Cows Had Passports in WW2?

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0:40Experience amazing at your Lexus dealer. Hi, this is Kim and Penn Holderness from the Laugh Lines podcast. This episode is sponsored by Oli, your wellness partner for back to school and beyond. Back to school season is here. Packed backpacks, packed lunches and packed schedules are officially back. Ollie Kids Sleep helps little dreamers wind down with a gentle blend of melatonin, L-theanine, and botanicals for restful sleep. Translation, an easy way to put those school night negotiations to bed. And for the grown-ups, Ollie Sleep helps you fall asleep, stay asleep, and wake up feeling refreshed.

1:15Because as you know, the morning mayhem comes early. Visit Ollie.com and stock up on back-to-school must-haves today. That's O-L-L-Y.com. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Oh, dear. Right. How's it going? You alright? Am I alright? Yeah. You're stressed out. You've had a rubbish journey in. Oh, fucking shit. I'm, um, my day's ruined. What's happened? Already. Just on the train, um, on the train in. Yeah. I was rushing to get my train. I was running a little bit late. And as I was going through the turnstiles, some bloke asked me for a picture there.

2:02Oh, yeah. I said, oh, I'm trying to get a train. He was like, all right, no worries. And then I was waiting for about two minutes for the train. And he was just there? He wasn't just there. No, I never saw him again. And I just thought, I could have just taken 20 seconds to have a picture with the bloke. he would have made his day and now he's probably gone away and he's going to go and live the rest of his life thinking oh that was a bit of an awkward interaction well you just can't leave the house Joe you can't no I know I know I know I get really affected by that I've just been thinking about it the whole journey in and it was just one little thing I could have done I should have just missed the train even if I thought I was going to miss it well as we know somebody once missed the train for me yes because they were too embarrassed to interrupt me.

2:54Yeah. Even though they definitely should have interrupted me. And I wonder what I was talking about. I wonder what I was talking about. It would have been absolutely mean. I guarantee it would have been meaningless. I genuinely couldn't concentrate on anything. I was just sat on the train, just going, oh God, I've ruined that guy's day. I've ruined his day. I'm really sorry. But I get affected by that as well. I'm out of sorts now. It's really sort of like nudged me in a different... We're both quite easily sort of thrown, aren't we? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, we're not mentally strong. We're not to be relied upon.

3:30No. No. Absolutely not. You wouldn't want us in a foxhole? No. I did have pictures with loads of other people. Well, that's right. I came in. You've done fine. You all right? I was like overcompensating. Yeah, I know. I was being like really happy to see those people. I know. At the other end, at the other train station. You want to be the person. Yeah. Yeah, you want to be the person after the person. That's a great place to be. They must have think, God, he's a lunatic. Yeah, I know. Yeah. It's like those people who meet you after that, they're like sort of the child of a divorce or something.

4:06They're benefiting from, we'll have everything. Just have whatever you want. Yeah, sure. Let's, you know. Yeah. We'll go to Disney World. I too. Again. Yeah. I went for dinner with just my boys the other day there. I think it was last week. And it was really nice. We went to like quite a posh restaurant together. Claire was away on a hendo. And I was like, I did. I was sitting there just thinking, I look like a dad that's got his kids for the weekend. And he's trying to sort of like, listen, I don't see you every time. But when I do see you, we go to a nice restaurant.

4:44Yeah. Yeah. Sort of like, I looked like a dad that was trying to make up for the fact that he doesn't see his kids enough. That's what it felt like. Oh, it's hard. But yeah, well, but it wasn't. That's not the case. No, no, I know. No, I know. But like, yeah. No, I'm sort of going, oh, it's difficult. It's difficult. I know, James, I know. Let me just, sorry, this is winding me up. I've got to move my, sorry. Oh, God. Yeah, so, I need to drink some more beer to chill out a bit. You have some more beer. I'll probably have a little, I'm sorry I'm so late. it's just awful yeah and as yeah no it's funny i was just going on there as if you genuinely were like yeah i know it's really hard i was just because i was distracted but no i know it but i know but what was you distracted about i know what you were distracted about but i was just i put my wallet down there yeah and then i'm like is that in shot i know it's not in shot it's definitely not i know it's not in shot but um but you know better to be safe than sorry it's not better to be safe than sorry that's the thing you have to fight it you're not like that's just made it work that's just exacerbated my condition doing that it's not better to be safe like when people say you can't be too careful you can be too careful that that is that's the problem yeah you can't you genuinely like howard hughes he was too careful who was he again billionaire with ocd he was the aviator yeah yeah yeah he was like he was way too He was like, oh, I'm worried that food's got contaminated.

6:12I'll just order it all again. Yeah. I'm worried that that's... Okay, hold on, Howard. Yeah. Hold on a minute. I can see what's happening here, mate. Yeah. Yeah. So he had all the genius stuff to go with it. And the money. And the money, yeah. That's the thing. For many people, the only thing that... Not for many people. Well, no, actually, for almost everyone, the ultimate limit on your ability to go completely mad is you haven't got enough money. Yeah. To go properly mad, in the end, if you want to scale it up, you need money. And most people haven't got the money. So they have to stop. Yeah, they can't afford to be really insane.

6:48Yeah, I can't afford to buy that again. Yeah. Whereas he'd be like, I've scratched my car. I'll just buy a new one. Exactly. There's no stopping him. Yeah. He could buy a house and just set foot in it. And be like, oh, it's dirty. Not sure. Not sure. Nah, leave it. Nah, get another one. Yeah. That's it. And that's the only, yeah. So it's... So Joe Thomas says, if you're mental, it's good to be poor. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I want less money for people with mental health problems. Much less. Much less. It only encourages them. Exactly. It only encourages them. It's for their own good. I'm going to set up an hospital and above the door, there'll be a motto and it will say it's for your own good.

7:36And it costs... it costs however much money you've got in your bank account a night. So you clean them out straight away. Exactly. So if they go into that hospital and they go, oh, no, not for me, you go, well, you can't afford to go anywhere else. Exactly. It's like, work harder. Not smarter. Exactly. Work, not smarter. Work harder. Work harder, not smarter. Work harder, not smarter. Oh, Joe. But I am, I'm out of sorts, man. I know. And I am also. I'm really flustered. It really did fluster me. I'm just going to have a biscuit. The Hobnobs. How long have they been there? I don't know. Since last week, probably.

8:15They're going to be soft. You dunk them anywhere, don't you? That is good, actually, to be fair. I think the Hobnobs. What on a t-shirt? Yeah. Already? White t-shirt. The Hobnobs are a good biscuit to dunk, I think. Yeah, and you've dunked that correctly, I feel. Yeah. It's just a quick dip. You can't keep going in, can you? For some people, like, oh, I hate you when the biscuit falls off. Well, you're holding in there too long. Yeah, it's your own fault. I've got no sympathy. I've got no sympathy for that. What do you fucking expect? I need to learn. You've been to loads of therapy sessions and stuff like that.

9:01Yeah, yeah. I need to learn. I've been to therapy sessions as well. it took me a long time to realise what therapy was and I bought my sessions in a block I thought if I pay for like 10 sessions now bulk buy and then you sell them online you're going to Ticketmaster yeah dynamic price it yeah exactly I thought if I bulk buy it then I have to commit to it it's a commitment then oh I see and it took me a long time to realise because I was just like, here's my problems. I'm constantly worried. I can't sleep at night at all. And when I do go to sleep, my worries follow me even into my sleep. Like even while I'm asleep, I'm dreaming about what I'm worried about.

9:48Well, yeah, you probably are. And I was just like, I'm just getting a bit fed up with it. And I was hoping that they would go, I've got some techniques to help you fall asleep. If you just breathe like this, you'll be absolutely fine. That was what I was hoping. I was like, can I just get something that will help me sleep tonight? Right. Can I do something? Right. And that wasn't – it took me a while to realise what therapy was. And then after a little while, I was like, I genuinely had what you'd call a breakthrough. Yeah. And I was like, oh, fucking hell, I realise now what this is. And I've answered all my own questions.

10:24Because for ages, I was just like, this bloke doesn't even say anything. It sits there. I'm talking the whole time. No, yeah, they don't give you advice particularly. And he makes the silence uncomfortable, so I have to keep feeling that silence. They do do that, yeah. And you are like, stop fucking doing that, man. I realised that that was it. That was the point of it. I'm sitting there, and he's not contributing anything to the conversation, so I better just keep talking. And then you go on your own journey, and you discover these answers yourself. That's it. and it took me it took me so long to realize that and i was like all right this this guy's actually a genius he's he's derren browned me or something it's because there's no point someone so because everyone can give advice everyone everyone can say keep your chin up everyone can say oh everything gives you advice things will get better and i know things seem bad now but don't worry and you and you know all that advice already but it doesn't it doesn't help sometimes i love it when you've got a chronic problem and somebody who you don't really know gives you really a really obvious piece of advice and you think bearing in mind how much this problem has affected me and how miserable it's making me don't you think if there was something really easy and simple i would already have fucking thought of it yeah is that what you say is that what you say no that's what i think i go oh yeah no thank you i really means a lot thank you but you do yeah but also just the even though it is even though that that advice sometimes can feel a bit um slightly annoying if you're going through something yeah um the point of it is is to know that there are people around you that are there no i know i should be more grateful i don't mean strangers by the way what you said just then i get sometimes i've received advice from people who i basically don't know yeah yeah and it's you gotta stop walking up to people in the street and just having a therapy session with them joe oh honestly if they just want to have a picture with Sometimes I've received a text message from somebody I've just met, literally saying, don't worry, Joe, it's going to be all right.

12:33That literally happened once. And I'm like, this is madness. My interaction with the world, there's a complete lack of distinction between different, like everyone's just the same status to me. It's just completely, in a way, in a way it's beautiful. Yeah, yeah. It's completely equal. Our relationship with strangers on the street in the UK is blurred. Yeah. It is because we're everyone's mate. Yeah. Everyone talks to us like that, which is amazing, which is incredible. By the way, I'm not really with these people who are giving me advice. This isn't an in-betweeners thing. This is something else.

13:09This is something deeper where I just look like somebody who is like open for fucking business. Like over you go. No one else will talk to you. Joe will. It's that. Well, that's it. I asked the other boys if they wanted to do this podcast. They both said that. No, I assumed. Well, they've got other work, haven't they? I mean, they've got other stuff going on. I just finished doing this podcast. I go home. I set a stopwatch of a week. And I'm like, there's another one. I think Simon Bird is listening to this podcast now and lying in a travel lodge bed with a little cigar and a brandy. Yeah. going and if he asks me again yeah i'm gonna say it's gonna cost you yeah it's gonna cost you no he is he's the um he's the peep best of joe and james fat tub isn't he um no but i mean but i do i need a technique right now i bet there's like people in the military or something that have a good mental technique to because they're constantly their whole thing is they have to adapt don't they things can change under pressure you've got to adapt you've got to change your mindset and you move in this direction now i was my whole day has been put off because of that little interaction i had it was it was less than six seconds i would have thought and now i can't get over it have you heard the larry david story what about the um obviously there's many yeah but The one where he went to an American, I think, or maybe a baseball match, actually.

14:47And they had the camera on him on the, what's it called? Jumbotron. Yeah, the big screen. And everyone was going, Larry, Larry, the whole stadium. And then as he was leaving, somebody shouted to him, Larry David, you suck. And then his wife said that on the way home, he was just like, it's that, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Constant. If we're constantly, I can never think of this word. Vindicate. Constant. I can never fucking think. Vindication. Okay. It's not verified. It's not validated. It's vindicated. Okay. There's three Vs. Verify. I'm not having a go at your job. Validate. Vindicate. I can just somebody like.

15:31Just write it down. I genuinely might get it tattooed on me. Yeah. The word vindicate. Vindicate. I can't ever think of it. But constant vindication, all we ever think is, yeah, I know. I know that already but then if somebody says you're rubbish then we're like that's like the only thing that's actually been said, do you know what I mean? well maybe that's not true no actually no, I think it's more like if people say we're great we're like oh those poor you know, they don't really know that I'm shit, thank you, that's nice of them yeah, that's nice of them whereas if somebody says you're shit you're like how come they can see my soul my brother when he would give lectures when he was working at University of oh god I should know this, Edinburgh I think he'd say that if somebody came up to him after his lecture and said that was a great lecture, he would immediately lose all respect for them because he was like well you're clearly an idiot and I think we're like that aren't we Whereas if somebody says you're shit, you're like, oh my God, a genius just told me I'm shit.

16:44Not good, is it? Why is that a trait? I don't know. I don't know. I think when someone pays me a compliment, I treat it like a joke. Yeah. I'm like, oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good one. Yeah. And then if somebody says, oh, you're shit or something like that, it's not a joke because that's true. So that's how it works in my head. No, I know, yeah. But this bloke didn't slag me off, by the way. He didn't say, like, your shit. No, of course. No, that's the thing. In fact, he went, oh, right. No, no, this is why you felt so bad. Because if he'd have been horrible, then maybe you could have thought, oh, well, he was, but he wasn't.

17:19He was a perfect gentleman. Yeah, really nice. Well, look, I mean, I'm, you know, it's obvious that you're sorry. I just regret it. I regret the whole thing. Well, I just, I don't know. I mean, I don't know whether you're ever going to be able to make amends for this. I don't know. I don't know what I could possibly do. Well, I mean, I would say get one of those chain things. That's Christian. Yeah. Get that on. Yeah. And just tighten it every now and then. Just tighten it. And just walk around with that. Yeah. Whenever you miss a photo. Yeah. Yeah. It does happen. It does happen a couple of times.

17:56And it is usually when I'm running late for a train. It's just hard if you're running late. Yeah. And also. But I wasn't running late, it turned out. I know, but you didn't know that. You didn't know that. You didn't know that. I once tried to tell an anecdote to my mum about how I'd gotten to the Tube platform and there was a seven-minute wait for the next Tube. And as I was telling it, I was like, this isn't a story. No. I could tell her, I could see, like, she loves me more than life itself. And even she was going, this is a terrible story. What? That's just not a story. Save it for a podcast, Joe.

18:29Bring it up on a podcast. That's my fact for this week. Right. It is actually a family-related fact this week. and it's interesting. And I've got a prop. Is that true? No, no, it's fact-free. Fact-free. But I've got a - 100 % fact-free. 100 % fact-free. No, yeah, we've got no theme. No theme. No theme. Yeah. Yeah, theme-free. Do you know what? That makes it more difficult to come up with a fact. I know, you haven't got, I know. I just can't. I've already, I mean, also I noticed in one of our comments that they've said I've heard Joe and James both tell the same story twice. And I know I've said this before, but I did once have to go on Sunday brunch.

19:09They were like, just a question we ask all our guests. Is there something you'd like to talk about? Anything at all, anything in the world. And I had to ring back and go, no. Right. No, I haven't got it. Didn't want to do the seven minute train. Hadn't happened yet, maybe. Right. Yeah. That's unlucky. Well, I'm also saving it for my mum. Right. Yeah. Because she might watch the show and be like, oh God, why is he sharing that with, you know. But it's true about the thing. Tim and Simon. Isn't there a cycle, psychological thing where if you go into um an ice cream shop and they've got 50 flavors yeah you you will eventually pick a flavor yeah that then maybe then more often not regret your decision whereas if they had three flavors you'd pick a flavor and you go oh yeah that was the one i don't think yeah i'm happy i'm happy people often present choices though there's like various different paths and you can choose one of them i think choice much more often presents it as a simple binary there's one thing and it's like do you want to do it or do you not want to do it that is how i think choice really operates it's like it's a yes or no answer to an individual thing whereas i think people often present i think if somebody's presenting you with choices it's normally because they want you to do one of them i think what they're really doing is saying um here are two things that are obviously worse or maybe you could do the one that is clearly better which is the thing they want you to do but it's just right so the choice generally operates in that way.

20:30Normally when I have choices to make it's not, do you want to do this or this or this or this or this. It's like, here's a thing yes or no. That's to me how choice generally presents itself to me. But then you've got to but then you might say yes to everything. Well I do. That's true. I forgot about that. I'm trying to rein that in because it can cause problems. Yeah. Confliction.

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23:24But yeah, I don't know what we're going to do. I don't know what we're going to do about this podcast. I mean, I'm flustered. You're upset. I was late and moaning. Yeah. There are too many roadworks in London. I mean, for heaven's sake. It's like, I was in a taxi once and the taxi driver said, if you came here from another country, you'd think there'd be an earthquake. I was like, yeah, I agree with that. It's like, when is it going to be finished? Just fucking finish it. Finish it. The main reason we have a building in London is so it can be knocked down and rebuilt. There's no, listen, there's no one.

23:54There's no one in any of these fucking buildings anyway. They're constantly building brand new office blocks, completely empty, floor after floor, totally empty. No one likes slagging off London more than me. I know. I hate the place. But one good thing you can't knock London for is the Tube. Oh, the Tube's amazing. It's amazing. The Tube. We, like, Londoners should be so proud of the Tube. It's fantastic. It works so well. Yes. Is it 100 % perfect? Probably not. But I think it's as perfect as you could ever get in a system. Yeah. And the map itself is a work of genius. Just absolutely. And actually, I would say a thing of beauty.

24:37I think they're genuinely beautiful. It's really quite pop art. Yeah. There's something about it. Yeah. So, yes. I'd get the tube if I was you. Yeah. I got an Uber in today. And that, you know what? It's like, you know, like in the Truman show where they're just trying to prevent him from leaving. And then they're like, just do anything. Say there's a fire. Say there's roadworks. London's like that. You're like, very fucking good. Yeah, I really thought I was going to get it. Oh, it's a little temporary. And he goes, what now? Yeah. I'm always like that in London. I'm like, what the fuck now? And I've obviously got to like doff my hat to London.

25:16I'm like, well done. I really thought I was going to get there on time. And you're like, quick, Joe's going to get somewhere on time. What can we do? Anything. Just dig up the road there. Why? It doesn't matter. Is anyone actually working there? Nah. What is it? It's just a load of barriers and some cones. There's no men there working. They're not there. But you just can't go there. What are we doing? We're doing a podcast. Oh. Oh. Just on the subject of cold opens. Have you seen the UK SNL yet at all? No. No. I've seen a bit of it. Yeah. And I was like, oh, it's all right. Yeah. but a lot of people like it which was really good a lot of people did really like it okay um which i thought was really good because i was i was worried about there um because i genuinely think the format would work really really well in the uk but i do feel like for one reason or another i don't want to get into it i do feel like if you want to be a comedian or work in comedy these days you're like fighting with both hands tied behind your back a lot of the time.

26:17You're either too much this or not enough of that. And it's just nice to see some ambition and some... Is it good? It's all right. It's all right. It's okay. It's one episode. Yeah. And I've not watched it all. But definitely a foundation there to be built upon and if it can be encouraged. and also you know if you can let loose a little bit yeah if you can just well it needs I mean yeah it needs it needs to have SNL in the US is uh has uh savagery to it uh particularly with regard to like American elites and the UK one would need to have a similar savagery towards towards the UK elites, I would observe that one of the problems is that one of the UK elites is the very network on which SNL is broadcast.

27:23So I'm not really – it's a little bit like – That's the same – It's like Putin setting up SNL Russia. And you're like, right, but really our main job should be to criticise you. To be fair, that's the – I mean, there's nothing you can do about that. That is the same. No. Touch toes again. Touch toes again. That's the same with the American version as well. Because like the head of NBC. Yeah. I mean, it used to be the guy who was the head of NBC was, what's his name's mate? OJ Simpson. And Norm MacDonald was essentially fired because he kept doing OJ Simpson jokes during the whole trial thing. Yeah.

28:08And the head of the network was friends with OJ Simpson. Yeah. So there's nothing you can do about that. I wouldn't read too much about that. No, no. Okay. Well, I think what you need in those cases is you need a test case where you say, all right, well. Because I'm sure that Sky's position would be, no, you can do what you want. You know, you can make jokes about us. You can make jokes about Rupert Murdoch. Well, try. Just see if it... And if you can't, fuck it. It's not under a satirical news programme then. It's just propaganda. I'd also say that there's a bizarre... In a way, that is my opinion.

28:47I'm sorry. I'd also say there's a bizarre laughter track on it. Right, okay. Like, after every line, there's like some real hilarious... Like, people are pissing themselves. I'm like, well, hang on a minute. That wasn't... You're allowed to have the build-up. Yeah. and then laugh at the punchline. People are laughing. Just immediately. People are like, knock, knock. Yeah. Who's there? It was a bit. That was the only thing I was watching. I was like, oh, this is, I've noticed that already. And it's now sort of. Yeah, I am. Yeah, I am. I'm never really sure about laughter tracks because there's just too many opportunities to fiddle around with it.

29:33I mean, I just got to watch it, haven't I? Yeah, give it a go. I think it's an encouraging, I genuinely think it's an encouraging foray back into actually having a laugh again. And they're all young sort of stand-up comics and comedic actors and stuff. And do you want to encourage that? Yeah, you definitely do. And I will give it a go. Right, so. Should we do this podcast? Let's do this podcast now.

30:09Welcome to Joe and James Fact Up. Each week we'll be bringing facts to one another that we deem interesting and our policy is the more interesting, the more true it is. We'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like to think are true but can't be bothered to research yourself in a segment that we call Fact Check. And if you do want to send us your facts, our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp is 07822034330. and you can follow us on our socials at joeandjamespod and you can watch all our episodes in full on YouTube. Just go and search for Jo and James Facts Up. Now, let's get fact up.

30:46Did you say you haven't got a fact? I've got loads to choose from is the problem here. Sometimes you sort of need to be narrowed down a bit. I've got some spares that Hannah told me were too shit. Oh, do share. But honestly, I literally said to her, you don't know the bar? Like they're well above the bar. Her standards are absolutely impossible. I was just like, oh, sorry, it's not the most interesting thing ever. But I assure you, Hannah, it meets the threshold. Yeah, yeah. Did we talk about how many bananas it would take to kill you? Yeah, we did, didn't we? Yeah. We are forgetting stuff now.

31:25Some of the comments now are like grandchildren being like, you've told us that, granddad. but in quite a loving way and also being like maybe they should have a guest but I did I did find we could just have a guest who reminds us when we've said stuff before oh it's fine but you listen to the XFM the Ricky Gervais show they say the same stuff exactly I honestly think there's not actually that much to say there's literally stuff where they have the same conversation and Gervais is going no no and Cole's saying something and he goes actually I think you I think you might have told me this before it doesn't matter does it it doesn't matter nothing matters anyway nothing else matters the us interrupting each other that still seems to be a problem but that's how we have a conversation I know we've always been like that Claire used to say that about us though when she'd come to set for the in-betweeners she would just be like the four of you together are exhausting she's like there's no gap you all just are all just sort of you're like giddy children just all talking over each other well i think it's fine and may i say from time to time in my life i've encountered people who have done a very specific thing which is they wait until i finish saying what i'm saying and then they go and i fucking hate it yeah i fucking hate it because it's like they're going you stupid fucking idiot and do you think that like it's like they're taking a moment to genuinely metabolise the stupidity of what I've just said before they come back or they're just going I'm going to let that hang in the air for a second exactly that's what I'm saying I think people think they're being polite like they're considering what you've said like really taking it in you know you know the difference between polite and smugness I remember maybe they think they are but I remember when I was auditioning for the Inbetweeners and at this stage I was auditioning for loads of stuff and I was seeing like the same boys all the time.

33:34We were all auditioning for the same stuff. And I saw this one guy who you might know actually. We both know his brother. and he was always a bit of an arsehole, to be fair, right? And one time he was like, oh, hey, man, hey, man, super posh, uber posh. Yeah. Hey, man, good to see you. And he put his hand out and I shook it. And then he just went, he shook my hand and just went, right, and you're auditioning for this as well, are you? I was like, you're a cunt. Wiped it off. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I know what you're doing. Fucking as we're both auditioning for the same part. Oh God, you think he did it as a...

34:23Oh, he was just fucking, he was constantly sort of... He was always like that. That's awful. It was, I'll tell you, off camera. Off air. Off air. Off air, yeah. Off hair. Off hair. Have you chosen a fact? No, I've not. I've not chosen the facts for today but there was just one just to follow up our banana thing because there is like if you eat too many bananas it's out there as an urban myth that if you eat two you'll die and you're like it's weird that that never happens then because did we mention this? well they suck in bunches but don't eat more than one but did you mention did we talk about this?

35:05because I feel like if we had I would have remembered it but that they contain potassium and a tiny bit of that is radioactive potassium-40. So bananas are radioactive, but you'd need to eat about 10 million bananas at once for it to die from it. All right, let's crack on with this. Let's go. We've got some real fact-up stuff for us to discuss. You guys have been getting in contact. We've got a voice note from Danny. Danny sent us a voice note. so we should probably listen to that and this has been what is it sub edited titled Itchy or Sticky Itchy or Sticky so I'm already intrigued I am yeah Good morning lads it's Danny from Northwood my question for J &J is would you rather be sticky all over your body for the rest of your life or itchy all over your body for the rest of your life Love the pod and James cheers for the cameo you did for my dad's birthday the other day.

36:12Have a good one. Stop. It's easy. Thank you, Danny. Easy. Should we both say it at the same time after three? One, two, three. Sticky. Oh, no. I like scratching. That's why I said... I had to basically take all my clothes off on the train on the way in today. Your honour. I've got this shacket. I've got a shirt. I've got a vest underneath this shirt. And I've got my coat with me, my jacket with me. And I had an itchy back. And I just couldn't. Oh, an itchy back. I could not get to it through all the layers of clothes. So I had to stand up. And I was sort of, you know, like, I don't know. Do you ever panic in those situations?

36:58Because I do. I'm just like, oh, no. So I had to stand up. I took my coat off. I took my shacket off. And then I'm like putting my hands down my back to get to my skin. And I couldn't quite reach it. It was right in the middle of my shoulder. It feels like it's very, very small. It's about the size of a 50 pence piece, the bit that you can't reach. And you're like, could you just get rid of that bit? I need a travel telescopic. That wasn't a public facing yawn, if I may say. that was a that was a private facing one no that was that yeah i know you want a scratcher yeah yeah little um travel back scratcher or a pa i'll do it i'll come around with you yeah that's right i'm not doing anything else as we've covered back scratcher god that's proper fucking that's balling yeah you've got a personal back scratcher that just follows you around all day long but this is what i mean having a good scratch is actually quite pleasurable am I allowed to deal with it if I'm because of my question like if it's no but you're constantly itchy Joe if you're sticky that's but then you're also but then you're also constantly sticky yeah but I feel like that's more other people's problem because because you're only sticky if you come into contact with something whereas you could be i mean don't get me wrong the sticky would you know i'm thinking about you'd constantly be like pulling the fitted sheet off your bed and stuff like that that would probably get annoying but i feel like i could sleep with that i wouldn't be able to go to sleep if i was constantly itchy it would drive you mad you'd go insane it's like those people that have hiccups for four years or something you've actually completely convinced me it is it is actually it is sticky isn't it that's the great it's gotta be sticky isn't it i i was sort of thinking i was thinking quite short term about how pleasurable it can be to have a scratch but it but it but if it doesn't make any difference i mean it's like if you're constantly hungry i'd be like well i'd eat but then maybe you're still hungry yeah that would be that wouldn't be pleasant yeah that wouldn't be pleasant um right it's a great um it's a good question very good question from you james from the d-man from the big d thank you very much d head yeah you're right about the tube though i have to say i mean it's it's very um it's brilliant it's very very difficult to kind of i think we take it for granted oh yeah but the temperature on the tube i mean i know you weren't even talking about temperature were you no i was just talking about how great the tube is it's just brilliant yeah but the tube is fantastic yeah i I love it.

39:44Yeah. Joe, have you got a fact for us today? We are, across purposes. I have actually. I think we're doing two different podcasts. Are we on two different episodes? Have me and Joe got two different briefs? Quite possibly, yeah. Is Joe doing the next one? Go on, Joe. Have you got a fact? We've gone fact three. Yeah, I have. So I'm actually going to. So I've got a little prop for this. Right. So this is. That's exciting. That's really exciting. Well, it's just this jumper. Oh. But this jumper is made. Hold on, I'm going to put it on. Right. So, do you like this jumper? Yeah, I do, yeah. So this was knitted by Hannah's Gran.

40:26Yeah, I love a proper, a genuine Gran knitted sweater. Yeah. Claire's Gran knits a lot. And for the first few years, our kids just had cardigans and sweaters. this is like this gets a lot of compliments yeah and I wear it all the time it's a good kind of workhorse yeah she actually made she made me three jumpers wow that would have taken us so long the and they were all they're all great but what I would say and obviously you're going to critique her well and only gently coming from love and she's coming from love and she's a wonderful no longer with us sadly but like a a lovely but a lovely yeah So in a way, you know, exactly.

41:15First one, arms very, very short. Short arms. About to here. Right. Second one is this motherfucker here. Yeah. Right? Absolutely nailed it. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. So she's got that now. Right. I've nailed it now. Looking forward to the third one. Third one, gigantic. Absolutely massive. It was like a bit like when a football team has a good game and it's like, well the next game they'll carry on the oh no oh no no so this was the sweet spot yeah and i want to see the gigantic one i will you've actually seen it once i brought it in and you were laughing at it because it was so big it's big and gray like an elephant yeah

42:05so your elephant jumper it's an elephant yeah it fits an elephant but also you wouldn't know the elephant's got it on i was um i was looking i was flicking through instagram on the way in today and i was getting um served up um medieval pictures medieval artists pictures drawings paintings and whatnot of animals that they knew existed but they'd never seen but never actually seen so yeah um so lions an elephant was one of them some of them were like some of those are nuts like one elephant had a small castle on its back with some people in it because obviously what's happening is somebody's seen an elephant yeah but then it's taken them three months to get home yeah and they've gone oh they're huge they're massive yeah absolutely john almost yeah um but also i was looking at these lions i was like right that is why those lions look like that on like royal crests or the england badge and stuff like that those sort of like long bodies and weird legs um but yeah just because you said elephant then and that's the type of stuff that i'm liking on Instagram.

43:17Yeah, well, it's good. And good stuff on Instagram also is the what fruits and vegetables used to look like before we started selecting breeding. Yeah, I love that. Same with dogs. Yeah. They're always interesting. Dogs are funny. What I like about dogs is... They've got photographs of dogs from like the 1910s, 1920s or whatever that have breeds. And you can see how they've sort of maybe been overbred a bit. And the other thing I like about dogs is that like you've got two dogs. They're like, it's the only species where there's two examples can stand next to each other. They're both adults. They might be the same age.

43:50But one of them is five times as big as the other one. It's like having a mate where you're like, hello there. All right, mate. Well, it's like... And sometimes the little one... He's not humans, isn't it? Well, sometimes. But you wouldn't get an adult human who's five times bigger than another adult human. You would do. These medieval pictures I was looking at. Okay. They're obsessed with giants in the Middle Ages as well. Just convince they were giants. Yeah. Again, do you think they just met some tall people? If you haven't found a giant yet, you haven't looked hard enough. Maybe we still haven't.

44:21So anyway, this jumper, so this was knitted by Hannah's Nan. And she, so this is my fact for this week. She had a really, really interesting job in the war, Second World War. And she worked, I assume it was for the Ministry of Food. And there was a big problem with black market produce. in the second world. When rationing came in and stuff, there was a few people that could get their hands on something. And one problem they had was that farmers would lose a cow off the books and then the beef turns up on the back market. So what her job was, was to every time a new cow was born it had to get in effect a passport right so that wherever it traveled around the country they knew it was the same cow it was documented yeah so she worked in an office and what would happen is that she would have a little card and it would have a picture of a cow on it wow like a blank a blank cow right and then she would fill in all the markings like Or the markings.

45:39And apparently it was either brown and white or black and white. Right. But the markings were obviously in different places. Yeah. And then she had to give them all individual names. Wow.

45:51And so obviously by the end, she was just calling them all sorts of things because it was just like she's run out of names. Although apparently she tried to give them nice names. Right. So it was, you know, Bluebell Daffodil or something. I mean it also seems because I was speaking to my father-in-law about this and it appears that she always gives them two names like a surname just to make it just to make it easier yeah and I believe she worked in we're not sure whether it was Somerset House or Trafalgar Square but somewhere and I just thought what a lovely job yeah brilliant you know you're in the West End so you can spend the day sort of drawing these cows and naming them yeah so cows had they had individual in individual documents They had passports.

46:34They had passports. And yeah, and it was to counter the black market. So yeah. Not quite photo ID, but drawing ID. Yeah. Yeah. Like wanted posters. Yeah. Like composites. Yeah. Have you seen this man? Yeah. But I think that's, yeah, he's exactly much like that. And I suppose with a cow, actually a lot easier to approximate it with a drawing rather than, yeah rather than with humans where it might be more more challenging to be like well what did it look like what you know exactly like this but um yeah i just thought an interesting job my man um made bombs okay during the second world war different ends of the spectrum exactly she was in munitions factory she was asked she had the choice whether to become what they call them a land girl is that what they were called yeah the land girls yeah um but she didn't want to leave the city she didn't want to evacuate she wanted to stay in in london made bombs wow she was a tough old cookie she was um good fact thank you very much yeah and um it's uh yeah i just thought what a lovely little job and um uh my partner hannah said that's the job i'd like and I had to be like yeah I imagine that that probably has been superseded now by technology yeah it's a shame it is a shame yeah it is a shame anyway um should we move on yeah yeah yeah alright yeah but you know happy with that so we've got so I understand that's whatever that fact was you haven't got one yet have you oh get round to it don't you yeah and I say yeah well now's the now's the time in a way oh you're gonna you're gonna chuck us in a bonus fact or something oh i see no no what i meant was i'm i'm i'm interested in knowing when you're gonna come up with your it'll come it'll come i've got to do fact check first and then i should have a my own um fact okay so it is time for fact check um this is the part of the podcast where we read a question that you'd like us to get to the fact or a question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of and then we're gonna have a good old think during the ad break and we'll come back and let you know how true it feels to us to decide whether it passes our fact check.

48:56I'll read this, Joe. This week's fact check comes from James.

49:03But you can, you're allowed to not be called Joe or James. I feel like we're going to, people are going to start not sending us facts to check because they're going to be like, oh, well, they're not going to pick me because my name's not James. Yeah, you are allowed to be called not Joe or James, but you just won't be selected. No, you will. We've got to stop this. Hi, Joe and James. Huge fan of the pod. I've got a fact, it's in quotation marks, that's been causing absolute chaos and heated debates at work lately. So I'm hoping the Fact Up Council can finally settle it for us.

49:40Apparently, the average bee can fly higher than Mount Everest, which sounds impressive for something that spends half its time head-butting windows. Is this actually true, or is someone at work winding the rest of us up? Looking forward to the official ruling from the council. Cheers. Well, we're going to have a little think, and we'll be back after some adverts to let you know what we think. We'll have a think, and then we'll express those thoughts after the ad break. Nice.

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52:08Welcome back to Joe and James Fact Up. Just before the break there, we were fact checking on behalf of James, who wanted to know, can bees fly higher than Mount Everest? And it's been causing chaos at work. It's been a huge debate at James' work. Now, I've already made my mind up what direction I'm going with this one, Joe. All right. I'm going to say some stuff now, even though I have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about. but I think, do you want me to, I was about to say the air is thinner, but I don't actually know what that means. No, you're right. Well, what does that mean? The air is less oxygen.

52:50There's less oxygen. Yeah. But that's not, there's still, well, the question should be how much, how much money is there in the air? That's what they like. No. Well, one, there's less air, right? Air doesn't necessarily mean oxygen, does it? Does it? I think when we say the air is thinner, what we mean is there's less oxygen. Yeah, there's less oxygen, so you'll faint and stuff. But it doesn't mean there's less gas to move around so that you could float. I understand, yeah, because in order to generate... Wouldn't planes not be able to fly?

53:35I don't know. I don't know about that one. However, I will say that... I know what you mean. If a bee is like a rowing boat of the air, when it's pushing, and it's pushing the air back so that you then move forward into the space that you've vacated, that's what... That's right. What I'd like to know is what are bees doing up Mount Everest anyway? What are they carrying bags? Listen, first of all, I don't think they are up there. I don't think there's any vegetation for them to get involved with. I don't think there's any pollen on Everest. No, it is part of the prestige, isn't it? It is. That's it.

54:12It's pointless, but it's just... Imagine the Instagram. So when they can come back down, they can tell all their bee mates, I've been to the summit of Everest. But I'm going to say pressure. Pressure. Pressure and oxygen. Is there too much pressure? Pressure. Is the air pressure higher or lower? Lower? Is it not higher? I would assume it's highest closest to the ground because that's... You've got more air on top of you. More air on top of you. But are you not...

54:53Gravity? Gravity is... You'd be a fool to completely ignore gravity. Yeah. Ever, ever, ever, ever. do you know what there's three things i was thinking of do you want to hear just something else about bees yeah bicarb for bees vinegar for vasps what is how you treat a sting oh a bee sting is acidic and a wasp sting is alkaline bicarb for bees vinegar for vasps so i'm just going to get that in first is a german saying well no it's a little joke isn't it because it's like it should be b for b it should be like winniger for wasps right b for b yeah b for b v for v right so let's just say that just get that in first it's a rock buster that one yeah yeah it is um but as it's not obviously it's not relevant at this stage i'm interested in the idea of these bees going up there.

55:57I mean, it's... I mean, obviously another thing... Do you become heavier? Do you become heavier the further away from the Earth's core you are? Are you being dragged more? Or is it just the same? Yes. I don't know. Oh, no. When you go under the water, The pressure gets very, very high, and that's when you... There's a certain point where there's much more pressure on your lungs. It's the same when you go up, because your ears pop and stuff when you're on a plane, and they have to pressurise the cabins. If you're in a fighter jet, you've got to have the mask and stuff, because all the oxygen, what little oxygen there is, will just get squeezed out of you or something, will it not?

56:53This is complicated. Oh, no. Do you know what? I started this conversation going. I've made my mind up already. You made your mind up. You made your mind up. I'm just, it's that bloke this morning. He's really rocked me. Yeah. He's rocked my confidence. I think you need to look down that camera and apologise to him. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't do anything that well. I don't think he was that upset. You're far more upset than he is. I don't know, though. I'll never know. He's all right. I think he's okay. What are we saying? Well, is it okay? I guess the other thing is, is it like the equivalent of Mount Everest?

57:31Like when people say that, you know, grasshopper can jump over a skyscraper. No, no, no. He's saying can bees fly higher than Mount Everest? I'm going to say no, but I don't know why. Which isn't a fact. Well, yeah. Well, it's a class as a fact on this. Well, all you're really saying is can they live as high as Mount Everest? Yeah. Because they could just keep, they don't have to climb it in one go. they could climb it over the course of climbing it fly but like can the atmosphere at the top of Mount Everest support the life of a bee and

58:10it'd make it a lot easier if when they were up there they just popped a little flag in and then we'd say there you go there we go yeah they've done it well look if they were up there and they didn't do a flag they've only got themselves to blame yeah I mean word of mouth do you know what I mean buzz of mouth do you get birds up there do you get any animals don't know they call it the death zone don't they honestly the death zone where I think you start to go a bit doolally I feel like I'm fucking doing that now yeah what are we saying Joe I'll let you decide actually I'm just My confidence is completely right.

58:54I know. You're totally gone. I'll take the reins. I can't make a decision on this one.

59:04The average bee can fly higher than Mount Everest. That's what we're saying.

59:11I think it's true. You think it's true? I think nature constantly surprises us. Okay. We're going to go true. We're going to go true? We're locking that in? We're locking that in. So the council says it's true. It's fact up. It's not so fact it hurts, obviously. But it's just, you know what? I'm going to give benefit of doubt to the attacker or whatever. I think let the game flow. Right. Let the imagination flow. It'd be more fun if they were. It'd be more fun if they could. I don't know. But I think these days almost anyone gets up. It'd be more fun if they wore tiny little North Face jackets and stuff.

59:48I think they did go up there, but they got a load of wasps to carry their stuff. I think that's what they did. And they were up there, but, you know, it's like fucking Piccadilly Circus up there now, isn't it? So they did. They are up there, but they didn't do it in the golden age of mountaineering where it was, you know, they're up there, but they did do it in a slightly annoying corporate way. They all paid at least 10 grand and, you know, it means less. So they did do it, but it means less. All right. What are we saying? Ready for the answer? Yeah. Okay, so yes, specific alpine bumblebees can fly higher than the summit of Mount Everest.

1:00:28Studies found that these bees can handle air pressures equivalent to altitudes of over 9 ,000 metres by using deeper, broader wing strokes to scoop more air rather than flapping faster. Ah, so you were on to something with your, you know... The ingredients were there, weren't they? The ingredients were there. I think you, the problem you had there, if I may say, was just genuine like mental frailty. I think you, you, you didn't have a good grip on yourself. But you did have some early workings. Flapped about a bit too much. It was a bit like sort of Fermat's last theorem. You'd can't, you were getting somewhere, but then you went, you lost your mind before, I don't know what it is.

1:01:08It's just an old, it's an old theorem and he didn't finish it. I believe he didn't finish it. I don't know what a theorem is. Just something like, I equals MC squared. Right. A new one of that. He was going to bring out a new one of those. He was going to bring out... It was going to be brilliant. E equals MC squared squared. Yeah, like 2.0. Yeah. Yeah. And so what's interesting about that is that like James, obviously, what are they called? They are called James. It's either James or Joe. By putting in the average B, that turns out to be a significant word because it's not, in fact, the average B.

1:01:45No, not all bees. Not all bees. Not all bees. But the alpine bee. Bumble bees. Alpine bumble bees. Alpine bumble bee. Bumble keeps coming up. It keeps saying bumble.

1:01:59So, what's in, yeah. They play cricket up there. Yeah, I mean. Go up the bees and bumble. Does bumble actually mean anything? Or is it just something you say before bee? Bumble. What does it mean? Yeah. Bumble bee. It just, it sounds like I've sort of AA Milne or something. Do you know what I mean? Like it's sort of like, oh, what's that? Apparently bumble means to move or act in an awkward or confused manner. Yeah, that's what I mean. So like bumble, like just. Oh yeah, because you could be a bumbling idiot, can't you? Yeah, yeah. So maybe it's stupid bees. Stupid bees. Stupid bees. It's harsh, isn't it?

1:02:32I mean, I like it. It's just like, it's like if we only ever called, I don't know, dogs, like silly dogs. Do you know what I mean? It just seems like, well, if it, either it means something. I mean, I'm pretty sure it won't be in the Latin, you know, Bumbulus, Bumbulus, Bolatus or something. That's a good one. So do you know the Latin name for, I don't know what they are, the gorillas that they've got at London Zoo. The Latin name is Gorilla, Gorilla, Gorilla. Right. That's because you've read the plaque so many times. You read it every week. I read it every week. Have you been there this week?

1:03:08I haven't actually. No, no. I'm giving them a break. Giving them a break. Yeah. I was actually asked to stop. When do you go? The animals were bored. Do you go during the week? Weekday? I go during the week. I tell you what, one time I went on a Monday morning. It was brilliant. There was almost no people there. It was mostly like the staff or the zoologists, whatever they are. And the animals were much more up for it. They were near the front of their cages. The lions were all asleep right by the glass. you could really look at them it was much better when the when it's full of people I think the animals get a bit light come on guys give us a break yeah yeah we'll go out later once it's settled down you can also do zoo lates and you can even you can stay in the zoo you can do a you can have a sleepover in the zoo there's like three little lodges in there amazing yeah and my my next door neighbours did it and they said it was really good have you not done it yet?

1:04:11no I haven't but surprised you haven't done it it's amazing i haven't done it can't you drink as well yeah yeah yeah they serve alcohol as well yeah the the um the kiosks like in the prohibition era they kind of go out right party time right you shouldn't you just rent you just rent one of those lodges i really should i think maybe honestly for my 43rd birthday yeah i might rent a lodge in London Zoo? I mean like for long term like get like a year's lease on it. Oh I see like Airbnb yeah well maybe yeah I could just rent it out no but it would just save you from having to keep going to the zoo oh I see yes absolutely if you lived there if you ended up living there can you get post-alured there?

1:04:50I'm sure you can you probably can can't you because I'd have to get like a probably like a bird brings it or something or a bear with a post office uniform anyway well I've gone insane No, that was really good. We've still got a whole episode today. No, that's right. So basically, yes, they can, but not the average bee. The Alpine Bumblebee can. And so basically we were right. Not the average bee. Not the average bee. Not the average bee. Smarter than the average bee. Joe, let's move on. I've got to do my facts for you. What have you got? I've instantly forgotten it. Sounds like a good one. Oh, I just wanted to.

1:05:32I just thought I would hijack your fact. Go on. Which was actually my plan after a little while. Because I couldn't narrow down to one fact. I was getting fact out of my brain. Yeah, yeah. It can happen. I think you're burnt out. I'll do a little cow. It's like you're exhausted. I'll do a little cow fact. Ah, yes. Okay. And this is really sweet, actually. cows have best friends and they get stressed when separated. Research has shown that cows form close social bonds with specific other cows in their herd. When they're kept with their preferred companions, their heart rates stay lower and they're calmer.

1:06:18If you separate from their best friend, they can become noticeably anxious and stressed. What's even stranger is that when they're reunited, they visibly begin to relax again. Oh. That's a really nice fact. Lovely fact. The cows are great. You know what? They make milk. They make milk. Cheese. Burgers. Yeah. They do, to be fair. But... They're good. No, they're a good creature. Good for them. Good for them. Hats off to the cows. Right, let's wrap this up. is that the end yeah that is it i'm all fucked out what have we learned today joe we have learned um cows have best friends we have learned that cows used to have passports during the war we have also learned that um only a certain alpine bumblebee can fly climb everest yeah um and what was the other thing i feel like we've learned one more thing yeah we had the thing about itchy and um oh that wasn't something that we learned though was it well i learned it i i i'll now now now know when i am given that choice presumably upon entry to hell i'll choose sticky absolutely don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true for you or whatever nonsense whatever message you want to get to me and joe our email is hello at joe and james pod.com our whatsapp is 07822034330 and you You can follow us on social media at joandjamespod.

1:07:59Head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. We're off. We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye, guys. Bye. Bye. Joe and James, fight up.

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1:08:56I'm Jake Stouck, co-founder and CEO of Serval. We built Serval to automate the IT work that slows companies down. Onboarding, password resets, access to applications, my laptop stopped working. While employees wait for help, their real work is put on hold. IT desperately wants to automate this work and that's why they need Serval. You just tell Serval what you want to automate in plain English and it's built. No drag and drop workflows, no expensive consultants. Employees get unblocked and IT teams go from drowning in tickets to building what actually matters. With Serval, IT becomes the AI engine powering the entire company.

1:09:35This is a new way to run IT. We guarantee you'll automate 50 % of all tickets and we'll prove it to you in a free four-week pilot. Go to serval.com slash tickets. That's S-E-R-V-A-L dot com slash tickets.

1:09:56Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here and with it, the hot and sticky weather. A morning working in the garden, or maybe on the golf course, can leave you more depleted than you realize. And plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance. That's where liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you.