want to be Bond you never ever talk about it publicly you never do that's a rule it's an unwritten rule so any actor that seriously is coveting the role of Bond they don't speak about whether they want to do it or not And also, if you're in the running for Bond, one of the ways you know you're in the running is that no one has approached you.

1:55Yeah. And if it comes up, it's dismissed. It's actually treated as a derisory notion. People will literally go, are you fucking kidding? Of course he couldn't do it. He's not capable of doing it. And it's always someone that the press or whoever haven't even bothered to think of. Yeah. Yeah. Or considered. Yeah. They probably think he's too little and weird looking to do it. We won't. Right. We won't, you know. Yeah. But don't you think in this modern era, it has got a little bit. There's a bit of a prejudice that it's always a man who's an impressive man. Good looking. Good bod. Yeah. Like good brain.

2:41GB. GB. Double GB. GB GB. It's got it going on up here. And down there. well congratulations to your mum joe yeah no that was weird yeah no so last um the one that went out um recently yeah recently uh my brother was one of my brothers he was like let's all listen to it as a family because i was with my family in in glasgow yeah my brothers were there um my mum and dad he was like i think he kind of thought it'd be like listening to the queen's speech or something because he knew it was about mum or just uh yeah oh did he know it was about He knew it was about the Marmite because he'd also been there when it had happened.

3:19So this is my family kind of following along. And I just didn't want to sort of listen to it because it was just us talking about how my mum's like fit and stuff. Like, we've just got it going on down there. Yeah. That'll be a bit weird. So, yeah. Did you listen to it? I have listened to it. No, with them? No, no, I didn't. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. It's not. It's. What? How is the foot? Well, it has actually healed. You're all good. Yeah, no, it's all right now. No more foot problems. All right, good. But Theo's out the running, is he? Yeah, he said, I'm not doing it. I'm not interested.

3:56That's a shame. That is a shame. I'm a fan. I'm a Theo James fan. Why does he not want to? I think he'd be a really good Bond. Why does he? I suspect, as a Bond fan, and there's a lot of Bond fans like me, genuinely really worried about this next Bond. It's going to be the first sort of official. There's that, you know, there was the other Sean Connery one and whatever. But when I say Bond films, I just mean the proper Bond films, right? I can't be bothered to go down that rabbit hole. No, I don't. With people in the comments. I don't know what that rabbit hole is. Right. Okay. Is it the Indiana Jones films?

4:37They don't count as Bond films. They don't count as Bond films. The things I count them as. I think it's Never Say Never Again. I count the Jurassic Park films as Bond films. Basically, the film... Right, I will get into it now. Go on. That's right. Well, I don't know what it is. Some of them are not based on books. So the film Thunderball, one of the Bond films, Thunderball. Go on. Someone, there's... I can't... It's so boring, I can't even remember exactly. Somebody else outside of the people that own the James Bond franchise owned that film or something, or that script. Okay. So they basically...

5:14Is this to do, if I at this point say the word broccoli? Yes. This is something to do with that, isn't it? The broccolis, yes. So who are they? Why are they called broccoli? You had Cubby Broccoli. No such thing as Cubby Broccoli, unfortunately. That is a joke. That is literally just a joke. You had Cubby Broccoli, who used to produce the Bond films. I think he produced them up until Goldeneye. And then I think his daughter took over. So it's basically Bond. Bond is basically Barbara. So it's Happy Families, basically. So they're the gardener's family from Happy Families. Barbara Rockley, the gardener's daughter.

5:53Basically, the Bond film franchise, as big and giant and as blockbuster-y, it was essentially a family business. and it still had people that truly, deeply cared about it that was making it. I see. That felt like they understood what fans wanted and just fucking devoted their lives to making these films, basically. To me, it seems a bit like if you go to a National Trust property, a lot of those stately homes are now owned by a big body, like the National Trust or English Heritage. Yeah. And sometimes you go to one. It's privately owned. And you're like, oh, it's just a family house still. You know, that's funny.

6:35Yeah. It's a bit like that. A bit like that. So now Amazon own Bond. Okay. They bought MGM films that make the Bond films. Okay. And then, but Barbara Broccoli, up until a point, was still at the helm. Okay. It was still her. even though Amazon owned the studio, she still owned Bond, the film franchise, right? The family, the Broccoli family still owned it. Barbara Broccoli is quoted as saying, they're a bunch of fucking idiots. That's her quote. It's something along those lines, right? Yeah. She got so fed up that she just sold it to Amazon. I see. She was like, listen, if you're going to keep fucking around with this and everything, then you just do it.

7:22Buy it off me. And now she's washed her hands of the whole thing. So there's a lot of Bond fans that are really worried about what the direction of Bond, how it's going to go. There's a genuine fear because obviously it's cost Amazon a lot of money and they're going to want to return on Bond. I know Amazon. And I do. They're not uninterested in money. No. Fair enough. You know, you do need it for the rockets and everything. Sending Katie Perry to space. They don't come cheap. You're going to get Perry into space. They don't come cheap. She's not going to go into space for free. No. So we're in a situation now where there's a lot of lifelong Bond fans that are very worried about the next film, very worried about the casting, very worried about what Amazon are going to do with the franchise because they own the IP now.

8:11And there is a possible... Could Bond become an American? Well, not even just that, but will they go down the Star Wars road where Disney bought Star Wars, which was this very special thing. And now there's all the different... Now there's a cartoon and there's about four different TV shows of Star Wars and there's another movie about... I don't know, they'll start... That bloke that said it's a trap. Like they'll do an origin story of him soon, won't they? Yeah, but that's fair. Yeah, would you want that? Yeah, I'd watch It's a Trap. It's a trap. But it's a... We're worried. Is it a trap? It's just, it's quite a fact.

8:56It's turning into a meme. Oh, I love memes. You know when the X-Wing fighters are - I love it. It's so good. I love how they sort of ruin everything. It's that little weird alien guy. And out of nowhere, there's all this sort of stuff going on. And out of nowhere, it just cuts to him. And he just goes, it's a trap. It's just become quite a funny thing. That's it. That's all he's famous for. But you know for a fact that Disney are going to do his story at some point. Have you seen the studio? No, with Seth Rogen. It's really good. And there's this whole running storyline through it that they're going to make Kool-Aid the movie.

9:34Right. Because it's like anything that anyone's ever heard of. It's like T-shirts, the movie. Who knows what T-shirts are? Come on. You know what they are? Movie. But you know what? But like life is becoming a parody or has been a parody of itself. I mean, Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah. That's the sort of my famous example. It was a ride. It was a ride. It was a ride. And they were like, can I buy the intellectual property of that ride and turn it into a film? One of my favourite Simon Bird memories is we were with Simon Bird once and he just looked, he was just sort of scratching his head and he went, oh.

10:15what is Angry Birds the movie going to be about? It just seemed to sort of, you know, genuinely worry him. No, but it will be phones the movie and stuff like that soon. Bunch of animated phones. Of course, I mean, yeah. It must be, but it's interesting because it's like in that, in the studio, the Seth Rogen character, like the whole thing about his character is like he genuinely loves film, almost like in a kind of slightly tragic way. Like he's a fan and he always wants to be on the set and he wants to meet the actors and actually they just find him a bit embarrassing because he's like a suit and they just kind of want him to go away.

10:52But then even he is like, it's a condition of him taking the job as head of the studio that he has to get this Kool-Aid movie off the ground because they think it's going to be like the next Barbie or something. Yeah. But yeah, no, we're worried. Bond fans are worried. Listen, maybe it all works out. maybe the next Bond film comes out and it's brilliant and there was nothing to worry about and it was all good but at the moment just looking at trends and looking at how people operate and the money side of things and the fact that none of the broccolis are involved and it's uh there's no broccoli at all yeah Amazon was there not the thing is was there not a new is the broccoli line now at an end is there is there no there no little baby broccolis or even Well, it was Barbara Broccoli, and she's still with it, man.

11:45She's not. She's got a long... She's... Okay, no, but okay, I see. So it's not that she's... Yeah, I'm treating it as though... She still had work to do, Barbara. Is she going to go and do other things, do you think? But I think... I don't... No, I assume... I assume, and I don't know anything about anything, Joe. It's a top-notch name. I'll say that. It's up there with... It's better than The Sopranos. It took me about eight years to realise that Sopranos wasn't just about some singers. Right. Everyone would just be going, are you watching the Sopranos? Be like, what? That threw me. That was enough.

12:20Yeah. You've got to choose titles carefully. Yeah. Because that counted me out for many, many years. Sorry, what title did I say? Just their name's Broccoli. Is that freaked you out? I can't take it seriously. Right. I know that is my problem. But as soon as you say Broccoli, I'm like, I can see the Florets. Yeah. It's just true. I don't know. I don't, I cannot, I can't be alone in that. I know I'm not the only one. But what adds. But I'm the only one who's saying it publicly. Just to go back. Just to go back on what we're talking about. So brave. Jesus necessarily. But if people like Theo James are publicly going, no, I don't fancy being Bond.

12:59That's not a good, that's not a good thing, is it? Well, he said he's too old to be Bond. He thinks he's too old to be Bond. Possibly, actually, yeah. I think he's older than me. Look, if they need someone who has no integrity. By the way, sorry, can I just quickly? Yeah, I'm too old as well. That's why I can't do it. Yeah, I see. Yeah. Yeah. If I have to spend the next 15 years, like I'll be in my late 50s. Yeah. I had one of those moments this morning where I thought in eight years I'll be 50 and just like white panic filled my body and head. Yeah. that does and i thought i gotta fucking get on it every day now i don't what like yeah something mountain climb out every day beer yeah no um i've only got like like eight good drinking years got to get get it into me well you know i'm 40 next year which i'm not too fussed about to be honest with you but now that you've said it 40 is fine 50 sounds way 50 sounds horrendous 50 is Surrendous.

14:0450 is like, book the clinic. Yeah. Head over to Dignitas. Put your affairs in order. Nobody wants to see somebody north of 50 wandering around as though nothing's wrong. Put everything in a trust. Get it in a trust. Tie it up. Get the government's dead cold hands off it.

14:32statues get that name chiseled into your child's college or whatever yeah legacy yeah whose music room is this it's the Joe Thomas music room yeah because you're on the way out yeah um what sort of stuff have you been doing then to get on it since well it was only this morning wasn't it panicking yeah um yeah he's give him a chance I'm just checking. Well, no, nothing. No, nothing. No, what it is is there's nothing I can do. There's nothing I'm – everything's turned up to max. Everything I'm capable of doing, I'm already doing. Right. I haven't got any inventions on the go. I'm not like I've got to get the patent for that.

15:14I'm not sitting on a big theory like Darwin was. It was like I've got a brilliant theory, but I'm too scared to – I haven't got any of that. I think you're looking at this the wrong way around. I think you can put a positive spin on this. Okay. Okay. Me and you, we've done quite well with nothing. You're right about that. We don't provide a service. No. We're completely unnecessary. I'm embarrassed. Frankly, I'm embarrassed. We've not contributed anything. There is nothing we do that should be monetized. I agree. I agree. I know. And yet here we are, baby. Here we are. Look at that. Sitting pretty.

15:54Yeah. New shoes on my feet. Exactly. Fucking expensive ones as well. Too expensive given I've got – the fact that I spent the money I did on these shoes is genuinely an economic and social problem. Yeah, yeah. Worthless. Yeah. Not going to go at them. But we're benefiting. Yeah, yeah. The whole world is upside down. People like me and you shouldn't be able to make money. I agree. We should have been left in a ditch. We shouldn't have been able to have children. we should have been sterilized, left in a ditch, and then fitter people. And I mean that both physically. Yeah, but I mean fundamentally just better looking people.

16:37Better looking people. Yeah, that's what I meant. Yeah, fit people. Yeah. We couldn't even do like pornography. People were like, turn it off. If they wanted to get people, if they wanted to cure people of a pornography addiction, they could make them watch me and you. Yeah. They'd be like, I'm cured, I'm cured. Get me. Guard, guard. They'd be like, get me out of the room. I'm cured. I'm already cured. Yeah, I'm cured. I've genuinely thought about whether I could do pornography or not. There's the first stumbling block. Do you know why I can't do it? Genuinely. I've got too many hemorrhoids. Right.

17:07That's the problem. Some people probably want that. The first stumbling block is that you need a big penis if you're going to be a guy. Oh, my God. Yeah. So I can't do that. But that's fine. Don't worry about that. Say if that wasn't a problem. Then you've got to get an erection in front of a load of people. then you've got to maintain that election for an amount of time without it just yeah going off too quick and stuff yeah there's loads of hurdles there that i've never been able to say whenever i think about me doing pornography it's always well gay pornography can i just say that is just genuinely true i'm like i fund i feel that there would be men you'd be going to be interested i'd be going for men that'd be my audience i'm not i've i've i don't know what that is just i've never ever thought straight women will want to watch you plough a woman it'd be gay men that want to see you of course it would get ploughed probably yeah yeah would you be a top or a bottom have you thought about that i think i'm probably a bottom do you think so i'd top from the bottom that was a thing a power bottom yeah that was what i learned yeah yeah i agree of course the bottom's got oh you weren't here i was talking about topping from the bottom yeah if you're desired you've got power i mean i don't i really don't understand this kind of this soprano thing about like oh if you're the one what is it you've got to be the one receiving the what is well it was ralph cifaretto whatever his name is yeah he used to go down on his girlfriend or no no something no he would he would top from the bottom so he would like tony's sister to like oh okay stick a dildo up his ass and call him a bitch that's right she'd be behind him and going i'm gonna put you out back on the on the street hall yeah yeah and he'd be like yeah i'm your whore but those were his rules.

18:53Yes. Oh, I see. He wanted her to do that. So it's not like... I understand. Yeah. I think I was here when you mentioned this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there was also junior... But that makes you not compatible if you're both bottoms. Yeah. That's another problem. No, we'd need to... I'm sure we could find... I just don't know whether there's a market for it. No, there isn't, is there? That was the point we were making. Sorry, we moved on to whether we should actually do gay porn together or not. an original conversation yeah we pivoted we started off going there's no way I'd be able to do porn and now we're sitting here going could we?

19:34could we? Jay and Simon Jay and Simon I mean of course there's a market for that of course there's a market for that I don't know if that can go in the podcast I feel like we've gone even weirder than what we usually do I've gone too weird I think that's fine I don't have a problem with it But the other one I want to mention with the Sopranos is that a junior Soprano, he used to get in trouble because he used to perform fellatio on his wife or girlfriend. And they were like, you shouldn't be doing that because he's gay or something. Yeah. And like, that's... Yeah. Whereas if you get a blowjob from another man, that's not gay.

20:15Because it's like you're in... This can't go in.

20:23that's what you'll say that's what you say on the that's what they'll be saying about your penis on the set of the porn movie well that can't go in yeah um okay i assure you it can and it will sir

20:42welcome to joe and james facts up a podcast loosely about facts but is more about the chats If you want to get in touch, email us, hello at joeandjamespod.com, or you can WhatsApp us, 07822 034 330, or you can follow us on socials, at joeandjamespod. And you can watch all our full episodes on YouTube and Apple Podcasts. Just search for Joe and James Facts Up. Now, let's get fact up!

21:15Some days, getting the work done isn't the problem. Staying locked in is. AlphaBrain is Onnit's daily nootropic formula for cognitive support, designed to support memory, focus, attention, and mental clarity. Its formula with science-driven ingredients include theanine and huperzine A to support focus and memory, and it's caffeine-free. So when you're deep in the work, AlphaBrain helps support enhanced productivity and tune out distractions. Get focused on what matters. Shop AlphaBrain now at onnit.com. Help I Sex and My Boss is the podcast where manners meets mayhem. I'm William Hanson. I'm Jordan North.

21:53And together we take on the hilarious challenges of modern life. William's the arbiter of etiquette. And Jordan's the chaotic yin to my perfectly polished yang. So if you want laugh out loud stories and brutally honest moments, then you'll love Help I Sexed My Boss. Watch and listen every Tuesday and Friday. On YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Just search Sexted. Be warned, it's a bit rude.

22:20Straight in, Joe. Pun believable. It's time to go through the puns you didn't realise were puns. I think the band Boyzone is a pun on boys' own. Of course it is. Match of the day is a pun on catch of the day. Fuck you. I didn't realize that girls allowed was a pun for a while, as in girls are allowed in this club too. And people say, you know, there's no new land left to discover. Well, in the mind there is. Is, is. Unbelievable, Jeff. This is from Scarlet on WhatsApp. Hi, fellas. Love the podcast. I have something that I think fits into your pun-believable section. It's not really a pun, but it is really fucking stupid of me I always thought the saying trying to make ends meet was trying to make ends meet, as in M-E-A-T.

23:06I thought ends meet was the shit bits of me. I can see where you might get this. And you couldn't make enough money to even buy those. Trying to make ends meet. I see. Ends meet. Yeah, okay. A bit like burnt ends. Yeah. Or sausages, famous for that ends meet. Anyway, someone said it to me a couple of years ago and I suddenly heard it the right way for the first time. I'll be 35 this year. Thanks, guys. Love, Scarlet. Well, you know, these things happen. What she thought. She thought she had a pun believable, but she's just an idiot. Yeah, and she did follow that up with a second message if you just scroll a little bit further down.

23:43Go on. Oh, sorry. Follow-up message, yes. I've just had the thought that I don't actually think this is a pun. Still funny, though? Yeah, I think that's... Well, it's enough to make it onto this podcast. I mean, it's more than enough, and it stops us from talking about it. talking about doing gay pornography together. That doesn't mean it's funny, necessarily. That's not the criteria. But no, I mean, I think I can see, but there's a lot of ones like that. And I mean, I've had ones where, you know, I've been quite, you know, quite late in life, only realizing for the first time, you know, what they really mean.

24:17And I tell you what, people, there are other ones that people just still get wrong. Like, for example, the proof is in the pudding is not the phrase. Right. The phrase is the proof of the pudding is in the eating. So what it means is don't judge a pudding by what it looks like, judge it by what it tastes like. And time and again, time and again, I hear the proof is in the pudding. That is meaningless. I really hope I've not said that saying around you. You haven't said it. Okay. Because I would remember. People who are, I'm talking about people who are high up in society as well. Yeah. Saying that.

24:56Yeah. Idiots. They are idiots, really, because it's like, you know, the phrase is, it's like saying instead of don't judge a book by its cover. Yeah. The meaning being don't judge a book by the picture on the front, judge it by what's inside. It's like if you were just trotting around going, as I always say, judge a book. Right. It's that. Just say the proof is in the pudding. You haven't got to the point of the saying where you're actually saying something useful. I've got a similar thing to you in this. There's a thing now where people on social media and stuff go, oh, that is so aesthetic. And I just don't think that's grammatically correct.

25:42It's so aesthetic. Isn't it weird I got the word grammatically wrong there? I wasn't going to say anything. That's so aesthetic. Something can have an aesthetic. Yeah, yeah. You're right, yeah. But something can't be aesthetic. That's like saying, that's so look. Yeah, or that's so height. Yeah. Well, it's the same thing when football commentary, when they always say, that's quality. That's like saying, that's height, that's weight. What quality? You can't just say - Could be poor quality. Could be poor quality. Like, I'm a quality footballer. Yeah. You know, it's me. Certainly. Yeah. It's meaningless.

26:17Yeah. We've got some more, Joe. Okay, but that is good. Yeah, I mean, trying to make ends meet, in a way, that's actually not the worst one I've heard because it's sort of sausages, et cetera, I'm making out of. So has Scarlett been saying it like this with the connotation, what do you call it? I'm trying to make ends meet, as in – I'm trying to make ends meet. Yeah. I'm trying to make ends meet. Oh, okay, yeah. God, I'm struggling so much, I can't even make ends meet. Yeah. it's so shit for her it's the same it's essentially it's like saying um i haven't got pot to piss in it's like i haven't even got the i haven't even got the basic yeah like yeah uh never mind good mate yeah yeah can't even get in end me yeah um we've got one here from marcus joe yeah go on okay um marcus again on whatsapp i've just noticed something and not sure if it's a coincidence or a clever hidden pun.

27:11With the new Spider-Man recently released, I've come to notice his name, Peter Parker, meant to be a nod, possibly is meant to be a nod to parkour. Basically how Spider-Man moves around jumping from building to building. Marcus from Cornwall. That's very clever. Again, I'm not sure it is. We can get to the bottom of this super quickly. All we need to do is find out when parkour was it's very clever I mean I really that came into existence yeah and then we can look up when Spider-Man first came out is it a pun on completed parkour as in I'm Peter Parker I've completed parkour because he has completed it I don't think any of this is true I don't think it's true but it's very clever I think that Spider-Man came out in the 60s or something like that yeah and I don't think anyone was I think people back in those days people had shit to get on with didn't they they actually had some things to do in the 60s yeah So they weren't just fucking around.

28:07Civil rights movement, get to the moon, et cetera. They're not just trying to put stuff on fucking TikTok. They're not just like hopping off of... Everyone, do something with your life. Frick walls and things. Do something meaningful with your life. I don't know why I could say that. Yeah. We all should. We should all... Do something. What though? And that's where it runs out. That's where we run out. That's where we run out. What though? Go on, what have we got? So we've got Spider-Man was created in 1962. Right. And parkour, it says, it started around the mid-2000s. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, Marcus.

28:40There you go, Marcus. So there we go. I feel like you could have done that, Marcus. Wow. But we wouldn't have got a message. Better on my time than his. Yeah. Killed a couple of minutes. We got one more from Donnie. Good bird killer.

28:55Donnie, what's up? Hey, Joe and James. Love your work. Do you know what, by bird killer, do you know what that means? it's a way to kill time in prison because it's like riding the bird you do a bit of bird didn't you you know the other week somebody said I was trying to describe what this podcast is like to my friend I think this podcast is a bit like what two blokes in a prison cell would talk about yeah I just think that's to me that's what it sort of is yeah two guys with too much time and not enough things to do exactly but in that scenario society actually has done the right thing and said they've got nothing to contribute so just put them in prison put them in prison anyway uh donny whatsapp hey joe and james love your work inspiring stuff i've got an entry here for pun believable which might just get you questioning what does and does not qualify as a pun britney spears once released a song called if you seek amy which actually spells out fuck me if you see f-u-c-k if you F-U-C-K-Me.

30:03If you, if, if, so if you said it in like a New Zealand accent or a South African accent. If you C-K-Me. F-U-C-K-Me. If you C-K-Me. Oh, come down to Johannesburg. If you C-K-Me. How are South African accents? Oh, why did you come to Auckland? You can surely do New Zealand. Yeah. You can do South Africa as well. If you C-K-Me. That's nice. That is F-U-C-K-M. It's like a hidden pun. It's a South African hidden pun. We hide the puns. God left this place a long time ago.

30:44Very nice. Yeah. Yeah. I think Brittany does it just in American, but yeah. She's not South African, is she? No. She's not. Not yet. If you C-K-M. No, I think that works, Donny. So it actually comes out, fuck me, in order to get around some age restriction malarkey, says Donnie. I don't think that's age restriction. I don't think you have to be a certain age to be like, F-U-C-K-M-A on the radio. No, but when you'd go around your friend's house at school and they'd have a rap album and it would say Parental Advisory Explicit Lyrics. I remember my mate had a T-shirt that said that. Oh, my God. Probably meant that he was about to say something.

31:21He'd had a skateboard and stuff. Oh, my God. He really didn't give a fuck about society. He didn't care. No. He didn't care. He didn't care. He didn't care for buildings unless you could skate on them. Yeah. Or grind on them. Is he grind? I think he's a sports journalist now. Is he? Yeah. Does he work in skateboarding? Just sport generally? Just sport generally, yeah. Oh. I think he went to Cambridge. I think he went to Cambridge. He went to Cambridge? Yeah, because he hated society so much. He was so against it. Yeah, so what I'll do is I'll get on the social conveyor belt as possible. Do you want to hear the bit of the Britney song?

31:54Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, he's put, I hope this is of interest and generates plenty of tangents for Joe. Love, Donnie. Age, 34 and 10 months. Thanks, Donnie. We've asked for ages. We have, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so I think I can get this here. Redacted due to copyright infringement. So context-wise. Yeah, yeah. Are they begging to F-U-C-K-Me? Yeah, it does. To be honest, Donnie, having heard it, I think you're right. Oh, he's absolutely right. He's right. I will say this. What's the one about like Ease good Ease good Ease good Ease good Yeah Naughty naughty Very naughty Yeah Is that EMF? Let's have a look Ease good Ease good Ease good Ease good Yeah

32:43EMF was Lager Lager Lager Lager Wasn't that then? Lager Lager The Shaman The Shaman Of course it was Ebenezer Goods Is Lager Lager Lager Was it Lager Lager Lager Shout What's that Lager Lager Lager I don't know There was a lot of Lager stuff wasn't there There was some That was the 90s man But is it what Born Slippy has got Lager isn't it You drinking a drink No no no The one Born Slippy by Underworld The one that's in Oh is that Lager Lager Lager then I'm getting my 90s dance

33:24Who sang the song about lager, lager, lager, lager? There was so much lager stuff. That was Chumbawamba, what I was... Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, that, yeah, the World Cup 98 computer game music. He drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink, he drinks a whiskey drink, he drinks a vodka drink. He sings songs that remind him of the good times, he sings songs that remind him of the bad times. Are those good lyrics? I'm going to say no. Oh, Danny boy. The song that's coming up is Born Slippy by Underworld. Is that right? Right. Is that the Lager Lager song? I think so. And who's that by? Underworld.

33:54Underworld. What was the EMF song? EMF. Because this is going to drive me nuts. And everyone listening. If you want good... It's a funny episode so far. This is really... If you want good audience engagement, by the way, and I've learned this, and I'm sure I've said this as well get a um music fact slightly wrong because people cannot help but jump in the comments straight away and you end up with loads of comments because i've done stuff i did stuff with claire i think i said like a bg's song when i meant dr hook or something like that and it was like oh um you said a bg's you said this was by the bg's uh if you when you're in love with beautiful woman you know that song i was like oh that's the bg's and then they were like oh that's actually dr hook and i was like leave it in yeah and everyone everyone was like oh that's actually dr hook yeah dr hooked him in nice yeah yeah um i think you might be thinking of um unbelievable unbelievable yeah that's it which people have suggested for our pun believable jingle which yeah yeah it's always in my mind but for copyright reasons that isn't why it's that's why emf i think they're from basildon well should we ask i think they're essex boys oh right okay Again, might be wrong.

35:07Maybe double check. I'm not going to check that. Maybe double check. I've got all the knowledge is in there somewhere, but it's all just over the years. I've shaken my head too much. Well, that's right. They're from Gloucestershire. They're from Gloucestershire. Right. Depeche Mode. Depeche Mode are from Basildon. They're from Basildon. They're from Basildon. Someone's from Basildon. Yeah. Someone's got to be. If it was the case that no one was from Basildon, then I feel like, you know, someone's from Basildon. Chris Rears from Newcastle. Keener from Battle. They're from Battle. Okay, just take that.

35:42Keener from fucking Battle. Right, it is time for fact check, Joe. Right. This is where we read a fact or a question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of. And then we're going to have a good old think during the break. And we'll come back and let you know how true it feels to us to decide whether it passes our fact check. Okay, so this week's fact check comes from Liam. You're doing a lot of the heavy lifting this episode. I'm doing a lot, aren't I? I am, actually. I don't know. When I said to you, we should do a podcast together. I said, you'll never have to read anything. I'll do all this.

36:09I'll do all the admins. I don't know how I've ended up, but it's not, it can't be a good thing. Anyway, Liam sent us a WhatsApp. Why do people say, I sounded so bored. Anyway, this Liam is a WhatsApp. Why do people say bless you when you sneeze? Where did that come from? Why am I being blessed for firing snot out of my facial orifices? Don't get it. never have and can't be arsed doing any of my own research all the best. Easy one. We'll be back after the break.

36:44Your daily supplement routine doesn't need to be managing a handful of different bottles. Onnit's Total Human brings key research-based vitamins, minerals, herbs, and amino acids together in convenient day and night packs. One all-in-one product designed to make supplementation easier. The Daypack supports cognition, focus, and cellular energy production. At night, the Nightpack helps you wind down and supports a calm, relaxed state. Less time managing your supplements, more support for your day and night. Shop Total Human now at onnit.com. Hello, I'm Giovanna Fletcher. And I'm Marco Bortiella.

37:24And this is Boots Off. We are friends who have spent a decade together walking up mountains, across deserts and along coastlines with some seriously awesome groups of humans And something happens when you're out there feet on the ground, surrounded by nature the conversations just spill out of you. This series is about the adversities that lead to adventure the adventures that lead to adversity and how life can be one big adventure in itself. Listen every Thursday just search for Boots Off

37:58Welcome back to Joe and James Fact Up. And we were just fact checking on the behalf of Liam, who wanted to know why do people say bless you when you sneeze? I believe this is from the Middle Ages, where it's something to do with the devil trying to get into your body or escape or something like that. And saying bless you sends the devil back to wherever it was supposed to come from. Yes, I heard a similar thing. Yeah, it's superstition. it's silly superstition but no but but i don't say bless you i can't stand it saying bless you to someone and i know that people think i'm rude you get strangers saying bless you yeah i know that i sneeze on the train and someone will lean over and go bless you i go what do you fuck what do you want fuck do you want mate i get a little bit like that when people tell me my shoes shoelaces are undone i'm like just stay out of it yeah fine don't you worry about me We're not very sociable, are we?

38:57No, but I do think it's a superstition. It's an old sort of archaic, very outdated, silly nonsense. Saying Bless You is like the happy birthday song for me. I can't stand having a happy birthday sung to me. I can't stand singing it. I've got kids and I've got to do it twice a year. I have to say, I don't agree with you on that one. I don't like the happy birthday song. I just think at some point you have to honour some... conventions otherwise and i you know you some ritual can be good i think just because it it it just provides a bit of structure what might otherwise i think it i think you end up being in a situation where everyone feels awkward during the happy birthday song okay and nobody comes out of it looking it clean no one comes out clean yeah i just i would like to get rid of it the happy birthday song but it's fine if you like it that's fine okay well no the worst thing is when it's your birthday and you're working that day it's awful you don't like that I don't at all I quite like being given a you know whatever bottle of champagne or something I'd rather just not I'd rather don't like it this is a good one though because this is this is different to our usual format in that we're not deciding whether something's true or not we're getting to the bottom of something yeah for someone we know people say it yeah but i've done it i've done it for you do you think it's also to do with that that was a time where there would be lots of you know you might be plague plague yeah so basically it's like like that looks like you might be getting the black death or something that makes more sense you didn't get the black death it was because the whole thing was called the black devils and it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't the diagnosis you've got black death no i think they did i think they did go right okay what's happened at number 12 black death um but i do think um so it might have been that that makes sense yeah what you said that makes some sort of logical yeah sort of thing but what i've heard is that it's the devil the devil's trying to do something The sneeze or something to do with the devil I'm very willing to believe That they probably did think it was the devil Yeah Who made you ill Yeah It was I hate the way Americans do Ring of Roses song What do they do?

41:31Well because Famously that song is from the plague Yeah Ring of Roses A pocket full of posies That's what the doctors Those With the big beaks What were they called? They're Venetian plague doctors Plague doctors And presumably Go on Just what are you doing Like People must be freaked out Enough as it is Don't worry Everyone calm down The doctor's here Fucking hell They are terrifying They are really terrifying It's honestly But didn't they keep herbs And flowers and stuff Yeah they had something in there Yeah But they But yeah So But ring a ring of roses Pockets full of poses A tissue A tissue We all fall down Sneeze sneeze We all die Right Americans go ring a ring of roses a pocket full of poses ashes ashes we all fall down what the fuck does that mean?

42:25ashes yeah

42:28I thought that you were going to say that because another thing that I think Americans are a bit prone to doing is they don't like it if there's a sad or in some way horrifying ending a lot of nursery rhymes are quite kind of gory and brutal the way that they like it's always about people getting their head bashed in and then yeah lots of stuff about like lots of stuff about like babies like what is it like when the wind blows the cradle will fall yeah I mean that's not even a bad one down will come baby cradle and all there's a Victorian saying I assume it's Victorian that I always thought was unbelievably harsh where a kid says I don't care um and it goes don't care was made to care don't care was hung yeah it's a bit much isn't it it's always lessons isn't it what John what those songs those nursery rhymes are always lessons and the lesson is you'll die so I assume Jack and Jill were having relations right yeah I know Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water why did why did why did why did Jack and Jill both need to go we know what they're up to why is a well at the top of a hill yeah yeah it should be low to the ground if anything.

43:43There's no well up there. Jack fell down and broke his crown so that would teach him. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's it and Jill came tumbling after. Yeah. I don't know why she fell down as well. Because they were both getting up to no good. Okay. So the lesson there is Yeah. Keep your cock in your pants. Say that then. Yeah. Say that then. Is that his head that he broke do you think? Broke his crown. Crown. Is a crown one of those words It's like gooch, where we don't really know. Jack fell down and broke his gooch. And Jill fell down and broke her cooch. Is that what we're saying? Maybe. What's the bless you thing, Lily-Mae?

44:27Let's put this to bed once and for all. Okay, so I've done a little bit of looking. You were exercising demons. And you're kind of both in the right sort of ballpark. So I've got this from the Reader's Digest. And they say there's sort of two accepted explanations that have come. So they could be two things that have come together to make our understanding, or it could be one of the two that have been floating around. So one of them is a shortening of the phrase, may God bless you, which is a sign that if you were ill or whatever, maybe you were ejecting an evil presence from your body. So you're blessing that occurrence.

45:06but also it also comes from the sixth century when there were things like the plagues and illnesses happening and they were considered to be a fatal symptom. So you were being blessed because you were cursed with a fatal symptom. I understand. So actually, so in that first variant... The second variant makes more sense to me than the first one. Yes, but the first one is interesting because it's almost like they're saying, oh, well done. Like you've got... Sorry, I was just joking. Something's... Sorry. No, but it's fine. What's interesting is I do think that like In Ghostbusters, they're a bit devilish, aren't they, ghosts?

45:41They're kind of from the other side a bit. And they are quite snotty, aren't they? So they are a bit like snot. Slimer? Slimer. Yeah, I'm sort of heavily leaning into Slimer. They're not all like Slimer. Also, is it true Slimer was based on Belushi? It was like a homage because he died not long before they started making Ghostbusters. Is that a good tribute? That's what I was thinking. Slimer? Yeah, big, fat, fucking, greedy. Yeah. Slimy thing. Yeah. It's kind of, you know. Oh, that was our mate. It's quite blokey. It's quite a blokey tribute. It might be all right. I don't know if I was remembered as, you know, if I was honoured by what we've come up with, a character that's sort of loosely based on you and it's a sort of snot goblin.

46:30It's the sort of thing Monty Python would have done. Yeah. Whose funeral was it? Have you seen footage of... Who was the bloke that played Brian? Yes.

46:44Jesus Christ. His name's gone for me. But that guy, I think it was his funeral, or it might have been one of the other ones. Who the fuck's that? I've seen footage of that funeral, and it was just them lot all getting together, trying to be the funniest. Yeah, they're all sort of dicking it. Graham Chapman. Graham Chapman. Yeah. And I was just a bit like, oh this is great this is great comedy yeah but even i was a bit like come on i mean you're not on now yeah and i just thought god you lot must have all been unbearable to have been around i remember i went to um what was it was it improv i know there's one in new york is there an improv in la as well it was one of the big um is it upright citizens brigade They're not improv, are they?

47:32I don't know. I went to one of the big comedy, famous comedy places in LA once with a guy who I was working with at the time. He was a comedian. Right. So I went to see him and then they all do their bit. They all do like 15 minutes or 10 minutes or whatever. And then they come off and they all just hang out by the bar. And everyone there was just on. Oh, dear. And I was just like, guys. Yeah. This is my night off. Yeah. I just wanted to have a beer, watch a bit of comedy or whatever. And now I'm hanging out with you lot. Relax, I get it. You're all fucking comedians. Yeah, yeah. And they're all, like, all sort of bitching and slagging each other off when one of them leaves or something.

48:14But then all trying to be – it was a weird night of my life that was. It was very bizarre. Yeah. I'm not a stand-up comedian. You were caught in a gumball, basically. And I was just like – No, you're very funny. But you presumably hadn't gone there for a sort of battle of wits. No, yeah, it was everyone battling. It was like a fight. It was like a really weird, silly fight. But no, I think it's hard. I think comedy and in a way I think competitiveness and comedy are two things that just don't belong together. The whole point about comedy is that it isn't competitive. It's like there isn't a winner.

48:56I just don't think the thing I love about comedy and working in comedy is that it's all that stuff so specifically thinking about when we were making the in-betweeners and us four boys together there was something so it was like therapy it was like therapeutic because you sort of go all those things in your life that you should never that happen to you and you go right I don't think anyone saw that happen to me. So let's never bring that up again. They become sort of badges of honor. These sort of weird. Yeah. And all four of us, like we would have a battle in the complete opposite way. It would be like, oh, if you think that's tragic, here's what happens to me.

49:44Yeah. Yeah. And it becomes this thing. And then you end up laughing about it. Yeah. And it becomes a thing in your life that maybe should be embarrassing and should, you should, you know, that should keep you awake at night. into something that is just funny. Like, I love that about comedy. Yeah, me too. Me too. It is what I love about it. It's like, it's kind of the inverse of trying to be impressive. Yeah. Because that's not funny. Being a winner and being impressive and being good looking. There's a few good looking American comedians knocking about at the moment. I'm like, you're too good looking, mate.

50:16Yeah. You can't be a comedian. There's nothing funny about you. Yeah. Joe and James, fight up. Shall I do a - Yeah, do your fact. Should I do my fact? Yeah. It's written on my phone because it's a screenshot of an Instagram post. Okay. That I screenshot straight away because it was Sunday morning at 20 past eight when I screenshot this. Okay. Because... And I don't know how to get a screenshot into a brief. I can show you how to do that. It's fine. I'll read it off my phone. It's a fun way you can get text from an image. It's pretty clever. Yeah, I know. I can just copy and paste it. Can I? Couldn't be bothered.

50:56That's all right. But listen. Don't start pointing in an effort now. This is, I watched a video and it's amazing. And it is real fact up. This is classic fact up. When a predator tries to eat a sea cucumber, it can expel part of its internal organs through its anus as a defense. We're back to anus. but the video i saw was amazing it basically like its stomach and fucking intestines and stuff he just shat it out and the fish is looking at this thing going the fuck is that and the sea cucumbers halfway to china i don't know um although this looks like a fatal injury the animal survives and begins regenerating the organs it lost over the following weeks it rebuilds much of its internal system.

51:48So it does lose, it does wave goodbye to this bit of its internal organs. It doesn't glue it out and then suck it back in again. You know when lizards, their tails drop off and stuff? I saw one of those when I was in America. I saw a lizard's tail on the street and it was like flapping about. Just the tail? Just the tail, yeah. I don't know where the lizard had gone. My goodness. Isn't it great? And the world amazing. It is amazing just to see the tail. I just thought... No, that's... Yeah, it's good. I mean, again, it's... I saw the word anus and I thought... No, good, again, it's good. I mean, yeah, genuinely, the fact having...

52:28Going from just having one exit point that's also the entry point and everything just kind of going in and out of that membrane to going to having a mouth and an anus is a significant step forward for animals. Yeah. And... One small step for animals. It's one small step for animals and one giant leap for Joan James Fact Up. Yep. Because also it means you've got a front and a back. And it makes it possible to do that joke about worms. Where you say, how do you tell which end is the head? And you put it in flower and wait till it farts. Yeah. What if it coughs? And Bilkin would say, what if it coughs?

53:07But, you know, if it wasn't for the anus and the mouth, you wouldn't even have a shot. You'd never hope in hell. Life would be fucking boring without the anus and the mouth. It certainly would. That's going to be the title of our film, Jo We've got a Before we go, Jo We've got an extra little voice note From someone, and I believe I'm pronouncing this correctly Called Soraya Soraya I worked with someone Maybe James is We'll find out I worked with someone who has that name And she told me how to pronounce her name The way she described it to me Is like saying, you're apologising to someone okay she's like it's like you're saying sorry you sorry you that's good that works for me i'm constantly constantly saying that so yeah hi joe and james it's soraya from norfolk here i was just wondering um this might be a bit of a peek behind the curtain but is the little bit at the end where you say facts chats and for example vampire bats is is that queen lily may listening intently throughout the episode and desperately trying to find something to put at the end this is she doing that by the seat of her pants because if she is i feel like that is the only option i'm i'm really impressed so could you just let me know okay i don't know sorry and then you say facts chats and then something that you just randomly mentioned earlier uh that clearly isn't scripted most of the time.

54:39I just wonder how, you know, the genius sort of happens. So if you could let me know, that'd be amazing. Right. That's pretty shameless. This is really tragic. So it's... You've created a whole section of the podcast just so that we could... I wanted her question to get answered and I had to take an unbiased view. You could have replied. You could have just replied. Reply privately. You could have replied privately. She asked you. Yes, Queen Lily May does come up to those. Yes, she has to listen. And I will say, I couldn't do it because I can never remember anything we've said by the end. We have had to cut out a part of the script where we go, what have we learnt this week, Joe?

55:23Because I couldn't remember what we'd been talking about. So we've just done away with that. But yes, those bits at the end. Yes, she does do that. She does do that. and more Queen Lily May does a lot of stuff if there's anything good about this podcast it's because of Queen Lily May is that what you wanted yeah actually I listened to an episode that I wasn't here where you were talking about the award having a card the other no no no whoa whoa just wait hang on a minute you hold your horses right there this better start making sense yeah and it will you were talking about how the production are good on the podcast yes which is lovely but I did think I was going to get a name check.

56:05You weren't here. I know. And I was forgotten about. And I was upset. You were fucking about with cows or something. Yeah. Am I not allowed to break? That's right. Girl's allowed a hobby.

56:24Right. Can I just say thank you? I know. It feels forced now. Yeah. It is forced. you got a problem with that could I yeah say it say thank you Queen Lily Mae thank you Queen Lily Mae for everything you do right on that you happy now and it shouldn't have taken Soraya to make that happen on that note we'll call it a day shall we we hope that you've learned something or at least had a nice time we'll be back next week armed with more facts chats and snotty doesn't work in my accent give it a go you want me to go northern yeah we'll be back next week armed with more facts, chats and snotty blasts.

57:06Bit of fun. And don't forget... It sounded quite scouse, that. Snotty blasts. And don't forget, you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you or with whatever nonsense you'd like to tell us about by emailing us, hello at joeandjamespod.com, WhatsApp us, 07822 034 330, or you can follow us on social media, at joeandjamespod, and head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. We'll be back next week. Bye, guys. Bye.

57:37Joe and James, Factor.

57:46Your daily supplement routine doesn't need to be managing a handful of different bottles. Onnit's Total Human brings key research-based vitamins, minerals, herbs, and amino acids together in convenient day and night packs, one all-in-one product designed to make supplementation easier. The day pack supports cognition, focus, and cellular energy production. At night, the night pack helps you wind down and supports a calm, relaxed state. Less time managing your supplements, more support for your day and night. Shop Total Human now at onnit.com. Help, I Sex and My Boss is the podcast where manners meets mayhem.

58:25I'm William Hanson. I'm Jordan North. And together we take on the hilarious challenges of modern life. William's the arbiter of etiquette. And Jordan's the chaotic yin to my perfectly polished yang. So if you want laugh out loud stories and brutally honest moments, then you'll love Help I Sexed My Boss. Watch and listen every Tuesday and Friday. On YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Just search Sexted. Be warned, it's a bit rude.